Twilight Sparkle Listens To The Most Confusing Album. Ever...

by SUPERCHARGER2001

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Tragedy
Length: 3340

One day, one faithful, fruitful day of all days….

Twilight Sparkle receives a box in the mail. But not just any box, this was not ordinary mail. This was something else. What she thought was supposed to be her birthday gift from Princess Celestia turned far more sinister as she unraveled this beast to her awaiting eyes. It was an album, but not just any album. This was her special album, an album she didn't recall. From a band that she had never heard of. Inside it was a two-disc mammoth of a record, one which would forever change the way she perceives music and life.

For the rest of her days…

Deviant art is owned by Thechokuen.devaiantart.com. If that person asks this to be removed, I shall comply.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-02 14:45:05 UTC

142 Minutes Of Intense Hell

A mysterious box had just been shoved into the public library's mailbox. It was quite big for it's size. The package wouldn't have fit if not for the mailers magic, that is. The mailman left without a hitch, he was already struggling to get past this heat. This unbearable heat. The sky was cloudless, where was Rainbow when you needed her? The ever blue sky was marvelous to stare at, and one would believe so...if it had not been for the dreadful star that hung - high and mighty - above it. It's shining rays were scornful to the Ponyville's inhabits as they walked out and about. The streets were bustling with ponies drenched with sweat and dehydration, which in return, only made them even more exhausted. Thanks to the blue sky and it's pal: The flaming star.

The mane six hunkered down into their homes today and were fending the heat with powered fans and cold showers. At least, that was what Twilight Sparkle thought. It was getting to be near 35 degree's plus today, and it would only increase throughout this already dreadful start of a week. Monday wasn't her cup of tea, nor was Thursday, but she didn't mind so long as she had her studying and books to catch up on. She was a princess, but being a princess meant she couldn't study at all. She wanted to hit the books once she finished her shower, but the idea of leaving her icy cold shower seemed far more silly than one would realize.

It was like icicles falling from her tree during the time of spring. So sharp, crisp, thick and above all - cold. Very. Very. Cold.

And she loved it.

But Spike, being the young baby dragon he is, was begging his way to get into the shower also. His cries of despair for Twilight's icicles was making her experience far less appealing. She replied to his sounds of agony, "Spike, ten more minutes okay?"

"Ten minutes won't be enough, please Twilight let me have my turn!" Spike cried back, pounding his little fists into the wooden door.

Twilight sighed, and plugged her ears with her two forehooves to drown out his whines.

It seemed to work, mostly. Though if she was going to have to do this to relax, than there would be no point in being the shower at all. She gave the shower head a smug look, and before she knew it, she had already turned the tap off and had pushed aside the shower curtains. The sound of the shower stopping made Spike eagerly wait outside the door while Twilight got dried up.

Twilight Sparkle opened the door to leave when Spike fell down on the floor. His face had been smudged on the door beforehand, she nodded her head and rolled her eyes before walking over him to get to the kitchen. He quickly scrambled through the bathroom and shut the door without even saying thanks.

Twilight could already feel the heat burrowing down on her back as it dragged onward's to her tail. Twitching at the sudden exposure of heat, she trotted to the kitchen cupboard and reached for a cloth and placed it under the water tap. She turned the nob and soon the cloth was nice and doused with water. She took the piece of fabric and smoothed it around her forehead, the water dripped along the sides of her bangs and circled around her cheeks. Forming wet orbs, she continued along with ease. A small smile curled around her cheeks, she walked to the main room to fetch for her books. Walking became slow, so she flew there instead. She was there instantly, gravitating towards her unfinished studies on her desk. She used her horn to whisk for a quill and began to write down her latest set of questions on cue cards for an upcoming test when she heard the mailman place a package inside the libraries mailbox. She contemplated on fetching for the mail, but decided to put off on it until she finished her work.

Ten minutes past.

Thirty minutes past.

Fifty minutes past.

Twilight Sparkle finally finished after quizzing herself ten times thoroughly, rehearsing words in her head over and over. She seemed confident, she felt content and now she could go and fetch her mail.

The heat in the room made her feel slightly stuffy, but that cloth really did help before it got too warm because of her forehoof and now it sat idly by on her desk. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, then she opened the door and was welcomed by none other than the dry exposure of the sun. It leaked it's spearing rays onto her lightly damp coat and she immediately braced for the mailbox. Opening it, she fumbled for the package to come out, struggling she shifted her body and wrestled with it while her hooves tried to keep a firm grip on the box. But it wasn't budging, let alone making any real effort on coming out. The humid sun was so unbearable that it felt like hot knives digging into and ripping her skin outwards before more knives swooped in and pecked at her spinal-cord. She desperately tried to wrap her mind around the box and forget about hot knives jabbing her because somepony like Pinkie Pie could do that just any moment. If one was not careful of their own well-being, that is.

Twilight finally got a-hold of it once she came to the realization that she was an Alicorn. Thus, it simply meant that she could just use magic to get her way. After taking the package out of the mailbox, she flew inside and kicked the door in with her hoof. The hinges probably dug deeper into the wood but she wouldn't know.

Twilight looked at the package, examining it, tracing her forehoof around the sides, she rubbed her chin and wondered what was inside this mysterious box. Feeling extra keen she went and slammed the box on her desk. She used her horn to rip off the tape, the size of the box was quite big yet, it felt lighter than a birds feather. She dared not to shake it just in case it was her order of special quills she had requested from Princess Celestia for her birthday when she turned 21 last week. The quills were professionally hoof-made, and were not so factory produced ones. She opened the box eagerly and soon stuffed her hooves into the box to only find mounds and mounds of Styrofoam and under it was layers above layers of bubble-wraps. She had to save the bubble-wrap because she knew Spike loved to play with that sort of crap. Inside the box it was more tangled up with newspaper bits and other useless objects meant to protect the item. But she digressed once she finally felt something that didn't seem paper-thin nor plastic and cheap like bubble-wrapping. What she did feel instead, however, was something far more different than she'd initially thought so.

It was layered with a plastic wrapping, but one that is specifically meant for an item. She unleashed this beast, whatever it was, and what she saw made her feel tingly just staring at it.

It was a CD.

Twilight Sparkle couldn't help but glow a little inside, wondering who still had CD's. She was a vinyl sort of chick that respected old-linguistic music that employed classical elements and maybe a touch of art rock, if she was feeling wild that day. Rainbow Dash had attempted to turn her little heart to power metal before, but that failed when she couldn't get past the concepts of guitar solos and huge amounts of reverb and distortion that was in the recordings. It took Timeless Miracle, a band that Rainbow loved to death to make Twilight Sparkle totally re-evaluate the do's and don't's of music. And if anything sounded the slightest heavy to her, she wasn't buying it.

But today might change all that...

The CD had an not-so-ordinary artwork style. It embraced simplicity it seemed, relying on one shape - a circle. And it was a silver colored circle. Around the circle it appeared as if the circle was stuck in a box itself, though that wasn't entirely true at all. It just looked like it to her, the color outside was copper and up above was a name that was probably the band's official name, but didn't seem entirely believable at first. Below it looked like the album title, it seemed. But it was hard to tell for her, because this was all just...odd. Odd was the perfect word to describe her belief of the situation. Who would send such an peculiar item to her, was it wrong? Was it in the right address? Maybe the mailman messed up? He wasn't exactly young these days. Maybe he had her quills and gave them to somepony else? It had to be, because this seemed wrong. She turned the box over and saw that the address was indeed right, and this was indeed hers. And her's alone. She continued to examine this piece of music in her hooves, and that was when she realized that this was hers and she was going to have to listen to this and give personal feedback. And if this had been from the princess, which she predicted, than she would have to be honest as possible and respect her wishes: Regardless of how bad or good this album really is.

The band, at least what she think's they're called, are named Swans.

The album, if she was right, and that the band name wasn't Swans. Was called Soundtracks For The Blind. She immediately went to work with it, she placed down the CD on the table beside the door and went to fetch for the box to see if there was a letter indicating who sent it. Because it was from Canterlot, as stated beside the box along with her address, but whom sent it was something she felt determined to find out. A letter was burrowed down to the furthest part of the box, it was in an blue envelope. And when she reached for it, she used scissors on her desk with her magic to open it up.

Spike walked by her and saw her opening a letter, he asked what she was doing.

"Hey, Twilight, who sent you that letter, did Celestia's present come in?"

"Not sure. But something tells me whomever sent it wants me to listen to some music, really bad." She replied.

"Music? What do yo-" just then he was redirected by Twilight's hoof to the table beside the libraries door. He walked to find the CD that Twilight was planning on listening to any moment.

"Can I start it up?" Spike asked, his finger nails scratching the ends of the plastic.

"We have the stereo, right?" Twilight asked him, the letter was already out and she was waiting to read it.

Turning around she waited for Spike's reply.

"It's downstairs I believe," Spiked answered.

"Why don't you go get it while I finish this letter." Twilight asked him, politely.

"Yeah sure," Spike said, he raced to the basement before Twilight called out.

"Spike! Don't you have to go to Rarity's today to help her with collecting gems?"

"Oh right, well I'll grab the stereo and plug it in before I go." Spike replied before running off.

Twilight Sparkle began to read the letter without any distractions.

Dear Twilight,

Sometimes in music, I've always wondered the meaning of music - and what it abides by in cultural phenomena. The pop culture is explosive with music. Look at the early decades of classical music to the great artists during the classical-era before the beginning phases of guitar-driven music that cultivated with the likes of country music before the big bang of The Beatles before Elvis Presley that greatly inspired the influence of rock music. And what it is, now. Surely, Classical has taken the backseat of the musical world and their history is slowly becoming a part of the distant past that nopony will recall in centuries time. I've noticed that you've took a gander in obtaining and listening to obscure, or otherwise 'underground' and non-mainstream works. Some would call you a hipster in a sense, others would call you old-school, or even some would call you dumb. Now, you're highness, I am not calling you dumb, but I am merely suggesting that there are still beautiful, lushes, free-flowing music in this day and age. In your generation, even. And that limiting yourself to one specific genre not only makes you exclude other's input, but makes you a bigot.

I too, was a bigot until I discovered Swans.

What I have given you is both, a birthday gift and a rebirth to your musical perimeters because living within the shadows is not the way to enjoy your music. And, if you will, with this new piece of music that I have sent to you. It will bring a whole new life and bring a better meaning in your understanding of music.

Twilight was half-way finished when she heard the front door close and the beginning of the music began to play.

The sounds that immediately followed felt like a light breeze washing over your body as the sun began to set before the night-sky followed. She imagined a beach and the smash of the water catapulting over the crackling rocks at the shoreline, and the seagulls flying over it. Watching, waiting, wondering when will the sea stop clashing against the land.

The sound of the music wasn't anything she had heard before, it certainly felt different. Just like the letter had intended.

The song was called Red Velvet Corridor . And this was disc one called silver.

She continued on with the letter.

Now, I welcome you with an album so blatantly different that you will feel like in a long-droning trance because this record is so brilliantly set up that it is uplifting, as well as thematically devastating. Soundtracks For The Blind breaks itself open and reveals itself slowly. There are epiphanies as well as black holes to be found, sometimes within the same track.

In all, it is almost unbearably beautiful. In its lush appearance it is seductive; in its loss, unmerciful; in its harrowing vision, it never flinches from horror; in its sheer volume and musical landscape, it is exhaustive without bankrupting itself creatively.

On Soundtracks For The Blind Swans ask questions that most of us don't want to be asked, let alone answer. One of the most sexually charged and emotionally honest recordings I have ever heard, its expressions of lust and shame allow us to live inside it and take comfort in its excesses.

This is a rare thing in music, that a document, particularly a final one, can encompass the darkness of the entire world in one place.

Just then the second track appeared on, in it the sound of horror and it's harrowing vision was evident. She realized as her eyes opened up wide to both; the final words of the letter, and the sound of a man, it'd appeared to be, seemed to be wallowing in some sort of incoherent pain. That this record was going to be a whole different trip than she had ever ventured, and that her day was about to get more wonkier than she had wanted.

The theme of the song never stopped, than fast drumming appeared out of nowhere followed by what appeared to be other instruments. They played in a soundtrack type vibe, all out on a conquest for power it seemed like, than suddenly...

this whistling came out in a flash, followed by that, after a few seconds of it, a man starts talking. It sounded like it came from a recorder, an old-fashioned one. The man seemed to be talking about something, possibly a A.A meeting Twilight wondered. The voice was pre-recorded, but it felt both amusing and slightly uncomfortable to hear. Than he uttered words that she had never expected in music before. The man, the singer, whomever it was, started swearing and calling down on what appeared to be, a handicapped pony. Like this song seemed to orchestrated out of a narrative story talking about a man who was messed up. It sounded sad, it didn't sound in any sort of way happy, like he was berating a simple individual because they couldn't live a normal life. The voice of this said man who insulted the other started to fade out and the noise was replaced by a few trickles of tapping sound before post-rock bit eluded it's way through the music to create a dissonance vibe.

At first Twilight thought this was spoken-word, but this would have been spoken-word intensified and reduced to a demented state of mind. Backed by only feelings of utter despair and discontent among both the musician and the individual that was listening to this piece of music. She wasn't impressed, but instead she was curious as to who would make art like this?

The sounds had finally ended, the song was called I Was A Prisoner In Your Skull.

It soon begun with another windy piece, the third track entitled Helpless Child was sort of uplifting and felt a lot different than the previous track. She decided to go and fetch the CD case on top of the stereo to read the tracks and the running time on those tracks because the last felt really long.

Her jaw dropped at the sight of each track(s). There was more than ten songs, and that wasn't something she was against but it only made her jaw more agape once she realized the amount of tracks and the running time on here. How could anypony make this much music and expect others to listen to it?

Twenty six songs, and the running time was at one hundred and forty two minutes. This was nearly a two and half-hour record. A record that was filled with so much, compressed into two small discs left her flabbergasted, to say the least. Anxiety started to creep up and the sense of infinite dread appeared all over her flustered and confused face. How could she listen to this?

Twilight nearly fainted when the track that was currently playing had a running time of fifteen minutes and forty seven-seconds. If not for her magic, she could have fell down right this moment. She realized that she was practically gripping the CD in her hooves, refusing to let it go. She had wished Spike could have stayed to have supported her in her time of need. Celestia know's that she would need it.

When the song actually appeared, electric and acoustic guitars along with subtle keyboards directly frame the narrative the singer is about to tell. She sat down beside the table facing across the steps leading to her bedroom and simply stared into the ceiling. She couldn't comprehend what she was about to face. A musical journey of horror, dread, gloom, noise and worse - a piece of music that she couldn't wrap her head around.

By then the singer started to sing, and the song was already beginning to drone through her catatonic brain. She felt like there was glue sticking to her rump while she sat in the spot, unable to move, she simply sat in silence and wondered what was she going to do for two-hours that wouldn't distract from the music.

Twilight looked at the CD again, tracing her eyes to the booklet inside the case. She flipped through it until she found the members, who were Larry Mullins (drums, precussion, vibraphone), Vudi (electric guitar, acoustic guitar), Joe Goldring (bass guitar, electric guitar), Jarboe (vocals, sounds, loops) and finally - Michael Gira (Vocals, sounds, samples, loops, electric and acoustic guitar)