The Illogic Mandate

by Dubious

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Human
Length: 6038

In which a being with phenomenal cosmic powers accidentally themselves to Equestria, and they have a gay old time at the ponies minor expense.

Equestria, land of magic and harmony. Where the three pony races co-exist in peace, ruled over by their benevolent princess. With their ultimate weapons, the elements of harmony, they have vanished many a foe, while others were reformed and now reside in said land.

Enter a being who does whatever they want, whenever they want, views logic as a suggestive guideline, outright breaks physics, and can perform impressive magical feats, when they can be bothered, and dresses in bright colours, the perfect camouflage for ponies. How will the ponies respond to such a being? Most likely with minor annoyance at their inane antics and national scale pranks.

Published 2014-07-07 02:40:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-07 02:40:04 UTC

Arc One Chapter One

Princess Celestia was waling through the Canterlot Royal Gardens with the element bearers. As they went, they admired the various statues and plants around the area. The gaggle of happy ponies were celebrating their recent defeat of Discord by touring the gardens. As the group neared a particular statue, Celestia spoke up. "Alright girls, as you all know, Discord was turned to stone by the elements of harmony and displayed as a statue in the royal gardens." Upon receiving confirmatory nods, she continued. "Well it was not the only one." At this the ponies before her gasped.

"But princess! What if the other imprisoned beings were let out by Discord!" Twilight Sparkle exclaimed.

Celestia merely chuckled before replying, "Relax, Twilight, it is only the one, and her and Discord never met. Though they may have similar powers, they are not related in any way, shape, or form. And this particular being is the reason why I've brought you here. Me and my sister have determined that due to our no longer being linked to the elements, their effects on the villains we used them on are wearing off. As such, I have gathered you here, at this very statue." She said, pausing dramatically. After a suitable passage of six seconds had passed, she finished, "Reinforce the elements effects on the being that is sealed inside the statue!" At this exclamation, the ponies all gasped in surprise.

"Don't worry princess! We'll make sure this fiend never escapes!" Rarity boldly exclaimed, earning her a jealous look from both Twilight and Rainbow Dash.

"Yeah! You can count on us!" Pinkie Pie added.

"I have the utmost faith that you won't fail. After all, you're merely using the elements on a still object, nothing will happen to cause some sort of catastrophe before you use the elements." Celestia scoffed as she levitated the elements chest over to the bearers and opened it. Taking that as her cue, Twilight levitated the elements onto their respective bearer and turned to face the statue. Taking a closer look at the statue, she saw that it wasn't chaotic in anyway, in fact it almost looked like a minotaur, only slimmer, and without a bulls head and horns, and different legs. Okay, so maybe it only looked vaguely like a minotaur. Shaking off the distracting thoughts, Twilight spoke up.

"Alright girls, you know what to do." She said, charging up her element alongside her friends. They slowly began to float into the air as a near blindingly bright rainbow corona formed around them. At the apex of their ascent, Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow, Pinkie, and Fluttershy began orbiting around Twilight. Suddenly a beam of light shot from the orbiters elements and into Twilights, before a colossal rainbow beam was launched from the sextet of ponies and impacted the statue. After several seconds, the light faded and the ponies slowly floated towards the ground. Once they were all safely on the ground, Celestia congratulated them.

"Good job girls. Thanks to your efforts, we've completely negated any chance of the being sealed in the statue from returning within the next thousand years!" She cheered. As the other ponies began cheering, they all thought the moment was perfect, until a slurping noise ruined the mood.

"Impressive light show, but why did you do it during the day? Wouldn't it have been more awesome at night?" A feminine voice asked from behind the septet of ponies. Turning towards the voice Celestia spoke.

"We were merely reinforcing the protective wards holding the-" She suddenly cut off as she caught sight of the questioner.

"What is it? Do I have something on my face?" The questioner asked, pulling a hand mirror out of seemingly nowhere and looking at their reflection in it. "No, don't appear to have anything on my face. But just to be sure. Hey! Pink diabetes, you see anything on my face?" She asked, turning towards Pinkie, who pulled a magnifying glass out of her mane and used it to inspect the questioners face while the rest of the ponies looked on in shock.

"Hmm, nope, not that I can see, miss!" Pinkie said with a smile.

"Then I have no idea WHY she suddenly stopped speaking when she saw me. Maybe she really wants my drink?" The being asked, looking at their half full soda cup with a straw in it. "Yeah, maybe THAT's it. Well you can't have it! It's mine and I paid money for it." The being said to Celestia, pointing one of its fingers at her. Finally snapping out of it, Celestia spoke up.

"B-b-b-but how did you escape?!" She suddenly yelled.

"Ooooh, you mean why I'm not that statue, don't you? That's an easy one, silly!" The being giggled happily. "Because I didn't want to be." She continued whilst still giggling.

"P-princess!" Twilight exclaimed, "What should we do?"

"I-I-I Don't know Twilight, if she can defeat the elements effects simply by not wanting to, I can't see how we can beat her." Celestia sighed.

"I don't care who she is! I'll still beat her with one hoof tied behind mah back!" Applejack exclaimed before charging the being. As she neared, Applejack suddenly found herself galloping backwards. Halting with a look of complete confusion on her face, she sat down in thought.

"How'd you do that?!" Pinkie exclaimed, suddenly on the beings shoulder.

"I totally reversed the laws of applied motion around her." The being said, raising a hand, to which Pinkie pumped with her hoof.

"Pinkie!" Rarity shouted, "I thought you knew better!"

"I don't just leave her hanging, that'd be mean!" Pinkie retorted.

"And as reward!" The being said. "You get a bag of skittles!" It finished, reaching into a pocket on its strangely patterned blue outer garment and handing it to Pinkie. "Don't forget to tell me if you can taste the rainbow."

"W-ho a-a-are y-y-y-you?" Fluttershy whimpered, barely audible over the light breeze blowing though the area.

Standing proudly and thrusting her outstretched thumb at herself, the being spoke. "I am Jenn-" before near instantly being cut off as a screaming midnight blue projectile smashed into her with the force of an eighteen wheeler.

"ILLOGIC MANDATE! THOU SHALT NOT TERRORIZE MINE SUBJECTS SO LONGTH AS WE DOTH DRAW BREATH!" The projectile screeched. The being now Identified as Illogic Mandate merely reached inside her outer garment and withdrawing a device that looked similar to the griffon fire talons she's heard about. Suddenly realising what it was, she began to call out to the most obviously princess Luna, but was too late as Illogic had pointed it at Luna's face and was pulling the trigger. Bracing for the inevitable loud bang, she was suddenly let down as a contented mmm echoed from Luna's mouth. "Curseth thou and thine whiskey pistol." The now very heavily intoxicated alicorn princess said before falling over sideways and beginning to snore.

"You'd kind of expect her to have built up a tolerance considering how many times I've used that on her, but she never did." Illogic merely noted as she stood up. "Now then!" She exclaimed with a finger pointed in the air and a sudden aura of light shining behind her. "You owe me three bits for another soda since Luna spilled the one I just had!" She demanded, levelling her at Celestia.

"I shall do no such thing! Eighteen hundred years ago you were a complete menace to pony society! Why should I do anything for you?!" Celestia bellowed.

"Because I snagged this from an antiquities store and have just prevented a whole lot of shit happening in the future. By the way, you now have a tab at... Didn't have a sign so I don't know its name, but you owe then four hundred bits." She said with a smile before reaching into her lower garments pocket and pulling out-

"*Inhalation of breath* The alicorn amulet!" Twilight gasped as she reached for the amulet, only to have it jerked away from her greedy hooves.

"As if. Like you need anymore power, miss element of magic. Besides, I'm prreeeeetty sure letting you touch an ancient eldritch artefact that corrupts the minds of those who wear it wouldn't sit well with old quasar butt here." Illogic said with a gesture to Celestia.

"I'M NOT FAT!" Celestia screamed in the royal canterlot voice.

"Well certainly not as fat you were eighteen hundred years ago, that's for sure." She said, derailing the now blushing princesses train of thought.

"You don't seem all that evil. In fact, if what you're saying is true, you just saved us from one hell of a headache in the future." Twilight mused aloud.

"Indeed I did. Also, not sure if late or not, but take any warning from your future self with a grain of salt, and take something for your anxiety issues, you could die of a heart attack from them."

"How do you know all this?" Twilight fearfully asked.

"Fan wiki. Got all kinds of neat facts on there. But enough meta talk, I'm off to go buy myself another drink. Chaio!" Illogic said before sneezing and vanishing entirely.

"So, ah think we can all agree that that girl ain't right in the head?" Applejack asked, receiving a murmur of agreement from the rest of the group.

"She. She said I've lot weight..." Celestia said dreamily.

"You think princess Celestia is gonna be okay?" Rainbow asked whilst gesturing at the blushing princess.

"I'm not sure, but we have to find out all we can about this Illogic Mandate as we can, so we know how to beat her in case she tries to harm anypony." And with that, the sextet of ponies galloped away from the blushing alabaster alicorn and her intoxicated midnight blue sister.

Author's Note

Yes, I am doing this. Prepare thy anus's Thadius0 and Ssendam!

Character Powers:
Logic Manipulation
Magical Energy Manipulation
Physics Manipulation
Superpower Evolution
Supernatural Intelligence.

Arc One Chapter Two

"Nothing." Twilight said as she gently closed the book in front of he in a frustrated manner. So far her and her friends search for anything relating to Illogic Mandate had turned up nothing. As in, literally nothing, all the relevant pages in any books she found merely said the word nothing, and in one case the page WAS nothing. With an exasperated sigh, she turned to see how her friends were progressing. Pinkie was unconscious from where a massive pillar of books fell on her, Rainbow Dash had found an archive of every single Daring Doo manuscript ever made, Applejack was staring blankly at the first page of a book, Rarity was hiding inside an environmentally sealed dome, and Fluttershy was patiently scanning through a glossary as tall as she was.

"So, have you found anything yet girls?" Twilight asked, stirring Applejack from her stupor.

"Eenope. Can't say ah've come across anything relevant. Sorry." Applejack disheartenedly said.

"I'm only halfway through the letter A, this paper is needle thin... I-if you don't mind me saying, that is." Fluttershy added sheepishly.

"I'm not leaving my hermetically sealed bubble until we leave this dusty old room, so I can't really look, darling." Rarity said in excuse.

"I need to go write a Daring Doo fanfiction." Rainbow Dash muttered to herself.

"..." Is all Pinkie said as she was still unconscious with a small amount of blood pooling beneath her.

"Uhh... Ah think we need ta take Pinkie to the hospital." Applejack pointed out as Twilight began levitating the unconscious form of Pinkie Pie onto Applejacks back.

"Wouldn't being hit on the head with a..." Twilight paused as she picked up a book half as large as the glossary Fluttershy was reading through in telekinesis. "That, would explain it." Twilight deadpanned, before opening the book and finding it was exactly what they'd spent the last nine hours looking for. She let out an unintelligible gargle as Rarity spoke up.

"What is it, darling?" She asked as she looked at the books title and read it aloud, "The list of every crime and misdeed ever performed by the unknown being herefore referred to as Illogic Mandate. That certainly is a long title." Rarity said once she had read the title aloud.

"It says that one of her misdeeds was... Flagrantly disregarding the laws of reality? But, Pinkie does that every day and she's not a villain." Twilight said.

"Another one is the introduction of the narcotic known as Skittles, and the resulting boom in obesity they caused." Rainbow read off.

"These all seem like minor offences, expect for that one there, where she burned down half a forest, and that one, where she carved an image of Celestia's... Flank into a mountain face." Applejack said.

"But there's over seventy thousand pages of them, while most of them aren't all that bad, the sheer number of misdeeds she's performed easily outclass even Discord!" Twilight exclaimed. Suddenly a piece of cardboard attached to a string lowered in front of Twilight's face, obscurring her vision. Swatting it away, she noticed there was writing on it, which she read aloud. "Take your friend to the hospital, you dolts." Then remembering Pinkie's condition, she rapidly checked out the book and followed her friends to the nearest hospital.

Ponyville, Sugar Cube Corner

"So, what you're saying, is that you could bake me a tray of cupcakes, with skittles in them?" Illogic asked the nonplussed Mr. Cake in front of her.

"Why of course, we do it all the time with chocolate chips, why would skittles be any different?" Mr. Cake said.

"Excellent, then I shall take a dozen and pay you in gophers!" Illogic boomed.

"We don't accept gophers as payment." Mr. Cake said, gesturing to a sign on a nearby wall that said 'we do not accept gophers as payment'.

"Hmm, how about a bar of phlebotinum? Never know when you'll need a plot device." Illogic suggested, pulling out an ingot of a dull, yet very important seeming metal.

"Well, never know when Pinkie might have another one of her fits, so I'll take it!" He said, accepting the proffered ingot and two bags of skittles. "They'll be ready in a half hour, until then make yourself comfortable."

"Alrighty then." Illogic said, twirling over to a chair and sitting down on it. Deciding to listen to some music to pass the time, she pulled a pair of headphones out of her pocket and placed them on her head, before adjusting them to a random station and listening to some music. After several minutes of listening to annoying pop songs, when a turquoise ponies heavy breathing reached crictical annoyance. "Do you mind? You're kind of being to weird me out, and that's saying something."

"Huh?" The unicorn said as if coming back to her senses. "Sorry, I was just admiring... The, uh... Can I touch your mammaries?" The unicorn finally said. It is said that the pimp slap devilered that day echoed across space-time and was felt by all with a strong attraction to mammaries.

"Now go home and become less of a pervert." Illogic growled at the snivelling unicorn in front of her.

"S-sorry!" The unicorn stuttered before fleeing and leaving behind a trail of tears, and a yellow pony with a two toned purple and dark blue mane glaring at her.

"What?" Illogic asked innocently.

"You could've just let her touch them, all she was going to do was to check to see if you had any tumorous growths, she IS the towns only doctor trained in dealing with cancer, ya know." The pony said with a snarky tone.

"I can't get cancer, or tumours, or any form of sickness."

"How?" The pony asked curiously.

"Just because."

"Because what?"

"No, just BECAUSE. No reason, simply just because."

"That doesn't make sense, there HAS to be a reason."

"There is a reason, just because. That's all the reason I need to be immune to all contaminants."

"Please don't tell me you're like Pinkie." The pony dead panned.

"Don't know her, but my motto is this, 'Fuck Logic'. And so far it's gotten me this far, so why change it?"

"Excuse me? Miss, your cupcakes are done." Mr. Cake called from the counter.

"Now then, I'm going to go get my order, miss...?"

"Bonbon, and the mare you slapped so hard I could feel it, was Lyra."

"Nice to meet you, I'm Je-" Illogic began before an obnoxiously loud bird cawed and cut her off. "-Well, I'll be seeing you." She continued while collecting her food and then exiting the store.

"I think I should tell somepony about her. And why wasn't I panicking at the sight of a strange unknown creature?" Bonbon thought aloud as she walked out of the store.

Meanwhile, sitting on a cloud above a park, Illogic was happily munching on her skittles infused cupcakes whilst listening to illegally downloaded music. Humming along to the music blaring through her headphones happily, she was cause unaware when a grey and blonde blur smacked into her and sent her tumbling to the ground. Standing up and dusting herself off, bruises, scrapes, and dirt alike, before turning to the ballistic pony that had impacted her so rudely.

"Hey, miss clutz, why'd you smack into me like that?" Illogic demanded.

"I detected a threat to muffin superiority and had to snuff it out!" The pony replied.

"Please, everyone knows cupcakes are superior." Illogic rebutted.

"Nuh-uh, Muffins are the best baked good around, hooves down." The pony said with a glare.

"Cupcakes win hands down." Illogic said whilst sticking her tongue out at the pony, confusing her at how performing the two simultaneously was even possible.

"I'll make you eat those words!" The pony growled, scraping the ground with one of its hooves.

"Come at me, bro!" Illogic taunted, which caused the pony to charge her. Dodging with casual ease, Illogic smacked the pony on the flank, causing her to fumble and trip over her hooves, much to Illogic's enjoyment. Laying dazed against a park bench, the pony proved incapable of continuing the battle. Illogic stuck a pose as music started to play from nowhere and a muffin trophy appeared floating in the air before her. Grabbing the trophy, Illogic shoved it inside her hoodie and danced her way down the street as the music began to fade.

Smiling happily to herself, Illogic withdrew a skittles cupcake from her pocket and chowed down on it while walking towards what her meta-sources told her, was the Golden Oaks Library, Ponyville's premier, and only, public library. Once she reached the door, she immediately opened it and stepped inside, causing various onlookers to gasp at the sheer audacity she had to... walk into a public library without knocking. Realising their eternal foolishness, the ponies quickly scurried on by to make themselves seem less stupid for having always knocked. Upon entry to the library, Illogic was met with several dozen shelves of books and a small purple and green dragon surrounded by comic books and chowing down on ice cream. Ignoring the oblivious fire hazard, she walked over to a shelf and picked out a book at random.

"Cutsie Wootsie Bunnies and you, by Fluttershy. Seems like it'll be a pointless read." She said before returning it to its shelf and picking out another one. "Advanced quantum magical equeations and applied theoretical uses." She read aloud from her next choice, finally catching the dragons attention.

"Whoa, that shouldn't be up here. Twilight'd kill me if she knew that got placed up here." He said before waddling over and snatching the book out of Illogics hands.

"Eh, it's alright, why would I need to read a book I wrote, anyway?" Illogic asked the drake, who stared at her like she was an idiot.

"Everypony knows that this book was written by Starswirl the Bearded." The dragon said with a scoff.

"I doubt that, since he was born twelve hundred years ago, whereas I arrived here eighteen hundred and four years ago, therefore I am right, and you are wrong. Ha." Illogic said, beating the dragon with sound reasoning.

"Only dragons and the princesses themselves could live for that long, and you're neither."

"They're not the only immortals here, ya know. But enough me curbstomping you with my superior intelligence, what's your name, tiny one?"

With a huff at the degrading name, the dragon introduced himself. "I'm Spike, number one assistant to Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia's personal student. And you are?"

Taking a look around the entire room, Illogic finally deemed that nothing would interrupt her. "I! Am Jenny Strom! Master of Logic, Bitchin Manipulator of Magic, and the Reason Gravity is Such a Bitch! But you can just call me jenny."

"That's an interesting introduction." Spike said with a deadpan. "And those claims are absurd, nopony can master logic, or manipulate magic, and Gravity is always mean."

"If ya say so. Say, I'm gonna stay here a while and read every book you have, that fine with you?"

"Not at all, this IS a public library after all."

"Cheers." Jenny/Illogic said before grabbing a bunch of books at random and sitting down at the table. After several hours of reading, Jenny had finally made it through every single joke and prank book in the library. Deciding that that was good enough, she stood up from her book throne, stealthily pocketed Twilight's diary, and left to go procure a meal before doing things. Upon exiting the library, she looked up at the sun and deduced that it was mid to late afternoon, the giant clock in her peripheral vision also helped with that calculation. Feeling in the mood for something fancy, she set out to find a pizza store. Couldn't be that hard, after all pizza is nearly a universal constant.

One Agonizingly Pizzaless Hour Later

"Why couldn't this be one of those Equestrias with pizza?!" Jenny Yelled to the heavens, scaring the daylights out of several nearby ponies. Sulk walking into a nearby cafe, she decided to buy something nutritious than tasty, much to her inner child's abhorrence. Sitting down at a table, a waiter came up to her.

"Welcome to Pony Presto's Cafe and Ice Cream Shop, what is your order?"

"Just sat down, didn't even look at the menu yet, but I'll take a hamburger, I guess." At her order, the pony looked at her quizzically.

"What, exactly, IS a hamburger?" He asked. All he got in reply was Jenny vanishing in a cloud of nope. She later reappeared in everyone's conflicting emotion inducing movie: Equestria Girls. Showing a blatant disregard for the rules of the road, she began walking in the centre of a busy intersection whilst scanning the nearby buildings for signs of pizza. After walking down the same road for several minutes, a police officer grabbed her shoulder and spun her around to face them.

"Miss, don't you know it's dangerous to walk in the middle of the road?" The police officer asked, as Jenny noticed the name on his badge and let out a snerk. "What's so funny?" The police officer growled.

"Your name, it's so stupid. Now then, if you'll excuse me, I have a pizza store to find." And with that she slipped out of the police officers grip and sprinted down the street faster than the cars were going. Grumbling to himself, the police officer returned to the side walk and called in about a potential mental ward escapee. Still looking for a pizza store, Jenny caught sight of an internet cafe, deeming it her most logical choice to find out about local pizza stores, she barrel rolled through the front door and ended up standing in front of an amused store clerk.

"Lemme guess, you're here for the gaming tournament?"

"No, I'm here to access a computer so as to track down a pizza store."

"Oh. All our computers are being used for the tournament. Can't help you there... Where'd she go?" The clerk asked as the sound of scare-roused nerds filled the air.

"You guys are nerds, you should know where a pizza store is? Right?" Jenny said with a not-so-subtlely creepy smile on her face, which was causing the horde of nerds in front of her to become conflicted about what they should be feeling at that moment.

"Uh, turn right when you exit the building, travel for three blocks, turn left, travel for nine blocks, turn right, and travel for half a block, there's a store right there!" A terrified nerd jabbered.

"Thank you. Here, have this." Jenny said, tossing the nerd a PS4 before sprinting out of the building and following the instructions given to her. Whereas the nerds were marvelling over the hot chick who had just thrown one of them a mysterious gaming console. After about seven blocks, Jenny picked up on a commotion ahead. Stopping next to a large group of people, she casually (Read: Subtlety teleported) to the front of the group. Upon doing so, she saw that it was merely an arm wrestling competition, where the prize for beating the champion was a thousand bits. Shrugging, Jenny declared she was next, much to the amusement of the entire crowd.

After they cleared away the snivelling form of the previous contender, plus one shattered elbow, Jenny took a seat across from the champion, who wore a smirk on his face. "I won't go easy on you, pretty lady, so I hope you can afford the hospital bill." He said smugly.

"Here's hoping your universes medical science is up for cloning limbs." She replied with equal smugness. Placing her arm on the table in front of her, her opponent did likewise. Gripping hands, the crowd watched on with baited breath as the referee declared the match had begun. There was an ominous silence as the crowd watch the not even struggling Jenny match her opponent contemptuous ease, while the opponent himself was struggling to even get her arm to even budge. Deciding it was time enough, she twisted her arm and promptly shattered her opponents shoulder with a sickening crunch. Collecting her winnings, she left the severely injured man behind and proceeded to the pizza store, where she ordered a ham and cheese pizza, and enjoyed a nice dinner before nopeportating back to Equestria, where she then jumped on a cloud and went to sleep.

Arc One Chapter Three

When Jenny awoke from her nap, she noticed it was late morning, and that there were five pegasi angrily glaring at her. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, he stared at them blearily before a cyan one with a rainbow mane and tail spoke up. "Do you have ANY idea how much behind schedule you've put us?" She asked angrily.

"Fugg-u Skittle hair." Jenny oh-so-eloquently replied.

"Come one, lets dump her and wrangle up this cloud." Rainbow growled. Rearing up to kick the cloud out from under Jenny, she felt a hand run through her mane before withdrawing. Looking at Jenny, she saw her holding a handful of skittles. Suddenly realization dawned on Rainbow as her, rather fast, brain put two and two together. "Did you just turn my mane into candy?!" She yelled.

"Fug off. I'm tired." Jenny replied, rolling over and off the cloud, smacking into a cabbage cart, which caused an exact replica of the cart to appear next to it.

"More cabbages!" The gleeful cart owner exclaimed, crying happy tears. Hopping out of the cart, Jenny finally shook the sleep from her mind and groaned.

"It's too early for me to be awake, stupid weather rats." She grumbled, before heading towards SCC for some delicious pastry filled breakfast. Upon walking into the store via lamppost, she was confronted with a large line. Going to the back of it, she noticed a meek figure behind her. Turning around, she spied the eternally adorable Fluttershy cowering behind her mane at end of the line. Jenny was then able to bear witness to three ponies cutting in line. This angered her, no one cuts in front of Fluttershy, or so her meta sources told her. Thinking fast, she withdrew a simple toy mallet from her pocket. Turning to face the three cutters, she smiled an unnerving smile at them. "So, do you three know where you went wrong?" She asked, which earned her a trio of shaken heads. "You dun cut in front of Fluttershy." She said, before thwacking the ponies on the head, permanently banning them from Equestria. "There you go, Flutters, now you don't have worry about people cutting in front of you. Because I will BAN THEIR ASSES if they do." Jenny said with a warm smile to Fluttershy, who was then allowed to cut all the way to the front of the line and buy her food.

Once the line began moving again, it only took a few minutes for Jenny to reach the front, where she ordered three breakfast muffins, two mince pies, and a breakfast milkshake, all which Pinkie procured from behind the counter instantly. Taking her food, Jenny placed a block of end-stone on the counter and walked away, leaving Pinkie to puzzle over the strange payment method. Wolfing down her food, she skipped outside and then immediately sat on a bench outside and lay down, purposely taking up the entire thing. After several hours of needlessly antagonizing ponies by hogging a bench, her vision was suddenly filled with manic lavender. Raising an eyebrow a-la-Spock, she acknowledged the lavender unicorns presence.

"I finally found you!" Twilight said in a tone not unlike that of a serial killer. "The princesses tasked me with learning everything there is about you! Now we're going to go to my basement, and I'm going to hook you up to all sorts of machines!" She continued, before refocusing her vision on where there once was a biped laying on a bench, and was now just a rapidly spinning hub cap. Looking around, she saw Jenny nearing Mach one running away from her, while carrying the bench on her back. Growling, Twilight made to teleport, before suddenly finding herself muzzled. Glaring at the offender, she noticed it was Fluttershy.

"Please don't hurt her, she stood up for me when some ponies cut in front of me... That is, if you don't mind." Fluttershy mumbled.

"She stood up for you? Then that confirms what the princesses wanted me to find out!" Twilight yelled, frightening Fluttershy to no end. "Nopony who stands up for Fluttershy could EVER be evil!" She continued, before galloping to the library whilst calling out Spike's name.

Zecora's Hut

After stopping to catch her breath, Jenny noticed she was in the middle of a deep, dark forest. Turning to her left, she saw a zebra walking down a path. Having nothing better to do until lunch, Jenny decided to follow the zebra, who entered a hut a few minutes of following later. Wandering what this zebra was up to, she politely knocked on the door. After waiting several seconds, she knocked again. Upon receiving an answer, she offered a hand to the confused zebra. "Hello, my name is Jenny Strom, what's yours?"

"I'm Zecora, and what manner of being are you?" Zecora asked.

"I, am a human! I have some pretty nifty abilities, just for your information. So, what's a zebra like you doing out here?"

"A xenophobic lot, those ponies are. Hard are they to find when my hoof steps into town."

"Could you, maybe, not speak in rhymes?"

"For you, an exception could be made, if it were not hard coded into my brain." Zecora remorsefully said.

"That sucks, so, what do you DO out what?"

"Harvesting herbs and spices, and potions I brew, a Zebrican Shamaness I am."

"Huh, think you could brew me a potion of awesome?"

"From the looks of you, such a thing would unnecessary would be."

"Haha! random stranger just complimented me for bein' awesome, can't wait to rub THAT in Rainbow 'Skittles' Dash's face. So, you got anything to drink? Coz I've kinda been lugging this bench around with me, and I'm pretty sure Ponyville needs it."

"Several herbal blends I do have, perhaps one yours shall meet?"

"Okay, speaking in rhymes is actually pretty cool, but it must make conversations difficult."

"It is why I was exiled from my home, my inability to speak in not but rhyme."

"So, tea then?" Jenny asked, hoping to get past the sudden awkwardness. At Zecora's nod, the two sat down for a lovely noon tea break, and chatted about what Jenny should avoid in the forest.

Twilight's Library

"Alright girls, I need you all to try and befriend Illogic so we can figure out whether or not she'll pose a threat, unintentional or otherwise, to Equestria." Twilight announced to her friends and Spike, who were gathered in front of her in the library's main room.

"I'll throw her a welcome to Ponyville party!" Pinkie jubilantly shouted.

"Yes, excellent idea Pinkie. Who knows. she might even become a good friend." Twilight said.

"Then I shall make her a new set of clothes, her current outfit is abhorrent and a crime against fashion!" Rarity declared.

"Ah'll giver 'er an Apple Clan welcome." Applejack chimed in.

"I'll merely acknowledge her for what she did to my mane." Rainbow Dash grumbled.

"I'll just say hello." Fluttershy mumbled once again.

"Well then, get going girls, I have some anti-psychotics to take!" Twilight said, ushering her friends out of the library.

Everfree Forest

If you were to listen closely, one would hear music booming from the inner reaches of the Everfree Forest. Standing in a clearing surrounded by all manners of Everfree fauna, stood Jenny and a cragodile, both staring the other down. In the spectating crowd, an enterprises cockatrice was collecting bets on who would win the fight, with a six hundred to one odds on Jenny, and a one to one odds on the cragodile. A manticore then roared, signalling the beginning of the fight, and in a blur both the cragodile and Jenny flash-stepped into each other, causing a rippling shock-wave to shake the nearby trees. Jumping back from the other, the two once again sized each other up, before leaping at each other a second time, only instead of lunging forwards, Jenny twisted around mid-air and launched a devastating cranial strike to the cragodile, causing it to stumble and eventually collapse, a large dent on its head indicating where Jenny struck. The forest was dead silent for a full minute before the various animals started cheering for Jenny, who collected her prize, one oversized Champion of the Everfree Champions Belt. Holding it above her head in triumph, she let out a victory shout.

Her rather interesting battle done, she pocketed the belt and walked out of the clearing, various animals bowing to her in respect. Upon exiting the forest, she found herself confronted by Pinkie Pie, who was exuberantly bouncing in some lederhosen. With a knowing glint in her eye, Jenny spoke up.

"Lemme guess, part for me?" At Pinkie's relativistic nodding, she continued "When, where, and what's the dress code?"

"Sugar Cube Corner, when you get there, and whatever you want." Pinkie answered in order.

"Bet you can't beat me there!" Jenny dared.

"You're on, sweet cheeks!" Pinkie taunted, before vanishing in a pink after image.

Sugar Cube Corner

Jumping up from behind a random chair, Pinkie rubbed her hooves together maniacally as she noted she had beaten Jenny to SCC. Removing her villainous monocle, tophat, and mustache, she set about getting into position, only to bump into something. Looking up, she saw a much older version of Jenny standing before her, complete with walking stick and hunched back.

"What took ya so long, I've been waitin' here for ages." Jenny asked in a raspy voice.

"Rats, you won." Pinkie cursed while Jenny threw off her old person costume.

"Don't feel down, I am just that awesome, after all."Jenny grinned.

"Well, now you're here. Let's Par-tay!" Pinkie bellowed, the room suddenly filling up with ponies, whilst music and decorations materialized. At once Jenny got into the party at full swing.