Shadow and the Dark Horse Trilogy

Shadow and Weight of Sin

Have you ever had a nail placed at your temple, and rather than it being tapped into your skull, the bastard just used a sledgehammer… basically making the nail pointless as your skull caves in?

Yeah, I WISH that was happening to me.

I remember blue skies, wistful clouds, and floating mountains, and deep valleys! I remember what it felt like to have FINGERS. Oh Celestia, did I miss having fingers. I imagine telekinesis is even better, but noooooo, I could only form wings. I don’t get a bloody horn. Hooves suck. Ya wanna know how much they suck? You can’t scratch your ass without contortionism!

I remember the sun… warm and close and sparkling. The world had seemed so bright there. It was bright here but the sun felt different, the air felt different, this world felt different. This world of ponies feels tingly, like it vibrates and buzzes with the power of magic, but the world I come from shone with life. True life. Life was everything, it was the sun and sky, it was the hills and tree’s, it was the body and mind and life was power. Life was chi. Energy was ours to wield and blow and crush and gain and soar!

I miss fingers.

I miss life.

“The fuck!” I jolted awake again for the fifth time. Dreams and visions swam through my head, my brow dripped in sweat, my back ached, my cock was stiff, and my eyes felt like they were burning in the light.

“You would do well to stop fighting,

I know this can be frightening.”

“Sit on my cock and spin you striped cunt!” I snapped at the Zebra to my left. She’d been watching me contently for the last three days. Her potion had seriously fucked me up. I remember my world breaking the moment it kicked it, right after I’d been enjoying her cunt too. But suddenly I had all these feelings, and memories, and my life felt like it’d shattered. I could remember all the things I’d done, all the things I’d chosen to do. I remembered how to feel guilt.

I hated that feeling. I buried it, I fought it, I stabbed and tore at it and shoved it under the rock and rubble of my soul! But nothing helped. It permeated through what I did, it tore right back at me, retaliating against everything I did, harder and harder. If it was a bitch I’d have a hardon for how tenacious it was… as it stands, instead it just sucked. And not in the good way.

“Why must you fight, when only pain it brings.

Do you not want these memories to cut your strings?” She asked, relaxing back on her cushion. She hadn’t bothered tying me down, or keeping her distance. I was in so much pain in my head, she knew I wasn’t much of a threat right now.

“Wow, rhyming ‘brings’ and ‘strings’.” I mocked, “you must be a regular Wu Cheng En.”

“I do not know of whom you speak-”

“-Of course, you don’t” I interrupted, rolling my eyes and laying back down on the pillow. A hoof raised and ran over my cheek and head. I felt like a melon that was being split.

I could feel the Zebra’s eyes studying the back of my head. “Where are you from? You lack a pony’s grace.

Are you a creature, or a changeling from another place?”

“Why do you rhyme, all the bloody time?” I asked, turning to her, fully aware I’d just accidently rhymed myself.

Zecora noticed it too, her smirk said as much. She leaned back a little more, relaxing into the cushions it seemed. She was very beautiful, very exotic. Despite the pain, I felt my lust stirring again.

“I come from forest, and jungle, and desert heat,” she began, “With humid air, and drums that beat.

My culture values life and respect,

Integrity, and honesty, our traditions protect.

Rhyming is hard, to form a lie.

On the spot its attempts die.

Young foals learn this, and traditions keep it true,

So long as I rhyme, I do not lie to you.”

That was actually… interesting. “So, you never lie?”

Zecora shrugged with a smile, “the theory goes, that so long as I rhyme,

To form a good lie, I do not have the time.”

I looked her up and down and scoffed. “That’s stupid.” She only smiled as I turned away from her, burying my head into the feather pillow.

I thought about that though. A culture that never lies.

I closed my eyes, and let sleep take me again.

Lies.

“YOU ARE MINE!” The yell was piercing and reverberated through his head like knives.

“I am not…” I said to myself. I belonged to no one. No pony, no man, no god, no creature. I was my own. I was of the Shi Banto. I am not a puppet!

I realised I was yelling into my own head.

“The best of puppets believes they are free…” A voice rose around me, drowning out my own screams as I clutched my head with fingers… fingers… I looked at my own hands… hands… I had-

“HANDS!” I yelled as I sat upright in the bed. My breathing was heavy as I stared at the hardwood of the cabin wall. My eyes lowered to his outstretched… hooves.

“You have hooves. Hands be the joy of minotaur’s and the like,

Such an exclamation has caused-”

“Your curiosity to spike?” I snapped. She went silent. “That’s the rhyme, right? That’s what you were going to say?”

She looked away, “perhaps.”

I scoffed. She was easy to read. I laid back, closing my eyes and waited for my head to stop feeling like it was being gripped in a vice. “Why did you do this to me?”

“Why? Why did I save you?

By showing you what is true?”

I rolled my eyes at the rhyme. “It’s not true, it’s all bullshit.”

I could hear the zebra mare chuckle, her voice a musical note that was actually attractive. I’d enjoy fucking her up, if I could ever get out of this bed.

“Do you think my potion lies?

That is shows you things in disguise?

I do not make such foolery,

It would be seen through far too easily.

Even by you, a pony that’s such a git,

So, no… it is not bullshit.”

Yeah, like I’d believe her.

*

The night was silent when I woke, and the sound of snoring near me turned my head. The mare was asleep. I could see her form in the darkness, the white of her fur glistening in the moonlight. I slipped from the bed, my hooves shaking below me. The pain had either numbed itself, or lessened as I’d slept. But instead of drills in my head, I only felt like I was being continuously punched. I could deal with that.

Slipping towards the door, I opened it and stepped from the room into a kitchen. Looking around, I saw a table that was strewn with herbs and poultices. Looking to the front door, I opened it. The rush of cool air bathing my face was wonderful, seeming to refresh me all over. I stepped into the night, looking up into the sky, at the stars… my eyes fell on the moon.

The world twisted at that moment.
~

風生律普… 鳳安音坤 …

He would soar in gales and twisted winds…

Life was his breath…

The riotous hand… the subservient sacrifice of law…

A mind open to the greatest mysteries of the universe and heaven…

~

“…It is you, it is you!”

Flashes… shapes… a raft…
“Wife indeed!... Whoever heard of a…”

The world tilted a gain. A tail, another flash… a staff. I heard a laugh. She-fiends with such ridiculous hair! They should have forgone the twigs!

“I was very fond of strange stories when I was a child…”

Someone was screaming… someone was shaking him, but I couldn’t tell if it was real or if it was my imagination. A voice came from the darkness, a darkness that was far too bright…
“The earth is black in front of the cliff, and no orchids grow.
Creepers crawl in the brown mud by the path.
Where did the birds of yesterday fly?
To what other mountain did the animals go?
Leopards and pythons dislike this ruined spot;
Cranes and snakes avoid the desolation.
My criminal thoughts of those days past
Brought on the disaster of today…”

My eyes flashed open and I saw the moon again. The moon was as bright as the sun.
“Nothing in this world is difficult, but thinking makes it seem so. Where there is true will, there is always a way…”

My world came crashing back to reality, I stumbled, I tripped, the ground came to me faster than I could react. And soon I was laying there… was I in pain? I couldn’t tell. My face was wet… things were in and out of focus… a face… then darkness.

*

I woke up with a start.

“Waking up like this, for you a habit it has become,

With all your nightmares, I am surprised you are not numb.

You speak in your sleep, in strange tongues I do not know,

I know many, so it is surprising that is so.”

I could only grunt and turn away from her, my entire body felt like it was made of rubber. But… beneath it, there was a strength. I could feel a small mote of it coming back to me.

“Nà shì lìng rén jīngyà de?” I asked, letting my smile gently touch my lips, the familiar language flowing from my lips like a refreshing breath.

Her own lips twisted into a wry smile to join my own. “You are teasing me, yes?

At least you have calmed your distress.” She said with an amused tone.

“I was just asking if it’s so surprising?” I shrugged in answer, “that you find someone that might know something you don’t, that is.”

The Zebra’s mare could only chuckle her musical laugh. “You think I am not as humble as I should be?

That my pride sets other ponies below me?”

I scoffed, “is this where you prove that idea wrong?” I asked with a raised brow, turning over to look at her.

“No.” She said, surprising me. “We all have our virtues, and our sins. Pride is mine to bear the weight,

Perhaps with some self-reflection you could look to your own list of sins, and find a starved virtue to sate.”

She slipped from the rug and turned her back to me, heading for the door. My eyes slipped down her form and settled on her rump. As she walked, the Zebra’s tail slipped to the side periodically, giving me an unobstructed view of her marehood. I could feel a pang of lust swell in my groin… before I realised that it was puffy… and her lips looked sore. She’d been hurt when I’d raped her. The lust became regret, which in turn only turned to anger that I was feeling anything like that at all.

Why in Equestria should I be feeling regret?

I don’t regret things!

But I did… I couldn’t understand it. The potion was only supposed to give me my memories back… but then again. Had I ever really lost them? I knew who Paige was. Who Hayley was. I knew their histories, the Lightcore, where I came from. I remembered it all. But why were certain memories so strong now when before they were motes of dust in my mind. More… facts than memories. Somehow… things felt off. Things felt weird. It was like my brain was remembering how to do something that it had long forgotten… how to feel something.

Regret.

Of all the things I remembered…

I realised that I was remembering how to regret.

*

The darkness of the night enfolded in on me, and my sleep was haunted by dreams of far off places, and words that spoke whispers into my ears and heart. A heart that ached.

I could hear screaming, a cacophony of screams and maniacal laughter. It took a while to realise that I was the one laughing… but I was also the one screaming. Below myself. Looking up at myself. My body burning, my insides churning, the pain and guilt and embarrassment as I felt myself thrust again and again. I was being raped. Raped by myself. I could feel it thickening inside, me, something exploded, and I sat up with sweat dripping from my brow.

The room was smoky, the wall had caved in, a mare lay unconscious on the ground, and someone with a coat so dark it stood out against the pitch of the night.

“My, my, my. How the mighty have fallen.”

I knew that voice, but my brain was in shambles. Was this still a dream or- “…Dingy?”

“Hey shit-stain.” I saw the flash of pearly white teeth before something flew out of the dark and pain flashed as I spiralled into darkness unconscious.

*

Ya know what… I think I’m really tired of falling unconscious, or being knocked unconscious. Either the next time my eyes close, I die in my sleep, or I search heaven and earth for a potion that stops me from ever falling asleep again.

My eyes opened slowly for the millionth time in only a few days, and they fell upon two eyes marred with heterochromia. The left was a goldish brown, and the right was a dazzling blue. But they weren’t pretty. They sat upon the worst mug in all of Equestria.

“Oh fuck, it’s you.”

Dingy’s eyes lit up with humour and he cackled loudly. “Wow, now that’s a greeting to the guy that just saved your life.” Dingy was young, in comparison to the others. Well, as young as any of us were, which entirely depended on what yearly system you were going with. Equestria’s, or homes. The stallion had a Pegasus form, like myself, though while my coat was a violent purple, his was a pure black that glistened and shimmered in the night. His fur always looked nice and silky. His mane and tail were a vivid green that stood our brightly against his coat, and his cutiemark was a red shield crossed with two swords.

He was a warrior like me, and something of a rival. Well, he thought so anyway. We’d both been trained by Ka, and both took pleasure in much the same things, though I thought him an idiot. We’d fought many times, and I’d always beaten him. He was probably loving that it was HIM of all people to save me.

“You hit me… I think.” I replied with a mumble.

“Yeah, but can ya blame me?”

I couldn’t. I’d have hit him too in the situation, probably harder than he did. I reached up to rub my head at the spot where he’d struck, or at least, I tried to. But I quickly became aware of the ropes around me.

“Dingy… why am I tied up?”

“Well, that slut had probably cooked up a brew and fucked with ya head a bit, you were in the bed and not tied down after all. The only reasons I can think of that you wouldn’t have cracked open her skull and fucked the corpse, is that she’d incapacitated you.” He said with a grin. “Unless you were there ‘willingly’.” The tone in his voice wasn’t lost on me.

“What are you insinuating?” I asked, my eyes narrowing.

He shrugged and his smirk grew a little wider.

“Nothing that Ka won’t when I tell him the position I found you in.”

I was dragged.

Literally dragged.

He had me bound up, hanging from the saddle system he wore as he flew, and the bastard purposely flew only just high enough for my arse to scrape the ground.

A volley of painful stones in the testicles later, we stopped at the rundown shithole we called our castle base. Ah, the crumbling walls, the destroyed towers and nary a roof that didn’t have a gaping hole in it. Not to mention that pungent smell of shit.

Yup, this was home-base alright.

THUD!

I hit the floor and grumbled, spitting dirt from my mouth as I moved my sore body to a sitting position.

“Shadow.” The voice cut through the air like a knife.

“Greeting’s your Black-and-Redness.”

A hoof struck my cheek hard, sending me sprawling to the floor. I tasted the copper of blood in my mouth, and licked at it with my tongue. It was a better flavour than the dirt, after all. Instinctively I tried to raise my hoof to wipe my mouth but… ropes.

“You are an embarrassment.” Ka said, his blue steely eyes glaring down at me.

“That’s what my dear old ma used to say,” I jested.

“I’ll bet.” Ka’s eyes narrowed as he looked down at me, he looked mighty displeased. His blue eyes twinkled against he black and red striped hide that seemed to pulse and glow with the contained power. Power he could wield only a fraction of with the broken stub of a horn he sported. “You were supposed to bring the Zebra, to me.”

“I tried.”

“Did you?” He asked accusingly. “Did you threaten her?”

“Yes.”

“Knock her unconscious.”

“Yes, I did.”

“Fuck her?”

“Of course.”

WHACK!

The hoof hit me so hard that I felt my body leave the floor and my breath catch in my lungs painfully. The wall I hit was hard, my wings felt almost crippled from the impact, and I quickly met the sweet embrace of the ground below as my body flashed warnings of pain and broken parts.

“You fucked her?” Ka asked calmly, despite the outburst of physical violence. He approached slowly. “You weren’t supposed to fuck her… you were supposed to BRING HER TO ME!” He yelled. His hooves reared up and I felt a sickening crack follow a blow that blew out what little breath I still had in my lungs. My ribs flared in pain, only for me to scream again when those hooves descended once more. And again. And again. My head swam with pain, and soon it was all I could feel. Like in an ocean of it, I felt like I was floating. The sharp jolts and cracks as broken rib followed broken rib. Eventually it stopped.

“Clean him up.”

Ka’s orders were followed immediately. I thought I’d pass out again, but instead I just experienced everything in a daze. The world seemed to swim by as I was carried. Magic that slowly began to restore my body only resulted in more pain burning through me as the ribs were re-aligned. Potions were used to help increase the flow of blood, and bandages were used to keep things in place. Slowly the world began to make sense again.

“Batty?” I asked, only now noticing who it was that was bandaging me up.

“You had to go and give me work to do.” The stallion sighed. His red eyes met my own. He had the form of a Bat Pony, hence the nickname. He didn’t use his real name anymore. Batty had a dark mane and a grey coat, his red eyes were quite vibrant and when he grinned, a set of pearly fangs could be seen.

“Yeah… sorry about that. Think I fucked up.” I sighed, testing the bandages. “Not bad work.” I mused, flapping my wings experimentally.

“I can actually do things ya know.” Batty grumbled.

“Really?” I smirked, “I figured your specialty was sleeping.”

Batty only grunted before a small smile graced his cheeks. “I heard you had some fun with the Zebra.”

I couldn’t help but smile myself, even as that strange pang of guilt hit mew again like before. I pushed it away and tried to hold my grin.

Batty bumped his flank against me. “What was she like?” He asked, obviously wanting juicy details. His hoof slipped under my barrel and I felt it on my sheath, drawing a nicker from my lips. “Was she tight?”

I felt my stallionhood peak from my sheath before I pulled away from the stallion’s hoof.

“I’m not in the mood.”

“Your cock says otherwise. Come on, lets go find a mare or two. What about Zero? Bet we could give him a good rutting.”

I shook my head. “I think… I just need rest.”

I ignored his dejected looks and moved passed him. “Thanks for patching me up.” I said sullenly. I spread my wings and flew. The action brought a stab of pain through my chest, but I fought through it. Moving to the top of the tower I called mine, I slipped into my area. It was a dull lit area in a golden glow from a nearby ever burning lamp. I slipped into my comfy bed and tried to let myself get some rest.

But my mind had other ideas.

As I lay there, my mind wandered. What had happened to me out there? What was going on with me? It didn’t feel like that potion did anything other than make me depressed.

Then the pain began again. Something was flaring, I was shaking and biting into my pillow as my brain ran through the old days. Ran through the old memories. And then there were memories… that were not so old…

Death.

I saw the dead bodies of my friends… friends. I shook my head, my eyes starting to water. It was just the pain, they were watering from the pain. That’s all!

I saw the blast of dark magic. I saw the bodies on the ground. I knew it was my fault. I’d caused this, I’d caused their deaths and misery… that blast looked so inviting. I could save them, save them from that fate.

I leapt.

The wall met me.

With a yelp, I fell down and clutched my now bloody nose. A crack of thunder above told me a storm had arrived, and the heavy rain hit the stones of my tower like loud, heavy drums.

Those drums were like an accompaniment to the beat of my heart. It thudded and pounded in my chest in a way that almost hurt.

I’d killed them. I’d done terrible things as a friend, and it had gotten many of those I cared for, either in misery, or suffering the embrace of death. I’d deserved this. Deserved to be a puppet and a slave for the enemy. To do unspeakable things in their name. This was a burden. The weight of everything that I had done poured into me, tearing at me…

Something snapped free.

I’d felt things breaking, I’d felt them creaking and cracking, I’d felt them tearing. But now it was free. Something had torn itself from me and suddenly a burning pain lit up my nerves. I couldn’t scream. The pain was so much my throat tightened and I felt like I was going to die.

The world turned red and something came out of my screaming mouth.

For the trillionth time in only a few days. My world went black.

*

The place didn’t seem familiar at first. My mind seemed to fail at restarting itself. I looked down at my hooves, and for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why my blue coat felt confusing… wait… blue?

I felt like it should be purple. A dark purple… but it was a bright blue.

“Zhèlǐ fāshēngle shénme?” The words were easy in my mouth, and I had to shake my head as my thoughts shifted from one language to another.

Names were weird. I remembered two… a conversation… something… a voice…

“Phillip.” She said with a cheery expression.

“Phillip?” He found himself asking, screwing up his face in distaste.

“It has a few meanings… one of them is ‘friend’, another is ‘horse’, because ya know, we’re horses now?” She giggled. Her beautiful face lit up when she spoke.

“It sounds silly.”

“Feng, can you at least try it. I worked hard on this.”

He sighed at her and nodded. “Phillip. I dunno… maybe. Where’d you get it from?”

She looked sheepish. “Okay, I may have taken some liberties.” He didn’t like the sound of that. “Okay, so, in our tongue it’d be spoken more like firripu. And well, I took your name, Feng Lian Yin Kun, and broke up its meanings.”

“My Ki aspects?” He asked curiously, “you broke up my ki aspects to come up with a name?”

The mare hit him in the shoulder and he playfully said ‘ow’. “I’ll do it again if you interrupt me.” She warned.

He chuckled, “alright, alright.”

“So yes, your name, your ki aspects, Wind, Life, Law and Universal. I took them and I used another dialect. This dialect uses our script but with symbolic translations as well as pronunciation translations. So, the syllables ‘fir-ri-pu’ actually mean Wind, Life, Law and Universal. And a classic Greek name meaning ‘Friend’ is ‘Phillip’ which is the abbreviation of Firripu. So, Phillip it is. How does it sound?””

I still thought it sounded silly, but I could tell she’d worked really hard on this, so I just smiled at her.

“Phillip, I like it.”

Phillip…

Feng Lian Yin Kun…

Phillip…

My eyes seemed to focus. I felt like I was waking up. Waking up from a nightmare. I slowly padded to the broken mouth of the tower and I looked out at the ruins and desecration. Ponies below, fighters, warriors, dreadful ponies, all of which would do harm to others. And for the first time in a long while, fear welled up in my gut.

I looked into a small pool of rainwater that had gathered nearby. My mane was lighter, my eyes were a bright auburn, and my coat seemed lustrous. No longer cloaked in that darkness. I no longer felt that oppressive weight on me.

I was no longer Shadow… the shadow had finally left me. Suddenly everything came rushing back. I’d had pieces before, feelings, understandings, emotions I couldn’t place… but now it all made sense.

Ka. He’d taken me. His horn. His power. That blast of possessive light, that dreadful laugh. He’d been aiming at those I cared for, those I was sworn to protect. I’d jumped in the way. But it wasn’t just a noble ‘in-the-moment’ thing. I knew what that was. I knew what that light would do to me. I’d already made so many mistakes, but the others, they were pure, they didn’t deserve to shoulder the weight of evil deeds. I knew I’d be used to attack my friends, to hurt them, but I would rather bear that guilt than let those I loved have to deal with that.

Memories of my actions burned through me. I’d killed, I’d tortured, I’d raped. There was a slave in the cellar so broken he probably didn’t know his own name. There were others I’d defiled and attacked. I bit my lip.

This was good, wasn’t it? This was the point. To feel this, to feel this guilt and pain, to feel like my heart was tearing open with the weight of my sins. That was the whole damn point.

I had to find the others.

Looking down, making sure I wasn’t being watched, I spread my wings and took to the skies, flying off into the forest.

I was not aware of the eyes on my back.

*

The rush of trees passed me littered my vision as I swooped and slalomed through the towering wooden giants. Brown, green and golden blurs of life that I had previously never noticed, or at least, never appreciated, melded together into an abstract vision of something beautiful and living. Something I’d felt my life had been lacking till then.

The camp came into view. It was insane that we lived so close to each other, acres and acres apart, but in a forest like this, practically next door. Our secret wear in the woods and skies above the pastel ponies that played below. They dealt with their Changelings, and their Sombra’s, and their Nightmare Moon’s. While we dealt with our own shit. Our own dangers and demons that threatened us, and this world as a whole.

We were the guard. The wall against the wrath of Ka. So long as we kept him at bay, he could not spread and infect this colourful world. Not like I’d done much in the way of being a wall recently… years. I’d spent YEARS as his slave. Believing I had free will. Chastising Ka, judging him, mocking him, yet all while doing his bidding. All while raping and destroying and killing for his pleasure. I felt like throwing up.

I saw them through the tree’s. I saw each of them, they danced and played, and sang. Their camps were small, but they were there. They were just as I’d left them.

They moved about their small camp. There’d been a huge battle middle of last year that they still; hadn’t recovered from, and mine and Ka’s attack the other day had only worsened thing. One might wonder why they didn’t move location if they could be attacked so easily, but the answer was in the large tent at the other end of the camp.

Hiro, their leader, was in a coma. They couldn’t be moved easily without risking their life, so they were all forced to stay in this open and vulnerable spot. It had put them on high alert. High enough alert for me to feel a cold blade press itself to my shoulder as I sat there.

I knew they’d see me.

“Duì bù qǐ, Adam, I’m not here to harm anyone.” I spoke my words slowly, raising my hooves and slowly standing up. Eyes turned to me. “I knew you’d see me coming.”

“What are you doing here you snake?” The stallion behind me asked as the others approached.

Among the crowd of familiar faces, one pushed through to the front. Her white coat was contrasted by her sun-yellow mane.

“Nǐ hǎo, Paige.” I said, a little breathlessly as my eyes looked into hers.

She took a step towards me. She was powerful, one of the most powerful people I’d ever known. She’d even once been considered for the great western journey, but she was unrefined. Raw power, with little to no control. As far as I understood it, Sarah was teaching her. At least, that’s how things went before I’d left them.

But now I was back, and Paige looked at me with sad eyes. She reached up, her hoof gently grazing against my cheek. She looked surprised and I saw my blue coat reflected in her eyes.

“Phillip?” She asked, as though barely believing her own eyes. That name felt strange. I’d heard it for years, then I’d heard Shadow. For a long time neither had been my name, inside I was Feng. But outside, hearing her voice say that name, the one she’d given me… it sounded like home.

“Tie me up.” I said simply. “Do what you need to do, get Sarah to cast any spell, figure out what you need to figure out so that you can trust that I’m really me.”

She seemed surprised at this suggestion, I even felt the blade against my back lessen in pressure.

She looked at me curiously before speaking, “why?”

“Because the Zebra you had here, I took from you while Ka distracted you. She saved me from Ka, but at the cost of herself. She’s with them right now, and she can restore Ka’s horn.”

Paige’s pupils dilated in fear. The horn. Ka was powerful, extremely powerful. But he had a single weakness. His horn. So long as it was broken, he couldn’t spread his influence. Ka was a master of chi magic, specifically magic of the mind. He could bend anyone to his will. But in the form of a Pony, the one he’d chosen, he had to channel that power through his horn. So long as it was broken, he couldn’t access that power. That broken horn was the only reason his influence hadn’t taken over all of Equestria, and our little war with him had kept itself deep within these dangerous forests. The only reason the pony world was blissfully unaware of the danger he posed.

Paige’s shocked eyes closed for a moment, and when she opened them, she had a resolve in her eyes I had no seen in a long time. She stared at me, looking closely, looking for any hint of a lie.

“I believe him… gather everyone.” She said, turning to the others.

“We can’t do this.” Adam said from behind me, “we’re barely recovered.”

Paige turned on him, a fire in her eyes, “we don’t have a choice. We’re going to War.”

*

I was bound, of course, just in case. Adam was near me. He looked like me. Which… was weird. I’d recognised his presence and voice, but he looked totally different from when I last saw him. He’d changed his coat and mane and seemed to take on my visage, as a way to mourn my passing. Not that I’d died, but he’d seemingly preferred to think of me as dead, considering the circumstances.

“So… the colours.”

He grunted, “you were my friend. I thought you weren’t coming back.”

“I’m touched,” I replied kindly.

“Shove it up your ass.”

I shrugged at his snap and looked ahead of me, following the slow procession of ponies through the tree’s. This was going to be a nightmare of a day, and I felt like many here would not make it back.

This was a fool’s mission.

The only positive that I could see, was that the mission wasn’t to win. It was just to stop the Zebra. So long as Ka didn’t have his horn, there was a chance. If he got it back, he’d be unstoppable.

I looked around, the shape of the tree’s, the position of the moss on the bark. I knew this foliage. We were close to the ruins.

“I need to be untied.” I hissed. “We’re almost there and I can’t help if I’m tied up.”

Adam just snorted, “you’re not going anywhere.”

“And if I die?” I snapped. He didn’t reply.

I heard a distant horn. We’d already been seen. I had no idea what Paige’s plan was. Did she really think a frontal assault was a good idea? Then again… it WOULD occupy them and draw the forces to the front. If she was smart, she’d have taken a contingent-

“Move!” Adam hissed, yanking me from my thoughts and away from the path and the others. We were pulled off to the side, and were met by two others. Sarah and Geo. I got glares from Geo.

“Hey.” I said sheepishly, looking at him, trying to give him a smile. Geo was smaller than the others, and a bit of a coward. Which was probably why he was pulled away from the main fight. But those glares felt dangerous, like I was the one person he’d love to fight. I’d killed his twin brother after all… Leo. I could still feel the blade slicing through neck if I thought too hard about it.

Geo didn’t answer. Sarah looked to me with an unimpressed look. She didn’t seem to be buying that it was really ‘me’. “You’re gonna lead us in to the Zebra, I’m going to knock out the Zebra with a spell, and then me and Geo will help carry her out of there while Alan keeps an eye out for enemies, and an eye on you. Get moving.” She poked me in the flank with her weapon. I meeped as the sharp blade almost cut into my skin.

We moved away from the sounds of fighting, and a few explosions had me concerned for my friends. But I kept moving, moving around the ruins and through cracks to get into areas that would otherwise require different routes. Slowly we worked our way inwards.

I saw the main hall, and moved them round the front. It was guarded, but they didn’t see us. Slowly we moved to the windows and I pointed in.

The Zebra was there, and she didn’t look happy. She was chained to the wall by magical chains, and Ka, alone in the room, wandered back and fourth in front of her.

“You will tell me what I need to know.” He smirked. “I am quite adept in loosening tight lips.” The red and black bastard licked his lips in a menacing and perverted manner.
“You would do well to let me go,

I am not an easy foe.” Zecora warned him, her eyes narrowing threateningly.

Ka could only cackle in delight at her words. “I do enjoy it when I’m challenged. It keeps things interesting.” His hoof lashed into the Zebra’s stomach hard enough for her eyes to widen and her throat to clench as she coughed, looking for all the world that she might vomit.

Still, despite this, she managed to open her mouth and speak, “your best… has already tried to best me.
Yet defeat him I did, certainly.”

“Defeat him?” Ka cackled. A flash of light drew my attention and my eyes widened as a dark aura that was outlined in red and seemed to crackle and spark flew down and began circling Ka as though he were an old friend. Something about that magic made my skin crawl and my mane stand up on end.

“Oh?” Ka began, looking it over. “Now I see, that is why they knew to attack now. Why they are so desperate.2 He cackled again. “So, I see you have ripped the Shadow from young Feng. Or, Phillip as he went by.” He smirked to himself. “But this was a poor choice of yours to make.” He turned to the Zebra and I confess I was eager to hear his next words. “I cannot take this power back into me. Not without my horn. This spell is a conscience, it is sentient. As I cannot take it back into me, it must seek a new host. And I can think of none better… than one that would give me everything I need to once again BE COMPLETE!”

The magic suddenly rushed at Zecora. It erupted into her body and she screamed in pain as her body began to glow and flash, pulsing with energy before suddenly the energy was torn from her and once again circled Ka.

Ka looked at it and her curiously. “You have protected yourself…”

“A potion I took…” she panted, trying to form the next line in her rhyme, but she didn’t seem to have the strength.

“Impressive.” Ka said with a smirk, “I think I shall enjoy breaking you. But until then, perhaps I should choose another… perhaps that bitch Paige.” He laughed.

I felt like my throat had been rubbed raw with sandpaper. I turned to the others, only to find a blade in my face.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Sarah asked, her eyes narrowed, the others looking at me warily.

I held up my hooves in surrender to her blade, “please. We need to save Paige.” I felt my heart beating in my chest hard enough that I thought it might burst. Behind me I could hear screams. Ka had begun his torture of the Zebra, it wouldn’t be long till she told him how to fix his horn.

“You’re not leaving here unless it’s with that Zebra. Paige can take care of herself, if Ka regains his horn, it’s all over.”

I couldn’t argue with that, so I turned away from them. “You’re right… I’m sorry.”

They seemed mollified for the moment. “It’s fine, we just need to get down there-”

“-No.” I interjected. “I’m not apologising about that, I’m apologising for this.” I dropped to the ground and kicked out behind me hard. I struck both of them with my hooves hard enough to send them flying back, turning around my hoof came down across the face of Geo, sending him sprawling to the floor. Before they could react, I spread my wings and launched into the air.

I had to save Paige.

The wind rushed past my, blowing my mane in the wind as the sound of battle and the clashing of blades grew louder. I looked down. Paige was locked in combat with Batty. Her blade swinging around to aim for his neck, only for him to dance away with a cackle. I saw the power, the possession magic heading for her.

I dived.

My wings angled, by body streamlined and I plummeted towards her, my hooves striking her and launching her out of the way as the magic crashed into the ground where she had once stood. I rolled with her and ended up on top of her, my mind shifted to days of old intimate times and a warmth in my sheath made me long for them again. But the pounding of my heart and the fear in my mind staved off such thoughts and desires, in place they came with panic.

“Stay down!” I yelled, turning around, spinning as I did. My mouth slipped up my blade and lashed up, the tip slicing through one of BATTY’S EARS. Blood splashed the ground and he backed off, yelling in pain, clutching the bleeding stump on his head. Batty backed off, gritting his teeth. It was fortunate that at that moment, Adam came up behind him and drove Batty to the ground, occupying him so I could focus on the magic that had reared its head again. I danced around Paige, blocking its path to her.

“WHAT IS THAT?!” She yelled, looking more scared than I’d seen her in a long while, more than she ever was of me as Shadow.

“It’s Shadow, the possession, it’s what was in me. It’s trying to take you like it took me!” I yelled at her, yelping as I drove her to the ground again out of the way of another attack. “This is too dangerous, you have to go back to the camp.”

“We can’t!” Paige protested. “If Ka get’s his horn back we’re all fucked!”

I rounded on her. “I CAN’T LOSE YOU AGAIN!”

She looked at me with tears in her eyes, and I looked from her to the swirling power.

“Phillip… Feng… Please. Don’t.” She knew what I planned to do.

I turned to her. “You all can fight me. You’ve done it before. You can fight and you can hate me. You can manage it. It’ll be just like before. But you Paige… you’re too dear. Too strong. I couldn’t face you like that. And I can’t have the horrible things it will make you do on your conscience. I can live with it… I don’t want you to have to.” I felt the tears running down my cheek. “That tower there is mine. Before you all leave, the chest inside has a bunch of papers. It has everyone in Ka’s army’s name, as well as their weaknesses. It even has a few of mine. Take it, here’s the key.” He pulled a key from his hoof and shoved it into her hoof. “Now get everyone out of here! GO!”

I TURNED BACK TO THE MAGIC, AND IT FELT LIKE IT WAS LOOKING AT ME. Paige, crying as she called to them, managed to gather everyone and start a tactical retreat. I breathed a deep breath, probably my last as Feng… no. Phillip. I was Phillip. If I lived as Shadow, and if I died as Shadow… I wanted Paige to remember me as Phillip.

I closed my eyes, and charged the magic.

*

I remember the pain.

I remember the flash of light, the screams of terror… the blood on my hooves. I also remember a face, a face in my mind that brought warmth to my heart, even as it brought a sadistic smile to my lips. Inside I looked out, understanding, seeing all, and knowing I was committing horrible deeds.

Ka regained his horn that day.

The power he wielded was devastating, and what comes from this I cannot say.

I saved Paige. I saved her. Saved her from this weight that would drag me down to be lost forever in the Diyu… or maybe I’d got to Tartarus. This is their world after all.

I’d deserve it. Every inch. But I can bear that, I can bear the pain and the grief and the self-hatred. I can bear the guilt and the self-torture that comes from it.

I bear it because I am not Shadow. I look out with pained eyes through hateful ones, and I know deep inside I am not Shadow.

I am Feng Lian Yin Kun.

I am Phillip.