Garry's Mod Vs. Equestria 2: War in the North

Chapters

Here We Go Again (Chapter #1 re-write)
Conspiracy
Side Quests
Training
First Encounter
Planning
The Attack
In Her Glory
Warriors Like You
Big Talk and Tiny Ponies
Together Forever

Here We Go Again (Chapter #1 re-write)

The day was... Tuesday... I think. The time... was... unknown. Exactly. Sometime in the afternoon, that much I knew. What month was it? August...? No... No, August was last month. This was September. I... think... Yes... September... The school buses are back. The kids are back in school. But... where am I? Why aren't I in school? Oh, right, I finished... I finished that a... a long time ago. But that still leaves me with an unknown location. I'm... I'm in my house... My new house... My old house... it was... it was... burned? No... no, it was demolished... Taken by the bank and torn apart... They left me homeless... for... for a... for a freeway... A damned freeway! But my new house is nice. I'm in a better neighborhood. Better people. No... gangs, or violence. But... where am I? Am I... in my house? Yes. I am. I'm... somewhere... upstairs... Yes... Yes, I'm in my room. I'm in my chair, in front of my computer. My computer... one of the few things I was able to keep. What's on my computer...? I wonder... I can't see it properly, not with my eyes closed. Why are my eyes closed...? Oh... The nightmares...

My... Well, what I called my life... it's over now. My new job works me sixteen hours a day. The money's great, sure. I've never been this well off, but... Between that, and... those... damned... things, I see whenever I close my eyes... I haven't slept in almost two weeks. I get a few minutes of rest on my breaks at work, but, it's not enough. That's why I'm here now. That's why I'm not working. I... I just... It was only for a split second... One God damned second... But it was one second too long. The part wasn't clamped down, and I didn't notice. The second I touched the tool down, it was sent flying... Megan shouldn't have even been out there. She had an office job, at the computer, but... she was walking a blueprint out to me, because I was too damn tired to pay attention to the radio... To hear her calling me in... The doctor said it was quick... painless... But I know what pain looks like... and when I looked into her eyes... I could see nothing... nothing, but pain and fear.

I'm on a "forced vacation" for the next month. That's why I was sitting at my desk, staring into the virtual world of a video game. I thought it would help. It didn't. No matter how much I played... Counter Strike, TF2, not even Gmod could make me forget.

This wasn't my fault. The doctor told me that. My boss told me that. My coworkers told me that. I could see in their eyes that they were lying. They knew it was my fault. They probably wanted to accuse me of murder. Hell, I felt like a murderer. I know I've done things in the past, when I was young and stupid. Terrible things... But nothing like this... Not to somebody like her.

But it wasn't my fault. Even though I had trouble believing it sometimes, I knew it's true. It's their fault. Those stupid little horses. It's their fault. They're the ones that made me do this! They're the ones responsible! Even since I was in that stupid world filled with those evil little monsters... Ever since I met them... met her... my life's been nothing but disaster after disaster after disaster. I can't sleep without having some horrible nightmare about them. I can't talk to anybody without letting one of their names slip and sounding like an idiot. I can't even close my eyes anymore without seeing their hateful little happy faces smiling at me. Mocking me with their happiness and their carefree lives and their... everything!

But I stoped thinking about them. I opened my eyes. I moved one hand to my mouse, and the other hand to my keyboard. I opened Gmod. I selected a map in single player. I started the game.

It's been almost a full twenty four hours since I started playing, and I've done nothing in that entire time but spawn those little abominations and kill them in every way I could possibly think of. I no longer had most of my addons, as I had gone from nearly thirty pages of them to only four in an attempt to make my game run smoother. Now my main source of destruction was the infamous GBombs packs, the ever-popular FA:S 2 sweps, the Siminov's weapons, and, of course, NeuroTech. I also experimented with the fireworks addon, as well as the Pill Pack and a few random addons I found somewhat interesting.

I was actually having fun killing them. What was more, I was smiling. I hadn't smiled since I was in Eques-...

My smile turned into a scowl as I cut the thought off before I could finish the name of that vile place. My feeling of fun was replaced with a grim satisfaction as I looked upon the field of dead bodies. My freshest victim, Celestia--at least the hundredth one I had killed--was lying at my feet. The wings and horn were gone, and most of the body was covered in blood. I had beaten her to death with a sledgehammer. But she was still smiling. Staring at me and smiling that smug little smile. No matter how much I tried, no matter how much I did to her, she wouldn't stop smiling. It made me furious.

My hand curled into a fist, my knuckles cracking loudly. I wanted to punch my computer just to make her go away. I almost did too. But just before I lost control I decided that punching my computer would be a bad idea and directed my fist into my desk instead. I heard something crack in my hand. I didn't care. I kept slamming my fist into my desk, over and over again until the rage was replaced by a cold numbness that spread throughout my body. As I stopped, and my breathing calmed, I was faintly aware of a loud whining-grinding noise. Clutching my twisted and misshapen hand against my chest I looked to where the sound was coming from. I saw my computer tower, and what looked like thin smoke coming from the vent on the side.

With a screamed obscenity involving a shovel and a badger I lunged forward, one hand unplugging the wires on my monitor and the other hand tearing the plug from the wall socket. At least... that's what I tried to do. What actually happened was I lunged forward and my chair rolled backwards, so I slammed my chest into the edge of the desk, with one hand going into the monitor screen and the other going into the tower. I blinked as I stared at my hands, through the computer, or, more accurately, in the computer. "No..." Then I fell backwards, as nothing was supporting me. The last thing I saw was my monitor falling towards my face and a swirling green and red vortex surrounded by a malicious darkness. The feeling of falling, the bite of cold, the howling of wind... then the painful contact with the ground. I could sense, more than feel the deep snow around me. As I looked up--as I had landed on my back--I could see a raging blizzard. Snow violently surged and swirled to and fro above me, fast enough to tear flesh from bone.

"No..." This place was behind me. This place was the cause of everything wrong with me. This place was the reason everything went so horribly, horribly wrong. This was the place I never wanted to see again. This was the place I wanted to forget. This was the place I couldn't forget.

I'm not sure how long I lay there--it felt like hours... days even. The cold had long since seeped through my clothing and had numbed my body. I'm back, was the thought that echoed through my head the whole time. I'm back. I'm back. Like a chant, it repeated. I'm back. I'm back... I'm... back... I'm back... where Celestia is... I thought it, and it stuck. Celestia was in that world. Celestia was accessible. Celestia, who was responsible for everything that happened... was there with me.

I sat up slowly, the action sending pins and needles throughout my body. All it would take was the push of a button. Just a single finger movement, and everything would be set right. It would be slow, painful... Yes... there will be blood. I smiled. The first legitimate smile for months. "Yes..."

That's when I heard the crunching of snow behind me. It was loud, and it sounded as if more than one body was moving. "Yes," I said slowly, turning to face the sound. Three silhouettes were slowly approaching me. Three pony shaped silhouettes. One of them had a horn, I could tell. The other two were large and bulky. So, two normal ponies and a unicorn.

However as they came close enough to see, what I saw was not a unicorn and two earth ponies. What I saw was a horned pony, tall and built with enough muscles to rival a body builder with dark grey armor covering his body, hooves and face, flanked by two huge... creatures. The things looked like ponies, but made entirely of some kind of black crystalline substance, filled with swirling black smoke, and with black, beating hearts in their chests. The actual pony seemed to really see me about the same time I saw him. He looked surprised, but nothing more as he looked me up and down. Finally, he lit his red, curved horn and filled the area with a pale red light. "What are you?" he asked, his voice low and rough, but with a slightly pompous tone.

I smiled at the strange pony in front of me. "I'm the one that's going to turn this planet's surface to glass," I said calmly, almost eerily. I held my right hand out, then gripped the handle of a large machete. The same machete I had used the first time I had been here.

He saw it in my hand. I could tell by his widening eyes.

"You're first," I told him. Then it happened. I surged forward and swung my blade upwards at the same time. I've never moved that fast before. It was like blinking in slow motion. One second I was standing, then I was in front of him, warm blood spraying my chest and face. The cruel blade went right through flesh, bone, and even metal. I looked to the stallion, and what I saw made me smile even wider. His head, from the connection of his neck, was cleaved messily in half vertically. I could see the edges of bones, the red meat of his head, and his brain, still twitching as the last drops of blood spurted out of it. With a wet thump of flesh and a crunch of snow, the stallion's body flopped to the side, leaving only the two large crystal creatures left.

With an unnatural mix of a roar and a screech, the two beasts charged me at once. When they roared, a dark fire burst from their mouths full of sharp crystal teeth, like an open furnace, and their eye sockets held a blood-colored fire. They moved fast, with their bodies rippling like black water as they charge at me.

I couldn't help but laugh at the poor, helpless creatures in front of me. With a flick of my wrist, the machete was transformed. No longer was the mangled blade there, but instead a vicious sword, made from the bumper of a car and a bent tailpipe. With two hands I gripped the sword and pulled it back. I briefly thought about playing with them, but decided against it. I would have plenty of time for that when I got to Celestia.

The crystal creatures let out a furious roar, once again bellowing out those dark flames and showing off those deadly teeth. They were almost upon me, and they were preparing to tear into me with those teeth of theirs.

I swung the sword as hard as I could. What I didn't count on was the crystal they were made of to be hard. The sword did hit them hard, slicing through the front legs of one of them, but only cracking a single leg of the other. I had to jump back to avoid the two of them crashing into me.

The beast with no front legs landed with a crash on its side in the snow, immobile. The second one though, was still very much able to attack, and so it did. It lunged at me, teeth gnashing and flames spouting forth.

I avoided the thing, but just barely. It was faster than I thought possible, it being made of crystal and all. But as fast and big as it was, it was clumsy, especially with a cracked leg. I kept dodging until I saw an opening for attack. When I did, I took it.

It was chasing me relentlessly, biting and lunging at me despite it's nearly broken leg. This went on for almost a full minute before it finally made a mistake. The leg was getting more and more cracked with every lunge, and as it overshot a bite directed at my throat, the leg split right down the side and made it stumble. That's when I moved.

I watched the thing stumble to the side and I knew that this was my chance. I pushed my advantage and got well within biting distance. But before it could do anything to stop me I shot out my leg and kicked the breaking leg as hard as I could. It shattered. I watched the creature fall on its side with a how of pain, and I raised my sword.

It turned its head to looked at me, just as the sword was raised.

I looked into its eyes. "You're next." I swung downward. Hard. The bumper sword went into its neck, nearly going all the way through. I heard it squeal in agony and try to stand back up, or crawl away to save itself, but the sword was stuck, and it wasn't going anywhere. As the seconds ticked by, the thing's struggles got weaker and weaker, until they completely stopped.

I laughed. Loud and wholeheartedly. The first laugh for months. Still chuckling to myself I slowly made my way over to where the second creature was laying in the snow. It was letting out a quiet sound, much like a whimper as I approached it. I looked at the creature, a sneer on my face. "This is your own fault, y'know," I told it. "You could have just run away. But no, you had to be a dick. You just had to attack me."

It turned its head weakly, the dark smoke inside of it leaking from its mouth--as well as its butchered legs after I noticed it was bleeding the stuff. It whimpered at me pitifully, the blood red fire in its eyes now a light blue color.

I snorted at the thing. "You'll get no mercy from me." With that I hefted the weight of a large sledgehammer into my hands.

The thing let out a pleading whimper, as if begging me not to.

I sneered a little bit more. "Don't worry," I said. I watched it make an attempt to get away but ultimately fail, then, with malicious intent, I raised the hammer over my shoulder. "It'll be quick." I then brought down the hammer directly on its side, caving it in with ease.

It let out a bark of agony as it happened, but was soon silenced by the smokey blood gurgling out of its mouth. For a few seconds, it twisted and writhed, but soon died.

I pulled the hammer out and inspected the head of it. A good amount of the smokey blood seemed to be dripping from it, if that was even possible, for smoke to drip. Curiously, I put my hand into the stuff and was surprised to feel nothing but an cool, airy wetness, despite it covering my hand. Still curious, I raised my smoke covered hand to my face and sniffed it, wanted to know what smoke blood smelled like. I soon found out that that was a mistake. The second the black smoke entered my nose I was assaulted by a tremendous headache. Images of... something, flashed inside of my head. A kingdom, magnificent and prosperous, a mare, strong and beautiful, of... something... a disaster... ponies weren't happy anymore, they were in chains, enslaved... The mare was... something was different.

Then, as soon as they were there, they were gone, and all that was left was my headache. I growled angrily at the pain and shook my head to clear the spots. I went to wipe the dark smoke blood from my hand, but only saw a black stain on my skin instead. I shrugged and assumed it had all dripped off. I stepped away from the dead crystal monster, moving out of a thick pool of the smoke blood that was seeping through my pant legs, staining them in doing so, and attempted to make out some kind of direction. Unfortunately I had gotten rid of my admin mods, so I had no power other than the basic spawning of items, so I could neither noclip nor teleport away from this frozen wasteland to get to my target. I was thinking about this when I heard more movement in the blizzard.

Voices. Four or five at least, calling out for somebody.

I answered. "Who's there?!" I shouted over the blizzard.

The voices got louder, and one of them shouted back. "It's the royal guard!" shouted a mare. Soon after, half a dozen ponies--real ponies this time--emerged from the blizzard. It took them a few seconds to really see me, but once they did...

I smiled at them, showing all my teeth as I hefted my large sledgehammer over my shoulder and nodded a greeting. "Howdy there, kids. Could one o' y'all point me in the direction of Canterlot?"

Conspiracy

The silence could be felt. Even the blizzard seemed to shut up for a few seconds after I spoke. The eyes of the ponies in front of me, wide and unsure, were glued onto me. Their shock at seeing me nearly made me laugh, but I controlled myself. "So, Canterlot?" I tried. "Which way is it?"

The rather large mare--that also seemed to sparkle in the snow, I might add--at the front of the party shook her head quickly, trading her shocked expression for one of suspicion. "Just what exactly are you? And why do you need to get to Canterlot?" she asked, a sharp edge to her voice.

With a roll of my eyes and a scowl directed at her, I said, "It's always the same thing with you ponies: 'what are you?', 'why are you holding a sledgehammer?', 'why are you doing this?'..." I shook my head tiredly. "Really, don't you ever come up with anything new?"

I guessed that she narrowed her eyes, but it was tough to see through the blizzard. "Let me rephrase that. Tell me what your business is in Canterlot, or I'll arrest you on suspicion of conspiracy."

I decided then that I didn't like her. Not one bit. "That's none of your fucking business, G.I. Jane. Just tell me which way to go and I won't have to bludgeon it out of you." That did it.

She said in a lowered voice, "Cuff him."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Kinky."

Normally in this situation I would have avoided capture at any cost. But wandering around through a blizzard in a frozen wasteland wasn't exactly ideal for me, and I figured that somebody could give me the information I needed at... wherever it was they were taking me.

The walk was long, made longer by the wind whipping my face and probably blistering my skin. For nearly an hour we walked through the snow--well, I walked, they were chest deep in it so it was more of a hobble for them. But after all that walking, we made it to what looked like an old and abandoned shack, set in the middle of nowhere. There was barely a roof left, the walls were tattered and hole-ridden, and the door was only being held on by one busted hinge at the top.

The leader of our little troop, First Sergeant Snow Shield--she had introduced herself while bucking me in the chest after I made a smart remark about myself, her, the handcuffs, and a riding crop--stepped ahead of us and knocked on the shack's door in a certain rhythm, then opened the door and walked inside.

One of the stallions--also very sparkly--pushed me forward with the pointy end of a short spear. "Inside, prisoner. It's freezing out here..."

I looked back at him. "Inside that thing?" I asked incredulously.

He nodded.

I looked back to the shack. Then back to him. "Are you serious? That thing's not big enough for half of us." I was quickly prodded forward again with an angry growl. "Fine, whatever you say..." I made a mental note to kill him later as I walked through the little door into the dingy little--"Holy shit it's a fucking castle!"

And it was. Well, a modest one, but still no less impressive. There were four stone towers connected by high walls that made the perimeter, and surrounding that was a trench filled with sharp pikes made from long wooden poles. The only crossing was a drawbridge, leading to a barred metal gate that was raised just enough to let us pass. Inside the walls was much more interesting. Large buildings made up almost the entire right side of the place, and I could only assume that that was where the ponies slept. In the middle of the courtyard was a large platform, around which were hundreds of ponies--also sparkly--doing push ups, crunches, running in place, and other kinds of exercises. In the far left corner was a dirt circle with a wooden fence around it containing ponies--again, also sparkly--with wooden weapons fighting each other. As I looked around I saw ponies everywhere; some in armor, others in simple clothing, other bare, but all of them sparkly. Some were carrying weapons, others were at a large well filling buckets with water or washing out pots and pans, and there were quite a lot of them chatting and smiling and laughing with each other.

Although as I was walked through the place, more and more of them stopped what they were doing to stare at us, or more precisely, me. I noticed that some of them were whispering to each other, and others' eyes went wide and their jaws dropped.

I looked around me, at all of them. Staring. With their enormous eyes. Staring. Staring... As I passed close to one of them, I growled and tried to bite him. I missed by an inch, fortunately, as I would have bitten into his helmet.

"Hey!" the sparkly stallion with the spear yelled, pulling me away from the sparkly soldier I tried to bite. "Behave or you'll regret it!"

I stopped walking, slowly turning to face him. I stared right into his eyes. "I'm going to boil you alive until all of your skin is gone, then I'm going to chop you up, cook you, and force your family to eat you." I said the whole thing without blinking, flinching, or showing any emotion at all.

His face went from the light blue of his coat to white, his eyes rolled back into his head, and he fell over on his side, unconscious. He fainted from fright.

As the stallion twitched on the ground, I calmly continued to follow the Sergeant through the castle yard. I chuckled inwardly as the sparkly ponies backed away as I approached them from then on. We walked to what looked like the second largest building inside of the castle walls, a mainly wooden structure with three floors, many windows, and a large double door. It was through the large double door that we--only the Sergeant and I, as the others decided to wait outside--walked through. We walked past a reception desk with an older mare behind it, into the next room, up two flights of stairs, and down a short hallway. As we reached the end, we entered a small wooden door leading to a rather unimpressive office. A simple desk, a small bookcase, and a few maps along the walls.

The Sergeant looked at me with a glare. "Stay here and behave," she warned.

I scowled at her. "Make me," I challenged.

She matched my scowl with one of her own, then kicked me in the knee. Hard. She went from scowl to glare as she saw me fall to my knees and snorted at me in disgust. She then disappeared behind a curtain that I just now noticed behind the desk.

I remained there on my knees, biting my lip at how much my leg hurt. "That bitch is next," I muttered to myself. "Let's see her kick me when I tear her legs off. She's next, right after that fucker with the spear." My threats were cut short by the curtain moving once more, revealing the Sergeant and another pony, a not-sparkly stallion wearing very regal armor. He was pure white with bright blue eyes and a thick blue mane. He was also very large, as ponies go. Though even on my knees I was still a few inches taller than him.

He stared at me, seemingly in an awed state. His eyes wide, and focused solely on me. "I can't believe it," he whispered to nobody in particular. He stared at me for a long time like this, occasionally muttering something like not believing it, and a sign of fortune. It took a long while for him to calm down, and once he did he started speaking clearly. "Sergeant, you said you found him on the border of the Dark Zone?" he asked.

She responded with a brisk, "Yes sir."

He stared at me some more. Then some more. Then, finally, he seemed to notice that I was on my knees with handcuffs on. He blinked in surprise. "Sergeant, take those hoofcuffs off immediately!" he ordered in a panicked voice. "Don't you know who this is?!"

The Sergeant looked from the large stallion to me. She stared at me, long and hard, like I was a puzzle she needed to solve. It felt like a long time before she moved, her eyes slowly widening with every second, until they were nearly bugging out of her skull. "By the Sun and the Moon!" she shouted. "It's him!"

The stallion in front of me turned to face her, glaring. "I know it's him Sergeant!" he scolded her. "So take those cuffs off!"

She nodded jerkily, moving forward in a flash and removing the cuffs from my wrists.

I stood slowly, not sure what exactly was going on. I was glad the cuffs were off and I had circulation in my hands again, but I was even more suspicious that these ponies I'd never met before knew me. Not just knew me, but seemed to be awed by me. "About damn time," I muttered, rubbing the feeling back into my wrists and eyeing them with suspicion.

"You're him, are't you?" the stallion asked, a broad smile on his face and a hopeful gleam in his eyes.

I looked at him. "I don't know what you're talking about," I told him. "Whoever you think I am, trust me, I'm not. I'm just trying to get to Canterlot."

"To get back home, right?" The stallion asked, his voice excited.

I looked at him, my suspicion growing. "To see Celestia," I corrected him. How did he know about my home? How did he know me? The questions rang inside my skull like a bad headache.

"You're the one who saved Canterlot from the Changeling invasion," the Sergeant said. "You coordinated the attack, and fought off over ten thousand Changelings with only a small device that shot metal from it. You and your companion, the one called Viking fought off the entire invasion by yourselves and saved Canterlot."

The stallion laughed heartily. "Probably all of Equestria even!" he added with gusto.

I looked between them, my mind a pool of confusion, suspicion and more confusion. "So... you've heard of me?" I received nods from both of them. "So, you know what'll happen if I'm here to long?" Again, I got nods. "So can you tell me how to get to Canterlot?"

Their faces fell. "So you weren't sent to help us?" The stallion asked despairingly. "You aren't our reinforcements?"

"No, don't any of you idiots listen? I just need to get to Canterlot," I told them angrily, repeating myself for what felt like the millionth time. "Can you just give me some damn directions?!"

The Sergeant spoke up, her voice tight and standoffish. "No, we cannot give you directions to Canterlot, sir." She looked at me like I'd just murdered her family.

I scowled at her. "Why not?!" I yelled loudly.

She met me with a scowl of her own. "Because we're not in the same dimension."

Side Quests

I looked at the mare Sergeant, my eyes narrowed dangerously. "What the hell does that mean?" I asked in growling whisper. My head was beginning to hurt, and I was one annoying word away from turning this mare inside out. "My house is in a different dimension. My dog is in a different dimension. How are we in a different dimension from Canterlot?!"

The mare recoiled from my screaming. "I'd heard you had a bad temper, but this is ridiculous..." she muttered, just loud enough for me to hear.

That did it. "I don't have a bad temper damn you!" I screamed at her. "I'm perfectly fucking calm, you horse-faced, cunt eating, whorish bitch!"

That did it. Her eyes darkened and her coat got significantly less sparkly. "What did you just call me, you foul mouthed little parasite?!" she screamed at me, even louder than I had screamed at her. "I could have left you out there in that blizzard to freeze to death, y'know! But I chose to burden myself with you, just to save your miserable life!"

At this point, the stallion, who I guessed was in change there, stepped in. "That's enough out of both of you!" he yelled, louder than both of us.

Both of us ignored him, favoring to further insult each other.

"Loud mouthed bitch!" I screamed at her.

"Arrogant buffoon!" she screamed back at me.

"Ugly tramp!"

"Stupid monkey!"

"Long-faced slut!"

"Flat-faced idiot!"

"Nagging bitch!"

"Ignorant fool!"

"Rug muncher!"

"Sheath eater!"

"Bitch!"

"Loser!"

"Cunt!"

"Idiot!"

Then, in perfect unison, "You are the most stupid person I've ever met!" we both screamed at each other, loud enough to make the room vibrate.

She chuckled humorlessly. "You can't even use your own insults? How pathetic."

I snorted at her. "I was just about to say the same thing, dike."

She sneered at me. "Case in point," she said mockingly.

And that was when I completely lost it. Without thinking, I curled my hand into a fist and swung at her as hard as I could. I missed. Badly. She was a trained soldier, and easily dodged my swing. I was angry and not paying attention. That building had a lot of windows. Gravity's a bitch.

I swung so hard I wasn't able to stop myself when she wove out of the way, so I stumbled forward, tripped over my own foot, and fell face first out of the window overlooking the large yard inside the castle. "You bitch," I said, my mind reeling from the realization of imminent pain. The ground came up quickly, like everything was moving in fast forward. The there was a loud thud, multiple crunches and snaps, and a loud screaming that resembled one of the most vulgar insults known to mankind.

I was sitting on a recliner in a small white room, devoid of anything other than myself, the recliner, a lamp, and the book I was holding. The recliner was comfortable, and the atmosphere of the room was relaxing. I felt... at ease. Something I haven't felt in a long time.

I opened the book and began to read. It was in some kind of cryptic language, but I could still understand it. The first few pages were incredibly interesting, having to do with some long-lost civilization, and a royal family. In particular, the princess of that family.

There was a knock at the door.

I opened my eyes and saw everything in red. Pain was my existence. I could feel blood seeping from places that I didn't even know I had. I faintly heard frenzied voices around me. Panic. Pain. The thudding in my ears. The screaming in my head.

I sat up and the pain increased tenfold. More crunches in my body, and what felt like an organ rupturing. I looked around and saw countless ponies surrounding me, among which was the Sergeant and the stallion from the office. Pain was replaced by anger. Anger was replaced by hatred. I stood, hearing more crunches and tears from my body, as well as multiple gasps and protests from the crowd of ponies. I spawned a health pack in my hand, receiving more gasps from the crowd. I injected it into my neck and a lance of pain went through me, though almost instantaneously, the pain faded away, the bones knitted back together, the skin was sewn, and the blood was absorbed. The sounds it made were... unpleasant, to listen to. The crunching and snapping and ripping and squelching and squishing... I saw multiple ponies vomit.

As the last injury healed itself, I pointed at the Sergeant, a malicious scowl on my face. "I don't like you."

The stallion nodded slowly, an awed and somewhat sick look on his face. "Yep, you're him alright."

I held my hand out and spawned myself a large, deadly looking broadsword. The blade itself was bigger than any of the ponies present, but it felt weightless in my hands as I advanced on the Sergeant. "I'm going to kill every single one of you little shit stains, starting with you!" However that didn't happen. A sudden spike of pain went through my skull, forcing a scream from me and bringing me to my knees. Blood began to pour from my nose, and I could feel bile rising from my stomach. With a loud belch, I emptied my stomach all over the ground in front of me. As I looked at the pool of blood and bile beneath me, I could see what I thought was my lunch from two days ago, as well as a few tiny black specks of something that looked strange, and I couldn't place what exactly they were. Possibly food dye, or some kind of chemical.

I looked up at the Sergeant. "I'll kill you as soon as the world stops spinning." Then I threw up some more.

The regal stallion from the office approached me, but not too closely. "Until then, would you like some coffee to wash the taste out?" he offered.

I nodded. Then I threw up some more.

Four hours, more vomiting, lots of coffee and a long, long conversation later, I was sitting in the mess hall with a tankard of ale in front of me. I had a long talk with the stallion, who had introduced himself as Shining Armor, Captain of the Crystal Guard and prince of the Crystal Empire, though I simply called him Shining. Between mugs of hot coffee--black, because only pussies put cream in their coffee--Shining, Snow and I held a conference at a secluded table in the corner at the mess hall. The news was... not what I was hoping.

According to them, the entire world was gone. Not destroyed, but simply... gone. Where we were was some kind of pocket dimension outside of their own dimension. In a place where reality wasn't aware that it existed. They've tried to get home, but the scouts they sent out to find a way back never returned. The only explanations were that they were lost to the blizzard, or that they were taken.

Apparently, something was out there. The Sergeant, Snow Shield described it as "a giant black cloud of evil and death". She was, among very few others, the only living witnesses to what befell the Crystal Kingdom. "It was like a tidal wave of black smoke," she said. "Everything it touched was consumed in darkness, and everypony was..." She didn't tell me what happened to the ponies, but I could tell it was bad from the look in her eyes. "The princess was just barely able to create the portal before it swallowed the whole city. The ones you see here are the only ponies that made it."

Traders. Shopkeepers. Accountants. Repair ponies. Janitors. These are the kind of ponies that made it, as nearly every soldier they had was consumed by the black smoke trying to defend the civilians while they escaped. An army of peasants, against a giant malevolent entity that wants to kill or consume them all. They numbered just barely five hundred, and the enemy was seemingly infinite, in both power and the ability to kill. The crystal beasts that I had fought upon first arriving were the creations of the entity. The evil entity, Umbra they called it, was also the reason I wasn't able to get to Celestia to get revenge. That was a problem. A very big problem.

I lifted my tankard up, draining it for the dozenth time since I'd been sitting there. For the last half hour, I'd been thinking of solutions, trying to find out a way to get to Canterlot as quickly as possible. But at the end of every idea, the same thing kept popping up. No matter what course of action I decided on, it always led back to the same thing. "I guess it's just gotta happen then," I said to myself.

A pony made itself known next to me. It was Shining. I hadn't noticed him until then. "What's that?" he asked, taking a drink from a mug.

I raised my refilled tankard to my mouth, drinking the entirety of it. I slammed the wooden thing down on the counter and looked to the Captain. "I need to get to Celestia," I said.

He nodded slowly, his brows knitted together. "You've said that before. But you know you can't get out as long as Umbra's controlling this place?"

I nodded, fully turning to face him. "That's why I'm going to kill it."

Training

"This is it?" I looked upon the large field surrounding the raised platform I had seen earlier. No more than three hundred mares and stallions were in the field training to fight. The rest of them were either too weak to fight, or too young to fight and were given menial tasks like cooking and cleaning. "When you said there were five hundred of you, I assumed you meant five hundred soldiers. Not three hundred soldiers and two hundred useless bodies."

"Two hundred forty three," Shining said.

I looked at him with a raised brow.

"We have two hundred and forty three able bodied fighters. The rest are either cooking, cleaning, or tending to the weapons." He looked up at me, a hopeful gleam in his eyes. "Do you think that's enough to fight?"

I snorted. "Yeah, that's enough to fight. As long as you don't mind being buried in a shoe box." It was true. If there was an army of those crystal beasts out there waiting for these ponies... Well, it would be over quickly. "You'll be slaughtered like pigs. Two of those things gave me a hard time, and if what you said is true, then there's a whole lot more than two of them out there." I shook my head. "Yes, they can fight. But you'll be lucky to last ten minutes against an enemy like those crystally bastards."

Shining hung is head, frowning. "Oh... I see..."

I shook my head again. "If you want them to fight, and win... I might be able to help." I could, but it wouldn't be for free.

He looked back up at me, his eyes wide and hopeful. "You can?! That would be great! I'll do anything, anything at all! Just name it!"

I looked from him to the field of ponies. "I'll train them... But it has to be my way. That means no interruptions, no breaks, no interference from you or anybody else." I scanned the crowd of them, looking for a certain something. I wasn't sure what it was I was looking for, but I knew I'd know what it was when I found it.

Shining agreed wholeheartedly. "Yes, of course! Anything you have to teach us will be invaluable."

I continued scanning the crowd of ponies. Many of them were almost painful to watch. But some of them... Some of them showed potential. Finally, my gaze settled on a pair of ponies dueling; a small pink mare, and an overly-large orange stallion. Every time he swung, she jumped back, then lunged forward to strike at his legs and cause him to stumble. Once stunned, she would give him a good thwack to the head with her wooden sword. She was fast, accurate, and she had a look in her eyes like she enjoyed thwacking him.

I nodded, making my decision. "Let's go see what we have to work with here," I muttered to myself. Leaving behind a puzzled Shining Armor, I began walking through the crowd of training ponies towards the one I had locked in my sights. She was small, even by pony standards. She'd barely clear an average pony's shoulders, in fact. She was a light, pretty pink color, and had a tail and mane of sandy gold. Her eyes though... They were a vivid green, piercing, and narrowed dangerously. They shone like a blazing fire was lit inside of her. Fittingly enough, her mark was a blazing green patch of fire. As I approached her, the ponies I passed either stopped what they were doing to gape, or backed away with their heads low and their eyes to the ground. They formed a path straight to her. Some had looks of worry on their faces, others of flat out fear.

She didn't even notice me as I approached she was so intensely focused on walloping the stallion dueling with her. It wasn't until the eyes of the stallion locked on me and widened did she stop, a questioning look on her face.

I stopped, not two feet from her. "What's your name?" I asked her, my sudden question breaking her concentration making her jump.

She turned quickly to face me, her eyes widening and the wooden sword falling from her agape mouth. "M- m- my... My name?" she said.

I narrowed my eyes at the little mare. "Did I stutter?" I growled at her. "What's your name?"

"Ember," she answered, still staring wide eyed at me.

I frowned at that. "Your name's Ember? That seems a bit... generic."

"W- well," she stuttered, "My full name's Emerald Blaze, but my friends call me Ember," she explained, still openly staring at me.

I leaned down close to her. "I'm not your friend, Emerald Blaze. I'm the one that you'll be having nightmare's about for the rest of your life, and the one that's going to turn your sorry ass into a real soldier." I scowled at her, looking her up and down. "That's not going to be easy with you being so small and flimsy, but with enough training, you might be able to lift a real sword." I sneered at her then. "Eventually."

The fire was lit. Her eyes narrowed again and she glared at me as if she'd like to thwack me with that wooden sword. "Excuse me?!" she yelled, taking a threatening step towards me. "Nopony talks to me like that! Not my friends, not my family, and by the Sun and Moon, especially not you!" She took another step, bumping her nose against mine. "Do you understand me?!"

I stared into her eyes. They were like blazing infernos of green. Anger and pride, both of equal amounts fueled that fire that threatened to burn me. "If you think you're soldier material, meet me in the sparring circle. I'll give you ten minutes."

She glared even harder. "I'll be there in two."

We were standing in the small dirt circle that I had seen when I first walked through the gates. It was nothing more than a patch of dirt with a rickety fence around it, but it would serve my purposes well enough. The entire training field was watching, along with probably the rest of the castle's occupants. Word seemed to travel fast in that place.

She was wearing a thick padded jerkin, with matching leggings and headgear. Her weapon was a wooden longsword made of a hard, dark oak, holding it in her teeth. Her expression was fierce, and she was standing ready, her legs wide and her head low.

I was wearing a black, long-sleeved T-shirt, brownish pants, and brown work boots--everything the LEET playermodel from CS:S wears, minus the glasses and ear piece. I was using a dark oaken longsword as well, though in comparison it was more of a dagger for me. I was smiling lazily and standing sidelong. "Are you ready to fight?" I asked.

She snorted, making clouds in the dust. "Sure. Are you ready to lose?" she threatened around the sword.

I raised a brow. "After this, want to go back to your place? I could show you how to really use a sword, if you know what I mean." I chuckled as I saw the rage behind her eyes. "By sword I mean my penis."

With a savage growl, she charged at me. She moved fast. Faster than she did with the stallion in the field. She was upon me almost instantly, drawing back her sword for a swing at my legs.

I saw the swing coming before she even made it. With ease, I stopped her sword with my own, making a loud clank of wood striking wood. "That's all you have?" I asked, twisting my blade away from hers and rapping the flat of it sharply against the top of her head. "I thought I was going to lose?"

She snarled in anger, striking at me again and again, but every time her blade was deflected by my own and she would receive a thump to the head. She swung low, she swung high, she swung hard and soft, fast and slow, but every time I stopped her with a simple flick of my wrist. After nearly ten minutes, she roared in anger and threw her sword away and tried to tackle me.

I followed suit, dropping my sword and countering her tackle by grabbing her by the front hooves, holding her still--until I was kicked in the stomach and dropped her, that is. All I saw was a blur of pink, then I felt a hoof connect with my face and I was sent tumbling backwards. I rolled for a few seconds before hitting the fence. I pushed myself up, casually brushing off the dirt that coated my clothes. "If I wanted a kiss, I would have just gone to your mother." Then I saw something that made me think I had just said the wrong thing.

Her body tensed, and her eyes were focused on me with murderous intent. She rushed me, to my eyes little more than a pink blur that sounded like furious screaming. She rammed her shoulder into me, slamming me back into the fence, but luckily I was able to dodge the hoof that came after, as it had the force to shatter the wooden boards where my head had just been.

I was back on my feet, dodging and countering attacks left and right and front and center. I was wrong: this mare was small, yes, however she was anything but flimsy. I blocked most of her attacks, but some still got through and I was beginning to feel them. By then I had already learned all I needed to know, and it was time to end the fight.

I slapped away her hooves, jumping back to give myself room. I had half a second, but that was more than enough. I pulled back my right hand and balled it into a fist so hard my knuckles cracked. Then, kicking off the ground I dashed forward, at the same time throwing my fist forward as hard as I could. I almost felt bad for the little mare.

She saw it coming. I know she had to have her eyes were so wide. But she couldn't move quick enough to get out of the way. Her head snapped back at a sickening angle and her body flew backwards, smashed straight through the fence of the sparring ring, and plowed right into the crowd, knocking a dozen ponies over with her momentum. She lay there on the ground, unmoving.

I righted myself from the hunched position I was in after the punch, cracking my back and neck loudly. "Thick skulled, that one..." I muttered as I made my way to where she lay. The crystal ponies--as I learned they were called--moved from my path to Emerald's body, silently staring with eyes full of shock, and some of fear. I stood over her body, a frown on my face. "I know you can hear me," I said accusingly. "Get up."

She groaned, barely stirring.

I scowled at her. I reached down and grabbed her shoulder. "I said, get-" then I was grabbed and karate thrown over her own body, and face first into the ground. I rolled once and stopped on my back with her standing over me with a smirk on her face.

"Got anything smart to say now?" she teased.

I stared into her emerald eyes and saw the raging fire no longer, but a victorious light shining. "Congratulations," I said, "you're my new second in command.

After spending a short time explaining what I meant and why I had fought her in the first place, I had begun to explain what I had in mind for her and all the other ponies I would train. "After I'm done with you, you'll be one of the most deadly forces on the planet; You're going to be the ones who start the battle, and the ones who end it," I explained. "If you want to fight something that can take out a whole city in a matter of minutes, you need to be ready for a fight to the death. Evil entities usually don't show mercy, and living through a single attack is a feat that is severely under appreciated. Going through this training will see you through your first battle, and many more after that. And if you want to beat whatever the hell that thing out there is, you're going to need to survive a few battles."

At first, she was hesitant. "So I'd be leading everypony into battle?" she asked. "That's... a lot of responsibility..."

Then I told her that besides Shining Armor and myself, she could make anyone do anything she wanted with her position.

She had smiled so widely that all of her teeth were showing. Though "smiling" may not have been the correct term. "Demented grin" would have fit her expression far better. "I'll do it," she said, though how she said it... "Everypony! As new leader of the Crystal Army, I command all of you to call me... uhm... Oh, I know!" She cleared her throat. "I command all of you to call me 'Commander Emerald Blaze, Leader of the Crystal Ponies and the Most Amazing Pony That Ever Lived'!" She then began cackling like a lunatic, and I could have sword I heard the crash of thunder somewhere.

As I looked upon the madmare cackling away like a... well, like a madmare, and the horrified faces of every pony on the field, I couldn't help but think... that I couldn't have possibly picked a better pony to lead them. I noticed a presence come up next to me. "She's a good fit, don't you agree?"

Shining coughed awkwardly as he shuffled his hooves. "Erm... I know I said you could train them however you wanted... but..." Another cough, louder this time. "Don't you think she's a little... off?"

I thought about it. I thought about her being "off" as I watched her grab a stallion by the neck and throttle him for some unknown reason, then stand on his unconscious body and strike a pose. I cracked a smile as I heard her victorious cackles of joy. "I think she's perfect."

The rest of the day was spent helping my new second, Emerald Blaze, and every other pony that could lift a sword train. When I told them what their first task was, they laughed it off as if I were joking. I wasn't.

"First things first! You need to be able to last long enough in a battle to be able to kill something!" I shouted from the large platform in the center of the training field. "I want each and every one of you to to kit up in full armor with a sword and shield and give me fifty laps around the castle!"

They actually laughed at me. They laughed... at me. They... laughed... at me!

It was at that point that I summoned my large broadsword again. "Those who won't run don't need legs!" I snarled at them. "And those that laugh at their instructor don't need tongues!" I leaned over the railing, practically foaming at the mouth, my left eye twitching violently. "You will RUN, or you will BE MY DINNER!!!!" I raged at them. "SO RUN!!!!!!" I bellowed, throwing my broadsword at the nearest pony and nearly taking his head off. "GO NOW!!!!!"

They ran. They ran fast.

With an angry and a somewhat bestial growl, I turned away from the sprinting ponies, and to the cowering ones that were on the platform with me. "Now for you lot." There were five of them: Emerald Blaze, Shining, Sergeant "Bitch-Face" Snow, A stallion named Twitchy, and a mare that goes by Stone Hammer.

The stallion was a short, lanky, yellow little freak with only half a face thanks to the evil death cloud. True to his name, if he wasn't twitching, he was either spasming or writhing on the ground complaining about the pain in his face. He looked more at home in a bathtub full of meth and heroin than on the front lines, but Emerald said he had what it took. He had wild eyes, and was quick to shout what he thought about a situation, rather than use a normal tone. I didn't like him.

The mare was definitely a fighter. A short coat of coarse, dark greyish-red fur; a cropped mane of charcoal black; a tail cut short, not by a barber, but a blade; eyes like the fires of a forge; and a body built like a mountain. She was, by far, the largest mare I'd ever seen in my time in Equestria. She had worked in a forge before the death cloud nearly took her, and I could easily tell by the muscles hinting just beneath her coat. She was loud, mean, overconfident, and had a way of staring down smaller ponies--especially stallions. She was also fascinated with fire, and all things that burned. I could honestly say that I liked her the second I laid eyes on her.

I nodded my approval at the group assembled before me; they were indeed some of the most capable looking ponies I had seen--especially Shining and Stone. "While they're busy, it's time I taught you how to use a blade." I saw Snow open her mouth but cut her off. "Properly, use a blade." With a flick of my wrist I summoned up my broadsword, along with five of the wooden practice swords from the grounds.

Once each of them had one I began. "Shining, Bitch-Face," I started, receiving an angry growl, "I know you can use a blade, but we won't be fighting ponies. We're fighting big crystal monster things that don't go down when you stab them. And I'd bet you anything that they're magical as well." I got a murmur of agreement from them. "You know how to fight just fine, so I'm not going to teach you that. I'm going to teach you how to cheat."

There was a chorus of disagreement at that.

I let them voice their concerns before I continue. "I know how much you little ponies love your innocence and happiness, but in war there's neither of those things. In war it's not who's strongest, or who's nicest, or who has better equipment who wins. It's who's smartest that wins." I let that soak in before I continued. "In every book I've read, and in every movie I've seen, the villain always gets away because he's smarter than the hero, and he's ruthless. So if you think a giant evil entity hell bent on ending your lives is going to play fair then you've already lost this fight."

The five of them said nothing.

"Right then, I'm going to teach you everything in the book, and everything that isn't in case you ever run into somebody else who knows the book. Lesson one: Underhanded tactics. If a plan fails and you're in a corner, this will save your life." I brought my broadsword in front of me, tip down, and leaned on the hilt. "Before we start, do you have any questions?" I asked them.

Shining stepped forward with a nod. "Yes, how will we-" but he got no farther, a sharp pain in his throat cutting off the flow of words. His eyes flitted downwards and locked on the tip of my sword pressing into his throat.

"Rule number seven," I said, "If your target is talking, he isn't focused."

He pulled back slightly with a wince. "What's rule number one?"

"If something can go wrong, it usually will," I told him.

"But what if I've thought of everything?" Snow asked in a mocking voice.

"Rule number two: you've never thought of everything."

She scoffed and shook her head, mumbling something that--if I wasn't mistaken--was quiet insulting.

I looked back to Shining. "Shining, come at me like I'm an enemy. I want to see how you fight." I brought my broadsword up in a protective stance. "Don't hold back."

With a nod, he ignited his horn, holding his practice sword aloft in his magical aura and pointed the tip at me. "Are you sure you don't want me to hold back?" he asked with a frown.

I scowled at him. "Did I tell you to hold back?"

"No," he replied.

My scowl deepened. "Then don't hold back."

He shrugged and charged at me. Just before reaching me he sidestepped, bringing his wooden sword in at me from my left side. Even blocked with the flat of my blade I could feel the power behind it. He would be deadly on a battlefield.

I blocked his first attack easily, but he feigned another swipe and lunged directly at me when I moved to block. I just barely managed, but I parried, knocking his sword to the side. That was the opening I needed for that particular demonstration.

With his sword to my right, I pushed forward and right into him, stumbling him. I quickly grabbed the hilt of his wooden sword and, with the pommel of my broadsword, bashed him in the head right where the horn connected. Then with his wooden practice sword I thwacked him on the head once more. "Congratulations, you just got killed. Because of your death the troops were demoralized, the battle was lost, and over two hundred were killed. A week later, they were slaughtered trying to defend themselves from a counterattack, and the war was lost."

He groaned and rubbed his head, looking at me with disdain. "Was hitting me really necessary?" he complained.

"Pain is the best teacher, shadowed closely by experience." I tossed him his sword and he caught it in his magic. "Now, I'm going to come at you, and I want you to find a way to either trip me up or disarm me without getting too close." I held my broadsword in my hands, tightening my grip until my knuckles cracked. "And no, I'm not going to be holding back."

His eyes widened. "But you have a real sword!"

I nodded slowly. "Yes, so you'd better find a way to disarm me, hadn't you?" I said sarcastically. I crouched low. "Blink!" I shouted at him, causing him to blink. Then I was sprinting forward with the tip of my sword pointed directly at his chest. I only just missed.

He actually managed to tuck and roll, avoiding my blade by the ends of his hair. He brought his wooden practice sword up to block my own, but realized too late that that was a bad idea. My sword went straight through his, and almost through him. With a cry of surprise he jumped back and lit his horn.

I heard a tinkling above my head as I raised my blade. I looked up to see a light purple aura around the end of my sword. I looked back at him. "Magic doesn't affect me, or anything that I make. Just to let you know."

His eyes went to my sword, to me, then back to my sword. "Horse apples." Then he was punted like a football across the platform, landing with a loud thud and an even louder grunt of pain.

With a snort of laughter I began walking towards him. "Give up?" I asked.

"Do you?" he countered.

I raised an eyebrow. "Why would I give up?" I chuckled. "I'm not the one on the ground."

He chuckled back at me. "And I'm not the one with a sword at my neck."

I felt the wooden point jab me then, right in the back of my neck. For a second I stood there, thinking how I could have let that happen. Then, when I couldn't come up with an answer, I laughed. "Good one," I said between laughs. "There may be some hope for you yet!"

Then I became serious. "Now I want all five of you to find a way to fight me and beat me in the same way," I said as I watched Shining rise to his hooves. "The day isn't over yet, and it's time you got your whacks and lumps." There was a groan from Emerald and Twitchy, a chuckle from Shining and Stone, and something that resembled a cat's low pitched snarl from Snow.

I nodded my head, thinking to myself, I definitely found the right ponies to turn into trained killers.

For the next six hours the six of us on the platform practiced without pause. Sometimes one at a time, sometimes in multiples, and sometimes all at once. We practiced disarming an opponent, distracting an opponent, and how one is able to use an opponent's strengths against them, such were the lessons on redirection and redistribution of force and momentum. It was good fun, giving the ponies a proper thrashing. Every time they made a mistake I was quick to correct them with a thwack to the head, or a boot to the ass. It felt oddly satisfying to hurt them--more so than usual. I chalked it up to repressed anger from the last time I was here and forgot about it. It was a long day and I had muscles aching in places that I wasn't sure I even had. I had been given a spot in the wooden tower where Shining and Snow slept, along with a few others that were deemed worthy of having their own rooms instead of sharing a barracks with the other ponies. On the first floor was reception, second floor was where everybody slept, and the third floor was the war room, as well as a small personal armory and bathroom.

I had already used the bathroom--which annoyed Snow because she had nearly thrown up from the smell I left behind--showered, eaten a snack, and was in my sleeping attire. My sleeping attire consisted of a pair of loose boxer shorts and nothing else. So having finished everything I needed to do before sleeping, I was lying in my very undersized cot, my arms and legs hanging over the sides and end respectively, slowly falling asleep. Today was a good day, I thought with a lazy smile on my face as I remembered bloodying Snow's nose with Twitchy's sword.

I stretched and rolled onto my side. I'm still going to kill her after this, I thought, the haze of darkness clouding my tired mind. I'm gonna kill her in the most horrible way possible... I let out a yawn, pulling the mostly-worthless blanket up to my chin. And after that, I'm gonna enslave the entire pony race. Right after I kill that bitch Celestia and her whorish sister Luna.

Another stretch and another yawn. Then... I'll... I stretched again, popping my back into place. "Then once I have Equestria under my thumb I'll torch this entire planet, and make sure that nothing survives!" With a chuckle and a scratch at my chin scruff I reached to my end table that was next to my chair--my amazingly comfy chair--and picked up my book. The cover was faded, and I could barely read it. "Damn thing need a wash," I grumbled, squinting my eyes to attempt to make out the words. "Eh... The something something Dark... something... Not very helpful, but whatever," I said with a shrug and opened the book where I had left off previously.

I was at a part in the book where the young princess was quarreling with her mother over her rights to power. She had discovered that she could do things. Terrible things. Brilliant things, but terrible.

I read with a hunger, consuming the knowledge on the pages, eating up the story within the leather-bound cover. I read for what felt like hours, tearing through the book, hundreds of pages read, and I still craved more of the story. I was at a point in the story where there was a terrible disaster. The family was split up, there was fire, screaming. Somebody was dead.

I read no more, as the knock at the door interrupted the story and broke me of my thrall. "Who the hell could that be...? And at this hour?"

Another knock, louder this time.

I put the book down and pulled myself up out of my chair. With an annoyed grumble I made my way to the door. "I'm coming!" I called to whoever was behind it. "Patience is a virtue y'know!"

As I reached the door I stuck out my hand to grasp the knob... but didn't. Something stopped me. A feeling in the back of my mind, screaming a warning. There was something wrong. I didn't know what, but there was something wrong.

Cautiously, I pressed my hand against the door. It was warm to the touch, and I could feel a gentle rumbling, like a thunderstorm on the horizon. "Who's there?" I called out. I got no reply. "Answer me or I'm not opening the door!" I warned whoever it was.

I thought I heard something, just barely louder than the whisper of wind. Curious, I pressed myself to the door, my ear pressed against the center, straining to hear whatever it was. "Hello?" I called. "Is somebody there?"

Then, smoother than silk, and more burning than ice, "Let me in."

First Encounter

What day was it? Did it matter? No, probably not. How long has it been...? How long have I been here? A week... maybe? Again, I doubt it matters. Where was I? Somewhere at home? No, I haven't been home in at least a week. Anyways, the exact location doesn't matter. But why was I awake so late at night? Was it night...? Oh, it was... Look at that... Well, it doesn't matter. Honestly, nothing really matters any more. Absolutely nothing.

...

But why doesn't it matter? Why was I sitting in a dark room that smelled of ale and stale bread in the middle of the night and not out there doing something? ... Doing... what, exactly...? Why was I here? Well, it doesn't really matter I suppose. Nothing really mattered any more. Nothing except... Wait, what was I going to say? I can't remember... Well, I doubt it mattered anyways; nothing really matters any more.

I lifted a pony sized tankard to my mouth, taking a long drink of the stale ale that it contained. Pony ale... what a joke. It tasted like sour apple cider and had about as much kick in it as a legless child would. I would've had to drink an entire cask to feel anything, and far more than that to actually get myself properly intoxicated. But as much as I'd like to, the ponies would bitch and complain if I did that, and that would make my pounding headache even worse... Oh well. At this point it felt as if a crowbar had been violently placed inside my head and my skull was being pried apart. On top of that I had been throwing up for hours before hiding myself in the storage of ale. On top of that, my insides felt like they were being put through a meat grinder.

I wasn't sure if the pain was from all the bullshit the ponies had been giving me, or from... another reason... The last time it happened after about a week. As of my time in the ale storage, I was fairly certain that I had been in Equestria for over a week. A week, a whole damned week. A whole damn week and not one bit of progress had been made with those idiots in the field. Emerald and Stone and the others were doing great (they even managed to best me a few times!), but those degenerates that made up the general populace of that damnable castle. Those filthy, no good, little plebeians! I'll show them what fear is! Real fear! Those dirty little horses! They don't even know what I've given them! They don't realize that I did it for their own good! That I... did what for their own good, exactly?

I scratched at the back of my head, both in confusion and to relieve a slight buzzing sensation that had been growing there. Why was I screaming at them in my head? I shrugged, saying to myself, "Stupid ponies. The idiots have me talking to myself." I snarled at the tankard in my hands. "I bet they aren't even taking this seriously... They think that because their world is made of sunshine and happiness and rainbow flavored farts that everything'll work out just dandy for 'em. Well," I said taking a deep breath, "I'll be the one laughing when they're all dead and gone. That way, it'll be just me and Celestia... And I can hurt her. Hurt her as much as she hurt me..." My hands clenched the tankard so hard it began to crack. "She did this to me. She made me go to that damn city; made me go through all of that. Then she made me-" I shook my head, scratching again at the buzzing that was getting worse by the second. "Why am I even talking about it?" I growled to myself. "That bitch'll get hers. Probably a giant pole, fresh out of the fire and red hot shoved up her pompous ass." I thought about that. I pictured what it would look like from a third person perspective. It was funny. It was funny enough to make me laugh loud and hard enough to hurt my throat and further my headache. But I didn't care, I was enjoying the picture, and by every pagan god I didn't believe in, I was going to have that moment.

"I'll tie her to the ceiling by her wings," I started to myself. "No no no, not the ceiling. I'll tie the pole to the floor and her wings to the wall. When she tries to get away from the poll, she be ripping her own wings off! Yes! And her hooves will be submerged in acid! Oh-ho-ho, yes... Acid'll do nicely. Nothing too strong though, I want her to feel it burning slow and painful. Then when she has no legs, I'll pry her rib cage open with a crowbar and pour gas in her guts. Then I'll lite her on fire, and she'll scream and scream and scream until her throat melts closed and her skin peels off and... and... an-..."

I put a hand to the back of my head, placing it over the almost-burning feeling at the base of my skull. As I touched the spot I felt calmer. I could feel a cooling wave go through my hand and work its way through my body. I kept my hand there, gently rubbing the spot as the soothing waves took away the pain I was feeling. Both physically and otherwise.

My head softly hit the wood of the table I was sitting at. I took in a shaky breath and sniffed in an attempt to fight the burning behind my eyes. "That bitch... That... ugly, stuck-up, self-righteous bitch..." I took in another shaking breath. "I don't care if I died. I would have died happy. I was finally... I was finally... I..." I saw myself, smiling next to her. "I was happy... Why did she have to take that away from me?"

I heard voices outside. They were saying something about something coming. One of them sounded familiar, but I didn't care. I didn't care about anything. Nothing except making Celestia suffer. Suffer and die. In that order. I felt a strong soothing wave pass through me as I thought that.

I smiled to myself a little ruefully. "It's fucked up that I only feel good when I'm thinking about really dark things, isn't it?" I asked aloud. Like I expected I received no answer.

The voices outside got louder and more seemed to join in the chorus of blind noise.

I lifted my tankard up once more only to find that it was empty. "Fuckin' stupid ponies," I sighed to nothing very specific and tossed the empty container to the floor with a clatter of wood on wood. With a grunt of effort I lifted myself from the undersized stool and walked a wobbly walk to the door and pushed it open. Pony alcohol may be weak, but when somebody drinks half a dozen kegs they tend to feel it, no matter the strength. The refreshing cold night air hit me as soon as the door was open, taking away the stale ale smell and replacing it with sharp smell, like that of a lake that isn't quite frozen yet. Not Lake Erie though; that smelled like dead bodies, sewage and rotting fish.

I looked around the castle courtyard and saw dozens, if not hundreds of ponies running around in a panic. Some of them were literally running in circles screaming while others crashed into each other or toppled over random objects that I didn't remember being there previously. Among the screaming, fleeing ponies stood one that wasn't running around like an idiot. Shining Armor stood near the central platform trying to calm everybody down--unsuccessfully I might add. "Everypony, you need to calm down! It'll be all right!" he was screaming at the crowd. "Remember your training!"

"They are," I mumbled at him, though I doubted he could hear me over the screaming and the distance between us. "Stupid fuckin' ponies," I swore, shaking my head and making my way across the field towards him.

Shining was in his armor, minus the boots. His sword was loosely attached to his side with a belt, though the scabbard for it was missing. "Everypony, please! Calm down for Celestia's sake! You need to get to your positions! To arms everypony! To arms!" He ignited his horn and lifted his sword up high, striking a heroic pose. Still, he was ignored in favor of panicked screaming and running in circles and tripping over inconveniently placed objects.

He blinked when he saw that nobody was listening to him. "Stupid freaking ponies..." he swore to himself.

I rolled my eyes at the sad attempt to rally the troops. "They'll never listen to you," I said to myself. "But I'll bet they'll listen to this."

I inhaled deeply, filling my lungs until they began to hurt from stretching too far. Then as loud as I could, I bellowed, "EVERYBODY SHUT UP!!!!"

They listened. Every pony on the field stopped running and screaming and panicking to turn their heads to looks at me.

With an angry scowl at all of them, "All of you, gear up!" I yelled over the silence. "I want you all center-field with weapons and armor! Right! Fucking! Now! Move your sorry asses or be the first to die!" In the time it takes to blink they were all up and sprinting to equip their gear.

With the situation under control I quickly made my way to where Shining was standing with a confused expression. "What's going on?" I asked quickly. "Are we under attack?" The look on his face told me everything before he even spoke however.

He nodded once. "Something's coming," he told me. "It looks like a huge black cloud."

At that moment Emerald came running up to us with Stone right behind her. "What's wrong?!" she shouted at us. "Are we under attack?!"

Shining looked at them. "Yes. A huge black cloud was spotted coming this way by a sentry. We're assuming it's Umbra."

The two of them gasped, Emerald stepping back and colliding with Stone. "W- what?!" she shrieked. "You can't be serious! You're not serious are you?!"

I scowled at them. "Is this how you act when you're faced with an enemy? You get scared and cry? I'm disappointed in you," I scolded her.

Shining cut in before she could respond. "Nopony is crying, and nopony has time to be scared! We need to get ready for an attack! We need to get ready for a fight!"

"To late for that," Sergeant Snow cut in as she walked up from behind us. "It's already here."

And so it was.

We heard a distant scream of "Look out!", then all Hell broke loose. Like a huge wave, a giant swarm of black smoke and long tendrils crashed against the Northern wall of the castle. It seemed to slither up the wall and pour into the courtyard, making a horrible screeching noise as it landed. Now that it was closer I could see something within the smoke: two large, disembodied floating green eyes with red irises and red snake-like pupils. Ghostly purple smoke seemed to trail behind the eyes as they moved around to observe everything.

The pony army showed up at that moment, fully geared up and ready to fight. Though they were ragtag and in a mob rather than formation, they still looked rather impressive. Perhaps too impressive for their own good...

One of the ponies at the front of the crowd raised her sword in the air and screamed, "Charge!" And with a mighty roar from the assembled ponies behind her, they all raised their swords in the air and surged forward. Right into their deaths.

I saw them running towards the thing and my eyes went wide. "HALT!!" I screamed at them. "FALL BACK!!! FALL BACK TO ME!!!!" But I was too late. Most of them heard me and stopped in their charge, but the ones leading the charge were already too close.

The huge entity saw them and let out a roar so loud that it caused everybody on the field to double up in pain and clutch at their ears to stop the sound. With the ponies so close, and also stunned, it raised up one mammoth tendril and swept it across the ranks of them. The sweeping tendril must have took at least twenty of them, sending them flying into the air.

The eyes within followed the path the bodies took and seemed to light up with sadistic joy as they thudded on the ground and blood pooled around each of them.

I watched this in shock. I had expected this thing to attack them, and even kill them. But to actually enjoy killing the ponies? "This thing needs to die. Now." I held out my hand and summoned a slim knife. "Hey! Big ugly thing!" I shouted at the cloud monster.

It turned to face me, the green eyes locking on to my own.

Drop that blade!

I blinked as I felt a chill run down my spine, but was refocused the next second. "Pick on somebody your own evil!" I yelled at it as I hurled the dagger directly at the eyes.

It dodged to the side, easily avoiding my knife.

I looked to Shining. "Take the squad and move into flanking positions. Give me some kind of signal when you're ready, then on my command order the troops to move in to attack."

He nodded and took off at a gallop with Stone and Snow right behind him.

Before Emerald could follow I grabbed her. "Find Twitchy. Once you do, get to a raised position and wait until I signal Shining." I looked at the monster and saw it was advancing on our position. "You have five minutes. Maximum!"

She gave me an odd look. "I thought you said you could distract it?!"

I scowled at the monster before looking at her. "Yes, but not forever! Now go!" I shouted, pushing her away from me and summoning another dagger to throw.

I turned to the monster and cupped my hands at my mouth. "Are you as stupid as you are ugly, you great heaping fucker?!" I taunted it. My ears were then assaulted by a noise I could only describe as "painful as fuck".

Fighting back the urge to cover my ears and puke blood, I pulled my arm back and send the dagger spinning at the monster. When I saw that it had fast enough reflexes to dodge my knives I let a smile creep across my face. "This is going to be fun."

I summoned dagger after dagger, sending them flying at the monster faster and faster. I wasn't actually trying to hit it, so much as test its reflexes. I was throwing them faster and faster until my arms were just blurs moving back and forth.

As fast as it was, it couldn't dodge every one of them as fast as I was throwing them. Every time it was hit it would let out an angry roar and a gout of smoke blood would spray from the point of impact. But even my dagger throwing couldn't halt its progress towards me, and as it got close it took a swing at me with one of its large tendrils.

I saw it coming and ducked under it, deleting all of the daggers I had thrown to free up power. "Fuck you homie!" I screamed at it. After my vulgar outburst I summoned my bumper sword and took a stance. Yes, my broadsword was nice and all. But nothing compared to the bumper sword. I charged at the thing, roaring almost as loud as it had roared at me. I ducked under an incoming tendril, coming in close to it. I was readying my sword for a swing, and almost made contact with it until a gout of smoke blasted me in the face hard enough to knock me back several feet.

Images and voices flashed through my head faster than I could recognized them. The pony world and the world inside my mind were flashing in and out of focus as I was unable to control which to focus on. Through it all I heard one voice, sharp as a blade.

Drop your blade and *submit*!

The word "submit" echoed inside my head in a dozen different voices and from every direction all at once. Some of them screaming, some growling and others asking sweetly or demanding or even pleading.

Do not make me end you!

I grabbed my head and screamed, "Get out!" at the voice. "Shut up! Shut your fucking mouth!" I pounded the sides of my head with both hands as hard as I could trying to make the images and the voices stop. "Get away from me! Leave me alone!"

Let me in! Submit!

I felt a horrible pain lancing through my head. It hurt like nothing I'd ever experienced before--including my time in Equestria before this. It was like having a molten hot barbed spike harshly driven through my skull, then being twisted.

I felt myself fall to my knees. "Stop! Stop it!" I screamed. "Make the pain stop! Just kill me! Kill me! Make it stop!"

You! Will! *SUBMIT!!!***

I heard myself screaming even louder than the voices screaming in my head. There were no words in any language to describe the torture. All I could do was scream. Scream the only word that could help me. "Mirage!" I shrieked. "Mirage! Mirage!" I screamed her name over and over. She said she would always protect me. She was my only hope. "Mirage! Mirage!" I sucked in a huge breath. "Mirage!"

"Yes, love? What is it?" her voice chirped from beside me.

I felt hot tears burning down my face. "Make it stop!" I screamed at her. "Please!"

I heard shuffling sounds, then felt her hooves pull me into a gentle hug. "Don't worry, love. Everything's going to be okay. Trust me." I was being rocked in her hooves while she hummed a song next to my head. It was so familiar, yet completely foreign to me. Everything was beginning to fade away. The pain, the voices, the screaming. Everything. Like a breeze that carried away the bad, everything was becoming calm.

"You need to wake up now, love," Mirage said, very close to my ear.

I looked up at her. "I... But I..." The tears came faster now. "I don't want to leave you. Not again... Never again..."

She leaned down and kissed me so softly I almost didn't feel it. "Don't worry, love. We'll see each other again." She then raised her hoof in the air and brought it down in a vicious slap across my face.

"Wake up! Wake up!" Sergeant Snow screamed in my confused face. "Wake the Tartarus up!"

I blinked up at her. "Where am I?"

Her eyes locked onto mine. "Move! Now!"

In the blink of an eye I had grabbed her and rolled several feet to the right. A half-second later a huge tendril came crashing down on the spot we had just been in. "Where the hell did you come from?!" I shouted at Snow as I jumped to my feet and summoned my bumper sword.

She jumped up next to me. "We heard the signal!"

I looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "What signal?" I asked.

She blinked at me in confusion. "Was 'Mirage' not the signal?"

In a second my eyes widened. "No, she-" but I stopped myself. "Y- yeah, sure. That was the signal," I said quickly. Though the look Snow gave me... I don't think she bought the save.

I shook my head. "Forget it! We need to kill that thing!"

We jumped back to avoid being halved by another tendril. "How?!" she shouted. "That thing's too strong!"

I got an idea then. I looked around the top of buildings and on the ramparts of the castle walls. It took me a few seconds, but I eventually spotted two spots of color; one yellow and the other pink.

I ran forward, directly at the monster. Luckily, since the army was keeping it busy its back was to us. "Hey!" I screamed at it. "I want revenge, bitch!" I then threw my bumper sword as hard as I could at it and stuck it in its back.

It shrieked and turned to face me. With its floating green eyes fixed on me, hatred burning from them, it rushed right at me. Exactly like I wanted it to.

I summoned another bumper sword and took a heavy swing at an incoming tendril. The cruel edge of my blade went straight through it, and the monster was down one tendril. While it was recoiling and roaring in pain and anger I waved my arms at the spot where I saw the two specks of color. "Now! Emerald! Move now!"

I didn't have time to see if they had acknowledged me or not because I had to duck under a tendril to avoid decapitation. "Fuck you!" I screamed at the monster, running right at it and this time avoiding the spray of smoke. I raised my bumper sword over my head and cleaved an enormous gouge in the monster's smokey body. "Snow! Move in!"

"Already on it!" she called from somewhere to my left.

"Don't let up!" I yelled. "Push it back!" I swung my sword again, cutting another huge gouge in it and having to avoid the smoke blood. I hacked at it. One swing, two swings, three swings, a jab to throw it off and a twist of the blade while it was inside for good measure. My sword broke inside of the monster, the blade only being attached by a shoddy weld, so another sword replaced it and I kept hacking away at it.

It was on my seventh slash across it happened. The monster let out a shriek, not of pain or anger, but of panic. I looked up to see Emerald climbing up its back using the sword I had stuck in it for a starting point. Once she got up Twitchy was next. The two of them were plunging their swords into the top of it relentlessly, causing it to flinch with every stab.

My eyes lit up. "It's on the ropes men! One last push and we've done it!"

A thunderous roar came up from the throats of nearly three hundred ponies.

I redoubled my efforts. I summoned a second bumper sword and went akimbo bumper swords on the monster. I put every ounce of strength I had into every swing I took. I swung as hard as I could, cleaving away smoke-flesh and creating a giant gouge in its body.

I swung my left sword as hard as I could, but, again, the sword broke off in the creature. I then gripped my remaining sword as hard as I could and hacked away at the part where the blade had broken. If I could drive it deep enough I might hit something important I figured. I had swung three times, successfully clearing flesh and driving the broken blade deeper, but on my fourth swing I put too much of my weight into the swing.

With a swear I tumbled forward, right into the hole in the flesh. The smoke surrounded me, choking me and causing horrible pain. In an attempt to free myself I ripped my sword to the side. I was freed as the flesh was cut from in front of me, but I fell into the monster, not out of it.

I landed on a solid ground; cold and rough, like stone. The smoke was no longer trying to kill me and the pain was nothing more than an after affect. Dazedly I looked around me. I could see the ponies surrounding me, with swords drawn and hacking at seemingly nothing. "The fuck...?" Behind them was a temple of some kind. There was ice covering the ceiling and most of the walls, but the floor was completely clear. But more than that, there seemed to be ponies in it. Not the ponies hacking away at the monster I was in, but ponies in the temple. There were at least twenty of them, both mares and stallions. All of them had grey coats, black hair, dark eyes and red curved horns. And all of them were staring directly at me, all in shock.

I heard a yelp from above me and looked up. I saw a young mare, barely out of her teens by the looks of her, eyes shining bright green, and her curved horn ignited in a ghostly purple aura that seemed to roil around itself. She had yelled because either Twitchy or Emerald's sword had pierced her shoulder.

I scowled hatefully at the mare. "So you're the one that's in charge of this bullshit!" I yelled at her.

She gasped and looked down at me. "How are you in here?!" she gasped in shock and horror.

I pulled back my arm. "Fuck you, that's how!" Then I threw my bumper sword directly at her, it making deep whooshing sounds as it spun.

She tried to dodge, but she wasn't nearly as fast as her monster was. The sword missed its mark by inches, instead of cleaving her in half it lopped off her two right legs, as well as tearing her side to bloody shreds. With the amount of shock and pain, it was impossible for her to keep her magic flowing and her horn sputtered out. Her eyes went from bright green to a dark brown, almost black, and her coat and hair dimmed in hue. Once the magic was gone, the monster that was connected to it simply dissolved into nothing around us.

I watched as the mare fell, no longer supported by the magic monster, and thudded painfully on the ground. I distinctly heard multiple cracks coming from her body when she landed.

Everybody in the field froze when the monster simply dissolved in front of them, and they all gasped when the mare fell from the monster in front of me.

With the monster dead--kind of--I deleted the extra bumper swords laying everywhere to free up more power, using it to summon my broadsword into my right hand as I walked towards the mare on the ground before me. I saw her bleeding profusely from where her limbs used to be, but I felt nothing for her.

I stopped only a foot in front of her and gripped my broadsword tightly. "So, you're Umbra, huh? I figured you'd be harder to kill," I said in a joking manner, though my stony expression told her and everybody around me that I wasn't actually joking. "You've been causing problems. Problems for me. And I hate problems. I hate problems more than I hate stupid people."

She looked up at me with fear evident on her face. "W- what are you?" she asked in a trembling voice.

I let a lazy smile cross my face. A smile that I didn't feel. "I'm the one that's going to kill you Umbra."

She gasped at my threat, her eyes widening. "I- I'm not Umbra!" she yelled.

I raised an eyebrow. "Really now? Then who are you?"

She whimpered as the blood leaving her went from dark red to almost black. Her life blood. "I'm just a servant! I was only doing what Umbra ordered me to do! I swear! I never wanted to kill anypony! I swear!" She whimpered again and clutched at the stump of her front right leg. "Please... I'm dying! Please help me!"

I smiled a little wider. "Because of you lots of ponies are dead," I told her. "Why should I help you?"

She was turning paler. "I- I can help you! I can tell you about Umbra! I can tell you about the attack!"

I cocked my head to the side. "Oh, there's going to be an attack?" I asked.

She nodded and whimpered. "Yes!" she shouted, wincing in pain. "I- I was supposed to w- weaken you, then the main attack would begin," she said. "They'll be here soon! An hour at most!"

I nodded my head slowly. "Makes sense," I thought aloud. "Pretty bold, but then again Umbra is an evil, sadistic mass murderer Hell bent on killing us." I shrugged and leaned casually on my broadsword. "I suppose it fits the profile. But I guess she didn't count on me being here, did she?"

The mare was very pale at that point. "No..." she whimpered. She looked at me pleadingly. "Please... I don't want to die..." She sniffled as tears came streaking down her face. "Please help me..." she squeaked pitifully, sniffling again. "Please help me... Please...?"

I chuckled quietly to myself. "Help you?" I asked.

She nodded weakly.

I chuckled slightly louder and shook my head. "Why would I help you? You've already told me everything I wanted to know."

Her eyes went wide in horror. "No... No! No, please!" she begged. "Please, I don't want to die! Please help me! I told you what you wanted to know! I helped you!" Her breathing became shallow and ragged. "Don't let me die! Please, I'm begging you!"

I felt a presence come up beside me. "You can't do this," Shining said. "She may be the enemy, but... She's just a filly." He looked up at me with a pleading look in his eyes. "You need to help her."

She nodded as she swayed side to side. "Yes... Please... I- I'll do anything... Please... I'm sorry.... I'm sorry..."

I looked from Shining to the mare. "I suppose you're right," I sighed. "Fine, I'll help her."

The mare looked up at me hopefully. Her eyes filled with tears and were thankful beyond reason. "Thank you... Than-" She didn't finish the word. Her eyes squinted and a look of confusion came over her. She kept that expression as the light slowly went out in her eyes and her body fell on its left side. There was a thin red line on her throat that trickled blood down her neck. The cut from my sword was deep.

I shook my head as I looked at the corpse of the mare. It was a shame; she was pretty. But I put the thought out of my head as I wiped the blood from my sword and sheathed it. "Shining, you and the others get the rest of your gear and meet me at the platform." I turned and walked purposefully towards the front gates. "Snow, you come with me."

Planning

I stood at the entrance of the castle looking out towards the large entryway of the portal. There was no more than two hundred feet from where I stood to where the attackers would come from. Two hundred feet that the enemy could fill with bodies. That had to fit at least five hundred, I thought. Five hundred crystal beasts that would tear into the ponies, like a blade through bread. Only it would be mindless beasts against helpless ponies. "And me," I whispered to myself.

The one advantage we had was that they could only advance over the bridge. The bridge that was over a deep spiked pit. The bridge that was small, even by pony standards. We would be able to funnel them in and cut them down easily so long as we held a solid defense.

I sighed and shook my head, muttering to myself, "One step at a time. First, defense. Then, holding them back." I put my hand to the lowered portcullis and gave a hard pull. I almost groaned aloud when I felt it give slightly. That would be little help to us, except maybe to slow them down for a few moments. As large and strong as they were I doubted a simple gate would stop them. I was still pondering this when the sound of hoofsteps approached from behind me.

Sergeant Snow Shield cleared her throat after a few silent seconds. "You wanted to see me?" she said.

I began to think. To think of everything I had at my disposal, and that could help us. Most of it was useless props, or would be equally useless against the beasts. Most of my larger weapons wouldn't be able to punch through solid crystal. "Sergeant," I began, taking a long pause before continuing, "what's your combat experience?" I asked her. Before she could answer I added, "I don't care about training or guard duty. Have you ever been in real combat before?"

She was silent for some time, but eventually she answered. "Do you count the invasion of the Crystal Empire?"

I nodded slowly as I slowly drew my finger along my jaw, trying to form some kind of plan. I couldn't use any large ordinance; it would kill us as well as them, as close as we would be together. So I needed something small, but powerful enough to take out monsters made from solid crystal... It was right on the forefront of my mind, but I just couldn't quite make it out. The battle had left me in a poor state and thinking was difficult, let alone trying to figure out what could be small, powerful, and not kill everybody inside the castle in an attempt to survive the inevitable battle ahead. But putting my thoughts aside for a few moments I answered her. "If you actually fought, then yes. I count any time when either your life, or another's life was at risk."

I didn't hear an answer for nearly a minute, so I went back to thinking. What could it be? I knew I had something that could help us! But what?! I took a breath to calm myself and thought about what I knew I had, hoping to jog my memory. I had FA:S; there was only a few weapons that could help me, but they were definitely strong enough to do some damage. If they got too close to me though, I'd be in a tight spot. I had Gbombs; but nearly everything strong enough to help us would also kill us, so no. I have NueroTech... That could help, but only as long as they're outside the castle. Once they get in--and they will--anything in there'll be useless. And nothing in Siminov's pack would help me; that pack is so well balanced everything is almost realistic. I sighed inwardly, wishing I had kept my MURDERTHON weapons... I loved that little MP7...

"Three times."

I jumped from the voice behind me. I had forgotten Snow was there. Realizing what she said I turned to face her with a curious look on my face.

"I've been in a life or death fight three times," she said. "The most recent was the incident in the Empire, of course. But before that..." She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. "Before that... before the Crystal Empire was resurrected... I was assigned as a personal guard to a very important senator from Equestria that was to discuss the ongoing trade agreement with the Crystal Empire." She opened her eyes again and I saw ghosts. She wasn't looking at me, but somewhere off in the distance. "Back then... Back before the resurrection, things were different. There was war, strife, hatred between nations, and..." She took another deep breath. "And enslavement."

"So what happened with the senator?" I asked, trying to return to the topic.

She sighed and shook her head. "He was more interested in rutting the serving mares than talking about trade routes. Eventually somepony sent a letter to his wife back in the Equestrian Capital, there was a huge scandal, and pretty soon there were mercenaries--hired by his own family no less--trying to kill him." She chuckled bitterly at a memory. "In hindsight, I probably should have let them..." She looked up at me, the ghosts gone and steel replacing them. "They came in the night when he was sleeping. There was a struggle, and one of them nearly put a dagger in my eye." She chuckled again, this time with more humor behind it. "I got lucky; I pushed the mare down and she landed on her own blade. Went right through her eye."

I let out a snort, half in contempt for the idiot, and half for the stupidity of said idiot.

She continued like she didn't hear me. "The second one overshot his swing... and I was ready with my sword when he did." There was a few seconds of silence as she remembered the fight. She eventually said, "I was nearly fired for using 'excessive force', and I was stationed on border patrol after that."

We looked into each others eyes for a full minute, at least. "Why did they punish you for that?" I asked.

She shrugged in that strange way the ponies do. "Who knows? Maybe it was bad for the news. Maybe they just didn't want to get on the bad side of a noble."

I scowled and turned to study the landscape again. I needed to figure it out! "They shouldn't have done that to you," I groused. "It was wrong of them."

"What did you say?" I couldn't see the expression on her face, but from her voice I would bet she was shocked.

"They were wrong," I said again. "You saved the senator and cleaned the world of two pieces of filth. You did exactly what they told you to do, and did it with damn fine results--in my opinion." Scratching at my stubble, I said, "If anything, they should have given you a promotion and a pay raise." Maybe it can be... "Hell, if it were me I'd have given you a medal on stage. Let the crowd give you a standing ovation, or... something..." Wait... if I put my... Then wouldn't it...?

My train of thought was derailed when something tightly grasped my middle. I looked down to see two light grey, almost silver hooves wrapped around my lower torso. I could also feel breath on the back of my neck.

"Thank you," Snow said, far too close to my ear for comfort. "Nopony has ever taken my side before. Thank you for saying that."

I felt her breath prickle the hairs on the back of my neck, and my body shuddered almost painfully--involuntarily! I had no control over it! I turned my head to look at her and said, "Uh... Snow? Could you... stop... hugging me? I feel... uncomfortable..." I felt blood and heat rushing to my face. It was a general rule for me; I don't like being touched. Touching is bad. Touching makes me feel weird.

The hooves left me quickly, nearly snatching away from me. Snow was looking directly at the ground beneath her nose, her silver face blushing a deep red. "I- I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. It's just that... well..." She coughed to the side nervously. "It's just... like I said... Nopony's ever taken my side with that before." She looked up at me then, her scarlet eyes shimmering with moisture. "You're the first person to ever... To ever tell me I did something right." She looked down again. "All throughout training I was badgered, and everything I did always seemed to be wrong. Even when I did exactly what I was ordered, I was wrong." She looked to the side, muttering, "Mares weren't supposed to be soldiers."

I scoffed and turned back to face the outside of the castle--in part to hide the slightly flustered look on my face. "That's stupid," I said. "People should be judged by who they are, not what they are." I took a breath to compose myself. "But I guess nowhere is truly perfect. Nothing really changes, does it?" No, it really doesn't.

Snow snorted contemptuously. "No, it really doesn't. The more things change the more they stay the same."

I nodded at her words, absently stroking my jaw again. "Say, do you have any flammable substances?" I asked. "Like oil, or grease from cooking?"

She came up next to me, her normal stoic, almost angry expression resuming. "We have a few casks of lantern oil and a crate of tinder for the kitchen fire. But that's about it."

I hummed in thought. So, a few barrels of oil and a box of tinder. Not much, but it might just work... "What about wine?" I asked.

She cocked her head to the side at me. "What about it? There's a dozen or so barrels of it in the storeroom, but nopony ever touches the stuff."

My head began to ache; a dull buzzing accompanied by a painful throbbing. "A dozen barrels... Are they large barrels, or no?"

She made a face, considering. "No... I don't think so. About the size of a keg, maybe smaller. But we have a pretty big supply of cooking sherry." She narrowed her eyes at me. "Why? What are you planning on doing with wine and cooking sherry?"

I narrowed my eyes at the open plain before me and scratched at the back of my head to ease the buzzing. "Do we have any bows, preferably with arrows?"

She nodded, looking at me. "Yeah, we have a dozen at least."

I let a smile creep across my face. "I think I have an idea." As the idea fully formed I laughed to myself. "Yes... I think I have an amazing idea."

She cringed at my expression, taking a step back. "Do you always look like that when you have an idea?"

I laughed louder, wringing my hands together in delighted anticipation. "Only when my ideas are as amazing as this..." Turning to her with a manic smile and an idle scratch at the buzzing at the base of my skull, I issued my orders. "Snow, I need you to get me a bow and some arrows. Get them as fast as you can and meet me on the wall above the gate. Understand?" I left her without waiting for an answer, starting on my way to the platform where the crowd of ponies was waiting for me. "If this actually works, this war's gonna be over really quickly."

I vaguely registered a somewhat confused "Yessir!" before approaching the platform and confronting Shining. "Shining, I have a plan!" This was an amazing plan. All I needed was soldiers. "I need you to form two lines at the front gate. We need a strong defense, and a backup in case the first line falls."

Shining nodded at my orders, turning to face the ponies from the crowd amassed around us--I noticed, with anger, that it was quite a bit smaller than before the attack. He issued the orders I had given and waited until all of them understood--or looked like they understood--what to do. "What now?" he asked.

I scanned the crowd for Emerald, but failed to find her. I scowled. "I need them at the front gate. Enough space so that it won't get crowded when they break through, but close enough that they can't go anywhere." I looked to the gate, the rest of the plan coming together in my mind. "And I have a special mission for you, Shining."

"What do you need me to do?" His voice betrayed his excitement.

I pointed to where I was looking. "The gate. I need you to get the biggest barrel you can find and fill it with the cooking sherry, the wine, the lantern oil, and the tinder for the fires. Mix it all up nice and good, then seal it and bring it to the gate."

He said, cautiously, "And... why am I doing that? Exactly?"

I looked at him, looked him up and down, sizing him up. Finally I said to him, "It's better if you don't know. Just do as I say, and do it quickly." I scratched at the back of my head to ease the burning there. "I don't think we have much time..."

The Attack

We stood vigilantly, staring into the snowy void beyond our walls. The wind moaned its eerie song; the snow beat a tattered rhythm against the metal of our armor; the shuffling of hooves and the whispered voices; metal on faux leather; clanks of metal on metal; coughs; ragged breathing... That was the sound of our forces... That was the sound of our army... That was the sound of war.

We had been standing there for nearly half an hour, listening to the cacophony of noise. Standing, waiting, wishing... Wishing that what we knew was about to happen... wouldn't. We had been standing there for half an hour before a new sound entered the mix we had grown to know: a crackling sound, like waves of electricity breaking over each other. The wind intensified, turning the snowy atmosphere into a blizzard. The wind was howling at us. Screaming at us for being there; shrieking at the walls for not moving, and at us for not cowering under its force.

The small shack which housed the portal bulged outwards almost comically, the roof blasting off into the sky and disappearing in the fury of the blizzard. The sides of the shack bent to impossible lengths, the wood protesting against the force it was under. Then it broke. The wood exploded into splinters and tiny chunks under the force from within.

Then they were there. Dozens of the crystal beasts. Hundreds. Pouring out of the portal like rats from a ship. Ugly rats. They covered the land completely, turning the snow-covered ground into a writhing crystal sea. Their bellows echoed louder than the wind; their howls filled our ears. The sound they made was like a great storm, vicious and mindless and cruel. Mindless animals baying for their next meal.

I looked down at the sea of creatures from the ramparts with a scowl on my face. I tightened my grip on the small bow in my hand. "This looks bleak."

Sergeant Snow, who was next to me on the wall, shook her head, bewildered. "This looks more than bleak," she said. She looked at me. "This looks hopeless. How are we going to survive this? There have to be a thousand of them out there!"

I clicked my tongue at her. "No, there's only about six hundred." I raised my hand to silence her before she asked the inevitable question. "I counted them. So long as they don't overrun us, we'll be fine."

She gave me a hopeless look. "But how-" She shut up at my expression.

I snapped my eyes to her own, all of my fury and hate channeled into the stare. If looks could kill she'd have a hole through her head. "If I say we'll be fine," I snarled, "then we'll be fucking fine!" I put more strength into my stare. "Do you understand me Sergeant?!"

She took hurried, stumbling steps away from me, nearly falling over, but managed to hold on to some grace. "Y- yessir!" she squeaked. Her eyes bulging out of her skull from fright.

I looked back to the mass of crystal beasts below, just a few yards from the bridge. "Good. For a second there I thought you were scared." Then I noticed movement in the crowd. "What's this now...?" I wondered aloud. I watched as three figures pushed their way through the crystal beasts to the front of the amassed creatures.

Snow gasped. "Are those...?"

"Those grey fucks with the red horns?" I finished. "Yes, they are. But a better question is why they're here," I asked myself aloud. "The crystal bastards would be more than enough to fight us... So what're they up to?"

As it turned out, they answered my question at that moment.

The one in the middle, smaller then the one on his left but bigger than the one on his right, lit up the red curved horn atop his head and spoke. "Greetings, Crystal ponies! How are you on this wonderful day?" he asked in an amplified voice, like he was addressing us through a megaphone. "Lovely weather, isn't it?" he asked in a pompous, overconfident voice that made my skin crawl. He spoke as if mocking us.

"What do we do?" asked Snow.

I let a grin play at the corner of my mouth. "He wants to talk. Let's talk," I answered her. I cupped my hands to my mouth and shouted back in my most overexaggerated, insulting mimic of his voice as I could manage, "Hail, friend! How are you on this fine day?" I took a breath and continued. "I hope you didn't have any trouble finding the place! The roads can be quite confusing if you don't know the neighborhood!" This rewarded me with laughter from the ponies below in the courtyard and an angry growl from the stallion I was mimicking.

"Are you making fun of me?!" he demanded.

I took another breath and, laying it on even thicker, said, "Of course not friend! Why would I do that? That would be rude!" I received even louder laughter from the ponies and a furious yell from the stallion. "Would ye like ta come in an' 'ave some tea an' crumpets? Or per'aps ye'd like a spot'o brandy instead?!" The ponies were laughing so loudly I doubted the stallion couldn't hear them.

"You are! You are making fun of me! he screeched in a whiny, nasally tone.

This made the ponies crack up even more, which prompted me to go on. "No no no! I'm making fun of the screechy little girl that's been whining this whole time! Not you!" That did it.

His horn lit up a menacing crimson as he growled in anger. "I'll show you who's a crying little girl!" he screamed, his voice cracking at "girl". A ball of crimson light rose above him, crackling with energy. "Take this!" With that he hurled the ball of energy right at me and Snow, the whole time cackling like a maniac.

My eyes widened as I saw the ball of what would most certainly be death flying right at my face. "Down!" I jumped away from where the ball would hit, covering my head with my hands. I managed to just barely avoid the enormous explosion. I felt the heat on my back and felt the hairs on my arms singing from the intensity of it.

My eyes widened. I pulled my arms in front of me to examine the hair on them. Just as I feared: they hairs were burnt. "That's not possible," I whispered. "Magic doesn't affect me... I'm immune..." But as impossible as it was, my arms were burned by the stallion's magic. "That's not possible..." Only then was I aware of an all too familiar headache forming at the base of my skull. A slight stab in my gut. A tiny burning in my chest. "I've been here too long," I said to myself.

An unnatural roar shook me from my state. "Wh... Oh, fuck," I swore. The bow was gone. "Damn it! No time to look..." I peeked up over the now-smashed wall to see the crystal beasts advancing slowly over the bridge. They were so large though that only a handful could cross at a time. I saw the three red-horned bastards standing at the sides of the bridge directing the monsters over it.

"Get ready ponies! Here they come!"

I backed away from the outer wall to peer into the courtyard below. Below me, Shining was keeping the ponies in the line. In fact, he was in the line himself, standing strong with his sword held high in his magical aura. Magical aura... "Wait a minute..." A light switched on in my mind. How could I have not seen this before? "Shining! Use the barrel!"

"Stand strong an- What?" He looked up at me in confusion. "Excuse me?"

I pointed to the large barrel next to the gate. "The barrel! Use your magic like a torch and light it!" I pointed from the barrel to behind me where the crystal beasts were coming from. "Use the fucking barrel!"

His face lit up. "Oh, I get it now!" he cheered. "Right away!"

I watched as he moved to the large barrel and, like a match, struck his horn against it, lighting the thing on fire. "Make way!" he shouted as he levitated it on its side and positioned it. "Open the gate!" he ordered. The gate was opened, the spell was cast, and the barrel was sent rolling away across the bridge. The dozen or so crystal beasts that were crossing the bridge were knocked off, sent tumbling to their deaths upon the wooden pikes below. The barrel rolled over one of the beasts, bouncing into the air as it did, where it was caught in the red aura of the stallion who had launched that deadly spell.

He snatched the flaming barrel out of the air with his magic, lifting it high above him and his two companions. "What's this? A gift from the ponies in the fort?" He scoffed at his own words. "How thoughtful."

Then the air was filled with a high, strange whistling.

I clambered up from my prone position on the wall to look over the edge. To watch what was about to happen. To witness beauty. To witness... art. I cupped my hands at my mouth and yelled at them, "From 'Murica, with love!"

Then it happened. The whistling reached a pitch so high any of the crystal beasts near it cracked; large chunks of them falling of, or even splitting in half, as some of the closest ones did. Then, just as it hit an impossible note, the barrel exploded. The mixture we had created, thick and gooey and black, splattered everywhere, blanketing nearly half of the crystal beasts outside the castle. Then the burning wood landed, and, right before our eyes, Hell was born. The beasts screamed in agony and terror; hundreds of cries mixing together to create a heart wrenching sound. Hundreds in pain. Hundreds in terror. Hundreds dying.

My cock was hard enough to tear free from my pants, slamming into the stone wall before me. I whooped in triumph, pumping my fist in the air and laughing like a fool. "Take that you cockney S.O.B.! I fucked your shit up!" I laughed until I calmed a bit and took a deep breath. "God I love this game..." I watched the beasts melt under the intensity of the inferno. Crystal or no, nothing could survive that.

Then, as I was reveling in the beauty of it, two figures emerged from the burning tar, red domes surrounding them. It was the two ponies the loud mouth stallion was with. Now that I was paying attention to them I saw that the bigger one was an obscenely muscled stallion with a buzz cut. The smaller one was a rather shapely mare with long, thick black hair that flowed past her face like water. The smaller of the two, the mare, dropped her dome shield once it stopped raining flaming tar, and spread the aura around and covered every inch of tar--even many of the injured crystal beasts. Then, with a sneer I could feel, lifted the tar up off the ground--bringing those beasts with it-- and started to clump it together to form a huge ball of fire.

I felt my heart skip a beat. "Shining!" I called, not taking my eyes off the mare. "Shining we need some magic right now!"

"What's wrong?!" he shouted back.

"We need a shield!" I said. "Like, right fucking now!"

"Okay," he said. "One shield coming right up. I just need a few seconds..."

I looked back at him. "We don't have a few seconds! We need that shield now!" I took a glance at the mare; the ball of tar was done, and it was beginning to move. "Shining! Right now damn it!"

He grunted as a small spark grew from his horn, forming a small bubble that grew by the second. "Working on it!"

I looked frantically between the mare and the ball of tar. It was rocking back and forth gently, but quickly picking up speed and force. "Shining! If that shield isn't up in the next two seconds I will come down there and fuck you with a sword!" The next thing I knew, there was a large pinkish wall in front of me, shimmering with energy. And it was up just in time too, as the mare sent the ball of tar hurtling towards the castle faster than I could fully register it.

It hit the shield with a ground-shaking boom. The entire castle shook from the force of the contact. Multiple pieces of it even crumbled and fell away. But thanks to the shield, the flaming ball was stopped. "Soldiers!" the mare shouted through an amplified voice. "Tear this place to the ground! Leave nopony alive!"

The crystal beasts responded with a wild roar that conveyed their thirst for battle. All at once the remaining beasts surged forward howling and roaring in our ears. We knew they would show no mercy.

I jumped down from the wall to land in front of the line of ponies. In my right hand I summoned my broadsword, and in the left I summoned a wooden buckler; I grit my teeth together when the action sent a lance of pain through my skull. I had no armor to protect myself, so if I was hit once I was done. I was facing the iron gate as the beasts charged over the bridge, baying for blood. I saw Snow leaping from the wall to land near me on my left side, brushing off a bit of soot and a few stray pebbles. Shining slowly came up on my right, eyeing the gate. I looked behind me to the terrified faces of the ponies, wide eyed, open mouthed, and shaking at the knees. If I didn't do something they were all going to die, and if they died, I died.

I narrowed my eyes as I felt my anger boiling inside of me. "I refuse to die here," I said out loud. My knuckles cracked and turned white from how tightly I was gripping my sword and shield. The hairs on my arm were prickling painfully as the heat in my body rose. "I will not die until I make her pay," I growled out. My breathing got heavy and ragged, my skin burned and my bones ached. "Nobody will get in my way. Not monsters. Not ponies. Not evil entities that don't know how to fuck off!"

The crystal beasts crashed into the gate, the force of the impact tearing it down. They swarmed in and... they stopped. All of those fiery eyes locked onto one thing. They locked onto me.

I stared at the crowd of monsters in front of me. I looked at each and every one of them. With every one I counted my hate for them doubled. With every one of them I counted my rage tripled. I felt like I was about to burst from the pressure in my head; from the pounding of my heart. I wasn't scowling, or glaring or even frowning at the beasts. In fact, I couldn't help but smile. I smiled like I was the happiest man in the world.

I lifted my sword up to point the tip at the nearest of the beasts. I let out a giddy laugh. "You're in my way," I beamed. "Now you have to die."

The beasts all registered the threat, their frozen expressions turning back into murderous mindlessness. The forwardmost beast howled, signalling the others to let loose their bloodthirsty cries. Then they continued the charge.

"Stand strong ponies!" Shining called to the soldiers as he and Sergeant Snow melded into the line of defense.

I stood there, pointing my sword at the charging beast. It was only inches away when I laughed again, my smile widening. "Die."

The beast pounced, lifting into the air with its jaws wide, ready to clamp down on my throat.

I moved. Just a simple twitch of my wrist, really. All it took was that simple little movement, that fraction of a second... I smiled. "You're all in my way."

I stretched on my recliner, yawning deeply and giving my jawline a good scratch. I leaned over and pulled the cord of the lamp, turning it on and filling the room with a gentle white light. I nodded as the room was lit, and with a few more stretches and cracks of my joints, I was ready to begin.

I opened the book, thumbing to where I left off; the princess was forming a plan. She wanted to get back at those who had wronged her and her family.

I read further and further into the tale, my eyes washing over the words, my mind painting a picture in my vision so vivid it was like I was there; like I was standing at the side of the princess as she carried out her gruesome task. The words flowed through me; the young mare, barely older than a filly, yet stronger than any other in the land, filled my mind. Her thick, flowing mane; her gorgeous eyes; her luscious body... Her face... Her beauty was matched by none. She was more beautiful than a thousand sunsets; her smile could make angels weeps tears of joy and sorrow both; and her song could turn even the bleakest of days into glorious, Sun-bathed occasions.

For such a young one, so beautiful, and so happy... to lose so much... To become what she was... There was no greater pain in the world than the pain she carried with her, always.

I turned the page, but could read no more. The words were illegible; scribbled and only half complete. "What the hell is this?" I wondered aloud. It looked as if somebody had written this section of the book in such a hurry, that they didn't even realize that the words couldn't be read.

With a shake of my head I closed the book and muttered my annoyance. My mind was filled with the story. I felt a need akin to survival to know what happened to the mare. I needed to know-

There was a knock at the door. It sounded urgent.

I set the book down as I looked curiously at the door. "Who could that be...? And at this hour?"

Whoever it was knocked again. This time harder than before.

I groaned as I got up from my chair. "And I had just found my comfy spot, damn it."

The knocking came again.

I increased my pace slightly. "I'm coming, just hold on!" I called as I reached the door. My hand was already out and I grasped the knob and turned. But I hesitated. Something felt off. Something... a tiny voice in the back of my head... gave a warning. I started to loosen my grip on the doorknob, letting the warning come in clearer.

The knock came again, more like a series of loud bangs than anything else.

My instincts took over and I pulled the door open.

Screaming. Laughter, and screaming.

The world rushed past me in fast forward. The color of everything was bright to the point of painfulness, the sounds were deafening, and there was a great amount of heat in front of me getting more and more intense by the second. The sound of screaming rang in my ears.

I blinked hard several times to clear the mist from my eyes. By the third blink I could see something flying through the sky, directly towards me. By the fifth blink I could see what it was. "Fuck!" I screamed and dove to the side to avoid death. Just as I landed a huge ball of crimson energy smashed into the ground, right where I was standing. The explosion was only feet from me and the volume of it was so much that the second it connected, everything went blurry again. My ears shrieked like static, my eyes watered from the pain. I could smell and taste blood, and I felt something dripping from my nose down on to my shirt. I brought my shaking hand up to my face and wiped under my nose. Through my bleary vision I could make out blood. Though it was dark. Black, and thick like tar.

I looked around me. The ponies were being overrun. The first line of defense had fallen, and they were only barely keeping the beasts back with a hastily reformed second line. Through the shrieking in my ears I could hear shouts and cries and roars. I heard Shining ordering them to pull back. I heard Emerald's voice. Emerald... She was nowhere to be found at the beginning of this fight. She let me down. She let us all down.

The pain in my head redoubled, the shrieking getting louder. I dropped my sword and put my hand over my ear. I felt blood leaking from it. "I can't die here," I said, my voice sounding like another burst of static to me. I tried to lift myself from the ground, but stumbled and landed on my chin. I groaned, letting the air escape my lungs as the shrieking doubled in volume and the pain grew even more.

I felt something approaching me. I felt the vibration of hooves through my skull. Two ponies. One very large, and one small. "Grey ponies," I wheezed. "I can't-" I gasped for breath, coughing as the air returned to me. "I can't die here." The hooves stopped. They were close to me. They were probably sneering down at me now, with their stupid faces.

I rolled my head to the side and saw two grey shapes. "I can't die here," I said. "Not yet."

One of them laughed. The bigger one. "Wh... say w... take him... to the... Maybe Umb... some kind of use for him." The words all flooded my ears at once, replacing the shrieking.

The mare shook her head. "No, we should just kill him now. You know how dangerous Humans can be."

Wait... what?! They know what Humans are? How is that possible? Has somebody else been pulled into this world before me? Were there Humans living somewhere that I didn't know about? Where they advanced like back home, or were they primitive? Were they--no, that doesn't matter. Focus! Focus, damn it! I stared at the mare as my vision slowly cleared. "I need... I need to get to Canterlot," I said between coughs. "I need... I need to-"

"You need to shut up! That's what you need to do!" the stallion yelled in my face, spraying me with spit.

I looked up at him, not really believing he had just spit on me.

He looked down at me with a superior grin, bordering on a sneer. "What's the matter, little Human?" he asked mockingly. "Are you scared? Cat got your tongue?"

I shook my head slowly. "No... But I'm about to take yours." I roared with the effort and pain, and swung my buckler, still strapped to my arm, right into his knee. When the metal rim connected with the joint it made a horrible snap and bent backwards. With another quick movement I used the momentum from my swing to roll over and I quickly found my footing. I also found my sword, which I picked back up and readied. I reeled back my arm. "Fuck you!" I snarled, bringing the sword around and cleaving straight through his head. The top of his head flew off, leading a wash of blood to splatter on the mare as it did. I separated the top jaw from the lower with a clean cut through.

The stallion's body stood stock still, blood spurting from the severed jugulars in his neck. The muscles twitched all over his body, including his tongue which flopped around like a dying fish.

I took a step forward, grabbed the tongue with my left hand and ripped it out of the halved mouth. "Told you I'd take your tongue, bitch," I growled at the standing corpse. I then proceeded to ram my fist down the throat hole to stuff the tongue in as far as I could. "Talk shit, get hit," I said, pulling my hand free and kicking the dead body away from me. I then spit a large amount on the body.

Then I turned to the mare.

Her eyes were wide, her mouth was agape, and she looked more afraid than I'd ever seen a pony look in my life. "P- please... Please don't kill me..." she whimpered, her eyes large and teary and her lower lip trembling.

I looked her up and down and raised a brow. "You're lucky I need to help my friends," I told her. I then bashed her in the face with my shield, instantly knocking her out--and breaking her nose. "Stay there and don't move," I said to the unconscious body.

With a new determination I quickened my pace and set my jaw. I twirled my sword in anticipation as I neared the closest crystal beast. ""Hey, ugly!" I yelled at it.

The monster turned around to face me, roaring. Black fire and thick smaug came from its mouth as it did so.

I turned my walking into a jog, giving my sword an experimental swing. "Fuck you!" I shouted as I pulled my arm back. I let out a roar of my own as I drove the tip forward, ramming my broadsword down the creatures gullet while it still roared. I twisted, causing the creature to scream in pain. Then I brought the bottom of my buckler down on the back of its neck, shattering it and severing the head. I freed my sword from the thing's head and readied myself for a fight. I saw easily over a hundred of the things surrounding what was left of the pony defensive. Sadly, it looked like the ponies had suffered serious casualties.

I ran at the nearest beast and thrust my sword into the back of its neck, killing it instantly. I saw many of the beasts turn to face me, growling at me in anger for the death of their comrade. "Come and get it, you cock licks!" I roared at the beasts. I swung my sword at another one, taking its head off. "Come on!" I screamed at them. "Come and get me!" I swung again and sliced a crystal head in two.

Nearly half of the crystal beasts were either charging at me, or at least focusing on me. The ease in pressure gave the ponies what they needed to go on the offensive; pushing the beasts back and sandwiching them between us.

I sliced and stabbed and hacked and bashed. I dropped them by the dozens, but more still came. With every movement of my blade I killed one, but there was always two more to take its place. I must have attracted nearly all of them, I thought as I withdrew my sword from a beast's throat. I smashed my shield into one's face, shattering it as I stabbed my sword into another's eye. "You fuckers won't kill me!" I growled at them. I dropped another three in a wide arc of my broadsword. "I refuse to die!" I stabbed two more and crushed another's head with my shield. "Not until I've had my revenge!"

One of the creatures lunged at me, mouth open and fire spewing forth.

I stabbed my sword down its open maw but couldn't stop the body from crashing into me. The weight of it knocked me on my ass. My sword was lodged in the beast's mouth and wouldn't come free. As I saw the remaining beasts advancing I left it, holding my buckler up to stop any attacks. With my shield raised I slowly backed away, keeping my eyes on the monsters so they couldn't surprise me.

There was still at least twenty of them, crouched low and snarling at me menacingly. I had killed most of them, but there was no way I could kill the rest with only a shield and my wits. And I couldn't risk summoning another sword for fear of collapsing. The pain in my head was getting worse by the second, and soon I'd be unable to carry on. I needed the last of my energy to survive. I needed... Snow?

I looked up, just over the heads of the beasts that were beginning to surround me. Sure enough, Sergeant Snow Shield was galloping at full force directly towards the group of crystal beasts. She had three shields, one strapped to either side of her, and another one tied awkwardly to her chest. Just before she reached us, she let out a fierce roar, like an angry bear. Then, she collided with the back of a crystal beast and sent it tumbling over, which knocked over multiple other crystal beasts, which stunned the entire group of them.

I blinked once at the absurdity of her plan. "I like it," I said, and promptly pulverized the head of the nearest beast with my shield. I swung my arm wildly and with the force to shatter mountains. These fuckers didn't stand a chance. Within seconds I had killed half a dozen, and Snow had drawn her sword and already killed two of them. The few remaining were only then beginning to sense what had happened. But by then it was too late. I was on my tenth kill before they started to fight back, but I wasn't surrounded any more, and I could dodge away from their clumsy bites and kicks.

After only half a minute the last crystal beast met its end on Snow's blade. She wiped the black smokey blood off in the snow before sheathing her weapon. Then she looked to me, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

I looked back at her. "You were supposed to stay with Shining and the others."

Her smile dropped as she scoffed at me. "Are you serious?! I just saved your life--again--and you can't even say thank you?!" She growled in anger and kicked a dead beast before glaring back at me. "Since you've gotten here you've done nothing but treat me like garbage, work everypony to exhaustion, and strut around like you own the place!" She snorted and bared her teeth at me. "What's your problem?!"

I looked at her for a few seconds before nodding. "You're right. Follow me." I said nothing else as I retrieved my broadsword and walked to where the ponies were huddled together finishing off any wounded beast that remained. I sighted a small pink mare standing next to a large grey one and made my way over to them.

As I approached the ponies they all stood at attention. Most of them looked sick and horrified. Though some of them looked... happy. Probably because they weren't dead. But I ignored the other ponies and focused on the two mares in front of me.

They snapped me a crisp salute and yelled, "Sir!" before relaxing and chuckling to each other. But once they saw the look on my face they quieted down.

I looked to Emerald. "Where were you two when we were in formation?" I asked them.

The two of them looked at the ground and shuffled their hooves. Neither said anything.

I began to feel heat rise to my face. "Well?!" I snapped, scaring them. "I asked you a question! You answer me when I ask you a question! Understand?!"

They both nodded quickly.

"Then tell me... Where were you two when we were in formation?" I looked from one to the other expectantly.

Emerald coughed quietly, drawing my attention. "Well... we, uh... We weren't under attack right then... so... I just figured..." She trailed off and gave me a pleading look.

I brought my broadsword in front of me, sticking the tip into the ground. "You figured... what?" I asked.

Emerald looked at me in a way a child looks at a disappointed parent. "I figured we... didn't need to be in formation..."

I stared at her, the pain in my head increasing. "Where's Twitchy?" I asked quietly.

Stone spoke up this time. "Twitchy's dead," she said. "He had one of his fits, and... They got him."

I clenched my jaw at that. One of the squad was dead. The squad that was supposed to be the best of the best. I sighed. This is going to make this harder. "Emerald, Stone," I said in a cold voice. "You are both relieved of duty."

The entire crowd of ponies gasped.

"What?!" Emerald shrieked. "You can't do that! You said it yourself: I'm in charge! You can't get rid of me, I'm the leader!"

I gave her an even look. "You shirked your responsibility as commander of this unit, therefore I am stripping you--and you, Stone--of your titles and rank." I let my words sink in for a few seconds. "From this point on, you two will report to the kitchen, and you will spend the rest of this war cleaning pots and washing spoons." I leveled them with a dangerous look. "Effective immediately."

The crowd of ponies were silent; probably afraid I would strike them down next. Though Shining spoke up. "You can't do that," he said. "There's nopony to take charge if you're not here without Emerald!"

I turned around to face him, pulling my broadsword from the dirt and sheathing it. "Sure there is," I said.

He raised a brow. "Who?"

I gestured with a hand to my side and pointed directly at Snow. "She will."

The crowd gasped.

I then turned to face Snow. "Sergeant Snow, I hereby award you with the title of Commander, and blah, blah, blah, yakkity yak. Congratulations on your promotion." I then looked her dead in the eyes. "You proved to me that you have what it takes to fight. Good job, and I mean it when I say that. But if you let me down..." I let my hand rest on the pommel of my sword. "You won't get a second chance."

Her eyes were nearly bugging out of her head, but still she bowed her head and mumbled a lame, "Thank you."

I nodded. "Now, use that power to order everybody to clean this mess up. Tomorrow, we're having a funeral."

With a final nod to Shining and Snow Shield I left the group of ponies. I made my way over to where I told that mare to stay put. To my delight, she was still there. And she was slowly waking up.

I reached her, just as she was opening her eyes, and crouched down so we would be almost eye level. "Well, good morning sleepy head," I said sweetly.

She groaned and rubbed her muzzle with a hoof. "What... happened," she mumbled, looking around her. "Where am I?" she asked me, looking at me for the first time. Her eyes bulged and her pupils shrank to pinpricks. She was shaking like a leaf. "No," she whispered.

I smiled sweetly at her. I raised my hand up to stroke gently across her cheek. "Shh, shh... hush now... It's all going to be fine," I told her. I leaned in closer, my smile widening. "I'm not going to hurt you. I swear on my life." I held up a finger as she began to speak to forestall any questions. "But what is going to happen..." I trailed off as I let my eyes rove over her body. She was curvy... She was luscious... She looked so soft... I drew my eyes back up to meet hers. She looked delicious. "You and I are going to go somewhere nice and private, where nobody'll find us," I said, still stroking her cheek, ever so softly. "And then," I said, leaning in very closely, my mouth almost touching her ear. "You and I are going to have a nice, long talk."

In Her Glory

I looped the rope around her hoof and the wooden beam, doubling it before tying it off. "Did you know, in the old days, there were professional torturers? Lords and dukes, and even kings sometimes, used to hire them to get information out of people. Torturers were generally shunned by the public, of course... But they were practically worshiped by the royalty of the land! They were treated better than the castle staff most of the time!"

I pulled the rope as tight as I could around the crossbeam, making it creak from the stress. "They used all kinds of fun things. Knifes, hammers, pliers, pins, needles, fire, boiling oil... the list just goes on and on. When I was a kid I read about a man that made a bull of bronze; he called it the Brazen Bull. What happened was they would open the side and put somebody in there, then light a fire beneath it. After a while it would boil the one inside alive, and the steam would come out of the nose and it would sound like the roaring of a bull--hence its name. But I always thought that was a bit too flashy, honestly... I always liked the up close and personal way of doing things. Y'know, flaying, skinning, pulling out the organs... stuff like that."

I spread her back legs and tied the hooves to their respective boards. "Although... because I like you--and I do--I think I'm going to do something special for you. No... no run-of-the-mill, slice n' dice for you. I'm going to make this fun. I'm going to make this enjoyable. You're going to love this, I swear. Well... probably not... but I will! And like I always say: I had fun, and that's all that matters."

I rung the rope around the knob on the back and pulled it as tight as I could. I tied it off and triple knotted it just to make sure it would hold. Because if the rope was even a little bit loose she would get away. And if she got away... there wouldn't be any fun to be had.

I looked at the curved, red object in my hand and twirled it slowly. I looked away from it, beaming at the mare. "So... where should we start?"

The mare whimpered. Tears leaked from her eyes and blood slowly dripped down her face to land on the floor. Her head lilted forward, partially hiding her face from me. "Please... I'm sorry..."

I let out a loud bark of laughter. "No, not yet you aren't. But you will be," I said as I stopped twirling the thing. "Yeah. You will be." The mare, the sole survivor from the failed attack, was completely helpless. While leading her to the small storage shed where I had been mulling things over in prior to the assault she had tried to escape. She tried to blast me with one of those crimson balls of death. Thanks to sheer dumb luck I was able to avoid it and tackle her to the ground. I then tore out her horn. Yep. I grabbed it, gave it a good hard yank, and ripped it right out of her head.

After she was magically disabled I carried her to the shed. Once there I strung her up on a large wooden X, much like Ramsay Snow did to his victims in Game of Thrones. Only... in my own style. Her back legs were... farther apart, than they should be. She was held tight--unable to move in even the slightest way. Not only rope, but shackles and chains held her to the X.

I rolled the curved object in my hand slowly. Her horn. "So... you mentioned Humans just before I killed your friend," I started, looming over her darkly. "Tell me. How do you know what Humans are?"

She didn't answer. She only continued to whimper and bleed from the large hole in her forehead.

I sighed. "This could be over so quickly if you'd cooperate, you know," I tried. "Just tell me what I want to know and I won't have to hurt you any more."

She sniffed back a sob. "You said... you wouldn't... hurt me..." She lifted her head slightly to look at me. Her eyes were brimmed with tears, red and swollen. Her lips trembled from pain and fear. Blood streamed down her forehead and mixed with her tears once past her eyes. "You... You said-"

I shushed her. "Now, now. I don't remember ever saying such a thing. Of course, I'm sure that you trying to kill me didn't help my memory very much..." I trailed off, looking away and frowning. I smiled again, looking at her from the corner of my eye. "But I do remember one thing," I said. I turned back and looked deeply into her eyes. "I remember hearing you say something about Humans. Now, what was it you said?" I asked her.

She let out a strangled whine. "Humans... You're dangerous. And you can't be trusted."

I let out an "Ah!" of enlightenment. "Yes, I think that was about right," I said, patting her on the head for being such a good girl. She yelped from the pain, and I laughed. "Now, how is it you know about Humans? Was there a settlement of them nearby? Or did they come from another land?"

She said nothing.

I felt my smile die. "TELL ME!" I screamed, lunging forward and stabbing her severed horn into her leg, right in the soft spot where the hoof connects. "FUCKING TELL ME!!!"

She wailed in pain and thrashed her head around. Doing so flung the blood from her forehead everywhere, including on me. "The mountains!" she screamed at me. "They were in the mountains!"

I let my smile return as I pulled the horn from her leg. "The mountains, huh?"

She nodded, more blood and tears falling from her.

I tapped the tip of her horn against my chin. "So... where in the mountains exactly?" I asked. "Did they live on the mountains? Or were they actually in the mountains? Did they farm? Or raise animals? Were they advanced, or primitive?"

The mare was openly sobbing now. "Raiders," she croaked out. "They were raiders. Murderers and slavers and rapists." She managed the strength to spit at my feet. "They were scum. All of them. They deserved what they got..."

I dropped my smile. "What happened to them?"

She looked up at me. There was a mixture of anger and sadness in her eyes. "Umbra did," she spat. "We were tired of them killing our warriors and taking our mares and fillies." She dropped her head down again to stare at the pool of blood beneath her. "Umbra saved us..."

I noticed that she said the last part more to herself than to me. "How?" I asked.

She shook her head, whimpering once more.

I frowned. "The others like you. A stallion I met when I first came here, and a younger mare in that monster... They didn't know what I am." I reached out and grabbed her by the chin, making her look at me. "Why is it they didn't know what I am, but you do?"

She was breathing very shallow. "It was a long time ago. Barely anypony even remembers the stories... let alone what actually happened." Her eyes closed and her breathing slowed. She was passing out.

I shook her face, still holding it. "Did they have a portal?!" I demanded.

She looked at me in confusion. "A... portal? A portal to what?" She sounded as if she were slipping.

I shook her again, more violently this time. "Did they have one?! Answer me!" I yelled in her face. "A portal! It would have been a red swirling one! Different shades?!" I shook her again. "Did they have one?!"

Her eyes were unfocused as they roamed around the room. A dumb, uncomprehending look was dominating her features. "Why is it so cold?" she asked the air.

I released my hold on her face. I heard myself growling in anger. My hand curled into a first, my knuckles cracking. "You worthless bitch," I snarled. I could feel my hand shaking from anger. "You worthless, stupid fucking cunt!" I pulled my hand back and launched my fist into her face, slamming into her cheek and snapping her head to the right. I swung again with my other fist and knocked her head to the left. "You worthless, lying bitch!" I roared as I slammed my right fist square into her muzzle, forcing her head straight back.

I felt the feeling leave my body. I felt myself slipping. I couldn't stop.

I opened my eyes. Confusion swept over me as I did so. Directly in front of me, right in front of my face, was a plain white wooden door. Looking around me, I could see absolutely nothing.

I looked at the door. My hand was on the brass knob. I briefly wondered why I was here and what the door was. As far as I could tell, there was nothing behind it when I looked around the side. But even still, I had the strange compulsion to open it. To throw it open and dive head first into whatever was behind it.

Go on. Do it~

My hand moved by itself. Or maybe I moved it and didn't notice? Whatever the case, I turned the knob. I looked at the small brass globe. Small, round, and finely made. My hand seemed to be glued to it. The thought of letting go seemed... unwise. I felt cold; my skin was prickling painfully and my throat felt tight. I turned a little more and the lock clicked. The door was open.

Open it.

My head was cold, but my body was hot. Itchy. Uncomfortable. My skin felt like a thousand tiny needles was piercing me all at once, over and over again. Only my hand felt fine. My hand that was pulling the door open.

I could see a sliver of darkness. Tendrils of black smoke. Pulsing black light.

More...

My body trembled and my skin crawled. My hair stood on end. I fought the burning in my gut and pulled the door further.

I heard voices. Tens of thousands of voices, all calling for help. Manic laughter of a crazed mare. Screaming. Drums... Drums of war. Chains clanking and stones breaking. The crying of a grieving mother and the curses of an angry father.

A little more... You can do it~

All I could feel was ice in my mind and molten fire in my body. My skin was gone; my hair had been burned off. All of my flesh was exposed and rotting away. My bones were broken. But still, my hand that lay upon the brass doorknob was fine. With a quick prayer and the hope for an end, I opened the door completely.

Nothing. Nothing was there. Not that there wasn't anything there. There was something there. And that something... was... nothing. All of the nothing that ever existed, and ever will exist was beyond the doorway. It was terrifying; like looking into oblivion and death and life itself all at once.

Come in...

I walked forward. I wanted the nothing. I wanted to be nothing. I needed it.

I stepped into the door... and it was over. I couldn't feel anything. The fire was gone. The ice was gone. The needles were gone. The darkness, the light, the life, the death, the pain, the joy... everything... was gone.

I didn't have a headache any more.

I sucked in a huge breath and released it in a bestial howl loud enough to rattle the cups on the counter and make the floor vibrate as an enormous wave of ecstasy crashed over me like a monsoon. As the roar subsided I bent down low and clamped my teeth onto the back of her neck. I bit down hard enough to slice right through the skin. My teeth cut right through the thin flesh and bit into the spine. I held her by the neck with my teeth, her flanks in either hand pressed hard against me. I held that position, only moving to grind my hips forward every few seconds, in time with each explosion of pleasure that rocked me. Minutes passed. Five minutes. Ten minutes. Twenty minutes.

It wasn't until nearly an hour passed that the feeling was gone. Once the feeling was gone I had no use for the body.

The body... I released my grip on her neck to look down at her. It was an appetizing sight. Her front legs were gone--still attached to the wooden X, with the bones sticking out and arteries and smaller veins idly dripping dark blood down the boards. Her large intestine was wrapped around her neck extremely tightly, just above were I bit through; the intestine was ripped from her midriff--which wasn't there any more. From her chest down was just a mangled, bloody mess. The organs and cords sagged from the body to the floor. Moving up again, her muzzle wasn't there. Just a semi-flat surface that showed bone and cartilage through the ripped fur and torn flesh. An obscene amount of blood--and another fluid--covered every inch of the floor, her body, and me from the stomach down, as well as blood on my face, hands and lower arms.

I relaxed and let the body thud wetly to the floor. My skin prickled painfully as the colors of the world dulled and the sounds were muffled. I rolled my shoulders and winced as the jointed creaked and groaned. "What the hell happened?" I asked aloud as the fog clear from my mind. I rubbed my head with my hand as I caught my breath. That's when I recoiled from the warm wetness of something on my hand touching me.

"The hell...?" I wondered aloud as I brought my hand around to look at it. I saw it was dripping dark blood. My breathing stopped. My eyes went wide. Slowly, I looked down and around. I saw the body first. Then I saw that blood was covering the entire floor. I saw the... uhm... "other stuff"... last.

I shook my head. "Good God," I mumbled to myself. "What happened here?" I was studying the body when I heard a scream come from outside, in the courtyard. I turned quickly and strode to the door, pushing it open as I reached it. The first thing I saw was the enormous black cloud hanging in the sky, reaching as far as I could see in every direction. The next thing I saw was the burning buildings.

Almost every building within the walls was on fire. Some of them were cracked open with huge holes.

I stepped outside and instead of feeling the biting frozen air I felt the beating heat of the fires. I heard more screams. But not only screams; I heard someone shouting. If I didn't know any better, I'd have sworn it said "Kill them!"

I summoned my sword and buckler as I jogged toward the gate--where the screaming and shouting was coming from. As I approached a new sound was heard: the clashing of swords. Metal on metal rang out across the burning field, and the screams turned into cries of battle. I passed the last burning building--a half destroyed barrack--to come out into the open field. They were there. No less than twenty grey ponies, clad in armor. They were all either wielding weapons in their crimson magical auras or shooting spells at the crystal ponies, who could barely fend them off.

I stuck my sword in the ground and summoned a dagger in my right hand. "Hey evil people!" I yelled at the grey ponies.

Several of them looked at me. They looked somewhat confused.

I reeled back my arm and hurled the dagger at the nearest one. There was a quick and loud shriek of metal piercing metal as it punch through the stallion's helmet just to the left of his horn. "Fuck you!"

The ones that were watching gasped. One even shouted a swear word I was familiar with. Then there was a voice in the air, smoother than silk, and more burning than ice. "Bring him to me." The grey ponies all looked at me, readied their weapons, and charged.

I drew my sword from the ground and slowly advanced to meet them. "I will not be beaten by you," I growled into the burning air. "You won't stop me from getting to Celestia." I spun my sword in my hand and held it in a readied position. "You will not rob me of my revenge." I brought my shield up to protect my torso. "You will NOT stop me from killing that stupid! Ugly! Whore!"

They let out a fierce battle cry as they made to attack me all at once.

I scowled at the group of them as I stopped my advance to let them cover the last few yards. When the first one was within reach, I made my move. I twisted my wrist to angle my broadsword just right. Then, in the same motion, I flicked my arm to the side. The pony was dead before she even knew it. Before the mare's body hit the ground I swung again. I brought my broadsword down the the head of another mare, cleaving it vertically in two. "None of you will stop me!" I bellowed, ramming my shield into the face of a stallion. It dazed him long enough for me to run another grey pony through, then stab my sword through his throat downward into his chest cavity. I leaned into his terrified face and screamed, "Get out of my way!" in a frenzied voice.

He looked me in the eyes as blood gurgled up and spilled from his mouth. "It... hurts," he murmured through the blood.

I pulled my sword free and kicked his body into two grey ponies behind him, roaring like a wild animal the whole time. I felt a stab of pain in my side, and, looking down, I saw a mare withdrawing a dagger from me. "I'll murder your face!" Then I did. I plunged my sword down through the top of her head, hilting it, then pulled it free. Dark blood trailed from the blade as I did so, splattering it on the face of a stallion charging a spell. The blood got in his eye, and he lost concentration, and the spell died. "Magic is hax! Fuck off!" I swung my sword diagonally and severed his head. I blocked a sword with my shield, using the opening to arc my sword upward from below my shield. My sword went into the stallion's lower jaw and out through the top of his head.

Another lance of pain went through me again. A burning agony from my back. "Take that!" a male voice jeered.

I turned around, already swinging my sword. There was a moment of resistance, then I saw a stallion's head fly from a body. Blood spurted from the large veins in his neck, spraying me with thick, dark blood.

Another stabbing pain in my side. "Die you monster! Die Die Die Die!" A young voice. Female. With every "Die!" another stab in my side.

I roared like the monster she believed I was. With adrenaline fueled strength, I spun back around and slammed the metal-rimmed edge of my buckler into the side of her head. There was a crunch and she fell over, a large area of her head now caved in. "Fuck off!" I swore as I brought my sword down on another stallion and wedged it in his skull. Pulling it free, I made another swipe with my sword, and another was dead, her throat cut deeply. Another lunge ran my blade through a stallion's chest. A heavy overhead cleave chopped another stallion in half down to the shoulders. With every movement I made I ended a life. But not without a cost. No matter how quick I was, no matter how safe I thought I was, I took hits. A cut here, and a stab there. Small wounds that added up over the course of the battle. It was only a matter of time before I took a fatal blow.

Nearly all of them were dead now. Less than half of them remained. I clanged my sword against the side of my shield and bellowed a challenge to the attackers. I stomped on the ground and pounded on my chest. "Come on! Kill me! Kill me!"

All of them rushed forward at once. Spells shooting at me and blades stabbing and slashing for my heart.

The first spell missed by inches. The second spell was batted away with my shield in a backhand, sent flying into the castle wall to explode in a hail of fire and shattered stone. I swung left and right and left again. I stabbed and slashed. But even as versed in murder as I was, I couldn't kill them all. I sent a mare's head flying from her shoulders, following up with a stab to a stallion's throat. But that left me open. As my blade pierced flesh, a screaming pain entered my stomach. I looked down to see the tip of a sword poking from my gut. A second later it was pulled back out from behind.

The world around me started tilting and I fell to my knees. My broadsword was knocked away from me before I could defend myself. This didn't feel right. When I died the first time I was here it was like blinking. I closed my eyes, opened them, then I was alive again. This... This was painful. Slow. I felt... cold. I tried to force myself to respawn, but it wasn't working. Nothing was working.

I felt my breathing come slower. The pain in my stomach lessened. Everything slowed down. I could barely feel the heat of the fire any more. I couldn't smell the blood. I wondered why I wasn't dead yet. Maybe they were debating on who should be the one to kill me? Ah, it didn't matter... Not really... Nothing really mattered any more...

But I haven't killed Celestia yet... That mattered. That's all that mattered. "Celestia..." I tried to move. "Celestia..." I began to lift myself off the ground.

"Get back down!" a rough voice blared in my face.

I was pushed back to my knees by a large hoof. I nearly fell on my side from the force put into it, but the hoof remained on my shoulder to keep my where I was. "Get off me... you... fucker..." I tried to shove the hoof off but received a hard smack to the side of the head for my efforts. I was just about to try again when I heard hooves approaching. I looked towards the approaching sound, and my eyes went wide. Striding towards me, hips swaying, obscenely curvy body lithe and luscious, was a mare like no other I've seen before. She stood taller than any mare there--and stallion too. Her fur was dark grey like water polished stone; her hair was like black, flowing silk that gleamed like polished metal; her body was like no other I've ever seen, smooth and soft and full and curvy and all those things and everything else. But it was her eyes that would seal me away. No white, only a livid, bright green; the irises were a bloody red, rimmed with orange like fire. They were like pools of pure soul and energy. Life in its purest form.

A throat cleared.

I blinked, realizing I had been staring open-mouthed at her for nearly a full minute.

She smiled at me, showing off her large pointed teeth. "You've caused me quite a bit of trouble," she purred, sending shivers down my spine. "This could have gone so much smoother if you had just let me take over from the beginning you know." She looked me up and down slowly, making me squirm uncomfortably under her gaze. "It's been a long time since I've seen a Human. Are you from Bleeding Rock?"

At my silence and dumb stare she continued. "I suppose not... But that leaves me curious. Where did you come from, Human?"

I moved my mouth, but no words came out.

She smiled a little wider at this. "What's the matter? Stage fright?" she teased. She chuckled to herself, her eyes going half-lidded. "It's been a long time since I've seen a Human in battle. I'd forgotten just how lethal your kind are, even against my best soldiers." She hummed to herself as she studied me. This lasted several minutes before she spoke again. "I think killing you would be a terrible waste of potential for the future... But at the same time, I don't think I can trust you to behave yourself. So... what shall I do with you?" She took a few steps closer and leaned closer to my face. "I know what you want, Human. I've seen your mind and your heart." She smiled, just a tiny bit wider. "What would you say if I told you I could help you?"

I blinked. She can... help me? Help me how?

She chuckled as she pulled back. "I can get you to Canterlot, and I can deliver Celestia to you on her knees." She closed her eyes and sighed wistfully, as if the mental image pleased her greatly. She opened her eyes again to resume staring into my own eyes. "All you have to do is pledge yourself to me, body and soul. Surrender yourself to me and I'll fulfill your every desire. You can be a king, or the richest being on the planet! You can do anything you want, whenever you want! The world can you yours!" She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, her breath washing over me. It smelled like lust and desire. "So... what do you say?"

I blinked up at her. "I have the weirdest boner."

She spluttered in a very undignified way, her saucy smile disappearing and a shocked expression replacing it. "Excuse me?!" she gasped, a large crimson blush spreading over her face.

A hoof crashed into the side of my head painfully and everything went dark.

Warriors Like You

There was a sharp rapping at a door near me, followed by an annoyed, "Wake up!"

I started at the voice with a yell and a crash as I bodily left the bed I was lying on and landed on a nearby table. I thudded my forehead into the sharp edge and sent a lamp crashing to the ground, where it immediately shattered into hundreds of tiny shards... That I then fell on. And I yelled again in pain.

There was another angry banging at the door. "You better not be messying things up in there!"

I arched my back up and away from the shards of glass and let out a pained yell. "Fwuuuaaaaaahh-ha-ha! Why?!" I rolled off the murderous pieces of glass and stood up to brush off my back and ass. "Jesus fuck!" I exclaimed. "Since when is glass so sharp?!"

The door opened, but I ignored it in favor of trying to de-glass my naked backside.

I brushed off what I could, but there were others that got stuck deeper by my efforts. So those I had to painfully yank free from my flesh. "Stupid, lousy, no good... Who puts a lamp next to a bed?! Stupid people?!" I removed a particularly large shard when I noticed that it wasn't glass, but a very fine crystal. It looked vaguely like quartz, only darker. But the pain in my body urged me to continue removing the crystal splinters , not study them. That was why I didn't register her appearance until she spoke.

There was a slight gasp a few feet from me. "Look at what you did!" the voice scolded. "And who do you expect to clean all that up?! Surely not me?!"

I jumped again from the sudden berating and paused my splinter removal long enough to look at the source of the voice. I saw a mare. An older mare. Her coat was a light grey, and her hair was a dull silver color. Unlike the others of her kind though, she had no horn. And her eyes... If looks could kill, I'd have been lying dead on the ground foaming at the mouth. I stared dumbly into her angry glare. "Uh... Wh- what?"

She clicked her tongue a few times and shook her head slowly, as if disappointed. "Typical Human," she muttered. "You're in the temple for not one day and you're already wrecking the place. I don't understand what that girl saw in you, but by the Winter, if you think you can just waltz in here and make my temple a pigsty..." She snarled, much like a wild animal. "Boy... you've got another thing coming."

I stood there, completely forgetting about the crystal shards in my skin, and stared at the mare in front of me. It took me multiple seconds to fully register what she had said. When I did I responded as best I could. "... What?" I was at a loss for words. I'd stared death itself in the face countless times and laughed. I'd wrestled diabolical deamons to the ground with my bare hands and hunted huge, magical dragons with nothing but a measly bow and my wits. I'd fought off entire armies, single handed. I'd swam through lava, jumped from mountains, navigated trap-filled temples and explored monster-filled caves. I've done all this and so much more, and I've never once felt fear for even a split second. And yet... staring into this mare's eyes... I felt more afraid than I could ever remember feeling before.

She rolled her eyes and trotted over to the bed, making it look pristine in seconds. "You aren't too smart, are you boy?" she asked as she finished folding the covers perfectly.

I blinked as I slowly regained my senses. "Uhm... where am I?"

She cast me a disparaging look before fluffing the pillows with her hooves roughly. "You're not even going to introduce yourself first? Ugh, typical Human; crass, crude and all around uncivilized."

I blinked again. "O... kay? Well, may I ask your name, ma'am?" I tried, trying my best to sound proper.

She cast me another look, this time a curious one with an eyebrow raised. " 'Ma'am'?" she questioned. "Never heard a Human use that one before. You may call me Missus Steel, or Mistress Steel, or 'Ma'am' will work just as well." She finished with the pillows and stared at me expectantly. After a few seconds she cocked an eyebrow again. "Well?" she asked impatiently.

I jumped from the harshness of her voice. "Uh... I... What?"

She scoffed and rolled her eyes again. "Is that all you say, boy?" she scolded.

I opened my mouth, about to say it again, but decided against it. Instead, I thought of something better to say. "I'm not sure what you're expecting from me Missus Steel," I told her, carefully enunciating each syllable.

She shot me another glare, and I figured out why her name was Steel: when she glared it felt like I was being pierced by a sharp blade. "I told you my name, so now you tell me your name," she explained in an overly slowed fashion, like I was a simpleton.

I made a silent O of understanding and quickly tried to think of something. I couldn't use my real name... but I could use a good, strong name to make myself seem impressive. I answered with, "Erak. My name's Erak." I made a small bow with my shoulders. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

She looked from my face downwards. "It looks like it," she remarked with a small smirk.

I looked at her, confused. Then I followed her gaze downward... downward... and right to my morning wood. I quickly covered myself by grabbing one of the pillows and pressing it against my crotch. "Oh God I'm sorry! I didn't even realize that it- I mean I- It's just that you're- I..." I hung my head in shame. "I'm sorry," I said lamely.

She scoffed and rolled her eyes again. "Oh, don't fret now, boy. I'm not some rosy-cheeked little filly. I've been around the block a few times, and I've seen more than a few cocks in my time."

I snapped my head up in shock, eyes wide and mouth agape. "Wh- what?!" If I wasn't already feeling awkward, I certainly was by then.

She rolled her eyes again, but this time it was more for humor's sake. "Winter's sake boy, is that all you say?"

I just stared dumbly at her.

Once again, the eye roll. "Well, I suppose you don't have to be smart when you're hung like that," she mused aloud. "I'm surprised you could even fight with that monster between your legs."

I stared in utter horror at the mare in front of me. "You're very blunt, aren't you?" I asked while slowly shaking my head in amazement.

She seemed to think about it for a few seconds before nodding her head. "Yes, I suppose I am, aren't I?" she said in a thoughtful tone. But with a quick shake of her head, the smirk and humor was gone. She was back in business mode. "Enough chat, boy. You need to get washed and dressed. Umbra wants to see you in the Lounge."

"The Lounge?" I questioned. "Where's that? And where am I?!"

She opened a small wardrobe near the door and tossed something my way. "Umbra will answer any question you have." She stopped then. "If she feels like it." Then she opened the door and gave me one more quick glance. "I wouldn't keep her waiting if I were you, boy." Then she walked out the door and closed it behind her. Now... it might have been my imagination, but I could have sworn she was sashaying her hips at me in a rather provocative way as she left.

I stood dumbly for a few seconds just shaking my head in wonder at that strange mare. Eventually, I scoffed to myself, "I like her." I looked at the thing she tossed me. As I inspected it, I saw that it was a very light, crystally blue robe. It was unbelievably smooth, and it was cool to the touch. I also noticed it was just barely long enough to cover me. "Damn pony clothes..." I muttered as I sat down on the bed. I then screamed an exceptionally foul curse, as I remembered, much too late, that there were still quite a few broken lamp shards in my skin.

After removing the last of the lamp shards, a quick wash--in an uncomfortably small shower--and slipping on my pony robe I left my temporary room. But, old habits die hard. I decided it was time I stopped fooling around with swords and medieval bullshit; as much as I liked it, I wasn't in a position where I could afford to lose a fight. I was slowly dying, in enemy territory, mostly naked, and I wasn't sure if I was able to respawn or not.

I spawned the Glock from FA:S 2, the Tritium sights, and a silencer. I afforded myself around two hundred shots. I wanted as many bullets as I could hold, but not so much that it progressed my death timer.

I made to change my player model to get myself some actual clothes, but I remembered that I had to die in order to actually change my model. So unfortunately, I was stuck in the skimpy robe.

With my Glock in hand, I cautiously made my way through the maze-like halls of wherever I was. I couldn't help but admire the decor of the place as I explored however. For a race of ponies that spoke in a "Ye Olde English" accent, the paintings and woodwork looked surprisingly... Oriental. Like this place was a Chinese monastery from ancient times. There weren't any pictures of dragons or koi, but in their place were dozens, if not hundreds of pictures of grey pony warriors. And as I got a good look at some of them, I couldn't help but be reminded of Samurai. Evil Samurai, but still...

I wandered aimlessly for around ten minutes before I actually realized that I had no idea where I was going. When I came to this realization I couldn't help but smack myself for being an idiot. "I didn't ask for directions..." So as I had no idea where to go, and even less of an idea of where I was, I began doing the only thing I could think of: opening doors at random until I found a way to either escape or the Lounge.

I opened the first door I came across only to find a broom closet. A little further down the hallway was another closet, this time filled with blankets. Another door got me a closet filled with towels and toilet paper. A closet with robes exactly like the one I was wearing, a closet filled with firewood, a closet filled with silverware. Every door I opened seemed to be another closet. And each one was filled with something stranger than the last. There was a closet filled with rubber bands, another one with nails, another with bottles of soap, one with toothpicks, one with dolls, one with board games, one with broken sunglasses, one with torn scraps of paper, one with dirty napkins, one with seashells, and even a closet filled with small toy badgers with hollowed out eyes, each with a paper label around its neck with a name written on it. They were all named Roger.

I blinked in confusion and closed the closet with a sense of creepiness at the last one. "Fucking weirdos."

I came to another closet and opened it with a sense of dread. That sense of dread turned into a sense of discovery rather quickly though once I saw what was inside. The entire closet was filled with dildos--for both genders. Each shelf contained a different kind. It started with "Pony" on the top shelf, then Donkey, Mule, Zebra, Dragon, Minotaur, Diamond Dog, Changeling, and finally, Human on the bottom shelf. I couldn't help but notice that one of the Human shafts looked slightly moist.

I closed the closet with a mildly disturbed look. "There's no reason anybody needs that many..." As the closet clicked shut I heard something to my left. A pair of voices. It sounded as if it were a male and a female voice, but I couldn't be sure. I gripped my Glock tighter and crept closer to where I heard the voices coming from. As I got closer I could hear what was being said. It was definitely a male and a female, and by the sounds of it they were up to something not appropriate for children.

The door was a simple wooden one, the same color as the wall. If I hadn't heard the two inside, I would have easily mistaken it for a slightly off center panel. I placed my fingers into the hollow and yanked it open. In the same moment it banged open, I raised my pistol and took aim at the couple making out on the bed. "No magic!" I barked. "If I see one spark I'll paint the wall with your brains!" Although that was a pointless threat I realized, as I saw that neither of them had a horn immediately after making it. But still, I couldn't change my threat. It would kill the mood.

The mare shrieked and pulled the covers over her. The stallion also shrieked--louder and higher than the mare--and fell of the bed. "Please don't kill me!" the stallion yelled. "Take her! Take her and let me live! Please!"

The mare gasped and glared at her lover. "Excuse me?!"

"Shut up!" I ordered. "Both of you!"

They both obeyed.

I glowered at the stallion. "Where's the exit?"

He flinched away from my voice. "T- th- there is no exit!"

"Of course there's an exit! I got in here somehow, so there has to be at least one door!" I pulled back the hammer. "Tell me. Now."

"Okay! Okay!" he whimpered, covering his face with his hooves. "There is a way out of the temple."

"And?!" I yelled.

He "Eeep!"ed at me. "Umbra controls it! She can open it and close it with magic!" He looked at me with a very unstallion-like expression. "I've told you all I know! Don't kill me! Take her! She's not even my marefriend! Take her and let me live! Plea-he-he-ease!"

I scoffed at the very unmanly stallion and looked to the mare. "Do you want me to shoot him? Or would you like to kill him yourself?"

She looked from me to the begging stallion. "No, don't kill him," she said with a deadly glare towards him.

The stallion smiled at her.

Her glare intensified. "I want to kill him myself."

I nodded. "As you wish. But before I go, could you tell me how to get to the Lounge?"

She looked back to me with a perky smile. "Sure! Just go down the hall and take your second left, then a right. You can't miss it!"

I gave her a slight bow with my shoulders. "Thank you."

She smiled brightly. "No problem." Then she turned to the stallion. "Now for you..." She was practically growling.

I left the room and made my way down the hallway. I followed the mare's directions until I came upon another door. Unlike the door to the couple's room and the closets, it was large and easily noticeable. It was also labeled "The Lounge" at the top.

I looked at the door. It stood tall and strong in my way. It was the only thing between me and Umbra. The only thing blocking me from getting out. The only thing between me and my revenge. I put my hand on the door, my pistol ready. "On three," I whispered to myself. "One... THREE!" I slammed the door open with a loud crash and dove into the room. I rolled on my shoulder and came up on one knee with my Glock pointed straight forward. "Get some!"

The serving mare blinked. She looked cross eyed at the end of the silencer attached to my Glock. It was pressed against her muzzle, scrunching her nose in a rather adorable way. "Uh... Hello... Can I get you something to drink?"

I opened my mouth to shout something about the male anatomy but froze half way through the process of speaking. What did she say? "You wouldn't happen to have any whiskey, would you?" It was the only thing I could think of, as my brain seemed to have shut down.

She looked from the silencer to me. "I think we have some in the back. I'll bring it right out." She then turned and trotted away, casting me one last strange look before disappearing behind a counter.

I slowly righted myself and looked around. There were around twenty grey ponies bustling about the room; some were carrying trays of food and drinks, others were taking orders, and a few were tidying up the room. All of the serving ponies were mares, whereas the cleaning ponies were stallions. All of them, mares and stallions, were lacking the red curved horns though. However, the ponies that were sitting at tables and eating the food that the hornless ponies were serving had horns. More than that, some of them had weapons with them.

My observations were cut short however, by a throat being cleared. I looked towards whoever it was calling for me and saw her. Umbra. Sitting comfortably at a table, sipping on a colorful beverage with a tiny umbrella in it. She beckoned me closer with a hoof.

I looked around me at the grey ponies with weapons. At first glance, they looked calm and relaxed, just eating and drinking. But as I looked a bit closer I could see that they were tensing whenever I stared too long, and some of them watched me out of the corner of their eye. I had just blundered into a trap.

I muttered hushed obscenities as I cautiously walked over to where Umbra was sitting. I kept my pistol ready the whole time, but deleted the silencer. At this close range, I needed the extra stopping power should something happen. I sat down on the pony sized chair directly across from her. I scowled at her as she just looked at me, sipping her drink. She looked at me almost like a child looks at something new and interesting. I was the first to speak. "What's to stop me from killing you and everybody in this room?"

All of the warrior ponies tensed up around us. I could feel the friction in the air.

She swallowed her mouthful of drink and smiled coolly at me. "The fact that if you you'll never leave this temple alive," she said, almost sweetly.

I scowled harder at her. I could feel my finger twitching, brushing against the trigger. God I wanted to kill her... But I couldn't. I needed to leave this damned place if I wanted to complete my mission. "Where am I?" I asked. Might as well start simple.

She nodded sagely. She probably expected that one. "You are in the Temple of the Iron Ponies." She took another small sip of her drink. "And right now, were inside of the highest mountain in the Northern Equestrian tundra. Nothing but snow, ice, rocks, and barren wasteland surround this place for a hundred miles in every direction." As she finished she looked very pleased with herself.

I raised a brow. "What exactly is an 'Iron Pony'?" I asked. "Are you some kind of religious cult set on world domination? Or are you just in it for the murder?"

She made a face at my bitter tone, but continued to hold an air of superiority. "No, we aren't a religious cult. It's just what we are; our race. Like pegasi are pegasi, and unicorns are unicorns. And as for what I want... I just want what is rightfully mine."

"And what is that?" I asked, taking the bait she so obviously left.

She smiled at my question. "I want the Crystal Empire, and all of its ponies. I want my throne again. I want my crystal mines. And I want to be a power in the Equestrian Council again."

That... Well, honestly, I should have seen that coming. "How is the Crystal Empire rightfully yours? I barely know anything about this place, and even with my limited knowledge I know that the Crystal Ponies have always lived there. Well... before you enslaved them all, and the Empire vanished from the face of the planet."

She looked at me strangely. Almost as if she were searching for something. "Do you really not know?" She sounded almost surprised. But what could she be surprised about?

I shrugged. "There's a lot of things I don't know about this damn place. Considering how I've never been to this part of Equestria, I'm pretty sure I have no idea what you're talking about."

She made a face at me. "But you're a Human. How could you not remember?"

I frowned in confusion. "Remember what?"

She began to speak, but quickly stopped herself. "Never mind it. It's a story for another time." She closed her eyes and took a quick breath. When she opened her eyes again she was more collected, like when I had first sat down. "Now is not the time for a history lesson. Now is the time to talk about the future. For me, and for you."

I once again scowled at her. "The only future I'm interested in, is one that involves Celestia and Luna dead." Then a dark thought crossed my mind. "Or at the very least, totally and utterly powerless, serving my every desire as my very own pair of slaves." I laughed humorlessly at the thought. "I'd fucking love to pin Celestia down and ruin that pretty face of hers. Luna too." I chuckled darkly. "I can think of a few good uses for those mouths other than talking."

After a few seconds I realized I was staring at the table with a malicious grin laughing to myself and cleared my throat. "But, yeah. I don't care about anything unless it involves Celestia dead."

Umbra looked at me with a beaming smile. "That's exactly what I was hoping you'd say," she purred. At my questioning look she continued. "You see, as long as Celestia lives, I'll never be able to reclaim my throne. And, unfortunately, my powers have been severely weakened from my separation from the Crystal Heart. So I need warriors to help me. Warriors like the ones you see around you. Warriors like you."

"Like me?" I parroted.

She nodded. "Exactly like you."

I worked my jaw side to side for a few seconds while I thought about it. Sure, it sounded pretty legit; I get to kill Celestia and she takes over. But the thing was, I would be able to kill Celestia anyway, without her help. All I had to do was shoot her in the face and I'd likely be free to go. But that wasn't a surefire bet. If I killed her and I was stuck, I'd be screwed. "What if I say no?" I asked her.

She scoffed gingerly at me. "Then I would simply kill you. Or force you to obey me. Your body is full of my magic, and if I wanted to I could just make you a mindless minion."

My eyes widened slightly. "Wait... When did that happen?"

She gave me a superior grin. "When you first got here," she said coolly. "Remember when the blood of my vanguard got absorbed into you? You saw things and heard things? Well, that was my essence entering you." She chuckled at my horrified expression. "Yes, from the very beginning I could have easily killed you. But I didn't. I saw in your mind what you wanted. And I saw just how deadly you are, given the proper motivation."

I clenched my jaw and gave her the most hateful look I could muster. "So... I guess I don't really have many choices, do I?"

She chuckled again. "No. You don't." She sighed happily and sipped on her drink once more. When she finished it she looked at me for a long time. She looked utterly pleased with herself. "So, will you fight for me willingly? Or will I have to take away your mind?"

I snorted. "If I say yes, that's hardly willing."

She perked up. "So you will?" she chirped.

I looked down. Down at my pistol. How many shots could I fire before I was overwhelmed? I took a deep breath. All I'd need was two. One for her... and one for me. But Celestia would still be alive, gloating over my corpse. She would still be laughing at me.

I looked up at Umbra with a hateful expression. "The second Celestia's dead... you're going to release me."

She flashed that superior smile at me again. "Or what?" she mocked.

I placed the pistol on the table and leaned forward, getting right in her face and looked her right in the eye. "Otherwise you'll be ruling a kingdom of ash."

For the first time since I walked in there, she wasn't smiling that gloating smile. She looked frightened.

Big Talk and Tiny Ponies

I sat in my too-small seat at the too-short table. I had one hand on a tiny, dull eating knife, and the other on a semi-automatic shotgun that lay across my lap loaded with eight flechette rounds and about fifty more shells in my pockets. The room was silent save for the occasional scrape of a knife or fork against a plate, or a restrained cough. The serving mares bustled quietly and quickly back and forth around us, either bringing more food or drinks, or taking away old plates. The Iron Ponies at the table eating the food looked uncomfortable, to say the least; some of them looked outright terrified. The only ones not sweating from the tension in the room were Umbra and I. Umbra was too busy gloating at me with her smiling face to look uncomfortable, and I was too busy carving up the thing on my plate--it was a steak in the shape of a pony; I stabbed it repeatedly in the face area. I wasn't to concerned with eating it. Just stabbing it over and over again and splattering the blood from the steak across the table was enough for me.

I tightened and loosened my grip on the receiver of the shotgun in my lap in time with my stabs. With every stab I loosened my grip, and as I pulled my knife away I tightened my grip again. In truth, I didn't even notice I was doing this.

I scowled across the table at the mare who smiled back. I had been doing this for nearly an hour now, and I was beginning to think that the more anger I funneled her way, the better she felt. Of course, this just made me angrier, so I scowled harder until my face muscles began to hurt.

With every passing minute it felt like the air was getting thicker and heavier. The room felt like it was caving in. It was too hot. It was freezing.

I stabbed the steak pony harder. Shhck!... Shhck!... Shhck!...

That stupid mare was keeping me there. Like a pet. Did I amuse her? Was I a fucking clown?!

I stabbed the steak pony harder. Shkrck!... Shkrck!... Shkrck!...

Just fucking wait. Just fucking wait, you cum guzzling whore. I'll skin you alive and choke you with your own fucking entrails. I'll show you... I'll show you just what I am...

I stabbed the steak pony harder. Shcriek!... Shcriek!... Shcriek!...

You bitch. You smug, stupid bitch. I'll kill you. I'll kill you, and destroy everything you love. I'll level this mountain and turn this entire snow scorched hellhole to glass. I'll hunt down every member in you bloodline, and I'll throw them in a pit of fire. I'll carve out the hearts of everybody here and feed them to pigs. I'll reach my hand down your throat, grab your intestines, and turn you inside out. I'll-

"Ahem."

I plunged the knife down much too hard. It shattered the plate with a piercing crack and embedded the blade deep into the wooden table. Almost to the wood handle--which was now splintered and broken because of my death grip on it.

Everybody in the room flinched. Everybody except Umbra.

I turned to look at the little voice that made itself known. A serving mare, barely more than a filly, really. I bored holes into her with my eyes. "What is it?" I snarled.

The small mare shrunk back from me with a whimper. "I... I um... Do you... want something to drink?"

I growled at her, much like a wild animal. "Are you offering your blood?" I leaned down and grabbed her cheeks. "Because if you are," I said in a deranged manner, "I would very much like to drain you dry. Slit your throat and suck out every drop of that red, metallic sweetness."

She took in a shallow breath, her eyes rolled up into the back of her head, and she fainted in my grasp.

I let her unconscious body thump to the ground and resumed stabbing the steak pony.

"Was that really necessary?"

I stopped in my stabbing and looked across the table. "Yes. It was."

Umbra gave me a disapproving look. "You should really be kinder to the staff here. After all, you're going to be here for the rest of your life."

I slammed my fist into the table. "No!" I spat. "I'm killing Celestia, then I'm leaving this shitty world forever!" I shook my head in anger. "I don't even know why I kept you hateful things in my Gmod any way."

Umbra sighed, "You Humans... I'll never understand where your kind gets the energy to be so angry. But then again..." She looked at me, not even attempting to hide her smugness. "If it weren't for that blind rage your kind was so famous for, killing your entire species would have been much more difficult."

I beat both of my fists into the table hard enough to crack something. Whether it was the table or my bones, I wasn't sure. I drew in a huge breath, and let it out in a scream loud enough to ravage my throat and vocal cords. "I'M NOT FUCKING ANGRY!!!!!! I AM PERFECTLY FUCKING CALM!!!!!" I swatted away my plate with the back of my hand. "I SWEAR ON EVERYTHING HELLISH AND UNHOLY!!!!!! IF YOU DON'T SHUT YOUR GOD DAMNED DIRTY FUCKING MOUTH I'LL KILL EVERY LIVING THING IN THIS MOUNTAIN!!!!!!!"

Umbra smiled at me. "I'd like to see you try."

I said nothing. Instead of responding I raised my shotgun in one hand, aimed it at the stallion sitting next to me, and pulled the trigger.

The stallion didn't even have time to scream. In the blink of an eye he was there, and then there was nothing but a stump sitting in a chair. Everything from the middle up exploded in an almost comically gruesome hail of blood, guts and tattered pieces of body parts. The force of the blast knocked his chair back, and the shredded corpse rolled out of the seat. Blood pooled under the remains almost immediately, the crimson life juice spreading over the floor in gratuitous amounts.

Everybody was silent.

I looked at Umbra. "Say that again. I dare you."

She blinked at me. Then she spoke, slowly at first. "That was... very... interesting." She swallowed. "I... apologize, for anything I said that may have made you angry." She bowed her head slightly.

I looked her over. So powerful and so full of herself. But the second she feels threatened she's bowing down. I snorted and laid the shotgun back across my lap. "You could learn a bit of humility Umbra," I spat. "Keep talking to me like I'm some kind of idiot, Umbra. See where it gets you. Because I'm getting tired of your mouth. "

She twisted her face into a glare and shot me a dangerous look. "You could do the same!" she snapped. "You've done nothing but threaten me and insult me and my ponies since I've brought you here! And now you've even murdered one of them!" She rose from her chair and stomped a hoof on the tabletop in outrage. "You will learn your place, Human! And you will learn it before I decide to turn you into a mindless slave!" She gave me a baleful look. "I gave you a place in this temple. I accepted you into our ranks. I gave you a place on the winning side of the war that will come. I've given you everything you could ever have asked for. Why do you act as if I've done something wrong?!"

I shot to my feet, kicking the chair back and rattling the table. "I never asked for any of this!"

The room fell into silence once more.

Umbra no longer looked angry, or smug. She looked confused.

I scowled at her. But not a simple scowl to express my anger or resentment. I put all of my feelings into that one expression. "You're forcing me to fight. You're holding me here against my will. If you think I'm going to act like nothing's wrong; like the perfect little soldier, you're crazy." I gave Umbra a hateful look. "I didn't even want to come here! I had a good job! I had a nice house! I had a dog! And I even had a girlfriend for a while after I first got home from this shitty world!" I picked up my shotgun and threw it across the table. It landed with a clacking sound as a few of the shells came out of it. "I don't want any of this!" I screamed at her. I could feel my voice going hoarse. "I don't want these powers! I don't want to have the world at my fingertips! I don't want to live forever! I don't want to be some kind of god!" I spawned gun after gun, prop after prop, and threw them all across the table at her. "I don't want this! Any of this! I never did!" I took in a shaky breath as I looked into Umbra's shocked eyes. "I just want to be me!"

Umbra blinked. "If you didn't want to be here... Didn't want to have this... then... why do you...?"

"Then why do I want Celestia dead?" I finished.

Umbra nodded slowly.

I clenched my jaw. "She took her away from me."

Umbra blinked, looking more confused than before. "Who?"

I stared at her for a long time before answering. "I know it wasn't real," I said, looking down at the table. "I knew it wasn't real from day one... But..." I hung my head and sighed. "That was the first time I felt happy, in... in a long time. And I just..." I stared at the table for a long time. I thought about her. About her voice. About her smile. About how she made me smile... "Every time I tried to get a girlfriend back in my world, I would see her. Every time I would talk to one of them, her name would slip out." I chuckled humorlessly. "Even in bed I would see her. I would say her name..."

I punched the table and looked up at Umbra. "And Celestia took her away from me. She forced me there; she refused to send me back until I killed that dragon. And because of her, I-" I stopped myself before I said something I would regret. I swallowed down a lump that had been building. "It would have been better if I never met her. But because of Celestia we did meet, and I made the mistake of being happy." I sighed and shook my head, looking back at the table. "I was happy, and Celestia took that away from me. I don't care that I would have died. I would have died happy."

A heavy silence filled the room for nearly a minute, before Umbra spoke again. "Was it another Human?"

I shook my head as I looked into her eyes. Something there was different--like a new light was turned on. "No... She was... a mare." I let the image of her fill my mind until I could see her clearly, as if she were in front of my very eyes. "The most beautiful mare I've even seen," I said in a whisper, almost too quiet for even me to hear.

"Hehe, I bet she left 'im cus she couldn't handle the stink."

The room suddenly got very cold.

The mare stuck her hooves out farther, trying desperately to warm them on the meager fire. She was shaking violently, her teeth chattering and her very bones shuddering from the merciless cold of the Northern Equestria tundra. Her armor had been padded with whatever she could find to help keep out the cold, but there was little a few scraps of spare leather and balled toilet paper could do to protect against sub-zero temperatures. The glossy paint that once adorned said armor was gone, either eroded away by the punishing wind and snow, or blasted away by deadly magic.

She leaned closer to the fire, nearly losing her balance from the shaking and falling in. "Damn them all to Tartarus," sergeant Snow Shield cursed under her breath. She was barely clinging to the last threads of life, but she had enough energy to curse the ones that put her in her current situation.

"Save you breath, sergeant," said a weary stallion that sat beside her, leaning even further into the fire than she was. "The ice will freeze your throat shut if you talk to much."

The mare, sergeant Snow Shield, snorted derisively at the stallion next to her. "Give it a rest, Shining," she sighed dejectedly. She rubbed her hooves up and down her sides roughly to keep the blood flowing, before returning them to the fire's warmth. "Whether it's the cold, or that blasted Umbra, we'll be dead in less than twenty four hours." She breathed heavily on her hooves--that were turning purple slightly. "I would have been better off to stay and fight at the fort than follow you into this blizzard."

Shining glared at her, but realized that she was probably right. For all he knew, the rest of the Crystal ponies were drinking and laughing in victory back in the warm, cozy mess hall. But as soon as he thought it he dispelled the thought. When they escaped there were still at least a dozen Iron ponies in the fort blasting it to bits with destructive magic. One of the first buildings to go was the mess hall. That they--he, Snow, and a few dozen others that were camped around the two of them--had managed to make it out alive was nothing short of a small miracle.

"If we had stayed and fought we would have been blown to pieces before we even got within striking distance. And besides, even if we could have beaten them, that place is nothing more than ash and cinder now." He clenched his jaw as a particularly bad set of shakes wracked his form.

Snow closed her eyes and rubber her forelegs together. "You're probably right," she sighed. Then, changing the subject, she said, "What do you think happened to the psychopath?"

Shining gave her a hard look. "You know, he's an honorary Lieutenant in the Equestrian Royal Army. If we weren't about to freeze to death I'd lock you in the brig for talking about a superior officer like that."

She smirked at him, despite her cracked lips. "It's a good things we're freezing to death then, isn't it?" she joked.

Shining ignored the joke--which he thought was in very bad taste--and thought about her previous question. "I don't know. I'm surprised they didn't kill him, to be completely honest." He paused and thought about what he had just said. A month ago, before all of this had started, saying something like that would have left a bitter taste in his mouth. But now? Now... he had been through battle. And not the Equestrian standard of battle... The Human one. He shuddered, both inwardly and outwardly as he realized that Humans can commit acts like the ones he had witnessed and worse without even blinking. But, back to the topic at hoof. "I don't know. Maybe they plan to interrogate him; try to get information out of him about us?"

Snow didn't respond.

Shining's eyes widened in fright. "Snow?! Snow!"

"What?!" she snapped, looking at him from the corner of her eye.

His heart calmed, as did his breath. "You didn't say anything. I thought... Never mind it."

She rubbed herself down with her hooves again to keep the circulation. "I don't think they'd interrogate him. Too much trouble and too little gain. Besides, if they did he doesn't know anything." She made a thoughtful face. "Maybe she kidnapped him to use him as a novelty. Like as some kind of exotic pet? He's one of a kind."

Shining gave her a strange look.

She recoiled from him slightly. "I meant because Humans don't exist!" she defended angrily. If it weren't for the blizzard, her now-rosy cheeks would be very visible. "Maybe because he's the only one of his kind here she thought it'd be neat to have him like some kind of trained pet. Or a manservant. Or... something!" She hugged herself close, gazing almost longingly into the fire. "I hope Umbra isn't torturing him..."

It was at that moment that there was a tremendous, resounding BOOM from somewhere far off into the distance. The sound was so loud that the shock wave that followed a few seconds after had its own, smaller version of the earth shaking noise.

Shining looked first to where he thought the sound had come from, then to Snow. "What was that?" he asked in a panic.

Before she could answer, the eternal blizzard that plagued the entire North, stopped. There was no wind down, or even a few seconds of calming. It simply... stopped, as if a switch somewhere had been flipped.

Almost immediately after the blizzard stopped, a second, much, much bigger boom was heard.

Both of their heads, and the heads of those around them, turned to the source of the noise. They saw a mountain. But not just a mountain, but the Iron Mountain, the highest reaching point in Northern Equestria. It wasn't there anymore. The top was gone, and all that remained was a stump with a huge hole in the side facing them. The once-great mountain now looked like a giant, misshapen bowl that had been cut in half vertically. It also vaguely resembled a volcano, with the way the air surrounding the mountain was on fire and a huge mushroom of smoke was rising from where the giant hole was. Actually, on closer examination, it looked as if there were multiple of those clouds, all forming together to create one, giant mushroom of smoke.

Snow turned to Shining with an unnaturally large grin on her face. "Two guesses what that was."

Shining made to respond, but something cut him off. He looked around himself as the world around him seemed to shimmer and convulse. The others saw it soon after he had and they all watched in fascination as the world shifted colors and hue, twitched and pulsated, and at some points even collapsed upon itself and reformed anew. The phenomenon lasted for nearly a full minute before the entire world blinked grey, then black, then finally, into seemingly non-existence.

But before any of them could begin to panic, the world began rebuilding itself. And the first piece it rebuilt was the Crystal Empire, barely a days walk away from where they sat.

Together Forever

The stallion crawled, bleeding, into a corner and ducked his head, cowering. His left front leg was gone, leaving only a tattered stump that spewed dark blood over him. He looked up and his pupils shrunk to pinpricks. "No... No. No, nononono! No!" He flashed a pitiful expression. "Please! I did nothing to you! I'm merely a guard here!"

His eyes went wider as the barrel leveled with his head. "No! Please! I'll do anything! Anything! I'll be you slave! I'll wash your clothes! I'll suck your di-" The automatic shotgun roared as the entire weapon was emptied, turning his head and upper body into bloody tatters.

I lowered my shotgun and shook my head in disgust. "I fucking hate this place." I reloaded my weapon as I trudged through the remains of the temple, searching for survivors. But more than that, I was searching for Umbra. Somehow, I didn't believe that a few small nukes would kill her. No, that's not how it works with these things. Usually in video games, the villain lives, holds somebody you know hostage, then you kill them in an epic final confrontation.

Well... that was how it happened in video games, at least. But, truth be told, I wasn't sure whether or not I was in a video game, some alternate dimension, or just some stress-induced mental breakdown and I was laying on my bedroom floor twitching and foaming at the mouth.

I kicked a large chunk of rubble out of my way and made my way into a large chamber.

I thought about what I had confessed to Umbra. Truthfully, I had no idea where that had come from. And I had even less of an idea if it was true or not. I felt alive when I used my Gmod powers. I felt as if I had control over the life and destiny of the universe itself. So why... Why did I believe myself?

I shook my head with a growl. "I'll never get anywhere if I get all feely and confused," I scolded myself. "Just focus. Focus on finding Umbra." Keeping a semi-level head I explored the chamber. Surprisingly some of the statues were intact, and even a few painting and wall carvings were still hanging. I slowed my pace to looked at them each. Most of them were of ponies doing heroic things, or accomplishing great feats of combat. But a few of the paintings were a bit more tame; depicting mares and stallions together on a battlefield, relaxed--presumably after the fighting was over--smiling and huddled together. A few were portraits of Iron ponies striking poses, wearing regal attire, or armor that could belong to high ranking officers.

I walked farther into the chamber, passing toppled and shattered pew-like benches and the occasional crumbled alter. It wasn't until I was about half way through that I looked away from the statues and paintings on the wall long enough to notice a huge painting hanging above... well, calling it a shrine would be unjust. It was an enormous stepped platform that looked like it had been carved from the wall itself, instead of being added on later. On it were scorched flowers and ruined food, shattered bottles of drink, and hundreds of other various offerings; all that was missing was a virgin sacrifice tied to a stone pillar, and it would be fit for a god. I looked at the painting to see a stallion, clad in armor with a huge sword strapped across his back, smiling at me. Well, at whoever was viewing the painting, at least.

I stood very close to the shrine looking at the painting. The stallion, for all intents and purposes, looked very handsome. Like someone who was confident and knew what he was doing in life. He wasn't very tall, and didn't look very strong--maybe a bit above average on both counts. But the things that drew my attention the most was his face. His smile was genuine, happy and a bit mischievous. He had coal black eyes, thick black hair, and very light, almost silky fur. And he had no horn. If not for the snowy backdrop and the enormous crystalline city behind him in the background, I would have thought him to be a regular earth pony. He looked very familiar. Although how that was possible I had no idea as I had never seen him before.

I couldn't help but feel a bit bad for destroying this room. It felt like I had wronged the stallion in the painting by harming the mountain and destroying the temple.

I looked down at my shotgun and frowned. At my frown the shotgun turned into a single shot rifle; an M21 with a CQB sight to be exact. "No need to destroy this place any more," I said with a grimace.

"Restraining yourself now won't matter," a voice said from the other end of the room.

I started in surprise at the sudden appearance of it. Without much grace I spun, nearly tripping over a dead Iron pony in doing so, and raised my rifle at the mare who had spoken. "It's time to die, Umbra."

She scoffed and started walking towards me. She drew closer and closer, yet she did nothing. She was thirty feet away. Twenty feet. She was within reach but still she did nothing.

I was about to squeeze the trigger, but something stopped me. She wasn't looking at me. She was looking past me, at the shrine. And before I realized it she had walked past me and was standing at the base of it, gazing up at the painting.

She stood there for nearly a minute before she sighed and began straightening out the offerings. "I had hoped the spell on this room would have protected it. But it seems that your little fireworks were too much even for my most powerful wards." She looked up at the painting and said something too quiet for me to hear clearly while she tidied the shrine.

I knitted my eyebrows together in a frown. "What are you doing?" I demanded, waving my rifle at her threateningly.

She answered without looking at me. "I'm fixing my father's shrine."

I opened my mouth to make a sarcastic and hurtful comment, but stopped when her words actually registered. Instead of being rude, I asked, "Why does your father have a shrine here?" I looked up at the painting, into his smiling eyes. "Was he important?"

Umbra nodded as she righted a vase full of burnt flowers. "He was our greatest king," she told me. "He saved our people from famine, drought, disaster and war, all before he started to grow stubble." She glared at a shattered bottle of wine before sweeping the broken pieces off of the shrine. "He even led the first assault against your kind."

I looked at Umbra and raised an eyebrow in question. "How'd that go for him?" I asked out of genuine curiosity.

She snorted. "About as well as you'd think," she said with a shake of her head. "Until then we thought that you Humans were just savages living in caves and stealing our mares and foals for trophies and food." She picked up the last broken piece of an offering and faced me. "He took a hundred warriors with him into a small camp of Humans." She shook her head again, and continued at my questioning look. "The only survivor was a young stallion. According to him, there were only about twenty Humans camped there, but my father and the rest of them were slaughtered within minutes. He died in his bed a few hours after he told us what had happened."

"What happened then?" I knew I should be killing her, but I was kind of interested in her story.

She rolled her eyes. "Well, of course the Humans were angry with us for attacking them, so they launched a counter attack and wiped out half a dozen villages in as many days. They were more organized than us, they were faster than us, and they were far more deadly than us. So we had to outsmart them. And eventually, I found a way to beat them."

I had a feeling I knew where this was going.

She tapped her horn with a hoof and winced slightly. "I found an old book deep within the archives that told me how to obtain powers beyond even the twin sisters Luna and Celestia."

"And you took over the war and wiped them out?" I guessed.

She nodded. "Yes, after a time. The conflict went on for years, and I lost far too many ponies. And during all this Celestia and Luna refused to help us, because 'we started it, and we should be able to finish it'." She scoffed. "In truth they just wanted the Crystal Empire, and they were hoping the Humans would destroy us and they could have it."

"Really?" I asked suspiciously. "I've been here before, and those two didn't know what I was."

"That's because they sat in their castle while my ponies died!" she hissed at me. "They never showed up to help us, so of course they wouldn't have any idea what a Human was!"

"But enough talk," she said as she stalked towards me, an evil grin spreading across her face.

I raised my rifle up, the red dot right on her forehead. "Back off, or I'll kill you here and now."

Umbra just stared at me with a look of confidence. "Go ahead. Kill me."

I stopped myself from pulling the trigger. Not yet I thought. "I am going to kill you," I threatened.

She raised a brow at me and began walking closer.

I tensed and took a step back. "Stop!"

She stopped moving and gazed at me. She didn't really look that threatening in that moment; her hair was a mess and she had several small cuts on her. There was also an almost unnoticeable limp to her movements as well.

I looked back at her with a scowl. "Do you want to die? Is that it?!" I stepped closer, gripping the gun tighter. "If you are then I'll gladly put a bullet in your head!"

She smiled at me then. "Do it and see what happens."

I shot her a dirty look. "You think I won't?"

"Not if you want to live, you won't," she said.

I stared. "What?" was all I could manage.

She smiled a bit wider and continued to walk towards me. "My magic is still deep within you, Human. You still belong to me. All it would take is a single thought and your heart would explode." She took the last steps to reach me and smiled evilly up at me. "It would be very easy to do." As if to emphasize her point her horn lit up and it became very difficult to stand or breathe, or even think for a few seconds. "Unfortunately though..." She sighed and began to circle me. "Because of your little stunt with the explosives I had to use most of my power just to survive. So turning you into a mindless slave would be too taxing--at least until I recover, that is." She brushed against my thigh and hummed happily, and giggled at my angry expression. "All I have strength for after that explosion is keeping you under my control, keeping myself alive..." She smiled at me devilishly. "... And killing you."

I felt a little stab at my heart when she said that. Whether from panic or from some outside--or rather, inside--influence I wasn't sure. "I don't see how any of this stops me from killing you. A bullet is a whole lot faster than thoughts or words."

She stood in front of me and smiled. "Because my magic is the only thing keeping you alive. And if I die, you die."

My mouth fell open and my spine went cold. "You're lying," I said. "That's not how it works! That's bullshit!"

She slowly shook her head at me. "No. This is how it works: you do everything I say, how and when I say it; you treat me with the respect I deserve; and help me reclaim my rightful place on the crystal throne. After all of that, if I'm satisfied with your performance, then, and only then, will I pull my magic out of you."

"I don't believe you!" I shouted, pushing the barrel of my rifle against her nose. "You're a fucking liar!"

She chuckled. "Then kill me. You'll find out whether I'm lying or not very quickly."

I held my gun against her muzzle while I considered what she said. Was she lying? Could she be lying? Maybe and maybe not. She's sadistic enough to force me to kill for her, so I didn't put this past her. But what if she weren't lying? What if I could just kill her and be done with it? But could I take that chance, knowing that my mission would never be completed if I was wrong?

I growled at her and lowered my rifle. "Fine," I spat. "I'll let you live for now. But after you have the Crystal Empire you better release me."

She hummed happily. "Are you really in any place to be making demands?"

I scowled at her.

She chuckled and lit her horn, sending a lance of pain through me and making me fall to my knees. She smiled down at me, being as large as she was she was an inch or two higher than me. "I own you," she hissed. "You no longer have free will. You no longer live for yourself. You belong to me, body, mind and soul." She got uncomfortably close to my face. "Do you understand me?" she breathed.

I glared into her face. "I'll help you... but I won't submit to you. To you, or to anybody. I'll die before I break."

She smiled and made a small noise of pleasure. "And here I was thinking you might make this boring." She tapped her chin and hummed in thought for a few seconds. "I believe I have your first orders."

I growled inwardly but said nothing.

She smiled down at me. "Since you made me use all my energy to stay alive, I'm feeling tired. You're going to carry me to the Crystal Empire, and then we're going to take it over."

I snorted at her. "Do you really think it's going to be that easy? Celestia and Luna, as well as Twilight and the other Elements of Harmony are probably going to be there. Do you honestly think we can just waltz in there and take over?"

She scoffed and waved a hoof at me. "Of course we can! With your powers fueled by my magic, what could possibly go wrong?"

I closed my eyes and took a very deep breath, just before slowly facepalming.