"Okay Spike, tell Twilight why this is a bad idea for me cause if I reveal myself to the whole town then they might start an angry mob and throw me out of town." I said while folding my arms across my chest, my helmet resting comfortably on my head as I looked down at Spike who is currently writing a letter to somebody, I don't know who it could possibly be for but with a deep inhale and sharp exhale a small jet of fire incinerates the letter in one fell swoop.

Spike just looked at the scroll he just burnt to a fine crisp before looking at me then nonchalantly shrugged before jumping off the stool near the desk and waddled off, I guess he has chores or something important to do. Watching the little dragon waddle off I quickly shifted my attention to the bookshelf and for a moment I was going to grab a book so I can try to study their language and given enough time be able to speak and understand it, but sadly there was one major flaw with that plan of mine.

I have no idea which book is which.

'Think Anthony think...if I was a beginners language book where would I be...'

Looking to the bookshelves that line the wall of the library I let out a shuddering sigh as I realize that my quest to find a single book has went from hard to downright impossible in exactly two seconds.

'Now that is just not fair...where is Spike when I need him.'

Thinking on how I can find one book in the multitude of rows and columns that are displayed before me, I decided that if I am going to succeed in learning the language of these ponies then I am just going to have to ask an expert...sadly the only expert I know of can't understand me at all...unless of course...there is her.

'That could work but would she teach me? I mean she is rude and a bit mean but I know she does mean well...I think.'

Shrugging my shoulders I just went back to the lobby of the library and found the only sofa this place has to offer and decided to lay down on it and strangely enough it was big enough to fit me with just my feet hanging over the side. I knew this shouldn't be possible because when I first saw this sofa it was small and low to the ground but now it seems like it grew to accommodate my size and scale and quite possibly my weight.

'Must be some sort of expanding sofa just like those stupid expanding hoses that I used to see on the info-network. Damn things did expand like it did in the commercial but that crap breaks much more easily then the hard-skinned roll-up hoses.' I thought to myself as I waited for whatever it is that Twilight told Spike that told me to wait here for.

Now to explain how I got into Twilight Sparkle's home seeing how I skipped ahead.

It was pretty easy to sneak into this town at the crack of dawn, I followed the trail from Zecora's hut that went through the fringes of the forest before arriving to a fairly decent looking cottage just outside of that dark, dank jungle forest of evil creatures, and as I walked passed that cottage I turned on my active camouflage and slowly made my way through, avoiding ponies left and right. I almost bumped into the pink pony, I think her name was Pinkie Pie, anyways I nearly bumped into her and that was when her tail was acting all funny as if it was twitching and then she stood tall for a second before shouting something before ducking under a table and that was when a flower pot fell from the sky and nearly conked me on the head.

After dodging the flower pot and the pink pony I made my way through the town, jumping over carts, climbing buildings, leaping over ponies and smaller ponies, watched a donkey walk into town with a wig on buy something before disappearing down a road, I even saw a rainbow colored blur fly across the sky before stopping on a cloud, my guess that was where a pot of gold is located.

Looking for where Spike live is something of a monumental task being how hard it is to find one small baby purple and green dragon that is about as tall as my shin and is a bit on the pudgy side, and can breath fire that can also be used as an instant message sender, and also he is a living zippo lighter so he can light my thin mint cigarettes whenever possible...which might not be likely since he told me he lives with his sister the purple unicorn. How does that even work? I mean, a pony and a dragon being in the same family...wouldn't that mean their mother and father.....the size difference? All this thinking is making my head spin and is making me a bit uneasy to even be thinking about that.

It was during this thinking that I bumped headfirst into a large oak tree which made my invisibility field flicker just a bit and I let out a sigh of relief that there was not a single pony that was around me that saw the slight disturbance in the air. Looking at this tree I saw that it was pretty tall and wide, mostly it was the width of this tree that grabbed my attention but what caught my eye next was the sight of windows on the exterior followed by a door and a sign next to it.

Taking a peek inside through the window I saw that it was a hollowed out section of the tree, there was a carpet, a small counter, a table with a wooden horse head with no details on it, beyond it was several bookcases filled to the brim with books and there was a ladder next to one and I saw standing on it was Spike, juggling four books while straining to put one of them in its proper place.

Mentally flipping a coin if I should go in there and talk to him or just wait for him to get done with his job at what must be the town's library but seeing how I don't know how long he must stay here I decided to go with the option where I go inside and just talk to him and get what I need before heading back to the castle.

Quietly opening the door I slipped in and looked around a bit, I was taken back a bit to see that the inside looks a lot bigger then it does on the outside, and it was during my exploring did I find myself in the kitchen, it was mostly made of wood with the exception of the refrigerator that was made of both wood and metal. Peeking into the cabinets and drawers I saw they had pretty much any family would have in them, bowls, plates, forks and spoons and even knives but when I looked into another cabinet I saw boxes of cereal and sadly they all look like knockoffs of human cereals back home.

Shrugging a bit I backed away and went back into the main area of the tree library and saw that Spike has moved from the shelf and went to a different one but this time was closer to the ground then being at the top. Of course as soon as he grabs a rather large book that was slightly bigger than he was I watched as he slowly drags it upwards into the air until finally he was at the top of the shelf and almost like magic the ladder wobbles and the book he was holding makes him falls backwards and down, I watched as he fell all the way down and to add a bit of icing on the cake the book fell right on top of him before bouncing off his chubby body and landed neatly on its side.

Walking up to the dragon I turned off the cloaking field and helped him get back on his feet. Rubbing his head a bit I watched as he slowly moved back to the ladder but this time I was holding the book for him and when he got to the top I helped place it in with him. Spike seems like a good kid but trying to heft something that is probably twice is height seems like something that kids do when they are trying to prove something to their parents or older siblings or are trying to get their chores done faster.

"How's it going Spike."

"Good at the moment, Twilight had me pull all the books down and then categorize them because it was the weekly book sorting day for her. I mean it would nice to do this at least once a month or even every three months or so cause not many ponies come in here to check a book out unless it pertains to their cutie mark or that they just need a book to read out of boredom but come on! Every single week its the same thing for me, take the books down, dust them, put them back in the exact same spot because they were already in the same order that I left them in, it is starting to get pretty old for me." Spike said as he climbs down the latter and made his way to the one table in the room that had a small chair.

"Just how old are you anyways? You look like your on the younger side of the youth spectrum but the way you act and talk it feels more like at the early stages of the teenager scale." I said as I followed him, somewhat looking around to see if there is anything that I can read but then I realized that everything here was in pony tongue.

"Oh right, I forgot to tell you that the other day, I am ten years old, been ten years since Twilight first hatched me."

"Wait...Twilight Sparkle, the purple unicorn that is your sister, hatched you?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"I am just having a bit of a hard time trying to wrap my head around that...I mean how did a unicorn hatch a dragon egg to begin with? Aren't you supposed to you know, be in a nest of eggs and have the big mother dragon nearby keeping them warm while they incubate then hatch?" I said while raising an eyebrow at the little dragon, this is supposed to be something he should know cause he is a dragon after all...right? Not a pony disguised as a dragon to spy on the purple unicorn or something cause that would be just plain strange and weird at the same time.

"Oh, well I can tell you that you aren't the first pon-er I mean...well I guess you are the first human to ask me that question. I don't know who my birth parents are but I know for a fact that it was Twilight who hatched me, she sorta acts like my big sister and mother but when Twilight was being taught by Princess Celestia I was with her parents until she came back from whatever lesson she was on." Spike said as I looked at him in a slight awe state.

""That still doesn't tell me how she hatched you in the first place."

"Sorry 'bout that, well Twilight hatched me when she was just a little filly, it was when she was trying to enter the School for Gifted Unicorns up in Canterlot, that big city built on the side of the mountain if you look out the window, and on the day she was supposed to use her magic to hatch me she got a magic surge and her magic started shooting all over the place, I was told that she turned her parents that were present and a few of the teachers that were overseeing the event into potted plants and cacti."

"Wow...that's awesome." I said as I grabbed a random book from the case and gave it a once over, it was a pegasus wearing some sort of jungle explorer outfit swinging on a rope while holding a large sapphire in its mouth while escaping from a strange ass blue creature with a misshapen head.

"I said the exact same thing when she told me when I was six, but at the time she was scared out of her mind because she pretty much destroyed the classroom but that was when Princess Celestia came in and calmed her down and later took her as her student."

As our conversation started to died down I was about to ask him if he had any beginners book on the pony language but I was stopped when I heard the sound of hooves walking down what must be stairs.

"*Series of horse whinnies and neighing*" I had to stare flatly at the purple unicorn because I couldn't understand a single word that she just said but when she yawned and rubbed her eyes with a hoof I watched as she went from looking at Spike then to me, then straight to large panic stricken eyes which was followed by hysterical words being said and things being closed.

"*Even more horse whinnies and neighing*" I watched as Twilight galloped around with her horn glowing lavender, all of the windows were closed, the little screen on the front door lowered, the thin strip of air coming from the ceiling was slammed shut and even something that is in this tree's apparent basement was closed up tight. I don't know what got into her but I can safely say that if she is acting like this when there is a man around then she obviously needs to get laid.

Looking to Spike I tried to ask what was wrong with her but with a shrug of his shoulders I just lower my head and shake it, this mare needs to relax cause if she keeps this up I just might zap her.

"Uh...Twilight...I think you might need to calm down." I heard Spike say just as Twilight gallops by him, still getting this house locked up tighter than Fort Knox.

Just as Twilight is about to go by me again I quickly lean down and wrapped my arms under her forelegs and hoisted her up much to the unicorn's surprise. As the mare started to struggle in my hands I made my way to the only sofa in the building and sat down and promptly placed her across my legs almost as if she was a dog, and judging by how much she weighs it is safe to say that this girl is a bit on the lean side. Before Twilight could say a pony word or even struggle I started to move my left hand through her mane, practically petting her like a dog which of course was almost stopped when she tried to use her magic on me but it failed miserably and as I kept on petting her resistance and struggles rapidly deceased to the point of it being non-existent.

"Now Twilight, are you going to stop freaking out and act like a big pony?" I heard Spike say as I started to scratch between her ears which earned me a happy sigh and her tail somewhat wagging like a dog.

"*Some horse whinnies*"

"I shall take that as a yes." I said as I started to slow down my petting but when Twilight lifted her head off my right leg she craned her head around a bit to look at me and when she gave me those sad eyes with the quivering lip I could only do in my defense sigh and roll my eyes before resuming my head petting.

"*Horse noises and sounds*"

"Uh Twilight, are you sure that is a good idea? I mean we just barely met him the other day so is it really safe to let Pinkie do that?"

"Do what?"

"*More horse sounds*"

"If you say so, but I think this is not a good idea." Spike said as he waddled over to the table that he just got off of only to climb back up and pulled open a drawer, taking out a quill, piece of paper and some ink before placing them on top of the table.

"Spike the Dragon, what did she just say!" I slightly raised my voice, I hardly ever yell at people that don't deserve but when its my neck on the line it sorta just happens on its own.

"Oh, right, forgot that you don't understand equis. Twilight basically said that she is going to write a letter to Pinkie and tell her to do her thing." and with that being said Twilight promptly got off my lap before galloping upstairs and nearly tripping in the process before slamming the door shut.

As the two of us waited for the lavender mare to return to us I watched as Spike wrote something down before placing it in an envelope and waited patiently for his sister to return.

Now back to where we were in the beginning.

So there I was, resting on the sofa staring at the numerous bookcases in a vain attempt to find the book I will need to talk to these ponies but sadly luck was not on my side.

I don't know what got into that unicorn but if it involves me being shown to the general public as if I am an exotic creature then she is gonna have another thing coming. Resting my head on the armrest I turned on my music player that was built into my helmet and started to flip through my music file, looking for something to entertain me or at the very least give me something to listen to besides the sounds of little feet pitter-patting across the floor or hooves stomping around on the hardwood floorboards and carpet.

After flipping through everything from A to N, I eventually come across my M files and as I started to pass through those as well one particular file catches my eye and with a bit of a zooming in I opened up the file labeled 'Muse' and within it was numerous songs and after debating on which one I shall listen to I eventually picked the song 'Assassin'. As I started to listen to the song I slightly tapped my feet to the rhythm and the beat of it, my head slightly moving to the music as well and for a while it was going nicely to the silence around me but that was put on hold when a purple hoof tapped me on the shoulder and when I tilted my head I saw that it was Twilight and that was when Spike spoke up after I turned my song off.

"Hey man, me and Twilight are gonna go out for a while, want anything from the market?" I hear Spike speak up as he is leaving the tree library, leaving me by my lonesome self for the time being.

Wondering what I could possibly get as a snack here I thought of carrots, apples and sugar cubes before laughing quietly to myself and seeing how these two are going to try and get me something to much on I decided to go with the middle of the three options.

"Get me an apple if you can, oh and while you are out there see if any ponies are asking about me, if none are then I wasn't caught sneaking in and if they are then well...I am going to leave earlier then expected." I said as I looked over onto a small coffee table and saw that there was a few magazines on it, peeking my curiosity I looked at the stack before grabbing blindly at one.

I was expecting to find something nerdy or knowledgey or even a comic book or two from Spike but what I grabbed was something I was not expecting.

'Is this supposed to be some sort of porno mag? Why is this full of nothing but stallions wearing saucy-looking socks giving dirty winks and smiles. I don't know if I should keep looking at this or just hide it under everything else?'

Going against my better judgment I decided to keep on looking through the dirty magazine, and almost like magic there was one page inside that unfolded to reveal a fairly large red stallion with a green apple on his flank, orange mane and green eyes and he is outstretched on a bed with a blue and white checkered quilt on top, a smug looking grin on his muzzle and just the way he is staring at me is gonna end up make me lose my lunch.

'Nope nope nope nope nope nope nuh uh, not gonna do it, nope nope no no no nope.'

Closing the magazine I shove it back with the rest and almost on queue the front door opens up to reveal a pair of purple stubby legs and above that is a large bundle of brown bags, followed by the lavender unicorn with her horn glowing, also carrying a few brown bags but she is mostly carrying everything she went shopping for in that saddle bag of hers.

As the two come walking in I quickly make it look like I was doing absolutely nothing while they were gone, resuming my snoozing posture but that was cut short when I felt something hard and small get dropped right on top of me and when I looked down I saw that it was a shiny red apple, its skin was reflecting the light of its pristine red skin...almost like...

'Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope.'

Rapidly stabbing that spot with a serrated brain knife I grabbed the apple that was dropped on me, removed my helmet and bit into that delicious round fruit and what came next was amazing. As soon as my teeth penetrated the soft fiber packed skin of the apple I tasted sweet, succulent goodness and with a loud crunch I pulled back to reveal a soft inner white core with bite marks. Taking another bite I let out a small moan of satisfaction as I take another bite, and another, and another until I take one last bite and realized that I was biting nothing but the apple core with all the seeds.

As soon as there was nothing but core and seeds I simply looked for the nearest trash bin and once it was in my sights I cranked my arm back, angled my tossing trajectory, let my helmet do the aiming for me cause I can't throw for shit without knocking something over or nailing someone in the head and finally let loose. Now let me tell you something, when there is a purple unicorn looking right at you, watching your every move and writing it down on a notepad while sitting on her haunches, you tend to forget that the world around you might not run on normal physics or laws of nature, and sadly that is just what happened.

Both me and Twilight watched as the apple core spun slowly in the air, almost as if it was in slow motion, and watched as it hit the lip of the bin, bounce onto the desk, hit a lampshade, bounced of said lampshade as it sailed to the bookcases, hit the edge of a bookcase before falling down and nailed Spike in the back of the head, bounced twice on the floor before landing in the trash can in the kitchen.

The trash can I was aiming for was five feet away, the one in the kitchen was twenty-five feet away.

Looking to Twilight for an answer or two to relay to Spike so he can relay it to me but when none came because she was staring at me with an open mouth, something I would normally mess with people by getting a banana and placing it in their mouth while making sounds one would make while sucking on a popsicle or in some cases, on some man meat, but seeing how his is a pony I don't think a popsicle would suffice and I really don't want to know what she could possibly do to me with that strange glowing magical horn of hers.

Just as Spike starts to recover from me braining him with the apple core Twilight got out of her stupor and quickly wrote something down on her notepad before trotting over to Spike, I watched her mouth moved as she spoke, uttering out horse words that I still can't translate into English and then watched the purple baby dragon translate somewhat the same thing back to me. I don't know how this could work but seeing it actually play out between the three of us is kinda cool with only the exception that Spike sometimes screws up in the translating job between us.

"So now that we are all here...now what?" I asked as we all looked at each other hoping that at least one of us know what we can do together but sadly none of us three have a single thing in mind when it comes to a group activity.

Four Hours Later

Twilight, Spike and I spent the next four hours doing nothing but talk more about ourselves, our jobs, friends, family, what we do when we are not working which involves books, smoking, shooting targets or in Spike's case working for the white unicorn named Rarity just to be near her 'beauty'. Apparently to these ponies, smoking is seen as a 'upper' class or 'noble' pony thing cause they are the ones who can really afford the expensive tabaco products that come in all the way from Saddle Arabia. I don't know which is worse on my psyche, the fact that these ponies are using similar names of places on Core Systems Earth or the fact that I am apparently stuck in the pony equivalent of the Colonial Era of Earth with sprinkled bits of advanced pieces of technology like the fridge, toaster, the steam-powered train, oven-stove combo and oddly enough the phonograph.

I am still evading Twilight's questions on where I am from, she would never believe me that I am from another world, she still thinks I am from a far off land that still hasn't been found by Equestria or for that matter any of the other kingdoms. From what Twilight and Spike are telling me there are multiple other kingdoms and empires that scatter the globe, there is the Griffon Imperial Empire, Saddle Arabian Republic, the Minotaur Clans, the Zebra City States, and lastly the Donkey Republic. I honestly started to laugh my ass off at the last one and they never understood why.

It was after our little talk that I was allowed to take a nap, and nap I did, I closed my eyes and relaxed on the sofa that seemed to have elongated to allow me to rest completely flat on it, something that I find confusing but if a sofa is able to stretch itself to fit my size then I want it for my own home.

As I was off in la-la land catching some Z's and counting sheep I suddenly felt something poking my leg and after batting at it with my hand it went away, but three minutes later I was poked again but this time it was more forceful and bigger. Opening my eyes slowly and looking out of my Ocular lens I saw the thing that was poking me and it just so happened to be a wooden sign with an red arrow crudely painted on its surface.

Staring at the wood sign floating in the middle of the room I just gave it a credulous look and just shrugged it off and went back to my nap but when it poked me again I could only protest with a groan and pulled myself away from the comfortable softness that is the green sofa and started to follow, against my better judgment, the wooden sign right out the front door.

When I first came into that town my time clock inside my helmet said that it was only seven in the morning, now that I am outside and saw that the sun is somewhat lowering and that the sky is orange-ish, with a look to my clock I saw that it was now four-thirty in the afternoon, I wasted nine and a half hours in pony town and I still didn't find a beginners guide to pony language.

'Wow...well I can finally declare this my first failed mission on the alien planet.'

Yawning ever so slightly I followed the sign throughout the town and for some strange reason I did not see a single sign of a pony trotting the streets, at first I thought it was that they somehow knew I was here and are now afraid of me cause of what happened recently but I thought against it, I made sure nobody saw me when I snuck into town. Second was that Twilight and Spike spread the news that I am here and are now trying to lead me out of town to a secret location to meet with me more often or to talk in the utmost of secrecy but that was straight up rubbish, their tree home is more secret because who would expect an alien to talk to the town's librarian in broad daylight?

Shaking the thought away I continued to follow the sign, my right hand just barely hovering over the taser's handle, I don't know who is putting me up to this put I can say that I am not happy about this, I do not like having my naps interrupted by anybody, especially wooden signs with no names or tags on it.

As I followed the sign I eventually came upon a strange looking confectionary-styled building and when I walked up to it I saw the sign poke it a few times, probably telling me to go inside, and that was when I first realized that I not only do not know who owns this place but also that the lights inside are off, the windows and blinds are closed and that a wood piece of plywood led me all the way here.

"Nu uh, I am not going in there." I said to the sign which seemed to dip a bit close to the ground before pointing back at the door again but this time poking it three times in rapid succession.

"I said no! I am not going to commit a crime just because you want me to follow you! What am I, stupid?" the sign dipped again but this time the door opened up on its own, I don't know if it was a pony that was waiting for me on the other side that did that or if the door was unlocked to begin with and from the poking it was just very slowly opening.

Either way I am still not going inside.

"Okay, whoever is in control of this sign, I am not going in so you can kiss the fattest part of my ass! I'm out of here." and with that said I turned around and before I could even leave the door opened up even more to reveal Spike and I watched him quickly waddle up to me and grabbed me by the hand before trying to drag me inside.

"Spike, what are you doing?" I looked down at Spike as he gripped my hand tightly, desperately trying to drag me into the strange pastry looking home.

"Bringing you inside, everypony is waiting!" Spike shouted as he kept on trying to drag me inside but due to his small stature and that I weigh way more then he does, all he is doing is making a ditch in the ground with his feet.

"Everypony?" okay that just sounds suspicious.

"Yeah! We are all waiting for you cause we got a surprise for you!" and like having the cat out of the bag I watched as Spike rapidly slapped a claw over his mouth in hopes that I didn't hear that but I did.

"By all of you do you mean those six mares I met and yourself?" I said as I looked into the fully-opened door and saw nothing but a counter of sorts made of glass and something underneath it. A candy store perhaps?

"Uh...yeah, besides Zecora whom we guess you two are dating or something, its just Twilight and her friends and myself that know about you soooooo." yes, like that totally doesn't say anything suspicious or incriminating. Wait...did he just say that me and Zecora are dating? We barely know each other enough for that step let alone that I am still with Ingrid, hell I know she knows that I am still alive...I hope...I really, really hope she knows that I am still alive and kicking.

"Spike, me and Zecora are not dating, we don't know each other enough for that and I doubt she even see's me in that kind of light yet or at all for that matter." I said as he kept on trying to drag me inside the strange building.

Looking at him, studying his face to see if he is bullshitting me but after a while I saw him start to fidget and shuffle on his stubby legs but eventually I gave in, I know this kid would never betray my trust, and seeing how he is the only other guy I have met on this planet so I guess I can use the bro code to let this secret slide for now.

Rolling my eyes and sighing deeply I allowed myself to be dragged into the building by Spike and as soon as I got past the front doors I saw nothing but darkness and when he let go of my hand he disappeared into the inky blackness and before I could grab at him I was immediately assaulted with a bright light.

"*Horse sounds*" "Surprise!" was all I heard before I tucked into a ball partially and jumped backwards, rolling out the front door before rolling to the side and immediately slammed my back to the wall with my taser and knife out and in my hands. With my defensive weapons out I peered around the corner and saw ponies. Lots and lots of ponies, ponies in so many colors and varieties, ponies all of whom are wearing shocked and surprised expressions on their muzzles as they all look at me looking at them from behind a wall.

At this very moment I do not know what to say or how to properly react but seeing how Spike pretty much said 'surprise' and that himself and probably over thirty ponies were popping out of their hiding places that this was a surprise party just for me, a party for what I do not know but it is a party nonetheless, and I love parties. Well I would love it if I was told that I was going to a party but I guess that is something hard to tell an alien when you are trying to make it a surprise, that and having a banner up in words that the alien wouldn't be able to understand would be a bit of a dick move.

Putting my personal defense weapons away I slinked around the corner and stood at my full height, intimidating a couple of the ponies but when I nervously stood there and waved slowly at them, that one move seemed to have broken the ice that hung in the air and that was when the ponies started to leave their hiding places and trotted up to me. I know a few tried to talk to me and when I didn't respond they thought they were dealing with an uptight kind of person but Twilight and Spike had to explain it to everybody present that I can't understand a word that they are spewing forth from their muzzles, and after that it was all smooth sailing.

And by smooth sailing I mean I had to mingle with the ponies with Spike on my shoulders and Twilight by my side so the translating can be for the most part punctual and correct.

Walking around the building I watched as ponies talked to each other, ponies playing games like pin-the-tail-on-the-....pony, bobbing for apples, drinking soda, eating chips and playing darts which is odd seeing how that games requires fingers to wrap it around the dart to throw it, I guess ponies can defy the laws of physics. I watched the pink pony, I think her name is Pinkie Pie, talk to me a mile a minute, not once stopping to take a breather or for that matter to stop talking but as I waited for Spike to translate for me all he could say is to just smile and nod at her. After that I tried to bob for apples but there was a problem, my helmet kept getting in the way and when Spike said that a few ponies are wondering what I am trying to do I said that I am trying to get an apple but am failing spectacularly.

Taking his words at face value I at first tried to only undo my helmet just a bit for my mouth to be exposed but when that failed I resorted to take off my entire helmet and placed it on the table which was soon picked up by a cyan pegasus with a rainbow mane, looked over by said mare before she tried to put it on but I quickly snatched it away from her, afraid of what she might find if she does wear it and see through it. Rainbow Dash gave me a pouty look but I just ignored it as I held onto it before diving head first into the large tub of water filled with floating apples.

After I have successfully grabbed, pulled out and ate three apples from the tub I moved onto other things, ate some chips, drank some punch, gave out some mane petting to a few ponies that wanted to know what my hand feels like, got questioned by Rarity as to what my armor is made out of and with a quick refusal she left me for a while as Spike had goo-goo eyes. It makes me wonder if anybody else knows that Spike has the hots for the white noble unicorn or if it is just me.

Next came the gifts, I love how these ponies all used the same wrapping paper because I thought for a moment that a small section of the day was being repeated cause of all the same colored paper that is littering the floor. I got from these ponies a scarf, a pony-sized medical kit, an apple pie that will soon be consumed by me, a book with a strange looking pegasus wearing jungle explorer clothes and matching hat escaping a pit of lava trap, a pie to the face and lastly from Twilight the book I was looking for.

*Acquired Equine Language books for morons!*

I wonder if these ponies know any magic or spells or something to let me at the very least understand what they are saying, all of this whinnying, neighing, nickering and snorting is starting to get on my nerves.

As soon as the party started to die down I got all of my gifts together, using metal clips on my armor to hold onto some of the things I had acquired with the exception of the scarf and pie, that scarf is now around my neck while the pie is in my hands, the apple pie not the whipped-cream pie, that thing was taken care of with a few napkins and water. Trying to escape from the pink pony is a lot of hard work but I managed it with plenty of mane pettings, which seems to make these ponies docile and also they just look adorable when they nuzzle into my hand and go in for the hugs.

With my gifts in hand and a wave of goodbye I weaved my way through the town, I don't know why but these ponies seem to be happy or cheerful for some reason, was it the party that they just came from or was it because that they are herd animals and they don't know that I am a meat-eating predator, that and they all saw me being friendly to them so I guess they have accepted me.

Sneaking back to my castle home isn't that hard with no ponies trying to follow me and I figured that one out because the sound of hooves on grass and dirt immediately died out when I entered the forest, I guess they hate something that is mildly spooky and filled with things bigger than them and also can easily devour them. I walked by Zecora's place and as usual I peer through the window and this time she was not facing the doorway with her butt pointing right at me, but she was humming a tune that I couldn't make out or for that matter what was bubbling in that cauldron of hers. Sneaking through the window like a ninja I carefully moved around her, opened the front door and then made it look like I was going through it and behold I was staring at pony butt, but this time it was shaking with the tune she was humming and I immediately thought of those girls that used to dance to that weird music back home, rap music I think it was called.

I know I shouldn't think of this but when you are all alone on a planet with so many females running around naked even though they rarely if at all wear clothes, and they are just strutting it around like nobodies business but I do know one thing for certain though.....I don't know how long I can handle being the only member of my species on this planet. I really do not want to be alone for the rest of my life, being alone is bad enough but being here alone without those I care for...I just hope my tools of survival don't become a little too friendly with me.

Tapping Zecora on the shoulder and startling her just a tad bit, she turned around and when she saw me standing there with my gifts from the ponies she let out a relaxed sigh before hugging my waist, my sigh making it hard for her to give me a proper hug but I returned the hug in kind, ponies and zebras make the best hugs. Getting her chalkboard and chalk piece we talked at length, she was the first to start it off, drawing and saying that what I did was not funny with a picture of a crude me sneaking behind a crude zebra with a floating frowny face next to me.

My response was to draw a smiley face but this one that was laughing, Zecora responded by shaking her head no before cuffing me upside the head with a broom. Shaking the dirt and dust from my head I watched Zecora laugh a bit before turning back to her cauldron, I guess that was all she had to say or maybe she is still busy doing something with this strange looking sludge gloop.

Leaving Zecora to her task I left her home through the same way I came in, the window, and weaved my way through the forest and because my apple pie is still warm and emitting the most delicious of smells I had to be wary because of wooden wolves and manticores and chicken snakes and what ever the hell else is out there. When I came to the wide river I took a sprinting leap of faith and made it to the other side but almost at the cost of my pie, it nearly flew from my hands when I landed but with quick thinking I used my scarf to catch my pie.

'No pie left behind, especially the warm pies.'

Across a bridge and past a sleeping manticore I eventually arrived back at my castle, no worse for wear and with a lovely white and pink scarf around my neck, totally not gay, and with a bit of style I arrived in Nightmare Moon's room without my scarf and gifts with the exception of the book for dummies and pie, and it was the pie that set the dark alicorn off.

I watched in horror as my apple pie was devoured by Nightmare Moon, I watched in muted horror as she went face first into the pie, I saw apple bits and pie pieces go flying everywhere, I watched as the dark blue mare moaned with what I can only hope to guess is a moan of happiness for eating something so good after being stuck here for so long without anything good to actually consume.

'My pie...'

A single tear fell down my face as I watched the very pie I was gonna cut in half for us to share get devoured by a single mare as I was left with not a single piece, not even a large crumb with some apple juices on it could be found. Nightmare Moon stopped eating my pie for a few seconds to look up at me and when she saw my face, all she could do was smile sheepishly before quietly going back to eating the pie crust, even going so far as to lick the tin clean.

She made me promise to never speak of this event that just transpired to nobody.

But she never said to not take a picture of this or even record the whole thing with my helmet.

After the great apple pie incident of Thursday night, I was given permission to sit beside Nightmare Moon and to begin with her mane combing and petting. My theory on ponies loving the feeling of my hands on their heads and through their manes seems to be correct if the apparent anti-Christ of ponykind enjoys it to such an extent.

"Okay Nightmare Moon, seeing how you like it when I stroke your mane I want you to teach me how to talk to the ponies seeing how only dragons can understand and speak to me." I said as I started to pet the black alicorn's mane, the mare let out a near-silent sigh as she leans her head into my hand.

"Fine, but you must keep petting our royal mane throughout the entire time we are teach you how to speak to the commoners." Nightmare Moon said as she lets out another sigh of simple pleasure, I guess my petting must be magical to them.

It was during my petting that I realized that I wasn't touching real hair, in fact it looks like nothing more than a well made illusion.

"Say...Moonie...I am wondering..."

"What is it Anthony, your petting is slowing down and that is not good for your education." Nightmare Moon said as she made herself more comfortable on her giant pillows.

"I am wondering...are you bald?" I said with actual interest, and for the most part that is true because I don't have a single clue if it is real mane or just an illusion.

"WHAT! Where did you get this idea that I am bald!" Nightmare Moon shouted as I slightly stopped petting her due to the tone she was using and how loud she was shouting at me in close proximity.

"Don't be mad girl, I know a few guys that dig girls that go against the rules when it comes to their hair." I said as I put a bit more feeling into my mane petting which earned me a slight whinny that seems a bit forced out but to me I just think that I am doing a great job.

"I am not bald! My mane simply turned into a magical cloud of stars and space dust!" Nightmare said as I watched her fidget a bit under my hand but still stayed where she is.

"So is it made of real hair?" I said in an almost childlike manner.

"No, it's made of-" Moon said almost in a rapid manner as her face starts to turn red with anger or embarrassment.

"Bald!" I shouted as I quickly yank her helmet off her head and spring up off the ground and started to run.

"GIMMEBACKMYHELMET!" Nightmare Moon shouted at me as I ran around the room avoiding her as she tried to jab me with her horn as I am holding her helmet.

Oh the two of us are going to be the best of friends.

I can feel it in my giblets.

Sadly I couldn't feel my giblets at the moment, I was busy lying on the floor in a pile of large soft pillows with a grinning Nightmare Moon on top of me, using her weight to keep me pinned down. How she caught me I don't know but I have a guess that it has something to do with these pillows that are all around me.

"Umm....Moonie, can you let me go?" I asked with a bit of a nervous chuckle in there, I know that Moon can easily crush me with her overall weight, being a full-sized horse and all but that would mean having a corpse in her room and she would not be able to remove me so I would just rot and stink up her place which would be bad, but would she really just stay above me like this?

Almost sensing exactly what I was thinking I felt Nightmare Moon shift above me, fully encompassing my body with hers as she stretched herself out, my face being completely covered by her chest, something that would be nice if she was human and seeing how she isn't all I am feeling right now is really warm fur.

"I would but you make such a nice pillow, I think I will keep you here for a while."

"So you like pillows made out of thick, heavy fabric and metal?"

"Oh be silent peasant, I am sleeping."

"But you just spoke..."

"No I did not, I am asleep!"

"But you-" I was about to say that she was clearly not asleep but was muffled and silenced by her chest being pressed into my face.

"Silence!" and just like that the room was quiet, the fire was crackling softly in the corner and I was face first in pony fur with my arms and legs pinned down by the large dark horse above me. I tried to move my arms and legs out from under her but sadly I couldn't even move an inch, I could move my head a bit but all that would accomplish would be an impromptu motorboating on silky-smooth fur and that would probably disturb Moon's sleep and I might enter a world of hurt.

'Would she really hurt me if I tried to escape?'

"No...I wouldn't hurt you..." I heard Nightmare Moon mutter out, I don't know if she can read my mind but if she can she most certainly got what I was thinking spot on.

'Well...at least your are honest with me...'

It wasn't before long that Nightmare Moon moved in her sleep but before I could escape I felt hooves grab me and pull me back into her chest, my face once again buried in her warm fur but this time I was being held in place by all four of her legs.

'I do not know how I should feel about this....sleeping with royalty in such a manner....'

"Just enjoy the fact that I am letting you stay this close to me...." Moon mumbled again and this time she snuggled against me again, using her wings and hooves to hold onto me tighter.

'Well...at least you are warm...'

I just hope she remembers this and doesn't end up mule kicking me in the chest in the morning tomorrow.

Author's Note

Okay people I am taking a poll to see who I should ship this guy with, here are the choices*.

*New Choices may be added at any time.*

1. Zecora
   
2. Nightmare Moon
   
3. Luna.
   
4. Twilight Sparkle
   
5. Applejack
   
6. Fluttershy
   
7. Pinkie Pie
   
8. Rainbow Dash
   
9. Rarity
   
10. Other *I have no idea pick a random pony that would actually make some sort of sense*

Oh and have a picture.