Something to Look Forward to
“It’s over Lyra; I’ve found someone new.”
Click
I dropped the phone onto my desk and sighed as tears streamed down my face.
Where did I go wrong? What did I do to cause her to leave me? Why does this always happen to me?
I pulled out my desk’s chair and climbed into the seat. My breaths was interrupted by my body trembling. I folded my forelegss on my desk and laid my head down and sobbed until I finally succumbed to exhaustion.
~ ----- ~ ----- ~
Ughh.
I pulled my head off of my arms and I could feel the salt of my tears still lingering on my fur. Despite my sadness, I forced myself up and stumbled to my bathroom.
I gazed into a mirror to find a troubled soul. My mane stuck out in several places and my face was tinged red where my tears had cascaded. I opened the sink valve and splashed my face and forelegs until I washed away the evidence of my troubles.
I turned the sink off and walked through my home to collapse on my couch.
I thought I finally found her. Someone I could confide in, a companion for this journey we call life. To sooth the demon that ravages my heart. I sat up and looked around my room. Memorabilia of her filled my room.
On my desk was a framed picture of us just a month in our relationship, two years before we graduated. On top of my wardrobe laid a hat that I had bought for her during the lunar fair. In my desk, buried beneath my journals hides the most memorable.
A few days before graduation, she had passed me a note in class. That was the first time she told me she loved me. I believed her. Four years of my life I dedicated to being with her, I was prepared to promise the remainder of it this summer.
Four years. I dreamt of a wedding beneath the cherry blossoms blowing the cool autumn wind. Of trust and happiness, and most of all, companionship. To walk these well-traced paths with another.
I pushed the memories from my thoughts and donned my coat. I stepped outside and left my apartment to find solace.
~ ----- ~ ----- ~
I don’t know how far I walked or what path I took. I just walked. I left my troubles behind and found independence from my worries. I stopped in front of a coffee shop. I walked inside of the store and took a seat at the counter.
A cafe brown unicorn stallion wearing a dark green apron emblazoned with the company symbol walked to the spot across from me.
“What can I do for you buddy?”
I glanced at the board above him and quickly decided to ignore the specific name of each different drink.
“Coffee please. Four teaspoons of sugar.”
The stallion patted my shoulder and turned to operate the various brewing machinery.
“You got it.”
In response I placed my elbows on the counter, rested my head in my hooves and sighed. I waited for what only seemed like a few moments until he slid a tall porcelain cup in front of me.
“What’s got you down, buddy? I’m sure I can help.”
I did not return his gaze, but I replied to him, “The love of my life left me last night. Four years together and she dropped it at the sight of s-someone n-n-ne-”
My shoulders sagged and my forelegs folded. Tears streamed down my face as I sobbed into them once again.
He patted my back and reassured me, “Don’t worry bud. I had been in the same situation as you once. Just remember that it’s not your fault, she left, not you.”
My chest heaved with every breath.
“Look up at me bud.”
I lifted my head and looked at the stallion. His green eyes met mine and I waited.
“One day a mare worthy of your affections will find you. No good pony like you will be alone for long; Just hang in there buddy.”
I spent the remainder of the day listening to him talk. When night fell I reached to pay him for the coffee. He refused my money and told me it was on the house. I nodded my thanks and returned home.
The next day I found my way back to that coffee shop. I’d calmed down from my initial depression and I have his words to thank. He told me to find something to do that helps me relax.
That night I strayed from the direct path home. Instead I walked through a nearby park and passed under the swaying cherry blossoms and just enjoyed the beauty of nature.
The evening brought the first bit of decent sleep to me since our break up. I did not cry until the point of exhaustion, but at the same, I did not rest well. Rather, I felt content with myself.
The next five days passed without much change. Wake up. Get coffee. Leave for work. Return home. Sleep. Repeat.
The weekend came once more. With the return of time came my return to the park. However, instead of merely passing through, I stopped and sat down against one of the cherry blossom trees.
I contemplated my life, my future, myself. Why do I walk upon this beaten path? Will I tread this path alone? What is true love? Is it the passion I had for her, or is it the determination and dedication to be with someone eternally?
Love has been corrupted by my experience, but perhaps I can learn what love truly is. However, I must first remove the stains from my past. I need to learn why I’m here.
However, with as much thought I put into it, I did not find my answers in those trees.
~ ----- ~ ----- ~
I pulled myself out of bed and yawned. I made my way into the bathroom and I combed my mane, brushed my teeth, and finally left my apartment to go to the coffee shop to complete my morning routine.
I arrived to Joe standing behind the counter like usual. I sat down by the counter and looked up at the menu.
“Hey Lyra, same as usual?”
I waved my hand in a dismissing manner, “Not today, I think I’ll try something new.”
“Sounds good, whatcha want?”
“I’ll try a cappuccino with some mint, it sounds good.”
Joe nodded in agreement, “Yes it is, it’s great to see that you are trying something new. Variety is the spice of life.”
He turned to the machinery to begin brewing the drink and left me to my own devices. I used the time to ponder the past week. My love left me. But from that, I found someone to pull me from the scraps and get me back on my hooves. I owe Joe for much more than the drinks he sells..
Joe returned and placed the cup on the counter.
“There you go, buddy.”
I nodded my head, “Thanks.”
I sighed, “You know, I owe you for a lot more than the coffee you serve me. You talked me through my hardships over the past week and gave me something to look forward to in my life.”
I trailed on about how he has improved my life in various ways over the next few minutes. He nodded and listened to me the entire time and when I finished, he responded.
“Lyra. I may make your life better, I could be the reason you get out of bed, but there is something you need to do for me. You need to learn who you are and accept yourself. Find what makes you want to continue living. And the only place you will find that is in yourself. Experience life Lyra, don’t chain yourself down with the worries of something as trivial as a break up.”
Joe put his hooves on the counter and stared at me.
“Okay?”
I digested what he said and finally nodded, “Alright, I will, thank you.”
I drained the rest of the cup and left him money for the drink and a tip. I made my way to the park and listened to the slow breeze shaking the leaves overhead.
Live for myself. Find happiness inside myself, not inside something else. Live for the present, not the past.
Perhaps I can let the past go, but regardless, I must learn from this week. The soul may be trampled and the heart destroyed, but stopping life to mourn the loss of the past is a futile attempt to regain what was lost.
Just live.
I continued my walk along the slightly worn path through the park. Finding solace in the quiet breeze that guided nature itself. I stopped, took a deep breath, and let it out.
I took a step forward to continue my walk, but the peaceful sound of the passing wind was pierced by a cry. I turned my head to the sound and started walking towards it.
After walking through an section of the park I’ve rarely walked through, I found a girl, she looked about my age. She had long purple and pink hair that trailed down the length of her neck. She laid on her knees as she wept underneath the shade of a cherry blossom.
I kneeled beside her and asked, “Are you okay? What’s wrong ma’am?”
She looked up at me, tears trailing down her face. She opened her eyes which revealed beautiful, lustrous eyes tinted a magnificent color of the sky on a clear summer’s day.
“S-s-he l-l-left me!” She shoved her face back into her knees and sobbed.
I sighed and contemplated on what to say. Her shaking form brought no words to my lips. So instead I tapped her shoulder until she looked up at me. I smiled lightly and motioned for her to follow me.
“Come, I’ve something to show you.”
I helped her up and asked, “Tell me, what is your name?”
“Bon Bon.”
“Alright, come with me Bon Bon.”
I guided her through the park and talked with her about exactly why she was upset. Turns out that the same thing that happened to me also happened to her. Not exactly, but similar enough.
She calmed by the time night fell. I exchanged my farewell and we exchanged promises of meeting the next weekend next to the cherry blossoms.
It’s about time I found something to look forward to.
