The Scout With The Stammer

by a guy with many hats

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Human
Length: 2598

An intrepid adventure travels to Equestria to avoid criticism for his most apparent flaw, an extremely aggressive stammer. But when a mare gives him an offer of a lifetime, even if his diamond dog friend doesn't approve, he'd be an idiot no

An intrepid adventure travels to Equestria to avoid criticism for his most apparent flaw, an extremely aggressive stammer. But when a mare gives him the offer of a lifetime, even if his diamond dog friend doesn't approve, he'd be an idiot not to take it.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-05 21:10:02 UTC

Sand

I found myself crawling through a tiny tunnel on my belly, the sound of diamond dogs echoing through the caverns. The strange rhythm of barking and barely coherent shouts were a tell all. Even when it had to go through the tight fitted holes I was crawling my way through, it was clear as day, "Pony work, or pony stay forever!"

And with those words, my gem hunt turned into a rescue mission. It seemed like it was always the case. I was sent out to do something, and I always stumbled upon a pony in trouble. Either in the frozen north, looking for old empire artifacts, or in the thick jungles nestled in the western mountains, or even in the actual mountains, there was always a pony, always trouble, and more often than not, no reward.

But it was basically my job, I was an adventurer by trade, and every so often I could collect a return bounty on a lost filly or a missing stallion. It kept me afloat, but I couldn't afford nice things. I wore a tattered coat, a pair of old ill fitting army boots, a pair of brown cargo pants and a pair of work gloves covered in paint and plaster. I looked like hell, but crawling through crystal filled caverns tended to tear up cloth and skin.

I found a way out of the current wormhole I was wedge in, taking a quick look around the larger tunnel and finding it clear. I landed with a thud, my boots digging into the dust and dirt. No dogs, no crystals, nothing, just a bunch of barking coming from the far end of the tunnel. And against my better judgment, I hurried on towards the noise.

As with each and every one of the diamond dogs' crappy tunnels it was short, choppily dug and pocked with potholes. But near a small joining area where a bunch of tunnels coming together, a single pony stood lashed to a cart with a diamond dog barking at her. The mare reeked of sweat, to such an extent that it was noticeable over the constant grungry smell of the dogs. She was aside from that, rather beautiful, yellowish coat, a dark grey scale mane, and a green shirt. Best of all, and appealing to my own perversion, her body was toned and tight, her flank strong and supple.

I prayed for a bit of tail in return for this rescue, but I knew no matter what it was the right thing to do. I sauntered up to the strange sight, "H-h-hey, asshole!" I yelled, standing tall and catching the attention of the dog, "You got ab-b-b-bout five seconds to let her go before I do something drastic!"

The dog looked me over, "Lewis...this isn't your--"

I shook my head, walking over to him, "Hey...you know who I am, you know what's gonna happen if Lidia has to come down here...let's not let t-t-t-that happen." I walked over to the pony, running my hand along her coat and tugging at the harness, "S-s-s-s-s--"

The dog scratched his head, "So?"

"-S-son of a bitch, don't interrupt me!" I snapped, turning around and shoving the bipedal dog, "Don't ever interrupt me!"

The dog took a few steps back, "Human is stupid, not my fault human can't spea--"

"One more f-fucking word and Lidia's gonna be down here, wrecking your shit like crazy!" I poked the dog in the chest, "You w-want that, do you really want that?"

The dog's ears went flat, "But pony come into our cave and try--"

"I don't care Rover...just unhook her and take that gag off before I cut her free." I crossed my arms, glaring at him.

He lifted his front paw up, slowly lowering it and turning to the mare, "Stupid monkey, stupid horse, stupid bitc--"

"Lidia finds out you c-c-c-called her that, you're gonna lose your nuts." I stated, walking over, taking a fistful of gems from the cart and taking the bite gag from the mare's mouth, "You okay?"

The mare stretched her jaw as Rover unhooked her, "Yeah...thanks," she stepped free of the binds, bucking Rover across the knee and sending him grumbling down the cave, "Who's Lidia?"

I scratched at my cheekbone, "Diamond dog."

The mare's eyes hardened, "You joking?"

I started shaking my head, "Nope, but w-w-w-we s-s-should probably get out of here," I looked around the cave, spotting a marked passage, "Come on, my house isn't too far...we can t-talk there." I started walking down the proper tunnel, an angry looking dog spotting me and backing off as I lead the mare towards the exit. I tossed a piece of dried steak for the dog, watching with a laugh as he lunged at it and shredded it.

"Gross...." the adventurer noted, sticking close to me. She carried on next to me, looking around the cave, "I came to study these stupid things...but it looks like you beat me--"

I shook my head, "Wait t-till we get to the house...you'll s-s-see where I stand. I j-just hope Lidia's not hungry." I found the ladder to the surface, letting the mare go first. Once again I hit my goal, staring up at a perfect plot stretching and compressing as she lifted herself up the rungs.

I spotted her looking back, snapping her tail to cover herself. "Can you not?" she asked, hopping up to the surface.

I followed her up, dusting myself off and looking around the massive expanse of the rocky wastelands, "B-b-but it's nice. You should be proud of such a p-pristine plot."

The mare leveled a harsh glare at me, "Nice...so, why shouldn't I just leave now?"

I shrugged, "T-trust me, you're gonna wanna meet Lidia. If y-you came to study them, you've gotta meet Lidia," I started off towards my house, buried in the dust in a nearby hill. "I mean, you can leave if you want, I can't force you to do anything."

I heard the mare sigh heavily, "The crap I put up with..." she jogged over and looked me up and down, "So what's your name?"

"Lewis, L-L-L-Lew- Le--"

The mare tapped my leg, "Lewis wha--"

"L-lesbian whore, don't interrupt me!" I snapped, shaking my head hard, "Lewis Holtzman, or...Holt, Lidia calls me Holt." I rubbed my face, "Sorry, don't cut me off, I always say something stupid and angry."

The mare nodded, "Sorry, that was my fault. I'm Daring Do--"

"What!?" I snapped, jumping back, "I- s-s-shit, I was ogling Daring freaking Do? That's f-freakin' awesome!"

Daring rolled her eyes, "Sure...now, who exactly is Lidia? You said--"

"J-j--j---just wait until you meet her, she'll wanna tell you." I picked up my pace, jogging through the wastes towards the distant hill. Daring started up on a quick gait, moving along side me and occasionally using her wings to keep pace.

The walk wasn't too terrible. We arrived at the hatch to my home after only a few minutes. "Alright...I'll go first she--" I was cut off as the hatch flung open, catching me in the gut and making me stumble back and land on my back, "Ow...Lid--"

I was cut off as Lidia appeared atop me, pinning me by my ankles, "Holt...you're late, do you have them?" I felt her paws tighten up around my wrists, "I need them...now!"

I tried to free myself, the massive red and white diamond dog proving far too heavy to remove without hurting her, "In my p-p-p--"

"Shut up," she commanded, getting to her knees and rolling me onto my belly, "Who's the pony?" she asked, tearing into my pack and loudly grabbing the crystals I'd nabbed and grinding them in her paws, "Yes...yessssss."

I felt her get off me, her back paws plodding towards our underground home, "Uh, found her in the tunnels. She said she wanted to talk to you about the d-d-dogs." I stood up just in time to watch the hatch close. "G-g-great...."

Daring trotted over, "Um...wow...she's, big."

I rubbed my chin, "She refuses to wear a bra. I mean, she likes pants, she likes shirts, but underwear and shoes, god no."

"I meant more height...but yeah, she's...well, she's big in general." Daring trotted to the hatch, "So you live in the--"

I walked over, opening the hatch and hopping down, "Yeah, Lidia let me live with her if I did her some favors," I scratched my head and closed up the hatch as Daring jumped down, "That...and I'm basically a chew toy to her. ...And by chew toy, I basically mean slave...in...multip-p-pul facets."

"Holt, paws, now!" Lidia called out, followed by a loud snap.

I let out an exasperated sigh and gestured for Daring to follow me into the single large room that made up the house. It was basically a huge circle, a bed in the center and separate roomettes in sections around the room. Kitchen, bedroom, sitting room, study, all globed together in the large circle hut. The only other room was the bathroom, and it was basically a hole in the ground and a cheap shower that I managed to tap into a passing water main.

It wasn't even painted, simply carved out of beige stone. Lidia was sitting on a couch where I managed to set up a TV. "Holt...there was a pony from Appleloosa here earlier, they said we should stop stealing from them. I told them next time they come I'm gonna eat em."

Daring looked at me, eyebrow raised high, "...Yeah, I know." I scratched behind my ear and walked over to Lidia, "And Lidia, you can't keep threatening people."

Lidia grabbed me from my wrist and pulled me across her lap, "Lewis, I get what I want. You're not about to tell me no, no pony is going to tell me know, if those dumb mutts underground tell me no...ooooh boy--" she stopped herself as Daring walked over and sat between us and the TV, "Lewis...who's the mongrel?"

I let out a long huff, "Daring Do, like I said s-s-she wanted to--"

"Lewis, shut up before I stick my nail in your cock hole again," Lidia demanded, her pointed ears and white muzzle ripe with anger. She crossed her legs, bouncing her back paw and pushing my head into the couch, "Alright pony...what you want?"

I went limp, my gut hugging Lidia's thigh and the rest of me pressed into the couch. Daring's voice cut off the cheap tinny sound of the TV, "I was supposed to figure out what the diamond dogs do with crystals. Your friend--"

Lidia scoffed, "Why'd you go to the males?" she started laughing haughtily, "Idiot, you're not gonna get anything but slobber and inarticulate yelling from the pups." Lidia threw my off her lap, sending me onto the small rug in the sitting area, "Pony, you're dumb. You want anything you come to the girls, the females--"

Daring nodded, "The bit--"

"No no no!" I yelped, waving my hands before me, "D-d-d-don't!"

Daring cocked her head, her sour expression rather worrying, "Not a good thing to say?"

"N-n-no!"

Lidia walked behind the couch and rested her paw on it, "Last time Lewis called me a bitch, he was my sex slave for about a week or- was it a week or just four days?"

I grumbled and turned away, "It doesn't really matter...long enough to just ruin any attraction I had towards you...."

Lidia folded her ears back and blew into the air, "Pfff, you still put out. Anyways, the mutts are dumb as the gems they mine, you come to the girls when you want to talk."

Daring looked down at me, then back up to Lidia, "Alright then, so...matriarchy?"

"Yes...if only because the males are dumb as broken gems." Lidia walked back around, standing next to my head, "Lewis said the monkeys and the ponies aren't like that...but...he's dumb--"

"F-f-f-fu--"

"Lewis, stop," Lidia pressed her back paw into my back, scratching up and down with her nails, "Anyways, what we do with the gems is pretty freakin' simple. They're cash, money money money."

I groaned and grumbled, trying not to enjoy the feeling of hard nails running against my back, "She- n-n-nev--"

"Seriously, Lewis, stop," she stopped scratching and walked over to Daring, her tail almost slapping me, "The boys use 'em in collars and stuff, but the smart ones take 'em south and go to a market. And...personally I just like em."

Daring's raspy voice shot in, "So it's just money!? Ponies have been getting kidnapped for money!?"

Lidia held her paws up, "Not my fault...they do what I tell em, but like I said, they're dumb as a Tarken bird. I tell em to get me gems, they do it. How am I supposed to keep track of who does what?!"

Daring's hooves danced about, "So you're the--"

"Hey, I go in every so often and make sure they let 'em go! Or I send Holt...." Lidia stated, turning to me and ducking down, "Who's a good boy, who's a good boy!?" she asked, scratching my chin.

"Can you n-n-n-not!?" I yelled, lifting off the ground and joining the conversation. "I'm n-not a dog, so stop it!"

Daring started pacing around, "So this- all of these tunnels are yours!? That's insan--"

"No no no, there are a couple girls in the wastes. I mean, that's really flattering, saying I could do all this by myself, but no." Lidia walked over and ducked down to Daring, "So...that help?"

Daring looked past Lidia and over at me, "Maybe...but now I've got a question for you, human." she walked over to me and looked me up and down, "I've been looking for some help. One of my fan- friends showed me how things are supposed to work with a good team, and I've been looking for someone to come help me out."

I jumped upright, "And y-y-you're asking me?"

Daring nodded, "I'm asking a lot of people, but you helped me already, so I don't see why you couldn't do it."

I looked back to Lidia, "Y-y-y--"

Lidia held her paw up, "Holt...you do what you want, just remember you cock is mine. You come home whenever you're done playing with your little pony friends."

I scratched my collar and turned to Daring, "W-w-well if y-y-y-you don't mind t-this, just let me know where ya' need me."

Daring smiled up at me, "Sure, but I think I'm gonna get out of here. It smells a bit like...dog."

"Hahahahaha I get it, because I'm a dog!" Lidia screamed, grabbing me and taking my place before Daring, "Get the fuck out of here...."

Daring leaned her head back and rolled her eyes, "It's been interesting, and thanks for the help." Daring wandered over to the exit and hopped out.

"What a bitch...." Lidia snarled, "Now, pants off, I'm hungry...."

"L-L-Lidia please...can I just--"

"Do it on your own or I'll bite it...."

I let out a long groan and grabbed my belt, "Why the hell do I stay here?"

Lidia grabbed me by my collar and started pulling me towards the bed, "Because you're a bitch, a submissive little mutt."

I looked down at my shoes as a pair of Lidia's slacks slammed against my ankles, "...I d-d-don't even- I can't--"

"Because I'm right, Holt, because you like to be on bottom and you like assholes."

I let out a long sigh, "I do like asses...damn you fetish, damn you to hell."

Lidia flopped down on the bed, "Oh shut up, you know you like it."