Aside from the soft sound of hoofsteps on carpet, the only other sound in the small room was an incessant beeping. In one corner sat a small brown colt, his gaze firmly locked on the contraption he held in his forehooves. His eyes began to widen in eager anticipation as his mighty warrior prepared to deliver the final blow to his malevolent foe.
Or he would have, had the device not been taken from the colt's grasp by a cream-coloured forehoof.
"No, Button Mash," a mare said softly. "You can play with your JoyBoy when you get home from the sleepover."
"It's not a 'sleepover,' mom," Button grumbled. "It's a 'slumber party' — and I don't even wanna go, because slumber parties are for girls!" He made a reach for the JoyBoy, only to be thwarted when his mother held it up and out of range.
"Yes, and those 'girls' are the only friends you have," she replied sternly. "Now, unless you want me to lock this away, you will go and enjoy yourself." She put the JoyBoy on a high shelf and sighed. "Those three fillies seem to really like you, Button, and all they want is to spend time with you. Is that really too much to ask?"
"Yes," Button said, not missing a beat.
"Well, too bad," his mother replied. "Now come on, we're late."
With that, she put a saddlebag on her back and left — dragging a protesting Button Mash with her. She left the house and walked along the road, ignoring Button's cries of anguish.
"Mom, stop!" he pleaded. "I'll do anything you want — wash the dishes, cut the grass, do the shopping, fold laundry, spend time with Grandma... anything! Just don't make me do this!"
His mother rolled her eyes and sighed. "Nice try, Button," she replied. "But we both know that you don't want to do any of those things either. Now please stop struggling, we're almost there."
The smell of apples entered Button's nostrils as line upon line of trees stood majestically as far as the eye could see, swaying gently in the breeze — although Button saw them as shadowy figures who were taking great pleasure in heralding his impending doom.
As his mother opened the gate, Button quickly grabbed hold of the fencepost and wrapped himself around it. A weight leaving her back at first brought relief to the mare, but that relief soon turned to irritation as she saw Button clutching the fence as though it was his father — back from one of his long business trips.
"Button..." his mother snarled. "If you don't stop acting like a baby this instant, your JoyBoy will never see the light of day again!"
"That's a risk I'm willing to take!" Button shouted. "I'd rather lose my one true love, than be forced into such embarrassment!"
"You're embarrassed?" Button's mother muttered under her breath before she grabbed his tail with her teeth. As she prepared to pull, a voice caught her attention.
"Uh, Button, what in tarnation are ya doin'?" Apple Bloom stood nearby, watching the scene with a small smile on her lips while Scootaloo stood next to her with a forehoof clamped over her mouth — an action which was failing to suppress her giggles. Sweetie Belle stood next to Scootaloo with a dreamy expression on her face, seemingly oblivious to anything else but Button.
At the sight of the three fillies, Button quickly disentangled himself from the post and stood in front of them. He polished a forehoof on his chest and held it out in front of him while he adopted a neutral expression. "Nothin' much," he replied. "What are you doing?"
"We were waiting for you," Scootaloo said in between further bouts of the giggles. "But when you didn't show up on time, we decided to come and look for you — and I'm so glad we did!"
"I'm gettin' tha impression ya don't want ta be here," Apple Bloom said warily. "If'n ya like, ya can just go home."
"He's here now," Button's mother replied. "And he's staying." She leaned in closer to Button's ear and whispered into it. "Because if he doesn't, his JoyBoy will have an unfortunate accident which will involve the waste disposal unit and a fourteen pound lump hammer." She kissed his forehead and spoke louder. "Have fun, sweetie, I'll pick you up tomorrow!"
With those words, she dumped Button's bag on the ground and beat a hasty retreat along the road leading back to town — leaving her son standing sheepishly amongst the three fillies.
***
"Thanks fer comin', Button Mash," Apple Bloom said eagerly, rolling out a sleeping bag onto the floor. "I was beginnin' ta think that ya weren't gonna make it."
"My mom made sure I got here," Button replied. "So I wasn't going to miss anything." He rolled out his own sleeping bag. "Now, what are we gonna do for fun?"
"Have you got your JoyBoy?" Scootaloo asked, to which Button shook his head. "That's good, because you're no fun when you're playing with that thing — now you've gotta do stuff with us."
Button gulped. "Stuff like what?" he wondered warily. "I don't wanna do anything girly, like makeovers or whatever."
Sweetie Belle giggled. "We've got stuff to make s'mores," she said. "We could eat them till we can't move, if that's more your thing."
Button nodded so fast, the three fillies could have sworn they heard a creaking noise. "Yeah!" he shouted excitedly. "Let's do that! And then, afterwards, we can tell ghost stories!"
Scootaloo winced slightly. "We could do that..." she paused for a moment. "Or we could tell some really awesome stories about some really awesome ponies!"
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. "Or, in other words," she replied. "You can tell us, fer the millionth time, about why ya think Rainbow Dash is 'the most awesome pony who ever lived in the history of ever.'"
She and Sweetie Belle fell over laughing as Scootaloo turned bright red. Button smirked to himself, happy that things weren't as bleak as he first thought — and when a pillow struck Apple Bloom in the face, he was more than eager to join in the chaos that ensued.
Several minutes passed by in a blaze of feathers and shouts of delight, until the four foals called a truce and sat amongst the wreckage littering their makeshift battlefield. Sweetie Belle focused some magic into her horn and lit a small fire, Apple Bloom grabbed a bag containing marshmallows and crackers, and Scootaloo brought out a few bars of chocolate.
"That was fun, so I think we've earned these," Sweetie Belle said, skewering some marshmallows and holding them over the fire. "Wouldn't you agree, everypony?"
The other three nodded, Button deciding to make himself useful and prepare the crackers and chocolate. Within minutes, the marshmallows were done — and Button had burnt the top of his mouth on the molten insides.
Once the giggling had subsided the clubhouse fell silent, save for the sounds of chewing and small moans of appreciation.
***
"Okay," Sweetie Belle produced a checklist and looked at it. "We've had a pillow fight, made s'mores, told stories – which were both scary and awesome – talked about how much we dislike Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, discussed future Crusade ideas... ah, here we go!" She jabbed a forehoof into the paper. "The next item on the list is 'play Truth or Dare!'" Scootaloo and Apple Bloom looked at each other and grinned, rubbing their own forehooves together malevolently. "You're first, Button. Truth or Dare?"
"Dare!" Button said proudly. "Finally, something really fun!" He noticed the bemused looks the three fillies were giving him and chuckled awkwardly. "Not that this hasn't been fun already, that is. I meant that this is really fun, while everything else has just been... the plain and ordinary kind of fun."
There was silence before Scootaloo shrugged. "Okay, whatever," she replied. "Anyway, I dare you to sneak into the house... and steal one of Winona's chew toys." She smiled angelically.
"Pfft, that's easy," Button scoffed. "I'll be back in a minute — with every single toy she has!" He crept towards the door and opened it, gritting his teeth at the slight creak, then deftly leapt out into the orchard. His shadow soon vanished from sight, leaving the Crusaders behind with large grins on their faces.
"So," Apple Bloom said nonchalantly. "How long do y'all reckon it'll be before Button realises Winona ain't got any chew toys?"
Scootaloo tapped her chin with a forehoof. "I say half an hour," she replied. "And I'm willing to put five bits on that."
"Oh yeah?" Sweetie Belle said. "Well I bet five bits it takes him forty-five minutes to realise it."
"An' I bet five bits it'll be fifteen minutes," Apple Bloom interjected. "Come on, girls, Button may be a bit soft — but I highly doubt he's that stupid."
The door suddenly swung open and Button entered, closing it discreetly behind him. He looked at the three fillies for a moment, then suddenly stood on his hind legs and held an object above his head triumphantly.
"Da na na naaaaahhhhhhh!" he announced. "I found something!"
Apple Bloom looked at him in disbelief. "No way," she replied. "Winona doesn't even have any chew toys, so how did ya get... whatever it is ya have there?" She paused. "Speakin' of, what in tarnation did ya get?"
"Winona doesn't have any chew toys?" Button parroted. "if that's true, then how come I found this in her basket?"
He held out the object — a doll shaped like a pony. Upon seeing it, the three fillies eyes widened and they snatched the doll from him.
"Smarty Pants?!" Apple Bloom squeaked. "Oh, horseapples, we can't let Big Macintosh find out that Winona had her!"
"Wait," Button snickered. "This doll belongs to your brother?" Apple Bloom nodded, forcing him to clamp his forehooves over his mouth to contain the loud guffaw which almost escaped.
Apple Bloom quickly tossed the doll into a corner. "We'll hafta deal with that later," she said, her tone urgent. "But in tha meantime, Button, it's your turn. Who do you pick for Truth or Dare?"
Button shrugged. "Can you do me again?" he asked. "It was really fun sneaking into the house like that — I felt like I was playing Pony Gear Solid for real!" Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo and Apple Bloom exchanged a glance with each other, then looked at Button and nodded. "Yay! Now, for this turn, I select 'Truth!'"
Sweetie Belle immediately rushed forwards and got in Button's face. "Do you have a crush on anypony at school?" Button's cheeks turned red as he looked away and nodded meekly. "I knew it, I knew it! Is it somepony we know?"
Button nodded again. "Everypony knows her," he replied. "She's really smart, has a nice two-colour mane... and she's the prettiest pony I've ever seen." He sighed wistfully.
Scootaloo put a foreleg around his neck. "And you've never had the courage to tell her how you feel?" she asked, to which Button nodded for the third time in as many minutes. "Well, here's your chance to tell her — because she's in this room right now!"
Button leapt into the air. "What? Where?!" he looked around in a blind panic. "Oh, I hope she didn't hear me, I'll get into trouble!"
Apple Bloom raised an eyebrow. "Oh, Button," she said. "Ya don't have ta act like this. We all know ya have a crush on Sweetie Belle, so why don't ya just pony up an'—"
"I don't have a crush on Sweetie Belle!" Button interrupted.
Three sets of eyes stared at him in shock.
"What?!" Scootaloo shouted. "But you said she's smart, with a nice two-colour mane!" She pointed at Sweetie Belle, who looked heartbroken. "Sweetie is smart, and has two colours in her mane!"
"I'm also pretty," Sweetie Belle lamented. "So Rarity says, anyway."
Apple Bloom scratched her head. "I don't understand," she said. "I don't think any of the fillies in our class match yer description, Button. Are ya sure she's even a real po—"
"IT'S MISS CHEERILEE!" Button proclaimed. "I HAVE A CRUSH ON THE TEACHER, OKAY?! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?"
"Miss Cheerilee?!" Sweetie yelled, her voice cracking with raw emotion. "Are you serious?!"
"Uh-huh," Button sniffled, wiping a stray tear away. "She's smart because she's a teacher, has two shades of pink in her mane... and she is really, really, really pretty."
Silence descended on the room as the three fillies looked at Button, who was looking around the room in a desperate attempt to avoid eye contact. Apple Bloom was the first to speak.
"I... I'm not sure what ta say," she said.
"Promise me you won't tell anypony?" Button pleaded. "All of you, please promise me! I don't think I could live down the shame if anypony were to find out."
The Crusaders looked at each other for a moment before they spoke in unison and made the motions of a Pinkie Promise. "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."
Button sighed in relief. "Thank you, girls," he said. "Now, er, can we go to sleep? It's been a long night."
No words were said after that, as the four of them settled down into their sleeping bags and drifted off to sleep.
***
Apple Bloom sat up, a soft sigh escaping her lips. She squinted into the darkness, her eyes adjusting to what little light was available, and made out two shapes nearby. "Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo," she whispered. "Are either of y'all asleep?"
"Yeah," Sweetie Belle replied. "I can't sleep."
"Me neither," Scootaloo added. "Not after hearing that."
"I really thought he liked me," Sweetie Belle whimpered. "So why does he like Miss Cheerilee? I know she's nice and all, but what has she got that I don't?" She paused. "Wait, don't answer that."
Apple Bloom edged closer and put a forehoof around Sweetie's neck. "It coulda been worse," she said comfortingly. "It could have been Diamond Tiara he had a crush on."
"That's so dumb, it doesn't even bear thinking about," Scootaloo scoffed. "How could you even suggest that?"
Apple Bloom shrugged. "I dunno," she replied. "I guess I thought it would make Sweetie Belle feel a bit better."
"Well it didn't," Sweetie Belle grumbled. "All I can think of is how to make Button like me, and not her. Besides, Apple Bloom, isn't Cheerilee dating Big Macintosh now?"
"Eeyup," Apple Bloom said, her nod barely visible in the fading light. "They started seein' each other a few weeks ago."
"We need to make Button realise that Cheerilee is a no-go area," Scootaloo offered. "And once we've done that, we need to make him fall for Sweetie Belle."
"That's our next mission then, fellow Crusaders," Apple Bloom declared. "Operation: Make Button Like Sweetie Belle will begin at first light tomorrow."
With those words, all three of them raised a forehoof into the air triumphantly and brought them together with a silent cry of "Cutie Mark Crusader Button Pushers!"
And through it all, Button Mash had been lying snugly in his sleeping bag — snoring away without a care in the world.
Author's Note
And there we have it — my entry for the first UK of Equestria Fimfiction Writing Contest.
I hope you got some enjoyment out of this — yet I can't help but wonder how many of you were expecting a SweetieMash ship to arrive. 
Also, I know I'm British... but I just can't picture Button Mash saying 'mum' instead of 'mom.'
