"Did you do it?"
Myrtle's glare burned into Trixie.
The doctors told them that their father, Heavy-Heart, had merely died of natural causes, but Myrtle wasn't buying it. She felt disgusted that she ever once almost felt sorry for her younger sister, her being the abomination that she was.
Trixie slowly shook her head, shaking with nervousness. "... N-no..."
The earth pony sat back on her haunches, her face a dirty scowl. "Oh, yeah? Then what's that?" she snapped, an accusatory foreleg pointing at Trixie's newfound cutie mark. She recognized it from their mother's story book; it was sickening to see it on her sibling's flank.
Trixie cringed, her eyes veering away uncomfortably. "Nothing..."
Myrtle scoffed bitterly. "Hmph. If I didn't know any better, I'd be inclined to agree with you. It'd make sense, because you are nothing, you've always been nothing, and you'll always be nothing," she hissed, her voice dripping with venom.
"But unfortunately, I doubt that's what that is. I think I know what it really means. You always pretend to be some saint, hiding behind obedience and conformity to earn everypony's trust, waiting for the chance to take advantage of everything they have. They give an inch, and you take a mile. They don't know you like I do. That you're the sort of monster who'd kill her own parents when all they did was care for you, and you never even deserved it to begin with. Your special talent, your cutie mark, is taking good things, and twisting them, corrupting them, into something hideous and horrible, like some, some... Some kind of changeling. Wearing the mask of an angel, when all you really are is a devil."
Trixie hung her head at her words, filled with a deep shame.
Fear filled her heart once more as Myrtle started to slowly back her into a corner, never letting her leave her hateful sight.
"You did it, didn't you? You killed my Dad, too, just like you killed my Mom?"
The younger filly's legs trembled, feeling a cold sweat starting to overwhelm her. She opened her mouth to speak, and nothing would come out.
"Did you?!? DID YOU?!?"
Trixie burst into tears, burying her face in her hooves as she fell to the floor.
Myrtle slowly shook her head, her disapproving gaze fixed on her sister as she grimaced out of animosity. "I thought so," she sneered, walking away and slamming the door behind her.
The next few days were full of torment.
Trixie fearfully clung to Myrtle's every instruction. Except for direct commands relating to their daily routine of maintaining the house and working at Euthalia's, she never spoke a word to her. The filly had no idea what her older sister had in store for her, just that she was as angry and loathing as she'd ever been. For all Trixie knew, Myrtle could kick her out of the house, or convince the authorities she somehow killed Heavy-Heart against his will, maybe even get her exiled from Jennet somehow.
The suspense of waiting for her unknown fate had only compounded her constant state of nervousness and apprehension. The damning and terrifying uncertainty made Trixie almost wish Myrtle would immediately punish her, however terribly, rather than keep her guessing for another moment.
One horrible thought after another raced through her mind as she idly sat in her dark room after a particularly laborious day. Her aching muscles begged for her to go to rest, but she dare not risk retiring for the night without awaiting Myrtle's permission first. Her indecisive turmoil was interrupted as the pony she thought of threw her door open, casting the light from the hallway inside. Trixie slowly and nervously looked behind her.
Before she could say anything first, Myrtle began; "I've finally figured out what to do with you. Here's what's going to happen." She slowly walked to her younger sibling, who fully turned to face her, cowering before her authority.
"The only reason I'm going to let you keep living here is because it's what my father would want. He thought you were something more than you really are, but I know that you're not. You're going to keep working with me at Euthalia's, for some years if need be, until you earn enough bits from your labor to move out into a house of your own, preferably out of town. Once you reach that amount, your time here is through. Is that understood?"
Trixie quickly nodded, remaining completely silent.
"Good." Myrtle started to walk back to the hall, but stopped just before she passed the doorway. "There's one more thing..." she added, looking back. "As long as you live here, you're not allowed to do anything that makes you happy. You made me suffer by putting up with you all this time, so it's only fair that you endure the same. You should be thankful I'm so merciful to even let you stay here in the first place. If I catch you even trying, I promise I'll punish you for it. Don't test my patience, Beatrix, because if this becomes too much of a problem, I will kick you out of here without a second's hesitation."
With that, she left.
That night was almost a year ago.
The only reason Myrtle hadn't destroyed or disposed of Trixie's sentimental possessions were because she had hidden them away in her room, never taking them out for any reason. She had never worn her hat and cape since, or reread "The Very Special Pony". She hadn't even played with her doll, Special, who she once cared for night and day like a child; she shuddered at the realization that if Special really were a child, she would have long ago died of starvation. The unpleasant thought was entirely unwelcome, causing her to keep it out of her mind whenever possible.
Ever eager to be good, Trixie obeyed Myrtle's every word. She knew her sister would always hate her, and never forgive her for her apparent crimes, but the very least she could do was avoid even more suffering at her hooves.
It was evening once more, with Luna's beautiful moon and stars the only illumination in the dark sky above. Trixie had just finished her last errand for the day, and was starting to head back home, hoping that Myrtle would allow her to go to bed soon without much fuss. The lonely filly sighed to herself, depressed over how her life had changed since her father died.
She never dared to delay any of her tasks entirely of her own volition, unless she knew there was something else her sister would have wanted her to do that she hadn't known about before, or was for someone else's benefit entirely. As such, she let nothing distract her from returning to her house... Until she heard an unhappy meow.
Trixie stopped in her tracks, looking above her to the source of the sound. "Oh... Hello, Remiel."
The blue cat had gotten himself stuck in a tree, and continued meowing profusely. Trixie paused for a moment to concentrate, and then calmly levitated Remiel in a slow descent safely to the ground. He gratefully purred and started cuddling against Trixie's forelegs, his soft green eyes gazing up at her, as if empathizing with her sorrow.
"Come on, let's get you home," she cooed as she levitated him onto her back, walking back over to where he belonged, which fortunately wasn't terribly far away.
The filly's hoof lightly knocked on the door, which soon opened to reveal the same earth pony mare who was a judge at the talent show last year -- and would be one again this year.
"Oh, my goodness. Was the poor boy stuck in a tree again?"
"I'm afraid so, Miss Eileen," Trixie answered her. "Here you go," she added as she levitated Remiel into the mare's loving embrace.
Eileen smiled gratefully, taking a few moments to welcome her cat home with petting and cuddling, before he set him aside, allowing him to walk further into the house. She returned her attention to Trixie, chuckling as she slowly shook her head.
"I still remember how amazing it was when you conjured him out of my memory a year ago. You really have wonderful talents."
"They're not good enough to make it in," Trixie noted somberly.
Eileen frowned. "Why, it wasn't that, my dear... We were just worried you would get hurt..." she trailed off. After a moment's hesitation, she unsurely added "You should try out again! I'm sure that you've had enough practice to make it in without a problem!"
Trixie shook her head, reluctantly disappointing her. "I'm never going to try out again, Miss. I just can't," she insisted, neglecting to mention the specific reasons why.
The mare was heartbroken, thinking the filly was merely too discouraged by her last failure to bother trying again. "I'll respect your decision, but..." she laid a comforting hoof upon Trixie's shoulder to reassure her. "Just know that your talents -- and your kindness -- are indeed appreciated, young filly..."
Trixie nodded. "Thank you, Miss Eileen."
As she went to bed that night, Trixie thought back on the judge's encouragements. After so many months of living in complete servitude to Myrtle, she had completely forgotten about there being a talent show every year... And about Gilda eventually coming back.
The friendly griffon was never far from her thoughts, but the overwhelming despair that clouded every single day for the longest time had blotted out her promise to return to Jennet. Now that Trixie had finally rediscovered it, she wasn't sure if she wanted Gilda to come back or not.
Of course, she wanted to see her again -- undoubtedly. But whether or not she did, Trixie was sure it could only turn out for the worst. If Gilda came back, she'd have to explain to her that Myrtle's rule would keep them from ever talking or interacting -- if she would even get the chance to explain it in the first place. If Gilda never showed up, she'd obviously miss her, but at least she wouldn't have to endure the pain of probably being forced to erase their friendship.
She suppressed a frustrated groan at her life's situation, far too tired of her only choices always being between which was a less painful way to lose. Too restless from this reopened inner turmoil to sleep, Trixie quietly got up, looking at the moon and stars outside her window , the only lights in a worldwide blanket of darkness.
Ever since her father's death, she had entertained a thought she'd never had in her life; what if Luna wasn't as good as she thought she was?
Her followers were made into social pariahs if they were exposed or identified, and constantly toiled through hardships with a meager quality of life. Every plea and request sent to her, however desperate, were seemingly ignored. The dusk gave rise to nocturnal predators that made the dark hours unsafe.
With all these reasons and more, Trixie couldn't help but wonder; should she forsake Luna, the way she had apparently forsaken her?
She seriously considered it... And decided against it.
Faults and all, Luna was still a worthy deity to look up to. After all, even through the face of constant sorrow in the daylight hours due to Myrtle's demands, the night princess still graced Trixie with pleasant dreams, her only remaining comfort and solace. Rest was once either a nuisance, an obstacle in the way of waking activities, or a welcome retreat from discomfort, physical or emotional; now, it was all she ever looked forward to.
After all, wasn't Luna's only crime wanting to be recognized for her efforts, the same as Trixie? Wasn't she, like Trixie, largely misunderstood and mistreated by most who knew of her?
The filly closed her eyes in acceptance of this moment's peace, realizing that Luna truly was there for her after all, the way that Trixie herself had always meant to lend support to the night goddess. If she truly didn't care, would she have given her sweet dreams every night without fail?
With that, the unicorn returned to her bed. Her worried thoughts drifted back to what would become of Gilda, whether or not they ever met again. She frantically tried to push them out of focus, only for them to become more resilient, so instead she merely tried to relax, and once more succumb to the sweet embrace of sleep, and the lovely dreams that came with it.
It was the middle of the day, and Trixie was on her way to shop for groceries.
Just before she could enter the marketplace, a familiar silhouette on the ground nearby caught her eye. Trixie looked to the source, and smiled, with bittersweet, mixed emotions gripping her heart.
There, off in the distance, was Gilda le Grand, eagerly flying towards her with an expression of bliss so radiant that one would think she'd just seen the beauty of the stars for the first time.
The griffon just barely came to a gradual stop, struggling to contain her excitement; she didn't want to tackle Trixie in a hug with all those saddlebags the unicorn wore. Instead, she waited until landing in front of her, seizing her in an adoring embrace.
"Trixie! Oh my gosh, I've missed you so much! I can't believe that it's been a year!" she gently pulled away, spreading her wings once more. "I can fly much better now! Rainbow Dash helped me out, and now I've got it down to a science! It totally rocks!"
Trixie chuckled, pleased by her excitement. "I noticed."
"How about you? How has your magic improved since you've been practicing? We've got to get you into the talent show again, you could totally nail it this time!"
Trixie frowned, having long ago dreaded the possibility of this moment. "Actually, Gilda... I... I'm not going to do it again..."
Gilda recoiled out of bewildered sadness. "What? Why not?"
"So, that's why," Trixie concluded.
She had just finished explaining everything that had happened with Heavy-Heart and Myrtle since she had met the griffon. The only detail she left out was that she was attempting suicide the night Gilda found her in the field; she thought it would somehow disturb her or hurt her feelings.
The griffon graciously received all this information with complete attentiveness and sympathy, feeling just as shocked as she was disheartened. "I can't believe it..." she muttered sadly.
Trixie's eyes veered away as her ears lowered, her expression shameful. "It's not that I don't want to, but... The only reason I can talk to you right now is because Myrtle thinks I'm grocery shopping. I can only lie to her so much without her getting suspicious. But, I did talk to you because I wanted to -- I had to -- it wouldn't have been right not to greet you again..." She squinted her eyes shut in frustration, sighing. "I want to keep being friends with you, Gilda, but Myrtle would probably forbid that because it makes me happy..."
Gilda looked away, hurt by their circumstances. "What about being friends with me to make me happy? She's okay with that, right? You doing what makes other people happy?"
"But that would make both of us happy, so she probably wouldn't be okay with it," Trixie explained.
Gilda groaned in frustration, desperately searching to think of a solution to their lamentable misfortune. "... Do you remember how you read my mind last year?"
"Yes?"
"Can't you... Can't you make it so that we can 'talk' to each other like that? Like, you can send me messages with your magic, and I'd answer them with my thoughts?"
Trixie beamed at this idea, feeling surprised and stupid that she hadn't come up with it on her own much earlier. "I... Guess I could..."
"That way, we could have secret conversations, and we could keep spending time together without Myrtle finding out," Gilda explained. "That would work, wouldn't it?"
Trixie hesitated, reluctant to risk earning more of Myrtle's wrath, but she decided her friendship with Gilda was worth it. She was touched that she wanted to be with her even after giving her so much and receiving so little in return -- even though she wanted to anyways, she felt she owed it to her to give her what she wanted, and if that meant being friends, then all the better. So, she nodded.
"I'm not completely sure how this will work, because I've never done it before, but... I'm pretty certain that it won't work right unless we're not far away from each other. Like, both of us in plain view of the other, or within a certain distance."
"That makes sense," Gilda agreed. "I've gotten really good at staying hidden at Junior Speedster's Flight Camp, so I could keep out of Myrtle's sight if she happens to be around."
"Or if she does see us both, we could just pretend we don't know each other," Trixie added. "Either way, we'll need to practice."
Myrtle was agitated with Trixie, but was trying not to make too much of a fuss about it. She knew from experience that grocery shopping sometimes yielded long lines. There actually hadn't been one today, but Trixie managed to convince her otherwise; a penchant for the truth made the occasional white lie much easier to slip in.
A lot of that time had actually been spent between Trixie and Gilda perfecting their mental communication -- or, at least, honing it to the point that they could have coherent conversations with relative ease. The griffon never got a chance to meet Trixie's relatives before, and regretted that she would never get to speak with Heavy-Heart, for he sounded like a very nice stallion to her. Myrtle was an entirely different story.
The Lulamoon sisters had just finished dinner that evening. If there was any mercy from the older sibling to the younger one, it's that she at least divided chores evenly between both of them, claiming Trixie needed to at least reserve her strength for the next day's tasks. Trixie would have mistaken this for the slightest hint of kindness if it weren't for Myrtle's constantly sour mood towards her.
Tonight, it was Myrtle's turn to do the dishes. As Trixie expectantly waited for Myrtle to possibly give her more chores for this evening, she suddenly sensed Gilda's presence nearby. Immediately, she tapped into the mental connection that they established.
'Surprised to see me?' Gilda chimed.
'I would be, except I can't see you,' Trixie joked. 'But, yes, I wasn't expecting you tonight. Still, you're not unwelcome.'
Gilda barely peered through a nearby window to take a gander at Myrtle. The clash of her dark green coat and brown mane and tail didn't seem to sit well with the griffon's eyes.
'So, that's Myrtle, huh?'
'Yeah.'
Gilda scoffed. 'She looks like something that crawled out from under a rock. Acts like one, too.'
Trixie cracked a smile, but managed to suppress a snicker.
'I can see why she's so mean,' Gilda continued, 'I'd probably be a jerk too if I looked like someone tried to mow their lawn and messed it up.'
Trixie lowered her head and squinted her eyes shut, quietly chuckling.
Gilda smiled, glad to see Trixie amused. She turned her attention to Myrtle's cutie mark, a rose.
'How much do you want to bet that if she ever slept outside, she'd never know a moment's peace because whoever walked by would try to pick off or eat her cutie mark?'
Trixie broke down into a fit of soft giggling.
Irritated, Myrtle turned her attention to her. "What is so funny?"
Thinking quickly, Trixie looked away as she pointed a hoof out past the open door to the backyard. Myrtle's eyes followed it, only to see some bees pollinating flowers.
She looked back to Trixie, unimpressed. "Very mature, Beatrix," she chided. The earth pony shook her head as she returned her focus to the dishes. "I swear, you read way too many of Mom's books way too early..." she mumbled under her breath.
Trixie looked to Gilda out the window.
'If you keep making me laugh at her, she's going to figure out that something's up!'
'Okay, okay, sorry, sorry...'
Myrtle soon finished the dishes, and Trixie quickly looked back at her, hoping that she wouldn't notice the window.
Myrtle seemed suspicious of her. "Why're you just sitting there gawking at me, anyhow?"
Trixie nervously shrugged. "I-I was just waiting to see if you had anything else for me to do before I go to bed..."
Her elder sibling surveyed the kitchen for ideas. "You can take out the garbage," she concluded.
The unicorn nodded, immediately obeying her. She levitated the filled trash bag towards herself, going to the backyard to put it in the can before she brought it out to the front of their house for garbage day tomorrow. Gilda silently followed her from above in flight.
'Take out the trash, and her with it?'
Trixie snickered.
As Trixie laid in her bed, Gilda rested her head on the opposite side of the wall of her room from outside. Their closeness separated by a single wall helped strengthen the connection of their secret conversation.
'I think we should try to get you in the talent show again,' Gilda began.
Trixie paused, rife with uncertain sorrow regarding it. She couldn't see herself trying again, for many reasons, but she didn't want to disappoint Gilda, either. 'I'm afraid my heart's just not in it any more...'
Gilda sighed. 'Can't you at least try?...'
Trixie squeezed her eyes shut, tired of being torn between the choices. 'I'll try out with you, since that's what we did last time.'
'We should do this just for you,' Gilda reaffirmed. 'I won't enter, I'll just help you with it... They wouldn't have an outdoor act like flying in an indoor talent show, any ways... Besides, I know I fly just well enough after returning to Junior Speedsters. I don't need to prove anything to anyone.'
Once again, Trixie stopped, this time unsure about going if Gilda wasn't going to.
Alarmed by her silence, Gilda added 'I-I'm not saying you need to prove anything to anyone, I know that you're good at magic, just... You've been spending all this time cooped up working or in your house, enslaved into depression by your sister... No one's supposed to live like that, that's just crazy... Don't you want to feel happy?'
'Of course I do,' Trixie answered.
'Then why not try out again?'
Again, silence fell upon them.
Again, Gilda was the one to break it. 'Listen... You can tell yourself whatever you want, but, I know how much that show meant to you. You were really excited for it, and worked so hard for it, and you were completely crushed when you didn't make it in. Ever since, it's been one bad thing after another. Wouldn't you like something to make all those troubles worth it? To finally feel good about something for once, after all that badness?'
'... Yes...'
'Then we'll get you into that show, and you'll completely own it,' Gilda concluded.
'... But... What about you? What are you going to get out of it?'
'I'm going to get to see my friend do what makes her happy, and that makes me happy.'
Trixie closed her eyes. Not only had Myrtle forbidden her from seeking happiness, but she felt as if she didn't deserve to, either. And yet, her one and only friend, Gilda, believed the opposite. Whatever choice she made, she would be potentially disappointing and hurting someone. What could she do?
Finally, a decision came to her. She still felt completely positive that she would fail the try outs once more, but the very least she could do was do it anyways, just to satisfy Gilda. The time they'd spend together training and practicing would allow them to enjoy their friendship until Gilda had to leave again, and as long as they were careful enough, they could hide the whole thing from Myrtle.
'... Okay. I'll try out again.'
The next morning, Myrtle had Trixie go out to get breakfast. The unicorn knew about it the night before in advance, so she informed her griffon ally of the situation, telling her where and when they would be able to meet, however briefly. They converged halfway from Trixie's house to the bakery, conversing as they walked.
"I feel bad for making fun of Myrtle."
"What? Why?"
"Well... She's only acting that way because she's hurt..."
"That's no excuse to take it out on you, especially when those things aren't your fault," Gilda replied.
"But, you can see how she'd blame me, can't you? It's not like all of her accusations are unfounded..."
"Still, that's ridiculous! You had good reasons for doing everything that you did, not like her! Even if you didn't, she's been treating you so bad for so long compared to anything you could have possibly done to her. You shouldn't feel bad one bit for cracking jokes at that mean dweeb. One day, she's going to have all that and more happen to her for a change. Karma's going to make sure."
Trixie looked at Gilda with a puzzled expression. "Karma?"
Gilda thought she simply misheard her, then realized she didn't understand. "You know how sometimes, it seems like people don't get what they deserve? They can do something really horrible, and get away with it scot free, for a long time? That's because karma hasn't kicked in yet. Karma is this... Thing... It's like a force of nature, like the sea, or the wind, that works to bring bad luck to those who would hurt others. Sometimes I have trouble believing in karma, or at least I get impatient with it, but trust me, it always comes around tenfold."
Trixie frowned, having difficulty accepting this. "I'd sure like to think so..."
Gilda noticed her reaction. "You know... Karma works both ways, Trixie... You've gotten an awful lot of bad luck all your life for being someone so nice, but I promise, someday, you're going to get all the good things that you have coming to you. Just... Don't give up, and you'll find them sooner or later."
"If you say so," Trixie sighed as they came to a stop. "Well, this is it. I'll be just a minute, Gilda." With that, she entered the bakery to pick up breakfast for her and Myrtle.
Just as Trixie was exiting mere minutes later, saddlebags full of food in tow, she tripped over something, falling flat on her face and spilling the goods into the dirt, some smushed beneath her.
"What the hell was that for?!?" Gilda exclaimed furiously, stomping up to the filly who tripped her friend.
Sable giggled mischievously. "Don't blame me, it was all her fault! She was so busy gawking at you that she didn't watch where she was going!"
Gilda clenched her talon into a fist, raising it threateningly. Sable immediately ran off, but not before pushing Trixie's face into the dirt with her hoof, just narrowly dodging a swift punch from the griffon.
"Damn it!" Gilda cursed.
Trixie groaned, groggily getting back on her feet. "Don't worry about it, I'm used to it," she explained. "There's nothing these bullies do that Myrtle doesn't already do to me."
Gilda huffed in anger. "I swear, it's just not right!"
Trixie's ears perked. She'd gotten an idea.
'I really don't like this,' Gilda mentally told Trixie.
'I know you don't. I don't like it either, but this is our best chance at getting the most time to practice.'
It was much later in the day; Trixie was following Myrtle home after they had just finished closing Euthalia's. She felt Gilda's presence grow closer; the griffon was hiding while the sisters caught up to her.
'Get ready. We're almost there.'
Moments later, Gilda saw Myrtle pass her. Immediately, she stuck a hind leg out in front of the gap between her and Trixie, tripping the unicorn and causing her to fall.
"Watch where you're going, dweeb!" Gilda snarled in mock annoyance.
Myrtle turned around, bewildered at first, then freezing when she saw the griffon had tripped her sister. She snickered, smirking in approval. "Nice one."
Gilda approached her, rolling her eyes. "What a lame brain, am I right? I swear, some people these days just have no common sense. Never paying attention to anything, let alone their surroundings."
Myrtle looked at Trixie, then shook her head in disgust. "I can't believe that she's my sister... I'm so sorry she inconvenienced you. I'll see to it that she makes up for this clumsiness back home."
Gilda grimaced. "Really? Well, that's no fun. I'd rather see her do that right now." With that, she walked over to Trixie, who was just now starting to stand back up. Before she could get away, Gilda grabbed her by the coat on her back with both talons and threw her towards a rather large puddle of mud nearby. The unicorn splashed into it, a dark mess splattered over her blue form.
Myrtle and Gilda laughed in unison. As soon as she was done, the earth pony wiped a tear from her eye, trying to regain her breath from laughing so hard. She smiled at the griffon. "You're pretty cool. Do you think you'd like to hang out sometime?"
"I'd be down for that."
They raised a hoof and talon, and high fived.
'I don't like bullying you.'
'I told you, it's fine. I'm used to it. Besides, you're not even really bullying me, just pretending to, because we're actually friends.'
'But that's not what friends do to each other.'
'I know, and I don't like it either, but the only way we can keep being friends is if you pretend to be Myrtle's friend. Not only will she like you, but she'll think you hate me, too. It's the perfect way for us to keep practicing and spending time together.'
As much as Gilda didn't want to believe it, Trixie was right. Where once they treaded carefully to avoid Myrtle seeing them together, they could now freely act as long as they maintained the charade of victim and tormentor. They had won a great deal of private time from the earth pony under the excuse of getting her permission to force Trixie into doing Gilda's chores for her on a regular basis. This led to the two retreating to a field later that night, the very same place Trixie first showed Gilda her magic a year ago.
The sky was slowly stretching into the sunset, taking it's time to shift from daylight to dusk, leaving the clouds with a majestic lavender color alongside the scarlet orange atmosphere beyond them. It was just bright enough for the two to see well enough for attempting their goals. Trixie lamented that they wouldn't have enough time as she would like tonight, but she remained patient, understanding that their practice would be a slow, gradual process.
"Do you think you're ready?" Gilda asked, her voice absent of both doubt and conviction.
Trixie slowly nodded. "I'm ready to try."
The griffon hesitated as she winced. Even though all of this was her idea in the first place, she was wary of Trixie hurting herself if she pushed too hard. Her talons gently laid down the three items she was going to practice on; a peanut butter cracker, a pine cone, and a spare wheel meant for carriages.
The unicorn closed her eyes, releasing a deep sigh. The goal was to transform them into a cloth, a cage, and a live rabbit, respectively, with which she would perform yet another trick with. "Well... Here goes nothing..." she murmured nervously. With that, she started.
A light pink aura stretched out from her horn, eventually resting onto the peanut butter cracker. Trixie squinted and furrowed her eyebrows as she attempted to concentrate.
Gilda clenched her talons into fists, apprehensive of the results. "Come on, Trix... You can do it..."
Already, the unicorn grunted uncomfortably at the strain present in her magic. While it was bad enough that magic was never that easy for her, going so long without doing anything except the most basic spells had made her skills very stale. She shut her eyes as she tried to force more raw power into it, overwhelming her.
"Take it easy! Take your time! You can do this if you just be patient with yourself! You'll get better at it the more you do it! I know you can make this happen right now if you just calm down!"
Gilda's cautionary encouragements soothed her friend's mind, causing her to heed her advice. Trixie didn't stop the effort behind her spell completely, but significantly toned it down, watching the tiny snack as she waited for a result. A long, quiet moment passed, and surely enough, she succeeded into transforming it into a violet cloth, about half the length and width of a bathing towel.
Gilda smiled, relieved and proud. "Great! Now, try again with the next one! And remember to take your time!"
Delighted, Trixie obeyed, taking only a brief moment to rest before casting a new spell on the pine cone between the cloth and wheel. She felt her magical aura surging in a steady, even flow from her horn, gradually shaping and changing it until it eventually formed into a square shaped cage. The unicorn smiled.
Gilda laughed happily and clapped. "Awesome! Now there's just one more! You can do it, I know it!"
Seized with jubilation, Trixie immediately pointed her horn towards the wheel, excitably firing a new beam of magical energy onto it. It glowed and hummed with tension, only to rapidly quiver, suddenly shooting off into the air.
The girls gasped in shock as it ricocheted off of the trees nearby, rocketing in every direction at a blindingly fast pace. After hitting them at least a dozen times, it changed it's course, heading straight for Gilda's face, who was frozen in fear. Trixie leapt in her way, and unintentionally generated a shield of magic for just a moment, stopping the wheel in place and letting it harmlessly drop to the ground, no longer enchanted, but destroyed from being overcharged.
Both girls sighed in relief, lowering their guard. Gilda stared at the demolished wheel in amazement, while Trixie looked away out of embarrassment and shame.
After an awkward silence, Gilda turned to her. "So, what did this teach us?"
Trixie smiled sheepishly. "Err, not to trust wheels?"
The griffon laughed heartedly, then shook her head, smiling. "No. It taught us not to get too excited. If you get in over your head and push too hard, you'll mess things up. It's exactly the same with flying. One careless move, and things could go from bad to worse right away."
The unicorn nodded, frowning. "Right, right..."
"Hey, don't beat yourself up over it. Everyone makes mistakes, no matter what they do." Gilda brought a talon to her beak, pausing in thought. "You know who'd probably be able to help with that? My cousin Gustave. He's the best chef I know of, but he only got that way because he got so good at something that's all about patience and self-control. Maybe you should spend time with him whenever I'm alone with Myrtle."
Fettuccine Alfredo with mushrooms.
It smelled so good.
The aroma wafting it's way into Trixie's nostrils was rich, exquisite... And strangely nostalgic. How could something that felt so new feel so familiar? It wasn't until then that she realized she smelled this at least once before in her life, and even had the pleasure of dining on the actual meal itself, which was only even more enjoyable. It had been so long since she ate it, and so infrequently, that she almost entirely forgot what it was like. All it took was one whiff to rekindle that dim, dying memory into a burning desire.
Gustave smiled at her satisfaction, pleased to see that the unicorn enjoyed herself. He was no stranger to how miserable she felt, hearing a great deal about it from Gilda, and believed she deserved to feel better.
"You know, she always thought about you while she was away. She'd always talk about you. How you were one of the only ponies she ever met who accepted her right away, even though she's a griffon. My father likes to take us here because the Lunar Loyalists can sympathize with their kind being judged unfairly, but sadly, it seems even among them there's those who would reject us. You were one of the pleasant few exceptions."
Trixie blushed, lowering her ears. "She... Really talked about me all the time?"
Gustave laughed and nodded. "Oh, indeed. It used to drive me crazy because I got sick of hearing it every day. But, I got used to it, and came to appreciate it. You were a memory that got her through many hard times, and for that, I'm glad."
'... That's what she is, for me, too...'
"Anyhow, she tells me you needed my help," Gustave continued. "Something about improving your patience and self-control?"
Trixie nodded eagerly. "Oh, yes," she chimed, "That'd really help us a lot!" She surveyed the wonderful dish before her, eager to eat it for the first time in a year. "Also, thanks again for having me over for dinner! I really love your cooking, and I missed it a lot -- there's just nothing like it!"
The griffon chuckled. "Thank you. I'm glad you think so, because I'm going to teach you how to make it."
Jennet Orchids.
They smelled so good.
Gilda finally understood why they were Trixie's favorite flowers. After Myrtle showed her around Euthalia's and let her sample all the scents, there were no others that could compare. The Lulamoons' late mother had perfected her craft, and her daughters had preserved it nicely.
As nice as this was, she tried not to get too relaxed, even though that was the appearance she intended to have. It made her consciously uncomfortable to casually rub elbows with the constant tormentor of her best friend, as if she were her best friend, when in actuality there was never anyone she wanted to deck in the face more than her. Gilda didn't need to see Myrtle in action; Trixie's sincere testimonies were enough to convince her.
As if the world could hear her thoughts, another opportunity to impress Myrtle arose. She noticed another filly their age walking by, looking rather meek and miserable. Something about her gave off the impression that she was one of the less popular girls in Jennet, and by association a likely target for Myrtle's bullying ways. As if on cue, Gilda stuck her talon out in front of her forelegs as she walked by, tripping her.
The pony crashed to the ground and exclaimed, groaning groggily as she tried to regain her bearings. Gilda pointed and laughed. "How lame! Another dweeb who isn't minding her surroundings! What a loser, right, Myrtle?"
She turned to see her, expecting approval, and instead seeing malice.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!?" Myrtle scolded her.
Gilda recoiled in bewilderment. "But... I thought you'd think it was funny... Because, she --"
"Just because my sister is a worthless loser who needs to be put in her place doesn't mean anypony else is, too!" She scowled, disappointed in the griffon, before she turned her attention to her hapless victim, helping her to her feet. "Get up, Leila! I'm so sorry about this. I promise it won't happen again."
The filly composed herself, nodding. "Thank you, Myrtle," she murmured before she left.
Gilda raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. "Bully your sister, but not others? What's up with that?"
"It's different. Trust me," Myrtle snapped defensively. "And if you really think bullying just anypony is so cool, then maybe we shouldn't be friends," she growled.
The griffon frowned. "I'm sorry. You're right."
The two continued on their way, sharing a long, awkward silence.
Finally, Myrtle said, "So, how come I can't come to your house, anyhow? Your uncle will let Trixie over, but not me?"
Gilda grimaced, quickly inventing a lie to cover for her. "My uncle and cousin are racist against ponies. They treat Trixie just as bad as I do, and I knew you'd like that part of it. The only reason they come here every now and again is they have nowhere else to go when they need to save money for a while. It's cheap, easy living."
Myrtle nodded, but was still confused. "Then why are they apparently so cool with us spending time together?"
"It's different. Trust me."
First, there was cooking. Then, there was meditating.
Gustave waited until after their dinner was over to show her this, and Trixie was grateful for it. Having her stomach full of a nice, hot meal was exactly what she needed to get relaxed enough to try this. That, and her memory of that sweet, sweet aroma she'd forgotten for so long and discovered again. Just that very slight olfactory sensation set off some chain of events helping her achieve a complete peace of mind in just this very moment. She couldn't understand what it was, or how to describe it.
"Now... Through your nose, breathe in, slowly..."
Trixie obeyed Gustave, who was following along.
"... And then, through your mouth, breathe out, slowly..."
Again, she followed suit.
"Now repeat it, as many times as need be, until you reach complete peace, and just, hold it there..."
Gradually, Trixie felt all unpleasant sensations fade away. There were no aches from working so hard for Myrtle, or worry for what she frequently put her through. There was only here and now. The only other time she felt this serene was when she was asleep, dreaming.
Myrtle was morose. "Come on. There's one last place we have to go."
Gilda surveyed the carriage full of flowers in confusion. Throughout the day, she was helping with small errands here and there in order to get to know her better and put her at ease. Together, they pushed the carriage all the way to its destination, leading them to a small house isolated from most of the rest of it's neighborhood.
"What's all this for?" asked Gilda.
"This family lost their youngest son when he was trying to put out a fire he was called to extinguish a month ago. He was supposed to get married this weekend. Instead, they're having his funeral."
Myrtle knocked on the door. Moments later, a somber, teary-eyed mare answered, looking slightly relieved to see the filly and all the flowers she brought with her.
"I'm so sorry for your loss, Phoebe. Red Siren was a brave hero, and a kind stallion. He will be deeply missed." Myrtle extended her hoof, giving a bouquet of the flowers she brought to her.
The mare sniffled, accepting them, and then pulled Myrtle into a hug. "Luna bless you, child. We'd never be able to afford his funeral if you didn't help us."
"It was nothing, really. Don't worry about it."
Minutes later, Gilda helped Myrtle give the rest of the flowers in the carriage to Phoebe and her family. The griffon was thoroughly puzzled; normally, she'd expect someone like Myrtle to only do all of this to get attention and approval, but she seemed legitimately sincere.
Seeing that they were leaving with nothing but an empty carriage, the griffon turned her attention back to the filly. "Did they already buy those flowers we brought?"
Myrtle closed her eyes. "No. I gave those to them for free."
"You were right -- she does treat everyone nice except for you... I just don't understand it."
Trixie frowned. "That's because she has every reason to hate me..."
"Don't say that!" Gilda exclaimed, distraught. "That's not true... She's just... Misdirecting her anger... She shouldn't be mad at you, she should be mad at... Just... What happened... Like you are."
"I'm not angry about it. Just really sad."
Gilda paused, trying to find some way to lighten the mood. "Well... How about you and Gustave? How's that going for you?"
Trixie beamed. "Oh, it's been really nice! It's helping me a lot. It's... It's actually not so hard or so painful to do certain spells, now..."
"That's great!"
The unicorn nodded in agreement. She looked off in the distance, noticing how late it was, and sighed. "Well, I should probably go home now."
"Yeah, I guess I should, too." Gilda started to stretch her wings. "Well, you know what our schedules are going to be like for a while... If we didn't have to get up so early tomorrow, we could have tried again tonight... How about, three days from now, back at the field again?"
"Sure, that sounds good."
One more day.
One more day, and Trixie would get to start practicing with Gilda again.
She wanted to be calm. She wanted to be patient. She wanted to wait.
But she couldn't wait.
Even as she lay in bed trying to sleep, Trixie was wide awake, buzzing with excitement. For the first time in her life, her magic was only getting better and better, and she could tell; it wasn't a slow, gradual progress spanning over years of painstaking torment and trial and error. It was improving every single day. It would have been scary if it didn't make her so happy.
Finally, she conceded to her impulses, throwing the covers off of herself and placing her hooves on the floor. It almost hurt her face that she was smiling so hard, and yet she wasn't forcing it at all. Barely able to contain her bliss, Trixie forced all that joyous energy to remain locked inside, just long enough for her to do what she needed to. For the first time in a year, she sneaked out of her room to find her mother's spell book, and returned there with it.
The unicorn slowly and quietly opened the book on the floor, the only illumination in the room being a dim light from her horn, taking every precaution not to wake Myrtle up or alert her to what was happening. There were spells she remembered seeing in here that she always wanted to try, but never felt she would be good enough to accomplish. Her conviction renewed by Gilda's support and encouragements, she felt she was finally prepared. There was just one thing she needed to do first.
Catch, and keep, that emotional serenity. That peaceful calm that stopped the world and erased all the pain, even if only for a few minutes. Her time with Gustave spent indulging in the aroma and flavor of delightful meals, and learning how to achieve complete momentary contentment, had inspired her, giving her a wonderful idea. She knew it would work. It had to.
Closing her eyes, she focused, slowly casting a delicate spell from her horn. Sure enough, within moments, a bouquet of Jennet Orchids appeared right before her, for the first time in a year. Delighted, she held them close, breathing in their wonderful scent. Immediately, the warm memories came flooding back to her, of a simpler, happier time, when not everything was painful and sad, and she had better ways to deal with those moments.
'Father...
I remember my father.
How he'd always help me and care about me, no matter what happened, or what I did.
He was everything to me. For so long, he was the only thing I had.
I thought that I lost him... But, I never did. He was just waiting for me to find him again.
Thank you again for everything you've done for me, Dad. I love you so much.'
She continued to savor the wonderful emotions she regained from the Jennet Orchids, helping her find a pure, wholesome peace of mind. Once she was ready, she allowed them to disappear, looking back at the open spell book.
The spells were easy.
Trixie was still smiling when she woke up the next morning.
Not only did she learn so many new spells with great success, but she also still got a good night's sleep, with some very nice dreams.
She turned over to the other side of the bed, yawning and stretching, feeling refreshed. She rubbed the sleep away from her eyes with her forehooves, and blinked a few times. As her vision turned from blurry to clear, she suddenly got the feeling that something was not quite right. She noticed that the book was gone, then remembered that she had carefully put it back in the basement just before she went to bed.
But what about her hat and cape?
Trixie started to worry, but tried not to panic. She quickly started searching all around the room, checking every place that she would have hidden it or possibly misplaced it. The more she looked, the more she started to believe that her memories of last night might have been unclear. Could she have accidentally dropped them somewhere, or set them aside in another room? Did she even wear them last night at all?
Concerned, she quickly left her room after double checking everywhere, deducing that it couldn't possibly be there. She frantically looked around as she trotted down the halls, hoping that she could find them before Myrtle did. Finally, she glimpsed them out of the corner of her eye; they were laying on the floor in the middle of the living room.
She released a sigh of relief, then was immediately confused and worried again. She never went there last night. Why would they just be sitting there? She couldn't fathom what reason there would be for it.
Then, Trixie noticed something. She walked closer to them, and figured out why.
Red paint was scrawled onto both of them, forming a crude image of a horrible memory. It was a picture of her father, Heavy-Heart, getting hit by the cart at the mines, after he jumped in the way of Trixie's unconscious body.
Tears started to well in her eyelids, and she knelt before her precious belongings.
"Did you really think I wouldn't find out you were doing something?"
Trixie shut her eyes, hanging her head.
"Don't ignore me. I know you can hear me. Look at me."
The unicorn started to quietly sob, breaking down.
"Beatrix! Listen to me!"
With that, she turned to face her sister.
"I told you what would happen if I found out you were trying to make yourself happy. You brought this on yourself. Do it again, and I'll burn that stupid outfit. Now, go clean your ugly face and get us some breakfast."
Gilda patiently waited outside the bakery. She knew Trixie would come here to get breakfast again, since she told her the day before. When her friend finally arrived, the griffon was distraught to see her in tears.
"What's wrong?!?"
Trixie hung her head. "We can't practice tonight..."
Gilda shook her head, confused. "Why not?"
The unicorn sniffled, and then opened one of the compartments on her saddlebag. Morosely, she slowly pulled out her hat and cape, unfolding them and showing Gilda what happened to them.
Gilda brought a talon to her beak. "Oh, my goodness... That's so horrible... I'm so sorry, Trixie..." she pulled her friend into a close, soft hug, allowing her to cry on her. She waited until she was done, gently patting her on the back and giving her silent acceptance, empathizing with her plight.
"It's okay, Trixie... We can wash this away... It's okay..."
And so, Gilda took Trixie back to Arluin's house. In the backyard, the cleaned it, along with the rest of the le Grand family's laundry. Before they knew it, Gilda pinned the hat and cape on the clothesline to dry, purely solid purple once more.
She patted Trixie's back once more. "See? There you go. It's good as new. We just have to let it dry, now."
Trixie seized the griffon into a hug. "Thank you..."
Gilda smiled, hugging her back. "Don't worry about it. That's what friends do."
They didn't know that Myrtle was watching.
The two hurried back to the Lulamoon residence, wanting to maintain their cover story. As soon as they got close enough for them to be seen from the house's windows, Gilda pretended to drag Trixie by the scruff of her neck in her talon.
Gilda casually opened the door, walking Trixie inside, going to the living room, where Myrtle waited. The older filly's expression was wrought with disgust and animosity.
"Sorry your breakfast is late, Myrtle," Gilda sighed as she placed the baked goods on the kitchen counter. "My uncle tried to make me do these chores at a minute's notice, so I forced Trixie to do them instea --"
"Cut the crap, I know it's an act," Myrtle growled.
The two others dropped their charade, startled.
She clenched her teeth, slowly standing up from the couch and approaching them. Her eyes met Trixie's. "Will you never let me rest? Do you live just to torment me? You've taken so many things from me all my life, everything that I deserved when you never did, and now you've taken my best friend, too? Is nothing sacred to you?"
Trixie looked away, feeling ashamed, tears forming in her eyes.
At first indecisive, Gilda started to get angry, too. She was always sick of how she'd pretend to torment her best friend and befriend her worst tormentor, and she wasn't going to put up with it any longer.
"I hate to break it to you, Myrtle, but the more time I've been spending with both of you, the more it becomes apparent that you have it totally backwards. Trixie's never harmed a fly. She just had the bad luck of being stuck in a lot of situations where she was surrounded by pain. Sure, you probably would be a pretty cool pony, if you didn't victimize her on a regular basis, for no reason, to boot."
Flabbergasted, Myrtle shook her head, unable to believe what she was hearing. She shakily pointed an accusatory hoof at Trixie. "This is exactly what I'm talking about!!! She's turned you against me!!! This -- manipulative little witch has deceived you with the illusion that she's innocent and kind and moral, when she's exactly the opposite of all those things!!! I can't be the only one who knows it! You have to see through her lies!"
"And, you just proved exactly what I just said," Gilda growled. "Quit being so dishonest, Myrtle. The only manipulative little witch around here is you."
Hurt, Myrtle looked at Gilda, tears forming in her eyes. Speechless, she sighed curtly, then started to laugh bitterly. "So, you're fine with bullying me, but not me bullying her? Look who's the pot calling the kettle black!"
Gilda grimaced, her face twisted in rage, storming up to the filly and catching her off guard. Even Trixie was afraid -- she'd never seen her this angry before. She poked a talon against Myrtle's chest, her face inches away from hers.
"This isn't bullying! This is me calling you out on your crap! You only do good things to get everyone's attention and make them like you! You don't know how to make friends, and you couldn't keep one even if they fell in your lap! You're terrified of talking to colts! You have all this anger and insecurity, with no one but yourself to blame, so instead you blame it all on Trixie and take it out on her when she's never done anything to you! I've never met a lamer pony in my life. If I could only be friends with either you or Trix, I'd pick her, ten times out of ten."
The room fell completely silent. Everyone held still. Trixie looked at them in awe, her mouth agape. No one had ever talked to Myrtle that way.
The earth pony just glared at the griffon at first. Embittered tears of betrayal slowly made their way down her face, and she released a shaky sigh of defeat. Finally, she nodded.
"... Fine. Fine. You want to go ahead and be that -- that worthless filth's friend, not mine? Fine. Go ahead, I don't even care." She looked at Trixie once again. "Take it all, Beatrix. Take everything you want from me. It doesn't matter how much you steal, or what you do to me, because there's one thing you'll never be able to change." Myrtle's frown turned into a sadistic smirk. "I'm not the one who killed my parents. I've always been, and always will be, their true and only daughter." She lifted her head and closed her eyes, smiling as she started to proudly walk down the hall towards her room.
Trixie faced the floor, starting to cry.
Seconds later, Myrtle felt a talon tap on her shoulder.
"Myrtle?"
She turned around, and Gilda's talon clenched into a fist crashed across her face, hitting her right in the muzzle. She fell to the ground, blood pouring out of her nose. As she writhed on the floor, groaning in pain, Gilda wiped her talons and walked back to Trixie. She gently wiped her tears away, and leaned in close to whisper in her ear.
"I'm sorry, but I couldn't resist. She was just pissing me off too bad. You can come to my house if you want; either way, I'll see you again tonight". With that, she left.
Moments later, Myrtle made her way back to her hooves, stumbling towards Trixie as she pressed a hoof against her bloody nose. "If that... Smug jerk... Ever comes here again, you're going to regret it. I promise."
Trixie lay awake in her bed, late at night. All was quiet, and Myrtle had called it an evening over an hour ago. No matter what she did, or what she thought of, Trixie just couldn't close her eyes. Her worst fear was coming true. She always worried that somehow, Myrtle would make her friendship with Gilda impossible. Now, it was actually happening.
Suddenly, she felt Gilda's presence rapidly close in. Like she had done so many nights ago, the griffon gently laid her head on the opposite side of the wall as Trixie's, strengthening their mental connection through a closer distance.
'I'm sorry. I probably ruined everything between you and your sister.'
'It's okay. Besides, you're my real sister.'
Gilda blushed. '... You really mean it?...'
Trixie paused. 'Yes, I do. After my Dad died, I... I realized just how much you, Gustave, and Arluin meant to me, even though I only got to see you for a little while. All my life, it felt like there were missing pieces of my family. Like, some of it was there, the way it was supposed to be, and others weren't. There was my Mom, who I lost before I ever got the chance to meet her, and then I was trapped with a sister who might as well be possessed by a windigo. You, your cousin, and your uncle have made up for the things I've lost and missed out on.'
The griffon closed her eyes, smiling. 'It's so cool that you feel that way... You've always meant a lot to us, too...'
Acceptance and approval lifted Trixie's spirits. 'That's something I was never able to understand before... How someone so nice like you could ever like someone like me... I always thought you might forget all about me, and just keep spending time with Rainbow Dash, or something...'
'What? No! I could never do that! I'd never forget you!' Gilda professed. 'You were the first pony I met aside from Rainbow Dash who completely accepted me right away. It didn't matter that you were a pony and I was a griffon, or that you followed Luna and I didn't. You just... Gave me a chance, and got to know me better, unlike most I've met. Even if you ended up not liking me or we weren't friends, I'd still be glad that you didn't just reject me right away.'
Trixie closed her eyes. 'You know, I'd always dream about you. You'd be with me, helping everyone be happy and make their wishes come true with the Wand Of Peace. We'd turn this whole place into a paradise where everything was perfect. We'd live in this big traveling wagon together, and wherever we went, everything was made and done just for us. Thinking about that all the time helped me get through the day when I was without you. I could never forget how good of a friend you were. I always thought about how, even if we never saw each other again, even if you hated me for some reason, even if you forgot all about me, I'd still only ever be able to have fond memories of you.'
'... Yambf.'
'Yambf?'
'It means "you are my best friend",' Gilda explained.
'But... But what about Rainbow Dash?'
Gilda paused. 'Rainbow Dash will always be a dear, close friend to me, but... I've never... Meant this much to anyone who wasn't part of my family before... It makes me feel... I don't know how to explain it...'
Trixie smiled warmly. 'I'm so touched you feel that way... You're my best friend, too... You always have been...'
'... If you didn't have to worry about Myrtle, would you try out for the talent show?...'
'... Yes.'
'Then, we should do it.'
The next night that Trixie and Gilda were able to sneak out to practice, the unicorn was having a difficult time. She couldn't bring herself to even begin casting spells.
"This is pointless," she groaned somberly. "The more we try all this, the higher risk we run of Myrtle finding out, and she'd only make everything even worse for us." She shook her head, sitting down in defeat as she looked to the ground. "I couldn't make it past the try outs in the first place..."
Gilda frowned. "Come on, Trixie..." She picked the pinecone off the ground in her talon. "If I can make items levitate, surely you can, too..." Suddenly she released it, causing it to hang in midair.
Trixie's eyes widened. "H-how did you do that?!?"
Gilda caused the pinecone to float around her for a few more moments, and then took it back in her talon. She retrieved something that she brought in her own saddlebags, in addition to the items they already used for practice; it was some wax, and a bundle of string that was so thin, it seemed completely invisible when a single strand was unfurled. The griffon explained to Trixie how the illusion worked, simply taping one end of the string behind a feather on her head and attaching the pinecone to the other end with the wax, manipulating the string in her talon to make it "float."
Then, she showed Trixie a bunch of other items she'd gotten of a similar nature, intending to help her feign illusions when her magic was suffering difficulties.
All the while, the unicorn stared in awe, her mouth agape, in disbelief that her friend was doing this.
Gilda noticed, worrying that she misunderstood her intentions. "I-it's not the same as cheating, it's more like, training wheels on a bicycle... When I used to have trouble flying, Rainbow Dash would carry me when I flew, so, I thought I could help you the same way..."
Trixie was deeply touched. She smiled, tears of joy glistening in her eyes. Her horn glowed with a magenta aura, and she immediately lifted the peanut butter cracker, pine cone and wheel with effortless ease.
Gilda blushed, embarrassed. "Well... I guess that means you won't need these any more..."
"Yes, I do," Trixie affirmed. "They'll remind me how much you care."
It was Trixie's turn to try out.
Eileen, the earth pony mare who encouraged her to try out again, was delighted to see her give the show another chance.
The unicorn mare and pegasus stallion from before were the judges once again, as well. They recognized Trixie, and looked uneasy and nervous from recalling what happened during her last attempt, but were ready to give her another chance.
The filly turned her attention first to the unicorn mare, just like last time. This time, Trixie smiled with renewed confidence. Before she did anything else, she conjured a bouquet of Jennet Orchids, taking a brief moment to indulge in their sweet, nostalgic scent, empowering her with the encouragements of her late father. With that, she got started.
Her horn glowed with yet another spell, and moments later, a maple donut appeared before the judge.
She was stunned. "Th-this is exactly what I had for breakfast this morning! Amazing!"
Next, Trixie switched to focusing on the pegasus stallion. The magic was flowing so much more freely and easily this time; it had never been this functional before in her life. With just as much mastery and grace as the last, she cast yet another conjuration spell. Alas, a violet bowling ball appeared before the judge.
His eyes widened. "I was just thinking of this a few minutes ago! I'm going bowling this weekend! How did you know?"
Finally, the filly rested her eyes on Eileen. They exchanged a warm smile of exuberance, and the unicorn worked her magic once more. Soon enough, Remiel, the blue cat, appeared before her eyes again. Eileen immediately started clapping, impressed.
Trixie smiled. Remiel meowed happily, purring as he nuzzled against the young unicorn. She giggled, then resumed focusing as her horn continued to glow, this time conjuring a toy with catnip. The feline eagerly chased it as she levitated it all around her, briefly conjuring hoops and other obstacles for him to leap and navigate through, which disappeared almost as quickly as they appeared with how fast he was moving. This culminated in her using a spell to create a cat tree, which Remiel climbed in pursuit of the toy, only to follow it down a spontaneously materializing staircase.
With that, Trixie finally allowed him to catch it, and caused all of the other obstacles to disappear. She reached down and gently pet him with a forehoof, to which he arced into her touch, cuddling and purring. After a few more moments, the young unicorn ceased all of her illusions, allowing the cat to slowly disappear. She then looked back to the three judges, smiling vibrantly, just as pleasantly surprised as they were to find that this time, she didn't suffer any difficulties regarding using her magic.
The judges merely stared at her in awe for a few moments, before they briefly exchanged looks, speechlessly coming to a quick decision as they clapped their hooves on the table before them in approval.
Trixie was deeply touched, choosing to take a bow as her forehoof removed her hat for the brief duration.
"That was excellent work, Trixie!" Eileen praised her mirthfully. The other two nodded in agreement. "We really wanted to have you in last year, but like we said, we had plausible concern about your health regarding magic at the time... However, it looks like you've been practicing and finally have it under control! It's with great pleasure that we're letting you participate in the talent show this year."
Suddenly, the filly froze.
'I actually made it in?
What if Myrtle finds out?
Oh, no
No, no, no, no
This can't be happening please I don't want to do this --'
"Aww, look at her! She's so happy she can't even speak!"
Eileen noticed Trixie's apparent discomfort, and became concerned. "Are you all right, Trixie?"
She swallowed a knot of nervousness trapped in her throat. "Yes, ma'am -- thank you so much --" with that, she galloped out of the door at full speed.
Gilda embraced Trixie in a hug, overjoyed. "You did it!!! I told you that you could make it in!!!"
"... Yeah..." The filly murmured, still paralyzed by the realization that they possibly got one step closer to Myrtle finding out what they were doing.
The griffon laughed, patting her on the back, until she could see Trixie's apprehensive concern. "What's wrong?"
"Now it's even more likely that Myrtle's going to find out," she bemoaned. "How are we going to get around this?"
To her surprise, Gilda merely smiled, shaking her head slowly. "Don't even worry about that. I told my Uncle Arluin about everything that's been going on, and he's going to make sure that his friends here in Jennet keep Myrtle busy as, um... 'Customers' at Euthalia's until this whole thing is over."
The unicorn started to process this information, and then released a deep breath, feeling incredibly relieved. She then pondered the idea of actually getting to perform in the talent show, using the magic she so passionately studied and enjoyed practicing with to help ease the burden of daily life for all of Jennet. She slowly smiled, looking at Gilda with renewed confidence.
"So, this is really it, then... We're really going to do this..."
The griffon nodded. "Everything's going to be fine. I promise."
It was finally Trixie's turn at the talent show.
Her heart was pounding with anticipation. She heard the audience clapping from the last performance before hers, and felt the pressure of putting on a good enough show to impress them after they've already seen so many amazing things.
After she engaged in her new pre-performance ritual of smelling the Jennet Orchids she could conjure to give her emotional strength, she let them vanish and walked on stage. She briefly glossed over all the faces watching her, surprised at how many of them she recognized from her many walks across the town, even though most of them were otherwise complete strangers. Her lips weakly cracked a small smile as she stared out to no one in particular, feeling her nerves frozen and her legs quiver with stage fright; she never planned out how she would cope with the "being the center of attention" phase of these exploits.
Nonetheless, she forced herself to calm down by focusing on positive, encouraging thoughts, momentarily closing her eyes and using the breathing techniques that Gustave taught her while they meditated. Soon, she felt relaxed, releasing a sigh of relief, feeling only slightly awkward that her first few moments on the stage were merely her trying to get ready. Trixie then quietly cleared her throat, levitating three items from backstage; a peanut butter cracker, a pine cone, and a spare wagon wheel. Her eyes rested on them all as she continued to take deep, slow, quiet breaths.
'You and Gilda have practiced this a dozen times now. You've done it before, more than once, you can do it again. You can do it right here, right now, in front of all these ponies, if you just... Relax... And focus...'
She concentrated on the peanut butter cracker, steadily testing the limits of her horn as she projected the image of a cloth in her mind. Slowly, but surely, the snack bent to her whim, her spell obliging her efforts as it transformed into the exact same fabric she was imagining. Trixie allowed herself a small smile at this initial success.
'Okay... Going good so far. Just... Keep it cool. Keep it together.'
The unicorn took a brief moment for another deep breath, and then shifted her vision to honing in on the pine cone between the two other items. She felt a little bit of pressure in her temples from how nervous she was, causing her eye to twitch, but she remained calm and collected enough to persevere.
'And, now, a cage... Here... We... Go...'
Once again, she was seized by tension as she pushed her magic into working, taking her time with each step of her trick, knowing that doing so and having it pay off would be much better than failing and embarrassing herself in front of all these ponies. Trixie felt further reassured when the pine cone successfully changed into a cage, just as she desired.
'Yes!... That's it... Just a few more steps and we're home free...'
Her nerves continued to rest easy enough considering all the pressure she was under, until she laid eyes on the wagon wheel. She swallowed a knot of nervousness trapped in her throat, starting to tremble as she recalled what happened the first time she tried to enchant it.
'Easy does it...'
She closed her eyes, trying to force all of her efforts into this spell while utilizing as much self-control as possible. Her mind turned away all thoughts of the spell backfiring somehow, or of an otherwise undesirable reaction from the judges and the audience. Trixie opened her eyes upon hearing a faint, soft cooing, realizing she successfully turned the wheel into a rabbit, which was eyeing her curiously. She smiled.
'All right... The rest is going to be a piece of cake.'
The unicorn took another deep breath, beginning to manipulate the three transformed items with her levitation, simultaneously lifting them together in the air. She opened the cage, putting the rabbit inside, closing it afterwards, and draping the cloth over the cage, causing it to be completely concealed. Her forehooves then held the cage on the top and bottom sides, and quickly pressed together, flattening a cage with a nice, clean snap. The audience gasped in shock, but then Trixie levitated her hat off of her and turned the opening towards the audience, revealing that she had safely teleported the rabbit inside there.
Astonished, they immediately started clapping. This escalated into a thunderous roar of applause, full of cheering and whistling and yelling praise.
Trixie sharply sighed in disbelief. Her mouth was agape.
'... All of them... Cheering... For me?'
Everywhere she looked, there were ear-to-ear smiles on their faces, and a glint of wonder in their eyes. Everyone, young and old, pegasus, unicorn and earth pony, were out of their seats applauding her.
'... I did this?...'
As the realization sank in, tears of joy brimmed on Trixie's eyelids. She had never felt so approved of, so appreciated, so accepted; not by so many people before. Most of her life, she spent her days feeling invisible, unwanted, despised, thinking she was a pony that everyone else wanted to avoid. Now, it seemed as if the case were entirely reversed.
The filly smiled as widely as her spectators, tipping her hat as she took a bow.
She couldn't believe it.
The medal for the "Best Magic Act" was in her hooves.
Even many days after the talent show was already over, Trixie felt as if it only happened. She had never gotten anything like this to remind her of any personal achievements ever since she got her cutie mark.
Gilda patted her back reassuringly. "I told you you could do it."
Trixie smiled at her. "I couldn't have done it without you."
Gilda shook her head. "No, no, no. All I did was show you the way. You were the one who made the journey."
The unicorn blushed. They continued sitting together in the field where they would go to practice, sighing happily as they enjoyed some of Gustave's chocolate éclairs and two hay smoothies. Even with as little time as they had and how hard they had to work to avoid Myrtle, spending every minute they could together was entirely worth it.
However, this was a bittersweet evening, as soon, Gilda would be gone again. Both friends lamented it just as much as the other, but they knew there was nothing they could do about Arluin's travel plans. They would have hated him for it if he wasn't so nice.
The girls merely enjoyed their company together in silence, watching the sunset and leaning against one another, reminiscing over all the fun times that they shared in their entire friendship. The longer time passed, the more saddened they became, not wanting to depart again and have to wait for yet another year to see each other again. They embraced closely in a tearful hug.
"I don't want you to leave again," Trixie murmured dejectedly.
Gilda caressed her mane with her talons. "I know, I know... I don't want to go, either... But, I'm going to come back again, just like I did the first time. I'll write you whenever I can, and we'll see each other every year... Someday, we won't have to wait that long anymore..."
The unicorn squeezed her tighter. "Okay..."
"Don't forget, Trixie... Karma has more good things in store for you. Just wait and see..."
"All right..."
"Yambf," they said in unison. They finally pulled away from one another, getting up and walking away towards their houses. They sadly looked back, waving and smiling, already feeling the inevitable heartache of missing their best friend for yet another year.
A week after Gilda left, Myrtle went home from Euthalia's early to cook dinner, leaving Trixie behind there to close up the shop.
The unicorn returned home, tired and hungry. She was looking forward to a nice, warm meal after a hard day's work. While she deeply missed Gilda, Trixie was glad that they had gotten to spend time together, and put their efforts towards winning the talent show. Furthermore, Myrtle had no idea that they had gone through with it, after all.
As she stepped through the door, making her way to the kitchen, she spotted Myrtle waiting, looking very angry.
"So, you didn't go to that talent show, right?"
Trixie felt her heart skip a beat.
"Yes," she lied, barely keeping her cool.
"Do you want to explain this, then?" Myrtle retrieved the medal that her sister had won. She hid it in her room, but the older filly was able to find it any ways, snooping everywhere she could think of when she became suspicious.
Trixie froze, speechless. She felt cold, afraid.
Myrtle dropped the medal on the floor, and stamped on it with her hoof once, shattering it to pieces. She started to corner Trixie.
"You've disobeyed me more than you ever have. Even after I warned you, more than once, you still kept trying to seek happiness anyways, when you weren't allowed to. How can you be so selfish? How can you be so blind to reject the punishment you so clearly deserve? You've done all these horrible things, and you still won't even admit that you killed my Dad!"
"He was suffering!" Trixie blurted out.
A tense silence hung in the air.
"... What did you say?..." Myrtle growled.
Trixie recoiled in fear at first, but then became sure of herself. "You know exactly what I'm talking about, Myrtle! You saw it, too! Dad was miserable for years, toiling away at the mine until his body withered, mourning ou -- your Mom! He wasn't going to take it much longer either way! He begged me to kill him so that he wouldn't suffer any more, so I did!"
That was enough. Myrtle's quietly seething fury boiled over into a hateful rage, causing her slowly building snarl to turn into an ear-piercing scream. Suddenly, she grabbed a shovel, stormed over to Trixie, and used it to smack her across the face. Blood poured out of the unicorn's mouth as she fell to the floor on her side.
Myrtle raised the shovel overhead, crashing the shovel down onto Trixie's ribs in three powerful, raging strikes. She maneuvered it so that the edge was pointed towards Trixie's neck, and thrust it straight down, hoping to pierce her throat or decapitate her. Just before it could connect, The unicorn's involuntary magic stopped it in place.
Myrtle raised the shovel back and forced it down two more times, pushing with all her might on the last try, but to no avail; it wouldn't so much as touch a strand of her fur.
"Oh, forget it!" Myrtle cried, exasperated. She tossed the shovel aside in defeat, sobbing as she shook her head, wiping her tears away. The earth pony slowly turned around, giving up on killing Trixie as she started to walk towards her bedroom.
"Hit me again..."
Myrtle froze in place. She was bewildered. She looked back at her sister.
The unicorn slowly struggled to get back onto her hooves, looking at Myrtle, crying as well. "Hit me again," she pleaded weakly. "Hit me as hard as you can, as many times as you can. It won't kill me no matter what you do, so instead, you can hurt me as much as you want. As much as I deserve to be hurt."
Myrtle's jaw dropped.
"You're right," Trixie sniffled. "I'm bad, I've always been bad, and I'm always going to be bad... I deserve to suffer as much as I can..." She squinted her eyes shut as she ached, using her levitation magic to weakly drag the shovel along the ground until it was back at Myrtle's forehooves. She continued to struggle walking until she knelt down before her sister, openly anticipating the next blow. "Please keep hitting me..."
Myrtle brought a hoof to her mouth. She remained speechless, tears spilling over her eyelids, until she started to audibly cry. She didn't expect this sincere apology and admission of guilt from Trixie. Not like this. It finally opened her eyes to the reality of the situation, and brought back that sorrow and empathy she felt for her so long ago, on the last night that both of them saw their father. So, instead of grabbing the shovel, she pulled Trixie into a tight, sisterly hug.
"I'm so sorry," Myrtle bawled. "Please don't believe any of that... I was so wrong... I just..." she became unintelligible, continuing to cry. "I was so wrong to treat you the way that I did... I'm going to fix this, Beatrix, I promise... I'm not going to hurt you any more..."
Trixie returned her embrace. From that day on, for the first time in their lives, they truly became sisters.
That was eight years ago.
Things had become so much better between them since then. Instead of what she used to do, Myrtle openly supported Trixie's pursuit of happiness, and treated her like the sister she truly was.
Tonight, they were camping. Their father had taken them on several camping trips years ago, but they were never able to properly enjoy it at the time, marred by the misdirected animosity that Myrtle had due to their mother's death. The sisters couldn't help but note the tragic irony that they could only now savor the intended experience after their beloved father had gone, as well.
"It would have been nice to be here with Dad..."
"Yeah... If only things were different... If they were better..." Myrtle squinted her eyes shut, then forced herself to look at Trixie. "It's all my fault... I'm so sorry I blamed you for those things all those times..."
"It's okay, Myrtle..."
The earth pony looked away again, still unable to forgive herself. How could she, after what she did?
"I need to ask you something..." She rested a forehoof onto Trixie's. "All those years, all that time, that I did those horrible things to you... You could have cast some spell on me to kill me, or make me stop, whenever you wanted, if you really wanted to... Why didn't you?"
Trixie paused. She was surprised by this question. "Because... Because I knew you were only doing everything you did because you were hurting."
Myrtle sighed sadly. "That still doesn't make what I did right..."
Her sister frowned, unable to respond. She closed her eyes, letting them bask in the silence interrupted only by the crackling of their campfire.
Trixie was glad she could at least be close to her sister. Aside from seldom moments like these where Myrtle's remorse tinged the atmosphere with gloom, the only other time she felt so sorrowful was remembering Gilda. The griffon had done nothing to hurt her or earn her ire, but she hadn't seen her or ever even heard from her ever since they worked together for her to win the talent show years ago. The unicorn could only hope that she would be all right, and that they'd see each other again someday; like she said, she was only ever able to have fond thoughts of her.
The Lulamoon sisters were moving to Canterlot.
It was their last night in Jennet, packing away the final remaining items they had yet to put in boxes and bags. Myrtle insisted that she wanted to share a fresh start, a new life, with Trixie, to put their horrible history before they got along behind them. So, the two had spent years saving their bits, culminating in Myrtle selling their house and Euthalia's to a married couple that recently moved to Jennet. She had already arranged for them to live in a new house in Canterlot, opening up a second Euthalia's over there, as well.
The only flower that they would leave behind were the Jennet Orchids. Myrtle insisted that a part of their parents belonged back there in their old home, and so they agreed to let them remain exclusive to Jennet.
Trixie was nearly finished. The last item she found was something she was strangely unfamiliar with; having spent all her life in this house, she thought that it hid no secrets from her, but she had never seen this item before. It was apparently an ivory carving of a crescent moon. The unicorn wasn't sure why, but something she couldn't explain had drawn her to find it. She didn't know what it's purpose was, but somehow determined that it had been there for a long time, possibly before she was born.
She inspected it in every manner she could, deducing that it was simply a work of art. It was beautiful, however, and thus Trixie decided it would make for a nice decoration in her new room in Canterlot, so she packed it with her other things.
Her tasks complete, she walked through the house, calling her sister's name, puzzled when she didn't hear an answer. There was no indication that she wasn't home; Myrtle would always let Trixie know when she was going somewhere. Finally, she found her older sibling, who was staring intently at a nightstand. No, it wasn't just that -- something on there had caught her attention.
"... What's that?..." Trixie asked.
"... It's our father's diary..." Myrtle murmured in reply, seemingly hypnotized.
Trixie started to feel uneasy. "... Did you read it?..."
Then, the earth pony broke out of her trance. "... No. We should read it together. When the time is right." With that, she packed it away. She turned to her younger sibling. "Well, it's time for us to go."
Months after their move into Canterlot, Myrtle had Trixie close Euthalia's while she left early yet again. The unicorn was puzzled as to why; she didn't know of any certain obligations Myrtle would have to leave for before they could close together. It made her a little bit nervous, but she felt sure that nothing would be wrong. She and her sister had got along so well for years; surely there wasn't anything that would undo that so suddenly, without warning.
When she returned, she found Myrtle waiting, smiling.
"Thanks so much for closing the store, Beatrix," she praised her warmly as she greeted her with a hug. "I'm sorry I left so soon, but... I was wanting to make sure that some other things were in order... I... I have a surprise for you."
Trixie perked, caught off guard. "... What is it?..."
Myrtle closed her eyes, hanging her head. "I know that you already forgave me for all those things I did to you for so many years, but... It doesn't change what I did, or give you that time back... I know I can never change that or make up for it, but, well, I thought I should at least do something, so I can show you how sorry I am, instead of just saying it, and..." She looked at Trixie again, smiling brightly. "... I used these bits I saved to enroll you into Celestia's School For Gifted Unicorns. They're the best, Beatrix. They'll be able to help you with your magic problems."
Trixie gasped, stunned. She'd never received such a kind, sincere gesture from her sister before. "Oh, thank you so much!!!" She dove at her, tackling her into a hug. "I can't tell you how much this means to me! This is so nice of you! I love you, Myrtle!"
She chuckled. "I love you too, sister."
Months after she started attending the school, Trixie started to feel depressed. Things had been going so well for her ever since she moved to Canterlot, but the more time went on, the more things started to seem not quite right.
Being enrolled into Celestia's school had given Trixie access to a rather extensive library. Her curiosity had gotten the better of her, and she started doing some research after discreetly having some medical records from Jennet sent to her. The unicorn discovered that while Euthalia was pregnant with her, her health was fine; in fact, the doctors were more worried about her safety than her mother's, thinking that she might turn out to be a miscarriage.
The only conclusion that she could come to from this was that there was a specific reason her mother died giving birth to her. It must have been her survival instinct magic keeping her from being miscarried, accidentally killing Euthalia in the process.
How was she going to break this news to Myrtle?
Part of her thought it wouldn't change their relationship. The earth pony had come to terms with the unfortunate fates of their parents, and that if Trixie didn't have anything to do with it involuntarily, she was acting out of good intentions, for good reasons. But, still, another part worried that it would bring up old emotions, and cause her to reject and torment her once more. It would be easy to simply not tell her... But she couldn't keep this from her after finding out... Could she?
That wasn't even the only thing bothering her. As nice as Canterlot was, with a much better quality of life and range of things to do and places to go compared to Jennet, she felt so alone. She did notice that Myrtle started to become slightly distant, strangely more so after time, and that she couldn't bring herself to make any friends here. Being the capital of Equestria, and the residence of Princess Celestia herself, the nationalism and religious faithfulness towards the sun goddess couldn't be greater than within the majority of it's residents.
And with that loyalty came an equally scathing hatred and disapproval of Luna, the one who Trixie had been so fond of all her life. It made her feel scared of expressing herself and ashamed of who she was aligned with. She didn't have anything against Princess Celestia; it was just that so many ponies here slandered Luna and those who followed her. She'd overhear drunk or judgmental mares and stallions in every corner of town grumbling about "those dirty Luna lovers".
It wasn't fair; Trixie didn't use her loyalty to Luna as an excuse to hurt anyone or do anything bad, or try to force anyone to share that loyalty, or judge them if they didn't. She didn't even care who anyone else was aligned with, as long as they wouldn't do those things as well. Why did everyone in Canterlot have to treat Lunar loyalty like it was such a horrible thing?
It was so painful, so humiliating, to be forced into hiding such a fundamental part of herself she held all her life. There were times where she almost considered turning away from Luna again, only because it would make it easier, safer, and more comfortable to blend in with everyone else around her. How could she ever befriend anyone in Canterlot when she could never truly be herself around them?
There was only one other pony she ever saw who she almost considered befriending. Almost.
She was this young unicorn mare, somewhere around her own age, who had a lavender coat, a violet rose mane and tail, and a six-pointed magenta star cutie mark. Something about her facial expressions, her body language, conveyed the same sense of constant sadness and loneliness that Trixie seemed to feel, to an uncanny degree of similarity. It was almost as if someone had taken her shadow, or her reflection, and personified it into another pony, coming out as this purple mare. Could they possibly share other things in common? Did her cutie mark hint at her being a Lunar loyalist, as well?
It was so tempting to take a chance to go over and talk to her. Maybe, just maybe, there could be a potential friendship waiting for her. Whenever Trixie saw her, noticing the same patterns, the same feelings, over and over again, her desire and curiosity grew stronger.
But, she never worked up the courage to approach her.
It became too much. She needed to talk to someone. But it couldn't be Myrtle. It couldn't even be that other mare who she thought she resembled so much. It had to be a stranger, someone who didn't know her, and yet someone she knew somehow she could trust.
In spite of all of Trixie's turmoil surrounding so many ponies' loyalty to her, the only one she thought she could bring her troubles to was Princess Celestia. She was wary of the idea at first, but after spending so much time in Canterlot, and then in her school, she found that thankfully, the sun goddess did not share the qualities of those who worshiped her with excessive fervor.
So, the unicorn arranged for the first meeting she could get in with the busy princess. Given the nature and extent of her responsibilities, they wouldn't be able to have proper face to face time for an in-depth conversation for two weeks, but Trixie figured it would be worth it if there was even a chance that this could alleviate her worries.
It was finally time for her to go to her appointment. Trixie meekly went into Celestia's office upon her request, finding it to be completely empty of ponies except for the two of them.
"Ah, Trixie! Please, take a seat."
The unicorn obeyed, still somewhat apprehensive of her predicament.
"Now, what is it you wanted to talk about?"
Trixie hesitated for some time, and then took a deep breath, slowly exhaling. She twiddled her forehooves nervously, her eyes darting around at all sorts of different things in the office. "Well... I'm..." she sighed. "Something's really bothering me, and I don't know how to explain it, I just..."
"It's okay. Take your time," Celestia encouraged her, giving her a warm smile.
The young mare felt reassured by the princess's patience. "You see, the thing is... I'm just... Uncomfortable, here... I keep wanting to attend the school, and working and living in Canterlot, but... There's this... Part of me, that everyone else here seems not to like... They don't know I have it, because I've gotten so good at hiding it... I'd say what it is, but I'm worried of what you'll think, but I promise it doesn't make me do anything bad, or hurt anyone..."
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Trixie, but I promise you, I won't judge you for whatever it is. I know I can trust you."
Trixie looked at her, puzzled. "How can you be so sure?"
"I'm the ruler of Equestria. It's my job to be sure."
The unicorn nodded. "Right, right..." mustering the courage, she cleared her throat. "All right, well... I... Really like Luna, and... I understand that everyone else here doesn't... And, I'm having trouble with my sister, I think... She used to... Hate me, for something that wasn't my fault, but, she blamed me for it anyways... To be fair, I could see why... Things got better between us a long time ago, but now it seems like they're falling apart again, and I don't know why... You don't think Lunar loyalists are bad, do you?..."
Celestia slowly shook her head. "Of course not," she answered. "I knew Princess Luna, before she was sent to the moon... Unlike what many of my subjects say and believe, she was honorable, compassionate and dedicated. I would try to convince them of this, but unfortunately, mortal mares and stallions don't perceive things the way us alicorns do. A year for them is like a century for us. I wasn't the first alicorn princess to rule Equestria, and I won't be the last.
"You don't see very much of it anymore these days, but believe it or not, ponies used to see me the way that they're looking at Luna now. With our mortality rates spanning absurd amounts of generation gaps in comparison, the citizens of Equestria millennia ago were quick to revile me upon replacing my predecessors, as there were elderly ponies who came to know their rule as benevolent. They branded me as a sadistic tyrant simply because I was new and different. One brief mistake or unpleasant episode, real or imagined, in an alicorn's life will hang over other ponies' entire lifetimes. And so, they'll tell their children, who will go on to tell their children, who will go on to tell their children..."
The princess sighed. "Over time, it just gets convoluted and misconstrued, because the ponies who believe that certain things happened centuries ago weren't even alive yet to see it. This is... What happened with me early in my rule, and, unfortunately, what happened to Luna recently in hers... They act as if a single slip up erases the millennia she spent ruling as purely just, when they have no idea how much that one mistake doesn't even matter in comparison to that... It's as if it would take some kind of divine intervention outside of even my hooves in order to convince them otherwise.
"None of them understand that the relationship between a deity and the world they rule over is very much like that between a parent and a child. The parent can nurture the child and help them grow, and influence them here and there, but the child will ultimately one day be completely independent, and entirely out of the parent's control. And among deities, as the job of ruler of Equestria changes hooves every several millennia, we find we're often accused of things we either had nothing to do with or very little influence over, simply because of how long this machine has been running without us. Our subjects love to view us as perfect, flawless, and incapable of making mistakes, and thus we're all the more despised whenever we do make one, when the truth is we share a lot of their same faults, we just have a few major differences that don't pertain to those.
"It's especially frustrating when we're automatically perceived as the paragon of all goodness in our power and leadership... As nice it would be to genuinely be that wonderful, it's just impossible. And so, others will often claim they're doing something in my name, because they believe it to be good and equate me with goodness, when I might happen to find whatever it is they're trying to justify for my sake is actually abhorrent..."
The princess paused, noticing that the subject of Luna had caused her to trail off in trying to explain it to the filly. "I'm sorry, where are my manners? I didn't mean to go on a tangent like that... We were here to discuss your sisterhood, and how you've felt being a Lunar loyalist..."
"It was no problem, your highness," the young mare admitted. "Your thoughts on the matter are very insightful..."
The sun goddess chuckled. "I'm happy you think so. I wouldn't have wanted to bore you, or, even worse, appear to ignore the subject of your visit," she explained. "So, anyhow... There's nothing wrong with being a Lunar loyalist, and I respect you for being one. Luna would be proud of you. If I could find a way to ethically and soundly convince my mortal subjects to regard them the same way, I would do it."
She stopped again, focusing on the unicorn. "Do you want to tell me what's wrong between you and your sister?"
Trixie looked down, sighing. "Well... Specifically... There was this thing that happened when we were a lot younger, where our mother died giving birth to me... She blamed me for it for most of my life, and went out of her way to make sure I was miserable almost every day..."
"That's so horrible," the princess bemoaned. "I'm so sorry that happened to you."
"Thank you... Yeah, it was awful," the unicorn nodded. "But, things started to get better, about eight or nine years ago, when she realized there was absolutely nothing I could have done about our mother's fate... She tried to atone for how she treated me until then by moving us here to Canterlot, so we could start our lives over as sisters together... She even saved and spent the bits that got me enrolled in this school..."
"That's very generous of her," Celestia noted. "I'm glad she came to her senses and tried to redeem her actions."
"So am I... But, lately, she seems to be distant, and, I'm just not sure what the reason is... I think, somehow, those old wounds have been reopened, and she's starting to feel the way she felt before... She won't even talk to me about it, so I think it's the only reason that makes any sense..."
The alicorn nodded, taking all of this in with a neutral expression on her face as she paused for a moment in thought.
"So, you just recently moved to Canterlot... Almost a year ago? How do you like it here, compared to where you lived before?"
Trixie was puzzled by the sudden change of topic, but felt compelled to oblige the princess anyhow. "Well, I can't lie, it is very nice here... I mean... I spent my whole life where I used to live, so, yeah, I miss it sometimes and have good memories and things, but we were so very poor, and getting by was so very difficult... We were all Lunar loyalists, banding together to take refuge from all the oppression we'd face anywhere else... Here, I'm not so poor and it's not so difficult, and there's a lot of nice things to do, and most of the ponies here are nice, I guess... It's... Very comfortable..."
Celestia smiled. "Good to hear that you like it here."
She paused again, and the unicorn felt even further bewildered.
Then suddenly, the alicorn said "I'd like to show you something, for just a moment..." her concentration briefly focused on a drawer in her desk. She used her levitation magic to open it and retrieve a framed picture, placing it in front of Trixie. It was a beautiful painting of a relaxed, smiling Princess Luna.
The young mare felt her heart skip a beat, gasping out of surprise. "... Wow... That's so pretty..."
"Indeed," the princess happily noted in agreement. "But, as nice as it may be, it's nothing in comparison to actually seeing the real Princess Luna, in the flesh. This is merely more like a small model of a wagon, rather than the actual wagon. Do you know why I wanted to show this to you?"
Trixie, still perplexed, slowly shook her head.
"Given everything I've had to go off of as far as what I know about you, I can tell that you've felt very unhappy for a very long time. When you only have an image, or an example, of what something is, you have just enough information to 'know' it, but not enough to understand it. You have at least a painting of happiness in your mind, so you have some idea of what it's supposed to be like, but you have yet to actually experience it for yourself. Your body has made the journey to a new place full of new opportunities and possibilities to reach happiness, but you left your soul back where you lived before. The part of you that would make you believe this."
The unicorn looked at the painting of Princess Luna, then back to Celestia.
The sun goddess offered a warm, sympathetic smile. "I know that for a long time, you've probably always found the idea of attaining happiness for yourself to be unthinkable, but I promise you... It is possible."
Trixie frowned unsurely. "How do you know?"
"Because Luna is going to come back."
The young mare beamed in shock, her ears perking up as her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. "... Really?..."
"Indeed," Celestia insisted. "She will return soon, within some years, while you are still quite young. And when she does, I will finally have what I need to validate her virtuous qualities before all of my subjects. She will be welcomed back onto her throne with respect, honor, and dignity, and her followers will be persecuted no more, but instead be lauded, and treated as equals throughout Equestria. You will be able to meet her, and to get to live out the rest of your life with your Lunar struggles finally abolished. I know that she would appreciate all that you've felt, all that you've done in her name. It's going to be all right."
The unicorn sharply exhaled, speechless. Her eyes veered along Celestia's desk and the ground, her forehooves resting on her temples, shocked and overwhelmed by this news. Tears brimmed in her eyes as she imagined getting to finally meet Luna, and lavish her with all the praise she had so long been denied, to thank her for everything she's done for her all her life.
'... And... All I have to do is... Wait a few years?... I can't believe this! This is... This is great! This is greater than great!!! Words can't express how wonderful this is!!!'
She slowly started to smile as her gaze met Princess Celestia's again, tears of joy streaming down her face. "This is the best news I've ever heard in my life... Thank you... Thank you so much for this..."
"I'm more than happy to help," Celestia doted. "I can see that you're starting to feel a lot better already. Maybe enough to naturally bypass the link between your magic and your emotional state. Perhaps you'd like to try that out here tomorrow? But, first, I'm sure you'd like to share this news about Luna with your sister. Surely, any disconnection you two might be facing could possibly be smoothed over with that."
Trixie grinned from ear to ear, nodding eagerly. "Oh, yes! That's a great idea! I'll go tell her right away, and everything will be perfect! We'll be the best sisters to each other that we've ever been from now on, and we'll see Luna together as soon as she returns!"
The young mare immediately took to her hooves, galloping to the door. "I have to hurry home and let her know right this instant!"
The princess smiled. "Goodbye, Trixie! It was a pleasure to speak with you!"
"You too, your highness!"
Celestia chuckled. There was something so moving about seeing a pony who was so depressed suddenly become exhilarated with bliss. She suddenly remembered what she was busy with before the student came in, and promptly started writing a log on a new scroll.
It has come to my attention that Twilight Sparkle's progress, while promising, has some areas of particularly important concern.
She and her dragon assistant, Spike, have come far in an impressively short amount of time under my study.
The unicorn has shown an unprecedented increase not just in her sheer magical ability and her range of spells, but in her general intellect and knowledge, as well. My school hasn't seen such a young student with so much potential in several centuries; we may very well be dealing with a prodigy not unlike Star-Swirl The Bearded himself. With how capable she is now, I'm almost frightened to imagine what her limits will be once her destiny is fully realized.
It's for these reasons that I sought out Twilight to be my personal student quite early in her tenure here in Canterlot's educational system. While her results have been astonishing, I'm deeply troubled by how her stagnant social life and lack of contact with other ponies have left her isolated all the while.
There is no doubt that Twilight is a good mare with a firm moral foundation, but I worry that if she continues to remain emotionally malnourished, she may not only be unprepared to take on the task of wielding the Elements Of Harmony, but her mental health will deteriorate over time, which could possibly make her a danger to herself and everyone else as her intellectual and magical abilities increase.
She appears to prefer her excessively introverted and studious lifestyle, finding some comforting level of contentment, predictability, and routine. This is fine in moderation, but prolonged exposure to this extent could prove unhealthy in the long run. Twilight is not without a support system, finding a healthy kinship with Spike, her family, Cadence and myself, but I've been able to see that even this is not enough to quell the hidden pain that torments her soul.
It's for these reasons that I've reluctantly considered a contingency plan in the event that Twilight does not come to know the magic of friendship in time for my sister's inevitable return. I do not wish to do this to her, as I know she enjoys her life here in Canterlot, but I fear if she does not make room for these specific and necessary studies within the next five years, I'll have no choice but to send her to the town of Ponyville.
My sources have informed me that this small, humble place possesses a very positive community spirit full of friendly souls who would no doubt welcome Twilight and treat her like one of their own. There's even a place that they've singled out which would function well as both a library and a home for her to dwell in should this come to pass. Again, this is solely being considered as a last resort.
However, I fortunately now have reason to believe that this may no longer be necessary. The very possibility of this other consideration lifts a dreaded burden from my spirits, as I feel quite sure that Twilight would much rather prefer this additional alternative.
I have good reason to believe that I've found a friend for her in one of my newest students, Beatrix Lulamoon. She has only been attending since a few months ago and has a lot of issues with her magic, but I can't help but notice how much she and Twilight have in common; truly, they are kindred spirits. I believe both of them possess pieces that the other lack, and could prove to be quite a beneficial team, both in their educational endeavors and in discovering the magic of friendship.
After carefully observing them both, I feel confident that they possess the combined traits required to wield the Elements Of Harmony against all forces that would wish to do harm to Equestria. Twilight's knowledge and experience with magic would be helpful in improving Beatrix's abilities, while Beatrix's kind, generous nature would show Twilight there can be warmth and trust found in those outside of her extremely exclusive and personal social circle.
Furthermore, they would be the best ponies to help pacify my sister once she returns to Equestria during the millennial anniversary of the Summer Sun Celebration. Twilight's expertise in Equestria's ancient history would cause her to be familiar to the time period Luna is used to, while Beatrix's sincere lifelong love and devotion to her would help ease her mind and heal her heart, showing her that she is indeed appreciated, contrary to what she would believe.
In the short time that I've known them both, these unicorn mares have become near and dear to my heart. I've watched Twilight grow ever since she was a filly, and I'm fortunate enough to have earned the extremely honorable luxury of becoming one of her closest friends. I've only just recently spoken to Beatrix for the first time, but she's given me something that I haven't felt in so long... Hope.
Hope that things can be the way they once were once my sister returns. I've done her a terrible wrong that I've still been unable to forgive myself for... And yet, even with everything that her sister has done to her, Beatrix has found it in her heart to forgive her own older sibling. They've even cast aside the most bitter, longest-running feud between the two of them to truly become sisters... Surely, if this can happen, then I can restore the joyous, loving sisterhood I've once experienced with Luna, and have longed to one day feel again.
I vow that I will do everything in my power to make sure that my sister never feels neglected and unappreciated again upon her return, and I will do so with the help of these two mares. That is why tomorrow, I'm going to have Beatrix speak with me again, so that I can arrange for her and Twilight Sparkle to meet.
Starting here, I'm finally going to make everything right. All the pain will stop... And the healing will begin.
Trixie felt so much better.
Things had improved a lot since she was much younger in Jennet, and surely they were going to stay that way. She'd only hit a little bump in the road along the way -- that was all. Everything was going to be fine.
She would go home, see Myrtle, and enjoy their time together, just like they had for years and years now. She had nothing to worry about.
As soon as she opened the door, Myrtle was right there waiting.
"You're fired. Pack your things and get out of here."
Trixie was shocked. "What?!? What do you mea--"
"I'm going to go for a walk, and if you're not gone by the time I come back, I'm going to call the Canterlot guards on you for trespassing."
Myrtle immediately stepped out of the doorway, roughly shoving Trixie aside and out of her way, quickly walking towards the Canterlot marketplace.
The unicorn was stunned. She wanted to call out to her sister, but couldn't speak when she opened her mouth. She was devastated, heartbroken, and bewildered. Trixie slowly walked inside the house, trying to make sense of everything that had just happened. She was about to ascend upstairs to her room to start packing, and then spotted something out the corner of her eye in the kitchen. Curiously, she approached it, only to feel her blood turn to ice at what she found.
It was her father's diary, with bookmarks in it. Myrtle had secretly been reading it without telling her. Shakily, she opened it with her hoof, turning to the first bookmarked entry.
It's finally decided.
Myrtle's gone on for way too long without any friends. She looks so unhappy all the time, and we can only be there for her so much. She already has enough reasons to be so sad, what with our living situation; she shouldn't have to feel so alone on top of it all.
We've always tried to encourage her to meet other fillies her age, but every time she was too shy or nervous. I know that it's not her fault. She's just been unlucky enough for so many potential friends to treat her badly instead. Naturally, she's apprehensive about each new encounter.
So, I finally got Euthalia to agree with me on a solution. We've tried everything else we could think of, and nothing else worked. If this doesn't, I don't know what can.
We're going to have another child.
A child who won't treat her the way those fillies have. A child who will always be there for her when we can't be. A sibling who we will raise to be her best friend. The only one she'll ever need.
I know the wait is going to be hard for our dear Myrtle. But we'll do everything we can to make sure it's worth it. To put an end to all this heartache. I can't bear to go on any longer seeing her frown so much every day.
This is going to be for the better. She'll see that someday. All of us will.
It finally happened.
Myrtle got her cutie mark.
She was so happy when the doctors told us that she's going to have a sister. Somehow, I think she prefers it that way rather than having a brother. But ever since the news came, everything started to improve already. The despair my little filly used to always carry has turned into optimism and anticipation. And that optimism is making its way into everything she does.
In the past, she was so impatient and disappointed with trying gardening with her mother. She would complain about how long it was taking for the plants the grow. The poor filly has been too used to her efforts never paying off anywhere except for home; I can understand why she'd feel this way.
But, lately, she became more patient with them, and with her cutie mark. I think waiting for her sister has made her more willing to wait for other good things. She keeps talking about how she wants to help take care of her when she arrives, and how she'll always spend time with her and keep her from being treated the way her own bullies have treated her. Euthalia and I are so much happier to see how much better she's feeling, and how excited she is to meet her sister... Her best friend.
Today, she finally got to see the fruits of her labor... The payoff to all that time she spent waiting, patiently tending to the plants just as her mother instructed. We got the most beautiful Jennet Orchids in the yard than we've ever had before. The look on Myrtle's face... Her smile, the sparkle in her eyes when she saw them... It made me want to cry. She was so proud when she realized she did that.
It was as if this accomplishment erased all of the doubt and the sorrow she used to feel... And with that, a gorgeous rose appeared on her flank. That only made her even happier.
I'm so proud of her. I know that everything is only going to get better when her sister is finally born.
I didn't expect this to happen.
Myrtle used to be so anxious for her sister to arrive. But, ever since she realized that she's going to be a unicorn like Euthalia, unlike her... Over time, something sank in. Like... Like she's worried she's not going to be good enough. She won't admit it to me, but I can see it in the way she behaves. I'm afraid to even talk about Beatrix around her anymore, because I just don't want her to feel any worse. I can only hope that all of this will be resolved when she's here, and then Myrtle can see that we love them both equally.
Nothing we do seems to work. Euthalia's been putting in even more effort than before to reassure her that just because she's not a unicorn doesn't mean she doesn't love her as much, or that she sees her as inferior in any way... Even so, she's not convinced.
How could this have gone so wrong? Are we failing her somehow? What do we need to do better?
I'm not sure what's going to unfold at this point. I'm just keeping my hooves crossed that I can get through to Myrtle soon, before this inferiority complex tears her apart and ruins her chances to experience joy.
Euthalia's starting to think this might not have been a good idea.
The mines have always done a number on my back, but it's finally starting to take its toll. It hurts a little more every day. How much do I have left out of this? How many years? Enough to see to it that my family remains taken care of?
She's not feeling too great, either. We can't figure out what it is, but I've encouraged her to take it easy. She can afford to... I can't. One of us needs to keep going. One of us needs to remain active. Myrtle, bless her heart, has been so helpful in keeping things up with the store, especially when her mother feels sick...
Even still... None of us are getting any younger. Or any richer. We've never been able to afford anything but middle class wages at best, but this... This is too much. We're hardly hanging on. I'm pinching bits at every opportunity.
My wife has noticed... All of this being why she decided to talk to me about whether or not we can afford to support a family of four.
Neither of us want to, but, we both considered that perhaps we should abort Beatrix... If anything, she said, at least Myrtle would put less pressure on herself for not being a unicorn child.
Still... I'm determined to hang on. I'll do whatever it takes to keep this family safe, even if it kills me. I don't want to give up on this... On Myrtle, or on Beatrix. They need each other... Myrtle's gone so long without a friend, and we've anticipated Beatrix ever since the idea entered our heads...
It took hours, but, I managed to convince Euthalia to wait a little longer. To opt out of considering abortion. Her mind is made up... For now, I'm sure.
I only fear that Myrtle might have overheard us and understood what was happening... I didn't notice her peeking through the doorway until the very end of our conversation. She wouldn't tell me how long she was standing there. She also wouldn't tell me what she asked the mare next door about the next day when I saw her there, off in the distance.
I'll fight with everything I have to go through with this. Beatrix is going to be a good thing for our family. I know it.
I have a new daughter and my wife is dead.
How in this crazy world, in this crazy life, did I gain someone I loved so much, just to lose another at the same time?
How can a life be created, and destroy a world?
I don't know how I feel. I don't know what to feel.
I should be grieving my wife. I should be celebrating my new daughter.
I'm doing neither. I'm doing both. All of it just... Fades in and out. I'm shocked. I'm torn apart.
Myrtle hates her.
She's screamed and cried for hours, and scared Beatrix. She even scared me by making me think that she'd try to kill her.
She blames her for all of this. I don't.
I'm just stuck fallen to my forelegs wondering how one more unlucky break could have gone so, so wrong.
I can't bear to hide this any longer. I need to confess. I need to get this out.
For years and years, I've kept a terrible secret. A horrible, unforgivable secret.
I've tried to ignore it, to push it into the back of my mind until it whittles away into nonexistence. But no matter what I do, or where I go, it's always there. The smallest, faintest whisper of doubt, slowly and agonizingly festering into an awful thought.
A thought no parent should ever have about their child.
But, alas, I can't bring myself to lie any longer.
Oh, I'd love so much to be a better stallion. I'd magnify all of my other faults countless times over if I could merely just snuff this single flaw out. To smother it into complete silence until it can haunt me no longer.
But I can't. Nothing can.
And so, years overdue, I'm writing now to confess my most personally hated imperfection.
I regret not aborting Beatrix.
I don't blame her for what happened. I never have. I love her, no matter what. I always have, and I always will.
But I can't help but feel like everything would somehow be better if she had never been born. Not just for our family... But for her.
Maybe, Euthalia would still be alive. Maybe Myrtle finally would have made friends, whether on her own or with our encouragement. Maybe we would have been a happy, healthy family after all. But most of all... Maybe Beatrix would never have had to suffer all of the things that she has.
The poor filly has never deserved any of this. I do everything I can for her, and yet I stand idly by whenever Myrtle lashes out at her, intervening only to keep her from doing serious notable harm. I've let my grief for my wife keep me from doing the things I should be doing.
Still, even with everything that's happened... She's wonderful. She truly is Euthalia's last gift to me. She's such a kind, modest pony, always eager to help, so considerate and friendly and affectionate... She reminds me of how Myrtle was before... Before all of this.
Maybe things would have been better if we didn't have her. But, she's here, and none of us can go back and change that. And even with things as bad as they have been ever since... I'm glad she's here.
I love her so much, and I'm so proud of her. I'm going to savor all the time that we have together, and I can't wait to see the mare she grows up to become.
Trixie was thoroughly disheartened by her discoveries. Immediately, she packed her things and moved into a small studio apartment in the middle of Canterlot. The next day, she donated the rest of the bits she saved for her classes to Celestia's School For Gifted Unicorns, right after she dropped out.
'...Father.
I remember my father.
He was always worried about whether or not he was doing the right thing. I think I inherited that from him.
For as long as I can remember, throughout my whole life, my heart has felt heavy. I could audibly hear it beating, and feel it pounding in my chest without even having to touch it. Sometimes I was afraid to move at all, because I thought if I did, it would tear through my skin and fall right out. It would always drop into my stomach, like an anchor.
I can't tell if it's because it's big, or just made of stone. Do I care too much, or too little? Is that sadness chilling me to the bone, or is there ice water running through my veins? I can't tell any more, and that scares me. I think I inherited that from him, too. Now, my heart is heavier than ever.'
Many years ago, on a cold winter night, six-year-old Beatrix Lulamoon stared at the stars in the dark sky. She wondered to herself why a deity responsible for such beautiful creations would be exiled to the moon and considered a traitorous monster. Most Equestrians thought of Luna as such, but not her. Beatrix was born and raised in Jennet, a small, poverty-laden village founded by worshipers of the night goddess-princess. It wasn't much, but they worked with what they had; there weren't many other places that wouldn't persecute them for their loyalties.
Even most of the children in Jennet loathed that their parents' faith led their families to such oppressed lifestyles, but not Beatrix. She legitimately appreciated Luna for all the wonderful dreams she gave her, a doorway into her imagination, away from the problems of reality. It was the same reason she'd constantly remain clad in the solid purple hat and cape of her magician costume; Nightmare Night was a month ago, but the garb helped her feel secure, as well as forget so many awful things.
One was that she had trouble using her magic under emotional strain, which was fairly common due to being frequently bullied, especially by her own sister. Trying spells during such would give her nosebleeds and headaches of varying degrees, and sometimes she'd even faint. She didn't even have her cutie mark yet. It was bad enough that she was already always worried about her father. The demanding physical labor his job entailed only hindered his health in his old age, not to mention his heart problems. Then, there was...
The dinner bell.
Beatrix's ears perked at it ringing, and she turned around to run back inside.
Every night, she dined with the only two relatives she lived with, both of them earth ponies. Myrtle, her sister, was twelve years old, had a brown mane, tail and eyes, with a dark green coat, and a rose cutie mark. Heavy-Heart, their father, had a dark blue mane, tail and eyes, with a black coat, and a pickax cutie mark. As soon as they finished dinner, each sitting before empty plates, an awkward silence hung in the air for a long moment.
The stallion miner smiled wryly. "So... Hearth's Warming Eve is only a month away... Have you girls thought about what you want this year?"
Myrtle frowned, lowering her head. "You know what I want, Dad."
Her father shared her sadness. "Myrtle, we've talked about this..."
"I know, I know, but... Every year, it's still going to be the same. I'm still going to miss my Mom."
Beatrix laid a sympathetic hoof onto her sister's. "I miss our Mom, too..."
Slowly, she turned to her younger sibling, glaring cold daggers into her. "I said my Mom. Not our Mom. She's not your Mom. You took her from us. You killed her."
The unicorn was taken aback by Myrtle's accusation, mouth agape. She sniffled, struggling to maintain her composure, only to burst into tears, running down the hallways to her room, shutting the door behind her.
"Myrtle!" Heavy-Heart promptly stood up, his disapproval clear.
"But, it's true! You know what happened! You know that she --"
"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!!!"
The filly shrank at her father's furious roar, nearly driven to tears herself.
Heavy-Heart's demeanor softened, immediately regretting his outburst. He slowly pulled his daughter into a hug.
"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to scare you. But, we talked about this. It's not right to treat your sister that way. You wash the dishes, and then go to bed. No dessert. Understand?"
Beatrix sobbed, curled up under the covers of her bed, clutching her doll, Special, tightly against her chest. All she wanted was to cry herself to sleep. To escape back into the serene, peaceful darkness of oblivious unconsciousness, as if she didn't even exist. That's where she felt she belonged, where all the pain and the guilt disappeared. Her ears caught the rest of her family's conversation, and then the sound of hoofsteps trudging down the halls. She whimpered softly in protest, wanting to be left alone.
The hoofsteps stopped a few feet away from her door. The faint noise of scuttling was audible, and the stallion groaned. "Damn bugs..."
Beatrix flinched as she heard him start to stomp on the cockroaches. They were resilient creatures indeed, but no match for his powerful hooves, crunching beneath them.
"Figures... We can't afford an exterminator because it's hard enough to put meals on the table every night..." with a sigh, he retreated to the bathroom to wash his hooves, and then returned to Beatrix's door, opening it slowly.
"Honey..."
"She's right! I killed her! I killed her, and it's all my fault!"
"No, you didn't, and no, it wasn't," Heavy-Heart replied, his voice soft and compassionate. He approached his daughter, kneeling by her bedside.
Beatrix sniffled, her teary eyes veering towards him. "Th-then... How come Mom gave birth to Myrtle just fine, but not me?..."
Heavy-Heart opened his mouth to reply, and hesitated, then sighed. "... I don't know, Beatrix. But, she was feeling very sick, for a very long time. It had nothing to do with you. I swear."
The filly looked back at her pillow sadly. The stallion gently caressed her mane, trying to think of a way to cheer her up. Finally, he beamed.
"How about I read your favorite story, hmm?"
Beatrix froze, then nodded eagerly.
Her father smiled. He retrieved the book in question, opening to its first page. It was "The Very Special Pony", by Euthalia Lulamoon, his widow. The story was about a unicorn named Special (who was also Trixie's doll, made by her mother as well) who lacked friends or a cutie mark, and set out to find both. On her travels, she individually met a unicorn, a pegasus, and an earth pony who were all struggling. Whenever she offered to help them, she made mistakes, and failed. Later, she found the three of them having a picnic together, and asked if she could join, but they angrily told her to go away for accidentally ruining their tasks.
Saddened, Special wandered off into the forest to be alone. She found a deep, dark cave, thinking it would be a good place to hide where no one could find her, and went inside. Only, as she tried to sleep, she heard a stallion asking for help, trapped beneath some rocks. Special used her magic with all her might to move them, setting him free. The stallion thanked her, and revealed that he was actually a genie, waiting for a pony brave and kind enough to come "save" him so that he could reward them for their virtues.
Special doubted that she deserved this, but the genie allowed her to be able to look inside of herself, objectively seeing all of her good intentions and every single effort to help, telling her that "You try your best, and you mean well, and that's why you're Special". He offered to make one wish come true, so she wished for everyone to be happy. With that, the genie granted her a magical Wand Of Peace that would lift everyone's spirits and erase their worries, which she used to help the unicorn, pegasus and earth pony, and everyone else she met, and become their friends.
As Heavy-Heart finished the story, closing the book, Beatrix smiled. She had heard and read the story countless times, but it always helped her experience joy.
"You know that your mother wrote this just for you while she was pregnant with you, so you'd know how much you meant to her, but... She also wrote it for me. She said that she used to doubt herself so much, but then she met me, and I made her feel... Well, Special... And, that's how you make me feel," he admitted, tousling her mane playfully. "Feel better?"
Beatrix nodded quickly.
"Good. Now, try to get some rest." With that, he kissed her forehead. "Good night, Beatrix. I love you."
"You too, Dad," she answered. He left, closing the door behind him, and Beatrix rolled onto her side, mulling over her thoughts.
She always preferred the night far more than the day. It allowed her imagination to take a few steps closer to feeling real, whenever she dreamed, letting her believe, however temporarily, that things were different, better than they really were. She would be someone stronger, braver, and more worthy than she believed herself to be. Her magic would work perfectly, everyone would love her, and everything would be made just for her. There would be banners and statues and all sorts of things in her honor, and she would create a paradise for everyone with the Wand Of Peace.
Beatrix could only see Luna as incredibly kind for granting her such dreams. The lucid experience of getting to do everything she always wanted, but never could. On many nights such as this, she would lay awake trying to think of ways to go to the moon so she could thank Luna for everything she'd done for her. She thought the goddess was also alone, like herself, and would want a friend who would appreciate her. Most of her ideas that she tried never worked, but she was sure that her latest one would.
The filly had carefully studied all the stars in the sky she could find, believing that while they were numerous and small, if she could use her magic well enough, she could borrow them to build a ladder to the moon, so she could climb up there and finally meet Luna. She wasn't sure when her magic would become that good, but when it did, she'd try it right away. Beatrix felt her eyelids getting heavy, and smiled. She surrendered herself to slumber, fully embracing it, eager to experience the next sweet dreams Luna would present her with.
The next morning, Beatrix awoke early, while her father and sister remained asleep. It was barely dawn, as the sunrise was still just beginning to shine through the windows. The unicorn softly yawned, gingerly trotting out of her room towards the kitchen to get some breakfast. She froze as something crunched under her hoof. She grimaced in disgust, realizing it was a cockroach, and scraped it off. Looking around, she noticed many more of them scurrying about; whenever they seemed to finally be gone, more would replace them. She frowned, remembering Heavy-Heart's thoughts last night. How were they going to deal with this?
She perked upon finding an idea. The filly quickly, yet quietly hurried to the basement, not wanting to awake her kin. Beatrix turned on the light once inside, rummaging through the items stored away until she found what she was looking for; her mother's spell book. She'd looked through it before in hopes of finding remedies for past dilemmas, even learning a mind reading spell so she could always find out what her father was worried about. Flipping through the pages, she slowly became discouraged when the answer she sought didn't appear to be there.
Beatrix was about the give up and close the book, until she caught something in the corner of her eye that stood out to her. It read, "life extinguishing spell: use with great caution". The unicorn hesitated, feeling uncertain about trying it, but no other solution seemed to apply to the cockroaches. If she was going to help her family deal with them, this would be how.
Minutes later, she cornered one, concentrating intensely. At first, doubt and worry made her fear she would fail, and she started to.
'No -- you need to help. This is how you do it. Think of... Think of how much better it will be here without these things. Dad would be happy.'
After finishing breakfast, Heavy-Heart wiped his mouth with his napkin, walking to throw it in the garbage. Upon opening the can, he was startled to see it almost completely full of dead cockroaches.
"What in the name of --"
"I did it, Dad!" Beatrix exclaimed proudly.
"... Did what?"
"That! I got all the cockroaches! Now you don't need to hire an exterminator anymore, and you can save money!"
She expected him to be proud of her, and glad that the bugs were gone, but instead he seemed more worried than he was before.
"... How did you do that?"
Beatrix stopped, concerned that she might be in trouble. "... Just a spell from Mom's spell book..." she murmured, barely audible.
"Which spell?"
"Just a spell," she whispered, cringing.
"Show me which one. In the book."
Beatrix bit her lip, her ears lowering and her eyes starting to water.
"It's okay, you're not in trouble. Just show me where it is in the book."
The filly released a long, shuddering sigh, hanging her head. "O-okay..."
She lead him to it in the basement, opening it up on a table, going to the page in question.
"That's the one," Beatrix confessed, her hoof right under the "life extinguishing spell".
Heavy-Heart leaned in closer to read it, and Beatrix backed out of his way. As his eyes scanned over the description, a look of silent horror slowly crossed the stallion's face, his eyes widening as his hoof covered his mouth. When he was finished, he rested his forelegs on the table, burying his face into them.
"Dear Luna, Beatrix..."
"I-I was only trying to help," Beatrix whimpered guiltily.
"I know you were, but..." Heavy-Heart slowly stood back on all fours, looking to his daughter with a dead serious expression of concern. "Look... Bugs -- any bug -- are living things, just like us... And... You can't just kill them, you're supposed to find a way to make them go away --"
"But you crush them all the time!" Beatrix protested.
"I know, I know!" the stallion groaned. "What I'm trying to say is... That spell's dangerous. Very dangerous. It could possibly kill not just cockroaches, but maybe any living thing, like you and me. You have to be extremely careful with that sort of thing, and a filly your age shouldn't be using it. You can understand that, right?"
Beatrix nodded. "... So... You're not mad at me?"
"I'm not mad at you." The stallion walked closer, kneeling down to her eye level. "I know you were doing what you thought was good. A-and it is, in a way -- the cockroaches can't bother us anymore -- but... It's a very complicated situation. You made... You made a hard decision. But, the next time you need to make a hard decision, you come talk to me about it first, okay?"
"Okay..."
"And... And I want you to promise me... Promise me you'll never use that spell again, okay?"
"I promise..."
While her father was heading to the mines, Myrtle was opening her late mother's florist shop, simply called Euthalia's. Beatrix was there trying to help, but her older sister had assured her that her assistance wasn't needed. She wandered around, looking at all of the beautiful flowers, trying to find her favorite. The unicorn finally discovered them off in the corner; Jennet Orchids, a rare kind that only grew in their local area, taking on marvelous hues of pink, red, yellow and orange. Closing her eyes, she breathed in deeply through her nose, smiling at their wonderful scent.
Myrtle saw her. "Get away from those!" she blurted, shooing her off. "You're going to ruin them! They were -- they are -- Mom's favorites..."
"Sorry," Beatrix murmured as she backed away. "Are you sure you don't need help with anything else here, Myrtle?"
"Yes, I am. Go bother somepony else, you useless blank flank... You can't even use magic properly..."
Beatrix felt a pang of rejection in her chest. "O-okay..." she turned, starting to leave, hearing Myrtle whisper just within earshot.
"At least all the cockroaches are finally gone... Now if only we could get rid of every pest around here..."
Her younger sister quivered. 'Myrtle is nice to everypony except for me... It feels so unfair...'
Trying to forget her sister's words, the unicorn filly trekked across Jennet, taking long detours to avoid her usual bullies, off to the mines to look for her father. Fortunately, he hadn't started working for today yet, and she reached him quickly.
"Dad, Dad! Myrtle says she doesn't need my help at the flower shop today... Can I help you with anything?"
Heavy-Heart felt slightly irritated, as he easily worried for the safety of his daughters around these parts, but seeing them always made him smile. "Not right now, Beatrix. Maybe later. Why don't you go ahead and play for today? You've earned some time to relax."
"Okay..."
Beatrix had returned home to spend time with her doll, Special. She always liked to pretend that she was a mother, and that Special was her daughter. It wasn't so much something that she did just for fun, but more out of penance. The idea of being a good mother to Special felt like a good way to apologize to her own mother for apparently killing her by being born, even though she didn't mean to. Deep down, she knew that Special would never be anything more than just a doll in her hooves, and a character in a book, but that didn't stop her from trying any ways.
She always did everything for Special that she always thought a good mother was supposed to do. She would pretend to feed her, bathe her, change her diapers, play with her, and put her to sleep. All the things she had heard of Euthalia doing for Myrtle, or saw mothers living in Jennet doing with their children. Normally, during her free time, it was enough to keep her occupied for a full day. But today, it didn't seem to feel the same. She felt empty. So, she put Special to bed, and went for a walk to think about why she felt the way that she did.
Beatrix passed all the familiar sights in Jennet she had seen on so many walks so many times. There was nothing to steal her attention away from her thoughts, that would distract her from thinking and walking, to try to figure her emotions out. At least, there wasn't until she found something unfamiliar. It was a poster for a talent show that would accompany the upcoming Hearth's Warming Eve pageant.
'I would try out... But I'm not good enough.'
She stared down at her hooves sadly. 'I can hardly do even basic magic right a lot of the time... If I was a better Beatrix, like the one in my dreams, maybe I'd try... But --'
"Hey, you're going to try out for that, too?" a jovial voice chimed.
Beatrix looked to the source, only to find a smiling griffon who seemed older than her, but younger than her sister.
"That's awesome! I've been wanting to meet someone out here to try out with me for some moral support! Plus, it's boring out here without any friends..."
"O-oh, I, u-um... I'm not trying out for that..." Beatrix trailed off, blushing sheepishly. "I'd love to help you out, but, I just can't... I'm sorry..."
The griffon blinked, bewildered. "Why not? You're a unicorn! You can do some magic in there!"
"No, I mean, I can't," the filly tried to explain. "I'm not good at it..."
The griffon rolled her eyes and blew a raspberry. "That's no problem! All it takes is some practice! I still don't know how to fly the best that I can, but that's what I want to do in the talent show, any ways! I used to be no good at it at all, but then my friend Rainbow Dash from Junior Speedster Flight Camp helped me out, and I got better! Maybe I can help you practice with your magic, then we can try out together!"
Beatrix cringed, unsure how to react. 'I've... I've never met anyone else like this before... She actually thinks I'm more than what I really am... Like what I really want to be... I don't want to disappoint her and hurt her feelings.'
"I... I'll think about it."
The griffon smiled widely. "That's great! By the way, I'm Gilda le Grand." She took one of Beatrix's hooves, shaking it.
"I'm Beatrix Lulamoon..."
"Nice to meet you! I'm going to be staying here in Jennet with my Uncle Arluin and cousin Gustave until New Years! Maybe we can hang out until then! If we got to see each other every day, we'd kick all kinds of butt at that talent show for sure!"
The filly laughed unsurely. "If you say so... But, um, listen... I really should be getting home, sorry..."
"Okay! See you soon, Beatrix!"
She felt bad for lying to the griffon, but she wasn't used to such positive social interaction, and somehow it made her uncomfortable. In a way, she told her a half-truth, since she possibly had to go. Beatrix was heading back to the mines to see if her father would need help after all. Heavy-Heart was nowhere to be seen, presumably deep in the mine, so she got to work on levitating a sledgehammer with her magic, using it to break up boulders of silver that were already set aside for that exact purpose.
At first, she seemed to be doing okay. Much better than she usually did. Part of it was from focusing on how happy her father would be with her help, like she did before when she exterminated the cockroaches. But, eventually, her control started to slip away, and it was harder to hold onto.
'No! I have to keep going... Prove I'm helpful... Prove I'm worthy... I need to help Dad!'
The longer she struggled, the more difficult it was to keep using her magic on the sledgehammer. A headache and nosebleed slowly started to creep up on her, gradually becoming more and more intense. Beatrix groaned, incredibly uncomfortable and wanting to stop suffering, but this was outweighed by her desire to be useful. Finally, it became too much, and she passed out, collapsing onto the ground.
At the sound of a thud, Heavy-Heart turned to see his daughter off in the distance. He immediately scolded himself, unsure of how he could have possibly not noticed her arriving. The stallion started walking towards her, deducing that she exerted herself too hard trying to help again. Despite the shortcomings she possessed, Beatrix made up for them in effort and intentions.
"LOOK OUT!!! GET OFF THE TRACKS!!!"
Heavy-Heart looked to the source of the screaming, terrified to find a runaway mining cart full of silver headed straight for Beatrix. Adrenaline seized him as he galloped as fast as he could to his unconscious daughter. He pushed her out of the way just in time... But it was too late for himself.
The cacophonous crash startled Beatrix into consciousness. Upon seeing where it came from, fear seized her heart.
"DAD!!!"
In the hospital, Beatrix sat by her father's bedside.
"I'm so sorry, Dad..."
"It's all right... I understand... You were just... Trying to help..."
The filly sniffled, barely able to bring herself to look at him. Guilt was making it too hard.
"... I... I wanted to do something special, just for you, when I came here... To show you how sorry I am... How much I care about you..."
Indeed, she found a new spell in her mother's spell book, and practiced it rigorously, several times in a row, wanting to get it just right for her father. She closed her eyes, focusing on her magic... And conjured a bouquet of Jennet Orchids. Not only were they Beatrix's favorite flowers of Euthalia's, but Heavy-Heart's, as well. As the stallion's eyes gleamed in awe, the filly levitated them onto his chest. He indulged in their sweet scent, bringing a joyful smile to his face.
"That was wonderful... They're beautiful... Thank you..."
"You're welcome," Beatrix nodded. "I'll... I'll let you rest..." she trailed off. With that, she left.
Once again, her mind was fraught with worry, hanging her head as she slowly trekked home. Just before she was out of the hospital doors, a hoof clamped down on her tail, pinning it to the ground and causing her to yelp.
"Hey!" Myrtle snarled.
Beatrix turned to look at her, flinching.
"You better stop 'helping', before you kill my Dad, too," she growled.
That evening, Beatrix had snuck outside in the middle of the night. Her father was going to be resting in the hospital for many nights, and her sister didn't care enough about her to pay attention to where she went at this hour. She was alone in a field just outside of Jennet, staring up into the stars as she had done many times before. However, they couldn't bring her the same comfort that they had in the past. Even her regular dreams, however nice and constant they were, were ultimately only temporary, and could not solve the very permanent problem of her misery.
Her view of the dark sky above her was blurred by her tears.
'I've tried everything I could to help. But no matter what I do, nothing is ever good enough. Now, there's only one thing I can do.'
Beatrix lowered her head and closed her eyes, coming to terms with her choice.
'I... I need to go. Forever. From everywhere. From existence. My Mom died so I could live... That was a sign from the very beginning that I never belonged here. I'll be gone, and Dad and Myrtle won't have to worry about taking care of me anymore. I'll stop bothering everypony.'
With that, Beatrix started to cast the spell she promised her father that she'd never use again. The life extinguishing spell. Only, this time, she was trying to channel it inward. Towards herself.
The unicorn felt her body seize up and tighten, becoming filled with a sharp pain. It was just like the familiar experience of straining her magic too far, but she wasn't sure if it was just that, or if the spell was working, or maybe both. She whimpered, forcing herself to try harder, no matter how badly it hurt; for all she knew, this could mean that she was getting closer and closer to achieving her goal.
'Just a little more, then all the pain will stop... For me, and everypony else...'
"Hey! What're you doing out here?"
The familiar voice broke her concentration, stopping the spell. Beatrix groaned at her failure, starting to sob. She turned to see who it was, freezing out of surprise; it was Gilda.
As the griffon approached closer, Beatrix sniffled, wiping her eyes. "I-I was just, u-uh... Practicing magic... For the talent show..."
Gilda was surprised, and apparently delighted, by her answer. "Oh, wow, really? What a coincidence! I was out here doing the same thing! Err, well, practicing for the talent show I mean, not magic! Can you show me?"
Beatrix swallowed a knot of nervousness trapped in her throat, completely caught off guard by all of this. "Well, okay..."
She used the mind reading spell she normally used on her father on Gilda, scanning her mind for an idea of what to attempt to conjure. She quickly found something, and forced all of her concentration into it. A headache resounded through her skull for a few moments, but then, a chocolate éclair confection spontaneously appeared, and Beatrix levitated it right into Gilda's talon.
"... Wow, Beatrix, that was... That was amazing! That's exactly what I was thinking of! I..." She hesitated for a moment, and took a bite of the éclair, only to be completely astonished. "These are just like the éclairs my cousin Gustave makes! They're completely the same! How in the world did you do that?!?"
Beatrix blushed modestly, her eyes veering away. "I sort of... Read your mind... I'm sorry..."
"Sorry?!? What are you sorry for?!? This is incredible!"
The unicorn flinched. "It just feels wrong to go into others' thoughts without asking, but you really wanted me to show you a trick, so..."
"Exactly! It's okay if it's for tricks, that's what people expect when they go to magic shows! There's nothing wrong with that!"
Beatrix shrugged. "If you say so..."
Gilda suddenly noticed some damp spots on her face, and frowned. "Are you sure that's all you were doing out here? It looks like you were... Crying... What's the matter?"
The pony blushed in embarrassment, hoping she wouldn't have noticed. It was time for another half-truth. "I was thinking about... A hard decision I had to make... I learned this spell to kill some cockroaches in my house, to help my Dad... But I didn't know until he told me that the spell might kill anything else alive, too... I didn't hurt anything else with it, but, I could have if I wasn't more careful, and, just... I feel really bad about it..."
Gilda nodded in sympathy. "I can understand that... I actually had to make a hard decision like that too, not too long ago... On our way here to Jennet, my Uncle Arluin, Gustave and I lost our food on accident, and we were going to starve if we didn't get more soon... So, Uncle Arluin told us that we would have to hunt for it, but only because it was an emergency... We don't normally eat living things, and, I didn't want to, but... We had to... It was better than being hungry..."
An awkward silence hung in the air. After a long moment, Gilda broke it, trying to change the subject to something more cheerful. "Still, that trick you did was totally awesome! I told you that you could get better if you just practiced! If that was just to give me an idea of what you could do, I'm sure there's plenty of other cool spells you can cast, too! Now you have to try out with me, I insist!"
"All right, then..."
When she returned home to go to bed, Beatrix had trouble going to sleep. Normally, she would lay awake thinking about ways to reach Luna, or what she wanted to dream about next, or her family's problems, until she fell asleep. This time, the thoughts keeping her up pertained to her new friend, the griffon Gilda.
'... I never thought about it a lot before, but... Gilda telling me what she went through on the way here made me remember my family's not the only one with problems... Everyone living here in Jennet is having a hard time, just from trying to make it by, one day at a time...'
The filly raised Special to her eye level, softly stroking her mane. 'Maybe going into this talent show with Gilda is a good thing, after all... I can try to use my magic to get better at creating the kind of things that normally go on in my dreams... The things that make me forget the hard times... And if I can share those things with everyone else, wouldn't it help them? Wouldn't it finally make me worthy after all?'
Beatrix closed her eyes. 'If there's only one reason I should go, it's Gilda. She believes in me... I need to be there to believe in her, too...'
Heavy-Heart chuckled, breathing heavily in his hospital bed. "She sounds like quite the hooffull..."
Beatrix smiled wryly. "She invited me to come over to her Uncle Arluin's house for dinner tonight... I told her I'd ask you if it was okay first..."
"Thank you. I'm glad you thought about that."
The filly stared at her father intently with pleading eyes.
The stallion furrowed his brow in confusion. "What is it? Oh! Yes, of course. 'Yes, of course' you can go there for dinner."
The answer made the unicorn nervous and excited at the same time. She never had a friend before, so she never thought about what to do when she finally got one, but it was a nice change of pace from what she was used to.
"I'm so glad you've finally found a friend, Beatrix."
The filly nodded, then frowned. "She's only going to be here for the rest of the month..."
Heavy-Heart paused, sharing her sorrow. "Well... Cherish the rest of that time you'll have together, Beatrix. The best kind of friends are always close to you, on the inside, no matter how far apart you are on the outside. Besides, I'm sure you'd be lonely without any company while I'm stuck here in the hospital. Just, go on and have fun, and try not to think too much about the things you feel sad for."
"Okay, Dad..."
"I'm also glad you decided to try out at the talent show with her... I just know that'll be a lot of fun. The doctor says that by that time, I should be okay enough to start going places again, but I'll have to take it easy... I promise you, I'll do everything I can to make it there."
"Hey, Trixie!"
Beatrix raised an eyebrow in bewilderment. "What did you just call me?"
Gilda gracefully landed beside the filly, having flown to the middle of Jennet to meet her. "Trixie! It's this new nickname I thought of for you! You know, for all the cool magic tricks you can do! After that neat stunt you pulled with Gustave's éclairs, I just knew you'd have tons of other wild stuff in your tricktionary! So, come on, Trix! Let's go to my Uncle Arluin's!"
Gilda's older cousin, a chef in training, had provided a spectacular meal including items Trixie had never eaten before; her father was usually too low on bits to afford such extravagant foods. She slowly savored every bite of the dish before her, currently gorging on the fettuccine alfredo with mushrooms.
After having some more, Trixie looked to the eldest griffon with a puzzled expression. "Um, if you don't mind me asking, could you please tell me what a 'sick-eater' is again, Mister le Grand?"
The griffon laughed. "It's 'sin-eater', Beatrix. And please, call me Arluin." He brought a talon to his beak, clearing his throat. "Any ways, as I was saying, in the oldest griffon societies, or tribes, if you will, each member had a different task assigned to them, in order to contribute to the rest of the group. The sin-eater was the one who would eat the food laid on the chest of the recently dead, symbolically absorbing their sins so that their souls could gain access to the afterlife and be spared from damnation in Tartatus," Arluin explained.
"The role of the sin-eater is what inspired my dear Gustave and I to pursue a new avenue in our culinary adventures. We want to combine comfort foods -- what people usually eat for it's delicious flavor, and to relieve stress -- with healthy foods, which, well, improve your health. On top of it all, depression was once considered a sin, and we'd want our foods to make people happy, so that makes it fit even better. But, since health is one of the goals in mind, you could technically call it a 'sick-eater' if you really wanted to!"
Gilda chuckled. "You're so silly, Uncle Arluin."
Once again, Trixie lay awake in bed at night, mulling over what her experiences with Gilda taught her.
'... If I really wanted to... Could I become the sin-eater of Jennet? To absorb all of their sadness inside me, so they wouldn't have to feel it anymore? They deserve to be set free from that, and I... Don't...'
She closed her eyes, hugging Special close to her.
'That's it, then... I'll enter the talent show and become a magical sin-eater. That way, Mom wouldn't have died for nothing. That way, I'll have finally done something right. Not just for Gilda. Not just for Jennet. But for me.'
For two weeks, Trixie and Gilda vigorously practiced together, helping each other; Trixie had her magic, and Gilda had her flying.
All of it was for today. The time had finally arrived. Countless other times in her life, Trixie had felt as if her heart were heavy, weighed down by sorrow. Today, it was pounding with anticipation. For so many other fillies and colts, it was trying out for a talent show, but for her, it was the most important day of her life. To prove to herself that she really was worth anything for something good after all. Not 'Beatrix the blank flank', 'Beatrix the dud-horned', or 'Beatrix the mother-killer'. This would decide if she really was the strong, brave, worthy pony she dreamed of being; 'Trixie The Magician'.
She had never been so nervous and excited at the same time. Every minute that her turn grew closer, she felt her heart almost leap into her throat, a strangely thrilling fear filling every cell in her body. Trixie never had a chance like this before, and she was sure that it would never come again. She would do her best. She practiced, for so long and so hard. She would make it in -- she had to.
Finally, the three judges were ready for her. When they gave her permission to start, she took a deep breath, closing her eyes.
'This is it. This is where my life is going to change forever. I'll no longer be worthless.'
Smiling, she remembered the encouragements of Gilda and Heavy-Heart, and began her magical display.
Trixie was trying to recreate what she had impressed Gilda with long ago. She reached into the mind of the first judge, a unicorn mare, searching through her thoughts for something palatable to conjure as an elaborate illusion, like Gustave's éclairs. Finally, she found something; a birthday card she received from her son last week. Within moments, it appeared before the mare's hooves, and she immediately recognized it, bewildered and astonished.
The judge opened it, revealing it to be a completely accurate replica, right down to her son's hoofwriting. "That's... That's incredible! This is the exact birthday card I got from my son last week!"
Trixie winced, already starting to feel her magic take its toll on her.
'No!!! I can't fail yet -- I've only just started... Must... Keep... Going...'
She peered into the mind of the next judge, a pegasus stallion. After a few more moments of searching and applying a grueling amount of concentration, she conjured another item of personal significance to the pony in mind, surprising him as well.
"This is my late brother's lucky stopwatch! However did you bring it here?"
Trixie's headache intensified, and blood began to creep around the edge of her nostrils. She tried to ignore the burning pain, forcing herself to persevere.
'Doing so good -- can't stop -- '
Finally, there was the last judge, an earth pony mare. It took every last ounce of Trixie's strength to perform the same feat on her, especially due to the nature of what she was conjuring.
Once she succeeded, the judge gasped. "Remiel!" the mare exclaimed, addressing her cat by name. The indigo-furred feline affectionately meowed and purred as she pet it, cuddling into her.
Trixie felt her eye twitching, the splitting headache consuming her skull as she started to bleed copiously.
' -- NO! -- '
The overwhelmed filly lost her balance, crashing down onto the floor. Immediately, the three lifelike illusions disappeared, and Trixie's magic stopped, her headache only slowly ebbing away as her consciousness flickered. She fought with everything she had, only barely managing not to pass out, breathing heavily as she slowly got back on all fours. The judges were clearly horrified, deeply concerned.
"Are you okay, little filly?" one of them asked.
"Y-yes, I'm fine," Trixie lied. "How did I do?"
The judges looked at each other hesitantly, clearly very uncomfortable and struggling with mixed emotions. After whispering inaudibly amongst themselves, they simultaneously nodded in unanimous agreement, turning their attention back to Trixie.
The pegasus stallion cleared his throat. "We were... Deeply entertained and impressed with your talents, Trixie, and we think you would make a wonderful addition to the show, except... We're very worried about your health... It's clear that you have a condition involving your magic, and, well... You have to understand, it's not that we don't want you in, we just don't want you to get hurt... So, I'm afraid that we have no choice but to reject you. We're sorry."
Trixie froze.
'But, I... I tried so hard for this... I wanted this so badly... Why can't I?... Am I really that worthless?...'
Slowly, she started to cry. Ashamed, she lowered her head, not wanting them to notice, but her sobs only grew louder, until she broke down.
Heavy-Heart, hearing her from outside the room, entered, approaching his daughter somberly. "Come on... Let's go..." He gingerly escorted her out.
Trixie's father hugged her close to him, letting her sob into his coat. He waited for her to calm down, gently patting her back and stroking her mane, silently empathizing with her melancholy.
"I-I'm such a failure, Dad... I can't do anything right... I wanted to get in there more than I ever wanted anything, but I couldn't even do that..." she sniffled.
After a few moments, Heavy-Heart spoke. "... Hey... Honey..." He slowly pulled away, kneeling down to her eye level, smiling proudly at her with tears in his eyes. "... You try your best, and you mean well, and that's why I love you, Beatrix..."
Trixie slowly smiled, her heart filling with warmth, feeling accepted. She seized her father in another hug, and they silently embraced one another.
Minutes later, after regaining her composure, Trixie looked until she found her friend.
"Hey, Gilda... I'm sorry, but... I didn't make it..."
Gilda nodded, looking quite morose herself. "I know... That's okay, because I didn't, either... Even if I did, it wouldn't matter, because it looks like my Uncle Arluin has to leave before Hearth's Warming Eve, and, well... We're going with him... It's only in a few days, actually..." she sighed in disappointment.
Trixie was chilled with more pangs of lament. "I'm really going to miss you, Gilda..."
"I'll miss you too, Trixie..." with that, the griffon embraced her in a hug. "Hey... We may not have made it in, but we still had a lot of fun while I was here, didn't we? Besides, it's not like we'll never see each other again... Uncle Arluin says I can come back next year... Then, we can try again... That's all there is to it, is to just keep trying..."
A few days ago, Gilda left. Trixie spent the remainder of her time in Jennet with her, but was unable to enjoy it as much as she could have, their fun and games sullied by the knowledge that soon, her first and only friend would be gone for a year.
Heavy-Heart had finally been able to return home, but needed another week of rest and relaxation before he could return to work, on his doctor's orders. With him out of work for another seven days, the Lulamoons depended solely on the sales of the late Euthalia's flowers, with Heavy-Heart even convincing Myrtle to let Trixie help out there until he could work again. Trixie had noticed her father felt bad for not being able to help his coworkers for a little longer. So, four days later, she woke up early to go to the mine to see if she could help them.
Once again, she was breaking down boulders with a sledgehammer using her magic. Trixie was struggling like last time, but was doing better than before. Little did she know that Myrtle was heading there, looking for her; they would need to open the flower shop soon, and they still needed to work together for it.
The oblivious Trixie had no intention of stopping anytime soon. She'd gotten her magic working in a nice, even flow, smooth enough to make progress at a slow, but steady pace, breaking down the silver piece by piece. After several more minutes of this, the all-too-familiar symptoms of her magical exhaustion returned, but she kept pushing anyways.
'Just one more... One more, and that'll be good enough...' she told herself, looking for any excuse to continue.
Off in the distance, yards away, was another boulder of silver. The logical thing to do would be to walk over to it, but that didn't cross her mind in her fatigued state. Instead, the unicorn tried to levitate it closer to her. It was merely slowly dragging across the ground, so she tried to lift it. Trixie felt herself straining, clenching her teeth out of frustration as she struggled to pull it closer as quickly as possible. In her zeal, she accidentally levitated it right above her, a few feet in the air. She felt her control slipping, and gasped as she now forced all of her focus into keeping it suspended above her.
'I-if I drop this, I'll get hurt really bad -- the way Dad got hurt really bad --'
She squinted her eyes shut, groaning out of pain, her legs trembling.
Myrtle finally found her, several yards away. She was puzzled as to why Trixie looked so exasperated, and then noticed that she was using her magic to hold the boulder directly above herself. Her first instinct was to call for help, or try to get Trixie out of the way, but stopped herself before she could act on them. If she did nothing at all, and merely let this happen, she would be crushed, and finally pay for taking her mother. She smirked at the idea, hiding to watch the results.
Trixie fought to maintain her magic, but was slowly losing. Consumed by migraine-worthy amounts of agony, blackness closed in around the edges. With a groaning sigh of tired suffering, she collapsed onto the ground, fainting. With that, her horn's aura disappeared, releasing the boulder.
Myrtle's eyes gleamed with excitement --
-- Only for the boulder to harmlessly bounce off of Trixie.
The filly's jaw dropped in shock. It didn't even bounce off of her, but the air right above her.
The Lulamoons had just returned home from another visit to the hospital. Some of the workers at the mine had seen what happened with Trixie, and tried to help, but were too late to stop it. The fact that she survived without a scratch was considered a miracle, a work of Luna; some of Jennet's parents even used it to tell their children why being so devout to Luna was so important, citing Trixie as an example. But, alas, the doctor had confirmed this was no such spectacle. While the filly had trouble using her magic under emotional stress throughout her life, they had just now discovered that it also had a strong, unconscious link to her survival instinct, automatically protecting her from any serious harm.
Trixie had just finished tending to Special in her room, putting her to bed for another nap, when she heard the dinner bell. She ran down the hallways to the kitchen to dine, and was stopped by Myrtle's cold, hateful glare.
"... What is it?..."
"You know what it is," Myrtle growled. "It's about Dad."
"... What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean!" Myrtle snapped. "Your magic could have protected you all along... You would have been fine either way, but Dad got hurt in your place... The wrong pony got hit by the mining cart that day..."
Beatrix's heart was immediately consumed by fury at this accusation. "STOP HATING ME!!!" she screamed.
Immediately, Myrtle gasped in horror, backing into the corner, her pupils shrunken in fear. She was shaking uncontrollably.
Beatrix suddenly became confused. She didn't expect Myrtle to react this way; her anger had never scared her before.
"BEATRIX!!!" their father roared.
The filly cringed, turning to look at him, when she suddenly realized what went wrong. Unintentionally, unknowingly, she was just about to cast the life extinguishing spell on Myrtle.
Heavy-Heart's face was twisted in blind rage. "WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!? I TOLD YOU TO NEVER USE THAT SPELL AGAIN!!! RIGHT NOW, YOU ALMOST KILLED YOUR SISTER!!!"
"I-I'm sorry!!! I didn't mean it, I swear!!!" she cried, bursting into tears.
The stallion raised his forehoof back, preparing to smack Trixie, causing her to gasp in fear. Suddenly, he froze, realizing what he was about to do. His expression softened into one of regret and guilt, and he slowly put his hoof back down.
"Beatrix..."
Trixie sobbed, running down the hall.
"Beatrix!"
She retreated to her room, shutting the door. Heavy-Heart followed after her, trying to open it, but Trixie used just enough of her magic to keep it locked. He begged and pleaded for her forgiveness, for her to let him in, but she wouldn't. She didn't talk to him for the rest of the night.
Later, Heavy-Heart had given up and gone to bed. Trixie waited until she knew he was asleep, and sneaked outside again. She returned to the field outside Jennet where she looked at the stars, the very same place where she once tried to make this hard decision before.
'Myrtle is right.
It's my fault Dad got hurt. The cart wouldn't hurt me. The boulder didn't hurt me. But the cart hurt him.
It's my fault Mom died.
My fault Dad got hurt.
My fault Myrtle almost died.
My fault that... That everything's wrong, and never going to be okay...'
She shut her eyes, squeezing tears out between her eyelids, hanging her head.
'Dad even... Was going to hit me... He never did that before... He... He's tired of putting up with me and all the bad things I make happen... He doesn't love me anymore...'
After another sobbing, shaking sigh, she looked back up, her forehoof reaching out towards the moon.
'Please, Luna... Please let me sleep forever... I've always loved you for everything you've done... I want you to love me, too... Take me away from here... Take me with you... Let me sleep forever, so that way, I'm always dreaming... Dreaming about a life so much better than mine could ever be... Somewhere away from all the pain, the sadness, and the guilt... I don't want to be the worthless Beatrix Lulamoon anymore... I want to be strong, brave, and worthy... I want to be Trixie The Magician... If I can only ask for one thing from you, please, dear Luna, just give me this...'
With that, she closed her eyes, and immediately started casting the life extinguishing spell on herself again. She placed every last ounce of effort into it, a searing agony gradually coursing over her entire body. It was a hellish torment, but Trixie didn't care; it was worth going through if it meant not having to hurt anymore. All she would have to do was this one last spell, and everything would finally be all right. She'd only have to suffer this one last time, and then she'd never suffer again.
She'd be with Luna on the moon, where she could truly become the pony she always wanted to be. Her magic would work perfectly, everyone would love her, and everything would be made just for her. There would be banners and statues and all sorts of things in her honor. She would create a paradise for everyone with the Wand Of Peace, just like Special in her favorite story. All she had to do was hang on just a little longer, try a little harder, stand the pain just one more time, and she would be gone, off to where no one could hurt her, and she could hurt no one. All her dreams would finally come true.
'... Almost... There...'
Finally, the pain stopped, and she fainted. As blackness closed in towards the edges, and she fell towards the ground, the last remaining shreds of Trixie's consciousness briefly rejoiced in the realization that finally, everything would be okay. The world went dark...
... Until she woke up again, in the very same field. Nothing had changed. She failed. The same magic linked to her survival instinct, which saved her from the boulder, had also kept her from her own escape.
Trixie started to cry.
'... All I ever did for Luna was love her... And even she thinks I'm not good enough... I'll never be good enough... This is the only way it's ever going to be... I'm just going to hurt forever...'
Hearth's Warming Eve was quiet.
There were no presents for the Lulamoons this year. Heavy-Heart didn't get any; not to punish his two children, but simply because he couldn't afford them. The closest thing they had was a cake, just big enough for all of them to share.
Once again, the stallion and his two daughters dined in silence at the kitchen table.
Trixie didn't eat anything. All she could do was stare down at her plate morosely. She couldn't bear to raise her eyes to her family.
Heavy-Heart reluctantly ate his share of the cake. He did so slowly, watching his sad children, disappointed in himself for not being able to get anything more for them. Once he was finished, he winced uncomfortably for a brief moment, and then regained his composure. Releasing a quiet sigh, he slowly stood up and nodded to the two fillies, silently excusing himself for a nap as he walked to his bedroom.
Myrtle was just trying to focus on her cake, but even as she ate it, she couldn't escape the lingering sadness permeating the entire household. Once she finished, she looked to Trixie's plate, bewildered that she hadn't taken a single bite. Trixie slowly pushed her plate with her hoof towards Myrtle, offering her slices of cake to her. Myrtle was about to start eating them, but stopped herself, hesitating. She looked back to her younger sister, noticing the abysmal depression on her face, and, for maybe the first time, empathizing with it.
A long moment passed, and Myrtle slid Trixie's plate of cake back to her without eating any of it. She immediately got out of her chair to go to her own room, trying to hide her face. She didn't want her sibling to know, but Myrtle was actually feeling guilty for recent events. She was ashamed of what she did at the mine that day, and after seeing Heavy-Heart snap at Trixie, realized that they shared some common emotions. It was just hard for her to see before, when she was so used to the blanket of hatred and blame shrouded over Trixie, previously only seeing her as something along the lines of "that thing that killed my mother". She even wanted to apologize to her, but just couldn't bring herself to yet.
Trixie remained sitting at the kitchen table, staring at the cake on her plate for what felt like an eternity. A lingering thought in the back of her mind suggested that she should go play with Special, but she didn't feel like it. That wasn't her daughter, just a doll, and nothing would ever change it.
She never ate any of the cake.
That night, Trixie couldn't sleep. It wasn't for any of the reasons she was used to. She had used her mind reading spell to pick up on her father's thoughts, and couldn't stop listening. He was in agony; he had been for a long time, and was trying so hard to hide it, to remain strong for his children. The health of his heart had only gotten worse over time, and the pain he was going through was starting to feel unbearable.
There was only so long that Trixie could continue to listen to her father suffering without offering help. So, she quietly sneaked out of her room and into his.
"Dad?... Dad..."
Heavy-Heart's breathing was labored. He slowly turned his head to see Trixie, his eyes struggling to focus on her image, the only illumination in the room being moonlight through the window.
"Beatrix," he breathed, clearly suffering. "What's the matter? What's got you up this late?"
"I... You're hurting, Dad... It's really bad... We need to get you help... We need to go back to the hospital..."
The stallion groaned, sinking into his bed. "Can't... There's nothing they can do, Beatrix... Can't afford a heart transplant... Can't afford... Anything... The mining cart put a big enough dent in our bits as it is..."
Trixie's ears lowered; she didn't want to accept that answer. "B-but, there has to be something we can do..."
"I'm sorry, Honey," he murmured morosely.
Trixie slowly walked to his bedside. She concentrated, focusing on her magic, and conjured the Jennet Orchids for him once more, laying them on his chest. Heavy-Heart grabbed them in his hooves, breathing in their scent.
"Thank you..."
After a few moments of hesitation, Heavy-Heart turned to look at his daughter. She had recognized that look on his face before; she saw it the morning that she killed the cockroaches. He was about to say something serious. Something important.
"Honey... Do you remember... When we talked about... Making hard decisions?..."
Trixie felt cold inside. "Yes... Why?..." When he didn't answer right away, she looked into his thoughts again, and was heartbroken by what she found. He wanted her to kill him, to put him out of his misery.
"Dad, no! You can't!"
"Listen, Beatrix... I'm not going to make it much longer like this... Any day now, at the mine, I can get hurt doing just about anything, and... It's just not going to work... I can't keep doing it..."
Trixie started to sob, clutching her father's forehoof. "Please don't go, Dad! I need you! Myrtle needs you! We both do! Please don't leave me alone!"
"I don't want to leave you alone, Beatrix... But, this hurts too much... I can't take it anymore... I'm sorry..."
He squinted his eyes shut, fighting back tears and looking away. "I wanted to try so hard... I was working with everything I had at the mine all these years... Working so hard, all that time, so that you and Myrtle would never have to... But, I failed... I'm a terrible father... I was never there for you when you really needed me... I let Myrtle hurt you all those times without doing anything about it... And, I almost hurt you... I promised your mother I'd never hurt either of you..."
The stallion forced himself to look his child in the eyes. "And, now, I'm giving up on all of you..."
Trixie buried her face in his hoof, sobbing. She sniffled, looked at him again, and nodded slowly. "... You try your best, and you mean well, and that's why I love you, Dad..."
Deeply touched by her mutual acceptance, Heavy-Heart embraced Trixie in one last hug. As they pulled away, he cringed at another sharp pain emerging from his chest.
"Beatrix... Please..."
Trixie bit her lip, trying to muster the courage to go through with her father's desperate request. Her horn started to glow with the aura of the life extinguishing spell.
"Please..."
"... O-okay, Dad... Okay..."
She blinked, trying to clear the blurriness that her tears put in her eyes, forcing herself to focus.
'I-I don't want Dad to go... I love him... He's always taken care of me, and helped me with everything I wanted... He's a good Dad... A-and... Now, he's going to be gone, forever...'
As she felt the spell starting to fail, her headache and nosebleed already reappearing again, she tried to focus on the positive aspects of what this would accomplish, to make sure it would work.
'But... If I do this... Dad will be asleep forever... Dreaming all the time... He'll stop hurting, and never get hurt again... He'll be... He'll be at peace... That's what he wants... That's what'll make him happy... A-and I want him to be happy, because I love him...'
"I love you, Beatrix... I'll miss you..."
"You too, Dad..."
With that, she closed her eyes, finally mustering the strength and the courage to cast the spell. As she felt it leave her horn, everything went quiet. She opened her eyes a few moments later, seeing her father completely still, his eyes closed and a peaceful smile on his face. Trixie rested her head on his chest... And heard nothing.
He was gone. He was free.
She wanted to be happy for him... But, now, she was only sad that he was gone.
Trixie cried, silently, but harder than she ever cried before. One of the most important ponies in her life was gone. The pony she saw every day, who she would now never see again.
Suddenly, she felt a strange sensation on her flank. She looked behind her, and when she saw what it was, she cried harder, and smiled.
Trixie had gotten her cutie mark.
It was the very same Wand Of Peace from "The Very Special Pony".