Judge Celestia: Upon the Throne of Justice

by Aegis Shield

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Princess Luna, Original Character
Length: 36472

Celestia allows a radio show to broadcast cases from the Noon Day Court.

Sequel to Judge Luna!
Princess Celestia allows a radio show to broadcast court cases from the Noon Day Court. At the same time, her baliff Noble Cause has... caught her eye. Dusting off one's courting skills and ruling a nation with a gentle hoof at the same time certainly won't be easy.

Published 2014-07-04 20:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-02-19 03:29:26 UTC

Case #1: The Arcade Machine

Judge Celestia: Upon the Throne of Justice
Case #1: The Arcade Machine

Princess Celestia stared at the little microphone that had been placed in front of her. It was black, short, and unintrusive. It didn’t stick up far enough to be seen by those below the dais of the throne, but it still looked up at her like an expectant foal. After the poor thing had been dismantled, scanned for dark magic, had half its parts replaced and been loaded down with kill-switches and other doodads, it had finally been deemed fit for her majesty’s use.

After the events and eventual fall of the ‘Judge Luna’ show, ponies from all over the nation had been clamoring for more, despite the events that had befallen her poor sister. It had taken over a year to convince Celestia that something akin might be a good idea. After all, if ponies showed an interest in their government, shouldn’t they be able to at least listen in? It was hard for Celestia to say no, since all of her decisions and rulings were public knowledge anyway. If her little ponies wanted to listen in live each day, that certainly didn’t seem to hurt anything.

So, after much preparation and careful selection of staff (along with Luna’s blessing, mind you), posters started appearing. Once per week, Princess Celestia would broadcast the Noon Day Court over the radio and ponies the nation-over could listen in. Of course there was plenty to be worried about in terms of security, trusted staff, and timing. The Princess’ only firm request was that half of the royalties go to a list of charities she’d named off. This was quickly agreed to, of course, and after months of prep-time—it was finally time for the show to start. They’d nicknamed it ‘Upon the Throne of Justice’, which Celestia thought was silly, but it wasn’t about her—it was about fairly deciding cases. She’d let them name it how they wanted, so long as nothing interfered with anypony’s day in court.

It was high noon when ponies in-the-know turned to their radios to 106.9, pausing during their lunch breaks or simply stopping work. First episodes were important after all! If Princess Celestia was going to be on the radio, this was going to be historic!

Dun dun dun dunnnnn!
You are about to enter the Noon Day Court of Princess Celestia.
The ponies are real!
The cases are real!
And the rulings are final!
Join us—Upon the Throne of Justice!

Celestia fought a little giggle at the announcer that echoed lightly through the room. As soon as the stallion was done with his announcing, he quickly sat and didn’t make another peep. Well, at least he was respectful, she thought. He wasn’t going to make commentary or anything, it was merely going to be her normal court day with a few microphones placed around the room. She cleared her throat just a little, “Noble Cause?” she asked softly.

The armored stallion turned, saluting. Coming easily up the steps of the throne, he gave Celestia a marked folder. “Your majesty this is case number #001337 in the matter of Mash versus Bio-Mare. Parties have been sworn in you may proceed when ready,” He bowed then returned to his post nearby.

Celestia glanced through the folder a few times, noting the pictures and highlighted phrasing. She looked up at the two ponies that were before her. One to her left, one to her right, both behind tables. One was a brown stallion with a curled mustache. The other was a slick-maned middle-aged mare with a broad smile. “Please state your names and vocations?” the sun princess asked.

“I’m Game Mash!” said the stallion, “I own a small arcade in Ponyville,” he said, turning over a colorful sign to show her. Celestia nodded, looking the other way.

“I’m Digi Paint,” said the mare. “I represent the gaming company Bio-Mare.” She gave a short and curt bow.

“I understand, Game Mash, that you are suing the company Bio-Mare because…” she paused and looked down at her notes. “Because of false advertising?” the stallion nodded smartly. “Please explain.”

“Well, I’m getting up there in the years and I don’t always know what’s cool to the kids these days,” Game Mash smiled a little, cocking his head to one side. “So, whenever I get a new game for my arcade, I run it by my son Button Mash.”

“How old is your son?” the Princess asked.

“He’s eleven,” Game Mash said, holding up a quick picture. On it was a colt leaning intently over an arcade cabinet, his tongue sticking out to one side. “Since it’s mostly foals and birthday parties at my arcade, I gotta make sure every game there is fun and not just some gimmicky contraption that won’t make me money.”

“Understandable. I have quite the board gaming collection, but I do read reviews before I buy,” Celestia related. A few ponies in the pew’d audience behind them whispered amongst themselves. “Tut-tut, now,” Celestia hushed them so Game Mash could speak and be heard. They quieted.

“Well, arcade games aren’t cheap so I let Button Mash run through a game for a week or so, and then see what he thinks. Since my target demograph is kids his age, if he doesn’t like it I send it back,” Game Mash said. “Being that each cabinet can run about forteen hundred bits it can be months before one pays for itself, much less before I start earning a profit.”

“So where does the Bio-Mare company come into this, Mister Mash?” Celestia prodded gently that he should get to the point.

“Er-well, I bought a game from Bio-Mare that was supposed to have different endings, you see. Turns out all the endings are the same!” Game Mash said, slapping the table with a hoof. “I think you’ve got the pictures up there?” he gestured.

Celestia had five pictures in front of her, each portraying the same scene. A group of colorful characters standing in front of a conquered castle, a Princess in tow, with fireworks in the starry sky behind them. The only difference between the five photos appeared to be the color and positioning of the fireworks. Everything else was precisely the same. “Hrm,” said the sun princess with interest. “I hope this isn’t supposed to be me, Miss Digi Paint?” she gestured to the white alicorn princess in the picture. The cutie mark was hidden in the picture behind the flap of a dress, but it did look pretty similar.

“E-er, of course not!” Digi-Paint said. “Somepony just used you as a template, no doubt!” she smiled nervously.

“I’m flattered,” Celestia said mildly. “Now then, how did you obtain these photographs, Mister Mash?”

“My son’s friends come over to play the new games with him when they arrive. It’s a good way to spread the word that the arcade is getting something new,” Mash smiled coyly at his rather genius marketing strategy. “One of them always has a camera with him, and they take pictures of the screen at the end of the games to show they did it. Like a trophy.” He shuffled his papers for a bit, “Then my son and his friends noticed that all five endings for this game were the same, just different-colored fireworks.”

“And what claim has the Bio-Mare company made that this game may have multiple results upon its completion?” Celestia was looking at several pictures of the arcade cabinet itself.

“Well it says so on the cabinet, just here,” he turned over another picture, and gestured for Celestia to find the matching one. It was of the control panel where a foal was supposed to stand to play.

Big Adventure! Choose Your Own Path! Five Different Endings!

“That is a pretty explicit claim, Digi Paint,” Celestia turned to the representative of the Bio-Mare company. “Tell me, is this game advanced enough to have its own story? Or is it merely for a high score?”

“Er, both your majesty, it’s an arcade game,” Digi Paint was trying hard not to sound snobbish. “Bio-Mare prides itself in telling an excellent story, even letting players pick what they want their characters to say during conversations!” she described.

“And your game has an explicit narrative, then? Events that happen in a certain order to tell the story?” Celestia asked.

“Yes, yes of course,” Digi Paint said, nodding a few times.

“Then why claim that your game has multiple endings?” Celestia gestured to the five nearly identical pictures. “Tiny tweaks of color do not seem to make a large difference when it comes to narrative, if your medium is as advanced as you claim.”

Digi Paint blushed hot. “Er-well, each set of fireworks is a different meaning. That might have escaped them since they’re so young.”

“Explain,” Celestia said, fanning the pictures out in front of her to look at each in turn.

“Well, if you get red fireworks at the end, it means that you were mostly attacking enemies with physical force, like swords and bows,” she pointed to one picture. “The blue fireworks are for if you mostly favored magic during your journey,” she gestured to another. “The green means you mostly bypassed enemies,” she pointed again. “The purple are for those that mixed all three in roughly equal amounts,” she turned over one of her papers. “And the rainbow ones are if you mixed them all and found every hidden item in every level.”

“I see, and did the narrative story change based on these factors?” Celestia asked gently.

“Er… no,” Digi Paint finally admitted. “The scripting and fate of the characters is unchanged so long as you cross the finish line.” She stared at the floor, embarrassed. “So long as you traverse all the levels, you still save the Princess and conquer the castle at the end.”

“So the reward screen remains the same regardless,” Celestia turned the pictures back to herself. “But the variations are player-driven, yes?”

“That’s right,” Digi Paint said.

Celestia sat for a time, looking at all five pictures, then she turned back to Game Mash, “Mister Mash, I understand you are sueing Bio-Mare to get your monies back for the arcade cabinet, time wasted and wages lost because of false advertising on the part of Bio-Mare’s cabinet design?”

“Yes your Highness,” Game Mash nodded and his mustache suddenly peeled off, fluttering to the table in front of him. Celestia startled. He snatched it back up and pressed it to his lip before the audience saw, hem-hawing and coughing aloud. The Princess decided not to comment. Suddenly asking about his mustache wouldn’t make much sense over the radio.

“I understand you paid for this cabinet up front and in full?” Celestia asked.

“Yes. Bio-Mare is just about the highest pedigree of gaming company you can ask for,” Game Mash said with respect in his tone. “I have half a dozen of their games in my arcade. I had faith this one would be great like the rest.”

“Did you set this game up in your arcade after your son told you of the false multiple endings?” “Yes I did. No use letting it sit in the corner while I wait for my court date.”

“And little colts and fillies came and played on it, yes?”

“Yes of course.”

“Did they like it?”

“For the most part, yes. The ones that got to the end more than once were mad, though.”

“And you’re here on their part to express anger for false advertising. I understand.”

“That’s right.”

“Did you refund any of their monies when they discovered this falsehood?”

“Well… no, once the bit goes in the machine, it’s in there. It belongs to the arcade. So long as the machine didn’t eat your money, it’s not my fault if they just plain don’t like something.”

“I see,” Celestia said, tap-tapping the photo’s to neaten them and put them together in the folder. “I think I know enough to reach a judgment now,” she smiled. There was a short silence as she thought how to word it. “Digi Paint, I know you are the representative of a far larger company, so do not think my disappointment is for you alone.”

Digi Paint wilted some. She’d lost this one, she knew it.

“I do find that Mister Game Mash is correct. Differently colored fireworks and an identical, scripted story do not constitute a set of ‘multiple endings’. He is correct, this is false advertising on the part of the Bio-Mare gaming company. I am hereby ordering Bio-Mare to re-design their arcade cabinets to exclude this bit of writing here,” she gestured to the part that said ‘Multiple Endings!’

“Yes your Highness,” Digi Paint bowed low and without hesitation.

“However, at the same time, Game Mash, I cannot award you your monies,” Celestia said.

“What!? Why?! They sent me a product that wasn’t what they said it was!”

“Your son’s screening process was correct, and had it ended there I would have granted you a complete refund,” The sun Princess stretched her wings a moment, then refolded them for comfort. “However, despite the poor review Button gave you, you placed the arcade machine in your arcade and made monies from it in the meantime.” She made a sweeping gesture. “This is no different than watching half of a movie, or eating half of a meal. It’s not something that can be resold, repackaged or anything of the sort once it’s been used or tampered with. As long as the product itself is not explicitly defective-- you still used it in your business regardless.”

“They sold me a lie!”

“And knowing this you made monies off of this lie regardless,” Celestia said a little more firmly. “You cannot return a used product to the company that made it and demand a refund. There is wear and tear, safety requirements, and a list of things that they would need to spend time and money to put right—if they could ever sell it as used machine at all,” she closed the folder as she spoke. “I am sorry my little pony, I cannot rule in your favor either. Please be more careful in the future-- and listen more closely to your son when he tells you not to put a game on the floor of your arcade,” she added with a slight smile. Game Mash hung his head miserably. If only he’d listened to Button! Digi Paint looked over at him, then up at the Princess. “My judgement is made. Go in peace, my little ponies,” Celestia bade. Both of them bowed, then turned to go.

“Well there you have it,” said the announcer into his microphone as the audience started to talk and mutter between cases. “Bio-Mare has to change their arcade cabinets, but Game Mash doesn’t get his money back either since he made money off of the machine. Rough time for both parties. See you during the next case!”

End of Case #1

Case #2: The Kiss-a-Gram Contract

Judge Celestia: Upon the Throne of Justice
Part 2: The Kiss-a-Gram Contract

Celestia murmured over a set of documents while Noble Cause stood diligently nearby. That particular day of cases had been going swimmingly thus far, and her majesty’s stress level was being nicely managed. Some of the other guardsponies liked to joke that the Princess needed ‘handlers’ to keep her healthy and happy, sometimes in not-so-public ways—and they were often caught by Noble Cause and reprimanded. Her Majesty’s well-being (and reputation) were primarily on his shoulders while the noon day court was in session, and as baliff he would take his job seriously.

“Noble Cause?” Princess Celestia’s tone said it wasn’t the first time she’d called his name. The bones in his neck popped audibly, so quickly did his head snap around to look at her. “The next case file?” her eyes portrayed amusement at his pinkened cheeks.

“Yes!” Noble Cause lurched forward quickly, pawing through the stack on a small table nearby. Coughing a bit, the armored stallion scanned the names, case numbers and so on until he found the proper one. Turning and trying to ignore the light giggling that was in the audience on the pews, he marched up the dais stairs to the throne. He lowered his voice, “You majesty this is case number 53307 in the matter of Kiss-a-Gram Confidential versus Conglomo Incorperated.” He gestured behind himself, to the two ponies that were present behind the tables before the throne. “Parties have been sworn in, you may proceed when ready.”

“Thank you, Noble Cause,” Celestia smiled pleasantly, flipping through the case file to remind herself of the details. “Your names and vocations, please?” she looked up at the two ponies that were suing one another.

“I’m Light Heart, I own the Kiss-a-Gram Confidential company.” She was a young mare with bright eyes and a nicely tamed mane. Cream colored and easy on the eyes, Celestia could not spot a fleck of make-up or anything enhancing her. A natural beauty with an upright look about her ankles and trimmed fetlocks. “Your Majesty,” she added, bowing neatly. Celestia looked behind her to the witness chairs, where a row of rather studly-looking stallions sat with perfect posture. All of them were equally trimmed, brushed, and shone with all the careful attention of a showpony. Catching herself after five or six seconds of staring, she quickly looked over to the other table.

“I’m Big Business, your Highness,” he was an elderly stallion with an easy smile and an expensive-looking suite. He took his bowler hat off and set it next to him. Celestia caught a glimpse of diamond cufflinks and the quick ring of a small line of military medals. A retired soldier, perhaps? “I retired from the Equestrian Guard when I started getting too old for it and build a company based around investment and buying up smaller companies.”

“A conglomerate,” Celestia nodded her understanding. “You buy small companies and bring their resources into your own. What is the nature of your umbrella business?”

“Groceries mostly,” Big Business said, “Ponies hafta eat after all, it’s good business!”

“Indeed,” Celestia said, turning over a few papers. “Light Heart, what is the nature of the Kiss-a-Gram Confidential Company? Not a secret, I hope?” she smiled a little.

“Er… we’re a kiss-a-gram company, your Majesty,” Light Heart said.

Celestia stared at her, not following. There was a long silence while one side waited for another question and the other side waited for a real answer. Neither mare seemed to budge.

Noble Cause turned his head to look at her highness, a rare show of movement in the guard. He studied her face. The subtle flick of one feature or another said a lot to ponies that were around the white alicorn every day. She genuinely didn’t know! The armored stallion winced inwardly. Not for the first time, Celestia’s spanning age and pampered life-style had not acclimated every single new thing that civilization had to offer. Kiss-a-grams were not something that were ever thought to be brought into the palace, much less near or to the Princess!
Finally it was Celestia that broke, “Explain for me?” she said.

There was a three second gape of red-cheeked comprehension, which Noble Cause glared down. The audience didn’t dare laugh at his piercing blue eyes. “Er, well. I hire handsome stallions, like these colts here—” Light Heart gestured to the five stallions sitting poised in the witness chairs behind her. “To go to parties and… erm… kiss ponies,” it sounded kind of dirty to say aloud.

“They’re... prostitutes?” Celestia raised a brow. Noble Cause almost moaned.

“No!” Light Heart said, “Nothing like that! Just… just… pleasant company!” Big Business put a hoof over his muzzle to giggle uncontrollably. “There’s nothing sexual involved!”

Celestia frowned. “So you hire handsome stallions to attend parties, just so that they might be seen and spend time with ponies that need company?” the alicorn asked. “Why not merely invite more friends?”

“W-well, some ponies don’t have a lot of friends. Or if you’re throwing a big company party,” Light Heart gestured across the way to Big Business. “—and you have a ratio of ten to one in the mare’s favor, you need a few more stallions to even things up!”

“Ah, a social lubricant then,” Celestia looked down at her paperwork. “Equalizing the sexes so that everyone might find a dance partner or some such.” Noble Cause stared at his hooves. The Princess had just said ‘lubricant’, this day couldn’t get any worse.

“We also have single stallions deliver romantic messages, starting them with a kiss on the cheek to the recipient.” Light Heart added. There was giggling in the audience. “You know, telegram, kiss-a-gram!” she gestured to one side then the other.

“It sounds odd to me, but fair enough. If there is money to be made for a certain service, eventually a company providing that service is bound to pop up. Simple economics.” She nodded along with her own statement, rather embarrassed at the revelation of the kiss-a-gram.

“Er-yes.” Light Heart said, looking over her shoulder at the row of stallions. They shrugged at her. “Th-that being said, my case…?”

“Ah yes, your case is about a payment contract, is it not?” Celestia turned over a page or two. “If I’ve read correctly, Big Business hired your company to provide twenty stallions for a New Year’s party some time ago and has failed to pay you, yes?” Celestia glanced up to see the mare nod.

“Yes, and I’m here to get my money for services rendered,” Light Heart said. The five stallions behind her nodded in perfect unison. Noble Cause found it unnerving.

“Not only that but your late-pay clause says that you have a five percent interest rate for every month that the full payment is not rendered.” Celestia read. “Rather steep for such a service, wouldn’t you say?”

“I take very good care of my stallions,” Light Heart said with a fire in her eyes. “If somepony doesn’t pay, they don’t get paid and I don’t get paid either!” she gestured to another contract. “Their price is on commission, so my employees get paid before I do!”

“How noble, most businesses are just the opposite,” Celestia said, gesturing for Noble Cause to fetch the employment document. Sure enough, it was a basic employment-on-commission contract. Light Heart received thirty percent of whatever monies her stallions brought in, after maintenance and other bills were taken care off. Rather generous, to be honest.

“And I’m not paying you a single bit!” Big Business snarked across the way, “Much less your crazy interest rates!”

“Let’s address the contract itself,” Celestia said aloud before an arguing match could begin. “Noble Cause, fetch it for me?” The stallion went down the dais stairs and returned with the contract. The Princess’ eyes went back and forth across all the legal jargon and places that were signed and dated. “Two hundred bits per stallion, that’s quite a price!”

“She treats us like royalty, so we’re expensive like royalty!” One of the five handsome stallions called from his witness chair.

“Hush, you’ve not been called to speak,” Celestia didn’t even look up. The stallion’s muzzle scrunched up and he flushed red. Hushed by the Princess! The other four snickered at him, and a ripple of laughter went through the audience. “So, Big Business, it must’ve been a large party to warrant twenty kiss-a-gram stallions, yes?” she asked.

“Oh yes, New Years is one of our biggest company parties!” Big Business nodded.

“And you sought out Kiss-a-Gram Confidential to fill in the room with a bit more erhm… males?” Celestia said delicately as she could.

“Yes, about three quarters of my company staff is female, so it seemed only fair,” Big Business shrugged. “Almost all my higher-ups are female as well. Most of them not married, either.” Celestia wondered about what sort of stallion thought it was okay to buy party-goers to entertain his female employees, but she wasn’t about to judge. If it was strictly social and not prostitution (in its usual sense), then she would not question his ethics. It wasn’t important to the case itself.

“So you got in touch with Light Heart and commissioned twenty stallions, then what?” Celestia asked with a light toss of her ethereal mane.

“The time for the party came around, and she only brought nineteen! We had a contract for twenty!” Big Business complained, shooting a glare across the way. “You can’t partially fulfill a contract and expect to get paid for the whole she-bang!”

“Did the nineteen stallions that did attend stay and socialize at your party, as planned?” Celestia asked, looking up at him.

“Yes,” said the stallion slowly.

“Then you’ll be paying for nineteen of them.” Celestia did some quick math in her head. “two hundred bits per stallion times nineteen stallions is thirty-eight hundred bits.” She stacked the papers rather smartly. “That part is not negotiable on your part in the eyes of this court. You were rendered a service, or in your case a partial service, so you will pay the full, albeit partial, price.”

“But-!”

“Now, about this interest rate,” Celestia said, leaning over the contract. “I notice that where it usually says five percent, it’s been scribbled out to read zero.” She tapped a hoof. “Does it say zero on your copy of the contract as well, Light Heart?”

“…yes,” Light Heart admitted begrudgingly.

“Why is that? Don’t you always fill this blank in with a five?” Celestia asked.

“Price on commission services are based on risk versus reward. Five percent is my standard,” Light Heart explained. “If I think a client will try something funny or try to not pay, I hike up the interest rate to make sure we get paid on time. It’s just business. Since Big Business is from a huge company, I gave him our lowest interest rate because I didn’t think he’d even hesitate to pay us.”

“But he did, because you brought nineteen stallions instead of twenty?” Celestia asked.

“He said he wanted a lower price because we didn’t fulfill our end of the deal!” Light Heart complained

“That’s a lie!” Big Business snapped.

“No it’s hearsay,” Celestia corrected. “You cannot speak for another pony, my little pony,” the Princess reminded her. “Merely tell me the events that happened.”

Light Heart thought for a time, trying to leave out anything her opponent had said. “Once the party was over and we’d sent our bill, we received a message that said we weren’t going to receive any monies because we’d not completely fulfilled the contract.”

“We’ve straightened that bit out,” Celestia nodded. “Nineteen stallions hired is thirty-eight hundred bits. And your interest rate, how does that play into this?”

“Well, we sent him the same bill over and over, each with a polite letter telling him to pay up or we’d have to sue him… and here we are,” Light Heart gestured around the room.

“Your interest rate is applied each month, I take it?” Celestia looked down at the contract, “Five percent of thirty-eight hundred times six is…” she shut her eyes for a few moments. Then, with a short chuckle, she reached next to herself for a calculator. “Point zero five… thirty-eight hundred…” she mumbled as her hooves pecked the buttons. “Your five percent interest rate over six months would come to an extra eleven hundred and forty bits.”

“Yes, you Majesty,” Light Heart nodded.

Celestia read through the lines of the contract carefully, past the five-scribbled-out-as-a-zero, and all around it. “I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do for your interest rate, Light Heart. This contract is binding.”

“What?!” Light Heart said. All five stallions startled, leaning forward in their seats.

“Your contract happened thus, stop me if I say something wrong;” Celestia held it up with her magic. “You wrote the contract with certain blanks involved for names, dates, and so on. Each bit of important information was filled in, signed and dated.” She paused so Light Heart could nod. “Twenty stallions, two hundred bits each, this date, these circumstances, this interest rate…” she went down the list. “And this contract didn’t leave your desk until it was signed and dated correctly, yes?”

“That’s right?” it came out like a question. “It was just the two of us in my office, I watched him the whole time.”

“And when it was all done you had a copy made and gave one to mister Big Business here, yes?” Celestia asked.

“Yes?” Light Heart cocked her head.

“Then I cannot reward your bits for any sort of foul-play. Morally, yes, it seems he’s snuck one by you,” she paused to tap the zero that had been scribbled into the contract. “But, it was carelessness on your part that made you initial next to it,” she smiled with a bit of pity.

“What?!” Light Heart looked down at her copy of the contract. Sure enough, next to the zero percent interest rate were her initials, and Big Business’ initials. She’d signed it herself!

“I’ll wager the guess that you’ve filled out so many of these contracts that you’ve stopped actually reading them,” Celestia scolded gently. “Only a fool signs something without reading it thoroughly, my little pony.” Light Heart looked positively cowed, for her mouth was hanging open and no sound was coming out. “Big Business changed the terms of the contract, and you signed your name over them without actually reading all the details. As you have already provided the service promised in said contract, you’ve become bound to its terms in its entirety. Big Business could have refused your nineteen stallions, but did not, so he has to pay you. But you signed away your interest rate, so that I cannot award you.”

“Yes!” Big Business launched a hoof skyward.

“Judgement for the plaintiff in the amount of 3800 bits,” Celestia stamped a hoof, nodding officially.

After a time, with wilted ears, Light Heart turned back to her row of stallions, “Sorry guys, I did my best,” she smiled sadly. They responded by almost knocking her over in a group hug, squeezing her hard. “Hug!” she gagged, “Too much hug! Augh!” Both her eyes were bulging out of their sockets. “No! No! Too much hug!” the pile of ponies tipped, tipped, then fell over with her on the bottom.

Big Business gathered his papers, turning and leaving without a word.

“Well there you have it,” the radio announcer said as the audience began to stir and chatter between cases. “Big Business had to pay for the stallions he used at his party, but Light Heart signed away her own interest rate, so she only got some of the monies she thought she would. Join us next time Upon the Throne of Justice!”

=-----=-----=-----=-----=

“Whoever would’ve thought of such a thing, kiss-a-grams?” Celestia asked Noble Cause as they walked slowly down the quiet halls of the palace. The Princess was retiring for the evening, and her bailiff was seeing her to her private apartments. That wing of the castle was where the two princesses lived when they weren’t seeing to royal duties.

“No telling, your Majesty,” Noble Cause chuckled. “It’s not too bad of an idea, if you think about it. Who doesn’t like getting a kiss on the cheek?”

“From a stranger at a party, though?” Celestia pondered, smirking a little. “How would you like it if I wandered up to you and--!” she paused for breath, “Kiss-a-Gram!” she smooched his cheek hard enough to make his head tilt. Noble Cause’s face went hot.

“E-er-well…” he stuttered.

“Ah well,” Celestia shrugged just once, finally finding the double doors that led to more private chambers. “See you tomorrow, Noble Cause. Good night!” she waited for him to bow, then went in and closed the door behind her. The armored stallion waited for the protective spells to slide into place and to hear the click of the door locking. Only Luna could open that door now, much less break it down.

Noble Cause touched his cheek, still red in the face. Her kiss was electric.

End of Case #2

Case #3: The Pony Prankster Posse

Judge Celestia: Upon the Throne of Justice
Case #3: The Pony Prankster Posse

Noble Cause was scrubbing himself in the barracks showers, a community place for washing and tending to ones fetlocks. There was a stallion’s side, and a mare’s side. When one was done washing and trimming for the day, you could pick up your armor, weapon, and other equipment at the distribution office.

Noble Cause was a coffee-cream colored stallion with a pumpkin-colored mane, and rather smallish wings. He often blamed it on the military training. They’d bulked him up a bit in PT, but not paid as much attention to his wings—so they looked a little smaller than when he’d enlisted. Turning and looking at himself in the half-steamed mirror, he studied himself. His ‘scales of justice’ cutie mark was perfectly balanced, shining gold on his flank. Though it didn’t show under all his armor, he did take good care of it. Some cutie marks were easily defined, his not so much. Scales could mean anything. Balance—commerce—but eventually he’d passed a law building at a young age, and had wished he could help ponies find justice too. Just a week later, he’d found out who was taking everypony’s desserts out of their lunches (this was 3rd grade), and he’d brought that colt to justice! (Well, some had called him a tattle tail, but he knew it was justice so shut up.) His cutie mark had appeared after he’d broken up a fight on the playground, taking a hoof to the face instead of a filly who’d stood like a deer in headlights. The black eye had been glorious, earning him the respect of just about everypony on the playground.

Turning from the shower and letting the waters stream naturally down his coat and barrel, he put a towel over his mane and sat on a bench in the locker room to preen his wings for a bit. Brushing himself dutifully and trimming his fetlocks just so, he reported to the equipment locker. “Noble Cause, Sergeant First Class, Bailiff,” he told the mare behind the counter. She nodded after she’d gotten his ID, giving him the proper pack of equipment. Putting the belt around his middle, he went to the dressing rooms to suit up.

When the cream colored stallion emerged, he was pure white with blue eyes. Checking all the snaps and straps one more time, he nodded to himself and went to report for duty.

=---=---=---=---=

“Your Majesty this is the case of Dial Down versus the Pony Prankster Posse,” Noble Cause smiled rather broadly as he gave Princess Celestia the folder. “All parties have been sworn in, you may proceed when ready.”

Celestia gave a short nod, looking at both sides. “Names and vocations, please?” she asked.

“What?!” said the stallion on the left loudly. “Hang on a sec, sorry!” he leaned, pawing at his ear a little. The Princess’ quick eyes caught the flick of metal sitting nestled in his ear. His poor ear was red because of the device that had been shoved into it. “Sorry, sorry, I’m a little hard of hearing,” he coughed twice. “Again?”

“Name and vocation?” Celestia asked a little more clearly.

“I’m Dial Down,” the light blue stallion said, lifting his chest a little proudly. “I work at a record store in Canterlot, on the outer rim.” Celestia nodded at his words. The outer rim was the lower end of the tiered city, just inside the first defensive wall. It was a culturally eclectic place filled with hobby shops and music stores. “Nice to meetcha! Er, your majesty!” he added quickly, scratching his head awkwardly. She nodded twice, pawing through the case file a bit. She turned her head.

A group of four mares and two stallions stood behind the other table, each wearing a different, silly-looking hat. “Hats off, if you please?”

Six different sprays of confetti shot into the air, snowing all around the room in a glorious display of color. “H’OH!” Five of the six shouted in one voice. “THE PONY PRANKSTER POSSE!” this was clearly practiced.

“—and a fifty bit fine for the six of you, to start,” Celestia said, flapping her wings a few times to get the confetti out of her feathers. The group looked dumbfounded, hiding their confetti hats behind the table. Noble Cause puffed air from his nose to get a few bits off his muzzle. “I’ll not let my court be turned into a circus, thank you,” her tone was that of an angry mother. “Now, one at a time, then.”

“We’re the Pony Prankster Posse!” said the first.

“We prank ponies, record the reactions to the letter, and then sell the stories to magazines and and in books!” said the second.

“We have three rules though!” All six of them moved in unison to put their silly hats over their chests. “One, never destroy anything! It’s no good to wreck other pony’s stuff!” said the third.

“Two! Never break and enter! Doors are locked for a reason, and simple privacy is everypony’s right!” said the fourth.

“And three! Never physically hurt anypony! Pain isn’t funny!” said the fifth.

The sixth pony in the group nodded mutely. Celestia cocked her head a little, and even from up on her throne she could see his jaw was wired shut. She winced a little, gesturing to the last one in line. “Er, he’s the reason we’re here, you see. The deaf guy over there laid out our friend like a buffet table!”

“I’m not deaf, I’m hard of hearing!” snapped Dial Down, “There’s a difference!”

“Hush now, one at a time,” Celestia corrected again. “According to your complaint,” she looked down at her papers, “You were playing a prank on Dial Down for one of your magazine stories, and he went wild and broke your friend’s jaw before anypony could react.”

“Yep!”

“I was defending myself! Those clowns wouldn’t stop harassing me!” Dial Down stomped a hoof.

Celestia turned, frowning a bit, “Dial Down, if you speak again before I ask it shall be a third strike on you, and I shall have Noble Cause arrest you for speaking out of turn in my court.” Dial Down wilted at her words, staring angrily (though silently) at the table in front of him. Noble Cause scowled for better effect, displaying and then refolding his wings rather aggressively. “Now then, describe your prank for me, Pony Prankster Posse,” she addressed the group.

“We saw he was almost deaf,” said the first.

“So we thought we’d mess with him!” said the second.

“He only reacted to loud sounds and sudden stuff like that!” said the third.

“So we planted sound boxes on his usual path in and out of the music shop,” said the fourth.

“Then we randomly set them off bit by bit, and watched to see what would happen!” said the fifth.

The sixth of them nodded mutely.

“And what led to your friend’s jaw being broken?” Celestia asked, already disliking the prank a bit. Picking on a disabled pony was not funny, regardless of the circumstances.

“Well, he started taking out his hearing aide on the way to and from work,” said the first.

“So we had to startle him in some other way!” said the second.

“Loud sounds could startle the guy, but it wasn’t much reaction outside of a quick flinch.” Said the third. “It’s not like we were hurting him or anything.”

“Merely harassing,” Celestia murmured into her papers.

“Anyhoo, we changed it up a little, pairing sudden loud sounds with bumping into him!” said the fourth. “We got different disguises, so anytime he ran into one of us, a huge loud sound would play!”

“Did anypony else react to this prank? The loud noises must’ve caused an upset,” Celestia wanted to know.

“Oh, it was always in the mornings when the shops were opening, so there was no pony for him to run into on the sidewalk but us!” said the fifth. The sixth nodded mutely.

Celestia studied the Pony Prankster Squad. They honestly looked like they thought they’d done no harm. She gave a little sigh. “I see. Then what led to the injury?”

The first spoke, “Well we set ourselves up in a loop so that he would run into each of us once or twice while walking down this street, yah?” He made wide gestures as he explained. “But, eventually he met our friend’s eyes,” he gestured to the pony who’s jaw was wired shut, “And he couldn’t keep a straight face. He knew somethin’ was up.”

“Then what happened?” Celestia asked.

“Hard of hearing over there beat his ass,” said the third. The rest of the group turned to look at him, startled and wincing.

“Another fifty bit fine, for swearing in my courtroom,” Celestia said, “And on national radio where foals might hear,” she added a little more delicately. (Parents across the nation murmured to themselves, nodding some)

“Sorry,” murmured the group in unison, save the sixth who looked at the table and sighed.

“Alright, so Dial Down had caught onto your pranking and assaulted your friend, which eventually ended up with his jaw being broken. I imagine there were some hefty doctor’s bills involved?” Celestia said, gesturing.

“Yes, your highness,” said the fourth. “We had to stop our pranking schedule, redo our book deals and get all sorts of contracts backed up and moved back for months!”

Noble Cause went down the dais steps, retrieving the proper paperwork. When he returned, she offered a coy smile, just enough to color his cheeks. He coughed twice as he returned to his post, choosing— choosing, that is— to leave his wings half-open in case something happened.

“You are suing Dial Down, then, for your medical bills, lost wages and your friend’s pain and suffering, then?” Celestia said, looking carefully through the medical bills. “As this is high court case, the maximum I could grant you is five hundred thousand bits,” she looked up at them.

“We’d be okay with that!” grinned the fifth. The sixth nod-nodded. The six of them looked elated.

“I can plainly see your friend has suffered greatly from Dial Down’s beating,” Celestia said. “And as the six of you work on commission, I can’t imagine what it must be doing to your own accounts in terms of wages and living expenses.”

“It’s been awful!” added the second.

“However, as I am Princess and the mare of the law, I must confront both sides of the issue before I make any sort of decision,” her eyes twinkled a bit as she spoke. All six ponies were salivating at the idea of a five hundred thousand bit payday.

“Now then, Dial Down,” Celestia turned.

“My turn?” the stallion asked a little impatiently. “Hang on!” he bop-bop-bopped himself on the head a few times, then pawed at the ground a little with a hoof to make sure he could hear. “There we go, sorry again. I can hear you better now.”

“I’m glad,” the Princess smiled, eyeing the bronze-colored hearing aide that was attached to his ear. The regal chord was attached to a small mana battery that was no doubt hidden in his mane somewhere. Though the chord did waggle a little, it might have been loose. “Now then, Dial Down, describe things as they happened to you?”

“Well I started noticing weird sound patterns on my way to work, sudden big spikes of noise, y’know?” he talked rather loudly, but that was only because he could barely hear himself, the poor creature. “It was like walking through a thunderstorm, just enough oomph to make you jump each time!” he gestured, then slammed the table with his hoof to accentuate.

“Mhm?” Celestia asked.

“These hooligans set up sound boxes to blast me with sound, over and over, at a level I could hear and more, to record me havin’ a heart attack every five seconds on the way to work!” he accused, thrusting a hoof at them. The six ponies across the way stuck their tongues out at him like foals. Celestia watched the six of them move in unison with mild amusement. “Then, when I started taking my hearing aide out on the way to work, they started running into me instead. Grabbin’ my shoulders! Jostlin’ me into the range of those stupid sound-blaster things!” he said. “I thought I was gonna go crazy cuz I didn’t know what was going on,” he paused for a second, “But then I met eyes with one of them, and he couldn’t keep a straight face.”

“So you beat him into submission?” Celestia asked.

“I defended myself from these harassing hooligans the best way I knew how!” he clopped his hooves together, rearing up for a moment. “And I’d do it again too! It’s wrong to pick on a disabled pony, no matter what kind’a prank team cow flop they’ve got going on!” he turned to glare at the group across the way. “How do you sleep at night, making other ponies miserable for your own amusement!?” he demanded.

Celestia wondered if she should fine Dial Down fifty bits for saying ‘cow flop’, but decided not to. She’d already made her decision. “Very well, I think I’ve heard enough,” She cleared her throat a little. “I am ready to make my ruling on this case,” she watched all seven of the ponies present lean forward a little in anticipation, each wearing the same eager expression (save the sixth prank pony, who just had wide eyes). “Let’s see!” she reached next to herself for her calculator. Noble Cause’s ear flicked. Her majesty’s tone had changed. Something was up. “Five Hundred Thousand bits sounds reasonable for pain and suffering, broken contracts, lost wages and certainly putting the six of you out of work!”

The six prankster ponies gaped in unbridled joy.

“What?!” Dial Down shrieked. “No! You can’t do this! They harassed me halfway to insanity!”

“And you certainly deserve something for your pain and suffering as well, Dial Down, as you were in fact harassed, jostled, and no doubt mentally scarred by the situation.” Celestia smiled just a bit wider. Noble Cause broke the Royal Guard code and turned his head. Something about the alicorn’s tone didn’t sit right. “Let’s call it… ohhh, why not a million bits!?” Celestia threw her head back suddenly and laughed. She laughed and laughed and laughed somemore.

Noble Cause stared at her in horror. “Your Majesty?!” he asked worriedly, his brow rising at the Princess’ hysterics. All seven ponies looked at each other in horror and confusion. The audience stirred worriedly, and even the radio host seemed at a loss for words.

“Ah! Ah! Ahh-hah-hah-hahhhh!” Celestia stumbled a bit off of her throne, then came to sit next to Noble Cause on her haunches. “I’ve not laughed so hard in ages, ohhh!” she wiped her eyes. Giving a cute little sneeze, she put a wing over Noble Cause for a moment. “This is probably the best prank I’ve seen in a long time!”

“It is?!” said the first pony, looking elated. “Do you hear that guys?! Our ratings are gonna go up fifty percent! We got the Princess to laugh--- for--- for some reason!” the rest of the group hoof-bumped, flailing their hooves and congratulating themselves.

“Ahhhhh, oh goodness,” Celestia wiped her eyes again, finally calming down, “Oh goodness me, ahem!” she cleared her throat a little, finally returning to her seat and addressing her baliff, “Noble Cause, arrest them all. All seven of them,” She chuckled behind her hoof.

“Uh?!” tumbled out of Noble Cause’s mouth and he looked at the white alicorn. Then he quickly caught himself and gestured to the guards posted about the room. “Er, in the name of the united crowns of Equestria, I’m placing the… the seven of you under arrest.” He said, moving to recite the rest of their rights to them.

“Before you take them away,” Celestia smiled a bit wider, “I must admit, you all almost had me. That would’ve been quite the bragging rights for your little group, pulling one over on a Princess in her own courtroom. An entirely fake courtroom case, in the seat of power of Equestria!”

“What’s the meaning of this?! I can’t hear her, hang on hang on!” Dial Down was struggling with his hearing aide as two armored mares started to wrestle him into a wing-bar and cuffs. “What’s happening?!”

“Oh Dial Down, please don’t make it worse on yourself,” Celestia’s magic grasped his hearing aide and rather unceremoniously yanked it from his head. He squawked a little, flailing about before he was finally cuffed properly. “This is no more a hearing aide than my baliff is a unicorn.” She turned it over in her hooves. “Hearing aides have never been made of bronze, ever in the history of their making.” She showed Noble Cause, who leaned to see. “Moreover, even if they were, they’re painted a fleshy color so they don’t attract the eye and embarrass the user. The chord that leads into your mane is wiggling freely, it’s not attached to a mana battery.”

“What?!” Dial Down shouted, “Th-that's not true!”

One of the guards restraining him pawed through his mane. Sure enough, “No mana battery, Princess!” she confirmed.

“That and, I noticed, you only ever adjusted your hearing aide when I was looking directly at you. You laid it on a bit thick, I’m afraid,” Celestia smiled rather widely. “You’re a trained actor, no doubt, like your six comrades here,” she gestured to the herd across the way. “But you’re in no position to accurately impersonate a pony that’s nearly deaf.” She pointed with a large hoof. “That, and your ear is a striking red on the inside. Your ears aren’t used to having something shoved into them.” Dial Down stared at her, completely awed at her detective work.

“What about us?!” demanded the first of the Pony Prankster Posse. “He's the fake, then! We didn’t do anything wrong!” he and his comrades were already bound in cuffs that would make it very hard to walk. “Our friend had his jaw wired shut!”

“Then how did he stick his tongue out earlier when you were all fighting?” Celestia said. Everypony present wheeled around to stare. “Unless he has incredibly bad teeth…” the Princess gestured, a guard threatened, and the stallion in question smiled nervously. Excellent dental work. “He’s not wired shut, just wearing a prosthetic to make it appear so.” she shook her head. The same guard wrenched it painfully off of his head. The stallion worked his lips, numb in the face. “That was where your prank really fell apart, I’m afraid.” She returned to her throne, coughing daintily to clear her voice a bit better. “So, let’s see then…” she shuffled her papers and vanished them, as the entire case was false. “Noble Cause, what are your thoughts on the nature of their crimes?”

Noble Cause cocked his head, saluted, then cleared his throat so he could be heard. “Lying to royalty, lying under oath in a courtroom, abusing the justice system, conspiracy against the crown, falsifying medical reports, fraud, impersonating a disabled pony,” he looked at the ground, rattling down a long list of things they were guilty of.

“I agree,” Celestia said when he’d trailed off. “I thereby sentence you all to ten years in jail, with possibility of parole no sooner than five years.” She stamped her hoof twice to make it so. The seven prankster ponies were led away, shouting and spilling more confetti from their hats as they went. The white alicorn smiled a little, “They almost got me, haha…” she trailed off as the double doors slammed shut behind them.

The radio stallion seemed a little at a loss, shifting from side to side with his microphone, “Wuh—wh—well folks there you have it! That entire case was a sham, cooked up by the Pony Prankster Posse! We won’t be hearing about any more of their pranks for a long, long time. Join us next time, upon the throne of justice!”

=-=-=-=

“Princess that was amazing!” Noble Cause said when they were clear of any listening ears and on the way to the royal apartments. “I didn’t know you were so keen on details!”

“It’s a thousand years of practice talking,” Celestia smiled with delight at his praise. They cantered down a long set of corridors, left then left then right and so on. Arriving at last at the correct doorway, they paused for a time, “That was probably the most interesting case I’ve had in a while,” she smiled, shaking her head.

“I thought you were amazing, Princess.” Noble Cause said, tittering along like a colt for a moment. Nose up, eyes closed, wings open, almost strutting around her and her awesomeness. She eyed him with a smile. “Er, I-mean—” he caught himself, his guard frown sliding back over his face. “Er-her-her-herm! As to be expected, Princess!” he said, saluting so hard his hoof clanked into his helm.

Celestia’s eyes betrayed mischief. “Would you-- like to come in for a moment?” she startled him with her words. He looked at the great double doors with a massive itch of curiosity. Go in? To the royal apartments?

“Sure!” he blurted before he could stop himself, eyes wide and sparkling with anticipation.

“Very well. Wipe your hooves,” Celestia smiled, leaning and opening the door with magic. A dozen different seals and hold-portal spells shifted like the gears of a cosmic clock, moving in careful unison. The white alicorn giggled when Noble Cause did a little hoof-wiping dance right in the middle of the hall. They stepped inside. Noble Cause held his breath, and barely heard the door shut behind him. His eyes darted greedily around the room. Wh… why it was so ordinary! The baliff didn’t know what he’d expected, but it was certainly not this! There were dirty dishes in the sink of a mini-kitchen, the bed-covers were ruffled into a messy nest, a poster of Mare-Do-Well hung on the wall, and it just looked so… so... dull!

“Wow,” Noble Cause mumbled, taking off his helmet and unclasping the coloring spell. His white fur blushed to coffee-cream and his blue eyes shifted to dark brown. “It’s so… ordinary,” he said entirely to himself. A leaning stack of dirty romance novels was next to the door, threatening to tip, a canvas and easel sat gathering dust in the corner, and the window was half-open, letting the breeze in. The whole place sort of smelled, really. Not a bad smell, just a lived in sort of smell. A mare smell.

“Being surrounded by white and gold and finery all day does get old you know,” Celestia chirped at him, startling him out of his reveree. He coughed a little, looking to one side. He shouldn’t be making fun of the princess’ private home. “I’m sure you’ll swear your silence on all you’ve seen here?” she asked, heading towards the kitchenette. He nodded quickly. “Thank you.” She peered into the fridge for a moment, and he caught a glimpse of a collection of colas, tea jugs and other such things. “I just need… ah,” she selected a plain looking black ice tea, got two plastic cups and gestured him to the little kitchenette island. “I would offer you food, but I can’t cook,” she said.

“You can’t?” he asked.

“I once boiled an egg for forty-five minutes and it was no more cooked than when the hen laid it,” she shook her head sadly. “Something about being this magically potent,” she gestured briefly to herself, “Makes odd things happen. You should see what happens when Luna flushes the toilet! Come, sit!”

“Err…” Noble Cause felt himself walking in a daze, just staring around, until he arrived at the barstool and sat. She poured him some ice tea, then herself, then went to a waiting oaken desk. Shuffling the papers a bit, she began to write for a time. Noble Cause pulled on one of his feathers, to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. “Owch!” Nope.

After she’d finished writing, Celestia curled the letter. She didn’t put a ribbon on it, nor seal it, nor send it away with magic. “Evening is coming, would you take this to my sister for me? She should be going to her own court soon.”

“Oh yes, of course!” he gulped the rest of his tea, getting up to do as she asked.

“Thank you,” she said, seeing him to the door. Noble Cause stepped out into the hallway, scroll in his mouth. She kissed his cheek goodbye, and then closed the door quickly. The locks and seals slid into place— and he made it exactly seven paces before he jolted to a halt and touched his cheek.

“Errr…” the stallion’s face was bright red.

=-=-=-=

And it was no less red when he delivered the scroll. Princess Luna murmured through the lines, looked at Noble Cause, then politely dismissed him. The echoing, scandalous laughter that followed when he closed the doors of the Midnight Court behind him did NOT help.

End of Case 3

Case #4: The Most Hated Stallion

Judge Celestia: Upon the Throne of Justice
Part 4: The Most Hated Stallion

Noble Cause looked to one side of the courtroom, then the other. Seated behind one table was a single, crabby looking old stallion. His cutie-mark was a crying eye. On the other side was… how many had the paperwork said? Two-hundred and twenty plaintiffs? Why Celestia had agreed to this circus was beyond him, but the sudden out-pouring of cases against this singular stallion had caught the royal eye, and the white alicorn had commanded all of them be brought forth at the same time.

The massive stack of folders next to the baliff took up an entire long table. He had no idea which one to grab first, they all had the same case-date-sun-number! “Er…” the armored stallion murmured worriedly. Going down the dais and away from her Majesty, the stallion went over to the elderly stallion. Checking his paperwork, he spoke, “Mister… Tear Jerker, is it?” he asked, looking up. “Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you Twilight?”

The stallion raised his right hoof and put it on the law book the guard was holding out for him. “I’ll swear by Celestia, thank you! I don’t care what those new zealots are saying about that purple pansy in Ponyville!” the stallion snapped angrily. Noble Cause cocked his head. Twilight was often sworn by in court as the alicorn of Books, Learning and Knowledge-- Law as well. To scorn her name was an insult to the court. Noble Cause glanced over his shoulder at Celestia. The white alicorn nodded once, neutral in the face.

Dreading this moment, Noble Cause went to the Plaintiff’s table. Two hundred ponies filled the right side of the courtroom (the audience had to stay out today, to make room for them all). He coughed twice, stamping a hoof for attention. “Everypony raise your right hoof!” he waited for the crowd to follow. Flapping his wings to be up where everypony could see him, he raised his voice again. “Do you… erm… do you ALL swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you Twilight?!” he called out over them.

“YES!” the crowd concussed animatedly.

“Good!” he said, adjusting himself in midair to land. He checked the guards around the room. There were more than usual since it was such an unusual case, but everypony seemed awake and attentive at the moment, so it was safe. Returning to the dais, he went up and looked forlornly at the long-table. Taking a random folder, he turned and took it to Celestia.

The white alicorn took it, smiling at her baliff . Her large hoof passed over his smaller one, but nopony else was close enough to see. He gulped embarrassedly, returning to his post with a rather happy shiver. “Bright Bushy?” Celestia called.

“Here!” an earth pony mare elated. Stumbling out of the gaggle of plaintiffs she came to the table to be seen and heard properly.

“Ahem,” Celestia said, turning to address the grey older stallion. “Your name and vocation please, sir, for the court?”

“I’m Tear Jerker, author,” the unicorn stallion said gruffily. He lowered himself before her with some effort, bowing in a rather creaky way that made his back pop. It was an effort for Celestia not to wince, for his knobbly knees were a-quiver as he righted himself. “I wrote quite a few books in my time. Pretty successful if’n I do say so myself. I retired thirty-some-odd years ago.”

“And you, Bright Bushy? What is your profession?” Celestia asked, looking over at the mare.

“Gardening. I grow tomatoes, mostly,” Bright Bushy bowed before her highness.

“And you claim, Miss Bushy, that Tear Jerker…” she double-checked her paperwork, “Stole the tomato garden next to your house?”

“Yes’m,” she nodded firmly.

“That’s… hard to do, I imagine. How did he do that?” Celestia wondered.

“He came to me one day, outta the blue, saying my fence was in the wrong spot,” Bright Bushy said. “By the end of the afternoon he’d moved it by magic, and my garden was on the wrong side of my own fence!”

“Did you ask him about it? That is your livelihood after all.” Celestia said.

“I did, but he just yelled at me to get off his property!” Bright Bushy said, muzzle scrunched. “When I tried to transplant my tomato plants with pots and stuff, he chased me off with a stick!”

“A stick?” Celestia said, rather shocked.

“Yeah, then he sent me some paper that said it was all his now. I planted that garden, its mine!” Bright Bushy said, stamping a hoof. “He’s eatin’ my tomatoes that I grew!”

Celestia looked over at Tear Jerker, who nodded solemnly. “May I see this paper, Miss Bushy?” the alicorn asked. Noble Cause went to fetch it, and she looked it over. Ah, a land title deed. It was a standard legal document with a few phrases highlighted. Phrases like ‘as is’ and ‘including all resources, both natural and supernatural’ were highlighted extra hard. It was pretty binding. “What prompted you to suddenly want to move the fence, Tear Jerker?” Celestia asked gently.

“Tax season came around, and I noticed I was bein’ taxed for more land than I had. So I went to the hall of records to find a hard copy of my land’s deed and it showed where all the borders were, in black’n’white,” the elderly stallion said. “If she built a garden on my property that’s her own fault.”

“I see,” Celestia said, setting the paper aside. “You may step down, Miss Bushy. I will reveal my verdict at the end of this…” she made a sweeping gesture to the vast crowd out for Tear Jerker’s blood. “Case,” she finished plainly. Bushy bowed and was away. Celestia eyed the elderly stallion as she called the next pony forward, “Baby Bouncer?”

“Here!” Another mare came forward, with a heart and bottle on her flank. She was young in the face and just looking at her Celestia could see her big heart. “I’m Baby Bouncer, I run a daycare and sometimes a preschool in the proper seasons.” She introduced herself with a bow.

“According to your complaint, Tear Jerker contributed to the harm of a foal under your watch?” Celestia read the synopsis in a flash.

“Yes! I was out with only two foals that day, it was winter you see,” Baby Bouncer said. “My son, and his little friend.”

“Mhm?”

“I saw a charity collecting on the corner, but there was a splotch of ice in the way and I didn’t want my foals walking on it and falling and hurting themselves. I saw Mister Jerker sitting on a nearby bench with a coffee, and set my foals there.”

“Mhm?”

“I asked if he would watch them for a moment while I went to donate,” she gestured to one side.

“And what did he say?”

“Er… nothing really,” Baby Bouncer said.

“Then what happened?” Celestia asked.

“I went to put ten bits in the charity bin, and when I turned around my children were in the middle of the street!” Baby Bouncer elated. “Wandering around! My son was almost hit by a rushing carriage, he gave that cabbie a heart attack!”

“Was anypony hurt?” Celestia asked.

“No, but I’m suing for Foal Endangerment! I left them for ten seconds and they were out playing in traffic! He should’ve stopped them!” The young-faced mother squealed.

Celestia looked over at Tear Jerker. “Have you anything to say, Mister Jerker?”

“Her kids ain’t my responsibility.” The elderly stallion snarked. “I didn’t say I’d watch ‘em, and if they’re dumb enough to run and play in traffic maybe that’s for the better. Less dumb kids, make room for the smart foals that’ll survive in the real world.”

“You’re a monster! They weren’t even old enough to talk yet!” Miss Bouncer shrieked. “Who would wish that on a foal?!” she thrust an accusing hoof at him to make sure Celestia could see what a horrible pony he was.

“Thank you, that will be all Baby Bouncer,” Celestia said, nodding a bit. The flushed, nearly tearful mother bowed and quickly returned to the fold that was the massive plaintiff pool.

And so it was that the day wore on, case after case, complaint after complaint, all of them aimed at Tear Jerker. He had a perfectly snarky, mean-spirited, or plainly legal response for each and every one of them. Celestia watched the endless march of one pony after another, one slight or damage or shouting match after another. A same-sex couple that he’d shouted at in a park for smooching in broad-daylight. A repair pony that just couldn’t make a repair perfect enough for him. A painter that couldn’t make his house just the right shade of white and grey. There was a cemetery keeper that condemned him for spitting on somepony’s grave (somepony he’d hated). A pony that sold cigars who was always sworn and yelled at for carding the elderly stallion (it was the law, regardless of age). A group of students who were making a banner on the sidewalk that he’d walked over, smearing it to nothingness. There seemed to be no end in sight for the mountain of hate for this single pony. But, each of them was met with a perfectly legal response or rebuke on his part.

“What did you do before you retired to write books, Tear Jerker?” Celestia asked after the hundred-pony mark.

“I studied law, of course,” the elderly stallion smirked a bit. Ah. That explained it.

The sun had long set by the time the two-hundred-and-twentieth pony had come before Celestia with a problem with Tear Jerker-- A trio of Phillies that he’d taken a switch to for exploring his backyard without his permission (represented by an angry older sibling). Several of his cases had been simple trespassing, perfectly within his defense of home and property rights. The alicorn sighed when at last every case had been heard, and the judgement was to be made.

“I will question the defendant a bit more, and then make my ruling,” Celestia announced, stamping a hoof for quiet. “Tear Jerker, have you ever heard of the Spirit of the Law?”

“Yes, it’s a book,” Tear Jerker said. “A pony wrote it to describe the motivations of the equestrian citizen and to dictate the powers of the government in black and white, according to its own definitions.” He smiled rather fondly at the thought of the book. He did enjoy worming his way along in legal speak and terms.

“Then you certainly know the difference in law between a Diarchy and a Despotist government?” Celestia’s tone shifted just a little. Noble Cause’s ear turned. There was that shift again. The one he sometimes heard when Celestia was about to make her checkmate move in a case.

“Er, yes of course,” the stallion thought for a few long moments, as if trying to recall. “It dictates that a Diarchy is bound by the laws it creates, and a Despotist Government… that the powers are above the law.” His ears slowly wilted down as he spoke. “That they can do whatever they like, to the point of cruel oppression.” The crowd behind the plaintiff’s table jeered, and there was eager murmuring, wondering what sort of lightning the Princess would call down on him for all these slights against them.

“I imagine the entire town must know your name, Tear Jerker,” Celestia sighed softly, giving Noble Cause the stack of folders next to her. The baliff bowed and returned them to the table.

“I don’t care if they do,” the stallion said, shaking his head.

“I don’t think you understand, my little pony,” Celestia’s eyes were soft, in a way. “I am, and always will be, half of a Diarchist government. Therefore I am bound by the laws that run Equestria, as the Spirit of the Law so elegantly says.” She lowered her voice for a moment, shaking her head at the stallion. Was that… pity, in her eyes? “If it were within my legal powers to punish you, I would,” she admitted wistfully, turning her head to one side with a rather guilty expression. “Like a mother to her foal, I would punish and embarrass you for all these slights. But I cannot. You have caused so much misery amongst my little ponies, you have no idea. Or rather, I believe you do, and I believe you revel in it.” Celestia said, looking at the rather poisonous creature. “Your community at large seems to revile you. Therefore I must hand down the most terrible punishment imaginable to you, without leeway or leniency—within the bounds of the Diarchy of Equestria.”

The stallion’s pupils shrank into dots at the mention of punishment. “Wh-what do you mean?” The jeering in the crowd to the right increased. They couldn’t wait to hear the sentence handed down. Ponies across Equestria, listening in on the radio, waited with baited breath.

“As you have not explicitly broken any laws that I can see-- in each and every case brought before me today, I find you innocent of all charges.”

The explosion of shouting and anger and disbelief knocked out more than a few radios all across Equestria. The windowsills shook, the palace staff panicked, and another squad of guards flooded the room to herd the angry mob away. Two-hundred and twenty shouting ponies were forced from the courtroom, a few arrests were made, and one guard got a black eye for his trouble.

When at long last there was quiet only Celestia, Noble Cause, and Tear Jerker remained. The silence resounded like a tomb, there in the throne room. The alicorn would not let go of Tear Jerker’s gaze. She merely stared at him—wondered if the implications had set in yet. “Thank you, your majesty,” the elderly stallion said in awe. With that, he slowly walked from the courtroom— all alone. Celestia hung her head.

There was a long silence. Noble Cause turned to look at her. She chanced a glance up at him. His eyes bore both confusion and concern. He didn’t quite understand, but he did not voice it. It was her Majesty’s court, not his. She jumped when she saw Luna in the doorway, “Sister,” Luna said, looking at her with awe. “I was listening on the radio— I’ve not heard such cruelty from you in a long time.”

“E-Excuse me a moment, I’ll clean myself up and come to dinner,” Celestia turned rather quickly to go to her chambers behind the throne.

Noble Cause watched her go.

Luna walked to stand beside Noble Cause, watching Celestia quickly shut the door behind herself. The slight jar of the frame said the mighty alicorn was leaning against it on the inside. “We expect thee to be extra charming at tonight’s dinner, to cheer her up,” Luna bade him a warning, scowling at Noble’s handsome face.

“Dinner?!” he asked, wings blimping open in shock.

“The one you’ll be attending with us tonight,” Luna nodded to make it official. “She will need many confections and your pleasant male company after what she just did. Think of yourself as comfort food, stallion, for a sad mare.”

“What she just did…?” Noble murmured, still not comprehending.

“She could’ve punished him. She should have punished him. But, that miserable stallion was within the bounds of the law on every count, with every complaint, each and every time,” Luna told him. “He was not, legally, guilty of any crimes.”

“But all those ponies--!”

“Will hate him for the rest of his miserable life,” Luna said gravely. Silence let the sentence sink in. “He could have worked with his community, found some middle ground, but neigh, he used the law to not only start problems, but to enflame them around himself— and got away with it.” The dark alicorn sighed. “My sister was far crueler— rather than punishing him with some obscure public menace law— letting him punish himself. He will die, old and alone and miserable, in his home. And nopony will care. Ever. They will only hate his memory,” she shook her head with a sigh.

Noble Cause wilted, staring at the door of Celestia’s judge chambers. “That’s so sad…” he murmured softly, ears going down.

“Yes, and my sister bears that burden now.” Luna said, turning to look at him. “Call her a cute name at dinner, yes? She went by ‘Cellie’ when she was a teenage filly. She might like that.”

“Er-right!” Noble Cause said, nodding and bowing. “I’ll be there as soon as I’ve scrubbed and turned in my gear, your Majesty!” He turned and marched away. It didn’t really hit him that he’d been invited to a royal dinner until about halfway through his shower, much less what that really meant. “Extra-charming…” he murmured as he rinsed his mane. Tear Jerker’s fate kept replaying in his head, over and over again, along with Celestia's expression. Her poor eyes had been so soft in that moment of judgement delivery. She'd known exactly what she was doing, and she'd hated it. “She really does care for all of us, doesn’t she…?” he whispered. He watched the water drain at his hooves in thoughtful silence for a long, long time

He kind of wanted to care for her now. More than just a guard or a baliff. He smiled bashfully to himself, staring up at the raining showerhead. Dinner would be a good place to start.

End of Case #4

Recess #1 Dinner

Judge Celestia: Upon the Throne of Justice
Part 5: Recess

Noble Cause rather bashfully entered the royal dining room, and was surprised by what he found. Luna and Celestia were lounging on their own sitting pillows, a nieghponese-style table between them, and a tea set already in use. “Ah, there you are,” Luna said gaily, nodding to the guards to let him pass, then dismissing them. “Come! Sit!”

“I like your mane this natural color, Noble Cause,” Celestia ventured from behind her teacup. “The orange suits you.”

“Pumpkin orange, my mom used to say,” the stallion smiled lopsidedly, settling on an empty pillow. While he was settling, Luna made a ‘keep it up’ gesture at her sister.

Celestia’s eyes searched a parchment that wasn’t there, thinking hard. “Hrm-merm… Perhaps I can borrow a captain’s helmet for you, from now on. I know I like my soldiers to look the same and appear as a uniform force, all white and grey and gold, but… I think orange suites you best,” she smiled. “Captain helmets don’t color the mane of their wearers.”

The stallion smiled, a warmth in his face. “I’d be honored!” Opening his wings and refolding them for comfort, he graciously accepted the teacup. The green liquid inside made him cock his head.

“It tastes pretty bad,” Celestia said. Noble Cause barked a laugh before he could stop himself, scrunching his muzzle with a hoof over his mouth. “But it’s good for you. Luna and I have a cup each evening instead of taking vitamins or any such thing, for our health,” she said.
Noble Cause looked down into his tea again, pondering. Well if it was good enough for a Princess— bottoms up. He took a deep drink before he saw Luna wince. The taste of tree bark, pepper, and feet hit his tongue. One of his wings, not both, shot out at an odd angle. As soon as he inhaled, the taste breathed and turned into mint and berry—what a bizarre drink! “You’re supposed to sip and then let it breathe, like wine. Suck in a bit of air.” Luna said, smirking at him. He obeyed, and the nasty taste slowly subsided. They sat in silence, sipping tea as they pleased for a long time.

Very suddenly the double-doors opened, and a maid came in bearing a cart. “Majesties… sir?” it came out like a question when she spotted a third pony at the table. Coughing once and regaining her composure, she put a placemat before each seated pony. (The cart had enough supplies for ten ponies, thankfully not just the royal sisters) She took the tea set and cups, putting what looked to Noble Cause like a bowl of water before each of them. Was it soup? It smelled funny…

Rather than try to strike up conversation with two Princesses, Noble Cause lowered his muzzle to taste it. “Noble!” Celestia’s massive wing came out and about his shoulder. “No no, its not—!” She stopped, for Luna was chuckling at her sister. The huge white wing lifted and the alicorn mouthed something cruel at her. “It’s not soup,” she finally told him. “You dip your hooves,” she showed him, “Like this.”

Noble blushed, straightening. “Got it,” he balanced on his rump and dipped his hooves a few times. The maid went about with a small towel, giving six fore-hooves a quick and gentle wipe-down. When she came to him, she caught his eyes. Silence passed during the brief moment, but curiosity and questions were in her gaze. Who was this stallion? She didn’t know. Not lingering, she bowed and was away with the bowls of water to her cart. “Tonight’s dinner is a sticky white rice with various condiments, bit-sized battered shrimp and an ice water to keep the flavor strong,” she said, bowing at the threshold of the royal dining area. “I’ll be sure to let them know of our… of our majesties’ guest.” She closed the doors gracefully, bowing once more as she did so.

“The poor thing needs a stiff mounting, uptight as she is sometimes,” Luna commented thoughtfully.

“Luna!” Celestia barked angrily. “Trim Tidy works very hard for us!”

“And yet she walks as though she has a stick in her backside when she is around us,” Luna said with a roll of her eyes. “Despite years of service.”

“It’s good ettiquite,” Celestia said, trying not to look at the stallion at the table that was watching them bicker.

“After years of being around us alicorns she should be able to at least look us in the eyes without feeling so nervous,” Luna huffed, “We are not gods, merely more potent than she. Don’t you agree, Noble Cause?”

Both sisters turned to look at him, and he froze like a deer in headlights. “Er-well, I’m certainly at ease around Princess Celestia when I work as bailiff.”

“Now there’s a lie even Tarturus wouldn’t swallow,” Luna snarked, egging him on a bit.

“No really! I feel like I have an important job! If someone threw something or tried to attack her, I’m the front line of defense!” he puffed his chest out a bit, rather proudly. Celestia ‘mmm’d into her hoof, pretending to cough. It didn’t hide the slight color in her cheeks. “Besides, not many ponies get to hang out with royalty every day,” he said. “I got hoof-picked for a reason, y’know.”

“Oh?” Luna said with interest.

“I took a bolt for a foreign dignitary once,” he turned himself sideways, lifting his wing. There was a rather obnoxious patch of naked skin at the base of the muscles. The star-shaped spot was a marred patch of tissue, no bigger than a bit-coin, but it was none the less impressive. “They moved me from Manehatten to here since they knew I could step up if the chips were down.”

“We have an impressive scar too!” Luna elated, pawing at her chest for a moment, “Look! We were stabbed in the breast, upon our own throne!” the massive stabbing-scar was hidden under her fur, but no less ugly.

Noble nodded, eyeing it. “I remember reading about that. It was a little over a year ago, wasn’t it? Your baliff turned out to be some sort of crystal-golem thing?” Luna nodded gravely, her eyes seeing the painful past. It was a spray of lightning and dark laughter only she could see and hear. Silence suddenly took the table, and Luna stared at her hooves. “Erm!” she caught herself, “I am hogging thy stallion, sister, do not let me dominate the visit!” she turned the conversation back to Celestia instead.

The white alicorn smiled embarrassedly. Her stallion, was it? W-well, she wouldn’t squawk and argue like an old mare. She’d already kissed his cheek several times, and he’d not protested.

A half hour or so of table talk and visiting went by. “…and that’s how Equestria was truly made,” Celestia smiled rather gracefully.

“Wowwww…” Noble Cause said in wonder, adjusting his religious dogma as best he could.

Just then the double doors opened once more and a few servants filed in, putting a nicely portioned plate in front of each pony. Then, just as quickly as they’d come, they were gone. Noble Cause studied his plate. A mound of white rice, a few utensils, and five or six puddles of sauce were arranged in a neat little rainbow in front of him. On a little saucer to one side of him was a lined-up arrangement of battered shrimp with three sauces to go with those. It suddenly occurred to him that he couldn’t dip his rice or his shrimp with any grace--- much less without getting sauce on his muzzle, in front of the Princesses. He stared at his food. Should he just eat the rice plain.

While he was contemplating, a fierce and silence argument was happening. Luna gestured at Noble with her muzzle. Celestia looked and saw the problem right away.

Luna gestured again.

Celestia shook her head.

Luna scrunched her muzzle and gestured harder.

Celestia shook her head harder.

Luna made a ‘look at him!’ gesture.

Celestia saw he was struggling, ears down.

‘Make thy move!’ Luna mouthed.

Celestia’s face went red and she looked back and forth between her sister and her… interest.

“Er, Princess?” Noble Cause made both Princesses freeze when he looked up. “A little help, please?”

“Uh? Oh yes, o-of course!” Celestia’s horn lit itself. The mound of rice on Noble’s plate separated into six or seven mini-mounds. Then the sauce blobs migrated, one each, into each mound. Luna rolled her eyes good-naturedly. Well there, the problem had solved itself.

“Thanks!” he leaned down to eagerly try the first one, pink tongue briefly flashing out to clean the spot on the plate. He chewed thoughtfully—it was orange sauce, how nice!

Luna’s brow rose at his… tongue efficiency. Celestia levitated a golden knife at the look in her eyes, threatening with a scowl. How dare she think of him that way! Luna made a ‘give up’ motion with her forehooves, ever the silent torturer. The smirk didn’t help, though. When Noble Cause straightened they were back to eating their own foods.

Noble Cause leaned, looking at the battered shrimp. While ponies could certainly eat meat, most did not save the pegasi tribe. They were known to be akin to the griffins, eating tiny sea-life like shrimp or crawdads when the occasion called for it. Taking one from the line, he tried that too—dipping his mane in purple sauce as he did so. His eyes crossed to look. Dangit! The meal continued mostly in silence, Luna trying to egg Celestia on, Celestia trying not to let Noble see this, and Noble stealthily trying to wipe his mane when they weren’t looking right at him. The shrimp was good, at least.

Finally Luna laid down her ace. “Well!” she stretched in front of a half-eaten plate. “I am filled for the evening, and the Midnight Court will begin when the moon rises! I must be off!” she rose, daintily wiping her muzzle. “May you both have a wonderful evening!” she bade, showing herself out.

Celestia watched her go with pleading eyes. Then the doors closed and she was alone with him. Noble Cause smiled that same attractive, lopsided coltish smile. She smiled back, her wings daintily unfolding. “Erm,” she said softly. “So what do you do with your time off, Noble?” she asked.

“Well my twin brother Lost Cause and I hike a lot, since Canterlot sits on a mountain,” he said, leaning to get another little shrimp for himself. “It’s fun to see how far you can see from the mountaintops.”

“Oh?” she said with interest.

“And when Canterlot’s below you, in the middle of the night, it’s like…” he paused, a dreamy expression crossing his face for a moment, “All the little lights are like the stars.”

“Looking down to see the night sky,” Celestia murmured. “How poetic…” she mumbled.

He nodded a bit. “Wh-what about you, then? What does Princess Celestia do with her off time?” Noble Cause asked. “Don’t tell me dirty romance novels and painting, there’s gotta be more than that.”

Celestia chuckled at herself, cursing inwardly at the stack of books that had been out in the open in her private apartments. “W-well, I spend time with my sister. She was gone a thousand years, so we always try to catch up a bit of the time.”

“Mhm?” he said with interest.

“And there’s Luna’s game closet,” she said offhandedly, smiling a bit.

“Game closet?”

“She collects board games, and insists we sit to play them like we did when we were fillies,” Celestia smiled fondly. She suddenly realized they were sitting much closer than before. When had that happened? Who had moved? Neither of them were centered in their sitting place anymore… both of them?

“That’s Princess Luna’s thing, what about you?” Noble insisted again.

“Well I… I erm…” Celestia looked to one side.

“Go on, I won’t tell,” Noble whispered, quite close now. They leaned close to one another, as though about to share an atomic secret. “Promise. What do you do on your spare time, huhm?” he wanted to know, ears perked.

“W-well I…” she lowered her voice a bit. “I like long, long bubble baths. Seven-hour ones.” She smiled embarrassedly at his shocked look.

“Bubble baths?” Noble Cause snickered.

“Mhm, I think I rubbed off on an old helper of mine as well. He started taking them and we would drain all the castle’s hot water in our two bathrooms if we took them on the same night.” Celestia grinned a little.

“That’s… cute,” Noble Cause admitted with a conspiratorial laugh. Suddenly he seemed to notice how close together they were as well. They studied one another for a few moments of silence. “I can just imagine you buried in a mountain of bubbles with your horn sticking out somewhere,” he whispered.

“Oh yes, I once dropped the bottle in the water…” Celestia’s voice was slowly sifting away like so much silken sand. They were drawing closer. “I was just buried… in…” she trailed off, for he was leaning up into her.

“Kiss-a-gram,” he husked softly, aquiver with anticipation. Tilting his head back for her height their lips—

Touched.

Pressed.

The rugged velvet of his muzzle pressed to her long, dainty one. She let out a rather pleased purr, tilting her head as her eyes fell closed. Like a parched pony in a desert suddenly being thrown a gallon of ice water… like a drooping flower soaking in the rain… Celestia recalled the happy warmth of fancy and male attention. They broke for breath, then kissed once more. His wings had half-opened in a virile display of interest.

“Princess---es…?” the words had died in Trim Tidy’s throat, and she stood there in the doorway. Celestia and Noble broke apart violently. A line of spittle went down Celestia’s lip, and she slapped herself to wipe it. Like two caught teenagers they stared at her, and she stared back. “I. didn’t. see. Anything.” She said robotically, backing out and closing the doors.

“Oh dear,” Celestia murmured. “This will spread like wildfire, I would wager,”

Noble Cause smiled awkwardly. “W-well… uhm…”

“I’m sorry,” Celestia said, looking over at him.

“I’m not!” he blurted, then caught himself. “I mean er…”

There were a few awkward moments, the two of them staring at each other. “You’re right,” she finally admitted. “What sort of world would it be if ponies were sorry for kisses?” he nodded, smiling his adorable, handsome smile. “Walk me to my apartments?” she offered. He nodded, and they rose to leave.

End of Recess

Case #5: 300 Coupons

Judge Celestia: Upon the Throne of Justice
Case #5: 300 Coupons

Several Months Later...

“All parties in the matter of Pincher versus Dough, step forward please!” Noble Cause said with a snap in his step. Fetching the proper folder in his teeth, he walked ceremonially up the dais to the throne where Celestia sat. Leaning a bit he placed it before her. She smiled and nodded once, reaching to flip it open as he turned and was away.

A pair of mares were standing behind either of the tables, frowning over their own papers and folders of evidence. Celestia coughed once for attention, then stamped a hoof to call for quiet. “Order please,” she didn’t even have to raise her voice. The radio show Upon the Throne of Justice had grown so popular over the past months that everyone knew the procedures now. Rather pleased, she deferred to Noble Cause once more.

“Your majesty this is case number 40723 in the matter of Pincher versus Dough, parties have been sworn in you may proceed when ready,” Noble related, going to stand in his usual guarding spot to her left and down the dais stairs.

“Thank you, Noble,” Celestia said, shuffling a paper or two. “Miss Penny Pincher,” she looked to the pale-with-scarlet-mane’d mare to her left. “I understand you are suing Madam Sour Dough and her associated business— a pretzel, bread and cakes shop— for false advertising and wrongfully refusing service,” Celestia looked up, cocking her head.

The earth pony mare nodded, “Yes your Majesty.”

There were a few moments silence, so Celestia had to continue. “V-very well, I have an open account here, but why don’t you lay out the events for the court’s records?”

“Well you see, my family and I fell on hard times some time ago,” Penny Pincher said, looking to one side with wilted ears. “I have four foals you see. My husband works two jobs and I watch all the children and make sure everyone’s fed, doing their schoolwork and so on.”

“Being a stay at home mother is as ambitious as any career, I can more than wager,” Celestia acknowledged. “And a noble cause to boot,” she added. All around Equestria, the stay-at-home mothers were smirking in delight as they listened to the show over the radio.

“Yes well, I always had some hours where the kids were away at school and the garden had already been tended,” Penny Pincher said, making a circular you-know-what-I-mean sort of gesture with her hoof. “The housework is pretty easy to keep up with, and so on.” Celestia nodded patiently as she spoke. This was a diligent housewife, she could tell. “So, I took to coupon-clipping to help with our finances. I’m quite good with numbers, I just wasn’t quite smart enough to become a banker or an accountant,” she cocked her head sadly. “But my husband takes as good of care of us as he can, financially.”

“Are you on government welfare, Miss Pincher?” Celestia asked, pawing through the paperwork in front of her.

“Oh no, there’s ponies out there that’re way worse off than we are!” Penny looked just a little bit miffed at the idea of being on food stamps or something of the sort. “I’ll admit we’re borderline, but we stay afloat just barely with all the time and effort we put in.”

“I see,” Judge Celestia nodded.

“To ease the stress of our money problems even just a little, like I said, I took to coupon-clipping and smart shopping. It makes for some weird dinners, odd furniture and such, but we get by,” she said, a certain ache in her eyes.

“I understand,” Celestia said. “So how did you come across Madam Sour Dough and the bread shop in question?”

“Well, there was an ad in the newspaper,” Penny Pincher said, ruffling through her papers and picking up a clipping. The alicorn gestured and Noble Cause went to fetch it. Holding it expertly under his wing, he extended it so she could take it from him when he arrived before her. A single feather fell from him as she did so. He looked horrified, but a flick of Celestia’s magic sent it under her pillow and out of sight before anyone might see. Noble composed himself, almost sighing in relief before returning to his post.

The Princess held up the ad and read it aloud, “One free large pretzel.” She scanned it over for expiration dates, limits and so on. There were none. “I see, so you saw this coupon and clipped it out, then went to claim said pretzel?”

“Mhm!” Penny Pincher said. “Being in my situation, free food is something I need to pounce on when I can. Happy foals and a healthy hubby are my top priorities!”

“So what happened next?” Celestia asked.

“Well the first pretzel I thought was a good reward for myself, being done with all the housework and gardening for the day. It’s bread, so it’s an okay staple food if you eat it while it’s soft. The cooks there were even kind enough to keep the salt off so I could call it halfway healthy!” There was some tittering laughter from the five or six ponies that knew how to cook in the audience. Large, fluffy pretzels were technically a bread, but not the healthiest thing in the world. “Anyhoo, I was sitting on a bench outside the shop, when I saw somepony throw away a newspaper in a bin next to me.”

“Ah, I see,” Celestia could see where this was going.

“It wasn’t even rumpled, so I took it out and saw it still had the same coupon inside. Same as the one I’d just used. Another free pretzel!” Penny Pincher looked excited at the very idea. “So I got to thinking—!”

“What if you went looking and gathered a great many coupons?” Celestia said with a sly nod. “And got many, many pretzels to take home to your family?”

“That’s exactly right!” Penny said, feeling rather clever about herself. “So over the next week or so I went a’looking, and I found quite a few. Ponies don’t use coupons as much as they should, they could save a lot of money!”

“I imagine so,” said Celestia gently. Her eyes flicked over at Sour Dough. The mare had not moved or made comment since they’d begun. The well-mannered thing was waiting patiently to be addressed. “Sour Dough, did Penny Pincher come to your shop with a plethora of these free pretzel coupons and demand to have them all at once?”

“That’s right, your majesty,” Sour Dough nodded. “We counted them out on the counter, she had around three hundred of them! I only had five hundred printed in the local newspaper!”

“I see, that’s quite a bulk order all at once. What happened next?”

“Well she came in wanting three hundred free pretzels and we told her we couldn’t do it. Makin’ all those all at once would stagger my orders for a week, and I would’ve lost a lot of business! You know— PAYING business,” Sour Dough shook her head. “I keep about a dozen big pretzels in the display case every day. I gave her all those straight away, but I told her I couldn’t make all the rest right away. I had wedding cakes, banana breads, and other stuff that had to be seen to before her.”

“Did she get upset? What did she say?”

“She said that she’d done all the work to gather up the free Pretzel things, and she wanted them right then.” Sour Dough said… well… sourly. “I turned her away and told her to come back tomorrow.” Celestia looked over at Penny Pincher, who nodded that it was true. “So she came back the next day and got a dozen more, then the next day for a dozen more, finally on the fifth day I told her no more free food for her.”

“Why is that?” Celestia said.

“Those free big pretzels were for everypony! Everypony that got a newspaper that might wanna stop into our little shop!” Sour Dough said with a stamp of her hoof. “Then this Penny Pincher lady comes in with more than half of the ones I had printed and wants them all for herself! It’s just greedy and wrong!” she pointed accusingly at Penny.

Penny Pincher shook a hoof at her opponent. “I’m a good coupon clipper! I was just looking out for my hungry family!”

“Silence,” Celestia said less gently than before. Noble Cause flinched in the tips of his feathers. “You’re not to argue with each other, merely speak to me when spoken to.” Both mares quieted, looking guiltily at their own papers. Clearing her throat a bit, the Princess picked up the ad again and studied it. “I do notice, Sour Dough, that your coupon is rather plain. It doesn’t say anything about an expiration date, limiting one per customer, or anything of the sort.”

“N-no, your Majesty,” Sour Dough wilted. “I had my oldest daughter make the design, and she’s nine. I didn’t think about putting any fine print on it, I just sent it off to be printed.”

“That’s very honest of you to say, My Little Pony,” the Princess smiled a bit. “You understand there is not much I can do about miss Pincher’s… dedicated coupon-finding,” Celestia said, placing the ad back into her folder. “Fine print is specifically made to protect this sort of thing from happening. As a small business, I imagine this is the first time you’ve been exposed to this type of consumer. However, I do want to go into a bit more detail with you, Miss Pincher.”

“Your Majesty?” Penny Pincher asked, perking.

“You must understand that although yes, you were very clever to do this to gather food for your family, going into any business and demanded three hundred of anything is rarely going to work out well,” Celestia stretched her wings and then refolded them. “Your dozen-per-day is clearing out the display case at this establishment and nopony else is having any at all, much less paying for them.”

“I’m okay with that,” said the mare a little bit boldly.

“P …perhaps,” said Celestia with just a grain of salt. Noble chanced a look over his shoulder. The Princess’ subtle facial changes were betraying a strained sort of patience, like a mothering hen coaxing the last chick into the nest. “As there are no expiration dates on these coupons, and no limit-per-customer notes either, this court cannot regulate their use in any way.”

“Yes!” Penny shrieked, thrusting a hoof into the air. “I can put tons of them in our freezer, they’ll last for months!” her eyes were darting back and forth on a calendar only she could see, planning the use of all the free food she was about to receive.

“However, I must caution you, Miss Pincher,” Celestia said. “If you were to go and claim all of this food all at once, the shop in question may go under for not filling its other orders on time, as Madam Sour Dough said.” She gestured lightly. “Things are tight in your household, would you put another household at risk for the benefit of your own?”

Penny’s ears wilted. She didn’t dare look over her shoulder at the audience behind her. She knew thousands of ponies were listening over the radio. “I… I suppose not,” she sighed.

“Therefore, on Madam Sour Dough’s behalf, I will make this request. Not an order by the court by any means, but a request from your Princess,” Celestia said. “Limit yourself to six of your free big pretzels per day. That is one for you, your husband, and each of your foals everyday as long as your coupons last. In addition, that will leave six more in the display case every day for other ponies to purchase and keep Sour Dough’s business running in the meantime.”

“I… I can do that, yeah,” Penny Pincher finally agreed, nodding. Celestia looked over at Sour Dough. The mare didn’t look happy, but seemed more relieved than before.

“I imagine you’ll be a bit more careful making your coupons from now on, Sour Dough?” Celestia smiled gently. Sour Dough nodded slowly. “Very well then,” she straightened. “Judgement is for the plaintiff in the amount of zero bits. That is all.” She stamped a hoof to end the case.

=-=-=-=-=

Noble Cause knocked lightly on the Judge’s chambers. “Enter,” said her muffled voice. Celestia smiled when she saw who it was. “Losing feathers to stress, my little stallion?” she asked playfully, for she was playing with his lost feather from earlier. She dipped it into the ink well on her desk and wrote his name with some rather impressive calligraphy.

Noble went hot in the face, his sandy-furred face going scarlet. Having feathers nice enough to write with was a high compliment to any pegasus , but seeing the Princess write with one of his feathers! Wow! “I thought I would come check on you,” he said, taking off his helm as the door closed behind him. “You seemed a little stressed today, is all.”

“Heavy is the head that wears the crown,” Celestia smiled just a little tiredly, setting the feather down and going to the hearth. Sitting by the fire, she flicked her tail about until it was comfortable. Noble stared dumbly, but soon went to join her. The past few months had been rather kind to their quote-unquote relationship. Though rumor was rampant through the castle, somehow it had been contained therein. Most ponies weren’t willing to gossip about their princess to others, much less about her un-confirmed relationships. Heck, a few years ago ponies were saying Celestia planned to get together with national hero Twilight Sparkle! How silly was that?! They weren’t about to pay attention to this new rumor of some super-stud lighting up Celestia’s bedroom either.

Noble Cause smiled quietly, for he knew she enjoyed pregnant silence. He leaned into her without letting his cold armor touch her sides. She laid her head down to rest a moment, and he planted a chaste kiss on the top of her head. Smiling playfully, he extended his small wing over her head to block out the world for her. Her horn poked up through his primary pinions, then wiggled back and forth a bit. She giggled despite herself. They shared a long, warm quiet. Noble stroked Celestia’s shoulders and back with a firm hoof. She purred quietly, eyes fluttering closed after a time.

Poof-! Magic split the quiet moment of comfort when a scroll burst into existence before then. Snatching it before it rolled into the fire, Celestia popped the purple wax seal, “Ah, mail from Twilight!” she said. “Let’s see what she’s been up to lately, huhm?” Noble Cause smiled and nodded. He’d witnessed about half a dozen Twilight Sparkle letters in the past few months, and they were always interesting. Celestia unrolled the scroll and a polaroid photo fluttered out. It danced about like a leaf, so Noble pawed around to catch it before finally seizing it on the floor. He brought it to his nose as Celestia murmured over the letter.

In the picture was a black, crystalline stallion. He was on crutches for his front legs, and was looking rather timidly at the camera. Strange, skeletal wings hung heavy on his sides, almost touching the floor. The picture barely showed his details at all, and only the whites of his eyes were sticking out much at all. Twilight Sparkle and Spike the Dragon were standing next to him, beaming. “Hey, isn’t this—?!” Noble gasped, eyes widening.

“Steel Wing,” Celestia murmured, shifting uncomfortably. “My sister’s attempted assassin. My most faithful student has finally found a way to reassemble him from all the pieces.” She paused to glance at the nearby calendar. “Sixteen months, she should be commended for learning a new branch of advanced magic so quickly. She’ll make archmage before she’s thirty, the brilliant mare.”

“What happens now, then?” Noble whispered, all too aware of the shields that were rising up in Celestia’s expression and mood.

“Now we go to court and decide his fate, Noble.” Celestia rose with a flourish of her wings. “I must fetch my sister. I want you to go and send for Steel Wing. Immediately.”

“Yes, your majesty,” Noble Cause knew the time for play was over. All of Equestria would be tuning for their next case!

End of Part 6

Case #6: The Trial of Steel Wing (Part I of III)

Judge Celestia: Upon the Throne of Justice
Part 7: The Trial of Steel Wing (Part I of II)

Steel Wing was not really the proper name for the pony that stepped off the armored train in Canterlot. He walked uneasily, with crutches to aide his fragile front legs. The cracks that run up and down his body threatened to let him shatter if a strong wind tumped him over. He stutter-stepped while minding the gap, but made it onto the platform without incident. Heaving a breath, he looked up to see his recipients.

No less than forty armored guards stood in column-and-rank formation waiting for him. The train-bound guards gingerly undid the manacles on his back legs under Twilight Sparkle’s instruction. It was like handling a crystal wine-glass, or their mother’s finest china. Only the gentlest of touches would do. The train-bound guards freed Steel Wing and then returned to the armored car, their burden complete. Steel Wing looked at the Canterlot soldiers, each armed with a club or night stick instead of their usual spears. It would only take one good swing if things got out of hoof, and Twilight Sparkle would have to spend another year or so putting him back together. A clipboard was signed, salutes exchanged, and the armored herd split itself down the middle to receive the prisoner. He stood in the middle of the wary, angry group of ponies and they began their march down the street. As a cursory and rather symbolic gesture, a strong rope was put around Steel Wing’s neck in case he decided to bolt, or even fly. Not that the skeletal monstrosities on his back could lift him into the air, that is.

Twilight Sparkle got off the train next, bulging suitcase in tow. Shoving her way through the ranks she finally fell in beside Steel Wing. She offered him a kind smile, but his eyes were on the pavement. The purple mare glanced around. From every window and doorway ponies stood, curiously staring at them. Some shook their hooves and shouted obscenities, while others made sure to keep their foals back and out of sight. Who knew what the monster would do if some pony weaker than he got into his path? “We’ll be okay,” Twilight offered softly. The thrum-thrum-thrum of marching soldiers didn’t help to ease his mind. Steel Wing gave her a glance, but said nothing. The pavement hurt his hooves to walk on. Minding his crutches, Twilight murmured quiet encouragement to him as the palace crawled into.

“You’ll fry for what you did, monster! They’ll break you into itty-bitty pieces and scatter them in the wind! Luna is the best Princess! You’ll fry!” Somepony shouted at them from a rooftop, hurling a stone at him. Steel Wing looked up at the death missile with tiny pupils, mouth going agape. Twilight teleported two feet in a snap of instinct and the stone struck her in the side. She gave a yelp, feeling the bruise forming already. She smiled apologetically. She could’ve just... y’know, grabbed the stone with her magic, but she didn’t think fast enough. A pair of guards were already on the rooftop arresting the assaulting pony by the time the two of them looked up. Throw rocks at the Sun’s Favor’d Foal, would he?! They wrestled him to the roof’s shingles to put a wing-bar and chains on him. Steel Wing picked up the stone to look at it, but the nearby growl of several guards made him drop it again and wilt his ears. Twilight rubbed her side rather painfully, but seemed okay.

By the time they got to the palace, only a few more arrests were made. The hatred was palpable. Steel Wing only prayed nopony would try to tackle him. He would break like fine china and be no more. They passed under the grand arches and the drawbridge was raised, a rare event for Canterlot to see. But, this was important and every precaution was being seen to.

The high ceiling’d halls and stain-glass windows didn’t seem as friendly to Steel Wing anymore. He knew the shouters and angry ponies were right. He was here to be punished— more than likely to die. But, if they wanted to have due process it was the least he could do to stand there and take it like a stallion. The very least.

The golden double doors of the throne room rose up to meet them, and the forty guards filed in in groups of four, leading the prisoner in as they did so. Twilight looked about. All the pews and seating were empty, and a small handful of guards stood shoulder to shoulder between the throne and the accused. A phalanx formation. They’d spared no caution in this. They’d all read the reports and heard the stories. A pony so strong he could smash through a barrier not even mighty Celestia could? He’d be lucky if he could see Celestia directly, if she hadn’t been on a raised dais upon the throne.

Princess Celestia sat with a neutral frown, a rare expression indeed, on the golden throne. To one side stood a sandy-furred and orange-maned pegasus. Strange, thought Steel Wing. He wasn’t wearing a captain’s garb, but his helmet had not colored his mane like all the others. Usually all guards were supposed to look the same until they achieved rank. He must’ve been special somehow. The stallion next to Celestia scowled indiscriminately rather than holding his neutral guard expression.

“Stand in the circle here,” one of the guards bade Steel Wing. He lifted a crystalline hoof lightly, looking at the floor. The rug had been taken out and replaced with a rather advanced-looking magic circle. Twilight did not leave his side as they both stepped into it, and it flared to life with a pinkish light. It didn’t take Twilight’s supreme intellect to spot Shining Armor’s magical signature, but she did give a slight smirk. Her BBBFF could shield a city with his own will and magic— using a magic circle and shielding a small area would make said shield impenetrable. She looked around for a short time, but spotted his streaked blue mane in the crowd of armored ponies none the less.

“Be seated, all of you,” Celestia said, giving a light flick of her hoof. “Our prisoner shan’t escape this make-shift cell.” With some hesitation, the pews filled with armored ponies and soldiers, everypony on their haunches in case they had to spring into battle. Some of them even kept their clubs and night sticks in their mouths in case Steel Wing should spring out of the barrier like a Jack-in-the-box. Split second failures could topple nations. “Princess Twilight Sparkle, will you be seated as well?” Celestia asked rather than commanded.

“I’m here for the defense,” Twilight bowed deeply. “As Steel Wing may not be as deeply versed in law as some of the ponies present,” she paused to offer a coy smile, “And Equestria should have nothing if not fair trials under the law. I would like to volunteer to be his council and legal representative.”

“Very well,” Celestia murmured, “You are not a lawyer, Twilight Sparkle, therefore Steel Wing must give verbal consent before the court.” Her great head turned towards the accused, who wilted like her pink eyes might melt him on the spot.

“I consent,” he said after Twilight turned to look at him. “For legal counsel and representation.”

“Very well,” Celestia repeated. “You cannot claim a mistrial if you go this route. Do you understand?” she waited for him to nod. The dozens of soldiers present murmured darkly among themselves. “Order,” she said without passion nor tone. Instant silence. “We will wait until my sister Princess Luna arrives to begin, as she was the victim in this… series of events,” the white alicorn said delicately. “Noble Cause, please set up the stand for me?” she turned.

The small-winged pegasus nodded formally. Stepping down from the dais at Celestia’s side, he went to the corner of the room by a column. Reaching behind it he pulled a piece of furniture with wheels along. He positioned it next to the dais stairs to Celestia’s left, and locked the breaks so it wouldn’t roll away. Putting a raised chair in it, he tested to make sure it wouldn’t roll away and nodded a bit. Perhaps fifteen minutes of silence passed.

The white alicorn looked at Steel Wing with a mix of curiosity and revulsion, like a plague victim. It didn’t show on her face, but in her eyes. Only Noble Cause was close enough to see such details. Her eyes saw the past, during Steel Wing’s final moments:

Celestia stared as the strange creature teetered back and forth. She could see the massive cracks in his legs, along his barrel and in his face. Some sort of fleshy shell had been over him, but it was all but gone now. With a mix of pity and revulsion, she watched him try to stand over and over. Bits and chips of his legs kept coming off like so much slate stone. “What are you? Who are you?” she whispered, opening her wings in case it attacked.

It turned slowly, quivering all over with structural weakness. It made clinking sounds all over when it moved, like somepony was grinding glass with a mortar and pestle. “My name is… my name is…” he could speak, but it was broken and craggy. It gave up telling her his name when his front legs snapped off like brittle icicles. He fell forward onto his belly with an audible whimper, shaking like a leaf. “H-Help Luna...ah…” It fell face first, shattering into a million pieces like so much glass.

Help Luna, he’d said. Celestia blinked back to the present. Just then the massive doors of the throne room eased open. Princess Luna and only two lunar guards stood in the archway. Celestia straightened. Stepping forward at an even pace, Luna allowed the removal of many a helmet and the bowing of many a head as she passed. Even Twilight bowed as she approached. Steel Wing did his best with his crutches and shaking legs. Luna’s frown wasn’t pointed at anypony, but this was not a happy day. The nighttime Princess moved until she stood to Celestia’s right, at the plaintiff’s table. “Hullo,” she offered mildly, which made Celestia nod. Neither guard left her side, sitting idly less than five feet to either side of her.

“With all parties present, we will swear in,” Noble Cause announced. Going down the dais stairs he went to Princess Luna first. He lifted a hoof and she did the same. “Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you Twilight?”

“Twilight?!” barked Twilight from where she stood. “Ponies DO THAT here?!” she said, face turning scarlet. She suddenly remembered herself, ruffling her feathers and scrunching her muzzle in embarrassment. She stared at the floor while Celestia actually cracked a smile. The newborn alicorn was going to be the most adorable rising power for centuries to come.

“Ahem,” Noble Cause said, shooting a look at Twilight before returning to Luna.

“I do,” Luna nodded solemnly.

Noble Cause nodded, marching over to the barrier that contained Steel Wing and Twilight Sparkle. He lifted a hoof. Steel Wing struggled for a few moments until Twilight leaned into him and supported his weight with her own. “Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you Twilight?” he asked.

Steel Wing labored a hoof up thanks to Princess Twilight’s supporting his side. “I-I do,” he said.

Noble Cause stopped in front of Twilight with a puzzled expression. But there was nothing to be done about it. It was protocol. "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you... you?" he asked. (The audience of soldiers had the good nature to chuckle just a little, as did Celestia. )

"Erm, so help me Celestia," Twilight amended, and that was good enough for Noble Cause.

Turning with a snap in his step, Noble Cause returned to his post. “Your Majesty this is case number 45109 in the matter of the Kingdom of Equestria versus Steel Wing. Parties have been sworn in you may proceed when ready,” he saluted when Celestia nodded to him. Returning to his post he let out a barely audible sigh. This wasn’t going to be pretty.

Celestia cleared her throat when she was ready to begin, setting a folder of paperwork aside. “Steel Wing, it is my understanding that Twilight Sparkle has reassembled your body after it shattered some time ago,” she began. “And that once you were reassembled it took Twilight several weeks to report to the proper authorities of these happenings.”

“Yes, your majesty,” Steel Wing said, “I basically had to learn to walk again. My body isn’t what it used to be.” He gestured mildly to his crutches.

“Twilight Sparkle, do you realize that you may be jailed for harboring a fugitive?” Celestia asked quietly. Twilight gaped at Celestia like she’d just been slapped. “Six weeks is a long time indeed for a such a pony to walk free with your knowledge.”

Twilight’s muzzle scrunched just a little, her eyes searching back and forth on a paper that wasn’t there. She coughed behind a hoof as she quickly regained herself. Spreading her wings in a rather bold way, the purple alicorn lifted a diplomatic hoof. “Princess Celestia, as I am an alicorn and stand among the top authorities of the nation of Equestria and all her holdings— being a princess myself— I find that one princess cannot jail another. Do you disagree?” There was some gasping in the audience. Noble Cause smiled with his eyes. They were testing each other. Feeling for strength.

“I do not,” Celestia said with a light smile. That was all she’d needed to hear. If Twilight was going to stand as Steel Wing’s defense, she could not fear her princess and former mentor. The simple act of argument was proof enough.

Luna shifted with a scowl, “Tell that to the history books.” Celestia had the decency to blush rather guiltily. Sealing one’s sibling in the moon… yeah… It hadn’t occurred to Celestia that Luna might pursue that in a legal fashion, but that was not for her to worry about today.

“Ahem!” Celestia embarassedly straightened once more, lifting her muzzle in a rather authoritative way. “Steel Wing, you are accused of the attempted assassination of one of the Princesses of Equestria, Princess Luna. You are accused of conspiring against the crown, aiding a former monarch to take the power of a foreign nation by force, and the injury of thirty-seven lunar guards of the night time court,” she glanced at the list in front of her for the number. “Among these crimes are grounds for life imprisonment, even execution,” Celestia struggled for a split second, for ‘execution’ was not a word spoken in her court more than once every decade or so. “In the interest of due process and a speedy trial you have been brought here today to answer for your crimes. With dozens of witnesses and a still-living victim the question of your innocence has already been decided. However, for the sake of protocol I am required to ask: How do you plead?”

“Objection!” Twilight reared up, wings wide and a mighty grin on her face. Celestia flinched at her bombastic outburst, but the purple alicorn was ready to lay down her master stroke right there at the beginning of the trial.

To be Continued...

End of Part 7

Case #6: The Trial of Steel Wing (Part II of III)

Judge Celestia: Upon the Throne of Justice
Case #6: The Trial of Steel Wing (Part II of III)

Celestia stared at Twilight, quite honestly caught off guard. “Speak,” she said carefully.

“I must enter to the court that Steel Wing cannot enter a plea of innocent or guilty, as he is not fit for trial!” Twilight said, landing on all fours again with a triumphant smile. Steel Wing looked over at her, baffled. As did just about everypony else.

“For what reason?” Princess Celestia allowed. Her eyes flicked at Luna, who stood there scowling. “That is a bold claim, given his recent mobility and no clear form of insanity visible.”

“I would submit to the court that Steel Wing is,” Twilight paused, flipping through her paperwork. “Under-age!” she said. There was a long silence.

“…what?” Steel Wing asked, looking flabberghasted.

Celestia stared. As did Luna. As did the rest of the audience and Noble Cause too. Twilight coughed a couple of times, coming down from her high to speak seriously. “As everypony here knows, Steel Wing is an artificial pony. A golem, in fact. He’s made of black crystal, forged by the dark magics of King Sombra.” She gestured to him like he was a museum piece. “Given that Sombra attacked the crystal empire, failed, and had to come up with a new plan within the past three years, logic says that Steel Wing cannot be more than three years old. That makes him a minor!”

“…what?” Steel Wing blanched. “I’m older than that!”

“You think you are, but you’re not,” Twilight said. “May I elaborate?”

“I’ll allow it,” Celestia said carefully.

“A minor cannot stand trial in the royal courts of Equestria, or any other, and must have a volunteer, that’s me, represent them instead,” Twilight said, turning over a paper and offering it to Noble Cause. Noble went to fetch it and brought it to Celestia, who studied it carefully. “And, if you count his shattering as a death, then he is technically only six weeks and two days old. Making him still the age of minority.”

“I see,” the white alicorn said with a slight frown.

“Objection your Majesty, relevance to the case!” Luna snapped impatiently.

“Overruled,” Celestia said, “Relevance is not a given in court, it is a necessity to be voiced for clear understanding of the judge involved.” Luna scowled angrily, but made no rebuttals. “However, Twilight Sparkle, I will have you know I have sent foals to the gallows before.”

“Y-you what?!” Twilight said, “When?! How many?! Why?!” she looked horrified.

“Before the invention of psychological help, certain medications, councilling and other forms of help,” Celestia said, all too aware of the horrified looks she was getting, “I sent no less than seven foals to the gallows for murdering family members, playground bullies, and even younger siblings. Bad seeds that I could not find a way to help and redeem.” Celestia straightened. “Nowadays, of course, there are many forms of help that can remold a foal away from being a career criminal, but back then it was not so. A dark age.”

“E-e-erm…” Twilight was trying to maintain her posture and process all that.

“It is not something I’m proud of,” Celestia shook her head with a sad sigh. “However, in the eyes of this court Steel Wing has both the body and mind of a grown stallion. This is irrefutable, and he will therefore be tried as an adult.” Steel Wing gulped a little. “So I ask again, Steel Wing, how do you plead?”

“Er, guil--!” Steel Wing grunted when Twilight’s hoof rushed over his mouth. Celestia’s brow quirked. She whispered something furiously in his ear for several long moments. He looked disgusted at her, then he looked hurt, then he looked very upset and angry at her. She made a few harsh gestures, whispering rapidly while Celestia tried to maintain an air of patience. “Uhm… I plead innocent to all charges, your Majesty,” he said, the words very clearly not his own.

There was upset in the courtroom instantly. Ponies were stamping and shouting angrily, roaring obscenities and looked ready to pitch the very pews they sat on. “Order!” Celestia demanded, stamping a hoof several times. She flared her wings wide, to their full span. The sun coming in behind the throne cast a mighty shadow over half the room. The ponies quieted in fear, many ears turning back. “I will have order in this court room, or I shall send everypony out, dangerous pony in question or no,” that shut them up, and everypony quickly returned to their seats murmuring apologies.

“Dozens of eye-witnesses, a still-living victim, and a self-loathing to boot, Twilight Sparkle,” said Luna coolly, looking across the aisle with a tired-looking frown. “How do you intend to win?” she lifted a hoof while Steel Wing looked at her, tracing the spot where he’d stabbed her in the breast. The fur parted and he could see the jagged, ugly scar underneath. Even the stitching-marks had not healed completely yet. He shuddered visibly, ripping his gaze off her.

“The defense is not at liberty to discuss its strategy with the plaintiff,” Twilight said, coughing twice. Luna frowned, but sighed patiently. This day was going to be ugly, then let it be as ugly as it could get. If Twilight Sparkle would stand against her, then let her try. It would make no difference.

“I will hear the plaintiff speak first,” Celestia said, “Then the defense shall make a rebuttal, then back to the plaintiff.”

“May we call a witness?” Luna asked, straightening her papers.

“You may,” Celestia nodded, “We’ve a stand set up for such a thing.” She gestured to the stand that Noble Cause had set up. “Who will you call into question?”

“I call Steel Wing, the accused, to the stand,” Luna said, gesturing to him.

“Very well,” Celestia nodded. Shining Armor, still hidden in the crowd, let the shield down. Steel Wing moved slowly on his crutches to the stand, where it reappeared just as strong as before. Twilight sat on her haunches, knowing now she could not speak except to object.

“May I approach?” Luna asked.

“You may,” Celestia nodded.

Luna came out from behind her plaintiff table, leaving her papers behind, “You are under oath, yes, Steel Wing?” she asked. He nodded twice, fiddling with his crutches so he could sit properly. Effectively being made of glass was not suiting him very well. When at last he was settled, trying Luna’s patience as he did, he looked up. She was quite near now, and he jumped a little. “How long did you work for King Sombra, Steel Wing?”

“I don’t know,” said the stallion miserably, turning his head to one side. Luna had gone right for the throat. “I have no memory of him, er, making me.”

“Were you aware of your ability to produce crystal weaponry from your very legs, like magic?” Luna wanted to know.

“No I wasn’t,” he said.

“Do you know what it feels like to be stabbed in the breast by your most trusted of servants?!” Luna demanded, leaning on the stand.

“Objection!” Twilight shouted from the defense table, “Hostility towards the witness!”

“The plaintiff will contain herself,” Celestia agreed. “Question, do not badger, Luna,” she warned.

“Very well,” Luna backed up a bit, walking from side-to-side, “Were you aware that you were a pegasus that could not fly?” she gestured to his crystalline body. The skeletal wings, even under the guise of flesh and feathers, had been too heavy to lift him.

“Er, it never occurred to me, no,” Steel Wing said.

“You never thought that for a moment?” Luna asked. “I see,” she paused for a time, carefully choosing her next question. “You must’ve missed a great many things, as a sentient golem in a fleshy disguise.”

“Objection!” shouted Twilight again. “Badgering and baiting!”

“The truth can hurt, I’ll allow it,” Celestia said.

“I imagine I did,” Steel Wing said cautiously, leaning on his crutches a bit.

“Do you know what pain is, Steel Wing? Can you feel it?” Luna asked. He nodded twice. “Did you feel anything when you stabbed me in the breast?”

“I don’t remember doing it,” Steel Wing admitted. “It’s like I wasn’t home in my own body,” his eyes saw the past. “One moment I was bringing you a case folder, the next I saw you being tortured by Sombra. I did what I could--!” Luna had already turned from him.

“Convenient,” Luna said with a sour expression. “You don’t remember doing it. Many ponies would try for an insanity plea with such a story. Too bad it’s already been thrown out.” Celestia glanced at Twilight, who was ruffling through her papers animatedly. The purple mare made no objections.

Luna continued, “Did you, Steel Wing, stab me in the breast under Sombra’s command?” She squinted at him and leaned on the stand. He leaned back a bit, his tail tinkling like glass under a mortar and pestle.

“I… I did, yes,” Steel Wing whispered, nodding once. There was a long silence of him staring at the floor.

“Yes, you did,” Luna whispered and then paused to let that sink in, turning and heading back towards her plaintiff’s table, “No further questions, your Highness,” she told her sister.

Celestia looked gravely at Twilight, who looked up suddenly, “Oh me now?” she said, leaping out from behind the defense table like she was about to be struck by lightning, “Her-herhm!” she cleared her throat. The solar Princess finally folded her wings to relax them. “Steel Wing, that’s your given name, right?”

“Yes?” he asked.

“Who gave you that name? Your mom and dad, right?” Twilight wanted to know.

“Er,” Steel Wing paused, swallowing a little, “I… I guess so,”

“Really? Well if Sombra forged you out of dark crystal, like a golem, how do you have a Mom and Dad?” She pressed.

“I… I…” Steel Wing suddenly looked very upset, and his eyes glistened. There was a pregnant silence, and he suddenly put his face in his hooves. “But… But I…” he trailed off.

“You don’t have a family,” Twilight said. “When was the last time you ate something, Steel Wing?” she switched subjects. “Or better yet, pooped? Have you ever pooped before?”

“Objection, relevance!” Luna snapped.

“Building to a point!” Twilight said over her shoulder. Celestia nodded her assent. “When did you poop last, Steel Wing?!” she demanded, thrusting a hoof at him.

For all his being upset, the stallion had to answer, “I… I guess I’ve not pooped before.” Precisely half a dozen guards in the audience chortled to themselves.

“You don’t eat, you don’t poop, you have no family!” Twilight said, “I imagine you don’t age, either!” she stopped for a moment to let that sink in. “Can we actually call you a pony?” she asked. She checked Celestia’s expression, which was one of morbid interest. “In fact, can we call you more than a tool?”

“I’m not a tool, I’m me!” Steel Wing said, aghast at her.

“You’re a tool!” Twilight insisted, turning about. “You were forged in magic and fire and stone, like any weapon or woodcarving axe!” she produced a paper of facts and figures. “I have the recipe right here, how to make a golem pony! How to make you, Steel Wing! I could make a dozen of you with the proper materials!” Twilight gestured for Noble Cause, who delivered said paper to Celestia.

Princess Celestia took it, looking it over. While golem-making was not illegal, it was greatly frowned upon in most circles. Sombra had changed the formula to give his own golem self-awareness and sentience for its undercover mission, which was a code that had taken Twilight some time to crack. But she’d done it, and now here he was. On paper, Steel Wing could be reduced to numbers, ingredients, and raw materials. Celestia suddenly saw where this was going.

“I must therefore ask you, Steel Wing,” Twilight said, returning to the stand as she spoke. “If you’re not a pony, but an artificial construct, can you be blamed for what you did?” she didn’t wait for him to answer, but returned to the defense table. “No further questions.” Steel Wing would’ve been pale and sweaty if he had the ability to be so, for he slumped in his chair. He’d not been prepared for this, Twilight was pulling subjects that he wasn’t ready to face. No family? Never eating? Was he immortal, as long as he was in one piece? He felt… well, he wish he could’ve felt ill. He slumped harder when Luna re-emerged to question him again.

“I will remind the court that we are not treating Steel Wing as a minor, as he has the mind and body of a stallion,” Luna said half to Celestia and half to the audience. “And yet we bend the rules a bit further by saying surely he is not a pony at all? Poppycock!” she snapped, turning about to accuse him. “You are not a knife, nor a sword, nor a crossbow! You will not walk free simply because you are artificial!” he wilted at her words. “The moment you took that stand, took the oath to tell the truth and nothing but you willingly allowed yourself to be treated as a living, sentient being! Do you disagree?!” she demanded.

“I… no,” was all Steel Wing could manage, for he was trembling before he fury.

“You may have saved my life, my little monstrosity, but it was not before you stabbed me, threw me down some stairs, and aided in my nation-wide-broadcasted torture! Do not think you will be without punishment!” Luna said, impassioned. Even Twilight dared not interrupt this tirade. “No further questions!” she returned to her own side of the aisle.

Steel Wing was trembling hard, and couldn’t pull his eyes from the floor. “I must find myself in agreement with Luna,” said Celestia, sitting upright, “This court will not bend one rule and not the others. Steel Wing is not only an adult in mind and body, but in philosophical stature. He is for all intents and purposes, real, and will be treated as such.”

“The defense would like to make a demonstration!” Twilight put in. “I will prove that Steel Wing is neither a real pony nor anything more than a very smart weapon in the shape of a pony’s body!”

“Very well,” said Celestia, “You must prove to me and to the court without a doubt that Steel Wing is completely artificial, Twilight Sparkle,” she paused to lift a hoof them put it uneasily back down. “If you cannot do that, I will have to pass judgment for attempted assassination and conspiracy against the crown, as he has already admitted to doing so before us.”

Twilight gestured for Steel Wing to leave the stand, and he did so after receiving a nod from Celestia. When he’d reached the magic circle and the barrier had come back up, Twilight was fishing in her briefcase. She pulled out a pair of earmuffs, putting them over Steel Wing’s ears so he couldn’t hear. “I will now show the court that Steel Wing can be controlled, with dark magic, to do anything I please. He is only sentient and autonomous when he is not being directly interfaced with by a unicorn or other magic user.”

“I’ll allow it,” Celestia said, leaning forward a bit.

“As you can see, he can’t hear me now, so anything I say will not matter,” Twilight said. “But add a bit of magic…” she paused to concentrate. Green flame and magic arched back and forth, congealing onto her horn in a sickly green aura. Her eyes bled purple steam and glowed green themselves. “Steel Wing, kill Princess Celestia!” she commanded. There was a crowd-sized gasp.

Steel Wing launched himself forward, forgetting his crutches and smashing himself into the barrier that held him at the defense table. Cracks bloomed across his face and granulites of crystal rained to the floor. Roaring and snarling like a mangy mountain lion, he scraped and clawed at the force field with his hooves, hatred and malice laced across his carved features. Princess Celestia was taken aback.

“Steel Wing! Sleepy time!”

Steel Wing halted, ears drooping. His head bobbed down and he went into a tranquil sleeping-on-his-hooves stance. There he stood for ten seconds and silence, just breathing. He wasn't even panting from his physical assault of the barrier, trying to get to Celestia. His tail twitched now and then, as though swatting dream-flies.

“Steel Wing! Lift the table!”

Snapping back to consciousness when the arc of magic hit him, the golem pony took great offense to the table next to him. Dashing to it he lifted it with his front legs and stood impressively on his back legs. Crackling and popping, his frail body shuddered under the weight.

“Whoops, uhm… uhm… put it back down!” Twilight amended. He did so with a crash, and papers went everywhere. Still under strain, the purple mare made a whipping motion with her head. Steel Wing sat as though stupefied, a blank expression on his face. Then, the spell ended.

“Wh-what? How did I get over here?” Steel Wing wanted to know. He gave a sudden, belting cry of pain, “Where are my crutches?! My legs are on fire!” he shouted, lowering himself to clutch at his legs and belly.

Celestia was stunned and said nothing while Twilight went to fetch Steel Wing’s crutches. “He may look real, and sound real, and feel real,” Twilight said seriously. “But he’s not. You can make him with those facts and figures, and you can control him like a puppet with the right spells.” She didn’t look happy about what she was saying, but it was true. “The fact that we treat him as real is just playing into his programming. He is a golem. A tool, and nothing more. And, unless the court of Equestria is willing to accuse a knife of stabbing somepony, he must be found innocent. Or rather, not tried at all because knives are neither innocent nor guilty.”

Princess Celestia sat back in her throne, a rare thing to see. It was a lot think about, really. She looked over at Luna, who seemed to be fighting a mental battle as well. Their eyes did not meet, and Celestia didn’t dare make it so. “I… I have decided,” Celestia began, but then folded a bit. “I have decided a one-hour recess.” She stamped a hoof, then turned from the throne to the judge’s chambers. Noble Cause followed and the courtroom erupted into gossip and conjecture.

Twilight stood with Steel Wing, who looked horrified as she filled him in on what had happened. He would’ve struck her on the head, but his fragile legs wouldn’t let him. He leaned heavy on his crutches, feeling the new damage on his face. The purple mare promised to try and find something that would hold him together better, sweeping up the bits that had fallen with her wings and a piece of paper. Crystals could be grown, after all, perhaps he could be a bit taller!

Across the aisle, Princess Luna looked at them. She was so angry, but at the same time she understood. It was a horrible, gut-churning feeling. Indecisiveness reigned in the courtroom, and all across Equestria as ponies argued about Steel Wing’s fate.

To be Continued…

End of Part 8

Case #7: The Foal Artist

Judge Celestia: Upon the throne of Justice
Part 10: The Foal Artist

“Your Majesty this is case number 97630 in the matter of Bouncer versus Safe,” Noble Cause smiled for Celestia when only she could see his face, giving her the folder with his teeth. “Parties have been sworn in you may proceed when ready.”

“Thank you, Noble Cause,” Celestia watched him return to his post, flipping the folder open to briefly scan the contents. “Names and vocations, please?” she asked the ponies before her.

“I’m Baby Bouncer, I’m a stay at home mother,” said the cream-colored mare with a pacifier on her rump. “I also babysit a bit on the side for monies,” she added. She offered a kind smile, tilting her nose up. Another stay-at-home mother, Celestia observed. She seemed to be seeing several of those lately.

“I’m Failsafe, I design and test HIPS for a living,” the stocky stallion to the Princess’ left said. He had a rugged jaw with a ghost of a beard on it, and a scar under one eye. He saw Celestia’s look and coughed a little. “Er, that is— Home Invasion Prevention Services. ‘HIPS’ for short,” He gave a coltish smile that split hard through his rough exterior. There was a pony that enjoyed his work as well.

“Very well,” Celestia murmured, looking through the paperwork in front of her. “Mrs. Bouncer, I understand you are suing Mr. Safe for stress and stalking and applying for a restraining order at the same time?”

“Yes, that’s right,” the mare said rather smugly, shooting the stallion across the way a look. He cocked an eyebrow at her, but said nothing.

“Well, in the interest of a speedy government service I shall try to address both at the same time before you both leave today,” Celestia offered a kind smile that made both ponies nod. “Now then, why don’t we start from the beginning and work our way from there? Mrs. Bouncer, mares first.”

“Well I watch over a gaggle of foals during certain days of the week, mostly for friends and neighbors. They all pitch in for food, and I make a little bundle at the end of each week for upkeep and my time and sanity,” she chuckled at the very idea. “Since I’m watching fewer than a dozen foals at any given time, I didn’t have to apply for a foal-rearing license like a proper daycare center.”

“I was just about to ask that, good to see you are legally cautious and aware,” Celestia nodded her approval, shuffling her great wings about a bit. Here was a mare that knew what she was doing.

“Anyway, foals need their exercise, so I always take them to the park after lunch and naptime, every single day. That way they’re fed and had some energy worn out of them by the end of the work day so they’re not a hoof-full for their parents, y’know?” Baby Bouncer stopped a moment to make sure she was being followed.

“And this park is where you first encountered Mister Fail Safe, here?” Celestia confirmed, then gestured that she continue.

“Yes, while the foals were on the playground I always sit on a bench to one side so they can do their own thing and have some freedom,” Baby Bouncer said. “And across the way, I spot this stallion, sitting alone and watchin’ all the kids,” she gestured with an accusing hoof.

“Mhm?” Celestia said, glancing at Fail Safe. The stocky, dark green stallion nodded that it was true. “Then what happened?”

“I noticed that some of the other moms and dads had noticed him as well,” Baby Bouncer said. “So I asked around a bit, trying to find out about him, but nopony seemed to know anything.”

“A mysterious stranger watching other ponies' foals, I see,” Celestia said sympathetically. “Certainly a cause for some concern. What happened next?”

“Well I don’t think he noticed me for some time, so while I was watching the foals I watched him as well,” the mare said. “He didn’t do anything at first, just sort of sat there on his bench, watching them all play intently. Then later he got out this notebook and started writing with quill and no ink.”

“No ink bottle?” Celestia asked, “That is a little suspicious,” she indulged.

“If I may, your honor,” Fail Safe lifted his briefcase open with his nose and produced a golden quill. “Pressurized ink, in case I’m hanging upside down while I’m doin’ somethin’ for HIPS.” He held it out, and Celestia’s magic gently took it. The stalk of the quill was hollow, and held with a tiny pressurized-liquid spell. The utensil could write from any angle with no problems, even upside down. She returned it to him.

“I know it sounds paranoid to say it all out loud, from an outsider’s perspective,” Baby Bouncer said with a slight cough. “But if you had foals you’d understand, Princess, if anypony’s looking at them too closely it’s never good.”

Noble Cause’s eye glanced into Celestia’s face at that moment. The less-than-fractional twitch in her eyelashes spoke volumes. The statement had cut deep somehow, or opened an ancient wound. It only jus then occurred to the Pegasus guard that Celestia had no husbands or children in recorded history. As a mare, that probably hurt her a lot— and such an off-the-cuff statement had made it worse.

Time seemed to return to its normal state when Celestia answered, “I imagine I would.” She cleared her throat a little. “So you saw Mr. Fail Safe there with his notebook and pen with no ink, watching the playground’s foals intently. What happened next?”

“Well I was really wary of whatever he was doing, so I started walking around. Chancing to maybe see over his shoulder, see?” the mare explained with a circular motion of her hoof. “Well I did so, keeping an eye on the foals, mind, and you’d not believe what he was doing!”

“What’s that?” Celestia asked.

“He was sketchin’ ‘em!” Baby Bouncer said. “Drawing each one of their little faces and bodies how he pleased, there in his notebook!”

“Is this true, Fail Safe?” Celestia asked.

“Er-yes, your Majesty,” the rough-and-tumble-looking stallion reddened in the cheeks, looking at the floor. Odd reaction, the solar princess thought. There was more to be learned, clearly.

“And what did you do then?” Celestia asked Baby Bouncer.

“I told him to shove off and quit being such a creeper!” the mare said, “Where does he get off, starin’ at our kids for hours and drawing them like that! It makes everypony nervous and it makes me paranoid about his intentions, sitting there in the park like that!”

“Mhm?” Celestia said, never doubting there would be more.

“It makes me wonder if he’s waiting for one foal to wander off on its own!”

“I don’t like what you’re implying,” Fail Safe growled from his defendant table. “World’s got enough problems without… that,” he wasn’t about to invoke the word Baby Bouncer was probably building up to.

“You’re not to speak to each other,” Celestia reminded them, straightening her posture. “Only to me, and only when prompted.” She felt like a mother hen scolding her chicks for not getting along in the same nest again. Noble Cause glanced at her. Something about this case was getting under the Princess’ skin. He couldn’t quite see what it was yet, but the way she kept glancing at Fail Safe while Baby Bouncer was talking—it was telling.

“How come you’re sitting there starin’ at ‘em, then?!” the mare demanded.

“That’s a fifty-bit fine, Miss Bouncer,” Celestia said, a slight edge in her voice. “Continue on this path and I shall dismiss your case entirely.” The mare wilted at her words, falling silent. “Now then,” the Princess prompted after a few moments, “You told Fail Safe to shoo away, what did he do then?”

“He said--!”

“Not said, that’s heresay,” Celestia interrupted. “What did he do?”

“Er,” Baby Bouncer thought a moment, erasing the conversation from her story, “He didn’t budge! He just sat there and scowled at me like I’d just insulted his mother.”

“Not his mother, merely his honor,” Celestia murmured so low that only Noble Cause heard her.

“Needless to say, I went and got a park ranger right away! We don’t need creepers like him there at the playground for foals! If he doesn’t have foals with him, then there’s no reason to be there! It was setting everypony on edge and I wasn’t going to have any of it!” Baby Bouncer said, stamping a hoof. “So I got some of the other parents together, you know, to watch the little ones for the five minutes that I was away, and went to find the first white stallion in armor I could find.”

“And you came back with said guard. What did he or she do?” Celestia said, reminding her that not all guards were male.

“I told him everything that had happened so far, and he just sort of shrugged it off. Like there wasn’t some strange pony eyeballing our kids and drawing their pictures like a creepy artist pedophile!” she jutted a hoof at the stallion.

“I’ll not stand there and be called that, you BITCH!” shouted Fail Safe, red-faced and furious.

“Order!” Celestia stamped a hoof so hard the top stair of the dais cracked under her fury. Noble Cause, along with everypony else, watched a bit-sized stone break free and tumble down the middle of the aisle. “I’ll hold you both in contempt, the both of you,” Celestia said, her motherly smile and demeanor gone. “This is a clearly a sensitive topic, and if you cannot approach it as mature ponies you will both spend the night in the palace dungeon.” She did not shout, merely threatened. “Then you may swear and scream at each other all night until you are hoarse.” There was a short silence followed by, “And a one hundred-bit fine for the both of you, for disorderly conduct in my courtroom.”

Noble Cause coughed twice, gesturing with his earth-pony mantacles and pegasus wing-bars. Every guard on the force had one or two restraints for each tribe on his person at any given time. It would be nothing to grab them both and haul them off to jail.

After a silence of staring both angry little ponies down into their place, Celestia took a deep breath and collected herself. Slowly, painfully, she wiped the frown from her face and the queen-mask came back on. “So you brought a guard to the scene, and he did nothing for you, nor against Fail Safe?” she asked Baby Bouncer.

“Er, yes,” the mare said, cowed under Celestia’s spike of passion and anger.

“So this guard told you Fail Safe had done nothing wrong. Did he examine the notebook in question?” Celestia asked.

“Yes.”

“And he did nothing?”

“No.”

"Was he back the next day, while your gaggle of foals were playing?"

"And the next day! And the day after that! Every time we were there, like he was stalking us! Always sketching in his little book!"

“Is this notebook present in the courtroom today?” Celestia turned her gaze to Fail Safe, who squirmed a little. “Let me see it?” she gestured. The stallion fished in his briefcase, then offered the item to Noble Cause. The bailiff took it, then brought it to Celestia. The Princess pawed through it a little, flipping the pages. It was a two hundred and fifty page notebook, un-lined, with ink drawings in it. With the dates and initials in the corners, she tracked his progress through several years of sketching foals, playgrounds, and young-looking families. All of them smiling, prancing, flying, playing. Nothing shady, nothing that didn't need to be showing. The raciest thing was of a young couple kissing while a group of five foals played around their pillar-like legs. If anything it was an exersize in foal-versus-grown-pony proportions. Nothing did Celestia find offensive. “Some of these are quite good,” she commented, folding it closed again. “Your skills as an artist are developing quite a bit, Fail Safe. Art is not even your special talent, but you clearly have a knack for it,” she gestured lightly to the padlock on the stallion’s flank. “However, in the interest of clearing the air and bringing things to light, tell me, why foals?”

“It’s uhm… it’s classified,” the stallion’s face was pink in the cheeks, and he held the phrase up like only a HIPS agent could do. But it was a glass shield before an alicorn princess.

“You realize you’re under oath, Fail Safe?” Celestia prodded gently.

“I mean, it’s just… we’re on the radio and such, and…” he gestured to the audience that was watching intently from the pews. “I mean, all these ponies, it’s real personal,” even his gruff exterior had cracked a bit.

“What are you so reluctant to say, I wonder, that you would not tell your Princess?” Celestia tried a little bit of guilt, smiling in the most pleasant way she could.

“What’re you hiding, she means,” Baby Bouncer said with narrow eyes before she could stop herself.

Celestia sighed, lifting a hoof to touch the space between her eyes. “Foals are the greatest treasure in our lives, Baby Bouncer, and they are our future,” The Princess said, drawing herself up, “But you are setting a bad example, disobeying my rules for the third time. Arrest her, Noble Cause,” she gestured only lightly. Baby Bouncer’s face went as pale as a sheet, and Noble Cause cuffed her. The mare hung her head as she was led away. The Pegasus guard was away from the throne and dais, leaving only Celestia and Fail Safe to stare at each other. “She’ll spend the night in the dungeon, then be set free in the morning, perhaps with a cooler head.” Fail Safe nodded but didn’t dare speak. “Approach me, my little pony,” she gave her permission. Feeling very small before her alicorn stature, the muscled stallion came out from behind his defendant’s table. Noble Cause returned on the double, standing to one side on the dais. “Closer now,” Celestia bade, leaning and touching her microphone. The air was filled with the soft sound of static. Everypony in the room and everypony listening in on the radio heard nothing. “Speak,” she whispered, prodding him again. “You have your privacy. While it is not illegal, it is concerning to see a grown stallion drawing nothing but young ponies and foals in his notebook.”

The gruff stallion hung his head a little, red-cheeked, “I’m… I’m in the business to protect families. To keep the crooks out,” he chanced looking up into her pink gaze, but could not withstand her calculating look and quickly looked at the floor again. “I’m… I’m infertile,” he finally mumbled at the floor. “No mare either. I can’t have a family of my own… so I sit there and draw ‘em to remind myself why I do the job. Build home security systems. So they can be happy and safe instead’a me.” He couldn’t look at her face after that, he was so ashamed of his lack of… virility. “I’m… I’m sorry, I won’t do it anymore if you ask, Princess.”

Celestia switched off the static-privacy, and turned all the microphones back on. “I see,” she said evenly. “Return to your table,” she nodded at it. He obeyed, and Noble Cause didn’t relax until he was a safe distance away from her Majesty. “Fail Safe, I am ready to make my decision,” she drew herself up. “This court finds there are no grounds for a restraining order, nor for Mrs. Bouncer’s suing you for stress and stalking foals,” she said officially. “A park, along with the playground it may contain, is public property. And while any parents may show concern for their young when a stranger is around, it is not within their powers to chase said stranger away. If they are wary, they may take their foals elsewhere. I find you have done nothing wrong, Fail Safe, nor were your intentions anything of the shady variety as Mrs. Bouncer implied.” She studied the papers in front of her. “Persuing you after local law enforcement refused her has Mrs. Bouncer bordering on harrassment, but in your answering statement you only asked for punitives should you win the case. I will therefore grant you punitive damages and be done with this. Judgement for the defense in the amount of one bit. That is all.” She stamped a hoof to make it official.

Fail Safe bowed before his princess, but said nothing else as she swept from the throne and into the judge’s chambers. Noble Cause followed, and the foal artist stood there for a time, unsure of what to do. When he looked at the ponies present in the audience, they seemed to study him with curiosity, but not with contempt. His heart swelled a little. He was reminded all the more why he did the job. To keep ponies everywhere safe. His locks. His doors. His talent. Fail Safe smiled despite himself, gathering his things to leave the court room.

End of Part 10

Recess #2 A Sweet Respite

Judge Celestia: Upon the Throne of Justice
Part 12: A Sweet Respite

Celestia smiled gaily when somepony knocked on her door. Getting up quickly, she got to the door and opened it. “Noble! I’m glad you’re-! Oop, hullo sister,” she blushed at the wide smirk that was pulling its way across Luna’s muzzle.

“Perhaps it is not my company you are pining for, huhm?” she asked, looking at her sideways. Celestia blushed, but allowed her into the room none the less. “That stallion’s name hot on your lips at the mere sound of a hoof on your door, you must be quite smitten!”

“It’s strange,” Celestia said as they went about their usual ritual of brushing each other’s ethereal manes. “I’ve not had a…”

“Companion?” Luna ventured.

“Yes— in a long time,” Celestia smiled despite herself. “We’ve kissed, Luna. Kissed!”

Luna squee’d in delight. “My then! It is wonderful to see you so giddy for male attention!”

“Yes, yes I think so too,” she tilted her head as she spoke. “You know, for some time I thought perhaps the palace would explode with rumors and speculation. That I would see a long line of nobles insisting that I date their sons instead. Or perhaps Twilight Sparkle beating my door down demanding to know every little detail about the poor thing.”

Luna steepled her hooves, her bangs shadowing her eyes for a moment before she lit up and smiled, “Yes, sister! It’s almost as if everypony has half a brain and is giving you space to enjoy your happiness!”

“…you threatened them all, didn’t you?” Celestia asked flatly.

“No!”

“Liar.”

“I would never!”

“You’re lying to me.”

“Am not!”

“You are fibbing through your teeth.”

“Neigh!”

“Yay.”

“Neigh-h-h-h!”

“Yay.”

“I would never threaten my subjects to bolster the successes of my sister’s romantic conquests!” Luna insisted, sticking out her tongue. “It is untidy of me!” Celestia arched a single eyebrow and stared at her in silence. Conquest really wasn’t the word she…

“I appreciate your forethought, Luna,” Celestia leaned and kissed her sister’s forehead, before going back to brushing her mane. “It takes a lot off my mind to worry about. These past few cases have been rather… charged.”

“Bah!” Luna rose. “If you are to linger on such things, I will send treats and sweets to your rooms from the kitchens until you collapse from a happy sugar coma!”

“Luna, wait—!” But the Night Princess was already gone. Celestia sighed, leaning and then finally settling on her bad. She wasn’t a fan of naps, but if her sister was off to send food her way she might as well rest for a few moments. She closed her eyes.

=-=-=-=

Celestia heard a hoof knocking, and quickly sat up. “If you are from the kitchens, please send it all to the nearest guard barracks. They deserve treats, not me.” The alicorn called.

“It’s me,” Noble’s voice called through the door. Leaping to her hooves, Celestia rather smittenly rushed to the door. She stopped, checking herself quickly on a hanging mirror, then opened the door. She stared slack-jawed at what she saw.

Noble Cause stood in the hallway, weighed down with small sweets and other things. He had an odd necklace of hard candies, anklets of sugar cubes, a donut on a string tied to his tail, lines of taffy on his primary feathers, an array of chocolates attached to his back, and a cherry stuck to his nose with a bit of caramel. “I hope you can explain this, because I sure can’t.” the stallion said, waddling awkwardly into the room with her.

“Luna you brat…” Celestia hissed between her teeth. She checked out in the hallway to make sure nopony had seen, and then quickly shut the door. “I’m so sorry Noble, my sister, she’s just a bit… overzealous.” She plucked the cherry from his nose and tossed it to the counter of her mini-kitchen.

“This is gonna stick to my fur,” he lifted a hoof to get at the sugarcube anklets, his long pink tongue lapping around. It was a curious muscle, his tongue, for it looked soft and dexterious as a dog’s. The skin was pink and soft like crab-flesh. The tip finally wrangled one of the sugar cubes, curling expertly around it and pulling it free.

Celestia stared, mouth a little bit agape. Quickly catching herself with a sniffle-snorting sort of sound she started herding him along. “W-well at the very least it shouldn’t go to waste,” she said, leading him to the tile of her mini-kitchen so nothing would get on the carpet.

They spent some time ‘undressing’ him, and Celestia stood behind him to get at the donut that was tied to his tail. Lifting it up to untie the sweet, her eyes flicked downward. Oh my. He looked over his shoulder at her, a little wide-eyed, but saw her looking. Their eyes met. She smiled embarrassedly, scarlet in the face. “Well! If you wanted to look you could’ve just asked!” he said, mock-offended as he flicked her with his tail. The donut had not yet been untied and it slapped wetly against Celestia’s face with a chocolaty splat. He startled, then burst out laughing. She threw her head back and laughed too, holding her sides. “Well go on, grab it!” She gaped at his boldness. “The donut not me-heee-hee-he-ee-hahahaa!” he collapsed to one side, still half-covered with sweets. “Oh! Oh my sides!” he brayed, wings flapping about.

=-=-=-=-=

Celestia snapped awake, out of the fantasy she’d been dreaming about. Somepony was knocking on her door. “Princess, it’s me!” Noble Cause was at her door. Flushing hot and wondering if Luna had twisted her dream into such a… such a thing, she ran a brush through her mane to quickly fix it before getting to the door.

“Woof, these’re heavy!” Noble stumbled in with a couple of paper grocery sacks.

“What’re those for?” Celestia asked, cocking her head and closing the door behind him.

“I’m supposed to try and teach you to cook, remember?” Noble folded his wing like a hand, opening his saddlebags and dumping things out onto her kitchenette counter.

“Oh yes,” Celestia winced a little. “That’s right, we’d planned this earlier.” The poor Princess had been too lost in all her cases, ruling duties and such to remember her pseudo-date with her baliff.

“Let’s try eggs first, huhm? Something simple!” Noble turned on the burner, taking a pot out of her dish-drying rack and putting the water on to boil. "You said you struggled pretty hard before, but I'm sure we'll make something edible at some point!" He gestured for her to get her own pot and water. She smiled a little embarrassedly, but did as she was asked.

Half an Hour Later…

“I… I just don’t understand it!” Noble Cause stared, scrubbing his mane furiously. “My egg boiled just fine! How did yours not cook at all?!” He looked at her incredulously.

Celestia blushed, looking to one side. “Like I told you before,” she ventured, “Beings with enough magic can affect the world around them rather strangely. Mine is the inability to cook.”

“But… it’s no different than alchemy or anything like that. Hot water plus egg makes boiled egg,” Noble said, pushing the raw egg around on the counter with a hoof. Next to it sat his steaming, perfectly golden boiled egg. “How?”

“Magic is strange like that sometimes. Needless to say, I’ve hired enough chefs to make sure I don’t go hungry,” Celestia smiled a bit, patting his back with a massive wing. Noble smiled sympathetically. “Maybe you can teach me something else?” Raw implication hung between them both and they stared at each other. “Er, I meant…”

Noble grinned wryly, looking to one side and coughing. “Well why don’t we find something else to do for the afternoon, then we might have dinner together and call it a day?” he asked. She nodded. “Letting the kitchen staff cook, of course,” he added, getting a rag to wipe up the egg the Princess somehow did not cook with boiling water at hoof. Celestia nodded happily.

End of Part 12

Recess #3: A Night Respite

Judge Celestia: Upon the Throne of Justice
Part 13: A Night Respite

Celestia stared at the sleeping stallion lying next to her, rather red-faced. She and Noble Cause had gone to dinner as planned, then spent the evening together, but when the Princess’ usual bedtime had come around a guard had poked his head in to check on her when the lights had not gone out. Yes, she had a bedtime, don’t poke fun, she had to be up with the dawn after all.

But when Noble Cause had risen to leave, she’d put her hoof over his. Perhaps he’d stay… just a bit longer? When the other guard had left, he’d slowly agreed. Camping out on the massive pillows in front of the hearth, they’d shared a shadowy respite when the sun had gone down and only firelight was there to guide them. Firelight kisses were certainly romantic.

Then he’d fallen asleep right there next to her.

She hadn’t expected it, but when he’d slid from his leaning into her into an on-his-side sleeping stance she didn’t have it in her to move him. Celestia smiled slowly, reaching and gingerly touching his pumpkin-orange mane. Her eyes half-lidded in a rather smitten way. Draping a massive wing over his body, she laid her head over his withers with a soft sigh.

The stallion stirred, turning over and curling into her on instinct. A moan-mutter was all that he said. Celestia stroked his mane a few more times to soothe him. How long had it been since she’d had a warm body next to hers while sleeping. Too long, she thought idly. Using her magic she gently pulled the curtains to shut out even the starlight. Her world was cast into the oranges and blacks of the fireplace. Well-insulated, the room began to heat nicely. Slowly stretching out until she lay on her side, the day princess gave a deep sigh of relief. Spooning up behind Noble Cause, she shared her body heat with him as one of her long legs served as his head-pillow, and another draped over him. She held him close, pushing her muzzle gingerly into his mane. The male musk of his scent worked its way into her mane, and the princess smiled contentedly. Sleep took her after a long time of slow, deep breathing.

Closer to the Dawn…

“Mmm, ice cream…. Lahhh-m… Lahhh-m…” Noble Cause awoke to find he was not sitting in a park licking an ice cream cone, but was laying on his side licking a large white… ankle? He stared blearily, his vision not quite there yet. “Uhhh…?” he lifted his head, but found himself pressed against something large and warm. Something breathing. Blood filled his face so fast he felt a little dizzy and dropped his head. That was--! That was--! He looked at the mussed, moist fur of her ankle (decidedly not ice cream), and saw she was pawing forward a little and giggling in her sleep.

“That… tickles…” Celestia husked in her sleep, mooshing him against her with her alicorn strength. “Muhhh…” she settled again, pushing her nose into his mane and snuffling a little before she went quiet. Noble Cause’s eyes bugged out for a moment, and he tried to calm himself. He didn’t remember drinking, or going to bed with her or… he noticed she was still wearing her golden horseshoes. They must’ve fallen asleep in front of the fire. Mind racing, he wondered what to do. Turning slowly and carefully, he looked at her. She looked so… vulnerable. Her brow was knitted in a fretful-looking slumber, her mouth hanging open as she took full, throaty breathes. “Uhhh…. Hooo…. Uhhh…. Hooo…” It wasn’t snoring it was just… audible. He fought down a savage grin. She was adorable! He tried hard not to giggle aloud and wake her. He dared reach and touched her milky white cheek. She took a deep breath of waking and he instantly regretted it.

“Uhhh’hhhh, Noble?” Celestia whispered, staring at him half-awake.

“Cellie?” he whispered back.

“Comfy…?” she said softly, her eyes out-of-focus.

“Uhh, mhm.” He nodded.

“Good,” she FLUMPED back down with her alicorn weight, shifting the world around him. He chuckled softly. Perhaps in the morning she would remember herself? Well, he wasn’t about to move and unsettle her. Her forelegs slowly hooked around him on instinct, pulling him to her breast. She hid her head under a wing to blot out the firelight. He stuck his nose under there to have a look. She slept peacefully, heavily. Something about his presence was leaving her blissfully unaware.

Screwing up his courage, Noble Cause squirmed a bit higher up her body, until her great head was tucked under his chin. Careful of her massive horn, he cupped the back of her head until her instincts took over and she snuggled into him more firmly. He saw no blankets nearby, but the fire was warm enough. Cradling her majesty in his arms, he rocked her slowly until she purred in her sleep. When she’d descended into deep slumber, he stopped. Rested. Learned her scent. The Pegasus stroked her with his wing, over and over. It was hard for sleep to find him again, but it did eventually.

The Next Morning at Breakfast…

Luna was staring at Celestia, who was very carefully buried in her morning newspaper and busy with her toast. Luna frowned thoughtfully, tapping a hoof several times on the table. Celestia had barely spoken that morning, and wasn’t meeting her gaze during conversation. Was that a stain of flushed pink on her cheeks? Something had happened. Something she was hiding. Something she didn’t want her own sister to know... Trim Tidy came in at precisely the wrong moment, pushing the breakfast cart with the main course on it. Luna SLAMMED her hooves on the table, standing and pointing at her sister in outrage and glee. “You got LAID, didn’t you?!” the night Princess demanded.

Celestia sprayed toast crumbs across her paper. “Luna!”

Trim Tidy’s fainting goat of a brain locked up. The poor mare backed out of the room slowly, “I. Didn’t. Hear. Anything,” she said robotically, mouth more than a little dry at the mere IDEA of… of…!

End of Part 13

Case #8: The Silver Earrings

Judge Celestia: Upon the Throne of Justice
Part 14: The Silver Earrings

“Your Majesty this is case number 11134 in the matter of Silver versus Trot. Parties have been sworn in, you may begin when ready,” Celestia’s eyes followed Noble Cause until he’d come to a stop to one side of her. But she quickly regained herself.

The white alicorn straightened her manila folder, flipping briefly through the papers and photos she’d been given beforehoof. Ah yes, she remembered this one. A nice short case to end the day with, thankfully. “Names and vocations, please?”

To her left, a young-faced stallion and his wife. To her right, a young mare with a torn ear. The Princess didn’t allow herself the wince that was boiling behind her poised expression. “I am Shining Silver. I run the Silver Stallion silver shop in lower Canterlot. Mostly tableware, but on occasion the odd piece of jewelry comes up. I don’t shy from it, it’s all valuable,” he smiled. “This is my wife Smooth Silky. She’s mute, I’m sorry.” He paused for the mare to make a couple of hoof-taps and gestures. “She says she helps run the shop with me, and that it’s an honor to stand in your presence.”

“Would you like an interpreter, Miss Silky?” The Princess didn’t ask why they didn’t share the same last name, it had nothing to do with the case. The mare shook her head politely. Celestia gestured to the waiting stallion that stood as the voice of the deaf or mute in her court.

“No, please send him away.” Shining Silver said less than politely.

The interpreter bowed and politely returned to his seat, but did not leave the room. Noble Cause was impressed. Having such a pony on hoof all the time took forethought. “Very well. Gesture for me if your husband does not speak for you word-for-word. Remember you are both under oath,” the Princess reminded them.

Celestia turned her head. “My name is Glamor Trot,” the young mare said, a bit of her mane coming shyly over her face.

“Of the Trottingham herd?” Celestia asked.

“Yes, my family owns most of Trottingham’s real estate,” she said softly. If she hadn’t had a microphone in front of her, nopony would’ve heard her speaking. “But I-I’m a student, you see. Just a student.” She looked to one side as she spoke, the tear in her ear flapping just a little.

“If I understand, Miss Trot, you are suing the business ‘Silver Stallion’ for… stolen earrings?” Celestia said slowly. “Please tell me what happened.”

“W-well you see, I’ve never been much for jewelry. But Daddy bought me a pair of wonderful silver earrings with heart-shaped rubies in them,” she explained. “I’d gotten good grades on all my term papers and graduated third in my class, sized over fifteen hundred.”

“Well done,” Celestia praised. “And a suiting gift, no doubt?”

“Oh, they were very pretty,” the shy little mare whispered. “But, I only got to wear them once.” She hung her head like it was her own fault. “I got mugged, you see…” she trailed off.

“Do you believe the Silver Stallion itself had something to do with this?” Celestia asked.

“I do, yes,” she nodded twice, though her voice had stayed low.

“What happened?”

“I was on the train from Canterlot to Trottingham. It hadn’t started moving yet, and there was this tall stallion. He had this little group with him, you see…” she trailed off a moment, her eyes seeing the fearful past.

“Yes?” Celestia prompted.

“The tall one shouted to the others to ‘run the earrings’,” she reached and touched her torn ear. “They pounced on me, and the first one got torn out!” she mewled a little. “I surrendered and they unhooked the other properly, then ran before anypony could stop them.”

“Oh my,” Celestia said, eyeing the injury. No doubt the poor thing would need a rather expensive surgery to seal such a scarring wound. Her body had done all it could, the rest would need magic. “But tell me, Miss Trot, what makes you think the store that sold these earrings to your father would just steal them back from you straight away? Have you any proof?”

“Oh yes,” she nodded, turning over one of her papers. “I went back to the shop to buy another pair, you see,” she could barely meet the Princess’ eyes, much less her opponents’. “I was going to replace them before my father noticed. I didn’t want him to know I’d been mugged.” She looked at the floor. “B-but when I saw my own earrings back in the display case, I knew something had to be wrong.”

“How so?” Celestia asked. She saw Smooth Silky looking at the floor uncomfortably, scratching a hoof at the floor.

“Well, that particular shop only buys silver during the first and second week of every month. Their rotating flyers say so,” she gestured.

“We do that to help ponies along!” Protested Shining Silver, pushing his grey mane to one side as he spoke. “Sometimes paychecks don’t cover everything at the end of the month, so we buy silver at the start of the new month so ponies can have the cash they need to get by.” His wife nodded that it was true.

“An interesting business practice,” Celestia said, nodding along. In truth it probably meant they could buy silver for cheaper from ponies desperate to make a few bits. “One fact eludes me, though, Miss Trot,” Celestia lifted a gilded hoof. “How did you recognize your earrings in the display case? Surely there are hundreds of silver earrings with heart-shaped rubies in them in the world.”

“W-well, one was lying flat on the little display pillow. The other was turned on its side. You know, for display purposes?”

“Yes?”

“The serial number was showing, on the inside-curve of it,” she gestured.

“Our serial numbers are twenty digits long! And they’re tiny! You’d never be able to see them through the glass!” Shining Silver snorted. Smooth Silky nodded firmly.

“He does raise an interesting point,” Celestia said. “How could you have possibly memorized a twenty-digit code, then recalled it while under such stress?”

“My degree is in physical alchemy,” Glamor Trot said, scuffing a hoof on the marble floor a bit bashfully. “Long numbers are sort of my… thing.”

“Name pi to the eleventh place,” Celestia practically barked before she could stop herself. She would not allow such a blanketing statement without a little proof.

“One-four-one-five-nine-two-six-five-three-five-nine,” the mare said automatically, without hesitation.

“That doesn’t prove anything!” Shining Silver snapped after Celestia had asked pi from her throne-side calculator.

“Hush,” Celestia bade him. “Now tell me the third magical law of thermo-dynamics.”

“The exponential fall-out of an endless loop of energy would destroy the universe,” The young mare said. “The last mare to attempt infinite magical energy was sealed in stone by… w-well, you, Princess. She stands in the royal garden, the scroll she used turned to stone as well. Unleashing her would mean the turning Equestria into a glass crater.”

“Noble Cause, come,” Celestia bade, nodding that it was true. “Stand by my throne.” Her bailiff obeyed and she gave him the manila folder, the magic number highlighted for him. “Tell Noble Cause the twenty digits of your lost earrings.” Celestia glanced at Noble, who nodded. Celestia held the mare’s eyes with her powerful gaze, then let her speak.

Glamor Trot looked over at Noble Cause, never breaking her stride. No hesitation, no scratching of the head, nothing. She didn’t look down at any papers. It was like breathing for her. She rattled down the twenty numbers of the serial number like anypony that was reciting the time of day or the weather. “She’s correct,” Noble reported, closing the folder and returning it to Celestia.

“Return to your post,” the Princess thanked him.

“She could’ve gotten that number from anywhere!” Shining Silver protested. Smooth Silky was scowly-faced.

“Is that to say she memorized it after she saw it in the display case?” Celestia asked. “And then fed it to me to get a free pair of earrings?”

“Maybe!”

“But those numbers are quite long, and tiny, and she couldn’t have possibly seen them through the glass!” Celestia chuckled lightly, feeding his words back to him. The young stallion blushed, flustered. “Or is it perhaps, she memorized them from the receipt of purchase?” she looked over at Miss Trot, who nodded a bit. “How else would you know to match them, huhm?” Celestia made a gesture and the young mare obediently produced the receipt in question. It was the original, serial number intact and initialed. “As I thought,” the Princess said. “So the question becomes… how did Miss Trot’s stolen earrings get back to their store of origin?” her pleasant demeanor fell a bit to a rather alarming frown.

“N-no telling, your Majesty!” Shining Silver said.

“And, another question that truly bothers me,” the Princess shuffled her papers. “If you were buying silver during the wrong two weeks of the month, why would you take that particular pair of earrings when you’d just sold them, less than a day prior, to an upper-class young mare… when they were brought by a scruffy-looking herd of four or five stallions?” she flipped the folder closed. “Were you not suspicious? Did you not check the serial numbers and have questions on the origins of the jewelry?”

“I did no such thing! My store is squeaky clean!” Shining Silver said, miffed at the mere idea. “I turn away half a dozen stolen things a day! I require paperwork, receipts, points of origin, everything!”

“With your store sitting in lower Canterlot, you must be approached quite often by ponies trying to make a quick bit,” Celestia pressed him just a little. When ponies were angry they often spoke more truth than lies, especially if they were indignant.

“Mayhap,” the stallion scowled at his Princess. “But I know better. My wife knows better. She’s been keeping our books meticulously since we got together.”

“Oh?” Celestia turned to the mute mare, who coughed lightly. “Tell me, Smooth Silky, did it not strike you as odd to sell a pair of earrings then get them back so quickly if your books are so meticulous?”

Smooth Silky gestured back and forth, her horn lighting a bit. Shining Silver watched her. Celestia’s sign-language interpreter frowned, sitting up a bit straighter. “She says if she had, she would’ve reported it right away. Along with the descriptions of the ponies that brought the earrings to us. The Canterlot Guard are no strangers to us. Sometimes dishonest ponies try to sell us things. We turn them away, noting what they look like. When law enforcement asks about a particular stolen item, we match item with face so they can catch them,” Shining Silver said, putting a foreleg around his wife’s shoulders. She nodded, confirming what she’d said. The interpreter’s eyes narrowed, suspicious.

“I see…” Celestia slowly sat back in her throne. No doubt if she looked up the records the local guard houses would confirm them. Pawn shops and precious metal shops had to be very, very careful these days on what they bought and from whom. “Did you not simply check your records and compare numbers, Smooth Silky?” the Princess asked.

The young mare started to gesture, but the stallion to one side jumped up onto his hooves. “Alright that’s enough!” he said angrily.

“Silent Sign?” Celestia turned with a frown. She watched the stallion tramp out from his little alcove to stand before her. Noble Cause bristled a little. “What is the matter?”

“This mare is a sham!” The signing pony exclaimed, thrusting an accusing hoof at her. Shining Silver stood sideways to protect her from his shouting when she shrank back a bit. “She’s not saying anything in sign-language! It’s gibberish!”

“Oh?” Celestia said, a little shocked at his boldness.

“She’s speaking through telepathy or something, you see her horn lighting?!”

“Is there something you don’t want me to know, Miss Silky?” Celestia said with a frown, leaning with interest. Noble Cause shifted a little, his wings opening and his chest inflating. He had a bad feeling about all this.

“Please, your Majesty, forgive my rudeness,” Silent Sign said, bowing twice. “But let me speak for Smooth Silky and you’ll see!”

“Very well…” Celestia said cautiously.

“No! We refuse!” Shining Silver said angrily. “I speak for my wife, we don’t need you!” Smooth Silky flushed, nodding and hanging onto her stallion.

“Do as I command,” the white alicorn said, her wings half-opening. Everypony present shuddered just a little. “Be seated, Shining Silver, there at the little row of chairs.” The grey stallion slowly left his love by herself before the signer and the Princess. Glamor Trot blinked in confusion, watching and wisely not speaking. There was a long silence as the white mare slowly turned to look Smooth Silky in the eyes. She was frightened. “Good afternoon, Smooth Silky.”

“Welcome today,” the interpreter said blandly when Smooth Silky signed at her.

“Are you well?”

“We continue… a circle… once more,” the interpreter said slowly. “I love a group. Ferris wheel.”

“Is it possible she’s speaking griffonian sign-language? Or minotaur?” Celestia asked curiously.

“No. I know all three, your highness,” the stallion grumped at the imposter. “This is an insult to deaf and mute ponies everywhere.”

“Once more, who, I frown upon you.” The interpreter said. Smooth Silky looked very upset and reached towards her husband like a frightened foal.

“You don’t understand her like I do!” Shining Silver said angrily. “Stop tormenting her!”

“There are only four primary sign languages on this continent, Princess. I know three of them,” the interpreter said. “This is garbled Equestrian at best.”

“What is the fourth?”

“Changeling,” he said off-hoofedly, then froze. Everypony present went hush and the courtroom looked at Smooth Silky. She winced, lowering herself like she might be struck. The grey mare with dark grey mane whimpered audibly. Shining Silver disobeyed at last, rushing to stand over her and shield her from any oncoming assault. Guards started angrily forward, armor and spears clanking.

“Halt.” Celestia’s hoof snapped against the marble dais under her. “I will Court Marshal the first guard to touch her, and imprison the first civilian. Return to your posts.” There was freezing, questioning eyes, but obedience.

“Your Majesty?” Noble Cause said, slowly turning his head.

Smooth Silky hung her head, a green fire slowly lighting on her spiraling horn. “No don’t,” Celestia lifted a hoof. She looked up at the alicorn, trembling. “If this is how you wish to look, then that is how you will look before me as well.” Smooth Silky swallowed, then nodded. Her eyes didn’t dare leave the floor. Shining Silver turned slow, angry circles in case the guards should come charging in anyway. “Let me guess: You were included in the changeling-pony exchange program from beyond the badlands border, after the Canterlot Wedding fiasco.”

Smooth Silky nodded, then gestured.

“I am little.” The interpreter said.

“I am a drone,” Shining Silver corrected angrily. Celestia politely dismissed the interpreter. “She-- came here with the exchange program a couple of years ago, but the rampant racism is pretty thick with all the high society ponies in Canterlot. So she disguised herself like this. I love her, though,” he said bravely. “She is my wife! We’re married!” he seemed to be shouting at the crowd of onlookers more than at Celestia. “She’s my Silky!” He huffed and puffed, snorting at the staring crowd he was trying to defend her from. The Princess was afraid the poor thing might hyperventilate if he wasn’t careful.

Smooth Silky looked up at her husband, flushed and trembling. He sat on his haunches, his arms around her. Celestia smiled sympathetically. Such a protective thing. This was spiraling out of control though, and this was not the point to linger. “Tell me, Miss Silky. Did you knowingly buy back the stolen silver?”

The mute mare nodded once, ashamed, unable to lie to her.

“Did you recognize it?”

She nodded, ears wilting.

“Did tell your husband of this?”

She shook her head no, hanging her head at the shocked look he gave her.

“And when Glamor Trot came looking, you denied they were hers?”

Smooth Silky nodded that it was true, sighing.

“Honey why?” Shining Silver said softly, cupping her cheek. “I know the shop’s been struggling hard lately, but we’ve got nest eggs put away! There was no need to buy stolen goods from anypony!” Smooth Silky gestured a long and complex series of motions. The Princess looked at the stallion. Word-for-word it was, then. “She says… ‘I see you with your calculator and bills some nights, instead of in bed with me where you should be. You worry so much about making ends meet in such a risk-reward business. I didn’t want you to suffer over such a useless, shiny metal.’”

“How much are those earrings worth?” Celestia asked.

“Nine-Hundred bits, give or take,” Shining Silver said. “They’re good silver with perfect rubies.”

“Glamor Trot?”

“Daddy bought them for me, the receipt says nine-hundred thirty-seven,” she produced the paper and Celestia’s magic took it from her.

The Princess nodded slowly. “Judgement for the plaintiff in the amount of nine-hundred and thirty-seven bits, plus legal fees,” she stamped a hoof once to make it final. Glamor Trot beamed. A victory! “In the meantime, Miss Silky, you are under arrest. Noble, please be gentle and respectful with her.” She gestured lightly with a large wing.

Noble Cause stepped forward and the mare hung her head as she was cuffed. “Anything you say, or sign, can be used against you. You’ve a right to an attorney,” his voice faded as they left the room. Noble quickly returned to his post when she’d been handed off and taken to the nearest dungeon cell.

“Will you send her away?! Out of Equestria?! Back to the badlands?!” Shining Silver had to know.

Celestia considered for a time, carefully constructing her answer. “For knowingly buying stolen property, lying to the crown, misleading authorities and a few other things she’ll be facing some jail time. How much is up to a lower court and was not the point of today’s proceedings. You will have to attend her hearings.”

“But she’s my wife!” he said desperately. “She’s a changeling! Equestria’s courts will eat her alive!” His eyes were starting to brim with tears.

“This court does not, nor any other in Equestria, take species into account when it comes to sentencing,” Celestia rose from her throne, gesturing to Noble Cause to follow. “Diversity under the crown is a blessing, not a thing to fear. Changeling or no, if you feel she is mistreated because of what she is, send word to me and she will walk from that courtroom back into my own...” she assured. “-And I will sentence her myself.”

“I-I… yes, your Majesty!” The stallion was very upset, but cowed and thankful at the same time. It was hard to be all three at once. Celestia left, Noble Cause at her side, and the judge’s chamber doors slowly closed. The sound was enough to stir every pony into talking amongst themselves.

Glamor Trot happily put her things into her little saddlebags and started away. Shining Silver stopped her in the archway out of the throne room. The guards leaned at him, but he was not trying to be a threat. “Listen,” he said softly, “I… I’m sorry for what happened to you. My wife didn’t arrange for you to be mugged or anything, but she was enabling those thugs that got you by buying their dirty silver and that’s almost as bad.” He fished out a business card. “I know you don’t need help, being from such a rich family, but if you wanna send one of your medical bills our way we’ll try to help.” His smile was not unkind. “A-as best we can, that is. My shop’s prolly going under after all this. You understand.” His ears were sideways, stressed.

“Oh?” the shy mare said, pushing her mane out of her eyes to look at the card. “A-alright then. Thank you.” She was away after that. He stood there in the archway, sighing to himself. Then he was away to see about helping his dear Silky.

End of Part 14

Case #9: The Burning House

Judge Celestia: Upon the Throne of Justice
Part 15: The Burning House

“Your Majesty this is case number 33467 in the matter of Strike versus the Ponyville Fire Brigade, parties have been sworn in you may begin when you are ready,” Noble Cause bowed and took his post to one side of Celestia’s dais.

It was with a Noble Cause-colored quill that Celestia scribbled for a moment, then closed the folder in front of her. She looked up at the ponies present. A crotchety-looking elder stallion, and a rather impressive row of younger and middle-aged ones. “Names and vocations, please?” she asked.

“Nickel Strike, retired,” the old stallion said shortly, adjusting his fedora. He was a rickety-looking thing with knobby knees, a missing tooth and thick glasses.

“Quench, Ponyville Fire Brigade.”

“Steam Stop, Ponyville Fire Brigade.”

“Ash Mix, Ponyville Fire Brigade.”

“Hard Hat, Ponyville Fire Brigade.”

“Fire Flatten, Ponyville Fire Brigade.”

“Axem Chop, Ponyville Fire Brigade.”

“YEAHHH!” said the last stallion, a bulky thing in his own right. “Ehrr, Snowflake.” He amended bashfully. “Ponyville Fire Brigade,” he harrumphed a little, but stood next to his fellows no less impressive. Each of the stallions had missing patches of fur, heat tans, even burn scarring on certain parts of their bodies. Nothing less came from a life of saving lives and putting out fires… and the occasional kitten out of a tree.

“Please pick one among your number to represent your group. I appreciate your enthusiasm, but all of you did not have to attend,” Celestia told the Ponyville Fire Brigade. They looked at each other, a silent sizing-up going on between them. “If all of you are here, by the by… who is on stand-by to put out fires in Ponyville?” she wanted to know.

Fire Flatten raised a hoof to speak, “Wonderbolt Reserve Member ‘Rainbow Dash’ was granted a class-seven deluge-cloud for today. It’s hovering on the edge of Everfree right now. Not even an exposed locomotive engine burns hot enough to resist THAT much water.” He smiled a bit.

Celestia looked relieved and nodded. “Very well.”

Hard Hat was chosen to stand for the group, and the remaining stallions seated themselves accordingly. “It’s an honor, Princess,” he said, bowing again.

“Now then,” the white alicorn flipped open a different folder, full of photographs and a few newspaper clippings. “I understand, Nickel Strike, you are suing the Ponyville Fire Brigade for… allowing your house to burn down?” she sounded surprised. “Oh my!” she’d not heard something so outrageous in a long while. “Is this true, Hard Hat?”

“Yes, your Highness.”

“I… imagine it cannot be that simple, so let us start at the beginning,” Celestia allowed. “Nickel, please enlighten me on how all this started?”

“Well, I was makin’ food on my wood stove when my cat kicked over just the wrong cereal box on my high shelf, y’see,” he took off his fedora when speaking to royalty. The stitches in his old-fashioned suite strained with age, and Celestia saw a string pop out of one of his shoulders. “It fell right on a pan handle and flung grease and food across the room. The real-wood real-fire cookin’ ignited it straight away and half the dang room was up in flames before I shook m’self out of my shock!”

“What became of the cat?”

“Kitty heaven, I’m afraid, died in the flames,” Nickel Strike shook his head a little sadly. “Ehh-heh-nyhoo,” he cough-harrumped to regain himself. “I ran outside shoutin’, as you might expect, and the town bell was a-swingin’ to summon the Ponyville Fire Brigade.”

“Who responded first?” Celestia looked over at the group.

“YEAHHH!” Snowflake stood up. “Erhm…” he coughed twice. “Me, your Highness! S’my job to keep eyes out for smoke and fire. I’m the only Pegasus on the brigade, y’see… pegasi don’t last long in fire brigades. All the flames and such stunted my wings.” He turned profile to show his tiny wings, and Celestia wondered wildly how he ever got off the ground. But, looking closer, she saw all the feathers were new. Why, as often as he must’ve been exposed to flame, his wings must’ve been in a constant state of regeneration! Such self-sacrifice…

“What happened next, Hard Hat?”

“Well, we jumped on the water-pump-truck and rushed to the scene, as you might imagine. Ponies dodgin’ out of the streets to get outta the way.”

“Mhm?”

“Then we arrived at Nickel Strike’s residence,” Hard Hat read off an address from his waiting papers. “He lives just outside the outskirts of Ponyville, beyond the shadow of Castle Friendship, further than even the train-tracks.”

“I like the peace and quiet. I share a property border with Sweet Apple Acres,” Nickel Strike put in, coughing twice and turning his papers over.

Celestia looked at the gathering of photographs, newspaper clippings and other such things that had been given to her beforehand. “From the looks of things you were not successful in putting out the blaze, my little ponies.” She said. “But from the way this lawsuit is worded, it sounds as though you made no attempt to begin with!”

“It’s true, your Highness,” Hard Had said with no hesitation. “We, the Ponyville Fire Brigade, secured the area so no other trees or structures would catch flame, and watched the house burn to the ground. We didn’t try to save it. Once we were sure nopony else was inside, we let nature take its course. The fire smothered itself before the shell of the building collapsed.”

“I’m… just not following,” Celestia said, trying to be patient. “Why would you do such a horrible thing? It is your job to put out fires, is it not?”

“I have close to four-hundred career put-outs, yes Ma’am. Er, Princess.” Hard Hat corrected. “Mister Strike was the hard exception.”

“How so? Explain.”

“Mister Strike’s house was old, dilapidated, and just a smidgen beyond Ponyville’s borders. He’s been using that little factoid to avoid house and property taxes for years on end.” Hard Hat scratched the back of his head under his Princess’ unamused gaze. “Since his home is, er was, in all technicality, out in the wilds,” he gestured to his fellows. “We the Fire Brigade did not feel responsible for it. That aside, his documented refusal to pay taxes for public services, well… certainly didn’t help his case. Everypony pays for guards, roads, firefly lamps…”

“And fire brigades,” Celestia could see where this was going.

“He certainly figured out ways to stay retired and collect a check from our government, no doubt,” Hard Hat said, turning his head down. “I helped take some of the photos you have there. No well, no garden, no animal pens. He was not self-sustaining. He was buying goods, and not with any savings. He doesn’t have a bank account, or he would’ve been forcefully taxed out of that. There weren’t exactly any gold doubloons in his basement, either.”

“I see…” Celestia said slowly, her frown deepening.

“The Ponyville Fire Brigade doesn’t respond to forest fires, farm field fires, or anything like that. Mister Strike was in the same category, I’m uh-fraid,” the fire-tanned stallion shrugged a bit.

“Mister Nickel Strike, what have you to say?” Celestia said. The elderly stallion did look pretty cowed at this point. Under oath, there was nothing for him to disagree with. He kept a tight lip, shaking his head. “Is this true, that you lived beyond Ponyville’s borders?”

“Yes.”

“Outside the field of influence of a town or regional settlement?”

“Yes.”

“And you share a border with Sweet Apple Acres,” Celestia closed her eyes, conjuring a map in her mind’s eye. “Which means, you must also share a border with Everfree Forest.” She said slowly. He nodded confirmation.

“They were there, though! They could’ve saved my home! My things! My cat! It was cruel, what they did! Standing there with that huge pump, all that water! Nothing! They let my life turn to ash!” he stamped an angry hoof a few times. “Photo albums! Journals! Irreplaceable treasures! All gone because of them!” he looked at the floor, his voice falling. “All my pictures of my wife, rest her soul…” he trailed off.

“My sympathies,” Celestia understood both sides now. “Tell me, is it true you collect a retirement or other sort of check each month from our government?”

“Er, yes. A bare minimum, I promise you.” He nodded.

“Did you know those are made from tax-payer bits?” Celestia said gently. “You have been collecting from a system without paying back into it in the slightest.”

“I’m retired! You don’t tax retirement checks!” The old stallion argued.

“No, but if you lived within the town limits, you would certainly still enjoy all the benefits none the less.” Celestia sighed and shook her head. “You were so desperate to not give another bit to your government, you overlooked the simple fact that you’re retired. You basically have no taxes left to pay, other than house and property. And since you technically live out in the wilds,” she paused to sigh and shake her head. “I am afraid the Ponyville Fire Brigade was legally in the right.”

“They came all the way to the edge of town to watch my house burn! They couldn’t have thrown a LITTLE water on it?!” the old stallion bayed angrily.

“We came to watch your house burn to keep the fire from spreading into the town’s borders. Most of that side of town is gardens and low-income cottages,” Hard Hat said rather bluntly. “You got my sympathies, old timer, but you don’t got my helpin’ hoof if you’re cheatin’ the system like that.”

“I advise you to move into town, Mister Strike. I’ve not doubt your monthly government check will be adjusted upward for the price of living in Ponyville. Perhaps a nice one-bedroom apartment, for a bachelor like yourself?” Celestia tried to make him smile.

“I’ve nothing left to bachelor around about,” Nickel said miserably, hanging his head in defeat. “I’m pushin’ eighty, Princess.”

“Regardless,” the Princess sighed a little, but tried to maintain her composure for all present. “I must rule in the favor of the Ponyville Fire Brigade. Judgement is for the defense. Good day, everyone.” She stamped a gilded hoof and that was that. Nickel Strike sagged miserably, but put on his fedora and was slowly away. The Ponyville Fire Brigade gathered themselves and were away as well. Nopony looked happy with what had happened. No pony at all.

=-=-=-=-=

Noble Cause peeked in at Celestia in the judge’s chambers after everypony else had left. Her chin was resting on the desk and she looked rather tired in the eyes. He opened the squeaky door, then closed it gently behind him. Crossing the room, he saw her eyes slowly following. She looked pretty pathetic, her ears down like that. “Hey there,” he said softly. She sighed softly at him. “I guess there’s no winners sometimes, huhm?”

“More often than you would expect, Noble,” she said in a whisper. “Red tape, laws, borders, taxes… all the wrong things played the parts in that case. What is right and what is legal don’t align as often as they should.”

“Well no system is perfect,” he reached and stroked her ever-flowing mane. “You were just following the law.”

“I am the law,” Celestia grumbled, pressing her cheek to the cold wood.

“Hey,” he leaned and lifted her head so they were nose to nose. “Not every day is gonna be a victory. Try not to dwell on it. Everypony got their day in court, you walked them through the laws and technicalities, and that’s all. There’s nothing more to do about it now.”

“That stallion lost his home, and there were ponies perfectly capable of stopping the fire.”

“You don’t pay taxes, you don’t get nice roads or public services. Easy as that,” Noble said, settling next to her.

“I wish to were so simple,” the alicorn sighed. "After all, guards wouldn't stop investigating a pony's murder if the victim did not pay their taxes," she paused. "That's not the same, but you know what I mean."

“You can't save everypony, no matter how hard you try. Nickel galloped into that canyon on his own four hooves. It bit him in the butt in the end, is all,” he said, trying to soothe her. She sighed at him again. Reaching, he slowly peeled her crown out of her ethereal locks. Heavy was the head that wore the crown. Staring at the golden, jeweled artifact, he suddenly grinned and placed it on his own head. The nerve! “Tell you what!” he chuckled. “I’ll be princess for the day tomorrow, and you be bailiff!”

She looked at him, sporting the thousand year-old golden icon like a beauty-pageant winner. He stuck his tongue out a little, completing the silly ensemble. She couldn’t help herself. She giggled a bit, and felt little better. "All hail Princess Noble Cause," she snickered playfully.

End of Part 15

Case #6: The Trial of Steel Wing (Part III of III)

Judge Celestia: Upon the Throne of Justice
Part 9: The Trial of Steel Wing (Part III of III)

Celestia re-emerged from the judge’s chambers and returned to the throne. The courtroom quieted, with Steel Wing looking nervously back and forth. Princess Luna stood behind the plaintiff’s table, eager for the decision to be handed down. She glanced at Steel Wing with a cool, glassy blue expression.

“I have come to a decision,” Celestia said. “This is a difficult case to decide on, I assure you, my little ponies.” She was speaking just as much to the audience present as she was to the microphone that was broadcasting her all across Equestria’s radios. “Steel Wing is a unique case in many ways. A golem with all the thoughts and feelings of a living pony. He was given clear and functional sentience by his maker— or father, if you prefer,” Celestia lifted a diplomatic hoof, though her eyes betrayed a tired worry. “However, it has been proven to me that he is not pony enough to stand trial and be convicted as a criminal or assassin.”

“Yes!” cried Twilight, thrusting a hoof into the air. Steel Wing’s heart leapt. Luna opened her mouth to shout angrily, but was interrupted.

“However!” Celestia put in again to quiet the celebration. “I have decided that he is, at best, a dysfunctional piece of advanced weaponry. If he resisted Sombra’s influence and saved my sister’s life at the last moment, whatever magic was at work right then, then his programming is clearly flawed and cannot be accounted for in all of Twilight Sparkle’s facts and figures. He is broken, in layman’s terms.” Twilight’s smile began to fall as she spoke, as did Steel Wing’s. “I therefore cannot allow him to roam free, either. As you are not a pony, and not truly a functional weapon either, you fall into a grey area that I must make a decision on. Anypony with a grasp of dark magic could use you to do terrible things against your will, such that your will is.”

“What’s going to happen to me?” Steel Wing ventured in a small voice.

“You will be sold into indentured servitude to a proper guardian, for twenty years, at which time you, Steel Wing, will cease to be,” Celestia stamped her hoof to make it official, and that was the end of it. A small ghosted across Luna’s lips before vanishing into a new scowl, and she swept from the room with her two lunar guards.

“Princess Luna! Wait!” Steel Wing cried to her from within the barrier that held him. “I’m sorry! I really am!”

“May you fall and shatter into a million-million tiny pieces once more,” Luna stopped to glare daggers at him, before vanishing beyond the double doors and out. The massive doors slammed shut behind her, and he hung his head.

“Indentured servitude…” Steel Wing murmured, wilting down miserably.

Twilight put an arm around him comfortingly, looking up at Celestia with big eyes. She had already vacated the throne and was being led to the judge’s chambers by her baliff… and their wings were intertwined like a young couple holding hooves. She blinked a couple of times, but didn’t have time to question it, for the guards present were already filing up and getting ready to move Steel Wing again.

“Serves you right, monster!”

“Hope you rot wherever they send you, if you can rot!”

“Fall down some stairs and end it yourself, you freak!”

There was no holding back as the prisoner was led from the palace and back to the armored train. The vehicle hissed to life after Steel Wing had been put in chains and secured in a windowless armored car. Princess Twilight sat across from him in a sitting pillow, scribbling on some parchment. Zapping the message with her horn, the paper was gone. She smiled at him a bit, waiting for him to look up at her.

But he didn’t, he was too busy lost in his miserable thoughts as all of Equestria celebrated his new slavery and eventual death in twenty year’s time. Could he die, if he was never technically alive? What a miserable way to go— maybe they’d just take a big hammer to him when the time came? At least then it would be quick and painless. He looked down at his crutches, wondering why he could feel pain if he was a golem. Chalk one up to Sombra’s strange facts and figures used to make him what he was. He hunched miserably, wishing that he had tears to cry. He settled for an audible whimper, squeezing his eyes shut. “What happens now? Who am I being sold to?” he asked Twilight.

“I don’t think you listened to the sentence all that clearly,” Twilight gave a rather sly smile, then smiled wider when a packet of papers arrived via dragon fire. “Ah, there we are,” she opened them and began to paw through them. “Your new papers.”

“Slaves get papers?” he asked.

“You’re not a slave, you’re an indentured servant,” Twilight said, glancing up at him. “It means you work for free and I take care of you until your time runs out.” She offered a coy, hopeful smile that he’d caught on by now.

“And I get executed,” Steel Wing said miserably. “Wait, you?!” he jolted in his chains, chaffing his front legs a bit. “You bought me?! I’m your sl—servant?!”

Twilight thought for a time, trying to word it for him correctly. She ran her tongue over her upper lip. Just then a scroll poof’d into existence next to her, and rolled across the floor. It was covered with the Lunar seal. “It’s for you,” Twilight murmured, hoofing it over to him.

“It’s not going to explode is it?” Steel Wing was still reeling a little, being sold into slavery for Princess Twilight…. Jeez. He carefully unrolled it to read.

Steel Wing,

I forgive you. What you did was not of your doing. I am not stupid. I saw the light leave your eyes when Sombra took control of you, and return when you saved me. But I had to make everything look real for the peace of mind of Equestria. Forgive my foul words and demeanor. If you had walked free it would have been a witch hunt until somepony took a hammer or large rock to you. Nothing I could ever say could convince dozens of eye witnesses that it was not you stabbing me, throwing me, and everything else your body was used to do. The nation was already convinced you were a servant of evil, and nothing would change their minds. You gave your life for me the day Sombra tried for my life, do not think I didn’t treasure your sacrifice. And though you will suffer in obscurity for a few decades, when you are reborn you will be a new pony and able to walk free again. I wish you luck, and will see you when I next visit Twilight Sparkle for Nightmare Night.

--Luna

Steel Wing crumpled the note to his chest, a loud mewling sort of sound escaping his throat. He wished he could cry, he wished it so. He hunched in his chains and manacles, squeezing his eyes shut and clenching his teeth. His ears wilted down low. “F-Faust…” he whimpered aloud, his vision clouding over. “Faust!” he cried again, burying his muzzle in his hooves.

Twilight smiled a little, setting the paperwork aside for a moment. Gingerly taking his letter, she set flame to it with her magic so there would be no evidence. Magicking the folder to herself, she flipped it open to the first page. It was a Birth Certificate, designated from the Crystal Empire— signed by a midwife and doctor that didn’t exist. Or wouldn’t exist for twenty years. The birthdate was set for the present day. Steel Wing looked at it, then moaned happily and leaned into Twilight. Her large, purple wing extended over his back and he trembled.

“You’ll live with me, as a servant of the Friendship Palace, for twenty years. I'll see to your every need, and you'll work for me to earn your living,” Twilight whispered to him, stroking his back over and over. “Equestria will forget the name Steel Wing, and everything about you. Records are being tracked down and destroyed even as we speak by Luna’s most trusted agents.”

“R-Really?” he whispered, looking up at her.

“In two decades nopony will remember who you were, where you came from, or even what you looked like,” Twilight said softly, stroking his back over and over. “It’s a lifetime for the attention span of a nation. More than enough for you to vanish into obscurity.”

“Everypony was in on it, then? It was all fake? Luna? You? Even Celestia?!” he gaped at the purple mare, who neither nodded nor shook her head. Merely smiled coyly and looked to one side. “Then, when Princess Celestia said I would cease to be…?”

“You’re getting a new identity,” Twilight nodded. “We’ll be documenting you with brittle-crystal’s disease, type 3 of course,” she was already filling in blanks with a quill. She paused, and then decided on his parentage. “With a crystal pony mother and a pegasus father, well…” she gestured to his skeletal, crystal wings, “Sometimes genes just don’t mix well and you end up with a handicapped foal.”

“Oh Twilight,” he mumbled. He put his face in his hooves, overwhelmed. “I don’t know what to say…” he looked up into her smiling face.

“Say ‘yes my Princess’… Glass Quill,” she smiled playfully.

“Y-yes… my Princess,” he said softly. The young alicorn’s other wing came about him in a large hug, adjusting his chains for comfort. The manacles unsnapped once she’d worked the locks, releasing him. Glass Quill dipped his head beneath her feathers, away from the rest of the world, and did his best to weep. The armored train raced on to Ponyville.

Twilight took a polaroid photo out of her saddlebag while he wept under her wings. It was yellow’d, rumpled, and the edges were frayed. It had been mishandled quite a bit, tacked to several idea boards and used as a bookmark in many spellbooks. It showed Princess Luna on the throne, Steel Wing standing to one side of her, back when he looked like a real pony. There was a red arrow pointing at Steel Wing drawn on it. Twilight turned it over to read, remembering the day that the picture had arrived when an urn of Steel Wing’s shards.

Twilight,

This is Steel Wing, my most beloved servant.
He gave his life for me in his final moments.
Please reassemble him, for he is a golem pony of some description.
I thank you far, far in advance.
I have no doubt Equestria will hate him for what he’s done, but I will take care of the rest.

-Luna

Sighing quietly, Twilight set fire to the picture and let it curl into ashes so there would be no trace. She stroked Glass Quill’s head with a hoof, letting him rest for the remainder of the ride home. She would need to put anti-magic seals on him so no one would take control, sure, but that was just a matter of time and magic. All of Equestria could celebrate Steel Wing’s demise, for he had already ceased to be as Celestia (and Luna) bade.

End of Part 10