There and Hopefully Never Back Again

by Idikos

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Comedy, Adventure, Crossover, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 4116

Kyle wakes up in Equestria, and he couldn't be happier. But when his new home is threatened, will he save everypony, or watch Equestria burn around him?

Kyle wakes up in Equestria, and he couldn't be happier. But when his new home is threatened, will he save everypony, or watch Equestria burn around him?
I'm terrible at story descriptions. The first chapter isn't my best work, but I urge you to stick with this story. I will try my hardest to make this an enjoyable experience for my readers.
Also starring: Brady the Shadow Phoenix, and Paul the pony-hating Green Lantern!
I'd like to thank Fluttershade5200 for his help in making this.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-31 21:58:02 UTC

Chapter One: Just go with it...

Chapter One:

Just go with it . . .

It was a pretty long time ago. I was in bed at my house after another long day at work. I wasn’t some awesome guy that did awesome stuff. I was boring. I owned and operated a large underground lab.

I guess I had done quite a bit to improve life on our planet, but I wasn’t as far as I thought I’d be at my age. Anyway, you would probably rather hear about this story.

The Present

“Wait, how long have you been here?” Paul asks, interrupting the story.

“It’s been quite a while. It seems longer than it actually was, because a lot of stuff has happened since I got here,” I say.

“Yeah, a lot of stuff. So, you were saying?” Brady says, casually straightening the feathers of his black fire wings.

“Hey, Joe!” I call out to the owner of the donut shop.

“What can I get for you?” Donut Joe asks.

I look at Paul and ask, “Are you hungry?” He nods. “Get me six donuts, please!” I say to the chef. He walks into his kitchen, and I turn back to the table. “Now then, back to the story.”

The Past

I was rapidly approaching sleep, and would soon be dreaming another dream about ponies. But I didn’t dream that night. Instead, I just woke up, feeling like only a few seconds had passed since I fell asleep.

But everything was wrong. Sunlight was streaming through a window and hitting me in the face. That’s not right. I don’t have any windows in my room. Where am I? I thought. I was on a wood floor. My body feels different. Maybe I shouldn’t have messed with Project 42 yesterday. It might have done something crazy, so I should remain calm, and just go with it. *Sigh*, here we go. I thought.

I raised my head up and opened my eyes to observe my surroundings. There were books all around the room, most in the bookshelves on the wall, with a few random piles on the floor. There was a table in the middle of the room with a statue of a horse head on it. The door leading outside had the image of a candle on it. There was another doorway on the other side of the room, leading farther inside.

I’ve seen this place before. Maybe this is a dream? Yeah, that’s probably it. Well, I guess I’ll explore. I thought, turning my gaze to my body. Well, not my body. My body doesn’t have short brown fur all over it, or hooves, or a picture on it’s flank of a green book surrounded by clouds, or a half green, half electric-blue mane and tail. Well, if this is a dream, it’s looking to be pretty interesting. I thought, rolling to my hooves.

I started walking to the doorway leading to the rest of the library, and immediately fell face-first onto the floor. I got back up and tried again, with a similar effect. After a few minutes of me falling down, I came up with a system that didn’t send me crashing to the floor.

Moving in my slow, careful shuffle, I eventually made it through that room and the next. I saw a set of stairs leading somewhere, and decided to follow it. The stairs led up to a room, and the room had two beings in it that I would recognize anywhere.

Twilight Sparkle was reading with her back to me. Spike was sweeping and covertly glancing at Twilight’s flank. They hadn’t noticed me yet, so I took a slow ninja-step forward. As I put my weight on it, the board creaked loudly under my hoof.

Spike stopped what he was doing and looked at me. He started running around, yelling wordlessly. At the same time, Twilight glanced towards me and returned to her book before looking back with wide eyes.

She reared back, then turned around and ran towards the other stairs, looking back. “What are you doing in my house!?” she asked, before looking forward at the exact moment that she missed the stairs and ran into a wall.

She crumpled and slid to the floor. Spike stopped circling the room and ran to her, saying “Oh, no! Twilight, are you okay!?”

At the same time, I was hurrying to her. Spike reached her first, then he spun to face me. “Don’t you come any closer! I’m warning you!” he said.

“Relax, I’m a genius,” I said in a calming voice, “Let me check to see if she’s okay, and then I’ll answer any questions.”

Spike tensed, looking around. After a moment he relaxed, nodding. “Okay, but if anything happens to her,” he said, a warning tone in his voice. He moved aside, allowing me to pass.

I almost jumped to her, moving my ear in front of her muzzle, listening for her breath. When I heard it, I sighed with relief. “She’s fine. She just knocked herself out on the wall,” I said, turning to look at Spike.

As I finished, she groaned and began to stir. She opened her eyes and looked at Spike, then at me. When she saw me she flopped backwards to Spike. “Who are you? What are you doing here?” she asked, starting to panic again.

“It’s alright, he doesn’t want to hurt us,” Spike said, calming her.

“Well?” she asked, looking back to me.

“I’m, uh… My name is Idikos Kyle, but you can use one or the other if you want. It’s a public library. Also, why didn’t you just teleport?” I replied.

“I, uh… um… hmm… Never mind that. Is there anything that I can help you with? I’m Twilight Sparkle, by the way, and this is Spike,” she said, pointing her hoof at herself, then at Spike.

“I know. I didn’t come for a book today. I came to meet you. I’m a huge fan. I was hoping we could be friends, and that you could introduce me to your friends as well. What do you say?” I said.

She smiled. “Well, in that case, I’d be delighted to introduce you to them! As for your offer of friendship… we’ll see,” she said.

I jumped up in the air and shouted, “Yay!!!” I landed and hugged Twilight. “Thank you so much!” I whispered into her ear. I backed up and looked at her.

She looked at me, blushing a little, and looked at the ground. She cleared her throat. “Well, uh… anyway…  We were all going to meet at Sugarcube Corner. Would you like to join us?” she asked, looking back at me.

“That sounds great!” I said, looking into her eyes. She looked into mine, and we stared into each other’s eyes, our smiles slowly growing. Those eyes… They’re so beautiful! I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything as stunning as her eyes! I thought.

Spike just stood there, looking back and forth between me and Twilight, a small smile on his face. “Well, I’m just gonna leave you two loveponies to it!” he said, slowly scooting sideways out of the room.

I glared at him with wide eyes, just noticing that Twilight and I had been staring into each other’s eyes for the past seven minutes. Twilight shook her head and looked at Spike. “Sorry, I didn’t catch that. What did you say?” she asked.

He caught my eye and winked. “Nothing! Nothing at all!” he answered while continuing to scoot out. Luckily, she didn’t press him for answers.

I have to remember to thank him later. I thought. I looked back at Twilight and cleared my throat.

“Oh, sorry Idikos,“ she began.

“Actually, I think I’d like you to call me Kyle,” I interrupted.

“Okay, Kyle… Let’s go!”

Chapter Two: Rushing things

I was walking through Ponyville next to Twilight Sparkle, looking around excitedly at the colorful town and its colorful inhabitants. This is awesome! I wonder how magic works. How do I use this horn on my forehead? Why are there so many more mares than stallions? I just realized that nopony wears clothes. Hmmm… I thought.

I purposely fell behind a bit and glanced at her flank. Oh, sweet Celestia, that flank is amazing. I thought, my smile growing as my eyes fixed themselves on Twilight’s glorious plot. All that time she spent reading and snacking rather than being physically active had added a nice layer of cushion to her plump posterior, and the slight jiggle that came with each step she took only made her round rump look more enticing.

I heard a voice echo through my mind, (I know, right?)

I stopped, confused. After a few seconds, I decided to ignore it. Oh, look, we’re here. I thought, catching up to Twilight just as she reached Sugarcube Corner.

“Okay, this is the place. Follow me, please!” she said. I let her go first, and I caught myself staring at her flank again. It looks so soft… Oh, the things I would to that flank! Oh, I’m getting aroused just thinking about it… I thought, and then quickly looked underneath me.

I saw my rapidly stiffening length poking out of its sheath at my thoughts about Twilight.  Hmm, I shouldn’t let her see that, she might think I’m some kind of pervert. I hope she doesn’t notice. I thought.

As I looked back at Twilight, I caught her looking down at my crotch. When she noticed me looking, she quickly brought her gaze back to my face. Did I imagine that just now? Yeah, that was probably just my imagination. Twilight wouldn’t do something like that. Would she? Hmm… I thought.

She started blushing slightly, and went inside. I followed her, my eyes going back to her flanks when she turned around. She wiggled her hindquarters a little as we walked, making me even more aroused.

We stopped in the middle of the room. As I looked around, I was tackled by a pink blur. I looked up at my attacker to see none other than Pinkie Pie, smiling down at me as she pinned my hooves to the floor and started to talk.

“Are you new here? I know everpony, and I mean everypony in Ponyville, but I’ve never seen you, so you must be new! I’m Pinkie Pie! Who are you? Where are you from? Why are you here?” she said before leaning closer and whispering, “And why are you hard right now?”

After I had gotten over the shock of her asking me that, I decided to answer the last question first. “Well, maybe it has something to do with the sexy mare holding me down and talking about my naughty bits,” I whispered to her.

At that point, Twilight said, “Okay, Pinkie, that’s enough. He just got here!” Pinkie just smiled, lightly poked my nose with a hoof, and jumped off.

I stood up, but not before I thought I saw both of them glance down at my package. Am I going crazy? Surely I’m just seeing things at this point. I thought.

It was at that point that a blue blur with a rainbow contrail swooped through the door. It stopped, hovering, revealing the mare I had been waiting for: Rainbow Dash!

She looked at me and asked, “Who’s the new guy?” Then she looked down at my crotch and smiled. Not just a glance, but at least three seconds of open staring. Then she looked into my eyes and winked.

Or, maybe they really are looking at it. Rainbow Dash didn’t even try to hide it. I like it. Maybe later I can get some alone time with her… I thought. I answered quickly, eager to introduce myself to the blue Pegasus, “I’m Idikos Kyle. I’m new here.”

Rainbow nodded. “It’s always nice to meet somepony new, especially when they look as good as you.” she said. Twilight watched this exchange, a strange expression on her face. Rainbow turned to her friends, “So, when are the others getting here?”

“Ooh, I’ll check!” Pinkie said, diving out of sight. A few seconds later, she jumped up on the other side of the room and said, “They’re right outside!”

Right then, three more mares walked in. First through the door was Applejack, then Rarity, and finally Fluttershy. Wow, I’m surrounded by sexy naked females. I haven’t had this happen to me since last Saturday. I thought. They all greeted each other, then the three newcomers turned towards me.

“Well, Ah don’t think we’ve met! Ah’m Applejack!” Applejack said.

“And I’m Rarity!” Rarity added.

“And, uh… I… I’m Fluttershy…” Fluttershy said, her voice getting quieter during the sentence, becoming little more than a near-silent squeak by the end.

It was at that point that ‘Little Idikos’, which had finally gone down, jumped back up at the appearance of three more mares. I tried to ignore it as I said, “I’m Idikos Kyle. It is a pleasure to meet all of you.”

Rarity was the first to notice my erection. She looked down at it, then looked back up at my face and said with a sultry smile, “Oh, trust me darling, the pleasure is all mine!”

At those words, it twitched. The other two caught sight of the movement. “I thank our new friend is happy to meet us!” Applejack said, also smiling. Fluttershy just blushed furiously and looked at the floor, a quiet squeak escaping her.

If she blushes that much about this… Well, these dirty thoughts aren’t helping the situation at all. I thought.

I asked them about themselves, and we talked for a while. At some point, the sun started going down. That’s when Pinkie said, “Ooh, I have to go this way!” She zoomed upstairs with no further explanation, leaving me to wonder what she was doing. My question was answered seconds later as an explosion went off behind me, scattering party decorations all over the room.

I turned to see Pinkie with her party cannon, looking at me with a large smile and shouting, “WELCOME TO PONYVILLE PARTY!!!” A bunch of guests came out of nowhere, pouring through the front door in a constant line until most of the room was filled with eager partygoers. Wow, she works fast! I knew she was good, but that was ridiculous! I thought, watching Pinkie set up snacks and drinks on a table against the wall.

For the next hour and a half, I introduced myself to most of the ponies there. After I had finally finished doing that, I went over to the table against the wall and struggled to pick up a drink with my altered appendages. After several failed attempts, I decided that now would be a good time to learn to use my recently acquired horn.

I concentrated on making the cup levitate to me. To my surprise, an electric-blue aura surrounded the cup, and it started floating. As I took a sip, the flavor of well-made hard apple cider washed over my tongue. I finished the drink quickly and grabbed another one.

I heard a distinctly male voice say my name. Why does that voice sound so familiar? I thought as I turned towards the voice. As I saw who it was, my eyes opened wide and I asked, “Brady? What are you doing here?”

Standing before me was a dark grey Pegasus stallion wearing a black hoodie and blue jeans. His wings, which were folded at his side, were surrounded by black fire. He fixed his red eyes on me, his slit pupils widening to take in the details of my face. He looked at Fluttershy with an odd gleam in his eyes and said, “Nothing. Nothing yet, anyway…”

I followed his line of sight, then looked back at him with a chuckle, saying, “Oh, someone’s got a thing for Fluttershy, eh?”

He looked at me, smiling slightly and revealing his pointed teeth, “Keep it down, I don’t want somepony hearing you and thinking that me and Fluttershy are together.” I looked at Fluttershy for a few seconds, observing her extremely attractive figure.

“Well, if you don’t hurry, somepony else might snatch her up…” I said. He narrowed his eyes, adding to his frightening appearance.

“If you even think about it, I will rip your fucking face off,” he said, his pointed teeth scowl adding to the seriousness of his statement.

I put a hoof up defensively and replied, “Whoa, calm down, man. I promise that I won’t make a move on her.” I wish I still had fingers to cross behind my back right now. I thought. “How did you get here? And why do you look so, for lack of a better description, evil and demonic?” I asked.

“It’s a long story, and we don’t have time for it right now. Maybe I’ll tell you about it someday. For now, you should just go enjoy your party,” he said. Then, a small group of ponies walked between us, and by the time they were gone, Brady had disappeared. I shrugged and started talking to some of the guests.

A few minutes later I made my way outside to get away from the large crowd of ponies. Once outside, I sighed and looked up at the sky. As I stared up at the moon and stars, I didn’t notice the mare appearing next to me until she spoke, “Oh, um, hi Kyle. I wanted to get away from the party for a few minutes, and I was wondering if I could stand next to you. Uh, if that’s okay with you…”

I looked towards the source of the voice and saw Fluttershy, looking at me nervously. I smiled at her and nodded, saying, “I would greatly enjoy your company, Fluttershy.” She blushed and looked up at the sky. I returned my attention to the stars and studied my new sky.

For several moments we just stood there, looking at the sky together. She seemed even more nervous and fidgety than usual. She took a deep breath and looked at me. I returned her gaze with a smile. We stared at each other for a while, and I took the opportunity to study her eyes. Well, I was wrong about Twilight having the best eyes. Fluttershy’s eyes easily match Twilight’s for beauty. I thought.

She seemed to be trying to build herself up to something. She looked at the ground and fidgeted nervously again. I stepped closer to her and put my hoof on her shoulder. “Fluttershy, is something bothering you? Is there something that you want to talk about?” I asked quietly. She looked into my eyes and took another deep breath.

Suddenly, she darted forward and pressed her soft lips against mine in a passionate kiss. After my initial surprise wore off, I gladly returned the kiss. I began stroking her mane with a hoof gently, enjoying the silky smooth sensation against my hoof.

I don’t know how long we kissed under the twinkling stars. As we kissed, a bit of guilt entered my mind, but it was quickly swept away by the heat of the kiss. I reached my other forehoof up to her wing and began stroking it with the same gentle care I gave her mane. A small moan escaped her throat, and her wings stiffened under my hoof.

Then, we heard the door of Sugarcube Corner open. We broke apart just as Rainbow Dash walked outside, looking around. “Oh, there you are, Kyle! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

Me and Fluttershy exchanged a look. She blushed and said, “Um, I forgot that Pinkie Pie want to talk to me, so, uh, I have to go do that now…” She walked back inside, Rainbow Dash eyeing her stiff wings the whole way. Once Fluttershy was back inside, Rainbow Dash turns back to me, a mischievous smile spreading across her face.

“Follow me, I want to show you something!” she said, walking around the corner of the building. I followed, taking the chance to look at her backside as we walked. Ooh, nice and toned. Normally I like a bit more to my butts, but she pulls it off. Lovely… I thought.

She led me around to the back of the building, flicking her tail from side to side. She turned to look at me, a mischievous smile playing across her lips. “I’ve been waiting to do this all night!” she said, walking towards me purposefully.

“Waiting to do wha-mmm!” I said, my sentence being cut off by the second surprise kiss of the night.  Her lips, while not as soft as Fluttershy’s, were just as inviting. Her tongue prodded the entrance to my mouth, asking permission to enter. I eagerly allowed it passage, slipping my own tongue into Rainbow’s mouth.

Ours tongues wrestled each other for dominance. I lifted a hoof to Rainbow’s wing, finding it already stiff and twitching slightly. I began stroking her wing tenderly. She responded immediately, moaning into the kiss.

After a few seconds she pulled back, a single strand of saliva still connecting our lips. She smiled seductively at me, putting a hoof on my chest and pushing me until I was sitting on the ground with my back to the wall of the building.

She eyed my stiff member hungrily, licking her lips and saying in a sultry purr, “Let’s have some fun!”

“That sounds lovely! What did you have in mind?” I replied.

She touched a hoof to my shaft and rubbed it, her soft hoof sending pleasure through my length. She leaned down and licked it from base to tip several times, lapping at my shaft until most of it was slick with her saliva. The cool night air teased my stallionhood in her warm tongue’s absence.

She wrapped her lips around the tip, taking the first few inches into her warm, extremely pleasant mouth. Her tongue swirled around the beginning of my length, causing me to moan softly. After a few seconds of that, she started bobbing her head slowly, taking more of my length into her skilled mouth each time she went down. When she was halfway down, she pushed her head down all the way, her lips kissing my base as she takes the entirety of my member. A few inches were long enough to enter her hot, tight throat, which rippled around my tip as she swallowed.

I moaned again, significantly louder this time. My hoof moved to her rainbow mane, gently stroking the soft, messy hair. Her tongue wriggled under my shaft, further increasing my pleasure. She started bobbing her head again, much faster than before, taking the last half of my length each time. My tip slipped in and out of her lovely throat with each bob of her head.

She was speeding up at an increasing pace, and within a few pleasure-filled minutes, her mouth was gliding up and down my length faster than I thought possible. The space behind Sugarcube Corner was filled with the lewd sounds of oral sex as she continued skillfully sucking me off.

I was rapidly approaching orgasm, and she could tell. Just before I climaxed, she pulled her mouth off of my member. “Oh, did I stop before you could shoot your load down my throat?” she asks. An involuntary whine escaped my throat at being denied orgasm. She chuckled knowingly and moved her head down to take the tip of my length into her mouth again.

She went down all the way, taking my member into her throat. She swallowed, and the rippling muscles of her throat around my length was enough to push me over the edge. I moaned whorishly as I unloaded shot after shot of hot cum into her throat. After what seemed like an eternity of her swallowing my cum, my climax died down, and she pulled her mouth off of my still-hard stallionhood.

“Holy tentacles, Rainbow Dash! That was amazing. I never thought that you would be such a skilled fellatrix,” I said, smiling widely at her.

“What’s a fellatrix?” she asks, tilting her head to the side.

I opened my mouth to answer, but a bright flash of light a few feet away from us stopped me. The light disappeared to reveal Twilight with her back to us, swaying back and forth drunkenly. “This isn’t the library,” she says before turning around. Her jaw dropped as she took in the sight of Rainbow Dash with her face next to my throbbing, spit-slicked length.

“Um, am I interrupting something back here?” Twilight asks with a strange expression on her face.