"If You Travel Far Enough ..."

by palaikai

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Sad
Length: 3457

Princess Celestia wonders why Fluttershy and Rarity are acting out one of the more painful episodes of her life.

While on a daily patrol of Equestria, Princess Celestia happens to fly over Ponyville just as Fluttershy and Rarity are acting out the banishment of Princess Luna to the moon. She's understandably curious as to why, but it also brings back a flood of memories she'd rather keep buried.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-04 22:40:01 UTC

"... You'll Meet Yourself."

Running a kingdom like Equestria required Princess Celestia and her sister, Luna, to attend to a thousand-and-one tasks daily; most of them were pretty boring, though necessary to the smooth functioning of the land. The only one that never felt like work was the daily patrol of the borders, however, as it afforded them the rare opportunity to spread their wings. Literally.

Even when there wasn't much happening, as was the case at the moment, Celestia was simply able to enjoy basking in the sunlight, gliding high above the ponies at work, play or rest below. If they noticed her at all, it was only as a speck or shadow at the outer limits of their perception. It was difficult not to feel like a stalker hunting prey when you could travel unnoticed like this, but with so many threats lurking out there, it was better to be safe than sorry.

Her lazy spiral search pattern had brought Celestia through Baltimare and the Haysweed Swamps, and now it was time to head back to Canterlot Castle via the Everfree Forest and Ponyville; for a brief moment, she considered dropping in on Twilight Sparkle and her friends, but it was the height of bad manners to turn up on somepony's doorstep unannounced, even if they were your friend and part of your royal family.

She let out a small sigh: Twilight still hadn't acclimated herself to being a princess; it was understandable, as it had been sprung on her without much warning, but she still seemed so much like a little filly lost at times. It was difficult to get her to regard Celestia, Luna and Cadance as her equals, rather than her betters. Well, she would adapt, eventually; something would come, something that would force Twilight Sparkle to embrace the role she was born to play.

Celestia wafted over the Everfree Forest, scrutinising it with heightened senses; it was a bizarre fixture of the Equestrian landscape at the best of times, and at the worst of times, unimaginable beasts or threats could be unleashed at a moment's notice.

The ruins of an old castle gave her pause, but only for a moment. There were some things it was best to simply forget about, and she tried to push the guilt she still felt out of her mind. Part of her considered blasting the twisted monument out of existence, but that would do nothing but sate a temporary urge, and wouldn't purge the black spot lurking deep in her soul. They had forgiven each other their trespasses, and that was that. Right?

Finishing her inspection of the forest, Celestia found it to be quiet; only Zecora, the zebra herbalist who had taken up residence amongst the tangled brier some years ago, was out and about, collecting examples of the local plant life; she was probably in the midst of some potion or other, but despite her curiosity, the princess refrained from making an unscheduled visit.

A frown crossed Celestia's face; she couldn't remember the last time she'd had a proper conversation with somepony, other than her sister. There was no pony she could just talk to, it seemed. Most were too awed by her presence, too intent on making a good impression, that she couldn't just chew the hay with them; too much time spent with politicians and statesponies from different lands, too much time spent dousing the flames of catastrophe, meant that she never had the chance to simply talk about something dumb like the weather with anypony.

Ponyville itself was abnormally still, Celestia found as she passed silently over the tower in the town square; that worried her more than if it was in the midst of some crisis or other, given what a magnet for chaos it had become over the years since the Elements of Harmony had become active here. It was almost as if this was the calm before the storm. Or maybe she was just getting cynical in her old age? It was an atypical state of affairs, at any rate, so Celestia slowed her flight and sharpened her senses, making sure not to miss a single iota of the village.

“I, Princess Celestia, banish you, Princess Luna, to the moon,” a demure voice said, and the princess quickly came to the conclusion that it belonged to Twilight Sparkle's veterinarian friend, Fluttershy.

A plaintive wail of no was uttered in response to this, and it sounded a lot like Rarity in full drama queen mode. It was a good thing she was such a talented seamstress, the princess supposed, as her acting skills could've used a little work.

Celestia hadn't quite realised she'd been brought to a halt by the little play being enacted below her, and it was only when she nearly collided with town hall that she snapped out of her reverie. Both Fluttershy and Rarity were clad in crude approximations of Equestrian royal garb, and they had even gone to the trouble of dying their manes to complete the effect. The question rattling through her mind was, “Why?” And why were they recreating this not-entirely-pleasant moment from her past?

The exile of her sister to the moon had dogged every waking moment she'd had for a thousand years, until they'd finally been reunited thanks to Twilight Sparkle and her friends; it was something that still troubled her, and Celestia doubted that she'd ever fully be able to rid herself of the remorse she felt.

Fluttershy and Rarity were now heading in separate directions, their performance seemingly over with; that puzzled Celestia even more, wondering why they had put so much detail into what amounted to a ten second show. It didn't seem to make any sense.

A few seconds went by, and the princess shook her head to try and sort out her tangled web of thoughts; Rarity had disappeared into the hustle and bustle of Ponyville's busy centre, but Fluttershy was still easily visible. Not just because her blue/green-streaked pink hair sparkled in the sunlight; the cottage where she lived and worked lay at the edge of town, a short walk from the entrance to the Everfree Forest, so there were very few obstructions – to say nothing of other ponies, who tended to steer clear of the forest if they could possibly avoid it – to block the view.

Her decision now made, Celestia descended gracefully to the ground and trotted up to the timid yellow pegasus. “Hello,” she said as softly as she could, hoping not to startle the reticent mare.

Celestia's attempt at tact had backfired, as she feared it would. Fluttershy practically leapt out of her skin, uttering a tiny squeak of alarm, and the princess found it difficult not to chuckle at the comical expression of fright plastered across her face. Very few ponies could still look as attractive while scared out of their wits. “I apologise,” the princess said humbly, “I didn't intend to sneak up on you.”

“Tha-that's okay, Your Majesty,” Fluttershy replied shakily, recovering enough of her composure to affect a formal curtsy. “Um, what can I do for you?” A moment passed, and the shy mare wondered whether she ought to invite Celestia in for tea or not; she didn't want to appear pushy, and it was likely that the princess had much more important things to do, but equally, Fluttershy didn't want to appear rude by not making the offer to her either. Her chest heaved slightly. So much of her life was spent fretting over minutiae like this, and her inability to read other ponies as easily as her friends could continued to complicate what should be simple social interactions.

Once again, Celestia had to quash the desire to chuckle; the yellow pegasus was more tightly-wound than Twilight Sparkle when a paper was due, and she wondered what it must be like living your life with that much tension weighing down on your withers.  “I was hoping we could talk for a moment, that's all,” the princess explained.

“Oh, of course,” Fluttershy said, surprised. She couldn't imagine what the ruler of Equestria would want to talk to her of all ponies about. “I was going to make some tea. Would you care for a cup? Um, Your Majesty.”

“I'd be delighted, my little pony,” Celestia said sincerely, but she suddenly narrowed her eyes and spoke more severely: “But you have to do something for me, first.”

“Wha-what's that?” asked Fluttershy, cowering slightly.

The princess' expression brightened. “Lose the formality.” With a wink, she added, “For Celestia's sake.”

*

While placing a tray on the small, wooden table, it suddenly dawned on Fluttershy what might have caused Celestia to drop in on her the way she had. “It's because of the outfit, isn't it?” she said out loud, not really intending to, and quickly covered her muzzle with her hoof. She hoped it wasn't against some arcane royal protocol to speak before spoken to. The mousy pegasus could dimly recall from her school's etiquette lessons that a social superior was supposed to direct the conversation.

“Sort of, yes,” Celestia admitted, shaking her head at Fluttershy's awkwardness. It was rather typical of her interactions with her subjects that they walked on eggshells around her, always fearing … what, exactly? That she would smite them if they didn't cater to her every whim? It made it difficult to get close to anypony when they were simultaneously awed and afraid of her.

Fluttershy had discarded the faux royal accoutrements, but she hadn't had the chance to wash the dye out of her mane yet. The princess found herself drawn to it; it wasn't often you got to see yourself through the eyes of another, and she wondered if the pink/blue/green combination worked as well on her as it did on the pegasus pony. “There's an old saying: if you travel far enough, you'll eventually meet yourself. I have to admit, it's strange to actually have it happen to you. After a fashion.”

“It can't be any stranger than some of the things to have happened around here lately,” Fluttershy said, pouring two small measures of tea into their respective mugs. “I mean, living as long as you have, I'm sure you've seen a lot weirder.”

That, at least, was true; her memory may not have been perfect, but Celestia could certainly remember plenty of incidents with crystal clarity. Discord, Sombra, Tirek … Equestria had more than its fair share of odd occurrences. “Mostly, I was just curious as to what it was all about. Why had you and Rarity chosen to recreate that moment, specifically?”

“Oh.” Fluttershy's eyebrows raised slightly at that. “Well, Twilight Sparkle was having some trouble teaching Rainbow Dash the history of the Wonderbolts for her exam. We tried various ways to get her to remember the important facts, but nothing was working. Finally, Twilight learned that Rainbow could subconsciously process and store information while flying, so we got her to drift over Ponyville while we played out different scenes leading up to the formation of the Wonderbolts.”

Celestia's lips paused around her tea as she absorbed what Fluttershy was telling her. Pegasi, to aid in their often rapid and dizzyingly complex flight patterns, had to be able to make split-second decisions, and they had thus evolved a hyperawareness of their environment in order to aid in their high-speed endeavours.

The yellow pegasus' ears flattened against the side of her head, noticing the princess' downcast expression. “We did something to offend you, didn't we?”

It was silly to be upset, Celestia knew, but she was all the same. Fluttershy and Rarity hadn't been trying to spite her, they were simply aiding a friend, and that should've been enough to dispel the dark cloud that had settled around her mind, but it wasn't. They couldn't have known she'd be overhead at that exact moment, and they'd done nothing deserving of her ire.

But still, she was irate. Not at them, of course, at herself. “No, you've done nothing wrong, my little pony,” Celestia said, taking a quick swig of her tea and scalding the roof of her mouth. “I'm offended by myself,” she added, flicking her palate with her tongue to try and cool it.

Fluttershy disappeared into the kitchen for a moment and returned with a cup of water. “This might work a bit better,” she offered.

“Thank you,” the princess said, quickly downing the water. She made a confused face, noting an odd taste, but swallowed so as not to offend her host. “Uh, what was in there, if you don't my asking?”

“Just salt,” the pegasus explained. “I should've said, sorry,” she added hesitantly. “It's just that it's good to keep the area clean so it heals quicker.”

“Ah, of course. I forgot that you were something of an expert when it comes to treating clumsy animals who've injured themselves,” said Celestia with a tight smile.

Fluttershy blushed slightly, but refrained from making any remark that might've gotten her into trouble. “Uh, if you don't mind my asking, Princ-Celestia, what did you mean when you said that you've offended yourself?”

Someone to have a normal conversation with … it was all Celestia had ever wanted. There was Luna, but it wasn't the same. No one really deserved to be burdened with her problems, anyway. “It's nothing. Nothing you need trouble yourself over, my little pony.”

“Um, I don't mean to sound out of place, but one of the things I've learned from my friendship with Twilight and the others is that you have to share your troubles, not keep them bottled up.” The shy pegasus took a breath before continuing. “I can't begin to imagine what sort of problems you have, nor do I for a moment think I can truly help you with them, but I can listen and that's sometimes enough. Sometimes, just knowing that somepony is there for you can be a solution in itself.” She made a face. “I'm sorry, I sound so corny right now.”

“No, not at all.” Celestia was moved by Fluttershy's kind words, and she could feel a slight prickle at the edges of her eyes. It was easy enough to label somepony as the Element of Kindness, but it was a difficult moniker to live up to; the yellow pegasus' compassion had been instrumental to Equestria's survival numerous times, but often forgotten were those small acts of graciousness that made her who she was. Fluttershy was offering herself as everything she needed right now: a sounding board, someone to listen to her issues, a friend. “It brought up some bad memories, your play with Rarity. Things I'd rather forget about, though that isn't possible.”

“I understand,” replied Fluttershy sympathetically. “We learn about these things in school, and to us, they're ancient history. I guess we forget that it's quite a sore subject for you.”

Sore subject. Understatement of the millennium. In fact, Luna's banishment had been preceded by a monstrous battle that had completely levelled their old castle in the Everfree Forest; it was probably best to leave that detail out, lest she appal the timorous pegasus. Fluttershy probably knew most of the story second-hand from school or from Twilight Sparkle, anyway. “Every night, I would look at the moon and see her face reflected there. Every fibre of my being yearned to release her, or at least go visit her, but I never did.”

“I can't imagine what that must've been like for you,” Fluttershy said, feeling lower than she had in quite some time. She wished she wasn't so useless, that she had something more than empty words and hollow gestures to offer Celestia.

“I wouldn't want you to. Nor would I want anypony to ever know,” replied the princess, her head sinking. “Losing your only surviving family. Being responsible for driving them away.” Celestia shivered. “Nopony should ever have to go through something like that.”

“Why couldn't you visit her? Were you afraid that she would somehow escape and harm others?” wondered Fluttershy. Off Celestia's look, she added, “Sorry, I just … wondered.”

Celestia wasn't really upset by the question, but at the memories it triggered. The feelings it brought to the surface. “I was … ashamed.” The princess looked into the pegasus' eyes and saw incomprehension. “What kind of pony does that? Banishes their own sister for a thousand years and is too disgusted to ever visit them?”

“You did what you had to do. No one blames you for it, least of all Luna.” From what she knew of the Princess of the Night, that was true enough. “She's back now, and you're making up for lost time. Isn't that what's important?”

“Can you make up for a thousand years of neglect.”

“I-I don't know,” Fluttershy said lamely.

“It wasn't really a question,” Celestia said with a mirthless smile. “It's all right. Maybe I should go?” she suggested, getting up from her chair. “I've imposed upon your generosity enough, I think.”

The gentle pegasus uttered a small sigh. “I know it's not even remotely comparable to your situation, but uh, I haven't spoken to my family in a long time.”

That made Celestia sit straight back down. It was difficult to imagine Fluttershy holding a grudge against anypony, but especially when it came to friends and family. Her curiosity was definitely piqued now. “Oh?” she said simply.

“They're, er, very traditional Cloudsdale ponies, you know? The idea of a pegasus living and working on the ground rather than for one of the weather teams kind of goes against their values,” Fluttershy explained. She felt so stupid, thinking that the princess was going to be remotely interested in any of this.

“When was the last time you spoke to your parents?”

“Um, just before I moved to Ponyville. When I told them I was going there to serve an apprenticeship with the veterinarian,” replied Fluttershy, chewing nervously on her lip.

Celestia was aghast. “And they haven't tried to contact you once in all that time? Even after everything you've done? Surely, they must know what you, Twilight and the others have accomplished?”

“Oh, I haven't really done anything,” the yellow pegasus said modestly, making a dismissive gesture with her hoof. “I just happened to be there while Twilight and the others did all the really difficult and dangerous stuff.” She paused. “But no, they haven't. I did consider visiting them the last time we were in Cloudsdale, but uh, I got cold hooves. So much time has gone by, it didn't seem right to bother them.”

“Well, far be it for me to suggest how you handle your own personal matters, but … you and your kin aren't immortal, and you don't have a thousand years to think things over. One day, you'll wake up and discover that the chance to reconcile is gone, and you may end up regretting that.”

The pair finished their tea in silence, both feeling that they had inadvertently offended the other by intruding upon the intimate details of their lives. Princess Celestia got up to leave, thanking Fluttershy kindly for her hospitality.

“If you ever want to talk again,” Fluttershy was saying as the princess readied her wings for the flight back to Canterlot, “please don't hesitate to drop by. I … enjoyed our time together.”

“As did I, my little-,” Celestia suddenly blushed. “Sorry. I've been chastising others for being so formal, and here I am doing the exact same thing. “I very much enjoyed your company, Fluttershy, and I hope we can do it again some time.” The pegasus had been correct: even if you couldn't resolve the matters that were troubling you, just being able to get things off your chest every now and then acted as an effective salve for the wounds. Schedule permitting, she would definitely avail herself of Fluttershy's companionship in the future. On impulse, she pulled the yellow mare into an embrace. “Thank you, for everything.”

“You're welcome,” replied Fluttershy, feeling a warmth engulf her as she reciprocated the hug.

Once the princess had departed, Fluttershy thought carefully about her words. It had been more than ten years since her move to Ponyville, and that was indeed a long time to go without contact with one's family; while her friends had become a significant source of strength and comradeship to her, her feelings for them only made her realise what she was missing by cutting her kin out of her life. Maybe they wouldn't want to speak to her, but she had to at least make the effort to reconnect with them.

After all, some bonds could be resurrected after a thousand years. What was ten?