Equestria, the land where anyone can believe that everything is always laughing, happiness, harmony, peace and love. First of all, let me you that’s bullshit, a very big load of pure bullshit.

Equestria is not a happy place, even if they appear to be one. Its history is full with lies that cover truth from the eyes and ears of these ponies and any other sentient creature in this ignorant world. Let’s start with the creation of Hearth’s Warming Eve, or much better, a ripoff of Christmas. The history books tells about three tribes that weren’t in good terms and constantly argued with each other, and a blizzard got them so they decided to become fast friends with each other to scare away the Windigos, so they founded Equestria and lived happily ever after.

LIE! A FUCKING LIE!

Who can believe that bullshit?! … Oh right, these ponies.

The real story is that the tribes had been in a constant bloody war with each other, killing a lot of ponies in the process. These wars, bit by bit, were destroying the fertile lands, so they needed to move to conquest new territories. Then they found Equestria, the perfect land for them, so they started their colonies there. But years later, all the tribes discovered that they were sharing the land so a new war started and cost the lives of more ponies. The Windigos never were spirits, they were native monsters of Equestria, and these Windigos were the reason why all the tribes joined to create a united nation. See, there never was a stupid blizzard.

Another lie: Discord

Discord is a good friend of the tyrants and when the first imprisonment happened, it was in a moment of weakness and fear that their subjects could rebel against the crown any moment because the ponies were tired of their bullshit. So to show superiority against the rabble, Discord came as a powerful enemy that spread chaos and fear everywhere, making the ponies submissive to the tyrants. So they supposedly used The Elements of Harmony on Discord and sealed him forever. Again a lie, Discord was free all that time and his second arrival was a reminder that Celestia has a power that noone could ever hope to dispute.

Number three: Nightmare Moon

Nightmare Moon never existed, it was a lie from The Solar Tyrant and Luna combined. What really happened was that there was a Rebellion against the Monarchy of Celestia, led by Luna. They fought for years, but the both of them finally came to an agreement. Luna supposedly fell to her jealous feelings and turned into Nightmare Moon, who was banished to the moon; Nightmare Moon is Luna with battle armor and an disguise spell. I almost forgot, Luna, in those one thousand years of banishment, was living the life, like going to the beach, exploring new lands, making friends, or whatever other shit was possible. But my point here is the reason for the transformation: jealousy, REALLY?! These ponies always surprise me with their ignorance or stupidity.

Now the next one! The Elements of Harmony

The Elements of Harmony are a special weapon of the sisters which fuck your mind hard, those elements are used to wash the mind of intellectuals and philosophers that go against the current system. Maybe you’re thinking that Twilight and her friends are brainwashers, but no, they don’t know anything about the truth and Celestia wants to keep in that way. What Twilight and her friends have are stupid gems that, combined, only do rainbows and girly stuff. The real ones are hided inside the castle in a secret room.

Oh! And yes, that bitch tried to brainwash me, and guess what?

That shit never worked on me! You know why?

Because I’m magic immune!

How that crap didn’t work on me: the solar bitch tried to brainwash me manually, but as expected, it never worked. So that bitch saw that her plan of controlling me would never work, so she threatened me to never say a word about the secrets that she worked so hard to maintain.

Obviously, I told her to suck a dick and she didn’t like that answer one bit, so now I have an invisible sword ready to cut my throat like a pig in a slaughterhouse if I speak a single word to the any inhabitant of her world about this. Yay for me!

That whore really pisses me off.

And that’s only the tip of the iceberg, guys. I could tell you about what really happened in the Crystal Empire, or the Changeling Invasion, or the creations of special days, like the ripoff of Halloween or Valentine’s Day, but we don’t have all the time in the world and I feel lazy today, so I will explain a little about the current situation.

There is a war between Equestria’s ponies, the Caribou from a place similar to Canada, and the Deer from the Hightails Woods. And obviously, that war is kept hidden from the public.The solar bitch always tells the fallen knights’ families that their loved ones were killed by a dragon, or killed by a group of manticores or timber wolves, and the idiots believe her.
Well, maybe you are wondering where my place is in this meaningless war, right?

To answer that question, my job is about disappear the captured soldiers no matter the process which I choose. Also they gave me the permission to eat them if I want to because I’m omnivore. Duh!

Well, maybe it is sick, but it’s an agreement between me and the bitch, on the good side of this madness, I have a steady meat source for the rest of my fucking life.
It’s just my bad luck I grew colder from the months of this shit, so now the screams of agony don’t bother me anymore. Maybe I’m sick. Ha! Maybe I’m the reincarnation of Mengele!

''...''

Yup, suspicions confirmed, I’m fucking sick.

Oh right, I never introduced myself to you, my dear friend, but right now I feel lazy, so I will leave you with a voice recorder which has all the information that you require for now.

Entry 001

Good morning or good night, dear listener.´

Let me introduce me to you, my name is Elijah Collins and I have 25 years. I’m, or was, a student of medicine and I used to work as an assistant in the Morgue of New York, where I was born.

But for some reason, I got teleported to Equestria when a drunken guy was about to run me over with his car. Equestria is inhabited by ponies instead of humans, an interesting discovery.
And to be honest, this place really is quite interesting, the peace and harmony is pretty nice, so I can say that I’m happy with this sudden change of events. So my goals are to make friends and live happily.

Entry 006

I’ve made good friends with these ponies so far and have gotten a nice house, I believe that I made a good progress with my life. My goals are achieved, so now I can enjoy the happiness.

Entry 013

There are many things that don’t fit in the Equestrian history, a lot of questions raised, and there are not enough answers. I’ve added a new goal: research anything i can find about the history of Equestria.

Entry 020

EVERYTHING WAS A LIE! ALL OF IT! GODDAMMIT!

Those bitches thought that they could control me with their lies by using the Elements of Harmony, but that didn’t work. That bitch, Celestia put an invisible sword in my throat, triggered to kill me if I say a single word about my research. New goals: spread the truth and learn of a way to remove this sword from my throat.

Entry 026

This is my fourth year is this dammed place and I have 29 years. I had a meeting with the solar bitch and came to an agreement, if I make the bodies of captured soldiers from the enemy nations disappear, I will get a few of them alive so I can eat their meat. Equestria is embroiled a war and no one knows about it.

*sigh*

Anyways, I accepted the deal. The responsibility of bringing the supplies falls upon Luna herself with a special squad of Lunar guards. I hated every word spoken in this agreement, but what else can I do?

My goals are the same from the last entry: try to spread the truth and learn of a way to remove this sword from my throat.

Author's Note

OMG! a new story!

Yup i wrote this when I got a spark of inspiration meanwhile I was walking in the streets.
I believe I will do a nice work with this.
Oh Right, my main objective still my other story Always Look up

And how this story was sudenly it will take me time to write other chapters

Reminders:
-English is my second language

Update

Well this is the revised version, hopefully free from grammar errors. And everything is thanks to this guy
TehSporkBandit