Twilight's bitter meals

by Valtyra

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 3748

Twilight is surprised to find that anything she eats or thinks turns into semen.

Twilight wakes up to find her library in chaos. After staying the night at Applejack's, she finds out anything she interacts with turns into semen.

Let's see how she reacts.

I don't even know why I wrote this to be honest. It was late at night…

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-05 21:30:49 UTC

Chapter 1

"Urgh," Twilight grunted as she became conscious. Her head ached and she had trouble focusing on anything in her room. "Wha-what happened?" She muttered, reaching for her covers and pulling them off herself.

She slowly moved her legs out and placed them on the floor, scrunching her toes up from the cold. Placing a hand on her head, she shook it and took a deep breath before pushing herself out of bed.

"Whoa!" Twilight felt herself fall and caught herself on her doorframe, groaning. "S-spike?!" She called out, beginning to get scared, "Are you here?!"

Hesitantly pulling herself along, the world spinning around her, Twilight managed to make it to the landing and look down to the library in horror.

Before her lay the remnants of the ground floor if the Ponyville library, it's contents scorched and blackened from fire and smoke. Where the beloved horse bust would normally stand, there was a large hole running straight down into the basement with cracks shooting off all around the interior of the library.

Twilight fell to the floor, tears beginning to fall from her eyes. She brought her hands up and covered her face, letting her emotions flow.

Just that second, Spike walked through the door with Applejack in tow. "I'm telling you, she seems fine, it's the building that needs your expertise."

"I'll be the judge of that, once I see Twilight of cou-" Applejack stopped as soon as she heard the heavy sobbing. Looking over, she dropped measuring tools she had and the pair rushed up to Twilight.

Falling beside her, Applejack wrapped Twilight in her arms and held her as Twilight leaned into the hug. "Shh, it'll be okay. We can fix this up, good as new."

Spike sat on the other side placed a hand on Twilight's shoulder for support. He felt his own emotions run high, but thankfully they were of pride for Twilight. She had saved him and brought him upstairs before passing out from smoke inhalation.

Applejack kissed her on the head and felt her friends crying slow until it was light enough for her to release Twilight. "Better, Sugarcube?"

Twilight let out a laugh and nodded, "Thanks AJ... what happened?"

"Spike said it was something to do with your experiment..." Applejack thought for a second and stood up, "I want you to stay at mine until this is fixed and I won't take no for an answer..."

"But..."

"Spike can stay with us as well, my house has enough space that's not being used." AJ helped Twilight to her feet and kept a hand around her shoulder for support. "But I think it's best you put some clothes on first, don't you?"

Twilight's eyes widened and she coveted herself up, "C-can you h-help me..."

"Of course," AJ said, picking Twilight up and walking her into her room. "Just this once."

~~~

Eventually, Twilight hobbled out of her room with Applejack as support and smiled at Spike, who had packed his own belongings and some of Twilight's already. She wore her lavender sweater, a long librarians skirt and her black shoes. "Thank you, Spike. Come here," Twilight said, opening her arms up to give him a hug.

Spike ran into her and held on for dear life, "I thought I was going to lose you.... I ran to Pinkie, just like you told me to."

Twilight felt her heart swell from hearing him, "And that's why your my number one brother." She kissed him forehead and squeezed him once before loosening the hug.

"I can come back for anything else," she said, turning to Applejack who shook her head.

"Nope, you shouldn't even be walking right now. I'll come back with my brother and get anything you need."

The way Applejack said it made Twilight shudder and she didn't want to imagine the punishment for disobeying her, so she nodded her head and said, "Okay, we should go so you can tell me what exactly happened.,. I get to make notes."

The three of them made it out of the library. The outside of the library didn't seem to have been too badly affected, yet there were still a few cracks about, mainly around the windows and door.

Twilight sighed and imagined what could have gone so wrong to make any of her experiments go so badly. She really wanted to curl up with Celestia and sleep it away, but unfortunately for her, she couldn't and found herself slowly walking down the road towards Sweet Apple Acres.

She past people who gave her smiles and eaves but couldn't bring herself to reciprocate, only put one foot in front of the other and she could barely do that.

Applejack rustled her from her daze and she squeezed her grip on Twilight's side, "Are you alright? You went a little quiet there..."

"Oh, I'm fine. Just a little tired," she replied, "Thanks though, for the rooms."

"Don't worry about it. It's what friends do." Applejack grinned and looked about, "Don't worry about the library either, I'll have that done before you know it."

"Oh, I don't think I'd mind waiting. Especially if Granny has baked anything recently..." Twilight said, licking her lips.

"Uh, Twilight, people are staring," Spike groaned, facepalming.

Twilight shook her head and blushed, "Sorry guys, got a bit carried away there."

Applejack chuckled, "Well, Granny did bake some food." She then leaned in and whispered, "So did I..."

Twilight looked at her in horror, "B-but what about the baked bads?!"

AJ returned the look with a hard stare, "That was one time and I was exhausted." She rolled her eyes and huffed, "I actually like it... it's relaxing."

"Good for you then," Twilight said, smiling. "I'd gladly try some of yours, as long as they don't kill me."

"Har har."

~~~

The three of them made it to Sweet Apple Acres and passed under the sign and onto the property. By the time they had made it through town, it was almost time for Celestia to set the sun and Luna to bring the moon out.

Applejack moved forward and held the door open for Spike and Twilight to pass through, reciving thanks. As Twilight entered, she froze as she saw Celestia silently sleeping on the couch in front of the roaring fireplace.

"She wore herself out with worry," Granny Smith said, making Twilight jump. "Oh," she chuckled, "Sorry young'un."

"It's alright," Twilight replied, turning around to face Granny Smith, "When did she get here?"

Applejack led Spike upstairs while giving a supportive smile at Twilight.

"Only ten minutes ago, she nearly wore a hole in my floor," Granny laughed, pointing to an area of the kitchen where it ever so slightly dipped.

Twilight turned to face Celestia again and walked over, making sure to not step on any of the creaky floorboards. She knelt down next to the Princess and gently roused her from her sleep.

"Princess..." she whispered, trying to wake her up slowly. "It's Twilight."

The Princess's eyes blew open and she lunged forwards, hugging her student and pulling her into her bosom. "Oh Twilight. I was so scared!" She said, stroking Twilight's hair and occasionally kissing her head. "I'm sorry couldn't drop in earlier, I had a meeting!"

"Primceth!" Twilight groaned as she rapidly lost air.

"Whoops..." Celestia giggled, pulling Twilight's head out of her bosom, "Sorry about that..."

"That's..." Twilight found herself lightheaded for a second and shook her head, "That's alright, Princess."

"I'm glad your okay. I'll be staying in Ponyville for a couple of days to oversee the library being rebuilt." Twilight nodded with a bigger than normal smile, "If you ever want to see me, for any reason, I'm staying at the horses hoof hotel."

"Sure." Twilight felt Celestia's hand cup her cheek and smiled, "Goodnight, Princess. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight Twilight, I hope you find quick sleep tonight."

Twilight rose, bowed and made her way upstairs to find Applejack. She passed a couple of closed doors before she arrived at the room with AJ inside.

"This is your room, Twi. The beds all set up for you." Applejack nodded and made her way to the door, passing Twilight as she moved in, "My room is opposite, Spike's is that one," she pointed to the room next to hers, "and breakfast is at half seven, I hope you can wake up early."

Twilight giggled and sat on the bed, "I'm sure I can remember how to."

"I'm glad you're alright, Sugarcube."

"Yeah, so am I."

Applejack left the room and closed the door, leaving Twilight on her own. She gazed around and smiled when her eyes passed over the pleasant sky blue wallpaper.

While the room was large by a normal houses standards, it was quite empty, with only a double bed, dresser with vanity mirror, a table and chairs and wardrobe.

Twilight pulled her shoes off and placed them on the chair, then undressed before crawling into the bed. Though she felt tired her mind refused to shut down, going over what could have possibly happened, time and again until she was forced to cast a sleep spell on herself.

Chapter 2

Twilight sat up in bed, her. Hair a mess and her horn ablaze with the tingle of magical energy. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and looked out of the window to see the moon still high in the sky. "Need water..." She muttered, getting out of bed.

She hobbled over to her clothes, picked up her panties and dusted them off. Next came on her bra and then the rest of her clothes. A quick cleaning spell later and she was out of the door and halfway down the hall.

Twilight took care in not making too much sound; she didn't want to wake the other people, especially Granny or Big Mac. "Couldn't have been more than a few hours," she wondered, her fingers tracing her horns ridges and feeling the magical energy dissipate.

She shook it off as a side effect of her drowsiness and carefully descended the stairs into the kitchen. She made it to the sink and picked up a clean glass, then filling it up with water.

Sitting down at the table, she yawned and took a look around the empty ground floor as a headache made itself known. She groaned and Brough the glass to her lips to taste the cool refreshing flavor of-

Twilight nearly choked as she spat out what she thought was water but it turned out to be cum. The glass shattered on the floor and she found herself gagging as the salty taste invaded her mouth and she ran over to the sink to spit it out.

"Blegh!" Twilight spat the cum out of her mouth and went for the tap to wash her mouth out. Turning the knob, her eyes widened as thick gooey stallion seed oozed out instead of water, making her shake with fear.

"A-aplejack!" She screamed, backing away and bumping into the table which had seed dripping off the side.

AJ rushed out of her room at Twilight's call and practically ran downstairs to find the strangest sight  she had ever seen: Twilight in tears with jizz covering the table and sink.

"Twilight... what happened?" Applejack asked, hesitantly placing one foot in front of the other and nearing the kitchen.

"I-I don't know!" Twilight replied, gagging on the taste, "I only wanted a drink!"

"I don't you're suppose to drink that." Twilight didn't respond. "Alright," AJ said, before taking a breath, "We have to clean this up before Applebloom wakes up. Then we can find out why this happened..."

"What happen- whoa!" Spike shouted upon seeing the kitchen, he quickly looked to Twilight, "This wasn't me this time!"

"This time?" AJ wondered with a confused look.

"Uh... forget I said anything..." Spike replied, his scaled turning crimson. "I don't think I'll be any help here..." He mumbled, rushing back to his room and leaving Applejack and Twilight to clean the kitchen.

"I've never had to clean this up, but we can try anyway." Applejack neared Twilight and helped her up, "There you go, you can borrow some of my clothes until these are... replaced. I doubt you'd want to walk around with this on you." AJ shook her hand after getting some of the seed on it and grimaced, "Do you know any spells to help?"

"I t-think so... But I don't think it would be wise until we know what caused this." Twilight perked up, "We can see the Princess, this seems like a good enough reason."

AJ nodded then opened a cupboard, pulling out a few cleaning products and handed them to Twilight. "Here, get started and I'll get some other stuff."

~~~

It only took an hour of intense cleaning to get the kitchen back to it's normal state. The pair sat down and sighed. Applejack glanced at Twilight and found  worry on her face. "Hey, we'll figure this out."

"I know. It's just strange... that's the first time I've..."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

The two sat in awkward silence for a time before Applejack broke it. "I'll go and get you some clothes. I hope you like tight fits," she grinned and made her way upstairs.

Twilight let out a strained laugh and looked over to the sink. "Surely it wouldn't happen again..." she said, getting up and walking over. "It must be something magical to make that stuff come out, otherwise everyone in town would have it."

Inspecting the tap closely, she charged up her horn and tried to detect any traces of magic on the tap or around the room. She tried changing the sensitivity of the spell, but found nothing and groaned in frustration, "Nothing... Why?!"

Gripping the handle, she pulled it to find the same gooey seed, ooze and splat in the sink. Twilight quickly shut the tap off and used her spell on the liquid, finding nothing again. For all intense and purposes, this could have come from a healthy stallion mere seconds ago.

Running her fingers through her hair, Twilight reached into the sink and scooped up a small amount and brought it up to her lips. Feeling a small blush spread over her face she looked around for anyone that could see and once she was sure she was alone, she licked it up from her hand.

Again, the salty taste invaded her senses and she closed her eyes to stop herself from spitting it out. Eventually, the taste receded and left her with the strange texture.

Twilight eventually swallowed and cleaned up any remaining cum from the sink and waited For Applejack to come down with the clothes.

It was only a few minutes later, but Twilight was infinitely relieved to have not been caught and gladly took the clothes.

She quickly got changed and Applejack disposed of her old clothes. AJ looked Twilight over and whistled, "Damn girl, you look good."

Twilight felt her face flush and she looked herself over. The dark blue jeans she put on hugged her in all the right places, the red and blue plaid shirt she was given hugged her even more, but put the emphasis on her boobs, making them seem larger than they really were. "Really?"

"Of course. I don't think I've ever seen you in jeans, or... anything other than formal."

"What about the gala..."

"That doesn't count," AJ replied with a wave of a hand. "Turn around." Twilight did as she was told and AJ smirked, "Yup, looks real good on you."

Twilight twirled around and smiled, "Thank you for these, I'll make sure to give them back once I get some of my clothes."

"Actually, why don't you hang onto them. As a way to expand your closet."

Twilight smiled, "Your amazing; thank you."

Applejack chuckled, "It's fine. Now, we should go, I'm sure the Princess is up now," AJ looked outside and saw the sun slowly rise over the hills, "Yeah, she's up."

Chapter 3

Twilight and Applejack wandered down the path towards Ponyville. They had left a note for everyone else saying they had some errands to take care of and not to worry about anything.

Twilight smiled, she was going to see Celestia. Even if it was for a completely strange thing, it was still hanging out with her mentor.

Applejack noticed the smile on her friends face and asked, "What's got you all happy?"

"Oh nothing, just going to see Celestia, again." Twilight gave a excited squeak and coughed awkwardly.

Applejack chuckled and placed a hand on Twilight's shoulder, "I'm just surprised she wants to help with the rebuilding."

"Well, I sure it's been a slow week for her and she wants something to do."

"I suppose, she could have asked though..." AJ rolled her eyes but smiled nevertheless.

Eventually, the pair made it to Ponyville and wandered through the market where various stalls were being set up for the day.

Twilight was careful to stay away from any stalls which had liquids in them incase whatever happened to her, happened again.

The two of them stopped outside of the hotel and looked up at the building that seemed to go on forever.

AJ turned to Twilight, "Let's go in, I'm sure the Princess somehow knows we're here."

"Come on Applejack, she isn't omniscient," Twilight laughed and pulled the door open with her magic. "She just plans, a lot."

"I don't know, she knew you would meet us and defeat Nightmare Moon."

Twilight shook her head, "You got me there, but still, I lived with her, and she isn't. Trust me."

AJ remained quiet as they walked across the marble floor and up to the front desk. The two were surprised to find Cheerilee sitting at the reception with a headset on.

"Cheerilee?" Twilight asked, "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, hi Twilight... I could ask you the same thing... oh wait, the Princess is here isn't she." Cheerilee replied before sighing, "This is my second job. The school doesn't exactly pay great. I work here until eight, then go to school."

"Oh, okay then..." Applejack mumbled, "Can we have her room?"

"Hmm? Oh yeah, here." cheerilee passed over a pair of vip badges with Celestia's room number on them. "Don't dawdle, there are reporters all over the floors, trying to find her."

"We'll keep that in mind." Twilight said, rushing off with AJ. The pair walked into the lift and AJ pressed floor twenty.

The door's opened and the two walked out, "Alright, room eighty nine..." Twilight mumbled as she read off the numbers. "Eighty eight... Nine... Aha!"

She brought a hand up and knocked, then waited for a few minutes. "Maybe she is in a different room..." AJ whispered, looking around.

The door opened, revealing Celestia in her nightwear, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. "Yea- oh, Twilight, Applejack."

Twilight felt her face light up and looked to the floor, "Hi Princess!"

AJ on the other hand smiled and bowed slightly, "Twilight has a little problem that has just come to our attention."

Twilight turned and pushed her away, "It was a misunderstanding, we're all better now... I'll be going!"

"Twilight." That one word from the Princess was all it took for Twilight to freeze in place. Celestia turned to Applejack and rose an eyebrow, "What problem?"

"Well, I'm not really sure, it was kind of strange. I only walked in on it. Twilight can tell you more."

Said person felt herself become weightless and float over to Celestia and then into her room. Applejack followed her soon after and she found herself sitting on Celestia'd bed which looked like it hadn't been touched.

Celestia walked in and sat down in front of them in a chair. She had a worried look on her face and seemed to fidget in the seat, "Twilight, what happened?"

Twilight gulped and suddenly felt herself grow hot. "I-I was getting a drink of w-water," she started hesitantly, "I put it to my lips and it turned into..."

"Turned into what?" Celestia leaned forwards and had a look of complete focus.

Twilight closed her eyes and looked away, a growing blush making its way over her face. Applejack rolled her eyes and said, "From what we had to clean up, it turned into honest to you semen."

Celestia blinked and leaned back in her chair, her hands cupped and brought to her face in contemplation. She stayed like that for a good few minutes before she turned AJ, "It turned into... Semen?"

"Yes Princess," Twilight squeaked.

"Was this before or after you vegan to drink it?"

"Princess!" Twilight shouted, mortified her mentor would even ask such a question, "After, obviously."

"I don't know what you get up to in the library." Celestia smirked at the reaction of her friend. "Now, I'm guessing you didn't come here just to brag, you want to know why?"

"We would," AJ nodded.

"Alright," Celestia sighed, "from the sounds of it, there was a lot..."

"Yes Princess, all of the water in the cup turned as well as... the water in the tap."

The Princess leaned forward, then rose. She walked over to the sink and filled up a cup with water and walked back over to the chair and sat down.

She took a sip and found nothing had changed, "Normal water, if a bit hard..." She passed Applejack the cup and watched as she too took a sip and noticed nothing wrong.

Finally, the cup was passed to Twilight who's hand shook as she gripped it. Celestia placed a hand in her leg, "Don't worry, we'll figure this out."

"Can we use graphs and long words..." Twilight mumbled.

"I wouldn't want it any other way."

Taking a breath, Twilight gripped the cup tighter and brought it to her mouth. Closing her eyes, she tipped it and found the now familiar taste enter her mouth. She took the cup away and swallowed her mouthful.

The others were gazing away and Twilight realised she had the cum coating her upper lip and used a hand to wipe it away, before licking it up.

Celestia frowned before sighing, "I think it's safe to say that it's only affecting you."

"I think so... what tests will we do?" Applejack asked, trying not to look into the cup that still contained a modest amount of semen.

"Well, let's see..." The Princess started, smiling.