Twilight kills herself a lot

by Dream Volt

Rating: mature
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 23166

Twilight Sparkle commits serial scicide, then things get weird.

The first time Twilight killed herself was pretty much the worst thing ever. The tenth time was so bad I still can't even describe how rotten it felt. The hundredth time was still super awful. I stopped counting after the thousandth, and now it's mostly just annoying. I mean what's even the point? I mean you can kill an alicorn easy enough, but they sure don't stay dead. But I'm the most awesome and most loyal of ponies so I stuck by her 100% anyway, even though she went completely nuts. I mean come on, she doesn't even see this whole killing herself thing as a problem, and is just super happy all the time. I mean that's sorta my fault, but it's still really annoying.

I still wanted something to change. I wanted things to get better. It did, but I totally wasn't expecting what happened, and sure as clouds are soft didn't expect it to make things better. I also never thought I'd see Pinkie dress up as a goth but that's far less important. I certainly never expected Pinkie to say she wanted to kill herself too, even if it was about as convincing as, er, something super unconvincing. I was fairly sure things wouldn't get better when Twi was super worried about Pinkie, and completely missed how ironic it was to be talking about how horrible it would be if Pinkie killed herself.

I blame Kaidan's "Twilight's Best Day Ever" for this. (here) It's not a sequel or anything like that, just what inspired me to write this bit of madness.

Published 2014-07-05 21:50:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-05 21:50:04 UTC

Gothie Pie

I flew in and Twilight was hanging by the rafters, noose around her neck. Her wings were loosely at her sides. Like usual she wasn't wearing her fancy new crown and hoof things. She looked so peaceful, but as much as I wished otherwise I knew she probably wasn't really asleep. I sighed.

"Wasn't this like the second thing you tried?"

Her eyes opened and she waved. "Hi Dash." She laughed. "Yea, I'm low on ideas, and figured I'd give a it another try using that new paralyzing agent I've been using lately. I figure it should keep my wings paralyzed for at least another hour."

I nodded. "Okay, so I guess that explains why you haven't got yourself down but shouldn’t you be less talky."

"That's sort of the point yes, but today I really failed. I still forget about the earth pony stamina and strength. I mean the wings are obvious but an alicorn…"

"Isn't just a unicorn with a horn. I know."

"In fact all earth ponies are immune to hanging unless they're unusually thin and frail. They're so resistant to damage the drop usually isn't enough to break their spine, at least the first time, it does do some damage, and the rope has notably more give then an earth pony neck so like me they can keep breathing with little trouble."

"Yea, that's so interesting. Totally awesome, really. So…I don't suppose you were actually taking a nap were you."

Twi laughed again. "Oh don't be silly. That would be a terrible waste of time."

"Yea, terrible."

Princess Celestia gave Twi a really fancy list of things to remember about being an alicorn. Twilight loved it of course. At the time I thought it was silly of her to start the list in big bold type saying "Alicorns still need to sleep" and repeating the same idea in similarly oversized text over the course of the list. Now I get no matter how awesome a friend I am, Celestia still knows some stuff about Twi I don't. I mean I knew she stayed up late, but I didn't get how much she tried to sleep as little as possible. Then I realized Twi was still hanging there.

"You're still doing that…" I paused

"Courteous suicide methodology."

"Yea, that. Cause trying to kill yourself and thinking of others totally go hoof and hoof."

Twilight blinked. "I think even Pinkie might have noticed that level of sarcasm, but I don't quite get what you're implying?"

I sighed. Sometimes it can be so easy to forget Twi is thundercloud for a bed crazy. Rarity said Twi's love of sarcasm is rubbing off on me, and she might be right, but it could also be some of the books I've been reading. I see the serrated knife sitting on a table right next to the staircase where she tied the other end of the rope. Of course while losing sleep is really bad for alicorns sanity wise it still might not be a quick fix. I'm okay with that. I wanted Twi back to normal as fast as possible, but things did not turn out close to what I hoped for. She then fell to the ground with a thump.

"In retrospect I probably should have waited until you got here."

I turned around to she her smiling, wings still hanging limply. "Camph frou…" I put the knife back on the table. "Can you do something about that?"

She looked at her back. "Oh, that could be inconvenient." There was a flash and she raised her wings then folded them at her sides. "Better?"

"Yea. So Spike has been called off to Canterlot again?"

She nodded. "Oh yes. It's good he's accepted more responsibility but I miss him."

I sighed and followed her outside. Of course that wasn't the reason at all. It started with comforting Celestia in the beginning. I was ready to beat her bloody when it turned out "Twilight Sparkle killed herself. Come at once." Was all she wrote until I saw the note. Celestia wasn't pranking us, it was all she could manage to write, and even that was almost illegible. Her horn writing is really fancy and complex normally. I also finally figured out what exactly Twilight is to Spike, a big sister, while Celestia is his mom. I try not to think of what Celestia looked like when we finally saw her. Seeing Twilight had been depressing, but seeing Celestia was terrifying.

"Dash, what's that look? Are you okay?"

I blinked, not realizing I stopped. "Oh, yea, sorry. Just thinking about…"

Twilight shook her head. "Stop being silly. I'm all better now. My life is great."

"So great you are constantly killing yourself." I rolled my eyes

She blinked. "Huh, what does that have to do with anything."

I face hooved. I wanted to argue. In the past I had, many times, but slowly I figured out it was as pointless as arguing with Pinkie. I think Pinkie has a much firmer grasp on reality, but I've never been sure about that. I think Twilight is right that sometimes Pinkie is just messing with us. I still don't understand how that one time in the balloon she got me from arguing for using hot sauce instead of water to arguing that the sky was green. I really don't understand why I was actually surprised it was blue when I looked up like she asked. I then shook my head and smiled.

"Come on Twi lets…"

"Oh, life is but sorrow and…" Pinkie paused. "Parties?"

"Pain?" asked Twilight

I then turned to see Pinkie with strait hair, wearing black eye liner smudged in a way that looked like she'd been crying. I groaned. And the day started so well too. Twilight has gotten pretty good at this, and almost never fails to kill herself. I should have known better. The frown briefly vanished off Pinkie's face.

"Yea, pain. Thanks Twilight. You're so helpful." Then Pinkie blinked, and frowned again, slumping. "Oh, and the world is awful and full of sun."

"Don't you mean sin?" asked Twi

Pinkie gasped. "Oh wow, I do." Pinkie smiled. "And that makes much more sense. I mean the sun isn't sad at all." She put a hoof to her chin. "Well there was that one week after you decided to go splodey the first time, but otherwise."

I smiled. Pinkie has been great. She took it the hardest when Twilight was depressed, but once that was gone and Twi was just plain crazy she was fine with it. Not everypony is good like that. It was a pretty busy day in Ponyville, but everypony was giving us a wide berth. I used to try and do something about it, every time it happened, but Rarity and Fluttershy convinced me to stop. AJ was right about it not helping anyway, even if she's wrong about a whole lot of other stuff these days. Then Pinkie got out a bottle and squeezed out something onto her hoof. Then she ran it over a poof of hair that looked like the mess she usually has on her head.

"Oh thank Celestia." I said

"Huh?" asked Twi

"Dashie?"

I waved a hoof. "Nothing important. I'm guessing there is a point to this sadness junk."

Twi leaned in to me. "Dash, don't belittle her. I think this could be serious."

Pinkie put a still convincing frown on her face. She could really act when she wanted to. I think she just had so little experience with being depressed she didn't really know how to do it right, and it was very much playing against type. But other things she can really nail. I still amazed she pulled off being a guard so well when we were pranking Twi that one time. It was still odd that Twilight missed it. She could be so sharp with some things, but other things it was like she the most gullible mare in the world. I was just glad Pinkie wasn't really upset. I still haven't told the others exactly what I saw on the day of the last surprise party we ever threw Pinkie, and don't plan to tell them. Even if it would have made explaining why I thought it was more important to watch Pinkie than Twilight if I had to choose between two depressed mares.

"So Pinkie, were you actually looking for us?" asked Twilight

She nodded. "Yea, I decided the world is too painful and stuff so I want to kill myself, and I was like, Pinkie, you know who's really good at suicide, Twilight, so here I am and I'm sure you can help me."

Twi got a huge fake as could be grin on her face and nodded. "Of course Pinkie, I'll help you in whatever way I can."

"Really?" Pinkie then shook her head and smiled. "I mean that's great. Disturbingly easy, but great."

"Why don't you go ahead to the library I'll be right behind you, I just want to give Dash some bits and a breakfast order right quick, okay."

"Okay."

Then Pinkie smiled and hopped off, before suddenly stopping, hanging her head down and walking normally. Twilight was then in front of me, pacing back and forth, wings randomly fluttering to life, then laying on her back again.

"Oh Dash, this is just terrible. I can't imagine life without you girls. Can you even imagine life without Pinkie?"

I rolled my eyes. "No Twi. I've never even considered what it might be like to lose one of my friends. Why ever would something like that cross my mind."

Then Twi glared at me and I took a step back and cringed. Twilight was always a little scary with her super unicorn magic, but now that she's an alicorn? Yea, most ponies less awesome than me would have just run for the hills or gotten down on their knees and begged for forgiveness. I mean her mane was a mess of roaring flames and both wings spread in a way she probably didn't even understand why it was so threatening. Sometimes I forget Twi can still listen and is still super smart. Sometimes it's, two plus apricot equals apathy, logic but she can still get stuff sometimes. Normally I just smile and pedal back, but this time I didn't think that was the correct response. Instead I put on my serious weather manager "the Everfree weather is being dumb again" pep talk face and pretended like I wasn't at least a little worried Twi was about to change me into a statue, or worse.

"How dare you not take this seriously. Dash, Pinkie…"

I nodded. I knew it. I'm getting better at gauging Twi's craziness. "I'm not being serious because the way I see it's already fixed." I smiled a little

She blinked. "What?"

"Twi. You're trying to fix it, so bam…" I thrust a hoof out in a mock punch "Problem solved. So yea, I'm not taking it super serious because I know I don't have to worry. You've got a plan, so we're good."

"But…" her ears folded down a little, a small frown on her face. "I haven't even told you my plan yet. You don't even want to hear it, do you?"

"Does that matter? I mean obviously you're not about to leave a pony as amazing as me out of it when I'm available, so come on already."

"Actually your part is minor really. At least so far. This is in emergency, so I don't have time to write out a proper checklist so the plan is somewhat fluid. It's simple really. We take her around to our friends, who will obviously try to convince her not to kill herself, while at the same time under the ruse of helping I horrify her with the worst methods I can think of."

"When you say worst do you mean least effective or…"

"I mean other than some basic assistance anypony could give, I want your help thinking up the options most likely to turn her stomach and make her scream in terror. At the very least it should be enough to stall her until I can think of a more concrete plan."

"Uh, yea, now when you say horrify do you mean via demonstration or…"

"Now get going. I don't care what you get…" She pulled a jingling bag out of her mane and dropped it at my hooves. "Just get it fast. Now I should go. Can't be leaving her alone too long, now can we."

Then she vanished with a flash. I sighed. I suppose I know the answer, and just wished I didn't. I really should have known the day was going to get worse. Oh well, at least I have that doctor pony shampoo now. It really does get the bloodstains out of my fur and mane great. Though some of the worst weren't really the gory ones, but the one's where her body is all too intact and recognizable, but that just makes seeing it in such horrifying shape all the worse. I grabbed the bag and was off, thinking maybe I wouldn't suggest the worst. After all I don't think Pinkie has even seen Twi off her self much so maybe I should try to limit the trauma a little.

Author's Note

So if you're wondering about the comment about blaming this on Kaidan's story it's because of two things. First I absolutely hate it, partially because it's well written I should point out, and I had this growing sense of dread as I read it where things were going but I wasn't willing to stop. The second is a thought that entered my head is that according to my headcannon that wouldn't even work, and even if it did death would be temporary. This somehow resulted in me writing a cheerful story about suicide. I'm not entirely clear how that last bit works either, but here we are.

Fluttershy and Discord

"Are you sure you're okay Pinks?"

She nodded. We were finally alone outside Fluttershy's house. I know Rarity started the whole making stuff for Twi thing just because she was being dumb about Twi and hated doing it, but recently it doesn't seem to bother her as much. That worries me a little, but I'm sure it's no big deal. Also just because it's technically hair and feathers from Twi's corpses doesn't really make it any creepier than wool. Besides those sheets made of alicorn fur are so soft and warm. At the very least I don't have to worry about it now. Pinkie still looked a little more red than she should, but mostly the blood was gone. I was a little curious if her mane was still just wet enough, or if was dry and still limp. I wasn't willing to figure that out.

"Okay, so I noticed Rarity overacted to your wanting to commit suicide, then seemed to forget about it entirely."

"Yeppers. I told everypony but you my plan silly, so of course she's not worried." Then she gasped. "Omigosh, was I too subtle? Did you not get the hints?"

I laughed. "That was not a problem. So what is it exactly?"

Pinkie stopped smiling for a moment, face becoming rigidly neutral. "I'm gonna make her happy again Dashie. Not just content, but make the smiles all real again. Not just some of them, but all of them."

"What do you mean by…"

"Some of them aren't real Dashie." She was now in front of me, my head in her front hooves, smooshing my cheeks in an uncomfortable way. "She's not sad anymore, but she's not really happy. I don't think she even knows but I have to fix her."

"Pinkie, I know your idea is probably better than mine." That was of course a lie, while I sure couldn’t think of anything worse, Pinkie is at least capable of topping me. "You do remember the last time one of us tried to fix Twi."

"Oh come now Dash." Said and irritating male voice "Just because your terrible plan backfired doesn't mean Pinkie's only slightly less bad plan will fail."

I grit my teeth together and glared at Discord hovering above us. Then I sighed. I wanted to blame him. It would be so easy. But Fluttershy is right. He warned us. He told us the dangers, and AJ and me pushed Flutter to convince him to do it anyway. He's being a huge jerk about the whole thing, but that's the way he is about everything.

"What was the warning again exactly?" I ask

"Oh yes, I am rather proud of that. That curing insanity with chaos magic is much like using napalm to fight a forest fire. There is a way to do it, but it's not a good idea. Of course that's why I liked it so much, but for Fluttershy's sake I warned you."

"Wait a second." Said Pinkie. "YOU DID IT ON PURPOSE?"

I took a step back, my ears folding down at the volume. Discord floated back a bit, his ears falling off entirely. It was refreshing to see dismemberment without any blood. He swiftly grabbed them off the ground, dusted them off, and put them back on the wrong sides of his head, upside down. I almost smiled at that. Then I sighed and used a hoof to guide Pinkie's head back at me.

"Not exactly. Calm down Pinkie."

Discord laughed. "Yes, as chaotic as it might be if I had a choice I would have inflicted her with a far more fun sort of mental…" he did that weird thing with her talons Gilda used to do, flicking two of them up and down. "Illness."

"Disorder." I replied without thinking.

"While I am fond of the word I don't see why you would…" He then laughed. "Oh yes, mental disorder. Normally I'm not fond of making sure I use the proper term, but I believe in this case an exception is warranted."

Pinkie then started and smiled. "Oooo, there are fun mental disorders? I didn't know that."

"That's surprising, but let me give you a few examples. First if she was afraid of the color yellow, then she would have to struggle to talk to one of her best friends."

"Discord, stop it." I said

"Oh, or how about multiple personality disorder. With her powers we might even get multiple purple pony princesses. One might even be a pirate."

"OOO, that could be fun." Then Pinkie blinked. "Wait a second…"

"Then of course she could just be plain old delirious and turn everypony into dragons because she thinks that's what you should be. Or maybe she just runs around quaking, convinced she's a duck."

"Hey, those aren't really fun at all. Poor Twilight." Pinkie frowned. "She's not a duck."

"Well they would be fun for me." He laughed, then let out a small sigh. "Sadly none of those are true, and even worse I might even feel guilty about doing that to her. Seriously, empathy is the worst thing ever."

"And since apparently you missed that discussion, no he can't do anything more to help Twilight. We can't even risk it if we wanted too."

"Yes, I was able to affect her because she had given up, but now she's in a much more interesting positive state, so my magic can't effect her at all. Pity really. It could have been a lot of fun to try until I got it right. Boring once I did of course, but oh the chaos that could have been getting there."

Discord was now looking up into the sky wistfully. Then Fluttershy and Twilight came out from behind the cottage with a big tank of water full of a bunch of dull looking fish. Both were smiling, but Fluttershy had that forced "Twilight is gonna do something scary" smile again. I'd seen it more than enough to tell. Twi waved.

"Hello Discord. Now Pinkie Fluttershy and I were talking and she's right, I'm trying to help you not myself. So I need to be less selfish and try to just help you find the right method for you."

"You you're not gonna blow up again?"

Twi nodded. "Oh yes, that was taking things a bit far. Of course it wasn't that selfish since I already knew that method wouldn’t work anyway, but still…"

"So what are you gonna to do?" Pinkie asked

"Well you did say something about cleanliness, and I have an excellent suggestion. It won't help me because ultimately even though the various digested bits become part of another organism does stop regeneration, it just means I end up with an entirely new body do to the particulars of…"

Pinkie looked a little queasy. "I remember."

"Anyway, the point is it's still a very neat and tidy way to go, and I have a spell to remove the pain so don't worry about that. That's easy to avoid."

Twilight then stuck her hoof in the tank and in seconds it was gone. She pulled out a bloody stump with a bit of bone sticking out. As usual the blood was not gushing nearly as much as it probably should, just slowly leaking out. Oh, now I get it. Of course she got herself eaten by a hydra when she came up with the being eaten idea, but apparently those evil little fish work too. Twi cast a spell and with a "shlorp" her hoof grew back super fast. Pinkie was over in the bushes.

"Told you getting some food to help settle her stomach was a bad idea."

"But you're fine?" she asked

"Twi, not all ponies are as awesome as me."

"Yes, or apparently as amazing as Fluttershy." Discord added.

"I've seen worse injuries. That poor squirrel. Thank you so much for helping Discord. Though he still doesn't appreciate being pink very much."

Discord let out a huff. "I still say he needs to stop whining about that and move on."

"So Pinkie, I'm guessing that's a no."

The only answer to Twilight's question was horrible retching sounds.

AJ doesn't lie

Fluttershy turned out to be the best, but AJ was the worst. Not at first, but now she has trouble not glaring at Twilight and that's not cool. I'd rather she not glare at me either, but I can take it. It's not like we stopped talking it's just there is always this edge to everything she says. Some days it's worse than others. Like today.

"So what exactly do ya want from me. Ah ain't letting ya use the mulcher again…"

Pinkie dry heaved, but there was nothing left.

"…and ah told ya there ain't no way mac is gonna…"

"Oh it's nothing like that AJ." Twi smiled. "We're here to help Pinkie kill herself."

AJ groaned. "Oh yer, that dang fool nonsense on top of even more nonsense. Twi, ah ain't gonna lie to ya."

Then AJ slammed the door to the farmhouse in our faces. Twilight's bad luck with doors continued and she was just close enough for it to smash her nose while I was just out of range even though I was next to her. I mean it's not on the list the princesses gave me but if a door is ever involved in any of her suicide schemes I'm shutting that down right away. Doors just seem to have it out for her, especially if Pinkie is around.

"I guess it's a little late to mention…" Began Pinkie

"Yes." Said Twilight, and sighed. "You did explain things properly right?"

"Yes Twi I wold her about Pinkie and…" My teeth suddenly locked together.

"I know what you mean."

"Huh?" said Pinkie

I worked my jaw a little when Twilight undid her magic. It felt okay. "I could try talking to her a bit more maybe?" I asked

"Maybe but I would really rather…" Twi suddenly smiled. "Oh, I have a great idea."

Then Twilight grabbed Pinkie and flew up into the air. She was really an amazing student, even with non egghead stuff apparently. She was much better than when I first started teaching her. I knocked on the door.

"AJ, come out here right now. I still don't know exactly what Pinkie is planning but it's always worth giving her plans a shot. Well, not bit wise, but you know what I mean."

"Go away sugarcube. Rarity told me what Twi is trying to do, but for the life of me ah can't figure why she wants to stop Pinkie from doing the same thing she is."

"Cause she's nuts, duh. Come on AJ, let me in, talking to you through a door is dumb."

"Ah could sugarcube, but as you figured I was listening at the door still. Which means ah know our craziest friend just took our second craziest one up into the air. Seems like even if neither is planing nothing dangerous that's a recipe for trouble."

I groaned. "Ugh, you're right. Just, stop glaring at Twilight so much. Later."

I flew up, looking for the two ponies. There was only one cloud in the sky, and sure enough Twi and Pinkie were on it. At first I was confused because Pinkie is not even a little afraid of heights or falling, even when she should be. Then I realized while she was spending some time looking at the edge of the cloud it was mostly at Twi.

"Falling hurts, doesn't it?"

"Well it's really more the landing." Twi laughed. Pinkie did not. "Really?"

"She's scared Twi. Not the right time for falling jokes."

"Yea, I mean it was little funny it's just…" Pinkie smiled, but it faded.

Twilight tilted her head. "But if you want to die…"

"I don't want it to hurt, and I never wanted it to be messy because…" Pinkie smiled her eyes lighting up. "I got it. I'm a maneonite." She blinked. "Oh, well not me so much anymore, but my parents are so…"

"The funeral has to be open casket. Yes, that could be a problem. But this is the sort of thing you need to give careful consideration. Getting just the right…." Twilight got a huge smile on her face. "Actually I have the perfect idea."

"Really?" asked Pinkie, ears drooping a little.

"Yes, it's terribly complex and the machine might take a good while to build, but trust me it will leave a pristine corpse with no pain, and I don't even have to use magic."

"Oh, uh, goodie?"

"Oh, of course the calibration could take days, maybe even weeks, but it will be worth it. So are you willing to wait a little?"

"Sure, I mean I'm in no hurry."

"Excellent." Twi clapped her front hooves together, her wings insuring she didn't faceplant into the cloud. "I need to get started immediately."

Then Twilight flew off. I turned back to see Pinkie staring. She then scratched her head. Then she looked at me, eyes seeming to expand, watering.

"She still wants to kill me. Even after all this time…"

"Pinkie. I didn't tell you earlier cause I thought I didn't need to, but Twi has been trying to convince you not to commit suicide this whole time."

She smiled, her hair instantly becoming its normal poof. "Really. That's great news. It means my plan is working. Also Twilight is really good at that. I thought I didn't want to before, but now I really don't want to." She briefly looked queasy again.

"So what exactly is this plan?"

"Well…" Pinkie Paused. "I forget. Let me check my notes and get back to you on that."

Then Pinkie burrowed into the cloud like she was digging though the ground and I dove after her. I really should have expected her not to come out the bottom. And expected her to be gone from inside the cloud too, and nowhere in sight at all. Then I realized worrying about Pinkie's weirdness was not something I had time for, since Twi was alone and most likely not really building some sort of complex death machine.

Complex Death Machine

It was a complex death machine. I had built parts of it but it was still pretty impressive. It was in lab 3f of the underground complex. Twilight went a bit nuts with expanding the area under the tree once she realized she could now teleport huge clumps of earth across the whole planet if she wanted to. I still don't get why those desert ponies were so happy to get a big pile of dirt, but apparently it made them happy, so whatever. The stonework was super sturdy looking. Some Canterlot ponies good at building stuff had come and reinforced all of Twilight's work. Which was good because it totally looked like some parts might collapse soon before. The big machine wasn't all that was in the room, there were countless other broken bits scattered about the room. Twilight was standing in front of one.

"So what does this thing actually do?"

"Other than look impressive and dangerous, nothing. Though it is Pinkie so I'm trying to make it distracting as possible. It's not like I've been using any of these things anyway. They're just taking up space really. They already failed and have been analyzed fully."

"It's not like it's hard." I pointed at a box with a bunch of large metal spikes though it.

"Yes, sometimes it's obvious enough, but not all."

"Ooooo, shiny."

We both turned to see Pinkie staring up at the machine. It was obviously unfinished, by design, but it had various moving parts, lights, and most of the metal frame was already together. It was pretty much a big box but with the top corners rounded off, and none of the sides were flat. There were also various canyon like bits running though it, and of course one side was still open, wires and gears fully visible. Twilight was now focusing on some part she had her magic wrapped around. She was probably being careful not to break it, since I know if she yanks on something hard enough it will move, even if it's being held in place by solid steel. The contraption she was in front of was a mess of blades and gears that would kill anypony standing on the red x on the metal platform in front of it when the death machine is activated.

"As you can see we've made a great start last night. Mostly thanks to Rainbow Dash, but from here on the changes won't be as obvious."

"Okie dokie. I mean, that's fine. As I said, waiting is fine." Pinkie smiled

"I notice you're not wearing any makeup today."

"Yea, gummy suggested that, I didn’t' really get why. Or was that Mrs Cake?"

Twilight Spun around to just stare at Pinkie, which I couldn’t blame her for. Even ignoring whether Gummy can really talk how could you confuse those two. Then the device triggered, gears whirling, though not as many as last time. I was in action immediately, and before you could blink I pushed Twilight out of the way.

Several things passed though my mind nearly at once. First a feeling of relief and happiness as I saved Twilight. Second how incredibly stupid it was, and AJ would so yell at me about thinking before I act if things were different. Then I tried to remember more about Twilight blabbing about decapitation, but I couldn't. I also realized I totally forgot to feed Tank this morning and hope Fluttershy remembers to check in on him somewhat soonish. Finally I thought that at least I was getting to see something new. Though I totally would have taken Rarity up on that offer to do my hooves. She probably really would have been able to make it so I'd barely feel it. Though maybe it's just looking at my body at this weird angle on the floor that's making them look so bad.

Ow

I blinked. I wasn't expecting that. I wasn't expecting the high pitched screaming either, but I was having trouble seeing. I guess I just imagined that last part? Though clearly my stupid bravery messed me up somehow since I was having trouble focusing. Then the scream came again and Twi and Pinkie holding onto each other looking in my direction with their mouths open wide.

"Zombie Pony." Yelled Pinkie

"What?" I said

Then she suddenly let go of Twilight. "Wait, I'm prepared for this."

Then Pinkie zipped off in a near supersonic hop. Twilight just stared at me a while, then shook her head, looked in Pinkie's direction, then back at me. She was breathing heavily and rapidly. She summoned a paper bag out of thin air, and after a few breaths looked calmer.

"Okay, lets be rational about this. Obviously you aren't a Zombie pony."

"Yea, but why would Pinkie even think that?"

"Second, you are clearly…" her horn then lit up and I felt a tingle. "Okay, yes, you are currently clearly alive, and in perfect health."

I felt my ears fold back and gulped. "I didn't imagine it, did I. My head…"

"Oh yes, clean off, without a doubt." Twilight then looked at my neck. "On second thought, it might be good to double check. One of Starswirl's spells is perfect for this."

I was going to ask what she meant, but then she cast a spell and there was a purple window that showed me push Twilight out of the way. I did look totally awesome saving her at least. Then a big blade cut off my head. It was about the only one that even moved, a few metal bars did pop out but they didn't have anything attached anymore. So yea, my head was clearly lying on the floor, and then Pinkie and Twilight started screaming.

"Huh, so that part is accurate."

"Why is there so little blood?"

Twilight sighed. "Dash I've told you a million times, something about immortality allows the blood to…"

Twi was then interrupted by her own loud scream and sobbing.

"Wait, we can fix this." Said past Pinkie, eyes blinking out of sync. "See, we just put her head back on and everything will be fine." Her entire body seemed to twitch at that, but not all at once, a disturbing wave of twitches flowing over her.

"Is she really going to…" I began

"Wait a second." Said Twilight

Then past Pinkie plopped my head back on my body, backwards. Past Twilight was now on the floor quietly sobbing. Then Pinkie turned it around. She smiled even though it looked pathetic, my head just barely making contact with my body, blood oozing from both ends. Then Pinkie smacked my head down and while it did close the gap it also tiled my head at a bad angle, and caused the rest of my body to go somewhat limp making it clear it was only supported by the now bladeless rods sticking out of the machine. Then I blinked and Pinkie screamed. Twilight looked up in time for past me to blink again. Then they both screamed and the window faded away.

"So that did happen." I said

"I was talking about me Dash. Me, not you, but I was talking about you. Do you have idea what this means?"

"Not even a little."

"Dash, it means that quite obviously, you're immortal." Twilight got a huge grin on her face. "Isn't that the best news ever?"

"Die zombie pony."

Twi then teleported out of the way as Pinkie used the flamethrower she was wearing on her back to set me on fire. It hurt for a brief moment, but then I felt a tingle and it just somehow didn't. Being on fire isn't so bad when you can't feel it. Then I fell over, hearing something snap. I saw a flaming hoof sliding across the ground. It was probably mine, but with all the burning I couldn’t tell.

Really tasty muffins

"Oh Dashie, I'm so sorry."

Pinkie had been apologizing for a while. I was still trying to figure out what happened the last few minutes. I said something to that effect, and Twilight cast her spell again, but I bopped her horn before she could finish. I really did not want to see myself reduced to a burning corpse. It was so weird though, after awhile it was just like I went to sleep except instead of waking up in the ground I was wide awake in the air. I landed, because I really needed to just sit for a while. Twilight had this huge smile on her face and had been taking so fast I have no idea if she was even trying to say words. Then she suddenly left.

"Pinkie, for the last time I'm fine. I guess I'm like Twi now somehow."

"Ooo, that rhymes."

"And it totally makes sense that you might think I'm undead, and obviously a flamethrower is totally the best way to deal with zombie ponies. Besides Twi probably would have wanted to kill me again to make sure anyway."

"But didn't it hurt?"

"Nah, I think Twi cast some spell on me to remove the pain almost right away. Honestly most of my crashes hurt worse than that."

"So we're okay?"

"Sure, we're cool. And just like every other time in the last few minutes, apology accepted."

"Whooo!" She threw her hooves up briefly, then around me in a hug.

"So how are you feeling?"

Twilight reentered the room, briefly looking in the direction of the black tarp covering my corpse. It wasn't the first time I'd seen a charred corpse, but it was still odd to think it was mine. I then noticed Twilight had a basket floating beside her with a purple glow around it.

"So what's in the basket Twi and what happens now?"

"Well they're muffins for Pinkie and after I explain a few things…"

Pinkie shoveled somewhere between 3 and 8 muffins into her mouth the second Twi mentioned they were for her. "Wait, they were all for me right?"

"Well, yes, but that isn't really the issue."

Twilight put down the basket, then pulled a weird thin clear crystal out of her mane, fancy runes carved into it. They glowed different colors every so often, seemingly at random. Pinkie was licking her lips.

"Those were really good Twilight, who made them?"

"Oh I did. I told you I'd practice, and I did. A while back I got a lot of practice baking actually. I'm so glad to know you approve."

Something about that bugged me, but I couldn't immediately place what. "What is that crystal thing Twi?"

"Oh, a resurrection scroll."

Pinkie laughed. "You're such a silly pony sometimes."

"Yea, that's totally not a scroll." I added

"Well not literally, this is better, but many high level spells that take great effort were made into scrolls since storing them is the only thing that made sense."

I blinked. "Wait, so that will really…"

"Completely revive and heal anyone from even a small body part. I also have one that should work with no remains at all though it's less reliable."

I gasped. "Let me guess, you have five."

"Don't be silly. That would mean no backups. I made plenty of extras."

"It's really that easy?" I asked

"Yes and no. You have to understand Dash. This level of magic wears me out even now. Mass production is not exactly possible. Though by the same token it's not impossible. There is a reason that the star witness in the few Equestrian murder trials is usually the victim."

"So everypony can be immortal?" I asked

She shook her head. "No, this spell restores based on recent state. Otherwise it can reattach a head but can't fix old age or disease. Though obviously many diseases can be cured with magic and in fact…"

I held up a hoof. "Yea, I remember you going on about this sort of stuff. Medical magic and science gets better every day, increased life expectancy, bla, blaw, bla. Whatever."

"Oooo, does that mean Twilight talked and thinks a lot about extending life and health."

"Well yes, obviously." Said Twilight. "Healthy living is important, though Pinkie I really should tell you about those muffins."

I paled, suddenly remembering why Twi has been practicing her cooking.

"Yea, they were supper yummy, especially that weird sort of spicy, but also sugary supper yummy taste I've never had before."

"So it wasn't my imagination." She clapped her hooves together. "That's so good to know. It was totally bugging me, and I didn't think I'd ever get the chance to ask somepony their opinion. I mean I thought the NDP456 really added something too, but I wasn't sure."

I felt like I should do something, but it was a little late now.

"Wow, I've never heard of that. What is it?"

"Oh, it's a deadly artificial poison that first acts as a neurotoxin, then dissolves not just most internal organs, but itself, leaving no trace."

Pinkie's ears folded back and she frowned. "Oh. So…"

"I was going to warn you about the poison, but I guess that's what you get for taking without asking, even if I did plan to give them to you if you agreed." Twilight then laughed. "Generally death is far to harsh a punishment but…"

I smiled, finally getting it. "You think it's all of us. Which means Pinkie is just going get right back up just like you do."

Twilight beamed. "Isn't that just wonderful."

Pinkie then fell over, hitting the ground with a smack. Her eyes stared off into space with a blank look I knew way too well. I looked right at Twilight again. She was staring intently at Pinkie, her horn lit up.

"What exactly are you doing?"

"I am examining the precise working of the magic as it revives her. Well hopefully."

"So, this has something to do with the elements I guess?"

Twilight nodded. "I would guess so. Perhaps the elements realized making just me immortal would break up the set, perhaps your role simply bonded you to me and you'd only die if I do."

"So does that mean you…"

"Why does Twilight taste like blue? That makes no sense. She should taste like purple."

Pinkie sat up very suddenly, sticking out her tongue and running her hoof over it like she way trying to remove something from it. Then she fell backwards with a huge cringe. She then rushed off. Twi's eyes went wide and we soon found ourselves in Twilight's bathroom, Pinkie running her tongue under the running faucet.

"How did you know that Pinkie was here?"

"Tracking spell, but this is upstairs already and the elevator…" Twilight then sighed.

"So Pinks, what happened?" I asked

"I had something icky on my hoof." Pinkie then blinked. "Wait, why doesn't that happen more often?"

"Most ponies don't actually lick their own hooves." Said Twilight, shaking her head.

"But still…" I paused, realizing how odd what I was about to say actually way. "She has a point, I mean at the very least any earth ponies should get a little dust on…"

"Magic. Earth pony magic is subtle but it resists things sticking to the hooves, even dust to an extent and…"

"Boring." Said Pinkie "Come on, we have more friends to kill."

Twilight and I both stared at Pinkie.

Pinkie put a hoof on her chin. "Oh, that sounded bad, didn't it."

"Especially since we didn't explain anything yet." Said Twilight

I sighed "You totally know anyway, don't you?"

Pinkie nodded. "Yeppers. I guess nopony explained it, but I totally get it. The elements are just more and more nifty the more we learn about them."

"Isn't it just amazing." Twi was smiling widely but then frowned. "Wait…"

"Let it go Twi, let it go. Come on, lets get going. I mean of our three remaining friends it's really obvious who will be the easiest to convince."

Pinkie's ears drooped. "Oh, that's no fun. Fluttershy is totally going to be easy but it just seems sort of mean somehow."

"Still, she is a good place to start and I'm sure after a proper explanation she can be convinced to submit to testing."

Pinkie and I both nodded. I mean I was sure I'd have to drag her out from under her bed at least once, but in the end she would cave.

That could have gone better

Twilight's definition of proper explanation had really slipped. Seriously, I would have slammed the door in her face too if Twi's answer to my question about why she was here was "To kill you" followed by a smile. Even worse Twi looked annoyed Fluttershy wasn't opening the door. It could have been once again despite both of us standing right next to her, the door missed Pinkie and me but got Twi, but I don't think that was it. Of course I wasn't surprised at all the three of us were inside Flutter's house with a flash the next instant.

"Stay back. I don't know what you did with my real friends but I'll, uh…"

Fluttershy was fluttering there defiantly holding a large carrot like a knife. She looked down at it, then blushed. I sighed.

"Look Flutter it's really us and while we're technically here to kill you there is a lot more to it than that so just calm down and…"

The carrot hit me in the head.

"Seriously?"

"Go away you meanie changelings. I don't know what You're up to but…"

"We're not changelings Flutters, and don't worry…" Pinkie got a great big grin on her face. "…we only want to kill you a little bit."

Fluttershy smiled in return, you sorta have to with Pinkie, but then she frowned. "What?"

"Okay, this isn't going too well but you see it started with Dash getting beheaded."

Fluttershy was suddenly next to me, looking at my neck. "Oh my, are you alright?"

"Yea, but, Flutter, what exactly are you looking for?"

She scratched her head with one hoof, then looked down blushing. "Um…"

"Oh, and I ate some poisoned muffins, which were super yummy, and I died, but then I got better. Want one?" Pinkie then pulled a muffin out of her mane.

"No thank you." Said Fluttershy, backing away quickly

"Okay, but they're really good." Pinkie then ate the muffin herself. "So good."

"Pinkie you do get that…"

"Yea, but it didn't hurt at all, which is so weird, cause Death hurts Dashie. A lot."

"Wait a second…." I began

"The point is I think all six of us are immortal, not just myself. So we simply need to kill you. If you have a preference I can…"

"No."

"Did you just say…"

"No. I don't want to."

Twilight was staring at Fluttershy. I was a little too. I mean I know Pinkie and Rarity told me that story about Iron Will and Fluttershy acting weird but I'd never seen her so calm and confident like this before. Normally even if she got the courage to say no she wouldn’t look you in the eyes and you had to get her to repeat herself because she didn't want to hurt your feelings by disagreeing. It was impressive. It also was a terrible time to use her new skill. I saw one of Twi's eyes twitch slightly.

"You don't understand. This has to happen. I have to be sure. I think I already have some good data, but I need more and it should work. I have a backup, so don't worry about that it will work."

"I'd rather not, so no."

"You're being unreasonable. Look first off I'll just…"

Twilight's horn lit up. Fluttershy immediately smacked it and tried to fly off. She didn't get more than about a single hoof away. Twilight glared at Fluttershy, now held in her purple glow. Fluttershy started to struggle, but of course she was going nowhere. I had a really bad feeling about this.

"Oh that's never a good combo." Said Pinkie beside me

"When you say combo…"

"The liver is never in any good combos Dashie, never any good ones."

"That might answer my question." I sighed, not bothering to try again

"Go away." Fluttershy was crying "You can't be my friends. I thought you were for a second but you can't be. They wouldn’t do this."

"Oh Flutters, you don't have to be scared."

"Twilight." I said. "I don't think any of this is a good idea."

"Hmm, what would be the best way to do this." Twilight then laughed. "Oh right, almost forgot. That would have been embarrassing." Twi's horn grew brighter for a moment.

"No, what are you doing. Stop it, I don't want to die."

"Calm Down Fluttershy it's just the spell so you can't feel pain." Said Twi

"Let me go. Let me go. Let me…"

Fluttershy was flailing madly, desperately trying to break free of Twi's magical grip, but she was going nowhere. But oddly Twilight actually moved a little closer. Then her horn got even brighter, and in response Fluttershy's eyes went wide and unfocused and her flailing became even more intense. Then Twi got even closer as she lowered her horn. Then I heard the sound of Twi's neck snapping at the forth vertebrae. Twilight fell to the ground with a thump, and Fluttershy caught herself then looked down.

"Oh my, did I just…"

"Yes, but since this really is the real Twi…" I walked over to her. "She'll be fine. In fact I bet I know how to speed things up after today."

"I didn't mean to I just…"

"How did you do that. I mean it was like, one punch and wham, neck snap. I mean it was creepy, but super cool too." Pinkie

"Fluttershy is like earth pony strong." I twisted Twi's head back into place best I could. "Yea, you really nailed her Shy, the head was all the way backwards."

"Oh my. You don't think she'll be mad, do you?"

"Probably not, but she is Crazy now so maybe a little. Still I'm sure she won't…"

Twi then sat up and immediately blasted Fluttershy with a bright beam of energy, four hooves falling to the ground. She sighed.

"Do anything rash?" Twi said.

I stared at the four yellow hooves on the ground.

"That wasn't rash?" asked Pinkie

"I don't use the word rash." Was all I could think to say.

"In retrospect I really should have just done that to begin with. Trying to explain it just gave her time to panic and worry. It's better this way."

"WHAT DID YOU DO?"

Discord never really looked that scary. I mean he was a freak made of parts of some scary stuff, but he never seemed that threatening mostly, even though with his powers he totally was mega dangerous. Right now though his eyes were glowing red and somehow everything just looked more dangerous, claws shaper and bigger, teeth more menacing, everything twisted just a little bit to be more terrifying. Pinkie and I both ended up clinging tightly to Twilight. Then he laughed and looked normal again.

"Ha, kidding. I totally know you just killed my best friend in the whole world and you terrified her right before that, but I know she'll be back soon enough."

"I think you two can let go now." Said Twilight

I did so in the coolest way possible. It probably wasn't really very different from the least cool way, but at least I tried. Pinkie of course did not take the hint and kept holding on to Twilight. Then something registered.

"Wait, you know?" I asked, glaring at the mismatched jerk

He waved his paw. "Of course I know. I knew the moment I saw you six."

"Discord, that's before I became an alicorn." Said Twilight

"Your point? You really think those stupid trinkets would give up such perfect paragons so easily? I'm guessing you've been immortal since you made moon butt boring again."

"Ooooo, that explains so much. I didn't survive all those times after all."

Twilight and I both turned to Pinkie.

"Well first off there was that time with the party howitzer."

"That was clearly a big blast, I just assumed that it was just, well, you." Said Twi

"By the way thanks for the new lake Pinkie, it's awesome. With a lake there weather work is so much easier."

"Oh yes, and there was that little accident with the chocolate bar." Said Discord

"How could that kill you?" I asked

"It was really big." Pinkie was drooling a little.

"Yes, she died with a smile on her face that day."

"Oh, and there was that time Gilda broke my copter thingie."

"SHE DID WHAT?"

I seriously wanted to break something. I mean yea Gilda's always been a jerk but killing Pinkie? I know she'd never try to go that far, but not bothering to think if she's putting somepony in danger is totally something she'd do. I decided Fluttershy's couch would suffer my wrath since it reminded me the most of Gilda with it's tan color. I sent it flying, and revealed Fluttershy cowering on the floor.

"Oh, guess you're back."

"Oh Dash, I was so scared I thought that Twilight really…"

"Flutter, she did, now you're fine, just like me and Pinkie."

"Yes, and you got memetos too."

Discord then threw Fluttershy one of her own hooves. It wasn't that disgusting really. The top was charred shut so there was no blood and at and it still looked nearly as alive as the yellow hooves holding it. Fluttershy dropped it and flew into the air, breathing heavily. Then she laughed. Twilight and Pinkie were staring at her just like me. Then she laughed again.

"This is such a strange feeling. I don't know what to even do."

"Laughing is always a good choice, even when it's wrong." Pinkie then smiled

"Okay, lets go back to town and try to convince Rarity." Said Twi

Fluttershy's eyes went wide. "Oh Twilight, I'm so sorry, I really didn't mean to snap your neck like that. You were just being so scary, and I was so scared, and it was scary and I didn't know what to do."

Twilight waved a hoof. "Oh please, I've done far worse to myself. Though now that I think of it I guess that means I need to write two pardons…" Twi then sighed. "No, three, because I killed you too."

"Uh, pardons? Like royal pardons?" I asked

"Yea, I mean you're totally alive so…" began Pinkie

"Wait, weren't you saying earlier that murder victim are witnesses which means…"

Twilight nodded. "Exactly, just because your victim is currently alive in no way reduces your sentence or culpability. Thus Fluttershy, Pinkie, and I currently need pardons."

"I do? Who did I kill?"

"Me, duh." I laughed. "Remember, you thought I was zombie."

"Oh yea. But didn't you kill me too?"

"Not really, though I suppose wreckless endangerment might count possibly…"

Discord snapped his fingers and we were now all standing on a cloud somewhere up in the sky. Oddly Fluttershy didn't react. I guess she's gotten used to this sort of thing. Pinkie looked down at the cloud.

"Uh, is the cloudwalking spell you gave me yesterday still there?"

"Yes Pinkie, Discord why did you…"

"Because it was getting boring. Now lets move onto answering a question that actually matters. Mine."

Twi sighed. "Fine."

"So am I to understand that you can actually pardon yourself? That sounds wonderfully chaotic I think."

"I thought so too at first, but the princesses are right. The law is written so the princesses, which includes me and Cadence now, can pardon anyone. For a while I didn't get what they meant by it doesn't matter, but now I do."

Discord groaned. "Ugh, common sense. Oh well, whatever. By the way I got my good deed out of the way early, you're over the clothes horse's shop. Ta for now, I'm off to enrich children's live by giving them way too much candy."

Then Discord was gone. Fluttershy let out a short sigh, and flew off the cloud. I grabbed Pinkie and we were soon on the ground. Twilight joined us soon after. I was a little surprised Fluttershy hadn't flown off somewhere else, but she was at the door of Rarity's big fancy shop waiting for us. This is probably going to be tricky. Then I realized why AJ was last on Twi's list. Because no matter how troublesome convincing Rairty might be, Applejack would be ten times worse at least.

Too easy

I had totally fallen asleep. I think only Rarity blamed me. Seriously, I am never going to care about all that stupid gossip and clothes talk. Rarity had said something to wake me up, but I wasn't sure exactly what. Then I noticed Twilight was reading a book. She often teleported them from nowhere these days. For a while she seemed to have listened to Rarity's speech about how rude it was, but I think by now she either forgot it, or has lost her grip on reality enough to not figure how it applies anymore.

"You didn't hear me, did you."

"Nah, not really. What did you say? I was asleep cause you were boring, just like Twi is reading a book cause you're boring."

Rairty looked at Twilight. "Oh, I'm so sorry. Twilight you should have said something. Oh I'll do anything to make it up to you. Just name it."

"Well I can think of one thing, but we got a bit sidetracked so…"

"No, anything, just name it and I'll do it."

"I want you to kill yourself. I think…"

"I'll do it."

There was a long silence. Oddly Rarity seemed the most shocked, eyes open wide, staring off into space. She then shook her head and let out a long drawn out sigh.

"If, if it's what you truly wish of me, then I shall give my life for you Twilight. I…"

"Rare, shut it a second." I said

Rarity of course glared at me

"Twi, I need you and…" I paused, but then got a totally awesome idea "Yea, you need to take Fluttershy and go do something. She's too sensitive for this, ya know."

"I am?"

"Do what and why do I have to…"

"Flying. Yea, take her flying. I gotta have a certain kind of talk with Rarity so you two should just go for a nice slow flight around ponyville. You know I'm not much for anything that isn't fast. Trust me, she needs to go."

"I do?" asked Fluttershy

"Well okay, I trust you Dash."

Then they were gone. I turned to see a more normal Rarity glaring at me. Now that Twi was gone and glared back and threw a punch with my front hoof, stopping just before her nose. Rarity flinched.

"Dashie, I'm confused."

"Rarity, do you get how incredibly stupid that just was? Even if Twi didn't notice, at least not yet, you agreed to let her kill you before she explained anything."

"Yea, Twilight is bad at that. At least Rarity didn't snap her neck like Fluttershy did."

"What?" yelled Rarity

"It's complicated, and not important. I mean come on, I have my hooves full with Twi, dealing with you being all suicidal too is way too much work."

Rarity glared at me a moment, then shook her head. "Putting aside how callous that sounded for the moment, I do not want to kill myself."

"But you just said…." I began

"That I was willing to sacrifice myself for her. I have often asked myself how far I would go to make up for my mistake, and now rather suddenly I know."

"Hey, stop trying to take Dashie's job."

"Rarity, what the hay are you talking about?"

"I am talking about how I failed her Dash. I didn't treat her like the princess she deserves to be treated as. I didn't do all I could to show her the proper decorum and respect."

"That's what this is all about?" I asked

"Rarity, you're such a silly pony."

"What do you mean? I just told you…"

I smacked Rairty in the back of the head with one wing. She glared at me. I smiled back in response. This whole thing was super dumb, but at least it was easy enough to fix now that I got it.

"Yea, stop it. Seriously Rares, you know Twilight. That would not be enough to upset her to the point where she would…"

"Then what is it? It has to be something. There has to have been something we could have done. Something that could have made sure we never went through this dreary business. Something to have been a better friend."

I rolled my eyes. "Come on Rares, I'm the only one that should have been thinking stupid junk like that. I mean I never figured out exactly what set her off but…"

"Then how do you know? How do you know that…"

Then Rarity and I were both covered in party decorations and my ears were ringing. We both turned to see Pinkie with her party cannon next to her.

"You're both being silly willy ponies. I mean it's totally obvious why Twilight was more studyrific than normal." Then Pinkie frowned. "Though she didn't seem that frowny at first, just really determined, like whenever we have to get save the worldy."

"It is?" I asked

"Pinkie dear, that's even further from proper Equish than normal. It's clear you know how to speak it properly, just a little more effort and…"

Pinkie gasped. "Omigosh, what if it really is something we did. Maybe we needed to throw her more parties when she was studying, or less. I'm never really sure about that sort of thing. It's so confusing."

"Pinks, what are you talking about. Twilight never told us why she was doing all that research and since it obvious led to her going all…" I paused

"As Pinkie supplied, mopey?"

"Yea, lets go with that. So all mopey I figured it might be best not to ask."

"But it's so obvious. Twilight thought we were going to die." Pinkie laughed. "Which is like so super silly now but I bet she totally thought we were, so…"

"You mean in general? Like old age and junk."

"Why would that be silly now?" asked Rarity

Pinkie nodded quickly. "Yeppers. I mean Twilight was all like…" Pinkie shifted to her perfect Twilight impression. "Oh now, I'm totally all saddy waddy since I'm going live forever and my friends won't."

"Hmm, that makes sense, yes."

"Yea." I found myself slowly nodding

"And then she was like." Again Pinkie switched voices "Nuh uh, I'm Twilight, the magic, Sparkle, and this is just another problem to solve. And like all problems it can be solved with lots and lots of books."

I laughed. "I can totally see Twi saying that.

"Indeed. But how exactly did that get her depressed enough to…"

Rairty kept talking but it wasn't important. I had just remembered what I was thinking when Pinkie told me the reason. It so fit, and now I really got it. I smiled. I knew how to fix Twilight. I mean maybe not everything will be great right away, but it was obvious enough now. I also felt a little dumb about not knowing. I bet Fluttershy knows too, and maybe even AJ. Even Rarity's excuse as dumb as she was being is better than mine.

"But none of that matters. Rarity, you think up a good way to kill yourself while I go get Twi. We can finally fix this."

"What?" yelled Rarity "But weren't you trying to convince me not to kill myself?"

"Yea, I'm confused too."

"Huh, no, you were being dumb about it. I mean Twilight wants to kill you so of course you're going to die."

Then I zoomed off, quickly finding Twilight and Fluttershy. Twi was giving Shy some pointers on how to fly, which was awesome, though it wouldn’t help of course. It wasn't a problem of knowing how for her, but doing it.

"Oh, excellent timing Dash. Fluttershy can demonstrate…"

"Don't you wanna check Rarity's immortality. I totally got her straitened out and such."

"Ah, nice." Twilight then blinked. "Wait, what was the problem anyway, she agreed already so why did you…"

"Not important." I waved a hoof though it totally was important. "Anyway we should head back so we can…"

Then the three of us were back in the shop. Rarity was crying very loudly and Pinkie was on the floor dead, tongue sticking out. There were three muffin wrappers on the table nearby. It was only then I realized that we never really explained to Rairty what was going on.

"I don't want to die. I don't think I even would have been able to go though with it. This sort of thing seems so easy in my novels."

I groaned. "Ugh, of course. I should have known those dumb books of yours had something to do with this."

"So, you're crying over Pinkie being dead?" asked Fluttershy.

"Pinkie's dead?" asked Rarity, then started crying even louder.

"Awww, Why is Rarity crying?" asked Pinkie

Rarity briefly stopped. "What? Fluttershy did you just play such a horrible prank on me? Why would you do that especially considering the circumstances."

"Dash, what were you doing. You clearly explained nothing. I mean obviously I did a bad job of it with Fluttershy, sorry again about that again, but...."

"Oh, and I'm sorry for snapping your neck. I really didn't mean it and…"

"As I said, no trouble at all really. In fact it was rather useful. Confirmation that rough alignment of key structures can greatly hasten the regenerative process."

"Oh, uh…okay."

Rarity had been staring but then shook her head. "What is going on?"

"Oh, we're all immortal. Well probably." I said

"If not I have this." Twi held up her crystal thing.

"A resurrection scroll. You can make them yourself, can't you? You said you should be able to do it but…"

Twilight nodded. "Yes, now I can't be sure but I think that all of the elements…"

"Yes yes, I understand Twilgiht. Somehow are part in your assention made us as immortal as you are."

"Or maybe before that." Added Fluttershy

"And I would like to test it properly. Now do you have any preference? I have a spell that will shut off your ability to feel pain so…"

Rarity nodded. "A diamond statue. A proper full transfiguration would suffice, right? I believe you tried and failed such on yourself?"

Twilight smiled. "Excellent. This should be easy. Strike a pose."

Rarity did. It was a nice enough pose really, front hoof up, and one back one just leaving the ground, but her horn pointing strait up and looking up like that that made her look a little snooty. She looked good as a diamond statue. I was wondering how long it would take, but in almost no time at all there was a flash of dark purple fire and Rarity was standing next to her statue. She immediately hugged it.

"Oh Twilight it's marvelous." She laughed. "I have to admit that whole thing was more than strange, but as you said not painful. Though just before I felt…"

"I teleported your liver out of you." Twilight floated up a red mass. "The scroll works only with an intact body part so, there may be a liver shaped gap in there. It all depends on if the surrounding tissues filled the gap enough or not."

Rarity let go of the statue of herself. "So you've tested all the rest?"

"Oh yes. Dash had her head chopped off, and immolated by a flamethrower."

"By the way Twi, why did you get out of the way?"

"I tried that already. I think it was even the same flamethrower."

"Oh, so that's why you wanted it." added Pinkie

"Also if I was burning too I couldn’t observe."

"And I've been eating poisoned muffins."

"More than once?" asked Rarity

"They're really good Rarity, like really good." Pinkie held out a muffin "Try one."

"What sort of insane pony would think that's a remotely good idea." Rarity then blinked and frowned. "I'm sorry Pinkie, I didn't mean it."

"Difit mefh whot." Pinkie said spraying muffin crumbs everywhere

"I, think it does not bear repeating."

"Wait, did you say something bad about harry? He's a nice bear, and…"

"No Pinkie." Said Twilight. "Come on girls, I'm sure together we can explain this to Applejack and she'll understand why she needs to do this. Lets go."

Twilight then walked out the door with an almost literal bounce in her step. Pinkie of course literally bounced after her soon after. Hopefully this would go better than Fluttershy and Rarity.

We have to kill her

Well, AJ wasn't glaring at least. She slowly looked at our faces one at a time, then pulled off her hat. She then sort of hit it against her head, then switched sides. She repeated it a few times, and I realized there was one area she was focusing on. For a while she just whistled some old tune with her hat off, until finally she put it back on.

"Okay, one more time just tah make sure my ears aren't playing tricks. All that stuff 'bout the rest of you being immortal is true, and ya want tah kill me to test it?"

"Exactly." Said Twilight, smiling "And you all were worried that AJ would be confused and not agree to this."

"That's not exactly what we said Twi." I added

"Yer all loco. Look, yer my friends, but until ya start making some sense you don't got no business out here, cause I sure don't want to see you."

Applejack then began walking away shaking her head. I really thought Twilight would do something, but she didn't. Rarity went to follow but a quick glare from AJ stopped her in her tracks. Rarity then gasped.

"Are you crying?" asked Rarity

"No, now I told ya, git."

"She is crying." Said Pinkie "Why is she crying. I thought she was okay."

"AJ this is important." Said Twilight. "You have to do this. We'll do it however you want but you have to let us. I have to be sure. I have to be."

AJ said nothing, just kept on walking. Assuming Rarity was right it meant I was missing something, but in the end this was clear. This whole mess would be cleared up if we just did what Twilight wanted. I took to the air.

"She's not going to just give in Twi, blast her. I know I said doing it to Flutters wasn't cool, and it wasn't, but you're right, this has to happen."

"I can't Dash. I don't know why but for some reason Applejack got me to cast a geas on myself. I might be able to break it, but it would take weeks and a great deal of effort. I can't use magic on AJ at all. She was worried I might try to kill her for some reason. I mean that's just completely ridiculous."

I looked at her and raised an eyebrow. Everypony else, even Pinkie was giving her a similar look.

"What?"

"Seriously Twi? I mean seriously?"

She blinked, then laughed. "Oh, that's funny. I can't believe I didn't even notice at first."

"Fine, then I guess the rest of us will just have to kill her."

"That makes sense."

"Totally makes sense." Added Pinkie

"Uhmmmm…" began Fluttershy

I face hooved. "Oh right, I'll explain why more fully later Flutters, AJ's gotta die though, and so I guess you'll have to write at least one more pardon."

"You know, I can still help you plan, and I just can't use my magic on her." She then gasped. "Oh, Rarity I'll have to teach you the pain blocker spell."

"Twilight I have my talents but…"

"It's a very simple spell really. You told me you know basic first aid spells right?"

"Correct. Are you suggesting they are no more difficult than that?"

"Easier than some actually. You even have the basis of the spell down, but we'll need a book back at the library. Come on. You three brainstorm some ideas."

They were gone with a flash. This seemed like a good time to explain why it was so important Twilight know we all couldn’t die permanently. I'm sure Fluttershy would agree though she was going to make things way more difficult too. There just wasn't a nice way to kill somepony, but we were going to have to do our best to try.

Not a nightmare

My friends were wandering around with horrible injuries. I was holding my own head. I'd dropped it a few times. Luna was staring at me. Then she shivered.

"This, really isn't a nightmare."

"So? I mean yea it's creepy, but whatever, no big deal."

"Yes, no big deal. So thou report for the night is that despite dying twice today things are good? We understand learning of your own lack of mortality can be somewhat joyous but…"

I nearly dropped my head then laughed. "You know, this is really the first I've thought of it. I can't really die. That's like wow, you know?"

"As few others do. Your reasoning is shaky at best, you realize that, correct?"

"Not really. You didn't hear Twilight. I know I'm right. We're right. Everypony else agrees this is what's best for Twi. Also she's going to do it anyway eventually."

"We are not sure that is true. There have been extenuating circumstances and the true horror of death, even without pain…"

"Is negative. Which means right now Twi can't tell anything is wrong for more than like a minute or so. If we're lucky. By the end of us making plans she was getting confused about why there should be any objections at all to killing AJ."

"When you say any."

"I mean like any moral junk at all. I think she really didn't see why killing Fluttershy was wrong at all, just that it upset us."

"That is worrying."

"Yea, I mean I'm not sure or nothing, it's really hard to tell if she's getting worse since she's so bad, and this situation isn't normal but…"

"We understand. Try to be careful, and for our part we shall forward instructions to the mayor to have Ponyville citizens be wary."

I blinked. "Huh, why? I told you Twi can't use her magic on AJ so…"

"We are aware of some creative uses of magic that are not direct. There are countless ways we see things going very badly for anypony near AJ when you make an attempt."

"Eh, the first one will probably work. Pinkie didn't explain what it was, but she seemed really sure. That means it will probably work, even if it shouldn’t."

"Are you basing this on her record with pranks?"

"Well, yea, mostly, but doesn't mean I'm wrong. Also Twilight is being really careful about collateral damage, just like her suicides, and there aren't many ponies out at the acres anyway."

Luna sighed. "Very well, we have trusted your judgement this far, and see no reason to stop now. We will discuss this with our sister and see if we can reach any new insights."

"What do you mean by that? I mean I know you pass this all along to Celestia but the way you said that sounds wrong. Like I screwed up again and…"

"It is not that Rainbow Dash. It is the matter that this is a very big change. I do question your reaction to all this, and that of your friends, but mostly it is merely a matter of a great deal of questions I do not have answers for."

"Like what?"

"What to do about 5 additional ponies who aren't alicorns, but are immortal? Whether it is truly moral to test mortality. Whether hoarding resurrection scrolls is still a crime if you make them yourself."

"Wait, what?"

"There are currently laws about purchasing resurrection scrolls, mostly so that the small number of groups that can create them cannot be simply outbid by one or two paranoid rich fools who are unlikely to ever need more than one if that."

"Where we could totally have used them a whole bunch of times with all the danger we get in." I flipped my head entirely upside down. "You look weird."

"As one would expect. We think you get the idea, and if not we can elaborate later. Let us see if we can get you a more pleasant dream and least."

"What do you mean? I mean as I said, it's creepy, but they're all here and everything's fine. Twi is even normal and junk. Well you know, other than the ax."

"Yes, still…"

Then she left and as she did the dream changed. Everypony looked normal now, and right side up. The ax that split Twi's head and neck all the way in half was gone just like all the other creepy stuff on everypony else. We also seemed to be on a beach. It was much nicer than the room with the black paint and bone furniture and much better lighting even if it was night.

Less tasty cupcakes

Applejack eyed the tray on Pinkie's head. She took a cupcake and stared at it some more. She looked like she was going to take a bite, then looked over and the rest of us standing nearby, especially Fluttershy. She stopped at looked right at Pinkie.

"Now you ain't fibbing about this here cupcake being a peace offering, is ya?"

"A piece of what?" asked Pinkie, and tilted her head. "I don't get it."

"Look, this here treat ain't got no poison or nothing like that in it right."

"I Pinkie promise, there is nothing in that cupcake poisonous in any way."

"Okay then."

Then she bit into the cupcake. This was followed by a "yow" for AJ and she dropped the cupcake. We all looked down at the weird thing in the center of the cupcake. It was mostly white with a little black bit of metal at the top.

"What the hay Pinkie?" asked AJ

"Is that thermite?" asked Twilight

"I dunno, Firecracker told me but I forgot. I know she said it explodes really good. Normally I just get firecrackers from her, but this time I got something much more explody. She said since I'm an element it must be okay."

"You were going fill me full of dynamite and blow me up?"

"It's proabably much greater than that." Twilight blinked. "Wait, if each cupcake has the same amount of explosive and…" Twilight trailed off beginning to mumble

"Uh, yeppers. Didn't work though. Couldn't you just eat one anyway. Twilight is like 80% back to happy and if she's 20% more happy she'd be back to normal."

"But you lied to me. You pinkie promised that…"

"There was no poison. Sorta like how a pony might promise they would tell you something at breakfast, but then not show up at breakfast."

"Er…" AJ looked away, ears laying back. Then after a moment shook her head and looked Pinkie in the eyes again. "Now wait a tic. This ain't the same thing at all."

"It's not like you're gonna stay dead silly willy."

"Yea, you're just being totally stubborn and unreasonable about this."

"Ah'm being unreasonable? Ya'll completely lost it. Ah wanna say ah'll call the guard if ya don't leave, but ah reckon that wouldn’t do any good, and ah guess ah don't quite want to go that far anyhow." AJ turned around. "Ah'd still appreciate it ya left."

There was just silence as AJ walked away. Rarity arrived with the wagon full of stuff just then Fluttershy with her. She conned two stallions into pulling it here of course. After they unhitched themselves they took one look at Twilight, and quickly left. They didn't quite run, but close enough it was real clear they at least sort of wanted to. Pinkie was staring at the direction AJ had left from.

"I'm so confused. I mean we have to make Twilight happy, but it's making AJ unhappy, even though it should make her more happy. I mean infinite more birthday parties. How could anypony not want that?"

"It certainly has a number of advantages." Said Twilight "I still don't understand why she's resisting this so strongly."

I sighed. "You really don't, do you?"

"Nothing for it really. Come on now Twilight, we shall try one of your plans first, then mine, and so forth. Thankfully we will not come to Dash's plan too quickly."

"Just cause it took only a few seconds doesn't mean it's not good. Also we totally only know Twi's plans so why should I tell you anything if everypony else is keeping it secret. Even Fluttershy didn't say anything."

"Oh I just don't want to embarrass myself. I'm sure it's not very good."

Pinkie was next to Fluttershy, hoof over her shoulder. "Don't be silly Fluttershy, I'm sure your plan to murder AJ is the best and will totally work."

"Um…"

There was a short awkward silence that of course Pinkie soon broke. "What?"

"Saying it out loud does make one question things." Said Rarity

"It does sound bad, but really, it's nothing." Added Twilight

"Yea, I guess." I shook my head. "No, forget that. No guessing, most of the time this would be super wrong, but now it's just like, uh, rude."

"It is certainly that yes." Rarity laughed.

"So, uh, where are we going to set this up and isn't there more?"

"Oh, no darling this is just for my own idea mostly. Death, by fashion."

I smiled. "That is so awesome. I mean yea it might end up being totally lame in action, but killing AJ with a dress. Awesome idea."

"How do you plan to get AJ in a dress?" asked Twilight

"Ah, but you haven't see it. She will not be able to resist."

I had a feeling it just went from awesome to a laugh riot, but I wasn't sure yet. Besides we had to do Twi's first plan in AJ's barn right now. It looked really awesome too, at least the little drawings she made sure were.

Killer dress

"Well, that didn't work."

I nodded. We all ended up electrocuted. Rarity and Pinkie probably to death, but of course me and Flutters were just a little singed, and Twilight actually looked even slightly less effected than us. AJ was staring, alternating between the hole in her barn's ceiling and Rarity and Pinkie. Pinkie was smiling widely, while Rarity of course fussed with her hair non-stop. Even I didn't think sticking strait out was a good look. Of course once again, pegasai aren't that affected by lightning, so fixing my hair was easy.

"Well that sure ain't something ya see every day."

"Which exactly, our deaths or…" began Rarity

"Both ah reckon, though ah guess somepony has made it so by dying every day for the last couple of months. What was that dohickey even supposed ta do?"

"I'd, rather not say." Said Twilight

"Yea, that totally didn't work the way it was supposed to."

"I just don't understand. I mean I couldn't have gotten the math that wrong, could I?"

"I dunno Twi." I laughed. "Something sure went wrong"

"Well unless ya got something else to kill me…" began AJ

"Wait. While I have nothing like that, I do have a fabulous dress for you. I mean we are being terribly rude with all this murder business, so I feel the least I can do is give you a dress as a sort of apology."

"It's gonna try and kill me, ain't it?"

"What, no, of course not, don't be silly. Now let me present your new dress."

I laughed. It was the frilliest thing in existence. I think I could see some red and green under the lace and whatnot, but I wasn't sure. It wasn't a bad look really, pretty, but I wouldn't be caught dead in that dress. Then Applejack laughed too.

"Rarity, the only way ah would ever end up in that dress is if you lot manage to kill me."

"What? But what's wrong with it? It's perfect."

"Way too girly." AJ and I said at the same time

"But I worked so hard on it. I even had to learn a second new spell yesterday just to get it to work right."

"Oh yer. You are the one that cast that funny little tickling feeling right?"

"Yes, it blocks pain. Are you sure you don't want to try it on even a little? Yes I suppose I've now implied it is a deathtrap but at least…"

"Sorry, but not even a little bit."

"Are you absolutely sure that…"

I rolled my eyes. "Come on Rare's, let it go."

Rarity let out a little huff. "Fine, but this isn't over Applejack. Twilight's next plan harnesses one of the most destructive and chaotic forces in all Equestria."

"Ah know you don't mean Discord."

"Oh of course not." Said Fluttershy "It's hard enough to keep him doing the right thing as it is. We all agreed not to involve him at all."

"So what exactly is this force then?"

"Why the…" Rarity stopped, then sighed. "Ugh, I can't believe I almost gave that away. That would miss the whole point."

I then realized Twilight was already gone along with Pinkie. Hopefully they were just preparing for the next plan. I really had a bad feeling about this next one. I figure I was going to end up dead even if it worked, and maybe even somepony else.

Cutie Mark Crusaders

I was looking at my charred corpse. There were two of them now. Well unless Twilight did something with the first one. There were a few more pony corpses around the equally charred field. I was trying not to think about why Pinkie was poking about her own corpse so much. Twilight was just staring at the mess. Rarity was comforting Sweetie Belle, and AJ yelling at Applebloom. Scoots was beside me.

"That was so awesome Dash. I mean you told us you'd be fine so I wasn't too worried, but then there was wind, and a weird little cloud, and then boom, suddenly you were back. I guess Fluttershy did almost the same thing, but you did it at least 20% cooler, maybe even more."

I sighed. "Uh, yea, I guess. This was a bad idea wasn't it."

"Huh, why?"

"I don't understand." Said Twilight. "There was nothing explosive in it. Most of it was even metal, so it shouldn’t have been able to just catch on fire like some sort of wooden device, yet…" she trailed off

"Ah told you…" started AJ

"And ah told ya we didn't do nothing bad. Miss Twilight just asked me to go find you and lead you here."

"I try to keep them away but they are nearby a troubling amount of the time."

"Yea, I used to try to chase them off, but I figure whatever." I added

"Really?" said AJ "If they really ain't bothered none then why is Sweetie crying."

"Because she is under the mistaken impression this is all her fault." Said Rarity. "That is of course impossible."

"This whole mess is impossible." Added Twilight

"Twi, just let it go. Besides I think that thumping means Fluttershy is here."

Her ear flicked "Oh I do hear something but what exactly is…"

Twi just stared at the manticore now pretty much in front of us. She looked surprised not afraid. She had a smile on her face again soon. Fluttershy was indeed flying right above him. Was that the same manticore from the forest?

"Twilight, could you please teleport Applebloom home."

"You might as well send scoots home too." I added

"Awww." Added Scoots

I'm not really sure where she lives so you'll have to take her back yourself later."

I laughed "Oh, right."

The second Applebloom vanished Manny attacked AJ. She spun around and gave him a good buck. There was a resounding crack and he fell to the ground in a heap. I guess AJ's been working out or something. Fluttershy was soon next to him fussing over the huge unconscious beast, crying the whole time.

"You didn't have to hit him so hard. He was just doing me a favor."

"Sorry sugarcube, but he's still breathing, ain't he?"

"It was just so mean. I mean you didn't even try to run away or kick him lightly, you just kicked as hard as you could."

"Now look here sugarcube Ah'm sorry but ya'all are trying to kill me and…"

AJ had got closer to Fluttershy and suddenly the tears vanished and she stabbed AJ with a small hypodermic needle. There was total silence for at least a few minutes.

"So, that just happened, right?" I asked

"Ah guess so. So what did you just dose me with."

"Oh it's a powerful poison from one of my snake friends and…"

"That won't work." Said Twilight "Earth ponies are heavily resistant to all sorts poisons, but snakes most of all."

"Ah was wondering why other than itching nothing was happening."

"Oh my, so you don't feel hot, and your throat isn't dry?"

"Enope."

Fluttershy looked down. "Then I failed." Then she blinked and looked up "Wait, did I really want to be good at killing ponies?"

"Darling, I must ask, how exactly did you come up with this plan."

"Yea, it was all like…" Scoots paused a second. "I'm so sad, and then you were like, bam I was faking the whole time. Totally a super villain move, but still cool, and well, you know, you're Fluttershy and all."

"Oh well I was supposed to think of something, but I was having a hard time so I asked Angel for ideas."

"Oh." The rest of us echoed.

"Uh, Rarity, are you really sure you're not mad about…" began Sweetie Belle

"I think I shall go home for a bit. Go on without me everyone."

"So now ah only got four ah mah friends trying to murder me. Well it's something ah guess. Better is better."

"I will be back, and you Applejack are just being needlessly stubborn."

"Ah'm leaving too. Ah don't need to be in this part of the fields no more and ah really don't want to be."

I glared at her as she left. I mean I guess now she has a good reason to be mad at us, well sorta, but she's been acting this way the whole time. Stupid AJ.

A simple plan

It was finally up to me. Twi's turning AJ's trees into monsters didn't work out that well at all. I mean we all got eaten but AJ killed them all with a few good bucks easy. She was really mad at Twi too. She even did call the guard. The guard left after saying they need to look up if you even can file a restraining order against a princess, but Twi promised to stay off the farm anyway. I so didn't. I grabbed AJ and rushed into the sky. I let out a grunt.

"Damn AJ, you are like super heavy now."

"Dang it Dash, let me go."

"Yea, no can do. Don't want you to fall."

AJ looked down, her hat hitting me a bit on the snout even though I couldn't see her head too well. "Uh, ah guess Ah don't want ya to let me go right now but I swear Dash if you drop me ah'll…"

"I won't drop you. I Pinkie promise. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."

"Then why the hay are we up this high?"

"Two things, first is we're more or less alone. I wanna talk."

"There ain't nothing to say."

"First you should just pick something quick and easy and let Twi do it. If you do this will be so much easier."

"Ah ain't going make this easy Dash, ah don't care if you is right the lot of you have gone loopy if you think it's a good idea."

"This can fix things AJ, for real this time. We were all so messed up at the time we didn’t' think, but I get it now. It's us, and it's always been us. Yea she's super messed up but it's still us. She needs this."

"All ah ya, plum loco. How can ya stand it Dash? Watching her hurt herself over and over again. How can ya…"

I stopped and looked down. The angle was awkward I still couldn’t actually see her face, but I could hear her crying now. I sighed.

"I messed up again, didn't I? I can stand it cause I'm loyal AJ, really, really loyal. Someone had to be there, why not me."

"But you just let her keep doing it. You…"

"The princesses couldn't stop her AJ. They tried, and failed. They gave me a list of stuff to steer her away from and I just help her with all the ways that won't really work."

"What? That's what you been doing this whole time? Why didn't you tell me that yah stupid showpony? It ain't that hard to explain."

"Cuase I totally thought I did. I guess I missed you or something? Also I thought the princesses sent you all letters."

"Well that might be on account of the CMC helping Bloom with that mulcher that weren't supposed to be a mulcher. The mailbox didn't survive."

"So do you get why I have to kill you now?"

"Dang it Rainbow, no ah don't."

"She has to know AJ. Not just think she knows, but know. She needs it, so it's what she gets. If we're super lucky this might even let us fix what Discord did and we get a totally not crazy Twi back."

"It ain't that simple sugarcube. We tried a quick fix and…"

"This isn't the same. This is fixing the real problem. It should be super slow but we got lucky. I mean losing my head was super unlucky, but overall it was lucky."

"Because we're immortal? Dash, don't you get it? Even if you is right that don't matter none. She kept trying to kill herself."

"Yea, but she's crazy. Maybe it won't fix everything, but this will help. It has to."

"No it don't and even if it do help somehow any plan where you murder your friends ain't no kind of good plan."

"So you're not budging on this at all?"

I started climbing as fast as I could. It was a bit tiring but I had been training so even with AJ's strangely heavy rump it wasn't that hard. I actually got a lot of training in since Twi could fly and all, even if half the time she was only flying so high trying to off herself. I was almost high enough, and AJ still wasn't struggling. It's not like she can't say I didn't try.

"You weren't really wanting an answer, were you. Ya were lying, weren't you?"

"Nah, I was telling the truth, earth ponies survive long falls all the time. Usually with horrible injuries and stuff, and that would be double lame. Not only would it be bad for you but Twi would still want to kill you."

"So you got some other complicated plan you're going try to kill me and…"

"Nah, I figure something simple is best. Also your first death should be awesome. The head cut off thing was pretty neat really, so you gotta have something as neat."

"So what are you planning you crazy pegasus."

"A sonic rainboom into the ground, duh."

AJ screamed something, but I couldn't hear her. I was in a full power dive. I wasn't just letting gravity do all the work I was even pushing forward a little. AJ tried to get out of my grip, but Twilight's sticky spell worked perfectly. She wasn’t' going anywhere. The more she struggled the closer we became. That was all sorts of uncomfortable actually. But it was over quick. I was about 90% sure we both died so fast the anti-pain spells weren't even needed.

Sleep

So what I didn't notice is I plowed right into Rarity since apparently the big red x Twi marked out in the grass wasn't obvious enough and she was standing almost right in the middle of it. I can't believe I missed the center. AJ was a little confused about that x, but Twi had to see her die in pony just in case. AJ and Rarity were both super mad at me so they each had to kill me first before Twilight explained her findings. I guess knowing you can't hurt or permanently kill your friends changes things. At least I sure hope that was what they were thinking. I think Rarity was thinking that way, but I'm a little less sure about AJ.

I don't know if Pinkie planned it, but her hug caused Twi to stop explaining so we all hugged her and it turned into a pony pile, and thankfully she finally stopped. I mean Twi could always talk a lot, but I think we were literally on the verge of testing if you really could die from boredom. I wasn't even sure it was the same day anymore. She had this huge smile on her face.

"You're not leaving. This is all real. I proved it. There's no…" she yawned "No denying it. I feel so happy. So, relaxed. Like for the first time in a…" she yawned again. "Long time, I don't need to…"

And then Twilight started to snore. Pinkie giggled. I laughed. I was right. I may have actually been a little stupid about how this would really work, but who cares.

"I was right. So totally right."

"Dashie, you might wake her."

"Actually I don't think so." Said Fluttershy "She looked very tired."

"Duh, she hasn't slept in like months."

"What?" everypony else yelled.

We all then looked at Twi but she didn't react at all. I then tried to get out of her grip, but I wasn't going anywhere. Everypony else tried to move but also seemed stuck. Well Pinkie didn't try, but she was probably stuck too. Then I realized she didn't seem to be holding on to me or anything, we were just stuck.

"Oh, I guess that spell is still working. I guess it's like stuck to my soul or whatever just like the pain spell."

"Spell? So that's why I couldn't break free. Though ah swear ah broke your legs."

"Probably did. Didn't feel it though. I guess you figured it really would be better to fall than hit the ground in a rainboom, huh."

"Ah can't really say if ah was right or not, but it sure weren't good."

"Oh come on this totally worked out great."

"Ah admit this ain't so bad, but she ain't gonna suddenly be magically better than when she wakes up."

"Actually darling, she just might. I knew she wasn't sleeping much, but had no idea it was that bad. No idea it even could be that bad."

"Yea, I mean I tried that once, but no matter how much sugar I had eventually my eyes went all droopy and I went sleepy by."

"Yea well alicorns are different, to like a dumb degree. So it might not be like perfect or anything but maybe she can get better. Even if the chaos magic spell is still messing with her still she might be able to get rid of it once she's less tired."

"She can?" asked Fluttershy

"Well, maybe. At least figure out how to get rid of it. I mean…" I yawned "Oh right, I need to report in anyway. Night all, or morning. I think that's the morning sun."

"Ah reckon so, but dash you can't just…"

I think AJ kept talking but I am super fast at just about everything, including falling asleep so I didn't hear whatever else she said. I was in a dream with Luna super quick and she was smiling broadly. She also had a tick in one eye that reminded me of Twi a little. Twilight was also standing right in front of her and we seemed to be in some huge library with nothing but giant bookshelves as far as the eye could see.

"And then they ate the pigs. Isn't that nice?"

"We are fairly certain rocks can't do that. We believe we shall cut this short here."

"Huh?"

Twilight titled her head and suddenly we were in Cloudsdale. It looked wrong though. It took me a second to realize what it was, but then I had it. It all looked like the old buildings, except no one seemed to notice.

"Oh, this is your dream and it's all old, right?"

Luna nodded. "So, clearly things have gone relatively well."

"Relatively? Things have gone awesome. Well I think they have, Twi was making no sense just now if that was really her and…"

"She is simply too out of it to have coherent dreams. They are pleasant enough."

"Well then yea, it's great. I mean she's asleep, and you had me try just about everything to manage that, but something finally did. On top of that we're all immortal so at least what started this mess is no longer an issue."

"That is fairly good yes, but you do realize you essentially got killed twice by your friends in the middle of town, correct. With various ponies who didn't have any clue what was going on."

"Oh, well. Still, I mean compared to yesterday, much better."

"Yesterday? Are you aware that you haven't checked in for three days?"

I blinked "Wow, I mean I know it seemed to go on forever, but seriously, three days?"

"Yes, Pinkie actually joined you in sleep shortly, and the rest of your friends one by one not long after, Applejack being last."

"Uh, by the way, I've been thinking. Am I crazy? I mean I don't think AJ's right but she sure thinks she is and…"

"Immortality can change what is and is not reasonable. You are not entirely sane by some standards, but you are clear on what is and isn't real, merely have had your view of what is disturbing and not shifted."

"So, like just a little crazy? Right?"

"It is something to deal with as Twilight recovers."

"Do you even need me to report to you?"

"It has been far more helpful than I believed actually. Sister was right that sometimes a proper report can help, even if they seem less skilled at understanding. Also we generally don't scry on you if we can help it, but…"

"Three days is a while and you were worried, so you did."

Luna nodded "Is there anything you have to add?"

"Sorta. Really it's just Twi cast this stickiness spell and I figure she might be out of it for a while so if you could remove it before we wake up that would be great."

"We aren't sure we can if it is truly Twilight's work, but I can at least look at it. Most likely it is only to last for but a few days at most."

"Okay. I guess that's it then."

"Indeed. Dream now Rainbow Dash. You have confirmed all we truly needed."

And then all my friends were around me. It didn't make sense all of them had wings, but whatever. It's a dream. Then we went flying.

I was trying to kill myself

"I was trying to kill myself."

I sighed. I have no idea how many times she's said it now. To be fair she seemed like normal Twilight sort of crazy rather than I'm going to kill myself because my friends will eventually die crazy. It still was way too much though. I mean it's not like it's a surprise or anything. Then I blinked.

"Wait, you do remember everything right, casue I really don't want to…"

"That's the whole problem Dash I remember every second and…" She suddenly paused. "Wait, how has it been your day off for two months?"

I laughed. "Oh yea, about that. See…"

"Ah, I got you fired. I tried to kill myself and I got you fired. I'm a terrible friend."

"Twi, that's super dumb, you do know that right?"

"Super dumb? What are you talking about you can't just skip work. You..."

"I'm a government employee. You know, the same government you sorta run, a little, I think. How does that work actually? I mean you're a princess but…"

Twi groaned. "Right, you just asked the princesses for time off and they gave it to you."

"Actually they gave me a job. Technically it's assistant librarian, but really it was watching you."

She sighed again. "Stupid book."

I screamed. "I thought you were getting better. Oh man what happened, you seemed okay just a second ago but…"

Then I was firmly in Twilight's magic upside down, and she rolled her eyes at me. Okay, so I might have over reacted just a little bit, especially since I don't really have any idea how that might be connected to the conversation at all.

"So, obviously I'm confused even though you calling a book stupid is crazier than the suicide thing."

"What?" She shook her head. "Never mind that. The point is yes I was looking for a cure for mortality, or at least 5 specific cases of it, and yes I was very tired, but the reason I went from there to suicide was because of an ancient evil sealed inside a book."

"Oh, so Celestia was right about you never doing something like this?"

She nodded. "Mostly right at least. I mean maybe if you or one of the others actually died it might have driven me that far but it's unlikely. I mean I'm in the odd position of both feeling like I have too much responsibility and wanting more, but my life was far from hopeless."

"So what, the book made you depressed?"

"More or less. It made everything more dire, and any and all action seem pointless. It's actually rather like descriptions of normal depression, except the dark thoughts are from an external source, or at least amplified by one."

"So what some book…"

"It's not a book, more of a spirit that was trapped in the book and possessed me. It fed off of misery and the like. That's why even though in general it wasn't a good idea you and AJ did the right thing in getting Discord to zap me."

I blinked. "We did? It sure didn't seem like it."

"The thing is I couldn’t be miserable. It was impossible. The creature starved and died, begging to be set free so it could have a tiny scrap of torment, but it couldn’t leave for some reason. I never did figure out if that was me or Discord's spell."

"But it still made you crazy, and you still weren't sleeping, so you never stopped."

"It just seemed like another research project. I have no idea how I could think something like that, but it seemed that way at the time."

"Why is Discord's magic gone anyway?"

"Two possibilities. One I just needed some sleep to fight it off, or two the bearers of the elements of harmony being in close proximity like that disrupted the chaos magic."

"Even without the elements?"

"Well it wasn't intended to be a harmful spell, so self removal shouldn’t be that hard anyway. It is chaos magic, which is an untapped field and…"

"I get it. So you're fine now."

Her eye twitched. "No I'm not fine. I'm still a little tired despite sleeping for who knows how many hours…"

"Nine and half days." I added

Her eyes went wide. "I missed nine and a half days?" she then screamed. "Ah, Celestia is going to kill me. I can't…"

"Twi, calm down. First, that wouldn't be permanent anyway, second she totally isn't going to do that pretty much no matter what you do…"

"Pretty much?"

"Well yea, I mean it doesn't seem like the elements can do that sort of thing but I kinda get the feeling she didn't know that the elements would trap Luna in the moon."

Twilight paled. "I don't want to be trapped in the…" Twi trailed off "Wait, I still haven't determined if I'm the princess of friendship or magic, or possibly both, and even if I did how could I be trapped in either?"

"They could just turn you to stone, you know, if you weren't the element of magic and all. Remember?"

"Right, and, this is like the incident all over again, isn't it?"

"Well the worrying part, yea. Everypony is avoiding you because you've been super creepy, but after that one pony almost lost an eye when your horn was blown off your head, you've been super careful about that sort of thing."

"Why don't I remember losing my horn, but I do remember hurting somepony?"

"Probably because most of your skull was blown off your head too."

She screamed again "I spent weeks trying to kill myself."

I cringed. This is going to be bad. "It was months actually."

She screamed and ran around in circles for a while. I think there were some actual words in there too, but I wasn't sure of it. Then Pinkie tackle hugged her and she stopped screaming. I then checked her chest. It was going up and down really fast. Pinkie then loosened her grip and Twilight took a deep breath.

"Ooopsie doodle."

"I can't believe I actually thanked you for almost suffocating me once."

Pinikie nodded, frowning. "But that's over now." She smiled again "You're all better, and we're all sorta alicorns and everything is great."

"Sorta alicorns?" I asked

"I guess you weren't paying attention but…" Twi stopped and we both stared at Pinkie for a while

"What?"

"But you were asleep for large portions of my explanation. I know you were."

"So, just because I'm asleep doesn't mean I wasn't listening."

"What, but…"

"Twi, let it go. There is tons of other stuff to deal with, don't make it worse."

"Right, right." Twi then blinked. "Wait, when did I start listening to you without question. I mean at least half the advice you've given me lately has been good, but I only thought about doubting you once I realized I didn't."

"I was there and you trust me. Also there is totally nothing wrong with my ideas."

"Dash you once suggested…" she then shook her head "Okay, there are countless reasons to not finish that sentence. So yes, all of you are sort of alicorns. I think you might just be sharing my power somehow, but I'm not sure."

"What else could it be?"

"Well the elements of harmony themselves in some manner. Overall though your auras now all echo mine in a weird way."

"Ooo, or your aura echoes ours."

Twi blinked. "Oh, now that's interesting. I mean everyone knows that alicorns have the magic of all three pony races in balance, but maybe I got it a different way. By sharing some of my friends magic."

"Ohh, and since it's sharing we got some of yours." Said Pinkie

"But does that mean you're sharing everything you got with all of us, like I have earth pony magic and unicorn magic too." I asked

Twilight and Pinkie both stared at me. After a moment Pinkie giggled

"What, I've been hanging around you a whole lot."

"You're right obviously. I told you such but I guess it's actually more believable you'd pick something up about magic rather than actually listen to a long speech."

"Three days Twi. I don't think even Princess Celestia could listen the whole time."

Twi blushed. "Okay, so I could have at least split it into a few separate lectures."

"Omigosh, does this mean I could fly if I had wings?"

"Nah Pinkie you'd need…" I began, then paused.

"Pegasus magic, which she now has. Oh we have to test this immediately. Wing spells impart air magic temporarily so I'd have to find a spell that doesn't do such to make a proper test or..." Twi paused and looked at me

"Wait, are you looking at my wings because you're thinking about cutting them off and gluing them to Pinkie."

"No." Then Twi sighed and looked down "It's more of an invasive surgical procedure. I'm still crazy, aren't I?"

"Maybe a little, but yea, go ahead."

"Whoo" Pinkie threw up her hooves and smacked into the floor face first with a sickening crack. Oddly there was no blood. "I fet thwings."

"Dash this…"

"Is still super creepy, but clearly you know what you're doing, they'll grow back, and it's not like it's going to even hurt, much less kill me."

"Yes, I suppose if there is one bright side to this it's that even if I don't have the proper credentials I am a skilled surgeon now." Twi looked queasy "Even if I actually found there is a way worse than practicing on corpses to learn the art."

"Why specifically that?"

"It's how the art of surgery was invented, more or less. The point is no I'm not going to do that to you."

"Awww, but I wanted wings."

"Yea, stop being mean to Pinkie, wings are awesome, especially mine."

Her eye twitched. Pinkie and I were both smiling. Then it suddenly occurred to me what I actually asked her to do.

"Fine. I mean why not. Clearly we're all crazy here."

"Uh Twi now that I think of it maybe…"

"Is that combo bad or good, I can't tell. Usually I can so tell."

Then I didn't have wings. I felt odd but that's it. Pinkie now had a nice pair of blue wings. They were even more awesome from a distance. I turned arround to see two small holes that were mostly sealed up closing on my back. There was a little blood dripping from them. Twi was then in front of me crying.

"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done that and I didn’t' even cast the pain reducer spell on you and…" Twi suddenly stopped. "You still didn't react?"

"Are you sure, cause I totally didn’t' feel that at all."

"I need to go look at my notes." Twi then flew off

"Pinkie, do you think she even remembers why she was upset earlier right now?"

"Wings feel weird."

"Right."

Of course getting Twi to focus on something else is probably a really good idea right now. I would feel super proud of myself if that's what I had actually been trying to do. I looked back and saw weird little nubbins on my back. I really hop those don't come in weird. That would suck. Then Pinkie was standing on the ceiling her wings flapping lightly.

"Help Dashie, I'm stuck."

I just stared. Honestly it was a really easy trick to pull off. I mean pegasus foals even did it sometimes. But it took effort. It took at least a little concentration. In short there is no way she should possibly be stuck. If anything she should have trouble staying up there since she was a full grown pony. But it was Pinkie. I sighed.

Creepy alicorns

Watching Rarity's horn grow back was weirder than even my wings. Horns are like super complicated inside. Of course even weirder is I had one, hers of course. She now had a pair of wings thanks to Twilight. I guess she was right that purple wings would match better and Twi obviously didn't need them to cast or anything.

"Uh, thanks again Rares, I mean it didn't hurt or nothing but…"

She laughed "Yes, it is generous of me, isn't it?"

I laughed. "Oh yea. So we really are all messed up a little since this should so be bothering us more."

"Well yes, but honestly this has been traumatic for all of us and…"

"I'm so sorry I…" began Twi

"We forgive you." echoed me, Rarity, and Pinkie.

I shook my head. "Seriously, you don't need to keep apologizing."

"Yes while I appreciate the thought darling, even if you were not influenced by some horrid thing it would be unfair to blame you."

"Especially since things turned out so neato. I mean I got wings and you're about to give me a horn, and not just any horn, but your horn."

I laughed "Like that matters."

"It could. Both because no matter how well preserved this is not a live transfer, and there is a small piece of brain I'm transferring as well. It shouldn’t affect her personality in any way, but her spell casting ability might be effected. There just isn't any data."

Twilight smiled. It wasn't the first time I'd seen her happy about exploring some science thing nopony else ever had, but it was totally the creepiest. Rarity flapped her wings again, but once again she was doing everything wrong. I took off and hovered well out of reach. I then smiled.

"By the way you said Twi's wings would match better, and I guess they do, but it doesn't matter too much cause you look super ugly with wings anyway."

"I'll destroy you."

I dodged out of the way easily. She was in the air of course, and I was clearly right about the not thinking thing, and getting her mad would work. Rarity actually has the worst temper of any of us, or at leas the most funny. When she's mad she doesn't think things through at all. Well if she's mad enough. If you tick her off just a little she's all, you will regret this and then somehow you end up in a super frilly dress in front of the whole town. Flutters is worse in a way when she snaps, but she's more dangerous than anything because she is still thinking, she just is mad enough she doesn't care. So yea, her reaction didn't surprise me at all, but the hole she punched in the roof did. We both stopped and stared at it for a while. Then Rarity looked down.

"I suppose you didn't mean that and this was the point."

I just nodded, still looking at the hole.

"Apparently the earth pony strength requires no additional effort."

"So I guess you really did mess my body up worse than AJ after all, huh?" I said

"Apparently. Speaking of, once again sorry. It was very cathartic, but it is clearly an utterly terrible habit to start, so we should avoid it."

"Uh, yea, even if it doesn't matter going around killing each other is probably a bad idea."

"Of course it is? Do know how much paperwork a royal pardon actually is?" Twi shook her head. "And that doesn't even take into account how horrifying it is to watch."

"Ooo, it lights up."

Rarity and I both looked down to see Pinkie with a purple horn. The magic glass box with Twi's head in it was still covered with a cloth. The gore doesn't bother me anymore, but Twi's detached head just staring forward with a smile on it's face is still creepy and now even Twilight agrees with me. I then realized I should ask the question just in case since it's more important than letting Twi delude herself, even if this time it's probably a good thing if she was.

"Twi, you do get that this is just a distraction and…"

"Yes, but it's a good one. It's very interesting and I really don't want to think about…"

"Wow, Jackie and Fluttershy are here."

I blinked. I think Pinkie just faked enthusiasm. I wasn't sure though. I sure know I've never heard her do it before. AJ looked around, let out a little sigh, but followed it by a laugh, even if not much of one. Fluttershy just gulped and hid behind AJ.

"Just in time. Now I'm not going to pressure you into anything but we know wings work, and horns at least can be lit if nothing else."

"Light when ever I want would be nice but no thank you."

"Let me guess AJ." I said "Earth ponies doesn’t need…"

"Nah, I know I'm acting like a dang fool but ah always been real curious. So get down here cauase ah want yer wings."

"What, why not Twi's? I mean yea mine are awesome but…"

"Complementary colors Rainbow. Blue and orange go together."

"I'm pretty sure that isnt' what AJ's thinking." I rolled my eyes

"Ah'm just a practical sort is all. Ah know your wings are in about as good shape as yah can get, and…" She cringed

"Oh it's okay, I've always been a weak flyer."

"They're still new." Twi then blinked, and lifted a wing. "Dash, how much practice did you get out of me exactly because now that I think of it…"

"As much as I could get, duh. Flying is a good way to pass the time, and oddly one that didn't make you think about new ways to kill yourself. I mean right after you tended to come up with stuff, but not during."

"It's just so, calming." Twi said "Most of the time I could never focus on anything beyond the flight itself."

I landed "Fine, I guess I totally can't blame you for wanting the best. I was really only hesitating because I though you were still mad and trying to get back at me."

"Well that too sugarcube. Ah ain't half as upset about the killing part no more, but that doesn't mean yah couldn’t have figure out a better way to do it."

"To be fair the better ways seemed to inevitably fail." Said Twi "Well, no time like the present. Sorry in advance."

"Sorry?" AJ asked "What you got to apologize for?"

Then there was a flash and AJ had my wings. Then there was a thump next to me about the same time Fluttershy gained a white horn. Twilight smiled a bit. I guess it makes sense Fluttershy would never agree, even if I bet she wants it way more than she said. She fainted of course. I then turned to the thump to see Rarity splayed on the ground, a hole in her head. It closed up quickly enough the first time, but it didn't immediately do it this time. I then realized I knew that vacant stare and limp look.

"Twi, you killed Rarity."

She cringed. "I was doing so well too. Even if you didn't hear it I did warn her about, well started to warn her about it, but she already knew so I went ahead since…"

"Hello my student it is…" Celestia then trailed off

"It's not what it looks like!" Yelled Twilight

Celestia looked super better than the last time I saw her. Her hair was still pink but she had her normal smile, and her hair was well brushed this time. Also she looked relaxed and her wings weren't a disaster anymore. She also had Spike on her back. Celestia then smirked.

"So you weren't performing a dangerous medical operation without a license or a sterile environment?"

"She's got you there Twi."

Twilight was prostrate in front of Celestia "Please don't send me to prison, I'll get the proper credentials as soon as I can, I promise."

Celestia broke into laughter, and the rest of us soon after. Even Spike. I hadn't seen that for a while. He looked super bummed when he left to go stay with Celestia. Twilight looked around.

"But I…"

"Twi, you wrote pardons for murder, remember?" I asked

"Ohhhhh, right." She looked down. "I'm still sorry."

"I must admit this is questionable in many ways, but considering the circumstances not that dire."

"Yes, I wasn't even dead that terribly long. A minor inconvenience, really."

"Sorry Rarity, I think maybe I still need a little more sleep to be a hundred percent but I just can't get back to sleep yet."

"Twilight." Said Celestia, a big smile on her face. "Most wouldn't be able to manage such precision even when 100%, much less impaired. Also as Rarity has said no harm done. That is all that matters in the end."

"But…"

"You really are back."

Spike was then hugging Twilight's leg, and smiling widely. I had to agree with the little guy. I mean maybe things aren't exactly the same, but it's sorta like the whole Twi is an alicorn thing. She's not the same but she's still the same awesome pony she always was at the same time.

I love flying

It was weird Celestia was just hanging out with us. I mean I know Luna has been handling stuff since Celestia was really messed up, so she didn't have anything else to do right now, but it was still odd. It was funny but I only later realized it took way longer for Fluttershy to recover from her faint than Rarity dying. We were all just lounging around the library on some really nice cushions Celestia magiced up. Rarity was currently trying to teach Fluttershy some spell. Personally if figured out floating stuff around and that was good enough for me. Celestia currently looked sick to her stomach, and Twilight was frowning.

"I know it's questionable at best in terms of morals and common sense but you did ask what I learned."

"Well yes, and in fact some of it is quite useful I'm sure, but…" She slowly swallowed, closing her eyes. "There is also a reason why Luna was the one that really experimented with her immortality and I did not."

"Oh, sorry." Twi looked down

"I in fact meant friendship. I wished to know what you learned about friendship"

"A lot actually. First no matter how important you think something is, even if it's for their benefit, losing yourself in your work to the detriment of your friendships is never a good idea. The consequences can be dire."

I laughed. "Oh man, Twi, I don't think it's usually that bad."

Celestia shook her head. "While this resulted in a strangely high amount of dismemberment and the like, this is actually not even remotely the worst thing that has resulted from such a poor decision."

"Though really it probably wouldn’t matter if you were talking to us more at the time since it was some evil spirit and junk."

"True, though that brings us to the second issue. Ignoring your health doesn't just hurt you, but your friends too. I may have been able to resist it, at least enough to let you know I was being manipulated, if I just got enough sleep."

"Both good lessons." Said Celestia

"Finally I learned that a good friendship can weather anything, no matter how horrible, even if things certainly don't always go smoothly, they can get better."

Twilight turned to look at Pinkie trying to help AJ fly without crashing into things. We figured out I was too good to help with that, Fluttershy too gentle to have a problem with overdoing it, and Rarity and Twi were too new to offer anything useful. Pinkie wasn't doing much better actually, but somehow it was helping despite that. In fact as I watched AJ didn't ram into anything, not even the ground. AJ hadn't exactly talked to Twi a whole lot, but she wasn't avoiding her anymore. She's clearly having fun with the wings, even that time when she broke her nose she just laughed about it.

"Oh and I totally learned something too. That there is nothing too crazy to do for friendship in the right circumstances." I smiled "Not even murder."

"I'm not sure that's really a good lesson to learn about friendship, even if I can't think why it's wrong right now." Twi then blinked and turned to Celestia eyes going wide. "Oh no, I should know why, shouldn’t I?"

"It is technically accurate, just framed in a way to sound as bad as possible." Celestia smiled. "But I can't help but notice, with considerable care given to the wording to make sure the idea is really true."

"Once again, hanging around Twi a lot. Speaking of why is Spike so tired?"

I looked up toward Twi's room. I couldn't see it from here but Spike was asleep in his basket in there somewhere right now. He had fallen asleep on one of the cussions, but Twilight and Celestia moved him and tucked him in.

"He buried himself in work to forget. Well work and food." Celestia looked down. "It's annoyingly familiar actually. Apparently he learned from me a little too well in his formative years."

"So uh Twi, are we like all princesses now, cause I mean I look good in the right dress and all, but I'm not sure about that title."

Twi looked to Celestia. "I'm not sure either, Celestia?"

"Luna and I are still discussing it. I think considering the circumstances for now we will leave things as they are. That being said if you don't plan to reverse this Luna and I might need a second proclamation to keep Ponyville quiet about another matter of vital interest to the crown of Equestria." She sighed

"Oh, so that's why there seems to be nothing that mentions me even when it should."

"Yes. It will be made part of the public record eventually, but to avoid a panic hiding the truth from the rest of Equestria seemed prudent."

"Uh, maybe you should just undo everything then? I mean floating stuff is awesome…" I waved a hoof at my drink just floating in the air. "But I totally don't need it."

"Yea, about that." Twilight looked away. "Two things. First is now that you've had a horn, even for a short time your soul, though…"

"Twilight, now isn't the time for your thoughts on the accuracy of the term soul."

Twilight gave out a short little laugh "Sorry Princess."

"Celestia Twilight. In fact all of you should do the same. At the very least that is reasonable enough. This includes official functions as well."

"Oh my." Said Rarity quite loudly.

"You're across the room, why are you…"

"As are you, but it is not that large a room. No need to yell Rainbow."

"Continue please Twilight."

"Of course Princess." Twi gasped "I mean Celestia. The point is since it determines how your body should be, by some criteria not entirely understood, you might regrow a horn now regardless."

"But it's not really my horn or nothing."

"Well magically speaking I think we're sharing everything, so to some degree it is. There are three copies of Rarity's horn at this moment, but that's a minor issue."

"And the wings work the same way. So even if we're just cheap knock off alicorns we don't really get a choice anymore."

"Yes, though just like dying even using a little magic altered your aura. Or flying did. Rarity and Fluttershy's have also shifted to be more earth pony like somehow though I can't guess what they did to cause that since the magic itself sets earth ponies apart."

"So even if I got totally blown up I'd still have a white horn?"

"That I'm not sure of. Also the changes could have no permanent effect on your appearance. One of you would have to die to make sure."

"I'll do it."

Then Pinkie was gone with a flash. It got really quiet for a while. I'm not sure if it's just because Twi and the princess had an even better idea how impossible it was for Pinkie to learn to teleport in only a few hours, or just having no clue where she went even if we knew why. Then Celstia tilted her head to the side.

"Huh, she teleported directly into the sun."

"Whoa, you can just tell? Cool."

Celestia nodded. "One moment, she's currently suffering the various ailments of deep space as she did reconstruct out of the danger in question, but not all danger."

Pinkie then reappeared with a bright yellow flash. She took a deep breath. She was just her normal earth pony self again, no extras. I didn't really want to rush to kill myself even if I don't feel it, but there is this really risky stunt I could have tried. It will be super awesome if I pull it off, and if not, I don't even have to worry about cleaning up the body. I guess I could skip it just as easy.

"So the rest of us can only be alicorns with…"

"The help of our friends." Twilight smiled, then frowned "In the most horrible sense possible. I guess it is a letdown isn't it?"

"Way ah remember it the lot of you tried to murder me to help me. Ah'm okay enough wit it now, but ah'm pretty sure that's the worst way to help a friend."

Twilight looked down. "Right, even if for the right reasons you can't get much worse than that."

"Hey, but as long as we don't die we're good right?" I asked

"Yes, and possibly the effect I was talking about would work eventually, it just needs more time."

"Oo, can I have a new horn and wings?"

Twilight soon had transplanted her wings again, and this time brought back her own with that spell of hers, the wings coming back with a quick wet "shlorp" sound. It was still a little gross. Then I realized something.

"You can all fly."

"Huh?" said a few ponies. I wasn't sure exactly who

"It's this dream of mine, sometimes literally. That all my friends can fly and I can show you what the sky means to me."

"Dash what do you…"Began Twi

"She means…" Fluttershy then squeaked "Oh, I'm sorry."

"Just tell them, geesh."

"It was a tad rude darling, but clearly you already know the answer."

"Dash means just flying with her. Even if you don't fly very fast you'll understand. Even if you can't put into words why you know you know. Dash loves the sky isn't enough."

"That sounds like fun." Said Pinkie

"Ah reckon less stuff to bump into might help me."

"I haven't had a good flight in a while." Added Celestia

"It sounds lovely." Added Rarity

"Are you sure Dash, Pinkie is pretty good, but AJ and Rarity are still worse than me."

"Not really Flutters, but I get what you mean. Obviously I'll have to try and get the whole lot of you in proper flying shape at some point, but for right now it's totally good enough just to share the sky with you. Come on."

I then flew out and soon enough everyone was behind me. Rarity still was thinking too much, Applejack had serious control issues because she was flapping way to hard some of the time, and Pinkie seemed to be way better at flying than just looking at her technique would suggest. Celestia was awesome, and Fluttershy was still holding herself back, but I expected that. Twi though just looked so happy. Yea, maybe things are all sorts of messed up in some ways, but it's good enough. We're all okay and we're happy, so the rest of that stuff doesn't matter.

Rarity overdoes it

All my friends reacted differently to this whole mess. I used to think I was the most awesome, but now I get that was really Flutter. Pinkie was good too, but at the very beginning she just sort did nothing at all, which is super weird for Pinkie, but Shy was good there too and fixed Pinkie. Shy didn't take a stupid shortcut either.

Rarity acted like Twilight was suddenly made of glass. She smiled way too much, always seemed nervous, and a whole bunch of other stupid stuff. I think it annoyed Twilight too, but of course she didn't show it if it did. Almost nothing seemed to. Rarity was acting a little odd with the princess thing to begin with, but now her idea how to treat Twi are even more messed up than that. Rarity looked at Twi's half empty teacup, then at the teapot, then back at Twi, then started the cycle over again for the hundredth stupid time.

"Hey Twi, I think Rares wants to ask you if you want more tea."

"Oh I would never presume to be so bold, I mean obviously if you would like some more tea I'd be happy to serve you but…"

Twi smiled. "No, I'm fine. So I think this was a wonderful success, wouldn’t you agree girls? I think she's still in shock. Maybe I won't even need another plan."

"Oh yes, I'm sure it's a very amazing plan. I don't understand why it involved such a horrific display, but I'm sure you had a good reason." Rarity then gasped. "Unless it's not supposed be horrific. Oh Twilight, I'm so sorry."

Twi blinked. "For what?"

I sighed and face hooved. This conversation was likely to get very, very stupid. I then glanced over to see Pinkie still staring at the spot where Twilight had been standing when she cast the spell. Thanks to Rarity's cleaning spell there was nothing special about it now. Twi has come up with a lot of disturbing uses for spells, but using her body part sorting spell on herself while still alive was one of the worst. The only reason it wasn't the top was it was so fast. Just a spray of blood and the various bits sort themselves out into bins. Even if I get how useful alicorn bits are for just about everything it's creepy enough she has the spell at all, much less this use for it. Pinkie was covered in blood, as was the remaining tarp under her.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH."

Pinkie's scream literally broke Twilight's teacup. Which was weird because it didn't break Rarity's or looking back to the still full thing sitting on the saucer, mine.