Twilight Sparkle Ships Her Friends

by Flint Sparks

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy
Length: 1023

After an entire night spent reading horrible fanfiction, Twilight makes the logical conclusion: her friends must be shipped.

An entire night of reading really bad fanfiction...

...a lecture on the mechanics of shipping...

...Twilight Sparkle must now...

...ship her friends.

IQ Level: low.

Published 2014-07-06 05:00:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-06 05:00:04 UTC

Shipping made easy.

“Twilight, the magical toilet exploded… again,” Spike said as he stepped out of the basement, completely damp and covered in materials with a description that would bump this story’s rating considerably. “Can you fix it?”

Twilight’s head poked out from a pile of books in the middle of the library, her eyes bloodshot and eyelids drooping. “Ugh… can it wait, Spike?”

“But Twilight! Can’t you use your magic to fix it like you do for everything else?” Spike said , picking up an emergency towel he had hung on the basement door and proceeded to dry himself. Instead of an answer, Twilight burrowed through the book pile and plopped onto the ground. She groaned and rolled onto her back, as if she had stayed up all night reading fanfiction again.

“Twilight, did you stay up all night reading fanfiction again?” Spike crossed his arms and stared down at her.

“No, of course not!” Twilight said as she nonchalantly kicked Fifty Shades of Lavender back to the pile, never to be seen again.

“Twilight, we’ve talked about this!” Spike paced in circles around Twilight, resisting the urge to expose her to Rainbow Dash’s horrid Daring Do fanfiction which featured OCs such as Velocity Prism, Distortion Hyphen, and Dainbow Rash who were all the fastest pegasi in Equestria except for the mysterious villain shrouded in shadows with ultimate power and sexiness with a dark and tragic past. He would never do something so malicious and evil. Mostly because Twilight would like it.

“Aw, but Spike…! I found this really well-written fanfic with Daring Do and Dainbow Dash…”

Spike shuddered, but said no more.

The two finished their literary banter and proceeded to clean up the library. The books and fanfics were put away, and the magical toilet was disposed of like the very waste it was sworn to destroy. Not a word was exchanged between the towel-burdened dragon and the exhausted librarian.

“Hey Spike, can I ask you something?” Twilight asked as she activated the self-destruct sequence of her secret underground book fort with a prod of a book on the bookshelf. Just before Spike turned around, the large book pile underneath the book pile they were cleaning dissolved, diminishing the size of the overall pile considerably.

Spike rubbed his eye as a drop of water got into it. “Er, yeah. What’s up?”

“What’s shipping?”

Spike’s blood turned to ice, which immediately sent him into a hibernation sleep since he’s a reptile and therefore cold-blooded.

Warm water splashed over him and Spike woke up from his nap. Twilight grasped his shoulders and began flailing him about, screaming into his face with spit flying from her mouth.

“Spike, I have to know! WHAT IS SHIPPING?!”

“O-o-o-o-o-o-okay!” Spike said, shoving Twilight off him before he’d lose consciousness for a second time. The particular-shade-of-purple pony-race-characterized-by-use-of-magic-via-bonelike-appendage shook her head, slouched into a seating position, and gave Spike the most adorable puppy-dog eyes that would give Tirek adorabeetus.

Spike sighed.

“Shipping… is, well, er…” Spike held out his two claws in front of him and bumped them together. “It’s when you take two ponies that could love each other very much, put them together, and… er, ship them!”

“You ship them.” Twilight cocked her head.

Spike nodded as he clenched his fists at his side. “Yeah. You ship them. Together.”

“Okay.” Twilight nodded. She stood up and trotted to the door, opening it with her magic. She turned back to Spike and nodded. “Alright, I’m just going to go out for awhile… By the way, have you seen Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy anywhere? Or Applejack and Rarity?”

“Uh, yeah!” Spike said as he gave Twilight incredibly specific directions to their current locations, despite the fact that it was morning and he had literally woken up twenty minutes ago to use the potty. Twilight cackled and rubbed her hooves as lightning struck outside in the clear and blue morning skies.

Spike yawned and stretched as he climbed out of bed, having just awoken from the most beautiful nap in all of his short, yet vibrant existence. A steamy dream of a particular beautiful unicorn with a white, winter coat haunted his consciousness. The blue, sapphire eyes stared into his soul, the magnificent, luscious mane still flowed in his mind’s eye. It was a beautiful dream that sung to his very soul.

“Oh, my love…” Spike whispered as he clutched his chest, feeling the aching pangs of love from one that would never notice him. “I’ll always love you, Fancy Pants—”

“SPIKE!” Twilight called from downstairs with her screechy, bossy voice that rustled Spike’s jimmies. Spike spent the next twelve point thirty-four seconds debating on whether he should walk downstairs to help Twilight with the latest chore, or jump out the window and hope dragon puberty kicks in and gives him wings.

He glanced at the nightstand, a single empty can lying on its side. Crap, I’m out of Red Bull.

“Spike!”

“Coming!”

Spike hopped down the stairs and tripped on the very last one and landed on his face. Twilight ignored her number one assistant’s obvious injury, as usual, and threw him some duct tape.

“Come on, Spike! We have to get these boxes ready!” Twilight shouted as she finished sealing one of the large cardboard boxes, of which there was two (no more, no less), in the middle of the library. The other box was currently being supervised by a particular cross-eyed mailmare, of whose wings were covered in silver duct tape as she carried it in her mouth with a smile.

“Uh, Twilight…?” Spike poked one of the boxes, which quivered to the touch. “What is this?”

“Oh, I’m shipping!” Twilight said as she pulled out a folder of Canterlot stamps from home.

Spike facepalmed. “Please tell me you didn’t…”

“No. What are you talking about?” Twilight licked a few stamps and placed them on the box. She took a step back, admired the vast prism of cardboard, and rubbed her chin in deep thought as Derpy trotted to her side. “Think I should poke a few holes, just in case?”

The boxes whimpered.