Big Macintosh's Big Fat Wedding

by neorenamon

Celestia slowly came around as her head swam.  She felt a bit dizzy as she tried to sit up, but found she was tightly tied down spread eagle against something that felt like a tabletop.  She tried to open her eyes and cry out only to find she was tightly muzzled and blindfolded.  Struggling wildly, she realized she was no match for the heavy leather straps on her wrists, elbows, feet and knees.

Then she heard a heavily magically modified voice say, "Welcome back my dear.  It is not my intent to keep you prisoner for very long.  In fact, you'll be waking up in bed before you know it, thinking all of this was just some kinky dream you had.  But you're going to get some conditioning piercings of solid gold added to your body while you're here.  You should feel honored my dear.  One stud is enough to condition and control the mind of a foal, filly or weak willed mare.  Two are enough for the strongest willed of ordinary mares.  Three are enough to subdue the mind of a great unicorn mage.  But you... you my dear as going to get SEVEN of these delightful adornments added to you."

She winced in pain as they began.  There was no magic or potion to deaden the pain for her.  She felt herself being pierced in both earlobes, the undersides of both areolas, the upper and lower parts of her netherlips and lastly through the skin of her bellybutton.  Each piercing was carefully wiped clean before she could fell the gold studs being inserted through the freshly made holes.

"With all the other piercings you have both public and private, I seriously doubt any of your pony friends will question them even if they do see them, my dear.  But fear not, we're not going to overtly control you.  Controlling Equestria is not really one of our short term goals.  But you are going to be more... open minded... to the Griffon Kingdom's requests.  When the Diamond Dogs come whining to you about their gold reserves being cleaned out, we just want you to tell them that since they aren't YOUR subjects, you feel no obligation to allocate any of the Kingdom's scarce resources to help them with their petty issues.  If any of your agents object, then order them to stand down and butt out of things that do not concern them.  Harshly punish those who aren't deterred by this."

It felt like somepony was penning a new script into her brain.  One she was powerless to resist.  The combined tingling of her new piercings felt as if it were going straight up her spine into her brain.

"Tell me honestly, my dear," cooed the voice as the gag was removed, "What agents are currently sticking their noses in the affairs of Auric Gold Talon?"

She pursed her lips and struggled not to speak.  But the urge to obey was irresistible.  She had to speak and tell the truth.  Even biting her lip only worked for a short while before she blurt out, "Princess Luna and Princess Twilight are helping me monitor you.  Her assistant, Spike the Dragon, is supervising the field agents.  He has Agents Bakabaka, Rainblow Dash and Gilda helping him.  My most direct agent in the field is... is... is..."  She bit down on her lip again.  Her mind struggled so hard to stop herself from speaking any more that she passed out.

...

"Agent S-D?" asked Sir Macintosh as he slipped back into his room.

He noticed that he was looking over the slumbering form of Jifar as he looked back and said, "Yeah?"

"Somethin's big going down with Gold Talon atta Diamond Dogs Mine," he replied, "an ah don't think ah got much time afore he puts his plan inta motion.  Ah gotta sneak into them mines before Gold Talon and figure a way to foil his plans an all."

"Easier said than done, big stallion," he replied, "I don't think the dogs there are going to exactly welcome you with open paws after all."

"Then ah'll just have ta convince them tha wha Gold Talon is plannen fer them issa much worse than anything I dun ta them."

"That's still going to be a tall order.  The Shaman there isn't exactly known for his flexible thinking."

"Whatever it takes, ah gotta git him ta change his mind and protect his kin from that there gas."

"If somepony else was willing to collaborate your story, I'm sure he'd take your warning more seriously."

"Well ah can't just take Gold Talon or Oddball there.  An even if'n I was inclined to kidnap her, ah don't think he would respect Pussy Amore's word than he would any of the bitches he has under himself an all."

"Perhaps if you had something written down?"

"What?  Sneak inta his room an steal some papers?"

"That's what I was thinking."

"Ya gotta make sure that Mister Gold Talon and his goons are distracted so I have enough time to snoop around."

"Oh, I think I can distract him for a while," replied Spike as he twirled his waxed mustache.

"Honey-buns?" moaned Jifar as she slowly came to and her eyes fluttered open.

"Gimme bout two hours to git ready and over to his room afore ya start the full blown distraction.  Ah need at least 15 minutes to be shore ah searched the place from top ta bottom without tearing everythin ta pieces."

"You got it," said Spike as he stood and walked towards the door.

Then he turned to his wife and asked, "Are ya feelin better, sweetums?"

"I'm feeling great when you are at my side," she replied.

"Well ya sound a little horse there, sweetums," he answered, "Maybe a little spirits will help ya feel better.  Then maybe we can... uh... play a little while?"

"My head throbs," she replied, "I am not in the mood for that right now."

He leaned closer and said, "Perhaps ah can git ya some aspirins from tha bathroom cabinet?"

She nodded as he stood.  As he walked towards the bathroom, she quietly got out of bed as she picked up a letter opener.  Stalking up on him, she prepared to stab him in the back.

"Sorry sweetums," he said as he spun and punched her hard in the stomach.  The knife made a glancing cut, splitting the material as it made a shallow slash across his upper arm.  The blow knocker her out even as he caught her in his arms as she started to fall.