saint

princess celestia, ever the patient one, was caught off guard by the sudden remark.

"y-yes, you are in equestria, the-"

"waitwaitwait, equestria? as in- my little pony, equestria?" he had a look of shock mixed with disgust. "well fuckin' ass." a resounding gasp was heard.

"s-such language!"

"why i never!"

"good Celestia!" said one mare before she fainted.

Celestia shook her head. "now i know that it might be shocking but-"

he gave her the finger, turned around and started walking.

"Saint! if you leave you will be labeled a fugitive!" he stopped.

'I can handle the cops, in whatever universe. he looked around. 'but they do have magic. i don't know if that can actually kill me. damn.'

he turned on his heel and said, "fine fine whatever. can you take the cuffs off? they chafe." he said with an innocent smile. it hurt his face. she nodded towards the guard closest to him, coincidentally the same guard that had given him the drink (i forget his name). if looks could kill, saint would be dead. many times. the second he was free he kicked the pony in the face. actually, he had used a nut kick, but due to the fact that the ponies heads only came to crotch hight, that happened. the pony flopped backwards, stayed in the air for a second, then fell face first.

"pahahahaha!" he gasped. "oh man, that was great." he was met with disproving glares. "uh, i mean... OH NO! my foot's possessed!" no dice.

"apologize!"

"no. fuck you." she face-palmed(hooved) and saint wondered exactly how that was possible, what with hooves and all.

"why are you so mean? what did we do?"

"aside from turning thousands of children gay? lemme think. oh yeah! you locked me up in a dungeon with a bucket and some hay!"

"well, i don't know what you mean by that first comment, but it wasn't me who locked you up. it was the captain of the guard, shining armor."

he made a mental note: find him, and blow his balls off. "so, what now? you gonna throw me back into a cell? cause that ain't gonna happen, lady."

she put a hoof to her chin, like she was actually considering it. it was bullshit, though. "you know, you seem to have a lot of anger issues. a friend of mine once did, but he went to ponyville and he was reformed. can you see where i'm going with this?"

"you want to send me to hell?"

"no, no. nothing that bad. i'm going to send you to ponyville!"

"i guess thats a matter of opinion. so, now, or later?"

"well, that depends. are you willing to totally reform, so that you can integrate into our society?"

"sure, yeah i guess." translation: fuck no. "well, i guess it's time to leave. bye-bye!" translation: holy shit your boring. goodbye!

"bye! guards, please escort saint to the train station!" translation: man, what a douche. i wonder if luna still has some of that grass left?

============

"why are we here again?"

"ugh, i told you three times already! are you sure that you don't have Alzheimers?"

"one hunred percent, twi. speakin' a which, uhhhh..., what where we speaking about?"

"augh! fine! we're here because the princess said that she's sending someone special here, so we have to greet him and possibly make friends with him! there! do i need to write it down?" the newly appointed princess of friendship was, of course, considered a first class grinder, and had made the resident orthodontist a very rich mare. but that's neither here nor there. to be honest, i don't know why i mentioned it in the first place.

"then why talk about it?!"

"what are you talking about, pinkie?"

"i'm not talking to you, i'm talking to the narrator!"

"i don't even... are you high?"

"all the time!"

she was about to yell obscenities at her friend, when the train pulled in. "oh thank god. now i can get this thing into my house and dissect it- i mean teach it the magic of friendship." she was cut short by one of the guards sailing out one of the windows of the train. the six friends entered a combat stance instinctively, and twilight caught a guard to the face.

"son of a nag! why?!"

"i don't know. the prisoners here,  by the way. good luck." mumbled the guard before he slipped into the embrace of lady unconsciousness.

"man, fuck guards. they always try and get in my way." a large foot smashed through the door and out walked the most horrific thing under Celestia's good sun.

"good lord! look at his clothes!" rarity fainted.

he looked down at his jumpsuit. "well, i like it."