A Strange day at the Bar

by MonkeyNinja

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Other, Random, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 1107

An Eskimo, Rainbow Dash, and Karkat Vantus walk into Santa's private bar...

It is a lovely day at Santa's bar in the North Pole; a day which is promptly ruined, thanks to the antics of Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Trolls, the occasional Eskimo, and one annoying little brother trying to steal the spotlight by breaking the fourth wall! Will Judy the elf be able to make it through the day without loosing her mind? Read on to find out!

[This was originally written in five minutes to bring about the end of a pointless comment war. It's just a silly crossover fanfic, about My Little Pony, The Santa Clause, and Homestuck, with a twist punch line! Enjoy?]

Published 2014-07-09 00:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-09 00:20:02 UTC

Some Very Unusual Customers

It was a quiet day at the North Pole. The sun was shining through the clouds, a light snow falling outside. All in all, it was the best weather Santa's workshop had seen in months. ... Yes, truly a day worth admiring. Snow and what not... All very nice. Very... Nice... Ah, who am I trying to fool? No one likes the snow! Every person with a thermometer would prefer a cold drink on a beach, to a warm drink in the snow. What's that? Some people like the cold? Huh... Maybe it's just me. Whatever! Where was I? Oh yes! On the beach with a cold drink in my hand... Now that's a day! Calming waves lapping on the shore... Ahhhh... That's the ticket! Much better than the snow... SNOW!!! I HATE THE INFERNAL SUBSTANCE!!! IT KILLED MY PARRENTS! Well... That's not true, but still! I hate the cold! I also don't like mold. For that matter, growing old is one of my pet peeves. Not to mention, I hate being told what to do. I also have this weird fear of rhyming words. So I'm afraid of hating too many of those things at once. Not to mention, I have this weird complex of fearing hating things which I won't even BEGIN to get into right now! My point is, I have some issues with many stupid things. You know how it is, having an older brother! They hog all the good stuff, and get to do ANYTHING they want, just because they're a few years older! The next thing you know. You're mountainboarding down the Swiss Alps in your underwear, afraid of your own shoes! ...I'm not sure exactly how those are related, but trust me, THEY ARE! Anyway, he won't be back for another few minutes or so, so tell me a little about yourself! Oh... That's right! You're just a microphone! Is your name Mike? My bro listens to music from that guy, but I don't get it. Why would any guy with a brain watch a show about little ponies?! I guess I'm just smarter than him! ACK! Sorry! A spider landed on the mic-stand. Maybe if I get it to bite me, I'll get super powers! Or maybe it's just poisonous... I'd better not risk it. Okay, it's gone now. Stupid spiders! They always pop up like, 'Hey! I'm just going to show up here and scare everyone around me! I'll probably get smashed, but YOLO!'. Anyway, I don't-

RYAN! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!
Crap, my bro's back! Bye everybody! Ah! Get off me! ...Be gentle! This is a new shirt!

What were you doing with the microphone?
Nothing much, just telling my version of your fanfiction there! What is it with you and ponies anyway?

Get out of my room!... *clunk*

Sorry about that guys! I thought I locked the door. I don't know what he said, but just pretend that never happened! Anyway, here's the story!

It was a beautiful day at the North Pole, the snow falling lightly outside, when out of nowhere, an Eskimo, Karkat Vantus, and Rainbow Dash walk into santa's private bar.

RD orders hot chocolate, the Eskimo gets fish soup, and Karkat just shouts something unintelligible, involving the words, fuckass, coal, and maggot-hoofbeast.

RD asks for her hot cocoa to be 20% cooler, the Eskimo finishes his meal and leaves the bar, and Karkat gets slapped by Judy the elf, who says that if he would stop doing that, maybe he wouldn't be on the naughty list. Rainbow Dash finishes her cocoa, and says that it was "SO AWESOME!!!". Karkat begins a shouting match with the elf, and Judy returns the favor. Just as RD gets up to leave, Pinkie pie falls from the celing and lands on top of her.

"Hiya Dashie!" She shouts with a giggle.

"Pinkie?! How did you get here? I was just about to ask Twilight to head b-".

With that, RD was cut short as Twilight stepped from thin air.

"I thought you said you'd call to come back in one hour?" Twilight scolded.

"Have you TASTED her hot cocoa Twilight?"

Twilight thinks for a moment, levitates a large bag of bits from a saddle bag, drops it on the counter, and lifts a large vat of the chocolate beverage from behind the counter.

"Happy?" The purple pony asked with a smirk.

RD, and Pinkie smile and trot off behind Twilight, seemingly disappearing into thin air.

Judy stops shouting briefly to thank Twilight for her business, and the unicorn skipped backwards carrying the vat, vanishing from sight.

Now, Karkat thought, he wouldn't have any distractions from the epic trolling he was about to do. He opened his mouth, ready to unleash another volley of slurs, when a green blur shot by and tackled him to the ground.

"Karkitty! What did I say about starting strifes with purrfectly nice people!" Nepeta reprimanded, before flashing an adorable smile toward Judy, who promptly returned the gesture.

"Damnit Nepeta..." Grumbled the grumpy troll, as he was picked up by the scruff of his neck.

Nepeta proceeds to drag Karkat out of the bar by his collar, and one stubby horn. She will likely continue to do this until they find Jade, or rather, until Jade finds them. Where was that crazy narcoleptic witch anyway? Judy shrugs and begins to make another batch of cocoa, when Scott Calvin Walks in.

"Now where was that cocoa you mentioned?" He says with a smile. Judy blushed, glancing down at the bag of bits on the table.

"Oh... I'm sorry Santa. Someone random walked in asking for fish soup, so I gave him some, than he just took it and left without a word, or any payment. Ponies came out of nowhere and the next thing I knew they had taken over the whole counter and bought up all the cocoa! After that, I got so distracted arguing with a Troll that I completely lost track of time! That kid Karkat kept rambling for so long that I actually started to miss the ponies! Then another troll came out of nowhere and got rid of the first one, and... Here we are."
Santa thought for a second, then smirked.

"Just like the Internet, huh?"

Author's Note

Just a silly little story, the majority of which I wrote in like five minutes while battling the trolls of the internet! I have a real story coming up soon, so I figured I'd post this one first, as a little test! Enjoy maybe? ^◡^

(Submission test, take #3!)