Scootaloo's Guide to Stalking

by Spilled Ink

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, Diamond Tiara, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Scootaloo, Random
Length: 12255

Scootaloo's entire life story...told somewhat truthfully. Okay fine, almost all of it is lies. And it isn't Scootaloo's life story. It's whoever she's stalking.

Scootaloo's entire life story...told somewhat truthfully. Okay fine, almost all of it is lies. And it isn't Scootaloo's life story. It's whoever she's stalking.
Will Rainbow Dash occupy most of this story? Scootaloo sure hopes so!
Will Diamond Tiara's secrets be revealed? Most definitely.
Will both Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom go bonkers? If they don't, even I'll be surprised!

Published 2014-07-09 17:30:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-30 13:40:21 UTC

The Somewhat True Confession

"Ok! We roll in 5!" Scootaloo smiled as she ~~forced~~...I mean cooperated with her friends. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle both very EXCITEDLY *cough*grudgingly*cough* pointed the camera at Scootaloo, who had dressed up for the occasion. In fact, she was equipped with a ripped fedora, a dirty trench coat and a fake pipe.

"Hello, citizens of Equestria. My name is Detective...um...Rainbow Dash Jr. and I am here to teach you all the clever art of detective-ology." Scootaloo tried to sound mysterious, however she failed miserably. Even she couldn't deny it. Apple Bloom face hoofed while Sweetie Belle went to bang her head on a wall.

"MOVING ON! Today, our target is the totally awesome, radical, cool, great, amazing, fabulous, brilliant..." Scootaloo continued to name every single synonym of good, even inventing a few new words for the next 5 minutes. "And fantastic pony ever, Rainbow Dash! Today we will find out all of her secrets!"

Scootaloo dashed out of the clubhouse, pulling her ~~slaves~~...FRIENDS who she had definitely not blackmailed into doing the videos with her behind. Apple Bloom and Sweetie's heads clonked together with the camera as Scootaloo very forcefully dragged them from the clubhouse.

The three crusaders continued to race through Ponyville, nearing Rainbow Dash's house, which had just recently been moved near the Rainbow Crystal Friendship Castle. The three arrive just in time to see Rainbow flying off to her nap time tree, a little drowsily with Tank following closely. Scootaloo aimed the camera at the groggy pegasus.

"Reporting live from the streets of Ponyville, I see Rainbow drifting off towards her nap time tree! We are now trailing her closely!" Scootaloo strapped several cameras that popped, quite literally, out of nowhere onto herself. Also quickly looping a rope around both Apple Bloom and Sweetie, Scootaloo tied them down in a wagon connected to her scooter. Grabbing the handle bars, Scootaloo zipped towards Rainbow Dash with a VERY HAPPY Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle in tow.

The threesome finally arrived at the park, now newly renovating the statues area to add in a statue of Twilight as an alicorn with rainbow power along with the other 5 ponies. Using a telescope that popped out of nowhere, Scootaloo spotted Rainbow Dash joining her friends for their Pet Playdate, before going to take her nap.

"Here are the saviors of Equestria! Princess Twilight, Pinkie, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy and the totally awesome, radical, cool, great, amazing, fabulous, brilliant..." Scootaloo continued to name every single synonym of good AGAIN, even inventing a few new words for the next 5 minutes AGAIN. "RAINBOW DASH!"

Scootaloo, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle quickly leapt into a bush. Scootaloo peeked out of the shrub, and pointed yet another camera at Rainbow Dash and her friends.

"Pull the volume up! I can't hear what Rainbow Dash is saying!" Scootaloo cried, shoving the sound machine towards a barely conscious Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.

"Hey guys! I'm going to take my nap, can you take care of Tank for me? I'll be up in a few hours." Rainbow smiled, handing Tank over to Fluttershy. Almost immediately, Angel hopped onto Tank's back and rode him towards a tree. CLUNK!

"Ok!" Fluttershy said, taking Tank from the tree. She seemed to look towards the crusaders for one second, causing them all to duck, letting out a tiny squeal.

"Ah can't believe we agreed to do this! Remind me again, why the hay are we filming your creepy video?" Apple Bloom complained, handing the main camera to Scootaloo.

"Yeah, and how did we never notice you were this creepy?" Sweetie Belle added, pointing her own camera at Rainbow.

"Well, I blackmailed you, and you didn't want me to tell Ponyville about what happened with Diamond Tiara, you know the whole..." Scootaloo was immediately cut off by a blushing Apple Bloom.

"No! Don't tell the cameras!"

"And Sweetie Belle, you don't want me to tell anypony about your crush on..." Scootaloo added, before Sweetie Belle shoved her hoof into Scootaloo's mouth.

"SHUSH!" Sweetie cried. She quickly focused all her attention on filming Rainbow Dash's nap, zooming in on her. "We'll do your dirty work. Just don't tell anypony!"

Scootaloo beamed with pride, her irises shrinking by the second, making her look crazy. She let out an unearthly giggle, before straightening herself, and finally looked relatively normal. She quickly put her disguise back on, before standing in front of another camera, not even noticing the freaked out looks on Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle's faces.

"Well, here we are! Rainbow Dash is still napping, and even her napping skills are still incredibly awesome! Oh my Celestia! I'm watching Rainbow Dash take a nap! I need to breath!" Scootaloo fangirled, before promptly fainting.

"We'll be back after the break!" Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom said in sync, stopping the video to quickly pick up Scootaloo and load her up into a wagon.

In the Ponyville Hospital, Scootaloo finally recovered, and gave a long sigh. Apparently, her fangirl concussion caused her to go from crazy mode back into relatively normal mode. She rubbed her head, it still stung.

"Hey girls, I'm sorry for everything I did while I was out of it." Scootaloo apologized, giving her best friends a hug. "Tomorrow, we won't do this creepy detective show. Tomorrow marks the start of a REAL DETECTIVE SHOW!" And once again, Scootaloo became crazy.

Rainbow Dash's eye twitched as Applejack turned off the TV. Twilight and Fluttershy both immediately rushed over to the mentally scarred Rainbow. Even Pinkie was able to sense the mood, her mane deflating to match the attitude of her friends. Rarity had already fainted on her velvet sofa.

"That was the worst show ever. We are never watching that again." Rainbow managed to say before she passed out.

Twilight grimaced, looking at the shut off TV. She made a mental note to talk very calmly to Scootaloo about invading pony's privacy. In fact, Twilight had a plan B. Luna afterall, did build herself a little house on the moon...

"Ah can't believe they'd do somethin' like that! Sure, Scootaloo blackmailed them, but how could sweet little Apple Bloom do that?" Applejack sighed, shoving her hat over her face in embarrassment. Even worse, the video had aired on News Equestria Wide Today, the name given to the show just so it could be abbreviated to NEWT.

NEWT was seen by every single pony. And to prove just that, almost instantly Rainbow Dash's mailbox was loaded with billions of "fan" mail. Most consisted of friends laughing, family condolences and even one from Celestia asking what in tarnation was going on with Scootaloo.

That wasn't even the worst part. There was an exclusive clip at the end showing Rainbow sleeping with her Soarin doll. So now she wouldn't even be able to go near the Wonderbolts.

"This day sucks." Rainbow groaned, flittering towards her bedroom, and quickly locked her shutters down. "I'm going to stay in here until I die." And then she locked every door in the entire house.

Author's Note

Well, here it is. My first comedy. I think Diamond Tiara will make an appearance soon.
Until the next crazy thing Scootaloo does!

Scootaloo's New Slaves

"Welcome to the second episode of Scootaloo the Awesome Detective! Wait, Detective Scootaloo's Adventures is a better name...okay! Welcome to Detective Scootaloo's Adventures! Today my helpers and I are going to uncover the secrets of everpony's least favorite pony, Diamond Tiara!" Scootaloo shrieked, pretty much blasting the sound machine into oblivion.

Both Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle groaned. The last time Scootaloo had asked them to help her with her little show, they had ended up having several lawsuits, and their families had to bail them out of jail. To top it all off, it had gotten onto their permanent record. Somehow, Scootaloo had earned her cutie mark in jail.

Now, Scootaloo was sashaying her flank in front of the camera showing off her cutie mark, a pair of crazy eyes. Scootaloo was now bonkers, and probably would never be normal. Ever.

"Ah was thinkin', Scoots, we could help out Applejack and forget all this detective business. Y'all can do that on your own." Apple Bloom said before quickly dashing out of the clubhouse, sprinting as fast as she could.

"Well, Sweetie, it's just you and me." Scootaloo laughed maniacally, once again reverting to her 100% crazy self.

"RARITY'S CALLING ME!" Sweetie Belle shrilled before galloping out after Apple Bloom. As soon as she was out of the clubhouse, she used her magic to transport herself to Carousel Boutique. (And even though she ended up stuck in a tree, at least she got away from Scootaloo.)

"Oh, horse apples!" Scootaloo yelled, furious her slaves had disappeared. "Now I need new slaves..." With that, Scootaloo trotted out the door, already decided on her target. In fact, she was so focused she didn't realize she was covered in cameras that were all on and recording her every movement and sound.

Scootaloo quickly located her scooter before riding it towards the Rich mansion where she knew Diamond Tiara stayed on weekends, because of Diamond Tiara literally handing out her day to day schedule to everypony in class instead of an actual card on Hearts and Hooves Day.

She quickly knocked on the door of the mansion, waiting for one of Diamond Tiara's butlers to open the door. Sure enough, the oldest butler that Scootaloo had forgotten the name of did.

"I'm here to see Diamond Tiara on official business." Scootaloo squeaked, trying to sound professional...and failing miserably. The fact she was covered in a camera suit didn't help either. Strangely enough, the butler still let the deranged filly see Diamond Tiara.

Scootaloo found Diamond Tiara sitting in a spinning chair. As soon as Scootaloo entered, Diamond Tiara whirled around in her chair, with a sinister grin on her face that almost beat Scootaloo's crazy laugh. Almost, but not quite.

"I've been expecting you, Scootaloo." Diamond Tiara said, tapping her hoof on the desk. All in all, it was the weirdest situation ever to happen in Ponyville. Two enemies facing each other using a very cliche line, both of them needing mental help.

"I'm here to offer you a job. You will be slave...FRIEND! I said friend when I film these episodes of Detective Scootaloo's adventures, and I will pay you nothing at all. Just sign here, here, initials here, do you want the pink pen or the purple? Totally up to you.*" Scootaloo handed Diamond Tiara the contract.

Diamond Tiara quickly signed everything, all the while grinning in a really creepy way. In fact, she looked like she was going to murder everypony. She could pretty much murder everypony just by smiling.

As soon as Diamond Tiara finished signing everything, she and Scootaloo went to hunt down Silver Spoon. Every evil dictator of a secret society needs two slaves at the very least. The two enemies became demonic friends bounced towards Silver Spoon's mansion, looking like two mini Pinkie Pies. Well, if Pinkie Pie was a demented mass murderer, they would look like two mini Pinkie Pies.

"Silver Spoon! SIGN THE CONTRACT!" Scootaloo and Diamond Tiara yelled in sync, shoving a pen into Silver Spoon's hooves. Silver Spoon, worried about what the two psychopaths would do is she didn't sign the contract quickly signed it. Then she followed the two crazies out of her mansion, making sure to be 10 ft away from them.

As the new threesome trotted through Ponyville, a chill ran down the spine of every single pony causing them to lock their doors, hide their fillies and colts, and then double lock their doors again. The fact that Scootaloo was wearing a suit made out of cameras that would flash every five seconds didn't help. Neither did Diamond Tiara running up in front of every camera screeching about how pretty she was. In fact, only Silver Spoon looked relatively normal if she wasn't drooling over Diamond Tiara (Celestia knows why).

And then Derpy dropped a gigantic order on their heads. And crushed them. To extreme agony. It hurt them very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very much.

"We'll return after the break!" Silver Spoon groaned from under the box, being the only conscious one. Then, she also passed out along with the two psychos.

In the hospital, all three ponies had to be put in a full body cast. And then their full body cast had to be put in a cast. After all the putting them into a cast stuff, they all looked like snowponies. And somehow, all of Scootaloo's cameras survived. They had been retaped onto Scootaloo's cast.

"Hey Scoots. Are you still crazy?" Sweetie Belle asked, entering the room wearing armor to protect herself from inevitable doom.

"Grbleqffff." Scootaloo answered.

"Ah take that as a yes." Apple Bloom said, wearing two suits of armor.

"Grbleqffff." Scootaloo replied.

"Somehow this show always makes you end up in a hospital." Sweetie Belle pondered.

"Grbleqffff."

Cheerilee and Big Macintosh stared at the screen of their TV, mouths wide open, scarred for all eternity. No, scarred for longer than all eternity. Big Mac reached out and turned off the TV, which was playing a commercial for cat food.

"ARE ALL OF MY STUDENTS CRAZY?!" Cheerilee shrieked, downing a bottle of vodka in one gulp. "I always expected Scootaloo, because of this crazy detective stalker show but Diamond Tiara?" And then she passed out, foam coming out of her mouth.

The rest of the Apple Family piled into the living room. Apple Bloom looked bored. Applejack was rocking back and forth, trying to remove the scarring image from her mind. Granny Smith seemed to have had a heart attack.

Twilight entered the room quietly. She had already visited Fluttershy, Rarity and Pinkie. Rainbow Dash was still locked up in her room, refusing to leave. In fact, she had paid Derpy to deliver pizza to her window every day. Scootaloo had pretty much destroyed Ponyville's mentality.

"Sooo..." Twilight started. "Want to gather the rest of the ponies and blast Scootaloo to the moon? I mean, now that I'm an extremely powerful alicorn princess, I have the right to blast her to the moon. And Luna even gave me a permit!" Twilight seemed strangely excited about sending Scootaloo to the moon.

"Ah'm going to lock myself up in a room. Apple Bloom? Can ya go call Derpy? Ah'm gonna need that package with the pizza." Applejack groaned, bolting every room in Sweet Apple Acres shut.

"I don't know what her deal is. This time the exclusive clip had nothing to do with her!" Twilight mumbled, snorting to herself.

The exclusive clip was more about Macintosh than Applejack. It showed him playing with the Smarty Pants doll, after paying Twilight an even 200 bits for it. In fact, Macintosh had been seen doing...unmentionable stuff with Smarty Pants. Very disturbing. Then again, it was Scootaloo.

Twilight groaned. Both Rainbow Dash and Applejack were now locked up in their rooms. Without them, she wouldn't be able to use her friendship powers to blast villains into Tartarus, the moon, a stone prison, the Outlands, or any other place she had banished someone or something. Without her blasting powers, why bother being a princess?

Of course, Scootaloo was sued. Immediately. Multiple times. And of course, so was Diamond Tiara. Repeatedly. Celestia had even issued out an order to put Scootaloo and Diamond Tiara in a mental asylum. But even a big order like that takes a few days to actually be put in use, so Scootaloo made a new plan with Diamond Tiara and a reluctant Silver Spoon.

"Next episode will be...awesome." Scootaloo giggled an unearthly giggle before putting on a new disguise. "MWAHAHAHA!"

Author's Note

*Ok. I'll give 10 Crazy Scootaloo points to anyone who can find out where that quote came from. "Just sign here, here, initials here, do you want the pink pen or purple? Totally up to you." Crazy Scootaloo points cannot be used for anything until I think of a reasonable prize.

All Hail the Crazy Psycho Pony!

"Welcome back to Detective Scootaloo's Adventures! Soon, we'll be changing the name to Queen Scootaloo's Adventures! I am now reporting from a secret location because silly Princess Celestia wants to put me in a mental asylum. I'M NEVER GOING TO THE ASYLUM!" Scootaloo shrilled, glaring at the camera.

Scootaloo had dressed up for the part as well. She had made a fake horn and taped it to her head. She was wearing a plastic crown. She was wearing shoes. Diamond Tiara was dressed exactly the same. They were posing as Celestia and Luna, as Scootaloo had a sun taped over her crazy eyes cutie mark and Diamond Tiara had a moon taped over her tiara cutie mark.

The two had dressed up Silver Spoon as Cadance and a street cat like Twilight.

"Today, we will be visiting the Ponyville Elite, and find out their secrets! First up, Mayor Mare, the pink maned clown. What else does she have in stock for us?" Scootaloo hissed, her pupils dilating. "Wow, that snake potion from that book actually worked!"

Diamond Tiara sat in the corner, filing her hooves. She also had to hide out, since her parents were looking for her. And so was Princess Celestia. They hadn't filmed it, but after the events of the previous episode, the two fillies had let Discord rampage through Ponyville, telling him it was Fluttershy's idea.

And now Fluttershy was stuck tending to Discord's bunny-moose-beaver-daddy long legs animals. So naturally, they were in big trouble. Again.

"After our little visit to our dear pink maned Mayor, we will be visiting the Rich family! Wait, we'll be visiting the Rich family first. SILVER SPOON! THIS LIST MAKES NO SENSE!" Scootaloo yelled. Silver Spoon dashed over and flipped the paper over.

"Oh. Well, first, we get Diamond Tiara so drunk she spills all her secrets since that was what was supposed to happen last episode before our little...injury."

A little while later, Diamond Tiara had beyond drunk. Sh had had 27 bottles of Button Mash Apple Juice, and was deathly in need of subtitles. Luckily for her, Scootaloo had taken a course in the drunk language, Drunkish.

"GrklshjaklgdbviL!" "My mother is Queen Chrysalis! She's actually not a changeling, she just got plastic surgery!" Diamond said, swaying back and forth dangerously.

Scootaloo quickly wrote it down. Other than that, most of Diamond's secrets were pretty lame. She did wet herself once or twice when she was 6. That happened. But then came the question every young filly wanted to know about their so called leader.

"Afleblabjk." Diamond admitted, causing Scootaloo to faint. Even Silver Spoon, Diamond's best friend didn't know that secret. Because Diamond Tiara was secretly in love with...

"We'll be back after the break!" Diamond shrieked, slamming into the camera.

The remainder of the Mane 6, now the Mane 4, sat in the castle lounge, watching Scootaloo's show. Apparently, when the secrets weren't theirs, the show was actually pretty funny. They had installed a giant TV out front, too, and the population of Ponyville except for Rainbow Dash and Applejack were all watching to make sure they weren't the ones being embarrassed all over Equestria.

"Ah really wish Ah knew who that Diamond Tiara was talkin' 'bout!" Apple Bloom sighed, taking a seat next to Sweetie Belle. "Would've been good for the Gabby Gums newspaper."

"We're now back with Queen Scootaloo's Adventures! We are now moving on to finding out Mayor Mare's secrets! And since we got Mr. Rich to install high tech cameras everywhere, we found out ever Mayor Mare is crowded outside Twilight's castle watching this! And since Twilight is now the Princess of Ponyville, aka the Friendship Kingdom, Mayor Mare is just...Mare!"

Scootaloo taped cameras all over herself and bounced off towards Mare's house, racing Mare herself. Scootaloo got there first.

The whole of Ponyville watched as Scootaloo showed them Mare's birth certificate. A gasp ran out of everypony's mouth, chorusing through the town. And then Pinkie Pie deflated.

"Mare's real name is...Marble Pie? OH MY CELESTIA! She's Pinkie Pie's long lost sister! That's why her hair is pink!" Scootaloo squealed, pocketing the rest of Marble's documents before dashing out the door away from the guards pursuing her.

"Get her!" Celestia yelled. "Luna, you got the other side?" Celestia whispered into a walkie talkie.

"Copy that. Cadance?" Luna answered. Sure enough Cadance was on the right of Scootaloo, with Twilight on her left.

"Call in Plan B, Alicorn Attack!" Celestia yelled, giving a very realistic battle cry. The four alicorns surrounded Scootaloo, who was still wearing her alicorn disguise. Diamond Tiara was no where to be seen.

"You are coming with us to be sent to an insane asylum for the following reasons." Celestia cleared her throat. "Invading privacy, causing mass destruction, making ponies go crazy, talking about Rainbow Dash obsessively, finding a way to somehow hack into NEWT and put in you crazy little show, and causing both Rainbow Dash and Applejack to go into hiding!"

"BOW DOWN TO ME! I am the all powerful Scootaloo! Princess of Detective-ology!" Scootaloo replied, once again doing her crazy laugh.

Luna then sneaked behind the crazy filly and knocked her unconscious.

"This will not return after the break." Cadance said into the camera.

Pinkie Pie, completely deflated, stared at the TV. Twilight, Fluttershy and Rarity all crowded around her waiting for a response. Strangely enough, despite the princess' orders, somehow the exclusive clip got out. It was about Pinkie Pie.

"I'm going to hide and never ever come out of my room ever again." Pinkie said, joining Applejack and Rainbow Dash in the Chamber of Embarrassed beyond compare Ponies. Twilight sighed, and went to give Derpy a call. Pinkie most likely would also need pizza delivered.

"I have to say, the clip was kind of funny." Twilight admitted giggling. It was a video of Pinkie making out with a cake, whom she had named Cake Ramorray*.

"Is it weird in the slightest so far the only ponies who refuse to come out of their rooms are all part of the Mane 6?" Rarity questioned, noticing the pattern.

"No, I'm sure it's nothing." Twilight smiled bright heartedly.

Scootaloo, now trapped in an insane asylum, smiled wickedly. Then she laughed. And laughed. And laughed. Things were all up to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon now. She was positive their little plan would go accordingly.

Author's Note

*Another challenge! This time, 5 Crazy Scootaloo points because it's easier.

IMPORTANT!!!!!

Crazy Scootaloo points can be used in only one way. Once you have stocked up 20 points, you can make a request for a chapter. By that, I mean you get to name the chapter. And then I will write whatever is under that category you have chosen for the title.

Diamond Tiara's Big Break

"Welcome back to what was previously known as Queen Scootaloo's Adventures! I am now taking over, and this show will be known henceforth as The Diamond Tiara Show! It will be run a little differently than when Scootaloo was still in business. First act of order, I will go through Scootaloo's files and read all of the secrets!" Diamond Tiara smiled, and winked at the camera.

Ever since Scootaloo was removed from Ponyville, it was up to Diamond Tiara to cause chaos. Well, that was Discord's job. It was Diamond's job to cause insanity. And scar ponies for life. She had it all on her business card.

Diamond Tiara trotted happily over to Scootaloo's giant file cabinet, labeled SECRETS OF THE CMC. Diamond Tiara flipped through them. Most of them she already had, from when she ran the Ponyville Confidential. There were only two she didn't. The first was what shocked Diamond Tiara the most. She quickly dashed over to her camera and shoved it in front.

"Sweetie Belle has a little crush on two ponies! And although no names are mentioned, keep in mind that Sweetie Belle might like you! And somepony else!" Diamond Tiara squealed, happy to know the new information. "Now, second secret. ZKKOV YOLLN ORPVH WRZNLMW GRZIZ. Huh?" Diamond Tiara shook it off and began the second segment.

"Now, I will be interviewing anypony I pull from this hat. Ok, first up, Sweetie Belle?" Diamond Tiara twisted her face into an unseemly snarl. The exhausted and underpaid Silver Spoon dozed off in the corner, putting only one hoof on the camera making it sway back and forth.

SWEETIE BELLE

Diamond Tiara tiptoed her way over to Carousel Boutique, rubbing her hooves together in a very diabolical way. She slinked towards the window, and finally caught sight of Sweetie Belle, who was staying with Rarity while their parents were off in Los Pegasus watching the latest blockbuster at the premiere.

So, by every logic, Diamond Tiara decided the best way to enter the boutique to interview Sweetie Belle would be smashing through the window while shouting "incoming". Seems legit.

"Eek!" shrieked the startled Sweetie Belle. "Diamond Tiara? Aren't you supposed to be in the insane asylum with Scootaloo?" Sweetie asked, levitating a chair in Diamond's direction.

"Why, hello to you too. I'm here to interview you, Sweetie Belle. Or should I say, filly who likes 2 different colts!" Diamond Tiara said, laughing maniacally, something only Scootaloo could've taught her.

"Okay, fine. I like 2 different guys. Will you leave me alone now?" Sweetie continued to sweep up the room, waiting for Rarity to return so she could get rid of Diamond.

"Tell. Me. Who. They. Are." Diamond spoke in such a way there was a period after every word. She moved closer and closer to Sweetie Belle, getting in her face.

"Okay. I'll tell you who they are in exchange for another secret." Sweetie smirked, excited about having the ability to gain access to a secret of Diamond's.

Diamond slid her hoof down to mute the speaker. The two secrets would have to stay quiet until maybe a few episodes later. According to Scootaloo's chart, anyways, the season would be over very soon. It was already the 4th episode out of 5, but there was also a special at the end.

"That's it for our little interview here. I'm a little disappointed Sweetie Belle is such a boring pony. Next up is..." Diamond Tiara reached into her hat. "Apple Bloom." Diamond Tiara shrugged before bouncing towards a newly renovated Sweet Apple Acres. Ever since Applejack had moved part of the barn closer to Twilight's castle, the rest of the Apple family had been working together to renovate Sweet Apple Acres so if Applejack ever went to visit, there would be a spare room.

All of the Mane 6 had moved their houses closer to Twilight, with a lot of help using Twilight's alicorn magic. Now, Fluttershy's cottage had been turned into an animal shelter which Discord took care of; Rainbow Dash had moved her house on top of the castle; Applejack moved part of the barn to the castle and turned the rest into a little petting zoo; Pinkie Pie simply moved her furniture into one the castle's spare rooms.

APPLE BLOOM

"Hey Apple Bloom!" Diamond Tiara yelled, dashing towards Apple Bloom. "I'm interviewing you right now! First question, what does ZKKOV YOLLN ORPVH WRZNLMW GRZIZ mean?"

"Ah don't know. Stay away." Apple Bloom backed up, noticing the crazy look in Diamond Tiara's eyes.

"What does it mean?!" Diamond Tiara shrieked.

"Ah dunno. And as surprising as it is, the show was better when Scootaloo was still here. Right now, it's boring. HORSEAPPLES!" Apple Bloom shrieked, having dropped a basket of apples on her hoof.

Diamond Tiara sighed, knowing Apple Bloom actually didn't have any idea what she was talking about. And what she said was also true. Scootaloo hadn't given her much to use, other than a long list that made no sense.

So far, the items titled Episode One, Episode Two, Episode Three, and all their subcategories had been crossed off. Now, Diamond Tiara was crossing off stuff from all the subcategories under Episode Four. She had already scribbled off 'Interrogate Sweetie Belle' in a fit of anger.

Diamond Tiara slumped down on the frozen ground.

"I'm not doing very well, am I?" Diamond sighed. "I know the perfect way to get this show back on it's feet. The biggest secret reveal ever..."

Sweetie Belle popped out of nowhere, due to a little magic mishap, and charged towards Diamond full speed.

"RIGHT AFTER THIS BREAK!" Sweetie Belle shrieked, slamming into Diamond Tiara's colon and punching her in the jaw. Silver Spoon awakened from her nap, and realizing what had happened to Diamond, quickly dragged her towards the insane asylum.

"Silver Spoon has found Diamond Tiara, who is currently being relocated to the Radley Mane-itarium*. However, due to a faulty window, it seems the other resident of Radley Mane-tarium has escaped. Scootaloo has escaped, and is on the loose! Tonight, board all windows shut!

Rarity gasped as the TV in front of her started fizzing. And then it came back, but not with the reporter. It was Scootaloo, looking more disshelved than ever. Her mane was a mess, her eyes were twitching, and their was a vein popping out of her head.

"I have returned! Bow down to me, Queen Scootaloo! I WILL TAKE OVER PONYVILLE!

"She's back!" Rarity shrieked, looking at an equally startled Fluttershy and Twilight. Fluttershy was hiding in her tail, and Twilight...well Twilight was as fiery as usual. And by fiery, Twilight literally was a ball of flame.

"Now, for a very special clip." Scootaloo giggled. Rarity watched as it flashed to Diamond Tiara sitting in the Radley Mane-itarium. She still wasn't as crazy looking as Scootaloo, but still quite crazy.

"I have a very special secret-" Diamond Tiara coughed, "It's Sweetie Belle's secret sweethearts-" Diamond coughed again, "They're Button Mash and-" Diamond started hacking, "Spike."

For the very first time, Rarity actually fainted. When she finally got up, 5 hours later, she dashed towards the room where Rainbow Dash and Applejack and Pinkie Pie were hiding.

"I'll call Derpy." Fluttershy whispered, quickly dashing out of the room, as if the TV were a contagious disease.

Celestia sighed, as she watched Scootaloo reenter everypony's lives. Scootaloo had a bad effect on her, much like cake. It made her bloat, like Scootaloo was making her bloat out with craziness. She was losing it by the minute. Scootaloo had to be caught before the so called 'special episode' Diamond Tiara kept murmuring about.

It was supposed to be the 6th episode. They didn't have much time left.

Author's Note

*5 points for Radley Mane-itarium! If you can get all of the following, you get to decide how Fluttershy goes bonkers!
-"Just sign here, here, initials here, do you want the pink pen or purple? Totally up to you."
-Cake Ramorray
-Radley Mane-itarium

How Fans Always Ruin Lives

The newly released Queen Scootaloo who coronated herself during a giant celebration between her and several clones of Madame Le Flour trotted back into her lair where Silver Spoon was still sound asleep and chained to a wall. Scootaloo sighed. So far, she had already done four episodes of which none of them went with her plan. And also, Rainbow Dash didn't get enough screen time, AND one of her slaves had been sent to Radley Mane-itarium.

"SILVER SPOON!" Scootaloo yelled, shoving Silver Spoon harshly, waking up the exhausted servant of two maniacs. Scootaloo put on her trench coat and trotted out of the lair, dragging Silver Spoon behind on a chain.

"Alright. You have to listen to every word of my rant. It's been four episodes in already, and we have accomplished nothing! All we know is Apple Bloom has a weird obsession with Diamond Tiara, and Sweetie Belle likes both Button and Spike. We have nothing on the totally incredibly awesome and fabulous and marvelous and radical and just amazing pony ever, Rainbow Dash!" Scootaloo complained, stomping her hoof on the dirt path.

Silver Spoon nodded sadly, still upset about being a slave to a lunatic. She finally looked up, noticing the direction in which Scootaloo was going.

"Why are you headed for the castle?" Silver Spoon asked, using her one unchained hoof to adjust her slightly cracked glasses. Scootaloo didn't answer, just continuing to trot towards the gigantic crystallized tree. Most of the castle was dark, as it was midnight, except one room which was glowing from a TV.

Scootaloo slid on her face a mask that looked freakishly like one from a horror movie. It really didn't help that she was also carrying a large chainsaw, even though it was plastic.

The two soon arrived at the castle before Scootaloo finally turned on the camera.

"Welcome back to Queen Scootaloo's Adventures. Today, since this show has been on a very long break, will be the one episode since the very first one in which we will spend with a truly amazing pony, Rainbow Dash. Next episode is the Big Special, so stay tuned for that!" Scootaloo smiled normally, before scaling the tree-castle, dragging a very annoyed Silver Spoon with her.

They finally arrived at the window, and peeking in, saw Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie Pie and Rarity having the time of their life watching PonyTube videos, eating popcorn, drinking soda and having a very stereotypical slumber party. Without whacking each other with pillows while in their underwear.

Scootaloo slammed into the window with her chainsaw before hopping into the room. She took off the mask, before crowding the four scared ponies into the corner.

"Alright! Playtime's over! I want interviews right now! Rainbow Dash, you first." Scootaloo grinned sadistically, apparently Radley Mane-itarium had changed her for the worse.

"Question 1, do you still want to take me under your wing?" Scootaloo asked, making very cute puppy dog eyes. In fact, somewhere in that adorableness, it seemed like Scootaloo had almost become a regular pony again.

"No! Back off! You're crazy!" Rainbow Dash yelled, before using her Rainblow Dry to turn Scootaloo's mane into a mess and make her dizzy. She whammed her hooves into Scootaloo's stomach, sending the orange filly reeling into Applejack, who was slinking away, trying to be unnoticed.

"Ah! Get her away from me!" Applejack shrieked, bucking the poor little filly towards Pinkie, whose mane was glitching between poofy and flattened.

Pinkie said nothing, but still used her party cannon to blast the crazy filly towards the already prepared Rarity...who held Scootaloo down while she fixed her mane into a Sweetie Belle style.

"What?" Rarity asked, annoyed as her friends all glared at her. "Just because she's crazy doesn't mean she can't look like a lady! Have some respect, darlings!" And with that, she tossed Scootaloo back to Silver Spoon who unwillingly caught her, since it was in the contract.

By then, Scootaloo was unconscious from being bucked around by the four powerful saviors of Equestria and previous bearers of the elements. The four ponies went back to watching hilarious PonyTube videos, unbeknownst to them was the camera was still rolling...all the way to their cliche game of Truth, Dare or Button Mash Apple Juice.

"Truth or Dare, Dash?" Pinkie asked, once again high spirited and, for lack of better word, poofy. In fact, once again, she had regained her ability to stand on the ceiling without glue.

"Dare, duh!" Rainbow announced, rolling her eyes. The brave pony knew truths were for wimps. Obviously.

"Well, I dare you to go poke Scootaloony!" Pinkie said, smiling venomously. Rainbow gulped, but not wanting for the gang to think she was a chicken, tiptoed over to the still unconscious Scootaloo. She reached out one hoof and tapped the coat of the filly very gently before racing back to the circle.

"Truth or Dare, AJ?" Rainbow asked, nonchalantly looking at her hooves, which Rarity had shined for all of them. She looked at the nervous farmpony, who obviously didn't want to poke Scootaloo.

"Dare. Truth's for chickens." Applejack decided, pounding her hoof on the rug covered floor. She stood up, prepared to poke the beast. She wasn't prepared for what she actually had to do.

"Kiss Scootaloony." Rainbow grinned, knowing most likely her best friend wouldn't do that. But Applejack did, creating a whole new shipping base in an alternate universe a billion years later. Of course, only one person was in that base.

The kiss seemed to wake Scootaloo up, who utterly disgusted, screamed and jumped out of the window. She also dragged Silver Spoon and the camera with her.

Scootaloo sighed as she walked down the street to Fluttershy's cottage where she knew Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were spending the night, trying to get their cutie marks in animal sitting. Silver Spoon, happy to finally see a fairly normal side of Scootaloo, tagged along.

"Shut off the camera, Silvy. I think after next episode, I'm going to end the show." Scootaloo sighed.

"There's still going to be a next episode?!" Silver Spoon squeaked. If there was one thing she learned, it was even when Scootaloo decided to do one more episode, usually during that episode she got even more crazy. But she shrugged it off. Maybe Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle could help her decide to cancel the already prepaid for second season. Then again, maybe Sweetie and Apple Bloom had also become insane.

"They're at my...my...cottage!" Fluttershy stuttered, shaking. She already knew what came next. Sure enough, there was once again an Exclusive Clip played. The name of the clip was entitled Fluttershy the Not So Shy. Unlike the other times though, this time the clip wasn't all that exclusive.

"Oh come on!" Twilight groaned. "I've seen all of this already." The clip was basically all the Fluttermean scenes. Her, yelling at a dragon. Her, yelling at the gala. Her, after the Iron Will incident. But then a brand new one.

"Eep!" Fluttershy shrieked before dashing into the room where the rest of her friends were leaving Twilight all by her lonesome. The clip was pretty standard, Fluttershy yelling at a...crying little filly? Twilight was confused...until she realized it was all Photoshop, when a tiny AdobePS tag popped up.

The next commercial was extremely disturbing.

Scootaloo pointed the camera at herself and a newly freed Diamond Tiara, as well as a crying Silver Spoon, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.

"We're coming after you next, Princess Twily Sparkle."

The screen went black, leaving Twilight blinking stupidly. It was time to send Celestia another letter.

Author's Note

Well, here is the penultimate episode before the Grand Finale, The Very Very Last Straw, Really. Thank you for sticking through the entire first season, and giving me 28 likes! Just a quick heads up, the next chapter will take even longer to write, since it's a twice as long special. This story might be renewed for a second season/volume.
Thanks for sticking with me,
Spilled Ink aka Ava

The Very Very Last Straw, Really

"Welcome back to...QSA!" Scootaloo said, and for once, she was smiling. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, who had both watched every episode, were banging their heads on the wall trying to forget the memory of them being forced to attend the last episode of season 1. And then every episode of season 2.

Scootaloo trotted back and forth in front of the camera, Diamond Tiara following close behind. Having this as the season's last episode made it twice as as long and twice as interesting. There was one problem. Twilight Sparkle was undefeatable, which was the main purpose of the episode: to defeat Princess Twilight Sparkle.

"Today, we will be scheming against the new princess, Twily! Since we double locked the room her friends stupidly locked themselves into, Twilight will have to face us on her own, which will be made even more hard after Sweetie Belle uses her magic to turn us into older ponies." Scootaloo pulled out an amulet from her pouch.

Being a nation wide TV star really helped with locating the alicorn amulet. As Scootaloo put the amulet on Sweetie Belle, Diamond reached into her own pouch and pulled out her own little gift.

"Facepaint?" Apple Bloom questioned. Diamond grinned, before smearing onto Apple Bloom's flank the symbol of Scootaloo, a crazy swirly.

"Cutie mark." Diamond replied, giving Apple Bloom a hug. And then they were almost blasted to pieces.

Sweetie Belle had turned them all into grown mares, with their respective powers. Sweetie Belle's unicorn powers were that of an alicorns, due to the amulet. Scootaloo could actually fly. The other four ponies were much stronger.

Scootaloo flew out the door of the clubhouse, the other 4 trailing her closely. They headed off to the castle, Apple Bloom on her right and Sweetie Belle on her left. Diamond was next to Apple Bloom and Silver next to Sweetie. Using her wings to brush the dust off of her body, Scootaloo somehow looked 20% cooler.

The five friends found their way to the castle, and with Scootaloo in the lead, stormed straight in. Twilight was sitting in a chair, her back turned. As soon as they entered, Twilight turned around.

"I've been expecting you, Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon." As soon as Twilight finished speaking, Celestia, Luna and Cadance all flew in next to her. The entire scene looked extremely cliche. The four princesses stood to face the five crazy ponies.

Scootaloo smiled, spreading her wings, prepared for attack. Apple Bloom got ready to buck the princesses, under the control of Sweetie's amulet. Sweetie had already conjured a machete. Even Diamond and Silver were prepared for battle, their hooves filed rather sharp.

"Give up now, Scootaloo." Celestia stated, her own battle sword prepared, a double bladed one at that. Luna was wielding a scythe, Cadance a whip. Twilight simply was aided with her extremely powerful magic which she had used to blast Tirek, Nightmare Moon, Discord, Trixie, and every other villain with.

"Never." The battle started. Scootaloo flew at Twilight, her target. Twilight shot lasers at her, but using her newly found ability to fly, Scootaloo easily dodged them. But then Celestia, Luna and Cadance all blatantly ignored the other 4 ponies and attacked Scootaloo, causing her to fall to the ground.

Scootaloo woke up in the hospital, tired and strangely hungry. Her four minions all were surrounding her, for even though she was a terrible boss and a terrible pony overall, they still kind of liked her. Scootaloo tried to fly. She couldn't. She was once again a little filly, the usual.

The room's door opened again, showing the regal ruler of Equestria, Princess Celestia. The four other ponies bowed slightly before exiting leaving Celestia to talk to Scootaloo.

Scootaloo looked at Celestia, a clear snarl on her face. She turned away.

"We're all crazy in our own way. We just choose to express it differently." As Scootaloo looked up to what was Equestria's closest to a goddess. She saw a little spark in Celestia's eyes, a spark of insanity. It was only there for a second, but it was there.

"You're also insane, Princess." Scootaloo stated, looking intensely at the white coated holy mare. The princess smiled oddly before placing a hoof on Scootaloo's shoulder.

"We all are. I can't act crazy because no pony wants to admit they're crazy except for you and Diamond so far." Celestia replied, stroking Scootaloo's hair in a very motherly way. It both looked and felt awkward for Celestia. She handed Scootaloo a note, before leaving the room.

Scootaloo gasped, reading and then rereading the note.

To Be Continued...

PART II

Previously on QSA

"We all are. I can't act crazy because no pony wants to admit they're crazy except for you and Diamond so far." Celestia replied, stroking Scootaloo's hair in a very motherly way. It both looked and felt awkward for Celestia. She handed Scootaloo a note, before leaving the room.

Scootaloo gasped, reading and then rereading the note.

Scootaloo watched as Sweetie worked on a trailer for the next season. Being crazy really helped when you were scheming against ponies. Giving her final stamp of approval, Scootaloo sat down on a stool in front of the camera, adjusting a blue bowtie she had found lying in Lyra's room...not that she was stealing or anything, just borrowing for approximately ten billion years.

"Lights, Camera, ACTION!" Scootaloo called. "My name is Queen Scootaloo, the main character of Queen Scootaloo's Adventures. Today is the special part of this double length episode! We will be interviewing all the ponies in hiding, and several others today, on an all new segment called...Interviewer Scootaloo!" Scootaloo walked onto a large stage, already covered with a large, homey rug and two sofas.

Scootaloo sat down in one of the sofas, motioning to Apple Bloom to bring out the first interviewed pony.

RAINBOW UNKNOWN MIDDLE NAME DASH

A few claps rang out through the live audience when the rainbow maned pony flew out, more or less being pulled out on a rope. Rainbow growled a little, but still sat down on the red colored sofa. She had been forcefully dressed up in one of Rarity's girlier dresses, and did not look happy covered in pink colored bows, ruffles, lace and puffs.

"Hello, Miss Dash, and welcome back to my show!" Scootaloo said, turning towards her idol. "It's so so so so so so so so so so so nice you could be here!" Scootaloo grinned, letting out a fanfilly squeal that put the crowds before Sapphire Shores' squeals to shame.

"Hello, Scootaloony. Can I go now?" Rainbow said, annoyance and a little fear in her voice. She crossed her hooves, and tried to shake the pink ribbon out of her mane.

Scootaloo answered by simply shaking her head. She handed Rainbow Dash a box of Button's apple juice, which Rainbow downed in ten seconds flat.

"You made that 20% cooler!" Scootaloo whispered, before speaking a little louder, "What do you think of this trailer for Season 2? Or any general Season 2 thoughts?" Scootaloo handed her microphone to Rainbow, who defeatedly decided to play along. Lesson learned, when dealing with a crazy, do what they want.

"Ok. Just one thought. WHY IN EQUESTRIA DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME?" Rainbow screamed, breaking the glass of one of the cameras. Scootaloo tapped her ears with her hooves, unable to hear.

"There's several reasons. This TV show is reigning in bits from all over, it went real big in Saddle Arabia and the Land of Griffins." Scootaloo answered, tapping her ears again. She rubbed her hand on her sofa, a velvet one. She pulled out of her large satchel-purse-fanny pack thing one box

Inscribed on it were the words Queen Scootaloo's Adventures, glazed over with a shiny plastic. Underneath, it was written in Griffinish. The picture on the front showed Scootaloo in her usual trenchcoat and fedora. Scootaloo smiled, quickly autographing the DVD before tossing at Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow tossed it out the window, a look of disgust so vile on her face it would make Rarity proud. Scootaloo frowned for a second, before smiling again.

"Next question. You will attend the premiere of Season 2, won't you?" Scootaloo asked, handing Rainbow Dash an invitation, covered in streamers of all kinds.

"No! Let me go!" Rainbow Dash yelled, bucking her captor in the face before flying off to take a nap in a cloud.

"Next guest!" Scootaloo called, as Apple Bloom ran to repair the window Rainbow had broken while she had dashed out, no pun intended.

APPLE JACK APPLE

"Welcome back, Miss Apple Jack Apple!" Scootaloo beamed, welcoming the farm pony to the sofa by pulling on the rope.

"Mah name is Applejack, sugarcube. Not Miss Applejack Apple." Applejack said, obviously annoyed. It was kind of weird, with Scootaloo giving the entire cast middle or last names.

"Potato Tomato!" Scootaloo growled, tossing Applejack an autographed DVD. Applejack, like Rainbow Dash, tossed it out the window, but when she tried to buck Scootaloo, Scootaloo ducked.

Scootaloo gave several tugs on the rope, causing Applejack to be jerked into the being interviewed sofa. Applejack very reluctantly sat down, facing Scootaloo.

"Ok! Question one for Miss Apple. What are you thinking about Season 2?" Scootaloo asked, rubbing the arm of her sofa. Apple Bloom had finished the window, so Scootaloo also admired her reflection.

"What in tarnation are you thinkin, sugar cube? Another season?" Applejack yelled, giving the same vibe as Rainbow Dash. Scootaloo ignored it. She simply tossed her question card at Applejack.

"Ok. Next question. You'll be going to the premiere of season 2. Or else." Applejack gulped, as Scootaloo's eyes narrowed. She bobbed her head up and down, and even though she was crossing her hooves behind her back, Scootaloo didn't really care.

"Ok! Now, tell us, how do you like the dress we prepared for you, Applejack? Or should I say...Apple Jewel?" Scootaloo giggled, pointing at Applejack's dress.

Applejack was wearing a blue princess gown, one that looked like it came out of Rarity's book of fairytales. In fact, it was Cinder-Rarity's dress. What Applejack would give to be wearing R-Apple-Punzel's dress. Her hair was out of its usual ponytail, and her hat had been confiscated.

"Ah really hate y'all." Applejack muttered. She grabbed the rope and started chewing it. Scootaloo didn't bother to restrain the orange earth pony. She simply watched as Applejack eventually chewed through the entire rope.

"Ok. You may go. We need to fly through all this, because of a very special...thing at the end." Scootaloo said, shoving Applejack out the door towards a very annoyed Rainbow Dash.

"Next we have..."

Pinkamena Diane Pie

"Hello, Miss Pinkamena Diane Pie." Scootaloo smiled, looking at a depressed Pinkie Pie. The had straightened her curls with a larger than life straightening iron and put her in a very brown dress. Pinkie snarled at Scootaloo before willingly sitting down on the leather sofa.

"Well, Miss Pie, please do explain your choice of dress!" Scootaloo said excitedly, brushing against the fabric. It was scratchy, very very scratchy.

"Maud liked it. In fact, she hired the pony who made it for me. I like Rarity's better. May I leave?" Pinkie sighed. Her hair was annoying, and useless. Scootaloo frowned. Pinkamena was supposed to raise the viewers, but instead, the deadbeat pony was lowering them.

"Ok. Somepony take Pinkamena off the set!" Scootaloo yelled, tossing Pinkie a DVD. Pinkie was then escorted off stage, making her segment the shortest.

Flutter Posy Shy

A yellow pegasus was pulled on stage, her face shielded by her wings. She seemed to be muttering something, and there were birds in her mane. She ascended the stage, a look of eeriness on her face, being the only one who cared enough to watch her friends' interviews.

As she already knew the questions Scootaloo would ask, Fluttershy calmly sat down in the leather sofa, prepared for the worst. She invited Scootaloo to sit back down on her sofa, prepared to let the interview commence.

"Hello, Flutter Posy Shy!" Scootaloo beamed, a fake interviewer smile plastered across her otherwise disshelved face. For one thing, where Rainbow Dash had bucked her, there was a hoofprint on her eye. And she was covered in dirt, from all the commotion Applejack had caused.

"Hello, Scootaloo. The answer is I will not be able to attend the premiere. And no, I do not want a EEEEK!" Fluttershy gave a loud shriek as Scootaloo tossed her a DVD. It collided with Fluttershy's head, causing her to drop onto her couch.

"Only 10 bits!" Scootaloo smirked, dusting her hooves. "Now, I'm very sorry, but since the amazing Rainbow Dash and her sidekick, Applejack, took too much time, we will be skipping Rarity. We'll have to prepare something extra special for her in the premiere! And as for Pinkie and Flutters, since they didn't get enough screen time...I have a special surprise they will be participating in...right now!"

Scootaloo tugged on a rope, dropping a large cage into the center of the stage, tugging both Pinkie and Fluttershy out from their secret backstage hideout.

In the cage was none other than fan favorite, princess of Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle.

"We will continue after the break!"

Twilight Alicorn Sparkle

"My middle name is not 'Alicorn'." Twilight stated, noting the slight inaccuracy with the show.

"Whatever, Miss Sparkle. We are here today to discuss something important, so please refrain yourself from being annoying." Scootaloo snarled, patting the princess on the head.

"A little surprise here...we will be kicking off next season soon...starting with Episode One: The Kidnapping of Twilight Sparkle. Now, Miss Pie and Miss Shy, please do carry Miss Sparkle out to my steakout van. Silver Spoon, get my trenchcoat. And we'll see you all next season!" Scootaloo cackled, grabbed the princess' cage and bolted out the window.

To Be Continued...

Author's Note

Dear readers,
Thank you for sticking with me to this episode. Good news (or bad, if you hated this), THERE WILL BE AT LEAST ONE MORE SEASON AND AT MOST 2! This season is titled Scootaloo's Guide to Stalking: Elements of Disharmony. Yes, sucky name. Deal with it. Next season will be SGTS: Journey to Canterlot, and if I get enough likes, there will be a third season, SGTS: The Final Battles of Evil. Just a warning here, this authors' note will be really long. Like REALLY LONG.
So, in all that's SGTS: EOD, SGTS: JTC and SGTS: FBE. So far, only EOD and JTC are for certain. Just a sidenote, I'm currently looking for a beta.
Thank you for getting my story featured too! My second attempt at a published story and it's featured! OMG, just, than you so so so so so so so so so much!
Once again, thank you, my little crazies.
Spilled Ink aka Ava
P.S. I will be releasing two trailers on YouTube ASAP entitled My Little Psycho and My Little Psycho 2. If you enjoyed this, you will probably love MLP:FiM, My Little Psycho Friendship is Mayhem.

Dear Princess Celestia...

Dear Princess Celestia,

I am currently writing to share my thoughts with you about this strange set of circumstances taking place in Ponyville. As it happens, I am trapped inside Scootaloo's humble abide, with nothing but pen and parchment. I am only able to send you this letter by magic, instead of Spike, and it is good I looked into the spell.
All day, in this room, there is noting but a TV. I am sure you have already seen the commercial for season two. If not, I can easily describe said commercial for you. It is quite horrifying, so if you wish to skip to the end, please do.
It starts with my captor entering a dark, musty room, some sort of blowtorch in her mouth. She somehow has learnt to fly, despite her parasite like wings. She then sits down on an obviously made from effects chair, and uses her hoof to pull in a table. Still, obviously using effects.
She precedes to put a set of our DVDs of the previous season on the table, stacking them up in a 2-1-1 style, which soon collapses. It is quite horrifying, really.
Soon, her friend, the gray filly, enters and pulls a wagon behind her with the two other friends, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. They circle around the room several times, all the while chanting 'Scootaloo'. Then, Scootaloo puts on a Princess Platinum costume that even I can tell is what Rarity would call 'so last season', whatever that means.
Scootaloo then slams a crudely painted picture of Canterlot in front of the camera, and begins to sing the most hideous song ever heard by ponykind. The screen would then turn blue, green, red, yellow and finally black ending this cruel torture.
Please do rescue me soon, Princess!
Your Faithful Princess,
Twilight (MY MIDDLE NAME IS NOT ALICORN!!!) Sparkle

Dear Princess Celestia,

Stop Scootaloony right now! I ain't the kind of pony that takes this marebuckin' nonsense. What in Equestria is going on with that crazy orange pegasus? Please do stop that crazy young one! While your at it, also do bring Apple Bloom back to her home, Princess.
She's been causing all sorts of crazy round this town! I can't get moment's rest with her TV commercial, blimps, jets, flags and other shennanigans! Even RD can't sleep through this mess! Almost every pony agrees with me, except 'em griffins. It really did sell well with 'em griffins...
Either way, the entire Apple family is against that crazy filly! And they kidnapped Princess Twilight Alicorn Sparkle! That middle name thing kind of caught on, in case you didn't know.
Stop that crazy filly!
Your Loyal Subject,
Applejack (NOT APPLE JACK APPLE)
P.S. This is Rainbow Dash. I agree fully with everything AJA said. YOU HAVE TO STOP SCOOTALOO! I can't believe I agreed to take her under my wing!
P.P.S. This is Pinkamena Diane Pie. I know where Scootaloo lives. She lives in an underground tunnel right below the Doo household. Just a hunch.
P.P.P.S. This is Fluttershy. (Please refrain from calling me Flutter Posy Shy. My mother's name is Posy.) Scootaloo scares me, and I don't everwanttoseeheragainEEP!
P.P.P.P.S. This is Rarity Diamond Belle, in case anypony asks. I'd like Scootaloo to refer to be as the Royal Highness Rarity Diamond Belle if I ever get any screen time. How dare she not include me on the interviews, the best part! I was dressed in this beautiful silk dress that looked exactly like the one I have of Cinderrarity! And I even had back ups! Like the one from Rarity and the Beast, Marshmallow White, The Little Rarity, Sleeping Rarity, and Rarity-punzel! So sad. On an additional note, do stop Scootaloo. I am quite enraged she didn't let me talk about all that Saddle Arabian silk.

Celestia stared at the two letters in front of her. She had to get rid of Scootaloo.

Author's Note

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this isn't Season Two, whatever. This is the official commercial! :P

BETA FOR HIRE!

Let Season Two COMMENCE!

"Reporting live from the Radley Mane-itarium, it's Diamond Tiara! The most fabulous, brilliant filly ever...oh my god! I sound exactly like The Bad and Powerless Trixie! Whatever. Anyways, I will be joining the girls in Canterlot for an ALL NEW SEASON! This marks the premiere of Season Two, which I so wonderfully titled Journey to Canterlot!" Diamond Tiara beamed, pulling on her own customized trenchcoat.

Unlike Scootaloo, Diamond Tiara's trenchcoat was neither ratty or old. It was a leather pink and purple diamond encrusted trenchcoat, with a fedora. Even the fedora was a 'new model', as instead of a strap around it, there was a real diamond tiara. Apparently, Radley Mane-itarium could easily contact Rarity, causing most patients to look snazzy.

The newly freed pink filly trotted towards a remodeled version of the Ponyville train station, specially made for famous ponies. Using Twilight's name, Scootaloo managed to get six seats reserved on the train. Diamond decided to take a look at her train ticket, as she was pretending to be Pinkie Pie.

Like that's going to work!Diamond thought, rolling her eyes. She quickly dashed to a nearby disguise shop, donning a Pinkie disguise. She assumed it was for Nightmare Night. As she walked out, she noticed Silver Spoon, not happy with being disguised as Fluttershy.

"Hi, Pinkie." Silver grumbled, not noticing her friend.

"I'm Diamond Tiara, Silvie!" Diamond pouted, flipping her newly dyed bright pink hair. Silver Spoon's eyes widened, taking in the transformed Diamond Tiara.

"Oh my!" She said, burying her face in her light pink hair. Her glasses were what caused Diamond to recognize the poor filly, while other than the stylish trenchcoat, Diamond looked exactly like Pinkie, down to the very last bounce.

Diamond followed Silver Spoon for a while, until she noticed they were reaching the glasses store. Silver Spoon disappeared into the store for a few seconds, before she returned, donning brand new turquoise contacts.

"Tada." Silver Spoon muttered tastelessly, waving her hoof dramatically. Diamond Tiara nodded her approval before pulling out a backup trenchcoat from her left pocket and sliding it onto Silver Spoon. The trenchcoat was gray and yellow, differing from the brighter colors of Diamond Tiara's.

The two best friends trotted towards the new train station, meeting the other girls when they got there. All of them were wearing trenchcoats, and had costumes of one of the mane 6. Twilight was there, too, still in the cage. They walked up to the most gullible looking ticket master, tapping their hooves.

"What can I getcha, gals?" the very Manehattan guard asked, taking their tickets. "Y'all look a bit too young to be the famous ponies, m'kay? Except you, Your Royal Highness Princess Twilight Alicorn Sparkle."

"My middle name is not Alicorn." Twilight grumbled.

"Well, our DEAR friend Twilight Alicorn Sparkle here shrunk us all using a very powerful spell. We're going to be competing in a band contest in Canterlot for a few weeks." Scootaloo, dressed as Rainbow Dash, stated, flying up to the guard.

And with that, the five fillies all in unison pulled off their trenchcoats revealing a brightly colored unitard of sorts. Each posed in the most atrocious way possible, faking a large, but believable smile. Only Twilight looked sad and dapper amongst the five colorful little fillies.

"WE ARE THE GLITTER PONIES!" Scootaloo yelled, punching the air with her hoof. The stunned ticket master gaped at the shiny ponies, surrounding the rather dull looking princess.

"Well, welcome aboard. Try to stay normal, m'kay?" the ticket master muttered, using her horn to lift the red velvet sash blocking the six ponies from entering a car labeled in colorful letters 'Princess Twilight Alicorn Sparkle'. As the six entered, Twilight pointed out the mistake in the title, before getting ushered into the car.

"Woah." Scootaloo gaped at the princess' specialized train car. The entire floor was covered in Twilight themed rugs, her magic symbol cutie mark embroidered on every single lavender rug. There was a table in the center, with a chocolate fountain surrounded by apple slices, orange pieces, crackers of every type and many other assortments. Another table was in the corner, covered with beverages from all over Equestria.

Twilight, finally at home in her car, seated herself down at one of booths, using her magic to levitate some punch towards her. Other than simple levitation spells, Twilight couldn't do anything. The five rascally fillies had purchased a 'magic detainment' collar from Trixie. Speaking of which, they had also agreed to let Trixie travel to Canterlot with them.

"The party can commence...because the GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE IS HERE! And she brought the special package you all asked for." a blue pony appeared in the door way, levitating a cage containing a white colored pony with a purple mane.

"Rarity?" Sweetie squeaked, dashing to the aid of her sister, who looked absolutely livid, her face an unseemly red, and eyes narrowed so much they were slits.

"Since we never got to Rarity during the finale, she'll be accompanying us throughout the second season! As for Pinkie and Fluttershy..." Scootaloo let out a giggle, motioning for Trixie to drop the collared Rarity next to Twilight.

Scootaloo beamed, sitting down in her own booth, across from her partner in crime, Diamond Tiara. The rest of the fillies quietly seated themselves in another booth, glad to finally escape their tyrant friends.

"So, Diamond, I was thinking about this season. It seems lately, our viewership has derailed quite a bit." Scootaloo started.

"This season, we need something stellar!" Diamond squealed.

"Which is why I have gathered information about all the newest stats about what most ponies want to watch. Or griffins. Either way, I've decided we need to do episodes based on what other ponies want to see!" Scootaloo drew a manilla envelope out of her trenchcoat pocket before passing it to Diamond.

Diamond gave Scootaloo a questioning look before opening the envelope.

Dear watchers of the show,

This is the producer speaking. No, I am not Scootaloo. I have sponsored this show and Scootaloo, and now is your turn to repay me for giving you humor for one entire season.

You may submit ideas for what you want Scootaloo to do in letters to the following address:

143 Canterlot Road

This season will be a longer one, with eight episodes and one special.

Sincerely,

Mr. Anon Y. Mous

"The producer finally sends us a letter and it's for our FANS? They can do whatever they want to us?" Diamond shrieked, tossing the letter away as if it were a contagious germ of sorts.

"Exactly."

"I cannot believe Miss-" Diamond started.

"SHHHHH! Don't blow her cover! It's Mr. Mous." Scootaloo slammed her hoof into Diamond's mouth to stop her from sputtering out the sacred secret.

Gilda, upon seeing the words flash upon the screen, immediately started addressing a letter to 143 Canterlot Road.

To Be Continued...

Author's Note

I got one of my friends to post a picture of The Glitter Ponies onto deviantART. If your interested, find SeveralShadesOfRed.

A/N: THE LETTER APPLIES TO YOU! HERE IS YOUR CHANCE TO EMBARRASS THE GANG! SUBMIT A TASK RIGHT NOW FOR SOMETHING THEY CAN DO! I WILL ONLY EXCEPT SUBMISSIONS VIA MAIL.
Your submission must include:
-Your OCs' name
-The task

The Tiny and Powerless Camera Hog

Click! Trixie tapped the camera's button, starting the video. She pointed it in the direction of the stars, before quickly dashing in front of them, arms full of her own merchandise, mainly consisting of photos of herself crudely taped onto blue colored pony wear, and hats in her style.

"Behold...THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE ALICORN..." Trixie paused, unsure what her surname should be. She was always a big fan of Sunset Shimmer, the exact opposite of that vile Twilight was. Even though their names were pretty much the same, with 'sunset' being a synonym of 'twilight' and 'shimmer' being a synonym of 'sparkle'.

"THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE ALICORN SHIMMER!" Trixie exclaimed, finally deciding on a usable surname. The five fillies all rolled their eyes in sync at the failed magician of a pony. Scootaloo pushed ahead of the weak unicorn, brushing her hair back in a Rarity-like updo.

"Now, this episode, requested by...the totally cool Gilda?" Scootaloo wondered, unraveling the rather long strip of paper. "Is going to be an episode titled 'Backstage With The Stars of the Show'." Scootaloo read on, before rolling her eyes and tossing the paper into a trash can nearby.

Trixie shoved ahead of Scootaloo before shoving her merchandise directly in front of the camera. Using her magic, she quickly made a few words shimmer before the camera.

"Buy Trixie's amazing merchandise! You can get a Trixie shirt for only 5 bits! Buy a Trixie hat for only 2 bits! Buy a Trixie mug for only 3 bits! It says The Second Most Great and Powerful Pony!" Trixie continued advertising all of her merchandise, while the actual stars of the show sighed, bored to death.

"And since the names Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle are so in...I have my own princess' most faithful student name! From now on...I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL EVENING GLOW!" Trixie levitated her 'new name' in front of the camera, shooting beams of light from her horn.

Scootaloo, finally fed up with the annoying blue pony, shoved her into a magic detaining neck brace, then into Twilight and Rarity's cage.

"Well, we will continue the show now. Twilight, Rarity, Evening, we'll be starting with a group interview. And you will all be interviewed by Rarity! We will also have a special guest with us, and know that Mr. Mous had to go to a lot of trouble to get her here. Twilight Sparkle, Evening Glow, meet your long lost twin sister, Sunset Shimmer!" Scootaloo screamed, ecstatic before pushing the yellow pony into the cage.

"We will continue after the break!"

Scootaloo slid the three unicorns into a large, magic restraining cage (this one courtesy of Zecora), and sat down the last one in a velvet couch along with a hundred page script. She turned all of the cameras towards the makeshift stage they had built inside the train.

Scootaloo rushed off stage, grabbing the new dress Rarity had made her wear. Even though Rarity hated the show, she still had a desperate need for them all to look fashionable.

"Let us start this off with quick introductions. I have here with me, Sunset Alicorn Shimmer, Twilight Alicorn Sparkle, and Just Trixie."

"JUST TRIXIE? I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL EVENING GLOW!" Trixie shrieked, slamming her hoof onto the counter.

"Anyways, some quick intros. Sunset Shimmer is only an alicorn because she put on that crown illegally in the other world. She resides in the human world, due to magic unbalance. She has been reformed, though and is now known as the Princess of Humans."

Sunset Shimmer gave a nod towards the camera, waving at the camera. Being transformed into an alicorn illegally using black magic had almost gotten her left in the Radley Mane-itarium. However, after a very touching speech from Twilight, the alicorn coucil (something that was made after Scootaloo had made all of them a bit pretentious) had let Sunset Shimmer be "The Princess of Humans", despite the fact she wasn't able to transform in the human world.

"Moving on, here is Twilight Sparkle! Celestia's second most faithful student. Well, before her transformation. Now, she is the Princess of Magic and Friendship! She is now one of the most famous ponies in Equestria!" Rarity said blandly, her excitement clearly fake.

Twilight mirrored Sunset's nod and wave, flipping her long hair. She really didn't want to abide to Scootaloo's poorly written script. Obviously, if that had been entered in the Playwright's Competition of Equestria, she would only be able to get a 20, 30%! Continuing her mental rant about Scootaloo's awful writing skills, she barely payed attention to Trixie's part.

"Trixie-"

"Evening Glow, please!" Trixie growled her eyes narrowing.

"Evening Glow is auditioning to be Princess Celestia Alicorn Sunshine's next most faithful student. If not, she might have to-" Rarity let out a gasp, fainting on the sofa. A second later, she revived.

"She might have to be Twilight Sparkle's intern."

Trixie screamed, breaking the pattern of nodding and waving. She banged her head on the bars, depressed about being a horrid, vile, intern.

"And if Twilight refuses to accept Trixie...Evening Glow, as an intern-" Rarity let out another gasp.

Twilight nodded, agreeing quite subtly that she wouldn't accept the narcissistic pony as an intern.

"SHE'LL HAVE TO WORK AS AN INTERN FOR EITHER SUNSET SHIMMER OR EVEN MR. PIE!" Rarity shrieked, finally passing out on the couch.

"That wraps up the video request from Gilda! We have reached Canterlot as well..." Scootaloo smiled, looking out the window at the shining lights. They were ready for their very first episode in Canterlot.

Trixie dashed up to the camera, pointing it directly in her face.

"WAIT! You haven't even seen my segment!" Trixie screamed, before an extremely bored Apple Bloom made the screen turn black.

Gilda smiled, laughing internally at the entire escapade. Beside her were her best griffin friends, Gertie (who the group had nicknamed Glide since they all thought Gertie was lame).

The griffins squealed, hugging their Scootaloo plushies close to themselves. Gilda rolled her eyes. She honestly thought her new friends were no Rainbow Dash, but they still were pretty cool.

Scootaloo's Diary Entry 1

Dear Diary,

We are currently right on schedule for our show. Mr. Mous is continuing to fund us, although I don't know how long the disguise will hold with ~~her~~ his being so close. Even though Mr. Mous will be revealed at the end of this season, I'm sure some of the fans will easily see through the disguise.

Of course, seeing we might have a third season, Mr. Mous has refused funding three seasons through and through. I might even have to turn to somepony to use the name Mrs. Un Known. Celestia help her!

Anyways, tomorrow will mark the start of our actual program.

Sincerely,

Scootaloo

To Be Continued...

Author's Note

I'm currently in the Communist Republic of China or whatever, and I can't check my referrals. Really appreciate if someone could.

S/N: NEED AN EDITOR!