Avengers find Equestria

A magical rainbow beam shoots towards the skies, it builds momentum, and then plummets back down in the direction of a dragon-shaped creature, the beam run circles around the panicking creature as it hopelessly tries to get way. The colorful beams of light begin to involve the body of its misfortunate victim, slowly turning it into stone, as the poor bastard gives one last look of horror, a look that will be permanently frozen on his new stone prison. Unable to close his eyes, the creature sees himself doomed to forever watch the world he would never be a part of. Unable to move. Unable to die. Unable to scream.

'Twas the merciless, cold embrace of friendship.

"Alright! We did it!" cheerfully claims the purple unicorn, the leader of the bunch. Her name was Twilight Sparkle, she was the dedicated pupil of Princess Celestia, the supreme sovereign ruler of the land of Equestria who, despite that, still called herself a princess, not a queen as to not aggravate Princess Luna, her sister, whose inferiority complex already caused her to go full psycho once.

Luna was cured by the same thing that petrified the doomed creature: the Elements of Harmony, six magic jewels that were able solve any kind of problem no matter what. From curing personality disorders to imprisoning omnipotent gods, the Elements have always presented illogical, variable, unpredictable, but still, constantly satisfactory results. The Elements, however, could only work on three conditions: 1) They have to be used together; 2) They have to be used by ponies that embody the particular element they're wearing; and 3) Whoever they are, they need to be true friends, as the Elements are powered by friendship.

Twilight didn't always believe in the power of friendship, in fact, she used to have disdain for all forms of social interaction and an irrational aversion in being called a friend like she was some kind of "friendophobic". Because of that, Princess Celestia sent her to Ponyville against her will, so she would make friends and save the world. Also, being a happier pony, but that was secondary. Ever since then, Twilight writes weekly friendship reports to the princess, telling her of all the valuable lessons she learned that week. Stuff like: "Never judge a book by its cover", "Listen to your friends", "Chew with your mouth shut", and other things that everypony else already learned in kindergarten, but not her, thanks to her socially reclusive and emotionally unhealthy upbringing. She handles it pretty well, though.

The young Ms. Sparkle turns back to look at her friends, the same ones that she made on her first day in Ponyville just in time to stop Nightmare Moon, friends who just happen to be an exact number of six, two of each pony class, and being embodiments of the Elements of Harmony. You call it contrived coincidence, we call it fate! There they were:

Applejack. An Earth Pony. The hard-working farm girl. She's the Element of Honesty, because she's a shitty liar.

Fluttershy. A Pegasus. The delicate, shy animal lover. She's the Element of Kindness, because she's always gentle, loving, and friendly to all animals and ponies, except when she isn't.

Pinkie Pie. The other Earth Pony. The Happy-Go-Lucky Gal. She's the Element of Laughter, because that's a thing. She's not crazy, she's just happy. And she can warp reality at random.

Rarity. A Unicorn. The classy, "looks matter" fashion lover, high-class aspirant. She's the Element of Generosity, because writers think it's clever to challenge other's preconceived notions about attributes they normally associate with shallowness and superficiality.

Rainbow Dash. The other Pegasus. The Jock Girl. She's the Element of Loyalty, because she's extremely loyal to her friends, her princess, and her ego.

And, finally, her, Twilight Sparkle. The other Unicorn. The studious bookworm. She's the Element of Magic, because everything else was taken.

Twilight was lucky to have such wonderful and archetypal friends.

"Yay! We defeated the big meanie!" Pinkie Pie said, gleefully "You know what this calls for? A party!"

"Easy there, sugar cube!" Applejack replied "Discord turned this whole town upside down…"

"Literally" Rainbow Dash remarked

"…we need to make sure that everything is in order before we do anything else"

"Applejack is right! We need to split up and check the whole area from the main square to the Sweet Apple Acres" said Twilight "You find anything strange, you call the others. Okay Rarity I think you should start with—"

"Twilight! Twilight!" Spike the Dragon yelled, carrying a letter in one of his hands. Spike was a dragon that was hatched from his egg by Twilight herself when she was a little filly and, since then, has always been at her side, helping her with anything that she needed. Twilight has never considered him a friend though, because if she had, then she would already know what friendship feels like years before she got to Ponyville, and Princess Celestia's whole point in sending her there would be moot. "Twilight! The Princess sent another… ugh… letter congratulating you for… ugh… defeating Discord. I think I'm gonna throw up…"

"Wow! The news spread fast!" Twilight said taking the letter off of Spike's hand using her magic. She quickly reads over the letter that the Princess wrote from the comfort and security of her castle, the same place from where she sent back all the friendship reports that Twilight have send her (which probably caused severe damage on Spike's health. They need an alternate form of communication) so Twilight would remember what she was fighting for.

Even though the Elements of Harmony were no longer, well, in harmony with her, you would assume that Princess Celestia, one of the most powerful ponies alive, would try to be physically beside her favorite pupil to give support in that time of crisis, but she was too busy doing princess stuff like arranging a boring formal party that she hates, dealing with a pest problem in Fillydelphia, and other stuff that are clearly more important and deserving of attention than a vengeful, malicious and all-powerful entity that is hellbent in bring chaos and misery to everything and everypony in its path.

"Girls, Princess Celestia is inviting us for a 'Thank You' ceremony in our homage!"

"We are going to Canterlot?" Rarity asked "I can't believe it! That's wonderful!"

"But… We've just been in Canterlot this morning…" Fluttershy remarks

"So?"

"Uh… Twilight?" Rainbow Dash interrupts "My necklace was supposed to be pulsing like this?"

Twilight and the other ponies turn their attention to Dash's necklace, the one which held her Element of Loyalty which just happened to have the exact same shape as her Cutie Mark (a symbolic image that appears on the flank of every pony as soon as they find their reason of being) just like all the other Elements had the exact same shape as the Cutie Marks of their owners, because magic.

The lightning-shaped red gem was glowing on and off like a red alert sign "Huh… I don't think that—" was all Twilight was able to say before a blinding burst of red light emanated from the jewel. The red light completely took over the city, before receding back to the necklace and disappearing like nothing happened.

"Wow…" said Pinkie Pie "Do it again!"

"What in darnation was that?" asked Applejack

"I don't know…" Twilight said, rubbing her eyes "We may ask Princess Celestia tomorrow. Are you alright, Rainbow Dash?"

"Yeah… I guess…" Dash answered, dizzy

"You know… You can sit the search out and rest if you want to…"

"Are you kidding?" said Dash "I completely abandoned you guys earlier on the maze! You all had to put up with a lot more than I did today, and you're all probably a lot more tired than I am, so no, there's no way I'm walking out of this one"

Twilight smiled. It was so good to have the old Rainbow Dash back. "Okay, then. Applejack, Pinkie Pie, you two check the Sweet Apple Acres. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy will check Cloudsdale while Rarity and I check the outskirts near the Everfree Forest. After we all make sure that everything is alright, we meet up here and search the town together for anything strange. Okay? Let's go!"

The six friends searched the vicinities thoroughly for anything strange and/or chaotic. Once they were sure everything was the way it should be, they met at Sugar Cube Corner to celebrate and restore their energies. After eating, Rainbow Dash wished everypony a goodnight and flew to a soft, fluffy cloud for a good night of sleep. Today was a tough day and Celestia knows how tomorrow's gonna be, so Dash closes her eyes waiting for the wonders that dreamland will bring her…

"Good morning, sir"

"Just a few more minutes…" Rainbow Dash mumbles, rolling in bed "Wait!" she says, suddenly awake "Who's there?"

"Very funny, sir" the voice answers "Taking the physical and mental exhaustion caused by yesterday's battle into consideration, I decided to delay your wakeup call for two hours. Have I made the right decision?"

"What? I… Who are you? Where are you?" Dash takes a look around the room she finds herself in: a wide white bedroom that seemed fancy, but empty. One of the walls was made of glass and through it she could see the many unbelievably tall and dull-colored buildings of an enormous city. Everything seemed disturbingly alien, cold, and soulless. "Where am I?" she shouts, placing her hooves on her head "Where in Celestia's name am I?!" Dash was suddenly aware of two things: One, her voice didn't sound like her voice, in fact, it sounded rather masculine, and Two, her hooves didn't feel like her hooves. They were not blue, but a pale pink and had five meaty sticks coming out of each. She freaked out. "What happened to me?! What's going on?!"

"I see…" the voice says "I should have delayed it for three hours, then."

"Where are you?" Dash shouts angrily at the ceiling "Show yourself, you coward, and say what you have done to me!"

"Quite frankly, sir, I'm beginning to get worried" the voice answered "I'm calling Ms. Potts"

"And I'm supposed to be afraid of that?" Dash replied defiantly.

But there was no answer. The sudden silence made dash uneasy (more uneasy, that is). She nervously scanned the room, expecting a ninja to sneak upon her for a surprise attack. Her eyes rested upon the large door in front of her. She ponders if she should open it, try to make a run of it. She looks both sides before taking the first step…

The door opens. From it, enters some… thing. It stood on two very tall legs, was very skinny, had small eyes, two freakishly long arms, and its mane was orange-blonde. The thing spoke:

"Tony, what's wrong? Jarvis said—"

"Argh! What kind of hideous creature are you?" Dash shouts, horrified.

The thing took a step back, clearly offended. "Tony, that's not funny!"

"I'm afraid he's not joking, Ms. Potts" the voice said "I've made some preliminary checks on Mr. Stark's brainwaves and they do not fit"

"What do you mean, Jarvis?"

"Jarvis? Have you just called it by name?" Dash says "So, you're allied with the ghost, huh? Well, you two are never gonna get me alive!" Dash hops in the air, trying to fly, but falls and faceplants on the floor. "What the—? My wings! What have you monsters done to my wings?!" she cries.

"Jarvis, can you produce an anti-psychotic?" Potts asks the voice.

"On it, Ms. Potts"

"Who you're calling psychotic?" Dash protested while Potts tried to hold her steady "Take your filthy hooves off of me!"

"Jarvis! Hurry!"

"It's ready Ms. Potts" Jarvis said as a case with a syringe slid off the wall. Ms. Potts grabbed the syringe, ready to administrate it on Dash "This is for your own good, Tony"

"No! Stop! Stay away!" Dash cried as the needle hit her vein "Somepony help! Twilight! Applejack! Flutrblghr…." She mumbled as the medicine took effect. And Rainbow Dash doze off back to slumberland.

*Stark's turn!!*

RAWR!

"What the hell!" the billionaire in a metal suit screamed, waking up from his near-permanent slumber "What just happened? Please, tell me nobody kissed me"

His name was Tony Stark. He's also known as Iron Man as named by a reporter who was a big fan of Black Sabbath. Tony Stark used to be a self-centered, billionaire weapons dealer until he was captured by terrorists and escaped with a suit of armor. Then he became a self-centered, billionaire superhero patrolling the world on his super-suit which would be like if Bill Gates one day decided to pilot a Megazord and stop petty thieves. Ever since coming back from Afghanistan, Tony swore to never build weapons again, and then he started to build weapons again, but for his own use only, because second amendment, motherfucker!

Despite being a civilian with enough firepower to level a small country, the government (mostly) left him alone. I mean, it's not like Tony has an army of those things on his basement that he can control by remote. Now, that would require some accountability.

The reason why Tony almost died was because he had to guide a missile (probably signed 'Fuck You, New York. Love, Hollywood') away from the city and towards the mothership of invading aliens who wanted to enslave everyone. It was a wild weekend.

Tony takes a second to look at the men surrounding him. His fellow fighters who helped him defeat the bad guys. There they were:

Thor. The God of Thunder, which sounds impressive until you realize that thunder is nothing but sound, which makes him the God of Loud Noises. Thor was the prince of the faraway (and by faraway, we mean on the other side of the universe) realm of Asgard. Thor was shocked to discover that his beloved little brother, Loki, had turned evil and would try to bring the end of everything that exists, even though anyone with a little knowledge of mythology already knew that for, like, the last 2000 years.

Bruce Banner. The Hulk. The giant green guy that woke him up. A brilliant scientist who got in an accident that cursed him to turn into an uncontrollable hulking beast of rage every time he got angry, or horny, or any time his heart rate peaked, or when he tried to commit suicide, and then anytime he wanted, and sometimes when he didn't want, and then the beast wasn't that much uncontrollable anymore. You think this is inconsistent? Well, did you know that in the original comics he turned into the Hulk every night like a fucking werewolf? And then there was some shit with alien rays that stuck him into Hulk mode, but susceptible to mind control by an average teenager? Then he only would become the Hulk if he bathed himself into Gamma rays again and then once more to turn back into Banner, and THEN the whole angry thing finally came along TWO YEARS after the Hulk debuted! But still then, if the Hulk got too angry he would turn back into Banner! So, yeah.

When he's not a monster, Banner is Tony's bestie (Don't tell Rhodey).

Steve Rogers. The living legend, Captain America. A scrawny kid from the 40's who turned into a war hero thanks to the purity of his heart and some steroids. Steve was deemed dead at the end of the war but was actually frozen in the Arctic Circle. 70 years later he was thawed out and sent to fight aliens with monsters, flying metal men and Gods, because that wouldn't damage his psyche at all. No, really, it didn't. Everyone he knew was dead, his old morals and ideals were considered antiquated, the world was 70 years ahead of him, and then the world was attacked (and defended) by shit that even modern men was having trouble understanding, but he didn't even seen that much bothered about any of it. He's probably a psychopath. Definitely a virgin. He also smells of patriotism and retirement homes.

Together they were strong. Together they were the Fantastic Four! But then Black Widow and Hawkeye joined the gang pushing up the number of heroes from four to six. So, now they are the Avengers.

Natasha Romanoff. The Black Widow. Former Russian spy, master of manipulation, and ridiculously out of her league under the current situation. She joined the group to resolve personal issues, and also, you know, "Sausage Fest", "Girl Power", that kind of crap. (Nobody ever complains about the lack of male members on an all-female group though. Double-standard sexists!) She did close the portal which killed all the aliens, so there's that.

Clint Barton. Hawkeye. An agent of SHIELD who's really, really, really good with a bow. He joined the group to redeem himself and get revenge over Loki for brainwashing him. Plus, no matter how obsolete and impractical into a war situation it may be, archery is cool in anyone's book. Tony has no idea where Clint is now. He's probably dead. They can mourn him later.

The Avengers were brought together by Nick Fury, Director of SHIELD. Nick Fury wears an eye patch after his left eye was "clawed" off by a Canadian whose name we can't mention because of film rights.

It was at moments like this, surrounded by a giant Gamma monster, a mythological God, a guy who survived being frozen for 70 years, and the corpses of giant, floating space snakes near a building who opened a portal to another dimension powered by a never-ending, perpetual motion energy source, while being watched by a spy agency on a invisible, flying air carrier, that Tony Stark realized that science should be crying right now.

"We won" Steve Rogers said

"All right, yay! Hurray. Good job, guys. Let's just not come in tomorrow. Let's just take a day. Have you ever tried shawarma? There's a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don't know what it is, but I want to try it"

"We're not finished yet" said Thor, referring to his loser brother.

"And then shawarma after" Tony insisted

"Uh… Stark?" Steve asked unsure "Is everything okay with your Arc Reactor?"

"Why?" Tony looks down and sees his chest piece flickering repeatedly "Damn it, Steve! What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!" Steve protested, and before Tony could argue further, his arc reactor shot a Unibeam of blue light towards the sky that blinded the other Avengers. For a moment, Tony could swear that he saw another beam of red light coming from the heavens and colliding with his beam of blue light. And then red became blue and blue became red. But everything was so fast, sudden, and bright, that Stark's brain couldn't process it properly, and with a blink of the eye it was over.

"Oh, wow! That was intense!" Stark said after a moment "Okay, guys, now that we are all properly freaked out, it would be a good time for someone to help me stand before I make another hole in the ozone layer"

"What's the ozone layer?" Thor whispered to Steve who just shrugged and proceeded to help Tony stand up.

"Okay, now" Tony says "Where is the God of Hissy Fits?"

"If I'm not mistaken, Big Guy cemented him in your apartment's floor, Stark" said an almost breathless voice by the radio

"Barton! You're alive!" Stark answered

"What do you mean 'I'm alive'?"

"Nothing. Can you get to the Stark Tower?"

"Sure…"

"What about you, 'Natashalie'? Do you copy?"

"I'm on the tower's roof with Selvig" Natasha answered

"Oh, yeah, Selvig. I forgot about him. Let him rest there for a moment, get a tan. Meet us on my apartment. We have a God to arrest"

A few minutes later, all the Avengers assembled on Tony's apartment, watching as the God of Lies pathetically crawls out of his hole towards the bar, completely unaware of their presence. One has to assume that being repeatedly smashed in the ground by the Hulk would do nasty things to your hearing.

Loki was the cause of all that trouble. Sure, he had his Freudian reasons, but they were just as childish and petty as alternate dimension's Dr. Doofenshmirtz who turned evil because of his lost "Choo-Choo"… Oh, you don't know what I'm talking about? Well, you see, there's this animated movie based on the Phineas & Ferb cartoon where an alternate version of Dr. Doofenshmirtz tries to conquer the Earth by shooting a beam from the top of a building which opens a portal to another dimension for his evil army to pass through… Oh, never mind! Forget I brought it up.

Finally noticing their presence, Loki turns around to face his defeaters "If it's all the same to you" he says, with a faint smile "I'll have that drink now" Tony couldn't help but smile.

After, the Avengers delivered Loki safely to the Helicarrier to be dealt with later, Tony made another call to his girlfriend, Pepper, who, this time, picked up. After their usual banter and Tony assuring her that he's okay, Pepper told him that she should be arriving tomorrow morning, and that they have a lot of mess to clean up. Then they finally had shawarma.

During their bonding supper, Natasha and Clint sat quietly together, eating their snacks, because they totally don't have a thing going on, Steve almost fell asleep on his plate, and Tony kept pestering Thor with questions about how much of what he read on Mythology books was true, like did Loki really convince him to dress up as a bride and pretend to be Freya so he could retrieve his hammer, among other things, all while Banner, now back to normal, did his best to not fall out laughing.

After their dinner, Tony invited all the Avengers to spend the night at Stark Tower, which they accepted. After making sure that all his new friends were comfortable on their rooms, Stark collapsed in his bed, exhausted. Today was a long day, tomorrow will be just as long, so Tony closed his eyes, hoping to be woken up by a kiss from Pepper…

Who opened the window?

Stark feels a cold breeze hit his skin, he tries to cover himself up, but can't find his blanket. He doesn't remember his bed being so fluffy either. He opens his eyes and is shocked to see nothing but blue sky. What happened to my walls? And my ceiling? What happened to my bed?! Stark realizes that he's standing on a cloud, but… that's impossible! You can't stand on a cloud!

"What the fuck?" Stark says, now realizing that his voice sounds girly "What the fuck?" he repeats.

He looks at his hands. They're not hands! They're stumps! Why are they blue? Where are his fingers? Are… are these hooves?! WHY ARE THEY BLUE?! Why does everything look so Technicolor and two-dimensional? What's going on?

Calm down, Stark, calm down. Think, there's gotta be a rational explanation for all of this… Okay, theory number one: I'm high.

"There you are, Rainbow Dash!"

Stark looks down from his cloud and sees a pink pony waving at him.

"Oh, hello there, figment of my imagination" Stark greeted back "What's a 'Rainbow Dash'? Sounds like some kind of cleaning product" Stark wonders if he sniffed Rainbow Dash by accident and that's why he's tripping.

"What?" the pink pony seemed confused, but then smiled again "That's your name, silly!"

"Of course it is" Stark says with a sigh

"C'mon down" the pink pony bounces in the air "The girls are waiting for us at the library!"

"And how do you suggest I get down from here?"

"Huh? Well, you just fly... like always"

"I just fly like always…" Stark repeats, rolling his eyes. Well, it wouldn't be a true fever dream without a flying sequence now, would it? "Okay then, here I go!" Stark jumps from the cloud…

…and falls straight down, screaming.

"Oh my gosh, are you okay?" the pony asks Stark as he tries to get up from the little depression his body formed in the ground. Well, that crosses out dreaming, as the fall would have woken him up. The 'Sniffed Rainbow Dash' theory still stands though. "Why didn't you flap your wings?"

"I have wings?" Stark looks at the sides of his new body and notices a pair of wings "I have wings… Of course I have wings…"

"Dashie, are you feeling okay?" the pink pony seemed worried

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine" Stark said, trying to stand on his two legs "Who are you, anyway?"

"Who am I?!" the pony said, shocked "You-you don't remember? I'm Pinkie Pie!"

"Nice to meet you, Pinkie Pie" Stark says, completely deadpan "I'm Blue Burrito"

"What? NO!" Pinkie Pie cried "Your name is Rainbow Dash! You gotta remember that!"

"No! My name is NOT Rainbow Dash!" Stark shouts at Pinkie "And is not Blue Burrito either. My name is Tony Stark and I had enough of this weirdness!"

Pinkie looks shocked for a moment, but quickly changes into a determined look and starts to push Stark towards the library.

"What are you doing?" Stark tries to resist, but the Earth Pony is too strong for him.

"We're off to see Twilight!" Pinkie said "She'll know what's wrong with you"

"Twilight?" says Stark "Oh, I got it. So, that's what's happening here, huh? I have just crossed over into the Twilight Zone, haven't I?"

"No, not yet…" Pinkie says, and then head butts Stark into the library "NOW we're in 'Twilight's Zone'!"

Stark falls on his back, and takes a look at his surroundings… Pinkie was right… this IS the Twilight Zone.

"Oh, fuck me…" Stark moans as the residents of the library come closer.