Avengers find Equestria

by PotatoGabe

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Tragedy, Adventure, Crossover, Human
Length: 8735

Somewhere, six ponies defeated a powerful God of Chaos. Elsewhere, six superheroes defeated a powerful God of Chaos. What will happen once their universes begin to clash, or should I say swap? NYEH NUEH NYEH!

Somewhere, six ponies defeated a powerful God of Chaos. Elsewhere, six superheroes defeated a powerful God of Chaos. What will happen once their universes begin to clash, or should I say swap? NYEH NUEH NYEH!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-09 03:00:01 UTC

My Little Tony

Rainbow Dash blinks her eyes, trying to dissipate the numbness of her mind. She tries to move, but her hooves seem to be tied down to a chair.

"Huh…? HELP!" Dash cries

"Ms. Potts, he's awake"

Oh, no! Dash was hoping it was all a dream…

"KIDNAPPERS! RAPTORS! HAIRLESS BIPEDAL FREAKS!" Dash shouts angrily at the walls

From a door, Pepper Potts enters the room. She carries a cup with a straw. "Tony… Look, I don't know what's wrong with you, but you're really agitated right now… Here, I brought this for you" She offers the cup to Dash, who looks mistrusting at her, but decides to drink anyway.

Dash quickly turns her head and spits all the drink on the floor "WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?! You're trying to poison me!"

"It's applejack" Pepper said "You asked for it before falling unconscious. I thought…"

"You think I'm stupid?" Dash yells angry "This is not Applejack!"

"Yes, it is" Pepper insists "A brandy made of fermented cider: an applejack!"

"Look, you" Dash says with repulse "I don't know who 'Brandy' is, but this is not Applejack. Applejack is a pony and she's my friend"

"I… I'm sorry, what?" Pepper would be laughing right now if she wasn't so worried.

"I want to know what you've done to me, you witch! Where are my friends?"

"Tony, calm down…"

"STOP CALLING ME THAT! I'M NOT A 'TONY'! I'M A PONY! A PEGASUS! Or at least I was until you turned me into one of you freaks!"

"Tony, please…" Pepper said with tears on her eyes "You are Tony Stark, you are a man, and you are among friends"

"I'm Rainbow Dash, I'm a Pegasus, and I don't know who you are" hissed Rainbow Dash on Tony Stark's body, who, from now on, will be called Tony Dash

Pepper shook her head and left the room, crying. Tony Dash couldn't help but feel bad for her, despite all the mistrust and contempt she felt earlier.

"So, let me see if I got this right" said Bruce Banner on the Stark Tower's living room "Tony woke up and tried to attack you and now he's in a containment cell convinced that he's a pony called Rainbow Dash?"

Clint Barton snickered. He's been smiling ever since the beginning of the reunion.

"Exactly" Pepper said "I don't know what to do, he lost his mind"

"He could be suffering from PTSD" suggested Steve

"Well, maybe, but I don't know of any PTSD cases that made the patient think he was a unicorn"

"Pegasus" Pepper corrected "He said he was a Pegasus…"

"Well, whatever it is" Banner continued "it's clear that he needs to talk to a doctor"

"Well, then" Natasha said "Talk to him, Doctor"

Banner looked at Natasha "I'm sorry, but I'm not that kind of doctor…"

"Well, you're not a medic either. That didn't stop you from treating people in India" Natasha remarked

Banner was about to protest, but gave in "Okay, you win. I'll talk to him" He then left the room and went to where Tony was being kept.

"I don't understand" said Thor, who was silent through the entire thing "Is this some kind of Midgardian jest?"

"No, Thor" Pepper answered "I wish it was"

"Hello there"

Tony Dash lifted her head to meet the friendly smile of Bruce Banner.

"Hi" Tony Dash answered with derision

"So, uh, Rainbow Dash, right?" Banner asked, taking a seat in front of Tony Dash

"Who wants to know?"

"Name's Banner. Bruce Banner. I'm a good friend of the guy who used to be you"

"What do you mean 'the guy who used to be me'?"

"Where are you from, Rainbow Dash?" Bruce asked, his eyes down on the Tablet on his hands, searching for something.

"Where I'm from? Equestria, of course"

"Tell me about Equestria" Bruce requested, still looking at his Tablet

"I ain't gonna tell you squat!"

Bruce gives her a quick look, and then goes back to his Tablet "Have you ever heard of New York?"

"What?"

"That's what I thought" Banner mumbles "So, if you ain't gonna tell me about Equestria, maybe you will tell me about your friends like, how was she called, applejuice?"

"Applejack! What have you done to her?! Is she okay?" Tony Dash cries with fear on his/her eyes.

"Does she look like this?" Banner asks, showing her the picture of a pony on his Tablet.

Tony Dash's face gets pale as her eyes widen with horror "Y-you soulless monsters! What have you done to that poor pony?"

"What have we done?" Bruce asks, confused "We didn't do anything. This is just a normal pony"

"Normal?" Tony Dash asks, enraged "In what twisted world, would somepony with an atrophied elongated head, small eyes and an empty stare like that be considered normal? How could you do something like this? How could anypony be so cruel?" Tony Dash debates herself on the chair, crying.

"Tony! Ton— Rainbow Dash!" Bruce shouts "Rainbow Dash! Calm down! Look, I'm just as confused as you are! We're not in Equestria! We're not in Equestria!"

Tony Dash stops debating herself and looks at Banner.

"We're not in Equestria" Banner continues "You asked in what twisted world that could be considered normal? Well, in our twisted world! This is how ponies are here and how they've always been. This is not Equestria. Nobody here ever heard of Equestria just like you never heard of New York. I don't know how this happened, okay? But we lost a friend too and we can only assume he's in Equestria in your body. We don't wanna hurt 'anypony', okay? We just want to understand what's going on"

"He's kidding. Tell me he's kidding" Pepper says, watching Banner and Dash through the security camera "He doesn't actually believe this, does he?"

"Actually, Ms. Potts" Jarvis says "Under the circumstances, Dr. Banner's theory is quite sound. I've completed the tests. Mr. Stark's brainwaves are not his. Someone else is using Mr. Stark's body"

"How can that be possible?" Pepper cries

"Honestly, after everything that happened" Steve says "I don't think 'impossible' is a valid word anymore"

"I will free your hands now, okay?" Banner says, untying Tony Dash from the chair "Ain't gonna hurt you…"

"'Hands', huh?" Tony Dash says "Oh, so these must be 'fingers'! Spike has those!" Bruce couldn't help but smile.

But Dash wasn't feeling so cheerful "Spike… Twilight… I'm never gonna see them again…"

"Don't say that!" Banner reprimanded "If there's something I know very well is desperation. Don't ever lose hope. We're gonna find a way"

Tony Dash gives a small smile "You know, I guess you're not a monster like I thought…"

Banner chuckles "If only you knew… There! You're free"

"So" Tony Dash rubs her wrists "What do I do now?"

"Well, you could take a shower" Banner answers with a smile "Bathroom is that way"

"So, Tony is a pony?" Pepper asks Bruce, who have returned to the living room with the others "That's what you're saying?"

"I'm not saying anything" Bruce answers "Whether Rainbow Dash is real or just a fragment of Tony's personality is irrelevant. In the state he was, insisting that he was Tony Stark would have led us nowhere and only made him more hostile"

"And I thought you wasn't a psychiatrist" Clint said

"Psychologist" Banner corrected

"Whatever"

"Anyway, we need to keep humoring him until we get more information" Banner continued "But I have to say: Equestria? Spike? Applejack? The things he said are too oddly specific to be the result of sudden delusions, and he reacted negatively to a picture of a regular pony, which means that his idea of ponies are a little bit different than ours right now. All of this summed to the brainwave data that Jarvis compiled indicate that, as ridiculous as it sounds, Tony has, in fact, changed bodies with an inter-dimensional, intelligent pony"

The room stood silent for a few awkward minutes.

"So, Tony's a pony" Pepper said again "That's what you're saying"

"I miss the 40's" Steve mumbled

Banner was about to answer her, when Jarvis interrupted "Incoming call from Nick Fury"

"Sorry for interrupting your breakfast" the Director of SHIELD said from the hologram screen on the wall "But we need to discuss the Loki situation. Where's Stark?"

"I-I'm afraid he's not here, sir" Banner answered

"I can see that, Dr. Banner. That's why I asked where he is"

"That's the problem, sir. I… We're not sure"

Suddenly, the doors of the living room burst open, and from it stepped in a soaked, butt-naked Tony Dash.

"Guys, look!" Tony Dash said "I have another finger in between my legs, but I don't know how to make it move" Dash stopped what she was saying when she saw Nick Fury on the screen "Is that a pirate?"

"What? No, I'm not a pirate!"

Blushing, Pepper grabbed Tony Dash by the arm and led her out of the room "Don't they wear clothes where you come from?" Pepper asks, embarrassed.

"Only on special occasions"

"Well, here we always wear clothes!"

"Really?" Dash asks, astounded "Rarity would make a fortune here!"

"What the hell was that?" Fury asks, as soon as Pepper and Dash left the room "What's wrong with Stark?"

"I'm not sure that's Stark"

"Explain yourself, Doctor"

"Uh… Well, this will be hard to believe, but… evidence suggests that Tony's brainwaves were swapped with those of an inter-dimensional po…"

"…BEING!" Natasha cuts Banner off "An inter-dimensional being. It may have been caused by the Tesseract, we don't know"

Nick Fury stood silent for a moment as if digesting the information "Well, find out as soon as possible. Over."  He says as the transmission ends.

"Roger that" Natasha says with a sigh.

"No, really" Thor says "This is a jest, isn't it?"

Crossing Over

A magical rainbow beam shoots towards the skies, it builds momentum, and then plummets back down in the direction of a dragon-shaped creature, the beam run circles around the panicking creature as it hopelessly tries to get way. The colorful beams of light begin to involve the body of its misfortunate victim, slowly turning it into stone, as the poor bastard gives one last look of horror, a look that will be permanently frozen on his new stone prison. Unable to close his eyes, the creature sees himself doomed to forever watch the world he would never be a part of. Unable to move. Unable to die. Unable to scream.

'Twas the merciless, cold embrace of friendship.

"Alright! We did it!" cheerfully claims the purple unicorn, the leader of the bunch. Her name was Twilight Sparkle, she was the dedicated pupil of Princess Celestia, the supreme sovereign ruler of the land of Equestria who, despite that, still called herself a princess, not a queen as to not aggravate Princess Luna, her sister, whose inferiority complex already caused her to go full psycho once.

Luna was cured by the same thing that petrified the doomed creature: the Elements of Harmony, six magic jewels that were able solve any kind of problem no matter what. From curing personality disorders to imprisoning omnipotent gods, the Elements have always presented illogical, variable, unpredictable, but still, constantly satisfactory results. The Elements, however, could only work on three conditions: 1) They have to be used together; 2) They have to be used by ponies that embody the particular element they're wearing; and 3) Whoever they are, they need to be true friends, as the Elements are powered by friendship.

Twilight didn't always believe in the power of friendship, in fact, she used to have disdain for all forms of social interaction and an irrational aversion in being called a friend like she was some kind of "friendophobic". Because of that, Princess Celestia sent her to Ponyville against her will, so she would make friends and save the world. Also, being a happier pony, but that was secondary. Ever since then, Twilight writes weekly friendship reports to the princess, telling her of all the valuable lessons she learned that week. Stuff like: "Never judge a book by its cover", "Listen to your friends", "Chew with your mouth shut", and other things that everypony else already learned in kindergarten, but not her, thanks to her socially reclusive and emotionally unhealthy upbringing. She handles it pretty well, though.

The young Ms. Sparkle turns back to look at her friends, the same ones that she made on her first day in Ponyville just in time to stop Nightmare Moon, friends who just happen to be an exact number of six, two of each pony class, and being embodiments of the Elements of Harmony. You call it contrived coincidence, we call it fate! There they were:

Applejack. An Earth Pony. The hard-working farm girl. She's the Element of Honesty, because she's a shitty liar.

Fluttershy. A Pegasus. The delicate, shy animal lover. She's the Element of Kindness, because she's always gentle, loving, and friendly to all animals and ponies, except when she isn't.

Pinkie Pie. The other Earth Pony. The Happy-Go-Lucky Gal. She's the Element of Laughter, because that's a thing. She's not crazy, she's just happy. And she can warp reality at random.

Rarity. A Unicorn. The classy, "looks matter" fashion lover, high-class aspirant. She's the Element of Generosity, because writers think it's clever to challenge other's preconceived notions about attributes they normally associate with shallowness and superficiality.

Rainbow Dash. The other Pegasus. The Jock Girl. She's the Element of Loyalty, because she's extremely loyal to her friends, her princess, and her ego.

And, finally, her, Twilight Sparkle. The other Unicorn. The studious bookworm. She's the Element of Magic, because everything else was taken.

Twilight was lucky to have such wonderful and archetypal friends.

"Yay! We defeated the big meanie!" Pinkie Pie said, gleefully "You know what this calls for? A party!"

"Easy there, sugar cube!" Applejack replied "Discord turned this whole town upside down…"

"Literally" Rainbow Dash remarked

"…we need to make sure that everything is in order before we do anything else"

"Applejack is right! We need to split up and check the whole area from the main square to the Sweet Apple Acres" said Twilight "You find anything strange, you call the others. Okay Rarity I think you should start with—"

"Twilight! Twilight!" Spike the Dragon yelled, carrying a letter in one of his hands. Spike was a dragon that was hatched from his egg by Twilight herself when she was a little filly and, since then, has always been at her side, helping her with anything that she needed. Twilight has never considered him a friend though, because if she had, then she would already know what friendship feels like years before she got to Ponyville, and Princess Celestia's whole point in sending her there would be moot. "Twilight! The Princess sent another… ugh… letter congratulating you for… ugh… defeating Discord. I think I'm gonna throw up…"

"Wow! The news spread fast!" Twilight said taking the letter off of Spike's hand using her magic. She quickly reads over the letter that the Princess wrote from the comfort and security of her castle, the same place from where she sent back all the friendship reports that Twilight have send her (which probably caused severe damage on Spike's health. They need an alternate form of communication) so Twilight would remember what she was fighting for.

Even though the Elements of Harmony were no longer, well, in harmony with her, you would assume that Princess Celestia, one of the most powerful ponies alive, would try to be physically beside her favorite pupil to give support in that time of crisis, but she was too busy doing princess stuff like arranging a boring formal party that she hates, dealing with a pest problem in Fillydelphia, and other stuff that are clearly more important and deserving of attention than a vengeful, malicious and all-powerful entity that is hellbent in bring chaos and misery to everything and everypony in its path.

"Girls, Princess Celestia is inviting us for a 'Thank You' ceremony in our homage!"

"We are going to Canterlot?" Rarity asked "I can't believe it! That's wonderful!"

"But… We've just been in Canterlot this morning…" Fluttershy remarks

"So?"

"Uh… Twilight?" Rainbow Dash interrupts "My necklace was supposed to be pulsing like this?"

Twilight and the other ponies turn their attention to Dash's necklace, the one which held her Element of Loyalty which just happened to have the exact same shape as her Cutie Mark (a symbolic image that appears on the flank of every pony as soon as they find their reason of being) just like all the other Elements had the exact same shape as the Cutie Marks of their owners, because magic.

The lightning-shaped red gem was glowing on and off like a red alert sign "Huh… I don't think that—" was all Twilight was able to say before a blinding burst of red light emanated from the jewel. The red light completely took over the city, before receding back to the necklace and disappearing like nothing happened.

"Wow…" said Pinkie Pie "Do it again!"

"What in darnation was that?" asked Applejack

"I don't know…" Twilight said, rubbing her eyes "We may ask Princess Celestia tomorrow. Are you alright, Rainbow Dash?"

"Yeah… I guess…" Dash answered, dizzy

"You know… You can sit the search out and rest if you want to…"

"Are you kidding?" said Dash "I completely abandoned you guys earlier on the maze! You all had to put up with a lot more than I did today, and you're all probably a lot more tired than I am, so no, there's no way I'm walking out of this one"

Twilight smiled. It was so good to have the old Rainbow Dash back. "Okay, then. Applejack, Pinkie Pie, you two check the Sweet Apple Acres. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy will check Cloudsdale while Rarity and I check the outskirts near the Everfree Forest. After we all make sure that everything is alright, we meet up here and search the town together for anything strange. Okay? Let's go!"

The six friends searched the vicinities thoroughly for anything strange and/or chaotic. Once they were sure everything was the way it should be, they met at Sugar Cube Corner to celebrate and restore their energies. After eating, Rainbow Dash wished everypony a goodnight and flew to a soft, fluffy cloud for a good night of sleep. Today was a tough day and Celestia knows how tomorrow's gonna be, so Dash closes her eyes waiting for the wonders that dreamland will bring her…

"Good morning, sir"

"Just a few more minutes…" Rainbow Dash mumbles, rolling in bed "Wait!" she says, suddenly awake "Who's there?"

"Very funny, sir" the voice answers "Taking the physical and mental exhaustion caused by yesterday's battle into consideration, I decided to delay your wakeup call for two hours. Have I made the right decision?"

"What? I… Who are you? Where are you?" Dash takes a look around the room she finds herself in: a wide white bedroom that seemed fancy, but empty. One of the walls was made of glass and through it she could see the many unbelievably tall and dull-colored buildings of an enormous city. Everything seemed disturbingly alien, cold, and soulless. "Where am I?" she shouts, placing her hooves on her head "Where in Celestia's name am I?!" Dash was suddenly aware of two things: One, her voice didn't sound like her voice, in fact, it sounded rather masculine, and Two, her hooves didn't feel like her hooves. They were not blue, but a pale pink and had five meaty sticks coming out of each. She freaked out. "What happened to me?! What's going on?!"

"I see…" the voice says "I should have delayed it for three hours, then."

"Where are you?" Dash shouts angrily at the ceiling "Show yourself, you coward, and say what you have done to me!"

"Quite frankly, sir, I'm beginning to get worried" the voice answered "I'm calling Ms. Potts"

"And I'm supposed to be afraid of that?" Dash replied defiantly.

But there was no answer. The sudden silence made dash uneasy (more uneasy, that is). She nervously scanned the room, expecting a ninja to sneak upon her for a surprise attack. Her eyes rested upon the large door in front of her. She ponders if she should open it, try to make a run of it. She looks both sides before taking the first step…

The door opens. From it, enters some… thing. It stood on two very tall legs, was very skinny, had small eyes, two freakishly long arms, and its mane was orange-blonde. The thing spoke:

"Tony, what's wrong? Jarvis said—"

"Argh! What kind of hideous creature are you?" Dash shouts, horrified.

The thing took a step back, clearly offended. "Tony, that's not funny!"

"I'm afraid he's not joking, Ms. Potts" the voice said "I've made some preliminary checks on Mr. Stark's brainwaves and they do not fit"

"What do you mean, Jarvis?"

"Jarvis? Have you just called it by name?" Dash says "So, you're allied with the ghost, huh? Well, you two are never gonna get me alive!" Dash hops in the air, trying to fly, but falls and faceplants on the floor. "What the—? My wings! What have you monsters done to my wings?!" she cries.

"Jarvis, can you produce an anti-psychotic?" Potts asks the voice.

"On it, Ms. Potts"

"Who you're calling psychotic?" Dash protested while Potts tried to hold her steady "Take your filthy hooves off of me!"

"Jarvis! Hurry!"

"It's ready Ms. Potts" Jarvis said as a case with a syringe slid off the wall. Ms. Potts grabbed the syringe, ready to administrate it on Dash "This is for your own good, Tony"

"No! Stop! Stay away!" Dash cried as the needle hit her vein "Somepony help! Twilight! Applejack! Flutrblghr…." She mumbled as the medicine took effect. And Rainbow Dash doze off back to slumberland.

*Stark's turn!!*

RAWR!

"What the hell!" the billionaire in a metal suit screamed, waking up from his near-permanent slumber "What just happened? Please, tell me nobody kissed me"

His name was Tony Stark. He's also known as Iron Man as named by a reporter who was a big fan of Black Sabbath. Tony Stark used to be a self-centered, billionaire weapons dealer until he was captured by terrorists and escaped with a suit of armor. Then he became a self-centered, billionaire superhero patrolling the world on his super-suit which would be like if Bill Gates one day decided to pilot a Megazord and stop petty thieves. Ever since coming back from Afghanistan, Tony swore to never build weapons again, and then he started to build weapons again, but for his own use only, because second amendment, motherfucker!

Despite being a civilian with enough firepower to level a small country, the government (mostly) left him alone. I mean, it's not like Tony has an army of those things on his basement that he can control by remote. Now, that would require some accountability.

The reason why Tony almost died was because he had to guide a missile (probably signed 'Fuck You, New York. Love, Hollywood') away from the city and towards the mothership of invading aliens who wanted to enslave everyone. It was a wild weekend.

Tony takes a second to look at the men surrounding him. His fellow fighters who helped him defeat the bad guys. There they were:

Thor. The God of Thunder, which sounds impressive until you realize that thunder is nothing but sound, which makes him the God of Loud Noises. Thor was the prince of the faraway (and by faraway, we mean on the other side of the universe) realm of Asgard. Thor was shocked to discover that his beloved little brother, Loki, had turned evil and would try to bring the end of everything that exists, even though anyone with a little knowledge of mythology already knew that for, like, the last 2000 years.

Bruce Banner. The Hulk. The giant green guy that woke him up. A brilliant scientist who got in an accident that cursed him to turn into an uncontrollable hulking beast of rage every time he got angry, or horny, or any time his heart rate peaked, or when he tried to commit suicide, and then anytime he wanted, and sometimes when he didn't want, and then the beast wasn't that much uncontrollable anymore. You think this is inconsistent? Well, did you know that in the original comics he turned into the Hulk every night like a fucking werewolf? And then there was some shit with alien rays that stuck him into Hulk mode, but susceptible to mind control by an average teenager? Then he only would become the Hulk if he bathed himself into Gamma rays again and then once more to turn back into Banner, and THEN the whole angry thing finally came along TWO YEARS after the Hulk debuted! But still then, if the Hulk got too angry he would turn back into Banner! So, yeah.

When he's not a monster, Banner is Tony's bestie (Don't tell Rhodey).

Steve Rogers. The living legend, Captain America. A scrawny kid from the 40's who turned into a war hero thanks to the purity of his heart and some steroids. Steve was deemed dead at the end of the war but was actually frozen in the Arctic Circle. 70 years later he was thawed out and sent to fight aliens with monsters, flying metal men and Gods, because that wouldn't damage his psyche at all. No, really, it didn't. Everyone he knew was dead, his old morals and ideals were considered antiquated, the world was 70 years ahead of him, and then the world was attacked (and defended) by shit that even modern men was having trouble understanding, but he didn't even seen that much bothered about any of it. He's probably a psychopath. Definitely a virgin. He also smells of patriotism and retirement homes.

Together they were strong. Together they were the Fantastic Four! But then Black Widow and Hawkeye joined the gang pushing up the number of heroes from four to six. So, now they are the Avengers.

Natasha Romanoff. The Black Widow. Former Russian spy, master of manipulation, and ridiculously out of her league under the current situation. She joined the group to resolve personal issues, and also, you know, "Sausage Fest", "Girl Power", that kind of crap. (Nobody ever complains about the lack of male members on an all-female group though. Double-standard sexists!) She did close the portal which killed all the aliens, so there's that.

Clint Barton. Hawkeye. An agent of SHIELD who's really, really, really good with a bow. He joined the group to redeem himself and get revenge over Loki for brainwashing him. Plus, no matter how obsolete and impractical into a war situation it may be, archery is cool in anyone's book. Tony has no idea where Clint is now. He's probably dead. They can mourn him later.

The Avengers were brought together by Nick Fury, Director of SHIELD. Nick Fury wears an eye patch after his left eye was "clawed" off by a Canadian whose name we can't mention because of film rights.

It was at moments like this, surrounded by a giant Gamma monster, a mythological God, a guy who survived being frozen for 70 years, and the corpses of giant, floating space snakes near a building who opened a portal to another dimension powered by a never-ending, perpetual motion energy source, while being watched by a spy agency on a invisible, flying air carrier, that Tony Stark realized that science should be crying right now.

"We won" Steve Rogers said

"All right, yay! Hurray. Good job, guys. Let's just not come in tomorrow. Let's just take a day. Have you ever tried shawarma? There's a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don't know what it is, but I want to try it"

"We're not finished yet" said Thor, referring to his loser brother.

"And then shawarma after" Tony insisted

"Uh… Stark?" Steve asked unsure "Is everything okay with your Arc Reactor?"

"Why?" Tony looks down and sees his chest piece flickering repeatedly "Damn it, Steve! What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!" Steve protested, and before Tony could argue further, his arc reactor shot a Unibeam of blue light towards the sky that blinded the other Avengers. For a moment, Tony could swear that he saw another beam of red light coming from the heavens and colliding with his beam of blue light. And then red became blue and blue became red. But everything was so fast, sudden, and bright, that Stark's brain couldn't process it properly, and with a blink of the eye it was over.

"Oh, wow! That was intense!" Stark said after a moment "Okay, guys, now that we are all properly freaked out, it would be a good time for someone to help me stand before I make another hole in the ozone layer"

"What's the ozone layer?" Thor whispered to Steve who just shrugged and proceeded to help Tony stand up.

"Okay, now" Tony says "Where is the God of Hissy Fits?"

"If I'm not mistaken, Big Guy cemented him in your apartment's floor, Stark" said an almost breathless voice by the radio

"Barton! You're alive!" Stark answered

"What do you mean 'I'm alive'?"

"Nothing. Can you get to the Stark Tower?"

"Sure…"

"What about you, 'Natashalie'? Do you copy?"

"I'm on the tower's roof with Selvig" Natasha answered

"Oh, yeah, Selvig. I forgot about him. Let him rest there for a moment, get a tan. Meet us on my apartment. We have a God to arrest"

A few minutes later, all the Avengers assembled on Tony's apartment, watching as the God of Lies pathetically crawls out of his hole towards the bar, completely unaware of their presence. One has to assume that being repeatedly smashed in the ground by the Hulk would do nasty things to your hearing.

Loki was the cause of all that trouble. Sure, he had his Freudian reasons, but they were just as childish and petty as alternate dimension's Dr. Doofenshmirtz who turned evil because of his lost "Choo-Choo"… Oh, you don't know what I'm talking about? Well, you see, there's this animated movie based on the Phineas & Ferb cartoon where an alternate version of Dr. Doofenshmirtz tries to conquer the Earth by shooting a beam from the top of a building which opens a portal to another dimension for his evil army to pass through… Oh, never mind! Forget I brought it up.

Finally noticing their presence, Loki turns around to face his defeaters "If it's all the same to you" he says, with a faint smile "I'll have that drink now" Tony couldn't help but smile.

After, the Avengers delivered Loki safely to the Helicarrier to be dealt with later, Tony made another call to his girlfriend, Pepper, who, this time, picked up. After their usual banter and Tony assuring her that he's okay, Pepper told him that she should be arriving tomorrow morning, and that they have a lot of mess to clean up. Then they finally had shawarma.

During their bonding supper, Natasha and Clint sat quietly together, eating their snacks, because they totally don't have a thing going on, Steve almost fell asleep on his plate, and Tony kept pestering Thor with questions about how much of what he read on Mythology books was true, like did Loki really convince him to dress up as a bride and pretend to be Freya so he could retrieve his hammer, among other things, all while Banner, now back to normal, did his best to not fall out laughing.

After their dinner, Tony invited all the Avengers to spend the night at Stark Tower, which they accepted. After making sure that all his new friends were comfortable on their rooms, Stark collapsed in his bed, exhausted. Today was a long day, tomorrow will be just as long, so Tony closed his eyes, hoping to be woken up by a kiss from Pepper…

Who opened the window?

Stark feels a cold breeze hit his skin, he tries to cover himself up, but can't find his blanket. He doesn't remember his bed being so fluffy either. He opens his eyes and is shocked to see nothing but blue sky. What happened to my walls? And my ceiling? What happened to my bed?! Stark realizes that he's standing on a cloud, but… that's impossible! You can't stand on a cloud!

"What the fuck?" Stark says, now realizing that his voice sounds girly "What the fuck?" he repeats.

He looks at his hands. They're not hands! They're stumps! Why are they blue? Where are his fingers? Are… are these hooves?! WHY ARE THEY BLUE?! Why does everything look so Technicolor and two-dimensional? What's going on?

Calm down, Stark, calm down. Think, there's gotta be a rational explanation for all of this… Okay, theory number one: I'm high.

"There you are, Rainbow Dash!"

Stark looks down from his cloud and sees a pink pony waving at him.

"Oh, hello there, figment of my imagination" Stark greeted back "What's a 'Rainbow Dash'? Sounds like some kind of cleaning product" Stark wonders if he sniffed Rainbow Dash by accident and that's why he's tripping.

"What?" the pink pony seemed confused, but then smiled again "That's your name, silly!"

"Of course it is" Stark says with a sigh

"C'mon down" the pink pony bounces in the air "The girls are waiting for us at the library!"

"And how do you suggest I get down from here?"

"Huh? Well, you just fly... like always"

"I just fly like always…" Stark repeats, rolling his eyes. Well, it wouldn't be a true fever dream without a flying sequence now, would it? "Okay then, here I go!" Stark jumps from the cloud…

…and falls straight down, screaming.

"Oh my gosh, are you okay?" the pony asks Stark as he tries to get up from the little depression his body formed in the ground. Well, that crosses out dreaming, as the fall would have woken him up. The 'Sniffed Rainbow Dash' theory still stands though. "Why didn't you flap your wings?"

"I have wings?" Stark looks at the sides of his new body and notices a pair of wings "I have wings… Of course I have wings…"

"Dashie, are you feeling okay?" the pink pony seemed worried

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine" Stark said, trying to stand on his two legs "Who are you, anyway?"

"Who am I?!" the pony said, shocked "You-you don't remember? I'm Pinkie Pie!"

"Nice to meet you, Pinkie Pie" Stark says, completely deadpan "I'm Blue Burrito"

"What? NO!" Pinkie Pie cried "Your name is Rainbow Dash! You gotta remember that!"

"No! My name is NOT Rainbow Dash!" Stark shouts at Pinkie "And is not Blue Burrito either. My name is Tony Stark and I had enough of this weirdness!"

Pinkie looks shocked for a moment, but quickly changes into a determined look and starts to push Stark towards the library.

"What are you doing?" Stark tries to resist, but the Earth Pony is too strong for him.

"We're off to see Twilight!" Pinkie said "She'll know what's wrong with you"

"Twilight?" says Stark "Oh, I got it. So, that's what's happening here, huh? I have just crossed over into the Twilight Zone, haven't I?"

"No, not yet…" Pinkie says, and then head butts Stark into the library "NOW we're in 'Twilight's Zone'!"

Stark falls on his back, and takes a look at his surroundings… Pinkie was right… this IS the Twilight Zone.

"Oh, fuck me…" Stark moans as the residents of the library come closer.

Animosity is Science

Twilight has never felt so good.

There she was with all her friends (Well, two thirds of all her friends), ready to travel to Canterlot to receive a homage for defeating Discord. After all they went through yesterday, they more than deserved a break. But the important thing is that they were together, back to normal, and their friendship was stronger than ever.

"Hey, Twilight" Spike the Dragon said

"Yes, Spike?" Twilight replied

"When are we gonna remove Discord from our backyard?" Spike points outside the window at the petrified villain half-covered in moss and bird poop.

"Oh. Well, I'm sure that Princess Celestia will be sending somepony to take it back to the Canterlot Gardens when our chariots arrive"

"Speaking of which" Rarity chimes in "Where are the girls? I, I mean, we don't want to be late"

"I'm sure Rainbow Dash and Pinkie will be arriving very soon…"

As if on cue, the door of the library suddenly bursts open which sends Fluttershy hiding behind a table "NOW we're in 'Twilight's Zone'!" Pinkie shouts as Tony Stark in Rainbow Dash's body (Rainbow Stark) falls in the floor.

"Oh, fuck me" he says as the surprised ponies approach them.

"Pinkie, what is wrong with—?"

"Twilight!" Pinkie shouts "You gotta help! Rainbow Dash doesn't remember me! She doesn't remember how to fly! She fell from the clouds, and hit her head! Now she thinks her name is Pony Spark! I tried to say it isn't, but she won't listen!"

"Calm down, Pinkie, calm down" Twilight says "Rainbow Dash, are you alright?"

Stark looks at the purple unicorn, studying her face for a few seconds before answering

"I'm swell" Stark said with a smirk "What about you, Juniper Lee?"

"Juniper Lee?" Twilight asks confused

"See?" Pinkie says

"Rainbow Dash, you don't remember me?" Twilight asks "It's me, Twilight Sparkle"

"Twilight Sparkle? Really?" Stark asks with a chuckle "Is that because your body glows in the sun like Robert Pattinson's?"

"What?"

"Look, you are all very cute, but I really need to wake up and go home now" Stark says "So, if I may…"

"You ain't going anywhere" Pinkie blocked the door "Twi! Do something!"

"Rainbow Dash!" Applejack shouted "I'm sure you think this is all very funny, but we don't have time for your jokes! The Princess' chariots will be here any minute to pick us up, so we need to be ready and that goes for you too!"

"Cute, you remind me of Pepper" Rainbow Stark said "You even have her freckles! I'm gonna call you Pepper Jr."

"Rainbow Dash is acting really weird" Fluttershy tells Twilight "Do you think she's still under the spell of Discord?"

"I'm not sure…" Twilight says "She's not acting like she did when she was, besides, she's not getting grayer"

"Well, I don't know about grayer, but I definitely got a little gayer" Rainbow Stark says "Will you hallucinations let me go now?"

Twilight frowns "Whatever it is, she's not being herself… Don't worry, girls. I will bring her back" Twilight's horn lights up.

"Whoa! …the hell?" Stark says, surprised, as Twilight touch his chest with her horn.

After a little twinkle, Twilight lifts her head, smiling "Now, you remember"

Stark looks both ways "Ooookaaaay…. I remember what?"

Twilight looks confused "I… but… Let me try again" Twilight touches Stark with her horn again, and then stares at him, waiting for a reaction.

"Are you done?" Stark asks, bored

"I don't understand!" Twilight says "This usually works!"

"Hmm. Déjà vu" Stark says "Look, I would love to quip about your performance issues, but I already did that to another guy and I don't like to recycle material"

Twilight looks frustrated until she gets an idea. Using her magic, she teleports all her reports over Stark's head "Hey, how did you…?"

"Read this!" Twilight tells him "When I forgot about how wonderful my friends were, Princess Celestia sent me these to remind me. It will do the same to you"

Stark shots her an annoyed look. Is this how his subconscious looks like? He's disappointed. Finally, he shrugs and read the letters.

"So" Twilight asks when he finishes reading the last one "Got anything?"

"Yeah, diabetes" Stark says "Look, I don't know who you are, but…"

"ARGH!" Twilight screams frustrated "I'm Twilight Sparkle! I live here in the library, because I'm very studious! That's Pinkie Pie, she's upbeat and parties a lot! Applejack works at the Sweet Apple Acres! Rarity makes dresses! Fluttershy takes care of the animals! And YOU are Rainbow Dash! Likes to fly, likes to compete, likes to win! WE'RE BEST FRIENDS!" Twilight puffs "You… Do you remember any of that?"

Rainbow Stark stares at her for a few seconds, before rubbing his temple "Oh, fuck… there's no way I'm making this up… This is real… Unreal… Look, I… I don't know how to say this, but… No. I don't remember any of that. Because there's nothing to remember. I'm not who you think I am. I'm not Rainbow Stash"

"Rainbow Dash!" Applejack yells

"Yeah, that" Stark replies

"I told ya already. This is no time for ya pranks!"

"I'm serious!" says Stark "I have no idea what happened or what's going on, but yesterday I was a man who went to bed on his penthouse, today I woke up as blue, winged horse on a cloud. There are so many things wrong with that last part that my brain is still processing it. I'm not your friend. I may look like her, but I'm not her. As a matter of fact, I'm not even a her, I'm a him"

"So, your name really is Pony Spark?" Pinkie asked

"No, my name is not Pony Spark"

"But you said your name was Pony Spark" Pinkie replies, suspicious

"No, I didn't, Tinkie Tie"

"Is this possible?" Rarity asks Twilight

"I don't know" Twilight answers lifting some random book off the shelves "There may be something about body exchanges somewhere around here, but I don't know. I've never heard about anything like this outside of Pony Tales."

"Couldn't you use the Elements to bring her back?" Spike asks

"Hey, what are you supposed to be?" Rainbow Stark asks Spike, noticing him for the very first time

"I'm a dragon"

"A dragon?" Stark asks "So… shouldn't you be, like, trying to eat them or something?"

"What?! No!" Spike says, shocked "I don't eat ponies, I eat gems"

"I'm very tempted to go back to my 'I'm high' theory right now" Stark says, more to himself than anything else.

"We can't use the Elements, Spike" Twilight answers him "We need everypony for them to work, and Rainbow Dash's not here, so her element won't…! HER ELEMENT!"

All the ponies and Stark turn their heads to Twilight. "Her Element! Of course, how could I be so stupid? That red burst of light of yesterday... That is the cause of this!"

Stark now remembers yesterday's Unibeam and how it seemed to collide with a 'red burst of light'. Things are starting to make sense… kind of…

"The Elements can do that?" Fluttershy asks

"I don't know" Twilight answers, quite frustrated. She hated not knowing things, and today was surpassing her quota of 'un-knowledge', and it wasn't even noon! "Let's be honest, nopony really knows exactly what the Elements can or can't do… except, maybe… Spike! Take note"

Spike diligently grabbed his pen and paper, ready to transcribe Twilight's letter.

"Oh, so you're like her secretary, or something?" Stark asks Spike

"Spike does everything I ask him" Twilight answers "He writes my letters, he cleans the library, he organizes the books, and he makes sure that everything that was needed to be done was done" Spike gives a look of proud satisfaction

"Oh, so he's your Jarvis" Stark says, turning to Spike who doesn't look so proud anymore "I'm gonna call you Jarvis Jr."

"What's with ya callin' everypony 'Junior'?" Applejack asks

"That's right! I forgot about you, Pepper Jr.! Now I just need a Rhodey Jr. and a Happy Jr. and the whole gang will be here"

"Oh, oh" Pinkie says, waving her hoof around "I wanna be Happy Jr.!"

"Sorry, but you're too happy to be Happy" Stark answers

"Aw…" Pinkie moans

"And by the way" Stark says to Applejack "I'm not calling every pony 'Jr.', you're the only pony I have called that. He's a dragon"

"Yeah, but… we use 'pony' for everypony 'round here" Applejack explains

"Really? Don't you think that's a little racist?"

"What's 'racist'?"

"As I was saying" Twilight interrupts, irritated "Spike, take note: 'Dear Princess Celestia, I'm sorry to inform you that the celebration you generously arranged on our behalf will need to be postponed. Rainbow Dash is not being herself, and we suspect it may have something to do with her Element. Do you know anything about the Elements that could allow a pony to become somepony or something else? If not, do you know if anything else could do it? We will try to solve everything regardless of your reply. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.' That's it, Spike. You can send it" Spike nods, rolls the letter, and burns it with his breath.

"You wrote all that just to burn it? Why? She didn't pay you this month?"

"This is how we deliver letters to Princess Celestia. She must be reading it right now" Twilight explains

Stark blinks. He opens his mouth and then closes it. He opens it again, and then closes again. Finally he says "So… We're just gonna wait now?"

"Uh… yes"

"Sorry, no offense, I'm sure Princess Bubblegum is a very wise monarch, but I don't take backseats. I'm a proactive kind of guy" Stark says

"But we can't do anything!" Twilight said "We don't know anything about the Elements"

"I know everything about elements" Stark said smugly "I created one in my garage. I'm a genius, did I forgot to mention that?"

"Oh, really?" Twilight says, unimpressed "So, I guess the genius here would know what the six Elements of Harmony are, right?"

Rainbow Stark's face loses its smugness "Uh… yeah, of course… the six… Elements of Harmony? Yeah, uh… Air, Fire, Water, Earth, Heart and... the Element of Surprise?"

"No" now it was Twilight's turn to look smug "Honesty, Loyalty, Kindness, Generosity…"

"…Abstinence and Civic Duty. Got it"

"…Laughter and Magic!" Twilight concludes, irritated "Now, I hope the 'genius' won't mind, but I'll wait the reply of somepony who actually knows what she's talking about"

"'Laughter and Magic'? We had a guy who did magic and liked to laugh back in my world, harmony wasn't his thing"

Before Twilight could answer, Spike burps Princess Celestia's reply.

"Yuck!" Rainbow Stark says, disgusted "You're gonna touch that?"

Twilight just shoots him an annoyed look before reading "'To my dedicated student Twilight Sparkle, I'm sorry to hear about your problems, but I'm afraid I don't know about any spells that would allow such a thing. If the Elements of Harmony really caused one of your friends to turn into somepony else, it's unprecedented and there's little I can help with. However, I deeply believe that my favorite pupil will find a solution like you always did. Princess Celestia'"

"In short: 'Fuck you, you're on your own'" Stark quips "Look, I know I don't know much about the 'Elements of Harmony', but trust me, I'm a fast learner. I can help you and I want to solve this as much as you do. Do you have any kind of space that could serve as a workshop, you know, someplace with computers, microscopes, or anything that was made after the 17th century?"

"Twi has some fancy looking machines on the basement" Pinkie says

"Great! But I will still need some materials… Excuse me" Stark says, grabbing a piece of paper and a pen. He starts to write but stops, looking at his hoof "I'm holding a pen… with a hoof… no fingers… You know what? I'm not gonna question it" He goes back to his list, checking twice to see if he didn't miss anything.

"I need to use your fax" Stark said, moving towards Spike

"My what?" Twilight asked

"How do you input the address on this thing?" Stark asks while pressing Spike's face

"Hey! Quit it!" Spike says, annoyed

"Your fax is broken" Stark tells Twilight

"MY NAME IS NOT FAX!" Spike yells

"Shut up, Jarvis Jr." Stark says "Do you have any post office on this town? You know, mail? That doesn't involve magic fire?"

"You want a tour?" Pinkie asks, excited "I wanna do it! I wanna do it! Let me do it"

"Great idea, Pinkie" Twilight says, looking for any excuse to get rid of whoever was inside Rainbow Dash for just a few minutes "You may escort… uh…"

"Stark. Tony Stark"

"…Stark through Ponyville. Show her, sorry, him everything, and help him with his list, mail, and… well, whatever"

"That will be so much fun!" Pinkie hops with glee "Follow me, Pony Stark"

"After you, Tinkie Pie"

"What a rude little…" Applejack says, after the two ponies left the library "Ya know, he kind of reminds me of a snob cousin of mine from the Orange side of the family who lives in Manehattan. His name was Mandarin, I think. I betcha he and Stark would get along really well"

"I'm sorry, girls" Twilight says "It seems we won't be going to Canterlot any time soon"

"We understand, dear" Rarity says "Let's hope we'll find a way to bring Dash back"

The ponies give their goodbyes to Twilight and go back to their homes. Twilight and Spike search through all the books of the library for something, anything that could help them understand what exactly is going on and what they should do. The research proves fruitless as Spike grows tired and Twilight frustrated. They barely noticed that three hours had passed and that Pinkie and Stark were just arriving back to the library.

"…but that was before the pickle sandwich exploded" Pinkie tells Stark "And that was how Equestria was made"

"You lost me after flying competition in Cloudsdale" Stark replies

"Oh, hi Twi" Pinkie says, looking at the piles of books covering the floor "Redecorating?"

"Let me guess" Stark says "You didn't found anything"

"No" Twilight confesses "What about you?"

"Well, after Cotton Candy Hair here took me all over the place, I managed to find a hardware store. They didn't have everything, this being middleagesville…"

"Ponyville" Pinkie corrected

"…well, as I was saying…" Stark tries to continue, but a grey, winged pony flies past him, colliding against the library wall, holding a big box.

"You got mail!" Derpy says

"Well, that was fast. Color me impressed" Stark says

Twilight takes the box from Derpy who flies away "Wow, that's heavy!"

"Yeah, that's for me" Rainbow Stark says, grabbing the box

"Excuse me" Twilight says, holding the other side of the box "But this is addressed to me, see? 'To: T.S.'"

"Yes, 'To Tony Stark'" Stark says, pulling the box to him

"No. To Twilight Sparkle!" Twilight says, pulling the box back to her

"Tony Stark!" Stark pulls the box

"Twilight Sparkle!" Twilight pulls back

"Tony Stark!"

"Twilight Sparkle!"

"TONY STARK!"

"TWILIGHT SPARKLE!"

"Tony Starkle! Twilight Spark! Tara Strong!" Pinkie cheerfully chimed in

"Look, Stark" Twilight said, irritated "It doesn't matter how you're called back where you're from. Here, you're not 'TS'. Here, you're 'RD'"

"Yeah, RD Junior" Spike says with a smirk

Rainbow Stark shoots a 'Really?' look to Spike before turning to Twilight "Look, Sparkle. It doesn't matter how I'm called anywhere. This is for me. I ordered it to be delivered here from the hardware store. It's my tools, see?" Stark opens the box, showing an assortment of lab tools.

"Oh… uh, sorry" Twilight says, embarrassed.

"It's okay" Stark says "You're paying for it, after all"

"WHAT?!"

"I told them to put in your tab. I don't have any money here, and I deduced you'd have plenty since you're close friends with the royalty" Stark explains, carrying his box towards the basement "Besides, I will pay you back if you ever visit my dimension. I'm rich, fid I forgot to mention that?"

Twilight just looks incredulously at the audacity, as Rainbow Stark carries the box down the basement.

"Also, I would like if you, Mushu, and the rest of the Care Bears would meet me down here in two hours if possible" Stark shouts down from the basement.

Twilight sighs. This will be a long day.