Without You

by Bootsy Slickmane

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Death, Sad, Octavia
Length: 1859

Octavia has something she's needed to say for some time. It isn't easy for her to say, but it must be said all the same. On her latest visit to an old friend, she decides to finally get it off her chest.

Octavia has something she needs to say. It's something she's needed to say for some time. Something that isn't easy for her to say, but something that must be said all the same. On her latest visit to an old friend, she decides to finally get it off her chest.

Published 2014-07-09 22:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-09 22:50:03 UTC

Without You

Octavia's eyelids slowly lifted as the carriage came to a stop, pulling her from her memories as the momentum shifted her forward a little in her seat. The sound of hooves on dirt drifted into the carriage, and her eyes turned to her left as the little wooden door nearby opened.

"We're here," said the purple-coated stallion outside, his words barely above a whisper.

"Thank you, Parish," the mare said as she stepped gingerly out of the carriage, her expression neutral. "I'm sorry that I've involved you in this so; I'm sure it must be rather awkward for you."

"Don't worry about it, Octavia." Parish gave a dismissive little wave of his hoof, adding, "It's not my first rodeo, so to speak. I'll be waiting here for you. Take as long as you need."

Octavia gave a short nod, turning her eyes away from the stallion and toward the wide expanse of green that stretched out before her. Silly as she knew it was, the place always sent a little chill down her spine whenever she saw it. "Hauntingly beautiful" she once called the place, especially at dawn or dusk. She couldn't see the beauty anymore, though. Not since she'd ever had real reason to come.

She took one step toward the field, but found that her other hooves didn't want to leave the dirt road beneath them, as though they were staked to the ground. Parish gave her a sideways glance, his eyes bearing an uncharacteristic amount of concern. He opened his mouth, but closed again it when Octavia finally took her second step. Her stride remained unbroken after that as she made her way beyond the old, wrought iron gate and over the dry grass. She silently thanked the weather team for not making it rain today, else she might have drowned from the downpour of cliché. She hadn't brought an umbrella, either, nor any sort of clothing. Even her signature bow tie was left lying on a dresser somewhere back in Canterlot.

It didn't take her long to reach her destination, and she came to a stop a few feet from the little landmark that she knew so well. She only stared down at it for a few seconds before speaking. "Hello again. I hope you don't mind if I skip the pleasantries this time, but there's something that I need to say. It's about you and I, you see. It's something that's been on my mind for a while now, and it may not matter anymore, but I feel that I just need to say it, alright?"

Silence greeted Octavia, as it always did in that place, and she took in a deep breath before continuing. "I love you, Vinyl; I have for years. It took me a while to fully realize it, but I do. I know I've said it countless times, but it's never been any less true. You may not have said it so incessantly as I, but I know you loved me as well. You didn't have to say it so often. You were always a mare of actions above words, and you showed me that you loved me far more than you ever said it. Perhaps more than I did myself, but you never complained. We were two sides of the same coin, you and I. Of course, not everypony agreed with that bit of sentiment.

"My family told me I was a fool. I don't remember if I ever mentioned it, but they always hated you. They told me I was settling for a mare far below myself. They said that you were a bad influence on me. They said that you were dragging me down and holding me back, and you know what? They—" Octavia had to pause for a few seconds to steady her nerves, sucking in air through her clenched teeth. It took her a moment, but she finally forced out what she put off saying for so long. What she had to say. "They were right."

She shook her head, a light breeze rustling her mane against her neck. "They were right, Vinyl. I could never see it before, but you were bad for me. Since we started seeing one another, I let my career fall further and further by the wayside. By the time you moved in with me, I rarely even played outside of the occasional concert for some high-paying noblepony with his nose in the air and an ego bigger than his house, and that was only ever for the money. My passion for music had faded. My heart just wasn't in it anymore. It was in your hooves, instead."

Octavia paused for a moment, choking on the words trying to push their way out of her throat. She shut her eyes, two teardrops making their way down her face. "You stole my heart, Vinyl. Stole it. You snatched it away from me, and with it you took my career, my old friends, my family, and even my passions. You took them all away and replaced them with your antics, your music, your body—" Octavia stopped again, biting back a sob before continuing, "and your love."

Octavia drew in a shuddering breath, eyes clamped shut. A hoof went up to her muzzle briefly as she stifled a squeak. "My family was right, Vinyl," she said, dropping her hoof, "and I couldn't see it until it was much too late. All the time that we were together, I was tightly holding the hoof that was holding me down, and I didn't notice. You brought me down and kept me there, distracting and shielding me from the dark world we live in with the happiness and love that we shared. Maybe I'm an idiot for not catching on, but I'm paying the price now."

The mare opened her eyes, tears flowing freely as she did so. "Have—have you ever seen a coin that only has one side? Of course not." She shook her head momentarily, a little sniffle leaking from her muzzle. "It's not possible. You can have a coin that's the same on both sides, or even half blank, but you can't have a coin with only one side. You can't take away one side without destroying the other." She shook her head again, eyes squeezing shut.

"I can't—" Octavia bit her lower lip, draping a foreleg over her muzzle as she fought her own tears. She wiped them away, only to be replaced as she said, "I can't go on, Vinyl, not without you here with me. You broke me like one of your records. I used to think I was a tough, independent mare that could handle anything in Equestria that was thrown at her. For... for a time, anypony you asked would tell you that I was right, but the years I spent with you robbed me of that talent. I came to need you more and more, unable to manage my own life without my beloved there to help me through. I never noticed because you were always there for me, helping me and giving me support. But now..."

She sank slowly to her shaking knees, the grass just barely tickling her chest as her nose almost reached to ground. "Now you're gone," she barely squeaked, punctuating her statement with a sob, "and I can't face the dark without you. You taught me—conditioned me to depend on you and then you left me behind. I know you didn't mean to, but you did it all the same. I'm a broken mare, Vinyl, and it's all your fault."

She raised a quivering hoof, pointing it at the double eight note carved into the pale slab of stone in front of her. "You... you..." But she couldn't get the words to leave her throat, instead bringing her hoof back to cover her face once again. She rubbed at her tear-stained coat as she tried to compose herself, but her speech was no match for her own emotions.

Slowly, unsteadily, Octavia raised her head to stare at the words etched below the cutie mark she'd become so familiar with, the image blurred by the unending flow of tears. A grimace took hold of her face as she stomped a hoof against the dirt beneath her, forcing herself to continue on to the most important thing she had come to say. "But do you know what, Vinyl? My family wasn't right about everything."

The gray-coated mare clenched her teeth, struggling to control her own tears as she steeled herself and stood back up. She narrowed her eyes at the short, flat stone at her hooves. "Vinyl Scratch, I never settled for you. If anything, you settled for me: a foolish mare who couldn't run her life and love you at the same time. You were always stronger than me; you had to be, for my sake. You not only kept yourself afloat, but myself as well. You were the most wonderful mare I've ever known, and every naysayer who said we were a poor match can go crawl into a changeling hive covered in Hearts and Hooves Day candy. I love you, and I know you'd still love me if you were alive, and that's all that matters."

She stopped suddenly, closing her eyes yet again as a breeze moved over her coat. She inhaled through her nose, taking in the early morning scent of the graveyard that she'd hoped to never become so familiar with. Her eyes opened, turning sideways toward the sun as it rose in the east, its light casting long shadows across the field of gravestones and monuments. She turned back down to the stone that marked the last place Vinyl would ever rest.

"I forgive you," Octavia breathed. "I know you never wanted to hurt me like this, and I know how upset you always got when you couldn't do anything to lift my spirits. You may have ruined me for a life without your presence, but I still love you, and I forgive you."

Octavia sighed with relief, a weak smile gracing her lips as her eyes turned skyward. "I forgive you," she repeated, looking back down at the stone. Her smile faded as quickly as it came, and she sniffled ever-so-briefly. "I wish you could say something, because I have nothing left. I just thought I'd let you know. I know that you would hate to see me like this, and I'm trying to cope. Everypony always thinks it, and many even say it, but I don't think I'll ever really move on. You might want me to, as uninhibited a mare as you were, but I can't make any promises, save one..."

She knelt down on the grass, this time by choice. "I'll never forget you, Vinyl Scratch." She placed a hoof down on the grave marker, running it across the carving of the late unicorn's name. "Not ever."

Octavia stood up after that, walking away and back through the cemetery on Ponyville's outskirts. She looked back over her shoulder only once before climbing into the carriage and heading back to Canterlot.