Benjamin Johnson, Battlony

by aricaitlyn

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Romance, Adventure, Random, Princess Celestia, Human, Main 6, Lyra
Length: 7483

While on a long car ride, Ben is stranded at a rest stop in the Kentucky area with no way back home. He finds that a legion of ponies are sent from Celestia with intentions to kill.

"Moving day. Just hearing that phrase gave me an odd feeling in my stomach. Katie had seemed so optimistic, so ready to leave. I didn’t want to leave Indiana, leave my friends, leave the middle school I was enrolled in. Life was pretty sweet here.

"The thing is, my dad got a new job. He works in medicine and was promoted to a higher rank. That’s good for him. The only bad news is that we’ll be on the road forever to get to where we’re headed." - Benjamin Johnson

This is based on a real non-brony named Ben, who actually helped me write a good chunk of this around 2011-2012. Some mild -ish language, cartoony violence, and romance.

Published 2012-04-29 23:34:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-13 21:53:49 UTC

Accidental Abandonment

Ugh.

I've been sitting in this car for two hours next to my siblings, Nick and Katie. My dad just had to play all this old music, which just sounds like a bunch of dudes screaming and getting their fingers caught in their guitar strings. Nick and Katie are arguing about something stupid and childish. I‘m really surprised that I've thought twice about slapping them silly. In the meantime, I’m focused on the screen of my Mac laptop. My crush and I have created a website using our school file drives. It’s pretty cool. She focuses on making it look nice (isn't that what girls are supposed to do?) and I get to do all the cool tech stuff, like forums, games, and hidden links. Together, we make a pretty sweet team. At the moment, I’m revising our homepage, which has gotten a bit bulky.

The car stopped. I pulled my head up and saw that we had parked at a rest stop. Oh, thank God. I had to pee so badly, I thought I was going to explode. I closed my laptop. Mom let the kids out and I followed, heading straight for the restroom.

After using the bathroom, I began walking down the hallway of the rest stop. It was a pretty nice place. They had maps, vending machines, and even a little arcade. I made my way into the main room, but my family was nowhere to be found.

“Mom? Dad?” I called out, much to the surprise of onlookers.

Maybe they’re out in the car already, I thought. With that hopeful thought in my mind, I dashed out to the parking lot to get back in the car.

The car was gone.

I began to panic, but then I calmed myself down with some deep - albeit shaky - breaths. I looked down the hallway hopefully. I found a payphone, thank God. I paid a quarter and punched in my mom's cell phone number. “Hello?”

“Who is this?”

“It’s Ben.”

“Ben? Oh, thank God you’re okay! Where are you?”

“I’m at the last rest stop, Mom. Are you going to get me?”

My mom sighed loudly. “We would, but…the car broke down. I am so sorry.”

“It’s fine, Mom. Really. I’ll find my way around. Plus, I’m smart, I've got a bit of cash on me…I think I'll be fine.”

Mom sighed. “Nothing more for me to do than wish you luck. I love you.”

“Love you too.” I hung up the phone and walked back outside.

Red Herring Lemonade

I left the rest stop and began walking around. According to the map I had picked up from the front reception desk, I was in Kentucky. I think I’d been here before, maybe on a vacation or to see relatives.

A small building on the corner caught my eye. It wasn't just the fact that it was just a small, locally-owned lemonade shop (I was pretty thirsty, though), it was in literally the middle of nowhere. The road that the rest stop was located on had stopped, marking this as a dead end. I was almost to the door when I heard a noise. It sounded like hooves trotting against dirt. Before I knew it, I was standing face-to-face with a pony. Her coat color was tan and her eyes were bright red. Her mane was a mix of red, green, and earthy brown. Her cutie mark (is that the word?) was a vibrant green cactus, despite the fact that there were no cactuses in Kentucky. Probably.

"Hi!" she squeaked, distracting me from my over-analysis of her little pony body.

I waved. “Uh, hello.”

“Welcome to town!” She grinned and offered me a cold glass of lemonade, almost out of nowhere. I took a sip, and it was quite refreshing.

"Thank you." I grinned, trying to act hospitable.

“You’re very welcome, Ben.”

I took another sip. “Wait, how do you know my name?”

The pony giggled and disappeared. The lemonade glass dropped out of my hand and broke on the concrete. I was confused. How could she vanish just like that? Am I hallucinating? What was in that lemonade she gave me? I shrugged it off and entered the building called "Donna's Deserted Lemonade Bar".

The bell above the door rang as I stepped in. The room was full of people sitting at cafe tables and sipping lemonade, but instead of looking happy and hospitable, they looked outright terrified. One of the women, a middle-aged blonde, sat in the fetal position. Another customer, a man, hid under his table and gripped a Swiss army knife in his shaking hands.

A girl about my age wearing an apron and a gold locket stood behind the counter, polishing a glass with a washcloth. Her hands were unsteady and shaky. "Oh, hi," she said meekly. "I'll be with you in a minute. Take a seat at the bar."

I took a seat and she stood up fully. She put a glass on the bar and filled it with fresh lemonade from a pitcher. "Lemonade, on the house."

"Thank you," I replied. I took a sip.

"Have you been seeing those ponies, too?" the girl asked, her voice tremulous.

I immediately spit my lemonade out in shock. "So I'm still sane?!"

"Of course you are," she replied, turning to clean another glass. The back pocket of her jeans was exposed, and I saw the tip of a blade poking out.

"A blade? What's that for?" I asked.

She spun around and got in my face. "It's to protect myself," she said through clenched teeth.

"The ponies," the girl continued, retracting the blade. "Everyone can see them. They’re real, and they’re why my parents up and left town. They couldn‘t handle it, but they…left me to defend myself."

"Sounds a heck of a lot like my story,” I said.

“Your story?" She folded her arms on the bar. "What happened?”

I sighed. “Well, I’m supposed to be moving from Indiana to North Carolina. But my mom left me at a rest stop. By accident. Heh heh. And the car broke down. Better to be here than to be in a broken-down car with my chaotic family. I guess.”

“Oh, that sucks. Sure hope you get to see your parents sometime.” The girl tilted her head down, her auburn bangs falling over her eyes.

“I’m really sorry about your situation, miss. Really wish I could help.” I freed my arm to stroke her back.

“Thanks,” she said softly, biting her lip. Her voice sounded thick, almost as if she was about to cry.

“No, d-don’t cry. We can help ourselves here,” I reassured her, stroking her back.

“How?”

I immediately pulled back my hand and blushed. “Uh..."

"How?" she repeated.

"By fighting those ponies.“ I tried to sound brave, but it probably came off as cheesy. “Are they evil?”

The girl nodded. “Yeah, they’re pretty bad, but I've been fighting them for a while, ‘cause nobody 'round here has ever seen talkin' ponies. Most of the people who are still around live in fear of the ponies, as you can see.“ She held out her hand for a handshake. "Name's Donna. I'm thirteen years old, and a Level 10 fighter. What's your name?"

"Ben," I replied, shaking her hand. "I'm twelve years old, and I don‘t think I have a level."

“Well, you must be new here, Ben,” Donna said sarcastically. “You met with Froot Loop yet? She and the Applejacks are on our side."

"Froot Loop?" I asked. "No. But I did see a cactus pony. Tan-colored? Offered me lemonade?”

Donna shrugged. “No clue. Probably a deceiver pony.”

“Deceiver pony?”

“Sent by Celestia to mislead you. Y'know. The red herrings of the pony world,” Donna stated.

“Ah.”

“Well, are we gonna see Froot Loop and the Applejacks, or not?” Without an answer, Donna grabbed a sword and shield from behind the counter and began to drag me out the door.

"Donna, I don't think this is such a good idea. They‘re ponies. We're humans. If there’s anything I learned in school, it’s that opposites do not attract.”

Applemeeting, Appleventure

Donna finally ended up in front of a large barn. I knocked on the door weakly.

She smirked. "That's not knocking, you baby." She began to bang on the door, leaving a small dent in the already-decaying wood. The hinges squeaked as it opened. An orange pony with freckles, a blonde ponytail, and a cowboy hat stood behind it. It was Applejack, I think.

"Oh, howdy, Donna!" the little pony said, smiling. She nodded towards me. "Ah'm Applejack. Mah cloned relatives and Ah used to live in Ponyville, until The Solar Empire ordered an attack on the humans somewhere between…Indiana and North Carolina. An' who might you be?"

"Ben," I replied, thinking a "Hi, my name is" sticker could come in handy real soon.

"Anyway", AJ drawled, "perhaps ya'll should meet mah other cloned relatives."

She opened the door all the way to reveal a roomful of orange ponies. Each one looked like her, but they all had different traits and abilities. In the center stood a smaller filly, who I assumed was Froot Loop.

Froot Loop trotted up to me, eyes opened wide. "Wow," she said, amazed. "Is that a wrench cutie mark?"

"What?" I asked. I then lifted my finger to my left eyelid. I had forgotten that in sixth grade, my eye got into a fight with a table. Needless to say, the table won. I had to get stitches. "Oh," I laughed. "It's a scar, not a cutie mark."

"Oh, alright," Froot Loop replied, nodding.

I changed the subject. "How many ponies are there?!"

The original Applejack smiled. "About 45 in this room. But scattered 'round the barn 'r 'bout a hundred more."

"But why are there so many?"

"Princess Celestia felt as though you humans were a threat. So she sent us t' a magical mirror pool deep in the Everfree Forest so that we could clone ourselves. Ah've got clones, Twilight's got clones, shoot, everypony in Equestria has at least one clone! So the attack was planned...an' here we are!"

Froot Loop scurried her way to the front of the pack and looked straight up at me. She came up to my knees in height. "Hi there, newcomer! I'm Froot Loop!"

Suddenly, my level screen appeared again.

Congratulations! Because you have met your game leader, you have been upgraded from LEVEL 1 to LEVEL 2!
We award you with one (1) COPPER SEXY SWORD, one (1) COPPER SEXY SHIELD, and one (1) NOT-SO-COPPER SEXY BICYCLE HELMET!

After Donna and I got the ponies to join us, we set out to defeat the rest of them. I assumed that the ponies we needed to defeat were evil, but I still didn't understand why Applejack and her clones was on our side. My palms were growing sweaty from holding my weapons, and I felt lightheaded. I could really use a snack. We ended up in a forest, with a couple of wilted apple trees scattered around.

"Land sakes!" Applejack cried out with glee. "Ya'll hungry? Me and mah sisters'll buck ya some apples!"

Donna and I nodded. Scoutjack stepped up to a smaller tree and bucked it with her hind legs, releasing apples onto the ground with a mighty plop. Dozens of apples fell without a care as Froot Loop, Applejack, Doctorjack, Healerjack, and Battlejack bucked the trees with their hind legs. We picked up the apples and put them in Donna's bag for the long journey ahead. Just as we were headed that way, Donna suddenly stopped. Her hands were shaking and she looked like she was about to vomit.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

"I sense it," she replied shakily, holding her drooping head up. "T-the Rainbow Dashes are on their w-way!"

"Oh, no!" I cried. "But what will we -"

She cut me off rudely and stood in front of me, her feebleness suddenly vanishing. "I'm the only human 'round here who can take 'em. Wait here, Ben. I'm gonna go look for 'em." Donna walked off and I began to follow her.

"Donna, are you keeping those apples? Me and the Applejacks will starve!"

"Yes," she replied hurriedly. "I'm gonna need them more than anyone else.” She turned to me, grinning. “And in a pinch, pony flesh is delicious over fire or raw."

"But what about me?" I asked, disregarding the thought of eating ponies. "I'm gonna get hungry sooner or later, and, well, isn‘t friendship supposed to be magic? Donna, am I just not that important to you?"

Donna turned on her heel and gave me a look. "Ben, you're very important to me. But I'm keeping you safe this way by doing it myself. I know you've faced a deceiver before, but there are much worse things than deceivers, like the Rainbow Dashes and the Twilights..."

"But where were you?"

"I was washing the dishes and I heard something outside. There you were with a deceiver. Then you came in, and I asked you 'bout it 'cause I knew." She began to get shaky again. "Now, I've gotta go. I'll leave some apples and lemonade for you." She shuffled through her bag and pulled out a bottle of lemonade and three apples.

I watched her walk out of the forest, but immediately stopped watching her when I realized that the ponies behind me began to eat my food. "You guys!" I began to complain, almost like a little kid. "These are for me! And you obviously know I won't eat after a pony!" I stood up, gulped, and held my weapons loosely, adding, "Because I'm following Donna!" I grabbed the lemonade bottle and ran off.

Attack on Benjamin

"Donna?" I called. "Donna? Where are you?"

The sound of swords clanging caught my attention as I ran out of the forest and straight onto a flat battlefield surrounded by Rainbow Dashes. Donna turned around mid-conflict, shocked to see me. "Ben? I told you to stay back!"

Behind her, a regular-sized Rainbow Dash was plotting a sneak attack, but Donna held out her fist, knocking the pegasus to the ground. "Whoa, guys, time out," she told the ponies, making the "T" signal with her hands. She moved her hands to her hips. "Well? Aren't you gonna tell me why you're here, Ben?"

I grinned confidently. "A girl can't leave without a little muscle! Check out this gun show!" I stupidly held up my scrawny, bony arm.

Donna began to laugh. "'Gun show'? Looks more like a 'water gun show', if you ask me. Ha!"

"It's not my fault I'm so dang scrawny. Blame genetics and...uh, metabolism."

Donna pushed back her auburn bangs and smiled. She put my hands in hers and I was embarrassed to notice how tiny my hands were in comparison. "See? You admit it. You're not strong enough to do this, so you should go back home." She pointed her finger into the forest, as if I were a bad dog. "Go. This's for your own good."

"My own good?" I repeated.

Donna nodded. "Now go on. Shoo."

I hung my head down. "Okay. See you later?"

Donna grinned. "Just so long as they don't take me hostage."

I trudged through the forest, leading my army of stomachache-stricken Applejacks out to the battlefield, with young, happy Froot Loop skipping in front, wearing her shining armor and some saddlebags. "Come on, ya slowpokes!" she exclaimed cheerily. "I'm so psyched to defeat these Lyras!"

I did a double take. "Lyras? What are Lyras?"

"Well, Lyras are green unicorns. They're into humans. And I know they're hard to beat, but I think you should know that I'm always here to help when you or anypony else gets hurt!" She dug in her bag and whipped out a first-aid kit. "There's another one in here if we run out. I even have medicinal leaves from the Everfree Forest, in case of injury, sickness, fatigue, or injury!"

"Ya said 'injury' twice," Applejack mumbled, kicking a pebble with her hoof. Froot Loop didn't hear her, or at least acted like it.

"Everfree Forest?" I asked. "Sounds dangerous."

"Oh, it’s not that bad," Froot Loop replied. "It just seems creepy if you've never been through it yourself."

We stopped walking when we had made it all the way to the battlefield, where the large army of mint-green, human-obsessed, lyre-strumming unicorns were waiting atop a hill to charge.

"Oh....my...Celestia," the Applejacks said in unison.

"That's a lot of Lyras," interjected Healerjack.

"Just enough to kill," replied Battlejack with an evil grin. She pulled out her sword and trotted out to a section of the battlefield where everypony could see her. Come at me, bro!“ she screamed at the top of her lungs. The Lyras charged in a hypnotic blur of green, all except for one, who trotted up to me with a shocked, fascinated, and confused expression.

"HUMAN!" she shouted.

The other Lyras turned and came after me, shouting "HUMAN!". They knocked me to the ground without a care. Soon, I was covered in muddy, dusty hoof prints and small scratches that began to bleed.

Froot Loop returned the favor. "Coming, Ben!" She kept me on the ground, adjusting herself to place glittery Band-Aids all over my various cuts and scrapes. The mint unicorns scattered like ants once my wounds were covered and cleaned.

"Thanks, Froot Loop," I said weakly. Froot Loop held out her hoof. I wasn't sure exactly what to do, but I gave her a bump, my fist against the smooth, slightly furred edges of her hoof.

I heard an odd sound. It was my level-up!

Ben, for being so epic, you have been upgraded from LEVEL 2 to LEVEL 3!

We award you with one (1) SILVER SEXY SWORD, one (1) SILVER SEXY SHIELD, and one (1) NOT-SO-SEXY SILVER BICYCLE HELMET!

My head, which had apparently been held up by Froot Loop's hoof, suddenly fell from her grasp. Everything turned blurry, then completely black.

Broken Ribs And Relocated Friends

The next thing I remember, I was lying in a bed. A thick quilt covered my body.

"Ben, you can't train anymore. You could get hurt, and die!"

I opened my eyes sleepily. "Well, if it comes to that..." I moaned, sitting up with my arms out like a zombie.

"No!" Froot Loop shouted, pinning me down harshly with her hoof. "You've gotta stay in bed while I check your ribs. I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure they're broken."

Now it was my turn to say no. "I've got to train and level up! And more importantly, I need to get back home!"

She sighed. "I understand that you want to kill all the ponies, except for the Applejacks and me-"

I heard a loud gasp. I turned my head sharply and tried to support myself enough to see out the open door. Lyra was eavesdropping on us!

"-rest," Froot Loop finished. "As a favor, I'll clean and shine your weapons, okay?"

I threw a pillow from my bed across the room to Lyra, who trotted off in fear.

Froot Loop looked at me strangely. "Did you just throw a pillow at Lyra?"

I nodded and smiled, surprised that she realized that. "Did I just level up? I thought I heard my 1-up noise." Off-topic, I added quickly, "Are there any mushrooms to eat or shells to kick?"

Froot Loop looked at me oddly. "No. I'm gonna go and get a drink for you. You want some lemonade? A sandwich?"

"I'll take a sandwich, I guess, " I replied.

She turned and began to walk out, but stopped when she saw Lyra lounging in a recliner and eating from a big bag of chips. I sat up painfully and watched, turning my neck to see the ponies in the foyer. "Okay, where did you get those?" Froot Loop asked.

Through chewed-up bits of chip, Lyra replied, "Bon-Bon packed them for me in my saddlebags."

"I'll take some chips!" I shouted.

Froot Loop didn't hear me, but Lyra sure did. "Sorry, random voice from down the hall, there's only enough for me."

"Lyra, can you take care of Ben for me?" Froot Loop asked. "He's been acting really...strange lately, and I think his ribs are broken. I don't know anything about human anatomy, but you definitely do."

Lyra got up from her chair. "Sure. Where is he?"

Froot Loop pointed in the direction of my room and Lyra stepped in. "Hey, Ben."

Before I could even react, Lyra lowered my hand and chuckled. "I'm not going to hurt you. Really. I just want to see how badly your ribs are broken."

I sighed, having given up a possible fight. “Alright.”

She felt them softly with her hoof. "Yup. Those are some broken ribs if I've ever felt any. My bad. But don't worry! I know what to do!" With a magic spell, my ribs were wrapped in a comfortable gauze.

I relaxed and lowered myself into my pillow.

"Better?" she asked. I nodded and fell into a relaxing sleep. Lyra snuggled up next to me. I could hear her breathing. It was pretty cute. Isn’t this a brony’s dream come true or something?

There's something on your chest. Get up. It's hurting you. It's heavy. Get up. Get up now.

"Hello?"

Get up. Get up. Get up. Ben, get up now.

"You awake, Ben?"

My eyes opened to find something green laying on top of me. I could see that it was breathing, and it looked like it was asleep. It was pretty heavy, but somehow, in my half-asleep brain, I figured that if I sat up, it would fly to the other side of the room and hit the wall. Maybe it would splatter, too, just for the heck of it. I began to sit up, but it didn't budge. Instead, it wrapped its arms around me in some sort of a hug. The mysterious green thing moved its face closer to me, and I saw that it was Lyra Heartstrings, the criminal pony scum whose tribe broke my ribs accidentally/on purpose (I‘m still not sure).

“Lyra?“ I asked, my throat dry. “Have I been asleep for..." It felt like forever.

She smiled and shifted her weight, making me groan in pain. "Yep. All day."

I cracked a smile and weakly reached my arm towards the nightstand, where my glasses were. It took me a bit more of a stretch. I wiggled myself a bit further, and, almost there...

“Crap!” I shouted as my glasses fell to the floor. I cringed, praying that they hadn't broken. Without hesitating, Lyra picked up the glasses and fixed them with her magic. She put them on my face, then regained her position as pony-queen, using me as her throne. I panicked and tried to push her off. She was heavy and made it harder to breathe.

"What are you doing?! Ben, have you lost it?" she exclaimed.

I groaned. "Lyra, you're hurting me!"

"Sorry." The green unicorn blushed. She began to relocate, hurting me more in the process. I finally sat up when she was back on the ground. "Ben, you obviously need breakfast," she informed me. "You're paler than Rarity. Come on, we've got Apple Jacks."

Lyra led me into the kitchen where Froot Loop was frantically searching for a box of Froot Loops (I lived to see this moment). Applejack bucked a bowl of Apple Jacks (another moment I was born for) across the floor, sending milk flying. Healerjack cleaned up the mess with her white lab coat and handed the bowl to Battlejack, who placed it directly on the table.

"Thank Celestia! I'm so hungry!" I sat down, grabbed a spoon, and began to dig in eagerly. Lyra put a hoof to my mouth, nearly toppling the bowl.

"Ben? You do realize we have to say grace, right?"

"Fine. Praise Celestia!" I exclaimed loudly, throwing my hands up in the air like some sort of brony preacher. "Whatever. Can I eat now? I've missed three meals and before that, I was living off apples and lemonade!"

Lyra tsked at me and gestured for the Applejacks and Froot Loop to sit at the table. They closed their eyes and put their hooves together, leaning their heads towards their bowls. I reluctantly did the same, and wondered if I could sneak a bite or a sip when nopony was looking.

"We thank Our Majesties Princess Celestia and Luna for this fine meal..." Applejack began.

"But enough of the boring crap, let's eat!" everypony finished.

Lyra lifted her toast to her mouth, but immediately dropped it back onto her plate. "Wait, guys, aren't we supposed to eat when everypony is seated?"

I nodded mid-slurp and swallowed my cereal chunks. Lyra narrowed her eyes at my bad manners. "Yeah. Donna's not home yet. How long has she been gone?"

"Eight weeks," Froot Loop replied.

I gulped again, hard cereal scratching my throat. "And my ribs were healing for...?"

Lyra smiled enthusiastically. "Eight weeks! Eight great weeks of human examining! Bon-Bon was wrong. I know humans inside and out. And around. And…upside-down-wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey."

I still couldn't believe that Donna had been gone for so long. I stirred the spoon around in my cereal. Apple Jacks and cinnamon flakes went spinning like a tornado, and my milk turned an odd brownish color. I spooned up three pieces and stuffed them in my mouth.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Lyra got up from her seat and beamed herself to the door. She used her magic to open it, and standing outside was a very battered-and-beaten Donna. She had scratches all over her face, and it looked like the biggest scratch, one on her left arm, was about to become a scar.

"Donna!" Lyra exclaimed, leaping up to give her a hug. "We all thought you were dead! Come in, come in!"

"Through all that trouble, I might as well be." Donna stepped inside and turned to me. "Ben, you're lookin' strong. What've you been doi-"

"Sleeping," I interrupted.

"Sleeping, huh? Sleeping is healthy. Wish I could sleep all day." She poked me in the chest. "I think you're getting thinner, too. Lose a few more pounds and you'd be a supermodel, Ben."

I blushed. "So...how was it? You do anything interesting?"

"Nope, not really."

"Take any pictures?"

Donna sneered. "What do I look like, a tourist? I was fighting for my life, not hanging out at Niagara Falls!" Donna led me from the table into the bedroom where I had been recovering. She shut the door behind her and slipped off her apron.

I blushed. “Donna, this doesn’t seem right.“

She chuckled. “I don’t like you that way, Ben. I’m just getting my apron off.“

I blushed again, my middle-school maturity showing through.

I noticed that she was wearing a light gray shirt with an interesting phrase written across the chest. A four-legged creature was underneath. Couldn't tell what it meant, though, but it looked like a jersey for some kind of cult sports team of brownies. "Anyway, since you haven't been practicing and leveling up like you should have, I felt that it was only right to train you using some new methods I learned."

I was amazed. "I thought the Equestrians were against us. Where did you learn new moves?"

Donna gestured out the window to a mountain peak. "Up at the top of that mountain is a guru. He knows everything, and he entrusted me with this information to tell you." She reached into her apron pocket and pulled out a manila envelope. "Be very careful with this, Ben. This has some top-secret information in it. You can't show this to anyone until the time is right."

I opened the envelope and pulled out its contents. "Generation 3 My Little Pony™ licensed sweatbands and wristbands? Striped leg warmers? A mix tape labeled '80s Training Montage'?” I narrowed my eyes at her. “What are you trying to tell me?”

She put her finger to my lips. "Shhhh. Nobody will know the details. Come on, get dressed in a tank top and shorts. Oh, and some good sneakers."

I looked down at my long-sleeve shirt, dusty jeans, and grubby hi-tops.

Donna looked at me again, remembering how I ended up here. "Oh, right. I guess you can borrow something of mine."

"Isn't there another option?"

"No. Wear my girly clothes or sweat to death."

I sighed and began to dig around in the bedroom drawers.

Ain't No Rest For The Wicked

I gasped and leaped out of bed, silver shield and sword in my shaking hands, and helmet on my head. Donna followed, looking terrified. "D-don't hurt me!" I shouted shakily. "Whatever you d-do, you c-can't..."

But it was too late. The ponies formed themselves into a green changeling army.

"FROOT LOOP, HELP ME!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

She trotted towards me, politely cutting through the crowd of changelings. She looked sickly. "S-sorry, Ben, I can't help you..." She dropped her saddlebag on the bed. "I have to move on. T-to a better place."

Her limp body fell to the ground. I usually don't cry, but here I was, bawling my eyes out over a pony.

I crouched down to the floor, where she lay. "Froot Loop, please, stay with me.." I began to give her mouth-to-mouth, then blushed and realized how awkward this was.

Donna looked down at me. "Ben, she's long gone. She's..." Her voice began to get shaky, and her lip quivered. "D-dead."

She burst into tears and buried her head into my shoulder. I got back up on the bed and gave her a big hug. "Donna, it had to happen eventually. We've still got Lyra, and more importantly, we have ourselves." I swallowed nervously and wiped my tears. "Donna, I-I-I..."

"You love me?" she asked, looking at me.

I blushed and felt my face turning redder than a tomato. "Yes."

She smiled. "That's all I need to know."

The brunette waitress swept me up in a kiss. My heart was running marathons. My stomach was turning. This didn't seem right, but again, it was alright for a first kiss.

She released as the changelings crowded us. We swung our swords together, slashing them into green puddles of goo. Fighting ponies was fun enough, but fighting them with the girl you love? That makes all the difference!

We had slashed every changeling in sight (and hit Lyra ten times by mistake; it's not easy being green), but Greenie, the head honcho, remained.

"I told you I'd be back," Greenie sneered in her obnoxious voice. "I told you you'd see! But what did you do? You fell in love!"

Donna looked at her. "You need love? 'Cause we'll give you love." I blushed, my mind in the gutter.

"I DON'T NEED LOVE! I NEED TWO HUMANS TO DIE!" Greenie shouted.

"NOT ON MY WATCH!" I retorted.

Donna and I slashed her to bits. It seemed that Greenie's bark was bigger than her bite.

"I guess she was too weak!" Donna exclaimed, wiping sweat from her brow.

"Oh, I wouldn't be giving myself an award quite yet..." I replied nervously. The changeling rebuilt herself behind us, cackling evilly.

Soon, "hack and slash" was my new mindset.

Hack, slash, repeat. Hack, slash, repeat.

"Is she dead yet?" Donna asked.

Lyra, who had locked herself up in the closet with a slight concussion, replied, "Yes.”

Sticky green changeling goo covered the carpet. That's right, the changelings were dead once and for all.

Donna kissed me again. I stopped her mid-smooch. "Wait, where are my level-ups?!"

As if on command, I heard some 1-up sounds, each one ringing in my ears loudly. On Level 10, the screen showed a phrase. I read it aloud. "'Congratulations, BEN, you have finished the level and are now able to return home. On our part, we present you with a BRONY shirt. You are now 20% cooler.'"

The frilly pink shirt that Donna lent me was suddenly replaced with a light gray one that read "BRONY" across the front. A picture of Rainbow Dash was underneath the words, her cutie mark colored in red, yellow, and blue. I realized that it was the same shirt Donna had been wearing. So it wasn’t a brownie team after all. That’s kinda disappointing; it sounded delicious.

"That's it?" I griped. "That's the ultimate prize? I nearly lost my life and went into two comas for this - is this from Hot Topic? I've never been! - but..."

The screen flashed again. I read the phrase. "'Your Majesty Princess Celestia would like to award you with something in pony.'"

The screen vanished. The white alicorn appeared before my eyes, shining her light over all the changeling goo. She had wavy, colorful hair, a crown, shoes, and necklace, and a sun on her buns. She was beautiful, and looked like she had some kind of high power over us. I had heard of her before from my friend back home, but I had no idea that she was as amazing as advertised. The only Celestia I had ever seen was my little sister's talking Princess Celestia, which was colored in a painful shade of pink. This regal alicorn looked nothing like the toy. She looked better than some cheap plastic misinterpretation.

The princess looked down at me. Even on all fours, she was much taller than me. "Congratulations, Benjamin Tyler Johnson,” she said, her voice smooth and beautiful. “You have completed your quest and are now in level 10."

It was only natural for me to begin hooting and hollering like a crazy person. Donna joined in. We began running around the room, shouting like crazy people. We high-fived, fist-bumped, and kissed again. This was definitely something worth celebrating, but Celestia thought differently.

"Benjamin," Celestia began. Donna and I stopped in our tracks as Celestia turned to us. "Your ultimate reward is definitely worth smiling about," she finished, using her magic to pull out a pink rhinestone-coated comb. She handed it to me. I felt the magic tingling against my palms. Or was that the cheap glitter paint?

"This is it? That's the ultimate prize?" I repeated.

The princess gave us that same "but wait, there's more" look and turned to the tape recorder. She used her magic to transform it into an iHome with an iPod Touch attached to it. "There's only one song, and it's for you."

I walked towards the iPod dock and pressed the play button. "Sexy and I Know It" by LMFAO came out of the speakers. Donna and I began laughing. Celestia looked at us like we were crazy, then rolled her eyes and smiled. "I knew you two would start laughing." Then she disappeared into thin air, leaving the comb and iHome in her midst, and leaving us to continue laughing immaturely until the song was over.

Donna stopped mid-chuckle and looked at me. "You know, Ben..."

I stopped laughing and sat up. "Yeah?"

She picked up the pink comb and ran it through her brown bangs. "When you came here, I was just making small talk. I didn't really like you then."

I blushed. "But I liked you this whole time. I blush a lot. I was surprised you didn't notice."

"But I did notice. And as I helped you level up, I noticed more and more of your true self. You're a great guy." Donna looked down. "It's too bad you have to leave."

I felt the heat getting to me as she looked at me. I was so deep in thought, but she interrupted the process by asking me, "Did you learn the magic of friendship?"

I started to laugh again. "No, but I did learn that brown-haired waitresses are great, sexy weapons are very great, and..." My eyes darted to her locket. I pointed and asked, "What's in there?"

Donna gulped and opened the necklace, revealing two pictures. "These are pictures of my mom and dad," she said, her voice getting thick. "The Equestrians got them. I haven't seen them since."

Suddenly, the princess returned for no reason. I shouted, "Seriously, where do you even come from?!"

"I come from everywhere, child." She turned to Donna. "I forgot that I had a prize for you, too."

Celestia began to apologize like crazy as she returned two adults: one male, one female, both with dark hair like Donna's. "Mom? D-dad?" Donna stood up to hug them. "I missed you so much!"

"We've missed you, too," her mom said.

Donna's mom gave me a look, as if to say, "Who's this?"

Donna returned the look and gestured to me. "That's Ben. He's really sweet, and he got lost here. I guess he doesn't know where his parents are, and they haven't come back, so..." She looked up at her parents with puppy-dog eyes.

Her dad nodded and smiled. "Yes, he can stay with us. He'll be like a brother to you."

Suddenly, I heard a phone ring. My ears perked up. I had no idea there were phones here.

Donna picked it up. "Hello? Oh, hi. Yes? No, but he's here. Oh, you're...Ohhh. I get it." She pressed the receiver to her shoulder. "Ben, it's for you."

I took the phone from her. "Hello? Mom? How did you...what did you...where are...You heard there were...creatures here? Yeah, they were like the ponies Katie plays with. Almost exactly. But much bigger. There were about a hundred of them. They took care of me. Then I killed them."

Mom gasped on the other end.

"It's fine. Really. It wasn't gory. It was like Minecraft. You kill an animal, they turn red. These ponies just fell to the ground. I'm fine," I repeated over the phone. "There's a really nice girl here, and her family, too. They said I could stay with them. I'll keep in touch, I promise. You'll call when you find the time? Great. Snail-mail? Awesome. Bye, Mom. I really miss you. Tell Katie, Nick, and Dad I say hi." I hung up the phone and ran to hug my new family.

Lyra finally came out of the closet (get your mind out of the gutter right now). "Hello! Did I miss anything?"

Donna walked up to the mint pony. "Well, Celestia came, apparently we're 'sexy and we know it', I found my parents, and Ben's going to live here. But other than that, you missed nothing. Just regular, everyday stuff. How is it in that closet?"

"Oh, it's great!" Lyra replied, holding up a bag. "There are potato chips in there!"

Epilogue

Out of nowhere, my pockets began to buzz, like I had a phone in there. I felt around in my jeans pocket for the culprit, and pulled out another transparent level screen, displayed on an iPhone. This time, Froot Loop's familiar pony face was closer than before. "Thanks for playing," the screen read in its familiar bluish hue. A manly tear reluctantly dripped down my cheek.

Donna saw the screen from where she was standing and came to my side. "Something wrong, bro?"

I wiped my tears and held out my hand for a handshake. "Good game."

FIN

Author's Note

Thank you for reading.

This tale's been through many a revision. I was finally prepared to "grow it up" and make it seem less like a brony fantasy and more like one of those nice tween novels I'm ashamed to love. And I may have succeeded. Or failed.

Thanks again for reading. I'd send this to the real Ben, but I doubt he's still interested. He's definitely grown up since the very beginning of the story.

-Rocket Slug

Moving Day

“Ben, wake up!”

I opened my eyes. My younger sister, Katie, was staring straight at me. I screamed, not expecting to see her face first thing in the morning.

“Wake up, Ben!” she repeated, beginning to shake my shoulder. “Today’s the day!”

I plucked her hand off my shoulder and grabbed my glasses from the nightstand. “Today’s the day?” I asked.

Katie nodded. “Moving day!” She threw her hands up over her head and spun around in a little dance. Katie left the room, still spinning and dancing.

I pulled myself out of bed (well, just the mattress; Mom had stripped, washed, and packed the sheets already) and stretched, making a dying-pterodactyl sound as I pulled my arms up.

I sighed. Moving day. Just hearing that phrase gave me an odd feeling in my stomach. Katie had seemed so optimistic, so ready to leave. On the other hand, I didn't want to leave Indiana, leave my friends, leave the middle school I was enrolled in. Life was pretty sweet here. The thing is, my dad got a new job. He works in medicine and was promoted to a higher rank. That’s good for him. The only bad news is that we’ll be in the car forever to get to where we’re headed.

I stepped out into the hallway, which had become a treacherous sea of boxes. I was lucky if I made it into the kitchen without tripping over and breaking an empty box. Fortunately, I was able to make it in without a hitch. I sat down at the table (actually, just another cardboard box) and poured myself a bowl of Froot Loops. I grabbed a small carton of orange juice from the fridge and gulped it down.

After breakfast, I went back into my room and began packing the remainder of my stuff into a box. Crayons? In the box. Drawings for my crush that I never got to finish? In the box, unfortunately never to be seen by her eyes. I took a second look at the drawing as I put it in the box. For my crush, I had drawn some “My Little Pony” characters, seeing as she obsesses over that show so much. A clumsily-drawn Applejack stood next to the random pony that was purple. What was her name again? Twilight…something? Considering that I have never been a fan of that show, it was a pretty good drawing, but I had given her tons of my old drawings before I left.

“Ben, help me out with these boxes!” my mom shouted from the living room.

“I’m coming!” I replied, leaving the picture behind.

The Danger Zone

"Are you ready?"

"I'm ready."

"I said, ARE YOU READY?!"

"I'm ready!"

Donna turned on her tape recorder.

We jogged in place until my ankles began to ache.

I ran until I ran out of breath.

We lifted weights until I nearly collapsed from holding two pounds in midair.

I pounced on Lyra, and actually enjoyed myself.

Lyra pounced on Froot Loop, smiling.

We pounced on every Applejack in sight while most of them were just going about their daily business.

Everything a good montage needs. You know, minus the parts where I felt like I was going to die.

Sweat dripped down my forehead and caught itself in the My Little Pony™ sweatband. My arms were constantly moving, and my legs, too. It actually felt nice to do something other than sleep, but when you're sleeping, there's really no risk of twisting your ankles or running out of breath.

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

Lyra, where did you come from?

Get your hooves off me!

You're heavy!

Why did you pounce on me?

"I came from my mother, I am keeping my hooves here, it‘s kinda obvious, and this is just revenge for what you did before," Lyra replied.

I stared at her, stunned. I was pretty sure I didn't say those things out loud. How did she know?

"I'm a mind reader, Ben."

I suddenly fainted, my weak body and this sudden realization just being too much for me.

"Is he going to be okay? It looks like a concussion."

"I'm not sure. He shoulda worn his helmet."

"Is he going to level up?"

"Does he need apples? 'Cause I got some, in my bag..."

I opened my eyes to the sight of Donna, Applejack, Froot Loop, and Healerjack. Again, I was in the apple-quilted bed. I lifted my head, then lowered it immediately. "W-what happened?"

Lyra leaned forward at me and smiled. "I'm a mind rea-"

Froot Loop covered Lyra's million-miles-an-hour mouth. "Too much has been going on around here, Ben. We have to tell you the truth."

I began to get a sick feeling in my stomach. "The truth?"

Applejack whistled, and 144 Applejacks came in, hooves trotting. "I'm...Greenie," she said.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"Greenie. The shape-shifting changeling you met. I'm Greenie, she's Greenie."

The rest of the orange mares finished in unison. "We're all Greenie."