The Warrior

by Dubious

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Anthro, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Adventure
Length: 16348

After Awaking from two thousand years imprisonment in Tartarus, Equestria plays host to an Ultimate Fighter.

Two thousand years imprisoned in Tartarus for the near genocide of an entire species. One has to ask, how such a being wasn't taken out by the elements of harmony. The short answer? They dodged it. The long answer? They dodged it like a ninja. Now awakened and free, they shall bring forth a thousand years of darkness and ruin, or get drunk and pass out at the nearest pub. Either/or really.

Note: Need more suitable coverart. Also this is a LoHAV, so leave if you're gonna hate for just the premise.

Published 2014-07-31 07:00:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-26 17:08:04 UTC

Chapter One

Deep within the frozen pits of Tartarus sat a lone figure. Propped against this lone figure was a simple katana in a black and gold sheath, nothing too glamorous. But should one have it within their power, they would be able to detect vast amounts of power emanating from this simple object. However, applying the same methods of perception to its owner would yield a dormant mind lording over incomprehensible amounts of sealed power, the merest trickle ever breaking away from the colossal mass of writhing power. Surrounding this figure was a vast and intricate rune array, the sole purpose of which was to keep the being in its centres mind dormant, least they awake and seek vengeance. Bordering this array were the various denizens of the frozen hell hole the figure was in. They were all looking on in fear and apprehension of the figure, awed by the sheer magnitude of its power. Though their distance was more in part due to the array knocking out anyone that should enter it than any respect, they all wanted the sword the figure possessed.

A loud cracking sound echoed throughout the cavern as another prisoner was attempting to escape, and failing miserably. But their failed attempt at escape did yield one positive result, a large chunk of ice fell from the ceiling and shattered, breaking the array and removing its hold on its captive. Cried of abject horror resounded from the opportunists as they fled, knowing the being would immediately seek to try and escape, most assuredly succeeding. As the being began to stir, the sounds of further fighting echoed around the area, causing them momentary confusion. Opening their eyes, a pair of jet black eyes, each adorned with a single sickly yellow iris. Looking around, a sickening series of cracks emanated from their neck, eliciting a sigh of relief. Grabbing the sword in one hand the figure rocked forwards into a crouching position before standing up to a crescendo of cracking and popping bones.

Stretching with hearty enthusiasm the figure then proceeded to dust itself off, scattering particles of snow and ice to the floor. The moment the figure took a step forward their leg was immediately tangled up in ankle length black hair. Smacking into the floor with a grumble, the figure untangled its legs and set about straightening its hair. After several minutes of hard labour and increasingly profound expletives, the figure had its hair straightened enough to allow for a casual walk. As it proceeded to do as such, the sounds of fighting faded, the prisoner having either successfully escaped or been subdued, either way, the figure was going to leave and there was nothing anyone could do about it. As the being neared the walls of the pit, they merely sighed before crouching and jumping, easily clearing the entire height of the cliff. Landing on the top of the cliff they spotted a pair of towering gates in the distance. Judging them to be the exit, the being set off at a relatively casual, for them, pace. Rocketing past startled guards and prisoners alike, the being merely disregarded them and continued at their blistering speed of several hundred metres per second.

After a solid ten minutes running, the being finally came to the doors. Standing in front of said doors were none other than Tirek. Staring at the centaur with an impassive gaze, she witnessed him push a series of random rocks, which caused the massive gates to open just enough for him to squeeze through. Deciding that exiting through the already open gates would be easier and more stealthy than destroying them completely, the being darted through them after Tirek, who had noticed their presence and turned to face them. However the moment he laid eyes on the figure he let out strangled scream of terror before finally speaking. "H-hello there, Audrey, you wouldn't happen to NOT want to kill me, would you?"

"No." Audrey said. Breathing a sigh of relief Tirek suddenly found himself hurled back into Tartarus. "I'm still a dick by the way!" Audrey called out as the doors slammed shut. Turning away from the doors, she noted she was in a cavern with no entrances other than the massive gates behind her. Shrugging, she proceeded to rapidly punch a wall. After a few short minutes, she had punched a fairly long tunnel in the wall of the cavern. Several more minutes later she had punched a hole clean through to the outside. Looking about she saw she was on a snowy mountain peak with a massive staircase descending to a desert valley below. Groaning at the prospect of climbing down all those stairs, she instead jumped onto a slope and slid down. Upon reaching the bottom of the mountain, she began running towards a town she had stopped in the distance.

Some many minutes later in a random desert

Continuing on her way, Audrey caught sight of a town in the distance. Deciding that decelerating from Mach speeds near civilization wouldn't be a wise first re-impression, she slowed to a more sedate pace. As she neared the town, she spied a rather large apple orchid. Noting that the town must rely on apples as a primary trade good, she slowed even further to a walking pace as she neared the outskirts of the town. As she entered the town, the various pony denizens froze upon seeing her. Raising a quizzical eyebrow at their actions, she raised her arm and waved, the motion apparently having changed into a statement of ill intent during however long her incarceration was. Sighing at the idiotic nature of the ponies, she slid the sheath of her sword through the various cloth loops on the back of her pants, but much more closely resembled a mass of ragged black fabric. Both her hands free, she proceeded towards what she guessed was a bar, judging by the scent of ethanol emanating from it.

As she neared the bar, she caught sight of ponies fearfully peeking out at her from behind curtains and overturned carts. Sighing again, she entered the bar, where a herd of ponies was hiding behind a barricade of upturned tables. Manoeuvring the tables with ease, she sat down at a stool in front of the bar and tapped the service bell. This series of actions caused a murmur of confusion to spread among the ponies as a griffon totting a handlebar moustache approached her. "how may I help you... Sir?" The griffon said after a few seconds of looking over Audrey, who to her credit merely face planted on the counter in front of her.

"I'm a girl." Audrey moaned from her position on the bar top.

"Oh... How may I serve you ma'am?" The griffon asked again.

"I'd like a shot of whiskey."

"Of course, that'll be three bits."

"Do you accept dragon scales?" Audrey asked sheepishly.

"Why do you even HAVE dragon scales." The bartender asked as he passed Audrey a shot glass full of whiskey.

"Because I killed a dragon once?" She offered, much to the apparent disgust of the ponies present if some of them vomiting was any indication. The griffon however merely whistled.

"Dayum, even killing a baby dragon is a challenge for most ponies. How'd you pull it off?"

"I punched it." Audrey replied, downing her shot and placing a scale the size of her palm on the car top.

"... To get a scale that big, you'd have to have slain a dragon at least five hundred years old." The bartender said in awe.

"I actually only gathered the thirty odd scales that flew off when I punched it. It probably survived. Probably."

"You say that like punching a dragon so hard its scales fall off is an EASY thing to do."

"I'unno, I was drunk at the time, don't remember the events well."

"I'm beginning to feel you're piggy backing off of a group of adventurers deeds and trying to get free alcohol from it. By the way, you now also have a pre-paid tab of five thousand bits due to the worth of that scale you gave me."

"Neat. I might just get drunk and rent a room."

"Very well, and what will be your choice of intoxicating substances?"

"I think I'll start of with a keg of beer, followed up by a..." Audrey began before freezing and falling forwards unconscious.

"Did... Did she just pass out drunk after only a single shot of whiskey?" One of the ponies in the background asked, peaking from behind an overturned table.

"I believe she just did. How could someone have such a low tolerance to alcohol and yet look like flipping a house is a casual act." The bartender said with a sigh, motioning for two stallions to take Audrey to a room upstairs to sleep it off.

One drunken slumber later

Audrey blearily opened her eyes to take in the early morning sun streaming in through the curtainless windows directly across from her. With a groan she sat up and rubbed her eyes. Looking around she saw two ponies sitting at a table playing cards. She then threw the covers off herself and stood up from the bed, earning her a look from the two ponies. Paying them no mind, she turned towards the door, where a full length mirror was hanging. Said mirror was reflecting an image of her completely naked. Slowly turning towards the ponies she said one simple thing.

"The fuck are my clothes?"

"We took 'em to be fixed up at the local tailors, should't be more'n a couplea hours 'til they're mixed." One of them replied, scratching his scraggly beard.

"You ponies are all the same, helping people when they don't ask for it."

"Why'n ya callin' us ponies? Can't ya see we're Equines?" The other asked, this dark brown skin somehow glistening despite a lack of sweat.

"It's an insult you idiots. I made it up when I first got here." Audrey face palmed.

"Why'd ya'll design an insult for yer own species? Seems kinda dumb ta me."

"Not a pony, I'm a human. Deal with it."

"Don't be ridiculous, yer jus' a regular earth equine like us." The first one said.

"Bitch, I eat people."

"A'course ya do, yer prolly one'a them streetwalkers from Manehatten." The second replied.

"You have five seconds to leave before I redecorate with your internal organs." Audrey growled, which kicked the two stallions into gear as they scrambled out of the room. With a sigh Audrey sat down on the bed. "Great, now I have to reintroduce an insult to an entire species. Hopefully hatespeech weekly still exists. Man were those some racist fuckers." Stretching out, she then relaxed on the bed, thinking on how to get her clothes back. After several minutes pondering she had a brilliant idea. "I know! I'll just walk there... Completely naked... In a town that appears to only consist of men... Okay that seems stupid now." Realising the severity of her situation, she sighed once more before closing her eyes. Focusing, she managed to activate her sixth sense and began probing the entire town with it.

Slowly building a mental map of the town, she completely missed the rooms door opening and a figure entering. She did notice when said figure threw a pile of clothes on her. Snapping her eyes open in fright, she turned to look at her aggressor, a moderately tall, well built tanned and, admittedly, all-round hot dude. Looking at her chest she noticed what looked like a pair of briefs, some jeans, a plaid shirt, a leather belt with a steel buckle and a pair of cowboy boots. "The fuck are these for?"

"Well, me 'n the bartender worked out a deal, you'll work in the apple orchid for your duration in town, and he'll let you stay here."

"I was actually only passing through, don't exactly intend to stay."

"Well now, that don't sound right. People usually come 'ere for the work opportunities, only mah cousins ever stop by on visits, an' even then they stay fer a few weeks."

"I'm... Touring the country?" Audrey unconvincingly lied.

"Sure ya are, now get dressed an' I'll met you downstairs." The man said before exiting the room. With a groan Audrey flopped back onto the bed.

"Fuuuuucking ponies." She breathed. Standing up again she rapidly dressed and approached the window. Looking for any latches on it, she looked up at a sudden tapping, spying a pegasus standing on the awning outside and shaking his head. With a smirk, Audrey went back to looking for latches, which she inevitably found. Flicking them up she opened the window fully. The pegasus merely gave her a sour look.

"Yer not thinkin' of jumping out tha window, are ya?" He asked.

"I was thinking about it. Now I'm doing it." Audrey replied, hoping out the window and onto the awning.

"Now why'd ya go do that? From what Braeburn told me you ain't a pegasus."

"Simple, I don't want to be a farmer, my skillset lies more in the ultimate warrior area."

"Ha, no offense, but I doubt they'd let someone as scrawny as you in the guard."

"Very well, then I shall display my strength. Plus, who said anything about joining the guard?" Audrey replied with a knowing smirk.

"Fine, beat me in a race to the orchid and I'll say yer worthy, but AFTER we go and get Braeburn."

"Fine, but then I'll show you true speed."

"Ain't no earth equine ever beaten a pegasus."

"Then let us go down." Audrey replied, stepping off of the awning and falling to the ground below, much to the pegasus' shock.

"Whoa!" He exclaimed as Audrey walked off the awning. Swooping after her he tried to grab her before she hit the ground, only to miss. Arresting his own descent he watched as Audrey impacted the ground and was none the worse off for it. "Him, you must be one'a them endurance trainers." He remarked.

"Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night." With their little exchange out of the way, they turned around just as Braeburn exited the bar with a scowl on his face.

"Did ya really try'n pull a runner?" He deadpanned.

"Yes, tried being the operative word."

"That was a three story drop, no way anyone less than a trained guard could take an impact like that, yer just lucky Spring Turner here was handy."

"Actually, Ah couldn't catch her in time."

"... Oh... Well then, you'll be plenty useful at the orchid."

"You got a train station here?" Audrey suddenly asked.

"Yes, but the next train ain't scheduled to arrive until tomorrow."

"Fuuuuck." Audrey moaned. "Then I guess I'll help at your orchid for today, coz tomorrow I'm going somewhere not here."

"How could someone with your attitude ever get into the guard academy?" Braeburn muttered.

"Self caught. Now, lets head off to this blasted orchid of yours so I can get this day over with sooner."

"Alright." Braeburn answered, before a clanging bell became audible. "Oh horseapples, another buffalo attack. Spring, get everyone inside, Audrey you come with me, we need to protect the orchid."

"Like hell I'm missing out on a fight, you go ahead, I'll take care of these buffalo."

"They'll gore you alive."

"Like they have the strength." Audrey replied, drawing her sword out from thin air.

"Okay, I'm gonna leave you here, ain't no time to be arguing. Don't blame me if you get injured." Braeburn said before quickly running towards the orchid.

"Like a bunch nine foot tall muscular men covered in shaggy brown hair and sporting horns could ever harm me... Wait a minute." Audrey said as the sight before her finally clicked. "The fuck are those things?" She asked as she sheathed her sword and scratched her head. As the leader of the charge approached her, he lowered his head and began to run even faster. As he got within arms reach Audrey idly grabbed one of his horns and then pivoted on her feet before throwing him at the rest of the herd, knocking most of them over. As the remainder of the herd reached her, she pivot kicked the front most into a building, following it up by punching the second in the chest hard enough to send him airborne and finishing up by head butting the third one. Still scratching her head, Audrey walked over to a post and leaned against it.

After several minutes pondering she finally got it. "Oh, THOSE were the buffalo. Makes so much sense. Though they're ugly as fuck. Still, not too big. Now to fight them... Aw, I missed out on all the fun." She harrumphed, completely missing the shocked townspeople staring the unconscious mass of buffalo inhabiting the town centre. Slumping away from the curbstomp that she just perpetrated, Audrey decided to track down the tailor and retrieve her clothes. After stalking about down for a while, she managed to locate the tailor. Opening the door, she saw the place was deserted. She then grinned manically as she saw her clothed hanging on some coat racks completely untouched. Grabbing her clothes, she turned around to gap it until the sound of someone clearing their throat met her ears.

"Excuse me sir, but do those clothes belong to you?" The voice asked.

"I'm a girl, jackass!" Audrey yelled at the voices owner, a particularly well endowed woman with purple hair and a green horn sitting out of her head.

"Such language! You clearly were never taught any manners." The woman snootily replied.

"Fuck you, fuck this town, and fuck you again. I'm leaving with my clothes. Try to stop me and I will kick you into lunar orbit." Audrey hissed at the store owner before leaving the store. As she exited, she saw a crowd of ponies gathered before her. "What?" She asked.

"Thank you for stopping the buffalo." A little boy wearing a ragged Stetson said.

"Okay then. Well I'm going to get dressed and then leave this town because two people have mistaken my gender." Audrey responded, pushing through the crowd. Once she was a decent distance away, she looked for an alleyway to duck into to get changed in, instead only spotting Braeburn. Skidding to a halt before her, Braeburn spoke up.

"Thank ya fer stoppin' them buffalo, you're clearly a trainee guard."

"Nope, I could easily take the entirety of the army by myself."

"That kinda boasting is unappreciated."

"Whatever, now if you don't mind I was going to get dressed in my own clothes and follow the train tracks out of town."

"If ya wait until tomorrow then you can catch the train to Ponyville."

"I was thinking of running, would certainly be faster than train."

"The Friendship express can travel at over one hundred miles per hour." Braeburn said.

"I can move faster."

"Most pegasi can't move that fast. What makes ya think you can?"

"I don't care what you think is possible or not, I know my limits, you do not. Now if you don't mind I'd like to get changed."

"At least do it in your room?"

"Fine." Audrey said before grabbing Braeburns arm and flashing in front of the bar, much to Braeburns shock. "I'm going upstairs to get changed, and when I get back I'm leaving." At Braeburns nod, she entered the building. Thinking fast Braeburn entered the building and walked up to the bartender.

"Give me a pint glass full of your clearest vodka and put three ice cubes in it." He ordered. Raising an eyebrow the griffon poured him his drink.

"Any particular reason for such a strange order?" He asked as he handed Braeburn the drink.

"No reason." Braeburn replied, looking towards the stairs, just in time to see Audrey descend them in her own clothes. Grabbing the drink, he approached her with a friendly smile. "Here, at least have a drink of water before you leave." He offered, motioning towards the drink.

"Fine." Audrey replied, grabbing the pint glass and swallowed its contents in a matter of seconds, ice cubes included. She stood on spot for a few seconds before speaking again. "That was a pint of vodka, wan't it?" She asked.

"Yes it was." Braeburn replied with a smirk.

"Screw my sudden inability to handle alcohol!" Audrey cursed before falling onto a table and tipping it over.

"I'd never have expected you to do something like this, Braeburn." The bartender called.

"Shut up and help me get her upstairs. I can't just let her throw her life away, the nearest town is over two hundred miles away, she'd never have made it." Braeburn replied, dragging Audrey towards the stairs.

"Gallantly through underhanded methods. That's a new one." The barkeeper said with a smile as he grabbed Audrey's legs and helped to haul her upstairs.

Chapter Two

Jolting up with a start, Audrey voiced her current thoughts. "Son of a bitch!" She yelled, visibly pissed at the actions of Braeburn. Looking around, she found that she was in the same room she woke up in yesterday. With a sigh, she threw the covers off to discover her lacking clothes again. Grumbling, she saw a pile of clean clothes bearing a note from Braeburn. "These clothes are for you to wear whilst your old ones get repaired. Signed Braeburn." Slowly narrowing her gaze, Audrey glared at the piece of paper with an intensity that would leave a lesser being cowering in a puddle of its own urine. Inhaling with enough force to rattle the windows, Audrey slowly let her breath out in an attempt to calm down. Failing miserably in that task, she pivoted to her left and punched out the wall. Coughing slightly from the dust clouding the air, Audrey breathed a calm sigh.

Her anger alleviated, she jumped out of the gaping hole in the wall, landing with a loud thud and a small indentation in the ground. Standing up and dusting herself off, she immediately headed towards the tailor to retrieve her clothes. Be she naked or not, she was getting those clothes back before the snooty pony 'repaired' them. Shuddering at the thought of a pony trying to repair her clothes, Audrey picked up the pace, blazing past gawking farm hands heading towards the orchard. Upon coming to the tailors she kicked the door down and entered, glaring at anything that moved. After several minutes of glaring she failed to find her clothes. Sighting the store owner she pointed at her. "Where are my clothes?!" She bellowed.

"Hmm, if you must know I threw them out. Too much work, so I decided I was going to make a new outfit completely from scratch." The unicorn snootily replied.

"If I find anything out of place on my clothes, you can kiss your business goodbye."

"Such impudence, why I have half a mind to call the guard on you!" The unicorn angrily yelled.

"Do it, make my day." Audrey snarled, kicking down the nearest wall and exiting the building to search the outside for her clothes, leaving a terrified tailor in her wake. After scouring the outside of the building to no avail, Audrey let loose a sigh and focused her thoughts inwards, trying to discern where her clothes could be. Several minutes internalizing the problem later, she felt a strong hand grip her shoulder and spin her around. Opening her eyes, Audrey was confronted by a burly pony in golden armor. Staring at him with a quirked eye brow, Audrey regarded his presence with a nod.

"I have received reports of a naked woman terrorizing a local business. And since you're the only naked female around, I hereby place you under arrest for public indecency as well and property damage and psychological torment. Come peacefully and your sentence may be reduced." The guard said.

"Bitch, I don't care if you're the fucking queen of drag, I am having a shit day, I was knocked out yesterday by an asshole, and to top it all off, miss snooty bitch in there threw out my clothes. Clothes, I might add, that were taken from my person without consent and sent off to be repaired, something they did not need." Audrey said with a menacing glare.

"We'll just add insulting a guard to your list of crimes. Now come peacefully or I'll have to use force." The guard declared, receiving a palm to the chest for his troubles. Breathing deeply, Audrey tried to calm down. Across the street, the guard was staring at Audrey in a mild daze, confused as to what just happened. Struggling to his feet, he was aided by two fellow guards, both of whom were glaring at Audrey.

"Go back to the barracks and rally the guard, we'll deal with her." One of the assisting guards told the dazed guard, who merely nodded and staggered off towards the barracks. "Alright, she's clearly strong, so don't hold back." The guard said, his fists lighting up in a sheen of golden light."

"Gotcha." The other guard said, her fists following suit. As one the duo charged Audrey, who was still performing breathing exercises. Thinking they had the drop on her, the guards charged forwards faster and swung their fists at Audrey's head. Several seconds before impact, the guards found their charge arrested entirely, both their fists easily restrained Audrey's hands. Looking at the pair with a glare, Audrey spoke.

"I am not in the mood for this shit. Leave now and I'll let you keep your bones intact." Audrey stated.

"Like we'd let a criminal like you go free!" The female guard said, swinging her other fist at Audrey.

"Wrong move." Audrey calmly said, easily dodging the punch before retaliating by smashing her knee into the guards stomach, causing her to temporarily go airborne. Swinging her arm back, Audrey then hurled the stunned guard across the street and into the building opposite. Turning to face the, now sweating, male guard Audrey smiled. "Would you like some?" She asked. Shaking his head profusely, the guard struggled to get loose. "Well too bad, coz you're getting some." Audrey said, following up her declaration with a headbutt to the guards chest, partially collapsing the armor. Letting go of his arm, Audrey spun around once on the spot, delivering a kick straight into the guards dented breastplate, knocking clear through the building the previous guard now inhabited. Smirking, Audrey lowered her leg and set about looking for her clothes, ignoring the groans of pain emanating from the building across from her.

After half an hours searching, Audrey finally came across a man pulling a cart laden with rubbish bags. Not-so-subtly jumping on the back of said cart, she began ripping through the bags. Giving a confused shout, the man turned around to a naked person rifling through the rubbish on his cart. "Get off of there you varmint!" He yelled.

"Sir, have you picked up any bags of rubbish from the tailor?" Audrey asked.

"Yes, but why should that concern you?" He glared.

"Because the bitch of a seamstress threw out my clothes, which were taken from me without consent. That's why." Audrey glared back, nearly causing the man to crap himself.

"R-right. I-I-I actually dumped the load that that particular bag was in at the incinerator." The cart puller stuttered. The sight of Audrey suddenly vanishing caused him to blink a bit, looking around in confusion. "I need to buy a hat, these heatstroke hallucinations are becoming more vivid." He muttered. Elsewhere, Audrey was accosting the incinerators operator.

"Where is the last load of rubbish you received?" She growled. The man held in her grasp shakily pointed towards the roaring furnace in absolute terror. Staring at the raging inferno, Audrey's mind blanked.

Train to Appleloosa

Fluttershy stared out the nearest window in terror as the train was suddenly attacked by a herd of buffalo. Up on the roof of the train carriage Rainbow Dash was trying to catch a tiny buffalo attempting to unhitch the last cart. Applejack, Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie were all trying to fend off the much larger buffalo ramming into the sides of the train carriage. All of this momentarily ceased as everyone present stared at a flaming building sailing into the distance. Just as they were about to get back to their previous actions, a rippling roar echoed out from the town. "CUNTING FUCK!" Momentarily knocked off balance by the sheer force of the yell, Rainbow failed to grab the buffalo before they scampered down a ladder and unhitched the last cart. Growling, Rainbow made to go after the caboose, only to be held back by Twilight as the buffalo began pushing it down the tracks. Plopping down on the roof with a sigh, Rainbow turned to her friends.

"What was that all about?" Rarity asked.

"I don't know, but we should tell Braeburn when we get ta Appleloosa." Applejack said. Climbing back inside the group sat down on their seats and sighed a collective sigh of defeat. Looking around Twilight said one thing.

"Has anyone seen spike?" She asked.

Foundations of Appleloosa Incinerator

Okay, I've gotten that out of my system. Now then, if you'll excuse me." Audrey said, calmly walking away from where the decimated remains of the incinerator. As she trudged through Appleloosa towards the tailors. Turning a corner she found herself confronted by thirty armor clad individuals pointing spears at her.

"Stop in the name of the princess... es!" One of the guards called out.

"Nah, I'm good. Just needed to blow off some steam." Audrey said, continuing to walk forwards.

"I'm warning you! We WILL use force if we need to!" The guard warned.

"Like you're any challenge to me." Audrey said with a chuckle, causing the guards face to turn red in anger.

"This is your final warning! Stop or we will use force!"

"Why don't you go suck off a donkey?" Audrey offered. No sooner than those words had left her mouth than she found herself face down in the sandy road.

"Good job corporal." The captain called out to her unknown assailant.

"Sneak attack. Clever." Audrey congratulated, much to the shock of everyone present.

"How can he still be conscious?!" One of the guards called out in shock. Suddenly Audrey was behind him.

"Bitch, what did you just say?" she menacingly whispered into his ear.

"I-I-I s-said h-how can s-she still be c-conscious?" The guard stuttered.

"Nice attempt at a save, but I heard exactly what you said." Audrey whispered before kneeing the guard in the back and launching him the entire length of the street. Looking at her with looks of anger the remaining guards charged her as one. Not particularly in a fighty mood, Audrey merely stomped her foot, the shockwave knocking her aggressors over. "Now then, if you don't mind I have some clothes to make." Audrey stated before heading off towards the tailors, leaving the crumpled forms of the guards behind her.

"Sir, how could someone not a guard possibly be that strong?" One of the guards groaned out.

"I'm not sure, but who ever they are, they need to be stopped." The guard captain groaned, shakily getting to his feet. "But irst things first, I want to know how she did that stomping move, it'd be perfect for crowd control!" The captain boisterously exclaimed, much to the displeasure of the guards.

"Oh no, the captains going to try and fight them in one on one combat." A guard moaned.

"I'll get the alcohol ready." Another sighed as the guards all finally managed to get to their feet.

After finally reaching the tailor, Audrey calmly opened the door as she entered, closing it slowly, she walked over a stack of various fabrics, pulling out rolls she liked before narrowing it down to three colours. Throwing the rest out the window she took notice of the shocked unicorn staring at her. "Oh, I'm still going to burn down your store, I'm just going to use your supplies to make myself a new outfit before I do." Audrey said as she smiled at seamstress.

"B-but you don't have the knowledge nor the skill to make a proper outfit." The unicorn said, trying to dissuade Audrey.

"Who said I need skills or knowledge?" Audrey asked as the sclera of her eyes turned jet black, accentuating her red iris'. Gulping at the sudden eye change, the seamstress nearly missed it when all the fabrics began weaving themselves together. Several minutes of mobile materials maneuvers later a pile of scrap cloth lay in front of Audrey who was wearing a pristine skintight black sleeveless shirt, stretchy and slightly loose pants, black boots, a brown leather belt covered in pouches, and a white thigh length coat with at her midriff by a black sash. Staring at herself in a mirror, Audrey smiled at her new look. "Definitely look more professional in this,"

"How did you do that?"

"Hmm? Oh, I just telekinetically manipulated them on a subatomic level and bound them together. No biggie. Though I do have to go to point five percent power to access telekinesis, but totally worth it." Audrey said with a happy smile before exiting the store. The seamstress breathed a sigh of relief before Audrey returned. "That's right, I said I was going to burn this place down once I was done." Audrey then proceeded to grab a piece of loose wood. Her sclera turning black once again, she smiled creepily as the wood began smouldering. After a few seconds it burst into flames. Her eyes returning to normal, Audrey left. "Have fun salvaging this."The seamstress stared at the slowly spreading fire in shock before coming to her senses and fleeing the building. Outside Audrey found herself confronted by the guard captain.

"Ha-ha! I found you! Now you shall teach me how you knocked the entire guard over with but a single stomp and then I shall defeat you!" The captain boomed.

"I just stomped." Audrey dead-panned.

"Wait... Seriously?"

"Yup. No special techniques, just stomped my foot."

"I am suddenly beginning to rethink the idea of fighting you..." Captain began. "But then I would be labelled a coward and then others would try and dethrone me from my position!" He then declared. "Come at me!"

"Okay." Jetting forwards at immense speeds, Audrey unleashed a devastating knee to the captains face, which he proceeded to dodge. Upon completing his dodge, the captain threw a left hook that caught Audrey in the shoulder, a wave of concussive force emanating from around the duo that caused a crater to form. Smirking in nonchalance, Audrey pivoted to the right and unleashed a roundhouse kick into the captains side, sending him flying into a building. Striking a defensive pose, Audrey narrowly deflected a bolt of energy that flew from the partially collapsing building. Cartwheeling to the left, she returned fire by throwing a chunk of the ground into the building. Quickly bringing her arms up to protect her face, Audrey managed to block a flurry of lightning fast punches as the captain teleported in front of her.

"I must say, you certainly know how to handle yourself in a fight. If it weren't for your attitude I'd think about drafting you into my garrison." The captain said with a smirk.

"I'm not actually trying here. Just, ya know, trying to make it interesting. Hell if I wanted to I could leave a you shaped imprint in the ground and call it a day." Audrey replied.

"And yet you can barely keep up with my attacks. Why, your mana aura is only as strong as that of your average farmer. You clearly must be an exceptionally strong earth equine if you can keep up with a captain." The captain said.

"That would be because magic is for pussies. But if you want me to use your gay Equestrian techniques, I GUESS I can begin channelling my mana for combat purposes." Audrey stated with a not insignificant amount of loathing.

"You do that." The captain replied. Closing her eyes and concentrating, Audrey focused internally. Searching within herself, she found what she was looking for, her innate personal mana wellspring. Opening her repressive barriers around it, her body was summarily flooded with incredible amounts of magical power. Gulping, the captain spoke up. "You appear to be as powerful as the princesses themselves... If I beat you then I can boast I am strong enough to take the princesses and thus be promoted to the Canterlot brigade!" The captain exclaimed. Suddenly a fist was in his stomach. Curling forwards from the impact, the Captain let out a wheeze as the ground around them exploded from the sheer force of the punch

"You can't take me, I'm not even accessing my full power." Pulling her fist out of the captains stomach, Audrey turned around and began walking away as he slumped to the ground in agony. Shutting off her mana follow, she dusted herself off and spat on the ground. "Man, the Equestrian defense force sure has declined lately, used to take at LEAST point three percent power to solo a captain." She said with a sigh and shake of her head. While she wasn't looking where she was going, she bumped into a mass that she could only describe as diabetes incarnate. Looking down upon a woman with pink hair and sporting an impressive D cup, Audrey quirked an eyebrow.

"Ohmygosh! Youtotallybeatthatcaptaintoapulpwithoutevenbreakingasweat. Dashie'dloveyou!" she said at nearly the speed of sound.

"Whatever you ball of hyperactivity and sugar." Audrey dismissed, walking around the pink haired woman.

"Hi! My name is Pinkamena Diane Pie, but you can call me Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie said as she started to walk alongside Audrey.

"Very well then, Pinkamena, leave me alone." Audrey growled, walking slightly faster. Pinkie still managed to keep up.

"You should come and meet my friends, they're great! You could even spar with Dashie, she's training to be a Wonderbolt, you know!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Wonderbolts? Sounds lame. Like circus sloth levels of lame."

"Naww, the minimum requirement to enter is to be a black belt in Rainbow Style."

"Ah, Rainbow Style, that lame excuse for a martial arts school made me laugh. The fact I'm also a master rank fighter in it also delivers some nice ironic flavouring to the whole punch." Audrey said with a smile.

"Rainbow Style isn't lame! I saw Dashie once punch a solid tree in half, AT THE SPEED OF SOUND!" Pinkie louded.

"I can do that without using any martial arts styles." Audrey boasted.

"Prove it!" Pinkie inquisited.

"Do you see any trees around here?" Audrey asked.

"... You make a valid point." Pinkie said, suddenly pulling a tree out from behind a barrel and planting it firmly in the ground. "Luckily I keep emergency supplies of trees hidden across Equestria in case of tree related emergencies!"

"Oh crap not another one." Audrey said as she facepalmed, much to Pinkie's confusion.

"Another what?" Pinkie asked.

"Another chancellor Puddinghead." Audrey groaned.

"I have no idea who that is! But, here's a tree, now you can show me you can punch it at the speed of sound!" Pinkie said as she gestured at the tree. Sighing Audrey stepped up to the tree. Eyeing it despondently, she lashed out with a single blow that tore the tree from the ground. Turning around, she saw Pinkie staring in awe.

"That was so cool! You punched it FASTER than sound!" Pinkie squeed.

"Will you leave now?"

"Nope!" Pinkie answered.

"I assume that you can, and will, dodge anything I try to hit you with?"

"Yupperoonie!"

"I guess I can attempt to ditch you at the tavern." Audrey said with a sigh.

"Hey, my friends are over there! You should come meet them!" Pinkie exclaimed as see grabbed Audrey's arm and began pulling. Not budging an inch, Audrey smiled ever so slightly at Pinkie's futile attempts to pull her from her spot, the woman digging furrows in the ground.

"I won't move unless I want to." Audrey told Pinkie.

"Then I'll just have bring my friends to you!" Pinkie yelled before zooming off so fast she left an afterimage.

"Huh. Afterimages, that seems like it'd be a fine technique to learn." Audrey said aloud. Suddenly Pinkie was in front of her with five other very dizzy women.

"These're my friends! Twilight Sparkle! Rarity! Applejack! Fluttershy! And Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie said as she introduced her friends, each name punctuated by an exclamation mark appearing above the named ponies head.

"Pinkie, we don't have time to be making friends with strangers, we need to find Spike!" Rainbow growled.

"Afterimage!" Audrey suddenly shouted before going slightly translucent and staticy. Looking at her weirdly the group went back their conversation while Pinkie poked Audrey, her finger passing through as the afterimage faded.

"Girls! She just used an afterimage technique!" Pinkie exclaimed excitedly.

"Don't be ridiculous, only you can use afterimages." Twilight said. "Speaking of, where did she go?"

"I just wanted to test out a new technique I just just created." Audrey said from behind the group.

"And that technique would be?" Rainbow asked.

"An afterimage technique. Got the idea from Pinkie. Now then, I'm out of here, otherwise that captain will come gunning for me once he regains consciousness." Audrey stated before turning to leave.

"Wait, what guard captain?" Twilight asked.

"The one she just punched so hard the ground exploded!" Pinkie beamed.

"That isn't possible, you don't have nearly the levels of mana flowing through you to be able to do so much damage." Twilight mused aloud.

"And yet I did it." Audrey smirked.

"Twilight, I think we should be more concerned about the person in front of us assaulting a guard captain than how she beat him." Rainbow muttered into Twilights ear.

"Oh, right!" Twilight said, iterating it by smashing a fist into her other hand. "In the name of Princess Celestia I hereby place you under arrest. Come quietly or we will use force." She then declared.

"How about you go fuck yourself?" Audrey suggested as she began walking away. Growling, Twilight light her horn and launched a spell at Audrey, which she dodged easily without missing a beat. Motioning for Twilight to step aside Rainbow launched herself at the woman with her fist cocked back. As soon as she was close enough she launched a powerful punch right into Audrey's back which sent her flying forwards where she skidded across the ground. Standing up shakily, Audrey turned to face Rainbow. "Ya dun goofed." She said before vanishing. Looking around in a mild panic, Rainbow suddenly found a knee in her stomach which lifted her temporarily off the ground from the force. Landing unsteadily on her feet, Rainbow wheezed out a reply.

"You're fast. But I'm faster." She smirked as she finally caught her breath. Vanishing, Audrey was pummelled by several dozen high velocity punches in the chest, which caused to to fly through a building from the force. Turning to her friends Rainbow smirked in triumph. Just as she began to step towards them, a whip of light purple energy wrapped around her throat and threw her into the air before slamming her down at terminal velocity. Impacting the ground hard enough to leave a crater, Rainbow let out a wet cough. "W-what?" She stuttered as she turned to see her aggressor, a completely unscathed Audrey.

"Hmm, had to go to point two percent to deal with you. You're definitely more powerful than that guard captain, but you're still no match for me." Audrey stated as she walked past the crater. Back flipping, Audrey narrowly missed being crushed by a falling cart, much to Applejack's displeasure. "You're next." Audrey declared. Vanishing and reappearing behind her, Audrey unleashed a hammer fist that Applejack barely dodged. Punching the ground with all her might, Audrey temporarily became enshrouded in dust as a third of the large dirt road exploded.

"Whoa nelly! She's strong, almost as strong as Big Mac!" Applejack exclaimed as she caught sight of the damage Audrey's attack caused. "That thang coulda knocked me out cold."

"Good thing it didn't, dear, wouldn't want your reputation being damaged, hmm?" Rarity spoke up as she channelled magic through her body.

"Not all of us are masters of their own, unique and nearly unbeatable fighting style, Rares." Applejack taunted.

"You're merely jealous of my Gemstone Style." Rarity replied, batting her eyelashes. A large bolt of purple energy impacted her and launched her down the street and into a parked wagon, whereupon it exploded violently, taking out several surrounding buildings. Gasping, the girls turned towards where the attack originated. Upon sighting the culprit they saw Audrey standing with a two foot long blade pointing where Rarity was standing, said blade also had smoke coming off the tip.

"Incredible!" Twilight nearly squeed. "She has a Relic Sword. I can't wait to analyse it once we beat her!" Twilight continued.

"Why are you calling my sword a relic?" Audrey asked.

"Only Relic Swords can project bolts of magic from them." Twilight lectured.

"Ah. Not magic, spirit energy. That was a technique called a bolas." Audrey explained.

"Amazing! A completely unheard of type of Relic Sword!" Twilight squeed.

"Good luck getting it." Audrey taunted. Bursting forwards with incredible speed, she unleashed a flurry of super sonic kicks and punches at Twilight, who, rather than dodge or block them, erected a large dome around herself. After several seconds of constant beating the shield began to crack, much to Twilights horror.

"B-but this shield can hold off against a dragon!" Twilight exclaimed as the shield finally broke. Jumping back a dozen metres, Twilight called out to Audrey. "You're suddenly stronger. How is that?" She demanded.

"I upped the scale from point one percent power to point three percent power." Audrey calmly replied from behind Twilight. Barely able to gasp, Twilight was struck unconscious by a singular punch to the skull. Stepping past the fallen woman, Audrey faced the remnants of the group, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy. Said trio were glaring at her intensely.

"How dare you!" Fluttershy roared, much to the shock of Pinkie and Applejack. "What makes you think you can hurt my friends?!" She demanded. Her attempt at cowing Audrey was interrupted as she had to dodge a small house that was thrown at her.

"Quiet, you'll hurt yourself." Audrey said with a smirk.

"Don't bully Fluttershy you big Meanie Mcmeaniepants!" Pinkie growled as she launched herself at Audrey while and aura of confetti and cupcakes began to emanate from her. Balling up her fist, Audrey condensed a ball of energy the fist of her fist an inch away from her balled hand. Stepping forwards she met Pinkies punch with her own, the ball of energy detonating upon contact and blasting Pinkie to the towns limit in a massive beam of energy. Smirking, Audrey spoke up.

"Four down, two to go." SHe said as she advanced on Applejack. With a gulp the farm woman got into a fighting pose.

"Ah'll beat ya, ya no good varmint. Then I'll let mah friends beat on ya some when I do." Applejack declared. Deflecting a kick from Audrey, she took a step back as she spun around, delivering her own kick, which was dodged in kind. She rolled forwards to doge a punch to her back from Audrey. "Ya know, next time Ah fight someone, Ah'll be sure to get everyone to attack them at once." Applejack panted.

"Yes, but it still won't make a difference." Audrey shouted from the sky. Looking up, Applejack saw Audrey standing on nothing with a contemptuous grin on her face. Realizing Audrey's intention too late, she was hit by a gravitationally assisted dive kick to the upper back. Smashing into the ground and bouncing slightly, Applejack remained motionless. Landing on the Ground, Audrey smiled happily as she surveyed her handy work. Turning around she was completely blind sided by the pink haired woman shoulder tackling her. Hitting the ground with force, Audrey looked up at her aggressor with a slightly hazy look.

"You beast! How dare you harm my friends like this!" Fluttershy shouted teary eyed as she repeated punched Audrey in the face at imperceptible speeds. Looking closer at Fluttershy, Audrey's severely concussed mind said the first thing that came to it.

"Big sis?" She whispered. Realising what she'd just said, she utilised Fluttershy's momentary confusion to palm strike her in the chest and send to flying. Jumping to her feet, Audrey crouched before boosting into the air at mach speeds. Due to her travelling faster than sound, she failed to hear Fluttershy mutter to herself.

"Why did she say big sis?" Fluttershy mumbled under her breath as she tended to her friends injuries.

Chapter Three

Flying through the air, Audrey breathed a sigh of relief. Landing on a large mountain she sat down and stared at the horizon. Placing her chin in her hands she hummed in thought as she stared at the setting sun. Thinking back on her little skirmish in Appleloosa she kept on trying to figure out how she had managed to draw links between her dead elder sister and a pony. Drawing a blank and chocking it up to a minor concussion, she stood up and turned around to scan the mountainside for any caves to sleep off her head trauma in. Spotting one further up the mountain she leapt towards a nearby ledge and then to the cave entrance itself. Looking into the cave all she could see was darkness.

"Night vision sure would be amazing right now." She thought aloud.

"Indeed it would, little one." A booming voice said from within the cave.

"Ah crap, there's a dragon in there, isn't there?"

"Not just any dragon! The Dragon Emperor!" The voice declared.

"... A very egocentric dragon. Crap, you guys are usually godlike in strength." Audrey once again thought aloud. "If I say please can I stay the night in your cave?" She then asked.

"Manners deserve to be rewarded young miss, you are welcome in the cave of Ak'Tos any time you find yourself wanting for a resting place." Ak'tos said.

"Ak'Tos. Where have I heard that name before?" Audrey wondered.

"I assure you, my name is not known to many."

"Wait a minute! Now I remember, it sounds similar to Akatosh from the elder scrolls games!" Audrey said as she snapped her fingers.

"What exactly are you on about, young one?"

"Don't worry, just a coincidence, and call me Audrey."

"Very well, make yourself at home and rest until the morrow." Taking that as her cue, Audrey entered the cave. Having apparently passed some sort of magical barrier, she saw the inside of the cave. Looking around she saw several large chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, a large pile of assorted shiny things, and a large grey dragon in a gentleman's robe wearing a monocle. Looking at the odd sight with an open the mouth, Audrey was too dumbfounded to speak. "My dear, if you leave your mouth open like that, a parasite worm might leap in." The dragon spoke up. Closing her mouth Audrey was finally able to produce coherent speech.

"Why is there a dragon laying down and looking like a sir?" She asked nothing in particular.

"Just because a dragon is wealthy, does not mean he has to lack class." The dragon responded.

"This is just. I don't even... You got a bed?"

"There's one over there, I have no reason why I keep it, maybe because it is shiny?" The dragon mused.

"Whatever, I'm going to sleep." Audrey stated as she walked over to and flopped onto it. "Time to sleep off this concussion." She said before falling asleep.

"Myes, that would be go-WAIT! Did you say concussion?!" The dragon blurted at what Audrey said finally clicked. "Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear." He muttered as he began pacing. "This is very bad, what if she doesn't wake up? How will I explain a dead girl to Silver when she gets back. This is a disaster!"

"What's a disaster?" A voice asked from the entrance, the dragon somehow managing to pale upon hearing it.

Thirty Minutes Later

Audrey was rudely awoken by the sounds of a heated argument. With a groan she rolled over and tried to get back to sleep. Then the argument devolved into a pointless shouting match. Seething slightly in anger at her sleep being disturbed, Audrey inhaled a massive burst of air and let loose a massive shout. "Shut the hell up! I am trying to sleep here!" The two arguers stopped instantly upon hearing her. Staring at her in shock, they shared a look before the smaller of the two, a pony, spoke up.

"Miss, don't you know it's a bad idea to sleep with a concussion?" She asked.

"Not the first concussion I've had, nor the worst."

"I'm not sure how to feel about that answer. But tell me miss, how did you come to find my husbands cave?" The person asked.

"Well, I had just beaten up the entire Appleloosa garrison, sucker punched the captain in the stomach, and thoroughly beaten five out of six members of a group of people who but up more of a fight, when the sixth pummelled me mercilessly and I had to flee."

"You took down an entire garrison of royal guards." The woman deadpanned.

"Now now, Silver, just because you don't think something isn't true doesn't mean it isn't." Ak'Tos scolded his wife.

"One quick question, how does sex work between you two?" Audrey asked.

"I don't feel comfortable speaking of such things to a stranger. But introductions are in order, I am Silver Rush, and this is my husband, Ak'Tos, the Dragon Emperor. And you are?"

"Audrey. Now if you don't find, can I get back to sleep?"

"Of course." With that Audrey rolled over and fell asleep rather rapidly.

The Ungodliest of Hours: Five a.m

Waking up with a yawn, Audrey looked over the cave she had slept in. Noticing her hosts fast asleep, she muttered under her breath and got out of bed. Setting outside of the cave, began stretching in various poses. Loose enough, then engaged in some light yoga to loosen up her muscles even further. An hour of painful looking poses later, Audrey was ready to begin her morning training regime. Looking about for a rock or tree, she managed to spot a sizeable boulder jutting out from the cliff face. Walking over to it, she scrutinized it closely. With nod of her head, she began punching and kicking the boulder for the next thirty minutes. Switching it up she began hitting it with elbow and knee strikes, chipping small pieces off of the boulder with every strike. After a further thirty minutes, she finally called it quits. Returning to the cave, she spied both her hosts still fast asleep. Deciding that it was late enough in the morning, she placed two fingers into her mouth and let loose a shrill, high pitched whistle that made her ears hurt. Snapping awake her hosts glared at her sleepily.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" Silver demanded.

"Seven am, now get up you lazy bastards, days not getting any younger."

"I would eat you where you stand, if I wasn't too comfortable to move." Ak'Tos growled.

"Bite me, now get up, I've been training for the past two hours and need a shower. You got one?" Audrey asked?

"Over there." Silver said, pointing at a pipe with a shower head on it sitting up next to a large iron tub.

"Do you have a shower curtain?"

"No, I don't really need one since the only person ever here is Akky here, and he doesn't mind."

"Don't look, or I will punch you." Audrey cautioned as she walked over to the shower. Removing her clothes, she turned on the shower and stepped in. A gasp from Silver caused her to scowl. "Wow, you are really well toned."

"What did I say about looking?"

"Relax, it's nothing I haven't seen in the mirror before." Grumbling under her breath, Audrey quickly finished showering. Turning off the shower she stepped out.

"Do you have any towels?"

"No, I usually sunbathe until I'm try." With a sigh, Audrey crackled slightly before a wave of purple energy washed over her, evaporating the water.

"You seriously need to get towels." Audrey stated as she reclothed herself. "I hate doing that, makes me feel cheaty for not using a towel."

"Why?"

"Because that's what a towel is used for? And not channelling spiritual energy?"

"My dear, I believe you do mean mana." Ak'Tos corrected.

"Magic is for pussies, real warriors use their spirit."

"Ha. Don't make me laugh, what could you possibly do with your spiritual energy that I can't with mana?" Silver Challenged.

"Step outside and I can show you." Audrey grinned. Stepping outside the two glared at each other.

"I must warn you, I'm not as weak as I appear." Silver said.

"And I'm stronger than I look." Audrey retorted.

"We shall see about that." Silver said with a smirk as she was encompassed by a golden aura. A subtle shaking occurred as Ak'Tos exited the cave.

"As the judge, I shall decide the trials. Trial the first: Speed." Getting ready, Silver and Audrey stared at each other. "Begin!" As soon as the words had left his mouth, Silver and Audrey vanished. "Wait, I forgot to tell them where they were running to. Ah well, I'm sure they'll sort something out." Out in the middle of nowhere, near a lone dead tree, Audrey and Silver were glaring at each other.

"So we appear to be evenly matched." Silver said.

"Yes we are." Audrey agreed. "Firstpersonbackisthewinner!" She blurted before zooming off towards the mountain.

"Hey! That's cheating!" Silver shouted after Audrey before running after her. Several minutes later the duo were standing in front of a disappointed looking dragon.

"Don't hold back you two." He said.

"Fine!" The duo groaned. Heeding the dragons wishes, SIlver became encased in a slightly translucent golden glow whereas the ground around Audrey exploded from a sudden immense boost in power.

"Let's try that again, first person to reach wherever you got to last time and get back first wins. Begin." Ak'Tos said. Thee duo vanishing at his command. Several seconds later, Audrey reappeared. A minute after that Silver followed suite. Staring at Audrey she could only gape.

"H-how?"

"Flashstep." Audrey smugly grinned.

"Challenge the second: Strength. I want you to lift the heaviest thing you possibly can." Smirking, Silver picked up a house sized rock. Looking at Audrey, she smiled in victory. Not one to be outdone, Audrey lifted up Ak'Tos. "Probably should've made it so you couldn't lift me up, but everything is obvious in hindsight. Challenge the third: power. I want you to destroy something big. And not me!" Charging a large ball of magic into her hands, Silver launched a massive golden laser at a hill in the valley below, causing a one kiloton explosion. Charging a ball of spirit energy in her palm, Audrey unleashed a thin purple laser that carved a large trench in the valley. Grinning in Victory, Silver turned to her husband.

"Two Audrey, One Silver. Best three out of four methinks. Round the fourth: make passionate love to one another." At the two women's glares, he relented. "Can't blame a dragon for trying. I don't know, try and fly?" With a despondent look Silver slumped her shoulders. Looking over at Audrey she saw the woman suspended several feet off the ground. "Spirit Energy wins!" Ak'Tos declared.

"This isn't over, just because your power is versatile, doesn't mean it's better."

"Actually, he didn't specify if we needed to use our energies for this, so I just didn't bother."

"Oh, okay... Wait you can fly without wings?!"

"Yeah, though not that fast, which is why I prefer to run."

"Well I don't know about you two, but I feel it's about time for breakfast." Ak'Tos wisely butted in, snapping the two out of their glaring contest.

"Good idea, I could really go for some bacon right now." Audrey said as she and Silver followed the dragon into the cave.

"Yes, some bacon does sound nice."

One interesting lesson in how dragons cook later

"Your breakfast is served." Ak'Tos declared as he put down two plates with what looked like bacon and eggs on it. Grabbing a piece of bacon, Audrey took a large bite and chewed several times before a look of confusion crossed her face. CHewing once more, she spoke up.

"What kind of bacon is this?"

"Hay bacon." A look of absolute disgust and horror appeared on Audrey's face as she spat her food out and gagged. Grabbing the plate, she threw it as hard as she could out of the cave.

"What was that for?" Ak'Tos asked.

"That wasn't bacon." Audrey stated.

"Yes it was, it was hay bacon, the only kind."

"There is only one kind of bacon, yes, the real kind.

"But this WAS real bacon. What other kind could you be referring to?"

"Meat. Bacon is pig meat."

"Oh dear! Don't you know its unhealthy to eat meat, screws up your stomach something terrible."

"I'm not a wimpy herbivore like you ponies, I'm a mighty omnivore." Audrey said.

"Don't be ridiculous, you're as much a herbivore as I am. Why, just look at your teeth, they were made for mashing plants, not tearing flesh." Silver scoffed. Opening her mouth wide, Audrey showed off her teeth, causing Silver to start at the presence of canines. "Amazing, you're clearly an interesting person."

"Well being descended from primates will do that when you live amongst weaklings descended from horses." Audrey grinned at her ego unintentional being stroked.

"What?" Silver said as she blanked.

"I'm descended from primates, ya know, monkeys, apes, those things? Hell, every human is."

"B-but how?"

"Simple, evolution."

"If I might interject, I do believe I know of another such being that claimed to be descended from primates." Ak'Tos said. "I never met them, but I heard rumours from the other dragons back in the day. If memory serves me correctly, they were nicknamed the Primal Warrior for their unmatched fighting prowess."

"That's a title Cello and Loony gave me back when they first saw me tank an entire griffon legion." Audrey chimed.

"Cello and Loony?" Silver Asked.

"Pet names for Celestia and Luna."

"Don't you know they're the most powerful being on the planet?" Silver said.

"Not that powerful if I can take them." Audrey pointed out.

"I give up." Silver said as she threw her hands up. "You're more stubborn than a mule."

"That makes no sense, I was merely talking about how I'm stronger than Cello and Loony."

"But they're stronger than Akky here."

"Don't be ridiculous, in my experience dragons of his size generally have n exceptionally massive ego, thus making them indomitably powerful."

"Actually, that isn't the case anymore. Dragons have grown weak these past few generations, and our natural powers are fading."

"So, I could easily take a dragon? Huh, I've only been able to fight off the not so greedy ones."

"You fight dragons?"

"Not so much fight as defend myself from. After all, I do have a massive stockpile of gemstones and minerals somewhere. As soon as I get my bearings I'm heading there."

"It's probably been ransacked by another dragon or even by my own species." Silver said.

"Not likely, few things can survive where I placed it." Audrey smugly replied.

"Where?"

"The moon."

"The moon."

"The moon." Audrey confirmed.

"Why would you say it's on the moon."

"Because it is, just need to calculate orbital velocities, interception points, escape vectors, travel time estimations, required amount of supplies, and of course weight to thrust ratios for bringing back some of it. Ya know, standard mathematical equations they teach you in school. Of course, if I had some sort of device that could store it all, I wouldn't need to hide on the moon."

"Hmm, you have quite the decent education, most of those calculations you listed are relatively recent concoctions." Ak'Tos commented.

"What're you talking about? I learnt all that when I was seven. It's standard curriculum."

"And how old are you?" Ak'Tos asked.

"Well, the most recent birthday I can remember celebrating until suddenly coming to in an ice cave would have to have been my two hundred and seventh birthday. It's just blank after that."

"Two hundred and seventh birthday..." Silver and Ak'Tos deadpanned.

"Yea, though don't know how long I was in that ice cave for. So I could be older."

"Hmm, do you remember anything that could be used to pinpoint the year of your birthday?" Ak'Tos asked.

"Well, it was about a hundred years after Discord was sealed in stone."

"..." Ak'Tos stared at her blankly. "That was one thousand nine hundred years ago."

"Oh... Wonder if my sister missed me in my absence?"

"Wouldn't know. But why aren't you concerned about missing eighteen hundred years of your memory?" Silver asked.

"Coz I woke up in an ice cave, meaning I was likely asleep for that time, it's logical reasoning."

"That makes sense. By the way, are you going to do something about your hair?"

"Dunno, I tried cutting it once, but the scissors broke."

"Right, well I intend to head to the nearest city to get some necessities, you can come if you want." Silver said as picked up a bag of bits.

"Why not? I've got nothing better to do, and I might have some fun." Audrey agreed. As the two exited the cave, Ak'Tos sat down and scratched his neck.

"Damn, I didn't get to ask her to pick up the newspaper, now I'll be bored for the rest of the day."

Ponyville a few hours later

"This place might actually suck worse than the vacuum of space." Audrey moaned as she and Silver walked through the market place.

"And you're the best person to make this comparison, why?"

"I hide things on the moon? You need to pass through the vacuum of space to get there, and it's roughly several hundred thousand kilometres away? Hell it takes me several hours to get there at max power. Have to buy oxygen tanks and everything." Audrey explained.

"I doubt this is true."

"Whatever, don't believe me if you want, I am incredibly wealthy."

"Then you can pay for everything." Silver smirked.

"That sounds- HEY LOOK OVER THERE!" Audrey burst out, pointing in a random direction. Everyone within earshot then proceeded to look in said direction for a few seconds. Turning back to where Audrey was, Silver let loose a sigh.

"How did I fall for that?" She muttered to herself. Meanwhile, three blocks away Audrey was puffing her lungs out on a park bench.

"The fuck am I out of breath for? Usually going from zero to mach thirty in one millisecond would barely even phase me... Oh in the name of everlasting fuck, I'm not suffering from couch potato, am I?" Audrey groaned as she reclined on the bench. Not focusing on anything in particular, she completely missed the cries of alarm from above and the, rather large, piano falling towards her. Upon hitting her, the piano shattered into pieces followed shortly after by a blond pegasus landing in front of her.

"I'm so sorry! I just don't know what went wrong." The pegasus apologized.

"I've had meteroites hurled at me before and lived, I doubt a piano could do anything other than annoy me." Audrey deadpanned.

"Wow, you must be a guard or something! My name's Ditzy Doo, by the way." The pegasus said, extending her hand towards Audrey, who cocked an eyebrow ala Spock. "You shake it, you silly person you."

"I am well aware of what a handshake is, I'm just wondering why an incompetent like you thinks I'll shake their hand."

"You're not very nice.," Ditzy grumbled.

"There is literally no way to measure how little of a fuck I give about you at this moment. Nothing, not even Atlarus Industries has anything that can measure it."

"Atlarus Industries?"

"None of your business, now go back to dropping pianos on people, or whatever it is you do for a living."

"I'm reporting you!" Ditzy declared before flying away.

"Being an asshole isn't a crime, you idiot!" Audrey called after Ditzy, chuckling to herself slightly when she saw the pegasus crash into a lamppost.

"You're not a nice person." A juvenile voice said from her left. Looking in the direction, she saw three fillies, one with purple hair, one with some-shade-of-red hair, and one with purple and white hair. All of them glaring at her.

"Do I look like I care? I could wipe this entire town out in an instant if I wanted to, and there's nothing anyone could do to stop me."

"Oh yeah! Then why don't you go ahead and destroy the town!" The purple haired one said, her cohorts cheering her on before what she said registered in their brains.

"Scootaloo! Don't say that, she might actually try, and then shell get hurt by the guard!" The some-shade-of-red haired filly said.

"Yeah, then you'd get in trouble again!" The purple and white haired one said with a voice that grated on Audrey's superhuman aural senses.

"Purple and white, please, stop talking, your voice is like a beam of concentrated quark plasma to the frontal lobe."

"Wut's quark plasma?" Some-shade-of-red asked.

"Something that is really fucking hot, and would scorch the atmosphere of this planet."

"Yer bluffing!"

"Perhaps, perhaps not. Not like I can conjure up quark plasma at will, ya know." Audrey said off handedly. After a few seconds of silence, she noticed the three giving her excited looks. "I wasn't being sarcastically ironic. I really can't conjure things up at will. If I could I'd have left this universe ages ago."

"Aww." All three said in a disturbing harmony.

"Please, don't EVER, do that again. Ever." Audrey said, giving the trio a look reserved for gods of destruction.

"Okay." They chimed again.

"So, where'd you get those clothes?" Purple and white asked.

"I made them."

"Whoa! You can't even see the stitching! Rarity would be so impressed.""" P and W said.

"There aren't any stitches, this is all connected on a molecular level."

"What's a molecule?" Purple asked, looking to P and W for an answer.

"I think I heard Twilight say they're part of the discredited scientific theory or something once, if that's any help?" P and W said.

"Excuse me whilst I puzzle out a way to rearrange the gene pool so Twilight can never have children." Audrey said as she stood up.

"Wait! What's yer name?" Some-shade-of-red asked.

"Audrey, and what, I regrettably must ask, are yours?" Audrey asked.

"Mah name's Applebloom!" Some-shade-of-red said.

"I'm Sweetie Belle!" P and W said.

"And I'm Scootaloo, the number one fan of Rainbow Dash!" Purple said.

"Rainbow patterned hair, talks real boastfully?" Audrey asked, a gleam appearing in Scootaloos eye.

"You've heard of her!" Scootaloo asked in an excited tone.

"I've met her." Audrey said, a squee emanating from Scootaloo. "Though if you can call wiping the floor with her meeting her, then I suppose I have."

"Don't be ridiculous! Rainbow Dash'd never lose to anyone!" Scootaloo defended.

"Then how come I threw her through a house with ease?"

"You take that back!" Scootaloo snarled, before Audrey got a weird look on her face.

"Hang on a moment, my bitch sense is tingling." Licking a finger Audrey held it up in the air for a few seconds before pivoting and pointing in a direction. "And there's two of them of there." Audrey said. A collective groan emanated from the fillies.

"Oh no, it's Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon." Scootaloo said, earning a snicker from Audrey.

"Lemme guess, one's special talent is looking pompous and self-righteous, and the others is being pampered?" Audrey snickered.

"Why do ya say that?" Applebloom asked.

"Their names sound so stupid I'm surprised their parents didn't have an aneurysm out of sheer stupidity."

"Hey, uh, Audrey? Don't suppose you could help us with Tiara and Silver?" Scootaloo asked.

"Why not. So, you wanted them charbroiled, or steam fried?" Audrey asked, her hand lighting up in a purple aura.

"What do ya mean, charbroiled?" Applebloom asked.

"I was questioning you on how roasted you like your stuck up bitch." Audrey elaborated, earning a round of ahhs from the fillied.

"WAIT! You were going to kill them!" Sweetie Belle suddenly exclaimed.

"Yeah, so what? I've done worse for less."

"How can ya think killing 'em'll solve the problem."

"They can't be bitches to you if they're dead."

"B-b-but that's wrong! And the guards'll arrest ya!" Applebloom pleaded.

"Fiiiiiine, but only because I want to get a coffee later, and having to explain why I'm soaked in the blood of the town guard would be a bitch to try and explain away." Audrey said, the aura around her hand dissipating.

"Well well well, if it isn't the three blank flanks!" Diamond Tiara sneered, for it was clearly her. Who else would wear an obviously fake tiara around like it was normal?

"Yeah, you worthless blank flanks! What are you doing here, shouldn't you be out failing." Silver Spoon, named by process of elimination, said.

"We jus' saved the town!" Applebloom growled.

"I doubt a bunch of blank flanks like you could pull off something like that!" Diamond Tiara jeered.

"Help us out here, Audrey!" Scootaloo begged.

"Fine, but you're buying me a coffee later." Audrey said. Standing up she walked over to Diamond Tiara and crouched in front of her, getting in eye level of the filly. "Tiara, can I call you Tiara?" Audrey asked, receiving a nod. "Excellent. Now then, Tiara, you little munchkin you. WHAT THE FUCK GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO TREAT OTHERS AS LOWER THAN YOU BASED UPON AN ARBITRARY IDEOGRAM MAGICALLY APPARATED ONTO YOUR SHOULDER!" Audrey boomed, shattering most of the windows in town, and temporarily deafening the five fillies around her, even knocking over Sweetie Belle and Diamond Tiara from the sheer force. After a few minutes of waiting for Diamonds hearing to return Audrey continued. "So, what do you have to say for yourself?" Audrey politely asked.

"My Daddy is going to sue you for everything you own!" Diamond screeched.

"I'm assuming that's your house over there, right?" Audrey asked, pointing to a rather large mansion in the distance.

"Yes it is, but someone as poor as you could never hope to get near it, let alone enter it!" Diamond smugged.

"You sure about that? Coz all I see is a pile of burning rubble." Audrey said, snapping Diamond out of her bitchiness. Looking towards where her house once stood, Diamond broke down and began weeping.

"Why? Why are you doing all this to me?!" Diamond begged.

"Because you need from severe attitude adjustments, otherwise I'll come back in fifteen years and kill you. Now snap out of it." Audrey declared, flicking Diamond in the forehead and making her fall on her backside in terror. Around her, Scootaloo, Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Silver Spoon were watching in worry as Diamond appeared to suddenly break down in tears before Audrey flicked her in the head, none knowing what had caused the bully to freak out upon making eye contact.

"What did you do?" Sweetie Belle asked in wonder.

"I merely temporarily projected my will over hers and caused a psychologically hallucination of her life being ruined. Ya know, your standard bully breaking tactic." Audrey said with a shrug. Waving off the trio, Audrey sat back down on the bench and gazed at nothing in particular. After several minutes of doing nothing much, her vision was enveloped by an enraged looking matronly figure.

"Would you mind explaining why my student is claiming you assaulted her?" The woman asked in an angry tone.

"She was being an unforgiving bitch, so I decided to perform some attitude adjustments on her, I'd say they worked out rather well, though that remains to be proven by empirical data."

"What gives you the right to treat my students like that?"

"The overwhelming power contained in my right hand?" Audrey offered.

"What?"

"EH, it's an anime thing. You wouldn't get it."

"Oh, so just because I don't watch those nonsensical animations imported from neighpon, I'm somehow beneath you?"

"Okay, let me stop you right there. Where is neighpon, and what's its population?"

"Like I'd tell you something like that after how you my student."

"It's okay, I'll go look it up in an atlas later. As for your other point. You're not beneath me because you don't watch anime."

"Oh, glad to see you have some semblance of civility."

"You're beneath me because you're inferior in every way." Audrey finished.

"You are just the worst person on the planet."

"I try. Now then, I'm off to go find Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Applebloom. They owe me a coffee for dealing with their bullying problems." Audrey said as she stood up and walked away from the woman.

"H-hey! Don't you just ignore me like that! I'll have you arrested for child abuse, you monster!" The woman shouted after Audrey, getting the one finger salute as a parting gift. "How could someone become such a callous bitch in this day and age?" The woman said aloud, a fist sized rock then embedded itself in a tree next to her. Looking in the direction it came from, she saw Audrey standing in the middle of the main road. Looking closer, the woman saw Audrey point two fingers at her eyes and than at her, causing the woman to gulp in fear.

Back in town, Audrey was looking for a place that looked like it sold decent coffee, having immediately dismissed the Java Bean Coffee Shop and Cyanide Store. Spotting a gingerbread house, she shrugged and set off towards it, deciding that a ginger bread house would at least have decent coffee in it for her to pillage. Unless the owners had no sense of taste for bitterness. Entering the building she beheld a pudgy looking woman standing behind the counter.

"You guys sell coffee?" Audrey asked as she approached the counter.

"No." The woman replied.

"I'm out then." Audrey then said, pivoting on her foot and leaving.

"Wait." The woman called out. "If you want coffee, why didn't you go to Java Bean Coffee Shop and Cyanide Store."

"Because cyanide and coffee are not the greatest of mixes. Plus, even if I can metabolise cyanide with no after-effects, I hate the taste of almonds."

"What're you on about with after effects? Cyanide is merely a cheap flavouring ingredient."

"No, cyanide is a highly lethal poison with no known cure."

'I don't know where you got your information, but cyanide is perfectly safe!"

"I'm not going to even bother. This is like trying to argue with a member of the west borro baptist church, a complete waste of time and an eventual murder charge." Audrey sighed as she left the store. "Great, so much for having a coffee. Might as well start burning things."

"You there! You're under arrest for harming a minor." A guard called out as he approached Audrey.

"And I'll start with you." Audrey smiled sinisterly.

"Wha-" The guard managed to get out before bursting into flames. Staring at the scene in shock none of the ponies reacted in time to escape from the carnage that would ensue.

Author's Note

Next chapter: I don't write with a cold!

Chapter Four

Audrey smirked as the ashy remains of the guard were blown away in the wind. Looking up she saw everyone in the marketplace staring at her in shock. "Right, now it's time to destroy this place!" Audrey declared, rushing towards an overly muscled pegasus, before bringing her fist to a stop mere inches from his face as a noise rumbled across the area. Some of the less terrified ponies in the area looked around confusedly for the source of the noise, none noticing a light blush appearing on Audrey's cheeks. Clearing her throat Audrey spoke up. "I will resume the destruction of your town as soon as I get some food." Audrey declared, walking off towards what looked like a restaurant and then collapsing after several steps. "This is what I get for being in a coma for eighteen hundred years. Maybe shoulda gone to a hospital before threatening to destroy the town... Twice. Three times if you include my thoughts."

"Why should we help you! You just killed a guard!" Someone shouted.

"To be fair, it was a bug using a shitty illusion spell." Audrey said, lifting an arm to point in the air.

"As if! Bugs can't use magic! Only ponies can!" Another member of the crowd pointed out.

"I'm not a pony, and I can use magic. Not that I would, of course, as magic is for pussies."

"You're a pony!"

"Nope. I'm from the genus homo sapiens sapiens, you're from the genus pussy ass faggot horse bitch."

"We can easily leave you there!"

"I can easily release a wave of destructive energy to incinerate the entire town from here."

"Checkmate. We'll only help you if you promise not to destroy the town!"

"I can only promise I won't destroy it much."

"... Fine, someone get her to the hospital."

"But Mayor Mare, she's dangerous!" Someone in the crowd pointed out.

"She could be delirious from hunger."

"Nope, I'm just an asshole. An incredibly racist, destructive, sometimes hateful, asshole."

"Not helping your case here." Mayor Mare scowled.

"Alright, shutting up now. Stupid horse person." Audrey muttered under her breath. At the beckoning of Mayor Mare, a group of stallions came forth from the crowd and grabbed Audrey roughly. As they were dragging her to the hospital, a thought occurred to her. "Say, do they have any meat at the hospital?"

"What's meat?" One of her carriers asked. Looking at Audrey, all the stallion could see was the lower half of her face, her eyes being completely concealed in an ominous darkness.

"Killing everything now."

"What?! Why?!" The stallion begged as Audrey began generating a massive ball of energy in front of herself. Dropping her, the stallions make a break for it. Shakily getting to her feet, Audrey grabs the basketball sized sphere of energy between her hands, slowly drawing them apart, increasing the spheres size even further. Raising it above her head, she smirked as the entire town began fleeing the scene, some of the more competent unicorns grabbing those nearest them and teleporting away. Her arms having reached their zenith of rotation, Audrey then threw the sphere at the ground, a massive explosion soon following after.

Canterlot

With a satisfied sigh, princess Celestia reclined in her cushioned seat as she looked over the mountainous pile of paperwork. Taking a dainty sip from a nearby cup of freshly brewed tea, she looked over the land below, delighting in its beauty. Looking around, she spotted Ponyville, a normally quiet and serene town, if occasionally attacked by wolves, or bears, or the scorpion king Amadias the Great. But nothing the town guard couldn't handle in their sleep. Setting down the cup of tea, Celestia stood up from her desk and wondered over to her telescope. Peering through it, she noticed an ominous light emanating from Ponyville. Curious, she focused her gaze on the source, a lone figure holding aloft a massive ball of energy that was giving off the ominous light she had seen. The purpose of the ball of energy hitting her, she quickly backed away from the telescope as Ponyville was engulfed in massive inferno, towering into the skies above, easily visible for miles around.

Staring at what once was Ponyville, Celestia gaped. An entire town, simply wiped out in an instant. Could it have been some denizen of the Everfree? No, the only ones powerful enough were the Ursa, and they lived too deep in the forest to pay any heed to the town bordering the forest. Thinking on it more, she drew several blanks, throwing out griffon terrorists, another one of Twilight's spell gone haywire, Pinkie Pie being, well Pinkie, and the Ice Cream Confederacy attacking, but that last one was absurd, as they Ice Cream Confederacy was a bunch of magic preschool aged foals that liked ice cream. More and more theories becoming discredited, she only came to one conclusion. "No. It can't be. She Can't be back... Maker have mercy, she is!" Celestia gasped in shock, her worst fears come true. "Guard!" Celestia boomed, multiple guards filing into her room.

"Princess!" They all saluted.

"I want you to gather the fastest messenger pegasi we have and send them here, I have an important missive for them to deliver to every town, city, village, and hermits hut in Equestria."

"What, if I may ask, is this missive?" One of the guards asked.

"Simply, Audrey is back, prepare for the worst."

"Audrey?" Another guard asked.

"An ancient and incredibly powerful foe from the early days of Equestria. She is, quite simply put, unstoppable."

"But, if she's back, doesn't that imply you stopped her?" A third guard asked.

"... I was being dramatic, now go quickly, the fate of the world hangs in balance. For real this time." Celestia commanded. Saluting, all the guards fled her quarters and Celestia then sat down her not-so-comfortable-any-more cushioned chair. "Hopefully Luna returns to full strength soon, we might just stand a chance against Audrey now." Celestia sighed as she levitated multiple inkwells and quills over to her desk, anticipating a mountain slide of paperwork concerning Ponyville and its utter annihilation.

CratervillePonyville Crater

Looking around her with a triumphant smirk, Audrey slowly began walking towards the nearest edge of the crater she was now standing in hoping to find some place to crash for the night that had food, preferably meat. Stumbling out of the crater, she searched around the area, locating a simple cottage near a dark and foreboding forest. Deciding that whatever lived there would likely have meat, she set off towards it at the pace of a drunkard, centuries of not eating deciding to take affect on her body.

Nearing the cottage, she spied many animals hiding on or near it. Deciding that they'd make for a good meal if there wasn't anything in the cottage itself, Audrey trudged past a knee high fence, across a disproportionately arched bridge, up a path, and through a half door into the cottage. Noticing the entire interior of the cottage was filled with perches, holes, and bird houses, Audrey began having second thoughts, but pushed them away deciding any rodents living there would also make for a good feed. Searching for the kitchen, Audrey finds a simple room with an oak wood bench, some pot racks, an electric stove, and a massive refrigerator. Opening the fridge, she is greeted by multiple choice cuts of meat, various assortments of fruit and vegetables, a bunch of varying drinks, and a few other things she didn't know the names of. Grabbing some steaks, she turned on the stove, placed a frying pan down and dumped the steaks in it, placing another frying pan down and cracking a few eggs into it.

Grabbing an onion, she then peeled it, sliced it up evenly and deposited it next to the eggs. Spying a spice rack, she rifles through it and begins selecting some herbs and spices, lightly sprinkling a few pinches on the steaks and into the frying eggs, placing the herbs and spice back, she flips the steaks and sets about finding a plate and some cutlery. Locating the eating utensils, she turns off the stove, places the, somehow, perfectly cooked steaks on the plate, flips the eggs and onion out of the pan and next to the steaks. Opening the fridge she locates some tomatoes and lettuce and throws them in the air above her plate. Grabbing a particularly sharp knife, she swings it through the air multiple times, finely cutting the vegetables, which then fell neatly on her plate. Pouring herself a glass of water, she proceeded to sit down on the couch she spied in the main room and begin eating.

Train to Ponyville

Looking up from trying to console a terrified Fluttershy, Twilight could only wonder what had cause the giant explosion in the direction of Ponyville. Hoping nothing too bad had happened, she spoke to her friends. "Girls, don't suppose any of you know what could've caused that explosion?"

"Maybe Snowflake was showing off to a pretty mare?" Rainbow suggested.

"He may be strong, but he's not a unicorn, so he can't perform the channelling necessary to cause such an explosion." Twilight exposited.

"Maybe the Cakes accidentally mixed some of my literal powder into a batch of their explosively tasty muffins?" Pinkie offered.

"Not even going to question how you made that." Applejack sighed. "Though cain't have been anything on mah farm, we use clean filly power."

"Filly power?" Everyone asked.

"We make Applebloom run on a treadmill for five hours and it provides us with enough power to last two days."

"Isn't that, a little cruel?" Rarity asked."

"Naww, it's good training fer when she gets to applebuckin'." Applejack defended.

"Alright, Rarity, you got anything?"

"Cutie Mark Crusaders Nuclear Scientists?" Rarity said, causing all present to shudder.

"That makes too much sense for those fillies. Alright, we'll scold them when we get back and begin rebuilding Ponyville." Twilight said, earning her cheers from all present, except Fluttershy.

Fluttershy's Cottage

Petting her belly with a happy sigh, Audrey looked around her for any signs of a bedroom, hoping to take a nap and hopefully find a shower. Locating a set of stairs, she ascended them, finding a simple bedroom with a bathroom, just there, no separators or anything. Not really understanding the architectural design choices, Audrey flopped on the bed and settled in to take a nap. Before she could fall asleep, a jerkish feeling prodding sensation began emanating from her thigh. Grumpily looking down, she saw a rabbit dressed as a ninja poking her with what she assumed was an incredibly sharp sword. "What do you want, weird ninja rabbit?" She asked. The rabbit merely replied with a gaze that said 'I wish to know why you destroyed that town.' Staring at the rabbit quizzically, Audrey spoke up again.

"Can, can you communicate through eye contact?"

'Of course I can, what self respecting ninja rabbit couldn't. It's the only way to get you primitive savages to understand us.' The rabbit eyed.

"Okay... Well stop poking with with your sword I'm trying to get to sleep."

'H-how is this not harming you? This is the second sharpest blade in the nin-rabbit arsenal, hand forged by master fluffles himself!' The Rabbit eyed.

"If a chaos infused sword can only just scratch me, what hope does your non enchanted sword have of harming me?"

'Very well, let us settle this through ninjutsu, like the warriors of old did! I win, you tell me why you destroyed Ponyville. You win, I will concede to whatever wish you may have upon my defeat.'

"I'm game." Decided, getting out of the bed and hopping out the window, landing in a patch of flowers. Walking towards a field, she found the rabbit already there.

'You took your sweet time. Now, let us fight!' The rabbit declared. Suddenly, it vanished. Looking around the field, Audrey felt a series of moderately annoying pokes across her arms and legs. Once the barrage was done, a panting rabbit appeared before Audrey. 'Impressive, you didn't even flinch. Now let us go at it like there's no tomorrow, fiend!' The rabbit taunted. The duo then disappeared in a flash of dust, innumerable explosions of force erupting in the air above the field in rapid succession. After several seconds of this, the battered form of a rabbit smacked into the grassy surface below, looking visibly shocked. Landing roughly next to him, and with a bloodied lip, Audrey smirked in victory.

"I won, you lost. You know what that means." Audrey gloated, watching the rabbit sigh.

'Very well, what is your wish?' The rabbit asked.

"I'll tell you after my nap." Audrey told the rabbit before collapsing on the ground asleep. Looking at the sleeping form of Audrey, the rabbit sweatdropped. As he was about to turn away, he noticed a crackling sound. Looking around for the source, he leaped back in fright as Audrey began loosing an electrical storm. But what surprised him even more was the fact that she, for a lack of his better understanding, was filling out. Watching in curiosity and slight terror, the rabbit noticed as Audrey's limbs gained more thickness, looking less like sticks and more like arms. After the lightning died down, she began to stir. Slowly sitting up and rubbing her eyes groggily, Audrey turned to face the rabbit. Upon sighting him, she instantly tensed up. Preparing for a fight, the rabbit was momentarily taken off guard when he noticed that where there was nothing but plains earlier, was now dominated by two massive peaks. That's as much as he was able to take in before this world became boobs.

Hugging onto the rabbit tightly, Audrey let out disturbingly cheery giggles as she snuggled the rabbit into her chest. "Kawaī! Kawaī! Totemo kawaī!" She giddily squealed, confusing the rabbit to no end.

"Just what the hell is going on?!" The rabbit thought.

"Orokana rabbit, I'm hugging you!" Audrey proudly proclaimed, making the rabbit freeze.

"Did, did you just read my mind?" The rabbit hesitantly thought.

"Of course, I'd never be able to talk to you otherwise!"

"This, is most disturbing. Truly you are a threat to Neighpon." The rabbit thought.

"I'm not a threat, Angel. I could never hurt something as fuzzy as you!" Audrey attempted to calm down Angel.

"H-how did you know my name?" Angel internally gulped.

"Didn't I just say I can read mind, baka." Audrey stated, inflating her cheeks slightly and turning her head away with a humph, then she got hit in the head with a bucket, sending her sprawling across the ground. Sitting up she clutched her head. "Itai! Itai! Itai!"she shouted, rubbing the spot she was hit in the head.

"The fuck was that?" Silver demanded, glaring down at Audrey.

"I get irritable when I'm hungry." Audrey mumbled apologetically.

"That's no excuse for destroying an entire town!"

"S-sorry." Audrey apologized, hastily standing up and bowing at Silver, earning her a look of confusion.

"What's with the bowing?"

"It's a sign of respect from where I'm from."

"Seems frivolous. But regardless, where the hell am I going to go shopping since you destroyed the town, hmm?"

"Ē to... What about that city over there?" Audrey questioned, pointing to a city built on the side of a mountain.

"And how do you expect for us to get there? You destroyed the train station."

"I, uh, could... Teleport us?" Audrey said bashfully.

"What's with the sudden personality change. It's, unnerving."

"Does the saying 'You're not you when you're hungry', ring bells for you?" Audrey asked.

"I guess, something about how some people get angry when they're hungry, or something like that."

"W-well it's a little more literal for me. Whenever I get hungry, a more aggressive, dominant personality takes over until I'm no longer hungry. I've gotten better at controlling it, but the longer I go without food, the stronger it gets."

"That's, kinda a major problem. So, you go all homicidal when you're hungry, that might be a problem." Silver sighed.

"Well, I can usually go a month without food before the other personality takes over."

"... I'm not sure, but weren't you flat chested earlier today?" Silver asked Audrey, who blushed and looked away.

"S-stop looking at my chest you, you hentai!*"

"Uh, what? Ya know, on second thought, I don't wanna know."

"Only my sister can look at me like that."

"Aaaaand this just got weird. Well, I'll be heading back to the cave now, you can come too, but expect Ak'Tos to be angry at you for destroying an entire town." Silver stated, clapping her hands together.

"Ē to, I was going to go to that city on the mountain to look for anything to help em find my sister." Audrey said, tapping her fingers together.

"Scratch that, I'll return to the cave, inform Ak'Tos you destroyed a town, and then meet you in Canterlot to help you find your sister and make sure you don't break all kinds of laws in your reunion." Silver decided with a sigh.

"Okay, I'll be in any big libraries there. So just ask around. I might also get some bits from my hoard and buy some new clothes."

"You do that. I'll meet you in Canterlot, try not to wreck the place."

"I won't do anything as long as no one instigates it." Audrey smiled. With a shrug, Silver dashed off towards her cave, whilst Audrey bounced on Angel and then placed him on her head.

"You're coming with me, you baka rabbit." She said with a smile before teleporting away, leaving an empty cottage, and a really large crater, behind her.

Author's Note

*Three minutes of google translating to figure out if this was pervert in Japanese. It is, and it is also, well, you know what I'm getting at, and if not, move along citizen.

Inspiration for the personality thing came from this: