Fear of Failure

Rainbow Dash, the pony that will back up her friends on any day of the week, now sits on her bed as she stares at her white cloud interior. The yellow rays shine into her room now, the day is just beginning. Her eyes peer up at the rays entering her vicinity. Her eyes are completely red, puffy. Her gentle appearance now looks ragged, the two black rings showing underneath her cyan lids. She sighs and brings her right foreleg up to the sunlight, the wound flashing memories of the dream. Scootaloo, Fluttershy, all of her friends; gone. Nothing but the salts in her wound and the light that shines upon her accompany her now.

She sighs and gets up, stretching all the rest of her while she pays careful attention to her wound. The claw mark wasn’t too deep, however; it still appears fresh and red. It really freaks her out. How can a dream suddenly attack me in real life? Then, another thought replaces her original, causing her eyes to widen. Or was it a dream? She gasps and quickly flutters down the stairs and into the kitchen. There has to be an explanation to this.

“I need to see if they’re alive or not!” she shouts, causing her sleeping companion that was lying on the kitchen floor to slowly emerge from his shell. Rainbow looks down and gasps, realizing that she woke up her pet.

“I’m sorry, Tank,” she begins apologetically, her voice lower, calmer. “I’m just a bit jumpy today.” She lands on her cloud floor, four hooves in all. “Want some breakfast?”

The little tortoise nods ever so slowly, a grin gradually appearing on its face.

“Alright, one mighty delight coming right up!” she announces, opening up her white cabinets. With swift and easy movements, she grabs some parsley and strawberry leaves from the cabinet, turns to Tank’s food bowl, and brings it closer to her. As she is about to put the leaves in the bowl, she stops, her eyes widening as the hairs on her back stand up.

Death…

She shakes her head and grimaces, the images of the dream flashing before her very eyes. A small tear rolls down her cheek as she puts the strawberry leaves in the bowl, forming a circle in the middle to place her second ingredient: the parsley. After she adds the parsley, Rainbow Dash adds some water into the mixture, swirling it around for added effect. After all this, she presents her treat to the tortoise, the beady eyes looking upon Rainbow with intrigue. He, then, looks down at his food bowl and slowly begins digging in. Rainbow Dash awkwardly smiles as she pats the tortoise on his head, the imagery still affecting her psyche.

“I’ll be back later, Tank,” she says with a slight grimace, the pain from her claw wound still bothering her. “I’m heading to Twilight’s.”

The tortoise nods while eating his food, giving her the “okay” to leave. “Cya!” she shouts and slams the door and locking it shut with her hoof. She smiles, the wind today is fierce. According to weather reports, they were supposed to be vicious at high altitudes. For Dash, flying in hazardous weather conditions wasn’t a problem. However, her foreleg was still an issue.

I’ll just have to be a bit more careful…

With her wings snapping to attention, she carefully prepares herself, spreading her forelegs out.

“Let’s do this,” she whispers to the air.

In seconds, she leaps up and begins her flight, the wind gliding underneath her. The wind, the feeling between her feathers, the ability to fly; this is her past time. She looks down at the ground and looks for her target. The Golden Oaks Library still stands tall, the tree never losing it’s brown chic.

The cyan pegasus spots it and begins her descent. While she flies, a thought appears in her mind.

What will Twilight say when she sees my wound?

She looks at the clouds she passes by, the speed of her flight growing as she falls.

Depends on if she’s alive…

She looks back at her target, the library appearing closer and closer as she moves towards it.

She has to be alive.

As she begins to open up her wings to slow her momentum, she sighs.

There’s no way that she’s dead.

As her two hooves plop on the dirt pathway, she looks around. Nopony is out and about, the birds; however, are chirping, signalling the time for a new day. She’s like those birds, except the signal for Twilight to wake up.

With a quiet couple of knocks, a young masculine tone responds to the knocks shouting, “Coming!”. The pegasus mare stands back and sits on her haunches, waiting for the wooden door to swing open. The door eventually does, but the person she expects does not arrive.

“Hello, Rainbow,” a purple and green scaled dragon announces, looking at Rainbow’s tear stricken face. “What’s wrong?”

She tries to dissuade him from looking at her legs. “Well, I just need to talk to Tw-”

“And what happened to your leg!”

Buck.

“Well, um…” Rainbow Dash says awkwardly, the reminder of her wound making the pain attack her entire being. She grimaces and yelps, causing Spike to approach her left side, holding her foreleg tightly. “Come on in, Rainbow, I’ll get ya Twilight.”

Thank you…

With a pained smile, she gasps out, “Thank you”. The dragon nods, while pulling her into the comfortable confines of the library. As they enter, the oak door smacks shut, locking in place once again. The dragon continues holding onto Rainbow, leading her to the purple couch. “Sit here while I go get her,” he says, relinquishing his tight grip on her. She nods and lies on the couch, snuggling into the comfy pillows. She always does this when she visits Twilight’s house, it’s almost her second home thanks to her desire of reading the Daring Do series.

Daring Do, her favorite explorer, adventurer, hero. Daring could do almost everything: grave robbing, finding lost treasures in weird mazes, even scour around in temples and break everything in sight. It’s Daring’s talent, after all. While she’s doing this, she always runs into her arch nemesis, Ahuizotl, the huge intimidating ape-like being with a hand at the end of his tail. Unfortunately, his inability to capture Daring is astounding, which makes the series all the better. Rainbow doesn’t want it to end, otherwise, she’ll have nothing to read…

That is, until Twilight gives her something new to read.

“Rainbow!” a more feminine voice shouts. “What in Equestria happened to you?”

Right on cue.

“I’m okay, Twilight,” Rainbow says, stretching out her legs and sitting up. “I need to talk to yo—”

Then, the unexpected happen.

Twilight throws herself forward, hugging Rainbow close into her chest, causing Rainbow to yelp in surprise. “Twilight!”

“Rainbow!” she begins, tears falling down her cheeks. “When I heard how Spike described you, I couldn’t bear it!”

Twilight…

A few tears escape Rainbow as she brings her wing around Twilight’s back, pulling her close. “It’s okay,” Rainbow says, petting Twilight’s mane. “I’m fine…”

No, I’m not.

Rainbow grimaces, pain shooting throughout her, especially in her right foreleg. “Twilight, can you please get off my foreleg?” Rainbow pleads.

Twilight shies away, blushing wildly. “Sorry, Rainbow…”

Typical Twilight…

“It’s okay, Twilight.” Rainbow looks over to left and pats the spot beside her. “Why don’t you sit down on the couch with me?”

Twilight smiles awkwardly and trots over to the couch. “Alright…”

She carefully slides herself on the couch and lies back into the cushions. “So…” She begins, turning her attention to Rainbow, who is currently staring back at her, her magenta eyes shimmering in the sunlight. “What did you want to talk about?”

With a large, shaky sigh, the pegasus replies, “Well, I... have a problem.” Rainbow turns away from her alicorn friend to hide her tears. The thought of losing her returns to her conscious.

“What type of problem, Rainbow?” She asks, voicing her concern. “Are you in Estrus?”

Estrus?!

“What?” Rainbow asks in astonishment, her attention snapping back to Twilight.

“Are you having trouble releasing your excretions from your canal?”

Rainbow stares back at her, dumbfounded.

“Are you being tempted by Pinkie Pie to search the very depths of her kitchen sink?””

“Um…Twilight?”

Twilight shakes her head and peers over at Rainbow, the blush apparent on Rainbow’s cheeks. “Yes?”

Rainbow shifts in her seat, the red shades clashing with her cyan cheeks. “I…have problems sleeping.”

“Sleeping?” Twilight’s countenance shifting from being excited, to a blank, yet concerned expression.

Rainbow gives a shy nod in response.

“Why?” Twilight asks, scooting closer to Rainbow, observing her face.

“Well…” Rainbow begins, the memories of her dreams causing her wound to sting her entire being. “I-I need you to stay alive…” A tear escapes down her cyan cheek.

“What?”

Death…

Another shock of pain courses within her, causing her to yelp in agony. Twilight quickly catches this, wrapping her hooves around Rainbow and nuzzling her side. “Rainbow, I’ll tell Spike to stay in his room.”

Twilight simply turns to her right. “Spike!”

“What?”

“Stay in your room until we’re finished talking!”

“Why?”

Twilight’s brow lowers, annoyed by his question. “Because I said so!”

“But I don’t have any food up here!”

Twilight sighs. “Are you kidding me?” She says, muttering underneath her breath. She looks at Rainbow, the pegasus shaking in her forelegs. “Look, I’ll get this dragon his gem collection, which…” She begins, raising her voice near the tail end of her speech and glancing at the closed, wooden entrance to their room. “...he forgot for some reason!”

“Well it’s not my fault I get hungry while I work!”

Rainbow giggles at the two, the argument taking her mind off the haunting memories for a brief moment. These two bicker like siblings.

“Ugh!” Twilight groans, rolling her eyes. “I’ll get your gems!”

Spike sounds off for the last time, his voice loud and high. “Could you please get the green ones?”

Twilight facehooves. “Alright!” she shouts, stomping her hooves into the kitchen to grab Spike’s delectable gem stash.

This sight causes Rainbow to laugh loudly, her entire body shaking from the argument. Rainbow has never seen these two argue like this before. Even though they’re not siblings by blood, the fact that they still act like brother and sister at times is amusing. The drama is real.

As Twilight brings back a basket full of green gems, she passes a glance at Rainbow and calmly says, “Be right back.”

She turns her attention back to the task at hand, sighing loudly as she parades up the stairs, holding the basket in her magic. Rainbow never noticed how annoyed Twilight would get sometimes at her own assistant. Sometimes, she’d be agitated, annoyed, and very hostile. On other occasions, she’d be nice, appreciative, and caring. It’s just an odd sight seeing them like this.

And she liked it.

“Alright, Dash, sorry I took so long...” Rainbow ears perk up at the voice of her friend. Twilight walks down the stairs, a smile painted across her face. “Spike was arguing with me because technically his room is my room and we both share the same room, which was all true, so I had to side with him…” She looks away for a moment and coughs, before looking back at Rainbow with a concerned expression as she plops onto the couch once again. Once Twilight’s comfortable, she asks, “So what is causing you not to sleep?”

Dash sighs. “Twilight, can you promise me that this doesn’t leave this building?”

“Why?”

“Just do it, please…” Rainbow begs, looking at her friend with tears building in her eyes.

Twilight sighs and nods, reciting the well-known promise of all promises that has been handed down from generation to generation of Pies. “Cross my heart, and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” Luckily, Twilight realizes how close her hoof is to her eye and retracts it in the nick of time.

Rainbow smiles awkwardly, the pain seething up once again. “Look, I’ve been having dreams…”

“Dreams?”

“Yes, dreams.” Rainbow proceeds to look away from Twilight, staring at the door. “Actually, hoof that. I’ve been having the same dream, over and over,” Rainbow says as the moisture in her eyes begins to slide down her cheeks.

“What is particularly in this dream?” Twilight asks, her concern for her friend growing. “Is it bad?”

Bad? That’s a complete understatement.

Rainbow shivers. “Horrifyingly bad.”

Twilight sighs and nuzzles her friend, wrapping her purple wings around the shaky pegasus. “Better?”

You don’t even know.

“Yeah…” Rainbow says, nuzzling her back. The pain starts to stop, the fear of telling her in its place.

“W-well. The d-dream starts out with us at a campsite,” Rainbow stutters, her body beginning to shake.

“Like the one you, Rarity, and Applejack went to for your Sisterhooves Social?” Twilight inquires, her left eyebrow raised slightly.

Now I know I’m not in a nightmare.

“Yeah, exactly,” Rainbow confirms, nodding. “But you and Fluttershy were there.”

“Well, didn’t you know you were dreaming at that point?” Twilight asks, tilting her head slightly to the right. “Because that would make me wake up instantly.”

“That’s the thing, Twilight,” Rainbow says, her body still shaking, the shaking becoming more violent. “I-I couldn’t…w-wake up…”

“Rainbow?” Twilight asks, the shaking causing her to hold Rainbow tighter with her wings. Twilight spots Rainbow’s injury, the red marking still bleeding and fresh, yet not seeping out. “What happened to you” she begins, holding the offending appendage, the long, curvy scar showing in the light. “...that night?”

“I’m getting to that, Twilight…” Rainbow says, the shakes racking her entire body as if she was just in an earthquake. “Our conversation at the c-campsite was different…”

“How so?”

Interjecting when I’m speaking, Twilight’s main talent.

Rainbow shakes the thought away and sighs. “Well, Rarity wasn’t being herself, she just… told me off and then stared at me angrily.”

Twilight brings her left forehoof up in thought, rubbing her chin. “That doesn’t seem right…”

“Exactly, and then, while staring at me, her eyes changed color.”

Twilight’s eyes widen. “Really?”

Rainbow nods quickly.

“To what color?”

“A darker shade of purple,” Rainbow says, rubbing her head with her left forehoof. “It just... got to me.”

Twilight nods. “I can understand that, so her eyes changed to a darker tint, correct?”

“Yeah.”

“Did anything else happen that was unusual?”

A ton of things…

“Fluttershy…” Rainbow Dash begins, the dream flashing before her eyes. The blood, the acid, the red eyes…

“Rainbow?” Twilight says, waving a hoof in front of her friend. “Hello?”

Just like the dream…

“Rainbow!”

“What?”

Twilight wraps her hooves around her, pulling Rainbow closer to her as Twilight nuzzles into the back of her neck. “Don’t zone out like that again, you made me panic for a bit.”

Twilight…

“I’m sorry…” Rainbow mutters. “If I explained it to you, you’d be horrified.”

“Why?”

“Well…” Rainbow begins, nuzzling back into Twilight’s mane. “She died.”

“WHAT?” Twilight shouts, causing Rainbow to lean back. “She died?”

Rainbow nods sullenly, the mere pictures of Fluttershy in her brain, the mutilation…

“How…” Twilight says lowly, her voice quiet, yet gravelly.

“That, I can’t explain…” Rainbow says, tears beginning to form once again. “She just laid there, bleeding out all over the ground, blood splattering on the tents... her organs were—”

“Stop there,” Twilight says, her whole entire being shivering. “I can’t deal with descriptions like that.”

Rainbow whimpers, holding Twilight close to her. “Her eyes were red and she said one word to me in the oddest tone…”

“What did she say?” Twilight asks, holding Rainbow just as tight.

“Death…” Rainbow mutters.

“Death?”

Rainbow pulls away from Twilight’s neck and nods for the umpteenth time. “Then she died.”

Twilight raises an eyebrow. “That doesn’t sound like her at all.”

“Exactly,” Rainbow begins. “But that’s not all, everypony died, including Scootaloo, who was helping me search the tents for you guys.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, you all died…”

Twilight’s position shifts, scooting away from Rainbow in sudden fear. “Then... how did you wake up?”

Rainbow looks down at her scar, the wound still on her like a birthmark. “I was about to be killed when I woke up.”

“B-by w-what?” Twilight asks, now stuttering in trepidation.

Rainbow stares blankly at Twilight, her magenta eyes focusing on Twilight’s eyes. “Scootaloo’s beheaded corpse…”

Twilight gasps, her eyes widening. “She... killed you?”

“Yeah, Twilight it was a dream.”

“But, how many times have you witnessed this same dream?” Twilight asks, the worry in her voice bleeding out in several octaves. “It wouldn’t affect you this much if you only saw it once…”

How many times did I witness it?

Rainbow pulls up her forehooves, counting her only two toes on her forehooves. She sighs and looks at Twilight, the tears still sliding down her cheeks. With a nervous voice, she announces the number.

“Twenty times.”

“Twenty…” Twilight begins, her eyes wide, her mouth dropping open, her voice shaky. “...times?”

“Yes…” Rainbow quietly says.

Twilight looks away from Rainbow, tears beginning to slide down hers cheeks. “You… didn’t tell us about this?”

Rainbow looks away as well, looking down at the wooden floorboards of Twilight’s library. “I didn’t want you to worry and I…” Rainbow looks over at Twilight once again, her right, scarred foreleg slithering over to grasp Twilight’s parallel purple forehoof. “I was afraid of being weak.”

In a split second, Twilight grabs Rainbow’s forehoof and pulls her close, her lavender wings and forelegs wrapping her like a burrito. “You’re not weak!” Twilight shrieks, her voice strained, her tears pouring out as she nuzzles Rainbow’s neck. “You’re one of the strongest ponies I’ve ever seen!”

That’s a lie…

“How? Applejack is wa—”

“No she’s not!” Twilight exclaims. “You’re much stronger! You keep your head up high, even if failure is in sight! You have so much confidence!”

Right...

Rainbow shifts her gaze, unable to view her friend’s face. “Twilight, I don’t have that much confidence...I’m always been afraid…”

“Of what?” Twilight snaps, her face streaked from her tears, the moisture still flowing down her cheeks.

“Of failing!” She snaps back, causing Twilight to recoil, leaning back on the couch as Rainbow moves forward, their blue and lavender pairs of wings still wrapped around each other’s backs. “You don’t understand! How can I be strong when I’m just failing every time? I can’t even get into the Wonderbolts! They say I am amazing, a perfect applicant for their roster, yet I don’t get in! They take somepony else! I keep my head high, so I don’t feel as bad, when, on the inside, I’m practically dying!” she bellows in front of Twilight. She shakily sighs, tears falling onto Twilight’s fur, matting her chest. “I just…I can’t take it! I want something better! I want to be... loved.”

“Loved?” Twilight says shakily, gripping her friend’s hoof. “You are loved, Rainbow…”

“By whom?” Rainbow says, her face red from yelling, the fatigue of yelling beginning her to strain her voice.

“Your friends!” Twilight shouts, pushing Rainbow’s hoof to her own chest. “And everypony in Ponyville! Ponies look up to you! Think about Scootaloo!” Twilight nuzzles into Rainbow’s chest. “They all love you!”

Rainbow slowly cracks a smile as she cranes her neck down, weeping with her.  “You do?”

“Yes, Rainbow? Why would we not?” Twilight asks, her eyes shimmering.

“Because I always upset yo—”

Twilight raises her brow. “That’s because you crash into the library and break everything.”

Rainbow shies away, looking down at the ground, her hindhooves connecting with the wooden floors.. “So you are upset…”

“Well, how would you feel if somepony crashed into your house daily?” Twilight asks, sitting up and swinging her hoof around Rainbow’s back. “I know you’d feel upset.”

Rainbow giggles. “More devastated than upset at first,” Rainbow begins, looking up at Twilight as she continues. “Then exceedly angry as I take in the damages.”

Twilight chuckles right back while playfully shoving Rainbow in her shoulder. “See! You understand!” she exclaims, giggling underneath her breath. “Look, just remember this: even when times are tough, remember that there are so many ponies out there who love you, even if they don’t tell you.” Twilight scoots over and looks Rainbow in the eyes, those magenta pools staring back at her. “We all do…” She slowly wraps her left purple wing around her friend, the light purple shading clashing with the cyan shading. She sighs and lays her head on Rainbow’s shoulder, causing Rainbow to turn red.

This is why I’m friends with her…

Rainbow begins wrapping her right wing around Twilight, smiling all the while.

Because she’s my savior…

She lays her upon Twilight’s, being especially careful to not impale herself on Twilight’s horn and closes her eyes.

...in the dark.

With the sunlight shining upon them, two friends embrace, the finality of the situation settling in.

The only problem is…

“Rainbow Dash?”

“Hmmm?”

“Since you poured yourself out to me, now I have to figure out how to fix it.”

“Right…”

“So, can you get off me?”

Rainbow’s eyes snap open, flushing furiously at the sight of Twilight, their coats rubbing together. Rainbow's blush matches her friend's, the two staring at each other. It was simply too much for Rainbow to handle. The pegasus mare yelps as she slides off Twilight, falling to the ground in a heap of cyan forelegs, twisting in every way, shape, and form.

Twilight sees her friend’s discomfort and giggles, causing Rainbow to glare at her. “This isn’t funny, Twilight.”

“I beg to differ there, Rainbow,” she replies, wiping her tears away with her hoof. “You simply must get up, we have work to do.”

Rainbow gets up and smiles. “Did you just mock Rarity?”

“WHO JUST MOCKED RARITY?” a voice bellows from the room above them.

And the two mares laugh, while a dragon hisses in displeasure, the one who he loves most being mocked and rocked.