Perspectives

"Wait, so you're telling me theres another pony you want to let into the club. Another mare? Not a filly?" I ask the three founding crusaders, tilting my head slightly.

"Well, yeah. But it won't be like HB! This one actually doesn't have a cutie mark," Applebloom says.

"Why, you got a problem with that?" Scootaloo challenges.

"No, besides... in the end, I really have no say in the matter. If you wanna let in another mare, you can. I'm honestly surprised you all still have time to crusade, what with your various apprenticeships." I wave a hoof around in a general motion of all.

"I'm not! We make time! Besides, if anyone would understand the importance of friendship it would be our mentors." Sweetie Belle nods happily.

"Besides, you've got mentors too, and you still make time to crusade with us. And you already have your cutie mark," Applebloom points out. That was true enough, I hadn't really done anything about my cutie mark since I got it. I don't know what to do with it to be honest, I just know that it's my first clue to the rest of my life. Sure, Rarity helps me with a little bit of modeling practice here and there, and I occasionally help whenever she needs me to model Appleblooms work. Applebloom is finally past just making adjustments and into making some dresses and other clothes, Rarity is teaching her some more complex designs now.

Fluttershy has been teaching me and Sweetie how to train our voices. She's been helping Sweetie fine tune her singing and helping me train my voice so I sound more like a filly and how to keep it like that. I've even joined in a bit of the singing, because she says it helps. I'm nowhere near as good as Sweetie Belle, but Sweetie Belle doesn't believe me. Sweetie Belle still struggles with her stage fright, along with Fluttershy. They both froze up when I suggested an audience.

"Well, yeah... I'm just wondering what makes this mare so special. There was that one stallion a while back that didn't have a cutie mark and all you did was harass him about why he didn't have one. You never mentioned letting him in," I point out.

"We were not harassing him!" Applebloom argues.

"You don't think, "what caused you to not have a destiny?" Is a little rude?" I ask.

"Nope, it was really rude!" Sweetie Belle says happily. I just facehoof at her answer.

"Learning from others mistakes is how you prevent making them yourself," Scootaloo says. "It's not my fault if Sweetie Belle doesn't understand the concept of subtlety," Scootaloo defends.

"Besides, he was just passing through. This mare's here to stay. That, and... there was something interesting about her and her griffon friend..." Applebloom says, her hoof on her chin in thought.

"Griffon friend?" This was new, I hadn't heard about a griffon in town yet.

"Yeah, Scoots had us spying on her and apparently Pinkie thinks she's a spy. Misses Cloud Kicker seemed to think she was a changeling spy." I digest this information.

"And you want to let a supposed Changeling spy into the club because...?" I ask.

"Because she's not a spy." Scootaloo says.

"What makes you so sure? Pinkie is usually right in that weird Pinkie way of hers, like she knows something we all don't. Cloud Kicker has dealt with spies and Changelings before, she usually knows best on those things." I reason, Scootaloo shakes her head.

"She's not a changeling, Lyra had to point that out to Cloud Kicker. And she's too sloppy to be a spy, she's working way too hard to interfere with their lives. Even if she was trying to gain their trust, she wouldn't go to such extremes for all of this. Plus, if she were a spy, she would need talent at spy things. She doesn't even have a cutie mark. It would be more trouble to hide a cutie mark than the benefits would allow a spy. A high risk low success rate scenario is not the sort of gamble a secret operation would call for if she were a spy. It would be more advantageous to just show the mark and play it off as not spy related. That, and she's in the hospital because she tried to save Pinkie from herself." Scootaloo sighs and shakes her head. "I should have questioned Sweetie Belle when she asked for dangerous chemicals..." she mutters.

"Um... I see your lessons with Twilight are paying off, but... could you maybe dumb that middle part down?" I ask, she groans.

"It doesn't add up is what I'm trying to say, she can't be a spy." Scootaloo responds.

"Okay, but you were just saying somethings up with her. If she's not a spy, what is it?" I ask in confusion.

"It's a mystery!" Sweetie Belle says, "she's got a secret and we're gonna figure it out!" Sweetie Belle giggles excitedly.

"Weren't you girls telling me about how exposing secrets got you in trouble before? You told me not even a week ago." I point out.

"Oh, right... well, if it's a mystery it's ok! Because solving mysteries is objectively better than revealing secrets!" Sweetie Belle nods, content with her logic.

"It's not about how you word what we're doing, it's about what the secret is. If we solve a mystery she doesn't want solved, it's no better than revealing her secret." Scootaloo counters.

"This isn't about the moral justification of our actions! Theres no way to know what the secret is until after we reveal it!" Applebloom interjects.

"Appleblooms right. We shouldn't focus on the if we should or not. We're doing it, that much is clear. We'll have to decide what to do after we know what the secret is, right now though... all we have to worry about now is how to find it out," Scootaloo adds in.

"And your solution is to let her join the group?" I question.

"Yes!" Sweetie Belle answers. "Well, and we want to help her find her talent. Actually mostly because we want to help her find her talent, finding her secret is something of a side goal. Speaking of side goals, do you guys know where I can find a chimi-cherry-changa?" Sweetie Belle asks.

"A what?" Scootaloo asks, we all look at her in confusion.

"A chimi-cherry-changa" Sweetie Belle replies.

"What in the hay is that?" Applebloom asks.

"I dunno, It's on this list of things Pinkie said I need to find and bring to her by the end of this week." Sweetie Belle pulls a list out of her mane and shows it to us. The sad part is that her pulling things out of her mane is starting to grow on me and I don't even question it anymore. Ponyville has become more weary of Sweetie Belle now that she's Pinkies apprentice. I think everyone is just holding their breath, waiting for all of time and space to collapse under the sheer Pinkie-ness. I keep hearing mention of a last time there was more than one Pinkie. Whenever I hear it, the person the comment is directed to cringes at some nearly forgotten memory. It sends chills down my spine just to think of it.

"Sweetie, some of this stuff sounds pretty fake, what the hay is a kumquat?" Applebloom asks.

"It's a fruit," Scootaloo answers, finally walking over to take a look at the list herself. "No, most of it looks pretty legitimate. I have no idea how you'll get half of it though," Scootaloo says. "I'm more concerned about why Pinkie Pie needs a crystalline icosahedron die with the numbers etched in katakana," Scootaloo says, looking up from the list.

"What does that even mean?" Applebloom asks, scrunching her nose up in confusion.

"It's a twenty sided dice with fancy foreign writing instead of numbers," Scootaloo sighs.

"Well, why didn't you just say that?" Applebloom asks in frustration.

"Because thats whats written on here... and Twilight had me doing geometry a couple days ago. Nothing too advanced, just working with sine, cosine, tangent, advanced shapes, circumference, and all sorts of equations relating to them." Scootaloo says with a wave of her hoof. I'm not even gonna pretend to know what half of that is.

"And how did you know about the foreign writing?" Applebloom asks.

"I was reading up on some eastern culture before I was Twilights apprentice," Scootaloo brushes off.

"Nerd," Applebloom scoffs. Scootaloo shoots her a glare before smirking devilishly.

"Fashionista," Scootaloo shoots back, Applebloom gasps.

"You take that back," she demands.

"Admit it, you're good at fashion. And you like it, I see it in your eyes when you make a great dress," Scootaloo teases.

"I do not." Applebloom huffs, "I'm an apple, a hardworking mare." Applebloom declares.

"You're a filly, not yet a mare," I input.

"Y'all know what I meant," she grumbles.

"Cognitive dissonance," Scootaloo mumbles, "cognitive dissonance!" she exclaims louder.

"What?" We all ask.

"You're a great example of what Twilight was teaching me about last time, cognitive dissonance. I wasn't exactly getting it all, but now I think I understand it better." Scootaloo explains, without really explaining anything at all.

"But what is it?" Applebloom asks.

"Cognitive dissonance is when your beliefs or actions start to conflict with new information you're taking in, and you take steps to reduce the conflict. You can accept it, undermine its importance, or reject it. You're rejecting that you like making dresses because it conflicts with with your belief in menial labor being more important! Your fancy schmancy dressmaking is dissonating with your rugged farm work." Scootaloo exclaims. "This explains so much, I need to look at the rest of my notes and see if I can work more of it out," Scootaloo says excitedly.

"Wait, we're getting off track. We need to figure out how we're going to ask the new mare to join," Sweetie Belle says, getting us back on topic.

"Why do we need a plan, why don't we just ask her?" Applebloom asks confusedly.

"Sweetie Belle is right, we can't just ask her. For one, we haven't even met her personally. Two, we need to be subtle," Scootaloo said that last word a little louder and with more force while turning her gaze to Sweetie Belle. "Which is why you, Star, will tell her," Scootaloo points a hoof at me and I jump a little.

"M-me? Why me?" I stammer questioningly.

"Why? Partially because I don't trust Sweetie Belle with subtlety anymore. Partially because you also have experience with secrets people don't want to know so I trust you to be completely unbiased in your wanting her in the club. I want to help her get her cutie mark too, but I can't deny the fact that I'm really curious as to what the secret is," Scootaloo admits.

"I never said I wanted her in the club," I tell her, she gives me a look.

"But you do, don't you?" Sweetie Belle asks.

"Well, yeah, I guess..." I say, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Well then, I don't know what all the fuss is about," Scootaloo throws up her hooves in dismay.

"Fine, do I go ask her now?" I ask.

"Okay, there are a couple problems with that. The first being she's currently in the hospital." Scootaloo says.

"Why's she in the hospital?" I ask in shock.

"Didn't you hear me say it earlier?" Scootaloo asks annoyedly.

"Ah... no." I admit sheepishly.

"She blew herself up a couple of times not long after getting the tar beat out of her by cloud Kicker, trying to save Pinkie," Scootaloo explains, I nod as I take this in.

"So when do I ask her?" I ask.

"Tomorrow, that's when she's released. At least, if I heard that doctor right. It's hard to tell from outside the window in a tree," Sweetie Belle pipes up.

"So that's how you found out..." Scootaloo mumbles before turning to me. "Another problem with your plan is you don't even know what she looks like, or sounds like, or anything besides what we've told you. We'll have to direct you to her and how to approach her." Scootaloo says.

"I thought I was just asking her to join?" This is getting too complex.

"Well, you are, but we need to make sure she doesn't have a reason to reject you." Applebloom says.

"If she wants to reject the invitation, isn't that her choice?" I ask.

"Well, yeah, but we want her to accept it. We need to make it appealing, not revolting," Applebloom responds.

"Basically we need you to dress up in a cute dress and use that filly-like adorableness you've been practicing with Rarity and guilt her into joining our clique!" Sweetie Belle nods vigorously.

"And this is why you're not in charge of subtlety," Scootaloo groans. "Though, it might not hurt your case if you wear a cute dress," she nods to herself.

"Oh, I've got the most darling dress you can wear!" We all turn to Applebloom who realizes her mistake and blushes. "Erm... yeah," she continues lamely. I swear, I'll never get used to that Manehattanite accent Applejack taught her for whenever Rarity gets high profile clients.

"Okay, well then... that takes care of that. Anything else?" I ask.

"No, we'll reconvene tomorrow and follow through with the plan." Applebloom says.

"Cutie Mark Crusader Recruiters!" We shout out together.

~~~~~~~

I sit awkwardly on one couch as Applejack and Rainbow Dash kiss on the other. Applejack notices my nervousness and breaks off the kiss long enough to talk to me.

"Why don't y'all tell bloom an' her friends that dinners just 'bout ready," I jump at the opportunity presented to me.

"Okay," I dash out the door and leave the awkward atmosphere behind me. Once I'm out the door I stop and take a deep sigh. I still haven't gotten over the idea of Applejack and Rainbow Dash being together. Or the fact that not that long before I came into the picture Pinkie and Rainbow Dash had been an item. Despite my inner turmoil over the matter I set out on the path to the Crusaders club house.

Maybe it was just the fact that I never got into the shipping part of the brony fandom is the reason that I can't seem to wrap my head around their relationship. Maybe it's my own troubles in love that keep me from understanding this development. I can hardly even think of a concept like love right now, despite the fact that it's a concept so deeply entwined into ponies lives. It's part of the entire basis of their lives, love and tolerate. I can't even start to think about love, making me the oddball. Not that I needed any help in that department. It's probably a combination of both reasons, but whatever it is... the point still stands, I can't wrap my head around their relationship.

It just won't register in my brain, it's a surprise every time. Maybe someday I won't look at love And feel puzzlement, or envy, or hate. Maybe one day I can look at a couple and feel something positive instead of brood over my own failures. Maybe one day I can feel love myself, and leave all bitter memories behind me. But that time is notime soon. Not with the scars so fresh and a reminder on my flank.

Speaking of that horrid mark, it caused quite the commotion yesterday. That mare, something happened. I felt the burning, and when I looked back I could see the anguish. Then, she stopped hurting. I could still feel the pain, but she looked emotionless. She got up and I was saved from that horrible sensation, tears still streaming down my face. She just checked her reflection in that knife like she had messed up her makeup and then calmly defused the situation. She lied for me. She lied for me, and I just went along with it.

There are so many things that shouldn't have happened that did. That mare is suspicious, there's something different about her. Though, I'm not sure it's bad. Word got to Applejack and rainbow, and, in turn, me about what happened with her and Pinkie. Apparently she got herself in the hospital trying to protect that pink ball of energy, which even I have to admire. She's good in my books, for now.

Just because she's a good mare doesn't mean I trust her though. Lyras pretty good too, but I wouldn't trust her for almost anything. Rainbow got word of something her friend Cloud Kicker had done to the same mare and had ran out to go find her. Apparently Kicker had fought the poor mare, managing to do some damage before coming to her senses. Rainbow tried to find her, only to come back and find out Cloud Kicker was looking after the same mare in the hospital. Apparently, they put aside their scuffle and are really good friends. Rainbow just grumbled and decided it could wait for now when she heard that.

I personally am not too fond of Cloud Kicker. She's an okay pony, but she's too sexual. I can hardly even think of sex without nearly losing my lunch for the last two weeks. She even loves too much for me. I can hardly think of regular love, here's a mare who gives the word love out like hearts and hooves day candy. Okay, maybe that's a little unfair, but honestly. She's trying to pull that whole polygamy thing off, and she uses the term love for anyone she talks to more than five times a week.

Maybe it's just the fact that she tried to seduce me and I promptly flipped out and almost simultaneously lost my lunch, or the fact I can't even think about love, or the fact I think she's a hedonist, or the fact... actually, I'm pretty sure it's all of these things. If I continue listing what puts me off about her, I'll be up all night. Point is, we don't talk much. Good thing, else she starts saying she loves me too.

According to Rainbow, this new mare is friends with Lyra too. Lyra I'm also inclined not to like. Maybe it's that I don't like the way she walks? Or maybe It's her UNHEALTHY OBSESSION WITH HUMANS? Oh, yeah, that's it. Lyra and Cloud Kicker are friends, so maybe theres some sort of connection there? Except for one thing. Derpy is Cloud Kickers friend, but she also loves her. Not just the kind of love Cloud Kicker has for her friends, but love like a lover. Which... is kinda the same thing five times out of ten for Cloud Kicker... ew... anyways, Derpy's got the hots for Cloud Kicker and I can't bring myself to not want to be friends with Derpy. Even if I have yet to get to drawing that picture.

I'm sure that if I wanna find anything out about that mare I should become her friend, and if she hangs out with Cloud Kicker and Lyra... well then, that means tolerating those two. After all, if I play my cards right, I could have a griffon friend. How cool would that be? I actually don't know, but I bet it'd be pretty cool. It sounds cool, just think to yourself how cool griffon friend sounds. I shake away the stray thoughts as I hear the Crusaders in their club house.

I hush up and press my ear to the door in an attempt to hear what they're saying.

"Okay, well then... that takes care of that. Anything else?" I hear Scootaloo ask.

"No, we'll reconvene tomorrow and follow through with the plan." Plan? What plan? Darn, it seems like I only caught the end of the

meeting. Why wasn't I invited? I don't do a lot of Crusader things, and my status as a Crusader is a closely guarded secret, but I'd like to think I'm kept in the loop.

"Cutie Mark Crusader Recruiters!" I stumble back in shock at the shout and end up falling onto my rump. Recruiters? Who are they recruiting? And for what? I shake off the nagging questions and decide to just do what I came here to do. I knock on the door and it opens up not seconds later.

"Hey, Applebloom. Dinner's almost ready, you all should come in and get cleaned up." I tell her, she nods and looks back inside to confirm that the others had heard.

"Okay, c'mon, let's go!" They all race inside and I hang back a little. Not on purpose, just because I don't posses the endless energy these kids do. That, and anything more than walking is like rocket science and I end up eating dirt. Walking is the cleaner, easier, and safer method of transportation.

I make it back to the farmhouse and breathe in the wonderful smell of freshly baked bread and various apple products. I wash my hooves and make it into the kitchen just as Big Mac puts the last dish on it. The table is chock full of goodies and I can feel my mouth slightly watering at the sight of it. All four other crusaders are already sitting together on one side of the table. Big Mac takes the head of the table and Applejack and Rainbow Dash sit together on the side adjacent to the Crusaders. I take the end opposite of Big Mac's and Braeburn sits next to me and Applejack. Leaving one empty seat next to Rainbow Dash and Big Mac.

That's another thing that threw me for a loop, Braeburn. Him being a coltcuddler drove Granny Smith right off the farm. The farm doesn't quite seem the same without Granny Smith. I never really noticed her when she was here, but now that she's gone... the absence just seems all the more noticeable. Of course, she's just in Appleloosa, but nopony really wants to go visit. She wants nothing to do with Applejack or Braeburn because of their orientation. And Big Mac doesn't want to go visit her while she's like this. I'd go visit her, if not for the fact that her reaction put things about Dib into perspective.

With a family so focused on tradition and the way things oughta be. I really sympathize with Dib about his family. He must feel really torn about this whole thing with granny, he's sure to have caught word about it by now. Especially with his situation, cryptozoology and all that. It shouldn't be too bad though. He's not gay, as far as I know, and I'm sure his parents would be understanding. Then again... these are the same parents that send him away for a week every year so he can do some proper farm work. Or however the hay they worded it.

Maybe I'll ask him about it next letter, sounds like it might be a good topic to bring up. Just in case he needs someone to confide in, I gotta let him know I can listen if he needs. I brush away those sober thoughts and turn my attention to the meal. I take a bite and savor the flavor.

"This is good AJ," I tell her.

"Glad to hear it, and we're glad you could join us," she responds with a grin.

"Yeah, I haven't put much real food in the house yet," I admit.

"I understand completely, you're always welcome here," Applejack smiles. I nod awkwardly and turn back to the food, her smile falters a little and I hear her let out the tiniest of sighs before digging back into her meal. A light conversation picks up as Applejack asks each crusader in turn how their apprenticeships are going. Sweetie Belles on the fast track to becoming Pinkie Pie 2.0. Scootaloo's an athletic egghead. Applebloom speaks about her dressmaking in detail, then finishes it lamely by saying it was ok. I never thought she'd get into dresses, but I can understand her reluctance to accept it.

Really, it makes sense. Sweetie Belle has stage fright still,  but entertaining other ponies is what Pinkie does and I imagine part of what she'll teach Sweetie Belle. Sweetie Belle will get over her stage fright eventually and sing. Scootaloo is an athlete, but there's this egghead side to her. If she hones in on this she could use her smarts to perfect the art of performance. Precision tricks and intricate contraptions to help her performance, all once she realizes her capabilities. Applebloom is good at building and manual labor, but she's also got an eye for design and small details. Dressmaking is honing that precision and making her efficient and objectively more creative than if she hadn't ever made dresses. Really, they're the same old Crusaders, just with an extra twist.

Of course, knowing what they're good at does nothing to help me. And even if we haven't made much leeway, I do appreciate their help in trying to find my talent. I'm convinced it probably has something to do with art and drawing, since it was so important to me in the past. Even if I haven't been able to do much recently. But, who knows? Maybe we'll find something I can be even better at, at least then I won't suck at everything.

"I don't know, there's just something about this whole thing that rubs me the wrong way. Cloud Kicker doesn't act on impulse alone, and while she might have made a mistake... I don't think it was unfounded. There was a reason Cloud Kicker thought she was a changeling, and I want to know what that was," Rainbow Dash says. I immediately latch onto the conversation, were they talking about the new mare?

"She's had a rough day, don't go harassing her," Applejack says sternly.

"C'mon AJ, I've got a little more tact than that," Rainbow argues, Applejack nods sarcastically.

"Sure ya do, Sugar," Applejack says blandly before eating a spoonful of mashed potatoes.

"Wow, your lack of faith in me is surprising," Rainbow holds a hoof to her chest in mock sadness.

"Sugar, you thought I wouldn't notice you underneath that cardboard box just because I couldn't see you. I think I'd remember if I left a box laying around," Applejack deadpans, I just facehoof at the stupidity of it all. I immediately nurse my head because I hurt it, I need to practice facehoofing more. Fat lot of good the last hoof exercises did me though, maybe I'm destined to be clumsy and uncoordinated forever.

"You almost didn't," Rainbow Dash counters.

"Right, cause I wasn't just playing along," Applejack rolls her eyes.

"Exact- hey!" I just shake my head and everypony else chuckles.

"You're lucky you're cute," Applejack chuckles, tousling Rainbows hair. Rainbow just scrunches her nose up and blushes. Somebody gag me, I don't think I can stand much more of their mushy crap.

"It's a good thing Twilight's helping Scootaloo with actual studying," Applebloom says, shaking her head as well.

"Yeah, yeah... laugh it up," Rainbow grumbles.

"I mean it Rainbow, don't go harassing her." Applejack adds sternly.

"I won't, yeesh..." Rainbow says. She might not, but Rainbows right. There's something off about that pony, and apparently I'm not the only one noticing. I continue to eat and think of a way to find out the new ponies secrets. A stray thought comes to me, wasn't I the new pony not that long ago? How did I feel when they were trying to find out my secrets? They're still trying to find my secrets out, and it annoys me to no end... but, this is different right? Her secret can't possibly be as bad as mine, can it?

Maybe I should rethink this...