I’m Not a Science Project, Stop Poking Me.
By: Clever_Colt
Siren’s blared through the air, flashing red and blue lights contrast against the dark moonless sky. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, breathing thick fog as a testament to the cold night. “Shit Shit Shit Shit,” I said as my calm demeanor had totally shattered.
“What the hell, Cops? Why there have to be cops?” I asked, taking a quick break on a nearby tree. After the cops had showed up, everyone had made a break. Danny had probably made it, Ashley and David though. I shudder to think about what those Tasers did. They had shown up out of nowhere, four cars total, and probably had already caught me if we weren’t in a forest. I gasped, at that moment I saw a beam of light cut through the trees right next to me, the cops had pulled the searchlights, and I still need to get out of there. I made a beeline through the forest, dashing left and right as the sirens and lights grew louder and closer. As luck would have it I ran into Danny, but since it was still pretty dark out that was literal.
“Ooow Fuck man watch where you’re going.” Danny said as he dusted himself off. I was not as quick to my feet. “Oh shit, you don’t look so good”. A throbbing pain had made itself clear on my forehead where I had a run in with Danny’s boulder of a shoulder. I staggered to my feet while using him as support. “Look man I gotta go, try not to get caught.” He finished before he started to bolt again. What an asshole for a friend, first he gives me head trauma and then ditches me to the police, but before I can call out to the disloyal fuck I see a something shiny to my right. Now normally I can control myself but, but at the resent knock to the brain cabinet I doubt I was firing on all cylinders at the moment. When I got close, it resembled something akin to a cat toy with a feather and bell, though the strange Aether glow it gave off was what really drew me in. With a jingle and twist it dragged away from me, normally a clear indication someone is fucking with you, but I couldn’t help but chase it.
“Come here my precious, don’t you want to play?” I said as I continued my chase. I took three more steps before I realized what I just said. *insert facepalm* “Crap, I think I’m catching David’s ADHD.” I turned on the spot to head back the way I came, only to see half a dozen flashlights further back. “On second thought, Alice might have been onto something” with that last thought I turned around and kept following the cat toy, but now the speed had been doubled.
I chased it through shrubs and bushes, zigzagged between trees, and even had to jump over a couple of streams. It was beginning to get kind of stupid to follow it for so long, but I didn’t really care. As long as it went away from the police I was cool to follow it. Speaking of which, I had stopped hearing the sirens, and the lights seemed far enough. But just for curiosity’s sake I just kept following, depending on the person I was probably going to either punch them making me chase a cat toy or thank them for help getting me away from the police.
“Jesus, how far does this go?” I asked as I pushed into a clearing, tall grass up to my stomach for a good twenty meter radius. And lo and behold the little nuisance had stopped in the middle of the clearing. “Dafuq?” Was all I could say as I just stared at the toy as it hung lazily in the air around chest level. No strings or anything, I waved above it and below it, and still nothing. I was still having trouble keeping my head straight, and the headache wasn’t helping, made me want to throw up. Just as I was about to leave, it started to ring. Now I think about, it probably is best if I just left and forgot about this crazy stuff, go into hiding long enough to let the heat die down. But then again I did follow it this far so, might as well humor it. I took a step closer, eyeing the thing as it jumped up and down. Unsure what to do I acted on impulse. I smacked it. Then I smacked it again, and again. I don’t care if someone was watching; it felt really good to hit it. With one last swat I lunged at it getting a better look, right as I got my hands on it, ribbons shot out of the bell, wrapping my hands and legs. “Oh Shit” was all I could say when I had been had. With a strong tug I fell on my ass, facing the sky in a stunned stupor. And then I went up.
When I say up, I mean gone, like I went from zero to hundred feet in a second. My screaming drowned out by the wind in my face; I barely had time to register the full moon ahead of me. Wait what? And just like that I phased through the moon sliding right through it, like diving head first in a pool. But unlike a pool, I landed on hard wood and skid for a good five feet; I didn’t even try to reason that I had just flown through the moon. I was simply trying to get my bearings and was now resting in a dimly lit room. With a groan I sat up and observed the surroundings, in my blurry perception I could only make out dull browns and shining glass bottles littering tables all around me. Turning my attention I made eye contact with the only other occupant in the room. To me it looked like a mutated midget with big buggy eyes and a whole lot of blue standing only like three feet tall.
“It worked, IT WORKED! HAHA the spell and lure worked” The little bastard shouted as he began to dance in place “Now I finally have something to show for the Magic Convention”. That’s when I noticed he had more than two legs, and no not talking about his dick you sickos, he had like four legs and started to do a little kicking and standing on his back legs. It… was too much for me as I swayed back and forth. He turned to me and smiled “And now all I have to do is get approval from a Celestia. This is one of the best days of my life.” As he looked at me one last time. I wanted to say something along the lines of fuck you, or what fuck are you, but my body just settled for ruining his moment.
“Blarhg” thus barfing all over his face, the look on his face would have made me laugh my ass off on any given day. With that I went out like a light. *Thud*on my face, Juuuust great.
