The Alicoronation of Twilight's Breakfast

by RIPTID3

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy
Length: 1699

Twilight Sparkle liked sandwiches. Now she doesn't.

Twilight Sparkle. Celestia's most faithful student, the very pony that brought together the Elements of Harmony, saved Equestria numerous times and of course, the princess of friendship. With such fine titles and achievements, what in Equestria could possibly outshine her?

A sandwich. That's what.

Warning: Contains OOC Characters because I'm a terrible person

Published 2014-07-15 15:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-15 15:40:01 UTC

In which things happen

Sandwiches.

Vegetables, flowers in between two slices of bread, with the option to add dressing. Convenient to prepare, and somewhat healthy compared to other things-that-you-can-prepare-in-12-seconds-because-you're-late-for-your-super-important-meeting-with-the-two-most-powerful-ponies-ever.

Who doesn't like em'?

The Princess of Friendship that's who.

Twilight Sparkle sat on her throne, by Celestia's right, while to her left sat her sister, Princess Luna, whom looked regal in appearance, flowing plasma mane and all, however Twilight could see the bags under her eyes and even caught her yawning once or twice. Twilight shook her head and regretted her decision to introduce the Princess of the Night to Steam.

And next to Princess Luna sat Twilight's former foalsitter and sister-in-law. Princess Cadence. Under normal circumstances she'd be fairly bubbly and cheery, however today, was not normal. Just like everypony else in attendance, her attention was turned to the guest that sat at the opposite end of the table.

A sandwich.

Not just any sandwich.

Twilight Sparkle's Sandwich.

The thing that was supposed to go into the stomach of a princess had found its way to a taller than usual chair at the royal dining table. And how did it get there? Well I dunno either! So we'll just have to read on and find out now won't we?

And Princess Twilight wasn't happy about it. In her mind she mentally kicked herself for not remembering to set her alarm clock, and then she flash backed to when she physically kicked Spike. Why? Twilight didn't know. I can't say I blame her. I would've kicked Spike too.

She remembered teleporting into the kitchen and then preparing said sandwich whilst simultaneously brushing her teeth and brushing her hair. She paid the sandwich no mind as she teleported to the castle and burst through the doors to the royal dining hall. When she did, spirits seemed uncrushably high as Twilight caught the Princesses mid laugh. And then they saw the sandwich.

Just mere seconds later the Princesses had ordered for a extra chair and for Twilight to be seated. Like, have you seen what the guards are capable of? All Celestia had to do was give an order and the guards turned into shadows, all there was were vaquely equine shaped blurs going *FOOSH* *FOOSH* and soon enough the room was prepared. The lavender alicorn was befuddled, and wanted answers. To the rush and panic I mean, not the guards' magical ability to transform into pure light itself at any time. However, almost as quickly as she asked the question, she wished she didn't.

Apparently the rulers of Equestria had labeled her breakfast as an alicorn. Twilight wanted to believe that they were joking. But the looks on their faces told her that they were dead serious, even the little pimple Celestia sported had turned into a miniature tombstone!

Okay it didn't but a little bit of senseless hyperbole is good for any story. Except for maybe the pimple part I dunno.

"That is not an alicorn! That is my sloppily made sandwich!" Twilight whispered harshly to the princesses before her.

"Really? Then how do you explain it's wings? I personally think they clash with it's coat color and makes her look hideous, but they're still wings." Princess Celestia replied, pointing a hoof at the two green slices which stuck out of the sandwich.

"Those aren't wings those are cucumbers! And they aren't even symmetrical!"

"Then how do you explain it's horn?" Princess Luna retorted.

Twilight glanced at their guest and noted the toothpick which was impaled through the middle of the sandwich. We've been saying Sandwich a bit too often now have we? Let's give him a name. Hmm... let's go with Sandwich. Yea. Sounds like something a pony would call a sandwich.

"It's a toothpick! A wooden toothpick! The kind you'd use after a meal!"

"I dunno Twilight. What if it just looks like a wooden toothpick?" Cadence rebutted.

"How on Equestria does that even remotely resemble a pony!?" Twilight argued back.

"Sister, she's right. There is no possible way that could be a pony. I mean, nopony on earth could look that ugly."

"It's a sandwich!"

"No. No I don't think so, looks way too disgusting."

"You're right sister. It can't be an alicorn, I don't think it's even a pony."

"That's what I've been trying to-"

"Clearly it is an alien!" Luna said, cutting Twilight off mid-speech.

Twilight tried to respond, but instead she failed to find words to express her frustration and instead started massaging her temples. Meanwhile, Cadence and Celestia both widened their eyes as their jaws dropped to the floor and beyond upon hearing the Princess of the Night's theory.

"Are you sure Luna?" Celestia said, her eyes still as wide as the sun itself.

"I've spent an eternity on the moon, surely thou can't expect me to NOT encounter other sentient species?"

"Why didn't you tell us?!" Cadence said.

"I did not think any of them would have been smart enough for intergalactic travel. After all, when a species says two plus two is chicken, how smart can they really be?" Luna said rather matter of factly. So matter of factly that it was as if it was true! (Which it was)

"Well we need to get him... her... it... whatever it is out of here!" Celestia said.

"Does thou not want to experiment it?" Luna asked.

"Eww, no. I want this thing gone as quick as possible. Aliens aren't good for keeping ponies under control. They'll just panic." Celestia replied.

"Well, we can't just send it off! It probably wants a gift or peace offering!" Cadence butted in.

"So?" Luna asked, eyebrow raised.

"Well, if we want this thing to stop bugging us we're gonna have to just give it something. Or shoot it at the sun. Either way should work." Cadence suggested.

"No way that thing touches my sun." Celestia said in disgust.

"Then it is settled. We shalt giveth it a gift." Princess Luna said.

"But what?" Cadence asked.

Almost as soon as she said that, all three of them turned to look at Twilight as if she had farted and burped at the same time. The lavender alicorn was still massaging her temples, I doubted the massaging even helped at all, but whatever makes her happy I guess. The three alicorns looked at each other and nodded in agreement before looking at Twilight again.

Meanwhile Sandwich sat on it's chair. Was it insulted and/or offended? Probably not. It's a sandwich after all.

"Twilight?" Celestia called.

"Yes, Princess?" Twilight said with a sigh of frustration.

"Have you enjoyed being an alicorn so far?"

"It has it's ups. And today I finally saw it's downs."

"If you could give up your alicorn powers for the greater good, would you do it?"

"Despite today I'm going to have to say yes." Twilight said, finally stopping the massaging on her temples and instead shot Celestia an irritated look. How rude, she's your mentor! You don't just disrespect your mentor like that. But hey, I'm just a narrator, who am I to judge?

"Good." Celestia said with a smile.

Soon after Twilight had answered Celestia's question, she found her wings enveloped in a yellow aura before being stripped from her, disappearing in a flash and then reappearing back on Sandwich.

"Wait wh-"

Before she could speak, Twilight found magic being extracted from her horn, she watched it shrink back to it's original length (hehehe) as purple lightning-like magic was being transferred from her horn and to Sandwich's toothpick. Twilight watched as Sandwich's toothpick went from a little skinny piece of wood into a full lavender unicorn horn.

"Wait, guys... when I was bringing it here it kept telling me about how it liked it's original wings and how it liked it's majestic horn and all... maybe changing all that's a bad idea?" Twilight Sparkle said with a sheepish grin as the Princesses stared at her.

And that's what they did.

They stared.

And stared.

And then they laughed.

Oh, they laughed so hard it would make any sold out Russell Peters show look like a library. Except Luna. I think she snorted a bit. But nonetheless, she laughed too. Just with a bit of snorting.

"Get a load of this mare." Celestia said, pointing at Twilight.

"Twilight honey, when you're an alicorn, maybe then you'll get to call the shots hm'kay?" Cadence said, placing a hoof on Twilight's shoulder. (I'm assuming equines have shoulders too...?)

Before Twilight could say anything, Luna had already enveloped the sandwich in her magical blue aura and had already levitated it to the window and aimed it at the sky whilst The alicorns (except for Twilight who was still sitting on her chair trying to comprehend all this) all wished Sandwich goodbye and safe travels. Celestia kinda wished for it to just stay as far away from the sun as possible, and so did Luna with her moon, but that counts.

And so, they waved their guest goodbye as Luna launched Sandwich into the sky, Twilight's breakfast had quickly turned into a little speck in the sky, which was surprising. I kinda expected it to turn into a million pieces from the force but I guess being an alicorn means your impervious to that or something.

Soon, the black speck was nowhere to be found, having disappeared into the deep reaches of space. Who does that? I mean, it'll turn old and gross and moldy and no one will get rid of it because it's old and gross and it'll touch something else and the cycle just continues and ugh. But I suppose the freezing temperatures of space'll remedy that.

"Say, you guys hungry?" Cadence inquire.

"Undoubtedly so." Luna said.

"Kinda lost my appetite after seeing that... thing. But yeah. I'm down."

As the princesses exited the room, Twilight was left to sit at the table, still in some sort of trance. Trying to wonder if what she'd just seen, heard was real. And when she finally snapped out of her confusion, she realized something.

The Princesses were ~~bitc~~ I mean jerks.

Yea.

The End

I think...

Author's Note

i don't know what i'm doing