Celestia's Medic

by Dycerton

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Human, Romance
Length: 9524

Contrary to popular belief, Alicorns aren't immortal, simply long-lived. Very, very long lived mind you, but when certain...situations arise, one's heart can only take so much.

Contrary to popular belief, Alicorns aren't immortal, simply long-lived. Very, very long lived mind you, but when certain…situations arise, one's heart can only take so much. Celestia has done her best to keep conflicts out from public view, and by doing so, stressed herself far too far. She pushed herself enough that she has ended up having a deadly heart condition. There is only one being who can help her now.

Too bad he lost his medical license.

The sex part on the rating is only for small thing s that may happen throughout the story, I haven't decided yet.

Featured 14/7/12! I'm so happy! :D

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-13 18:56:02 UTC

How I got my new medical license. (Edited)

"Hello sister. How goes the condition?" Luna asked walking into Celestia's bedroom. Said solar diarch was on her bed with a terrible heart condition. Her work with trying to stop the Minotaurs from invading along with keeping a secret war with the Griffin Congress had taken a terrible toll on her. The most well kept secret of the Alicorns was at stake, they were seen as immortal, all powerful, invincible.

They aren't.

In fact, the first Alicorn was an accident. It was near the time when the pony tribes united, the agreements were being discussed as this happened. A unicorn and a pegasus were walking through an ancient forest that has since been lost and came across a chasm. The canyon was deep and within the bed was said to have had a river of pure magic, radiating every colour imaginable. The two of them made their way down to the river.

The unicorn fashioned two chalices out of stones from the riverbed. The two of them made a toast to the tribes prosperous futures. When they drank the magic their bodies were altered. They had morphed into a single body, and their natural gifts combined. This was the first Alicorn.

At first they were confused, when they tried to speak, both of their voices came out. Their mouth didn't move while they spoke, the voices of the two ponies panicking simply was created from them thinking. Eventually they agreed that they should return to the tribes to seek aid. They weren't controlling the body, it simply moved when they agreed. The two minds wouldn't agree on the faster way to get there, flying was feared by the unicorn, and teleportation was immediately shut down by the pegasus. So they walked.

Eventually they got back and tried to get ponies to help them. They all looked at them with fear, the booming voices coming from an unmoving mouth, the fact that they resembled all three of the tribes. They were finally able to get an Earth Pony mare to help them. They told her the story and she asked to know more about the river. After hearing everything she told them about an Earth Pony who had fell down into the gorge they had found, with no way out the pony died in the river.

That was when they learned that they had absorbed her into them aswell. They were a hybrid of all the pony races. There was no way for them to reverse the transformation so they were elected by the ponies to lead them since they could truly have all their interests in mind. They accepted and eventually had students who ascended and moved on to other lands.

They stayed until one day they began losing their synchronization they had gained over the centuries. It drove them insane, they fought each other within their courtroom. They simply argued against each other for days at a time, not moving for anything until their heart simply couldn't take it. On the anniversary of the pony tribes uniting, they simply keeled over. The voices of the two going into panic as they went cold, they yelled to the nobles to do something. They tried to heal them but it was all for naught.

Days after their collapse, the voices stopped coming from their room. Guards and nobles came to investigate and saw that they weren't moving. The other Alicorns were called to help, and when they arrived the five of them devised a plan to keep the subjects faith in them while still giving them proper respect.

They took the body and told the ponies that they had been instructed on what to do in this incident. They said that they would be leaving to a place of spirit and wouldn't be coming back until he fixed himself. The gave them a proper burial in the very river that started it. They other Alicorns swore to keep the truth a secret so that they could keep the peace between races.

And now Celestia was in a similar situation. Her heart simply being unable to keep up with her after thousands of years of magical enhancement and stimuli.

"Not as well as I would like Luna, but the company is appreciated." Celestia said weakly. She rolled from her back onto her side to face Luna. "At least you don't need to do what I have been just yet." She said weakly chuckling.

"You shouldn't joke like that sister, it's unbecoming of you." Luna said smiling sadly. "I wish you would let the doctors look at you, even if it wasn't a pony. I'm sure with enough compensation they wouldn't dare tell any about this."

"Even so. I'm unsure it would even work on me, or any of us. We both know this won't end well. If I stay put in bed to recover, I put all of the peace we have worked so hard to keep at risk. If I continue, well I fear I will end up like Them. If a doctor learns of the severity of my condition, it would become a near-public document allowing nobles to start opening their mouths for more filling their pockets." Celestia sighed dejectedly. "You have been stressed enough with your duties, and I don't want you winding up like I am in a few months time."

"You know there is another option?" Luna asked with some hope that her sister would agree this time.

"No. The stability of this world and the other would be at stake. Who knows? You might pull a famous doctor who is about to cure the most deadly disease known to them from his work, causing uproar. You cannot pull someone from their world to help ours."

Luna hung her head but gained a defiant look in her eye. "Then I will find some way to help you sister, in one way or another." She left the room with Celestia donning a worried expression.

"I hope she doesn't do something we'll regret." Celestia said going back to sleep.

"Dummkopfs! Push forward! We need to protect the point!" Medic yelled over the gunfire and explosions.

"Affirmative, we should go in and put wheels on Hardhat's toys! Then they will learn to fear me and my genius." Soldier said running out of a container in the middle of the Granery.

"No, I am fully charged, we should push forward." Medic said replacing his syringe gun with his Medi-gun from his extremely deep pockets.

"No we need to-" Soldiers argument was interrupted by him getting shot in the head and falling over.

"ARGH, Dummkopf! Heavy, we need to push forward. Ubercharge ready!" Medic ran through the raining bullets and made it to the Heavy hiding behind a shipping container for cover. They were the last two on the Red team.

"Doctor, are you sure this will work!" Heavy asked slightly panicking.

"Uh, hehe. Well no. It is either we die by them, or by Saxton. I would rather not face that steroid induced maniac." Medic admitted.

Heavy weighed his options, it didn't take as long as you would think considering he was picking his poison. "We go together doctor."

"Indeed. Archimedes!" The bird in question flew down to the Medic. "Stay with me mine friend." The bird chirped in response and latched onto the Medic's shoulder.

Heavy jumped out form his position and spun his gun. "NOW DOCTOR!"

The Medic did as he was told and activated the Ubercharge on the Heavy. Heavy gave a battle cry as the bullets hailed them both. Heavy shot bullet after bullet at the Blu mercs, them all falling over dead. Medic counted the bodies as he and his companion mowed them down. "Ein, zwei, drei, vier, fünf, sechs, sieben, acht...hmmm." The charge wore off and soon only him and the Heavy were left. "One is missing." Medic tapped his fingers on his chin in thought. "Where is the-"

"AAAAAAUUGH" The Heavy screamed as he was backstabbed.

"Spy!" Medic yelled as he brought out his Syringe gun and filled the offending merc with poisonous needles. Medic looked down at his late teammate. "Well, at least you went down fighting, old friend."

4 Hours later.

Medic had been transferred back to his medical facility to work on the prospect of militarizing yeast, how ridiculous. He wasn't interested in that though, he was simply sitting in his operating room waiting for something to happen, Archimedes resting on his shoulder. He wasn't happy about how the Granary had gone, the Heavy was always the one he talked to the most and they protected each other during pushes and retreats. The Medic considered downing some of the late Demoman's stash that he had found a while back when he was wheeling his drunken ass around to get him some liquor. He couldn't get there though, as soon as he stood up a bright light filled the room and temporarily blinded him.

"Ack! Arschloch, no explosives are allowed in MY medical center!" Medic drew a line of curses in German until his vision cleared. He looked around the room which was now occupied with another. The new addition was a blue horse, odd flowing mane that looked like the night sky, it's face didn't look like a horses it looked like a person's, but, y'know, horsey. "Uhh, Hello?"

"Greetings, my name is Luna. I am princess of Equestra, and I am in need of your services. You are a physician am I correct?" The horse Luna said.

Medic was wide-eyed and looking at Luna with a look of pure confusion, one he only wore on special occasions. "Uh....Ja?"

"Perfect, I need you to help heal my sister. She has a fatal heart condition that we cannot cure it. I am sure a medical...thing, of your stature would easily be able to help. Will you help me?" Luna asked, bordering the line between begging.

What little of Medic's common sense left him as he warily asked. "How bad is the condition? Is medication still an option or will more...drastic, measures be needed?"

"I do not know, our technology isn't very advanced, and I saw what that device of your could do." Luna pointed towards his Medi-gun on a table to the side of the room. "Would it be able to do the same to her?" She asked with hope in her eyes.

"Uh, well no. It requires a device that it is paired with to be present within the patient for healing to take effect, but it could stabilize her condition, at least long enough that I could take a proper look at her. But, I would need her to be in this room for it to work, unless you can move everything in this room along with some extras."

"For my sister, I can. Gather whatever else you need and we will leave. Do you need any help?"

"No I should be fine. Archimedes! Get into your cage, we're going for a holiday!" The dove flew off of the Medic's shoulder and into a cage, closing the door behind it. Medic' ran off down the halls to gather some hearts. He didn't know what size of chest she would have, so he brought as many as he could wrap his hands around and attach to his belt, he stuffed his pockets with about thirty total, and an Ubermodule for each, he also found some experimental medical devices that he knew were meant to help against some stupid robots. He rushed back to the operating room and past the closet with Demoman's alcohol. He took a few bottles of scotch and entered the operating room. "Alright, I have everything, just let me get ready!" He made sure his pet was in his cage, emptied his pockets of the hearts and modules, and refilled them with his equipment. He made sure he turned his radio on with his favorite song.

"Now Luna! Lets go practice medicine!" Medic said as Luna's horn started glowing and she looked like she was struggling. Medic closed his eyes as the flash came again and looked to see he wasn't in his hospital, or Kansas anymore.

A white horse like Luna was in the bed and looking like she was asleep, but stirred when she heard the music. The white one was bigger than Luna and her mane wasn't flowing, it was a rainbow-esk mane but it hung limp by her. Medic had to admit, she looked beautiful, even if she was why he was here he couldn't help but stare for a moment. She looked up to see her bedroom filled with Medic's equipment and an awesome song playing. The medic walked up to her and her eyes followed him. "Luna, bring that large stand to the end of the bed please. Archimedes, out!" Luna moved the stand that Medic used for his Medi-gun over to the end so it loomed over it while the bird unlocked his cage and flew to the bedpost. "You are the sister I presume?"

Celestia shot a weak glare at Luna and turned back to Medic. "Yes, but I must ask you go back to where you came. You are not meant to be here. Don't you have something in your world that requires your attention?" She asked weakly.

"No. In fact I am likely dead back there." He chuckled tiredly. "Like the rest of my team. Anyway, your sister has told me of your condition." He walked over to the stand and attached his Medi-gun to it and powered it up. Celestia sighed with relief as some of the pain went away. "Besides, you seem to take priority over a stupid corporation making me heal more bullet wounds. Now, do you have an X-ray scan I can see? I will need one if I must perform surgery." Celestia's eyes shrunk to pinpricks and  she shrunk under her covers.

"S-Surgery?!? It can't be that severe...can it?" Celestia asked with fear.

Medic sighed. "It depends. How long have you had this condition? What are the main symptoms? And what was the cause?" He asked, pulling out a clipboard from his collection of items.

Celestia's eyes went back to normal and she came slightly out of her fortress of silk. "I have had it for a few weeks. Heartburn, moving causes pain, I can't think straight, breathing is labored. It started a little while after I started overworking myself, it's just so stressful, I have to keep the coming war a secret in the case that it doesn't happen, I can't handle all of this at once, I'm older than I look, my heart can't quite keep up." She gave a weak chuckle.

Medic gave a long sigh and looked over the information. He hadn't seen a disease like this in his training, and if they couldn't identify it, then how could he? "I am sorry, truly I am. But I have no idea what is wrong with you exactly." Celestia's ears dropped along with the Medic's heart. "But, that doesn't mean I don't have a solution." Celestia perked back up and breathed a sigh of relief. "I know the problem is in your heart, something is blocking the blood from getting to your head preventing proper thought process and it's probably pumping into the rest of you, causing pain when you move. I am sorry, but the best solution I have would be a transplant. If I had been able to see you sooner, I might have been able to find a different solution, but it is to far for medication and you will likely be dead soon if I didn't use the Medi-beam on you. There is no other way that I can see to help. It is your choice, but please, I promise I will do my best." the last part looking at Celestia's magenta eyes and listening to his own heart pound in his chest. For some reason he wanted to help her with no strings attached, like if he helped, she would return it tenfold to others who needed it.

Celestia calmed at Medic's words. She knew he would do his best. "If you believe it would be best, then I will trust you. Do you mind if I ask about the success rate of the operation?"

Medic chuckled. "I have done it nine times in total,each one a success. One of them was even on myself, with some help of course. Do not fear, if you get worried I will help, alright?" He said with a warm smile that made Celestia's fears leave her.

"Alright, you said something about an...'X-ray'? What is that?" Celestia asked moving onto her back.

"It is where I apply radiation to your body. The radiation is harmless, don't worry. It will create an image of your bone structure and I will be able to locate your heart." Medic went back to his various equipment that was packed in boxes and started searching for his x-ray machine.

"Would a diagram suffice? None have been made for Alicorns, but the ones from the other three tribes should help." Luna said drawing their attention.

"When and how were diagrams drawn of the inside of ponies?" Celestia asked with worry.

"When you retired to your chambers every day, I went down to the medical center. I asked about things like this but never insinuated anything. Our secret is safe. I had some ponies begin some...procedures, to map the body. They succeeded." Luna said sheepishly.

Celestia looked like she would have yelled at Luna, but Medic stepped in. "That would be most useful, thank you. Bring them here and I shall see if they will work." Luna nodded and went to retrieve them. The Medic turned back to Celestia. "Now, you need to chose something. Usually when I perform this procedure, the patient is awake." Her jaw dropped and her pupils shrank again. "Don't worry fraulein. I have powerful painkillers." The Medic chuckled. "You won't feel any pain if you chose to stay awake. I ask because it will be an easier recovery if you remain awake. In fact, I was the only one on my team who actually took a day of rest before going back into the fray after the operation. I think I used too many painkillers on myself."

Celestia looked into the Medic's eyes while considering. She couldn't help but think that this creature she met not even an hour ago was so willing to help her. Not only that but she was so willing to trust him. "If you think it is best, then I will remain awake...but, if you don't mind, could you please talk me through what you are doing. It would help calm my nerves and I'm sure Luna could take notes." The Medic chuckled.

"I'm sure she would. Now, I need to attach heart monitors. So, I will need to shave some fur off, sorry." The medic pulled a shaving razor from one of the boxes. "That also means you will need to lose the blankets." Celestia blushed slightly, but removed the covers. The Medic stepped closer to her and bent over the bed. He placed his gloved hand on her barrel and shaved off two squares of fur on each side of her barrel, another on her stomach, and another on her neck. Now he noticed the blush on the princess as he stopped shaving the spot on her neck. He cracked a small grin, but went back to what he was doing. He rolled over a heart monitor and attached the pads to her. She shivered as the cool plastic came into contact with her sensitive skin. She panicked as she heard a beeping noise and a long beep that didn't stop. "Oh dear. That's not good."

"What?! What isn't?!" Celestia looked at the screen that was by her head. There was a long line that got to one end of the screen before coming from the other side again. "What does it mean?"

The Medic sighed. "It means that this," He patted the Medi-gun on it's stand keeping it still. "is now your heart. That monitor tell me how your heart is beating. And that means, it isn't. You have just had a heart attack, but this is keeping the blood flowing as best it can. I need to get that bad heart out of you before it's too late. Ugh, where is that sister of yours!" As he finished, Luna ran into the room, slamming the door closed again.

"I have them, will it be enough?" Luna asked.

The Medic looked over them and sighed. They weren't the best, but they would do. "I wish I had more, but yes it will work. We need to work fast, her heart has quit on her and I need to get her a new one." Luna started panicking and giving support to her sister.

"Luna it's fine. I trust... Oh my! I don't even know your name!" Celestia exclaimed.

"Just Medic is fine. Now, Luna I need you to take this clipboard and record what I say."  Luna took the clipboard and looked around.

"Where is a quill?" She asked. His jaw dropped a bit, but he pulled it in and remembered to ask about it later.

"That tube on the string is a pen, it is basically a quill you don't dip in ink. Now everything from now on you need to write down if it has to do with her physical condition, if I use a scalpel to make an incision, then you write it down, got it?" He replied, showing her the pen and letter her take it in her magic. She nodded and poised the pen to write. "We will start by choosing a point of entry. Don't worry, it won't cause scarring. I will do a full chest opening to asses the damage in it's entirety."

He took the razor and shaved a long line down her barrel to the center of her stomach. "Now I will administer the painkillers." He walked back to the equipment and pulled a trolley with various medical tools on it. He grabbed a needle with a green substance in it. "Now this won't hurt." Celestia relaxed at his words. Until she felt a sharp pain in her neck where the shaved patch was. She looked at him with a hurt expression, which turned to confusion at his own pained face. "I lied." Celestia quickly felt her body go numb, but she remained conscious. "Tell me if you can feel any of these." He proceeded to poke various places around her barrel and stomach. He looked to Luna and held a finger to his mouth, she looked confused but nodded all the same. He ended by lightly pinching her slightly exposed privates, creating no response from her, but making Luna blush fiercely, she still wrote it down. "Alright did you feel any of that Celestia?" She shook her head. "Good, the sedatives have worked then. Next I will use my scalpel to make the initial cut."

He made the cut, blood only slightly leaking out and getting on her fur. "Next I will use these to separate the incision to provide access." The Medic used to metal hook-like things to separate the skin covering the rib cage and intestines. Allowing him to see inside her, and Luna to almost hurl. "The sedatives have loosened the skin from the bone and vital organs as planned. I will now open the rib cage with my bone saw."

He reached back to the trolley and picked up the saw and began sawing through each side of the cage, removing the sternum and a section of each rib. "Luna, please hold your lunch, or, breakfast, or, whatever, I don't know what time it is." Luna barely acknowledged by nodding her head, her mouth filled with bile, but she swallowed it before it escaped.

Celestia stared at the gaping hole in her but was drawn away when Medic brought her chin up to face him, smearing some blood on her chin. "Focus on me, not the procedure." She only blinked once before setting her head back down on her pillow, looking straight at the Medic. "Locating the afflicted heart." He pushed his hand between her lungs and was able to find the heart. He smiled at his success. "Ah, excellent! You horses are much like us people."

"Ponies, we're ponies." Luna interrupted.

"Noted. Now, separating a lung to gain access to heart and valves." He took a scalpel and gently removed the left lung. He put the lung in a jar filled with fluid to keep it sterile. "Lung has been placed in a safe environment. Proceeding to separate the diseased heart." He took his scalpel and removed the valves from the body, smiling as he held the heart in his hand. He was surprised at what he found with the heart.

Saying it was sick would have been an understatement. It should have been red, it was green and slightly shriveled. It was about the size of a human heart even though it was slightly shrunken. "Mein gott." He muttered. "Well, I found the problem." He moved his hand so Celestia could see the heart. Here eyes widened and her breathing increased. "Calm down! You will only make it worse by panicking. The bad heart is out of you, it's fine. You should start feeling blood run to your head now, so don't panic."

Celestia could feel her thoughts becoming more clear and her eyes clouding over and coming back. Medic went to the fridge he had brought and put many of his hearts in, along with an unwanted guest. He opened the fridge and found an empty jar where the Mega-Baboon heart used to be.

"Kill me." The head of a Blu spy said.

"Later." Medic snarled.

He put her heart in it and relabeled it to "Celestia's". He search through the hearts deciding on which one would work. He needed the right size, without sacrificing ability, it needed to handle the stress of being her. Eventually he settled on one.

"Replacement heart has been chosen, for the record it will be the Loch-Ness Monster's." Luna wrote it down, then looked up to him with confusion. "What? I felt like it would be a nice gift, this is one of my prized hearts!" Luna raised an eyebrow, but replaced it with a sly grin. He narrowed his eyes at her, but said nothing.

"Applying Ubermodule." He took one of the modules and Luna started suddenly paying very close attention. He pushed it into the place he always did. and examined it. "There...Very good... ah yes. Now I will apply the same energy keeping Celestia alive to the improved replacement heart. This should provide the same result it has so many times before." He raised the heart to the beam of light and started laughing like a maniac. When the heart started pounding and lighting up he closed his eyes and cringed in case it exploded. He opened his eyes to see that heart beating on it's own and with the red shine it had all the other times. "Ah, that looks good." He looked at Celestia to see she had an expression of shock. "Something wrong princess?" Medic chuckled.

"I-It's beating...on it's own! That is amazing!" She exclaimed.

"I agree, but please hurry, I grow tired of seeing my sister like this." Luna stepped in.

"Yes, of course. Now to place the new heart." He gently placed the heart where the old one was and placed the valves in generally the same area. "Now to replace all that was removed." He took the lung out from the jar and placed it back in, not quite perfect because of the module, but that would be fixed. He realigned the front of the rib cage with the rest and put small dissolving clamps on them. Ribs don't grow back after all.

"Now, I shall increase the power on my Medi-gun to heal the patient of the incision and all damage done during surgery." After removing the metal clamps he went to the Medi-gun and powered it up. The two princesses watched in awe as Celestia was healed, her skin reforming back onto her intestines and rib cage and the lung and heart attaching themselves to her body.

Celestia was afraid to breathe when the Medi-gun was powered down. She could only hear the beeping of the heart monitor, telling her that it worked. She only took a small breath to test if she was in fact fine. She could breathe fine, her new heart was going fine, she was so close to death, and now she was fine. All because of him.

"Very good. Heart rate normal, breathing is good. I think you are good to go. Although I must suggest getting a day or two of rest before doing anything major, and a few weeks before doing something taxing. Ribs are harder to heal than the flesh around them." Medic looked up from his clipboard to see a very happy princess hugging him tightly. Now that she was standing, she was about as tall as Medic was. Luna was about a head shorter.

"Thank you." She said teary eyed. "I was scared when you told me what would have to be done, but you helped by talking to me and letting me stay awake and hearing you voice what you were doing was helpful. I'm sorry about me doubting you at first, I should have known better." She pulled away and looked at the Medic who stood with pride.

"I am happy to hear it fraulein." Medic said, blushing slightly.

"Sister how are you?" Luna asked with the joy in her voice clearly restrained, and poorly.

Celestia wrapped her sister into a hug. "I am excellent Luna. I feel centuries younger and being freed from that cursed bed of mine is a welcome change." She turned back to Medic. "Speaking of being free, you wouldn't happen to want to perhaps take a tour of the castle with me, would you? We can discuss your payment while we walk if you wish." She added the last part quickly and blushed slightly.

"I would be happy to fraulein. Perhaps we can introduce each other properly over some tea." Medic walked back to his stockpile, pulling out three bottles of scotch. "But the only thing I will accept for payment would be three things." He walked with them out of the cramped bedroom and into the spacious hall.

"What would that be?" Celestia said disappointed.

"Ein: I want a Medical License for this country, it seems I could be needed here in the future and I would rather perform legally." Celestia perked up noticeably.

"Of course! I will have the papers sent right away!" She said happy that he was going to be staying.

"Zwei: It seems I am in need of a place to call my own here."

"I can have a room here in the castle prepared for you! T-That is if you, um, want to, stay in the castle with me, US, I mean." Celestia was blushing as she tried to steady her breathing.

"I can see the new heart is making you jumpy. Don't worry it will pass." Celestia was slightly saddened to hear that she might just be feeling the side effects of the surgery. "Drei: Will you go out to dinner with me?" Celestia looked up to him with a smile of happiness.

"Of course! I-I mean." She tried to reign in her emotions. "I-I would love to. For now though we should just talk over some tea and...what is in those bottles exactly?"

"I believe it is alcohol. I could smell it when he first came back with it. I thought it was medicinal at that point though." Luna shot him a sly grin.

"Ah yes. It is scotch, from a late friend of mine's personal stores. What better way to enjoy it than with new friends, or more." He said chuckling, Luna along with him and Celestia blushing while joining them.

Ze Übermensch

"Archimedes! What are you doing with that...bird?" Medic called from his seat.

"Her name is Philomena. She's a phoenix." Celestia said looking out the window where the two birds were. Archimedes was sitting on top of Philomena's head cooing. "It seems that, Archimedes was it, has taken a liking to her. I don't blame him." Celestia giggled slightly. "Now what do you want to see first, we have the gardens, ballroom, throne room, observatory, dinning room, kitchens, main entry, my private school, library, dungeons-" Her mouth was firmly shut by a gloved hand, her cheeks puffing out as she tried to keep talking.

"Perhaps you should breathe while talking?" Medic said chuckling. They continued walking down the hall with Celestia calming down, slightly.

"I agree, perhaps you should take a break sister? You are not acting as usual." Luna added. The solar princess had been practically skipping down the hallway as they walked, talking non-stop about random nonsense. Most of which sailed right over the Medic who simply walked with furrowed brows. Neither of the princesses questioned onto his slightly foul mood. Luna finally got curious. "Something wrong Doctor?"

"Hmm?" He looked to Luna and sighed. "Yes, I would say so. It is just..." He scoffed and smiled slightly. "This is the weirdest dream I've had in a while." He rubbed the back of his head and gave them a sheepish smile.

Luna looked at him with confusion. "Trust me when I say this, it isn't a dream. I can tell." Celestia continued skipping down the hall like she couldn't hear them.

"Well then, you can understand why I believe that then ja?"

Luna shook her head. "I don't believe I understand, no."

Medic sighed. "If what you said was true, then you saw what happened before you brought me here. Even as we speak, those idiots in the offices are hiring new soldiers, heavies, spies, doctors to fight each other again. It's a bit of a stretch that I'm the only survivor, and I get sent to a place of ponies because the ruler is in trouble. Perhaps I'm crazier than they all thought." He chuckled sadly.

Luna sighed and considered what he was saying. "I supposed, if I was in your position, I would think the same. Is there something we can do to help? There must be something we could do to take your mind off of less... pleasant, thoughts."

"A new project would be helpful, but I can't make any promises with it."

"What do you mean promises?"

"COME HERE PHILOMENA, I'M COMING FOR YOU!" Celestia yelled as she started chasing the phoenix through the air.

"Well, things like that." Medic pointed a thumb at Celestia. "That is mostly side effect of the uber module, it will wear off given some... stress release."

Luna looked at him almost horrified with a tinge of blush.

"Not that kind of stress release! Just, something she does for fun! Go outside and take a walk, drink, try to burn a city and almost succeed if it wasn't for the authorities, perform stupid surgeries on random things. That kind of thing!"

Luna's blush disappeared, but the horrified look didn't. "Ok, so what your saying is get her away from ponies until she gets back to normal, and make her do something she likes to get her back faster?"

"Yes."

Luna thought for a minute, ignoring the battle cries and pleas of help coming from the pony/bird chase. "She likes cake."

"Ja, sure. Give her something that will make her even more crazy why don't you!"

"She likes running the country mostly, but in this state, I don't think she should try that." The Medic gave her a look that spoke volumes of how obvious that was. "Well, I remember when we were kids, we used to play dress up."

Celestia skidded to a stop with her nose pressed against Luna's. "Did somepony say dress up?"

"By the First what have I done?" Luna asked no one in particular before she was whisked away by Celestia in a mad giggling fit rambling about 'How cute she will look!'

Medic looked down the hallway they had disappeared down with a shocked expression. Before he could turn around and just keep walking like any sane medical man would do, he felt a rush of air from behind him. He slowly turned and saw Celestia with a manic grin on her face. "You didn't think I'd forget you, did you?" Before he could answer he felt himself being dragged down the hall much like how Luna was.

The medic admired his suit in a mirror in one of the dressing rooms. It was almost exactly like his normal combat gear, but black where it was white. That coupled with his Grimm Hatte made him look pretty cool.

Luna on the other hand, wasn't enjoying this nearly as much. She had been put through a ridiculous amount of dresses and anything that Celestia thought would make her look good, including lingerie, much to Luna's dismay.

After a few hours of trying on different clothes for Luna, and Medic trying different hats because that was mainly the only thing that would fit on him, he only got the suit because Celestia had used a duplication spell with a dye enchantment, Celestia had finally wore off her buzz, and started apologizing like there was no tomorrow. Luna was grumbling about it as they walked down the hall from the dressing room and Celestia was avoiding eye contact. Medic had his normal gear on with the black stuff in his massive pockets.

They were planning on going to one of the side rooms to have some tea and talk, without too much silliness. When they got to a room, Celestia sent a servant for tea and to get a room ready for Medic and his things.

"So, Medic, what is your worl-" Celestia was cut off by a scroll appearing in front of her. Celestia sighed and rolled her eyes as she opened it. "Oh, oh my! This is excellent news! Luna, look!"

Luna took the letter in her magic before reading it. "Oh, who is Mi Amore Cadenza? I haven't heard of her or this Shining Armour."

Celestia gave her a deadpan. "Do you even listen when I try telling you what changed?" Luna shook her head. Celestia facehoofed and groaned. "Never mind that then. Princess Mi Amore Cadenza is the newest princess, she is the princess of love. Shining Armour is the captain of the royal guard, and is the reason why there is a shield around the city."

"Ohhhh. Well, good for them then. Why do we get a letter about it though? It's not even an invitation." Luna asked reading over the letter again.

"She's our niece." Medic and Luna both looked at her with very confused expressions. "Not by blood! She earned her place and I treat her like a niece, as you should."

Luna just stared, blinking every once and a while. "Alright then, so what do we do about it?"

Celestia huffed. "We help them, maybe even allow them to use the castle for their wedding, at least help them organize it and get ponies doing things for it. Have you never been to a wedding before?"

"No, and to be honest, I plan on keeping it that way." Luna said dismissively turning her head away.

Celestia gave her a tired glare. "Well, I'm sending her a letter to say we would be happy to let them use the castle. Maybe we could even get the Elements to do things. Security would have to be raised even further though. Why not?" A scroll popped into existence beside her and a quill started writing.

Medic just stared confusingly at the two alicorns from his seat. "Erm, would you care to explain a bit?"

Celestia looked up, forgetting that Medic was there. "Oh, um, yes of course. My niece is getting married to a captain of my guard."

"Er, good for them, I suppose... Send them my regards."

Celestia started writing again until she stopped dead and her ears clung to her head. She nervously looked up at Medic. Luna seemed to notice. "Something wrong, sister?"

"Your brought a being from another world..." She said quietly.

Luna raised a brow. "Yes, I thought we established that already..."

"Yes we did, but now what? How will our subjects react to this? How would we explain what he has done for me? The nobles will be annoyed to no end and-"

"Auntie!" An annoying noble(ish) voice called out from the door. The doors closed behind Blueblood as he walked in, nose held high. Medic's face was graced by a snarl at the interruption. "The nobles are being entitled again! They believe I should donate to some charity! Can you believe their gall!"

"Did you not invest in that hospital being built along with those shipping companies going to Zebraca?" Luna asked slightly irritated. She loved Blueblood as family, but was far less approving of his attitude compared to Celestia.

"Yes, of course I did. What does that have to do with anything?"

Luna would have facehooved if it was anyone but Blueblood, but she had gotten used to his idiocy. "Well, with the new medical system, hospitals are paid by the government, out of the royal treasury in fact, and ponies get treated for free. So investing in that would be considered charity. That shipment company was a nonprofit organisation as well, making investing in them a charity. The reason they wanted you to do it again is because they thought you were doing good. And since you turned them down, and likely insulted them, your reputation you gained with 'investing' in those things, has been tarnished." Luna held a smirk as she finished, and Blueblood's irritated look turned to shock.

"Why did no pony tell me?" Blueblood stammered.

"You are never interested in politics, dear nephew." Celestia answered, her own smirk barely hidden behind her letter.

Medic gave a huff of amusement as he finished his tea, silently laughing at the disgruntled stallion. Blueblood didn't miss it. "And what is this? Why is it here in the castle?!"

Medic rolled his eyes and poured another cup.

"Is it some new pet of yours aunties? Are you training it?" Celestia nearly broke at that. She didn't think Blueblood would sink that low.

"No, Blueblood. This is Medic, he is most likely the most skilled physician in the world." She said with a stern expression.

Blueblood stared at her on the cusp of breaking into laughter. "Come now, auntie. This hairless ape? A physician?" He couldn't hold his laughter anymore as he sat down onto one of the chairs.

Medic wouldn't take it any longer. He stood up, with his tea in his hand, and stood over Blueblood. The stallion stopped laughing as hot tea poured all over him, burning his skin and ruining his mane and coat. He glared up at the medic. The Medic grabbed Blueblood by the throat and lifted him to eye level, Blueblood chocking and gagging the whole way. "Sie sollten sich glücklich schätzen dass ich nicht bin in der Stimmung, eine andere medizinische Lizenz zu verlieren." Medic growled with a sinister grin.

"Uh, I beg pardon?" Blue chocked out.

"You should feel lucky that I'm not in the mood to lose another medical license." He dropped the 'prince' to the ground and he hit with a small thud. "Now, you disturbed our meeting. So you're going to go and bother someone else. Undertood?" He nodded as if his life depended on it, which it might have. "Wunderbar. You know where the door is." Blueblood slowly moved backwards to the door, never letting his eyes off the Medic. When the room was void again of pompous idiots, Medic's posture relaxed and straightened as it was before. He looked at the guards at the door who had let their smiles of satisfaction show through their stoic gaze. The both nodded approvingly at him and didn't move a muscle more. Blueblood wasn't a big fan within the guard ranks, and seeing him put into his place was a very welcomed sight. The two of them had made a silent agreement that they would only intervene if Blueblood was killed, and they were absolutely sure he was dead, like if his head was off or was split up the middle, then they would have probably detained Medic, after slipping the key under his coat or something.

The guards really didn't like Blueblood.

Medic hummed a tune as he retook his seat and poured himself a proper cup, smiling to himself. He looked up at Celestia and Luna who were gawking at him.

SPY

"So... You were on the moon..."

"For a thousand years, yes." Luna said as she coughed another small puff of dust. "And moon rocks when ingested are poisonous. I would hate to ask this of you, you deserve some time off after saving my sister, but would it be possible for you to cure me? I know this is a bit short notice, but I don't think I can keep this a secret for much longer." She coughed again and a small stream of dust spilled from her mouth. She sputtered as she tried getting the bad taste off of her tongue, spitting it out and adding to the small pile in front of her.

Medic sighed as he rubbed his temples. He was sitting in Luna's room on a chair while she sat on her bed. The room was as he expected from the princess-of-the-night, mostly black, blue, and silver decorating the walls and furniture, even the fireplace had blue flames! There was a small pile of moon-dust on the floor where Luna's head would belch it up. Celestia was busy making preparations for the wedding, and she said something about her 'prized pupil' coming to the castle to oversee the preparations with her. Medic hadn't run into them yet, but he was hoping to see them after the wedding.

Unfortunately, he was asked to stay away from the service so Celestia could choose a good time to tell her subjects about him, giving him the next week or so to do whatever he wanted.

"I will see what I can do. How did you ingest moon rocks anyway?" He questioned.

Luna looked to the side, slightly ashamed. "W-well, I um, I was...." Medic looked sternly at her, unamused. "Alright fine. I'm not exactly the... quietest, of sleepers."

"Go on." He said, a small smirk growing on his face as he realized what she was saying.

"W-well, when I would breathe in, the moon dust would enter my lungs..." She finished quickly.

Medic had to keep his grin under control. "So, you got moon poisoning by snoring?" Luna nodded solemnly. Medic raised both of his hands, and in a very dramatic fashion, began clapping.

Very, very, slowly.

Luna looked up to him with a hurt and confused face, which turned to annoyance when she saw his grin and loosely held laughter. "Yes, yes. I was not the brightest. Now can we please do this, I need to get this over with soon, and I don't want Celestia to worry about me more than she does."

Medic stood up and straightened his coat. "I'm sure we could set up an appointment. How about in an hour or two, hmmm?"

Before Luna could answer, a guard came in. "My apologies princess, but I am here to give you an urgent message from Celestia."

Luna and Medic were both stunned by the guard. They both could tell something was wrong, guards never came in unless it was bad, and never spoke out of turn unless it was something really bad.

"Speak then." Luna said while wiping away the small amount of white dust from her face. Medic moved his wrist slightly and heard a small clicking noise. He kept his smirk hidden.

"My apologies, but she said that it was solely meant for you, Princess Luna." The guard said while giving a glance to Medic.

"It is fine, guard. The Medic can hear whatever it is that you have to tell me." Luna said calmly.

The guard stood still, staring at the Medic, sizing him up. "Alright then!" A single burst of green energy burst from his horn and hit Luna in the face, leaving the area covered in ash, but not burning her. Luna fell flat onto her bed, unconscious. Medic quickly flicked his wrist and a syringe came into his hand from his sleeve, ready to strike.

The guard was about to  fire another bolt when a large needle pierced his neck. He yelped as he felt a cooling sensation, followed by his head hitting the floor with a thud. He drooled as he joined the princess in slumber.

The medic left the syringe in the 'guard's' neck as he was engulfed in green flames. What was let behind was an odd insect-like pony, black chitin and webbed wings along with solid coloured, compound eyes. The Medic turned back to Luna and walked up to the side of her bed. He thought about how to wake her, and settled for the basic, and standard, way to rouse a patient.

He poked the side of her face.

Her face twitched slightly, but other than that nothing. He leaned down to her face to listen for her breathing. Soft snoring was heard. He chuckled slightly at her, admittedly cute, display. He grabbed a tissue from the nightstand and proceeded to wipe the ash from her face.

The Medic started cleaning the soot from her horn after her face was cleared. Her back leg twitched when he did. He raised an eyebrow and lightly brushed it again. Her leg jolted again and he heard her whimper slightly, pushing her head closer to his hand. He started to slowly stroke her horn, trying to figure out what exactly was happening. Luna's breath picked up as she started moving her head in her sleep, in tandem with his hand. The Medic figured that this was somehow a slightly sensitive spot, but he didn't know the result.

He brought his hand away and took of his red glove, putting it in his pocket. He opted for lightly rubbing the tip, to see if it had the same result. If anything, it produced even better results, her breath caught and she moaned happily, her hind legs bucking slightly. He picked up the pace and her whimpers continued and her tail coiled around her legs as they bucked.

After a few moment her quickly grabbed the tip, abruptly stopping what he was doing and applying some pressure. Her entire body froze as she moaned one last time. The Medic looked down to where her legs were to see a small stream of liquid spilling out onto the bed from her.

His eyes widened and face heated up as he pulled his hand away. 'So, the horn is apparently very sensitive... Not in the way I expected.'

The Medic opted to walk slowly away as he thought about what had just happened, not letting his eyes leave her. 'So, I've essentially sexually assaulted a princess while she was sleeping.... Excellent.' He thought sarcastically.

Luna slowly opened her eyes, a small smile gracing her lips. She turned to the Medic with a half lidded gaze. "That was very...enjoyable, but next time I must ask that you give me some notice before hoof." She said in a sultry voice.

"Uh... You know what happened?" He stammered.

She laughed lightly. "I am the princess of the night, and as such, I don't sleep the same way others do. Consider it like having an out-of-body-experience. I can still feel what happens to my body, but I cannot interact with the waking world." She laughed slightly again as she rolled onto her side. "Besides, you're not bad when it comes to, satisfying a mare."

The Medic was stunned. "Uh, hehe. Well, erm, I will see you for your curing... thing."

"Yes of course. In a few hours correct? I would hate to miss our session." She said seductively.

The Medic's mind went into overdrive as he thought about what to say. He caught sight of the insect-pony and thought of an excuse. "Actually, I need to see about this... thing!" He said quickly as he picked up the creature and slung it over his shoulder. "Things to test and... stuff." He chuckled slightly. "Anyway, I should be going... Testing to do and..." He looked around the room, trying desperately to think of something. "Stuff. Come by tomorrow!"

He quickly walked out of the room, his face bright red and eyes wide. Luna giggled to herself as she stood and went to her bathroom. 'I wonder if Celestia would share him? He's cute when he is flustered.' She thought as she stepped into her shower.

The Medic spent his time with the creature. It hadn't woken up yet, and that was perfect. He had performed some reconstruction surgery to his old 'friend', whom he kept in his fridge. It didn't matter to him that he would be emptying the space in the fridge, he had a new occupant waiting.

The Blu Spy woke up with a groan. His head pounded as he swore to himself and opened his eyes. His ancient nemesis, the Red Medic, stood near him, he was about the height of his crotch. Spy sneered at him. "What do you want now?" He asked in his usual french accent.

"Oh, and here I thought you would be happy!" He said with disturbing glee. "I just gave you a gift after all!"

The Spy raised an eye brow and moved his head around, looking for his gift. "What gift?"

The Medic smiled and pulled something from his pocket. He tossed the object to the spy, who caught it with a black, holed hoof.

The Spy's eyes lit up like a bonfire, and his scream echoed through most of the castle.

"What is this! What did you do?!" He yelled, both accusingly and happily.

"I switched your brain for the brain of this bug thing." The Medic said nonchalantly. "He won't need his body anyway. Mirror?"

The Spy nodded and the Medic brought out a full body mirror as tall as the Medic.

The spy looked over his body and face. "What kind of horse fucked an insect while eating cheese?" He asked as he checked his body over. He looked over the blue chitin that matched his old suit, and his light green webbing that he had for a mane and wings. He snarled at the mirror and inspected his new fangs. He tested his thin wings and struggled to get them to moved much. He poked his horn slightly and felt a jolt of energy run down him.

"Like it?" The Medic said, leaning on the mirror as he grinned down to the Spy.

The Spy wanted to tell him off, but he thought about his answer carefully. After a moment he decided. "YES!" He yelled as he trapped the Medic in a back-breaking hug. "THANK YOU DOCTOR! I HAVE BEEN TRAPPED IN THAT FRIDGE FOR YEARS!"

"I think I would know." The Medic wheezed out. "Happy I kept you alive now?"

The Spy released him and nodded vigorously. The Spy turned his attention back to the object passed to him, it was his Invis watch. He strapped it to his hoof and tested it. "Can you see me doctor?"

"Ja." He said with a smirk. "I switched the adapter in your watch, I can tell you're there, and invisible to everyone else. Don't want you sneaking behind me now would we?"

The Spy's mood dropped slightly, but returned soon after. "That would be debatable. But I suppose we could put our differences behind us, considering I caught a glimpse of that large white horse talking, I assume we aren't in the Badlands anymore, and therefore not exactly being paid to kill each other."

"Agreed. Would you like some tea before the insect wakes up?"

"I would, thank you. Although I do have a question."

The Medic hummed in response as he poured some hot water into a teapot  from the stove within his surgery room.

"Can I get a suit?" He said, bringing his legs closer together.

The Medic poured two cups and walked back. He handed the Spy a cup and pulled a chair from a desk for himself as the Spy sat on his haunches. The Medic chuckled as he answered. "I am the new 'Royal Physician', I could put an order in for you."

The Spy had to hold in his tea from exiting his mouth shock. He stared at the Medic incredulously. "What."