Twilight Sparkle Rides A Shark
Randall Stevens was not a happy camper.
Of course, being an aquatic apex predator, he really didn’t know much about camping at all, just whispers gleaned from the other fish in the river before he ate them.
Randall Stevens was not very popular in the river.
But he appeared to be very popular outside of the river, where he was now currently floating to his own amazement. He witnessed two winged ungulates talking—one yellow, one purple with a horn. If what he was hearing from the purple ungulate was correct, a battery of spells had been cast on him, among their number a docility spell, a flying spell, and an air-breathing spell.
Randall Stevens was quite literally out of his element.
The two ungulates finished their conversation to much smiling and nodding. The yellow ungulate slid a set of reins over his snout. He really wanted to hug her to fun. The purple ungulate then hopped on his back and tugged on the reins, causing him to jerk back. He then felt a whipping sensation across his spiracle, which caused him to rush forward, presumably away from the pain. Alas, as soon as he air-swam away from what he deduced to be the source, the whipping began again. On and on, his spiracle was whipped as he tried to rush away from the source until he could take no more.
“Excuse me, could you please stop whipping my spiracle? It’s getting rather annoying,” Randall Stevens said.
The whipping stopped, upon which Randall Stevens let out a sigh of relief.
“Then how am I supposed to get you to move forward?” the purple ungulate on his back queried.
Randall Stevens sighed in frustration. “By asking me, as opposed to crudely whipping me like a madmare.”
“OK, Sharky!”
Randall Stevens sighed again. “The name’s Ran—”
“—okay, Sharky, onwards to Canterlot!”
“Your wish is my command,” Randall Stevens grumbled, “which way is Canterlot again?”
His snout was jerked in the direction of what he presumed to be Canterlot. “This way!” the purple ungulate said, “now, onwards!”
Randall Stevens was not amused.
He flew over a small town, bustling with the thrum of activity. “This is Ponyville, where I live!”
“That’s nice,” Randall Stevens said, “what’s with the castle?”
“Oh, that’s mine!”
“You have a castle?” Randall Stevens asked as he air-swam over it.
“Yeah, I got it from a box!”
“How did...you get a castle from a box?”
The purple ungulate on his back giggled. “Oh, you don’t want to hear that story.”
Randall Stevens grit his teeth as the castle escaped his vision. He very much would like to hear that story. It probably involved explosions and feats of derring-do. Plus, it was cerulean. The color of where he belonged.
Many minutes went by as they traversed the fields between Ponyville and Canterlot in silence. Eventually they came across a large mountain.
“Up there, Sharky!”
“It’s Ran—”
“—no time to argue, Sharky!”
Randall Stevens groaned as he air-swam up the mountain and came across a city on a hill. If Ponyville was thrumming with activity, Canterlot was positively flowing with life, like a river. A river where Randall Stevens belonged.
“To the castle, Sharky!”
“Which way is the castle?”
The purple ungulate on his back tugged the reins until a large castle was in view. Randall Stevens nodded and air-swam through the streets of Canterlot, eliciting gasps and screams from passerbys who acted like they had never seen a shark in their life.
Hmm. Plebeians.
Randall Stevens' reins were pulled this way and that until he approached a gate with two guards whose faces suggested they had never seen a shark either.
The guard on the left spoke up first. “Um, Princess Sparkle, we have to ask you to dismount your mode of transport.”
The ungulate known as Princess Sparkle giggled and said, “What? You mean Sharky?” she said as she rubbed his spiracle. He could get used to that. “He’s perfectly harmless!”
“Indeed I am,” Randall Stevens said, “for now.”
Both guards gulped. “Uh, very well. You may pass,” the guard on the right said as both guards opened the doors.
“Thank you, guys!” Princess Sparkle said, “onward, Sharky!”
Randall Stevens air-swam forward. “I keep trying to tell you,” he said as he air-swam directly into the throne room where a very surprised white ungulate with a mane that flowed like a rainbow sat, “my name is Ran—”
“Princess Celestia!” Princess Sparkle cut Randall off with, “look, I made a new friend!”
Princess Celestia appeared to be at a loss for words. She finally collected herself. “I see that, Twilight,” she said serenely.
“Isn’t he great? I can ride him to and from Ponyville without either of us getting tired!”
“That’s...great, Twilight,” Princess Celestia said as she buried her face in her hoof. “But a river shark? Seriously?”
“What? I cast a docility spell on him, so he should be fine…”
It was at this moment that the docility spell wore off. Randall Stevens violently threw Twilight off of him and spun around to face his tormentor.
Twilight got up on her haunches and looked at Randall Stevens with a wide-eyed look on her face. “Sh-sharky? What are you doing?”
Randall Stevens breathed heavily as he glared at his slavedriver. “First, you take me out of my natural habitat. Then, you attach these ridiculous reins to my snout and start whipping me with them. After that, you rode me all the way to Canterlot like an animal! And I keep trying to tell you, my name is Ran—” and was promptly cut off because his air breathing spell had expired. At a loss for air, Randall Stevens kept air-swimming in vain to try and suck the oxygen out of the room, but it was no use. He was a water creature, and no amount of swimming in air would give him his precious oxygen.
It was at this point Randall Stevens desperately wished he could breathe air once again.
It was also at this point that his flying spell wore off as well.
Randall Stevens fell to the ground and flopped around like the fish out of water that he was. He then saw a purple glow surround him and imbue itself into him, upon which he inhaled a large breath. He looked up to see Twilight looking over him, smiling.
Randall Stevens was very confused.
“...why did you save me?” he asked.
Twilight giggled. “Because you’re my friend, silly!”
Randall Stevens was very confused indeed.
“...do you ride all of your friends around like that?”
Twilight giggled again. “Of course not, Sharky! They’re ponies! But Spike does ride on me sometimes.”
Randall Stevens nodded. “You know, before I ran out of air, I really wanted to maul you to death.”
Twilight grinned. “And now you don’t?”
“No, I still very much want to kill you.”
Twilight’s smile turned into a frown. “Oh. Is there anyway I could make it up to you?”
Randall Stevens mused on that for a moment. “Hmmm...you could start by calling me by my name.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Your name?”
Randall Stevens nodded. “Yes, my name. Randall Stevens.”
Twilight tentatively reached out a hoof to Randall’s fin and shook it. “Well, nice to meet you, Randall.”
“Likewise. There is something else you could do for me, though…”
Randall Stevens was a happy river shark. He was swimming in the river, chomping up fish by the mouthful. He popped his head above water to see Twilight smiling. He waved a fin and smiled.
“So, I’ve relocated all the fish within a twenty-mile radius to the Ponyville River. How do you like it, Randall?”
Randall Stevens grinned. “I love it, Twilight,” he said as he dove his head back underwater to eat more of the delicious fish. Being an apex predator had its benefits, after all.
