Pinkie and the Blob

Pinkie Pie didn’t really pay it much attention, but despite being awake for most of the night she wasn’t really all that tired. Whether it was just her natural excess energy or some side-effect of the… coupling would have been hard to say. What she was aware of was that Princess Twilight Sparkle always woke up promptly at half-past six.

Therefore, at exactly half-past six, Pinkie Pie bounced her way over to Twilight Sparkle shiny new house/castle/library/tree and hammered on her front door.

It took a moment, as it always did, for Twilight to make it to the door. Princess she might be—and by consequence bound to an extremely tight schedule—but despite her “wake up” time being six-thirty, she didn’t become active until half-past seven. The intervening time was spent with breakfast and coffee. Lots of coffee.

Pinkie’s arrival came just as Twilight was climbing out of bed. Thus, before coffee. Had Pinkie not been one of Twilight Sparkle’s dearest and most important friends (and also a key component of Equestria’s primary defense mechanism) she would have found herself facing the full wrath of an extremely pissed off alicorn, who also happened to be one of the most powerful magical creatures in the entire world. These two attributes were very likely related—depending on whose version of events you believed, anyway—but both bore emphasis.

Needless to say, Pinkie was already treading a rather fine line when she bounded in past the haggard face of Twilight Sparkle and right into her new castle’s foyer, which Twilight had set up as a sort of makeshift living room while she waited for new furnishings to arrive from Canterlot. “Hi Twilight!” Pinkie yelled, making herself comfortable on the nearest sofa/fold out bed. “A really cool thing happened to me! I was out late last night and I saw a shooting star and then the shooting star got really close and my Pinkie Sense was all ‘FALLING OBJECT!’ and so I dove to the ground and the shooting star whooshed past me and landed and then I went over and it was all smokey and burney and there were these weird trees that were trying to talk or something I think and then I noticed that—”

As Pinkie Pie rapidly explained the previous chapter—and no, it never did stop being a single, nearly unpunctuated sentence—Twilight Sparkle used her telekinesis to prepare her morning caffeinations. Satisfied that she’d created a mundane little masterpiece in a cup, she began to sip on the elixir of life, gradually becoming more and more alert and slowly but surely realizing exactly what it was Pinkie was actually, seriously, actually seriously really saying at this moment.

“—and then there was this big BWAM and it felt really, really good and so now Gooey’s part of me, I guess? Oh, and apparently I can shapeshift now, so how cool is THAT?”

Twilight Sparkle stared at her dear friend over her coffee mug. It was a very tall mug, with the words “Best Princess” written across it. There was a picture of Celestia’s cutie mark above the words—a gag gift from April Foal’s day two years ago. It was actually one of Twilight Sparkle’s more prized possessions, being one of the few objects of any sentimental value that survived Tirek’s rampage.

Twilight took a deep breath. “Pinkie Pie… I don’t know what kinds of books you’ve been reading, but you maybe should cut back on them.”

Pinkie Pie stared at Twilight, blinking twice. “Whuh?”

“Aliens, psychic links? It’s science fiction, Pinkie! It’s absolutely ridiculous! I mean, with the sheer amount of effort it would take to cross an interstellar distance like that, just for the sake of…” Twilight’s cheeks flushed. “Well, fornicating with the indigenous creatures? It’s absurd!” She leaned in conspiratorially. “Did Rainbow Dash introduce you to her Zebrican ‘visual literature’ collection? I mean… really. Daring Do is all well and good, but that stuff is just trashy.”

Pinkie Pie’s mouth was agape. “You don’t believe me?” she whimpered, tears forming in her eyes.

Twilight Sparkle sipped on her coffee, unblinking. This wasn’t the first time Pinkie Pie had come to her home first thing in the morning with some elaborate story about vampires or were-ponies or whatever horrid ‘paranormal romance’ archetype was popular at the time. For instance; the mess she’d caused when she started reading the Sunset Saga. Granted, Kinky Pinkie wasn’t exactly… unwelcome, as far as Twilight was concerned, but there were lines that were simply not to be crossed, and biting was just out, damn it! It was a good thing ponies’ coats covered their skin for the most part. Twilight had a not-so-tiny scar on her neck from that last debacle.

Hence, the waterworks did little to move her. “Pinkie, come on. I know you’ve very… open minded, but you have to draw a distinction between reality and fiction!”

Pinkie blubbered for a moment. “But… but…” Then, faster than Twilight could blink, her entire demeanour changed. “I can show you!” Pinkie declared, a sunny grin upon her face.

Before Twilight could protest, Pinkie had already moved right up into her face. Twilight was half-way between alarmed and turned-on (fact: Pinkie was awesome in bed), but she realized with no small amount of consternation that Pinkie wasn’t doing the normal glomp-n’-pomf routine. This was part good, part bad. Good, because the glomp-n’-pomf inevitably led to clean up times and would completely wreck Twilight’s schedule for the day… but also bad, because a glomp-n’-pomf was one of the few things for which Twilight would willingly wreck her schedule.

But instead, Pinkie just raised her right hoof in the air. “Touch it.”

Twilight shot Pinkie a nervous glance and set her coffee mug safely down on the table. Then, she gingerly raised her hoof to meet Pinkie’s.

“Hello, one who is called Twilight Sparkle.”

Twilight lowered her hoof, and her eyes just seemed to lose focus. “Of all the times,” she said softly. “Of all the times, Pinkie.”

She raised her hoof to meet Pinkie’s again.

“Is something the matter, Twilight Sparkle?”

“Pinkie,” Twilight ground out. “Am I hearing voices in my head?”

“Well, technically he’s in my head, but he can talk through touch, I guess?”

“That is an adequate summation of my ability, yes.”

Twilight closed her eyes. “Okay. So you are actually, right now, telling me, that everything you just told me was one-hundred percent completely true.”

“Yup!”

“Pinkie Pie’s description was abridged, but she touched on most of the major points.”

Twilight Sparkle nodded contemplatively. “Well, yes, good, no, that’s great, yes, that’s just going to obliterate my schedule for the next week! No,that’s fine…”

Pinkie Pie’s ears flattened. She’d seen this before, and what came next was going to be… unpredictable. Even by Pinkie’s standards. “Uh, Twi? You okay?”

“Oh yes, Pinkie, I’m fiii~iiine.” Twilight sang the last word through clenched teeth. “Absolutely fiii~iiine.” She rubbed her hoof through her mane vigorously, causing hair to spring up all over. “Good, no, this is great.” A wicked smile crossed her lips. “No, seriously, this is actually kind of great.” The smile vanished instantly. “Except no. Pinkie…”

“Uh huh?”

“You’re telling me that you discovered an alien life form.”

“Uh huh.”

“And it asked for your help.”

“Uh huh.”

“And so you not only had sex with it.”

“I don’t know if I’d really call it—”

“I was getting to that. Not only sex, but you shoved it fully inside your own vagina and let it crawl into your uterus.”

“Well when you put it like that—”

“AND THEN!” Twilight’s eye twitched. “You let it merge with your body.”

Pinkie glanced around. “Look, Twilight, lemme be level with you. I came here to hang out, chat, and have a good time, and I’m feeling kinda attacked right now—”

“Pinkie, this ranks as one of the most insane things you have ever done!”

Pinkie’s mouth opened in a silent “Ooooh.” She was self-aware enough to know just how big a deal that was.

Twilight seemed to deflate at last, collapsing onto the couch. “So, what’s the catch?” She murmured, not really talking to Pinkie. “Does it suck out your life force or drain your blood? Does it gradually take over your body until you’re a puppet under its control? There’s gotta be some kind of evil catch to this, because honestly it sounds like you got a pretty good deal.”

Pinkie reached over and put her hoof on Twilight’s hip.

“Twilight Sparkle, I apologize for any inconvenience I have caused you—”

Twilight jumped a bit at the sudden contact, but quickly gave up. “Okay, so this is the psychic link thingy, huh?”

Pinkie’s voice was suddenly in her head—very loud. “Yep! It’s pretty cool!”

Twilight winced. “Pinkie, please don’t do that. I’ve already got a headache.”

“Oops! Sorry.”

“I promise, Twilight Sparkle, that my actions will cause Pinkie Pie absolutely no harm. The bond is purely symbiotic.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Symbiotic, hmm? You realize that ‘symbiotic’ implies both parties giving something to the other. It looks more… parasitic, to me. Uh… no offense.”

“I do not possess the capacity to be offended, Twilight Sparkle. However, I must stress that there are significant benefits for Pinkie Pie in this current arrangement.”

Twilight’s eyebrow climbed a little higher. “Aside from the many, graphically-described orgasms?”

Pinkie giggled.

“Yes. My functionality allows me to bind with a host organism and convey my transformative abilities. This is to ensure that I am better able to gather data about the surrounding environment, and also confers a massive survival advantage to the organism in question. Normally, I would have bound with a non-sapient organism and temporarily subverted its central nervous system, thus providing me with a body adapted to the planet’s natural climate which I could modify to suit my needs until such time as I was to be picked up. However, emergency procedures allowed me to couple with a sapient life-form, so long as the bond is purely consensual and no control is taken from the volunteer.”

Twilight Sparkle nodded. “That’s actually pretty reasonable, though I’d certainly hope your definitions of ‘sapient’ line up with ours.” She shook her head. “So you’re… basically a reconnaissance specialist?”

“Reconnaissance, in your language, appears to have military connotations. My mission is strictly one of peaceful data-gathering. There have been incidents in the past where individual entities of similar design to myself have inadvertently triggered hostilities with other forms of sapient life. In at least one case, an organism such as myself took control of a member of a ruling family and proceeded to scout out the world. This was interpreted as a kidnapping, and resulted in a prolonged war with the world in question. Thus, I am strictly forbidden from interfering in any way with Pinkie Pie’s central nervous system or other cognitive facilities, though I am tapped into her sensory systems and have limited access to the parts of her cognitive facilities relating to communication.”

Twilight pondered this. “So you’re an artificial organism designed to probe other planets?”

“I am a bio-synthetic life-form designed for the express purpose of seeking out unexplored worlds which bear unknown life-forms and cataloging them for the sake of the Archive. In a word; yes.”

Twilight Sparkle nodded. “I… can respect that, I suppose. So what now? Do we find you an… um… ‘non-sapient life-form,’ pull you out of Pinkie, and stick you up it’s vagina?”

“That was—essentially—my initial plan, however—”

“But I don’t want him to leave!” Pinkie said. “He’s cool and tingly!” She grinned, and brought her face right up to Twilight’s. Her eyes were wider than dinner plates. “Besides, he’s a shapeshifter, and now that he’s… me, I’m a shapeshifter!”

Twilight gawked. “You can’t be serious, Pinkie. You have an alien living inside you. This… doesn’t bother you at all?”

“Nope!” Pinkie just beamed. “Ooh! I’ve gotta show you the wing-y thing!”

“What wing-y thinGWAAAH?” Twilight recoiled in terror as Pinkie’s back started to melt. “Sweet Celestia, WHAT?”

Pinkie grinned as a pair of leathery wings sprouted from her back. “Look! Shapey-shifty!”

Twilight sparkle’s mouth hung open. “Oh.”

Pinkie glanced back at her freshly grown, somewhat horrific wings mournfully. “I was kinda hoping for fluffy cute wings, but apparently Gooey doesn’t know how to do—”

Then, a very strange look came across Pinkie Pie’s face. The emotion represented was somewhere between shock, consternation, and awe. It didn’t take a genius like Twilight to figure out that Gooey had just told her something incredibly profound.

Twilight’s headache suddenly resurged with a vengeance. Run, it seemed to scream, for before you now lies only despair and sticky embarrassment.

“Pinkie?” Twilight asked cautiously. “What did he say?”

“He says that he could learn how to do fluffy cute wings,” Pinkie said, looking a little too intensely at Twilight, specifically at her back. The bat-wings, quite distracting as they were, retracted back into Pinkie’s body.

Twilight smiled nervously. “That’s… great, Pinkie. Um… I’ll let you get right to that.” She glanced around, and cursed herself for not having a clock handy. “Oh, it’s already so late, I really should be going. The castle’s yours to use for whatever you’re planning, so—”

Pinkie pounced, but Twilight teleported faster. Pinkie landed on the uncarpeted crystal floor—it was a new magic tree castle, after all—and slid awkwardly before catching her balance. “Twi!” she moaned.

“No!” Twilight exclaimed as she popped into existence in front of the door. “Pinkie Pie, I have a job to do, and honestly you’re kinda scaring me right now.” She didn’t bother with “What’s gotten into you?” That one had been answered quite handily.

“It’ll just take a minute. Or twenty.” Pinkie scratched her head. “It’s been a while. How long is a ‘quicky’ for you?”

“You can not be serious, Pinkie!”

Pinkie looked up with big, beautiful blue eyes. “Pleeeese, Twi? He says he just needs to do some kind of probe-y thing, and then I can get fluffy wings! How cool would that be?”

“Pinkie, you do realize that if you were any other pony I would be arresting youright now, don’t you?”

Pinkie deflated a bit at that. “Oh…”

Twilight Sparkle put a hoof to her face and groaned. “Pinkie…” she said.

Pinkie sat down on the floor, staring resolutely at her hooves. “M’sorry, Twi. I didn’t mean to make you do anything you didn’t want to.”

“No, that’s… ugh.” Twilight rolled her eyes and walked over. She sat down next to her friend and pulled her into a side-hug. “Look, maybe later, okay? You’re right. It’s been a while.”

Pinkie sniffed. “But now it’s just because you’re feeling guilty!”

Twilight facehooved. “Pinkie, come on. You know me. Do you think you could really guilt-trip me into sex like this?”

Pinkie leaned her head against Twilight’s shoulder. “...No.”

“Right.”

“Twilight Sparkle, I must apologize about this. I did not mean to cause any trouble between you two. It is clear that you have a bond much more powerful than anything I share with Pinkie Pie.”

Twilight laughed. “That’s certainly true.” She gave Pinkie a little peck on the cheek. “Look, Pinkie, I know this is really fun, and you’re having a great time with it. That’s fine, but you’ve gotta understand that not everypony feels the same way you do about… all of this.”

“Am I scary?” Pinkie mumbled.

“Not to me,” Twilight said. Alicorn Princess. There wasn’t much a mostly-normal pony (emphasis on mostly) like Pinkie Pie could do to her that was all that dangerous. The perks of being a magical being on par with a demi-goddess were truly endless. That all said, she really did have a job to do, and, well… “If you’d done that… ‘wing-y thing’ around any other pony, you might have had the guard called to hunt you down. That might just be what Gooey does, but it looks a lot like about ten different kinds of black magic.”

Pinkie nodded, and Twilight thought she felt acceptance from the alien inside. “Okay,” Twilight said. “Look. I’ve got to go preside over the opening of a new public library, but when I get done with that I can clear a few hours from my schedule. Come back then. There are some things I still want to figure out about all this.”

She shot Pinkie a smile, and her friend gradually returned it. “I’ll stay here,” Pinkie said. “I… want to figure out a few more thingies.”

Twilight shrugged. It was, after all the castle of the Elements of Harmony. “Do what you need to do, Pinkie. I’ll be back soon.”

Of course, in practice, she could hardly forget about Pinkie. Even while smiling and waving like a good little princess, her thoughts kept going back to those wings emerging from Pinkie’s back.

Black magic, she’d said, but what she really meant was corruption. It wasn’t something many ponies knew about, but if you wandered deep enough into the Everfree, or into even more dangerous places, like the Southern Expanse or the Valley of Sighs, you could end up… changed. Nopony really knew how it happened, but there were several recorded cases of ponies, say, coming back with bat-like wings and similar features. A long, long time ago, some of these ponies had gone on to form the clan who were known as the Royal Night Guard, but there were far less benign examples.

It was always possible that the “shooting star” was a false memory concocted by whatever “Gooey” was. Twilight could easily imagine Pinkie Pie wandering into the Everfree and being accosted by some… horrific thing, which then proceeded to do to her whatever had… imbued her with Gooey. At the same time, she could imagine Pinkie doing exactly what she claimed to have done, only to something from deep in the woods, which then changed its story to keep Twilight from realizing just where it had really come from. If either of those were the case, her priority had to be removing Gooey from Pinkie Pie at once. There was no telling the damage he could do.

But at the same time, the scientific part of her mind told her, this was a grand opportunity. If this thing really was an alien life form—and there were ways to test that claim—then it might possess a huge amount of information. Plus, there was its anecdote about accidentally starting an interstellar war. The amount of information presented there was immense and terrifying. It implied that this creature’s creators were capable of an interstellar war, which Equestria, bluntly, was absolutely not. Twilight doubted that the disappearance of a single artificial probe would be cause for hostilities, but at the same time she didn’t want to lose the chance to learn as much about its creators as possible, including just how far she’d have to go if she was to protect herself, her friends, and the nation at large. The fact that it would be an excuse to revitalize the hilariously underfunded Equestrian Space Agency was a definite plus.

She didn’t however, admit to herself that Pinkie’s account might have, you know, just slightly, given her a massive ladyboner which it had taken all of her self-control to suppress. She couldn’t allow herself to indulge that part of her mind. There was simply too much at stake to just throw up her hooves and go down on Pinkie Pie like it was Hearth’s Warming Eve and the ‘nog had set in.

By the time she made it back the castle, she had a few things planned out. First: figure out of Gooey was really from another planet. She had a few ways to do this, and if even one of her tests was positive... well, there would be a ninety-four percent chance that Gooey really was an alien. She honestly couldn't think of any way to fake the things she was looking for. If something on the planet could manage that, then there would be no point in subtlety. Equestria would have already been conquered.

“Pinkie?” she called as she threw open the front door. “I’m back!”

“You’re BAACK!” Pinkie hollered from upstairs. She zoomed down the staircase like a pink typhoon, stopping about a foot in front of Twilight with a look of pure glee on her face. “Ooh you’re going to love it! Gooey and I figured out so many things!”

“That’s wonderful, Pinkie, but first I have to ask Gooey a few questions.” Twilight ignored the downcast look on Pinkie’s face for the moment. “Gooey, I’m assuming you’re using Pinkie’s ears to hear me. Could you manifest a piece of your natural tissue outside of Pinkie for a moment so I can examine it?”

Pinkie looked puzzled, but after a moment, a small patch of coat on Pinkie’s chest changed color, shifting into soft, blue skin.

Twilight nodded. “Thank you, Gooey.” She closed her eyes and felt out with her magic, diving into the skin, feeling between the individual cells until she could slip inside one. She found the genetic code… and to her amazement, found that it wasn’t like anything else on the planet. There were different markers, different combinations of proteins. It simply didn’t match.

The structure of the cells, too, was odd. It was clear that they were artificial from the sheer efficiency of them, but closer examination revealed a specific pattern of inert, oddly-shaped proteins which were replicated perfectly across every single cell—almost like some kind of identification code.

She “zoomed out” a bit. The cells were organized in a highly precise structure, and their functionality was clear. She could see how they moved, how they could twist around each other and reshape themselves largely at will. It hit her that she was looking at Gooey’s body and his nervous system all at once. Other systems, he might not even possess. There was some indication of a pore structure for absorbing air, but food? Water? Gooey was completely dependant on his host. If Pinkie hadn't discovered him, he would probably have died of dehydration or starvation.

There were magical elements, as well. Small receptors and leyline-like structures within each cell. They must have facilitated the psychic link, somehow, and quite possibly they were responsible for Pinkie being able to use Gooey’s abilities. She couldn’t be certain of this, of course, but there was no mistaking one thing: They were absolutely unlike anything Twilight had ever seen, in Equestria or otherwise.

There was one last thing to check. Twilight moved her focus, running up through Pinkie’s body. Normally, she’d never have done this to her friend without her permission, but Pinkie’s life was at stake. She searched through Pinkie’s brain, and sure enough, there were Gooey’s tendrils. But just as he’d claimed, they were only touching the parts dedicated to her senses and language. Memory, cognition, and motor control were completely untouched.

She pulled out, satisfied and intrigued. “Well, I can say with absolute certainty that Gooey is in fact an alien visitor.” A rush of awe ran through her chest. “Well… that’s flat out amazing, anyway.”

Pinkie looked a little hurt as the patch of skin vanished once more. “You didn’t believe me?”

“Sorry, Pinkie, but with the amount of contact he had with your body, I couldn’t be sure he wasn’t using you as a mouthpiece.” Twilight smiled. “It’s okay, by the way. He’s telling the truth as far as I can tell.”

“Well, duh! He’s my friend!”

Twilight shook her head sadly. Oh, how wonderful it would be to be able to see the world like she does. She sighed, and a little pink touched against her cheeks. “Now, what exactly were you going to do to me, before I left?” she asked. She kept the seductiveness out of her voice, but her tail did twitch just slightly.

Pinkie grinned. “Oh, I was going to do the glomp-n’-pomf, but Gooey gave me a much better idea while you were gone.”

It was at this point that Twilight noticed something funny about the way Pinkie Pie was standing.

She hadn’t noticed before, since her mind was on other things, but paying attention to Pinkie’s quite familiar body, she could see that her friend’s legs were a little farther apart than usual. She craned her neck a bit, and caught a flash of something pink.

Her eyes widened. “Wait, what. That’s a—”

Pinkie let out a single giggle, and tackled her.

Twilight found herself pinned to the floor—not unwelcomely, of course, but suddenly. Pinkie straddled her belly, and something was lying across Twilight’s chest. She stared at it for a long moment, and her jaw dropped.

Twilight looked up at Pinkie’s grinning face, and then down at the thing that was definitely, seriously, definitely actually really seriously very much sitting on her chest. “That’s a penis!”

And not just a penis. A penis so big it made Big Mac look tiny. There were no testicles, and Twilight was pretty certain Pinkie’s… addition was coming from where her clitoris usually was. Perhaps Gooey’s influence over Pinkie’s form might have some limits—or at least be easier to accomplish when there were related structures present. So that meant that it technically probably wasn't a penis, but for the sake of simplicity...

“That’s a penis!” she repeated.

Pinkie just giggled.

Now, Pinkie was well known for playing both sides of the field, but Twilight’s usual choice was of the female persuasion. That wasn’t to say she wasn’t into stallions—they were fine, and she’d had good times with a few of them—but usually she reserved herself to grinding and licking and other such wonderful little gestures of wonderfulness. Pinkie understood this. She was, after all, usually female—except for that one time with her, Twilight, and Zecora. (It had been weird, but fun, in retrospect. Also weird butt fun.) Generally, however, Pinkie was also content with the grinding and the licking.

Hence, the colossal girl-dong that Pinkie currently presented Twilight with was a little surprising.

“Pinkie, how do you have a—” Twilight rolled her eyes. “Silly question. Let’s rephrase. Why do you have a penis?”

“To enact the data-gathering procedure Pinkie Pie requested, we need to have significant physical and sensory contact with a creature possessing the attributes she seeks to replicate. Initially, Pinkie merely suggested sexual relations, but given that you appear to be a binary-sex species and that you possess the same sexual characteristics, I offered to help Pinkie recreate your species’ male sex organ based on the latent DNA present already within her cells. This allows me more… intimate contact, which will aid in the process.”

Twilight smiled. “Oh, well that’s perfectly reasonable, actually.”

“You’re okay with it?” Pinkie asked.

Twilight put her hoof to her chin and gave that question a moment of thought. “Yep.”

Pinkie grinned, and her cheeks turned pinker than usual. “Can I stick it in?”

Twilight laughed. “You’re moving a little fast, Pinkie. I’ve cleared my schedule for the day. We can take as long as we want.”

Pinkie’s grin widened, and Twilight sat up until they were face to face, with Pinkie's ladyboner (Twilight stifled a snicker) sandwiched between them. Twilight wrapped her hooves around Pinkie’s back and pulled her in. The kiss lasted a long time. There was tongue.

Finally, after a long, drawn out moment, they broke away. “It’s been a while, Twi,” Pinkie said. She batted her eyelashes mischievously. “Sure you can handle me?”

“Oh, certainly,” Twilight said. “The question is, can you handle me?”

She pushed Pinkie down on her back. Twilight stood a bit, and shifted her hips to align with Pinkie’s penis (which will henceforth be referred to as Party Cannon 2.0 for ease of narration). The two friends grinned at each other. It really had been too long, even if this wasn’t exactly their normal routine.

Not to imply that she was afraid, but Twilight quietly cast an elasticity spell on her body, just to be sure. P.C. 2.0 was big.

Her inner thighs gleamed wet with anticipation.

And then, the harbor crashed down around the ship.

Pinkie let out an “EEEEE!”

Twilight let out a “GWUUUH!”

For a moment, it was all they could do to remain in place. Pinkie’s weapon of mass erection pulsed with the beat of her heart, and Twilight’s innermost walls did the same. Normally neither would have felt the subtle beat, but simply put, Pinkie was jammed in tight. Twilight was thankful for the elasticity spell as she noticed a slight bulge in her belly. She’d either underestimated Pinkie’s size, or it had just grown bigger. Her cervix hadn't even slowed her down—again, elasticity spells be praised. Twilight had to bite her lip to keep from letting out a most un-princesslike moan.

Carefully, she lifted herself back up. The mass within her sucked at her insides, but she didn’t stop rising until the tip was almost out. Then, she crashed down again, and a wave of pleasuresmashed into her body.

“I must explain something,” Gooey said, momentarily killing the mood. Twilight got the value of exposition, but really? “To ensure the process goes smoothly, you two will need to reach peak sensation—Pinkie tells me the term is “orgasm” or “climax”—at roughly the same time. This will create a small bond between your psychological states, which I can exploit. I am, however, detecting slight variations in the sensation levels… which may prove to be a complication.”

Twilight chuckled. “I have a spell for that, actually.” Her horn glowed, and a field of magic enveloped both of them. Twilight felt a prick in her nethers—and not just the one attached to Pinkie.

“That ability is quite intriguing, Twilight Sparkle. I would like to speak to you about it later, if you have time.”

Pinkie grinned. “The talky stuff can wait,” she said. “For now…” She flipped Twilight onto her back. “My turn,” she whispered, and suddenly Twilight’s whole body was rocked by an explosive blast of oh yes.

The spell Twilight had just cast had several side effects. Technically, it did help a couple to synchronize their orgasms—that was the intention of the very horny unicorn (his name was Long Horn, seriously) who invented it. What it actually did was make it so that both partners shared pleasure. It was designed to prevent any kind of weird feedback loop nonsense, but the gist of it was that Twilight felt what Pinkie was feeling and vice-versa and oh wow oh hell holy crap HOLY CRAP.

Pinkie’s tongue lolled as she pounded Twilight Sparkle like a jackhammer pounds pavement. It didn’t hurt—elasticity spells for the win—but Twilight could see a bulging thing poking out against her belly every time Pinkie thrust it in, and Pinkie just kept going and going and going. Faster, faster, faster! And with double the sensation? Twilight’s eyes rolled back in her head and her tongue lolled from the side of her mouth.

“Oh yes,” she moaned. Pinkie giggled breathlessly, and started thrusting harder. Their hips slapped together, wet with both mares’ fluids.

“Oh yes,” Twilight repeated as the sensations approached infinity. “Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes… yes. Yes. Yes. YES. YESYESYESYESYESOHI’MJUSTGONNAEXPLODE—”

And explode she did. Wave after wave of pleasure shook her body as the orgasm smashed her flat on her back. Pinkie’s rolled over her too, different but familiar—it wasn’t the first time they’d used this spell, after all. Pinkie jammed the Cannon as deep as it would go, sending a second pulse of victory through both of them. Twilight thought she could feel something inside her, something sticky and hot.

But she didn’t have time to think about that, because the orgasms didn’t stop. Twilight felt the sensation’s core expanding, filling her until she couldn’t feel anything else. Her mind went blank as the pleasure wiped everything else away, until the two bodies were just a roaring typhoon of ecstasy. For hours they seemed to be the center of the universe, a white-hot glowing nexus of YES.

And then, the feeling started to fade.

It was at this point that Twilight Sparkle started to notice some strange things.

First, she was standing. She couldn’t remember standing, and she was rather surprised that she would even be in the state to stand, given what she’d just experienced. Her legs were wobbly, but her hooves were definitely on the ground.

Second, everything felt funny. Her mane felt different, though her head felt strangely light while the rest of her body felt a bit heavier. She could feel the expected wetness between her legs… but there was also something else between her legs. She was pretty sure she knew what it was, but how it got there was going to demand some serious answers from Gooey and/or Pinkie.

Third… she couldn’t move.

Wait a second.

“Uh… Gooey? What did you just do?”

Twilight’s mouth opened in astonishment. “Oh wow, this is gonna be super awkward.”

It was at this point, of course, that Twilight Sparkle realized it wasn’t her mouth she was feeling, or her hooves, or her mane, or her head. Nor were they her eyes that she was seeing through, or her ears that she was hearing through.

No, those would be all Pinkie’s.

“Gooey… what the… what did you just do?”

“I will need a moment… please do not worry. This… was unexpected.”

“Unexpected… UNEXPECTED!? WHAT? WHAT DID YOU JUST DO? WHERE AM I? HOW AM I?”

“Okay, uh… Twilight? Where did you go? And why are you yelling in my head?”

“There were unforeseen side effects to the analysis process. I believe it was your… spell, I believe you would call it. It interfered with my… ‘spell’ is also the equivalent term though both processes are slightly different. This caused an absorption event instead of a simple data-gathering event. I am attempting to recreate your body based on previously-obtained data—”

“WHAT!?”

“Stand by… Pinkie, please lie down. I am going to attempt to fix this and I do not wish to hurt you.”

“Okay, Gooey.” Pinkie lay down on the floor. “I trust you.”

And then, very strange things began to happen. Twilight’s perceptions started to double up on each other. She could feel herself as Pinkie, and feel something weird happening to that body, like it was expanding sideways. Twilight could also feel parts of herself coming and going, bits and pieces floating in and out of existence.

Strangely, she didn’t feel afraid. Angry yes—very yes—but not afraid. That almost scared her, but she reasoned that if she was able to feel angry, then Gooey wasn’t tampering with her emotions. Maybe it was the fact that she sort of understood what had just happened—spell interference was pretty basic stuff—but at the same time, she knew that even a novice would have figured out that this was going to be a problem right off the bat. The only explanation she could think of was that Gooey was just an incompetent sorcerer.

Slowly, her awareness of Pinkie began to fade, though she did get a good feel for what was happening before she slipped into her own senses again. It was weird. Not even usual-Pinkie weird, or Rainbow Dash’s porn collection wierd. It was weird weird.

Sure enough, when she fell back into her own body it was still joined—literally—at the hip with Pinkie’s. It came away with a pinch, like a dividing cell. Twilight lay on the floor, completely whole once more. She twitched her limbs to make sure all six of them worked, and popped a spark from her horn just to be absolutely sure. Then, she lay back down on the ground and sighed with relief. She could still feel the orgasmic energy bubbling through her body, but that bizarre little episode had given the feelings time to subside.

“Well, I can certainly say that that was the best sex and weirdest afterglow of my entire life.”

Pinkie giggled. “That tickles!”

Twilight looked over, and found with some consternation that Pinkie had grown wings. Not just any wings, either. The larger-than-usual wings of an alicorn. Before Twilight could comment, Pinkie closed her eyes and scrunched up her nose. Then, all at once, a long horn popped out of the top of her head.

Twilight’s jaw dropped, not for the first time tonight. “Woah.”

“I’m a PRINCESS!” Pinkie squealed, and began hopping around Twilight in a wide circle. She flapped her new wings, and lifted about two feet off the ground before falling flat on her face. Undeterred, she stood, scrunched up her nose, and burned a hole in the floor with a bolt of magic. “WOO HOO!”

Twilight, in the interests of not having her new home go the way of the last, waved to get Pinkie’s attention. “Pinkie! Wait a second.”

Pinkie turned to her, a grin on her face. She coughed to clear her throat, and spoke in the deepest voice she could manage. “Hello, Madame Princess Twilight Sparkle, I am Madame Princess Pinkie Pie, the bringer of smiles and CAKE! Would you care to dance?” She snorted, then giggled, then full on guffawed as she fell onto her back.

“Hold on just a second,” Twilight muttered. There were about a billion questions to ask right now, but one was most immediate. “Pinkie, I need to talk to Gooey. Now. And could you lose the horn and wings for a minute?” She glanced at the door. “If one of our friends comes in here, I want to have a good explanation for this before they start asking questions.”

Pinkie had a sad, but she also had an understanding of the complexities of the situation. It was easy to forget that she was a complex pony, when all you saw was the super-saccharine exterior. Twilight, of course, was aware of just how amazingly intelligent Pinkie could be at times, but to an outsider, it might seem absolutely preposterous to think that Pinkie Pie was anything more than a hyperactive creature of pinkness and partyness.

The wings and horn glooped back into her body, until there was no evidence they’d ever been present at all. Twilight had a few hypotheses by now as to just how Gooey was doing that, but she didn’t air them at the moment. She put out her hoof, and Pinkie touched it.

“Gooey,” she said. “There are… about nine billion things we need to discuss.”