Luna Gets Left In Charge For Six Daysby oakscreator123ChaptersLuna Exhibits Her Incredibly Responsible And Absolutely Vigilant Behavior By Immediately Slacking Off From WorkingLuna's Drunken ConfusionCelestia Gets PissedLuna Exhibits Her Incredibly Responsible And Absolutely Vigilant Behavior By Immediately Slacking Off From Working"Goodbye, dear sister! Tell Scorpan I say hello!" Luna waved at Celestia and she waved in return as Celestia rode away to the land of Scorpan and Tirek, whatever land that was, since Luna never particularly paid attention to Equestrian history. Luna put her hooves behind her head and laid back in the throne. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes when a member of the Day Guard opened the doors to the throne room and bowed. "Your Highness, the day court has begun. The nobles request your presence immediately." Princess Luna clapped her hooves and smiled with a giddy schoolfilly-like giggle. "Oh, what fun! The peasants of the day request my presence and opinion!" The guard looked up at Luna confusedly and proceeded to correct her. "With all due respect, your Highness, they're not peasants. Nobleponies are essentially the opposite of peasants so-" "You dare correct me?!" How dare you, most insolent guard! Begone with you and your incessant insubordiation!" The guard tilted his head to the side confusedly and vanished on-cue with the blue glow of Luna's horn. The guard reappeared in an unknown area. He looked at his surroundings. The sky was black, Luna's stars were near, and there were giant craters spread about the ground. He then looked behind him to notice the entire planet of Equus. His eyes widened as he had an epiphany of the disciplinary measure that Luna just took against his supposed "insubordination." He plopped his flank on the ground and kicked lightly at the ground when Princess Luna suddenly appeared before him. "Rise, most insolent palace guard!" uttered Luna when he began to bow. "Now go sit in the corner and think about what you did, young colt!" The guard confusedly looked in every direction, somewhat confused as to where one might find the corner of a giant sphere. Before he had the chance to ask, or even speak, Luna vanished and reappeared in Celestia's court room. "Rise, peasants! For your princess has arrived!" ordered Luna. She then noticed that none of the nobles were actually bowing. She raised an eyebrow as the nobles all mingled and whispered with one another while occasionally eyeing Princess Luna. Luna grew increasingly impatient and began to grimace irritatedly at the nobles. After about four minutes of waiting for the nobles to speak to her, she decided to just speak up. For the first time that day, she spoke in modern Equestrian dialect rather than a mutation of both old Equestrian and modern Equestrian. "What is wrong with you ponies? Don't you know how to treat royalty like me? You haven't spoke to me, bowed, or done anything of the like since I ent-" "Shhh! Do you mind not being so rude, lady? In case you haven't noticed, we are trying to have a civil discussion here. So why don't you just stop acting like a little schoolfilly and wait your turn to speak?" Luna's jaw dropped at one of the most disrespectful things she had ever heard anypony say to her or her sister. She couldn't even reply to him immediately, she simply sat and tried to process the information that had just been presented to her in the form of the rudest, snottiest noble she had ever met. "Wh- how dare you?! Don't you know who I am? I'm the Princess of the freakin' Night!" snarled Luna as she revealed her canines in a small fit of rage. The nobleponies simply looked at each other, and giggled. "What's so damn funny, you snotty workhorse?!" After the giggling had finally toned down, a noblepony bravely spoke up with pride and an obvious feeling that he was better than Luna, for some reason. "You act as if it really matters. Your sister is in charge and everypony is asleep during your night, anyways." The noblepony broke out into the snottiest laugh anypony had ever heard when he saw Luna's expression become livid. "Why don't you just stop acting important and get a life, you nobody?" At this point, all of the nobleponies were laughing out loud, heads held high. One pony was even rolling around on the floor laughing. Meanwhile, Luna audibly blew a head gasket and bucked down a wall. The nobles immediately stopped laughing and their expressions all turned to fear. The one who called Luna a nobody looked absolutely horrified. "I'm going to burn your mane, bite off your cutie mark, and tear you limb from limb, you snotty, overconfident, superior-acting rich waste of space!" Luna quickly cantered up to the noblepony, spinned around, and bucked him in the face so hard that he was ejected backwards through the courtroom window, and could be heard smashing into the ground below. When Luna could hear a barely audible "I'm okay" from the ground outside, she grasped the rest of the nobles in her magic, floated them out of the window, and all dropped them on top of the first noblepony. About eight minutes later, she struggled to push Celestia's throne out through the window to land it on top of the nobleponies. After finishing that task, she dusted off her hooves and went back to the throne room. On her way there, she grabbed a Daring Do book from her bedroom and sat down in her throne to lay back and read it for a while. While she was reading, her eyelids became increasingly heavy with every waking moment. She quickly darted her eyes open and contemplated whether or not she could take a nap. While she was deciding whether or not to have herself a little snooze, she fell asleep and had a dream about deciding whether or not to have herself a little snooze. "Wait a second." Luna had an epiphany while trying to make a decision. She looked around to notice that her throne room did not look the same as it usually did. It was green, brown and yellow, much smaller, and was covered in a bunch of text that Luna couldn't read. She looked at the clock to notice that it was ticking backwards. She looked outside to notice that the sky lacked several of her stars. "Damn it, I fell asleep!" shouted Luna. At that moment, she had an epiphany. "Wait...if I make dreams...and I'm dreaming... then who the hell is doing this?" A particular male voice rang throughout the room as a certain draconequus appeared. "I was waiting for you to notice!" He snapped his fingers and the room suddenly appeared as it was supposed to appear, and Luna felt the sensation of snapping awake. Luna's stomach began to hurt and she felt like she was about to puke. Suddenly, she felt the worst pain she had felt in over a thousand years right at the top of her throat. "Son of a diamond bitch!" shouted Luna as two hands came out of her throat and propped open her jaws. An antler and a horn, followed by a body consisting of furry torsos and dragon legs slithered out of Luna's mouth and left her gasping for air after it had made its way out. "Discord...what the John Jay are you doing!?" "Just having some fun is all I'm up to, my dear Lulu." Discord used his claw to poke Luna in the horn, then continued speaking. "So, I can see you're bored." "How can you see that?" "There's a pile of nobles outside of the window." Discord snapped his fingers and produced a life-sized Luna statue, levitated it outside, and dropped it on the nobles. He did the same with a refrigerator and a large red button. "Hey, Discord...Do you wanna hang out?" Discord faced Luna, bearing an expression of genuine worry. "Er, Luna, aren't you supposed to be busy watching the kingdom? We'll both get in trouble by your sister if we goof off." Discord's head then turned into Celestia's head, and he began to talk in her voice. "Oh, boohoo! Lulu! You're in such big trouble! Stop goofing off! You're grounded to the moon for TWO thousand years this time! And no TV and no Xbox ever again for the rest of the millennium!" Discord then snapped his fingers and reverted back to normal. Luna shrugged. Discord's worried expression suddenly changed to that of a giddy excited smile. He skipped along with Luna so the two old friends could hang out for the day. "Where should we go?" inquired Discord. Luna and Discord exited the front gates of the palace and Luna looked left, right, and then to her left again. "Let's go hang out with Twilight Sparkle and her friends." Discord screamed giddily. "Hooray, I get to hang out with Fluttershy again! Er, ahem, I mean, sure! Ponyville! Let's go!" In an attempt to change the subject from what he just said, Discord snapped his fingers and produced a giant flying wagon attached to a train attached to a celery stalk. Luna hopped into the wagon and Discord opened a hidden door on the celery stalk that was shaped to snugly fit him in it. Rather than flying or riding or whatever it looked like he was going to do, a portal opened in front of the celery train wagon. The celery train wagon traversed forward into this portal and spontaneously ended up in front of Sugarcube Corner. Discord randomly appeared in front of the door and Luna slowly trotted out of the wagon. Before entering the building, she looked up at the building to observe it. She then looked over the horizon at Canterlot Mountain to think about what she probably should have been doing right now. She decided she shouldn't think about it too much and galloped into the building to see Pinkie Pie and Discord chatting under a cotton candy cloud of chocolate rain. She walked underneath the rain cloud to join them. "Hello, Pinkie Pie!" "Princess Luna, what's a funnier word, chimicherry, cherrychanga, pickleberry, or kumquat? In my opinion, pickleberry is the funniest word!" Luna's head began to spin as Pinkie began to talk increasingly and overwhelmingly faster. "Buthowwouldyouevengrowpickleberriessincetheyarentarealthingwouldyoudigaholeandputapickleinitandhowlongwouldittaketogrowyouknowwhatidlovetogrowontreescakewhatifyoucouldplantcupcakesandgowcupcaketrees-" Luna's head was now spinning impossibly fast - it was literally spinning in circles on her neck so quickly that she had to physically grab the sides of her head to stop it. "T'was a....very nice speech you gave us there, Pinkie." When Luna let go of her head, it began to unwind in the opposite direction so quickly that she began to slowly rise into the air as if her head was the blade of a helicopter. Luna let out a hearty "Whoooaaa!" as she began to fly around the room like an alicoptercorn thing as she hit the ceiling and darted off of the walls. Discord was simply on his knees laughing the entire time, pounding the floor with his fisted paw, begging for mercy, gasping for air. Pinkie did the same, laughing at what she thought was just a joke Luna was pulling. Finally, Luna's headcopter unwinded all the way and she fell briefly down back to the floor. The pink pony and the multicolored draconequus were still laughing as if Seth Rogen was standing before them. Pinkie then stopped laughing when her tail began to twitch. "Twitch-a-twitch-a twitchatwitch!" Pinkie Pie dashed over to Discord's side and tackled him to the floor. Before Discord could ask why he was just pounced by a pinkie party pony pie, a cerulean pony smashed through the ceiling of Sugarcube Corner right above where Discord was standing. Her amazing speeds were halted by a cold, unforgiving tile floor which she hit face first, smashing some of the tile around her and bringing up lots of dust and smoke. When the smoke finally cleared, the cerulean pony with the colorful mane was finally able to be made out as Rainbow Dash, who was unconscious and clearly had a concussion, as anybody could have figured out from the giant bump on her head. Luna, Discord, and Pinkie finally approached the unconscious Element of Loyalty and, after a few minutes of staring emptily at her limp, unconscious body, Discord was the first one to speak. "Should....should we call somebody?" he asked nervously. He then produced a dress shirt and used one of his talons to pull on the collar of said shirt. It then proceeded to disappear without a cause. "Pinkie Pie, I must ask you..." Pinkie's head swiveled about 270 degrees to her left to face Luna standing to her right. "Yeeeeeesssss?" "How did you know that Rainbow Dash would crush Discord had you not moved him out of the way?" Pinkie's head then twisted the other direction another 360 degrees so that she was no longer twisting her neck like a Hearth's Warming Eve candy cane. "Because, silly filly!" Pinkie's tail twitched and she grabbed Luna's foreleg and moved her to her right about four meters. This action was followed by, as if on cue, a tile falling from the ceiling right above where Luna was standing. Luna's eyes widened as she realized Pinkie Pie possessed mysterious, otherworldly powers. "I did it with my Pinkie Seeeeense!" exclaimed Pinkie with rhythm and sing-song in her voice. Luna eyed Pinkie and bowed. Pinkie's smile vanished and was replaced with an expression of confusion. Why was one of the princesses of the entire kingdom bowing down - to her? "Pinkie Pie... you possess an amazing power that can be used to maintain the well-being of the kingdom. I hereby dub you...worthy." Luna's horn touched the forehead of Pinkie Pie, causing Pinkie to vanish. Discord simply stared confusedly at Luna - he was essentially the king of chaos and all that was random, but even he was completely stumped at the ridiculous decision that he just watched the young regal sister make. Suddenly, a blinding light appeared in the center of the room. When it was dim enough to look at directly, it was revealed to be three balloons in a triangular formation - the bottom two blue, the uppermost yellow. Slowly, the balloons slowly vanished. "Pinkie Pie, I hereby dub thee..." "The Princess of the Prevention of Disasters That Are Going To Occur In the Near Future?!" Twilight looked absolutely shocked as she stared at a proud Luna putting her hoof around the neck of her new princess buddy, Pinkie Pie, whose somewhat small horn looked ridiculous compared to her giant wings, which were bigger than any of the other four princesses, for some reason. "You're telling me that you're going to give Pinkie this kind of responsibility just because of her Pinkie Sense?!" "Indeed," replied Luna. "Her abilities have much power invested in them. I believe she is capable of using her Pinkie Sense, which I assume was 'upgraded' by her transformation, to protect Equestria from opening doors, doozies, and falling objects. It is my understanding that, again, she will now be able to predict more drastic events that are less instant than before." Twilight shook her head at Luna's reasoning for hastily making Pinkie Pie an alicorn princess. Princess Pinkie's horn began to glow as she tried out her first magic trick, which turned out surprisingly successful. She made a giant party cannon. "Pinkie Pie, you're going to be careful with that thing...right?" Pinkie giggled as she lit the fuse on the end of the cannon. As the flame slowly followed the rope down to the barrel of the cannon, everypony in the room plugged their ears to prepare for the loud blast. (Except for Discord, who produced a giant conch shell so he could hear the blast better.) As the cannon exploded in a mighty fit of gunpowder, destruction, and fun partying times, not only did it shoot down the walls of Twilight's castle just by shooting its intensely massive sound waves against the side of the castle, but it also shot through the hole at least 80,000 balloons, which began to rise up and coat the skies and block out the sun. Luna marveled at the sun-blocking balloons for a moment. Sun-blocking balloons. No sun. Sun. It finally hit Luna that it should have been night by now, but she was slacking off so much she forgot! She rose her moon, and completely ignored the fact that she didn't know how to set the sun. So, rather than it being full-fledged night, it was simply a solar eclipse that occurred, causing a lot of commotion around Equestria. The three princesses and Discord all walked outside to look up at the solar eclipse and the party balloons that plagued the sky. Once again, silence was not broken for several minutes. Finally, Twilight looked over at Luna. "You do realize that this is all your fault, right?" Luna did not know the slightest smidgen of regret, an apologetic attitude, or anything of the sorts. Instead, she simply shrugged without even so much as looking in Twilight's direction. Luna quickly changed the subject and made another suggestion to have some fun, since she was at a loss for fun things to do. "So, who wants to go get hammered?" Discord and Pinkie raised their hands and them and Luna both laughed as they made their way to the first bar they could find. Twilight turned around to look back at the giant party cannon in her house. She turned back around in the original direction that she was looking in, back at the solar eclipse and the balloon-ridden skies. "Fuck it," said Twilight as she flew away from her castle to catch up with Discord, Pinkie, and Luna to go out drinking. After all, it's just an eclipse and some party balloons, what's the worst that could happen? Author's Note I would appreciate comments and criticism and whatnot, since this is my first ever p0ne fiction. Oh, and brace yourself, for magical flying drunken Pinkie Pie and Discord are coming. Luna's Drunken ConfusionLuna woke up with what was possibly the worst hangover in pony history. She quickly turned her head to her right and instantly regretted doing so when she felt her head pound with intense throbbing pain. "Ah... damn it... how does an alicorn get so hung over?" "You mean to tell me you don't remember?" Luna shrieked upon hearing a male voice, and jumped upon noticing the hooves on her shoulders and the breathing down the back of her neck. "How shit-faced did I get?!" The unicorn stallion, lavender with a black mane, sat up and dusted himself off, then stepped off the bed. Immediately upon leaving it, he stumbled and found that he could barely maintain his balance. "Wow, Princess... I can hardly stand because of last night...maybe we can meet again sometime." Thunder struck outside and Luna's eyes began to glow with an eerie white light. She began to fly up into the air as thunder struck even more. "How dare you objectify me, peasant! You shall pay for your insolence!" He wandered aimlessly forward, still somewhat confused about where exactly one might find the corner of the moon. The guard stopped trotting along the lunar landscape when a circle of white light randomly appeared on the ground in front of him. He slowly approached the hole in an attempt to figure out what it was. "Ow!" Without much warning besides a male voice saying "Ow!" and a loud kicking noise, a lavender unicorn with a long black mane erratically sprung from the light, landing face-first on the floor, skidding slightly upon landing. "Now go sit in the corner and think about what you did, lowly imbecile!" Then the portal closed. The guard and the unicorn glared confusedly at one another. "Did you do Luna while she was drunk?" "No, I corrected her when she said something stupid." "Do you know where the corner is?" "I'm just as clueless as you, buddy." After looking silently at each other for a moment or two, they both shrugged and walked off in the same direction, looking for the corner of the giant spherical celestial body. After banishing the bed-intruding cretin to the moon, Luna looked around the building she had woken up inside of in an attempt to figure out where she was. The first odd thing she noticed was that there were several, several rows of benches in the room, as if she had drunkenly put on a show for hundreds of people. She cringed at this thought. The second thing she noticed was that there were large banners everywhere, bearing pictures of crescent moons and pictures of Luna. "Where the Olive Branch Petition am I?" Luna looked around to make sure no one saw her talking to herself, then approached the double glass doors being penetrated by dimmed sunlight. She walked outside, and took note of the giant sign above the door. Hoofington First Lunar Church Luna's face turned red and she had hung her head in shame upon realizing she had just desecrated a religious center in Hoofington dedicated to her. Then it hit her. How the Hank Hill did she end up in Hoofington?! The night before... Twilight caught up with Luna just as they were entering the bar. "So, what will be be doing tonight? Will we be partaking in much enjoyable ethanol consumption in an adult environment, or what?" Discord and Luna looked at Twilight, then at each other, then back at Twilight before they started laughing hysterically at the somewhat convoluted sentence that had just left Twilight's sober little mouth. "What's so funny?" Discord wiped a tear from his eyes before his eyes turned into literal water guns and made Twilight's face completely drenched. "Oh, dear, Princess, you simply must stop reading all those books about socializing and then thinking you really know about socializing!" Discord morphed into a fire hydrant and began to slightly flood the nearby streets. "I'll have you know, Discord, that I actually have consumed and became intoxicated by drinks containing ethanol on several occasions!" snapped Twilight. "Oh, really? What was your blood alcohol level? 0.0000000000001 or 0.0000000000002?" Discord wasn't really laughing anymore - he was just repeatedly exhaling and gasping for air, struggling to breathe as he laughed his little draconequus ass off. "I'll have you know that I once became very intoxicated at a bar in Canterlot. In fact," said Twilight as her face suddenly mutated into a smug smirk. "I once got so shit-faced that night, that I'm known at every bar in Canterlot for being the best damn drinker anypony in Canterlot has ever seen!" Twilight's smirk turned into a full-grown grin. "And I bet you, that if we go to any bar at home, they'll know me. And they'll love me." "Oh, really then? You're on." Twilight, who obviously had her party face on already, spit on her hoof and hoof/paw bumped with Discord, who did the same. Luna neighed as the three of them prepared to fly to Canterlot. Just as Twilight was about to take off, she realized that Pinkie hadn't yet been mentioned in this chapter. Twilight trotted into the bar to see Pinkie, surrounded by about six or seven beer mugs and roughly fifty shot glasses. Pinkie was also currently downing an entire barrel of sweet appleholic cider. "Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!" shouted the heathens in the bar. One stallion in particular looked over to the side to notice that an alicorn princess had just entered the bar. He stumbled and fumbled and bumbled as he approached the lavender lady and bowed, kissing her hooves when his head reached his lowest point. "Your... your highness..." Twilight blushed when the handsome lavender stallion with the black mane spoke, though she did not quite know why. She called Princess Pinkie's name and told the newly transformed alicorn that they were going to Canterlot to drink instead. As they were leaving, Twilight looked back at the lavender stallion. "Hey. Why don't you come with? I like your face." Twilight's smile, in itself, was an innuendo. "Wow, it'd be an honor!" He cantered up to Twilight and shook hooves with her. "Your highness, my-" "Twilight. Call me Twilight." Twilight batted her eyelashes a bit. "Twilight, my name is Glissando Staccato. I'd be honored to join you tonight." "Come on Twi, let's get flyin'!" Pinkie Pie, with her humongous wings, darted away faster than anypony had ever gone in the history of ever. In fact, she moved so fast, she passed the speed of light, which somehow ripped open a giant anomaly in space-time. Pinkie sure did tear the universe a new anus this time. Twilight hopped atop the stallion she believed she had just picked up, spread out her wings, and rode out into the night to Canterlot, following the long-gone Discord and Luna. Boom! Luna was rather drunk for being an alicorn. The mighty superpony tribe not only grew much taller and lived much longer than normal ponies (if not forever) but it had been found out long ago that alicorns have an insanely high alcohol tolerance. At this point, Luna couldn't walk in a straight line for more than two seconds. Boom! In fact, she was so hammered, she didn't notice the massive sounds of explosions sounding every few seconds or so. She finished another mug of beer and let out a hearty, screeching, excited "Whooooo!!!" "You said it *hic* sister!!" exclaimed Princess Pinkie, followed by hundreds of screams from the crowd of ponies surrounding them. Luna was not only a leader of a nation, she was also famous. And so was her newly crowned pink princess party pony pal. She was also the premier leader of Equestria (for six days, at least) so she was basically the life of the party in Canterlot. All over Equestria, the bright, shining, colorful lights and loud noises could be- Boom! -both seen and heard. "Who wants to come hang out at my palace?" The ponies raucously acquiesced and stampeded their way to Canterlot Castle. The drunken glob of pony was led by none other than Luna herself. When she reached the castle, she slammed open the giant doors, letting the excited excessive ethanol'd equines into the palace. It didn't take that long for someone to break a lamp. Boom! Luna flew up to the highest level of the castle, followed by hundreds of ponies, but immediately followed by Pinkie, Twilight, Discord, and the guy that Twilight was carrying. She walked out onto the ledge outside of Celestia's quarters, and approached her telescope to briefly survey Equestria to make sure there were no invasions, giant fires, or anything of the sort that might stand out to somepony. Boom! Twilight, still carrying the stallion underneath her, pumped her hooves in the air, cheering and screaming. By the way, Discord lost his bet, because Twilight drank more than everypony else combined, partied harder than she ever had, and got banned from a bar for punching the bartender who refused to serve her, afraid she'd become dangerous to others if she did. The bartender was right. Twilight was so shit-faced and clumsy that she threw the stallion she had been attempting to flirt with without even reali- Boom! -zing what she had done. Against all odds, Twilight had thrown the stallion directly against Luna, who, in turn, was shoved off of the edge of the ledge, along with the stallion. Luna was now free-falling from the highest ledge of Canterlot Castle. Her attention span was so diminished that she didn't notice. She only had a brief moment to begin to scream before her fall was broken by a train, which she had conveniently landed directly on top of. "Aaahh....where the Roosevelt Corollary am I?" Luna's distorted train of thought (heh, get it? Train of thought? Train? Because she's on a train?) was even further interrupted by the grunting sounds coming from beneath her. She stood up and looked between her forelegs to notice a lavender stallion with a black mane smashed into the top of the train car. "...are you alright, man?" Boom! The sound was much more distant this time, which didn't help the fact that it had gone unnoticed by Luna all night. Luna cleared her throat upon realizing that she had just sounded very informal and did not put on a good example of what royalty was. She held her head high (but still couldn't keep it still) and spoke again. "Art thou okay? Or was my flank too immense for thou to handle?" Luna's face turned red when she realized how ridiculous she had sounded. The unicorn stallion finally pulled his head out of the top of the train car, and looked around for a moment before speaking. "Where are we?" Luna looked around for a second or two. "That's... that's a good question." Suddenly, Luna's eyes widened. "What is it?" Boom! "Tunnel!" Both the stallion and Luna noticed the tunnel approaching them very quickly, but both of them were too drunk to react in the essence of time, causing both of them to smash into the tunnel entrance while the train advanced safely through the tunnel. Both Luna and the stallion slowly slipped off of their precarious perches smashed into the wall, only to fall down to a hard, cold, evil, unforgiving iron rail. "This is my fault..." Luna lifted her head groggily and looked curiously at the stallion. Boom! "That we are wherever we are... where are we, anyways?" Luna looked in the other direction attempting to figure out where the train had unknowingly carried them. The first thing she noticed was a conveniently placed billboard, designed to catch the attention of passing carriages. Welcome to Hoofington! Luna slowly got up, lazily opened up her wings, and then broke the sound barrier to reach the nearest hotel. The unicorn simply teleported to follow her. Upon arriving by her side, he looked up at a sign hung up above double glass doors. Hoofington First Lunar Church Luna stumbled and tripped her way through the doors up to the podium on the stage in the middle of the other side of the room. "Sleeeeep." "Uh, princess... shouldn't you *hic* shouldn't you make it night?" Luna rolled over and scratched her belly, and, without warning, it immediately became dark outside. "Sleep." The stallion trotted over to Luna and looked down at her dazed expression. "You know what we should do before we go to sleep?" BOOOOOOOOOM! "We should - Luna facehoofed upon realizing how easy she was when she drank, and she vowed to never drink again. Her train of thought was derailed when she heard a giant explosion coming from seemingly every direction. That was when she looked up and noticed that the sky was the wrong color. Oh, and also it was filled to the brim with party balloons. "What in Henry Clay's left foot is happening?" The cannon sounded again, and on cue, the sky became filled with at least ten thousand more balloons. Luna sighed upon realizing that this was day two. Author's Note I got stuck and bullsharded through this entire chapter. Please pardon me if it's icky nasty gross disgusting terribadibawful. It makes no sense to me, honestly. Of course, I decided to stick with it considering it IS called Luna's Drunken CONFUSION. Celestia Gets PissedCelestia stared menacingly at Luna, but Luna did not stare back. Instead, she gloomily averted her gaze towards the ground, lightly kicking the broken glass with her dark blue horseshoes. Luna knew that she should have been explaining herself at that moment, but instead she sheepishly half-smiled and half-grimaced, hoping that she'd simply be sent to her chambers before supper. But that hope was false, for Celestia finally opened her mouth to speak. "Well? What do you have to say for yourself? I leave you in charge for six days and I come back to this? You have some explaining to do." Luna trotted backwards a few steps. "Where do you think you're going? You're not going anywhere until you tell me everything that happened. Everything! Don't leave any part left out!" Luna sighed and gave up her hopes of worming her way out of this. She tried not to meet Celestia's soul-slaughtering gaze of fury and destruction, but the only things Luna could see while avoiding eye contact with her sister were parasprites fluttering about the castle's grand kitchen, eating everything in sight, whether it was food, furniture, appliances, or malevolently sharp butcher knives (which they still consumed without a second thought). She looked the other way to see Discord turned into a tiny steel statue while a flock of teenage dragons breathed fire on the last curtains in the castle. When the drapes did burn away after a matter of seconds, Luna could see the lavender-ish skies outside as an abundant amount of party balloons almost completely covered up the sky. Speaking of the sky, Luna tilted her head upwards a little to see her moon eclipsing Celestia's sun. The moon also sported a giant poorly drawn picture of Celestia's head sticking out her tongue. Luna trotted towards the windows to try and think of what else had happened while Celestia was visiting Scorpan in his land. She peered to her left to see Ponyville completely intact - aside from the fact that it was flipped completely upside down and floating in midair. She could also see the giant dark blue centaur eating small trees in the Everfree Forest. For at least the eighteenth time today, she could hear the giant cannon that continued to coat and recoat Manehattan in cake frosting and fill the sky with balloons. She also noticed the pink cotton candy storm cloud that continually rained toaster strudels on Cloudsdale - it was also brought to her attention that the last time she checked, Cloudsdale wasn't completely destroyed and lying on the ground. Before this, it was completely destroyed and still levitating. She also brought to her attention Appleloosa being raided by several flocks of sepia-tone griffons. As random griffons disappeared at random times, more also appeared at other random times. She quickly looked in the opposite direction upon seeing the blindingly bright explosion in the Crystal Empire. In the other direction, she saw Hoofington being destroyed by a giant and familiar purple and green dragon. As in he's simply a much larger version of a baby dragon, not a full-grown adult dragon. She also noticed the Everfree Forest - that's weird, shouldn't that be by Ponyville? She looked over to Ponyville to notice the Everfree Forest was gone. She looked over to the Everfree Forest to noticed it had moved again. She looked back at Ponyville to notice the Everfree Forest had reappeared, but Ponyville was now gone. She looked over to her right once more to notice Ponyville once again floating upside down but in the wrong place. Suddenly, she became distracted in her I-spy game by the blaring sound of Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up playing when the clock struck the next hour. She looked up, horrified, as her sister came up from behind her to also stare at the horrid sight with her. It was a film of Celestia dancing poorly and embarrassingly in her private chambers, wearing leg warmers and a sweat band, as well as an assload of poorly applied make-up. Celestia's face had now turned a very obvious shade of scarlet. She brought up her hoof and smacked her sister in the back of the head as her face stayed the same color - except it was now scarlet with rage. Randomly, a bunch of hoofball players stormed through the castle walls (despite that the royal pony sisters were on the highest floor of the castle) and Celestia was struck all over the body with several hoofballs. Celestia's forehead was now producing a very noticeable trail of smoke, which was suddenly obscured by her mane and tail bursting into full-fledged flames, similar to Twilight Sparkle's flaming rage trip mane and tail fire during the Pinkie Sense situation. All the while, Luna was too busy marveling at the trail of pink being strewn across the sky by Princess Pinkie to pay any attention to her swan-necked sister. "Luna..." Luna turned around to see her furious elder sister. "Start talking. NOW!" Luna whimpered and slowly began to speak. "Well, it all started sometime after you had left... probably about four or five entire minutes after you left, in fact!" Luna began to spin the most preposterous tale that a mighty alicorn princess could have ever possibly spun. Author's Note The fun is about to begin.
Luna Exhibits Her Incredibly Responsible And Absolutely Vigilant Behavior By Immediately Slacking Off From Working"Goodbye, dear sister! Tell Scorpan I say hello!" Luna waved at Celestia and she waved in return as Celestia rode away to the land of Scorpan and Tirek, whatever land that was, since Luna never particularly paid attention to Equestrian history. Luna put her hooves behind her head and laid back in the throne. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes when a member of the Day Guard opened the doors to the throne room and bowed. "Your Highness, the day court has begun. The nobles request your presence immediately." Princess Luna clapped her hooves and smiled with a giddy schoolfilly-like giggle. "Oh, what fun! The peasants of the day request my presence and opinion!" The guard looked up at Luna confusedly and proceeded to correct her. "With all due respect, your Highness, they're not peasants. Nobleponies are essentially the opposite of peasants so-" "You dare correct me?!" How dare you, most insolent guard! Begone with you and your incessant insubordiation!" The guard tilted his head to the side confusedly and vanished on-cue with the blue glow of Luna's horn. The guard reappeared in an unknown area. He looked at his surroundings. The sky was black, Luna's stars were near, and there were giant craters spread about the ground. He then looked behind him to notice the entire planet of Equus. His eyes widened as he had an epiphany of the disciplinary measure that Luna just took against his supposed "insubordination." He plopped his flank on the ground and kicked lightly at the ground when Princess Luna suddenly appeared before him. "Rise, most insolent palace guard!" uttered Luna when he began to bow. "Now go sit in the corner and think about what you did, young colt!" The guard confusedly looked in every direction, somewhat confused as to where one might find the corner of a giant sphere. Before he had the chance to ask, or even speak, Luna vanished and reappeared in Celestia's court room. "Rise, peasants! For your princess has arrived!" ordered Luna. She then noticed that none of the nobles were actually bowing. She raised an eyebrow as the nobles all mingled and whispered with one another while occasionally eyeing Princess Luna. Luna grew increasingly impatient and began to grimace irritatedly at the nobles. After about four minutes of waiting for the nobles to speak to her, she decided to just speak up. For the first time that day, she spoke in modern Equestrian dialect rather than a mutation of both old Equestrian and modern Equestrian. "What is wrong with you ponies? Don't you know how to treat royalty like me? You haven't spoke to me, bowed, or done anything of the like since I ent-" "Shhh! Do you mind not being so rude, lady? In case you haven't noticed, we are trying to have a civil discussion here. So why don't you just stop acting like a little schoolfilly and wait your turn to speak?" Luna's jaw dropped at one of the most disrespectful things she had ever heard anypony say to her or her sister. She couldn't even reply to him immediately, she simply sat and tried to process the information that had just been presented to her in the form of the rudest, snottiest noble she had ever met. "Wh- how dare you?! Don't you know who I am? I'm the Princess of the freakin' Night!" snarled Luna as she revealed her canines in a small fit of rage. The nobleponies simply looked at each other, and giggled. "What's so damn funny, you snotty workhorse?!" After the giggling had finally toned down, a noblepony bravely spoke up with pride and an obvious feeling that he was better than Luna, for some reason. "You act as if it really matters. Your sister is in charge and everypony is asleep during your night, anyways." The noblepony broke out into the snottiest laugh anypony had ever heard when he saw Luna's expression become livid. "Why don't you just stop acting important and get a life, you nobody?" At this point, all of the nobleponies were laughing out loud, heads held high. One pony was even rolling around on the floor laughing. Meanwhile, Luna audibly blew a head gasket and bucked down a wall. The nobles immediately stopped laughing and their expressions all turned to fear. The one who called Luna a nobody looked absolutely horrified. "I'm going to burn your mane, bite off your cutie mark, and tear you limb from limb, you snotty, overconfident, superior-acting rich waste of space!" Luna quickly cantered up to the noblepony, spinned around, and bucked him in the face so hard that he was ejected backwards through the courtroom window, and could be heard smashing into the ground below. When Luna could hear a barely audible "I'm okay" from the ground outside, she grasped the rest of the nobles in her magic, floated them out of the window, and all dropped them on top of the first noblepony. About eight minutes later, she struggled to push Celestia's throne out through the window to land it on top of the nobleponies. After finishing that task, she dusted off her hooves and went back to the throne room. On her way there, she grabbed a Daring Do book from her bedroom and sat down in her throne to lay back and read it for a while. While she was reading, her eyelids became increasingly heavy with every waking moment. She quickly darted her eyes open and contemplated whether or not she could take a nap. While she was deciding whether or not to have herself a little snooze, she fell asleep and had a dream about deciding whether or not to have herself a little snooze. "Wait a second." Luna had an epiphany while trying to make a decision. She looked around to notice that her throne room did not look the same as it usually did. It was green, brown and yellow, much smaller, and was covered in a bunch of text that Luna couldn't read. She looked at the clock to notice that it was ticking backwards. She looked outside to notice that the sky lacked several of her stars. "Damn it, I fell asleep!" shouted Luna. At that moment, she had an epiphany. "Wait...if I make dreams...and I'm dreaming... then who the hell is doing this?" A particular male voice rang throughout the room as a certain draconequus appeared. "I was waiting for you to notice!" He snapped his fingers and the room suddenly appeared as it was supposed to appear, and Luna felt the sensation of snapping awake. Luna's stomach began to hurt and she felt like she was about to puke. Suddenly, she felt the worst pain she had felt in over a thousand years right at the top of her throat. "Son of a diamond bitch!" shouted Luna as two hands came out of her throat and propped open her jaws. An antler and a horn, followed by a body consisting of furry torsos and dragon legs slithered out of Luna's mouth and left her gasping for air after it had made its way out. "Discord...what the John Jay are you doing!?" "Just having some fun is all I'm up to, my dear Lulu." Discord used his claw to poke Luna in the horn, then continued speaking. "So, I can see you're bored." "How can you see that?" "There's a pile of nobles outside of the window." Discord snapped his fingers and produced a life-sized Luna statue, levitated it outside, and dropped it on the nobles. He did the same with a refrigerator and a large red button. "Hey, Discord...Do you wanna hang out?" Discord faced Luna, bearing an expression of genuine worry. "Er, Luna, aren't you supposed to be busy watching the kingdom? We'll both get in trouble by your sister if we goof off." Discord's head then turned into Celestia's head, and he began to talk in her voice. "Oh, boohoo! Lulu! You're in such big trouble! Stop goofing off! You're grounded to the moon for TWO thousand years this time! And no TV and no Xbox ever again for the rest of the millennium!" Discord then snapped his fingers and reverted back to normal. Luna shrugged. Discord's worried expression suddenly changed to that of a giddy excited smile. He skipped along with Luna so the two old friends could hang out for the day. "Where should we go?" inquired Discord. Luna and Discord exited the front gates of the palace and Luna looked left, right, and then to her left again. "Let's go hang out with Twilight Sparkle and her friends." Discord screamed giddily. "Hooray, I get to hang out with Fluttershy again! Er, ahem, I mean, sure! Ponyville! Let's go!" In an attempt to change the subject from what he just said, Discord snapped his fingers and produced a giant flying wagon attached to a train attached to a celery stalk. Luna hopped into the wagon and Discord opened a hidden door on the celery stalk that was shaped to snugly fit him in it. Rather than flying or riding or whatever it looked like he was going to do, a portal opened in front of the celery train wagon. The celery train wagon traversed forward into this portal and spontaneously ended up in front of Sugarcube Corner. Discord randomly appeared in front of the door and Luna slowly trotted out of the wagon. Before entering the building, she looked up at the building to observe it. She then looked over the horizon at Canterlot Mountain to think about what she probably should have been doing right now. She decided she shouldn't think about it too much and galloped into the building to see Pinkie Pie and Discord chatting under a cotton candy cloud of chocolate rain. She walked underneath the rain cloud to join them. "Hello, Pinkie Pie!" "Princess Luna, what's a funnier word, chimicherry, cherrychanga, pickleberry, or kumquat? In my opinion, pickleberry is the funniest word!" Luna's head began to spin as Pinkie began to talk increasingly and overwhelmingly faster. "Buthowwouldyouevengrowpickleberriessincetheyarentarealthingwouldyoudigaholeandputapickleinitandhowlongwouldittaketogrowyouknowwhatidlovetogrowontreescakewhatifyoucouldplantcupcakesandgowcupcaketrees-" Luna's head was now spinning impossibly fast - it was literally spinning in circles on her neck so quickly that she had to physically grab the sides of her head to stop it. "T'was a....very nice speech you gave us there, Pinkie." When Luna let go of her head, it began to unwind in the opposite direction so quickly that she began to slowly rise into the air as if her head was the blade of a helicopter. Luna let out a hearty "Whoooaaa!" as she began to fly around the room like an alicoptercorn thing as she hit the ceiling and darted off of the walls. Discord was simply on his knees laughing the entire time, pounding the floor with his fisted paw, begging for mercy, gasping for air. Pinkie did the same, laughing at what she thought was just a joke Luna was pulling. Finally, Luna's headcopter unwinded all the way and she fell briefly down back to the floor. The pink pony and the multicolored draconequus were still laughing as if Seth Rogen was standing before them. Pinkie then stopped laughing when her tail began to twitch. "Twitch-a-twitch-a twitchatwitch!" Pinkie Pie dashed over to Discord's side and tackled him to the floor. Before Discord could ask why he was just pounced by a pinkie party pony pie, a cerulean pony smashed through the ceiling of Sugarcube Corner right above where Discord was standing. Her amazing speeds were halted by a cold, unforgiving tile floor which she hit face first, smashing some of the tile around her and bringing up lots of dust and smoke. When the smoke finally cleared, the cerulean pony with the colorful mane was finally able to be made out as Rainbow Dash, who was unconscious and clearly had a concussion, as anybody could have figured out from the giant bump on her head. Luna, Discord, and Pinkie finally approached the unconscious Element of Loyalty and, after a few minutes of staring emptily at her limp, unconscious body, Discord was the first one to speak. "Should....should we call somebody?" he asked nervously. He then produced a dress shirt and used one of his talons to pull on the collar of said shirt. It then proceeded to disappear without a cause. "Pinkie Pie, I must ask you..." Pinkie's head swiveled about 270 degrees to her left to face Luna standing to her right. "Yeeeeeesssss?" "How did you know that Rainbow Dash would crush Discord had you not moved him out of the way?" Pinkie's head then twisted the other direction another 360 degrees so that she was no longer twisting her neck like a Hearth's Warming Eve candy cane. "Because, silly filly!" Pinkie's tail twitched and she grabbed Luna's foreleg and moved her to her right about four meters. This action was followed by, as if on cue, a tile falling from the ceiling right above where Luna was standing. Luna's eyes widened as she realized Pinkie Pie possessed mysterious, otherworldly powers. "I did it with my Pinkie Seeeeense!" exclaimed Pinkie with rhythm and sing-song in her voice. Luna eyed Pinkie and bowed. Pinkie's smile vanished and was replaced with an expression of confusion. Why was one of the princesses of the entire kingdom bowing down - to her? "Pinkie Pie... you possess an amazing power that can be used to maintain the well-being of the kingdom. I hereby dub you...worthy." Luna's horn touched the forehead of Pinkie Pie, causing Pinkie to vanish. Discord simply stared confusedly at Luna - he was essentially the king of chaos and all that was random, but even he was completely stumped at the ridiculous decision that he just watched the young regal sister make. Suddenly, a blinding light appeared in the center of the room. When it was dim enough to look at directly, it was revealed to be three balloons in a triangular formation - the bottom two blue, the uppermost yellow. Slowly, the balloons slowly vanished. "Pinkie Pie, I hereby dub thee..." "The Princess of the Prevention of Disasters That Are Going To Occur In the Near Future?!" Twilight looked absolutely shocked as she stared at a proud Luna putting her hoof around the neck of her new princess buddy, Pinkie Pie, whose somewhat small horn looked ridiculous compared to her giant wings, which were bigger than any of the other four princesses, for some reason. "You're telling me that you're going to give Pinkie this kind of responsibility just because of her Pinkie Sense?!" "Indeed," replied Luna. "Her abilities have much power invested in them. I believe she is capable of using her Pinkie Sense, which I assume was 'upgraded' by her transformation, to protect Equestria from opening doors, doozies, and falling objects. It is my understanding that, again, she will now be able to predict more drastic events that are less instant than before." Twilight shook her head at Luna's reasoning for hastily making Pinkie Pie an alicorn princess. Princess Pinkie's horn began to glow as she tried out her first magic trick, which turned out surprisingly successful. She made a giant party cannon. "Pinkie Pie, you're going to be careful with that thing...right?" Pinkie giggled as she lit the fuse on the end of the cannon. As the flame slowly followed the rope down to the barrel of the cannon, everypony in the room plugged their ears to prepare for the loud blast. (Except for Discord, who produced a giant conch shell so he could hear the blast better.) As the cannon exploded in a mighty fit of gunpowder, destruction, and fun partying times, not only did it shoot down the walls of Twilight's castle just by shooting its intensely massive sound waves against the side of the castle, but it also shot through the hole at least 80,000 balloons, which began to rise up and coat the skies and block out the sun. Luna marveled at the sun-blocking balloons for a moment. Sun-blocking balloons. No sun. Sun. It finally hit Luna that it should have been night by now, but she was slacking off so much she forgot! She rose her moon, and completely ignored the fact that she didn't know how to set the sun. So, rather than it being full-fledged night, it was simply a solar eclipse that occurred, causing a lot of commotion around Equestria. The three princesses and Discord all walked outside to look up at the solar eclipse and the party balloons that plagued the sky. Once again, silence was not broken for several minutes. Finally, Twilight looked over at Luna. "You do realize that this is all your fault, right?" Luna did not know the slightest smidgen of regret, an apologetic attitude, or anything of the sorts. Instead, she simply shrugged without even so much as looking in Twilight's direction. Luna quickly changed the subject and made another suggestion to have some fun, since she was at a loss for fun things to do. "So, who wants to go get hammered?" Discord and Pinkie raised their hands and them and Luna both laughed as they made their way to the first bar they could find. Twilight turned around to look back at the giant party cannon in her house. She turned back around in the original direction that she was looking in, back at the solar eclipse and the balloon-ridden skies. "Fuck it," said Twilight as she flew away from her castle to catch up with Discord, Pinkie, and Luna to go out drinking. After all, it's just an eclipse and some party balloons, what's the worst that could happen? Author's Note I would appreciate comments and criticism and whatnot, since this is my first ever p0ne fiction. Oh, and brace yourself, for magical flying drunken Pinkie Pie and Discord are coming.
Luna's Drunken ConfusionLuna woke up with what was possibly the worst hangover in pony history. She quickly turned her head to her right and instantly regretted doing so when she felt her head pound with intense throbbing pain. "Ah... damn it... how does an alicorn get so hung over?" "You mean to tell me you don't remember?" Luna shrieked upon hearing a male voice, and jumped upon noticing the hooves on her shoulders and the breathing down the back of her neck. "How shit-faced did I get?!" The unicorn stallion, lavender with a black mane, sat up and dusted himself off, then stepped off the bed. Immediately upon leaving it, he stumbled and found that he could barely maintain his balance. "Wow, Princess... I can hardly stand because of last night...maybe we can meet again sometime." Thunder struck outside and Luna's eyes began to glow with an eerie white light. She began to fly up into the air as thunder struck even more. "How dare you objectify me, peasant! You shall pay for your insolence!" He wandered aimlessly forward, still somewhat confused about where exactly one might find the corner of the moon. The guard stopped trotting along the lunar landscape when a circle of white light randomly appeared on the ground in front of him. He slowly approached the hole in an attempt to figure out what it was. "Ow!" Without much warning besides a male voice saying "Ow!" and a loud kicking noise, a lavender unicorn with a long black mane erratically sprung from the light, landing face-first on the floor, skidding slightly upon landing. "Now go sit in the corner and think about what you did, lowly imbecile!" Then the portal closed. The guard and the unicorn glared confusedly at one another. "Did you do Luna while she was drunk?" "No, I corrected her when she said something stupid." "Do you know where the corner is?" "I'm just as clueless as you, buddy." After looking silently at each other for a moment or two, they both shrugged and walked off in the same direction, looking for the corner of the giant spherical celestial body. After banishing the bed-intruding cretin to the moon, Luna looked around the building she had woken up inside of in an attempt to figure out where she was. The first odd thing she noticed was that there were several, several rows of benches in the room, as if she had drunkenly put on a show for hundreds of people. She cringed at this thought. The second thing she noticed was that there were large banners everywhere, bearing pictures of crescent moons and pictures of Luna. "Where the Olive Branch Petition am I?" Luna looked around to make sure no one saw her talking to herself, then approached the double glass doors being penetrated by dimmed sunlight. She walked outside, and took note of the giant sign above the door. Hoofington First Lunar Church Luna's face turned red and she had hung her head in shame upon realizing she had just desecrated a religious center in Hoofington dedicated to her. Then it hit her. How the Hank Hill did she end up in Hoofington?! The night before... Twilight caught up with Luna just as they were entering the bar. "So, what will be be doing tonight? Will we be partaking in much enjoyable ethanol consumption in an adult environment, or what?" Discord and Luna looked at Twilight, then at each other, then back at Twilight before they started laughing hysterically at the somewhat convoluted sentence that had just left Twilight's sober little mouth. "What's so funny?" Discord wiped a tear from his eyes before his eyes turned into literal water guns and made Twilight's face completely drenched. "Oh, dear, Princess, you simply must stop reading all those books about socializing and then thinking you really know about socializing!" Discord morphed into a fire hydrant and began to slightly flood the nearby streets. "I'll have you know, Discord, that I actually have consumed and became intoxicated by drinks containing ethanol on several occasions!" snapped Twilight. "Oh, really? What was your blood alcohol level? 0.0000000000001 or 0.0000000000002?" Discord wasn't really laughing anymore - he was just repeatedly exhaling and gasping for air, struggling to breathe as he laughed his little draconequus ass off. "I'll have you know that I once became very intoxicated at a bar in Canterlot. In fact," said Twilight as her face suddenly mutated into a smug smirk. "I once got so shit-faced that night, that I'm known at every bar in Canterlot for being the best damn drinker anypony in Canterlot has ever seen!" Twilight's smirk turned into a full-grown grin. "And I bet you, that if we go to any bar at home, they'll know me. And they'll love me." "Oh, really then? You're on." Twilight, who obviously had her party face on already, spit on her hoof and hoof/paw bumped with Discord, who did the same. Luna neighed as the three of them prepared to fly to Canterlot. Just as Twilight was about to take off, she realized that Pinkie hadn't yet been mentioned in this chapter. Twilight trotted into the bar to see Pinkie, surrounded by about six or seven beer mugs and roughly fifty shot glasses. Pinkie was also currently downing an entire barrel of sweet appleholic cider. "Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!" shouted the heathens in the bar. One stallion in particular looked over to the side to notice that an alicorn princess had just entered the bar. He stumbled and fumbled and bumbled as he approached the lavender lady and bowed, kissing her hooves when his head reached his lowest point. "Your... your highness..." Twilight blushed when the handsome lavender stallion with the black mane spoke, though she did not quite know why. She called Princess Pinkie's name and told the newly transformed alicorn that they were going to Canterlot to drink instead. As they were leaving, Twilight looked back at the lavender stallion. "Hey. Why don't you come with? I like your face." Twilight's smile, in itself, was an innuendo. "Wow, it'd be an honor!" He cantered up to Twilight and shook hooves with her. "Your highness, my-" "Twilight. Call me Twilight." Twilight batted her eyelashes a bit. "Twilight, my name is Glissando Staccato. I'd be honored to join you tonight." "Come on Twi, let's get flyin'!" Pinkie Pie, with her humongous wings, darted away faster than anypony had ever gone in the history of ever. In fact, she moved so fast, she passed the speed of light, which somehow ripped open a giant anomaly in space-time. Pinkie sure did tear the universe a new anus this time. Twilight hopped atop the stallion she believed she had just picked up, spread out her wings, and rode out into the night to Canterlot, following the long-gone Discord and Luna. Boom! Luna was rather drunk for being an alicorn. The mighty superpony tribe not only grew much taller and lived much longer than normal ponies (if not forever) but it had been found out long ago that alicorns have an insanely high alcohol tolerance. At this point, Luna couldn't walk in a straight line for more than two seconds. Boom! In fact, she was so hammered, she didn't notice the massive sounds of explosions sounding every few seconds or so. She finished another mug of beer and let out a hearty, screeching, excited "Whooooo!!!" "You said it *hic* sister!!" exclaimed Princess Pinkie, followed by hundreds of screams from the crowd of ponies surrounding them. Luna was not only a leader of a nation, she was also famous. And so was her newly crowned pink princess party pony pal. She was also the premier leader of Equestria (for six days, at least) so she was basically the life of the party in Canterlot. All over Equestria, the bright, shining, colorful lights and loud noises could be- Boom! -both seen and heard. "Who wants to come hang out at my palace?" The ponies raucously acquiesced and stampeded their way to Canterlot Castle. The drunken glob of pony was led by none other than Luna herself. When she reached the castle, she slammed open the giant doors, letting the excited excessive ethanol'd equines into the palace. It didn't take that long for someone to break a lamp. Boom! Luna flew up to the highest level of the castle, followed by hundreds of ponies, but immediately followed by Pinkie, Twilight, Discord, and the guy that Twilight was carrying. She walked out onto the ledge outside of Celestia's quarters, and approached her telescope to briefly survey Equestria to make sure there were no invasions, giant fires, or anything of the sort that might stand out to somepony. Boom! Twilight, still carrying the stallion underneath her, pumped her hooves in the air, cheering and screaming. By the way, Discord lost his bet, because Twilight drank more than everypony else combined, partied harder than she ever had, and got banned from a bar for punching the bartender who refused to serve her, afraid she'd become dangerous to others if she did. The bartender was right. Twilight was so shit-faced and clumsy that she threw the stallion she had been attempting to flirt with without even reali- Boom! -zing what she had done. Against all odds, Twilight had thrown the stallion directly against Luna, who, in turn, was shoved off of the edge of the ledge, along with the stallion. Luna was now free-falling from the highest ledge of Canterlot Castle. Her attention span was so diminished that she didn't notice. She only had a brief moment to begin to scream before her fall was broken by a train, which she had conveniently landed directly on top of. "Aaahh....where the Roosevelt Corollary am I?" Luna's distorted train of thought (heh, get it? Train of thought? Train? Because she's on a train?) was even further interrupted by the grunting sounds coming from beneath her. She stood up and looked between her forelegs to notice a lavender stallion with a black mane smashed into the top of the train car. "...are you alright, man?" Boom! The sound was much more distant this time, which didn't help the fact that it had gone unnoticed by Luna all night. Luna cleared her throat upon realizing that she had just sounded very informal and did not put on a good example of what royalty was. She held her head high (but still couldn't keep it still) and spoke again. "Art thou okay? Or was my flank too immense for thou to handle?" Luna's face turned red when she realized how ridiculous she had sounded. The unicorn stallion finally pulled his head out of the top of the train car, and looked around for a moment before speaking. "Where are we?" Luna looked around for a second or two. "That's... that's a good question." Suddenly, Luna's eyes widened. "What is it?" Boom! "Tunnel!" Both the stallion and Luna noticed the tunnel approaching them very quickly, but both of them were too drunk to react in the essence of time, causing both of them to smash into the tunnel entrance while the train advanced safely through the tunnel. Both Luna and the stallion slowly slipped off of their precarious perches smashed into the wall, only to fall down to a hard, cold, evil, unforgiving iron rail. "This is my fault..." Luna lifted her head groggily and looked curiously at the stallion. Boom! "That we are wherever we are... where are we, anyways?" Luna looked in the other direction attempting to figure out where the train had unknowingly carried them. The first thing she noticed was a conveniently placed billboard, designed to catch the attention of passing carriages. Welcome to Hoofington! Luna slowly got up, lazily opened up her wings, and then broke the sound barrier to reach the nearest hotel. The unicorn simply teleported to follow her. Upon arriving by her side, he looked up at a sign hung up above double glass doors. Hoofington First Lunar Church Luna stumbled and tripped her way through the doors up to the podium on the stage in the middle of the other side of the room. "Sleeeeep." "Uh, princess... shouldn't you *hic* shouldn't you make it night?" Luna rolled over and scratched her belly, and, without warning, it immediately became dark outside. "Sleep." The stallion trotted over to Luna and looked down at her dazed expression. "You know what we should do before we go to sleep?" BOOOOOOOOOM! "We should - Luna facehoofed upon realizing how easy she was when she drank, and she vowed to never drink again. Her train of thought was derailed when she heard a giant explosion coming from seemingly every direction. That was when she looked up and noticed that the sky was the wrong color. Oh, and also it was filled to the brim with party balloons. "What in Henry Clay's left foot is happening?" The cannon sounded again, and on cue, the sky became filled with at least ten thousand more balloons. Luna sighed upon realizing that this was day two. Author's Note I got stuck and bullsharded through this entire chapter. Please pardon me if it's icky nasty gross disgusting terribadibawful. It makes no sense to me, honestly. Of course, I decided to stick with it considering it IS called Luna's Drunken CONFUSION.
Celestia Gets PissedCelestia stared menacingly at Luna, but Luna did not stare back. Instead, she gloomily averted her gaze towards the ground, lightly kicking the broken glass with her dark blue horseshoes. Luna knew that she should have been explaining herself at that moment, but instead she sheepishly half-smiled and half-grimaced, hoping that she'd simply be sent to her chambers before supper. But that hope was false, for Celestia finally opened her mouth to speak. "Well? What do you have to say for yourself? I leave you in charge for six days and I come back to this? You have some explaining to do." Luna trotted backwards a few steps. "Where do you think you're going? You're not going anywhere until you tell me everything that happened. Everything! Don't leave any part left out!" Luna sighed and gave up her hopes of worming her way out of this. She tried not to meet Celestia's soul-slaughtering gaze of fury and destruction, but the only things Luna could see while avoiding eye contact with her sister were parasprites fluttering about the castle's grand kitchen, eating everything in sight, whether it was food, furniture, appliances, or malevolently sharp butcher knives (which they still consumed without a second thought). She looked the other way to see Discord turned into a tiny steel statue while a flock of teenage dragons breathed fire on the last curtains in the castle. When the drapes did burn away after a matter of seconds, Luna could see the lavender-ish skies outside as an abundant amount of party balloons almost completely covered up the sky. Speaking of the sky, Luna tilted her head upwards a little to see her moon eclipsing Celestia's sun. The moon also sported a giant poorly drawn picture of Celestia's head sticking out her tongue. Luna trotted towards the windows to try and think of what else had happened while Celestia was visiting Scorpan in his land. She peered to her left to see Ponyville completely intact - aside from the fact that it was flipped completely upside down and floating in midair. She could also see the giant dark blue centaur eating small trees in the Everfree Forest. For at least the eighteenth time today, she could hear the giant cannon that continued to coat and recoat Manehattan in cake frosting and fill the sky with balloons. She also noticed the pink cotton candy storm cloud that continually rained toaster strudels on Cloudsdale - it was also brought to her attention that the last time she checked, Cloudsdale wasn't completely destroyed and lying on the ground. Before this, it was completely destroyed and still levitating. She also brought to her attention Appleloosa being raided by several flocks of sepia-tone griffons. As random griffons disappeared at random times, more also appeared at other random times. She quickly looked in the opposite direction upon seeing the blindingly bright explosion in the Crystal Empire. In the other direction, she saw Hoofington being destroyed by a giant and familiar purple and green dragon. As in he's simply a much larger version of a baby dragon, not a full-grown adult dragon. She also noticed the Everfree Forest - that's weird, shouldn't that be by Ponyville? She looked over to Ponyville to notice the Everfree Forest was gone. She looked over to the Everfree Forest to noticed it had moved again. She looked back at Ponyville to notice the Everfree Forest had reappeared, but Ponyville was now gone. She looked over to her right once more to notice Ponyville once again floating upside down but in the wrong place. Suddenly, she became distracted in her I-spy game by the blaring sound of Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up playing when the clock struck the next hour. She looked up, horrified, as her sister came up from behind her to also stare at the horrid sight with her. It was a film of Celestia dancing poorly and embarrassingly in her private chambers, wearing leg warmers and a sweat band, as well as an assload of poorly applied make-up. Celestia's face had now turned a very obvious shade of scarlet. She brought up her hoof and smacked her sister in the back of the head as her face stayed the same color - except it was now scarlet with rage. Randomly, a bunch of hoofball players stormed through the castle walls (despite that the royal pony sisters were on the highest floor of the castle) and Celestia was struck all over the body with several hoofballs. Celestia's forehead was now producing a very noticeable trail of smoke, which was suddenly obscured by her mane and tail bursting into full-fledged flames, similar to Twilight Sparkle's flaming rage trip mane and tail fire during the Pinkie Sense situation. All the while, Luna was too busy marveling at the trail of pink being strewn across the sky by Princess Pinkie to pay any attention to her swan-necked sister. "Luna..." Luna turned around to see her furious elder sister. "Start talking. NOW!" Luna whimpered and slowly began to speak. "Well, it all started sometime after you had left... probably about four or five entire minutes after you left, in fact!" Luna began to spin the most preposterous tale that a mighty alicorn princess could have ever possibly spun. Author's Note The fun is about to begin.
