Fluttershy had never cringed so much in her life. Even as she trotted around the bend, she heard the stallion's vomitous barks, and she craned her neck to see who he was yelling at.
Much to her dismay, she spotted a flapping of blue feathers. Rainbow Dash hovered before a dilapidated cabin along the dirt road leading into downtown Ponyville. Rarity stood beneath her, flanked by white flowers that budded across a well-kept garden. Both mares looked like they were about to explode with incredulous gasps, and the source of their ire was a cantankerous, moldy brown thing standing on the front steps to the cabin.
"...and while you're at it, you can dunk your head back in the toilet where it came from!" The stallion hissed upwards at Rainbow Dash. "Your head looks like a bunch of fruit bats poop-smeared all over your mane. No need to show off something that's so unnatural, ya inside out battletank!"
"Why!" Rarity frowned, flinching away from the stallion. "I never!"
"Dude! What's your problem?!" Rainbow Dash frowned. "I was born with this mane color! If you don't like it, then just don't look at it!"
His wrinkled brow furrowed. "That's a little hard to do when you're always buzzing over this cabin like you own the damn place, 'dude.'"
"Uhm... in case you didn't notice, there's a little something above your cabin." Rainbow gestured with dull eyes. "It's called the 'sky.' I have wings, so... uh... yeah. I'm going to fly over you from time to time. Deal with it."
"I shouldn't have to deal with bird-brained flank-backwards showoffs who haven't the decency to stay away from places that don't belong to 'em! The problem with y'all is you think you own everything above ground! Heh... Why, if I was born with feathers, you'd bet your damn muzzle I wouldn't be speeding thunderously by your windows every second. Hell, then again, if I was born a pegasus, I'd hope my mother would have the decency to choke me to death after being foaled, cuz if you ask me the only useful pegasus is one resting six feet under!"
"What... that... it..." Rainbow's ruby eyes twitched. Her cheeks turned red and she punched one hoof into another. "That's it! I'm turning you into mulch, buddy!"
"Take your best shot!" the stallion spat, smirking. "Assuming you can hit me through all the feathers shoved up your plot!"
"Grrrrrhhh!" Rainbow dove down in an effort to pound the stallion's face in. She was held back by a translucent beam of blue magic.
"Now now, Rainbow Dash, we shan't fall to his level! As representatives of the Elements of Harmony, that would be most uncouth!" Rarity tilted her nose up and gestured gracefully with her hoof. "Obviously this gentlecolt is angry about something completely unrelated to us. Ahem." She stared neutrally in the stallion's direction. "Good sir, we can tell that you are not in the mood to socialize. I apologize—it was my idea that my friend and I should stroll along this path by your cabin in the first place. I assure you whole heartedly that it will not happen again."
"Heh, too bad a unicorn's promise doesn't past her head scrotum!" He gargled on his own raspy words. "To be perfectly honest, I'm surprised you don't choke on your own makeup every time you pretend to talk, you perfumed garbage hussy!"
"That... that..." Rarity's lips quivered. Her eyes watered, then dried up with tiny plumes of steam as she hissed inwardly. "Come along, Rainbow Dash!" She spun around and marched angrily towards town. "I've about all I can take of this foul miscreant!"
"Hah! How like a dainty unicorn!" He stomped his hoof against the wooden porch. "Running like a coward at the first sign of the real world dirtying her coat!"
"You'd better watch yourself, mister!" Rainbow Dash pointed back at him with an angry glare. "I have the mind to kick you into next year!"
"Good! Maybe by the time I land, you'll have migrated back into your mommy's flankhole! Then I wouldn't have to listen to your sandpaper stud-voice!" With a bitter smirk, the stallion tilted his head about until he made eye contact with Fluttershy. "And just what are you looking at, ya crumpled little piss napkin?!"
"Eeep!" Fighting instant tears, Fluttershy weakly scampered after her friends and followed them into town, leaving the chuckling stallion and his cabin behind.
"But just who is he?" Fluttershy asked, blinking.
"Eugh..." Rainbow slumped against her side of the table at Sugarcube Corner. "The hay if I even know. He's been living in that cabin outside of Ponyville for as long as I can friggn' remember. I've always heard him stomping his hooves and yelling at me from afar while I'm doing flyby's. Honestly, I just ignored him... that is, until today..."
"Hmmph..." Rarity tilted her nose up. She levitated a steaming cup of tea to her lips. Despite her refined gestures, the container rattled against the saucer, even as she took a dainty sip. "It was entirely my fault, Rainbow Dash. You were accompanying me on a walk, and seeing as I'm grounded without wings, I inadvertently made you and that indignant knave cross paths."
"Nothing for you to be sorry for!" Rainbow Dash frowned, her wings coiling defensively at her side as she gnashed her teeth. "The nerve of that jerk! We did absolutely nothing to get him all riled up at us!"
"Does... does he live out there by himself?" Fluttershy asked.
"Meh... who cares," Rainbow Dash slumped back in her seat and fiddled lethargically with a plate of doughnut crumbs. "The rest of the town is better off." She glanced up. "Y'know, I hear stories... from other ponies who walk by that cabin. They get barked at and called names too, and all they need to do is just be alive and he'll find a way to insult them."
Rarity nodded. "If you ask me, the town should seriously consider doing something about the fellow. In this day and age, there simply is no excuse for acting so disharmoniously."
"You don't mean..." Fluttershy blinked. "...as in removing him somehow?"
"It would surely do the neighborhood a lot of good."
"From the looks of things, he's lived there for years."
"Fluttershy, darling, I do not care if he has a monument erected in his honor somewhere that we do not know about." The unicorn's eyes hardened. "A menace of that sort cannot be allowed to dwell in Ponyville?"
Fluttershy gazed at the floor, her ears folded.
"Who y'all talkin' about?" Applejack's voice suddenly sounded across the eatery. "Ol' Red Oats?"
Rainbow turned, grimacing. "'Red Oats? Is that his name?"
Applejack and Twilight Sparkle trotted over from the counter. "Heh... that prattlin' old fool has been hangin' out by that there run-down cabin for as long as the farm families can remember." Applejack tilted her hat back and smirked. "Even Granny can't tell who showed up in Ponyville first—herself or Red Oats."
"I'm lost," Twilight Sparkle remarked, her wings flexing. "Who is Red Oats?"
"Oh, just the biggest jerkwad in the world!" Rainbow groaned.
"Rainbow Dash!" Twilight frowned. "That's not very friendly!"
"No offense, your highness, but you didn't get the third degree from the wrinkled freakjob this afternoon!" Rainbow frowned. "Rarity and I were just trotting along, minding our own business, and suddenly he decides to yell at us! For doing nothing!"
"Rainbow Dash does not exagerrate, Twilight," Rarity calmly said. "With relatively no impetus whatsoever, this stallion then proceeded to insult us in every way fathomable." She pointed across the table. "He even threw a few shots at our dear Fluttershy!"
Fluttershy winced. "Erm... Really, I-I was only just—"
"Eh, t'ain't no reasonin' with that stallion," Applejack said in a tired tone. "Whatever his problem is, he was born with it lodged several feet up his you-know-what." She cleared her throat and smiled aside at Twilight. "If you pardon me gettin' all colorful-like with my words."
"Girls, I'm surprised at you! All of you!" Twilight frowned. "Haven't we dealt with villains a hundred times worse than this 'Red Oats' character?"
"Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh," Rainbow hummed, slumped against the table.
"Twilight, sugarcube, there's a big heapin' difference between a demon centaur and an old fart who's simply set in his ways."
"Well, I for one think that this is a simple problem that needs attending!" Twilight beamed, spreading her lavender wings wide. "And who better to solve it than the Princess of Friendship?"
"Why don't you do your sweet fragrant kingdom of butterflies a whole lot of good by sitting on your royal sceptor and spinning until your own manure spills out your ears?!" Red Oats seethed from his front door.
Twilight Sparkle's pupils shrunk to the size of pinpricks. She blinked multiple times, then cleared her throat. "Well... while that's certainly some... ahem... creative advice, I'd much rather talk to you about the merits of Harmony!"
"Ah, so now that you're a pretty prancing princess, you're gonna talk down to me like all the snot-nose'd little brats who follow you around for autographs?"
"Uhhhhh..." Twilight fidgeted. She glanced up at Rainbow Dash who hovered above. The pegasus rolled her eyes before folding her forelimbs with a sigh.
Fluttershy watched from a distance, quietly. She was already shivering.
"Well, Mr. Red Oats, you see it's like this..." Twilight gestured with her hoof against his front porch. "This Kingdom was founded on friendship and comraderie." She smiled. "Not only that, but time and time again the Elements of Harmony—which are the basic tenets of peace and companionship—have been proven to be the one force saving Equestria from total annihilation! Now, do you think it's a total coincidence that our society relies on such forces that embody generosity, laughter, loyalty, honesty—?"
"I think it's a damned miracle that I haven't kicked your teeth in for spitting your holier-than-thou garbage all over my front porch!" Red Oats shook a wrinkled hoof, angrily. "Go fly off to griffon country and shove your head up a giant pigeon's butthole if you really wanna preach your drivel that hard!"
Twilight reeled back with a gasp.
"Hey! Buddy!" Rainbow Dash dove down hard, bearing her teeth. "You can't talk like that to her! That's the Princess you're messing with—"
"Rainbow, please..." Twilight tugged the pegasus back with her magic. She turned and looked sadly at the stallion. "Don't you see what you're doing? By being angry and mean with everypony who crosses your path, you're not only being disharmonious, but you're upsetting the very fabric of that which makes our society so special!"
"Hmmph!" He furrowed his brow. "Well maybe society should just up-and-leave me alone! I didn't ask to share the world with a bunch of pig-headed idiots who think they know what's what and shove it in my face!"
"That's just the thing, Mr. Oats!" Twilight smiled awkwardly. "You've been living apart from the rest of ponydom for so long that I think you've forgotten how important it is to love and tolerate! Ask yourself this: wouldn't it be easier and happier to actually try getting along with other ponies?"
"I've got an even better question for you your highness!" Red Oats bore a dirty-toothed grin. "How many ponies have you killed so far!"
Even Rainbow Dash did a double-take at that.
"Uhm..." Twilight squinted, her lips pursed. "Excuse me?"
"Ya heard me, prissy saddle!" He pointed. "You're an alicorn, now! You've got a kingdom to run! Bet you're rearin' to get your first war out of the way, ya horn-feathered creep!"
"I... I-I don't even understand what you're—"
"Don't play dumb! Everypony with a brain knows that the alicorns have been runnin' things from the shadows since day one! Dragons, griffons, diamond dogs, changelings—how come none of them are snoopin' around here, makin' life a livin' hell for everypony in Equestria?" He smirked. "It's because magic-mutants like you have been spillin' non-pony blood since before historians began jackin' off! Heh... Harmony my left ballsack! Go ask your pretty Princess Celestia how many griffon hatchlings she turned to scramble eggs with that death-zapper she's got attached to her head!"
"That... that..." Twilight's eyes quivered, moistening. She snarled, "For your information, the Griffon Rebellion of the Pre-Classical Era was a tragedy instigated by warmongering avian tribes who wanted nothing but power and bloodshed!"
"Yeah, and they want nothin' now because your pure snow white princess killed them all off centuries ago! Heh... score one for Harmony, eh, baby-killer?"
"That's absolutely not true!" Twilight panted, hyperventilated. "Even Celestia herself has admitted to doing everything she could to maintain peace despite—"
"Spoken like a true brainwashed idiot!" Red Oats clapped his hooves together while bearing a plastic grin. "Way to go, Princess of Friendship! Not only are you blind, but you're stupid as hell too! Wow, I guess all that tiara's good for is weighing your head down so you can kiss your own ass! Well, why don't you kiss mine while you're at it! I bet your lips are way better off as toilet paper at the rate at which you crap out your own stupid words!"
"Grrrrrrr!" Twilight's nostrils flared as she dragged a hoof threateningly across the porch.
"Whoah... whoahhhhh, Twilight." Rainbow Dash flew down to her friend's side and gently turned her away from the stallion. "You see what I mean? The wrinkled dude's a lost cause. Now, let's just head back to town and spend the rest of the afternoon doing something awesome. Sound good?"
"Yeah!" Red Oats scoffed. "Bet you can't wait to jump in her bed, eh?"
Rainbow turned to squint over her shoulder. "Excuse me?"
"Oh please. Don't play dumb." Red Oats rolled his eyes. "Deep down, we all know what you are. Though, the pathetic thing is, it really isn't all that deep down, now is it? Pffft..." He spat onto the ground. "Hell, the way you flaunt it in everypony's face makes me wanna turn your muzzle to oatmeal. At least then it'd do this town a lot more good."
"I don't even know what you're talking about—"
"And please, stop actin' like it's such a goddess-damn secret! That woulda mattered if you were still in flight school, making out with the other colt-faced fillies who were feelin' half as lonely and worthelss as you! Well, grow up, ya toilet stain! Dyin' your hair all garish and flashy isn't gonna change the fact that it's twenty-something years too late to switch what nature gave ya between yer legs! So stop paradin' it in our faces and go do something useful! Like killin' yerself!"
"Hey! Ass!" Rainbow flew into his face, snarling. "Shut your friggin' trap, dude! You don't know a single thing about me!" Her voice cracked, "You don't know a thing about anypony—"
"At least I know everything about myself." He smirked. "Can you say the same, 'dude?'"
"Why of all the—" Rainbow reared her hoof back.
"Rainbow... Rainbow!" Twilight tugged her away with a pulse of lavender light. She forced the two of them down the path back into Ponyville. "We're done. Let's go back to town." Twilight looked over her shoulder while Rainbow flew ahead, fuming. "Fluttershy...?"
Fluttershy limped after them, biting her lip to keep from shaking. She failed. All the while, Red Oats kept barking over the hilltop.
"Yeah, walk away! You think you're angry? Well, listen here—y'all ain't angry enough! Bunch of wet pussies, I swear. If nothing but retards foaled all the children these days, we'd still be better off without the likes of you!"
"Eunnngh..." Applejack face-hoofed from where she sat in the throne room to Twilight's palace. "I really dun like sayin' it, darlin', but 'I told ya so.'"
"It's absolutely unbelievable!" Twilight exclaimed, levitating papers of parchment into place in front of her, signing one after the other. "It's like every fiber of his being is dedicated to making other ponies miserable!"
"It makes sense that you and Rainbow woulda gone the other day, but..." Applejack pointed across the glittery room. "Didja really have to bring Fluttershy along?"
Fluttershy looked up from a dazed state. "What? But I chose to—"
"And get this!" Twilight spoke on, her face flushed with anger. "It's not just me, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity! Now that I know about this 'Red Oats' character, it's like I can't stop hearing about him!" She turned to gawk at Applejack from afar. "Why, just this week alone, no less than ten ponies showed up here at the palace gates, reporting to me a 'breach of harmony,'" she added with a roll of her eyes.
Applejack fanned herself with her hat. "Ya don't say?"
"Oh, really! First, Cheerilee showed up, claiming that he was shouting things at her that implied she was a 'working mare.' When she tried to confront him, he insinuated that she was making her students 'stupid' by teaching them 'cruddy modern liberal hogwash!'"
"Uhhh... that's a bad thang, right?"
"According to Red Oats, we're all 'bad.' And by 'we' I mean everypony in Ponyville... or just everypony but him!"
"Twilight, darlin', that's just his way!" Applejack slapped the hat back on her golden crown with a tired smile. "No doubt the fella's lived a long life with enough regrets to sap any lovin' outta him."
"You think that's an actual excuse?" Twilight frown. "I didn't even tell you about how he spat at your cousin Caramel while he was trotting away, calling him 'effeminate' and 'ass-backwards!'"
"Eugh... okay, Twilight—"
"And then he verbally abused Mrs. Cake the other day when she walked by! You know what for?" Twilight gaped. "For having a unicorn and a pegasus for foals! He said that it was 'unnatural' and that they should have been 'drowned at birth!'" She seethed, "And he said this while she was pushing them by in their stroller!" Twilight sighed and straightened her bangs. "I'm telling you, I had to push really hard to convince Mr. Cake from galloping over there and beating him to a pulp."
"And even if he did, we both know that wouldn't have fixed anythang," Applejack said. "Sometimes the ponies who do nothin' but hurt others are the ones who hurt the most themselves."
"Uhm..." Fluttershy fidgeted. She brushed her mane aside and lifted a trembling hoof. "If... if I-I could just suggest—"
"Really, Twilight, you know what the solution is to all this?" Applejack said with a bitter smirk. "Just leave the ol' fella alone."
Twilight gestured dramatically. "If that's what he wants, then we can't let him win it by being a jerk to everypony—!"
"And just what do you think a stallion like that will have won in the end, huh?" Applejack shrugged. "All he ever does is get our blood boiled up all nasty-like. Reckon it's best for the whole of Ponyville that we just let things be. If he likes bein' miserable, than let 'em."
"Nnnnngh..." Twilight slumped back in her throne, wings drooping. "I just wish it didn't have to take such a toil on all the other ponies who live around here."
"Well, it got awful heated for a while, that's for sure," Applejack said with a nod as Spike waddled up. "Let's just be glad that we decided not to carry it any further."
"Right."
"Uhhhhh..." Spike fidgeted, brandishing a sheet of paper in his claws. "You guys probably won't be so glad after you've seen this."
"Huh?" Twilight Sparkle leaned forward from where she sat, squinting. "What is it, Spike?"
"Oh, y'know, just one of many things that I found posted all over town."
"Give it here." Twilight floated the tiny poster across the room and read down its colorful paragraphs. Her ears drooped. "Oh, you've gotta be kidding me..."
"Sweetie Belle, I'm surprised at you!" Twilight frowned from where she stood in the center of the Carousel Boutique. Fluttershy and Spike looked on as she unfolded the poster in question. In the center was a crude drawing of a wrinkled brown stallion. "I thought Gabby Gums was over and done with!"
"Uhm..." Sweetie Belle flinched, blushing slightly. "A-and she is! Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and I put her into retirement for good! I swear!"
"Then why is the Foal Free Press spreading gossip about Old Mr. Oats all across town?!"
"Well, Twilight, you see..." Sweetie Belle fidgeted.
"Oh puh-lease..." Rarity trotted casually by with bundles of silk. "For it to qualify as 'gossip,' then it must be predominantly colored in heresy as opposed to flagrant truth, wouldn't you agree? Hmmm?"
"Rarity..." Twilight sighed, wings limp. "Don't tell me you're actually encouraging Sweetie Belle in this..."
"Well, one could make an analogy about 'just desserts,' but I suppose that would just be stating the obvious." Rarity trotted over with a smug grin. "Truth is, I've read these posters myself, and I find them rather accurate. And it's not like it actually qualifies as news..." She gestured with a dainty hoof. "Seeing as half the town has already been dealt the bitter end of that reclusive misanthrope's tongue."
"Yeah!" Sweetie Belle stood up proudly beside her sister. "The old stallion's a real meanie and a creep! Everypony knows it! So what's the problem?"
"Sweetie Belle, the problem is that spreading stuff like this around is only going to exacerbate the issue at hoof!"
"And there was never an issue until he decided to open his crude mouth," Rarity said, eyes thin. She rested a hoof on Sweetie's shoulder. "For once, I'm with my sister on this."
Spike looked up at Twilight Sparkle. "They have a point, Twilight. Even before this page of the Foal Free Press got around, all I heard from ponies as of late is random conversations about this 'Red Oats' guy."
"Yes, but now they have every reason to talk about him more," Fluttershy said. She gulped. "But, the question is, are they going to be talking about him the right way?"
"Fluttershy, darling, with this stallion... there is no right way," Rarity said.
"But..." Fluttershy winced. "But..."
"I can't even believe that Miss Cheerilee was okay with this," Twilight groaned.
"Uhm..." Sweetie Belle glanced down at her hooves. "Well..."
"She w-was?" Twilight stammered.
"Uhhhhhh..." Spike tapped his chin, then pivoted towards Twilight. "This got circulated only two days ago. That had to have been after Mr. Oats said the mean things he did to Cheerilee on her walk. Right?"
"Mmmmmnnghhhh..." Twilight face-hoofed. In a slumped pose, she turned tail and shuffled out of the Boutique. "I guess I'm going to have to go have a talk with Ms. Cheerilee..."
"Face it, Twilight," Rarity calmly said. "He's a menace. There's not a smidgeon of grace or gentility to be found in that decrepit old monster. You know this yourself—after the ways he insulted you and Princess Celestia."
"There's more than one way to be insulted," Twilight grumbled. "Spike...?"
"Right. Coming!" He waddled after her.
Fluttershy gazed after them. She sighed quietly out her nostrils and followed suit.
Behind her, Rarity droned, "Hmmph... I don't see what the fuss is all about. Just let old fossils lie...
"You mean to say he's a dinosaur?"
"...do your homework, Sweetie Belle."
Two days later, Fluttershy was strolling through downtown Ponyville, carrying a thick bundle of groceries. Upon hearing a loud commotion, she turned and shuffled her way towards the Town Hall building. There, she spotted the Mayor standing on the patio before a crowd of angry equines.
"He's nothing but trouble!" one of several voices barked.
"He yelled at my grandmother the other day! Called her 'filthy' just for the color of her mane!"
"He said he wished that I would die in my sleep! I think that's a threat!"
"Just what kind of a town is this that caters to ponies who insult Princesses Twilight and Celestia like he does?!"
"Mayor, you need to do something about him!"
"No, you need to calm down!" the Mayor snarled back, her bifocals glinting in the sunlight. "Right now, there's a drought threatening three of our local farmsteads and I've been struggling all week with the Cloudsdale Weather Commission to get the dying crops properly watered! Believe it or not, I have better things to deal with than one disgruntled senior citizen!"
"But Mayor, you don't understand! He's absolutely impossible to deal with—"
"We're all adults here! As a community, we have what it takes to deal with any apple in the bunch—no matter how sour! Now stop plaguing me about this! I have enough on my plate!"
"Aren't you going to do anything?!"
"As a matter of fact, I have done something! I've had all of those infamous front page clips of the Foal Free Press removed from public premises and bulletin boards!"
"What—?! Are you serious?!"
"Everypony knows that Mr. Oats is nothing but a sociopathic jerk!"
"Very well!" The Mayor nodded firmly. "Then you certainly do not need a juvenile piece of unmitigated libel demonizing him any further!"
"Can we at least hold a meeting with the Council? Everypony wants to see him moved out of town! Can't you see that?"
"I've seen enough, thank you very much. I don't care if it's an unpopular thing for me to do, but I am not going to bother with this 'problem' anymore. I have real issues at hoof, and I've delayed tackling them long enough as it is." She opened the door, paused, and glared back. "And honestly, if the best all of you can do is mutually agree on ostracizing a single soul from our community, than you're no better off than he is."
She closed the door, and she did it loudly.
The ponies grumbled among themselves, glaring daggers at the city hall before wandering off in bitter, frustrated droves.
Fluttershy gulped. She turned around to continue her walk home. Suddenly, she saw a large red body firmly trotting through the center of town. A piercing sound filled the air, and she gasped upon recognizing it as Apple Bloom's wailing voice.
"Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness!" Fluttershy dashed over to Big Macintosh. On the stallion's muscular backside lay Apple Bloom, draped over and sobbing her eyes out. "Apple Bloom! What's the matter?! Are you hurt?!"
"Mmmmmff—guh..." Apple Bloom hid her puffy, tear-stained face into a pair of curled forelimbs. "Ma... Pa..." She hiccuped and wailed some more. "I want to see my Ma and Pa..."
Fluttershy's instantly watered. She brought a hoof to her muzzle, then trotted limply along the red stallion. "Apple Bloom, you poor, poor thing..." She looked up at Big Mac, then jolted at the chiseled frown framing his face. "Big Mac... is there anything I can do?"
"Eenope." His reply was as thunderous as it was short.
She flinched. "Do... do you w-wish to talk about it?"
"Eenope." And he resumed storming off, making his way for Sweet Apple Acres in the distance.
Fluttershy stood alone, plopping back on her haunches. Her muzzle hung agape as she blinked at the harrowing sight. Apple Bloom's sobbing voice finally faded away. Fluttershy felt her heart pounding through her chest. With a gasp, she spun towards the edge of town and began galloping immediately.
The cabin wasn't even in view by the time Fluttershy heard the pounding argument. Applejack's yelling voice punctuated every fuming breath, and it pierced her heart and made her flinch with each booming salvo.
"... you so much as dare sayin' a single peep to my lil' sister again, and I'll kick you so hard in that wrinkled face of yers that your dead ancestors will be crappin' teeth into their own graves!"
"Wow, how poetic," Red Oats rasped back. Fluttershy finally rounded the bend, spotting his smug grin as he stared down a red-faced mare. "How many dictionaries did you have to hump before you managed the brain cells to gush out that, blondie?"
"I'm warnin' ya!" Applejack shook her hoof. The pony's face was more enraged than Fluttershy had ever witnessed it. It frightened her. "Stay away from my family, ya hear?! We ain't wantin' no trouble from you, so t'ain't no reason to be ruinin' any lil' foal's day!"
"Pffft! Really? Put a leash on the inbred little turd, ya bimbo! She walked into my garden like she owned it! I didn't ask for that! So what if I felt like broadening her narrow little mind? Somepony's gotta teach her more than bucking trees and licking goat ass!"
"Broadenin' her mind?!" Applejack reeled back, dumbfounded. "Ya dirty varmint! You done told her that our folks went off to 'go die in the Everfree Forest' because they didn't want to take care of her proper! How sick and twisted can y'all be?!"
"Heh... better that she cry over that the rest of her life than know the truth!"
"The hay are ya even insinuatin'?"
"Oh please, you play it off like it's such a secret." He spat. "We all know the truth! We've seen how close you ponies are... nuzzlin' each other in public... dancin' and bumpin' flanks on holidays like it's yer honeymoon. Well, it ain't natural, and it ain't helping you to lie to your little brat everyday about it."
"About... about what...?"
"Come on, we're both country folk." Red Oats grinned yellow and wide. "No sense tap-dancin' around it. Bet farm hospitality's a really swell thing when it's swelling up inside you from behind."
Applejack's face grimaced. "I beg yer pardon?"
"All I wanna know is just how many times did it take the big guy to 'water the crops' before you finally squirted out that red-headed bastard? Does the young'n ever ask where her freckles went? Hmmmph... probably through the noose along with her grandparents over foalin' a pair of incestuous manure bags. Pffft. And you think I'm disgusting!"
Applejack looked like she was going to vomit. Her jaw quivered wide. She shook her head, shook it some more, then finally bowed her chin towards the floor.
Fluttershy gulped, observin quietly from afar.
Red Oats leaned against the doorframe to his cabin, squinting above a snarky grin.
At last, Applejack spoke, and it was in a supremely low voice. "Y'know... for a moment there... I actually pitied you. Seems strange, I know. I reckoned you a sad old soul with a whole lot of pain and nothin' but cross words to patch up the whole leakin' bag. But now I see that I was wrong." She tilted her head up, jaws clenched as tears trickled gently down her face. She sniffled and grunted, "Now I see y'all ain't got no soul. T'ain't no sense pittyin' somethin' that was never there to begin with."
"Are ya done?" Red Oats yawned. "Cuz yer startin' to smell up my porch, ya apple clopper."
Applejack hissed. "Burn in Tartarus." She fumed, backtrotting and tilting her hat forward. "You... along with yer dag-blame'd porch." Sniffling, she turned and marched angrily over the hill.
Red Oats barked after her, "Oh, that's real clever! Y'know..." He pointed. "The real problem is backwoods idiots like you! It's no wonder all of Ponyville's crops are dyin' if all we've got to work on them is mule-headed mares who use their big brothers as plows!"
Fluttershy gulped. As Applejack stormed by, she reached a hoof out. "Applejack—"
"Not now, Fluttershy," Applejack said in a wavering voice. Only when she was out of view from the cabin did she quicken her pace, galloping towards Sweet Apple Acres at a trembling pace.
Swallowing a lump down her throat, Fluttershy leaned back. She sighed, then turned towards the cabin. Her eyes narrowed.
Red Oats was leaning weakly against the doorframe. His body shook, quivered, as if his spine weighed three hundred pounds suddenly. With anguished scraping steps, he shuffled his way inside and closed the front door to the cabin with a rattling noise.
Fluttershy bit her lip. She sat in place for a while, staring into the dirt road beneath her.
"Ta-daaaaaaaaaaaa!" The next day, Pinkie Pie slapped a tray full of dessert glasses onto a table inside Sugarcube Corner. "Sunday Sundae Sundaeriffic Surprise!" Using her nose, she expertly/impossibly flipped a half-dozen spoons across the table, landing them in front of each respective patron. "Dig in, girrrrrrrls! The ice cream isn't getting any icier! Heeheehee!"
Silence.
Pinkie Pie's blue eyes blinked. Her ears drooped as she leaned back. "What's the matter? It's Sunday Sundae Sundaeriffic Surprise time! Aren't you guys happy?"
Everpony stared through the table, sighing. Even Spike barely poked at his spoon, not even bothering to inch his claws towards the cream-filled glass.
"It's... it's really nice of you, Pinkie," Twilight said, fidgeting. "It's just... well..."
Rarity sighed. "I suppose we've had a lot less cheerful things on our mind as of late."
"Why?" Pinkie squinted. "I hate stuff that isn't cheerful! It makes me the opposite of cheerful!"
"Well, sometimes it can't be helped," Rainbow grumbled.
"Indeed," Rarity said with a nod. "Such as when all you hear is the nasty words of an old stallion being thrown around."
Spike added dully, "Or everypony talking about the nasty words of an old stallion being thrown about."
"Can we please not talk about this?" Applejack grumbled.
"What I don't get is why the Mayor hasn't done anything about it!" Rainbow barked.
Fluttershy squirmed in her seat. "Uhm..."
"Rainbow, I think the Mayor has made it clear that there are more pressing concerns in Ponyville right now."
"Like what?!" Rainbow Dash flung her forelimbs. "I'd kill to have Tirek return and kick holes in stuff just so I could have something less unpleasant to think about!"
"I said..." Applejack snarled, slapping her hoof atop the tabletop. "...I don't wanna talk about it!"
Everypony flinched.
"Whoahhhhhhhh, AJ!" Rainbow Dash grimaced through her teeth. "Calm down! I know my feathers are ruffled, but jeez!"
"I... I..." Applejack sighed, pulling her hat off as she bore a long face. "I'm sorry, gals. Reckon I'm just really sore about it." She gulped. "And I thought I wouldn't be but... but..." She glanced down at the floor of Sugarcube Corner. "All day and night, I sat with Apple Bloom, tryin' my darnedest to comfort the little filly. I never done seen her so upset over a single thang, and that's includin' all the bullyin' that she faces at school... and... and... dag nabbit!" She sniffled, her eyes moistening, and yet she summoned a strong frown. "Ain't that enough? I mean, there are enough bad apples in this world, but for him to shove his face into it all..."
"You were right, Applejack," Rarity said, reaching over to pat her hoof. "Perhaps it's best that we don't dwell on it."
"What I dun understand is why we just can't get along?" Applejack looked up, ears drooped. "I mean, ain't we all in this world to do just that? Why bump elbows so much? I mean, havin' different opinions is fine—but to be so ugly and cross for no reason at all?!"
"It's a cry for attention," Rarity said. "Nothing more."
"Hey... I love attention!" Rainbow Dash said. "You don't see me making horrible, insulting jokes about how ponies were born or what they like to do in life!"
"Well, I like to eat sweets with the ponies I love!" Pinkie Pie said, bouncing. "Because you guys are also sweet! So that makes it doubly sweet sweet! Heehee! Get it?"
"Hmmm... Yup..." Applejack smiled tiredly. "We get it, Pinkie." She plopped her hat back on her head. "Wished I got it as much as you do all the time."
"Awwwwww... well, some of us are foaled to buck apple trees and the others are foaled to make sundaes!" She slid a glass over to Applejack and spun her spoon around. "So dig in, already!"
"Heh..." Applejack rubbed her eyes dry and grasped a spoon. "Don't mind if I do."
"Right, after all..." Rarity took a deep breath. "We're better off... all of us, I mean... aren't we?"
"I certainly feel better off," Spike said, reaching for a fork himself.
"He's lucky that I haven't written to Celestia about half the things he's said," Twilight muttered, suddenly frowning through the table. "Just... everything about him... it's such an insult to the very idea of friendship. I can't stand to think about it."
"Then don't, Twilight," Rainbow Dash said. "Face it. Everypony's troubles—including his—will someday be over." She grabbed a spoon and jabbed it like a spear into her sundae. "The day that he rolls over and dies."
Twilight flinched slightly, but said nothing. Her body relaxed a bit, and she finally reached for her dessert. Everypony enjoyed their ice cream in awkward, bitter silence. Pinkie Pie blinked quizzically at the group, but decided to roll with it.
Fluttershy couldn't muster up the strength to touch her glass.
Hours later, she walked a lonely path through the heart of Ponyville. The golden rays of a lazy Sunday afternoon warmed her feathers, and yet she shivered with every other step she took.
As she passed the Town Hall building, Fluttershy glanced up. She saw a bulletin board lingering a few steps away from the structure's patio. In the center, a square set of thumbtacks framed an empty space. Clinging to one tack was a fragment of paper that still bore the hint of a foalish brown portrait.
Fluttershy exhaled. She heard hoofsteps and glanced behind her. Ponies were trotting from one store to another, talking in a low, grumbling voice.
Fluttershy could have sworn that half of the faces she saw that day were frowning, frustrated, and furious. In fact, the same could be said about the entire week. And the one before it.
Resuming her stroll, she trotted towards the edge of town that led to her cottage. At one point, she froze. Her body quivered, and yet she struggled, eventually pulling herself around to face the opposite direction. With a deep breath, she trotted back the way she came, took a left, and made for the other side of Ponyville... and the country road that wound beyond it.
Red Oats was sitting on his porch, scraping flecks of dirt off of a garden shovel. He grumbled something unintelligible and struggled with the monotonous work. At the sound of crunching leaves, he glanced up. Almost too swiftly, he stood up, carried forward by a bitter smirk.
"Pffft! I thought this was a Sunday! Don't ponies have better things to do than make hoofprints where they aren't wanted? Or needed?"
Fluttershy trotted up from a distance. Quiet. Graceful. She only moved in one direction.
"I mean... hell... you've got wings! So what in Equestria is your excuse, ya weakling?"
Fluttershy rounded the hill, brushed through a flank of tall grass, and made a bee-line for his front porch.
"Hey..." Red Oats frowned. "Hey!" She kept trotting. "That's far enough, bird brain!" She didn't stop. "This is private property, ya sissy-haired feathertard! What, you deaf and dumb? Bet your daddy shagged an ostrich to make the diarrhea miracle that's you!"
Fluttershy's hooves made contact with the porch. The rickety floorboards instantly creaked under her tiny weight.
"Dammit!" Red Oats snarled, rearing the garden shovel back in his grasp. "Did you hear me?! Buck off! I don't want any dirty pegasus skin on my—" His breath left him.
Fluttershy was hugging the stallion, her yellow forelimbs draped like silk sashes around his weathered neck and shoulders.
"I... I..." Red Oats twitched, grimaced. A snarl rose slowly from the base of his throat, like an angry badger climbing out of his stomach. "You stupid sky whore! Get off me! Y'know I could flatten your dumbass in an instance, right!"
"I know," she said, leaning up with a smiling face to nuzzle his wrinkled cheek. "And I don't care."
"You... you..." Red Oats' features went limp under a sheen of sweat. "You're all... idiots... idiots with sticks up your plots, I swear..."
"Mmmmm... perhaps..." She rested her chin on his shoulder, squeezing him gently.
His breaths came out in weathered spurts. He raised the garden shovel in his grasp... but couldn't bring it any closer than three inches from the back of her head. After several blinks, he groaned, then rolled his eyes.
Something shook through Fluttershy's body, something like a giggle.
He dropped the gardening tool and let his hoof rest limply on her shoulder.
"I really like your garden," Fluttershy said warmly, sitting on curled legs beside him on the front porch. "Especially the white carnations. They make the place look so cheerful and bright."
"Hrmmmph..." Red Oats picked at his nose then leaned back against a broken down bench with a sigh. "Yeah, well, they were her choice, not mine."
"Hmmm?" Fluttershy cocked her head to the side. "Whose?"
His nostrils flared as he stared dully into the lawn. Out the side of his muzzle, he muttered, "Some lady."
"Did she have a name?"
"Of course she did! What—you think she was a ferret?"
Fluttershy giggled lightly. "I have no clue, Mr. Oats."
"She was an earth pony, like me," Red Oats muttered. "Comet Strike was her name. She had a lady boner for astronomy. I never understood it. Science is only good for making weapons of murder."
"Did she murder anypony?"
"Heh... I almost wish..." Red gestured towards the garden with a limp hoof. "All she did was lie around, shit, and plant flowers."
Fluttershy nodded. She leaned forward. "How long did you live together?"
Red Oats instantly frowned. He opened his mouth, but paused. After a moment of silence, he blurted, "Thirty years."
Fluttershy gazed at the carnations. "You must have loved her very much to have planted these so long after she left you."
"You kidding?" He cackled. "I friggin' hated her!"
"Oh?"
"Within two years of our marriage, she comes down with this... garbage-ass sickness." He shrugged, running a hoof through his mane. "It ate her legs up something fierce. The bitch couldn't even make love to me—she was crying and moaning all the time. I worked my flank off every day to sell crops and try and get her better... but..." He clenched his jaws, fuming harder. "Damn doctors were too busy with... with their unicorns and their pegasi and their flutter ponies and their fart ponies—don't make a difference. Suddenly, felt like the whole world was full of more fragile things than Comet Strike."
"I'm sure they tried the best they could for her—"
"Like Hell they did! They let her rot in her own bed here at home while new medical practices were invented to fix wings or reattach horns or... or f-fatten the wallets of psychiatrists who no longer had the balls to call a psychological disorder exactly what it was." His nostrils flared. "So many ponies run around these days, thinkin' that they're special, thinkin' they ain't abominations on the Goddess' green earth. Well, wasn't she 'special' enough?" He gulped, his ears twitching slightly above his head. "Day in, day out... she lay there like a heap of satin sheets with them eyes... always starin' at me. Always warm. And I never knew why. I certainly didn't give her nothin' to be warm about..." He exhaled slowly. "Don't nopony ever give anypony enough when they should..."
Fluttershy gazed at him. "We live in a kind world, Mr. Oats."
He turned his head to her.
She smiled calmly. "Whether or not they may have meant to, ponies took a lot from you. But one thing they can't take away is Comet Strike's love for you." Her eyes glinted in the sunlight. "Or mine."
Red blinked at her. He looked like he was about to say something, but he must have realized that the words would have been just as frail as his eyes were at the moment. Instead, he let his gaze fall to the floor, and he rubbed his eyelids a few times.
Fluttershy gazed into the breezy wind. "This is a lovely cabin."
"Hrmmph..." He cleared his throat, summoning the strength to glare at her. "You shitting me? It's a crap heat."
"No it isn't."
"Eh... it's falling apart, just like everything in this world. And you'd vomit if you saw what was piled up inside."
"It has character," Fluttershy said, turning towards him. "It's old and run-down on the surface, but that's to be expected with age. Not all of the stuff collected with time has to be foul. And besides..." She giggled inwardly and said, "I have seen what's on the inside, Mr. Oats, and I think it's rather sweet. And it's not nearly as nasty as everypony thinks. I only wish... th-that they got the same opportunity as I have."
He fidgeted, avoiding her gaze. "Hmmph... reckon not all of them try as hard as you do."
"No." She shook her head. "But it takes more than one pony in any case."
He bit his lip. Suddenly, a voice cried out from the distance, and he jerked to his hooves.
"Fluttershy?!" Twilight Sparkle floated down and landed several feet from the front porch. She stood, flinching. "What... wh-what do you think you're doing?! Are you...?" Her words trailed off as she tried to make sense out of what she was seeing.
"Mr. Oats and I were just having a pleasant conversation. But, you're right, Twilight. It's a Sunday, and the day is growing late." Fluttershy stood up in the sunset. "Thank you for your time, Mr. Oats. I enjoyed our talk."
"Uhhhh..." He squirmed where he stood, brow furrowed. "... uh huhhhh..."
She trotted off the porch, but stopped halfway before reaching Twilight. Turning around, she smiled at the stallion. "You know what I think would be perfect for your garden?"
"Hrmmmph... what?"
"Some nice, soft, pink roses," she said in a humming tone, her wings flexing happily. "I think I have some spare seeds around my cottage. Maybe I can help you plant them sometime? I think they would go well with Comet Strike's white carnations."
"Mmmrrfffnngh..." He folded his hooves, glaring off down the road. "Dump 'em on the front porch one of these mornings if you want."
"You mean it?"
"But I don't want you knocking on my damn door!" he spat. "I sleep late in the morning!"
"Ah. Well, I will certainly try my best to be respectful." Fluttershy curtsied. Then, with gliding wings, she flew back and gave him a final embrace. "Have a lovely afternoon, Mr. Oats..."
Twilight winced heavily.
Red Oats merely took a deep breath and patted her shoulder. "Yeah... uh... same to you, l-lady..."
Fluttershy trotted away, then shuffled down the path. Twilight anxiously glanced back at the wrinkled stallion, then dashed to catch up with the pegasus.
"Wow, Fluttershy..." Twilight stammered. "I... I was so worried! As soon as I realized you didn't walk home to your cottage, I came here as quickly as I could! I would have figured that you would have... well..."
Fluttershy said nothing.
"You never cease to amaze me," Twilight said with a wry grin. "After all this time... I guess all Red Oats really needed was a hug."
A bitter laugh flew between them.
Twilight did a double-take. "Fluttershy?"
"Oh, Twilight..." She glanced at the princess from a distance. A tear trickled down her dull smile. "Who said he did?"
Author's Note
