The Main Six Meet the Bizarros

by 70monkies3eatchowder6

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Crossover, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe
Length: 2247

So...you know that episode of Sealab 2021? The one with the Bizarro characters? No? See, there's six main characters and everything on that show too, so I thought, let's ponify this! Not getting the reference? Well screw it then.

Twilight Sparkle and the rest of the mane six are held captive by their bizarro selves. Apparently they're after a destructo-beam? I dunno. This is a Sealab 2021 reference, so if you haven't seen that show, you won't have any clue what's going on. RIP Captain Murphy.

Also if you're confused and bored or haven't seen the show, go here for the reference to the show in question.

Published 2014-07-14 04:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-14 04:20:03 UTC

Bizarro!

"Why did you let them inside in the first place, dear?" Rarity says as she sits next to Twilight, tied up to her throne in Twilight's palace.

"I uh, we-, at first they seemed nice but turns out they're..."

"Bizarro!"

She stands next to them in a black wetsuit with a scar, a gun holster, an eyepatch, and an eyepatch cutie mark. With the exception of the holster, she looks almost exactly like Twilight did that time she cast the time spell. Looking at her near mirror self now, she can only wonder if the time spell had something to do with this. It didn't.

"For the last time, cretins, where is the Destruct-O-Beam?" Bizzaro Twilight says.

All across their thrones, Fluttershy, Dash, Pinky, and AJ are also tied up.

"Look, darling we don't have one of those." Rarity says.

"Just give him the beans!" Twilight says.

"We don't have a beam," Rarity says.

Bizzaro Twilight gestures wildly around her as she talks. "The Destruct-O-Beam is the most powerful destructive weapon ever wrought by ponykind. Capable of vaporizing Equestria into... vapor."

Rainbow Dash rolls her eyes. "Why would we want to blow up Equestria, where we are now?"

Bizarro Twilight walks over next to Rainbow. "Because it's Bizarro."

"It's stupid."

"Bizarro."

"Stupid!"

Bizarro Twilight punches Dash in the face, knocking her over.

Applejack struggles to break out of her ropes. "Ya dirty coward, untie me ya bastards! I'll take ya all on m'self."

Bizarro Twilight motions nearby. "Bizarro Applejack?" Bizarro AJ walks over holding a pear. Bizarro AJ's jaw is steel and she has a pear cutie mark. Bizarro AJ takes a bite out of the pear.

"Wha? What in the hay is that supposed to be?" AJ says.

"Are you freaking out?" Bizarro AJ says.

"No, just ticked off, dagnabit."

"Bizzaro ticked off?"

Bizarro Fluttershy and Bizarro Rainbow Dash walk up next to Twilight. Bizzaro Fluttershy is pink with yellow hair, has a prosthetic right hoof and is also a stallion. His cutie mark is the same as Fluttershy's. Bizarro Dash maintains her rainbow hair, but is in fact a head floating in a jar. She lacks a cutie mark for obvious reasons.

"Screw this," Bizarro Fluttershy says in the nicest way possible. "They won't talk? Then I say we gut 'em, if you're okay with that and everything."

"Don't you mean, Bizarro gut them?" Bizarro Dash says.

Next to Pinkie Pie stands Bizarro Pinkie, who still has a pink coat, but has grey hair and spits out rocks when she talks. Her cutie mark is a pink pony throwing up rocks.

"I am Bizarro Pinkie," says Bizarro Pinkie amidst a mouth full of rocks.

"I'm regular Pinkie," regular Pinkie says.

Bizarro Shy walks over. "Shut up, idiots."

"Heeeey. That's not nice..." Pinkie says.

"Don't you mean Bizarro shut up?" Bizarro Pinkie says amidst a mouth full of rocks.

"Ok, ok, look, we'll give you the damn beans, huh?" Bizarro Twilight says.

"That's good, you stall them, I'll think of a plan." Rarity replies.

"Silence, Rarity," Bizarro Twilight says. "You'll think of nothing once your mind is blown by the razor sharp intellect of... Bizarro Rarity."

Next to Rarity is an egg. Don't ask where it came from. It doesn't matter.

"What? My girl's an egg? How is that going to blow my mind?"

Suddenly, the egg hatches to reveal what looks like a smaller Rarity with bright green hair and a purple, dragon-like body. The dragon-pony is wearing a very off-season, tacky flannel shirt.

"Bizarro, Bizzaro..." Bizarro Rarity says, over and over and over. She jumps all over everypony's laps as they scream. Rarity screams at the sight of green hair and flannel on her Bizarro self.

"Holy crap! That's nasty." Pinkie says.

Bizarro Twilight stares down the non-bizarro crew. "Now, where are the diamonds?"

"I...excuse me, but I thought you wanted a laser beam?" Fluttershy meekly says.

"Now we want both, and to show you just how serious we are... Bizarro Pinkie?"

"I am Bizarro Pinkie." Bizarro Pinkie says.

"I'm regular Pinkie." Regular Pinkie says.

"Show them how serious we are."

Bizarro Twilight hands Bizarro Pinkie what appears to be a cannon, similar to Pinkie's party cannon, but much more drab in color. Pinkie fires it at herself a few times. Each time she is hit in the face with a book. Then she shrugs and walks away.

"Noooooo!" Fluttershy softly screams out. Everypony looks at her. She shrugs. Bizarro Rarity continues to repeat Bizarro, then jumps onto Twilight's lap. "OK." she says.

Fluttershy looks over to Pinkie. "I don't care how serious you are, Pinkie. Promise me you'll never fire a book cannon at yourself." Pinkie thinks for a moment or two, then shrugs.

"And there's plenty more where that came from. Now who's feeling... talky?" Bizarro Twilight says with a grin.

"Somebody give her the damn laser... uh diamond bean?" Twilight says.

"Once again, Twilight dear, we don't have a laser beam, and also Twilght, if I may say so, aren't you usually the one who is serious and not making idiotic comments?"

Twilight shrugs. "Sure, but I mean, the whole me looking like Bizarro Captain Murphy thing was too good to pass up, even it means I have to act out of character to make this whole thing work."

"Fair enough."

Bizarro Shy walks up behind Rarity. "My male pony genitalia are sensing that this one knows something."

"Let's cut her entire body off!" Bizarro Dash says.

"I will interrogate her, with my male pony genitalia!"

"Hmm," Bizarro Twilight says. She does have a diamond cutie mark. Yes, Bizarro Flluttershy, take her away for interrogation, Bizarro style."

"Get your dirty hands off of her, you monster!" Fluttershy says.

"Don't talk, Rarity." AJ says.

Rarity is dragged away from the room by Bizarro Fluttershy. "I don't know anything!" she says.

"That's the stuff."

"Maybe her screams will loosen your tongues!" Bizarro Twilight says.

"Um, are we really going to do this part?" Fluttershy says meekly.

"Sure." Bizarro Twilight replies. I mean, we have to be loyal to the source material.

"Still. It seems awfully odd, doesn't it, for two ponies to be "interrogating" when this is basically a cartoon. Are...are you sure we should go through with it?"

Bizarro Dash floats over. "Don't you worry your pretty little he- hey hey!"

Bizarro Rarity snatches Bizarro Dash's head out of the air and hops away with it.

"Be careful with my head jar, ass! Put me down! Put me down! Eh, Bizarro put me down? Put, put me down!"

"We're friends!" Bizarro Rarity says. Bizarro Rarity then throws Bizarro Dash down and smashes her head jar open.

"Ah! Can't, Bizarro breathe. Help me, help meeee!" Bizarro Dash screams as Bizarro Rarity jumps on her head.

"Come on," Applejack says. "Now's our chance to escape."

"Eh... too freaked out." Twilight says.

"Don't you mean, Bizarro-ed out?" Bizarro Twilight says.

"Uh, yea."

Bizarro Twilight begins laughing maniacally, Twilight then joins him as Bizarro Rarity burns her own hoof with her dragon fire. Bizarro Rarity starts pouring salt on Bizarro Dash's disembodied head. "I'm helping. I'm helping. I'm helping you." Rarity screams in the background.

"Rarity's Bizarro torture begins." Bizarro Twilight says.

"So we're actually doing this?" Fluttershy looks around and everypony is staring at her. Pinkie Pie whispers more than loudly enough for her and everypony else to hear.

"Pst! Hey Fluttershy! Ixnay on the ourth wall breaking fray!"

"Oh, like you should talk." Fluttershy sighs and purposely speaks in a rigid manner. "You animals. What is he doing to her?"

Everypony stares at her a few moments before they shrug and go back to what they're doing.

Screams from the other room turn into noises of passion.

"Good Lord, he's killing her!" Twilight says.

"The fashionista is in!" Rarity says

"Oh, is she ever!" Bizarro Fluttershy shouts from the other room in a deep, baritone, not meek voice.

"Oh my!" Fluttershy covers her mouth with her hoof.

"She's out of her mind with pain!" Twilight says.

Bizarro Rarity jumps on Shy's lap.

"You wanna make her jealous? Get delicious Bizarro revenge, ok? Mmmm... delicious."

Fluttershy freezes in place. "Please leave, oh my oh my oh my oh my oh my..."

"You likey likey likey likey likey. Bizarro!"

"No no no no no no no no no no."

"You can do it. You can do it in there. Give me it in there. In my pants."

"That's it, resist his charms." Twilight says with a wide friendshippy smile.

"Hey, hey I know some stuff, interrogate me!" Pinkie says.

"Ok..." Bizarro AJ says. Bizarro AJ starts punching Pinkie in the face. Bizarro AJ, Bizarro Twi and Bizarro Rarity start screaming Bizarro as Fluttershy and Pinkie scream No and ouch, respectively.

"No!"

"Ouch!"

Twilight rolls her eyes. "I hate the Bizarros..."

"Don't you mean you hate the Bizarros?" Bizarro Twilight says.

"Hiii-ya!"

Pinkie headbutts Bizarro Rarity off her lap. Bizarro Rarity falls on her back and can't get up.

"Heh heh, like a little turtle." Twilight says.

"Don't you mean, a Bizarro turtle?" Bizarro Twilight stares at Twilight for a few moments.

"Dangit, I've had it with this. All of it, yall are idiots." Applejack says.

"Silly little turtle."

"You are the dumbest villains I've ever seen. We don't have any lasers, and we don't have any freaking diamonds."

Fluttershy softly nods in agreement. "And the only thing you're good at is yelling Bizarro all the time." Bizarro Fluttershy screams even louder. "And you are a man...whore...Stallion whore?"

Through the wall, Fluttershy hears Bizarro Fluttershy. "I know! OH, I know it's naughty oh yes!"

Bizarro Rarity jumps on Twilight's lap. "Aww... this little girl. Missy, if I had a peanut I'd give it to you."

"Bizarro, I love you, Bizarro, I love you."

"Hey, who's got a peanut for turtleface?"

"Don't, she's allergic!" Bizarro Twilight says.

"They'll kill me."

Twilight stares at Bizarro Rarity for a moment then her eyes widen. "Holy crap."

"What is it, Twilight?" Fluttershy says.

"I just realized, Bizarro Rarity is kind of like what Rarity's child would look like if her and Spike got together and then you slapped the exact likeness of Rarity's face on it."

Bizarro Shy and Rarity, now wearing a robe and smoking a pipe, come out of the interrogation room.

"Well, I tried everything." Fluttershy says. "She wouldn't talk."

"Oh, whatever," Fluttershy says.

"Way to go, Rarity." Twilight says with a big cheesy friendshippy smile on her face.

"Did you try ----ing her in the ---?" Bizarro Twilight says. Regular Twilight's smile drops.

"Yes." Bizarro Fluttershy says.

"Twice!" says Rarity.

"That usually works." Bizarro Twilight says.

"Way to go, Rarity." Twilight ignores all previous comments and chooses to bring back her big friendshippy smile.

"I did-" Rarity yawns. "I did what I could."

"Enough," Bizarro Twilight says. "It is now clear to me that this calls for stronger methods of... persuasion."

"Don't you mean Bizarro... persuasion?" AJ says.

"Yea, make it really bizarre-o. Ohhhh! Bizarre-ohhhh!" Fluttershy says.

"Silence. I will now ply your minds with... Bizarre-o-vision! Behold and be helpless against... it."
The lights dim and a screen drops from nowhere.

"I hate them all except turtleface." Twilight says.

"Bizarro I love you, Bizarro I love you."

"Shh. Movie."

A wave of deep blue colors radiate from the screen while a deep voice chants bizarro.

"Look turtleface, Star Wars!" Twilight laughs. "Yea!"

"You will be bewildered and amazed by Bizarre-o-vision." Bizarro Twilight says as she trails off. The Bizarros begin to join in with
saying Bizarro while watching the screen.

"Psst... Rarity, check it out." AJ says.

"Yes," Rarity says. "I know. It sounds an awful lot like zombocom."

"No, not that. Look!"

AJ points at the hypnotized bizarros. Rarity waves her hand in front of Bizarro Shy's face. He doesn't move but keeps on repeating Bizarro. Rarity walks to the controls and turns the lights on and the movie off. "Alright, listen up. Bizarro people, party's over, you gotta go."

"Bizarro I love you."

Bizarro Rarity continues to hop on Twilight's back. "Ok" she says. The Bizarros slowly start walking away toward the door.

"What's going on?" Fluttershy says.

"Bizarre-o-vision," Rarity says. "They're hypnotized!"

"Yea well I hope you enjoyed yourself," Fluttershy says.

"Wait, they're hypnotized!" Twillght says. "Turtleface, you're a chicken."

"Bawk bawk! Bawk bawk bawk! Bawk bawk! I made an egg for you. Bawk bawk!"

"Heh heh, OK. Get out." Twilight's magic causes the door to close on the Bizarros.

"Ok now Rarity, untie us," Applejack says. "Hurry up before they..."

The door bursts open. "Greetings fools. Give us the destruct-o-beam or suffer the Bizarro consequences."

"Uh... we already gave it to you. It's umm... it's in your truck." Rarity nods. The others nod with her.

"To the truck!" The door closes once again.

"Untie us now, hurry." AJ says again.

The door opens up, revealing the Bizarros again. Bizarro Rarity clucks then the door closes again.
The door opens yet again. "Seriously, how do we get out of here?" Bizarro Twilight says.

"Down the hall and to the left!" The main six shout together.

"Thank you."

"Man, I'm glad that's over. Damn!" AJ says.

Rarity nods in agreement. "What a bunch of idiots."

Fluttershy shakes her head in disappointment toward Rarity. Twilight, on the other hand begins to laugh.

"What is so funny?" Fluttershy says.

"I gave..." she laughs again. "During the movie I gave turtleface a whole bag of peanuts!"