The salt bar in Dodge Junction had a typical, country western feel to it. Dark wooden floors, walls and bar were all illuminated by light from the windows and a pair of small firefly lamps on the bar itself. An orange-coated country mare with a trademark, Stetson hat, sat at the bar, sipping cider and staring at the letter in front of her, as she had been for half an hour now.
'Applejack,
I need your help. Meet me at the Salty Dog Inn at Dodge Junction, this Wednesday.
~An admirer'
Cryptic as it was, she thought she had a pretty good idea who wrote the letter. She just wished that its author would show up already.
“Well, are you gonna buy me a drink, 'Sugarcube'?” came a voice, right on cue.
An Earth Pony mare sat down on the stool next to Applejack. The mare wore a green shirt over her straw-coloured coat, and a striped orange mane stuck out, spiked and untidy, from beneath her pith helmet. As always, it reminded Applejack of the garb Daring Do wore. And on the mare's flank, there was an unmistakable picture of three teddy bears for her cutie mark.
“Teddie Safari,” Applejack said with a smile. “I ain't see you since the Rainbow Falls Trader's Exchange. You were trading with Dash for that Daring Do book.”
“Yeah, sorry I couldn't stick around to see you after that,” said Teddie, adjusting her helmet and leaning one hoof on the bar. “It's kind of the same reason I called you here.”
“What, we haven't seen each other in this long and you're straight to business?” said Applejack, a little annoyed.
“Believe me, I would love to waste some time catching up with you.” Teddie gave her a smirk and a wink. “But it's best I tell you why I asked you here first.”
Applejack curled her lip in thought for a moment, then shrugged. “Alright. Shoot.”
Teddie lowered her head so that her helmet covered her eyes. And when she looked up again, she wore a frown and a dark expression. “I need your help. I'm in danger.”
The door to the scarcely decorated room on the top floor of the inn was knocked open with a little more force than necessary. Applejack strode inside and headed for the tacky-looking bed, ignoring the off-colour dresser and firefly lamp, which were the only other things in the room, save the window.
Teddie followed her inside and closed the door with a lot more restraint. Their eyes met as she turned.
“Why is it that I only ever see you when you need my help?” Applejack asked.
Teddie was deliberately slow to answer. She removed her helmet, dumped it by the door and shook her hair out so that it fell in clumsy, spiked strands down to her shoulders. A seductive smirk graced her lips as she started towards Applejack. “Because no one else can help me the way you can, Applejack.”
Applejack's eyes bugged out. She quickly shook herself to refocus. “D-don't ya get all unnecessary with me,” she said weakly. “A minute ago you were all business. You said you're in danger.”
“Oh, I am,” said Teddie, though she didn't sound like she was too worried about it. “And I'm so grateful for you agreeing to help me.” She put a forehoof on the bed either side of Applejack and pushed herself up so that they met at eye level.
Applejack leant backwards and gulped. “I ain't agreed to nothin' yet.”
“You will.” Teddie's breath tickled Applejack's muzzle, making her tense up.
There were a lot of thoughts going through her head right then, but she forced herself to focus on the most important one. “Teddie,” she said, pausing to control her breathing. “It's good to see you too. But if you're in danger, we need to deal with that.”
Teddie stared at her for a long moment, looking almost disappointed. Then she let out a breath and hopped down to begin pacing the room. “Fine.”
Applejack let out a shaking breath of her own
“I got involved with a bad crowd,” Teddie explained, idly swishing her tail as she paced. “I was in a sticky situation, and I made a deal with a griffon crook called Grawn.”
Applejack's hooves met her face. “Teddie--”
“I didn't have a choice! I was trapped, there was no way out, and Grawn offered me one.”
“In exchange for what?”
“A sword,” said Teddie. “Something that belonged to one of my ancestors. Legend has it that an old knight used its magic to turn his enemies to stone.”
Applejack raised her eyebrows. “And you're gonna find it and give it to a crook.”
Teddie shook her head. “It doesn't work anymore, that's why it was sealed away – it's value now is purely in its antiquity. I promised Grawn I'd give it to him in exchange for his help, and he accepted. Except now he's sending his cronies to hound me wherever I go, demanding that I hold up my end. And if I don't...” She broke off, stopped pacing and closed her eyes. “That's why I was after the Orthros – to protect myself – but now I'm not so sure even that would help me, given how long it'd take to train.”
There was a long silence, during which Applejack stared at Teddie. It was always difficult to tell with that mare, but this time she seemed genuinely frightened.
“...Does this sword exist?” said Applejack, suspecting that she already knew the answer.
“It does,” said Teddie, to her surprise. “But I don't have it. That's why I need your help.” Teddie turned to meet Applejack's eyes again. “From what my research has told me, it's held inside a vault that takes two ponies to open.”
“Okay, but why me? Surely Yearling would be better suited to this kind of thing?”
Teddie shook her head. “I don't need Yearling, I need you. The thing is, the vault's on royal property, and I can't get to it without trespassing.” She paused and glanced downwards, hiding her eyes. “It's... in the castle of the Royal Pony Sisters. In the Everfree Forest.”
Suddenly, it all became clear to Applejack. “You need me because of my connection to Twilight. To get you inside.”
“Yes.”
“Darn it, Teddie--”
“Applejack.” Teddie's interruption came out so sincerely that it stopped the farmpony in her tracks. Teddie walked slowly over to the bed and sat down on her haunches beside Applejack, still looking down at the floor. “If I don't do this, we may not see each other again...” Teddie lifted her eyes to look into Applejack's, and reached over to cross a hoof with hers. “Please. I need you to do this with me.”
The air in the room seemed to have gotten very thin, and Applejack found herself locked to Teddie's eyes. The slow breaths against her nose drove her crazy. She couldn't decide whether or not she wanted to move when Teddie leaned in towards her.
Her eyes fell closed as Teddie kissed her, and she let out a breath through her nose. 'What am I doing?' she thought to herself, scrunching up her face.
Teddie parted her lips and gently pressed closer to Applejack. That's when Applejack's eyes shot open.
She put a firm but gentle hoof on Teddie's chest and pushed her back, breaking the kiss with a smack. Then she rose to her hooves and took a few steps across the room, shaking her head as she eyes grew heavy. “I'm sorry,” she breathed. “I just... I can't.”
“Applejack--”
“I'll help you,” said Applejack, turning to meet the mare's eyes again. Teddie had a frown on her face, solemn and a little confused. “I'll help you, but only because...” She struggled to find a way to finish that sentence that wouldn't give the wrong idea.
Teddie rose to her hooves, paused, then offered a faint smile. “Because... I'm an idiot that'll probably wind up getting into even more trouble if you don't?”
Applejack let out a pained chuckle. “Close enough,” she sighed.
Teddie nodded and her, smile widening. “Thank you, Applejack.”
Two ponies wandered alone through the halls of the old, ruined castle of the Royal Pony Sisters, their hoofsteps echoing against the stone.
“I ain't comfortable keepin' this quiet,” said Applejack, shivering a little as her voice echoed down the corridor.
“I know,” said Teddie. “But the fewer ponies who know about this, the fewer ponies have to get involved with Grawn. And that's for the best, trust me.”
Applejack sighed. “I do.”
They came to a split in the corridor, with one path leading off to either side. “Which way now?” said Applejack, turning to Teddie for guidance. Teddie though, had her eyes fixed on the blank, stone wall directly ahead of them.
“This is it,” she said.
Applejack raised a brow in question as her companion approached the wall and started running her hoof across it. A moment later, Teddie smiled, reared up and pressed against a loose brick with her forehooves. It slid back into the wall, almost like some oversized button, and then the ground rumbled as the wall split vertically in two. It widened to reveal a staircase leading down into the darkness.
“Well, I'll be,” said Applejack. “More secret doors. This castle is just a barrel of fun...”
Teddie smiled at her conspiratorially. “I'll bet there's all kinds of other treasures here.”
“Don't get no ideas. We're here for your ancestor's sword, and that's it. Anythin' else would be stealin'.”
“Not stealing, reclaiming,” Teddie stressed.
Applejack gave her an unamused look.
The two descended the staircase, into the dark. It must have taken them down for a good half minute before they finally came out into a small room. A pair of oil torches burst to life on either side of the room as soon as they set hoof inside, causing them each to cast a slightly concerned look at one another.
The firelight illuminated the stone chamber, and there was nothing remarkable inside besides the torches themselves and the large, square golden tablet protruding from the wall at the far end.
Teddie scanned the floor for a moment, probably looking for traps, before moving forwards to examine the tablet. Applejack followed her closely.
It was a beautiful thing – about three ponies wide length-ways – all made of what looked very much like gold. It was embellished with swirling patterns and stars, and what looked like a picture of a sword ran straight down the middle. There were two pairs of holes – one either side of this sword – and each roughly large enough to fit a hoof inside.
“I'm guessin' this is what we're lookin' for?” said Applejack, leaning down to peer into one of the pitch black holes.
Teddie nodded and reached up to run her hoof down the protruding sword design. “This is definitely the vault,” she muttered, before her eyes traced down to the hoof-shaped holes. “So this is why it takes two ponies to open it.”
“What're we supposed to do? Just stick our hooves in there?” said Applejack sceptically.
“Couldn't hurt,” said Teddie.
Applejack gave her a seriously questioning look. “Really? 'Cause in almost every Daring Do comic Dash has made me read, we'd run into some kind of horrible, life-threatenin' trap guardin' the treasure.”
“Applejack,” said Teddie, shaking her head. “In real life, ponies don't make vaults that kill them when they try to get inside. We'll be fine, trust me.”
“You keep sayin' that,” Applejack muttered. She supposed, when it came down to it, Teddie knew more about this kind of thing than she did. Even so, there was something particularly unnerving about those holes.
After a moment longer spent examining the contraption, Teddie nodded to herself and placed her hooves inside the pair of holes on her side. Applejack watched and waited, but nothing seemed to happen. Teddie turned to her and raised an eyebrow, at which point Applejack shook herself. “Well, alright then...”
She hesitantly placed her hooves into the two slots on her side of the panel, almost jumping back as they touched what felt like cold stone at the back. For a long moment, she just stood there in silence, waiting for... whatever was supposed to happen next.
There was a click.
Teddie's eyes widened and she leapt back from the wall as something shifted within the contraption. It all happened too fast for Applejack...
She let out a cry of surprise as she felt something put pressure on her hooves within the wall, locking them in place. She struggled to free herself, but it did no good – she was trapped.
“Ah! Darn it, Teddie! When I get my hooves on you...”
“Whoa, whoa, take it easy,” said Teddie, with an annoying amount of calm in her voice. “I'm still free, I'll get you out of there. Just let me look for--”
There was another click from the wall, and suddenly, the centre section of the golden tablet slid upwards into the wall, revealing a small alcove, inside which there stood what was unmistakably the thing they were looking for.
An oriental-looking scabbard stood upright in the alcove, with green and red embellishments running all the way up from its tip, punctuated by evenly spaced, tiny red gems. A straight, wooden hilt stood out, cloaked in a woollen battle wrap that looked untouched by the tests of time. Even the woven shoulder strap designed to help one carry the scabbard looked ornate and brand new.
Applejack didn't need to have Rarity's freaky knowledge of all things fancy to tell that the scabbard alone must've been worth a lot of money.
“Wow,” Teddie breathed, eyes locked on the treasure. “This is really it.”
Applejack managed a smile as she watched the look on Teddie's face. For a moment, she relaxed and tried to imagine she wasn't stuck in a wall. “You almost sound surprised. You knew it'd be here, right?”
“Well, unless someone had already taken it, yeah,” said Teddie. “I just didn't expect it to be this... easy.”
There was a loud clunk from either side of the room, followed by what sounded disturbingly like rushing liquid. Applejack gave Teddie a scolding look.
Before Teddie could give any kind of reaction, they were interrupted as a couple of bricks came loose from the walls on either side of the room, and a torrent of water suddenly burst free from the gaps, pouring down onto the floor in gallons every second.
Immediately, Applejack's instincts kicked in, and she started struggling to get herself free. “Teddie, get me out of this now!”
“Yeah, hold on. I'll look for--” Teddie suddenly broke off and her eyes widened as she looked towards the entrance way. “Aw, ponyfeathers. The door!”
“You've gotta be kidding!” Applejack grunted as she turned her head just enough to see the entrance out of the corner of her eye. Sure enough, the walls on either side of the doorway were slowly closing in to block it.
With no time to waste, she began to struggle desperately to get herself loose. Teddie scrambled around, running her hoof along the golden plate, the walls and the water-covered floor, looking for some kind of release button.
Applejack was starting to panic. After ten seconds, the water had already reached her knees. She cast her eyes around desperately and racked her brain for something, anything that could get her out of here.
That's when she noticed that Teddie had stopped moving, and was staring at her with her mouth part open.
“What?” snapped Applejack. “Why'd you stop? Hurry up and find a way to get me out of here!”
“There's not enough time,” said Teddie.
“What?!”
Teddie broke eye contact to look towards the sword inside the vault. Then she looked towards the slowly closing entrance. And then, finally, back at Applejack.
Applejack's stomach churned. She shook her head. 'She wouldn't...'
The water was coming up to their flanks now. Time was running out. Teddie looked at the sword again and her hooves shifted beneath the water.
“Don't you dare,” said Applejack, her voice quiet and hoarse.
Teddie closed her eyes and took a breath. When she opened them again, she had a resigned, but determined look on her face. And she looked anywhere but at Applejack as she jumped up, took the sword with her teeth, and ran.
“Teddie!” Applejack yelled, panic and a whole lot of rage bursting forth as the mare sloshed through the water towards the entrance. “Get your flank back here you no good, backstabbin', treacherous varmint! I swear, when I get out of this--”
Teddie left her field of view.
Applejack let out an exasperated yell of anger and pulled herself up to set her rear hooves against the wall. She closed her eyes, clenched her teeth and pulled with all her might, using her own body as a lever. If it wasn't going to let her go, then so help her, she was going to tear this wall down!
The water rose steadily faster. It covered her flank. Then her midsection--
She desperately stomped the wall with her rear hooves, and pulled harder.
The water reached her neck, and she had to strain it upwards to keep her mouth above water.
Something might've been giving within the wall, but there wasn't enough time. It was a solid, stone wall, with a metal plate supporting it. If it was even going to move, it would, at the very least, take minutes to create enough of a shift to get herself free. And she didn't have minutes. She'd run out of time altogether.
Applejack gave a muffled, panicked grunt as the water covered her face, and she forced herself to hold her breath. She wanted to keep struggling, but the moment the water covered her head, it was as if a lethargic haze had been draped over her head. Her eyes floated open, and she stared up at the rippling surface of the water. So close, and yet so far away.
As the water covered the fire sconces on either side of the room, the whole place was thrust into darkness. There was a little, flickering light somewhere in the back of her mind, and it made her head hurt. She closed her eyes. She was suddenly very tired...
Light flickered through her eyelids again. Something brushed against her leg. There was a faint 'clunk' from somewhere beneath the water.
Applejack shook her head and opened her eyes. She couldn't see anything in the darkness, but she could feel the water shifting around her, and the sound of the torrents in the background had stopped. It was replaced by a faint, warbling sound – like a bathtub being drained.
What was she thinking? She couldn't give up.
Her treacherous body begged her to take a breath, but she fought against it. Her chest burned, her muscles tightened, and she thrashed about to keep herself from giving in. It took every ounce of focus just to keep herself from drawing a lung full of water.
And then her ears were above water. Instinctively, she swung her head back and up, so that her muzzle cleared the water too, and she gasped for air – feeling an immediate relief in her chest. She prepared to hold her breath again, but she didn't need to. The water level was dropping fast – falling down past her shoulders, her tummy and her knees, until finally, all that was left was half an inch around her hooves.
Breathing heavily with wondrous relief, she leant her head against the golden plate in which her forehooves were still stuck. She didn't really care all that much any more though. She didn't plan on moving for the next half hour or so.
“What was that you called me?” came Teddie's voice from behind her.
A toothy smile crossed Applejack's face. “Nothin' you didn't deserve.”
“I'd be careful what you say, missy,” Teddie warned. “You're in a bit of an exposed position, there.” She deliberately brushed her hoof against Applejack's tail.
Applejack blushed, and cleared her throat to hide her embarrassment. “I swear, this is the last time on go on some fool adventure with you.”
“Yeah, sure. Until next time,” said Teddie, kneeling down to examine the stonework beneath Applejack. Her clothes, coat and mane were soaked through – she'd obviously been swimming under the water to do... whatever she did to disable the trap. To save Applejack's life.
Applejack shook her head. “Just... get me out of here, will ya?”
“Yes, ma'am.” Teddie started running her hooves over the stone, looking for hidden switches or a release button. It took her a while, and Applejack was very grateful that the water her stopped to give them enough time. During that time though, Applejack had little to do other than think, and to grump a little bit.
“Were you actually gonna leave me here?” she said, looking down at Teddie.
Teddie kept working, but it was obvious that the accusation affected her. “Leave you? Of course not.”
“It sure looked like you thought about it,” Applejack pressed.
Teddie shook her head and said nothing. A few seconds later, there was a click, and Applejack hopped back from the wall as her hooves were released.
She let out a sigh of relief as she rubbed her hooves to dull the aching pain. Now that she was free to look around, she glanced towards the entrance, and understood. The sword – in its scabbard – was lodged lengthways in the entrance way, holding open the doors that had been pressing in from either side...
“You weren't leavin',” Applejack muttered. “Just tryin' to keep our exit open.”
“You're welcome,” said Teddie simply. She didn't sound annoyed at all, but as far as Applejack was concerned, she had every right to be.
“I'm sorry for doubtin' you,” said Applejack. “And thanks for savin' me.”
Teddie shrugged and started making for the exit, as if it was nothing. “That's what partners do.”
Applejack smiled and followed her. Teddie grabbed the sword along the way and slung its strap over her shoulder, and together they made their way up, out of the chamber, and through the empty halls of the castle. It was a big place, but when they finally reached the exit and stepped out into the Everfree itself, Applejack spoke up.
“So, I guess now all we've gotta do is go back to town and wait for this 'Grawn' to show up, and then hoof over the sword, right?”
“Actually, I'm going to him,” said Teddie, walking ahead a little bit.
“Same difference, I guess. You got a meetin' place lined up?”
“I do.”
Applejack gave Teddie a questioning look when she didn't continue. “Uh, where is it?” she tried.
“I can't tell you.”
“What? Why not?” said Applejack, slowing down.
Teddie stopped and turned to look her in the eye. “Because you're not coming with me.”
With her brow furrowed in confusion, Applejack stopped too. She'd be lying if she said she hadn't seen this coming, but she decided to humour Teddie for a little minute. “What're ya talkin' 'bout?”
“It's too dangerous,” said Teddie, at which Applejack literally had to bite her lip to keep from laughing at the cliché.
“You think I'm gonna knowin'ly let you walk into a trade with a crook, all by your lonesome?”
Teddie shook her head and adjusted her stance. “I think you're not going to have a choice.”
That did it – Applejack let out a chuckle. “And I think you've forgotten who always comes out on top whenever we throw down.” She took a step towards Teddie, and Teddie suddenly shifted. There was a sudden, blinding flash of light, and Applejack recoiled with a yelp.
After a few seconds, when the disorientation had passed, she tried to lift a hoof to rub her eyes. Only, her hoof wouldn't move. She blinked a few times to readjust, and looked downwards. Her jaw dropped in shock as saw that her hooves – all of them – were encased in thin rings of stone that rose half-way up her legs.
She looked up at Teddie to see the mare holding the drawn sword in her mouth, its silver blade glistening in the natural light.
“...I thought you said that didn't work anymore,” Applejack muttered quietly. Teddie's expression remained neutral, and Applejack started putting it together. “But that was a lie, wasn't it? You knew it still worked.”
Teddie closed her eyes and sheathed the blade, smiling when she looked back up at Applejack. “Of course.”
Applejack shook her head, trying to make sense of it. “So you really are gonna give a magic weapon to a griffon crook who's sendin' his cronies to rough you up?”
“Oh, I'm not gonna give it to him,” said Teddie.
There was a long pause whilst Applejack processed that. Her voice was wary when she spoke next. “You're gonna use it on him?”
Teddie's gaze fell downwards for a second. She shrugged it off. “I've got no other choice. And besides, he deserves it.”
“I don't doubt it...” Applejack took a breath and assumed a gentle tone. “That ain't exactly legal, y'know. Turnin' people to stone.”
“That's why you're not coming with me,” said Teddie. She smiled again, and closed the distance between herself and Applejack, coming close enough that their noses almost touched. “Couldn't have you getting into trouble, now.”
Applejack raised a brow. “Almost drownin' doesn't count as trouble in your book, then?”
“More like an every day inconvenience.”
Applejack snorted. “You stole that line from Daring Do.”
“Maybe she stole it from me.”
That drew a quiet laugh from Applejack. Teddie was awful close now, so close that Applejack could see herself reflected in green eyes.
“There's nothin' I can do to change your mind, is there?” said Applejack.
Teddie shook her head softly. “Not this time--” She lowered her voice and whispered. “--but maybe next time.”
Applejack closed her eyes and gave a toothy smile at that. “Celestia only knows what I see in you, Teddie Safari. But you sure have a strange effect on me.”
“Funny,” she said. “You have a strange effect on me too.”
Smiling, they closed the distance between them, and their lips met in a soft kiss, passionate kiss. Applejack felt the stone around her hooves beginning to soften and crack as she revelled in the warm touch of Teddie's kiss, but she was in no hurry to move.
When the kiss finally broke, they remained there, just inches away and enjoying one another's warmth for just a few moments longer. And then Teddie was gone.
It was almost two weeks later when Applejack sat at the breakfast table with her family, smiling at an envelope addressed to her in a familiar scrawl. She tore it open and unfolded the short letter inside. The contents made her smile widen into a grin.
'Applejack,
I'm just writing to say thank you again for your help. Everything's back to normal now, and I really wouldn't have been able to do it without you.
Of course, I'm secretly only saying that so you'll help me again. I've got a hotel booked for Manehattan next weekend, and I might need a little help with the cheque. Shall we say halves?
Your train ticket's inside the envelope. See you soon,
~an admirer'
A goofy grin adorned Applejack's face as she put the letter back into the envelope, finding the train ticket as she did.
“What?” said Applebloom, around her mouthful of cereal. “Why're you smilin' so much? What'd it say?”
“Ah, it ain't nothin',” said Applejack smoothly. “Just a letter from an old friend.”
Author's Note
And there you have it - something completely different. I'll admit, I've never really had the urge to try writing a crack ship, but this was a lot of fun. I know it wasn't all about the shipping (that's cool within the collab rules, right?) but even so, it was a nice change of pace. That said, I think I'll be getting back to some more Appledash, Twixie and ScootaDash friendshipping now 
I had a lot of trouble pinning down Teddie's character here (there's not a huge amount to go on from the show) so I ended up just making it up. Also, being limited by a word count was really very challenging (I'm not sure whether I like it or not yet). I had a bit of trouble cutting it down, but eventually decided to cut the final scene completely and replace it with what you see here. Even so, I still had to cut a lot of my exposition, and I barely made it in under the wordcount!
Well, in any case, it was still fun, and I hope someone likes it!
dramatic_spoon! You are the next author in the series, and I'm eager to see how you handle Teddie Safari. Since the next pairing has to be Teddie x Mane Six, I hereby bestow upon you the prompt of Teddie Safari x Pinkie Pie. Good luck!
