The Kingpin

by ocalhoun

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Adventure, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Mystery
Length: 14676

Private Investigator Twilight Sparkle takes on the toughest case of her career.

Twilight was slowly coming to grips with the fact that her side-job of 'Ponyville Private Investigator' was never going to pan out. Now, though, the biggest whodunit of her unimpressive career falls into her lap. With the dubious 'help' of her assistant, Pinkie Pie, she sets out to solve one last mystery.

Contest: The first person to correctly guess the identity of the Kingpin in the comments wins a one-shot fanfic commission by me! (Won by jeray2000, See the completed story.)

A comedy-mystery full of suspense and fun Twilight vs. Pinkie bickering! Minds will be blown. Chapter lengths may be erratic and sometimes very short, but I will be adding two chapters every day. (24 chapters and 14,800 words total.)

Proofreading by RaylanKrios.

Published 2014-08-31 22:00:06 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-14 06:17:58 UTC

A New Case

Chapter 1 – A New Case

Dim beams of sunlight filtered in through the dusty blinds of the office in Twilight's library, angling through the slight haze. The old ceiling fan circled lazily above, barely managing to move the air.

Twilight leaned back in her creaky wooden chair and stared at the empty desk in front of her. She swiped a hoof across the wood, leaving a trail through the dust. Perhaps she just wasn't cut out to be a private investigator after all. Clients were far and few between in a town this small.

She sighed. From the angle of the sunbeams, it must have been late afternoon already. Time to call it a day. With a groan and a tired stretch, she rose from the chair.

The door latch clicked, deafening in the long, dull silence of the little room, and the door creaked open.

One dainty yellow hoof stepped in, and a long, luscious curl of pink mane followed it. The mare finally stepped completely into the room. Her legs went up forever, disappearing into a red dress and leading into gentle curves. The broad sweep of her mane framed a face that could have graced the cover of any fashion magazine.

Twilight fell back limply into her chair, her eyes open wide.

Fluttershy swayed luxuriantly as she stepped up to the desk. Her wings flared out as she leaned up against it.

Twilight's own wings popped open, all on their own.

“Um, Twilight? I heard you were doing some private eye work now?”

Steepling her hooves in front of her and leaning back into the chair, Twilight did her best to appear professional and experienced. She nodded.

“Well, um...” Fluttershy leaned down closer and slowly licked her lips. “I think you might be able to help me. If that's okay with you.”

“Of course.” Twilight leaned in, resting her front hooves on the wide desk. “What seems to be the problem?”

“Well...” Fluttershy sighed, sinking down a little and glancing away. “It's Rainbow. She's just been acting so strange lately. It's not like her.”

Letting the corner of her mouth curl up into a grin, Twilight levitated her trusty old detective's hat onto her head and summoned a paper and quill. “So, just what is it that Rainbow's doing that has you concerned?”

“She keeps sneaking out in the middle of the night, and she flies around town wearing these weird black saddlebags, and no matter how nicely I ask, she won't tell me what it's all about.”

Twilight nodded, scribbling away at her notes. “And when did this start? What happened before that?”

“Well, I don't know what caused it. Everything was normal until just a couple months ago.”

Looking back up at Fluttershy, Twilight raised an eyebrow. “She's been acting like this for months, and you're just now coming to ask about it?”

“Well...” Fluttershy glanced away, hiding behind her mane. “It took me a little while to work up the nerve to come ask you.”

Twilight shook her head and chuckled. “Well, you can count me in. I'll take the case, and we'll get to the bottom of this mystery. I guarantee it.”

“Oh thank you, Twilight. It really means a lot to me.”

Twilight grinned, already savoring the feeling of being on a case again. “What are friends for?”

A New Partner

Chapter 2 – A New Partner

Rainbow was right where Fluttershy had said, of course. She slunk through the Ponyville markets, with the suspicious black saddlebags in plain view.

Twilight watched from under the brim of her hat, slowly sipping on her hay smoothie. Yes, something strange was definitely going on here.

Slipping around a corner and disappearing into an alley behind Davenport's Quills and Sofas, Rainbow vanished.

There was only one way Twilight would be able to get the whole truth, and this was the perfect opportunity. Calmly setting her smoothie down on the table in front of her, Twilight teleported.

Rainbow jumped backward, wings flaring, as Twilight popped into the alley right in front of her.

Twilight stared Rainbow in the eyes, not saying a word.

Rainbow glanced at the trashcans behind the building, up at the cloudy sky, back toward the light and bustle of the alley's entrance... anywhere but at Twilight.

The muted babble of voices from the marketplace filtered into the narrow alley, but it wasn't even enough to overcome the wind whispering through the thatched roof overhead.

Twilight's eyebrow rose.

Rainbow gulped.

“So, Rainbow... where are you headed?”

The silence stretched on, and Rainbow took a step back.

Twilight's head tilted downward a little, and her eyebrow rose even more. “Rainbow, whatever's going on, I will find out, so you might as well–”

“Hi, Twilight! Hi, Rainbow Dash!”

Twilight jumped back, her wings popping out as she fell. She landed hard, skidding a short distance over the packed dirt. Shaking her head, she looked up.

Pinkie's smiling face filled her view, and in the alley beyond, Rainbow was nowhere to be seen.

“Pinkie!” Twilight threw her hooves in the air. “Do you have any idea what you just did?”

“Um...” She tapped a hoof to her chin. “I gave you a great idea for a band name?”

Twilight slumped. “No.”

“I... just won a free trip to Las Pegasus by being the hundredth pony who talked to you today?”

“No.” Twilight covered her face with a hoof. She should have known better than to ask Pinkie a rhetorical question.

“Hm... Ooh! I interrupted your super-duper important interrogation, and you're never going to find out what Rainbow was up to?”

“N– yes, actually.” Picking herself up, she glanced at Pinkie out of the corner of her eye. “How did you know?”

“Lucky guess.” Pinkie smiled wide.

Twilight sighed and headed for the end of the alley.

Pinkie followed, hopping along, but after a moment, she froze. She let out an enormous gasp and her eyes opened wider than should have been physically possible. “Oh! My! Gosh! Are you playing detective again?”

Twilight groaned. “It's 'private investigator,' not 'detective,' and it's not a game!”

“Can I help? Can I? Can I? Please!”

“No!” Giving Pinkie a sharp glance, she kept walking toward the end of the alley.

“Pretty please with a cherry, four gum drops, chocolate ice cream, and sprinkles on top?”

“I said no.” Twilight rolled her eyes. “Or have you forgotten how you completely ruined my investigation in The Case of the Missing Muffin?”

Pinkie bounced alongside, unperturbed. “I was hungry. I told you.”

Twilight glared at her in silence.

“But hey, if it wasn't for my help, you would never have solved The Case of the Apple Ghost!”

Rolling her eyes, Twilight kept walking. Who knew that a shaking hoof meant there were mischievous foals hiding in the attic? She sighed again. She did have to admit it: Pinkie's special sense came in handy sometimes. “Fine.” She stopped and pointed a hoof at Pinkie. “But on one condition.”

Pinkie grinned from ear to ear. “Name it!”

“No eating evidence, not under any circumstances, no exceptions. Got it?”

She nodded. “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!”

Resuming her slow path to the alley's exit, Twilight sighed. Had she really left behind half of a good hay smoothie just for this?

“So, Detective Twilight, what do we do now?”

“Investigator, not detective.” She groaned, regretting taking Pinkie along already. “Now, since my best lead is ruined, we track down Rainbow Dash again.”

“Ooh! Goodie!” Pinkie bounced alongside. Somehow, she already had her 'detective's assistant' cap on her head. “I'm great at finding Rainbow Dash! Remember that time just before Gilda came here, when I was going all around town looking for Rainbow? And then I asked you, and you pointed to a cloud, and I found her!”

Twilight gave Pinkie a sideways glance. “Wouldn't I technically have been the one who found her then?”

“Of course not, silly!” Pinkie laughed. “It doesn't count if you're not looking for her.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Of course.”

The Dark Underbelly

Chapter 3 – The Dark Underbelly

“Stay back, Pinkie! You'll give us away!” Twilight's harsh whisper faded away into the nearly empty street.

Pinkie bounced back behind the stack of empty boxes just as the last wisp of rainbow-colored tail disappeared behind the corner.

“Okay, go!” Twilight jumped out and dashed for the corner.

If there was a bad side of Ponyville, this was it. Every store was either boarded up, a bar, or a pawn shop, with the exception of the flashing neon sign of the gentlecolt's club across the street. Scraps of garbage littered the narrow road, and the few ponies around darted past without making eye contact.

Skidding to a stop at the corner, Twilight held a hoof up.

Pinkie crashed into the raised hoof and stopped, just as Twilight knew she would. Successfully dealing with Pinkie took practice.

Around the corner and down the next street, Rainbow slipped into a salt bar. This one had darkened windows along its low walls and a faded sign of a big four-leaf clover above the door.

Twilight winced. What had Rainbow gotten herself mixed in with, to be sneaking into a place like that?

“Come on, Twilight! Let's go inside!” Pinkie hopped around the corner.

“No!” She used her magic to hold Pinkie in the middle of a bounce. “We can't let her know she's being watched. We'll peek in through the windows.”

“Ooh! That sounds like fun!”

Shaking her head, Twilight let Pinkie drop back down.

She hit the ground face-first, bounced back up, and sprinted away. “Last one to the window's a rotten egg!”

In a flash, Twilight teleported up next to the window. She allowed a smirk to grow on her face as Pinkie ran the rest of the way.

Pinkie didn't acknowledge her defeat at all. She ran straight up to the window and peeked inside.

Twilight joined her, sliding in front of the window just barely enough to let one eye see in. Through the dust and the heavy tinting, she could just barely make out a group of ponies milling around a big, lighted board full of numbers.

She furrowed her brows for a moment, unsure of what she was seeing, until the realization finally hit her. It was a sports betting parlor. She grimaced. Those were illegal in most parts of Equestria, including Ponyville.

Inside, a door opened, shedding light into the room. In front of the doorway stood the silhouette of a very familiar pegasus.

As Rainbow disappeared inside the back room, the light vanished.

Twilight turned to Pinkie. “Come on, we've got to go around back and see if there are any windows back there.” She stepped away from the dingy window, ready to rush around the building, but she stopped cold when she saw Pinkie's face turn toward her.

Pinkie stroked the huge, black handlebar mustache covering her nose. “Yes. Indubitably.”

Twilight raised a hoof and took a deep breath, ready to list fourteen very good reasons why Pinkie should take that ridiculous thing off. She sighed. “Whatever. Let's go.”

Slinking her way around the wall of the building, Twilight reached the back corner and peeked around it to make sure she wouldn't be seen. Her jaw dropped.

Princess Luna stood there, in all her royal majesty, her hoof poised to open the back door of the bar.

“Oh my gosh! Is that Princess Luna?” Pinkie's mustache dropped to the ground. “Is she playing, too?”

Luna's head whipped around to face them, and she took a sudden step back. Her horn glowed, and with a flash of dark blue magic, she vanished.

Twilight scowled at Pinkie. “Fro the last time, it's not a game! You need to learn to keep your mouth shut.” She groaned and stepped around the corner herself. “And... I don't know why Princess Luna was here. It doesn't make any sense. What has Rainbow gotten herself into?”

Hopping along down the alley, Pinkie smiled back at her. “Come on, let's find out!”

As Twilight walked along the wall, though, she quickly noticed it wouldn't be that easy. The building had no windows on this side; the only opening was the thick, strong-looking wooden door Luna had been about to open. As quietly as she could, Twilight used her hoof to try the door. She didn't want to use magic – somepony could have put an alarm spell on it.

The steel latch wouldn't budge in the slightest. It was solidly locked.

Twilight pressed her ear against the door, but she couldn't hear anything from inside.

Beside her, a strange look crossed Pinkie's face. Her ears flopped, her eyes fluttered, and her knees twitched.

“Now wait a minute.” Twilight tried to remember. “What did that one mean again? It's not the 'beautiful rainbow' one is it? No, it was something about–”

The door slammed open into Twilight's face, sending her sprawling into the alley.

Rainbow Dash stepped out, still with her black saddlebags, and the door slammed shut just as quickly as it had opened. She looked over at Pinkie and down at Twilight.

Letting out a tiny, squeaking moan, Twilight looked up at Rainbow.

Behind Twilight, Pinkie giggled.

After just a moment of hesitation, Rainbow shot up into the air.

That moment was all Twilight needed. Still sprawled belly-up on the ground, she reached out with her magic and froze Rainbow in place. As she reeled her flying friend in, she glanced over at Pinkie/ “You could have warned me that the door was going to open.” She picked herself up off the ground without pausing her magic.

Pinkie shook her head. “You told me to keep my mouth shut.”

Twilight let out an explosive sigh, and her shoulders slumped. Of course. She should really know better than to argue with Pinkie.

Kicking wildly and flapping her wings uselessly, Rainbow was pulled almost down to ground level again. She turned her head to glare at Twilight. “Hey, What gives? What's goin' on?”

Still keeping her in place with magic, Twilight spun her around to face them. She raised an eyebrow. “I was just going to ask you the same thing.”

Rainbow's mouth clamped up into a tiny, stretched line. Her legs backpedaled, still suspended in midair.

Twilight pulled her in closer. “We know you're up to something, Rainbow. Just come clean about it. Don't make me open those saddlebags myself.”

Rainbow glanced at Pinkie, back to Twilight, then back to Pinkie again. Her eyes shot open wide, and her brows furrowed.

Twilight glanced back at Pinkie for a moment, but Pinkie was just staring at Rainbow.

When Twilight turned back to Rainbow, the defiant glare in her friend's eyes was gone. She let Rainbow float back to the ground.

“You want me to tell everything?” Rainbow paused, then glanced to Pinkie again.

Twilight turned, but again, Pinkie was just staring. Twilight shook her head and turned back to Rainbow. “Yes. Tell us everything. For starters, is Pinkie making faces behind my back again?”

“Um...” Rainbow glanced at Pinkie again. “Yeah. She is.”

Twilight sighed. “Just ignore her.” She materialized a checklist with a puff of sparkling violet magic. “Question one. What's in the bag?”

Wincing, Rainbow lifted the flap of one saddlebag. Inside, hundreds – maybe thousands – of shiny gold bits glittered.

“Wh-where did you get that?” Twilight's jaw dropped.

Rainbow just stared at her.

“Oh right. You got it inside, obviously. I guess the better question is why you got it, and what you're going to do with it.”

Rainbow sighed. “This is money that's been laundered through the betting parlor. I'm taking it off to the drop point. I don't know who takes it after that.”

“And where's that?”

Rainbow glanced over at Pinkie again before replying. “On the train. The three-thirty Canterlot Express, in the fourth car, under seat fifteen on the left,” she recited.

Twilight considered it for a moment. Should she stake out that seat? Better get more answers first. “And where does the money come from?”

Taking a few steps back, Rainbow kept her silence... until she bumped into Twilight's force field.

“Going somewhere?” Twilight smirked.

Rainbow's head dropped. She stared at her hooves. “It's protection money.”

“Protection money?” Organized crime? It couldn't be. Not in Ponyville. “From where?”

“I-I don't know where this batch came from. They don't tell me.” Rainbow glanced back and forth before leaning in close. “I heard Sugarcube Corner pays protection money.”

Twilight turned to Pinkie. “Is that true?”

“I dunno.” Pinkie shrugged. “The Cakes don't tell me much about the business side of things.”

Shaking her head, Twilight trotted off toward the end of the alley. “Come on, we're going to Sugarcube Corner to get this sorted out.” She pulled Rainbow along with her magic. “You too, Rainbow.”

“What? Are you crazy?” Rainbow kicked and struggled, still being pulled along by violet magic. “If I don't make this delivery they'll think I took it for myself! Do you have any idea what they'll do to me? They'll–”

“Okay, Rainbow.” Twilight released her. “But we'll be keeping an eye on you.”

“Four eyes!” Pinkie added.

Twilight resumed her walk to Sugarcube Corner. Maybe she could manage to ditch Pinkie there...

Close Threat

Chapter 5 – Close Threat

“Ooh ooh! What about her?” Pinkie pointed a hoof.

Twilight peeked over the top of the bushes. She groaned. “That's the Mayor. If she was a part of this ring, she'd be high up in it, not doing routine things like picking up payments.”

As the Mayor stepped in through the door, Lyra and Bon Bon stepped out. Lyra wore black saddlebags just like the ones Rainbow had.

Safely concealed behind the bushes, Twilight's eyes widened.

“Oh my Goddess,” Pinkie yelled, “It's them!”

Twilight winced and covered her ears. It was too late and too little, though, to prevent risk of hearing loss due to Pinkie's voice. “Pinkie! Hush, they'll hear you!”

“I sure hope not.” Pinkie giggled. “Did you know they won the Mixed Pony Combat doubles trophy seven times already?”

“What?” Twilight shrieked. She glanced back up at the pair. It didn't look good. Both of them stood still, staring directly at Twilight's bush. She suddenly felt very exposed. Her eyes narrowed, and she turned her head toward Pinkie while still keeping her eyes on the two ponies across the street. “It doesn't matter. We've seen our fair share of action, too, and it's a fair two-on-two. We can take 'em.”

“Are you serious?” Pinkie backed away a little, rustling the bushes even more. “I didn't sign up for this, so it's one on two!” In a pink blur, she shot away.

“Pinkie!” Twilight groaned and looked back across the street.

Bon Bon and Lyra were slowly closing in on her. She gulped, glancing to either side. Pinkie was already nowhere to be seen.

The two ponies stood just outside her bush now, glaring at her.

She ran. Bursting out of the bush, she streaked out down the street. Lyra and Bon Bon tailed her closely, still closing in.

Thankfully, Twilight had something the earth pony and unicorn behind her didn't. She spread her wings and took to the sky, soaring way from her pursuit.

Her wings froze. She looked down at them, mouth hanging open as she plummeted. A soft yellow glow from Lyra's horn enveloped her wings, making them useless.

She struggled against the magical bind, but it was no use. She only had one option left.

Her horn glowed.

Regroup

Chapter 6 – Regroup

With a bright violet flash, Twilight reentered existence just above the floor of her library.

Unfortunately, she had been traveling downward at high speed when she teleported. That speed didn't go away.

She smashed face-first into the unforgiving wooden floor of her Library's main room. She groaned and rolled onto her side.

“Hi, Twilight!” Pinkie's smiling face filled her vision. “Are we still playing detective?”

Twilight groaned again and rolled onto her other side, away from the pink nuisance.

“Ooh, or maybe a different game now?” Pinkie jabbered on from behind her. “Maybe Pai Sho? Or midget tossing? Ooh! Ooh! Maybe we could play ultimate frisbee?”

“Ugh.” Twilight ground a hoof into her aching face. “Did Fluttershy ever teach you how to play 'Ssh'?”

“Yeah, but I'm not very good at it.”

Reluctantly, Twilight rose to her hooves. “Well, I'm still not done with my investigation. I need to get to the bottom of this, and that means finding out who's in charge.”

“Oh! Can I guess.”

Twilight sighed. “Sure, why not?”

“Colgate-Zecora-Lemon-Hearts-Trixie-Ruby-Shine-Apple-Fritter-Cherry-Jubilee-Nyx-Fancy-Pants-Derpy-Silver-Spoon-Twilight-Sparkle-Colgate-Berry-Punch-Celestia-Lyra-Gilda-Button-Mash-Big-Macintosh-Angel-Bunny-Charlie-Sheen-Luna-Clover-the-Clever-Nurse-Redheart-Tara-Strong-Vinyl-Scratch-Octavi–”

“Pinkie!”

Pinkie paused. “That's a silly guess!”

Twilight nearly screamed. Nearly. Instead, she just tucked Pinkie's nonsense into the corner of her mind she'd long ago dedicated to that purpose. She stared at Pinkie, sighing. “You said Colgate twice.”

“I like Colgate!”

Twilight's deadpan stare didn't falter.

“What? Have you ever smelled that white streak in her mane? It's so minty-fresh!”

“Pinkie, this is serious business... and her name is Minuette, anyway!” Twilight stomped her hoof down. “We need to figure out who's behind this, so we need serious theories, one at a time!”

“Oh.” Pinkie sat down. “Discord?”

Twilight pondered it for a moment. “No, no. This organization, it's too sensible and orderly to be his handiwork.”

“Ashleigh Ball?”

“Huh?” Twilight again prepared herself for a barrage of Pinkie's anti-logic. “Who's that?”

“She's Rainbow Dash and Applejack.” Pinkie smiled.

“What? Both?” How can–?” With a wave of her hoof and a well-practiced deep breath, Twilight shoved aside her objection. “No.”

“Mayor Mare?”

The instant rejection Twilight had been preemptively forming died on her lips. “Well... actually, she is a pretty good suspect.”

“I've seen her hanging out a lot with Bon Bon and Lyra,” Pinkie chipped in.

“Really?” Twilight tapped her hoof to her chin. “I haven't seen that, but if it's true, we'd better investigate it.”

“Yay! Let's go!”

“Not so fast.” Twilight yanked Pinkie back with magic. “We're too exposed already. We need a double agent, and I know just who to use.”

“Ooh! I knew it! You do secretly have a changeling locked in your basement!”

“No!” Twilight rolled her eyes. She'd sent that changeling back tho his hive months ago. “We need someone with elegance... poise... tact.”

Pinkie's eyes lit up. “Oh.”

The Recruiting of a Spy

Chapter 7 – The Recruiting of a Spy

One lavender hoof pressing against Carousel Boutique's doorbell set off an elaborate Westminster Chime, resounding dully through the thin walls.

In no time at all, the door popped open, and Rarity smiled at them from inside. “Oh! Pinkie, Twilight, good evening!”

“Good evening, yourself!” Twilight grinned back.

Rarity, though, stared behind Twilight toward Pinkie.

Twilight's head drooped. “Pinkie's doing something again, isn't she?”

Rarity nodded. “She's just... staring at me with that grin on her face.” She shook her head. “Anyway, was there something I can get for you, Twilight?” Rarity's eyes strayed to the hat on Twilight's head.

Twilight braced herself. If Rarity was being rude enough to leave her friends standing on her doorstep, it didn't bode well for the chances of Twilight's request being accepted. “Rarity, I need you to go undercover for me again.”

Rarity's eyes furrowed. “Twilight.”

“I know it's a lot to ask, and you're probably too busy. I promise this time you won't end up dressed as a muffin, and–”

“Twilight–”

“But you're just the only pony I can trust to pull it off! You're so self-controlled and poised and great with disguises, and–”

“TWILIGHT!”

Twilight froze, blinking. “Yes?”

“I've been trying to say, of course I'll do it. Anything for a friend.” Rarity winked and waved the two of them inside. “Please excuse my mess. I had been hoping to spare you from seeing the remnants of my fall line, but I expect this conversation will require some secrecy.”

“Definitely.” Twilight hurried inside. “Pinkie, the door.”

“Right-e-o, Detective Sparkle!”

Twilight groaned. “Investigator!” Shaking her head, she focused on her new spy.

Rarity grinned back, one eyebrow slowly rising. “So, intrigue and espionage, I presume?”

Twilight raised her own eyebrow. “If I didn't know any better, I'd almost think you enjoy this.”

“Oh, nonsense.” Rarity giggled, glancing away before returning back to Twilight and leaning in close. “So, what is it?” she asked, her eyes wide.

“Well – and naturally we need you to keep this close to your chest – we think Mayor Mare may be running a secret criminal organization in Ponyville.”

Rarity gasped in an appropriately theatrical gesture.

“We need you to infiltrate it, by whatever means necessary, and find out if she is indeed the leader. If she asks questions, tell her Rainbow sent you.”

A grin tugged at one corner of Rarity's mouth. “Consider it done!” Quietly to herself she added, “As soon as I get the right ensemble picked out, of course.”

“Well, thank you, Rarity.” Twilight smiled, knowing her friend would have it covered. “Once again, I'm in your–”

“Twilight!” Pinkie jumped onto Twilight, clutching tight and forcibly turning her head. “Twilight, look!”

Mid-groan, Twilight spotted something just outside the window: a rainbow-colored pegasus slipping by, wearing dark black saddlebags.

“Come on!” Twilight yelled, shaking Pinkie off of her, “We've got to catch her!” With Pinkie hot on her tail, she sprinted out through the door, barely taking time to even open it first.

Rarity's magic closed the door behind them. Darkness returned to the piles of old fashion strewn around the boutique. Slowly, softly Rarity giggled to herself. “Oh Twilight, you haven't the slightest idea, have you?”

A New Direction

Chapter 8 – A New Direction

Twilight rushed, as quick and quiet as a summer breeze, hurrying to catch up to Rainbow. “Now, Pinkie,” she whispered, “if we're going to find out where she's headed, stealth is going to be–”

“Hey, Rainbow Dash, wait up!”

Twilight stopped just long enough to slap a hoof into her face. This was not the way to conduct surveillance! Shaking her head, she flared her horn and vanished in a flash of light.

Skidding to a halt when Twilight burst into existence in front of her, Rainbow dodged to the left, down an alley between the spa and the joke shop.

Twilight took off after her, determined to not let her get away. She rushed into the alley, only to skid to a stop herself when she saw Pinkie already at the other end.

Pinkie smiled. “Hi, Rainbow.”

Slowly, with drooping wings, Rainbow trotted to a halt as her two friends closed in on her.

Twilight sidled up alongside her. “So, Rainbow, where are you headed?”

“I was just going to Filthy Ri–”

Twilight's brows rose. Pinkie's eyes suddenly focused on Rainbow with a startling intensity.

“I... I, er...” Rainbow flinched away from the two of them. “I've really gotta go, see ya!” Leaving a rainbow trail in her wake, she shot up straight into the sky.

“Come on, Twilight! We've got to catch her before she–”

“No need.” Twilight smiled. “She was obviously delivering cash to Filthy Rich.”

“Isn't that kind of jumping to conclus–”

“But that's not where we're headed next.” Twilight's grin grew wider.

Pinkie stopped in her tracks, already halfway out of the alley. “Huh? It's not?”

“No, it's not.” Twilight casually trotted toward the other end of the alley. “We're too exposed for that, and we don't have any proof yet. No, it's time I made use of some old contacts.” She stopped, turning back to glance at Pinkie. “It's time we talked to the rival gang in Ponyville, don't you think?”

Unwelcome

Chapter 9 – Unwelcome

Pinkie glanced back over her shoulder again. “Should we really be here, Twilight?”

“Ssh!” Twilight held a hoof against Pinkie's mouth for silence, whispering, “Of course not. This is Crusaders turf.” She glanced up at the treehouse ahead.

Together, they crept under the apple trees and low brush, finally darting up to the ramp of the clubhouse.

“I... I really shouldn’t be here.” Pinkie trembled there, unable to set foot on the ramp.

Giving her a sidelong glance, Twilight flicked her tail. “Fine. You stay here. Did you bring the goods?”

“Y-yeah.” Pinkie pulled a brown paper package tied up with string out of her mane. “Are you sure? That's a lot to be carrying around in–” she glanced side to side “–these parts.”

“I'll be fine.” The ramp beckoned Twilight, full of silent, watchful menace. “You just stay here and make sure we have a clear escape route.”

Step by step, Twilight advanced up the creaky wooden ramp, the package safe in her magical grip.

“What do you want?” a voice from inside shot out, before she even made it halfway up.

She continued all the way up to the front door slowly, quietly. One couldn't afford to show fear in a place like this. “I just want to talk.”

“We don't have anything to say to the likes of you.”

Twilight smirked at the tone of Scootaloo's voice. “Oh, really?” She slapped the package up against the tiny window on the door. “How about now?”

“Is that what I think it is?” Sweetie Belle's voice squeaked. A muted scuffle broke out behind the door.

“Ten kilos of Sugarcube Corner's finest gummy bears. Still fresh.” Twilight's smirk grew. She knew the language of these types.

Seconds passed as a muffled argument raged inside. Finally, the irate whispering died down, replaced by the voice of one pegasus filly. “Fine. Hand it over, and you can come in. She isn't invited.”

Twilight glanced down at Pinkie before answering. “Deal.”

A lock clicked... and another, and another. With the sound of one last bolt sliding back, the door creaked open.

Squeezing through an opening barely wide enough to admit her, Twilight levitated the package along behind her.

Inside, unmarked boxes stood in a neat stack along one wall. Only empty juice boxes occupied the one small table, and a pile of well-used magazines filled one corner.

“Business has been slow?” Twilight asked with an arched eyebrow.

Apple Bloom snatched the package out of the air. “What's it to ya?”

Twilight took one heavy breath. This would be it. “I'm here to help you with that.”

Three fillies stared at her as if she'd suddenly grown a second set of wings. “You?” Scootaloo asked.

“Yes, me.” Twilight tossed her head, flinging her forelock away from her eyes. “I understand you've run up against some rather ruthless competition in Ponyville lately. If you can provide me with information about it, I'll be glad to remove that competition.”

The three fillies glanced at one another. Sweetie Belle hugged the package of candy tightly.

“Forget about it,” Scootaloo said.

Apple Bloom jumped up next to her. “Yeah! We ain't squealers!”

Twilight flinched. “Now girls, this–”

“This is a totally legit club.” Scootaloo stared her down. “There's no illegal stuff here.”

Twilight's eyes darted between the three of them. “Come on, there must be something you can tell me about–”

“We don't know nothin'.” Apple Bloom stomped one tiny hoof down.

Twilight nearly growled. “Girls!”

“Better be careful, Twilight.” Sweetie Belle's voice from behind made Twilight whirl around. “A treehouse can be a dangerous place. We wouldn't want anything to happen to you.”

“Oh.” Twilight grimaced. “T-that's okay. I was just leaving anyway.”

“Good.” A big, juicy smile spread across Scootaloo's face as Twilight back toward the door.

Twilight shut the door behind her and hurried down the ramp.

“We'll see you around,” a sweet and ominous voice called from above.

Twilight dragged Pinkie along in her hasty exit, heading for the shortest path out of Crusaders territory. “Well, that was a bust.”

“Ooh, so what do we do now?” Pinkie bounced along, as happily as ever. “Give up and ride off into the sunset? Give up and go get some ice cream? Give up and go home?” She stood still for a moment, vibrating in place. “Oh! I hope it's the middle one!”

“No.” Twilight gave her what should have been a withering glare.

Pinkie did not wither. “Aw... can we at least get ice cream anyway?”

“No. We have work to do.”

This time, Pinkie did wither. “Oh... okay.” She began moving again, not bouncing this time, just walking. “What's the work?”

Twilight grinned a vicious little grin. “No more shortcuts and dead ends. We follow the money.”

A Search Party

Chapter 10 – A Search Party

The sound of Twilight's hoof against the polished wooden door of Filthy Rich's mansion died away slowly, without fanfare, as if the door itself scorned her intrusion.

Long seconds passed. Pinkie stood frozen in place on the broad marble doorstep, eyes glued to the door.

More seconds passed. Birds chirped in the distance. Twilight flicked her tail and scraped a hoof across the polished white marble.

Finally, without any sound of hoofsteps from inside, the doorknob clicked. With a low groan, the heavy door swung inward.

Behind it, in the relative dark of the hallway, a slim stallion glanced down at them with a slowly rising eyebrow. Both his black mane and his thick mustache gleamed of heavy oiling. “Can I help you?” he drawled.

“Yes.” Twilight smiled, expertly keeping her rising impatience hidden. “We would like to speak with Mister Filthy, please.”

The stallion's shiny eyebrow jumped even higher.

“Ah, Mister Rich, I mean.” Twilight glanced away, letting her ears droop.

“Of course.” Moments of still silence passed. The stallion stood and stared at them before finally stepping back.

The door slammed shut before either pony could step inside. Twilight glanced over to her partner.

Pinkie still stood, staring intently at the door. She hadn't moved a muscle.

“Um... Pinkie, are you okay?”

Pinkie's grinning face flashed up in front of Twilight. “Of course!” She bounced in place. “Why wouldn't I be?”

“Well, you've just been staring pretty intensely at–”

“Of course!” Pinkie fastidiously straightened the bowler cap on her head. “A good detective notices everything.”

“Investigator.” Twilight scowled. “Investigator's assistant.”

“Whatever. I still notice everything.”

One corner of Twilight's mouth curled up. “Oh, really? What color was the stallion's coat?”

“He wasn't wearing a coat, silly.”

“His fur.”

Pinkie's face went blank for a moment. “But.. but... that's not fair! The author didn't–”

The door sprung open without warning. Just inside, Filthy Rich stood, a slight frown on his face.

Twilight leaned close to Pinkie and whispered, “It was light blue, ha!” before looking back up at Filthy. “Good evening, Sir. I'm Twilight Sparkle, with Sparkle n' Shine Investigative Services.”

Filthy's eyes narrowed, almost imperceptibly.

“And, well, I'm here following up on a tip that someone in this household might be involved in racketeering or money laundering...”

“That's outrageous!” Filthy took a step back. “I can assure you, Miss Sparkle, that nothing of the sort is happening here!”

“Of course, of course.” Twilight gave her sweetest smile. “We just need to be thorough in checking up on all of our available leads. Since you have nothing to hide, I trust you wouldn't object to the two of us taking a little look around?”

Filthy's jawline visibly tightened. “Fine.” He glared at them for a moment. “Just make sure this one”– he thrusted a hoof at Pinkie –“doesn't break anything.”

“I'll be sure to do...”

Filthy stormed away down the plush-carpeted hallway, disappearing around a corner.

“...that.” Twilight shook her head and levitated up a magnifying glass. “Okay, Pinkie, come on, let's find some clues.”

Accusations

Chapter 12 – Accusations

Between the spring in his step and his poorly concealed smirk, the butler couldn't have looked more pleased. “And here we are back in the foyer.” He eloquently gestured to the door with a hoof. “On behalf of Mister Rich, I bid you farewell, and good luck to you in your search.”

Twilight glared at him. “Thank you, Sir. You have been very helpful.”

“And I trust the Rich name has now been successfully cleared of any wrongdoing?”

Twilight glanced over to her partner. “Did you find anything, Pinkie?”

Pinkie trembled on the spot, her eyes wide, her tail thrashing, and her mouth a thin line that seemed to be holding back an incredible pressure. Still, though, she said nothing.

“I suppose that means you're clear.” Twilight gave the butler a perfunctory nod. “Come on, Pinkie, we have more investigating to do.”

With an obscenely polite bow, the butler opened the big wooden door.

Struggling to not roll her eyes, Twilight accepted his invitation and left the house behind. Pinkie followed closely.

The road back to the library had never seemed so long. That house had been Twilight's last hot lead. Now, she'd have to retrace her sources. Maybe she could find Rainbow Dash again, or perhaps she could find some way to scare the Cakes into talking.

Pinkie bounced along beside her, mouth still closed tight. Her face was turning a shade of purple that could only have looked healthy on Twilight.

Her order of silence! Of course! Twilight paused her walk for a moment to slap herself in the face. “You can talk now, Pinkie.”

No prior experience could have prepared Twilight for the ensuing verbal tsunami.

“Giraffe! I can't play the piano! Rug-rug! Ba Sing Se doesn't mean Penetrable City! Burritos locos! Twilight, do you have any ideas I can borrow? I promise to give them back! I'm all out! The sum of the angles of a triangle is always one hundred and eighty! Cute little kitties! I once knew a colt with a wooden tail! Trap door! Being beaten over the head with a slice of orange wrapped around a gold brick sounds like...”

Twilight held her hooves over her ears. She should have known better than to force Pinkie into bottling this up.

“...hopscotch for cripples! But no hot sauce please! FREEDOM! Piles and piles of bits and candy! The screw-type propeller was invented by–”

“PINKIE!”

“Yes, Twilight?” Merciful moments of silence followed.

After a few calming breaths, Twilight smiled. “Are you done yet?”

“Gamma radiation! A little yellow newt in a bowl! Pie.” Pinkie stood still for a moment, blinking.

Birds chirped in the distance.

“Yep, I'm done,” Pinkie said with a smile and happy eyes.

“Good.” Twilight began walking again. “Now we can start–”

“Twilight!” three little voices cried out in unison.

“We have a job for you, Twilight.” Scootaloo hopped off of her scooter, the very image of solemnity. “It's important.”

“I'm afraid I'm already engaged with a client now, Scootaloo.” Twilight turned to skirt around the trio of fillies.

Apple Bloom blocked her path again. “Ah think you'll find it's related.”

“Ooh! Ooh! What is it?” Pinkie was bouncing again, her eyes huge.

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo glanced at each other, but Sweetie Belle blurted it right out, “They stole our candy!”

“Who stole your candy?” Pinkie glanced around with her eyebrows arched. “Was it somepony you know? Seventy-seven percent of candy thefts are perpetrated by somepony you know.” Her eyes latched onto Twilight. “Aha! Was it Twilight?”

All three crusaders stared at Pinkie with blank faces.

“All three of you know Twilight, right?” A corner of Pinkie's mouth turned up into a smug grin. “That means that there's a seventy-seven percent chance that Twilight did it!” She turned to face her partner down, and her grin turned menacing. “So, what do you have to say for yourself, thief?”

“What do I have to say for myself? What do I have to say?” Twilight stomped a hoof down. “Ugh! Pinkie!”

“Yes, Twilight?” Pinkie blinked a few times, fluttering her eyelashes, and her smile became sweet and innocent.

Twilight's scowl remained unmoved. “First of all, I was with you the whole time! And secondly–” she stomped again –“if you ever accuse me of a crime again while you're on duty, you're fired!”

Pinkie shrank back a little. “Oh... okay.”

Twilight looked down to the three fillies blocking the path. “So, who do you think took your candy?”

Scootaloo moved in close to Twilight. “We think it's the same ponies you're after.”

“Oh, and why do you think that?”

Sitting back on her haunches, Sweetie Belle grinned. “Because we took it from Sugarcu–”

“Shut up!” both of the others cried out in unison, shoving their hooves into Sweetie Belle's mouth.

“Right.” Twilight nodded thoughtfully. “And Sugarcube Corner pays for protection.”

Scootaloo and Apple Bloom glared at Sweetie Belle, finally taking their hooves off of her after a moment of silence.

“And what else can you tell us about it?”

The two of them glared at Sweetie Belle some more, but no more outbursts were forthcoming. “Ah think that's about all we've got to say about that,” Apple Bloom concluded.

“Fine.” Twilight shook her head and teleported herself and her partner past the trio of fillies. “But if you happen to remember anything else about it, be sure to–”

“We'll find you.” Scootaloo turned and walked away. The other two followed.

“Are we gonna catch the thief?” Pinkie asked.

Twilight glanced at her. “Of course.”

“Um...” Pinkie stood completely still for a moment. “How?”

A wide, malevolent grin spread across Twilight's face. “We're going to set a trap.”

Baiting the Trap

Chapter 13 – Baiting the Trap

A knock on the library door startled Twilight out of her work.

“Come in.”

Pinkie burst through, looking for all the world as if she expected a surprise party inside. She didn't show any signs of disappointment at not finding one, though. “Is it ready?”

“Almost.” Twilight closed her book. “Did you bring it?”

Pinkie nodded, her eyes squinting happily. “A whole cartload of my special super-extreme jelly beans!”

“A whole cartload?” Twilight's eyes narrowed.

Pinkie glanced back and forth, wiping her mouth as discreetly as she could manage. “Well, most of a cartload!” She tittered, glancing at the cart outside through the open window. “Will it work?”

“Perfectly.” Twilight nodded. “We'll put the bait right here in the middle of the room, and anypony who touches it will be trapped inside a magic bubble.”

“Neato!” Pinkie smiled.

Twilight stared back.

Pinkie stood there, just smiling, her head tilting back and forth slightly.

“Um, Pinkie... what are you doing?”

“Oh.” She stopped. “This is a little trick Fluttershy taught me. It's called 'partying internally'.”

“Well, maybe instead of that, you should bring the candy inside?”

Pinkie froze, and for a moment, her eyes shot open wide. “Of course!” In a blur, she shot outside and rushed back in, placing the cart exactly in on the mark at the center of the library floor.

“Perfect.” Twilight nodded. The pile of multicolored beans on the cart showed some damage from Pinkie's snacking along the way, but it would still be a tempting prize for any candy burglar. As she began the preliminary steps for her spell, she glanced over to her partner. “So, how many ponies did you tell?”

Pinkie began bouncing around the circumference of the room. “Oh, I told Mister and Missus Cake, the twins, Rarity, Princess Celestia, Bon Bon, Lemon Hearts, Derpy Hooves–”

“Just a number will do.”

“Oh, okay.” Pinkie didn't miss a beat in her bouncing. “Seventy-three!”

Twilight shook her head. She should have known Pinkie would overdo it and risk making the would-be thief suspicious. Still, Pinkie was Pinkie, and most of Ponyville would probably just shrug off any strange behavior without a– Twilight blinked a few times. “Wait, did you say you told Princess Celestia?”

“Well, Spike was there, so I sent a letter!”

Shrugging off both the expectedly inscrutable Pinkie Pie and the unexpectedly mysterious Spike, Twilight put the last elements in place, completing her entrapment spell. “There.” She gave it a quick looking over with her magical senses. Everything seemed to be in order. “Now all we have to do is wait. Pinkie, let's go upstairs.”

“Okie Dokie!” Pinkie's bounding gait took her up the stairs toward the private areas of the library much faster than Twilight could keep up with.

With one last glance back, Twilight switched off the room's light with a touch of magic. Hopefully, this would all pay off.

Springing the Trap

Chapter 14 – Springing the Trap

Twilight let the contrast of the warm shower water cascading over her and the cool night air drifting in through the window slowly soothe away the stresses of this frustrating case. She had leads, she had a plan, she had nothing to worry about. This case would crack soon. She knew it.

Outside, the night was peaceful, broken only by the slight sounds of distant crickets and the gentle breeze through the library's leaves. She breathed in a nice lungful of the fragrant, steamy air. Yes, this would be–

A loud chime like a single bell rang out from downstairs.

The spell's alarm! Twilight teleported to her main room, not even turning off the shower. Still dripping wet, she pointed a hoof into the center of the room. “Aha! You've just activated my trap ca–”

“Heh... Sorry, Twilight,” Pinkie mumbled through a mouthful of jelly beans, secure within the spell's bubble. “I got hungry.”

Twilight's hoof drooped down to match her wet mane. “I should leave you in there for a while, to teach you a lesson–” she shook her head “–but you'd probably just eat the rest of the bait.” With a flash of magic, she dispelled the barrier.

Pinkie bounced happily up the stairs, not even having the the decency to slink away.

With a sigh, Twilight worked her magic again. She'd have to recreate the trap spell before she could teleport back to her shower.

Springing the Trap Again

Chapter 15 – Springing the Trap Again

Twilight's eye twitched. She laid awake in her bed, as she had the entire night so far, thanks to Pinkie's incessant snoring.

Even with Pinkie – by official royal decree – banished to the library's office, the snores leaking through the walls were far too obnoxious to ignore.

The clock rang out a single chime: one in the morning. Twilight groaned. Next time, she promised herself, she'd banish Pinkie somewhere further away – maybe the moon – where her snoring wouldn't resonate through the...

Wait... One in the morning? The clock had struck three not long ago. Twilight was sure. Which meant... The spell's alarm!

She leapt out of bed and rushed down the stairs, flicking on the lights.

Inside the magical bubble stood a mare Twilight could recognize despite the tight black catsuit she wore. The dark mane and grey face gave it away.

“Octavia!”

The cellist – or was it cat burglar? – whirled around to face Twilight's shout. She didn't respond with words of her own, though. Instead, she whistled out a strange sequence of notes, piercingly loud.

Twilight braced herself for any effects it might have – she knew music could sometimes be used to activate magic – but nothing happened.

Just as Twilight began to approach the bubble, though, a blue flash lit up the room.

Vinyl Scratch appeared inside the bubble, no less recognizable, despite an identical catsuit. She stood there just long enough to smirk at Twilight before teleporting both burglars – and the candy – out of the bubble and away into the night.

Twilight screamed, stomping her hoof down onto the steps hard enough to leave a slight hoofprint in the wood.

From the top of the stairs, another snore echoed down.

Twilight's eye twitched again.

Asking Nicely

Chapter 16 – Asking Nicely

“Do you really think talking to the crusaders again will help?”

Did Pinkie really think asking that again would help? The bright morning sun cut into Twilight's eyes cruelly, and she sagged. Her hair seemed to have wilted under the pressure of the frustrating, sleepless night. “I'm not going to be asking them nicely this time, Pinkie.”

Pinkie stopped trotting along for a moment and stood still, staring off into space. She blinked, then stared some more.

Twilight glanced back at her.

“Oh.” With a shake of her head, Pinkie burst into her unique bouncing gait. “Okay!”

Shaking her own head, Twilight also continued on. Fortunately, it wasn't much further. Even more fortunately, Pinkie hadn't even begun her 'are were there yet?' phase.

Through the leaves ahead, she spotted the Crusader Clubhouse, perched in its tree. The ramp was raised, but she could catch glimpses of movement inside. Thankfully, the raised ramp would pose little difficulty to an alicorn princess/investigator.

With a violet flash, both her and Pinkie stood in the center of the clubhouse, among the crusaders.

In the following moments, a great many things happened. The Crusaders, Pinkie – everyone except Twilight – screamed out in panic. Hooves flew. Sheets were hastily thrown over secret projects. Posters disappeared from the wall. A live mongoose disappeared without a trace. “Cover plan alpha!” someone cried. Excuses were yelled out. Throughout it all, Twilight calmly observed.

The screaming subsided and the dust settled, revealing the three Crusaders ever so calmly enjoying a bit of tea. Sweetie Belle took a slow, leisurely sip. “Is there something we can help you with, Twilight?”

Twilight's eyebrow slowly rose.

Apple Bloom took a moment to drop an extra cube of sugar into her tea.

Pinkie asked, “Oh, can I have some too?”

Scootaloo stared at her. “No.”

That was enough farce for one day, Twilight decided... and it wasn't even time for breakfast yet! With a burst of telekinetic might, she swept the tea service off of the table, flipped the tablecloth up, and yanked three screaming fillies up by their tails.

What had for a few moments looked to be a table was actually four crates pushed together. Their labels read, 'Salt: Dodge Junction Red, 200K'.

Twilight smirked at her three hapless victims. “An underground salt ring, hm? Scootaloo, what would your mother think?”

Scootaloo blew her a raspberry. The other two hung silently. Pinkie gasped.

All semblance of mirth vanished from Twilight's face, leaving the stern visage of impending doom.

All three Crusaders cringed.

Twilight glared at them. “We know that the candy theft was perpetrated by organized crime. We know you know more about it than you're telling us. We know you're going to help us find their leader. And do you know why?”

The three fillies shook their heads.

“Because in exchange, I'm going to offer you immunity. Which means you won't get punished for this illegal salt operation of yours.”

The Crusaders glanced at each other for a moment, then exploded into wild speculation. “The Spa ponies? Fluffle Puff?” Scootaloo offered.

“The Cake twins?” Sweetie Belle said.

“That's just silly.” Apple Bloom shook her head. “Oh, Ah bet it was Twilight!”

Twilight's eyebrow arched. “I would know if it was me.”

“Oh, right.” Apple Bloom tapped her chin. “What about Mayor Mare, or Vinyl Scratch?”

“We're already investigating them,” Pinkie chimed in.

“Snickerdoodle?” Scootaloo stuck her tongue out slightly, evidently in deep thought. “Diamond Tiara?”

That brought on a bout of silence. All three of them froze, their eyes widening. “Yep! It's definitely Diamond Tiara,” all three of them shouted in unison.

Twilight covered her face with a hoof. “Girls, I'm not interested in getting involved in your private grudges.”

“But it's totally got to be her behind it all!” Scootaloo hovered in the air for a moment.

“She's always sneaking around and doing nasty things!”

“Ah've seen her doin' it! Caught her red-hoofed!”

Twilight spared Apple Bloom a critical stare. “You caught her doing what, exactly?”

“Schemin'.”

Twilight groaned.

“I saw her, too!” Scootaloo shot her hoof up. “She was definitely scheming.”

“Me too!” Sweetie Belle jumped up.

“You were scheming, too?” Twilight asked.

“No no no. I saw her scheming!” The smile on Sweetie Belle's face was moving, no matter how biased the accusations were.

“Well, that just about proves it,” Pinkie concluded. “Diamond Tiara is behind it all!”

“No, it doesn't prove it!” Twilight whirled to face her partner. “It doesn't prove anything! It's just a bunch of wild accusations based on personal grudges between schoolfillies.” She put her hoof down forcefully. “If you're going to have accusations like this, you have to back them up with evidence and facts!”

“Okay!” Pinkie jumped toward the door. “Let's go to Filthy's and get that evidence!”

“Pinkie!” Twilight rushed to grab her, but she was no match for her friend's hyperactive speed.

Pinkie dashed out through the door. There was a scream, a thud, and an “Ow!” as the ramp forcefully reminded her of it's upness, and then a pink blur disappeared in the direction of Ponyville.

Before following her, Twilight gave one parting glare to the Crusaders. “This had better not be a false lead.”

A Re-do

Chapter 17 – A Re-do

“Pinkie, take that ridiculous thing off.” Twilight didn't know where Pinkie had found it, but she knew it had to go.

Pinkie slumped. “Aw, come on, Twilight! I hardly ever get to use my night-vision super spy suit!”

“No!” Twilight pointed up at the bright late-morning sun overhead. “It's daytime – your night vision will be useless. And your spy suit looks suspicious – you're going to get us caught! Now take it off!”

With a heavy sigh, Pinkie reached up and pulled the goggles off her head, then shucked herself out of the tight-fitting spy suit. Underneath it, though, was some other suit, this one soft yellow. As soon as the spy suit was off, she zipped her face into the yellow suit, and Fluttershy smiled at Twilight.

“That's...” Twilight blinked. “That's disturbing, but it might actually be useful.” Shrugging, she turned and headed further on down the street. “Filthy Rich's mansion is just up ahead, so stay sharp and follow my lead. This time of day, there should be nopony home, but still, be careful.” She reached up to adjust her investigating cap, only to be reminded she wasn't wearing it. She had to avoid the suspicions of nosy neighbors after all.

'Fluttershy' hopped behind her happily, bounding in a distinctly Pinkie-ish gait.

Walking along as if everything was fine and they had every right in the world to be there, Twilight and 'Fluttershy' stepped up to the Rich family's intimidating front door.

After a discreet glance around, Twilight let her horn flare, and an unlocking spell slithered into the door latch, violating the mechanism's purpose with a few deft twists.

The door clicked open.

“How'd you know Filthy's butler would be gone?” 'Fluttershy' asked.

“He always takes his butler with him to work on Mondays to help with the backlog from the weekend.”

'Fluttershy's eyes went wide. “Wow.”

Nudging her partner inside, Twilight grinned and again reached up to tilt the cap that wasn't there. “A good investigator does her homework when planning an illicit search. What did you think I was doing while you were out putting on your disguises?”

“Eating a peach?”

Quietly shutting the heavy door behind her, Twilight shook her head. “No. That was only a phase, okay?”

“Okay!” 'Fluttershy' bounced up and down.

“And be quiet!” Twilight whispered. “I think we should start with Diamond Tiara's room, since we didn't search that very thoroughly last time. Come on.”

When the two of them stepped out of the entrance hall into the main living room, a startled gasp echoed from it.

For a brief moment, Princess Luna stood behind Filthy's opulent couch. Her mouth dropped open, and her wings sprung up straight.

Twilight's eyes shot open wide. “Prin–”

Luna vanished, leaving only a dark blue flash in her wake.

“–cess Luna?” Twilight blinked rapidly and rubbed her eyes. “What was Princess Luna doing here?”

“I dunno,” 'Fluttershy' said, “but let's finish up and get out of here before she tells anypony we were here.”

“Right. Come on!” With 'Fluttershy' trailing close behind her, Twilight rushed up the stairs and over to Diamond Tiara's room.

It was a disgusting, horrifying sea of pink.

“I like this room!” 'Fluttershy' looked all around, as if to make sure to beam her smile into every corner of the cluttered room. “But how are we going to search all this before somepony comes home? We should go.”

“Don't worry.” Twilight grinned. “I put a tracking charm in that candy. This should be easy.” Her horn shined, and a clear sound like a ringing bell momentarily filled the room.

The echoing chime didn't come from anywhere in the frilly pink bedroom. It came from across the hall.

Both mares turned and stared back at the door. Twilight led the way out and across the hall.

The only door on the other side of the wood-paneled hallway led to Filthy Rich's bedroom.

Twilight tried the door. It was locked, of course, but a quick re-casting of her unlocking spell defeated that.

The two of them crept inside.

Other than the obscene opulence, nothing seemed out of place. No untoward items raised suspicion. The bed was neatly and professionally made, with a line of shiny horseshoes at the foot of it. A huge mirror in a gilt frame lined the left wall. On the dresser across from the bed laid Filthy's tie.

Twilight's eyes went wide. The tie wasn't red like Filthy always wore. This one was frilly and teal green... like the Mayor's! “Aha!” She rushed up to it. “I was right to have Rarity investigate the Mayor!”

Pinkie rushed up next to her. “Ooh!” She scratched her head. “So does that mean Mayor Mare is behind all of this?”

“It's too early to tell, but it's clear she's involved somehow.” Twilight glanced around the main room again, but found nothing significant. “First though, let's find that candy.” Again, her horn chimed like a bell.

The answering ring came from behind the mirror.

Twilight walked over and stared at her own reflection in it. The mirror spanned the entire wall, without any seam or crack. The golden frame was smooth and featureless. “Hm... This may be difficult. Maybe it opens to a set of magic words? I'll need to find the spell focus and try to decipher the control matrix. It's going to take time.”

Pinkie plopped down in front of the mirror. “Hm, now if I was Filthy Rich, what would my secret code be?” She tapped her chin and sang softly, “If I was a rich mare... La la lee la la...”

Twilight cringed, jolted out of her mental calculations by Pinkie's impromptu concert. “Pinkie, that isn't going to–”

“I know!” Pinkie jumped to her hooves and cleared her throat noisily. “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the richest of them all?”

“Pinkie, that's–”

With barely a sound, a well-oiled mechanism let the mirror drop down.

“...ingenious.” Twilight blinked at the room beyond.

It was vast, as only a mansion this size could allow a hidden room to be. Neat rows of contraband goods lined the walls, and right in front stood a crate neatly marked 'candy'. With only a brief telekinetic burst, the lid came off easily.

“Okay, Pinkie”– Twilight nudged her partner forward –“taste some of the candy to confirm that it's the same batch. Since you ate some before, you'll be able to tell for sure.”

“What?” Pinkie whirled to face her. “I can't do that! I made a Pinkie promise!”

“Huh?”

“You made me Pinkie promise not to eat any evidence!”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “This is an exception.”

“You said 'no exceptions'!”

Shaking her head, Twilight laid a hoof on Pinkie's shoulder. “Fine. Okay. Your earlier promise is annulled.”

“Pinkie promises do not work that way!”

“Ugh!” Twilight took her hoof from Pinkie and slapped herself in the face with it. “Fine. I need you to make a new promise for me, okay?”

“Okay!” The seriousness vanished from Pinkie's face, replaced by her usual bubbly smile.

“I need you to Pinkie promise that you'll taste the candy for me.”

'Fluttershy' nodded. “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. Pinkie promise.”

“Now, find out if that's the same batch.”

A curious blankness came to Pinkie's face. Starting softly, she began to whine – a high-pitched, keening wail.

Twilight's eyes went wide. She began to understand the magnitude of what she had just done.

The whine stopped suddenly. 'Fluttershy' blinked, then, in a flash, she darted inside the hidden room. The mirror whooshed up behind her.

“Pinkie!” Twilight rushed up to the mirror and pounded on it with her hooves. “Mirror mirror, on the wall, who's the richest of them all!” Still, nothing happened. “Ugh! Pinkie!” After a few more moments of futile pounding, Twilight backed away, preparing to blast the mirror away with a truly excessive amount of magical force.

The mirror opened on its own, revealing a smiling Pinkie Pie behind it.

“Pinkie!” Twilight rushed up and hugged her friend. “What happened? Did you taste the candy?”

“Both yes and no.” 'Fluttershy' smiled.

“Huh?”

“When I closed the door behind me and blocked you out, I entered into a state of quantum uncertainty. Because you didn't know if I was tasting the candy or not, I was in a superposition of both states.”

“Pinkie, that's only a thought experiment.”

“Or is it?” Pinkie winked.

Twilight's eyes narrowed. “You're not allowed in the physics section of the library anymore.” She sighed and shrugged. “So, is it the same candy that was stolen?”

Pinkie shrugged and nodded at the same time. “Yes and I don't know.”

“Right, superposition,” Twilight said with a groan. “I guess that means it is our candy, though.” Her horn flared, and a tiny jewel came floating up out of the crate. “I'll just remove this. I don't want anypony knowing we were here yet.”

“I don't think you need to worry about that,” a voice said from the doorway.

Both mares turned to look.

Filthy Rich stood at his bedroom door, glowering at them. He stormed toward Twilight. “Princess or not, you're in for it now!” He came in swinging.

Twilight dodged one hoof, then another close miss. She took the moment of closeness to her advantage and surreptitiously tucked the little tracking gem into Filthy's collar.

“Don't you dare hurt my friend!” 'Fluttershy' jumped in between them, snarling.

Filthy just laughed. He paused for a moment. “Ha, and what are you going to do about it?”

'Fluttershy' unzipped her face, revealing Pinkie inside. “Don't you dare hurt my friend,” she repeated, calm and cold this time.

Blanching, Filthy backed away. He looked up at Twilight, who was now hovering on her wings and gathering a terrifying amount of magic on her horn.

Twilight looked down on him, and her eyes began to glow.

He bolted, rushing out through the still-open door. His hoofbeats quickly faded down the hall.

“What were you going to do to him?” Pinkie asked as Twilight descended back to the floor.

“Oh, that? That was just a light show to scare him off. A princess can't go around punishing her subjects without a fair trial, even when she's doubling as a private investigator.” She stared at the open door. “I'm more interested in finding out how he knew we were here.” She tapped a hoof to her chin, thinking of Luna in the mansion. “Hm...”

“Ooh!” 'Fluttershy' zipped her face back up. “Let's go ask Rarity about Mayor Mare!”

Twilight thought about it for a moment. It would be good to get a few more pieces of the puzzle before confronting Filthy again. “All right.”

A Naked Pony

Chapter 18 – A Naked Pony

“Oh, Fluttershy, so good to see you. I'd have thought you'd be inside the spa already by now. You brought Twilight, though!” Rarity's hooves danced for a moment. “Twilight, dear, I am so delighted you've put that ghastly hat away and decided to join Fluttershy and me for a spa date! I'm sure Aloe and Lotus will be able to put a properly princessly sparkle in your mane!”

Twilight rolled her eyes, staying solidly put at the day spa's entrance. “Actually, I'm here on business.”

Glancing between the two of them, Rarity cringed. “But are you certain it's a good idea to discuss such clandestine matters in front of dear, innocent Fluttershy?”

“Actually,” 'Fluttershy' whispered, holding a hoof up to her mouth, “she won't be able to make it to your weekly spa date this time. She was called away on an urgent mission to help a sick raccoon.”

“But... Fluttershy, that doesn't even make any sense. Your voice may be odd, but you're right in front of–”

“Very urgent.” Twilight leaned in.

“Very sick,” 'Fluttershy' added.

“But, Fluttershy, you're here, right in front of me! With all the nonsense you're talking, I could almost think I was talking to... oh no.”

'Fluttershy' sidled up close, then unzipped her face for a moment. “Boo!”

Rarity jumped back. “Pinkie! I thought I told you to dispose of that disturbing costume back when we visited the Crystal Empire the first time!”

“And I thought I helped you do it,” Twilight added dryly. “I burned it myself!”

“I had a spare.” Pinkie smiled for a moment before zipping her face back into the disguise.

“Fine. I'll give you my report, but on one condition.” Rarity glared at 'Fluttershy'.

Twilight grinned, already expecting what the condition would be. “Name it.”

“You will accompany me through my spa treatment.”

“What?” Twilight threw her hooves up. “What about Pinkie's costume?”

Rarity smirked. “I already know you'll take care of that.”

“Fine.” Before Pinkie could protest at all, Twilight nodded. With a violet flash, the disguise vanished, leaving Pinkie in her natural state. Twilight grinned wider, wondering what the residents of Tartarus would think of the new arrival.

“Twilight!” Pinkie jumped into a nearby bush. “Twilight, I'm naked!”

“Pinkie,” Rarity reminded her, “you're usually naked.”

Still, Pinkie did not emerge from the foliage.

Twilight shook her head. “Fine. How about this?” Two teleportic flashes later, Twilight's investigating hat appeared on her head, and Pinkie's assistant cap appeared in the bush, at Twilight's best guess as to the location of Pinkie's head. “Better?”

“Yep, that's better.” Pinkie hopped out of the bush. Her cap was backwards, but had managed to lodge itself onto Pinkie's head, along with a few leaves and a squirrel. “I can't afford to blow my cover.”

Chattering angrily, the squirrel leapt back into the bush.

Twilight gave Pinkie a sidelong glance. “You realize that everypony can still recognize you, even when you're wearing the hat, right?”

Pinkie stared blankly at some distant horizon only she could see.

“Right.” Rarity furrowed her brow, but seemed otherwise uninjured by Pinkie's logic. The direction of her eyes – continuously darting to Pinkie's now-leafy mane – betrayed the true source of her distress. “Shall we discuss things over 'the usual'?”

Mud Pie

Chapter 19 – Mud Pie

Twilight lounged between Rarity and Pinkie in the mud bath. Now that the spa ponies had left them to soak, they could finally get down to business. “So, about the Mayor...”

“Oh, I researched her very much in depth, and infiltrated better than anypony else ever could, of course.”

Twilight's eyebrows rose. “And...?”

“She's completely clean.”

“What?” Little splatters of mud scattered at Twilight's sudden motion. “But we found her tie in Filthy Rich's bedroom!”

“Oh you silly darling, they're not doing crimes together, they're having an affair. Everypony in Ponyville high society knows, except his wife, the poor dear.”

“Twilight.” Pinkie leaned in close, sloshing through the mud.

“Not now, Pinkie.” Twilight brushed her away.

“Twilight!”

Seething, Twilight turned. “What?”

“What if the pony behind all this was among us right now?” Pinkie's eyebrows arched suggestively.

Only the mud prevented Twilight's hoof from impacting her face again. “Tell me you're not about to accuse–”

“What if it's Rarity?” Pinkie leaned in close, whispering, “Why else would she be covering for Mayor Mare?”

“Twilight?” Rarity laid a muddy hoof on Twilight's shoulder. “Should I be offended?”

“Yes. Yes you should.” Twilight glared at her assistant. “Pinkie, before we're out of this mud, you are going to apologize.”

Baby Blues

Chapter 20 – Baby Blues

Their manes glistened. Their hooves shone. Fresh and primped, they were ready to finally track this down to its source.

Pinkie looked over to Twilight and gave a slight nod.

A little ball of light shot out from Twilight's horn and bobbed away down the street.

The two of them rushed after it, dodging through traffic, around buildings, and even over market stalls, always struggling to keep that little glowing orb in sight.

After dozens of hasty apologies and twice nearly losing Twilight's investigator hat, they skidded to a halt.

The orb stood stationary, just outside of Sugarcube Corner, tapping itself against the wall.

With a flash of her horn, Twilight dismissed it before it could give them away. “Okay, Pinkie, the tracking gem is somewhere inside. Let's take a peek in the window. Be quiet!”

Slowly and carefully, the two of them peeked inside.

It was the twins' room, the pastel colors and cribs unmistakable.

The two youngsters, still in their diapers, stood on their crib, just above Filthy Rich. He spoke to them, gesturing and waving a hoof, but his voice didn't carry through the wall. Pound Cake held up a hoof, and Filthy stopped immediately.

Twilight's jaw dropped. No. It couldn't possibly be!

Pumpkin Cake started talking, pointing her hoof viciously at Filthy. His head drooped, and he stared at the floor with a cringe.

It was almost enough to break Twilight's mind. The twins were actually calling Filthy Rich – one of the most powerful ponies in the town – on the carpet. They couldn't possibly be the masterminds behind this whole scheme... could they?

After Pound Cake had his say, Filthy slank away and out through the nursery door. A moment later, the back door of the building opened and closed.

Urging Pinkie along with her, Twilight pulled away from the window. “I can't believe this!” she whispered. “How can we interrogate babies?”

“Just leave that to me.” Pinkie grinned. “I've dealt with these ponies before.” She hurried around to the front door.

Twilight struggled to keep up. “Pinkie! You can't just run in there and start asking them questions!”

Pinkie just ran in there and started asking them questions. “Who's the Kingpin? Where does he live? What's six times seven?”

The twins looked up at her. Pound laughed, and Pumpkin stuck her hoof in her mouth, drooling all over it.

“You two are in for it now!” Pinkie yelled. “We know you can talk, now do it! Who's the Kingpin of this crime ring?”

“Pinkie! I la!” Pumpkin rolled over on her back and blew a raspberry at the ceiling. Pound giggled again.

“Why you little–”

Twilight grabbed Pinkie by the tail and dragged her out of the room. “Pinkie! This isn't going to work, and I am not going to watch you abuse these poor foals. They've been caught up in something bad, I'm sure, but it's not their fault.”

“But–” Pinkie blinked at her as the nursery door edged closed again “–what else are we going to do?”

Twilight grinned. “You'll see.”

The Shooting

Chapter 21 – The Shooting

The two of them waited, still, hiding in the bushes across the street from Sugarcube Corner. The sky was turning orange, and crickets were beginning to chirp.

“Can we go home yet, Twilight? They must have put the twins to bed by now.”

“I know.” Twilight didn't take her eyes off the building. “I'm counting on it.”

The minutes rolled by, and the sky slowly moved from orange to purple.

Finally, just as the first stars began to twinkle in the sky, two shadowy little shapes slipped out of Sugarcube Corner, softly closing the doors behind them.

“There,” Twilight whispered. “Keep close, but not too close. They can't know we're here.”

Slinking around corners and snooping through the gloom, the two of them followed the twins. Street after street, two small shadows paused, with two larger shadows scurrying behind. The crickets chirped and the cool night breeze ruffled through the leaves; the secret travels of the four ponies were seen by none.

Finally, the twins stopped. They stood still next to Ponyville's water tower.

Twilight shoved Pinkie and herself into a nearby bush before they could be spotted.

The twins did indeed look around carefully before proceeding. After a moment of tense silence, one of them nodded, and they began climbing the tall ladder on the side of it.

Twilight and Pinkie slowly rose a little higher in the bush, watching the foals go.

“Ohmigosh, Twilight, look!” Pinkie jumped up straight. “It's Princess Luna!”

“Pinkie! Ssh!” Twilight whipped around to look where Pinkie was pointing. She was just in time to catch a glimpse of Luna slinking away behind a building.

High above, from somewhere inside the water tower, an alarm rang out. It clashed incessantly and insistently.

From their house nearby, Daisy, Lilly, and Roseluck popped out of their door. They took one look at Twilight and Pinkie, then rushed back inside.

Twilight grimaced. “I've got a bad feeling about–”

The three flower ponies jumped back out. They held huge, multi-barrelled machine guns in their hooves, with long chains of flowers leading into them. All three sets of barrels started to spin.

“Take cover!” Twilight shoved Pinkie out of harm's way and into the recessed entryway of a nearby building. She used the reaction from her shove to push herself into the middle of the street and behind a stone fountain.

The three guns erupted into a constant, ear-splitting, heart-stopping buzz. Trails of flower stems plugged themselves into the ground just behind Twilight.

She pulled herself closer in behind the fountain and brushed a few stems out of her tail. She gasped for breath. There was no way she and Pinkie could stand against that kind of firepower! She looked over at Pinkie, hoping for the best.

Pinkie cowered inside the entryway, pressing herself tight against the wall to avoid her own hail of flying flowers. She tried the doorknob, but she didn't seem successful; it must have been locked.

Twilight knew what she had to do. She would teleport over to Pinkie, and then teleport them both to safety. Then they could find some way to sneak into that tower. If it was this well defended, it must have been–

The shooting stopped.

Twilight looked back over at Pinkie... just in time to see the door behind her friend open.

Lyra jumped out of the door and grabbed Pinkie. There was a bright yellow flash, and both of them were gone.

“Pinkie!” Twilight ducked away, pressing her back against the foundation. They had Pinkie! She looked up.

Bon Bon ran toward her out of the darkness. The mare looked unstoppable.

With the flower trio covering her escape route and a strong earth pony barreling toward her, Twilight had only one option.

She teleported away.

With a violet flash, she reappeared safe inside her library... but without Pinkie.

“Pinkie!” Twilight hid her face with her hooves. How could she have let them take her prisoner? She should have acted sooner! And how could she ever get Pinkie back? They could have teleported her anywhere! Who knew where they would take their prisoners.

There was no way now that she would be able to rescue Pinkie. It wasn't as if the ponies who took her would nicely take Twilight Sparkle to the same place, now was it?

Or was it?

A plan began to form. If she was captured, she would be taken to the same place, wouldn't she? But how could she rescue Pinkie if she herself was a prisoner?

She would need help.

A Useless Needle

Chapter 23 – A Useless Needle

Straining to be as inconspicuous as possible, Twilight eased her way up to the water tower. Even though her ultimate goal was to get captured, she hoped she could be sneaky enough to get a look at what was inside the tower before they found her.

When she reached the ladder, she glanced back across the street. Applejack still stood there behind her apple cart, looking as innocent as a pony could.

Taking a deep breath, Twilight hooked a front hoof over a step of the ladder.

The tower's shrill alarm cut through the morning stillness.

Twilight looked up, but she couldn't see any change from the tower. She hopped off of it, ready to make her escape and find another way in.

Lyra stood right in front of her. “Going somewhere?” There was a bright yellow flash, and before Twilight could do anything about it, she was teleported away.

Unnoticed behind her cart, Applejack pulled a small compass out of her saddlebag and took a look at it. She looked back at the tower with her face scrunched up. The needle still pointed there.

Combat in the Round

Chapter 24 – Combat in the Round

Twilight found herself in a dim, circular room. Ponies stood all around, staring at her. Octavia and Vinyl, Lyra and Bon Bon, the flower trio, and even the Cake twins all watched her silently.

Right in front of her loomed a huge wooden desk. A big, high-backed chair was behind it, turned away from her so she couldn't see who sat in it. She didn't need to, though. She knew who would be there: the Kingpin.

Blinking to help her eyes adjust, Twilight stood up straight. “Hello, Pinkie.”

The chair swiveled around, revealing Pinkie Pie, sans investigator's hat and with the most deliciously shocked look on her face. “What! How did you know?” She threw her hooves in the air. “You ruined my big reveal!”

Twilight smirked. “It really was pretty obvious all along, in retrospect. Why else would you interfere so much? Who else would choose the Cake twins as leaders?”

Pinkie's hooves fell to the desk, and she glared daggers, spears, needles, and all sorts of pointy, unpleasant objects at Twilight.

“Oh, and the 'investigator's assistant' cap sitting on the table sort of gives it away.” Twilight giggled.

Pinkie's mouth dropped open. Her eyes shot over to the offending hat, but her head didn't move. In one smooth motion, she swiped it into a drawer and spun back around. “Okay, start over!”

“I still know it's you, Pinkie.”

“What?” Pinkie spun back around to face Twilight. “How did you know this time?”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Because I still remember from last time?”

“Augh!” Pinkie slammed her face down on the desk. “This is never going to work!” She shook her head. “Whatever. Let's just get on to the next part.”

“Yes, let's do that.” Twilight grinned and called up her magic. Now that she knew everything she needed, she could leave and take it to the authorities. With a flash, she teleported away.

With another flash, she reappeared in the same spot again.

Pinkie cackled ominously. “No no no no no. The next part isn't where you teleport away. This tower is deadlock sealed. The next part is where you join my little organization... or else.”

“Pinkie, there's no possible way I'll ever–”

“You'll take your orders directly from my lieutenants, Pound Cake, and Pumpkin Cake.” Pinkie grinned wide. “We'll be ready for the big time now that we have a princess!”

The other ponies in the tower cheered.

“I'll still never... wait.” Twilight sat back down. If she was the only princess they had, then what was–

A trap door in the floor behind her burst open, sending pieces of wood flying everywhere. Applejack shot up out of the hole, already pulling an apple back in her sling. She let fly.

The fruit streaked across the room faster than sight, catching Daisy in the face. She flew back from the impact, taking the other two flower ponies with her.

Octavia and Vinyl leapt over Twilight, taking a running dive toward the intruder. Each of them kicked back and spun in the air as two more apples found their marks.

Applejack dove to the side, dodging Bon Bon's hoof. She shot another apple as she rolled away, taking down another assailant.

The Cake twins rushed for Twilight, grabbing onto her before she could react.

Applejack stretched her slingshot backward, pointing the apple behind her in the brief moment of silence.

Twilight wondered what her rescuer was doing... until Lyra teleported into place behind Applejack.

Without even looking, Applejack released. The apple flung behind her, and Lyra went down.

“Stop!” Pinkie shouted. She pointed to Twilight. “Put down the slingshot, or my lieutenants are gonna take it out on Twilight!”

Before Applejack could react, Twilight held both twins up in her telekinesis. “These lieutenants? Don't make me laugh.”

The twins giggled, enjoying their ride.

“Aw.” Pinkie sagged down onto the desk. “But I love making ponies laugh!”

Twilight marched up to the desk, still holding up the twins. “The tables have turned, Pinkie. It's time for you to give up and disband this mafia.”

Pinkie looked down at the desk. “Turned? It hasn't moved at all.”

With an extra burst of magic, Twilight spun the desk around. “There. Table turned.”

Pinkie hung her head low. “Aw... okay.” She looked up at her minions, who were just beginning to recover from Applejack's onslaught. “Sorry, guys, but due to new management priorities, we're going to have to make some layoffs and personnel changes around here. Don't worry – your pension plans will remain in effect.”

“Good.” Twilight lowered the two foals to the ground.

“So, Twilight–” Pinkie hopped up over the desk “–what game should we play next?”

“Pinkie, I've had just about enough of your–”

The wall of the tower exploded in dark blue light, and Princess Luna flew in, flanked by two of her bat pony guards. “Aha! The justice has been doubled!” She glanced around the room, then paused and took a longer look.

“Sorry, Princess Luna,” Twilight said, “we've already handled this one.”

Luna fell down to the floor and crossed her hooves in front of her chest. “Fie upon it! I had been investigating this for weeks!” Her expression grew pained. “Why does Twilight Sparkle always get to be the one who saves the day?”

“So...” Pinkie glanced around. “How about a 'time for Luna to get a chance' party?”

Vinyl Scratch groaned and picked herself up off the floor. “I'll bring the wubs!”

The End

Tension Runs Thick

Chapter 4 – Tension Runs Thick

A tiny bell chimed as Twilight stepped into Sugarcube Corner's main room. The warm, sweet scents of freshly baked treats washed over her. Ponies gathered around the tables inside talked and laughed.

“Hello, Pinkie! Hello, Twilight!” Missus Cake smiled at them from across the counter. “Anything I can get for you, dearies?”

“Yes.” Twilight smiled back as Pinkie shut the door behind her. “I'd like some information...” She leaned in close and lowered her voice. “...about the protection racket you've gotten caught up in.”

Missus Cake's eyes shot open wide, and her mouth tightened. The air thickened as a portion of the voices from the tables ceased.

Twilight glanced around. At one nearby table, Lyra and Bon Bon glared at her with narrowed eyes. From another table, Sea Swirl and Golden Harvest glanced at her with their eyebrows raised. Derpy Hooves, sitting next to them, seemed intent on the muffin in front of her, but one eye tracked in Twilight's direction. Even the Cake's twins popped their heads in from the top of the stairs.

Mister Cake hurried out from the kitchen. “Is everything okay, Honeybun?”

Cup Cake just glanced toward him and cringed.

He glared at Twilight. “Hey, what's going on here, you two?”

“We're trying to find out who's hitting you up for protection money.” She held a hoof up in front of her. “We don't want to cause any trouble, right, Pinkie?”

“Yes indeedy!” Pinkie bounced up and down. “We don't want any trouble. No trouble at all! Not one word of troub–” She continued mumbling despite Twilight's hoof covering her mouth.

Carrot Cake glanced around the room, breathing heavily. “We don't know anything about that.”

Twilight stared at him. “Yes you do.”

He looked up at the twins peeking down from the stairwell, then back to Twilight. “I can't tell you anything. You two need to go.”

Twilight kept staring. Her frown deepened.

He didn't back down.

“Fine.” She turned away, finally uncovering Pinkie's still-babbling mouth. “But I will get to the bottom of this. When is the next pick-up time?”

He glanced at the clock, but said nothing.

“Soon, then.” Twilight smirked. “We'll be around.”

A Rug is a Rug

Chapter 11 – A Rug is a Rug

“Is this a clue?” Pinkie held up another plate.

“No.”

“What about this?” She held up a coffee cup this time. “Is this a–”

“Pinkie!” Twilight whipped her head around, nearly dislodging her special investigating hat. “None of the dishes, plates, bowls, cups, or silverware are clues, okay?”

Behind her, watching from the entrance of the marble and walnut bedecked kitchen, the butler began tapping his hoof against the stone floor. His glossy black mustache skewed to the side as he sneered.

Pinkie lifted up a toaster, its plug dangling “What about–?”

Twilight screamed, letting her pent-up rage escape. “Pinkie,” she then said with a calm, clear diction, “if you say one more word before we leave this house, I'm taking you off the case. Do you understand?”

Pinkie sighed. “Okay.” Her eyes flashed open wide, and she slapped her hands over her mouth, shrinking down away from Twilight.

“I'll let that one slide.” Twilight returned to her search. “But only that one.”

Pinkie nodded.

“Good.” Shrugging it off and questioning the wisdom of allowing Pinkie to be her partner in the first place, Twilight cracked open another cupboard. Now she could finally complete her search in peace.

Meanwhile, Pinkie took the opportunity to peek under the kitchen rug. Her eyes widened at the sight of a well-hidden trap door, but true to Twilight's ultimatum, she didn't say a single word.

Backup

Chapter 22 – Backup

The very moment the sun crested the horizon, Twilight pounded her hoof on Applejack's door.

The farmpony opened it instantly. She wasn't one to sleep in late.

“Applejack, I need your help!”

A big, lopsided grin spread across Applejack's face. “I was wonderin' how long it'd be before ya needed my help.” She looked around the farm. “Where's Pinkie?”

Twilight cringed. “They've taken her!”

“What? Where?” Applejack's eyes went wide, and she looked out over the farm again, as if she might spot Pinkie being held out there.

“I don't know.” Twilight shook her head. “But I have a plan to find her. I'm going to get captured.”

One of Applejack's eyebrows rose. “Ain't much of a plan.”

“When I get captured, they'll probably take me to the same place. Once they do, you'll come and rescue us both.”

“But how am I gonna find you? They could take ya anywhere, and I might not be able to follow.”

Twilight pulled a small compass out of her mane and tossed it over. “Here. I've enchanted it so that it will point toward me no matter where I am. It's tuned to my magical frequency.” She grinned.

“Well, alrighty then. Let's get goin'!”

Twilight held a hoof up. “Hold on. They've got some pretty serious firepower on their side. Are you sure you can handle it alone?”

Applejack grinned, then ran inside. Just a moment later, she rushed back out, wearing a pair of saddlebags. She opened one, dropped the compass into it, and pulled out an enormous slingshot. “This here's the apple slingshot I like to call the eighty-eight magnum.” She winked. “It shoots through schools... Yeah. I can handle it.”

Twilight smiled. “Good. Let's go!”