The Guy kicked the door into his apartament. It did not open. He was a wuss. The Guy proceeded to open the door like a normal guy would.
The Guy was really upset and angry at his life and the things inside it like: his job, his awful apartament and stuff. He was tired of this boring everyday cicle of getting up, eating cheap cerial, taking a subway to work, getting shouted at at this work and not getting any action if you know what I am saying and you do not know what I am saying. By action I mean anything like a hot weekends with friends or Harry Potter movie marathon or S with the E at the middle and an X at the end.
Profile: The Guy
Skin Color: White (yes that is the first thing I have written)
Hair color: Brown
Height: Average
Sex: Never gets any
Working Place: Office (not the TV show)
The Guy sadly sat down on his somewhat comfy chair, losened the knot on his tie and sighed. There was nothing on TV. Literally the TV was not working. The guy emptied his pockets and found a sort of pill. The pill was given to him by a Bob Marley looking guy in the Office who always smelled funny and was the definition of chill. He said to The Guy that this pill will make his life so much happier and rainbower. The Bob Marley looking guy was not good at grammar so rainbower was a perfectly fine word to him.
The Guy was all like: "Hey I have got nothing to lose but I have a lot to gain so why not." So he grabbed this pill and decided to go with it. I mean what is the worst that could happen? He put the pill in his mouth and closed his eyes. The Guy rested all of his weight on the chair and decided to relax and wait for the happiness promised by a Bob Marley looking guy.
For some time The Guy did not understand why was he seeing an intro of Doctor Who all of the sudden and the visials were so clear that there was no way it was his imagination. Suddenly The Guy collapsed like the chair on which he was sitting was never there to begin with. He looked around and could not believe his eyes. He was in the realm of one of his fave cartoons: Equestria.
The clouds were dancing with happyness and their totally not creppy eyes were staring at The Guy. Scootaloo was barfing Rainbow river out of her butt. No she did not poop the river out of her butt. She barfed it out of her butt. Big difference.
"Okay calm down. This pill is just doing strange stuff to my brain. It will all be OK," The guy said to himself when suddenly he heard a disgusting sound of someone slurping the noodles. It was very loud and obnoxious. The Guy turned his head and saw Rainbow Dash devouring Twilight's guts like noodles and crying crimson blood.
The Guy fell on his bottom and started screaming and crawling back when Rainbow Dash suddenly stopped the slurping and gazed at him.
"Well look who the fairy brought here," She smiled and started slowly walking towards the guy while the blood was still spilling through her eyes.
"Come play with me. I promise not to rape you in the mouth. Only butt-rape for you sir. Only the highest class!!!" - Rainbow Demon screamed as she charged towards The helpless Guy.
"What the heck is going on here!?!?" - The Guy screamed his lungs out.
Suddenly Rainbow Dash stopped as well as the bleeding from her eyes. She looked at him and cocked her head.
"Wait a second...you are not part of the play..." Rainbow exclaimed while ponies from all corners started to gather.
"Sorry for scaring you little buddy. We were just doing a play "Scootaloo poops rainbow river while Rainbow Dash demonicly eats Twilight's intestants." Rainbow precceeded to pat The Guy on the back.
"Wait! Why are you treating me like you see humans here everyday?" The Guy slowly got up while his legs were still shaking.
"Oh it is not biggie. There are usually fat nerds coming out of the Everfree Forest exclaiming that they lost their memeory or saying that they are a huge fans of the show like every other day. They usually die of heart attack quite soon though." Rainbow Dash smiled innocently.
"That is some strong acid this hippie gave me!"
"Acid? Oh no this is not acid my friend" Twilight suddenly interrupted The Guy, "You are in real Equestria my friend. You see really your mind just transported here because this acid freed your mind of boundaries."
"Then why are you all acting nothing like your TV show counterparts?"
"My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is sort of like a reality show for us here. It is bascily the equivalent of Jersey Shore here in Equestria." Twilight scratched her head (with a hoof I know...)
"Twilight. He is not like the others!" Rainbow exclaimed, "It has been 5 minutes already and he is not asking us for sex. I mean usually when fat greasy nerds appear in Equestria first thing they want is interspecies orgy."
"Hmmm...you are right, Rainbow. This guy is different. Maybe he can help us solve the problem." Twilight Sparkle started staring at The Guy.
"Help you solve what problem?"
"Well our princess is pregnant and she is the only one who can controll the movement of the sun. No do not ask the gravity does not work in here like in your home world. Some people would say that the sun and the moon that do not move by themselves would seriously mess up the whole solar system but that is Faust's fault anyway," Twilight mumbled to her nose, "Anyway our princess is pregnant and she can not move the sun or she will give birth too early with all the strain and stuff."
"So you want me to learn the magic and move the sun?" The Guy looked with skeptisism.
"No silly. It would take years for you to learn the magic plus you do not even have a horn. We just want you to kill the sun." Twilight said with a friendly smile.
"Wait kill the sun? How is it easier to kill the sun then to learn magic? Plus even if I somehow do that, won't it totally mess up the entire world?" The Guy looked surprised by the bizzare request.
"Shut up and do what rainbow colored ponies tell you to do!" Twilight slaped The Guy's face with her hoof.
"Okay okay!!! Just don't hit me. So how am I going to kill the sun?" The Guy looked at Twilight with clueless face.
"Easy! I create an air bubble around you and launc you into the sun with my magic." Twilight pointed her hoof at the sun with a grin on her face.
"That's retarder,"
"You're retarded," Twilight remarked. In a moment Twilight created a bubble around The Guy and before he could even scream hurled him into the sun with a huge force.
The Guy was speeding towards the sun faster than the speed of light. Before he knew it he was right in front of the sun. Suddenly the Sun growed a mouth and a few tentacles.
"Hey, I'm here to kill you," The Guy said with a cold face.
"Oh I don't think so," The sun smiled.
"Nah-ah. You are pretty much dead. I posses the super powers," The Guy crossed his arms.
"Where in the world did you get that assumption?" The Sun looked confused.
"Cuz I am lucid stoning," The Guys smiled.
"Lucid Stoning?"
"Yeah...it is like lucid dreaming...well exept you are stoned and purple alicorn fires you to fight the Sun. Some part of the dream is still under my controll then...so I will just come up with a few powers and shove your head up your butt. It will be hard finding your butt...and head but I think I can do it," The Guy started cracking his knuckles.
"Hahahaha. Look at this punk! He thinks he is lucid stoning! This is no dream you idiot and I am going to rape you!" The sun could barely hold in it's laughter.
"Wait what!?" The guy stoped cracking his knucles and started pooping his pants.
"You idiot! The real reason Twilight Sparkle sent you here was for you to be a sacrifice. I mean I give this planet wormth and life so I have a right for a sacrifice or a few. Basicly you are my sacrifice and I am going to tentacle rape you," The Sun's tentacles started moving like snakes.
"WAIT!!!" The Guy pointed his finger towards the sun.
"What now?" The tentacles suddenly slowed down.
"Do you use condoms!?" The Guy screamed out
"No...you should better get checked if you survive this mate," Tentacles slowly started regaining their snake-like movement mode.
"Will you be gentle? I have not been raped by tentacles in a while....by a while I mean ever..."
"NO!!!!"
TENTACLE RAPE ENSUED!!!
