Lyra's Dirty Little Secret

by Orion97

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Bon-Bon, Slice of Life, Sex, Human, Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1300

Meanwhile in an alternate universe, ponies are clopping to you,! The perverts...

(It now has a sequel! Playing The Heartstrings)
Everypony thinks that humans aren't real, but that won't stop me from trying to find one. They seem so interesting, if only I could meet one. I've seen pictures on what ponies are pretty sure they'd look like, there's a small fandom actually about fictional humans and things they do. They're smart, they're strong, fast and kinda handsome in some cases...sexy even. So what if some ponies think clopping to humans is weird? It's not like anyone will ever know...

Just a short little fic I wanted to do, meant more as a joke and to not be taken too seriously but it does occur in the same universe as the other stories I've written except "Tales of the Forgotten: Firefly" and is later in the timeline.
(Just a heads up, there is no actual sex happening in the story but if people start asking for that kind of thing I might do another story.)
Thank you to Sky Pegasus Readings for doing this awesome reading of the story (Live Reading) Be sure to check out their other readings!

Published 2014-07-14 15:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-14 15:10:02 UTC

Caught Clopping

The door closed behind me with a small click as I slipped into my room. Bon-bon was gone at the market and probably wouldn't be back for at least another half hour. The perfect opportunity for some alone time.

I sat down and turned on the computer after checking that all of the blinds were shut tight. Once the machine was on I began to search the web. Although computers were of decent quality, they had been out for a while, and there was internet too, most ponies still preferred a newspaper in hoof or a magazine to read rather than searching for one online. I opened the browser and looked for my prize. I typed in the search bar "sexy male humans". I was pleased to see dozens of pictures instantly appear, some of them were wearing jackets and had their hair styled really well or had more muscles than the others.

There was just one problem. They were still wearing clothes.

Once more I returned to the search bar and entered "sexy naked male humans". I was rewarded immediately with what I had sought and by Celestia were they smoking hot. I couldn't help but imagine what they could do with those fingers...a shiver ran down my spine as I let my creativity do the rest. I clicked on a website that was all about it and feasted my eyes. Ooh...this one especially was a fine specimen...he wasn't the strongest looking guy and he was a little on the pale side but damn...those bright blue eyes and that slim physique complimented his almost chestnut colored brown hair. That chiseled face couldn't have been designed more perfectly. My body shuddered just from the thought of a perfect date with someone like that. It said his name was Jacob Heller but his nickname was Jake. Hmm...Lyra Heller? Not a lot of ponies changed the last part of their names when they married another. Not all ponies even had second names, such as Fluttershy, though sometimes they just added it on.

Jacob...Heartstrings? Oh yes...that did actually sound kinda nice...though of course we'd have to go on a date together first.

I know he'd compliment my eyes or my mane just before we ordered an amazing dish together. Later that night he'd walk me home and before he left I'd give him the best kiss I could before pulling him inside for a night alone together. After that well...hehe, that's when the fun would begin. Though I couldn't help but feel a little easy to get I know I'd want it so badly. In reality I think I'd at least try to wait till after a third date. But what if he lost interest? I put that thought out of mind as I returned to my fantasy.

I'd take him upstairs with me to my big, awesome bed and then I'd undress him and tell him to just take me right then and there... I let my hoof slide lower as I let myself indulge in my little fantasy.

"Oh yes...Jacob...right there..." I closed my eyes and moaned his name

"Ooh, show me what those fingers can do..." I whispered to the air, somewhere a distance away I thought I heard something open but it was as I pictured him opened the night stand to get something.

"I'm yours...do whatever you want. Take me..." I pleaded out loud, to which the Jacob in my imagination happily responded.

"Lyra? Are you in there with someone?" my roommate Bon-bon called out. She wasn't supposed to be back already!

SHIT. I sat straight up and quickly tried to cover my tracks by closing out the window. My nightmare came true when the computer messed up and refused to close for some reason. DAMN DAMN DAMN. Close already!

"Uh...no it's just me! I'm uh...practicing, practicing for a play I auditioned for!" Perfect. Now I just needed to close this window out.

"Oh that sounds like fun! I'm gonna come in, maybe I can help you." she said as she turned the door handle and began to enter.

"NO! Don't come in!" I shouted in panic as a bead of sweat formed on my brow. It was too late, she was already walking in.

"Relax, I don't see what the big deal i-" All went silent and everything froze as her eyes caught me in a guilty pose with naked humans on the computer. I think I felt my heart stop for several long moments as she just looked in absolute surprise.

"This isn't what it looks like!"

"Lyra! Just...oh my god! You could have at least locked the door! Oh my god..." She shouted as she covered her eyes with a hoof. "And were you clopping to humans?"

"You weren't supposed to be back so soon! And well kinda maybe...it's not like it's really a bad thing." I said guiltily.

"No it's just...weird...humans don't even exist, Lyra. You need to go out and get a colt friend or something. Hell a gryphon or even a dragon. You can't sit in here clopping to humans for...how long have been looking at this sort of thing anyway?" She looked at my sympathetically, doing her best to avoid looking at the computer, it didn't help that the guy had a big schlong.

"It's not like anyone out there would even be interested in me. I haven't had a real date in like a year." I said, it wasn't a fun thought to dwell on.

"Well ask a stallion you like out on a date, you might get lucky."

"I doubt it."

"Well at least get cleaned up. I'm gonna try to close this out..." she said quietly as she took my seat and began working to unfreeze the screen. I took my walk of shame to the shower to wash myself, walking on two legs as I often do, despite how some ponies said it's strange. Nowadays I mostly just did it at home.

After a nice, long, hot shower I stepped out feeling fresh and sharp. I dried off using my towel and walked back to my room to grab my harp. It always helped to calm my nerves when I played it out at the park, especially in the evenings like it was now. I opened the door to my room and saw Bon-bon at the computer...as she clicked further into the website and moaned silently.

"Bon-bon!?"

Six months later...

"Canterlot Daily! Read all about it! Portal opened to human world." One of the town newspaper ponies shouted as I passed him.

"Say what? Is this a joke or something?"

"Nope, miss. It's real! The princesses managed to open a portal to a human world. It's near the castle and they're working with them to figure out how the tourism would work between our worlds." Before he even finished his last sentence I snatched a paper from him and hoofed him a bit to pay for it. My eyes widened as I read the details. I could walk there in less than ten minutes and wait a minute...there are humans in Canterlot right now talking to the princesses!?

After the initial shock dissipated excitement stepped in along with a few thoughts and plans in the back of my head. One thought stuck out the most as I remembered one of my fantasies.

"Oh hell the fuck yes."

Author's Note

Just a story I got the idea for when writing about the multiverse thing in another story of mine. It's mostly a quick laugh and to just tell a smidge about Lyra if or when I do a story with her (Damn it, now I have to don't I) Hope you guys enjoyed, be sure to tell me your thoughts about it.