Putin Defeats the Borg Ponies

by KaBar42

Rating: teen
Tags: Braeburn, Princess Celestia, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 1501

The world is being overrun with mindless Borg ponies being controlled by the evil Xenolestia. All hope is lost! Until the greatest man in history shows up to beat some sense of Humanity's greatness into them.

The world is being overrun with mindless Borg ponies being controlled by the evil Xenolestia. All hope is lost! Until the greatest man in history shows up to beat some sense of Humanity's greatness into them.

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Published 2014-07-15 02:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-15 02:00:03 UTC

Putin Lays Down the Law

Putin Defeats the Borg Ponies

Gun fire poured out as the field moved at a slow but steady pace towards the country known as Russia. The last vestige of Humanity. As the field that killed any Human life and technology moved at a slow but steady rate. The Human warriors who now no longer identified as soldiers of a single nation, but as the Warriors of Humanity fought back the invading ponies in spite. All of them knowing today they breathed their last. The field would soon descend upon Russia and kill them all, as the ponies tried in vain to convert as many as they could. Everyone would turn their own guns upon themselves rather than face conversion.

The guns fired without heed, mowing down any pony unlucky enough to be in the sights. The snipers killed without heed. All of this out of spite. None of the soldiers were doing this to buy time for the civilians to evacuate to somewhere safe. The Humans were backed against a wall. And even against an unbeatable enemy Humans fought back. It was a primal instinct. The field reached the outer defense. As every soldier turned their own guns upon themselves, to deny the ponies what they wanted. The secondary line of defense two miles back began firing upon the seemingly endless wave of ponies.

However, the wave kept coming, backed up by the massive field of death, and in no time the wave was soon upon the line. The soldiers backed up, massacring the ponies flooding over the fortifications. One of the less-mindless unicorns had the smart idea to bring up a shield. As the soldiers emptied their mags from their rifles into the shield, they realized it was hopeless. So rather than face conversion, they went out with honor.

Several soldiers brought handguns up to their mouths, pulling the trigger and blowing their brains out. And several others pulled the pins on their grenades as a massive explosion followed.

The soldiers on the fortification behind the one that had just been overrun steeled themselves for the incoming field of death while several others took a moment to make one of their last memories on Earth the faces of their loved ones.

As the wave of ponies and the field approached, all Hell was unleashed. Despite the massive wall of projectiles opposing the wave of ponies, they kept coming. When the field was only about three hundred meters away, the soldiers knew they were doomed. Any hope of pushing the barrier back was done. Just as the soldiers in front of them knew that same fact.

But Humanity has one rule. Resist and Bite.

So despite their incoming doom the soldiers never turned away, as the field now inched into the one hundred meter range.

However, the soldiers did not know that Humanity could destroy the barrier.

As a horse vaulted over the barrier and landed in No-Man’s land. The fire from the Human side and the magic from the ponies not touching the horse, nor the rider on top of it.

The rider, a shirtless white male wearing OD green cargo pants tucked into boots, holding an AK-47 in his right hand, and a spear in his left, the reins in his left hand as well. With one kick from the rider’s foot, the horse fearlessly charged forward.

The rider let go of the reigns as he neared the massive wall of invading ponies. He lowered the spear as his mount charged into the wall, catching a tan stallion wearing a stetson and vest in the throat. Lifting the corpse up as his mount charged through the wall, firing his AK with his right hand. The shirtless rider said one line. This one line echoed through every Human’s ear. Every Human and piece of technology that had been destroyed by the field rematerialized. The Humans climbed back to their feet uninjured. No matter what had happened.

The purple field stopped in its track, a moment passed. The field cracked and then disappeared. Simmering away as the shirtless rider charged forward, carrying the spear with the impaled tan pony on it like a macabre flag.

What was this line that was muttered? The line that carried God’s powers itself?

“All fags die.”

Putin charged forward, as spears slammed into his chest, only to dissipate in his manliness. Ponies were trampled under-hoof. Jars of conversion potions broke upon his chest only to harmlessly slide off of it.

Magic slammed into the horse, only to be redirected back at the original caster.

Suddenly, Putin disappeared in a flash.

There was momentary confusion, however one soldier quickly sorted this out.

“There’s no field! Kill all the fucking ponies!”

“Today is the day that all the Humans shall die!” Celestia announced to no one in particular. As Luna looked at her sister as though she was crazy, she allowed herself to rest a bit in her throne. But something was bothering her.

“Sister?” Luna questioned.

“Yes?” Celestia responded.

“Why do you want to kill all Humans anyway? I mean, they seemed content to just stay on their planet. They weren’t an immediate threat to Equestria.”

“Well… because. Luna, I want to help them.”

“But they made it pretty clear that they didn’t want help. And nearly four billion Humans are defending Russia. So, how are we helping them?”

“Oh, silly Luna. They just fight because they don’t know they need help. They’re just little children throwing a fit because they don’t want to eat their food. “

Before Luna could respond to her sister’s irresponsible excuse, a flash as bright as the sun engulfed the throne room. So bright, it caused even Celestia to shield her eyes.

After the light cleared, the two pony princesses uncovered their eyes. Only to see a shirtless Human on a large horse in the throne room, while also holding a spear that had an impaled tan pony on it.

Celestia pushed herself back against her throne in sudden fright.

“How did you get in here! How did you get past the field? Actually… Guard! Did I ever decide on a name for the field?” Celestia trailed off and the Human remained silent.

The guard spoke up without shifting his position from watching the throne room door.

“I believe you chose Field of Doom, your Highness.”

“Thank you; now keep watching the door, please.” Celestia told the guard.

“Yes your Highness.” The guard responded.

The Human finally spoke up, his accent thick.

“You ponies are not very observational, are you? Look outside. There is no field!”

“Field of Doom, thank you very much!” Celestia corrected, the Human merely rolled his eyes.

The door suddenly burst open as the two guards that were guarding the massive doors were squashed between the wall and the doors. They were standing a bit too close.

“PrincessCelestiathereisnofieldandtheHumansareadvancingonCanterlotandwhyisthereaHumaniyourthroneroomonahorsewhileholdingohgodisthatBraeburne!” Twilight announced without taking a breath.

The Human merely looked back at the tiny pony standing in the door way, with five other ponies flanking her.

“Braeburn!” A orange pony that looked suspiciously like the one that was currently impaled yelled.

Before anyone could do anything, a rainbow maned pony flew up to the Human’s face.

“Why would you just kill Brae-“ Before she could finish, the Human raised his rifle and fired. The single round shredded the face of the pony as she fell down dead.

The Human spoke. “All fags die.”

Twilight quickly asked in fear. “Who are you?”

The Human turned to the other ponies standing, bringing his rifle to bear before anyone could realize it. He fired five rounds at the ponies standing in the door.

Putin answered calmly. “I am Putin.”

He brought the rifle to bear, putting a round in Celestia’s head.

He turned to Luna, speaking.

“This is just a warning.”

With that, he remounted the horse, disappearing in a flash. Leaving Luna alone to wonder just what the hell happened.

Humanity washed upon the shores of Equestria in waves of millions, making it to Canterlot.

With no field to back the ponies up, they were soon decimated and made citizens of Humanity. All statues of the three princesses were torn down and replaced with the statue of one man.

Humanity stands united under this man’s influence and his memory.Nobody knows what happened to him after that fateful battle. Some people say God brought him back to Heaven. Others say he was an alien sent to unite Humanity.

All they know is one thing.

His name was Vladimir Putin.

Author's Note

Please note: I have nothing against gay people. I'm just taking Putin up to 11 with his "fag" dialogue.

That being said.

Also, don't take this fic seriously. Really, I desperately hope no one actually takes this seriously.

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