The Worst Bakers in Equestria

by Bob From Bottles

Rating: everyone
Tags: Trixie, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Derpy Hooves, Random, Princess Luna
Length: 90447

Ponies with access to a bizarre magic enter a competetion where the objective is to bake as badly as possible.

(This is an old story that was written before season two)

There exists a baking competition that's different from all the rest. The objective is not to create something good—in fact, edibility results in instant disqualification. Instead, everypony needs to perform as badly as possible. Messes, fires, and bent utensils are not enough, for those at the top all have the ability to tap into a bizarre magic that allows them to do the truly unexpected.

This year's competitors have all entered for different reasons, but in the end, there can only be one Worst Baker in Equestria.

Published 2014-07-27 02:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-27 02:40:03 UTC

Chapter One - Preparations - Luna's Soup Adventure

Princess Luna smiled as she walked through Canterlot’s shopping district. It was late afternoon, and the lunch rush had changed into a dinner rush with no signs of slowing down. All around Luna ponies were buying, selling, trading, browsing, bartering, yelling, laughing, eating, performing, and talking. It could all be summed up in one word: commerce. Things had changed so much in the past thousand years. Some changes would take some getting used to, but this district with its sea of ponies? This was amazing. All these daily social interactions were on a scale that boggled Luna’s mind. The best part was that it never stopped. Day or night, rain or shine, summer or winter, it didn’t matter. The shopping district was always open.

Luna had left the palace earlier seeking adventure. More accurately, Luna had snuck out of the palace seeking adventure. The royal guards and her sister probably still thought she was resting in her room. Luna had to be careful, though. The Moon Princess casually walking about Canterlot would have caused quite a stir. News of it would have quickly reached the royal palace and, from there, her sister’s ears. For this reason, Luna had created a magical disguise for herself. To everypony seeing her, Luna appeared to be an earth pony with a light-brown coat, dark orange mane, and a pile of coffee beans for a cutie mark. She called this disguise ‘Morning Dew.’ The name and cutie mark a tribute to the beverage that allowed her to remain awake and alert during most of her daytime adventures. Her horn and wings still existed but were invisible. She had to be alert though, lest somepony bump into something that shouldn’t be there. It was always awkward when that happened.

Illusionary magic came naturally to Luna. Disguises, invisibility, ventriloquism. Spells like these she could cast quickly and so subtly that no one could tell what was real and what wasn’t. No one, that was, except for her sister. Celestia always seemed to see through her illusions with ease. Not through magic but through intuition that could only come from being an older sister. That had sometimes made sneaking out a challenge. It was a wonder that Luna hadn’t been caught yet.

Luna sometimes felt guilty going on her adventures, but she didn’t really have any responsibilities except for raising the moon and a few hours of her Lunar Court. Her sister was always finding something or another to busy herself with. Luna had offered to help after her return. She was eager to help. However, after a few blunders, it became apparent that her ‘helping’ was only causing more troubles. Luna had become discouraged for a time, but her sister was there for her. Celestia had suggested that Luna take a break, temporarily close her Court, see the world, talk to her subjects, learn, and above all else, be happy. And so she had.

Luna had spent weeks reading in the royal library. She went on official visits both with and without her sister. She had even attended Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns for a time but had left after she felt she was intimidating the younger students. She was also failing chemistry but nopony needed to know that.

Luna had always felt the best way to learn was by doing. This had proven difficult as everywhere she went, she was ‘Princess’ Luna and princesses did not paint walls, or wait tables, or dig ditches; that tended to make the other ponies doing the job nervous. So she had begun sneaking out in disguise to experience Equestria as a citizen instead of a ruler. She tried her hoof at any and every job she could, changing her appearance and race as needed. Many learning experiences went well. Some of them required a lot of apologizing. Once she had to flee from an angry mob. In the end, simply learning about her subjects helped immensely when she reopened her Lunar Court.

Today had turned out to be better than expected. Luna had come to observe the ponies of the market and scout out any potential ‘help wanted’ signs for future adventures. She soon became caught up in the hustle and bustle around her and became eager to make some purchases of her own. The first sale went easy. Luna had found a necklace she liked and bought it. The second sale didn’t go as well. Rather than pay the asking price, Luna had tried haggling. She had seen many ponies do it and understood the theory behind it. However, theory often differed from practice, and something had gone wrong. Luna was sure haggling was supposed to reduce the price, not increase it. She had ended up paying nearly double the asking price for the scarf that was currently in the bag looped around her neck. It was a beautiful scarf though and would look wonderful on her. Now that she thought about it, why did she buy a scarf anyway? It was summer and would be months before wearing a scarf wouldn’t draw strange stares. Luna decided to chalk the whole thing up as a learning experience.

A rumbling in her stomach reminded Luna that she hadn’t eaten anything since this morning. She could find something to eat here, but her evening meal with her sister would start shortly after sundown. It would be suspicious if Luna wasn’t hungry at what was supposed to normally be her ‘breakfast.’ She would have to return to the palace to eat. Luna smiled. A savvy shopper would never turn down a free meal anyway.

As Luna was turning down the street that would take her to the palace, she noticed a unicorn stallion hanging a brightly-colored poster with The Worst Baker in Equestria Competition written along the top. Most of the poster was taken up by a picture of a cyan-colored, pegasus mare with a rainbow mane. Luna recognized her as Rainbow Dash, the bearer of the Element of Loyalty. A word bubble came from Rainbow Dash’s mouth asking “Do you have what it takes to be the worst?” Along the bottom of the poster was the date and location of the competition, where to purchase tickets, and where tryouts were being held.

“Excuse me, sir,” Luna said, after the stallion had finished smoothing out the poster. “What is this Worst Baker Competition?”

“You never heard of the WBEs?” the stallion asked, then chuckled. “You must be living under a rock.”

Luna laughed nervously. “I’m not anymore. And it wasn’t exactly under,” she replied.

The stallion looked briefly confused then continued. “The WBEs are a yearly baking competition with a twist. It’s all about baking badly. Making a mess, setting things on fire, creating inedible food. That sort of thing. It’s great entertainment. You’re missing out if you haven’t seen them at least once. This year’s competition is in Ponyville, so it’s only a short train ride away.”

The gears began to turn in Luna’s head. “What if...” Luna began. She wasn’t sure if this was a good idea, but it sounded interesting, adventure worthy even. “What if I wanted to enter the competition?”

“Well, the first thing you need to do is make sure you bake bad. And I mean really bad. You can’t just mess up a recipe from time to time. You have to have a complete inability to bake at all if you even want to reach the quarter finals. Those competitors have some sort of weird bad luck that kicks in when they bake. You’ll also have to go to a tryout to be admitted. The WBEs have gotten real popular and would go on for days if the tryouts didn’t narrow it down to the top hundred. After that, it’s the preliminaries the morning of the competition where it’s further reduced to only eight. Then the actual event starts that evening where the worst bakers compete in front of an audience of thousands. The winner gets crowned champion, given a trophy, and is invited back to compete the next year. However, the real prize is getting free food for an entire year from the restaurant of your choice.”

Luna liked this idea more and more. She had never entered a competition before. Performing in front of an audience would be an excellent learning experience. “Thank you for the information. I’ll have to think about this.”

“My pleasure, miss. The tryouts will run until the day before the competition. I hear it’s easier to get a spot if you go earlier rather than later.”

Luna began to trot towards the palace. She had never really tried baking before. In fact, she rarely cooked anything for herself. She would have to find out if she had this inability to bake or not.

~~~

As much as Luna hated to admit it, sneaking into the palace was easy. True, the royal guards patrolled the ground, sky, and interior of the palace in constantly changing patrol routes and shifts. Warded runes had been placed in key locations that would glow and hum if they detected any teleportation or invisibility spell used nearby. Even the ground under the palace was magically hardened so that nothing could dig its way through. There was one flaw in the defenses though: they were never designed with the thought of an invisible alicorn flying in.

Luna landed on her room’s balcony and walked in through the open door. The rune above the door should have alerted everypony nearby that an invisible intruder had entered the princess’s bedroom, but long ago Luna had tweaked the spell on it to be unable to detect her own magic. This had the side effect of making the rune no longer able to detect any magic at all. Still, giving invisible assassins access to her room was a small price to pay for an easy way to sneak out.

Sleeping in Luna’s bed was a pony that looked just like her. At least, that’s what anyone would see if they happened to peek through her door. In truth, it was just an illusion she had created before leaving a few hours ago. She was only slightly worried that this spell was becoming second nature to her. Luna made sure no guards were flying by before dispelling the illusion and reappearing without her disguise. She dropped her bag and levitated out her necklace and scarf. It was a shame she wouldn’t be able to wear these about the palace for a while. She would have to pretend to purchase them the next time she left the palace ‘officially.’ She put her purchases away and put on her royal ensemble. Now that she had ‘woken up’ from her rest, Luna was free to move about the palace with nopony being the wiser to her earlier activities.

~~~

Luna made her way to the kitchens. It was about an hour until sundown. She would be joining her sister for their evening meal at that time. She pushed open the kitchen doors with her magic and walked inside. It was no surprise to Luna that the kitchens were in a state of controlled chaos. The royal chefs were always busy making meals not only for the princesses, but for the guards and palace staff as well. The kitchen was filled with unicorns, pegasi, and earth ponies all preparing food in various states of assembly. All of the ponies were wearing white toques and jackets. Pots were boiling. Pans were flipping their contents. Flames leapt from the stoves. Wonderful smells filled the air. However, above everything else, there was the noise. The chefs were talking, laughing, and shouting orders over sounds of cooking and one another. Luna couldn’t understand half of what was being said, yet it all came together somehow. Meals were prepared and sent out. Dishes came back and were cleaned. Everypony ate their meals and returned to their jobs satisfied.

One chef shouted louder than the rest. Luna recognized the white-coated, copper-maned unicorn as the head chef of the day kitchen, Main Course. He hurried about the kitchen tasting food, giving orders, and keeping everything running. As Main Course finished approving one of his chef’s dishes, he turned and took notice of Luna. He quickly approached her.

“Princess Luna,” he said, bowing his head. “It is an honor that you have graced my kitchen with your presence.”

Luna bowed her head to match Main Course. While she may be the co-ruler of Equestria, Main Course could be considered the ruler of the day kitchen, and she would respect that. Main Course’s face was full of gratitude as he smiled.

“We were just about to begin your and Princess Celestia’s evening meals. Did you have a special request? No need to be shy. We would enjoy making anything for you.”

“As a matter of fact. I do have a request. Though, I admit it may be a little strange.”

“Strange? The chefs of the day kitchen don’t know the meaning of the word ‘strange.’ We have prepared culinary masterpieces from every corner of the world. We are not afraid to try any recipe, use any ingredient. Ask, and it shall be made.”

“The thing is, it isn’t a recipe it’s... well...” Luna took a breath and fixed her eyes on Main Course’s. “Head Chef Main Course, may I make something in your kitchen?”

Main Course was stunned for a moment, then his smile grew even larger. “Princess Luna, of course you may cook in my kitchen. Come with me. Come with me. We’ll find you an open station. I will assist you personally so that your food will be just as good—no—better than anything ever made within these walls.”

“But will the kitchen be able to run without you? I’m sure I can manage on my own.” Luna said as she was led down an aisle of chefs cooking at their stations. The other chefs had begun to notice her and were all bowing their respects.

“My sous-chef can handle everything on her own for the last couple hours. Ah, here we are.”

Main Course directed Luna to an open station at the end of the aisle. The station was equipped with a cutting board, knife block, stove and oven. There were also many drawers and cabinets that likely housed everything else that could be needed. Luna noticed it was considerably less noisy at this end of the kitchen. Though, that was probably just the chefs attempting to be polite.

“I am sure you are ready to jump in and create the most extravagant dish you can imagine,” Main Course said, “but may I suggest you start with something basic?”

“What did you have in mind?”

“Soup. It may seem boring but there is a near infinite possible combination of ingredients that can be used to make soup. Not just that, but no two chefs make the same soup the same way. You can tell a lot about a pony by how they make their soup.”

Luna laughed. “Then I shall make soup and see what it says about me.”

Main Course’s horn began to glow, and a pot floated out of an opening cabinet. He set the pot on the countertop. “Now then, every soup begins with some type of liquid. We have many different types of vegetable stocks in storage, but for your first soup, I suggest you begin with water. It will allow you to more easily taste how each new ingredient combines their flavors to change your soup. If you’ll be so kind as to carry your pot, I will show you to the sink.”

Main Course walked around the end of the aisle and turned towards the sink on the far wall. Luna began to grab the pot with her magic but stopped. Would magic even be allowed in the competition? Most likely not, it would give unicorns an unfair advantage. If she was going to do this, it would have to be without the help of her magic.

Main Course reached the sink and turned around to continue his instructions to Luna. He opened his mouth to speak, but his voice caught in his throat. The Princess was walked towards him with the pot dangling by the handle from her mouth.

“P-Princess, you don’t have to carry the pot that way,” Main Course said as he regained his ability to speak. “It is unbecoming of your station. You have a great magical ability after all.”

Luna set the pot down on a countertop. She could see out of the corner of her eye that many of the chefs had stopped what they were doing to watch her. “I’m sorry, Main Course, but I forgot to mention part of my request. I would like to do this without using my magic. You have so many pegasi and earth ponies on your staff, and they all make such wonderful food. I felt I could appreciate it more if I understood the extra effort that they had to put into it.”

Many of the pegasi and earth ponies smiled and nodded in agreement. A quick glance from Main Course and the kitchen went back to its usual busy state. Main Course looked at the determined expression on the Princess’s face and knew he wouldn’t be able to win this argument. “Very well, Princess,” he relented. “Please place the pot in the sink and fill it halfway full of water.”

Luna placed the pot in the sink and twisted the hot water handle, only to have it snap off in her hoof. Luna and Main Course stared at the handle as water poured from the faucet. Luna started to speak, but Main Course cut her off. “It is not your fault, Princess. Allow me to reattach that for you. I will just put it back on... like... no. Hmm... it appears to be a clean break in the metal. Well, no matter.”

Main Course opened the cabinet beneath the sink and levitated out a pair of pliers. He attached the pliers to the metal stub of the broken handle and twisted. The water shut off.

“There we are. Always be prepared. Would somepony call for maintenance? Thank you. Now, Princess Luna. You will have to empty out your excess water. The pot will also be too heavy for your mouth, so you’ll have to use this serving cart to take it back to your station,” Main Course said, then pulled a serving cart towards them with his magic.

Luna carefully lifted her pot and placed it on the serving cart. As she moved back to her station, she pondered the odd occurrence. She had felt... something, as the handle had snapped in two. Some type of force at work. None of the other chefs, even the unicorns, seemed to have noticed anything. She would have to keep alert and try to sense it again.

With Luna’s pot of water back on her stove without further incident, Main Course continued his training. “Now, this is the important question. What type of soup would you like to make?”

Luna thought about the many types of soup she had tried before. “I think... that I would like to try making tomato soup.”

“An excellent choice. I will fetch a basket of tomatoes for you. In the meantime, turn the stove’s heat to high and select a medium-sized knife.”

While Main Course left to get the tomatoes, Luna turned up the stove’s heat. She had no idea what counted as a medium-sized knife, so she pulled out the knife from the middle of the knife block. As she turned back to her stove, she dropped her knife onto the countertop. Her pot was on fire, or more accurately, her water was on fire. Luna stared at the flames dancing along the water’s surface. There were ways both magical and mundane for fire to exist on top of water, but Luna couldn’t think of any that applied to this situation. Her trance was broken by a basket of tomatoes dropping onto her countertop and a lid slamming on the pot.

“Princess Luna! Are you alright?” Main Course said in a slight panic. “I know you are eager, but you must wait and follow my instructions. What was it that you added to the soup?”

“What? Nothing. I just turned on the stove like you said.”

Main Course chuckled as he removed the lid. “Come now, Princess, a pot of water doesn’t just catch on fire on its own. Now let us see...”

Main Course looked at the pot of water. It hadn’t even started to boil yet. He levitated a spoon to scoop out some water, blew on it to cool it off, and tasted it. A look of confusion crossed his face. “It's only water,” he said in disbelief.

“I told you.”

“Yes, forgive me, Princess. It’s just that...” Main Course blinked a few times then stared at Luna nervously. “Princess, I’m terribly sorry if this sounds rude, but... a-are... are you by chance... pranking me?”

“What?” Luna asked as her eyes widened. Main Course continued to stare at her. “Don’t give me that look. You should know full well that I wouldn’t prank you in your own kitchen.”

“Yes, of course, Princess. I-it is just bad luck. Could happen to anypony. Let’s forget about it and continue. Just take your knife and cut each tomato up as small as you can. Do not worry about your technique, we can work on proper knife skills another time.”

Luna selected a tomato from the basket and placed it on the center of her cutting board. She bit onto the handle of her knife, held the tomato between her hooves, and lowered the knife into the tomato. A stream of juice squirted out of the tomato and into her eye.

Main Course gasped. “Let me get you a wash cloth, Princess. I am so sorry. I have never seen that happened before, I—”

“It’s fine,” Luna said, wiping juice from her eye. “Just bad luck, could happen to anypony.”

Luna cut the tomato into small pieces and added it to the pot of water. When she pierced the next tomato, it popped like a balloon with an audible bang. Pieces of tomato showered on Luna and the stations around her. By now, the other chefs had begun to grow nervous. Something was going wrong. Main Course looked to be on the verge of fainting. Luna, however, was smiling. That force she had sensed was back.

This had to be it. This was the inability to cook that poster pony was talking about earlier. No matter what she did, this soup would turn out horrible. She would go to the tryouts tomorrow. Maybe even get a spot. Luna knew she should stop. She had the confirmation she needed. She should apologize to Main Course, play the whole thing off as bad luck, and laugh about it.

However, she couldn’t. She had to see the end results.

With a fiery determination, Luna attacked the remaining tomatoes. The tomatoes fought back, sending juice and pulp everywhere. The chefs around Luna cowered away as their dishes became increasingly tomato-flavored. Main Course tried to speak several times, his mouth opening and closing, but no words coming out.

Luna shouted a battle cry as she plunged her knife into the last tomato. It had fought valiantly but fell like all the rest. With a scoop and flick of her knife, the last of the tomatoes plunged into the bubbling pot. Luna took the washcloth from Main Course and wiped the tomato from her face and mane.

“What’s next?” Luna asked eagerly.

Main Course’s eyes blinked once, then he shook his head before regaining his composure. “Next...? Yes, next. Next you need to reduce the heat so that the soup will come down to a simmer. Stir the soup with a ladle, and when it is mostly combined, give it a taste.”

Luna complied with the instructions. She ladled a small amount of soup into a saucer and gave it a taste. She let herself experience the flavors before swallowing. “It tastes like tomatoes and water.”

“Good, good. I would be worried if it tasted like anything else. Now we need some seasonings. I recommend starting with salt. Just add a little, stir, and taste. Repeat until you reach your desired level of saltiness.”

Main Course levitated a shaker of salt to Luna, making sure the top was securely fastened. Luna added a few shakes of salt to her soup, stirred, ladled, and tasted. Her face scrunched up in displeasure. “It’s way too salty now.”

“You probably just need to stir more. Some of the salt must have gotten stuck to the ladle.”

Luna stirred and tasted again. She coughed as she swallowed. “Ugh, it’s even saltier now.”

“I had no idea you had such a delicate palate for salt, Princess,” Main Course said as he levitated a spoon into the soup. “I am sure it could not be all that salty.” He put the spoon in his mouth and promptly gagged. He rushed to the sink and began to gulp down water.

When Main Course had recovered, he slowly walked back to Luna. “B-by my mother’s jewel-encrusted skillet,” he swore. “That was the saltiest anything I have ever tasted. I would rather eat a spoonful of salt than try that again. Not... that... you should get discouraged. This is your first try, after all. There must have just been something wrong with the salt. It... went bad... somehow. I am afraid there is no easy way to fix your soup. It will have to be... disposed of. It is getting late. Maybe we can try again tomorrow?”

“No,” Luna said, smiling. “I think I can still fix it!”

“Princess... please be reasonable. Even magic could not fix your soup.”

“I think some cheese will help.”

Main Course stared at Luna for a few seconds before turning and walking towards the cooler. Luna watched her soup burst into flames again.

~~~

“Princess. I beg of you. Your soup... i-it is beyond salvation.”

Luna had been working on her soup for the better part of an hour. She was amazed at how bad it was turning out. Simple additions were causing wild reactions in ways that she knew were logically impossible. Adding onions had caused the soup to briefly emit a foul-smelling smoke. Adding garlic had produced barking sounds that caused one of the chefs to faint. This atmosphere of bad luck. This aura of inability. Luna knew there was something magical about it, but she couldn’t locate the source. It didn’t come from within like a unicorn’s magic, but it didn’t exactly feel like an external source either. She had to learn about this. She had to enter the competition where she would be surrounded by others with this bad luck.

Luna looked down and the bubbling green liquid. She had to do something about this ‘soup’ first.

“Do you think sugar would help?” she asked Main Course, who was sitting on his haunches and had been weeping silently.

Main Course looked up at Luna with haunted eyes. “No, Princess. No, I do not.”

Luna looked back at her soup. It would be a shame just to dump it out. Perhaps it could be used at fertilizer?

Suddenly, Main Course’s eyes focused, and he got up. “Princess Luna, are you not forgetting something?” he said with determination. “The moon!”

Luna’s eyes widened. “Oh my gosh, you’re right! I’m late!”

“Run, Princess! Run and raise the moon! I will look after your... soup.”

Princess Luna lowered her head. Main Course prepared to return the bow, but Luna’s horn began to glow. Luna slowly raised her head with her eyes closed in concentration. Her horn glowed until it was pointed straight up. Then, she opened her eyes.

“There. The moon is up. Thank you for reminding me.”

“I... but...”

“That whole flying in the air, silhouetted by the moon thing is just for show. I can raise the moon from anywhere.”

Main Course could feel his sanity slipping. It was only a matter of time before he started talking to the turnips. Then he saw his salvation walking through the door. He quickly dried his tears.

Main Course bowed low and said, “Princess Celestia! Welcome! Thank you so much for coming to my kitchen.”

Princess Celestia walked along the aisle, smiling and nodding to the chefs that were bowing. She stopped before Main Course and bowed to him. “Main Course, it’s a pleasure to see you again.”

“The pleasure is all mine. Princess Luna has taken an interest in learning how to cook. It is getting late, though, and dinner will be ready soon. Perhaps you could take her with you to the dining room, and I will be there shortly to serve you?” Main Course smiled his biggest smile.

“Good evening, Luna,” Celestia said.

“Good evening, Sister,” Luna replied.

“That is an interesting pot of soup.”

“Yes, it seems I have a complete inability to bake,” Luna announced happily.

Celestia laughed warmly. “Well I should think not. After all, you’re cooking, not baking.”

Luna froze. How could she have been this stupid? It was called The Worst Baker in Equestria Competition. Soup wasn’t baking. Pies, cakes, cookies, those were baking.

“Still, I can’t wait to try your soup,” Celestia continued.

Luna would have frozen again if she wasn’t still frozen. “T-try my soup? You want to taste it? With your mouth?”

“Of course. It looks like you worked so hard on it. It deserves at least a little taste, don’t you think?”

Luna did not think so but instead said, “I suppose just a bite won’t kill us. It’ll be a few more minutes. I’ll join you at our table.”

Princess Celestia smiled and began walking out of the kitchen. Main Course watched his salvation leave.

When Celestia had left, Luna frowned at her soup. Hadn’t she heard that the bad luck was supposed to happen when she baked? Did it also apply to cooking? She decided a test would be required. She looked at Main Course and asked, “Is there a way to bake soup?”

~~~

Luna and Celestia sat at their personal dining table. The walls were adorned with tapestries and flowers. A balcony to the east allowed the sisters to see either the rising moon or sun during the two meals a day that they shared together. The table was filled with delicious looking food. A house salad with extra tomatoes, daffodil and tomato sandwiches, and for dessert, a strawberry and tomato pie. On the table were also two plates that each contained a solid rectangle of green ‘soup.’

Luna had been unable to get a response from Main Course, who had just stood in the aisle, smiling and staring at nothing. She had decided to stick the entire pot of soup in the oven for a few minutes, just to see what happened. The oven was now beyond repair. That had seemed like a good time to take what remained of her soup and leave. While she couldn’t actually be banned from the kitchen, the pleading looks on the chef’s faces told Luna all she needed to know. Today, the chefs of the day kitchen could say they had finally learned the meaning of the word ‘strange.’

“Well,” Celestia said, “it seems like the chefs went a little tomato happy tonight. At least your soup is something different, even if it’s not very soup-like.”

“Actually, it’s supposed to be tomato soup.”

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence as Celestia took that information in. “Oh,” was all she said.

“We don’t have to—make that, probably should not eat it.”

“Does it taste bad?”

“Ye—actually... I’m not sure. I stopped tasting it once it turned green. It didn’t taste very good before that though.”

“We should at least have a nibble. I admit, I am a little curious what it tastes like.”

The princesses levitated their knives and forks, cut off small chunks of their bars, raised the chunks to their mouths, and after a moment’s hesitation, took a bite from the chunks and began to chew. Both princesses then raised their napkins to their mouths and politely spat out the soup.

Luna spat into her napkin several more times, making sure all the soup was gone. “That... wasn’t food. It tasted more like...”

“Soap?”

“Yes, exactly!” Luna giggled. “It seems I mixed up a letter somewhere along the way.”

Celestia joined Luna in laughing. “It actually has a pleasant fragrance though. Perhaps we should try bathing with it?”

“Careful. It might turn your coat green.”

Both sisters laughed and started eating their real food. Tomorrow, Luna would have to try some real baking and see how it compared to her soup experience. She would also have to find a new kitchen to use. For now, she would just talk and laugh with her sister as they enjoyed each other’s company.

Chapter Two - Preparations - Baking for Dinky

One morning, about an hour before dawn, Derpy’s alarm clock went off. The alarm, however, failed to wake her up. This was because her alarm clock was so damaged that it no longer rang. Instead, it merely vibrated on its night stand for several minutes before falling off. On any normal day, this would have been the end of gray pegasus’ pre-morning routine, and she would have later awakened to the rising sun. Today, however, was not a normal day. Today was the second Sunday of the month. Today was the day that Derpy would make breakfast for Dinky.

Derpy never missed a ‘Second Sunday’ breakfast. For this reason, she had modified her alarm clock. Most ponies, when confronted with a broken alarm clock, would say, “This alarm clock is broken. I must either have it fixed or replaced.”

Derpy, however, had a unique way of thinking. Instead, when she looked at her broken alarm clock, she said, “This alarm clock no longer wakes me up. I must change the way it functions so that it will continue to wake me up.”

This is why when the alarm clock fell from the nightstand, it did not land on the floor, but instead hung in the air. Her alarm clock was tied to a string, whose other end was tied to Derpy’s tail, which was—of course—attached to Derpy, who was asleep in a hammock, which was suspended across her room. Derpy always enjoyed having some space between her resting place and the ground. It may not have been a cloud, but it was still comfortable. The alarm clock dangled in the air like a pendulum, vibrating silently.

With the extra weight on her tail, Derpy’s subconscious had her roll over. When that failed to produce any meaningful results, she rolled over again and ran out of a hammock to roll over in. With a crash, Derpy landed on her alarm clock, turning it off.

Derpy cracked open her eyes and tried to figure out why her bed was suddenly so uncomfortable. One of her eyes focused on her night stand, making her wonder how it had gotten on the ceiling. Her other eye looked at her door, hammock, window, and floor, making her realize that she had fallen from her bed again, that the lump under her was her alarm clock, and that she had better get up now if she was going to make breakfast before Dinky woke up.

Derpy’s eyes opened completely. Most breakfasts Dinky ate were already-prepared meals purchased from a store, like a muffin; or food that required no preparation at all, like an apple. Derpy knew that mothers were supposed to cook for their children. There were, after all, magazine articles about it.

However, she had a problem. As much as she hated to admit it, she was no good at baking. Anything she that did involving dough, ovens, or baking trays—to name just a few—turned out horribly wrong. Even finished baked goods had a tendency to behave oddly if she spent too much time near them and not enough time eating them. Still, Dinky loved baked goods, especially for breakfast, so Derpy would bake and hope she could make at least some of it edible.

Derpy untangled her legs from her wings, untied the string on her tail, and set her alarm clock back on her nightstand. She opened her door and stepped out into the hallway. From there she made her way to Dinky’s room and, ever so quietly, opened the door. The little, purple unicorn filly was still asleep in her bed, hooves clutching her stuffed teddy bear. Derpy smiled and watched her daughter sleep for a few moments before she returned to the hall and gently shut the door.

Derpy walked into her kitchen and surveyed it. This would be a battle. A battle she couldn't lose. A battle she couldn’t even bear the thought of losing. From this moment until Dinky awoke, Derpy would fight on for her daughter's breakfast. The enemy was her own inability to bake. She closed her eyes and breathed deep. When she had calmed herself, she stepped onto the battlefield.

Simple measures had to be made first before tackling the bigger obstacles. From the cupboard, Derpy grabbed a plate with a smiling face drawn on it and set it on the kitchen table. That plate was Dinky’s favorite. Derpy found the utensils and set them out. She could never remember which side of the plate each utensil was supposed to go on, so she made a circle of them around the plate instead.

Next, a backup plan had to be found and secured in case of disaster. She walked to the pantry doors and slid them open. Her eyes wandered over the cans and packages until she spotted two new boxes of cereal. She grabbed a box and, with a flick of her neck, sent it flying towards the kitchen table. Accuracy was unnecessary for this stage. She repeated this with the second box, ignoring the crunch it made as it slammed against the far wall.

Derpy looked at the fruit basket hanging next to the refrigerator. It was, as expected, full of fruit. She grabbed more fruit than her hooves could carry and flew towards the countertop. She dropped a banana and a grapefruit along the way. Acceptable losses.

With the fruit and cereal backup plan in place, Derpy prepared for the battle’s real challenge: baking.

Pancakes. Everypony loved pancakes. Dinky especially. Derpy grabbed the necessary ingredients and placed them on the counter next to the fruit. Bowls, spoons, a skillet, and a spatula were placed in a pile. She was ready. With a determined look, Derpy began her attack.

Eggs first. From the refrigerator, they came. Holding the egg in her mouth, Derpy carefully rapped it against the side of the bowl. The egg shell shattered out the back instead of the front, filling Derpy’s mouth. She fought against gagging and spat the egg into the trash.

The enemy had made itself known.

Derpy grabbed another egg. She knew a different approach would have to be taken. This time she spat out the egg towards the rim of the bowl. It struck perfectly and cracked in two. The enemy was one step ahead though, and instead of the expected raw egg, a baby chicken popped out. The chick walked around the bowl, peeping, then looked up towards the gray pegasus. Derpy wasn’t mad at the chick. It was, ultimately, just an unwitting agent of the enemy. It could be considered a miracle that the chick had even survived its trip from farm to store to refrigerator to bowl. On any other day, Derpy would have named the chick Peeps and raised it as a pet, but today was serious.

She moved the bowl with the chick to the side and a procured a new bowl. Derpy tried repeatedly to crack open the eggs. Hoof strikes, knife strikes, air drops; any method was used to remove the shells. After a few minutes, she had a bowl full of raw eggs, a small amount of egg shell, and thankfully, no more baby chickens.

Derpy had heard from a wise pony that you shouldn't keep all of your eggs in one basket. Taking that statement to a further conclusion, she realized that you shouldn't keep all your opened eggs in one bowl either. She poured half of her egg mixture into a redundant bowl and set it next to the chick’s bowl. Derpy was ready for the next step.

Flour, baking soda, milk, salt, sugar, and butter; all the remaining ingredients were added to the bowl and stirred to combine. Derpy was getting worried. The enemy hadn't shown up in a while. She knew it waited, watching for the perfect opportunity. She placed the skillet on the stove and turned on the heat. When the skillet was hot, she spooned the batter in, forming three circles. She grasped the spatula in her mouth and waited. After a few minutes of listening to the pancakes sizzle, she flipped them onto their other side. The pancakes were perfectly browned. She glanced around her kitchen, eyes darting from shadow to shadow. The enemy would be striking soon. Derpy just had to find out where and be rea—

There! When she had moved her bowl, she had accidentally knocked the bread box too close to the edge, and it was starting to fall. Derpy spat out the spatula and rushed towards the bread box as it tilted over the edge. She dove forward, using her wings to propel herself faster. The enemy would not have the bread.

Derpy learned that diving forward and using her wings for extra speed was a great way to cover distance fast. However, it was unnecessary when she was only three feet away from the object she was diving for.

Her entire kitchen shook as she crashed into a cabinet and broke its hinges. The bread box landed next to her with a thump and opened.

Derpy shook her head and tried to clear away the tweeting birds. She had little success until she realized the noise was actually the peeping chick on the countertop above. She looked at the bread box and saw that it, and the bread inside, was completely undamaged. She smiled at her good luck. This appeared to be a sign. A sign that toast should be included with Dinky’s breakfast.

Derpy moved the bread box back to its place on the countertop and stuck her muzzle inside of it. It was then that she smelled the smoke. She knew that she hadn't purchased smoke-scented bread, so that left three possible reasons for the smell.

Quickly, Derpy grabbed a mouthful of bread slices, crammed them into her toaster, and pressed down on the lever. She then turned her head and discovered the smoke smell was coming from reason number two; her pancakes were on fire.

It had been a distraction. The enemy hadn’t attacked the bread, but had used it to get Derpy to turn her back. This was a costly mistake on her part. She quickly bit onto the skillet’s handle, dumped the whole thing into the sink, and turned on the water. After a few seconds, the fire was out, and she shut off the water.

Derpy mourned the loss of her pancakes. They had been potentially edible. Now they were a charred, soggy mess. She was about to try again with the rest of her batter, when she heard the sound of shattering glass. She turned and saw that a drinking glass, which had been knocked over from her earlier crash, had rolled out of the cupboard, fell, and broke apart in the rest of her batter.

Broken eggshells, while unwanted, were edible. Broken glass? Not so much.

Again, the smell of smoke. She pushed her toaster into the sink and turned on the water. It was then that she remembered another of life's lessons involving water and electricity.

Derpy mourned the loss of her toaster. It had been a brave little toaster, always toasting things. This toaster had lasted a week longer than the last one. She was not discouraged, though. She still had the rest of the bread, the redundant bowl of eggs, and a baby chick. One of her eyes wandered over to the chick’s bowl and noticed that it had escaped somewhere into her home. The losses were high this morning, but Derpy would not surrender. Dinky would have her homemade breakfast.

Carefully, Derpy slid a plate of bread into the microwave. Toasters cooked things. Microwaves also cooked things. Ergo, microwaves could make toast. There wasn’t a toast setting on her microwave, so she set it for ten minutes. She would have to keep one of her eyes on it to know when it was done.

With the toast cooking, she turned back to the bowl of eggs. She could try making pancakes again, but the enemy would be expecting that. Instead, Derpy would make the perfect baked good: the muffin.

Derpy had once made a list of the reasons why muffins were the perfect food. Three hundred reasons, to be precise. They were all a variation of one simple fact: muffins were delicious. Derpy’s homemade muffins, however, were hard to classify as muffins. The word ‘muffinesque’ would even be a stretch, but that was the idea. There was one way to trick the enemy. If she didn't know she was baking, then the enemy wouldn’t either. She turned on the oven, closed her eyes and set about her work. She knew her kitchen like the back of her hoof, after all.

Derpy found a bag of what was possibly flour and poured it into the bowl that was possibly full of eggs. She continued blindly grabbing ingredients and adding them to her bowl. When she was certain the bowl contained enough stuff, she bit onto a large wooden spoon and began stirring.

After a minute, the spoon would no longer stir. Derpy opened her eyes. One eye looked at the obviously defective spoon. Her other eye looked at the empty bag of potato chips, the half-full carton of orange juice, the block of cheese, and the other ad-libbed ingredients.

Derpy looked at the back of her hoof in confusion. She had apparently not known it very well after all. However, it was too late to try again. Dinky would be waking up soon.

The microwave dinged, reminding Derpy that she couldn’t keep an eye on something when they were both closed. She looked at the burning toast within. Into the sink, the plate went.

Derpy gulped as the flames were extinguished. Things had been going so bad, the backup plan might have to be initiated soon. However, she still had one more chance. She opened her oven and placed the bowl of what might have passed for batter inside. After a few seconds of thought, Derpy tossed some slices of bread in with it and shut the door.

Cereal—when poured by somepony that was desperate—counted as a homemade breakfast. Derpy rushed to the boxes of cereal she had tossed earlier and placed them on the table. She opened box number one, revealing nothing but little prize bags full of toys. Something must have gone wrong at the packaging center. Dinky would love the toys, but she couldn’t eat them, seeing as they were made of inedible plastic as well as being a choking hazard. Box number two was opened, and the contents made Derpy frown. The cereal inside had been reduced to a fine powder. Somepony had been careless with handling this box.

With cereal out of the equation, Derpy turned to her fruit. It was at this point in Derpy’s frantic kitchen warfare that the law of probabilities caught up with her. The grapefruit, ignored until now, had earlier landed in precisely the correct location that Derpy, who was now distraught and not looking down, stepped on it with a rear hoof. Physics took over as the gray pegasus’ hoof slipped out from under her. Her forward momentum combined with her now oddly angled hind leg caused her to flip backwards. The grapefruit launched away from her and bounced off a cabinet. Derpy, now upside down and falling, landed on her back, and her head landed on something that was, thankfully, softer than her tile floor.

The impact with the cabinet had split the grapefruit in two. One half sailed over Derpy and towards the kitchen table. The other half landed in her face. Derpy closed one eye as grapefruit juice stung it. Her other eye watched a banana, sent flying from when her head landed on it, hit the wall next to the kitchen table. The banana’s skin split open when it smacked into the wall and sent the fruit inside flying in the opposite direction. The peeled banana and grapefruit half then collided in midair and dropped onto the plate Derpy had set out earlier.

The kitchen was quiet for a long time. When what had just happened finally sunk into Derpy’s head, she started to smile. The enemy would be furious. The enemy made little differentiation on what it attacked once Derpy started baking. Fruit, cereal, bread boxes; anything was fair game once her inability to bake started happening, but the smiling plate was different. That was Dinky’s plate. Once food was placed on that plate, it was on a sacred ground and no longer part of the battle. Dinky would at least have fruit for breakfast and maybe even something more.

Derpy looked through the glass window on her oven. The batter in the bowl had expanded greatly and turned a nice golden brown. Even the toast looked good, or at least, not on fire. The enemy must have given up once she had succeeded with the fruit. A ding from the oven timer let Derpy know that the ‘muffin’ was ready. She bit into a mouth mitt and pulled open the oven’s door.

Suddenly, Derpy was on her back again. Her head throbbed, and her ears rang. She slowly opened her eyes and found that the world looked a whole lot blurrier and much more upside down than normal. She tried to make sense of what had happened, but her thoughts felt like they were marching through mud. Something smacked against the floor near her head. One of her eyes looked to see what it was and noticed a pile of crumbs. The other eye looked up and saw small brown objects flying past every couple of seconds.

Derpy’s senses slowly came back together. The enemy. It had launched one final assault when she had let her guard down. She rolled onto her side and turned her head towards the oven. The bowl of batter had spilled over, and little lumps of it kept popping and flying out. The toast surrounding the bowl was on fire. It reminded Derpy of the time when she had found out why popcorn had to be cooked with a cover. The toast hadn’t fared well that day either. Had she accidentally added popcorn to the muffin mix?

Then a sound came from down the hall. Even in the noise of the enemy’s attack, Derpy knew what it was. It was a soft sound that a pony could only recognize by hearing it most every day for years. Dinky had woken up. Her first stop would be the bathroom and from there, the kitchen. Derpy only had mere minutes to fix this.

Derpy got up. Her body didn’t want to move, but she didn’t care. She was going to end this now. She moved toward the oven. The enemy was angry. It didn’t like her to succeed. Again and again, the lumps of muffin shot out of the oven. Again and again, Derpy moved just before they hit her. Dinky was awake now. She would have her breakfast. There was nothing the enemy could do about it.

Derpy reached the oven, placed her hooves on the door and began to lift it back to the closed position. One lump of the batter remained in the bowl. It was shaped somewhat like a muffin. It was golden brown. It was waiting for this moment and sprang out at her. Derpy quickly bit down, slammed the oven shut and turned it off. She calmly walked to Dinky’s plate and set the muffin on it. She tasted the crumbs left in her mouth. The muffin wasn’t delicious, but it wasn’t bad either.

Derpy looked at Dinky’s plate. A grapefruit, banana, and muffin would be a satisfying meal by themselves, but something else was needed. She looked around the kitchen and knew what it was. The bread box had a single slice of bread left in it. She grabbed the bread, placed it on the table next to the plate, then looked at it expectantly. After a few seconds, the bread caught on fire, and Derpy blew it out. She then flipped the toast onto Dinky’s plate just as the kitchen door opened.

Dinky walked into the kitchen and yawned out, “Good morning, Mommy.”

“Good morning, Muffin.”

Dinky giggled at the use of her nickname. Derpy pulled out the chair and her daughter into it. Dinky looked at her food and turned towards her mother. “Thanks, mommy! You always make the best breakfasts.”

Derpy nuzzled her daughter, producing more giggles, then let her eat. Derpy smiled as she moved through her kitchen, cleaning as she went. Today’s battle was won, but the war never ended.

A calendar hung from the refrigerator with a date circled to remind Derpy that The Worst Baker in Equestria Competition was at the end of this month. If she could win, then Dinky would have a year’s worth of free food.

Even then, the ‘Second Sunday’ tradition would continue. Some things would always be worth it.

Chapter Three - Preparations - Rainbow Dash's Training

Rainbow Dash soared through the skies above Ponyville. The sun was shining, and thanks to her amazing weather skills, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. All in all, it was a perfect afternoon... to show off.

Tucking in her wings, Rainbow Dash went into a dive. She fell faster and faster, the wind stinging her eyes until the world was nothing more than a watery blur. Then, at the last possible moment, she came out of her dive and began to spin and turn and loop. Only quick glances were allowed as she made split second changes in her course to avoid crashing. Gasps of surprise and awe surrounded her instead of yelling and complaining, so she must have been doing something cool.

With her momentum finally exhausted, Rainbow Dash stopped in midair, did a triple back-flip, and landed, being sure to strike a cool pose with her wings flared. All around her a small crowd of ponies stomped the ground in applause before going back about their business.

When Rainbow Dash was sure nopony was looking, she shook her head to try and get the world to stop spinning, then began to walk towards Sugarcube Corner, only stumbling once along the way.

She easily spotted Sugarcube Corner in the distance. The gingerbread house architecture, while being helpful in explaining what the shop sold, did have the tendency to make it stick out. Likely a clever marketing ploy and the reason it was such a popular confectionery store. A new sign out front read ‘Taffy Sale! Today only! Buy two pieces and get the third free!’

As Rainbow Dash approached the store, a thought returned to her. She had once jokingly asked Pinkie Pie if Sugarcube Corner’s roof was actually made from real gingerbread. Pinkie had laughed and told her to take a bite to find out. Rainbow Dash stared at the roof as some ponies walked past her and into the store.

No. Not today. She caught the door before it closed and stepped inside.

The storeroom of Sugarcube Corner was packed with ponies. The shelves were stocked with colorful candies of all shapes and sizes; the most numerous of which was taffy. Rainbow Dash slowly made her way around the shelves and shoppers towards Mrs. Cake, who was behind the sales counter and looking flustered.

“That will be three bits,” Mrs. Cake said to the young filly across from her.

The filly placed the money on the counter and scooped up the bag of taffy. “Thanks, Mrs. Cake!” she said before trotting off to enjoy her treat.

Mrs. Cake placed the money in a box and sighed wearily. She looked up at Rainbow Dash walking over and gave her a smile. “Welcome, Rainbow Dash. Are you here for the taffy sale too?”

“What? Oh! No, maybe later,” Rainbow Dash said. “Actually, I’m here to see Pinkie. She was supposed to help me with my training this afternoon.”

“Sorry, dearie, but she’s still at Daisy’s birthday party,” Mrs. Cake said as she glanced at the clock on the wall. “She should be just about finished. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if you waited for her in her room. Just do try to be quiet. Mr. Cake was up all night running the taffy pull.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Cake. Will do.”

Rainbow Dash walked up the stairs behind Mrs. Cake and kept going until she reached the loft that served as Pinkie’s bedroom. It was then that she spotted trouble. There, standing in the middle of the room, was Gummy: the toothless alligator. Gummy always playfully bit those around him, but Rainbow Dash was convinced that she must taste better than the average pony, or at least her wings did. The last time she was alone with Gummy, he had clamped onto one of her wings and refused to let go. It took the combined magic of Twilight and Rarity to pry his jaw open. Sometimes Rainbow Dash could still feel the gnawing sensation in her wing.

Gummy quickly turned his head towards her, gave a happy squeak, and began racing forwards. Rainbow Dash cringed, took a step back, but then stopped. Gummy would just follow her back downstairs. She had to come up with a plan.

Rainbow Dash leapt into the air and spun out of Gummy’s path as the little alligator snapped his jaws, barely missing a feather. He tried to turn around, but his momentum sent him tripping over his little legs and slamming into the wall.

Rainbow Dash used her aerial view to scan the room and knew what she’d have to do. She landed on the opposite side of the bedroom, spread out her right wing, and slowly fanned it up and down.

“You want a piece of this?” Rainbow dash taunted.

Gummy recovered and began to charge again. Rainbow Dash continued to fan her wing, making sure Gummy’s attention was focused on it. At the last possible moment, she turned and lifted her wing up high. Gummy raced past her and into the open closet. Before he could act, Rainbow Dash shut the door.

“Yes! See you later, alligator!”

The closet door’s handle slowly began to turn. Rainbow Dash threw her hooves around the knob and held on tight.

“No way! Pinkie taught you how to open doors?”

Rainbow Dash held on to Pinkie’s closet door, trying to decide what to do next. She could head over to Daisy’s party and look for Pinkie there, but if the party had just ended, then Pinkie should be back soon. Rainbow Dash knew she was making too much noise and ran the risk of waking up Mr. Cake eventually. Plus it just felt weird standing there holding a door knob. A scratching sound began coming from low down on the other side of the door. Having made up her mind, Rainbow Dash headed back down stairs and hoped Gummy would forget about her if he couldn’t see her.

Sugarcube Corner’s store room was somehow even more packed than when Rainbow Dash had left it. A pair of pegasus ponies hovered above the crowd, dangling a rope ladder and lifting stranded ponies to safety. Thankfully, the stairs were close to the sales counter, so Rainbow Dash didn’t have to wade through the ever-increasing crowd.

Mrs. Cake finished helping a few waiting customers before turning towards Rainbow Dash. “Something wrong, dearie?”

“No, it’s just...” Rainbow Dash said, then hesitated. “Gummy is up there, and...”

“Oh! Right. Sorry about that. I completely forgot about what happened last time.” Mrs. Cake looked at her store room that was quickly approaching critical mass. “I don’t think waiting in here is a good idea. I know. You could always wait in the kitchen.”

“The kitchen?”

“Yes,” Mrs. Cake said, then chuckled. “Maybe you could even try your hoof at baking while in there.”

Rainbow Dash laughed. “You do know I’m Equestria’s worst baker, right?”

“Oh, you mustn't be so hard on yourself.”

Rainbow Dash blinked. “N-no... you don’t understand. I literally am Equestria’s worst baker. I have a trophy to prove it. Two of them in fact.”

“Oh?” Mrs. Cake was suddenly wary of her offer.

“Haven’t you heard of the WBEs?”

“The what?”

“The WBEs! The Worst Baker in Equestria Competition! They’re next week! Haven’t you seen the posters? Or the giant stadium that is being flown in piece by piece outside of Ponyville?”

Mrs. Cake gave Rainbow Dash a nervous grin.

“You really need to get out more, Mrs. Cake. Still, I guess it’d be cool to look around at where all my favorite treats are made. Thanks!”

“You’re welcome,” Mrs. Cake said, a hint of anxiety in her voice. “Just be sure to call for me if you run into any trouble.”

“Trouble? Hah! I’ll be fine. It’s this crazy taffy sale you should be worried about.”

Mrs. Cake sighed and looked at the chaos of her store room. Another set of pegasi had appeared and was currently trying to rescue the first. Rainbow Dash walked through the swinging doors that led to the kitchen.

Rainbow Dash stared in wonder at the kitchen around her. She had been in here before, but this time something was different. It was clean; very clean. She wouldn’t use the word ‘immaculate,’ mostly because she never used words like ‘immaculate,’ but this was definitely the cleanest she had ever seen Sugarcube Corner’s kitchen. Everything was in its place and even labeled. Flour, sugar, salt, spoons, bowls. Anypony could become familiar with this kitchen and be ready to bake within a minute. The only thing that was out of place was a recipe book opened on the counter.

Rainbow Dash looked at the page the recipe book was opened to. There was a picture of a plate of cookies with the words Triple Fudge Pecan Crunch Cookies written above it. Rainbow Dash instantly recognized the cookies. Those were the cookies that Pinkie had made for somepony-or-another’s party last week. The sheer amount of chocolate in each bite. The pecans adding the perfect amount of crunch. Rainbow Dash’s mouth began to water just thinking about them. She had to have some more! Maybe Pinkie could make her some when she got back?

Where was Pinkie anyway? It didn’t take this long to walk back from Daisy’s house. Maybe Pinkie had returned already and was trying to get through the crowd? Rainbow Dash’s stomach growled. It looked like waiting on Pinkie wasn’t an option. If she wanted those cookies, she’d have to make them herself, and that was a scary thought.

Rainbow Dash looked at the instructions for the recipe. Maybe it would be super easy like:

Step 1.) Take pre-made cookies from the cookie jar.

Step 2.) Eat cookies.
However, it was a real recipe with an ingredient list, two pages of instructions, and cooking times. Rainbow Dash sighed. Being one of the worst bakers in Equestria meant it was almost impossible to bake something well. She had some weird bad luck aura that kicked in anytime she tried to bake.

Rainbow Dash remembered back to the WBE competition three years ago. Her first competition; the one she had lost. After it was over, the champion had congratulated her, told her that she had a natural talent, and offered to give her some pointers for next time. Something about retiring and wanting the new generation to be just as good. Rainbow Dash had just wanted to go home and try to forget about the shame of losing, but the champion had offered a free dinner.

The champion had talked. A lot. Rainbow Dash had tried to listen, but it was just so boring. The bad luck had a name. Started with an ‘I’, or was it an ‘E’? Some vowel. The interesting thing about it was that it could be controlled with enough practice. It could be blocked off to a point where it was actually possible to bake something decent. Rainbow Dash hadn’t really listened to those instructions. She had only cared about the other part. The way to boost it and make the bad luck do absolutely crazy things.

Now would have been a good time to remember how to block it off. She seemed to recall it having something to do with a mental exercise. Beyond that, her mind was drawing a blank.

Rainbow Dash stared at the recipe. She could hear the cookies calling to her. Surely, the awesomeness of these cookies could overpower any bad luck aura. If she was really careful and did everything exactly by the book, couldn’t the cookies still turn out edible?

~~~

Mrs. Cake’s eyes brimmed on the verge of tears. The taffy sale had sounded like such a good idea at the start. But now? Now, the entire store room was a tangled mass of ponies piled half-way up to the ceiling, unable to move. Perhaps the taffy was priced too low or tasted too good? She had heard that the Mayor had called in the fire department, and that they were slowly untangling one pony at a time. It didn’t help that some ponies had spilled their taffy, getting everyone around them stuck in tighter. It was only a matter of time before some official pony came in through the back door and began asking difficult questions like, ‘How did this happen?’ At least Rainbow Dash was being quiet in the kitchen. Mrs. Cake’s eyes opened wide. Too quiet! She looked over her counter to a pony upside down on the floor with her face buried in a bag of taffy.

“Is there anything else I can help you with?” Mrs. Cake asked.

The pony stopped her chewing, thought a bit, then shook her head ‘no.’

“Okay then. I’ll be back in just a minute. Ring the bell if you need anything.”

Mrs. Cake tried not to show her panic as she walked quickly towards the kitchen. “Rainbow Dash?” she called as she passed through the doors. “Is everything all—good gravy!”

Her kitchen! Her nice clean kitchen! Her nice formally clean now covered in flour, eggs, chocolate, and Celestia-only-knew-what-else kitchen! Mrs. Cake resisted the urge to faint right there. She pulled her eyes from the stains on her drapes and focused on the pegasus at the counter. Rainbow Dash stood next to a mixing bowl whose contents were currently on fire. Mrs. Cake gasped, opened a cabinet, grabbed a baking sheet, rushed to the mixing bowl, and set the sheet on top, snuffing out the flames. Mrs. Cake lifted the sheet and looked at the blackened remains of whatever had been in the mixing bowl.

“What happened?” Mrs. Cake asked, feeling a monster of a headache beginning.

Rainbow Dash blinked. “Wait… you mean it wasn’t supposed to do that?”

“No! Why in the world would you set it on fire? What happened to my kitchen?”

“It’s not like I was trying to set it on fire. I just followed the recipe. I combined everything in a big bowl and stirred it with a wooden spoon.”

“Just stirred it with a wooden spoon?”

“Yes.”

“How fast were you stirring it?”

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to answer and then paused. “How fast was I supposed to stir it?”

“Slowly!”

“Oh! Then I was definitely stirring it faster than slowly.” Rainbow Dash looked around at the kitchen. “Wow, did I do all that? The bag of flour exploded earlier, happens to me all the time. I could probably use a splatter guard for the bowl too. But no problem! Now that I know what I did wrong, I can make the next batch perfectly.” Rainbow Dash grabbed the bowl and began to dump its contents into the trash.

“N-next batch?” Mrs. Cake felt her eye begin to twitch.

“Yep. I never give up! No way am I letting some dumb cookies get the better of me!”

The service bell in the store room rang. Mrs. Cake was unsure if that was a good or bad sign. “I need to go back up front,” she said. “Please, please! If you have any questions, ask me!”

“That won’t be necessary, Mrs. Cake. I know how busy you are. Trust me when I say I have this all under control.”

Mrs. Cake walked back to the kitchen door and took a deep breath to calm herself. “Please hurry back, Pinkie Pie,” she prayed quietly as she passed through the doors.

~~~

Rainbow Dash went back to her baking with determination. She carefully measured, poured, and stirred. Pinkie made this look so easy. She would bounce around the kitchen with her endless supply of energy, combining ingredients without even looking at the recipe. She also used made up measuring directions like ‘a pinch’ or ‘a smidgen,’ and yet somehow that was the right amount. And she sang while doing it! Rainbow Dash took her mouth off the spoon and wondered if she should sing too. The recipe said nothing about singing, so that was probably improvising. Best to stick with what’s written.

The dough looked mixed enough, so Rainbow Dash checked on the next step. Using a clean flat surface and rolling pin, flatten dough until it is no more than half an inch thick. Now that sounded fun and easy. None of that lame slow mixing. She turned the dough out onto the counter, found the rolling pin, and got to work. The chunks of chocolate and pecan pieces made the dough a bit more difficult to roll out than Rainbow Dash had expected, but a little more force fixed that. Not too much force, though. She wasn’t going to set the dough on fire again.

With the dough rolled as flat as it was going to get, Rainbow Dash looked at the next step. Using a cookie cutter, cut dough into desired shapes, then move cut out pieces to a baking sheet.

Rainbow Dash stared at the recipe, then said, “Cookie cutter? Don’t I just put lumps of dough on the baking sheet? What the hay is a cookie cutter?”

Mrs. Cake would know, but she was so busy with her taffy sale. A cookie cutter was probably something really obvious, and then Rainbow Dash would feel dumb having had to ask. She scanned the room for something she could use. A smile came to her lips. There. In that wooden block on the corner counter. That would work perfectly. These cookies were going to be so awesome.

~~~

A ghost of a smile came to Mrs. Cake’s lips. The fireponies had succeeded in getting everypony unstuck and were able to hose off all the taffy. The Mayor had seemed a tad upset that she now had to write out a town ordinance on the proper conduction of taffy sales, but there were no hard feelings, even among those that had been stuck. A lone police officer now stood outside Sugarcube Corner, only admitting five ponies at a time. It worked out well, and sales completed briskly.

“That will be five bits,” Mrs. Cake said, tallying up her latest sale.

The pony turned to get money from his bag when something caught his eye. “Oh! Are those jawbreakers up there?”

Mrs. Cake looked to the shelf above her. “Why yes. Would you like some?”

“Oh yeah! I love jawbreakers!”

Mrs. Cake moved the rolling ladder, climbed up it, and picked up some tongs in her mouth. “How many did you want?” she asked.

“One please. Wait! Better make it two.”

“Of course!” Mrs. Cake lowered the tongs and grabbed two jawbreakers. As she lifted them from the jar, she heard a sound from the kitchen.

Thunk

Mrs. Cake’s jaw clenched, sending the two jawbreakers to the floor below.

Thunk... Thunk

“Is... ah... Is everything all right up there?” the pony below called.

Thunk... Thunk... Thunk!

Mrs. Cake grabbed the jar, scurried down the ladder, and shoved the jar at the pony. “Here! Free of charge!” she said, smiling extra big and feeling her twitch coming back.

“Are you sure? I couldn’t ju—”

“Take them!”

“Well... okay...” The pony put the bag of taffy and jar of jawbreakers into his bag while Mrs. Cake went under the counter and pulled out a ‘Be back in 5 minutes’ sign.

~~~

Rainbow Dash grumbled again. The cookie cutting had started so easily, but then she had gotten carried away. As usual. Now she had a cleaver handle in her mouth, and no matter how hard she pulled, the cleaver would not come out of the countertop.

“Stupid—urgh—cleaver! Come—err—out!”

“Rainbow Dash!” Mrs. Cake yelled. “What are you doing?”

Rainbow Dash let go of the cleaver. “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m cutting cookies.”

“Why aren’t you using a cookie cutter?”

“Uh, this is a cookie cutter.”

“Noooo...” Mrs. Cake opened a drawer. “These are cookie cutters.”

Rainbow Dash looked at the assorted metal cutters in all shapes and sizes then back at the cleaver. “Oh...”

“Really, Rainbow Dash. I said if you had any questions to ask me.”

“I know! But... you were so busy, I didn’t want to interrupt, and... well... I would have felt stupid having to ask. But... now I feel stupid that I didn’t ask.”

Seeing the dejected Rainbow Dash, Mrs. Cake couldn’t stay mad anymore. “Oh... there, there, dearie. It’s alright. I can’t expect you to know these things. You are a self-admitted bad baker after all.”

“The Worst Baker in Equestria,” Rainbow Dash said, brightening up.

“The Worst Baker in Equestria,” Mrs. Cake agreed. “Do you need any help with the rest of the recipe?”

“No, I think I got it. I use these cookie cutters to cut out circles, move the cut outs to that baking sheet, put the baking sheet in the oven at the correct temperature for the correct amount of time, take the sheet out, let the cookies cool, then eat them!”

“That’s it! Just be sure to preheat the oven first.”

“Got it! Thanks, Mrs. Cake.”

“You’re welcome. Now I better get back up front and make sure the taffy sale is still under control,” Mrs. Cake said, then left the kitchen.

Rainbow Dash walked to the oven and turned the knob to the correct temperature. She then went back to her dough and began cutting it with the circular cookie cutter. She left the cleaver where it was. Some things were worth dealing with later. After cutting out as many cookies as she could, Rainbow Dash gathered up the remaining dough, rolled it out once more and cut out a few more cookies to get the maximum amount. A proper baker didn’t waste food, especially cookies. The baking sheet was completely loaded with cookies, but the recipe did say to leave very little space between them. Rainbow Dash opened the oven and slid the tray in. She shut the oven’s door and smiled at her work. A couple of missteps here and there, but it could have been much worse. Rainbow Dash shivered at thinking of some of the things she baked in the past.

Rainbow Dash set the oven timer to ten minutes. She hated having to wait for so long. She supposed she could double the temperature and get the cookies done in five minutes, but that sounded like trouble waiting to happen. Besides, the numbers on the dial didn’t go up to nine hundred degrees.

For the first seven minutes of baking, Rainbow Dash felt proud of herself; then the smoke began to rise from the oven. She quickly bit into a mouth mitt and opened the oven’s door. Smoke poured out, but Rainbow Dash was able to grab onto the baking sheet and move it on top of the oven before she started coughing. Standing on her hind legs, Rainbow Dash flapped her wings to blow the smoke out the opened window. Once out of the heat, the cookies finally stopped burning. At least they weren’t on fire anymore, but they had been reduced to blackened bricks.

Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth. What. The. Hay. This wasn’t her fault! She followed the recipe exactly! This stupid bad luck aura was getting in the way of the best cookies ever! She went back to the recipe book and tried to find what had gone wrong. Ingredients? No. Mixing? Not this time. Baking? She had set the oven for four-hundred-and-fifty degrees and baked for ten minutes just like the recipe had said.

Noticing something off about the shape of the four, Rainbow Dash scrapped her hoof across the baking temperature. It looked like some flour had gotten stuck to the page. Looking at the now clean page, Rainbow Dash fell back on her haunches. Three-hundred-and-fifty degrees. Not four-hundred-and-fifty. She sighed. Maybe it was time to give up?

No.

Rainbow Dash never gave up. These stupid cookies were taunting her. She turned the oven down to the correct temperature, grabbed the baking sheet, and dumped the burnt cookies into the trash. No screw ups this time! Everything by the book, checked and double checked before and after each step. The next batch of cookies would be perfect.

~~~

Mrs. Cake smiled brightly. The sale had gotten a bit out of control for a while, but it had all turned out right in the end. With all the money the sale had brought in, the state of her kitchen wasn’t even bothering her anymore. The amount of customers was steadily declining as most everypony in town who wanted some taffy had gotten some.

Pinkie still hadn’t returned, and that was a little worrisome, but that mare knew how to take care of herself. Hopefully, she hadn’t forgotten about meeting up with her friend. Mrs. Cake had checked in on Rainbow Dash a little while ago. The pegasus seemed hard at work on another batch of cookies, so Mrs. Cake didn’t bother her. Something must have gone wrong with the last batch. That poor pony just couldn’t catch a break today.

When the last customer in the store left, Mrs. Cake decided to see how Rainbow Dash was doing. She entered the kitchen to find Rainbow Dash staring at a sheet of cookies with a spatula in her mouth. Mrs. Cake’s eyes were briefly drawn to the floury hoof prints on the ceiling before she decided she didn’t want to know.

“Mrs. Cake!” Rainbow Dash said before lifting a cookie and moving it to a plate. She set the spatula down. “How would you like to be the first to try one of Rainbow Dash’s Super Awesome Triple Fudge Pecan Crunch Cookies?”

“I’d love to! I’m so glad everything worked out in the end. I guess it just goes to show you that hard work and persistence pays off.”

“Does it ever! Now try it and tell me how awesome it is!”

Mrs. Cake took a bite from the cookie. “Oh, Rainbow Dash! This is...” she started to say, but then she began to taste the cookie. She wanted to swallow the bite to be polite. Rainbow Dash had worked so hard on these cookies. Probably much harder than anypony ever had or should have worked on cookies, but still; she had to swallow. For Rainbow Dash.

In the end, Mrs. Cake’s will to survive was too strong, and she spat the cookie out on the plate. Rainbow Dash stood quietly with her jaw dropped. Finally, she spoke, “Y-you’re kidding. Please tell me this is a joke.”

“I’m sorry, dearie, but...” Mrs. Cake hated to say this after Rainbow Dash had worked so hard. “I think you mistook the salt for sugar... and maybe added a few things you shouldn’t have.”

“Oh no I didn’t! No, no, no! You see this jar?” Rainbow Dash pointed at a jar that was labeled ‘sugar.’ “This is sugar. I used a lot of this. And that jar?” Rainbow Dash pointed at a jar labeled ‘salt.’ “That’s salt. I only used a little of it. Everything was by the book. The cookies are perfect. I’ll prove it!”

Rainbow Dash stuck the spatula under a cookie and hit it with her hoof; launching the cookie into the air.

“Wait, Rainbow Dash! Don’t—” Mrs. Cake reached out, but it was too late.

Rainbow Dash snapped the cookie out of the air and swallowed it in one gulp. “You see?” she said. “Delicious.”

Mrs. Cake could only stare at Rainbow Dash.

After a minute Rainbow Dash said quietly, “Mrs. Cake? Can I use your bathroom? I’m about to throw up.”

Rainbow Dash groaned as she sipped some more of the tea Mrs. Cake had made for her. It was dark out now, and there was still no sign of Pinkie. Mr. Cake had woken up and listened to both of their stories from the day. He laughed at the trouble they both had and then laughed harder when he saw the state of the kitchen. Rainbow Dash and Mrs. Cake tried to get mad at him but ended up laughing too.

“Feeling better?” Mrs. Cake asked Rainbow Dash.

“Somewhat,” Rainbow Dash said. The tea was helping to calm her stomach.

“I checked the sugar and salt jars. It seems that somepony pulled a prank and switched their labels.”

Rainbow Dash chuckled, “Oh, Pinkie Pie. You got me good.”

“Speaking of Pinkie Pie,” Mr. Cake said, “I hope she’s alright. She isn’t one to miss dinner.”

“You’re right,” Mrs. Cake said. “I better go start dinner. If she isn’t back by when I’m done, we’ll have to start looking for her.”

“Mrs. Cake?” Rainbow Dash said. “Before you start cooking, can I try making those cookies one more time?”

Mrs. Cake broke eye contact. “Oh, um, Rainbow Dash... do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“No, Mrs. Cake. I don’t think it’s a good idea. But I do think it’s something I have to do.”

Mrs. Cake sighed. “Okay. I’ve already checked the ingredients, and everything is in its correct container. You show those cookies who’s the boss, you hear?”

“Oh, I will. You can count on that.”

~~~

Rainbow Dash baked like she never baked before and certainly not like the past three times she had baked today. She followed the book exactly. She checked, double checked, and triple checked each step. At random times she tasted the salt and sugar to make sure they hadn’t switched places. Nothing was going to go wrong this time. She mixed. She rolled. She cut. She baked. Finally done, Rainbow Dash surrendered the kitchen to Mrs. Cake and waited for the cookies to be ready to come out of the oven.

“Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie yelled as she bounded into the kitchen. “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry I’m late. I was hosting Daisy’s birthday party, and it was super-duper-mega fun with the dancing and the cake and the pin the tail on the pony. We had so much fun, but we made a big mess! Like, way bigger than any mess ever has or ever will be. It was so big! And I couldn’t just leave Daisy to clean it because I helped make it, well, so did other ponies, but I made most of it! So I got everypony at the party to help clean up and even some ponies that weren’t at the party and before you know it, our party mess cleanup became a mess-cleanup party! It was an even bigger party than the last with an even bigger mess, which I didn’t think was possible, but apparently it was! And some ponies brought taffy! The party got so big that even ponies that didn’t want to be at the party became part of the party as the party grew around them, and then somepony called the cops! It was really super embarrassing, and Daisy was upset, but I told her I’d throw her an I’m-glad-you-didn’t-get-taken-to-jail party just as soon as I helped clean up this party’s mess. But everypony was all, ‘No! We’ll clean the mess up. You can just go home now.’ And I felt bad because it was such a really, really big mess and—are you baking?”

Rainbow Dash blinked then said, “Uh... yeah, I had to get some training in today after all.”

“This was training?” Mrs. Cake asked.

“This last batch was. If I can’t even get these dumb cookies to turn out right after trying this hard, then this year’s trophy is in the bag.”

“I admit your previous attempts were less than desired, but I watched you this time, and you did everything right. There’s no way those cookies won’t be perfect this time.”

“I wish that were true, but you are severely underestimating just how bad of a baker I am.”

The oven timer dinged, letting everypony know that ten minutes were up. Rainbow Dash bit into the mouth mitt, took the baking sheet out of the oven, and placed it on the counter. She gave Mrs. Cake an apologetic smile.

Mrs. Cake’s mouth hung open as she tried to find the words. “I... I don’t understand! I watched you! Start to finish! There’s no way that—this is impossible!”

On the baking sheet was row after row of blueberry muffins.

“I wouldn’t eat them if I were you,” Rainbow Dash said as she sniffed the muffins. “They smell a little rancid.”

“But... there were no blueberries! I watched! Chocolate and pecans! I... I...” Mrs. Cake’s mind had decided that this was enough stress for one day, and she finally passed out.

Pinkie looked at Mrs. Cake who was snoring softly. “I think you broke her,” she said. “Chocolate and pecans? Oh! Were you trying to make Triple Fudge Pecan Crunch Cookies?”

“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash said. “I knew I could never pull it off, but I just wanted some so bad.”

“Well why didn’t you say so? I made a ton of those last night for Daisy’s party! There’s plenty left in the cookie jar!”

“Really? Awesome! Looks like I’ll get my cookies after all.”

“Uh-huh. Did you know that those are Gummy’s favorite cookies too?”

Upon hearing his name, Gummy popped his head out of Pinkie’s mane, looked at Rainbow Dash, squeaked happily, and leapt.

Chapter Four - Preparations - The Great and Powerful Trixie's Terrible Day

“Thank you! Thank you, Fillydelphia! You’ve been a wonderful audience!”

Trixie let her magic loose as she took a bow. Colorful lights and explosions surrounded her as her fireworks spun and flew about the stage. All illusions, of course. She wasn’t crazy enough to set off real fireworks indoors. Deception was the tool of the magician, though. The fireworks zipped around the auditorium, coming close but never quite touching the ponies in their seats. A little fear and excitement was a great way to leave the audience wanting more. Trixie rose from her bow as the last of the magical fireworks fizzled out. Her cape with its field of stars flapped in an imaginary breeze. She smiled at the audience and listened to the applause, letting her eyes scan the crowd.

There, in the front like always, was Mrs. Dimmer, the aging wife of this theatre’s owner. She stamped her hooves loudly, her eyes shining with delight. Trixie owed that earth pony so much. She was the one that had helped Trixie get off the streets and back on her hooves after that disastrous performance in Ponyville had almost ruined her career. It was thanks to this job at the Dimmer Theatre that she had already saved up enough to get her starry hat and cape replaced.

Along the far side of the auditorium was Stubs, the unicorn of many jobs. Ticket seller, usher, handyman. If there was an odd job that needed doing, Stubs was the pony doing it. He was currently standing next to a broom, his magic twirling it as he waited for the audience to leave. Trixie had wondered what the cutie mark of the pony with so many talents was. However, Stubs always wore a long coat that covered his flank and only served to deepen the mystery.

The other members of the audience were unfamiliar to Trixie. Either out-of-towners or first-timers most likely. At least they were applauding respectfully. All except for the last row in which there were two unicorn colts that seemed more interested in noisily telling each other jokes than watching Trixie’s performance. They got up and left the auditorium. Trixie fought against an eye twitch. Seeing those two reminded her of the last pair of unicorn colts she had met. The ones that had destroyed her trailer and all her things after thinking it was a good idea to bring an ursa into a populated area. Trixie calmed herself by taking deep breaths. Those two in the back had been rude, but they didn’t seem the type to endanger other ponies just to see more of her ‘awesome’ magic.

Trixie felt her smile waver and forced it to remain strong. She had to get off the stage. This was becoming too much for her to bear. She went into the standard end to all of her performances. Trixie reared up on her hind legs and brought her front legs down hard. When her hooves hit the stage, there was a great burst of smoke that swirled out to obscure her. The smoke quickly vanished, leaving no trace of Trixie behind.

Trixie breathed hard from behind the curtains. She had made it this time. There was no laughing from ponies catching a glimpse of her tail vanishing off stage. A scowl formed on Trixie’s face, replacing the fake smile that had been there a moment before. She fought hard to control her breathing.

Eight. There had been eight ponies in the audience. That was two less than last time. Eight ponies in a theatre that sat over a hundred. Tears burned in Trixie’s eyes but she refused to let them fall.

How? It was the only question on Trixie’s mind. How had it come to this? How had she fallen so far as to become a lowly stage magician? True, she had always been a stage magician, but at least she used to own her stage. It wasn’t fair. She used to bring whole towns out to her performance. They adored her. Waited on her hoof and leg. Yes, her ego had grown large, and she would sometimes pick on the hecklers, but it was all harmless fun. The rest of the crowd loved it. Everything had been great until Ponyville.

Ponyville. If—no—when Trixie got a new trailer, she would never go back to that podunk town. Her performance there had been going great, spectacular even. Then that rainbow-colored pegasus had booed her. Actually booed her! For doing magic at a magic show! The worst part was the crowd had started to take the pegasus’ side. Of course, Trixie had to show that little naysayer and her friends a thing or two. She even made up that ridiculous story about defeating an ursa major.

Everything had spiraled down from there. However, it all started with that pegasus. What was her name, even? Rainbow... something. Probably something stupid like Rainbow Dork. If Rainbow Dork hadn’t started booing, then Trixie wouldn’t have had to make up that story and then those colts... those colts! And her trailer and all her stuff and—

Trixie closed her eyes and held her breath. She counted to ten and then kept going until she reached twenty. She started breathing again, in and out, slowly. When she had calmed herself, she opened her eyes and got a close up view of Mr. Dimmer’s incredibly hairy face. Trixie gave a startled yell and took a step away from the earth pony.

“Another splendid performance, Miss Trixie,” Mr. Dimmer said.

“What? I—Y-yes... it was a magnificent performance, was it not? I even developed several new tricks just for tonight.”

“Quite an amazing display. I know my wife loved every minute of it.”

Trixie smiled and nodded. Mr. Dimmer nodded back and continued looking at Trixie. At least Trixie thought he was looking at her. Between his mane and mustache, there was so much hair covering Mr. Dimmer’s face it was nearly impossible to tell what he was looking at, or if he was even still awake.

Trixie cleared her throat. “I’m... I’m sorry I’m not drawing the crowds I used to, Mr. Dimmer.”

“Oh, that’s quite alright. I suspect most ponies in town have already seen your show. I know you try to keep it fresh but there’re only so many magic tricks you can see before even the new seems old. Seems to mostly be tourists coming to see you now, and Fillydelphia isn’t exactly the tourist capital of Equestria.”

“Yes, it’s just... I know the theatre has already lost some acts and—”

“Not to worry! This theatre has been in my family for generations and always will be. It goes all the way back to my great-great-great-great-great-grandfather. It’ll eventually be passed on to my son and then grandson and so on and so forth. I know I’m getting old, but one day my son will get his head out of the clouds and take over so I can retire.”

“Isn’t your son a blacksmith? And doesn’t he have an anvil for a cutie mark?”

“Just a phase he’s going through. Anyway, my point is this theatre has seen its fair share of hard times, and if there’s one thing it knows how to do, it’s adapt. Never fear, I’ve got a plan! I have a big meeting tomorrow morning, and if things go well, why, we’ll be so jam-packed with ponies, we could fill every seat in the house. Twice over!”

“Really?” Trixie said, growing excited. She hadn’t performed for a full house since she had first come to the Dimmer Theatre so many months ago.

“Yes! So stop your fretting and enjoy your evening. I’ll be sure to tell you the good news tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Mr. Dimmer! I will!”

Trixie walked towards her dressing room that she unfortunately also called her bedroom. Rent was expensive in Fillydelphia, and she was lucky Mrs. Dimmer had arranged for her to be able to live in the theatre. Things were looking up though. She had been growing increasingly worried. Her pay was directly proportional to the crowd she brought in, and at the rate she was going, it would have been years before she could afford a new trailer. Assuming she wasn’t fired before then. However, if there was one thing Trixie had learned during her stay with the Dimmers, it was to trust in Mr. Dimmer’s plans. His ideas often seemed hair-brained, ill-planned, or questionably-sane, but they never failed to work. If he said things would get better, then Trixie had no reason to doubt him.

Trixie reached her door and was greeted by an odd sight: a bouquet of flowers.

A bouquet of flowers by itself wasn’t normally an odd thing. Trixie was a truly magnificent magician, after all. If anything, the odd thing should have been that she didn’t get a bouquet of flowers more often. What was odd was the type of flowers. Trixie had never seen flowers like these before.

The flowers were multiple shades of blue. They had two rows of petals; a small inner row closed into a bulb and a large outer row that hung down. Four stamens poked out of the bulb, each tipped in a small circle.

Trixie used her telekinesis to float the bouquet to her face and sniffed the flowers. They were incredibly fragrant and smelled amazing. She buried her face in the bouquet and breathed deeply. She let her breath out in a happy sigh and entered her room. Things certainly were looking up. Today had been a good day in the end, and tomorrow would be even better.

~~~

“I’m afraid it’s poison joke,” the doctor said as he flipped through his charts.

“Poison what?” Trixie said.

Trixie had woken up that morning and known something was wrong. Getting tangled in her sheets, falling from bed, noticing the spots on her forehead, breaking her mirror, tripping over her trash can, burning her toast, burning her orange, burning her glass of milk, stumbling down the theatre steps, being chased by a dog, being chased by a cat, being cornered by a dog and cat working as a team, falling in the mud, becoming lost in the back alleys, finding her way back to a street she knew only to have a passing carriage splash her with mud, having a flower pot fall on her, having a paint bucket fall on her, having a painting of a flower pot fall on her, finding the dog and cat waiting for her around a corner, having the doctor’s door opened in her face, and being told she has an ailment she had never heard of before had just reaffirmed this.

“Poison joke.” The doctor looked up from his charts. “It’s a poisonous plant most commonly found within the Everfree Forest. Unlike most other poisonous plants, it doesn’t cause itchiness or swelling. Instead, it plays a magical joke on whatever touches it. Those blue spots on your forehead are the rash caused by it.”

“This is a joke? I nearly killed myself just getting here!”

“Yes, well... usually the joke is something harmless but annoying. Such as a pegasus’ wings being turned backwards or a pony getting giant hooves so they walk weird.” The doctor chuckled. “I once saw a pony under the effects of poison joke that looked just fine until you turned off the lights. She actually glowed in the dark!” The doctor started laughing but stopped and cleared his throat when Trixie hadn’t joined in. “In ah... in your case the poison joke seems to be manifesting itself as bad luck.”

The stool Trixie was sitting on collapsed. Trixie stared at the doctor.

“Extreme bad luck. I’ve never actually heard of such a severe reaction to poison joke before.”

The top two tacks of an eye chart fell out causing the chart to fall forward and land on Trixie. Trixie continued to stare at the doctor.

“Which is why we ran blood work. The bad news is that it seems that you are allergic to poison joke. The effects of the plant usually fades after a couple of days on its own. However, due to your allergy, it could take a while longer.”

“How much longer?”

“We really have no way of telling, but I would guess a week at least.”

“A week! How am supposed to live like this for a week? I haven’t even been able to eat anything today. I’ve been assaulted by animals. I have to look up constantly to make sure nothing falls on me, and I have to look down constantly to make sure I don’t fall into something! This has been the second worst day in my life, quickly approaching first, and you’re telling me this could go on for a week!” Trixie gritted her teeth and tried to keep from yelling further.

“Calm down. Take nice relaxing breaths. There is a cure.”

Trixie gave a sigh of relief and let the building stress fade. “Please mention that quicker next time. So, what? I just buy some ointment, take some medicine?”

“A bath with an herbal remedy added to it.”

“Well that sounds nice. Just write me a prescription, and I’ll be on my way.”

“I’m afraid there’s more bad news.”

Trixie stared at the doctor, her stress quickly returning. “Really? Why ever was I thinking there would be good news. Of course, there is bad news seeing as I’m cursed with bad luck! Now, what is this bad news?”

The doctor gulped. “The herbal remedy has recently become quite popular at spas all over Equestria due to its exfoliating and skin rejuvenating properties. As a result, the herbs are in high demand and short supply, seeing as how many of them come from the Everfree Forest itself. This means that the price of the bath has been rising steadily. It was seventy-five bits the last time I checked, but it could be higher now.”

The doctor cringed away and raised his clipboard between him and Trixie. When nothing was thrown or shouted, he slowly lowered it. Trixie was sitting calmly on the broken stool and staring at the doctor. Her sudden mood change scared the doctor more than her yelling.

“I’m sorry,” Trixie said, her voice dripping with venom. “I must have misheard you. It sounded like you said the cure would cost me almost all the money I’ve been saving for the past few months, and that can’t possibly be right. I’m sure there must be an emergency supply of herbs on hoof for those that need it. After all, the health care in Equestria is quite good, and the doctors wouldn’t allow such powerful healing medicine to be controlled by a couple of day spas. That would be silly. Now, why don’t you tell me again what I obviously misheard the first time?”

“Y-you might be able to get a reduced price if you shared a community bath and split the cost with some ponies?”

Trixie got up and let the eye chart clatter to the floor. The doctor backed into the corner and kept trying to back up further. Trixie breathed deeply in a vain attempt to calm herself.

“Do you have any idea who I am? I am the Great and Powerful Trixie! I perform the greatest feats of magic known to pony kind!” Trixie’s horn began to glow as she dragged the doctor was next to her face. “Fix this!” she hissed.

A ceiling tile came loose and broke in two on Trixie’s head. Trixie released the doctor and fell woozily onto her haunches.

“One more thing,” the doctor said as he tried to keep his distance.

“More bad news?”

“Well... you see. It’s... Whether news is good or bad is so subjective...” The doctor closed his eyes, breathed deeply then quickly said, “The bad luck also seems to respond to your magic so you should probably refrain from using it until you’re better. Pleasedon’thurtme!”

Trixie got up and walked towards the door. “I think we’re done here.” She began to grab the door handle with her mouth only to have the door swing open and hit her face.

“Doctor?” the nurse asked. “I just wanted to—oh my! I’m so sorry!”

Trixie dislodged her horn from the door. “Quite all right,” she said groggily. “The Powerful and Great audience thanks you for being such a wonderful Trixie and reminds you to try the fried celery.”

~~~

Trixie slammed shut the front door of the Dimmer Theatre as she dashed inside. She sat down as she tried to catch her breath. She was thankful that most cats and dogs had yet to figure out how to open doors.

Trixie didn’t know what to do. Her choices were to either spend nearly all of her money on a bath or live with bad luck until the poison joke wore off. If she was lucky, if would be gone in a couple of days. If she was unlucky…

Trixie’s breath caught in her throat. She was unlucky. The poison joke would last as long as possible. Maybe even forever. Could this day get any worse? Trixie froze. Why had she thought that? Of course, the day could get worse and probably will now that she had taunted fate by thinking that question.

Trixie nervously looked around the theatre’s entrance. No objects hanging above her. No obvious holes in the floor, but she would have to keep her eyes open for any unobvious ones. No doors ready to swing open and crash into her. Except the one behind her! Trixie took a few steps forward. Disaster averted. No angry animals—wait! There was one over... no, that was just Stubs, standing at the ticket booth and looking at her like she had gone crazy.

Trixie took a step forward and waited. When nothing happened, she repeated the process.

It was about an hour later that Trixie had made her way backstage and was approaching her dressing room. She was five feet away. So far, no bad luck. Four feet. It would be happening soon. Three feet. Keep focused, Trixie. Two feet. You can do it, Trixie. One foot. Trixie nervously reached out with a shaking hoof and touched her dressing room door. Nothing happened.

Trixie gave a sigh of relief. She was being silly, letting paranoia rule her life. Poison joke was only bad if you let it be. She just had to get her money, go to the spa, and take a bath. Maybe she could even get a discount with her being such a famous magician. This would only be a small setback. Mr. Dimmer had a plan, and soon, Trixie would be swimming in bits. She would buy a new trailer. A bigger, better trailer with more hidden compartments and folding stages than she could count. She would tour all of Equestria, letting everpony know she was back. Ponyville would be forgotten, of course. The town would become a laughing stock, known only as the one place the Great and Powerful Trixie didn’t perform. Eventually, she would be looking for a more permanent stage. Maybe if Mr. Dimmer’s son kept refusing, Trixie could buy this theatre. The Trixie Theatre. She liked the sound of that. Her name in lights. Everypony calling her name.

“Miss Trixie! There you are!”

Trixie yelped in surprise, spun around, and backed into her door. The screws that were holding the door hinges in place fell out, and the door began to tilt forward. She was slowly lowered to her belly as the door’s weight pushed down on her. Trixie gave Mr. Dimmer a miserable look.

“Oh my,” Mr. Dimmer said. “Terribly sorry. I was certain we had your door fixed last week.” He moved his head under the door and lifted it off of Trixie, allowing her to crawl out.

“Not your fault,” Trixie said as she got back on her hooves.

“Miss Trixie, are you alright? You’re covered in dried mud and... is that paint?”

“It’s a long story. I need to take a bath.”

Mr. Dimmer nodded. “Anyway, I’ve been hoping you would return soon. My meeting this morning went better than I had hoped, and I have the most wonderful news!”

The most wonderful news. Those were the best words Trixie had ever heard. They were like a parent’s loving embrace. Suddenly, all the worries of the day melted away and left behind a warm glow. It was proof that no matter how bad things got, there was always a silver lining.

“I’ve been looking for some time to get a well-known name into this theatre,” Mr. Dimmer said. “I spoke with just such a famous duo this morning. They got their start working in little Mom and Pop theatres and felt it was right to make one their permanent venue. I must say that I had underestimated their popularity. There were ponies everywhere, begging for their autographs.”

Trixie was hanging on every word. A famous duo of traveling performers? Which ones? There were so many. Many of them were magicians too!

“The negotiations were going well until I happened to mention you.”

A feeling of dread came across Trixie. Had she messed things up? No, Mr. Dimmer had said he had wonderful news. Unless the wonderful news involved her being fired! Trixie felt herself beginning to hyperventilate.

“When they found out we had a resident magician, they were ecstatic. Especially once I told them how talented you were. They insisted they had to meet you when they got everything moved in next week. I do believe they want to extend an offer for you to join their act. That is if you think you’re up to it?”

“Yes! Of course!” Trixie’s heart was pounding. Her, joining a famous performing duo. True, she enjoyed working alone, but how often does a chance like this come around? If anything, she could use the increased popularity to eventually spin off into a solo act once more.

“Wonderful! Now, I do have some bad news...”

Trixie stopped breathing. She didn’t know if she could handle any more bad news today.

“The theatre will be closed for the next week as we make the required changes to the stage. There needs to be a few more trap doors added, and it needs to be extended ever so slightly. I know how much you love performing, but you won’t be able to while the construction is going on. Not to worry though. I’ll still pay you next week as if the construction wasn’t happening.”

“Thank you, Mr. Dimmer. That wasn’t bad news at all.”

Mr. Dimmer laughed. “I guess not. Especially with all the good news mixed in. I just know you’re going to love working on this puppet show.”

Trixie froze. “P-puppet show?”

“Hmm? Oh, yes! Sorry. I was so excited I forgot to mention their names. Surely, you’ve heard of the Magnificent Grape Brothers? They’ve been looking for a unicorn with a talent for illusions for some time. They felt magic would make great special effects to go along with their puppeteering.”

“Puppet... show?” Trixie repeated weakly.

“Yes. With school starting up soon, I knew all the fillies and colts in town would be looking for something to do after class, and a puppet show was the answer! Let’s be honest, Trixie. Magic shows are last year. Once you get up and running with the Grape Brothers, we can cancel your act. You’ll be having such as great time working with puppets that you’ll forget all about your magic tricks. Are you feeling alright, Miss Trixie?”

“J-just fine... I think the weight of this... wonderful news is just finally catching up to me is all. I think I need to lie down.”

“I felt the same way once the meeting was over. Good afternoon, Miss Trixie.”

“Good afternoon, Mr. Dimmer.”

Trixie stumbled over her fallen door and into her dressing room. She carefully stepped around the broken glass and got on to her bed. Once there, she laid on her back and stared at the ceiling.

Puppet show. Trixie, the Great and Powerful Puppeteer.

The bed frame collapsed from under her. She got up.

Trixie felt like her room was spinning. She couldn’t take much more of this. She had to get her money and get cured. Maybe it wouldn’t reverse Mr. Dimmer’s puppet show decision, but at least she would be able to go through a day without everything collapsing out from under her. She could spend her week off doing productive things, like finding out who gave her the poison joke in the first place. She would have a nice chat with them and explain to them calmly while dangling them over the edge of a cliff why it wasn’t a good idea to mess with the Great and Powerful Trixie.

Trixie opened her drawers. “I bet it was those rude colts from earlier,” she said to herself. “They were jealous of Trixie. Everypony is jealous of Trixie. That’s why they want me to work on a puppet show. Everyone laugh at Trixie! Laugh at the Unimportant and Inept Trixie. Nopony likes her magic anymore so they keep her offstage as a living stage light and smoke machine. I’ll show them. Where’s my money? Where’s my—wait... wrong drawer. That’s right. Here it is.”

Trixie lifted out her bag of bits and was unsurprised when the seam opened up and spilled her money around her room.

“Oh no you don’t,” she yelled at the ceiling. “I know what’s going on. I’ll try to go to the spa, but I’ll lose all my money along the way. Ha ha, that’s such a funny joke. Well, you can’t have it. You hear me? You can’t have it!”

Trixie grabbed at a bit only to have it slip out from under her hoof and disappear down a crack in the floorboards. “It’s starting,” she squeaked. Trixie moved as fast as she dared, which wasn’t very fast at all. She carefully lifted each bit one at a time and placed it inside of her hat. It was slow going, having to use her hooves and mouth for such menial tasks, but she didn’t dare risk using her magic and the increased bad luck it brought.

“Ninety-five... ninety-six... ninety-seven. That makes ninety-eight if I count the one that was stolen away from me. It’s all here. Ha ha, won’t it be funny when it get to the bath and it turns out I’m one bit short? Hilarious. What do I do now? The money will spill if I wear my hat. I could carry it in my mouth. But then a bird could snatch it away! See! I’m on to you! Wouldn’t that be funny? Having a bird steal my hat and all my money? I’ll put it in a metal box. With a lock! Yes! But then I might misplace the key. Or I might drop it in a lake, and it’ll sink! I’m a danger to myself. I need to get the money away from me. I need to... I need to stop talking to myself.”

Trixie sat down on the floor, clutched her hat to her chest, and whimpered. Everything was going wrong. Not just her money. Not just her bad luck. Mr. Dimmer’s decision. Could she really give up performing and just do special effects? Could she give up on who she was? What choices did she even have anymore?

“Hello? Trixie? Are you in there?” A mare stepped up to Trixie’s broken door.

“Mrs. Dimmer?”

Mrs. Dimmer looked at both the disheveled room and distressed mare. “What happened?”

“I’ve... been having a really bad day. Sorry about the mirror... and the bed. It was an accident.”

“It’s not a problem. We all have our bad days. I heard about my husband’s decision to stop your performance and include you in a puppet show. Are you alright with that?”

“Well... I... No, Mrs. Dimmer. I’m not. I-it’s a job, and I’ll still get to... to use magic but...”

“But it’s not your magic.”

Trixie shook her head. Mrs. Dimmer sat down next to Trixie and let the unicorn lean on her. Mrs. Dimmer said nothing and just acted as a pillar of support that Trixie so desperately needed at the moment.

“It’ll be alright,” Mrs. Dimmer said once Trixie had quieted down. “My husband can be a bit of an oaf sometimes. He seems to have a hard time realizing that not everyone thinks the same way as he does. Don’t worry. I’ll speak with him. I’m sure I can get your magic show going again at least a couple of nights a week.”

“You’ll do that for me?”

“Of course. I do so love watching your magic. It reminds me of my performing days. I was a lot like you then.”

“You were a magician?”

Mrs. Dimmer laughed. “Surprised to hear an earth pony did magic? I admit. I could never do all the flashy stuff you unicorns can do, but I was still able to pull a rabbit out from under my hat. Just so long as it hadn’t chewed its way out.”

Trixie tried to laugh, but her heart wasn’t in it.

“Feeling better?” Mrs. Dimmer asked.

Trixie nodded and wiped her eyes with a hoof. “Mrs. Dimmer? I have a favor to ask.”

~~~

Trixie explained her situation and her idea. Mrs. Dimmer would hold onto the money and go to the spa an hour after Trixie had left. That way, the money would be well outside of the bad luck aura that was surrounding Trixie.

With the plan set, Trixie thanked Mrs. Dimmer for everything and made her way back to the front door. She had been granted a brief respite from the bad luck, but she knew that would change once she exited the theatre. Trixie took a deep breath and opened the door.

Trixie stepped out of the Dimmer Theatre and looked up and down the street. No animals in sight. She would still have to be careful. They could be hiding. She had taken a few steps before it started to rain. There had been a rain scheduled for last night, so there was no way Fillydelphia’s weather team would have had another so soon. Trixie looked up. “Figures,” she said.

Floating above Trixie was a rain cloud no bigger than her head. Trixie walked a few steps only to have the rain cloud follow her. She sighed and continued walking down the street. After a few blocks, she finally spotted a pegasus.

“Excuse me, sir?” Trixie said, trying as hard as she could to sound pleasant.

The pegasus turned towards Trixie, looked up at the cloud then back at Trixie. “Yes?” he asked.

“I seem to be having a bit of a weather problem. Could you be so kind as to remedy it?”

“Oh, um, I dunno... I’m not on the weather team. I might get in trouble if I mess with the clouds.”

Trixie breathed deep, held her breath for a few seconds, and let it out. “I’m not asking you to mess with the clouds. I’m asking you to remove this obviously forgotten rain cloud from above my head so that I won’t be getting rained on. Do you enjoy seeing me get rained on? Is it a funny joke for you?”

“N-no. I’ll move it.”

“Thank you,” Trixie said as the pegasus hovered above her and moved the cloud. Once the pegasus let go of the cloud though, it floated back above Trixie’s head.

“It ah... it really seems to like you?” The pegasus grinned sheepishly.

“How cute. Buck it.”

“What?”

“Buck. The. Cloud.”

The pegasus gulped and turned around. He lined himself up with the cloud and slowly worked his legs back and forth to make sure he was on target. Once he was ready, he pulled his legs up so he could buck the cloud as hard as possible.

Trixie suddenly realized what was about to happen. “Wait!” she yelled.

The pegasus stopped and turned his head to look back at her. Trixie ducked down so that her face wasn’t right next to the cloud.

“Okay,” she said. “Continue.”

The pegasus bucked as hard as he could. When his hooves connected the cloud, there was a clap of thunder and a startled yelp of pain. Trixie’s mane and tail were standing on end. She coughed up a small cloud of smoke.

“Are you alright?” the pegasus asked. “Should I try again?”

“N-no...” Trixie said hoarsely. “Being struck by lightning once today was enough. It’s a small rain cloud. It’ll run out of water soon.”

~~~

The rain cloud did not run out of water soon. If one thing could be said about this rain cloud, it would be that it was dedicated to its work. It was showing Equestria how raining was supposed to be done, and it wasn’t letting anything like physics get in its way.

Half an hour, and many strange stares later, Trixie was wearily approaching the spa and didn’t know how much more she could take. The raincloud was bad. The bad luck constantly happening was worse. Open manholes, falling tree branches, that dog and cat again! It didn’t matter anymore. Trixie had made it. Here was the spa. Mrs. Dimmer would come with the money. Trixie would take a bath. Then she would go to bed and forget this terrible day ever happened.

‘Spa closed for repairs’ was written on the sign.

Trixie felt something snap. She laughed. What a funny joke. She turned from the spa and stumbled. Her head felt heavy, and she was having difficulty controlling her breathing. Why was everything suddenly so blurry? Trixie took a few more steps and stopped. She forced her breathing to slow and tried to calm down. It was hard but the world slowly came back into focus. Trixie didn’t know what to do. No. That wasn’t right. She did know what to do. She laughed again then said, “Can this day get any worse?”

There. She said it. For the second time today she had taunted fate. She wasn’t scared. The day couldn’t get any worse. She had reached its peak. Anything further could only be a minor annoyance compared to what had happened so far. “Well?” she said. “Come on, fate. Show Trixie what you’ve got!”

Nothing happened except for a few ponies giving her strange looks as they passed. Trixie laughed triumphantly and started looking around. She had beaten fate. There was no way this... day... could...

Trixie stared in disbelief. The day had just gotten worse.

There she was. The cyan pegasus with the rainbow mane. The one that had booed her. The one that was at the very top of the long list of ways Trixie’s life had started going downhill.

There she was. On the poster on the wall in front of Trixie. An advertisement for The Worst Baker in Equestria Competition. The smug look on that pegasus’ face as she asked if you had what it takes to be the worst.

There she was. The pegasus that had ruined Trixie’s life.

Trixie turned from the poster. She closed her eyes, held her breath and began to count upwards.

One... two... three…

This had to be a joke. Rainbow Doofus on a poster? Trixie wasn’t even on a poster.

Twelve... thirteen... fourteen…

Why was she even in that competition? Was she just showing off like she had tried to do on Trixie’s stage?

Thirty-one... thirty-two... thirty-three…

How had this happened? How was that pegasus a celebrity? How had everything gone so bad for Trixie? How?

Fifty-five... fifty-six…

How?

Sixty-four... sixty-five…

How?

Trixie’s lungs burned as she finally had to stop counting and breathe. Her body shook as she gasped for air. “You,” she said quietly.

An earth pony stallion passing in front of Trixie stopped. He raised an eyebrow at the distressed mare.

“You!” Trixie yelled. Her eyes were filled with rage. Everywhere she looked. It was nothing but rainbows laughing at her.

The stallion took a step back, his ears drooping in fear.

“How dare you! My life was fine until you showed up!”

A crowd had started to gather to watch what was going on. The stallion being yelled at by the crazy mare looked around in fear and confusion as the crowd blocked him in.

“You started booing for no good reason! It was a magic show! Of course, I was doing magic!”

The crowd began whispering amongst themselves and shooting disapproving glances at the cornered stallion.

“Yes, I had to make up lies! Only because you were turning everyone against me! You even came up on stage and started acting like some spoiled attention-seeking filly!”

The crowd gasped. The stallion’s eye bulged and he quickly shook his head at the crowd to try and say that wasn’t true.

Trixie had had enough. She wanted to yell more but there were no more words left. There was only one thing left she could do. She screamed. A loud, primal scream of frustration, anger, and sadness. A scream that had been building ever since the ursa had destroyed her home. A scream that had been bottled up and forced down repeatedly until it could no longer be contained. The crowd scattered. The stallion ran with tears in his eyes. The rain cloud decided now would be a good time to rain on something else far away.

Trixie screamed until her breath gave out. When she was done she felt... better. All the pent-up emotions she had been carrying for so long were gone. She felt new, reborn. Trixie turned around and looked at the poster. It was foalish to think that all of her problems had come from this one mare. There had been many bad choices made that day. Some of them had been Trixie’s. Not all, but some. Ponyville... didn’t matter. There was no desire for revenge. No need of retribution. But still.

That smug look on... Rainbow Dash. That was her name. That smug look on Rainbow Dash’s face. She honestly thought she was going to win, that there would be no real competition against her. Trixie wished she could be the one to show up that pegasus. Give her a challenge. Make her sweat a little. Show her that sometimes there is just someone better than you.

Trixie sighed. She wasn’t a bad baker. She was actually quite good. It didn’t matter though. The bakers in that competition all had an aura of bad luck that made anything they tried to make turn out terrible. Without that aura, Trixie didn’t stand a chance.

Without that bad luck aura...

Trixie blinked her eyes and then started to laugh. Not a haughty laugh. Not a sarcastic laugh. It was a laugh filled with mirth. A laughter of pure joy that Trixie had almost forgotten she knew how to do.

Oh, now this was a good joke. And one not being played on her either. Trixie read the poster. The competition was in two days. Just enough time to head to the tryouts, get a spot in the preliminaries, and make her way to Ponyville.

Trixie turned from the poster. Watch out, Rainbow Dash. The Great and Powerful Trixie is coming for you. She’ll give you all the competition you’ve ever wanted.

Chapter Five - The Preliminaries - All Work and No Sleep Makes Luna Drink Coffee

Princess Luna flew through the night air above Canterlot. The moon was slowly setting, and her night was coming to its end. Luna’s research had not been going well, and she had hoped a night flight would have helped shake loose some new ideas. It hadn’t. However, any excuse to get out and see Equestria after dark was worth it. Equestria was so different now than it had been one thousand years ago. The nights were filled with ponies going about their business; whether they be staying up late, getting up early, or suffering from insomnia.

Luna changed her course and began heading back towards the palace. Today was going to be a very good day. A fun day. A day spent among the masses, putting her theories to the test and hopefully finding her lack of sleep this past month had been worth it. It would be a day where she wouldn’t accidentally set fire to anything important. Or knock over a library’s book shelves like a row of dominoes. Or change a pony into a woodchuck. Which was an honest misunderstanding, and she changed him back right away and apologized, so there really was no reason to get so upset and—Luna took a calming breath. No, today wouldn't be like that. Today was going to be a good day. After all, it wasn't every day that Luna got to enter a competition.

The Worst Bakers in Equestria. At first Luna had thought it a joke, but the pony that had explained it to her had sounded serious. An actual competition where the objective was to perform as badly as possible. Luna had to see this. Even better, Luna also the weird inability to bake that would allow her to compete, or at least she thought she did. She had baked badly enough at her tryout to earn a spot in the preliminaries, but things hadn’t gone as bad as they had before. After the tryout, Luna had decided to pass the time until the competition by learning all she could about what made a bad baker a, well, bad baker. It was a decision she quickly came to regret.

Luna’s studies into the bad baking phenomenon were difficult at best and a complete and utter waste of time at worst. Finding and renting a private kitchen had been a difficult but necessary task after word had gotten around the palace of her soup fiasco. She had tried to replicate the results of her original cooking experiment many times. Frustratingly, each pot of soup had turned out even more delicious than the last. Whatever the magic was that Luna had felt that one time, soup wasn’t bringing it out anymore.

The soup wasn’t what mattered, though. This was a baking competition, after all.

Luna’s attempts at baking were equally frustrating. She had tried to make a simple batch of brownies fifteen times. She had been able to sense the magic during some but not all of her attempts. Five times her brownies had turned out fine, four times they had been slightly unpleasant-looking-but-edible, three times they had come out burned—with one of those times being before she had even put them in the oven—two times the brownies hadn’t even survived long enough to get into the oven, and one time... well... Luna preferred not to think about that one time.

There was apparently some way to control just how much bad luck the magic gave and even a way to make it affect things other than baking. Luna just had no idea how. The harder she tried to locate the source of the bad baking magic, the more frustrated she got. The more frustrated she got, the harder she tried to locate the source of the magic. It had become a nightly routine of hers that only ended with the banging of her head on a table when the frustration became too much. She had already run out of excuses why nearly every table in the palace library now had dents in them. Luna desperately hoped that being surrounded by some of the other worst bakers in Equestria would shed some insight into her research.

Luna landed on a balcony and trotted inside the palace. Her plans were set. All she had to do was sneak out of the palace, join the competition, study the bad bakers without drawing attention to herself, make it into the final eight, study the worst of the worst, find some way to raise the moon without alerting her sister, fail to hide the enormous amount of magic required to raise the moon, find an excuse to tell her sister when she showed up at the competition after sensing the enormous amount of magic required to raise the moon, and then die of embarrassment when all of Equestria finds out that the Moon Princess had been disguising herself for months so that she could do menial labor.

It was an absolutely terrible plan, but it was better than the last three revisions. Still, it wouldn’t do. Luna would just have to improvise today. She would start by getting her things and sneaking out before the sunrise. Nopony will be the wiser and there would be no—

“Good morning, dear sister.”

—trouble.

Luna turned towards a doorway and saw her sister smiling at her. “Sister?” Luna said nervously and then quickly regained her composure. “Yes. Good morning, sister. So nice to see you. I would expect you to be preparing to raise the sun.”

“As you’re so fond of saying, ‘I can do that from anywhere,’” Celestia said with a chuckle. “I was really hoping to find you before you disappeared into your studies again. We haven’t shared a morning meal in some time. I know it’s silly, but it feels like you’re trying to avoid me.”

Luna’s eyes opened wide. Her sister knew she was trying to avoid her. Well... Luna hadn’t been trying to avoid her. She had just been busy. Still, she should have found time, if only to avoid suspicions today. Suspicions she was making worse by standing there staring at her sister instead of answering.

“I would love to join you for dinner—I mean breakfast—I mean my third meal of the day and your first!” Luna said, giving Celestia her biggest ‘I'm not planning anything, and I'm definitely not being suspicious’ smile.

~~~

Luna and Celestia sat at their personal dining table. The rising sun could be seen through the window. Celestia was eating a bowl of oatmeal garnished with fresh fruits. Luna was also eating oatmeal, but the chefs had fried it into thin crispy cakes and served it as part of a fruit salad. It amazed Luna that she and her sister were basically eating the same thing, even though the food looked, and likely tasted, completely different. Perhaps she could persuade the chefs to let her into the kitchens again if she promised to look but not touch? Surely by now they had forgotten about the soup she had made that had driven Main Course, the head chef of the day kitchen, into an early retirement.

“So,” Luna said, breaking the silence. “What are your plans for the day?”

“Oh, the usual. Meetings for most of the morning followed by a talk with Professor Bastion to discuss the expansion of the university grounds. Then petitions throughout the afternoon.”

“Well that sounds... incredibly boring to be honest.”

Celestia laughed warmly. “It most certainly will be. I’m hoping I can finish everything up quickly. After all, the Worst Baker in Equestria competition is tonight.”

Luna nearly choked on her food. She swallowed hard then asked innocently, “T-the what?”

“The WBEs,” Celestia replied. “It’s a baking competition where the objective is to be the worst baker instead of the best. I saw it the last time they were held in Canterlot. It was quite entertaining. Rainbow Dash is the current champion and is going for her third straight win this year. You remember her, don’t you?”

“Of course. It’s hard to forget Rainbow Dash once you've met her, or any of your student’s friends, for that matter.”

“But our duties are to the ponies of Equestria,” Celestia said with a touch of disappointment in her voice. “It wouldn’t be right for me to rush my responsibilities just for my own personal enjoyment.”

Luna felt a pit open in her stomach. Her sister was trying to get her to confess, but it wouldn’t work. Luna quickly said, “Oh my! Look at the time. It’s been wonderful talking with you, sister, but I really must be heading to my room. I have plenty of books to hit before I retire for the day. Literally, of course. I’m afraid some of the older tomes have been infested with book worms and a good whack is the only way to get them out. Just ignore any loud noises coming from my room for the next hour or so.”

“Oh... alright,” Celestia said with a touch of sadness.

Luna got up from the table and knocked her seat over. She attempted to right it, but instead tilted it too far and knocked it over again. Through the clatter of Luna’s increasingly noisy attempt to right the seat, Celestia calmly ate her oatmeal. Finally, Luna grabbed the seat with her magic, righted it, and set it next to the table. There was an uncomfortable silence for several seconds as Luna stared at Celestia, who was still focused on her morning meal.

“Good day, sister,” Luna said with a bow of her head. She turned towards the doorway and left her sister to her breakfast.

~~~

Luna nodded politely to the palace guards she passed on her way to her room. She walked at a speed that she hoped would be interpreted as a purposeful stride and not a blind panic. Her sister had known she was planning to sneak out today. Not only that, but Celestia had also known where she was planning on going today. Okay, maybe she hadn’t come out and accused Luna of anything, but there can only be so many coincidences.

Maybe she should come clean? Just walk back to her sister and say, ‘I’m going to disguise myself and enter the WBEs today. Oh, and I’ve been doing things like things like this behind your back for nearly the past year.’ Luna blinked at how stupid that sounded. The worst part was that her sister wouldn’t get mad. She wouldn’t even be disappointed. She would smile and say how happy she was that Luna was enjoying herself interacting with the ponies of Equestria. Then her sister would encourage her to continue but to do so without a disguise. To go out and let Equestria experience the real Luna; to make some friends. Which, truthfully, wouldn’t be so bad, but she was supposed to be ruling Equestria along with her sister, not going on random adventures. True, most nights there was little that required her attention, but eventually, the Lunar Court would grow in popularity, and she would be just as busy as Celestia. Maybe even busier. Then Celestia would be the one with all the free time to sneak out of the palace.

Luna sighed as she reached her door. Today had been sounding like such a fun day, but now? No. Today would still be a fun day. She just had to sneak out and enjoy herself like she was planning. Luna locked her door behind her and used her magic to pull a saddlebag from under her bed. It was a simple brown bag, not at all like something a princess would use, and that was ideal for her purposes. She began to add items to the bags. Maps of Ponyville and the surrounding area, a marker, glasses—every good disguise needed them—adhesive medical strips, some rope—which was incredibly useful when needed—and a hat. She doubted she would use most of them, but better to be prepared than sorry. Luna then grabbed the last item she would add to her bags. This item was of vital importance.

Being an alicorn had its perks, with one of them being not needing nearly as much sleep as an ordinary pony. Luna actually didn’t need any sleep at all, but she started feeling wonky if she went too long without it. How much sleep had she gotten this past week? Or this past month even? It didn’t matter because she had the magical answer to staying awake as long as she wanted right here. Luna packed with love and care a thermos filled with the greatest invention ponykind had made during her thousand years of absence: coffee.

With her bags packed, Luna removed her royal adornments. She could disguise them with magic, but such personal items would act as a beacon for Celestia to follow if she chose to. Luna didn’t need to make it any easier for her sister to find her. She slid on her saddlebags and opened her window.

“Good morning, Princess Luna!” a passing pegasus guard said with a wave.

Luna smiled and waved back. Her sister had the guards watching her! Well... no... the guards were likely just doing their patrols. She should have been gone while it was still dark. She would have been gone while it was still dark if her sister hadn’t felt the need for sisterly bonding. Her sister wouldn’t have felt the need for sisterly bonding if Luna hadn’t been so caught up in her studies. Luna sighed. This deception had gone on for far too long. She would tell her sister the truth tonight, but for now she had a contest to get to and research to complete. She had to find a way out of the palace soon, or she was going to be late.

A different escape plan would be needed. Luna looked at the magic detecting rune on her balcony. It had been replaced during an inspection earlier that month. The poor unicorn that did the inspection was nearly in tears when she had found out that the Moon Princess’s bedroom had been unprotected. Luna’s confession to tampering with the rune had just made the whole scene awkward. Sneaking out had sometimes been difficult after that, but Luna had developed a new trick.

Short-ranged, focused-based, teleportation anchor. There was an official name for it that Luna could never remember. Probably because it had way more syllables than any word should have been allowed to contain. It basically meant that she had bound a small part of her magic in an object, and with a simple spell—relatively speaking as an alicorn—Luna could transport the object to her or she to it. The best part was that the runes around the palace weren’t designed to detect this type of magic. Closing her eyes, Luna cast the retrieval spell and felt a weight around her neck. Luna opened her eyes and looked in her mirror. She was now wearing that beautiful necklace she had purchased from the shopping district a month ago. She took the necklace off with her magic. Time to get this show started.

With bags and magical focus ready, Luna cautiously moved to her window. She watched the pegasus guards making their rounds. When she was sure nopony was looking, she threw the necklace towards the palace gardens. Then she waited. After she was sure no guards had entered the gardens looking for falling objects, she started to relax. Phase one completed.

Luna closed her eyes and focused on the necklace. She mentally reached out for it and willed herself towards it. She heard the rustling of leaves in the wind and the chirping of song birds. The wonderful smell of flowers drifted to her nose. Luna opened her eyes and took in the beautiful sights of the royal gardens. She glanced around and didn't see any guards or gardeners rushing to apprehend her. It looked like phase two had also been a success. Now she just had to grab her necklace. It should have been right in front of—

Luna looked down into a pair of brown eyes. She jumped back in surprise, ready to use her magic to bind and gag. However, it wasn't a pony looking up at her. It was a monkey, who was holding her necklace. Luna sighed in relief.

“Hello, little cutie. Are you holding my necklace for me?” Luna asked the monkey sweetly.

The monkey responded by screeching at her, then running and climbing up a tree. Luna looked up at the monkey holding her necklace.

“Oh, come on,” Luna said as she moved under the tree. “I don’t want to have to fight a monkey today, but I will if you leave me no other choice.”

Luna used her magic to grab a hold of the necklace and gave a quick tug. The monkey held tight and hissed at her. Luna prepared to pull harder, then stopped and rolled her eyes. She willed the necklace to her. A look of confusion came over the monkey’s face as the necklace vanished and reappeared on Luna’s neck.

Luna smiled smugly at the monkey. “Looks like I win this round.”

The monkey bared its fangs and leapt at Luna. She yelped in surprise and barely dodged the falling ball of fur and teeth. She quickly turned invisible and took off into the air. She hoped she was far enough away from any magic detecting runes. As she cleared the palace walls, Luna mentally added ‘taunting monkeys’ to her list of things not to do.

~~~

Luna continued to fly until she was near Ponyville. The massive stadium that would hold the contest was in the distance. She landed and when she was sure nopony was near, dropped her invisibility spell along with her bags. This morning was far more stressful than it should have been, but the worst was over. Luna found and removed her coffee thermos from her bags. She took a sip and enjoyed the almost-too-hot brew: her own personal blend. Luna considered magical, always-heated thermoses to be the second greatest invention Equestria had ever made.

It was time for a disguise. Luna’s horn began to glow and then vanished. Standing where Luna had been was an earth pony with a light-brown coat, dark orange mane, and a pile of coffee beans for a cutie mark. Morning Dew, she called herself. Luna sighed. This was likely going to be the last time she would be able to use this disguise. Once she confessed to her sister, it just wouldn’t feel right using it anymore. If this was to be Morning Dew’s final day, then Luna would make sure it was the best day ever.

~~~

Luna sighed in relief as she approached the stadium. There was still a long line of ponies waiting to get in. She hadn’t missed her chance to enter the preliminaries. She trotted up to the end of the line and waited. The line was moving slowly, with one pony being admitted or turned away every few minutes. Luna took a peak and guessed there were still a few dozen ponies in front of her. She pulled out her thermos and took another sip of coffee. It was going to be a long morning.

After a few more ponies had entered the stadium and a couple turned away, Luna began to notice a shape on the horizon. The shape slowly got closer until she recognized it as a pony. The pony was heading straight for Luna but moving very slowly. She watched the pony as its features became more visible as it got closer.

It was obviously a mare. She had an azure coat with a lighter mane and tail. She a star-filled, purple cape with a matching pointed hat. With the magician’s garb, Luna figured the pony was probably a unicorn. As the pony got closer, Luna could sense the magic inside her, confirming her suspicion. The unicorn walked up to Luna and took the spot behind her in line. Her hat and cape looked scuffed, and she had tired bags under her eyes.

Luna set down her thermos. “Are you alright?” she asked.

“Just fine... just fine...” the unicorn said wearily. “Up all night... chased by squirrels... so many squirrels... made it in time. Need to bake... only way to drain bad luck...”

Drain bad luck? What did that mean? Was the bad luck magic like a constantly filling pool that was used up as a pony baked? Is that why sometimes her baking turned out fine? She was baking too fast, and the pool hadn’t been able to refill?

Luna grinned madly. Maybe she would find the answers she was looking for today, after all. She decided to see if she could get the unicorn talking more. “So, ah... anyway. My name’s Morning Dew. What’s yours?”

“Trixie,” the unicorn said. She seemed to be having a hard time standing up straight.

“You look tired from all that late night... squirrel... activity. I have some coffee here.” Luna nodded her head towards the thermos. “You’re welcome to some if you’d like.”

Trixie leaned down and bit onto the thermos’ rim. She must have been really tired if she couldn’t even manage telekinesis.

“Only take a sip,” Luna warned. “I like it a bit stronger than most ponies, and—you just drank all of it.”

The thermos fell away from Trixie’s lips. Her eyes opened wide, and her whole body began to vibrate. “I can see everything,” she whispered.

“It seems I don’t know the definition of ‘a bit.’ It also worries me that I felt I made the coffee a little too weak this morning.”

Trixie began to make a high-pitched whine.

“Okay, don’t worry, I can fix this. Can you close your eyes?”

Trixie slowly shook her head side to side.

“Right. That’s not a good sign. Um...” Luna bit onto the edge of Trixie’s hat and pulled it forward to cover the unicorn’s eyes. “Any better?”

Trixie slowly moved her head up and down.

“Good. This next bit is important. Try to relax and ignore any strange feelings you may have in your stomach for the next minute or two.”

Luna looked around. Nopony seemed to be paying attention to them. Luna reached out with her magic and took a hold of the coffee in Trixie’s stomach. With a gurgle from Trixie, the coffee was magically transported somewhere else. Trixie’s whine lowered in pitch and volume until it had stopped.

Luna sighed in relief. Accidentally causing a pony’s heart to explode from coffee overload would have made this a very bad day. Luna also decided not to think about the number of coffee-based spells she had learned during her adventures.

Chapter Six - The Preliminaries - The Bestest Announcers Ever!

“Yay! We really are the bestest announcers ever! This is so exciting!” Pinkie Pie said as she hopped through the fields north of Ponyville.

“You said it, Pinkie,” Spike said as he walked alongside the bouncing pony.

“I can’t believe we get to be the announcers at the WBEs! There must have been so many ponies that wanted to do it, but we were the ones chosen! Oh! I hope the ponies not picked aren’t sad. I’ll have to throw them a party!”

“With the way we handled the Running of the Leaves, how could we not be chosen? Besides, the WBEs are in Ponyville this year. That means that we, Ponyville’s best announcing duo, had to accept the job. It’s our responsibility.”

“I like this responsibility. It’s not boring like those cleaning your room or taking out the trash responsibilities. It’s a fun, cheering-on-your-best-friend responsibility. But, we have to make sure we cheer on the other ponies too. It wouldn’t be fair if Dashie got all the cheering.”

“I think professionals like us can stay unbiased. After all...” Spike stopped walking and held his fist near his mouth, miming holding a microphone. “I’m Spike, the little dragon with the big voice, shouting hellooooooo to Equestria.”

“And I’m Pinkie Pie, the premiere party pony ready to announceify for all of our aspiring bad bakers.”

The pair laughed as they continued towards their destination. “Look!” Pinkie shouted, bouncing even higher. “There’s the stadium. Let’s hurry!”

“Hold up, Pinkie Pie.”

Pinkie stopped bouncing and looked at Spike in confusion.

“We’re big-shot announcers now,” Spike said, shining his claws on his chest. “We can’t be seen being all excited over this. We need to play it cool.”

“Ohhh, right. Cool.”

Pinkie walked next to spike. Her eyes were half open, and she wore an expression of mild boredom. After a minute, she began hopping again. Every time Pinkie’s bouncing got her too far ahead, she would turn back and loop around Spike. Pinkie suddenly stopped in midair. “Wait!” she said then fell back to the ground.

“What is it?”

“Twitchy-tail! Twitchy-tail!”

Spike cringed and hid under Pinkie. “Where is it?” he asked. “What’s falling?”

Pinkie looked around in the air. “There!” she said.

Spike turned but didn’t get a good look before something splashed against the ground.

“All gone!” Pinkie announced as she started hopping again.

Spike sniffed the pungent aroma in the air. “Coffee from nowhere? That has to be the weirdest thing you’ve ever predicted falling.”

~~~

Spike took in the stadium as he got closer. It was big. He then decided that wasn’t an accurate enough description and updated it to: it was huge. The stadium was circular in shape and stretched into the air, higher than even the tallest building in Ponyville. It could probably even give some of the towers in Canterlot a run for their money.

The stadium had four giant entrances, each with a WBE banner hanging above it. There were ponies busy roping off a parameter around the front. There was a long line near the left most entrance. Those must have been the ponies entered into the preliminaries. Spike wondered who was going to make it into the competition along with Rainbow Dash this year. He and Pinkie began heading towards the right most entrance.

Spike couldn’t wait to see inside. He had to get up into the announcer’s booth and take in the sight of all the seats that would soon be filled. This stadium must have sat hundreds—no thousands—maybe even tens of thousands of ponies. He imagined the cheer of the crowd as they hung on his and Pinkie’s every word. Announcing from a balloon over the Whitetail Wood was fun, but this was going to be amazing.

Ahead of Spike was a unicorn. He was levitating short poles and placing them every couple of feet. He would then string a rope from the previous pole to the one he had just placed. He stopped what he was doing and watched the duo. Spike gave a friendly wave as he passed by. After a few moments, Spike became aware that, while he was walking, he wasn’t moving forward anymore; he was actually moving backwards.

Spike and Pinkie hung in a magical aura, floated back in front of the unicorn, and set on the ground. Spike knew what was going on. “Hello, my good sir,” he said with a bow. “I know it must be quite a sight seeing two as famous as us just strolling past, but you could have just asked if you wanted an autograph.”

Pinkie gasped. “We get to give autographs? Today keeps getting better!”

The unicorn was taken aback. “Er... I’m not after your autographs,” he said. “I stopped you because the stadium isn’t open to the general public yet.”

“Completely understood,” Spike said as he pulled out a ticket with fancy gold ink. “As you can see, these tickets mark us as VIPs. Not only that, but we are the announcers for tonight.”

Pinkie Pie nodded, her ticket in her mouth.

The unicorn looked at the tickets and said, “They look legit, but VIP or not, nopony gets in until this evening. Besides, the announcers are already here.”

“Well, it’s a good thing tha—” Spike froze. “Wait… what was that last part?”

“Our announcers are already here. They arrived yesterday.”

Pinkie gasped loudly. “Spike,” she said. “What’s going on? I thought we were the announcers.”

“We are! Rainbow Dash said she got us the spot.”

“I don’t understand. How can we be inside if we’re out here? There aren’t two of me. At least I don’t think there are. Hmm.”

Spike didn’t want to think about two Pinkie Pies running around. “This can only mean one thing,” he said. “Impostors!”

“Impostors? Oh no! Why would anypony impostor us? Don’t they know how sad they’ll make everypony when they find out it isn’t us doing the announcing? We have to do something.”

“You’re right, Pinkie. We need to figure out a way to sneak inside and expose those impostors for who they are! Whoever they are!”

“Right! But how are we going to get past the guard?”

The unicorn cleared his throat loudly. “I’m right here, you know? I can hear you planning about trying to sneak past me.”

Spike looked the unicorn up and down. “Pinkie Pie, I think you know how to handle this one.”

“Right,” Pinkie said as she waltzed up to the unicorn, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “I know what will take care of you.”

The unicorn gulped as he attempted to stare down the pink pony. It was time to prove himself. This was one minimum-wage job he wasn’t going to lose.

“How would you like...” Pinkie said as she got very close. “A cupcake!”

The unicorn took a startled step back. He looked at the treat balancing on the pink pony’s upturned hoof. “Miss? Are you trying to bribe your way in with a baked good?”

“Bribe?” Pinkie had a confused look on her face. “I just thought you looked hungry.”

“Well... yes. I am a bit hungry. I haven’t even had breakfast yet. Thank you for the cupcake, but this doesn’t mean I’m letting you inside.”

The unicorn levitated the cupcake and took a bite. He chewed and swallowed. It was a very good cupcake. Absolutely delicious. He quickly finished it off. “Well that was very good,” he said, licking his lips.

Spike nodded then said, “There are more where that came from at Sugarcube Corner. It’s a confectionery in Ponyville. You should go check it out.”

“Maybe for lunch. For now I need to get back to work, and you need to...” The unicorn looked to Spike’s side and noticed another cupcake. A few feet behind that cupcake was another and then another. The trail of cupcakes led to the pink pony, who was setting down another one.

“Are you creating a trail of cupcakes in order to try and lead me away so you can sneak past?” the unicorn asked. Today had taken a turn for the weird, and he was having trouble keeping up.

Pinkie gasped, her eyes opening wide. She turned towards the dragon. “Spike!” she whisper-yelled. “He’s on to me! Distract him!”

“Right!” Spike said with a salute. He slid up to the unicorn. “So, lovely weather we’re having today, huh? It’s all thanks to Ponyville’s weather team, led by none other than Rainbow Dash. Perhaps you heard of her? She is the current champion of the WBEs. We’re her friends. Oh! I probably should have gone with that first. We know Rainbow Dash. You should let us in.”

“I don’t care if you know the WBE’s president herself. I’m not letting you inside! Now, tell your friend to pick up these cupcakes and leave so I can get back to work.”

The unicorn glared at the pink pony. Something was wrong, though. She looked different. She stood with her left side facing him and head slightly tilted so he could see her smile. She was also not moving a muscle. “Miss? What are you...?”

A light breeze blew by, and the pink pony fell over. Cardboard! The unicorn looked at the dragon. “How did she—” he started to ask but the purple dragon had been replaced by a cardboard cutout too. The unicorn turned around in time to see a spot of purple and pink disappear inside the stadium. He sighed, levitated a cupcake and then went back to setting up the rope. He wasn’t paid enough for this.

~~~

Spike and Pinkie Pie laughed as they walked through the stadium’s hallways. “Oh man,” Spike said as he wiped a tear from his eye. “I wish I could have seen the look on his face when he realized we had pulled the old ‘swap places with a cardboard cutout’ gag.”

“He was probably all. Hwuh? Whahuh?” Pinkie said, making weird faces and then giggling.

Spike scratched his chin with his claws and looked around. “Now... if I were a dressing room, where would I be?”

“Well, If I were a dressing room, I’d be down that hall up ahead, take the second left, and straight on until you see the doors with stars on them,” Pinkie said. “Although, I’m glad I’m not a dressing room, cause then I couldn’t be an announcer. Unless I was some sort of talking dressing room, but that would just be silly.”

Spike followed Pinkie’s directions and found the dressing rooms. He didn’t ask how she knew. Her being Pinkie Pie was enough of an explanation. There were two dressing room doors about five feet apart. Both had a circular plate with a star on in hanging in the middle. Spike walked up to the door on the left.

“Alright. Time to get to the bottom of this,” Spike said as he raised his fist to knock on the door.

“Spike, wait! That door has to ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on it.”

“So?”

“So? Only Rudely McRudersons knock on a door that has a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on it. You’re not a Rudely McRuderson, are you?”

Spike drew his fist back to knock, held it in the air, then lowered it and looked downcast. “No...” he said.

“That a boy, Spike. I’m proud of you!”

“So, what do we do now?”

“The door on the right doesn’t have a sign. You can knock on it.”

Spike brightened up. “Well why didn’t you say so?”

“I did say so, silly!”

“That’s not what I—aw, never mind. Let’s find out what’s going on here.” Spike pounded on the door. He waited and was about to pound on the door again when it opened.

An earth pony with a brown coat and dark-brown mane stood on the other side of the door. He stared at spike in confusion. “Can I help you?” he asked.

Spike squinted his eyes and stared at the stallion. After a minute, Spike said, “You don’t look a thing like either of us!”

“He might use paint,” Pinkie said.

“I... what?” the stallion said.

“Okay, Okay. Enough chitchat,” Spike said as he gave the stallion an angry stare. “We know you’re an impostor here to take one of our places as announcer, so you better come clean.”

“Yeah!” Pinkie agreed. “We have soap! We also have balloons, rubber bands, and markers.”

“And she knows how to use them!”

“Grr!” Pinkie said as she struck a dramatic pose.

The stallion opened his mouth and then blinked several times. Spike and Pinkie gave him time to formulate his thoughts. This was the standard response to someone new meeting Pinkie Pie for the first time.

“What?” he finally asked.

That was one of the standard replies. The stallion tried again.

“You must be confused. I am not an impostor. My name is Regal Din. I was asked to be an announcer a few weeks ago and accepted. I am certainly not pretending to be a baby dragon or a pink mare.”

Pinkie stared at Regal with a raised eyebrow then looked towards Spike. “Something strange is going on here, Spike. How can he be an announcer when we’re the announcers? Are there three announcers?”

“This stadium’s announcing booth only comfortably seats two,” Regal Din said. “My colleague in the room next door is also an announcer. The last I heard, he and I were the only ones working this show.”

“Whoa, hold on,” Spike said. “Four announcers? That can’t be right. There has to be an easy explanation for this. Oh! I know! When Rainbow got us the announcer gig, she must have forgotten to tell one of the higher ups. Then they asked these guys to be announcers not knowing that the position had already been filled. Such an easy mistake. Don’t take it too hard… Regal, was it? There will be other shows. But, for now, you and your friend will have to leave so Pinkie and I can get ready.”

Regal rolled his eyes and slammed the door.

Pinkie gasped. “He’s a McRuderson!” she yelled. “His friend’s probably a McRuderson too! It’s a whole family reunion of McRudersons!”

“Calm down, Pinkie. All we need to do is get him out of there and take over the room for ourselves. If he can’t get ready, then he’ll have no choice but to leave. And I think I know the perfect plan to get us in there...”

~~~

Regal Din was about to sit back down when there was another knock on his door. He sighed, turned around, and opened the door again.

“Look, you’re obviously mis... tak...en?”

In front of regal was the pink pony from before except she now wore a black cap, a white and blue striped shirt, and khaki pants. She was holding a large brown paper bag in her mouth. She set the bag down.

“I have an alfalfa and cucumber sub here for a Mr. Din,” the pink pony said.

“I... didn’t order a sub?”

“That’s odd. This is the right address. You should let us in so we can figure this out.”

“Me,” the bag said.

“What?” the pink pony asked the bag.

“Let me in.”

“Let you into where, Spike?”

“No. You were supposed to say ‘Let me in’.”

“Ohhh,” the pink pony said, then looked back at regal. “You should let me in so we can figure this out. My talking bag can stay outside.”

Regal shut the door. There was another knock. He opened the door again.

“Did someone call for a plumber?” the baby dragon wearing blue overalls with a red shirt and cap asked. Next to him was the pink pony wearing a similar outfit but with a green shirt and cap.

Regal shut the door. There was another knock. He opened the door again.

“There have been reports of a disturbance,” the pink pony wearing a royal guard uniform said.

Regal shut the door. There was another knock. He opened the door again.

The baby dragon was pouring ketchup on the pink pony, who was laying sprawled out on the floor. Her eyes were closed, and her tongue was hanging out of her mouth. “Oh! Wait,” the dragon said. “I wasn’t ready yet.”

Regal shut the door. There was another knock. He opened the door again.

“Regal!” the pink pony wearing nothing said. “I’m you from the future! You need to come quick in order to prevent a terrible calamity from occurring!”

Regal shut the door. There was another knock. He opened the door again.

The baby dragon and pink pony were wearing scuba suits.

“OK,” Regal said. “I admit this was annoying at first, but now it’s starting to get mildly amusing. Tell me. How was this one supposed to work?”

The pink pony spat out her breather, raised a flippered-hoof, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. She turned to the baby dragon. “How was this one supposed to work?”

“Why are you asking me? This one was your idea.”

Regal shut the door.

~~~

“Urgh,” Spike grunted in frustration as he threw the scuba suit away. “This is getting us nowhere. We need another plan. A real plan.”

Spike tapped a claw against his chin. Pinkie sat down and rubbed her hoof on her chin. Suddenly, Spike and Pinkie faces lit up.

“I’ve got it!” Spike said.

“Me too!”

“He wants to do this the hard way? We’ll do this the hard way.”

Spike brought his hands to his face and began drumming his claws together. He chuckled wickedly. Pinkie rolled the tips of her front hooves together and mirrored Spike’s chuckle. They stopped laughing and looked at each other.

“We aren’t thinking the same thing at all, are we?” Spike asked.

“Nopey lopey!”

“Oh well. Two plans are better than one. Let’s both do our own thing and see which one works.”

Chapter Seven - The Preliminaries - Trixie Bakes in a Story about Baking

Trixie was feeling more awake than she had ever thought possible. The coffee had succeeded in finding her sleepiness, backing it into a corner, and then beating the ever-living tar out of it. Go coffee! Trixie had never drunk coffee before. She always thought it made ponies too dependent on it. What a fool she had been. She felt like she could do anything! Why was she standing in this line? She should be running! Or hang-gliding! Or swimming! Or doing long division! Or drinking more coffee! Or—

~~~

What just happened? The line was shorter now, and the sun had moved. How odd. Trixie felt great. Her mind was thinking much faster. She wished she had drunk that coffee last night. Then when the carriage’s wheel had broken, she could have thought up a plan to fend off the squirrel army. Then she wouldn’t have been captured and forced to work in their underground nut mines for the past eight years, only escaping by chance when—

~~~

Wait, what? What was that about squirrels? Oh yeah, they had chased her when she had set out on her own after the carriage she had rented had lost a wheel. Stupid bad luck. What was with this line? It kept jumping around. And what was that coffee pony saying? ‘Are you alright?’ What kind of made-up language was that? Why didn’t she just—

~~~

Trixie awoke with a start and immediately regretted regaining consciousness. Her head hurt, the sun was too bright, and the world too loud. She would never drink coffee again as long as she lived. At least she had somehow sleep-waited-in-line. It looked like she was next. The coffee pony was baking something at a table and making a mess. Was this some sort of pre-test? Good. Trixie needed to bake something and drain her bad luck.

Drain her bad luck. It made no sense, but poison joke didn’t seem to make any sense itself, so in a way, it made perfect sense. Trixie had found a way to temporarily remove her bad luck so that she could at least function normally for a couple of hours. The way was simple: baking.

When Trixie baked, her bad luck exploded. Not literally, thankfully. It was more like a shook up bottle of soda spraying its entire contents onto the pony that opened it. Which was something Trixie had experienced no less than three times in the past twenty-four hours, with one of those times being with a bottle of non-carbonated apple juice.

“Miss? Miss? Are you competing?” one of the judges asked.

Trixie snapped back to reality. The coffee pony gave Trixie a friendly wave before walking towards the stadium. Trixie waved back.

“Miss!”

“Yes, yes. I’m coming,” Trixie said as she walked up to the table and the impatient judges.

An earth pony mare and a pegasus stallion were seated across the table from Trixie. Both wore a badge that designated them as official judges of the WBE. From the look of annoyance on the earth pony’s face, they had likely drawn the short sticks to be stuck running the pre-testing station. At least the pegasus was attempting to be friendly.

“Please present your signed acceptance form and be quick about it. We already have more competitors than we were supposed to,” the earth pony said then turned towards her fellow judge. “Honestly. The tryout stations have been far too generous this year.”

“That’s why we’re out here. To reduce the number to a manageable level,” the pegasus said, boredom in his voice. “You already turned away nearly half of the competitors. Now we have less than the expected one hundred.”

“It’ll just make our jobs easier in the next round of cuts.”

Trixie tilted her head forward and let her hat flop onto the table.

The earth pony glared daggers. “I said present your acceptance form, not your hat. What’s wrong with your forehead?”

“I had my form sewn into my hat so that I couldn’t easily lose it. The spots on my head are just a rash. They aren’t contagious.”

The earth pony rolled her eyes and looked into the hat. “Your acceptance form is illegible. Thank you for wasting our time. Please try again next year.”

“What?” Trixie had been expecting this and was prepared to fight for a spot.

The earth pony sighed then said slowly, “I cannot read your acceptance form.”

“Hold on, Prism,” the pegasus said. “It may be unreadable, but it’s still an official form. I say give her a chance.”

The earth pony turned on the pegasus. “If it was up to you, all of Equestria would be competing. Our job is to narrow it down to the top eight, and that means some ponies go home. This form is so covered in sweat and grime that I can’t even make out where it came from. The spots on her forehead are likely from where the ink rubbed off. If a pony can’t even take proper care of her form, then she doesn’t deserve to compete. It has to be a unanimous decision between us to get in, and I say no.”

“And I say let her bake,” a new voice said.

The earth pony turned her anger on the newcomer then quickly gasped and lowered her head. “M-madam Soufflé. I-I didn’t think that you’d—”

“Be walking around my own competition’s grounds?” Madam Soufflé asked.

Trixie looked at this Madam Soufflé. She was a unicorn wearing a simple-cut, red dress. Her coat was a very light purple while her mane and tail were yellow but with a few strands of silver running through them, betraying her age. Most of all, the way she held her head high and gave a tight smile projected a sense of authority.

“No,” the earth pony squeaked. “It’s just… with the chair-holder meeting about to start—”

“Oh, please. Like I’d want to be stuck in a room with those ponies for longer than I have to. Most of them only care about maximizing profits, and that’s not what this competition is about,” Madam Soufflé said, then tuned towards Trixie. “You have a very strange aura surrounding you. I’m curious to see how you bake.”

Trixie gulped and returned her hat to her head. The two judges were rapidly setting up the station for testing. This was it. It was time to see if bad luck from poison joke could fool these three official ponies into believing she had what it took to be in the WBEs.

Trixie looked at the table in front of her. A bowl of flour with a spoon, a cup of milk, a cup of sugar, an egg, and a stick of butter were laid out. She looked up at the judges.

“Combine the ingredients in whatever order you wish,” Madam Soufflé said, then gave Trixie a smile—this one actually seemed genuine. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Trixie wasn’t ready. She didn’t think she could ever be ready for this. Not after what had happened during her tryout. She really hoped nopony started screaming this time. Trixie lifted her hoof, unsteadily reached out, and touched the spoon.

The effect was immediate. The gentle breeze that had been blowing moments before stopped. The background noise slowly faded. Birds took to the air, rabbits hid in their dens, a group of squirrels that had slowly been cresting a nearby hill realized that now was a very good time to be a few miles away. The sunlight darkened as if it were shining through a dirty window. The world was silent save for the breathing of four ponies and the beating of their hearts.

The judges got out of their chairs and retreated a few steps. Their eyes had widened as they fought against their primal instincts telling them to run. Madam Soufflé seemed interested and unafraid.

Trixie breathed hard. She had started this and needed to see it through to completion. She took her hoof off of the spoon, grabbed the cup of milk in her mouth, and then poured it into the flour.

The milk curdled, then turned black. It bubbled and began emitting thin wisps of smoke. Trixie tried to ignore the smell as she bit onto the spoon and stirred the horrifying mixture. Her eyes burned from the smoke and tears began to flow, only to be mixed in with the other ingredients. Finally, she could take no more and stepped away from the bowl.

Trixie coughed as thick black clouds of smoke rose from the bowl. The clouds pooled and spread in the sky above them, turning the already darkened world into twilight. Red lights flashed within the clouds as they rumbled ominously. The winds howled their return, no longer the gentle breeze from before. The mixture stopped smoking. It was ready for the next ingredient.

The cup of sugar shook in Trixie’s teeth as she poured it into the bowl. She set the cup down and was about to reach for the spoon when she felt her mane begin to tingle. The bolt of red lightning streaked down through the sky and struck the mixture. Trixie shut her eyes. The bright flash of light had left a jagged line through her vision making it seem as if the world had been torn in two. The bowl shattered. The sugar bubbled; turning brown, then black. The egg exploded. The butter melted and burst into flames.

The clouds awakened. Lightning struck the field around them. The winds howled like a dying animal, threatening to blow the ponies away. Trixie raised a hoof to hold onto her hat.

“What have you done?” The voice was next to Trixie but sounded far away. The earth pony starred at her, eyes wide in fear. “This can’t be real!” she said. “Please tell me this is an illusion!”

“Don’t be a fool!” Trixie shouted back, her own voice nearly lost in the wind. “If I were to combine magic with my bad luck now, we wouldn’t survive!”

The forces of the elements were too much, and the table collapsed in on itself. The wood splintered and shattered, reducing the table into mulch. The dark mixture seeped into the ground. The grass withered and died as the circle of corruption spread. The ponies backed away, afraid of what would happen if they touched the black dirt.

The circle stopped growing after a few feet, and then the ground began to rumble. Thick black vines burst from the blackened earth. The vines twisted around the circle as sharp thorns grew from them. Then, the wind stopped blowing. The clouds rumbled a few more times before breaking apart. The sunlight shined once again.

The ponies stared at the thorn patch. In the center was a single red rose. The rose opened into the sunlight. Trixie looked into the rose, and her breath caught in her throat. She had never known that such beauty could exist. And then, after only a few moments of life, the rose wilted, dropping its petals to the ground. Sounds returned to the world, but the ponies remained silent for a time.

“Well done,” Madam Soufflé said softly. She turned to Trixie and spoke louder. “I have seen ponies with your... condition... attempt to enter my competition before. I’m pleased to say that you are the first I will allow to join. Don’t think this will be easy for you, though. So many bad bakers in one place can cause unexpected outcomes. However, I think with a lot of determination and a little bit of luck, you’ll do just fine. Remember, this competition is a stage, and you are the actor. It isn’t about winning. It’s about giving the audience a show they’ll talk about for the rest of their lives. Too many ponies seem to have forgotten that.”

Madam Soufflé began walking towards the stadium. “Enter her into the finals,” she said to the judges. “I think she’s proven herself capable.”

“But Madam Soufflé,” the pegasus said. “It takes a unanimous vote of the judges to let a pony skip the preliminaries, and there are only two of us out here.”

“Then find the other judges and tell them I told you to make the vote unanimous,” Madam Soufflé said without stopping.

Trixie couldn’t close her mouth. She did it. She got a spot in the finals. It was a good thing too. After that display, it would be several hours before her bad luck could recharge. She would have to try and pace herself during the competition. Making it through the quarter-finals only to have no bad luck remaining for the semi-finals, let alone the finals, would be disastrous.

The earth pony said something.

“What was that?” Trixie asked.

“W-who are you?” the earth pony said with a haunted look in her eyes.

“Me?” Trixie laughed. “I am the Great and Powerful Trixie! Remember that name, for soon it shall be on the lips of every pony in Equestria!”

Chapter Eight - The Preliminaries - I’m a Sidekick!

Derpy was feeling anxious. She was standing alone in the corner of the WBE’s waiting room. She had really hoped there would be more ponies here that she knew. As it was, the only other pony from Ponyville in the competition was Rainbow Dash. Miss Dash was a neat pony and nice enough to Derpy, but she kept disappearing into the stadium, so Derpy was unable to speak with her. Miss Dash was the champion and that meant she could go where ever she pleased. Derpy, however, was still in the preliminary stage, so she had to remain in the waiting area. It was a nice enough room. There were comfy seats, snacks, and things to read. Sadly, the waiting room was deep inside the stadium, so there weren’t any windows for bird watching. Derpy sighed since, in the end, the only thing she could really do in the room was wait. She had been doing a lot of waiting lately.

Derpy had arrived at the stadium bright and early the day before the competition had started. Unfortunately, arriving early did not mean she could enter the stadium, get a spot, compete, or win earlier. She had to wait.

Derpy had tried to keep her mind occupied by playing a game. She counted the number of blades of grass in a square area. She then ordered the count by the lengths of the blades of grass. She had then gotten hungry and ate some of the grass. She was then sad when she realized that her numbers were now hopelessly incorrect, and she would have to start over.

It was about then that Derpy’s friend, Carrot Top, had shown up and brought Dinky with her. Derpy was incredibly happy to see her daughter again. The trio had a picnic that tasted much better than grass. It even had muffins! It then started to get late and Dinky was getting sleepy. Dinky had wanted to stay and sleep outside with her mommy, but Derpy had insisted she got a good night’s sleep in a bed. Carrot Top had left. She would watch over Dinky and keep her safe. Tomorrow, they would come to the competition and sit in the front-row seats that Derpy had purchased. The day had come to its end, and Derpy had fallen asleep. The next morning she had awoken with a thud.

The thud wasn’t from Derpy falling out of her hammock this time. It was instead from a pair of judges setting up a table. The stadium’s grounds were full of activity as ponies got everything ready for tonight. Derpy was happy she got to be first in line. The judges had said that there had never been a contestant who had camped out overnight before. So, she was first in that too!

Derpy had mixed ingredients together for the judges. After they had finished scraping off the dough from their faces, they had said she passed and gave her a number. Number one! Being number one didn’t mean she had won the competition, though. It meant she had got to be in the first group of ponies to be tested inside, the first to enter the waiting room, and the first to wait for all the other ponies to finish.

It was hour number three of waiting when a pony approached Derpy. This made Derpy smile. Talking to the other ponies was fun. One of Derpy’s eyes looked at the approaching Pony. She was an earth pony with a light-brown coat and dark orange mane. Derpy’s other eye observed the approaching Pony. This caused her eyes to widen in shock.

“Hi!” the approaching pony said. “I saw you standing over here by yourself. My name’s Morning Dew. What’s yours?”

Derpy crouched on her front legs and lowered her head into the best bow she could manage. “Derpy, your highness.”

The royal pony’s mouth hung open. Her head darted around the room, and she looked down at herself. She nervously said, “What—ah... why do you call me ‘your highness?’ I’m not that tall.” She laughed weakly, then lowered herself to whispered at Derpy. “What are you doing?”

“I’m bowing!” Derpy whispered back.

“Why?”

“Because I’m supposed to bow to the princesses. It’s the rules.”

“Please stop bowing.”

“Okay!”

Derpy got up. She had successfully obeyed a royal command! It had always been a fear of hers that one of the princesses would ask her to do something she was unable to. However, this had been easy. Derpy eagerly awaited her next task.

“Now, what’s this about me being a princess?” the princess asked softly.

“It’s because you’re Princess Luna. Everypony knows that Princess Luna is a princess.”

Princess Luna looked around again and laughed nervously. Derpy’s ears popped and all the other noise in the room suddenly became muffled.

“There, I gave us some privacy,” Princess Luna said. “Now, I don’t understand. No one has been able to see through one of my disguises before. How is it that you did by just looking at me?”

Derpy smiled even wider. Another easy question! “It’s because I’m good at remembering!” she answered. “I can look at one pony and then remember seeing them again later. It’s real helpful with delivering mail. Sometimes I see a pony at their friend’s house, and I remember their name. I ask them if they want their mail now. Most of the time they say, ‘No, deliver it to my house,’ but sometimes they say, ‘Yes!’ And those times make me really happy because I remembered them!”

“That... makes sense, I guess. But I’m in disguise. How did you see through it?”

“It was difficult at first since you’re missing your horn and wings and you’re a different color. But then I noticed your eyes.”

“My eyes?”

“Yep, not many ponies have the same color eyes as you. I knew I had seen your eyes before so I thought real hard, and then noticed your bags!”

“My bags?”

“Yep, they’re real inconspicuous. Exactly the type of bags a princess would use if she was in disguise and didn’t want anypony to know she was a princess. So I went through my head and there was only one pony that had your color eyes and was a princess. And that’s you, Princess Luna!” Derpy closed her eyes and started trotting happily in place. She was getting all the answers right!

“That... is actually really impressive detective work. But couldn’t I have just been a pony you’ve never met before that happened to like simple bags?”

Derpy stopped her celebration and thought about what Princess Luna had just said. “I suppose so... but then you would have said you weren’t Princess Luna, and I would have felt embarrassed for making a mistake.”

Princess Luna hoofed herself between the eyes. “Me and my big mouth,” she said.

Derpy was so excited. Another pony she knew was in the competition. And she was a princess! And she was in disguise. This could only mean one thing. Derpy gasped. “Princess Luna? Are you a super hero?”

Princess Luna stared at Derpy. “What?”

“A super hero! Mild-mannered Morning Dew by day. But by night? Super Luna! With a bolt of lightning, Super Luna appears to save the day!”

Thunder rumbled outside, and Derpy’s face lit up. The ponies in the room started looking around. Princess Luna looked towards the double doors that led towards the main hallway.

“That thunder was quite loud to be able to hear it so clearly through my spell,” Princess Luna said as she narrowed her eyes. “I wouldn’t think Ponyville would schedule a storm for the day of a competition.”

Derpy was disappointed that Princess Luna hadn’t transformed into Super Luna. Maybe it took more than just thunder. Derpy carefully reached forward and touched Princess Luna’s necklace. She then quickly drew back her hoof and watched intently.

“What are you doing?” Luna asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Trying to activate your necklace to change you into Super Luna!”

“What? Okay, first off, this disguise is magical, and I can cancel it at any time I want. Secondly, my necklace isn’t magical. Well... I guess technically it is now since I created a teleportation anchor from it. But it doesn’t activate by touching it. I have to think about it in order to teleport myself to it. Anyway, thirdly, I’m not some sort of super hero that goes around Equestria searching for crime to fight.”

“Is that why you’re here?” Derpy asked. “Are there bad ponies trying to sneak into the competition in order to take over Equestria?”

“No, of course not! I mean. I hope not. I’m just here to learn about the competition and how it is that so many ponies have this bad baking ability.”

“Oh, I understand. You’re on patrol. That’s really smart thinking, Super Luna.”

“Please stop calling me that.”

“Right! Can’t let your secret identity get out. Then the bad guys can threaten the ones you love and care about. Your secrets safe with me!” Derpy winked. “Morning Dew.”

“Ugh. I’ll never be able to convince you I’m not a super hero, will I?”

“Nuh-uh! It makes total sense now. That’s why you have magical powers and can fly!”

Princess Luna shook her head. “Only because I’m an alicorn. My sister is one too. Does that make her a super hero?”

Derpy couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Not only had she discovered that Princess Luna was a super hero, but she now knew that Princess Celestia was one too. Derpy was probably the only pony in Equestria to know the truth! Princess Luna was hitting herself on the forehead again. Derpy suddenly became frightened. She was the only pony that knew the truth. She was a danger to their safety. No, to all of Equestria’s safety! She had to do something.

“Princess Luna!”

Princess Luna pressed her hoof against her forehead and sighed. “You really need to sto—”

“Make me your sidekick!”

“...What?”

“I know your secret identity! I’m a danger if the bad guys catch me! But if I’m your sidekick, then I can be a hero too. Then I could beat up the bad guys and not tell your secret. Please, can I be your sidekick? It’s either that you’ll have to melt my brain with your heat vision, so I’ll forget.”

“My what vision? I don’t want to melt your brain!”

“So I can be your sidekick? I could be The Mail Mare! Or The Muffin Master! I know! Derpy, the Mare of Mystery!”

Princess Luna opened and closed her mouth several times. She must have been communicating telepathically with her sister. The begging wasn’t going well. Derpy had to do something to save her brain.

“Just for today?” Derpy pleaded. She tried to do that sad eye thing Dinky could do.

Princess Luna stared at Derpy then closed her eyes and shook her head hard. At first Derpy thought she was saying ‘no’ but then Princess Luna said, “Fine, just for today. But no more calling me by my name. Only call me Morning Dew while I’m in disguise. And stop it with that eye thing. It’s really creepy.”

Derpy stopped using her ‘sad eyes’ and again trotted with joy. She was a sidekick! She was going to show Super Luna that she could be the best sidekick ever.

“I’m going to drop my privacy spell now. Remember, don’t use the ‘L’ word.”

Derpy nodded. “You got it, Miss Morning Dew.”

Derpy’s ears popped again as the background noise became clear.

“—that you know how this will work, I need the fourth group to come with me,” an official-looking pony was saying. “The rest of you will remain here until your group is called.”

A group of ten ponies followed the official-looking pony through the set of double doors. Princess Luna had her mouth hanging open again. She must have been telling her sister the good news.

“What did she just say?” Princess Luna said, turning to Derpy.

“She said, ‘I need the forth group to come with me. The rest of you will remain here until your group is called.’”

“No, before that!”

“She said, ‘Attention, all newcomers. We have divided you into groups of ten. You can see which group you belong to by checking the chart next to the door. Testing takes about an hour per group. Please remain in the waiting area before and after you are tested. We may call you back for a second trial. Now that you know how this will work…’ and then she said the other part I already told you.”

Luna stared at Derpy in shock. “I thought I had a privacy spell up. You heard all that? Did everypony else hear us talking?”

“Oh, no. I just remember that from the last three times she said it today. I’m good at remembering. So, am I a good sidekick?”

“Yes. The best sidekick ever. Now, I should go check what group I’m in.”

Derpy was so excited. She was the best sidekick ever! The princess had said it; that made it official. She would have to keep an eye on Super Luna. And keep another eye out for trouble. Derpy then realized that left no eyes for watching where she was going. She frowned. Being a sidekick was going to be tough work.

Chapter Nine - The Preliminaries - When the Plot Begins to Thicken, Reduce Heat and Continue to Stir

Luna had been scared for a moment, but the chart indicated she hadn’t missed her group. She was in group seven, the last group. Missing her spot in the preliminaries would have meant failing. She couldn’t leave yet. She had to figure out what this inability to bake was. Derpy, her new sidekick, had already finished her test earlier this morning. Luna didn’t know what to think about having a sidekick. It definitely couldn’t be something permanent. Still, it seemed to make the pegasus happy.

Luna could sense the presence of the bad baking magic now that she was surrounded by so many ponies with the inability. The source of it was still doing its best to elude her, though. The bad luck magic was like an aura that seemed to be covering everypony. It felt—Luna really wished she could think of a different word to describe it—sticky. It reminded her of walking through sludge. Something that she knew all too well what it felt like thanks to one of her adventures a few months ago. It didn’t feel unclean, just... sticky.

Each pony had a slightly different aura surrounding them. Most auras seemed to be small. A few were quite large. All the auras had something in common; they stuck to one another. Pieces of one aura would get torn off and mixed in with another pony’s aura. Some pieces just hovered in place until another pony got close enough for their aura to stick to it and draw it in.

Luna couldn’t sense her own aura and that worried her. She was beginning to think that she didn’t have this inability after all. Perhaps she was just somehow able to grab onto and use these stray pieces of aura floating around? Or worse, maybe she was grabbing onto and using another pony’s aura. Was she some sort of bad baking parasite? She had to find out. If she was, she’d drop out. She wouldn’t dare to compete if it meant she was stealing from another pony.

Luna turned towards her sideki—No!—Derpy. She wouldn’t start thinking of her as a sidekick. This was just a game they were playing. Derpy’s aura wasn’t sticky. If anything, it was slippery. Other auras brushed against Derpy’s and just slid off without taking anything from it. However, Derpy’s aura also didn’t pick up any stray pieces floating around. Whatever Derpy’s aura was, it was all hers.

With an effort, Luna closed off her senses to the bad luck magic and its stickiness. She needed someone knowledgeable to talk to. There had been studies done into this ‘bad baking phenomenon’ before, but they had all ended in failure. The only ones that might have known anything were the bad bakers themselves, and most of their statements had just boiled down to, ‘It’s really weird. This bad luck only happens when I bake.’ Luna had never found any mentions of ponies sensing an aura before. It seems that being an alicorn was a requirement for that, or maybe a unicorn gifted at magic. Luna suddenly wished she had spent more time trying to be friendly with her sister’s most faithful student.

“Well, aren’t you looking depressed,” a voice said.

Luna pulled her attention back to the world around her and looked at the unicorn in a red dress standing in front of her. The unicorn was smiling. She still had the fiery determination of youth in her eyes despite her body starting to show its age.

“I’m... just deep in thought,” Luna said.

“She does that a lot,” Derpy said, nodding. “Sometimes she thinks with her mouth open!”

The unicorn chuckled. “Well, try not to go so deep in thought that you get stuck. My name is Madam Sweet Soufflé, but that’s too stuffy, so you can just call me Sweet.”

“I’m Morning Dew,” Luna said. Sweet Soufflé? That name sounded familiar.

“Derpy!” Derpy said.

“Nice to meet the both of you,” Sweet said. “You’re both first-timers I take it?”

Both Luna and Derpy nodded.

“How would you like some advice from an old-timer who talks too much?”

Luna and Derpy nodded again much more enthusiastically.

“Wonderful. It’s so nice meeting ponies that respect their elders.” Sweet looked Luna up and down. “Hmm, how odd. You didn’t sneak in by chance, did you?”

Luna gaped. “Wha—no. No, of course not.”

“Then that is strange. You have no aura of your own.” Sweet giggled. “Your friend’s right. You do think with your mouth open a lot.”

Luna shut her mouth.

“No aura,” Sweet continued, “means you’re a normal pony that bakes normally. However, if you really are able to bake bad... Ah... I see. My advice for you is to stop worrying. I think this competition will be good for you. Just be happy and stop trying so hard.”

Luna started to say something, but Sweet held up a hoof. “Save all questions until the end please. I still have to take a look at your friend.”

Sweet stared at Derpy. “Well now,” she said, “you certainly are untalented!”

“Thanks,” Derpy said, but then a worried look came over her face.

“I mean that as a compliment.”

Derpy went back to smiling.

“Your aura is amazing,” Sweet said. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen one so pure. Do you know about boosting? Your confused look says ‘no.’ My advice for you is to stay exactly as you are. You are already operating at maximum capacity. If you were to try boosting... well, I’m not exactly sure what would happen, and I hope I never find out.”

Sweet turned back to Luna. “Now you may ask your questions.”

“You can sense auras too?”

“Of course. Baking badly is my special talent, after all.”

“This is great! If we work together, we could figure everything out.”

“Where the aura comes from, why it affects only baking, how some ponies can manipulate it?”

“Yes!”

“I already know the answers.”

Luna’s heart quickened. This was it. The answers she had been searching for.

Sweet smirked. “And it’s a secret.”

Luna’s heart sank. This wasn’t fair. All the answers were right in front of her, and this unicorn wasn’t talking. Luna wasn’t sure why, but Sweet must have had her reasons not to tell.

“I know my answer must be frustrating for you, but I have faith that you’ll figure it out on your own in time. Just stop trying so hard, and above all else, be happy. Now if you’ll excu—”

“Sweet!” a raspy voice yelled.

The ponies turned and saw a cyan pegasus with a rainbow mane fly across the room and land in front of Sweet.

“Sweet,” Rainbow Dash repeated. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”

“Well, hello to you too, Rainbow,” Sweet said with a smile.

“What? Oh! Hi. Anyways, I wanted to ask. Are they going to be using the null-stone again this year?”

Null-stone? Luna had never heard of such a thing.

Sweet sighed. “Of course they are. Those idiots won’t listen to my warnings not to use it. They keep voting me down.”

“Why shouldn’t we use it? It always makes the finish amazing!”

“Yes, but it’s too unpredictable. This competition is supposed to be about a pony’s own inability to bake. We shouldn’t have to use outside forces just because they’re flashy.”

“Aren’t you the one that’s always telling me how I should focus less on the winning and more on putting on a show that the crowd will remember?”

“Yes, but at what cost, Rainbow? Mark my words. One of these days that null-stone will cause nothing but trouble, and I’ll truly be sorry when I have to say, ‘I told you so.’ Now, I really do need to get to the chair-holder’s meeting and make sure they haven’t done anything too stupid before I got there.”

The three ponies watched Sweet leave. Luna was feeling a bit nervous. The null-stone sounded ominous, but she was more worried about being so close to Rainbow Dash, bearer of the Element of Loyalty, one of the six Elements of Harmony. It was thanks to her and her friends that Luna had been freed and reunited with her sister. What could Luna say to her? How could she thank her enough? Why hadn’t she thanked her yet? Luna wanted to say something, yet couldn’t. The longer she waited, the harder it would be.

“Hello, Miss Dash!” Derpy said.

Luna snapped out of her thoughts for what she felt must have been the hundredth time today. She hoped she didn’t have her mouth open this time.

Rainbow Dash turned and seemed to the two of them for the first time. “Oh,” she said. “Hello. Hey! I know you. You’re the mailmare of Ponyville, uh... starts with a ‘D’... um. Dizzy? Dotty? Ditzy? Am I even getting close?”

“Derpy!” Derpy said happily.

“Right, Derpy! Knew I’d get it eventually. Thanks for always delivering my mail on time.”

Derpy beamed happily. Rainbow Dash looked at Luna. This was it. Luna was going to have to speak to Rainbow Dash. She would use this to get over her fear of talking to the Elements. She would reveal herself to Rainbow Dash, thank her from the bottom of her heart, and invite her and the other Elements to Canterlot. There, they would converse and grow closer. Then Luna would feel as if she had some real friends outside of her sister. Well, more friends. Derpy was kind of a friend in a weird super hero and sidekick way—No! Stop thinking like that or you’ll start to believe it. Derpy could be a normal friend and come to Canterlot too.

“I don’t think we’ve met,” Rainbow Dash said. “Name’s Rainbow Dash.”

“I’m Morning Dew,” Luna lied.

“Nice to meet you, Morning Dew. Good luck in the preliminaries. I’m going to see who else is competing this year. See ya!”

Rainbow Dash started walking away. Nice going, Luna. The first time in nearly a year you come face to face with one of the Elements of Harmony and what to you do? You give her a fake name. Luna sighed. These things always went better in her head.

“Now there’s a familiar face,” Rainbow Dash said. A unicorn stallion with dark-blue mane on a slightly less dark coat was approaching.

“Rainbow Dash,” the unicorn greeted with a smile. “I hope you’ve been practicing. I think you’ll find me much stiffer competition this year.”

“You know it, Royal! It’s going to be you and me again in the finals for sure. I can’t wait to show you—” Something suddenly caught Rainbow Dash’s attention. “You!” she yelled.

Luna, along with every other pony in the room who wasn’t deaf, which was all of them, turned to look at Rainbow Dash. The pegasus was staring angrily at the unicorn with the star hat and cape Luna had nearly killed—that is to say, met earlier.

“Well, well, well,” Trixie said. “If it isn’t Rainbow Dash. Such a small world, isn’t it?”

“Small world nothing. You’re stalking me!”

“You have such an ego. Trixie is far too busy to have time to ‘stalk’ anypony.”

“Then why else would you be here?”

“Isn’t it obvious? The same reason you and all the other ponies are here. I wish to compete.”

“You just want to show me up again! I mean… today. Yeah. You just want to show me up today!”

“Oh my! Is that fear I detect in your voice? Surely, the mighty Rainbow Dash, two-time champion of the WBEs, isn’t afraid of little ole Trixie.”

“What? N-no, of course not! I’m not afraid of anypony.”

“Well then you shouldn’t have any objections to me entering, should you?”

“I... argh, fine! Just stay out of my way and try not to annoy me!”

Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and flew to the other end of the room. The rest of the ponies went back to the wait for their turn to come or relaxing.

“Wow,” Luna said. “Those two must have a history.”

“Trixie came to Ponyville a while ago and put on a magic show,” Derpy said. “Some ponies didn’t like it because they thought Trixie was showing off. I thought it was fun. I liked the spinning fireworks.”

“And I take it Rainbow Dash was one of the ponies that didn’t like the show?”

“Yep! She went up on stage and did some neat flying tricks to show off. Then Trixie wrapped Miss Dash up in a rainbow and made her spin until she was dizzy. It wasn’t as good as the spinning fireworks, but I still liked it.”

“She tried to stop Trixie from showing off by showing off herself? I can see why those two get on each other’s nerves then. They’re very much alike.”

The lights went out. A pony screamed. Luna rolled her eyes. Why was it that whenever there was a large group of ponies and the lights went out, one pony had to scream? A second pony screamed. Okay, sometimes it was two ponies that screamed. A third and fourth pony screamed. Somepony laughed. An annoying laugh that sounded more like it was coming out of a nose than a mouth. Luna instantly hated it.

“Yes! Scream little ponies!” a noisily voice yelled. “Scream knowing that today you shall witness the end of Equestria!”

That was definitely not a normal thing to happen when the lights went out. Luna knew she had to act fast. The first thing she had to do was get the lights back on before everypony started to panic and trample each other in the dark. She reached out with her magic and felt for the lights. The bulbs when intact. Was the wire cut? No. No breaks anywhere along it. A blown or missing fuse then? No, the fuse was there and fine. What had caused the lights to go out? It couldn’t just have been... No, that would be stupid. Luna used her magic to flip the light switch. The room illuminated. Luna sighed and looked for the source of the laugh.

There was a unicorn standing near the double doors. He had an inky-black mane and a dark-blue coat. He wore a black mask over his eyes and had on an equally black cape. Several ponies were being levitated helplessly in the air around him. He seemed momentarily confused that somepony had already figured out how to undo his darkness. That was all Luna needed to close most of the distance. The unicorn at last took notice of her.

The masked unicorn scowled at Luna, used his magic to pull his cape across his face, shouted ‘Curses!’ and then galloped through the doors.

Luna couldn’t believe that had just happened. Had he learned to be evil from reading a book of villain cliches? Magic surrounded the double doors. Luna dove through them as they slammed shut behind her. She could hear somepony pounding on the other side and muffled yelling.

Luna moved as fast as she could and was gaining on the unicorn. It was then that a section of the ceiling slammed down in front of her. Luna crashed into the new wall and then woozily got back to her hooves.

“Ow, what just happened?” Luna asked herself.

“It looks like he pushed a secret button to drop a false wall from the ceiling.”

Luna cried out in surprise and spun to see where the answer had come from. She was greeted by a gray pegasus.

“Derpy?”

“Sidekick Derpy reporting for duty!” Derpy said with a salute.

“I’m glad you’re here. Help me find a way through this wall.”

Derpy tapped her chin with her hoof, a look of deep concentration on her face. She moved her hoof across the false wall, looking at it from different angles. She took a few steps back and looked at the real walls. Then her face lit up. “I got it!” she announced as she walked to the wall on her right. “In my opinion, the best place to put a counterweight release mechanism is... here!” Derpy said as she jammed her hoof at the wall.

The floor opened up into a trap door. Luna took to the air but Derpy yelped in surprise and fell. Luna stared at the falling pegasus in disbelief for a second before diving after her. The trap door slammed shut as Luna passed through it, plunging her into darkness.

Chapter Ten - The Preliminaries - We Haven't Got a Clue

“Hey! Open up!” Rainbow Dash pounded on the double doors that led out of the waiting room. Morning Dew and Derpy had passed through the doors moments before, chasing after some unicorn that had kidnapped a bunch of ponies. Now the stupid thing was locked tight. What the hay was going on? Why had somepony shouted something about the end of Equestria? Rainbow Dash looked around the room. Some of the ponies looked quite frightened and began asking questions.

“What’s going on?”

“Are we trapped?”

“Was that a kidnapper?”

“Looks that way,” Rainbow Dash said. “But don’t worry. Morning Dew and Derpy got out before the doors shut. I’m sure they’ll go for help. And we still have a bunch of us being tested out there. Once they get back and find the doors locked, they’ll know something’s up. It’s only a matter of time before we get out of here, and then we’ll put the hurt on whoever locked us in! For now, we’ll have to wait, so we might as well get comfortable.”

The ponies turned away and went back to what they had been doing before the lights had gone out. The once loud chatter had quieted down to a few nervous conversations. Rainbow Dash paced back and forth in front of the doors. She was the champion. Everypony would be looking to her for guidance. She looked around the room. Several sets of eyes were on her. Rainbow Dash knew she should say more to help put their fears to rest. Get some ponies working on an escape plan, maybe? Anything to help takes their minds off the situation they were now in.

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to speak. Suddenly, a section of the wall rotated in a circle and the five ponies standing near it were gone.

“Everypony away from the walls!” Rainbow Dash yelled.

The ponies rushed to the center of the room and shot nervous glances at the walls.

“What if the floors are booby-trapped too?” somepony said.

The pegasi took to the air.

“What if the ceiling is trapped?”

The pegasi landed again.

“Everypony stop!”

Every pony did stop and turned towards the new voice of command. Trixie stepped forward. “Panicking will get us nowhere. We need to remain calm and stick together. There’s been a kidnapping. We don’t know who did it or why, but—”

“I’ll tell you why!” Rainbow Dash said, getting attention back on her. “They felt there was too much competition this year, and that they had to thin out the numbers! Whoever did this is another contestant! And they are still in this room!”

The crowd gasped and began whispering to one another. Trixie sighed and shook her head. “Really, Rainbow Dash? They’re still in this room? And just what clever observation leads you to believe this?”

“Simple. How would the kidnapper have known there were ponies against that wall, unless they were still in here?”

The crowd began nodding and commenting in agreement. Rainbow Dash grinned. It was time to let her detective skills shine.

“The kidnapper made a mistake, though!” Rainbow Dash announced once the crowd had quieted. They were hanging on her every word. “With this many ponies in the room, some of us must have seen the kidnapper in action before he ran away! We just need to combine our memories to recreate the scene of the crime and, whammo, kidnapper is caught.”

“This... is the most ill-conceived plan I have ever heard,” Trixie said.

“You’re just jealous you didn’t think of it first! Now then, did anypony notice anything suspicious just before the lights went out or just after they came back on?”

“I did,” a pegasus said. When everyone was looking at him, he continued, “Right after the lights came back on, I saw a unicorn standing in the doorway. He was wearing a black mask and cape. I think his mane might have also been black, but that might have just been part of the mask. His coat was definitely blue, though.”

Rainbow Dash tapped her chin. “Interesting. So it seems our kidnapper is a blue unicorn with a dark mane.”

“And it seems you were wrong about him still being in this room,” Trixie said.

“What?”

“Actually try to think about the order of events. The kidnapper ran away, those two ponies chased after him, and the doors locked shut. There are no other exits to this room. There aren’t even windows. How could the kidnapper have possibly gotten back inside?”

“Well... what... what if he snuck back in through a trap door? You all saw the rotating wall, so you’re wrong about no other exits. How many other secret ways are there into this room?”

“I still think you’re using an incredibly big assumption tha—”

“There he is!” somepony yelled. “Get him!”

What followed was a scuffling of ponies that ended with a unicorn stallion being held down by many hooves.

“Unhoof me!” the unicorn said. “I’m not the kidnapper!”

“Well, well, well,” Rainbow Dash said as she walked toward the unicorn, her eyes narrowing. “If it isn’t my old nemesis, Royal Blue!”

“Nemesis?” Royal Blue said. “What in Equestria are you talking about?”

“Admit it, RB! You kidnapped those ponies in an attempt to get me out of the finals this year so that you would have a shot at the trophy.”

“What? Listen to yourself, Rainbow Dash. How would me kidnapping random ponies prevent you from competing?”

“Well… ah... don’t ask me! I don’t know how the criminal mastermind works!”

“That’s quite obvious,” Trixie said. “Let him up. Rainbow Dash is wrong, again.”

Rainbow Dash growled, but Trixie didn’t give her a chance to speak. “If you really want to go down this path,” Trixie said, “then you need to do it right. A blue unicorn is not an accurate enough description to accuse anypony. A quick glance around the room and I see five other unicorns that are also shades of blue. Even I am a blue unicorn, and—”

“She’s a blue unicorn! Get her!”

Trixie yelped as a pile of ponies landed on her.

“I know you were the one that said that, Rainbow Dash!” Trixie yelled.

Rainbow Dash laughed as the ponies let Trixie go. “Okay, Okay. So we need more information. Sorry about that, RB. No hard feelings?”

Royal Blue harrumphed. “Just don’t make a habit of it,” he said.

“So, did anypony else see something?” Rainbow Dash said to the crowd.

“I saw something,” a voice said. The group turned and looked at an orange earth pony with a long red mane. She was doing her best to turn invisible now that the room’s attention was on her. “I saw... that is to say, I think I saw... I saw his cutie mark. It was a bunny.”

“Aha! So it was you, Royal Blue!”

Royal Blue’s mouth hung open. He tried to start speaking several times before he just lowered his head and sighed. He turned so that his flank was showing towards Rainbow Dash.

“Rainbow Dash,” he nearly growled, “my cutie mark is of a jar of ink and a bundle of quills. It is not, in any sense of the word, a bunny. Now stop it with this ridiculous game of yours.”

Rainbow Dash squinted her eyes. “It kind of looks like a bunny.”

“It does not!”

“No seriously! Everypony come over here and look,” Rainbow Dash said, waving everypony over.

The group came near Rainbow Dash and stared at Royal Blue, who was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with so many ponies staring at his flank.

“Okay,” Rainbow Dash said. “Everypony tilt your head a little to the right and look at the quills. Squint if it helps.”

The crowd obeyed. Many ponies had looks of confusion of their faces but, one by one, a look of recognition came over them.

“Oh, wow! It does look like a bunny from this angle!”

“That’s so cool!”

“I wish my cutie mark could change shape like that!”

Royal Blue stared in disbelief. He didn’t like what he was hearing. This had to be some kind of prank. He turned so the ponies could no longer stare at his ‘obviously not a bunny’ cutie mark.

“It does not look like a bunny,” Royal Blue repeated.

“It totally does!” Rainbow Dash said as she flew up to Royal Blue and placed her hooves on his head. “Here, just turn your head like so... now squint and focus. It’ll look like the profile of a rabbit. Imagine that the quills are the ears and that the little glint on the ink jar is an eye.”

Royal Blue rolled his eyes but obeyed. He stared for a minute, but his cutie mark didn’t magically change shape. “I don’t see anything. My cutie mark does not—Oh my word. It does look like a bunny. I’m never going to be able to un-see that.”

“A cutie mark that looks like a bunny when you turn your head, doesn’t make it a cutie mark of a bunny,” Trixie said. “We need more information.”

“You’re right,” Rainbow Dash said. She turned back to the earth pony that had spoken before. The earth pony was looking relieved that she was no longer the center of attention, then she noticed Rainbow Dash staring at her and resumed her attempt at invisibility.

“You got a good look at his cutie mark,” Rainbow Dash said. “What color was his coat and tail?”

The earth pony looked around frantically. “I... I couldn’t tell,” she said.

“What? How could you have seen his cutie mark but not be able to tell what color his coat and tail was?”

“Well... I-I’m...” The pony lowered her head as tears began to flow. “I have monochromatic color blindness. I can only see in greys.”

Rainbow Dash’s mouth hung open. The ponies near the crying mare were giving comforting words while other ponies in the room were shooting angry glances at the cyan pegasus.

“Nice going, Rainbow Insensitive,” Trixie said.

“How was I supposed to know she was color blind?”

“You have been making a mockery of this investigation from the start. I think it’s time you stepped aside and let Trixie show you how it’s done. What we need to do is create a list of everything everypony saw. We then take any similarities between stories and use that as our basis for what the kidnapper looks like. We’ll need this information for the authorities once we’re rescued.”

Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth. Already Trixie was trying to show her up.

Chapter Eleven - The Preliminaries - And Then Nothing Really Happens

Spike chuckled to himself as he walked the corridors of the WBE’s stadium. He was wearing his black top hat and cape. Every so often, he twirled his fake mustache. He carried with him a toolbox, some lumber, and a length of rope. It was amazing how often rope came in handy. Those fake announcers wouldn’t know what hit them. Actually, they probably would know what hit them, but not until after it hit them. That was the key.

Spike chuckled again. Pinkie was also coming up with a plan but, knowing her, it would likely be too soft to have any real effect. Not like a good, old-fashioned rope trap. Spike began to talk to himself out loud about his plan. It seemed the appropriate thing to do, given the circumstances.

Unbeknownst to Spike, a masked unicorn walking the same halls also thought that way.

“So,” Spike said, twirling his mustache again. “They think they can just waltz right in and take our jobs, huh? I’ll show him that—”

“—it was a mistake to mess with me,” the masked unicorn said with a snarl. “Such foolish mares. Thinking they could stop me? The great—”

“—Spike and Pinkie Pie, they’ll shout. We’ll be so popular, they’ll be asking us to announce events all over Equestria. I’ll bet—”

“—they’ll be shaking in their little horseshoes once my plan is complete. Then all of Equestria will bow before me. Yes. Bow and—”

“—be giving me gemstone after gemstone. Oh. And Pinkie will get cupcakes, of course. Ah, I can’t wait to hear—”

“—them begging for mercy. Once the royal sisters are out of the way, the rest of Equestria will be easy. It’s only a matter of time until—”

“—my plan is put into action. I’ll show Pinkie the proper way to do this. It won’t be long before—”

“—all of Equestria will know my name!” Spike and the unicorn said together.

Spike and the masked unicorn stopped talking to themselves and blinked. They looked at each other and said nothing for a while.

“So... uh...” Spike ventured.

“Yeah...” the masked unicorn agreed.

“I like your mask?”

“Oh... thanks. I like your... mustache?”

“Thanks, it’s a number twenty-five.”

Spike scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment while the unicorn scraped his hoof on the floor and looked around the room.

“So... what are you doing back here?” Spike asked.

“Me? Well... I... I can tell you what I’m not doing. I’m not setting traps to capture ponies.”

“Oh! Me neither. I am definitely not setting up a trap. Because that would be wrong... trapping ponies.”

“Yes.”

The unicorn scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment while Spike scraped his foot on the floor and looked around the room.

“Well...” the unicorn said. “I should probably get going.”

“Uh, yeah! Me too.”

“I have a lot of traps to not set up.”

“Yeah. I have a big trap I really need to make sure doesn’t get set up.”

The two grinned sheepishly at each other and walked away.

Once they were out of earshot of each other, they both shook their heads and muttered, “What a weirdo.”

~~~

Spike approached the dressing room doors and stopped. Pinkie Pie was there pushing a large wooden crate that had clumps of dirt falling off of it. Her front hooves were placed on the box’s side, and her back hooves slowly took steps forward as the box scraped along the floor. She grunted wordlessly as she strained with all her might to move the box a few inches. She then stopped and panted, sweat pouring from her face. She looked at Spike and her face instantly brightened up.

“Hi, Spike!” Pinkie said with a raised hoof, then went back to grunting as she struggled to move the box.

“Pinkie? What is all this?”

Pinkie dropped down to all fours and smiled, her earlier exhaustion forgotten. “This is my Emergency Party Kit number one-four-three.”

“You have one-hundred-and-forty-three party kits?”

“Oh, Spike... don’t be silly. I have four-hundred-and-seventy-eight Emergency Party Kits buried all over Equestria. For emergencies!”

Pinkie pulled out a crowbar and stuck it in the crate. With a twist of her mouth, the wooden sides of the crate fell away and clattered loudly on the floor. Regal’s door opened. The brown earth pony stuck his head out, looked nervously at the two of them, then shut his door.

Pinkie dug happily through her party supplies, then gasped. “Oh no! This EPK is missing its piñata! I have to rectify this!”

Pinkie stood in a dramatic pose then began bouncing away, humming to herself. Spike sighed and began assembling his trap.

Chapter Twelve - The Preliminaries - You Have Fallen into My Trap: The Musical

Luna wasn’t lost. The stadium, while big, was not an endless maze of corridors. There was no basement. There were no trap doors, or sliding wall, or torches that opened secret doors when they were twisted. The hallways were clearly labeled so that the attendees would be able to easily get in, find their seats and enjoy the show.

Luna wasn’t lost. The walls had some time ago changed to blackened bricks. Every few feet was a torch burning on the wall, providing poor illumination for the hallway that twisted and turned in random directions. The maze of corridors had been left behind, once Luna had gotten out her marker and started marking the paths they have already gone down. Every so often, Luna and Derpy would pass by a door with an iron bar window. The room on the other side of the door looked like a prison cell.

No, Luna wasn’t lost. Lost didn’t even begin to describe where she was.

Luna stopped walking and sighed. They had already gone on for what seemed like miles. Wherever they were, it wasn’t the stadium anymore. Luna wasn’t even sure if they were still in Ponyville.

“I’m sorry,” Derpy said for the hundredth time.

“It’s not your fault.”

“But it is! If I didn’t push the button, then we wouldn’t have fallen. Now we’re lost, and we don’t know how to get out, and I’m scared I’ll never see my Dinky again!”

“Your what?”

“Dinky! My daughter! She’s the whole reason I’m in this contest. She’ll be so scared if I don’t come back. Then she’ll start to cry, and then I’ll cry because I made her cry, and then—”

“Whoa! Calm down, calm down. I’ll get us out of here. I’m just taking it slow and trying to find the normal way out. I don’t want to start breaking down walls if I don’t have to. Besides, if worst comes to worst, I could always contact my sister for help.”

“Like when you open and close your mouth while thinking?”

“I don’t—do I actually do that? Anyway, I can channel my magic through Equestria and find my sister that way. Although, I’d rather not have to do that.”

“Why not?”

“Well...” Luna said, feeling uncomfortable. “I’ve kind of been so caught up in my research that I’ve been ignoring her lately, and on top of that, I’ve been sneaking around behind her back and keeping secrets from her.”

“Oh,” Derpy said. Such a simple response yet it made Luna feel even more guilty.

Luna started walking again, and Derpy followed. “Anyway, don’t worry about me,” Luna said. “You need to chin up. You couldn’t have known there was a trap door there. There shouldn’t have been a trap door there. This stadium is portable. They just set it on any flat ground. No digging required. There shouldn’t even be a lower level.”

“Maybe the hallway was slanted, and we went up when we chased the unicorn?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. It seems unlikely. I’m willing to believe anything at this point just to get out of here.”

The wall in front of the pair slid open. A pink pony carrying a piñata bounced out and the wall slid back down. The pink pony set down the piñata and looked at them. She raised a foreleg into the air. “Hi, Princess Luna,” she said as she waved.

“Pinkie Pie?” Luna said, blinking. “How does everypony keep recognizing me? You know what? I don’t care. Do you know how to get back to the stadium?”

Pinkie giggled. “We’re still in the stadium! So, you get back to it by not going anywhere. Bye, Princess Luna!”

Pinkie twisted a torch, and the wall in front of her slid open. She bit onto the piñata’s string and hopped through.

“Wait!” Luna called out as the wall slammed shut, but Pinkie Pie was already gone.

“Maybe we should try and follow her?” Derpy asked. She walked up to the torch on the wall, reached for it, but then stopped and drew back.

“Really, Derpy. It wasn’t your fault. You touching another switch isn’t going to cause anything bad to happen.”

Derpy came back towards Luna. “I don’t know,” she said. “Could you do this one?”

Luna smiled. “Of course.”

Luna grabbed onto the torch with her magic and twisted it. A metal cage fell from the ceiling and landed on the pair. They were knocked off their hooves as a bottom to the cage slid into place. A voice laughed in the distance. That annoying, nasally laugh.

“It seems you fools have fallen into my trap.” The masked unicorn walked out of the darkness from down the hall and strolled towards the captured ponies. He gave a wicked sneer as he laughed again.

Luna got up. She wasn’t going to be fooled again. Little did this unicorn know he was dealing with an alicorn. Luna would just calmly bend these metal bars and then have a nice chat about why it was wrong to kidnap ponies. Except that Luna had no idea where the ponies were being held, or how to get out of wherever here was. She didn’t think she could physically force the information from a pony, even one such as this. She would have to wait. Strike when the time was right.

Luna whispered to Derpy, “Follow my lead.” Derpy nodded.

As the unicorn approached, Luna raised her hoof across her forehead. “Oh my! We’ve been captured. Whatever shall we do?”

“And I’m the Mare of Mystery, D—wait. I think I followed the wrong lead.”

Luna and the unicorn stared at Derpy. Luna sighed.

“You are a strange one,” the unicorn said. “No matter. Two more ponies will be perfect for my plans. And neither of you are unicorns. How lucky.”

The unicorn levitated the cage and started walking down the hallway. Luna caught a glimpse of his cutie mark. It looked like a bunny. Had Luna been captured by a villain with a bunny cutie mark? That couldn’t be right. She must have seen it from a bad angle. The unicorn walked to the next torch and twisted it. The wall opened to a new passageway that he started to go down.

Luna couldn’t remain silent anymore. “This has been bothering me for too long, and I need to know. Where are we?”

The unicorn laughed. Luna hated that laugh with every fiber of her being.

“We are in the ancient catacombs,” he explained, “deep beneath this stadium’s—”

“Ancient catacombs?” Luna asked, shaking her head. “This stadium was assembled a week ago!”

“... assembled atop the ruins of—”

“What ruins? I’ve read the geological reports of Ponyville. There are no ruins here.”

“... within the parallel, secondary dimension—”

“Just admit you have no idea where we are!”

The unicorn tsked and turned up his snout. “It matters not where we are. All that matters is that it suits my purposes perfectly.”

“And your purposes would be...?”

“Becoming the ruler of Equestria!”

“Wow... big goal. So you must have a way to deal with the princesses?” This could be important information. It was doubtful this unicorn had anything that could actually threaten Luna or her sister, but it was best to play on the safe side.

“The princesses will be no threat to me once my plan is completed.”

“Your plan being…?”

“Becoming the ruler of Equestria!”

Luna’s head began to hurt. Something told her this unicorn was not playing with a full deck of cards. Or even half a deck. Probably safe to assume the cards had fallen out of the box, and the unicorn had decided to play a board game instead.

They had come to a dead end. The unicorn twisted another torch, and the wall slid open revealing a large room. The room was filled with cages much like the one Luna and Derpy were in. Each cage contained two or three ponies. All earth ponies or pegasi. So this evil mastermind was afraid of magic messing up his plans. Interesting. Luna would be sure to show him all the magic he wanted. Just as soon as she found out if he really did have anything dangerous. Even an idiot could be a threat with the right magical focus.

Luna’s cage came to a stop at the far left end of the row of cages and was lowered to the ground. The unicorn walked in front of them all and turned around.

“Welcome, my instrumental friends. I would like to thank you all for being here today. It is because of all of you that I shall get the power needed to rule Equestria. That is, once I take it from you. I know you all must be wondering what I mean. You aren’t unicorns. You have no magic for me to take. But you’re wrong. I will steal from you the power that you do possess. The power of bad baking!”

The unicorn laughed his annoying laugh again.

Luna tried to resist hitting her face with her hoof and failed. “That’s your plan?” she asked.

The unicorn stopped laughing and looked nervous. He clearly wasn’t expecting anypony actually to question the absolute genius that was his plan.

“Y-yes. That is my plan. I will steal your bad baking ability and make myself, The Worst Baker in Equestria!”

“And?”

“And? And what? That’s my plan.”

“You’re going to take over Equestria... by baking bad...”

“Yes! Clearly, you don’t understand just how bad a baker can be. I can make something so stinky that any pony that smelled it would pass out! Or... or I could make a cookie so spicy that any pony that ate it would shoot fire out of their mouth!”

“And how will that help you rule Equestria?”

“Those are just little examples of my new-found powers. There are a million ways I could use bad baking to seize control of Equestria.”

“Name one.”

The unicorn growled and repeatedly stomped his hooves against the floor. Luna was feeling a little bad but, after the ordeal he had put her through, revenge was sweet.

“My evil plans are not for you to question!” he bellowed. “You will bow before me! You will all bow before me! Soon, all of Equestria will bow down before the might of Snuggle Cakes!”

Luna nearly choked with laughter. The other trapped ponies began to giggle too.

“Your...” Luna was having a hard time breathing. “Your name is Snuggle Cakes?”

“Yes!” His confidence slowly faded from her face. “What, why? Is there something wrong with my name?”

“No... no-nothing... it’s just that...” Luna was getting her laughter under control. “Honestly, I was expecting something more sinister. Something like Dark Arts, or Blackest Runes, or, I don’t know, something that doesn’t sound like a pet name between two love-struck ponies?”

“My mother named me Snuggle Cakes. I love my mother.”

Now Luna did feel bad. “Your name is fine... it just isn’t the sort of name I’d expect from a villain.”

“... Which... is why… this has all been a trick! Yes! A trick. To think the future ruler of Equestria would actually be named Snuggle Cakes. What a fool you are. I am actually the evil magician, Dark Arts!”

Luna had had enough. This was just sorry. It was time to use her powers to bust out of here and bring this wannabe bad-guy down. Derpy would love this. It was a shame that Luna would have to reveal her disguise. She wouldn’t be able to compete after this, but the ponies of Equestria came first. Luna grabbed onto the metal bars with her magic and got ready to pull. It was then that her body locked up.

“I suppose you all are wondering what this is?” Snuggle Cakes said as he walked back and forth, levitating a small black stone. “This is a null-stone. Something developed by the ponies of the WBEs to make the ending of their competition something spectacular. Normally, when magic is channeled into the stone, it nullifies the bad baking aura, allowing a pony to bake as well as they are able. Once the magic is removed, though, the bad baking aura comes rushing back, and if the pony is skilled, they can draw in the aura and cause something huge to happen.

“However, that’s not what I’m doing. What I’m doing is pulling magic out. The aura in all of you will forcefully amplify, and then with a spell, I will use the stone to pull all of that energy into me!”

Luna gasped as the waves of magic washed over her. How could such a small stone be producing so much power? She felt like she was drowning in an ocean during a storm. Such unbelievable magic. That stone could remake the very fabric of reality. Or unmake it! She had to do something. Luna struggled to get a hold of her magic. Just one spell. Any spell to interrupt this.

All of Luna’s strength was being used just to keep herself standing. She was an alicorn. The second most powerful being in Equestria next to her sister. If she could barely move, then what was happening to the other ponies?

The other ponies. Luna had to protect them. It was her duty. She slowly turned her head. They must be so scared. It would be a mercy if they had just been overwhelmed and lost consciousness.

The other ponies. Luna had to look at them, see their pain, use it to fuel her anger; her magic.

The other ponies... were fine?

The rest of the caged ponies were alright. They looked a bit worried and confused but certainly not like they were struggling against an overwhelming magical force. So the magic was operating at a level that only Luna could sense. Great. She was probably the only one that could do anything, and she could barely even move. Worse still, that idiot likely had no idea of the power he was channeling.

Luna tried to alert Derpy. Let her know that it was all up to her now. The fate of all of Equestria. Luna slowly moved her head. One of Derpy’s eyes swiveled and looked at Luna. Derpy turned and gasped. Luna only managed a weak smile. She was unable to speak.

Derpy tapped her chin with her hoof. A look of deep concentration was on her face. She looked around the cage, at the ceiling, at the other ponies, at Snuggle Cakes. Derpy’s face lit up. She walked over to Luna and opened her saddle bag. She pulled out the rope. Luna was glad she had decided to bring a rope. It was amazingly useful when needed. Derpy flipped her neck and sent one end of the rope up through the bars on top. She bit onto the falling rope and pulled it to the front of the cage, where she wrapped it around another bar.

Snuggle Cakes was too caught up in his stone to notice anything. Derpy rummaged through one of Luna’s saddle bags and then went to the other. She pulled out Luna’s scarf. Derpy knotted the end of the scarf together and then tied it to the end of the rope. Luna’s beautiful scarf. She had never even gotten a chance to wear it. Hopefully, it would still be salvageable after all of this.

Derpy went back into Luna’s bag and pulled out a pair of glasses. She looked down her muzzle in confusion then placed the glasses on Luna’s face. Derpy turned her head to the side and looked at Luna. She then bit onto the glasses and returned them to the bag. She pulled out the map of Ponyville and the medical strips.

Derpy started folding the map and had soon made a paper glider. Of course! The glider would hit Snuggle Cakes and then, once distracted, Luna would be free to act. The rope and scarf were going to be used as a launcher to get the glider all the way across the room. Derpy was a genius!

Luna then noticed Derpy tugged on her necklace. Derpy brought Luna’s necklace over her head and around her invisible horn. She then attached the necklace to the glider with the medical strips. Luna suddenly realized she had no idea what Derpy was thinking.

Derpy adjusted the placement of the scarf holding the glider. She looked out across the room, seeming to do one final calculation. She then bit onto the rope’s end and tugged hard. The make-shift pulley system sent the scarf forward and then whipped the glider into the air. The glider flew to the left and crashed into the corner of the room.

Luna had a sudden sense of foreboding. Derpy looked at her and smiled. She had apparently done whatever it was that she had thought Luna had wanted her to do. Now Equestria was doomed.

“This should be enough of an amplification,” Snuggle Cakes said. “Now, to cast the spell and take your powers for my own!”

Luna felt like screaming as the magical pressure increased, but then, it suddenly stopped.

Luna looked around. Snuggle Cakes was no longer channeling magic. He had his back turned to them. The stone was on the floor. Now was Luna’s chance to... to... She couldn’t move! Her hooves seemed to be rooted in place, and her ears were ringing. No. That wasn’t ringing. That was... music?

Snuggle cakes turned around.

Snuggle Cakes: Look at me. Can’t you see?
I am a very scary wick-ed po-ny.

I have trapped you all in here,
There’s no place to run and hide.

I hope you’re feeling comfy,
‘cause we’re going for a ride!

I will use this magic stone,
To find your powers deep in-siiiide,

And trans-fer them all to me.

Look at me! I’m the one to be!
Soon I shall be much greater than roy-al-ty.

The princesses will stop me?
They are nothing more than fleas!

I will take Equestria,
And bring it to its knees!

The ponies bow before me,
From all the power that I seeeeize,

As they wor-ship me dai-ly.

I will become the most horrible tyraaaant,
My control of Equestria will be com-plete.

All the ponies will learn to fear meeee
Luna: Your stupid plan actually working would be a feat (Hey!)

You’re jo-king. This can’t be.
Are we supposed to take you ser-i-ous-ly?

You’ll steal from us our powers,
Of truly horrid baking?

And somehow from all this,
The royal rule you’ll be taking?

Forgive me if it doesn’t seem,
That my hoovies are a sha-kiiiing,

But I feel this is sil-ly.

Look at you. Can’t you see?
What you are doing is a ca-la-mi-ty.

You want to rule the world,
But your plan is not too keen.

You’re like a playground bully,
That’s just bad at being mean.

As for being a villain?
You are the worst I’ve ever seeeeen,

And I don’t say that light-ly.

Derpy: I hope you know what you’re do-iiiing.
He seems like a fruit basket short an orange.

I want again to see my Dink-yyyy,
And not to have him... uh... Oh shoot!

Pinkie Pie: Look at me! Can’t you see?
This will be the absolute great-est par-ty!

The streamers will be hanging,
The time will soon be near!

Spike: Pinkie! Quiet down!
We don’t want them to hear!

Pinkie Pie: All will be forgiven,
I hope so most sin-ceeeere!

They will be-come friends with me!

Spike: That’s your plan? A par-ty?
You really need to think much big-ger Pink-ie.

The only way to stop them,
Is to use a mighty trap!

They will step upon this X,
And the rope? It will go snap!

Pinkie Pie: This seems a bit extreme,
For both these ponies to kid-naaaap!

Spike: It’s the on-ly way. You’ll see.

Pinkie Pie: I think they just need a little kindneeeess.
Spike: Can you be quiet? I’m working on the timing.

Pinkie Pie: We really should be friendlier to theeeem!
Spike: Ugh. I can’t work with all your stupid... rhyming?

Trixie: It’s so true! Ob-vious-ly.
I most truly am the ve-ry best po-ny!

The crowd will all adore me,
There is nopony greater!

Rainbow Dash: You are so annoying!
I can’t wait to beat you later.

Trixie: I’ll be a celebrity,
To my whims they all will ca-teeeer.

When I solve this mys-ter-y.

Rainbow Dash(mockingly): Look at me! Can’t you see?
For I am the Stupid and Low-ly Trix-ie!

Rainbow Dash(normal): A more annoying pony,
I could never have foreseen.

Trixie: Oh, come on now, Rainbow Dash,
Don’t be such a drama queen.

Rainbow Dash: You have the biggest ego,
Of any pony there has beeeeen!

And that is in-clu-ding me.

I can’t believe you came here just to face meeee.
Trixie: My reasons for entering this contest are my own.

You’re just worried that I am so much bet-teeeer.
Rainbow Dash: I’m trying to resist breaking your jawbone.

Snuggle Cakes: Look at me! Look at me!
Can’t you see? Can’t you see?

I cast my spell, set my course.
This is it! I’ve no remorse

Luna: I’ve had more than I can take.
Your stupid plan I will unmake!

Derpy: My resolve, I must toughen!
I will fight on for my Muffin!

Pinkie Pie: It just takes a little heart,
That’s how all great friendships start!

Spike: I think my ears are ringing,
Can we stop it with this singing?

Trixie: A thousand adoring fans.
Just you wait! It’s in my plans!

Rainbow Dash: I guess that you will see,
I’ll be the one with the trophy!

Snuggle Cakes: For I am the most wic-ked—
Luna: —Fed up—
Derpy: —Side kick!—
Pinkie Pie: —Par-ty!—
Spike: —Please stop—
Trixie: —Great-est—
Rainbow Dash: —Awe-some!—
All but Spike: Poooo-nyyyyyyy!

The ponies in the cages stamped their hooves in applause. Snuggle Cakes looked around in confusion. Luna had no idea what had just happened. Derpy was smiling and humming the song again to herself.

“Wow,” Snuggle Cakes said. “I have no idea what spell I just cast but that certainly wasn’t the right one. I’m sure there was an instruction manual around here somewhere...”

“Super Luna!” Derpy whispered. “Now’s your chance! I’ll cover for you!”

Derpy looked to where the necklace had fallen. It suddenly all clicked for Luna.

Luna mentally reached out to her necklace and willed herself towards it, making sure her saddlebags would be left behind. She vanished and reappeared above her necklace. She let her disguise drop. “Snuggle Cakes!” she yelled, using the full force of the Royal Canterlot Voice.

All eyes were now on Luna. Snuggle Cakes’ eyes went wide. “P-P-P-Princess Luna!” he managed to say.

The other ponies were whispering among themselves.

“It’s Princess Luna!”

“Look, the princess!”

“I thought she’d be taller.”

“The princess is naked!”

Luna’s eye twitched. Of course, her being seen without her royal adornments was going to be the front-page news tomorrow. Never mind. She had this moron to deal with first.

“Hey, everypony!” Derpy yelled. “I just want to let you know that Super Luna already rescued the pony that was next to me, and that she’s most likely safe, so we don’t need to go looking for her or wonder where she is until she reappears later.” Derpy looked at Luna and winked.

Snuggle Cakes laughed, his nasalliness causing Luna to grit her teeth. “I don’t know how a word of my plans reached Canterlot,” he said, “but it doesn’t matter. I had a contingency plan just for you, Princess Luna.”

Luna prepared herself. This would have to be quick. If Snuggle Cakes had realized what the null-stone could do to her... no time to think of that. Time to act! The door at the far side of the room banged open. Everypony turned to look.

An earth pony stallion with a brown-coat and dark brown mane was on the other side of the door. “Hey, Snuggle Cakes,” he said, “I know you had that ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on your door, but I just wanted you to know there’s been this pink pony and baby dragon... that have... been...”

The earth pony looked around the room, at the cages, at Luna, and back at Snuggle Cakes. “This isn’t right at all,” he said. “Your dressing room is at least ten times as big as mine! And what’s with all the ponies in cages. Why is the princess here? And what is up with this room? My door is five feet down from yours, but the wall on this side must go down for twenty. How is your room bigger on the inside than the outside?”

Snuggle Cakes looked around nervously then said, “... within the parallel, secondary dimension—”

“That is it!” Luna yelled. “I have had it with you!”

Snuggle Cakes looked at Luna and then ran towards the exit.

Luna gave chase and screamed after him, “You are the worst villain ever!”

Once Luna had reached the door, she heard a snap, a twang, and a cry of surprise. Luna slowed down and watched the unicorn dangled from the ceiling and the baby dragon wearing a top hat and cape celebrating beneath him.

“Alright!” Spike said. “It worked! I knew it would!”

Luna walked up to the dragon. “Hello, Spike,” she said.

Spike turned around and looked up at Luna, his eyes growing panicked. He quickly took off his hat and stuffed his cape and mustache inside it. He looked left, right, then down at the hat. Spike took a deep breath and blew green fire on the hat. It quickly dissolved into smoke and blew away.

“Princess Luna,” Spike said, grinning widely and holding his claws behind his back. “Fancy seeing you here. This... uh...” He looked up at the unicorn dangling by a rope trap from the ceiling and sighed. “This is exactly what it looks like.”

“I should hope so. Good job, Spike.”

“Huh? Uh... yeah. I did do a pretty good job, didn’t I?”

“I’ll say. This one has been slippery, but thanks to you, we got him.”

“Hi again, Princess Luna!”

Luna turned to see Pinkie Pie wrapped in streamers and also hanging upside down from the ceiling. “Don’t worry about me. I’m not trapped! Well, I am, but not on purpose! Let’s just say that spring-loaded streamers-in-a-can need to be opened away from the face.”

“So, what should we do with him?” Spike asked, still looking up at the unicorn.

“We’ll need to send word to my sister, so she can call for the royal guards.”

“The royal guards?”

“Oh yes. kidnapping, dark magic, attempted takeover of Equestria. This is one bad pony.”

“Wow! I knew he was bad, but all of that?”

“So he wasn’t a McRuderson at all!” Pinkie shouted. “He’s worse! He was a Meany Beany Jamboreeny!”

Luna looked at Pinkie Pie and then Spike. Spike shrugged. Luna cleared her throat. “Yes... well, I’m glad you’re here Spike. I’ll need you to send a letter to my sister. And how would you like to take credit for all of this?”

“Really? You want me to take the credit?”

“Oh yes! Write that letter, and don’t even mention I was here. This was all thanks to you.”

Spike blushed. “Thanks, Princess Luna! I need to go find some paper and a quill!”

As Spike ran off, Luna looked at Snuggle Cakes. She used her magic to change the rope into chains and levitated the unicorn in front of her. She would have to make sure he didn’t escape until the guards got here. With any luck, her sister would just send the guards and not come herself.

Luna sent her magic into the room behind her to break the locks on the cages. She also grabbed the null-stone and moved it towards her with telekinesis. This thing was dangerous. She squeezed, and the stone shattered into dust. The WBEs would just have to come up with some other gimmick for the finals.

~~~

Luna was heading towards the front of the stadium with the freed ponies following behind and Derpy trotting happily beside her. Luna spotted a group of panicked ponies outside the waiting area.

“Can I help?” Luna asked as she got close.

The ponies turned around and quickly bowed. “Princess Luna,” the official-looking pony from before said. “Thank goodness you’re here. Somepony sealed the door with magic, and we can’t get in! All the ponies inside are trapped!”

Luna eyed Snuggle Cakes, who was doing his best to look away from her.

“Let me get that for you,” Luna said as she undid the spell and threw the doors open.

Chapter Fourteen - The Preliminaries - Above All Else, Be Happy

Luna made an attempt to stop chewing on her lip. It was finally her group's turn for the preliminary testing, and she was next in line. The pony up on stage wasn’t doing well. She kept making mistakes. Not the ‘Ops, my dough spilled and I’m now stuck to the floor’ mistakes, but rather the ‘I forgot where I put my spoon and spent the past five minutes looking for it before realizing it was still in my mouth’ mistakes. The three judges had stopped taking notes and were waiting patiently—with only a minimal amount of sighing and rolling of their eyes—for the pony to finish.

Still, she was probably doing better than how Luna would fare.

Luna’s aura, or rather her lack of one, still worried her. Sweet had said, ‘No aura means you’re a normal pony that bakes normally.’ However, Luna didn’t bake normally. At least, not normally. It was confusing. It was like there was a thousand rules that were always changing and everypony else knew them but wouldn’t tell her.

At least something had turned out right today. The royal guards had come and arrested the beaten up Snuggle Cakes, the caged ponies had been set free, and the preliminaries had resumed. Everything was great except for the whispering that Princess Luna had made an appearance. That news would definitely get to Canterlot sooner rather than later.

Luna wondered what she was going to tell her sister about Snuggle Cakes and how she had stopped him. What if she said she had learned of a plot against Equestria and acted on her own? No, too irresponsible. She had a vision in a dream and came to check it out? Too unlikely. She had developed a sixth sense where by observing various little niggly feelings in her body, she could predict the future? No. Her sister would more likely believe that a talking dog had told her. Luna knew she couldn’t lie to her sister. Not anymore. She would go along with her plan of confessing tonight. More likely even sooner when she completely blew her test in a few minutes.

‘Stop trying so hard, and above all else, be happy,’ Sweet had said. Good advice for anypony. Perhaps it was the secret to the auras? Do you just have to not try hard and be happy for it to work? Luna wasn’t trying hard. She didn’t even know how one was supposed to try hard at baking bad. Emotions could often be used in magic. Maybe the aura only worked while a pony was happy? That didn’t seem likely. Many ponies here didn’t exactly seem happy, but they still passed the pre-test to get in. Besides, Luna was happy. Wasn’t she?

Luna wasn’t feeling sad, but happy wasn’t really the emotion she felt either. Today had been... frustrating. Yesterday had been a happier day. She had spent yesterday... combing the library for a history book on the WBEs she had read once and then getting frustrated when she learned it had been checked out a week ago. Okay, bad example, but the day before that had been... No. Surely earlier this week... Luna didn’t like where this train of thought was going. How many days of frustration had she put herself through? How long had it been since she was last truly happy? Sometime before all this competition nonsense started for sure.

“Thank you for waiting, Morning Dew. It’s your turn now,” one of the judges said to Luna.

Luna began to walk towards the stage and kept thinking about when she was truly happy last. She was usually happy when she was with her sister. Like that time they had gone to the theatre together. That was a truly happy day.

Luna stepped up to the baking station.

Or the time they had a picnic in the forests beneath Canterlot, and the ants had carried away their last cupcake. That had also been a truly happy day.

Luna started moving some of the ingredients around the counter top.

Or the time they had visited that candy factory, and her sister had insisted that they try the new magical soda with the carbonation that let you float. That had been a very weird day, but it had been a truly happy day too.

Luna poured some flour into the bowl.

There were so many days. So many happy times. Which one was she looking for? Which one would help her now? What was the secret between happiness and the aura? Was there even a secret, or was Luna just trying hard to find something that wasn’t even there?

Stop trying so hard! Every truly happy day she had remembered had one thing in common.

Luna stopped herself in mid-reach for her spoon.

Luna suddenly missed her sister. That feeling of togetherness, of not having to worry about what someone else thinks, of just being yourself, of love. She couldn’t wait for tonight. Luna let her magic flow into Equestria. She didn’t want to hide anymore. She spread her magic wide, searching for that familiar feeling. Almost instantly she found her sister’s magic. They spoke wordlessly.

I miss you.

I miss you, too.

I’m sorry.

Don’t be. I forgive you.

They embraced. It wasn’t a physical embrace, but it carried the same meaning. Luna smiled. She reluctantly let go of her sister’s magic and drew her own magic back towards her. They were going to have a lot to talk about tonight. As Luna began pulling the last of her magic out of Equestria, she sensed it: the bad luck magic, still full of energy from the earlier use of the null-stone. Luna had found its hiding place. She reached for it.

Luna gasped as the waves of magic washed over her. She feared she would be overwhelmed again, but the magic was different this time. She didn’t feel like she was drowning, more like riding a giant wave. This was... this was... what was this? Why was it so familiar?

This power. This was where the bad baking aura came from? Did her sister know? How could she not? How was any non-alicorn able to touch this? Why could only some ponies use it? Why did it only affect baking? What was that judge saying?

“Morning Dew! If you are not going to continue, then I suggest you withdraw and exit the stage.”

The test! Luna reigned in the magic to a more controllable level. It was time to give these ponies a show they’ll never forget.

~~~

It was cheating. Luna knew this, but she didn’t care. It was far too much fun. The magic had its limits. It couldn’t be forced, but it could be directed. She could tell the batter to burst and write a message on the wall, but she couldn't control what was written. That the magic had chosen to write something obscene was a little embarrassing.

Luna added sugar and made the batter flash like a strobe light. The eggs shattered as full-grown doves flew out and around the room. The batter erupted from the bowl like a water spout. Luna laughed as she tried to push it back in. She felt like a filly playing in a puddle of mud, which, truthfully, was a fairly accurate description of her current actions.

When she felt she had done enough, Luna poured the batter into a baking dish and placed it in the oven. She made sure the magic would cause fungus to grow on it. Hopefully, a big mushroom would be in the center. Luna turned and smiled at the judges.

The judges stared at Luna, mouths agape. Luna looked down at herself and realized she was almost completely covered in batter. She shook herself the best she could, then returned to smiling.

“Th-thank you, Morning Dew. You may return with the others to the waiting area.”

~~~

“How was it?” Derpy asked as Luna came back to the waiting area.

“It was fun,” Luna said.

“I wish my baking was fun instead of mean. I really hope we both get chosen!”

“Yeah, uh... so do I.”

Luna realized that her little stunt likely guaranteed her a spot in the finals. She was worried about that. There were so many ponies here. Some were just in it for the glory, but some had had very good reasons to compete. Like Derpy and her daughter. If Luna got picked instead of Derpy... well, she’d just have to compete and see if she could give the prize away.

The waiting room was filled with the chatter of ponies discussing their test. A few had been asked to come back for a second trial. The atmosphere was that of nervous excitement. Very soon the judges would return and announce the finalists.

Derpy was humming the song from earlier. Luna knew she would never be able to get that tune out of her head. It was nice to know she at least had a beautiful singing voice.

The doors opened and the three judges from the test as well as the two from outside stepped through. The noise stopped as all the competitors watched the judges assemble along the wall.

“Attention, competitors!” the judge in the center said loudly. “We would like to thank each and every one of you for your patience during today’s testing and the little... mishap earlier. We have deliberated long and hard and in the end, we have come to a decision on this year’s finalists!

“Fillies and Gentlecolts, be sure to give a big round of applause as I present to you, in no particular order, our finalists!

“Rainbow Dash!”

Rainbow Dash took to the air, did a flip, and landed by the judges. “Alright,” she said. “I hope all of you are ready because I won’t be making it easy this year.”

“Royal Blue!”

A unicorn stallion calmly stepped forward and took a spot next to Rainbow Dash. There were a couple quiet giggles in the crowd about bunnies. Rainbow Dash gave Royal Blue a nervous grin. Royal Blue just turned up his head and looked away.

“Evergreen!”

A green earth pony mare shouted in excitement and stepped forward.

“Trixie!”

Trixie walked forward. Rainbow Dash shot her an angry look that only caused Trixie to smirk.

“Morning Dew!”

Luna walked forward and smiled the best she could.

“Fair Breeze!”

A white pegasus stallion flapped gently through the air and took his place in line.

“Sunny Lights!”

An orange earth pony with a long red mane gasped, looked around nervously then slowly took her place in line.

“Derpy!”

Luna let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. Derpy trotted into line, her face beaming proudly.

“These are this year’s finalists. Each of them is an exceptionally bad baker, but, after tonight, only one of them will get to call themselves the Worst Baker in Equestria! Let’s give them all another round of applause!”

~~~

Luna stood outside enjoying the fresh air. Some of the ponies not picked had been disappointed but most had been happy when they received free tickets to the runner-up section in the stadium. It had been a crazy day. Luna still wasn’t sure what to do about being in the competition tonight.

“Hello,” a friendly voice called.

Luna turned to look at a unicorn mare with a pink mane and a white coat. She was smiling happily and levitating a notepad and pencil.

“Hi,” Luna said then watched the pad and pencil float next to her face.

“Can I get your autograph?”

“Oh! Ah... sure.” Luna balanced the pad on a hoof and took the pencil in her mouth.

“I’m your biggest fan, Princess Luna!”

Luna’s jaw clenched, causing her to bite the pencil in two. She spat out the broken wood and graphite. How did this keep happening to her? She felt her ears pop as a soundproof bubble of magic surrounded her and the unicorn. Luna hadn’t cast that spell. She looked at the unicorn. Pink mane, white coat, and a... yep... sun for a cutie mark.

“Sister?” Luna ventured.

“Oh-uh. Looks like you’ve seen through my disguise,” Celestia said with a smirk.

“Disguise? My illusion is a disguise. This is a full body transformation. What are you doing here?”

“Do you honestly think you’re the only princess who enjoys sneaking out of the castle?” Celestia said with a mischievous grin.

“But... what about your meetings, and the petitions?”

“The meetings went quick and there were only a few petitions thanks to so many ponies going to the WBEs tonight. I just had to come and cheer you on.”

“About that. I’m, well... I’m not sure I’ll be competing.”

“Oh?”

“It seems unfair. I can sort of control the bad baking magic.”

“And you think the others can’t?”

“Huh?”

“Every pony that makes it into the finals has at least some control over the magic, even if it’s done subconsciously. Remember your soup? If you’re really worried about an unfair advantage then just grab onto the magic, but don’t tell it to do anything. Let your subconscious direct it.”

“I suppose I could—the magic! I need to tell you about the source and—” Luna sighed. Her sister’s face said everything. “You already know. Don’t you?”

“I do.”

“You’ve had to have seen me researching this. I know you’ve seen the dents in the library’s tables. Didn’t you think I would have liked a clue?”

“I wanted to tell you, I really did, but I know how you get when you start obsessing over something, and I didn’t want to ruin your efforts.”

“I was not obsessing!”

Celestia raised an eyebrow.

“Okay... I was obsessing. Sorry.”

“Don’t start this again. If anyone should be sorry, it’s me for watching you get so caught up in your research and not saying anything about it.”

“Yeah... well. Anyway, now you can answer all my questions.”

“Where the magic came from, why it affects only baking, how some ponies can manipulate it?”

“Yes!”

“It’s a secret.” Celestia laughed. “Oh! If only you could see the look on your face!”

Luna did her best to scowl at her sister.

Celestia smiled and shook her head. “You’re this close to figuring it all out on your own. Do you really want me to spoil it for you?”

“Well... I guess not...”

“Tell you what. Tonight, after the competition is over, we’ll have a talk. I’ll tell you everything you want to know about the magic, and in return, you need to tell me all the stories about the adventures you’ve been going on.”

Luna laughed nervously. “You, um... you know about those?”

“You’ve never been very good at keeping secrets from me. By the way. You forgot to create that illusion of you sleeping in your bed this morning. Don’t worry, I covered for you. So, do we have a deal?”

So many careless mistakes lately. Luna knew she would have to get some real sleep once this was over. “Deal,” she said.

“Good. I can’t wait to see you compete. Just remember, it isn’t about winning, it’s about giving the audience a show they’ll talk about for the rest of their lives.”

“I’ll be sure to do just that.” Luna smiled and looked at the position of the sun. “There are still a couple of hours before the competition. Would you like to get something to eat?”

“Of course,” Celestia said happily. “Though, I hope you don’t mind if an old friend of mine joins us.” Celestia nodded into the distance at Sweet Soufflé, who nodded back.

“Not as long as you don’t mind if a new friend of mine joins us.” Luna looked at Derpy, who was trying her hardest to look nonchalant while still trying to bounce like a fanfilly meeting her second super hero of the day.

Chapter Fifteen - The Preliminaries - This Makes about as Much Sense as Anything Else That Has Happened Today

“I don’t know, Spike. Are you sure about this?” Pinkie Pie said, her hoof rubbing her chin.

“You saw how happy Princess Luna was when we caught the other impostor. We just had to catch this one too. He may not be a kidnapping dark magician, but he still needs to be punished for trying to take our spot,” Spike said as he pulled on some streamers.

“I guess so. He looks a little uncomfortable. Let me go get the folding chair!” Pinkie said as she bounced away.

“I can’t believe you actually buried all of this stuff. You are crazy prepared when it comes to parties.”

“One can never be too prepared when it comes to parties!”

There was a crash and a rubber chicken landed next to Spike.

“Found it!” Pinkie said as she rushed back with the folding chair and set it up. Spike pushed the captive into the chair.

Regal Din sat between the pink pony and baby dragon. He was wrapped up in streamers and had a party hat on. He said something that was muffled by the streamers around his muzzle. Pinkie Pie scrunched up her face in thought then put a pair of swirly glasses with a fake nose on Regal. “Perfect!” she announced.

Regal’s dressing room had been done up with party supplies. There were streamers, balloons, and a piñata on the ceiling. Posters and a Pin-the-Tail-on-the-Pony game lined the wall. There was even a Bob-for-Apples tank. Sadly, the apples had not survived their prolonged burying.

“I’m sorry, Regal,” Pinkie said. “I tried really hard to get some ponies to come to your party, but every pony I asked was too busy going to the competition tonight. Don’t worry, though. I still got you some backup guests.”

Pinkie walked up to a pile of rocks that were wearing a party hat and sitting on a stool. She nudged the rock pile and said in a Manehatten accent, “Don’t youse worry, Pinkie. We’ll take real good cares of him for ya.”

Pinkie smiled at Regal and noticed the look of confusion on his face. “Oh!” Pinkie said. “They don’t actually talk, so you’ll have to do the voices for them!”

“Come on, Pinkie,” Spike said from the doorway. “Let’s take over the dressing room next door. It’s much swankier now that the cages are gone.”

“Coming, Spike! Bye, Regal. We’ll come untie you once the contest is over. Just remember to not be a McRuderson anymore. Oh! And have fun!”

Pinkie turned on a record player and shut the door behind her. Regal looked at the sack of flour, ball of lint, and bucket of turnips; his other ‘guests’ for the party that would last the next several hours. He started struggling harder.

Chapter Sixteen - The Contest - Are We Forgetting Anypony?

Tonight was the night of the annual Worst Baker in Equestria Competition. In order to pass the time, Twilight Sparkle busied herself about her library, or at least she tried to. The library had already been cleaned and dusted. The books had been placed back on their shelves and organized. Even the tables had been polished to the point that Twilight could use them as mirrors—which couldn’t possibly be good for the wood. Wherever Spike had vanished to this morning, he had left no chore undone. He definitely wanted to be on Twilight’s good side for some reason. With no actual work needing to be done, Twilight instead focused on packing her saddlebags and planning for the quickly approaching festivities.

Twilight wouldn’t need much for tonight. Just a couple books for reference, some note paper, a bundle of quills, and a jar of ink. Maybe more than one color of ink in case she wanted to add some cross references or personal thoughts to her notes. Actually, she would probably need more paper than this, but that would require more space that she could only get by leaving one of her books behind. Twilight sighed in frustration as she dumped out her bags and tried again. It was after her third attempt at optimizing her bag space that there was a knock on the library’s front door.

Being interrupted was a blessing: it meant that Twilight could finally start enjoying the evening instead of trying to over pack her bags. Twilight levitated her saddlebags onto her back and headed downstairs. She opened her front door and was greeted by Applejack and Fluttershy’s smiling faces. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were standing in between her friends, also smiling but in a ‘please hurry up so we aren’t late’ way.

“Oh,” Twilight said, slightly confused. “Aren’t the others with you?”

“We didn’t see Rarity or Pinkie on our way over,” Fluttershy said. “We were, um, hoping they would already be here.”

“Well, it’s only me. Spike vanished this morning along with his ticket.”

“Oh, I hope he’s alright.”

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Applejack said. “If he took his ticket, then he musta been plannin’ on being gone the whole day. I’d be more worried about Pinkie Pie. With how excited she’s been this past week, I’m findin’ it hard to believe she wasn’t the first of us here.”

“That’s true,” Twilight said. “We’ll just have to go check on them ourselves.”

~~~

Carousel Boutique was in a state of disarray when Twilight and the others arrived. Clothing and accessories flew across the room—only some of them by magic. A bored looking Sweetie Belle sat against a wall, trying not to touch anything.

“Perhaps the green one?” Rarity asked herself as a green dress levitated between her and a mirror. “Ugh, no. Green definitely isn’t my color. Maybe red?”

Sweetie Belle took notice of the newcomers and rushed over. “Guys, help!” she said. “She’s been at this for hours.”

Rarity turned around and looked at her friends. Her face lit up, and she rushed over. “More opinions, just what I needed. What do you think, Fluttershy?” Rarity said as she levitated several items of clothing before a startled Fluttershy. “Should I go with this red shawl? Or perhaps this blue dress? It’s a little bit simple, but I think it gives me that regal-yet-modest look.”

“Um... they both look nice,” Fluttershy said.

Rarity stared at her friend as a look of realization came over her face. “You’re right,” she said after a while. “Whatever was I thinking? An event as large as this needs something more than ‘nice.’ Thank you, darling. That’s two outfits I can put aside. Only twelve more to decide from.”

“Oh for land’s sake, Rarity,” Applejack said. “It’s just a sportin’ event. No need to get all gussied up for it.”

Rarity chuckled. “Oh, Applejack. There’s no such thing as just a sporting event. Ponies from all over Equestria will be there. I have to look my very best if I’m to attract more clients.”

Applejack closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead with a hoof. She then looked around the room. “There,” she said, pointing to a dress. “Wear that one.”

Rarity looked at the dress being pointed to and then back at Applejack. She raised an eyebrow. “You want me to wear the unfinished dress on my dress form that’s only being held together with pins?”

“Wha? No, but... aw, it looks fine enough to me...”

Twilight laughed and stepped forward. “You may not want to wear a dress tonight, Rarity. We are in the front row, after all, and there have been times when a baker has gotten carried away and ended up splashing the audience.”

Rarity stared at Twilight in horror. “Splashing?” she said weakly as she ran a hoof along her mane. “Well, then... perhaps a hat? Yes. A nice wide brim hat would do lovely, and I know just the thing.”

Rarity disappeared into her closet and came out wearing a wide-brimmed black hat with a band of diamonds and a long blue feather. “Well? What do you think?”

“It looks lovely,” Fluttershy said.

“Yes, absolutely stunning,” Twilight agreed.

“It’s gorgeous,” Applejack said with a sigh.

“Can we please go now?” Scootaloo asked. “If we don’t hurry, we won’t have enough time to wish Rainbow Dash good luck before the start!”

“We have plenty of time still,” Twilight said, “but you’re right. We should hurry and get Pinkie.”

“Just let me pack a few accessories and we shall be on our way,” Rarity said as she walked back into her closet.

~~~

“I’ll go get her,” Applejack said as the group arrived at Sugarcube Corner. She walked inside the confectionery while the others stopped and continued chatting.

Apple Bloom looked at the sign outside the front door advertising today’s sales and then rushed after her sister. “Hey, Sis!” she called out as she went through the door.

Scootaloo started telling Sweetie Belle all the amazing things Rainbow Dash could do while baking, despite her never having actually witnessed any of it. Twilight checked the setting sun. It was about an hour until sundown and the start of the WBEs. Still plenty of time to get there, speak with Rainbow and find their seats before the start. Twilight was getting excited. She had heard of the WBEs before but never actually found time to see one. Having a friend competing was an excellent motivator for getting out and having some social activity in her life. Of course, Twilight had spent the week leading up to this event learning all she could about the WBEs, their foundation, and history. She couldn’t wait to share what she had learned. It was then that Twilight noticed something odd.

“What are you looking at, Twilight?” Fluttershy asked.

“Look up at the roof of Sugarcube Corner, just to the right of Pinkie’s bedroom window. Is that what I think it is?”

Fluttershy looked up along with the other ponies.

“Are those... teeth marks?” Rarity asked.

“Oh my, it looks like somepony actually went and did it,” Fluttershy said.

“I guess it really isn’t real gingerbread.”

The others looked at Rarity.

“What?” Rarity said, taking a step back. “Don’t tell me I was the only one wondering if it was true. Pinkie practically had the whole town asking.”

“I guess that settles it then,” Twilight said. “Sugarcube Corner’s roof is just made of wood. It must have been a Pegasus that did it, judging by how high the marks are.”

The ponies were silently thinking about who it could have been that had tried to take a bite out of Sugarcube Corner’s roof, when Applejack and a pouty-looking Apple Bloom came out of the store.

“Please, Sis?” Apple Bloom begged. “Just one?”

“I said, ‘No,’ Apple Bloom. If you’re hungry, I got plenty of apples in my bags. I even have some caramel apples for later if you behave.” Applejack turned to her friends. “Looks like Pinkie ain’t here either. Mr. Cake says she took her ticket and disappeared early this mornin’.”

“How odd,” Twilight said. “Spike did the same thing. Do you think they’re together?”

“That’s probably the case,” Rarity said. “Knowing Pinkie, she’s already got our booth done up with balloons and streamers and punch... Actually, some punch does sound rather nice. Shall we be going?”

Applejack turned to her sister. “Come on, Crusaders, be sure to—”

The Cutie Mark Crusaders were all staring at Applejack with a determined look on their faces. “Ready girls?” Apple Bloom asked. “Just like we rehearsed.”

The three Crusaders sucked in a deep breath and yelled, “Cutie Mark Crusader cutie faces are go!”

The Crusaders dropped on to their haunches then stared up at Applejack with big misty eyes and quivering lips. Applejack hoofed her forehead. “Fine. One piece of taffy each, but that’s it.”

~~~

“Golly, would you look at that?” Applejack said as she stared at the stadium in the fields north of Ponyville. “I knew it would be big, but this is just ridiculous. Everypony in Ponyville could fit inside ten times over and still have room to spare.”

“Oh, yes,” Twilight said. “It seats eight-thousand-four-hundred-and-sixteen ponies to be exact. They even expanded it recently. The whole thing is modular, and once the contest is over, it will be broken down and shrunk with magic to make its transportation easier. I really hope I can speak with someone official tonight and find out what method they use. Although, there are some theories that the repeated growing and shrinking can cause warped space and other oddities to appear, but even if the theories held up, those would be extremely unlikely occurrences.”

The Crusaders looked at Twilight as they walked towards the stadium. If somepony didn’t say something fast, Twilight would pull out a book, and then there would be no stopping her.

“Twilight?” Scootaloo asked. “You’re not planning on giving us history lessons all night, are you?”

“Well, I wasn’t planning on it, but I can if you’d like.”

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle glared at Scootaloo.

“N-no,” Scootaloo said, suddenly realizing her mistake. “I don’t—”

“I did bring this with me after all,” Twilight said as she levitated a book from her saddlebags and held it in front of Scootaloo. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle sighed.

Scootaloo scrunched up her face as she read the book’s title out loud. “The Complete History of the Worst Baker in Equestria Festival?”

“First edition! I specially requested it from the Canterlot Royal Library.”

“I thought this was called the Worst Baker in Equestria Competition,” Rarity said.

“It is. Now, at least. When it was first founded nearly forty years ago, it was a festival celebrating all things bad baking related. Eventually, contests started and it soon grew into a competition. And from there? Well, the rest is history as they say.”

“Can we please talk about something else?” Scootaloo said in an attempt to stop Twilight’s lecture. “Like maybe how we’re supposed to have enough time to wish Rainbow Dash good luck with that huge line?”

The group looked at the long line stretching from the stadium. Even with several ticket checkers working, it would likely be close to the opening ceremonies once they got inside.

“Don’t worry,” Fluttershy said. “Rainbow Dash got us VIP tickets.”

“And as VIPs we get to use the staff entrance,” Rarity said, then suddenly stopped walking. “Oh, my. I hadn’t even thought of that.”

Rarity lifted her hat from her head and, with a spell, folded it neatly. She placed the small cube of a hat into her bags and pulled out a gem studded tiara which she set upon her head. “There we go. A look befitting a very important pony. I really hope I remembered to pack the parasol that goes with this.”

~~~

The unicorn stallion checking tickets smiled as Twilight and her friends approached. He stood next to a break in the rope line that marked off the stadium’s ground. A strange metallic door frame with a red jewel embedded in the top was next to him. “Good evening, ladies,” he said. “May I see your tickets, please?”

“Of course,” Twilight said as she levitated all of their tickets in front of the stallion.

The ticket checker looked over the tickets and began punching holes in them. “To have such fine seats, you ladies must be friends of the champion herself.”

“We’re more than just friends!” Scootaloo yelled. “We’re her number one fans! Without us cheering for her, she’d... well... she would still be awesome. But with us there, she’ll be even more awesome!”

The ticket checker chuckled as he passed the tickets back to Twilight, who distributed them to their owners.

“Everything is in order,” the ticket checker said. “You may enter one at a time through this gate, please. You will find your seats through gate A. Go all the way to the end, and it will be booth number two on the left. Your tickets will also let you into the contestant waiting area if you would like to wish your friend good luck. You will see the signs guiding you once you get inside.”

Twilight thanked the stallion and passed through the gate, followed by her friends one at a time. When it was Applejack’s turn to walk through the metal door frame, the red jewel on top began to flash and hum.

“Oh,” the ticket checker said. “I’m sorry ma’am, but it appears you have set off the food detector.”

“The what now?” Applejack asked.

“The food detector. I’m afraid that no outside food is allowed pass this gate. There was a contestant caught cheating several years ago. Do you have any food in your saddlebags?”

“I have some apples.”

“I’m sorry but you’ll either have to leave them here or consume them now.”

Applejack stared at the food detector. “Now how does that even work? It can detect food in my bags but not in my stomach?”

“It is not my place to understand to inner workings of the food detector,” the ticket checker said matter-o-factly. “Only to trust in its judgment and prevent outside food from getting inside. Now, if you would be so kind...?”

Applejack grumbled as she placed her apples into a plastic bag provided by the ticket checker who then gave her a slip of paper with numbers on it.

“You may retrieve your apples from the food check-in station once the competition has ended. Enjoy the show.” The ticket checker waved goodbye.

~~~

Applejack looked at a stall selling caramel apples for twice what she sold her own for. “I see how it is. No outside food ’cause of cheatin’? Hah. It’s so they can sell their overpriced snacks in here, and nopony can say otherwise. Why, if I’d known there’d be so many ponies here, I woulda found a way to set up my own stand. No gougin’ either. Just good honest prices.”

“It probably costs so much to rent a space that the ponies can’t afford good honest prices,” Rarity said.

Applejack grunted and went back to grumbling under her breath. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were having the time of their lives running between the stalls, looking at all the games and prizes. A reminder that they only had time to see Rainbow Dash or play games, but not both, got them back on track. Something caught Sweetie Belle’s eye, and a smile began to spread across her face.

“Oh, oh!” Sweetie Belle said while hopping up and down in front of Rarity. “They have cotton candy here! Can we please get some, sis? Pleeeease?”

Rarity looked down into the pleading eyes of her sister and couldn’t resist. “Oh, very well,” she said as Sweetie Belle began smiling happily. “I’d actually like some too. Does anypony else want some?”

There was a chorus of ‘No’s from Rarity’s friends. Apple Bloom looked up at her sister but, seeing the sour look on Applejack’s face, wisely decided the keep her mouth shut.

“Blech,” Scootaloo said. “I can’t stand that stuff. It looks like hair on a stick.”

“We shall just be a moment,” Rarity said. “You all go on ahead, and we will catch up later.”

Chapter Seventeen - The Contest - Meanwhile, at the Area of Waiting

Things weren’t going as Rainbow Dash had planned. Tonight was supposed to be her big night. A night to shine as she showed all of Equestria why she was the current champion of the WBEs. Now the mood seemed to be... less than desired. She looked around the waiting area.

It was far too quiet. Nopony seemed to be talking to each other. Well, except for Derpy and Morning Dew. There should have been hushed whispers of other ponies commenting on how awesome Rainbow Dash was. Or ponies from the previous years saying what an honor it was to get a chance to go up against the legendary champion. Instead, it was just boring. Even Royal Blue didn’t seem up for a good-natured insult fight. He just kept looking at his cutie mark and sighing.

There were just too many new ponies here. The only returning competitors besides Rainbow Dash were Royal Blue and Sunny Lights. The former was a worthy rival who had almost beaten her last year. The latter had gotten too nervous and locked up on stage during the first round. All the other ponies were first timers in the top eight. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but it would have been nice to have more ponies she knew.

Rainbow Dash wasn’t going to let this get to her, though. It wouldn’t be long now before she was out on stage. The audience would be cheering as she showed off her amazing moves. She would have to hold back a little, of course. Keep the good stuff for the end.

Trixie was standing by herself. That pony was up to something, but Rainbow Dash couldn’t tell what. Trixie had somehow been placed in the top eight without having to go through the preliminaries. That was practically unheard of. Even Rainbow Dash had to do the preliminarily testing the two years before she became champion.

Trixie seemed to be doing everything in her power to annoy Rainbow Dash. Like right now she was standing in the middle of the room and doing nothing. Not just lazily hanging around while waiting for the competition. She was doing absolutely nothing. She wasn’t even blinking. It was like she was locked in a life-or-death staring contest with an opponent only she could see. Rainbow Dash sighed and turned away. She wasn’t going to let Trixie ruin tonight either.

“Rainbow Dash!”

Rainbow Dash turned to see who was calling her and nearly fell over when an orange blur collided with her.

“Scootaloo? Hey there, kiddo,” Rainbow Dash said as she pushed down the fanfilly and gave her a playful noogie.

“It’s so great to finally see you!” Scootaloo said. “You’re going to do amazing tonight. Look for me in the stands. I’ll be the one cheering the loudest!”

“Aw, thanks, squirt. Glad to finally have somepony here appreciating my talent,” Rainbow Dash said, then noticed the rest of her friends approaching. “There you are! I was wondering if you were going to make it in time.”

“Sorry, we took a bit longer getting together than originally planned,” Twilight said. “Rarity is getting some cotton candy with Sweetie Belle and should be here soon. Spike and Pinkie took their tickets and vanished this morning, though. Did they show up here?”

“You haven’t seen them yet? Yeah, they were—” Rainbow Dash quickly clicked her jaw shut. “Actually, I shouldn’t say anything. I don’t want to ruin their surprise. They are here, though. I saw them running around all excited during the midday break. I’m really glad that all of you are here.”

“Feeling nervous like in Cloudsdale?”

“No way! I was only nervous then because the Wonderbolts were there. Tonight is going to be a piece of cake, and I’ll be flying away with my third trophy. I’m just glad to have someone to talk to. It’s been crazy today. It all started when Trixie showed up.”

“Trixie is here?”

“Yeah. She’s been so annoying.”

Twilight looked past Rainbow Dash at the unmoving magician. “She doesn’t seem to be doing anything at all.”

“I know, and yet she’s still driving me crazy!”

“I’m glad she happens to be here, though. I’ve been trying to get in contact with her for some time. Excuse me, I’ll be right back.”

~~~

Trixie was trying her best to do nothing at all so that her bad luck had fewer chances to strike. She was having pretty good luck with her bad luck so far. Although, the good luck was likely just a front her bad luck was using to lure her into a false sense of security. It had been hours since her bad luck had returned. Soon, it would grow tired of waiting and spring out at her. Trixie had to be ready for it. It could come in any form, from anywhere.

“Trixie! Good to see you again.”

Trixie yelped and curled up into a ball. It was starting. After a few seconds of nothing happening, she risked peeking out at who had spoken. She was right. The bad luck was starting. She nervously got to her hooves. “Hello, um... Twilight, wasn’t it?”

“Yes. I’m glad you remembered me,” Twilight said, smiling.

Twilight seemed to be friendly. Although, the last time Trixie had seen her hadn’t been under the best of circumstances. Trixie worked up her courage. It was time to prove she was over what had happened in Ponyville and was ready to move on.

“Twilight,” Trixie said, then took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for how I treated you and your friends. I let my ego get the better of me.”

“Oh! Don’t worry about it. I’m sure the others have gotten over it. Actually, once we found the ruins of your trailer, I think we realized we had treated you unfairly too. Well... except for Rainbow Dash. She was really worked up for some reason. Anyway, there wasn’t much left in your trailer that was salvageable, but we did find your hat and cape. Although, it looks like you replaced them already?”

“This?” Trixie said, gesturing to her hat. “It’s a poor replacement. The materials are nowhere near as durable. I’m surprised it hasn’t fallen apart yet.”

“We should meet up after the competition. Maybe in town square? I can get your things back for you then.”

“Thank you. I would like that.” Trixie smiled. This had gone easier than expected, and she would be getting her outfit back. It seemed this meeting wasn’t bad luck after all.

“You seem a bit nervous. Can I get you some punch?”

Trixie froze. Here it came. “N-no, that’s quite alright. I’m fine.”

“Nonsense. You’re here all by yourself instead of with the other contestants. And you practically fainted when I greeted you.” Twilight levitated a cup full of punch from a table and brought it in front of Trixie. “I always find a nice cool drink a great way to settle the nerves.”

Trixie looked at the cup of punch. Twilight was just being polite. It would be rude to refuse now and may even come off as Trixie not being sincere about her apology. At the same time, Trixie couldn’t just not use her magic and instead bite onto the cup. It would be suspicious. There was only one thing to do. Trixie used her magic to take hold of the cup. The cup instantly shattered and spilled the punch on the tiled floor.

“Oh my!” Twilight said. “Trixie, I’m so sorry. I—”

“Not your fault,” Trixie said, as she backed away from the ever-spreading punch spill. “Like you said, I’m just feeling a bit nervous. I’ll get some punch on my own. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me.”

“Okay then. See you after the competition.” Twilight waved and walked back towards her friends.

Trixie waved weakly and then went back to stepping away from the punch. This was a fall waiting to happen.

~~~

“Are you alright?” Derpy asked Luna.

Luna peaked over Derpy, then quickly ducked as Twilight walked past. “Hmm?” she said, noticing Derpy had raised an eyebrow at her. “Oh, yes. Why do you ask?”

“Well, it looks like you’re using me as a shield, but I don’t see anything dangerous I’d need to protect you from. Just Miss Dash and her friends. We should go talk to them. They’re nice ponies.”

“No! I mean, not right now. I’m still a little nervous talking to the bearers of the Elements of Harmony. I’ll speak with them after the competition though.”

“The Elements of Harmony?” Derpy said, then gasped. “Are they a league of super heroes?”

Luna really wished she could keep her big mouth shut today. The worst part was they kind of were.

~~~

Rainbow Dash watched Twilight return. “So, have a nice chat with that show pony?”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Come on, Rainbow. Don’t be so hard on her. She seemed like she really wanted to put what happened behind her.”

“If she wanted to do that, then she shouldn’t have come here.”

Twilight sighed, shook her head, and then looked between her friends. “Rarity isn’t here yet? The line for cotton candy didn’t look that long.”

“Oh!” Rainbow Dash said. “If she has food on her, then she won’t be able to get in. There’s a food detector on the door here. Come on. Let’s go see if she’s outside the room.”

Applejack grumbled again as she followed. “Another one of those things? I don’t see why they’re needed. It’d be pretty obvious is somepony was carryin’ outside food onto the field.”

“Yeah, they’re totally a scam,” Rainbow Dash admitted. “Sweet was really upset when they were added.”

“Who’s this Sweet?”

“Sweet Soufflé. She’s the president of the WBEs and the former champion. She’s super cool. I’ll have to introduce you to her. I’m not sure where she’s gone off to, but she should be in here during the halftime show. You should come meet her. I’d be way better than watching the lame band they’ll have performing.”

Rainbow Dash reached the double doors leading out to the hallway and saw Rarity standing there. However, the group of ponies’ attention was drawn to the ball of cotton candy standing next to the annoyed-looking Rarity. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo approached the cotton candy.

“Sweetie Belle?” the two Crusaders asked in union.

The cotton candy ball hung her head in shame. “I fell into the cotton candy machine.”

“I have no idea how she managed it,” Rarity said. “The worst part is I was charged double for her. You’re right, Applejack. The prices here are obscene.”

“I just wanted to see how it worked,” Sweetie Belle said. The cotton candy vibrated as Sweetie Belle ate the candy around her head. “It still tastes good, though.”

The two fillies giggled at their happily-eating friend.

“Come on, girls. We should go find our seats,” Twilight said.

“Good luck, Rainbow Dash! You’re going to do awesome!” Scootaloo yelled. The rest of her friends also wished Rainbow Dash good luck before leaving.

Rainbow Dash was feeling much better now. Who cares if the competitors weren’t very lively this year? She still had her best friends cheering for her, and she was going to show them why she was the champion. Nopony was going to bring Rainbow Dash down. Not even that show pony, Trixie.

Trixie slowly moved away from the punch spill that was snaking its way towards her. She was running out of room, though, and soon backed into a recliner. The recliner lurched and expanded, launching her into the air. Trixie landed in the punch bowl, causing it to slide off the table. The punch bowl zipped around the room, bouncing off things like a pinball, while Trixie cried out in terror. It was amazing luck that Trixie narrowly avoided crashing into anypony. Finally, the punch bowl came to a stop near Rainbow Dash. Trixie woozily tried to stand up but ended up slipping. Rainbow Dash sighed. It was like Trixie knew exactly what to do to annoy her.

Chapter Eighteen - The Contest - Opening Ceremonies for Our Bad Baking Ponies

The audience was loud from within the stadium’s interior, but once Twilight was in the open air, it was a force that threatened to overtake her senses. Banners and flags were being waved around, most with the WBE logo but some also featured Rainbow Dash and what must have been the other competitors. The smell of food was intense as many ponies ate, even with the hiked up prices within. More proof that keeping outside food off the field was a laughable premise. The noise was the most defining feature of the audience. Talking, laughing, cheering. It all blended together into what could only be described as one thing: the sounds of a sporting event.

Twilight looked ahead at the short gate that the competitors would soon walk out from and onto the field. The twin stages seemed so far away. Both stages were slightly elevated for better viewing and contained an ingredient rack, a line of countertop, and a fast-baking oven. Those ovens were an amazing bit of magic, even if they tended to burn out after a few uses. Just standing on one of those stages and feeling all those eyes upon you; it would be a feat in itself to not be so nervous that you locked up and fainted. Twilight shook her head to clear her senses. Rainbow Dash was going to have her work cut out for her.

To the left and right of the gate was a walkway that stretched around the stadium with a railing in place to keep the audience separate from the field. Booth number two was the first booth on the left. It was more than large enough to seat the seven ponies.

“Oh, my. These seats certainly are comfortable,” Rarity said as she sat down on the cushion that ran the length of the booth. The other ponies agreed as they sat down too. “So much better than those hard things the rest of the audience is sitting on. I really must thank Rainbow Dash for the ticket again. Aren’t you going to sit down, Sweetie?”

“In a second,” Sweetie Belle said, her voice muffled as she chewed furiously. “I’m almost done with the cotton candy, but I ran into a tough part.”

“Uh, Sweetie Belle?” Apple Bloom said. “You’re trying to eat your tail.”

Sweetie Belle stopped chewing and looked at the pink and purple ‘cotton candy’ that was attached to her. “Oh,” she said and dropped her tail. “I guess I’m done then.” Sweetie Belle took a spot next to her giggling friends.

Twilight smiled as she relaxed. Her bags were in front of her for easy access. She removed the contents within and sorted them. Tonight would be a night to remember. It would certainly make an interesting letter to the Princess. Pinkie and Spike were still nowhere to be seen, but if they really were planning a surprise, they would have to make an appearance soon.

“This is so exciting. This is my first time attending the WBEs,” Twilight said.

“Same for me,” Applejack said. “I’ve always wanted to go, but I never had the time to travel.”

Rarity nodded in agreement. “I know what you mean. We’re lucky the competition is in Ponyville this year.”

“I saw Rainbow Dash at the competition three years ago under Cloudsdale,” Fluttershy said.

“Oh? What happened?” Twilight asked.

“Um... everypony there was so untalented. It was really fun to watch. Rainbow Dash made a pie that smelled so bad that nopony could get close enough to taste it without passing out. Sweet Soufflé was still the champion then. She, well... she made a cake, and...”

Twilight waited a few seconds. “And?”

Fluttershy lowered her head and quietly said, “...it... it was horrifying. I feel so sorry for the pony that tasted it. She was in a coma for over a month. The doctors said it would be a miracle if she could ever taste again.”

The other ponies stared in shock at Fluttershy.

“Hold on now,” Applejack said. “They have taste testers for this thing? Is that really such a good idea?”

Twilight looked to Applejack. “How else are we supposed to know if what they bake is inedible? The taste testers’ reactions are often part of the show itself, and it’s not like they have to swallow the food. Besides, I hear the pay is extremely generous, and they get free medical and dental.”

Applejack just shook her head. “I don’t think you could pay me enough to taste a cake that would put me in a coma.”

“Well, anything Madam Soufflé makes is kind of a special case seeing as bad baking is her special talent.” Twilight took out her history book and opened it. The Cutie Mark Crusaders groaned.

“Madam Sweet Soufflé of the Soufflé family,” Twilight read. “Born to a long line of famous bakers, it was always assumed that Sweet Soufflé would grow up to take after her family’s tradition. However, it soon became apparent that she had no talent at baking whatsoever. She was afflicted by the ‘Bad Baking Phenomenon’ that had started occurring a few years prior. This did not deter her parents, though. Many magical and herbal remedies were sought, but none could stop the bad luck that happened when Sweet baked.

“One day, after creating blueberry muffins that were capable of staining a pony’s tongue blue by just being in their proximity, Sweet Soufflé discovered her special talent was being bad at baking, earning her a cutie mark of a chipped measuring cup. She has since embraced the art of bad baking and went on to found the Worst Bakers in Equestria Festival.” Twilight lowered her book. “It’s thanks to Sweet’s positive spin on being a bad baker that the Worst Baker in Equestria Competition even came to be.”

Apple Bloom’s face lit up. “You can do that? You can get your cutie mark by being bad at somethin’?”

“Well, ya see...” Applejack said. She looked around, trying to find the words that would stop what could only be described as a disaster waiting to happen. “That is to say... uh...” Applejack looked toward Twilight for help.

“It must be possible, seeing as how Sweet did it. Although I imagine it is incredibly rare. I can’t think of any other cases where a pony got a cutie mark that way,” Twilight said.

“Wow!” Sweetie Belle said. “We’re already bad at so many things!”

“Oh! I know,” Scootaloo said. “We could be terrible bakers just like Rainbow Dash!”

“Cutie Mark Crusaders, worst bakers in Equestria, yay!” the crusaders yelled while slapping their hooves together.

Applejack and Rarity's faces cringed as they thought of the fate of their kitchens over the coming days.

“Um, Twilight?” Fluttershy said, “I know booth two is for us, but I was wondering. Who is booth one for?

“That one is specially reserved in case Princess Celestia shows up. Princess Luna too, now that she has returned.”

“Oh. Um... then who is that pony sitting there?”

Twilight looked at booth one on the right side of the hallway that they had emerged from. Sure enough, a white unicorn mare with a long pink mane was sitting there. “I’m... not sure who that is. She looks familiar though.”

“I’ll find out,” Apple Bloom said as she got up and walked out of their booth.

“Apple Bloom,” Applejack said, but her sister was choosing to ignore her. “Pardon me, girls. I better make sure she doesn’t be rude to that pony.”

Twilight smiled as Applejack followed Apple Bloom to confront the strangely familiar pony.

“Attention, everypony!” a female voice announced from the stadium’s speaker system.“The opening ceremonies will begin in fifteen minutes. Please be sure to find your seats. For those of you already sitting, your seat is underneath you!”

“Wouldn’t that mean they’ve already found their seat?”a young, male voice asked.

“Oh, yeah! Good job, everypony. You’re champion seat finders.”

Twilight listened as the speaker system clicked off. The audience seemed a bit quieter now that the show would soon be starting. “Did that sound like Pinkie and Spike to anyone else?”

The others nodded. Twilight looked up to the announcer booth rising up from the stands a dozen or so rows behind her. The angle was too steep for her to see anypony inside.

“I better go check on this,” Twilight said as she got up.

~~~

Spike clicked off his microphone, looked out at the audience, and smiled. This was amazing. In less than a year, he had gone from announcing a makeshift competition for his friends to the real deal. He was going to enjoy tonight immensely. Pinkie also seemed to be enjoying herself. Or rather, she seemed to be enjoying the swivel chairs the announcing booth had. Spike watched Pinkie spin until she fell out of her chair and started giggling. Sometimes Pinkie could be a bit much, but she added that crazy randomness that was missing from his own announcing style. Together, they made the perfect team.

Spike looked down again at where Twilight and the others were sitting and noticed Twilight was missing. A quick glance at the stairs confirmed Spike’s suspicions.

“Pinkie! She’s coming. Hurry and get back in your chair,” Spike said to the woozy and giggling pony.

Pinkie obeyed and they both turned the chair’s backs to the door. Soon, there was a knock.

“Hello?” Twilight’s voice said. “Is anypony there?”

The chairs spun around slowly until they stopped with Spike and Pinkie facing Twilight. “Surprise!” they both shouted.

Twilight’s mouth hung open. Spike laughed and turned toward Pinkie. “Oh, man,” Spike said. “Did you see the look on her face?”

“How could I not? It’s still there!”

Spike and Pinkie continued to laugh, and Twilight shut her mouth. Twilight looked back and forth between them. The reality of the situation sinking in. “You two are the announcers?”

“Was there ever any doubt,” Spike said as he attempted to look professional. “I told you we would get the job.”

“Yes, but I didn’t think you were being serious. How did this happen?”

“Well... that’s kind of a funny story,” Spike said.

“I’m still laughing about it,” Pinkie said.

“There were these two ponies named Regal Din and Snuggle Cakes that were claiming to be the announcers. We spoke with Sweet a little while ago—she’s the president of the WBEs but you probably already knew that. Anyway, Sweet told us that Regal and Snuggle were originally asked to be the announcers, but thanks to Rainbow Dash, our names were put forth as replacements. I’m sure getting us to replace some official announcers took some convincing—”

“—and a lot of begging and pleading—”

“—but in the end, the announcing gig was passed on to Ponyville’s amazing announcing duo, us!” Spike proudly stood up on his chair.

Pinkie continued the story. “Then there was a mix-up in the paperwork and nopony ever told the previous announcers that they were fired. That’s why I hate paperwork and keep all my important information in my head!”

“Uh... yeah... Anyway, long story short, that’s how we became the announcers.”

“We sent someone to untie Regal.”

“Untie?” Twilight said, raising an eyebrow at Spike.

“Yes... well... when Princess Luna came and took away one of the announcers for being a kidnapping dark magician bent on the overthrowing of Equestria, we kind of thought she was helping us stop the impostors. So we tied up Regal and left him at a party.” Spike grinned nervously and forced a short laugh.

Twilight looked at Spike then rolled her eyes. “Well it seems you two know what you’re doing. I’m sure you’ll do a great job. Now, I had better—”

“Hot dogs!” a voice bellowed. “Get your hot dogs here! Made from delicious tofu. Please try one before telling me how disgusting they look. Hot dogs!”

Pinkie’s face brightened up as she rushed towards the end of the booth and hung over the side. “Hey! Mr. Hot Dog Seller. Up here!”

Twilight stepped out of the way as an earth pony with a large case of steaming hot dogs around his neck stepped up to the announcer booth. “What’ll it be, miss?”

Pinkie tapped her chin with her hoof as she looked into the air. “I’ll haaaave... one hot dog with ketchup, relish, onions, hot fudge, nuts, whipped cream, and a cherry on top. Oh! And chocolate sprinkles.”

Twilight stared at her friend in disgust. “Are you ordering a hot dog or a sundae?”

“Sorry, miss,” the hot dog vendor said. “We’re all out of chocolate sprinkles. Is tutti-frutti okay?

“Yeah, that sounds even better.”

Twilight watched in horror as the hot dog vendor made Pinkie’s order exactly as she had wanted. After Pinkie paid, the vendor turned toward Twilight. “And how about you, miss? Would you like a delicious tofu hot dog?”

Twilight swallowed hard. “Actually, I, uh... I should probably be getting back to my seat. Bye, you two. Good luck.”

Spike watched Twilight make her escape. He looked at the hot dog that Pinkie was noisily eating then at the hot dog vendor. “I’ll have what she’s having.”

~~~

“You’re not going to believe this,” Twilight said as she sat back down in her seat. “Spike and Pinkie Pie really are the announcers.”

Applejack chuckled. “I can do you one better, Twilight,” she said, then leaned in closer to whisper. “That pony over in booth one is Princess Celestia in disguise.”

“What?” Twilight said, loud enough that some of the audience around her glanced her way. Twilight grinned sheepishly, and when the audience stopped looking, she stood up. “I need to speak with her. If she’s here, I should—”

“Twilight Sparkle, don’t you dare,” Rarity said. “She is here to enjoy the competition, not have ponies flaunting after her all night. That’s why she’s in disguise after all. Let her enjoy herself.”

“But, I...” Twilight hung her head then sat back down. “Fine, but once this is over, I’m going to speak with her.”

Twilight looked over at the disguised princess, who was smiling at her. Twilight smiled back. Tonight was just one surprise after another.

Lights turned on, brightly illuminating the center field. Music could be heard as a marching band began to come onto the field.

“Fillies and Gentlecolts!”Spike’s voice said from the speakers. “This is Spike, Equestria’s number one baby dragon announcer.”

“You’re also the only baby dragon announcer.” Pinkie giggled.

“And that just makes it true.”

“Hello, everypony! This is Pinkie Pie, joining Spike to bring you all of tonight’s announcing, along with all the blow by blow, step by step, word by word, piece by piece, sea by shining sea—”

“Pinkie...”

“We’ll be providing the commentary too.”

“It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for!”

“It’s the opening ceremonies for our bad baking ponies!”

The audience roared as groups of ponies began to take the field. Apple Bloom and the other Crusaders stood up to get a better view. Applejack chuckled as she removed her hat. “Come on, Apple Bloom. Let’s get you the best seat in the house.”

Applejack leaned forward, and a smiling Apple Bloom climbed up onto her sister’s shoulders. Sweetie Belle looked up at her sister.

“Oh, all right,” Rarity said as she leaned forwards. “Just do be careful of my tiara—ah! Sweetie! You’re all sticky! Are you sure you got all the cotton candy off? Wait! Don’t!”

Sweetie Belle was sideways on Rarity’s shoulders as she struggled to move.

Rarity sighed. “You’re stuck to me, aren’t you?”

“Sorry, sis.”

“Not a problem. We’ll just have to go find somewhere to clean up.” Rarity got up and started walking towards the aisle.

“But if we leave now we’ll miss the start of the competition,” Sweetie Belle said sadly.

Rarity gave a longer sigh, then sat back down. “I suppose we’ll just have to wait for the halftime show. It won’t be so bad... sitting here... feeling the sugar slowly solidifying into my mane.”

Scootaloo looked up at her two friends then back out onto the field.

“Scootaloo,” Fluttershy said. “If you want, you can sit on my—ah!”

Scootaloo was already on top of Fluttershy’s shoulders. “There’s Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo yelled as she climbed on top of Fluttershy’s head and started waving. “Rainbow Dash! You rock!”

“Oh dear,” Fluttershy said as Scootaloo’s hooves stepped on her.

Rainbow Dash and seven other competitors stood in a line on one of the stages. In front of the competitors was a unicorn in a red dress. Five more ponies walked past the stages to a booth set up halfway between the field’s center and the audience. Around the outside of the field stood eight unicorns. Their horns began to glow and magic started to take form in the air in the center of the stadium. The magic changed into a transparent mirror image of the stage with all the competitors. The image zoomed in on the unicorn in the dress. The marching band’s music came to a crescendo then stopped.

“Welcome, everypony!” the unicorn said.

Twilight marveled at the magic. Not only was it providing an easier view of the stage, but it also served as a sound amplification system.

“My name is Sweet Soufflé. Many of you may know me as the president of the WBEs. I wish to take this opportunity to thank each of you for your continual support. I hope all of you will enjoy this year’s show and the display of talent from each of our bakers. I’ll now turn things over to our judges and lively announcers.”

The audience cheered as Sweet Soufflé stepped off the stage and began to exit the field.

Spike’s voice came from the speakers. “You heard her. It’s time for our lively introductions of this year’s competitors. Let’s start off with a pony that needs no introduction.”

“But we’ll give her one anyways!” Pinkie’s voice said.

“The Worst Baker in Equestria two-time champion. Ponyville’s very own weathermare extraordinaire, Rainbow Dash!”

Rainbow Dash stepped forward and stood proudly before the cheering fans.

“But Rainbow Dash isn’t the only Ponyvillian here tonight,” Pinkie said. “Neither rain nor snow nor dark of night will keep this mailmare from terrorizing your taste-buds. Ponyville’s premiere postal pony, Derpy!”

Derpy stepped forward and waved to the audience.

“But it wouldn’t be fun if it were only Ponyville competing,” Spike said, taking his turn at introducing. “That’s why we have a stallion hailing from Equestria’s capital. Producer of Canterlot’s most popular brand of ink, Royal Blue!”

Twilight gasped. “Oh my gosh. Royal Blue is here?”

“Who?” Applejack asked.

Twilight levitated out a jar of ink and showed it to Applejack.

“Blue ink number three. A product of Royal Blue INKorporated,” Applejack read.

“All the way from Hoofington,” Pinkie said. “She’s the maker of some of the most amazing fireworks. Let’s give a big pow, boom, and ker-splosion to Sunny Lights!”

“A cool breeze on a summer day. Blowing in from Cloudsdale’s Wind Works. Give it up for Fair Breeze!”

“You’ve heard of Bridleton’s peaceful parks copiously comprised of terrific trees. Now give your regards to the ranger that’s no stranger to danger, Evergreen!”

“‘Stranger to danger?’ What are you talking about, Pinkie?”

“Sorry, my rhyming got a little carried away. She really is a park ranger, though!”

“Okay, then. Our next competitor comes from... uh... no location given? Hey, this stat sheet is blank except for her name! Oh, well. Let’s hear it for The Great and Powerful Trixie!”

“And finally, we have a very special guest with us tonight. Also from Canterlot. Our very own Prin—hold on! Ear flop, back shiver, nose itch!”

“Ah! What’s that mean? Is something bad about to happen?”

“No, silly. It means I was about to tell a secret that I didn’t know was supposed to be a secret. I wonder what—oohhhh! Our final competitor is Morning Dew!”

“She’s a special guest?”

“She is if you like coffee!”

“Well... there you have it. This year’s competitors!” Spike said then waited for the cheering to die down. “Alright then, first up to compete is Trixie on stage number one. All other contestants please head to the waiting booth at the edge of the field.”

“You know, Spike. I’m often asked why there are two stages on the field when only one is used at a time.”

“You are?”

“No, but I wish I was. Then I could tell them it’s because it’s quite common for a stage to be made unusable after a contestant is finished. Each stage is exactly the same, so we will keep swapping between the two while a new stage gets flown in to replace the old one.”

“That’s an interesting piece of trivia. The first round is the Speed Round. Our competitors will be timed in how long it takes from their start to placing their baked goods into the oven.”

“For those wondering how much time the competitor has? It’s a seeee-creeeet.”

“That’s right. The competitors must use their own judgment for how long they will perform. Each judge will award up to five points based on how well the baker performed. Up to five more points will be awarded based on how long it took to bake, but those points will be hidden until everypony has had a turn at baking.”

“But what about the taste? Aren’t there any points awarded for that?”

“I’m glad you asked, Pinkie. Since these ponies are some of the worst bakers in Equestria, it should be assumed that anything they make is inedible. If a taste tester is able to taste, swallow, and keep down their food, then they are disqualified.”

“But most taste testers won’t be able to get past the tasting step.”

“Other things that will disqualify our bakers are: leaving the stage, accidentally or otherwise; failing to complete their chosen baked good; failing to provide a sample for taste testing; and using magic. Pegasi may use their wings to fly but only if they remain above the stage and keep their flight extremely short.”

“And how short is extremely short? It’s a seeee-creeeet.”

“Uh, actually it's three seconds.”

“Oh.”

“Anyway, I see the competitors and judges are all sitting in their proper places, so let us begin!”

Chapter Nineteen - The Contest - The Great and Powerful Trixie's Terrible Baking

Trixie was feeling annoyed that the announcers hardly put any emphasis on her title. She was alone on stage as all the other ponies went to their places. The announcers were prattling on about the rules. Bake fast, do something amazing. That was all they needed to say. Trixie wanted to hurry up and bake. She was glad she would be going first. Between the other contestants and the halftime show, her bad luck might have time to recharge.

“Trixie, what will you bake for us?” one of the judges asked once the announcers went silent.

Trixie stepped forward. “I will bake—” she started to say. The floorboards creaked, and her front leg broke through. She stumbled and landed on her face. The audience roared with laughter, but Trixie kept her cool. They wouldn’t be laughing for long. She got up and moved away from the hole. “I will bake bread,” she said.

“An interesting choice,” Spike said. “Most bakers go with the sweet baked goods. Not only that, but bread takes time to rise if it’s to be made properly.”

“I’m sure Trixie has a well-thought-out plan,” Pinkie said. “Otherwise this would be a pretty crazy decision.”

Trixie did not have a well-thought-out plan. Her plan was simple: bake something. The bad luck would take over from there.

One of the unicorn judges levitated a stopwatch. “Miss Trixie, are you ready?”

“Yes.”

“Go!”

Trixie rushed to the shelf full of ingredients and began grabbing the things she would need. She placed them on the countertop and didn’t bother with being orderly. She poured a small amount of water into a cup, added a spoonful of sugar, and then a spoonful of yeast.

A wind blew through the stadium. It only lasted a few seconds, but it was biting cold. A hush fell over the audience. Trixie poured the flour into a bowl. The bowl suddenly lurched violently. Trixie watched as the bowl slowly rocked back and forth until it came to a stop. She measured a cup of milk and added it to the flour. Again, the bowl lurched, moving a few inches down the countertop.

“Whoa. I don’t think I read about any tricks where the bowl moves like that,” Spike said.

“I have! It’s all here in my copy of Bad Bakers Bad Baking Basics: A Reference Guide. Check under ‘M’ for moving bowl,” Pinkie said.

“Now that is a thick book. Who would actually write this much about bad baking ponies? Oh well, let’s see what Trixie does with her moving bowl.”

“Besides stare at it nervously!”

Trixie watched the bowl. The milk wasn’t curdling or smoking. Everything looked the right color. The bowl just kept jumping whenever she added something to it. It was like it was trying to go somewhere. She had a suspicion and decided to test it by adding the next ingredient. Again, the bowl moved. Now, she knew where it was going. She bit onto the cup she had set out at the beginning.

The cup full of water, sugar, and bubbling yeast felt like a great weight in Trixie’s mouth. The bowl wanted it. It demanded it. She began to sweat. This was it. This is what the bad luck was waiting for. She poured in the yeast mixture and dropped the cup.

“It, uh... it appears we’ve gone into the cowering in fear portion of Trixie’s performance,” Spike said.

Trixie slowly opened her eyes and got up to take a peak above the countertop. Nothing had happened. She stood up straight and looked at the bowl. What was she missing? Unless... Trixie bit onto a spoon and began to stir the mixture.

The stirring was hard. It was like the dough didn’t want to move. After a few times around the bowl, the spoon got stuck. Trixie tried to move the spoon but only succeeded in moving the bowl. She let go and stared at her dough in frustration. Then she noticed movement.

The dough was expanding, and the spoon started to wobble. The spoon moved until it touched Trixie’s muzzle, it then reared back and whacked her. Trixie winched in pain and took a step back. The bowl hopped towards her and swung again. Trixie dodged and stared angrily at the dough.

“Oh? Is that how you want to play? Well, let Trixie show you how it’s done,” Trixie said as she glanced around her cooking station. Then she spotted what she needed. Trixie bit onto a spatula and held it at ready. “En garde!”

The dough rose and changed into an arm holding the spoon. The arm swung, and Trixie met the attack. The sounds of metal on metal could be heard as Trixie fenced against her dough. The audience stared on in silence.

“Spike?” Pinkie said. “Shouldn’t we be doing some commenting?”

“I... don’t understand what’s happening.”

Trixie smiled as she attacked. The dough was good, but she was better. Being confined to a bowl limited its movements, and soon Trixie had the upper hoof. The dough swung wildly, hoping to catch her off guard. Trixie responded by ducking and then lunging forward. She struck at the base of the spoon, and with a flick of her neck, she sent it flying into the air.

The spoon clattered to the stage. Trixie set her spatula down on the counter and laughed. “You fought well, but you were hardly a worthy opponent,” she said. “Only an imbecile would challenge me to a... a... spoon spatula... fight thing. No matter. Once again, the Great and Powerful Trixie is triumphant. Now it’s time for some misbehaving dough to go in the oven.”

The dough placed its arm on the counter and pushed itself over the edge. The bowl landed upside down with a splat. Trixie rolled her eyes and began to reach for the bowl but stopped when it started to rise. The dough expanded. More limbs appeared as it grew and grew until it stood five times as tall as Trixie. The creature reached up with a massive arm and removed the bowl from its head. It looked at the bowl for a second before flicking it away and staring down at Trixie with its hollow eyes.

Trixie suddenly wished she had just paid for the stupid herbal bath. Then she would be enjoying a week-long vacation instead of staring up at a giant gorilla-like thing made of dough that she had been taunting only moments before. The dough creature beat its chest while it roared. Trixie took a step back. She could always flee. Surely being disqualified would be better than fighting this... thing.

The creature made a fist and swung down at Trixie. Instincts took over, and Trixie dove out of the way. The stage cracked and splintered where the creature’s fist had impacted. The creature swung again and once more she dodged. Trixie spotted an opening between the creature’s legs and ran for it. The creature bent over and reached for her, its giant hand following her between its legs. The hand snapped shut and grabbed onto Trixie’s tail. She yelped and kept trying to run. The creature refused to let go, and soon, its arm became overextended and it lost its balance.

Into the air the creature’s leg rose as it flipped over onto its back with a crash. Trixie was free. She ran out of the creature’s reach and turned around. She quickly thought up a plan. The creature looked stunned but wouldn’t be for long. Trixie leapt onto the countertop and began to run down its length. She reached down and bit onto her spatula. She turned toward the creature and jumped into the air. The creature looked up at her with its sunken eye sockets. It reached out but was too slow. Trixie angled the spatula down and used the force of her fall to drive it into the creature’s chest.

The creature roared and thrashed about. Trixie was hit by a flailing limb and knocked to the end of the stage opposite the creature. She laid there panting as the creature went through its death throes. Then the creature stopped roaring, stood up, turned towards her, plucked the spatula from its chest, flung it away, and growled at her. Trixie groaned. Of course, it didn’t have anything vital in its chest. It was made from dough.

Trixie rolled over. It was time to flee. She began to crawl off the stage when she spotted something. Something that was just crazy enough to work. She reached for it and bit on to it.

The creature swung its arm, and Trixie rolled out of the way. When its hand impacted the stage, Trixie bit onto the trigger of the fire extinguisher she was holding. The foam sprayed the arm, and the creature roared in pain. It tried to pull away but its arm was stuck, ice beginning to form around it. The creature pulled back hard and, with a cracking sound, was free. It growled at Trixie and then looked at its arm, or rather where its arm had once been. A look of surprise came over the creature as it looked back to the stage and its still frozen arm stuck to it.

Trixie had it where she wanted it. She ran forward, fire extinguisher spraying. The foam was aimed towards the creatures head first. Once blinded, it began to swing and move erratically. A quick spray to one of its feet and the creature fell to its knees. Trixie bit hard and sprayed everywhere. The creature soon stopped moving and making noise but Trixie didn’t stop spraying until the fire extinguisher was empty.

With the fire extinguisher exhausted, Trixie tossed it to the side. The creature was frozen in a layer of ice. She walked up to it, turned, and bucked it as hard as she could. Cracks formed where her hooves impacted and quickly began spreading up the creature. Hundreds of tiny fractures came from the cracks until the weight of the frozen creature could no longer support itself. The creature shattered. The frozen pieces washed over Trixie as she fought to remain upright. When the wave of frozen dough had passed, she looked up.

Where the creature had been was a pedestal. Atop the pedestal were three ponies carved from dough; an earth pony, a unicorn, and a pegasus. They seemed to be frolicking in a field all chasing after one another. Their faces held expressions of pure joy. A thin crack formed up the pedestal, and then it too shattered, destroying the beautiful carvings.

Trixie bit on to the largest chunk of frozen dough near her, opened her oven, tossed the dough inside, and shut the door. “Done,” she announced to the silent stadium.

The sound that was heard next was unique, for it was the first time in Equestria’s history that it had been made. It was the sound of nearly ten thousand ponies, each with their jaws dropped, shutting their mouths nearly simultaneously. The sound that was heard after that was made many more times that night. It was the sound of cheering and a thunderous applause.

“Wowee! That was amazing! That was the most spectacular bad baking I’ve ever seen!” Pinkie said. “I mean. I haven’t seen much bad baking, but come on! How can anypony top that?”

“Er... yes, Pinkie. It truly was amazing. However, Trixie did take a long time subduing her... dough monster. That could cost her some points.”

Trixie’s oven groaned and opened. A tray with a burnt looking oval of bread slid out.

“And we have bread!” Pinkie said. “Or maybe a loaf of toast? An oblong hockey puck?”

“Only one way to find out, Pinkie. Send in the taste tester!”

The audience cheered as a nervous looking pony stepped onto the stage. He looked at Trixie, who had moved the tray with a mouth mitt onto the countertop. He walked up to the burnt loaf of bread and sniffed it. He then attempted to take a bite and winched in pain when his teeth struck the hard surface. He raised a hoof and struck the dough. After a few minutes of hopping around in pain, the taste tester was staring at the bread. He then shrugged and licked the bread. Almost instantly his face scrunched up in displeasure, and he began spitting out the taste.

“Iff’s immedible,” he said, then a look of panic came over him. He started poking his tongue that was hanging limply from his mouth.

“We have a numb tongue! The bread is inedible!” Spike yelled to the approval of the audience.

“Not only that, but unless that pony soon regains feeling in his tongue, we have lost our first taste tester!”

“Let’s see how the judges feel. Looks like a... five, five, five, five... four?”

“It wasn’t a perfect score? Then what is a perfect score?”

“I... don’t want to know. Still, a twenty-four is a very good score. Trixie can only hope that her time score will be equally impressive, but we won’t know that until all the other competitors get their turn.”

“Speaking of other competitors, it’s time for Royal Blue on stage number two! It looks like stage number one needs a nice long vacation.”

Chapter Twenty - The Contest - Probably Nothing Important Was Happening on Stage Anyway

Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth and tried to suppress a growl. There was no way Trixie could have done that on her own. It was impossible. Not even Sweet had been able to pull off anything like that, and she had been the best of the worst. Trixie was cheating. There was no other explanation.

Stage one was being airlifted away by a group of pegasi. Soon, an identical stage would be flown in to replace it. Royal Blue was already on stage two and beginning to make cinnamon rolls. He always liked doing the fancy things and showing off just how bad he could be while still doing technical maneuvers. Now he was a worthy rival. It would definitely be Rainbow Dash and Royal Blue in the finals again this year. Not that cheater Trixie.

Rainbow Dash watched Trixie approach the competitor’s booth. She had that smug look on her face again. Well, it was actually more a look of exhaustion. Was it possible to be smugly exhausted? If it was, that was the look Trixie had.

“Nice moves,” Rainbow Dash said dryly as Trixie sat down.

“Thank you.”

“I was being sarcastic.”

“So was I.”

Rainbow Dash placed her hooves on her forehead and ran them down her face. “I can’t believe—”

“—how annoying I am. Yes, Rainbow Dash. You’ve been telling me this all day. I haven’t forgotten.”

The audience cheered as a cloud of cinnamon erupted from the stage. Rainbow Dash ignored Royal Blue and the commentary from Spike and Pinkie. She instead focused on Trixie.

“How did you do it?”

“Looking for some pointers?”

Rainbow Dash could no longer hold back the growl. “More like trying to find out just how bad you’re cheating.”

“Cheating? Me?” Trixie laughed. “Why, Rainbow Dash. Do you say that to everypony better than you?”

Rainbow Dash grumbled. “Just you wait until it’s my turn. I’ll show you how it’s done.”

Trixie smirked and started watching Royal Blue’s performance. Rainbow Dash glared at Trixie and then noticed something odd. A patch of blue, darker than Trixie’s coat, peeking out from under her hat. Rainbow Dash had seen patches like that before. Realization set in. Trixie was cheating and she now had the proof. All she had to do was wait until halftime and then talk with Sweet.

~~~

Luna watched the competitors on stage. More accurately, Luna watched the competitors’ auras on stage. Trixie’s had been strange. At first, she had no aura. Then it suddenly flared to life, larger than any aura Luna had witnessed yet. However, the aura quickly dwindled and Trixie rode the residual magic into the finish. Trixie didn’t have the natural talent, or the unnatural talent, or... Luna really had to work on classifying these terms. Something was assisting Trixie in touching the bad baking magic and allowing her to use it in short bursts. This whole competition was starting to worry Luna. She didn’t like the idea that there were ponies besides her and her sister who could touch the background magic of the world itself.

The world’s magic was difficult to explain to somepony that couldn’t see it. It was like a field full of gently rolling curves that expanded in every direction imaginable. It was divided into two parts. The foreground magic; that existed within everypony, and the background magic; that made everything work. The foreground magic was simple. Unicorn spells, pegasus sky magic, the earth pony connection to the land. There was more but that covered the basics. The background magic was complex. Every fundamental rule from gravity, to the seasons, and even the ability to move the moon and sun was tied into the background magic. Small changes to the background magic could have huge effects on the physical world. This bad baking magic was not a small change.

Loud cheering caused Luna to lose her concentration. Fireworks were going off in the air. She wondered where they were coming from until she noticed another one launch from stage one. Sunny Lights was there. She was smiling and looking up as, one by one, her biscuits were igniting, launching into the air, and then exploding into multi-colored balls of light.

“A most impressive display,” Spike said.

“I love fireworks! Although, I wonder how Sunny Lights is going to have her biscuits tasted now that they all exploded.”

Sunny Lights’ smile slowly faded as she realized she was about to be disqualified. Fair Breeze was getting ready to compete next. Luna returned to her thoughts.

If the world’s magic was like a field, then the bad baking magic was like a rock placed on the field. It would have started off with no real attachment, but slowly over time, it would become embedded into the field and become a part of it. The bad baking magic had to have been added sometime during the last few decades. It still poked out enough that it was noticeable if you knew where to look. There were few beings powerful enough to make lasting changes to the background magic, and one of them had been absent for the past thousand years. It took time, but Luna began to recognize the two magical essences that made up the rock—er, bad baking magic. She did not like the implications of it.

Luna sighed and went back to watching the auras. All the contestants had large auras. Luna’s original theory that having a large aura meant being a worse baker was likely true. That would explain why Rainbow Dash was the champion. Her aura was huge, easily the largest. That is except for one other pony. Luna looked at Derpy.

Derpy’s aura had changed. It was still slippery and pure, but... the only word Luna could think of to describe it now was ‘violent.’ It was like a swirling chaos of a storm cloud ready to burst. Stranger still, it had also grown tremendously since Luna had last seen it. Derpy had a haunted look on her face.

“Are you alright?” Luna asked.

Derpy shook her head and whispered, “The enemy is angry with me.”

The enemy. That was how Derpy referred to her aura. Seeing it now, Luna could understand why she called it that.

“You don’t have to go out there if you don’t want to,” Luna said. “I could win, and then give you the prize.”

Derpy shook her head again. “I have to be the one to do it. Dinky is counting on me.”

Luna understood. It wasn’t a matter of pride. It was love. The years’ worth of free food wouldn’t mean the same thing if it came from some other pony. Derpy’s turn was fast approaching. Luna worried what would happen to her friend.

Chapter Twenty-One - The Chapter - Baking for Dinky

“Let’s have another round of applause for Evergreen!” Spike said.

“I really liked the part when the bear broke into the stadium and started juggling all the ingredients,” Pinkie said.

“Oh, yes, and I enjoyed the creative solution Evergreen came up with to get them all back. I feel sorry for anypony that wasn’t paying attention and missed that.”

“Next up, we have Derpy! Hi, Derpy! Thanks for delivering all those invitations for me last week.”

Derpy stood on stage and waved at the announcing booth. She was smiling even though she felt nervous.

“What are you going to make for us, Derpy?” the judge asked.

“Muffins!”

Derpy looked around at the audience. There were so many ponies she didn’t know. Rather than focus on that, Derpy looked towards the ponies she did know. Princess Celestia was there in disguise. It was good to know Equestria had super heroes looking over it. Miss Twilight and her friends were there too. They were all nice ponies. Further down in the front row was Derpy’s friend, Carrot Top. She smiled when Derpy looked at her. Peeps, the baby chicken, was bouncing on her friend’s head. Derpy giggled at the young chicken then looked at her daughter.

Dinky was waving and shouting. She was too far away to hear, but Derpy knew what she was saying. Derpy’s smile became genuine. She no longer felt nervous. Even though today wasn’t a Second Sunday, Derpy would be baking for Dinky.

“Miss Derpy,” the judge with the stopwatch said. “Are you ready?”

“Ready.”

“Go!”

Derpy rushed forward. This was it. It was time to fight the enemy and win for Dinky. Derpy grabbed a bowl and other utensils first. Speed was important. With how angry the enemy seemed today, she couldn’t waste time hunting for the tools she would need when things started to go bad.

Derpy went to the ingredient rack next and bit onto a small sack of flour. The bottom of the sack tore open as she lifted it, spilling flour all over the stage. She looked around the ingredient rack. That was the only sack of flour. Using her hooves, she scraped some flour between them and then dumped it into her bowl. It was taking a long time, but Derpy didn’t know what else to do. The flour on the floor eventually got spread too thin for her to continue picking it up. She looked at her bowl. It wasn’t enough flour, but it would have to do.

Derpy opened a carton of eggs and selected one. She rapped it on the side of the bowl. The egg didn’t crack so Derpy hit it harder. After a minute of repeatedly trying to crack open the egg, Derpy spat it into the bowl and glared at it.

“It appears Derpy is having some trouble with her egg,” Spike said.

Derpy raised a hoof and hit the egg. She then tried hitting it again and again.

“A whole lot of trouble,” Spike said. “Are those eggs or rocks?”

“They could be rocky eggs.”

“I have no idea what those are, but Derpy is going to have to come up with something, if she’s going to make it through this round.”

Derpy was beginning to sweat. The enemy wasn’t trying to make her bake bad, it was trying not to let her bake at all. That wasn’t fair. She returned to the egg carton and tried for a different egg. The egg she was reaching for exploded with a bang, sending bits of shell and raw egg everywhere except her bowl. Derpy shook her head to try and get the egg off. She heard another bang and watched as, one by one, each of the eggs exploded.

Derpy frowned but didn’t give up. She wasn’t going to fail. She picked up her bowl and dumped the flour onto the countertop on top of the splattered eggs. She moved the flour around until it eventually stuck to enough of the eggs to begin forming a dough. Derpy smiled at her work. One step ahead of the enemy. That’s where she had to be. She returned the dough to her bowl and walked towards the ingredient rack.

“I... don’t think I’ve ever seen a competitor have this much trouble before,” Spike said.

“Me neither, but tha—oh uh! Pinchy knee! Watch out, Derpy!”

The ingredient rack tilted forward and smashed into the stage. Derpy barely had time to move out of the way. All the spilled ingredients were mixed together, and not in a good way. The milk was running off the stage, and she couldn’t find the butter. Derpy pinched what she hoped was sugar between her hooves and dropped it into her bowl.

Derpy looked up at the audience, at Dinky. Her daughter was watching her but no longer smiling. She looked worried. Dinky shouldn’t be worried. She should be happy. Derpy began grabbing what she could and adding it to her bowl. She would not fail.

Derpy grabbed a wooden spoon and began to stir. The spoon broke in two. She picked out the broken spoon and began stirring by hoof. The bowl shattered. Derpy pulled the dough out of the broken bowl and picked pieces of glass out of the dough. She continued mixing on the countertop. Why was the enemy doing this? Derpy dropped the dough onto the muffin tin. She pushed at it and got it inside the circles the best she could.

With the muffin tin of dough in mouth, Derpy walked towards the oven. She stepped onto a patch of egg and slipped, landing on her stomach. The tray fell from her mouth and began sliding towards the edge of the stage. Derpy pulled herself forward and flapped her wings for extra speed. She bit onto the tray just before it went over the edge, but her forward momentum sent her body flying off the stage. The audience gasped. Derpy flapped her wings fiercely to stop herself. She looked back. One of her hooves was still on the stage. She slowly and carefully flew backwards until she was standing on the stage again. The muffin tray was still level and hadn’t spilled. Derpy carefully approached the oven.

The oven door was stuck. Derpy wrapped her hooves around the handle and pulled as hard as she could. The door began to open slightly, only to shut again when she stopped pulling. Derpy breathed heavily and grabbed on tighter. She pulled with all of her might and flapped her wings. Slowly, the oven opened. Derpy looked down, and when she had the oven door opened enough, she spat the tray inside. The oven door slammed shut.

“D-done,” Derpy said wearily, then twisted the oven timer.

Derpy panted and let her eyes look around the stadium. The audience was cheering and applauding. Dinky was smiling again. Derpy began to smile too. The battle was hard, and she would have to do it two more times tonight, but it would be worth it.

She then heard a hissing sound coming from the oven. She looked that way and gasped.

A thin stream of dough was shooting out of a crack on top of the oven. Derpy quickly placed a hoof over it. Another crack appeared, and more dough began to spray out. The enemy was still trying to stop her. Derpy plugged the second crack with a hoof. More cracks appeared each time she plugged one. Hoof, wing tip, wing tip, tail, hoof, chin. Derpy’s body was stretched around the oven, but she was keeping the dough inside. She would remain like this until the muffins finished cooking. She would not fail.

The oven began to groan. The enemy was trying to scare her. Derpy held on. She would finish.

The oven began to rumble. The enemy wanted Derpy to give up. It wanted to see Dinky unhappy. Derpy wouldn’t allow it.

The oven began to bulge and expand under pressure. Derpy held on, even with her grip becoming harder to maintain. There was nothing the enemy could do to stop her.

The oven felt like it was about to explode. The enemy was angry. It didn’t like Derpy to succeed. She closed her eyes. Dinky was counting on her. She wasn’t afraid of the enemy. She would. Not. Fail.

The oven's timer dinged.

The stadium was quiet. The oven no longer rumbled. Derpy knew something had just gone wrong. She slowly opened one eye then the other. The oven was still in one piece. It wasn’t bulging or misshapen. She removed her body from it. There were no cracks along the surface of the oven. She looked around the stage. The ingredient rack was still standing. There was no mess on the floor or countertop. Nothing was broken.

Derpy looked at the oven timer. It had run out and dinged to let her know the muffins were ready. She looked around at the audience. They were clearly confused by the change of events. Everypony was waiting, though. What was in the oven?

Derpy bit into a mouth mit and opened the oven. She looked inside, and a feeling of dread came over her. Something hadn’t gone wrong. It was worse. Something had gone right. Horribly, horribly right. Derpy bit onto the muffin tray and pulled it out.

“Wow!” Pinkie said. “Those are some amazing looking muffins!”

“Yes, Pinkie, but you have to remember, it’s very easy for a baked bad to look like a baked good. With that in mind, send in the taste tester!”

The taste tester climbed up on stage. He looked at Derpy. Derpy grinned nervously and placed a muffin on a plate. The taste tester took the plate and sat on his haunches. He looked at the muffin from all angles and then raised a questioning eyebrow at Derpy. Derpy continued grinning nervously. The taste tester took a few calming breaths, then took a bite out of the muffin.

The audience was silent again as they watched the taste tester chew. After a few seconds, the taste tester closed his eyes and swallowed, then gasped. His eyes shot open wide, and his body stopped moving. The plate and muffin tumbled to the stage. Derpy sighed in relief. Her muffin had caused a pony’s body to lock up. That was good. Actually, that was very bad and this pony would need immediate medical attention. However, it was good for Derpy. She might be able to move on to the semi-finals now.

The taste tester whispered something.

Everypony in the audience seemed to be leaning forward to try and hear better. The taste tester’s lips started to quiver, and his eyes scrunched up. Tears began to flow down his face.

“Delicious!” the taste tester yelled. “Delicious! Never in my life have I tasted something so delicious! How could something this good exist? I was blind. I tasted so many bad things that I began to hate myself. Hate this world. But I was wrong. How could any world in which something this delicious exists be anything but a paradise?”

The taste tester stood up. His body shook as if he had just been dunked into a tank of ice water. “What am I doing here? Tonight is my wedding anniversary. Why am I here instead of at home with my loving wife and two foals? Crystal Dream! I’m so sorry! I’m coming home!”

With that, the taste tester leapt from the stage and galloped out of the stadium. Derpy could only stare in horror.

“I don’t believe it,” Spike said. “The muffins somehow turned out good. Better than good even. What happened?”

“Weeelll... this is only a theory of mine, but I think it’s possible for a baker to be so bad that their aura loops around back into itself. This causes a negative resistance feedback that creates an inverse amplification of the bad baking matrix through the terminal output resulting in a positive flow across their primary culinary channel. Of course, I have no evidence to back any of this up...”

“...What?”

“Miss Derpy,” one of the judges said. “Edible food is not allowed in this competition. I am sorry, but you are disqualified.”

It hurt for Derpy to breathe. She looked around at the audience. Some ponies looked concerned. Some were shaking their heads. A few ponies were even laughing. Derpy looked at Dinky, and her heart ached. The contest was over for her. The prize was gone. Derpy lowered her head. She had failed.

A murmur from the audience began to grow louder. Derpy looked up, and her eyes opened wide. Dinky was there, tears streaming down her face as she ran across the field as fast as her legs could carry her.

“Dinky,” Derpy whispered as she stepped from stage and began moving towards her daughter.

Dinky tackled her mom, knocking her back onto her haunches. Dinky began to rub her tear-soaked face into Derpy’s mane.

“It’s alright, Mommy. It’s alright. I still love you.”

Derpy held her daughter. “Shhh,” she whispered. “I know.”

The stadium was silent, then a sound began. It started softly, but the sound grew louder and louder. Derpy looked up at every pony in the stadium cheering and stamping their hooves in applause. She smiled and looked down at Dinky, who was trying hard to smile too. She crouched and let Dinky climb up onto her back. Derpy stood proudly and waved to the audience.

“Aww, I think this was my favorite performance yet. Don’t you think so, Spike?”

“What? Uh, y-yeah. Don’t mind me... I just have some dust in my eyes.”

“I have a feeling this isn’t the last we’ve seen of Derpy. Maybe she’ll compete in the Best Baker in Equestria Competition later this year.”

Spike sniffed loudly. “She can bake good now?”

“Uh, duhhh. Didn’t you listen to my theory? With how bad her bad luck was before, she just might have become the greatest baker ever.”

Derpy listened to the announcers. They were right. She couldn’t feel it anymore. The enemy was gone. That meant she could bake. She could bake well for Dinky. Every day. Derpy smiled as she nuzzled Dinky. This was the best prize ever.

Chapter Twenty-Two - The Contest - Luna's Competition Adventure

Luna couldn’t describe what had just happened. Derpy’s aura... exploded while staying in one piece? Knotted itself while becoming untied? Luna shut her eyes and willed away her magic. No more looking at auras doing things that made her brain hurt tonight.

“Next up we have that very special coffee pony, Morning Dew!” Pinkie said.

Luna was glad that Pinkie could apparently keep a secret she hadn’t been asked to keep secret. She got up and started walking towards her stage. Derpy was heading her way with who could only be Dinky riding on her back. Luna wanted to say something. Offer her apologies. Ask again if Derpy wanted Luna to win her the prize. She started to say something then noticed Derpy’s face.

Derpy was smiling. Really smiling. Her face was not that of a pony that had lost what she was fighting for. Derpy had found something on her battlefield. Luna smiled back. Derpy was going to be okay. Luna, on the other hoof, didn’t know what was going to happen.

Hold onto the magic, but let her subconscious guide it. Why was that suddenly sounding like disaster waiting to happen? Luna stepped onto the stage. If the choice was between letting her sleep-deprived and coffee-riddled mind take control of magic that could potentially unmake the world or cheating, Luna would... well, she should probably just cheat.

“Morning Dew,” the judge said. “What will you make for us?”

Luna suddenly realized she should have been focusing on other things then malfunctioning auras and doomsday scenarios. “Uh...” Luna said. “I’ll make... pancakes?” Luna looked around the makeshift kitchen. There was no stove. “In the oven?” Luna grinned nervously.

“An... interesting choice,” Spike said.

“I’ll say. I love oven-baked pancakes! But nopony ever seems to know the right way to make them.”

Luna began to sweat. Why couldn’t she have said brownies? She knew how to make brownies. Oven-baked pancakes were just pancakes baked in an oven, right?

“Miss Morning Dew? Are you ready?”

Luna wasn’t. “Yes.”

“Begin!”

Luna grabbed a bowl and began to fill it with what she could only hope was pancake ingredients. Flour was an obvious choice. Eggs would be good too. Maybe some milk, a little sugar, some butter. Nutmeg? That sounded interesting. In it went. Luna was enjoying herself. She had no idea what she was making, but it was turning out well. Too well. Luna slowly stopped stirring. She was forgetting the most important part. She closed her eyes, sighed inwardly and grabbed onto the magic.

The magic came freely. It felt like it wanted to be used this way. Was this magic specifically designed to cause improbable baking outcomes? Luna refused to think about the silliness of that. “Okay, subconscious,” Luna whispered to herself. “Do your thing.”

The batter in the bowl began to inflate like a balloon. After it grew larger than Luna’s head, the batter lifted out of the bowl and began to float away. Luna sighed in frustration as she watched her chance to compete leave the stadium. She then noticed that not all of her batter had inflated and there was still some left in her bowl. She began to reach for the bowl when she heard a pop from above her. Luna looked up in time for a wad of batter to land in her face and cover her eyes.

“Morning Dew takes a hard right to the face!” Pinkie said. “She’s going to have a tough time recovering from such a blow. Oh! A jab followed by an uppercut! She’s down for the count—no! She’s back up. She has her opponent in a choke hold. This could all be over in a moment!”

“...Pinkie? What match are you even watching?”

Luna stumbled around the stage as she tried to remove the batter. It was sticking to her like gum on a horseshoe. She bumped into something and heard something else clatter to the floor. She then stepped in something slippery. Luna scraped enough of the batter away to be able to see out of one eye. She looked at the butter she was standing in. She stepped away from the butter on wobbly legs.

Luna leaned on the counter so she could better use her two front hooves to grip the batter. She pulled hard. The batter began to come loose, but a line of it was still stuck to her forehead. Luna winced as the batter finally came off with a snap. Her hooves flew out and hit her bowl. The bowl began to spin and move along the countertop until it bumped into the ingredient rack. A spoon fell and wedged itself in between the rack and a sack of flour. One end of the spoon landed in the rotating bowl. There was the sound of a needle scratching a record, followed by static.

The laughter in the audience was replaced with silence. Luna stopped struggling with the batter and looked at the spinning bowl with the spoon lightly touching it. The sound of music began to come from it; strings and wind instruments playing softly. Luna took a step back and slipped. She spun in circles, the momentum eventually making it easier to stand on her two hind legs as she tried to unstick the batter from her front hooves. She spun faster and faster as the music’s tempo increased. Then the music hit a high note and held it. Luna slowed and her spinning stopped at the same time the music did. Luna was standing on one rear hoof, her other out in front of her. Her forelegs were straight up in the air, holding the batter. Luna suddenly hated her subconscious.

The music began again; a waltz beat. Luna dropped to all fours. This was too ridiculous. She was going to stop the music. She tried to step forward, but her hoof was stuck. She pulled, and her body moved. Her hooves slid along the buttery stage. She turned and spun as the sticky dough directed how she could move. The audience began to stamp their hooves in time with the music.

“It looks like Morning Dew is going for a reversal,” Spike said with excitement. “Aaaand she did it! An amazing display of figure skating—er, ballet... butter ballet skating?”

“It’s a new national past time. I know what I’m doing when I get home.”

Luna skated backwards in circles on her two left hooves. Her two right hooves were attached by strings of batter to the stage. She tilted her body at a steep angle then pulled hard. She leapt through the air with a spin and landed. The audience cheered. Luna had to admit this was kind of fun in a ‘completely embarrassing, totally glad she was in disguise’ way. She just wished this was intentional instead of herself just trying to get unstuck. The music began to quicken. It was time for the big finish.

Luna skated faster and faster, making her circles tighter. She spun, switching from one leg to the next as the tempo grew ever faster. Two hooves, three hoofs, one hoof. Luna’s body raised and lowered as she gracefully spun in time with the music. Finally, the music slowed and held its high note again. Luna stood with her front right and back left legs held straight out and her remaining two legs standing on the batter directly beneath her. The batter was now covered in butter and no longer sticking to her. Then, in time with the last three notes, Luna opened the oven, threw the dough inside, and shut the oven.

“Done,” Luna said.

The audience cheered, and Luna took a bow.

~~~

Spike stood up on his seat as he looked out of the announcer’s booth. “Wow!” he said. “Another amazing performance. I don’t know how much more I can take, and we haven’t even finished the quarter-finals yet.”

Pinkie nodded. “I’m very impressed that Morning Dew knew the right way to make oven-baked pancakes.”

“Seriously?” Spike said, raising an eyebrow. “That’s how you make them?”

“Oh, yes. The spinning is the only way to really bring out the flavor. Good or bad depending on how the case may be.”

“I’ll... take your word for it,” Spike said with a shake of his head.

“Or we can take the taste tester’s word, because it looks like Morning Dew’s pancakes are done.”

“Overdone if you ask me. Are these ovens working right? Seems like almost everything has been getting burned so far.”

“The taste tester is chewing... and she’s chewing... still chewing... she’s a champion chewer! She’s going for a new world record on chewing!” Pinkie hung herself over the edge of the announcing booth. “Go taste tester whose name I don’t even know. Live your dream!”

“Actually, I think she’s just trying to open her mouth to spit out the pancake. She doesn’t look too happy. That must be one sticky pancake.”

“That makes more sense. It also means we lost another taste tester!”

“Correct you are, Pinkie. And now to see the scores... four, three, four, five, and a three. Not bad overall. With a good time score, Morning Dew may be moving on to the semi-finals.”

“Now it’s time for the moment you’ve all been waiting for! It’s time for our champion to take the stage!”

Chapter Twenty-Three - The Contest - Rainbow Dash's Performance

Rainbow Dash was ready. Trixie’s cheating didn’t matter. Royal Blue’s mopiness didn’t matter. Morning Dew’s dance-skating thing didn’t matter. Derpy’s... whatever didn’t matter. Rainbow Dash was going to put on a show that would leave these ponies on the edge of their seats. There would be no doubt in anypony’s mind that she was going to win it all tonight.

Rainbow Dash launched herself into the air and flew across the stadium, leaving behind a rainbow contrail. She landed hard in the middle of her stage and stood up. Her face had a look of pure determination. She flapped her wings once for dramatic effect. The audience loved it.

“Well, it looks like somepony is ready and raring to go!” Spike said.

“You know it!” Rainbow Dash answered as she took her place.

“Rainbow Dash, what will you bake for us today?” the judge asked.

“Raspberry-filled doughnuts.”

Rainbow Dash crouched down and spread her wings. It was time to show these ponies how a speed round was supposed to be done.

“Miss Rainbow Dash,” the judge said. “Are you ready?”

“Always.”

“Go!”

Rainbow Dash took off. The stage was a blur of rainbow color as she dashed around it faster than eyes could follow. Dough splattered across the stage and sugar across the countertop. Some type of reddish filling flew into the air and fell back down. The stage tilted to one side, then the other. Suddenly, Rainbow Dash was above the stage, holding onto her oven. She stopped flapping, and crash landed. The rest of the stage collapsed in a cloud of smoke, flour, and sugar.

“And th-that’s how it’s, ugh, done,” Rainbow Dash said woozily as she got to her hooves.

“Amazing!” Spike said. “She went so fast I couldn’t even tell what she was doing. Er... what was she doing?”

“About a million, bajillion miles an hour, that’s what! Hey, judges! What was her official time?”

The judge with the stopwatch looked at it. “S-sixteen seconds...”

“A new record!” Pinkie yelled. “Rainbow Dash has shattered the old record into teeny, tiny, little, bitty pieces! It's going to take somepony with a lot of time and patience to put it back together again.”

“Now, I’m sure the audience is wondering just like me, what exactly did Rainbow Dash do?”

Pinkie giggled excitedly. “I’m so happy we’re finally getting a chance to use this.”

“You see those eight unicorns that are creating the magnificent audio and visual display for us? What you may not know is that they have been recording the competition too. That’s right. Be sure to stick around during the halftime show for our highlights and bloopers of this and the previous years. However, a great use for it now is to play back Rainbow Dash’s performance in—”

“—sloooow moootiooon,” Spike and Pinkie said together before laughing.

Pinkie continued, “Of course, it may be called slow motion. But, Dashie was moving so fast, she’ll appear to be moving at normal speed. So it’s kind of a slowed-down, fasterish motion. Or maybe a normally motioned, faster motion. Or maybe—”

“Pinkie...”

“Right! Activate the normal-slow-fast motion replay!”

The magical illusion flickered and began to replay Rainbow Dash’s sixteen seconds of baking.

~~~

Rainbow Dash took off. The world blurred around her as she kicked it into high gear. She flipped a bowl into the air and caught it on her rear hoof. Ingredients flew through the air as she bit into them one by one and tossed them. Her body and rear hoof moved quickly, catching each falling ingredient in the bowl, causing them to stack up. Rainbow Dash leapt into the air and kicked the bowl onto the countertop. The bowl landed and spun, dropping the ingredients on to the countertop around it. Rainbow Dash smiled. She hadn’t even begun to bake yet.

The ingredients were combined quickly in the bowl. Rainbow Dash bit onto a spoon and stuck it out in front of her. She flipped into the air and spun herself rapidly. Electric mixers could only dream of spinning this fast. The dough splattered everywhere on the stage. Soon, the spoon caught fire. Rainbow Dash let go of the spoon and landed.

Rainbow Dash left the bowl with the flaming spoon alone and set another bowl on the countertop. She uncorked a bottle of raspberry sauce and flipped it through the air and into the bowl. She grabbed a bag of powdered sugar and threw it into the air as well. A quick beat of the wings and Rainbow Dash was in front of the sugar. She kicked it hard, causing the bag to explode and dump powdered sugar all over the countertop.

The spoon had stopped burning and had become little more than a blackened husk. Rainbow Dash winced. So much for using it on the filling. Instead she had to use her hoof to stir. Once she was done, Rainbow Dash scraped her hoof on the stage to try and clean it a little. She immediately slipped but quickly regained her balance. She looked around at the dough covered stage. Rainbow Dash grinned. She could work with this.

Rainbow Dash grabbed a hoof-full of dough and slammed it on a baking sheet. She repeated this three more times. The filling was poured into a pastry bag. Rainbow Dash bit on to the bag and stuck the metal tip into one of the blobs of dough. She bit down on one side of her mouth to squeeze the bag. Nothing came out. She bit harder until she was afraid of biting through the bag. She removed her mouth and wrapped her forelegs around the bag. She squeezed, but the stubborn bag still refused to let the filling come out. Rainbow Dash began to get frustrated and was soon lying on her back and using all four legs to squeeze the bag. Finally, the end of the bag popped and the filling shot into the air.

Rainbow Dash gasped, quickly got up, and bit onto the baking tray. She positioned the tray under the falling filling. Raspberry filled doughnuts were out. Raspberry covered doughnuts were in. The filling fell and landed on Rainbow Dash’s wings. She shuddered at the slimy feeling. She turned and shook one wing, sending some of the filling onto the doughnuts and then repeated the process with her other wing. Good enough, time to bake. She bit onto the tray.

While Rainbow Dash was walking towards the oven, one of the bolts that was holding up the stage’s support fell out. The stage tilted as part of the support collapsed. Rainbow Dash began to slide backwards. She started flapping her wings, but wasn’t taking to the air. She looked at her wings. The slimy filling had covered her feathers, so she wasn’t getting much lift. Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth and flapped harder.

Raspberry filling sprayed through the air as Rainbow Dash’s wings began to shed the filling. She slowed down before reaching the edge and began to start climbing towards the oven. Another bolt came loose and the stage tilted the opposite way. Rainbow Dash was sent speeding forward. She leapt and was able to grab hold of the oven. She climbed on top of the oven and slid the door open. The tray was moved and flipped as Rainbow Dash lowered her head and tried to figure out how to place it in the oven from this angle without spilling. Finally, she got it in turned the right way and shut the door. Rainbow Dash sat down on the oven and opened her mouth to announce her finish. Then the oven started to move.

Rainbow Dash wrapped herself around the oven and began to flap her wings. The oven slowed but was still in danger of going over the edge. Rainbow Dash flapped harder and began to drag the oven to the center of the stage. The raspberry filling was all gone now, and she began to get some lift. Into the air she rose as she took the oven with her. Then, Rainbow Dash sighed in exhaustion, stopped flapping, and let the oven crash. The stage collapsed sending up a cloud of smoke, flour, and sugar.

~~~

The magic image flickered and was replaced with the current scene on stage. Rainbow Dash was removing her raspberry covered doughnuts from the wreckage of the oven.

“And there you have it,” Spike said to the cheering audience. “I must say I am equal parts amazed and confused that Rainbow Dash was able to do all that in sixteen seconds.”

“They were probably really long seconds.”

“Er, right. Well, with the doughnuts done, it’s time to taste test.”

The taste tester slowly made her way over the broken stage to Rainbow Dash. She lifted one of the doughnuts and bit into it. Her eyes opened wide, and she began to scream. She dug through the wreckage until she found the remains of a carton of milk then began to pour it into her mouth. She fell over on her back and coughed once, sending up a small cloud of smoke.

“Inedible!” Pinkie yelled. “But what happened?”

“I’m checking with my binoculars now, Pinkie. I have a suspicion that... yes! That wasn’t raspberry sauce at all. That’s hot sauce!”

“Oooo, pass one of those bad boys up here! I want to try it!”

“Hold on, Pinkie Pie. That’s no ordinary hot sauce. That’s Cloudsdale’s own RainPOW hot sauce. That stuff’s made from near one hundred percent rainbow extract.”

“N-never mind...”

“Anyway, it’s time to see what our judges thought of Rainbow Dash’s performance. We have... five, four, four, five, and four! And I guarantee that was a five in speed. With a score like that, it looks like Rainbow is moving on for sure. Let’s go to the judges for the official word.”

One of the judges stood up. “Thank you. I will now give the names of the top four competitors that will be moving on the semi-finals. In fourth place, with a combined score of twenty-three points, Morning Dew! In third place, with twenty-four points, Royal Blue! In second place, with twenty-five points, Trixie! And finally, in first place, with a combined score of twenty-seven points, Rainbow Dash! Let’s hear it for our semi-finalists!”

The audience cheered in approval as the competitors and judges left the field, and a cleanup crew flew in.

“The quarter-finals are over,” Spike said. “I hope everypony is having a good time because we’re far from over. It’s now time for our halftime celebration.”

“We’ll be beginning shortly so if you need to get up to stretch your legs or find some food, now is the time to do it. So, what is our halftime show entertainment, Spike?”

“To start off, we’ll have the Manehatten Marching Band playing. After that will be the highlights and bloopers of both this year and years past. I heard rumors that there might even be a surprise or two waiting for us.”

“I love surprises!”

“We all do, Pinkie. We all do.”

~~~

“Did you see her? Wasn’t she amazing? I told you she would do awesome!” Scootaloo was jumping and spinning around, much to Fluttershy’s increasing uneasiness.

“Now Scootaloo,” Fluttershy said softly. “Don’t you—ah—think that—oh—maybe it would—ee—”

“Hey!” Scootaloo said as she jumped down. “We should go see Rainbow Dash again. She must be so excited she came in first.”

“Yeah,” Apple Bloom said as she climbed down from Applejack’s shoulders. “We should also see if we can get some lessons from her on how to bake bad.”

“Then we could—” Sweetie Belle said as she struggled to move, then remembered she was still stuck. “Um, you guys go ahead. I’ll catch up.”

“I’ll come too,” Applejack said. “Someone has to watch you youngins. How about the rest of y’all?”

“I’d like to talk to Rainbow Dash and Sweet. I’d also like to meet Royal Blue,” Twilight said as she sorted out her notes then got up and started gathering her bags.

Rarity got up slowly and carefully. “As much as I’d love to come with you, I really must find some way to get Sweetie Belle loose. Preferably, without resorting to scissors.” Rarity awkwardly walked out of the booth with Sweetie Belle across her neck.

Fluttershy started to follow Rarity. “I’ll come with you. That is, if you don’t mind. I think I saw a washroom when we came in.”

Twilight placed her bags on her back and exited the booth. She watched as Princess Celestia got up and walked towards her. “Hello,” the Princess said. “My name is Sunshine. What’s yours?”

“Me? I’m, ah... Twilight Sparkle,” Twilight said. She felt odd pretending to be meeting the Princess for the first time.

“Nice to meet you, Twilight Sparkle.”

“Nice to meet you too?”

“Are you heading to the competitors’ waiting area? That’s where I’m going. I really must congratulate my sister in making it to the next round.”

“Prin—Lu—your sister? Here?”

“Yes, my sister, Morning Dew. Let’s go, Twilight Sparkle. I’m sure we have much we can talk about.”

Twilight followed her mentor, who was pretending to be another pony. Tonight really was becoming one surprise after another.

Chapter Twenty-Four - Intermission - Sunshine and Lollipops

“—wish you two the best of luck. I know we got off on the wrong hoof before, and I wanted to apologize. If we had just gone and seen Madame Soufflé, we could have avoided this whole embarrassing situation.”

“It wasn’t all your fault,” Spike said. “I overreacted when I found out there were other announcers here. I’m sorry I called you an impostor.”

“And I’m sorry I called you a McRuderson,” Pinkie said as she rolled over.

Regal nodded. “Apologizes accepted. Now, I really must be going. I have a number of sporting events lined up for me in the coming days. That is unless you two snuck your way into them...?”

Spike laughed. “No. I think we’ll be sticking to Ponyville for now. Don’t want to overexpose ourselves.”

“Will we ever see you again?” Pinkie asked.

“I’m sure you haven’t seen the last of me. Maybe next time we meet, we’ll all be working together. Good day, you two. You’re doing a wonderful job. Oh, and Pinkie. Thank you for that splendid party. It really gave me time to think things through.”

Regal waved and then left the announcing booth. Spike and Pinkie waved back. Pinkie hopped into her chair and resumed her spinning.

“What a nice guy,” Spike said to Pinkie.

“You said it. I’m glad he liked my party. I was a little worried how it would turn out when I found out the punch had evaporated.”

“Although... I can’t help but feel our encounter with Regal was missing something. It felt... short and unsatisfying.”

“That’s what happens when you choose the goody-goody paths. Personally, I would have chosen option two!”

“What?”

“Oh! Look!” Pinkie said as she leaned from the booth again. “The band has baton twirlers!”

Spike shook his head at Pinkie and went back to watching the halftime show.

Author's Note

← I want to choose another intermission Onward to Chapter Twenty-Five →

Chapter Twenty-Four - Intermission - Revenge Is a Dish Best Served on the End of a Sword

“—get my revenge for the troubles you two have caused me!”

Spike held up his hands defensively then said, “Whoa, Regal. Take it easy. No need to get so worked up over being trapped in a party.”

“A party?” Regal spat. “You think I’m this upset over a party? Do you have any idea how many years of planning you and your pink friend have ruined?”

“I’m sorry, Regal,” Pinkie said as she rolled upright. “I didn’t realize you wanted to be an announcer so bad.”

“Announcer?” Regal was taken aback. He looked around wildly. “You two have no idea what you’ve done, have you? This whole thing? It was all just a front to get into the stadium before the competition started.”

“So you were an impostor all along,” Spike said angrily.

Pinkie looked confused. “Wait a minute. I threw a party for an impostor? Oh! Did you like it?”

Regal glared at Pinkie for a long time before speaking. “Yes,” he admitted. “It actually was enjoyable. At least until that pile of rocks started mouthing off.”

“Rocky can be a little abrasive until you get to know him.”

“Enough!” Regal roared. “That doesn’t matter. What does matter is that, through your bumbling antics, you two have ruined the jewel heist of the century. It was all going so well. Snuggle Cakes and I had spent the past four years posing as announcers, slowly crawling our way to the top. But it was worth it! With how famous we had become, we were instantly chosen to host the WBEs this year. That is until your champion friend started begging Madam Soufflé to let you have our spots. I thought such a thing laughable, but then you actually managed to take our places. Luckily, we had a stallion working on the inside. With a little mix-up of the paperwork, Snuggle Cakes and I were still able to get in under the guise of being the actual announcers.

“It was all going so well. We had already found one of the null-stones and had learned the location of the second. Then Snuggle Cakes decided to betray me for his ill-conceived takeover attempt of Equestria. It all fell apart after that.”

Regal looked downcast. Spike and Pinkie glanced at each other. “So, it’s been a pleasure hearing your life story,” Spike said. “But what’s this about taking revenge on us?”

“Oh, yes,” Regal said, brightening up. “Thank you for reminding me.” He reached to his side and drew a sword.

Spike held up his hands and backed away. “Regal, uh... don’t you think you’re being a bit extreme? I mean, Snuggle Cakes was the one that got taken away, not you.”

“Snuggle Cakes acts tough, but he’ll crack as soon as they ask if he’s comfortable. Even worse, he’ll try to pass the blame of his stupid takeover attempt on to me! It’s only a matter of time before the royal guards are after me. If I’m to spend the rest of my life in a dungeon, then I’m going to take you two out first.”

“Oh, can we go bowling?” Pinkie asked.

“I mean I’m going to take you two down.”

Pinkie looked over the edge of the announcer’s booth, then looked back at Regal with a raised eyebrow.

“I mean I’m going to stab the two of you with the sharp end of my sword until I start to feel better.”

“Oh. Then I guess there’s only one thing to do,” Pinkie said, then bit onto Spike’s tail and flipped him onto her back. She then leapt out of the announcing booth’s window. “Wheee!”

Pinkie landed in an empty seat below and jumped to the next row. Regal yelled after them and gave chase. He took the slower, safer, and saner route of going down the stairs. After a few jumps, and an ever tightening grip from Spike, Pinkie bounded over the railing and onto the field. She ran towards the band and dove in between the rows of musicians.

Loud squawks and snapping strings could be heard as Pinkie traversed the length of the band and emerged from the other end, wearing a sousaphone. She ran to the center of the field and spun, dropping Spike to the ground.

“Ow. Pinkie? Why’d you stop running? We were losing him!”

“Losing him?” Pinkie said with a confused look. “Why would we want to do that?”

“Oh, I don’t know... maybe it’s his pointy sword that he personally wants to show us exactly how sharp it is? We need to keep running and find a guard, or an expert swordspony to help us. Preferable a guard who is also an expert swordspony, but beggars can’t be choosers.”

“What? No, no, no, Spike. That won’t solve our problem at all. What we need to do is have a battle. This field is much better for that then our cramped booth,” Pinkie said, matter-of-factly. She then looked Spike up and down. “Spike! Where’s your weapon?”

“My what?”

“Your weapon! You were supposed to grab one when we ran through the band. Don’t you know anything about epic life-or-death battles?”

Spike rubbed a hand up and down his opposite arm. “No,” he admitted sheepishly.

Pinkie sighed and turned towards the band that was trying to pull itself back together minus one trampled sousaphone player. “Hey, baton-stick guy!” she yelled.

“I’m a conductor,” the conductor said.

“Throw your conductor-stick thing over here so Spike has a weapon!”

The conductor looked down at his baton tied around his hoof then back at Pinkie. He shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

The baton flew through the air, and Spike caught it. He gave a couple practice swings to get the feel of his ‘weapon.’

Regal came out from around the band and slowed as he approached Spike. He was sweating hard and had a fierce look in his eyes. “No more running. It’s time we end this,” he growled.

Sensing the coming battle, the band started playing an upbeat and gripping arrangement. The musical ponies started marching and spread out into a large circle, surrounding the three combatants. Pinkie nodded approvingly, then looked at Regal.

“Okay, Spike,” Pinkie said. “Because this is your first life-or-death battle, I’ll be letting you do most of the work.”

“What?” Spike said as he turned towards Pinkie. “That doesn’t seem like a good idea at all!”

“Spike! Watch out!”

Regal struck with his sword. Thanks to Pinkie’s warning, Spike had enough time to dodge out of the way. Pinkie rushed forward while taking a deep breath. She blew into the sousaphone as hard as she could. Regal winched and backed away.

Pinkie hopped back to Spike’s side. “Always keep your attention on the enemy. Otherwise you’ll provide attacks of opportunity.”

“Attention. Got it!”

“Now then, both Regal and I attacked, so it’s your turn. You can either attack or use an item. Since this is your first battle—and you have no items—I suggest just doing a basic attack.”

“R-right!”

Spike ran forward and swung at Regal. Regal expertly parried Spike’s baton and followed through with a riposte. Spike did what he could to parry or dodge Regal’s attacks, but it soon became apparent he was in way over his head, and Regal was just toying with him.

“Pinkiiiee,” Spike whined. “I need some help here. Hit him with your tuba or something!”

“It’s a sousaphone.”

“I don’t care what it is. Just hit him with it!”

“I can’t. It isn’t my turn yet!” Pinkie said. “Oh, wait! Now it is!”

Pinkie ran forward again. Regal sensed the coming attack and turned towards her. A downward slash of his blade and Pinkie’s sousaphone fell to pieces.

Pinkie gasped. “Oh, no! He de-sousaphoned me! Keep fighting, Spike. I’ll try to use my ultimate attack next turn.”

Spike used the opening to resume his attack on Regal. He then remembered that he had no idea what he was doing, and he probably should have used the opportunely to flee. Regal met Spike’s attack and began to back him towards the edge of the circle.

“I don’t think I’m going to survive until your next turn,” Spike said with exhaustion. Regal was purposefully tiring him out, humiliating him in front of the audience before finally finishing him.

Pinkie tapped her hoof to her chin. “Hmm... maybe you could try insulting him?”

Spike ducked under Regal’s blade. “How in Equestria... could that help?”

Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Spike, think! He’s an earth pony, so he has to hold his sword in his mouth. If you insult him enough, he’ll have to counter-insult you. When he does, his grip will be weakened, and you can use that to your advantage.”

“Oh... that’s actually a really well thought out plan,” Spike said, then glared angrily at Regal. “Hey, Regal! You, um... you... you fight like an earth pony?”

“And you fight like a baby dragon waving a baton like you think it’s a sword,” Regal said as he quickened his attack.

Pinkie tsked and shook her head. “Try again, Spike. And really insult him this time.”

Spike tried to think of an insult while attempting to avoid getting skewered. “Okay then... I’m... I’m gonna mop the floor with your sorry hide!”

Pinkie hoofed her forehead.

“Trying to steal the janitor’s position next?” Regal lunged and knocked Spike down. Spike got to one knee and continued to fight.

“Oh yeah? Well then... I’m going to clean your clock.”

“Is that why you’re waving your baton like a feather-duster?” Regal knocked the baton from Spike’s hand. It twirled through the air and stuck into the ground next to Spike. The band’s music began to turn ominous.

“Oooh, he got you good, Spike,” Pinkie said. “Maybe you should leave the insult sword-fighting to the pros?”

“Not. Helping. Pinkie.”

Regal laughed. “I wish I could say this was fun, but it wasn’t. Goodbye, lizard.” Regal turned his head and thrust his sword at Spike, stabbing it into Spike’s shoulder.

Regal laughed harder, but his voice died out when Spike merely cleared his throat.

“Thick scales,” Spike said, completely unharmed. “I didn’t even feel a thing.”

A panicked look came over Regal. Spike grabbed the baton and stabbed it at Regal’s neck.

Regal sighed. “You’re using a baton. It isn’t even sharp.”

In a stalemate, the two glared at each other.

“Spike,” Pinkie yelled. “Use fire breath attack!”

Spike grinned at Regal, took a deep breath and breathed fire. Regal backed away and used his mouthguard to try and deflect the flames. His sword quickly started glowing red. Regal dropped it.

“Ow! Hot! Hot!” Regal said with his tongue sticking out. He then stepped on something slippery and flipped onto his back. He watched an object fly into the air, then come back down and hit his face. Regal blinked against the stars he was seeing and turned towards the object that had hit him. “Soap?” he questioned.

“My turn!” Pinkie yelled as she fell through the air towards Regal.

Spike cringed as Pinkie unleashed her ultimate attack against Regal. A cloud of dust was kicked up, and Spike could only briefly see a flash of pink appear from time to time. From the sounds of the struggle, Regal was not having a good time.

Finally, the sounds died away, and the dust began to fade. The band finished their song, and the audience applauded. Spike looked around and bowed. Pinkie landed next to him. “All done,” she announced as she dropped a marker.

Regal was lying on his back, struggling. His legs were hogtied together by the strings of balloons that were floating above him. His muzzle was wrapped in rubber bands, and somepony had written down the side of his face and neck in permanent marker ‘Meany Beany Jamboreeny’.

Spike laughed. “Told ya she knew how to use them,” he said then looked up as he heard the approach of pegasus wings.

A group of royal guards landed in the field. “There he is,” the commander said. “Thought you could pull the slip on us, eh, Regal Din? Your partner told us all about the jewel heists you’ve been pulling this past decade. Secure him good boys. We’ve got a dungeon waiting for him in Canterlot.”

The commander turned towards Spike and Pinkie. “That’s twice in one day you’ve helped us,” he said. “As soon as the princesses return to Canterlot, I’ll let them know of your deeds. For your bravery in the face of danger, I’m sure you will get presented with medals.”

Spike beamed happily, and Pinkie ruffled his spines.

“Now, if you’ll excuse us,” the commander said. “We have one bad pony to take way.”

Regal opened his mouth wide and snapped the rubber bands. “Mark my words baby dragon and pink pony!” he yelled as he was being flown away. “You haven’t seen the last of me!”

“I’m sure glad we’ve seen the last of him,” Spike said.

Pinkie nodded. “Me too.”

Spike looked around at the audience and grinned. “I hope everypony enjoyed our special performance,” he said. “And now back to the Manehatten Marching Band!”

Author's Note

← I want to choose another intermission Onward to Chapter Twenty-Five →

Chapter Twenty-Four - Intermission - Beware the Evil... Something

Chapter Twenty-Four - Intermission - Beware the Evil... Something

“—deliver some terrible news. Princess Pinkie? I’m afraid the resistance has failed. Our home world has been destroyed.”

Spike and Pinkie gasped.

“My father?” Pinkie asked as she got up. Her heart was suddenly threatening to jump from her chest.

Regal lowered his head and looked away. “I’m sorry, my Princess.”

Pinkie shook her head sadly. “Then it’s over. There’s no more reason to remain here.”

“Princess?” Spike asked. “What do you mean? Shouldn’t we remain here where it’s safe?”

“Safe? Spike, our home world was safe once. How long before the Evil One spreads his dark clutches again? How long before the war comes to Equestria? We have to do something!”

“But, Princess Pinkie,” Regal said. “What can we three alone do where our armies could not?”

“Regal. You have been my bodyguard since I was a filly. I have seen you single hoofedly take down monsters that even groups of our elite soldiers couldn’t defeat. I know of the powerful spirit that burns inside you.

“Spike. You are a royal dragon. Your claws can rend metal like tissue paper. Your fire is the thing of legends, able to burn through anything.

“As a princess, you both know of the magic I possess. Did you think I didn’t foresee this possibility? That I had been spending my time in hiding growing weak and forgetful? I have been preparing for this day while hoping it would never come.” Pinkie stared at Regal, fire burning in her eyes. “The enemy has taken from us our home. I say we do the same to them.”

“I can open a portal to the Evil Creature’s home world,” Regal said. “But such a portal would be a one-way trip. Princess... if we do this... we won’t be coming back.”

Pinkie looked out at the stadium, at all the ponies of this happy world. They lived their lives in ignorance of the great battle that was being fought throughout the universe. Pinkie intended to keep it that way. “Open the portal, Regal.”

~~~

“Horse apples! They were expecting us!” Regal said as he cut down another foe.

The Evil Mastermind behind the Universal War employed many strange creatures, and these were some of the strangest Regal had ever seen. They were twice his size and had course, sack-like bodies. Their limbs were tiny appendages that flopped about whenever their body moved. No visible head could be seen, but they still knew where to attack. Regal again swung his sword and cut a creature vertically down the middle. The creature roared in pain as a powdery white substance spilled from its wound.

For every creature Regal cut down, two more seemed to take its place. The fields were covered in their bodies, making the already treacherous ground even more difficult to maneuver through. In the distance was a fortress made from a dark metal that absorbed light. It hurt Regal’s eyes to look at it for long. The Evil Being was within those walls. That didn’t matter now. Regal was becoming overwhelmed and what little ground he had gained was being stripped away.

Spike and Princess Pinkie were doing their best. Spike’s fire and claws were making short work of the foes, but even he would soon tire. The Princess’s magic was slowly lifting the creatures into the air. Their bodies would rupture as they landed back on the ground. She was powerful, being able to lift something so heavy, but nowhere near as skilled at combat as she had led Regal to believe. He had to spend more time protecting the Princess than anything else. These creature’s numbers were near endless. All they had to do was keep attacking, and all would be over.

Then the enemy did something Regal didn’t like. They retreated.

The battle broke apart as the creatures, as one, turned and fled the battlefield. Regal looked around in confusion. Why stop? Another hour—two at most—and they would have won. Regal stepped towards the Princess and stumbled. He looked down at what he had tripped on and was horrified.

“Run!” Regal yelled.

The Princess looked at him. “Regal? What—”

“Run!” Regal yelled again.

The group ran. It was a trap within a trap. Of course, the enemy would retreat. Why sacrifice more than what was necessary? All the dead had woken up an even greater foe. The ground rumbled, and a chirping sound could be heard behind the fleeing ponies and dragon.

The Princess looked over her shoulder and screamed.

“Don’t stop!” Regal said between pants. “Keep running!”

“Regal, what are they?”

Regal risked a glance at the horror behind him. Thousands of little fuzzy creatures were pouring out from holes in the ground. “Lint mites. We were fighting on their nests. Now they’ve woken up, and they’re hungry.”

The trio ran on, but were slowing down. The chirping from behind got louder as the lint mites sensed their impending meal.

“Lint mites hunt as a pack, don’t they?” Spike asked.

“Yes,” Regal said, nearly out of breath.

“So they’ll stop if they catch one of us.”

Regal started to answer when he realized Spike wasn’t asking a question.

“Spike! No!” the Princess yelled.

Regal glanced behind him. Spike had stopped running. He took a deep breath and began spraying fire. The lint mites burned but were too numerous. Soon Spike could no longer be seen. The Princess started to slow.

“Princess! Don’t.”

“We could still—”

“Don’t waste this chance he’s given us!”

The Princess continued to run, tears streaming down her face. The lint mites didn’t chase anymore. They had their meal.

~~~

The fortress was standing before them. No more creatures had attacked. It was possible that the Evil Overlord had thought them dead, but unlikely. There would be another trap ahead. The Princess stepped onto the dark metal entrance to the fortress. She was tough, there was no doubt about it, but she lacked the necessary experience of real combat. The coming battle would be hard on her.

Regal stepped forward and his hoof sank slightly into the ground. A telltale click was heard, and the world seemed to grow quiet. Regal hated himself. He was so focused on the Princess that he hadn’t seen the trap laid out before him.

“Princess,” Regal said as calmly as he could manage.

Princess Pinkie turned and began walking towards him.

“Don’t come any closer!” Regal yelled. The look of confusion on the Princess’s face was replaced with worry.

“Regal? What’s wrong? What’s happening?”

“I... I’ve stepped onto a turnip mine.”

The Princess gasped and stepped closer.

“Please, Princess. Stay away. If I step from the mine, the magic will go off and destroy me.”

“Regal... no...”

“I’m sorry. I should have been more careful. Go, Princess. It’s up to you now.”

“Regal, please! I can’t do this on my own. I’m not the strong one. I’ll use my magic on the mine. I’ll just—”

“No! If you use magic, it’ll just go off early. Princess...” Regal shook his head. “Pinkie, you can do this. I believe in you. Your people. I... we love you. You are our symbol of hope. It was why I took you to Equestria. Why I tried to shield you from all this. I wish things could have turned out differently, but this is the path you must take. The Evil Master is ahead. He must be stopped. Go, Pinkie.”

Pinkie sobbed as she walked into the fortress. Regal looked away. He would wait for her to be out of sight before stepping off the mine. No reason for her to see this. The sound of hooves beating rapidly on metal caused Regal to look up.

Pinkie hit Regal with a running head butt. As Regal flew through the air, the world seemed to slow down. He looked at Pinkie. Tears were in her eyes, but she was smiling. She said three words that Regal would never forget.

The explosion was bright but not loud. Regal hit the ground hard and looked up. He could she Pinkie’s silhouette fade away as the magic of the turnip mine was expelled. Regal slowly got back to his hooves. He stared in silence at the spot where Pinkie had been just moments ago. Then, he continued on into the fortress.

She had sacrificed herself for him. He would grieve long and hard later, but for now, he had an Evil Villain that had to pay.

~~~

“Well, well, well,” the voice with a strangely, Manehatten-like accent said as Regal entered the final chamber. “If it ain’t my old chum, Regal.”

“I’m not your chum,” Regal said as he drew his sword. Ahead of him was the back of a large swivel chair.

The voice laughed. “No, I suppose not. You’re no chum of mine. You’re just a loo-sah. I thought I told ya I didn’t want to see ya no mores.”

“Yes, Evil Bad Guy. And I told you that you hadn’t seen the last of me. Though our planet has been destroyed, and our princess is dead. I will still rid the universe of you!”

“Puh-lease. You think you could actually harm...” The chair spun around. “Your own brotha?”

Regal glared at the pile of rocks. “You’re not my brother,” he said angrily. “Not after what you did to our family.”

The rocks chuckled. “And just what are ya gonna to do about it, Regal? Why, I bet ya haven’t even finished your homework!”

Regal looked around at the rest of the class. They were all handing in their homework assignments. Regal looked through his school bag. Surely, he would have remembered such an important assignment. What class was this anyway? On the board was written Advanced Trigonometrical Designs. Regal didn’t remember signing up for this class.

“Alright, class,” the teacher said. “I hope all of you studied for your final exam.”

How could Regal have forgotten this was finals week? He hadn’t studied for any of his classes. Maybe if he hurried and read some of the textbooks, he could get at least get some of the answers correct. Regal looked around the classroom and noticed all the students pointing and laughing at him. Regal looked down at himself. He was naked. That actually wasn’t too weird, as he normally didn’t wear clothes, but all the other students were dressed up in fancy outfits. That could only mean... oh no.

“And remember, class, today is school picture day.”

~~~

Regal awoke with a choking gasp. He breathed heavily as the dream slowly faded and reality set in. He looked out of the carriage's window and at the fading lights of the WBE stadium. What a miserable experience today had been. The farther he got from that pink pony and baby dragon, the better.

Regal settled himself back into the carriage’s seat and tried to go back to sleep. Hopefully, he wouldn’t have that dream again.

Author's Note

← I want to choose another intermission Onward to Chapter Twenty-Five →

Chapter Twenty-Four - Intermission - A Pirate I Was Meant to Be

Chapter Twenty-Four - Intermission - A Pirate I Was Meant to Be

“—be telling ye that yer too late! Me crew already be on their way. Soon, all the jewels and riches of this audience will be mine! Yarrr ha ha harrr!”

Spike growled and made a fist. “I should have realized you were a pirate. How could I have been so stupid? It was so obvious.”

Pinkie flipped over into a crouch and scraped a hoof menacingly along the floor. “We won’t let you get away with this, Regal,” she said.

“Oh ho ho... but I already have. As soon as me ship gets here, the plunderin’ will begin!” Regal said and then began to dance a pirate jig.

“Don’t start celebrating too soon,” Spike said. “You seem to have forgotten. Ponyville is nowhere near an open body of water.”

“I wouldn’t be a very good pirate if I let something trivial like the lack o’ a large body o’ open water be stopin’ me ship from plunderin’ an event as big as this one. Now if you’ll be excusin’ me, me ride be here!” Regal said as he jumped backwards and flew off into the air.

Spike and Pinkie ran outside the booth and watched Regal quickly ascending a rope ladder that was moving across the stadium. The duo followed the rope ladder up with their eyes. In the air was the strangest thing Spike had ever seen and the fourth strangest thing Pinkie had ever seen: a pirate ship tied to thousands of red balloons. Searchlights mounted to the ship turned on and began moving around the audience.

“Ponies o’ Equestria!” a loudspeaker blared from the passing ship. “This be Captain Regal Din o’ the Salty Seapony. We be comin’ for yer bits and yer jewels, not yer lives. If ye be cooperatin’, then nopony be gettin’ hurt. Me crew has already blocked off the exits, and me pegasi control the skies, so don’t be gettin’ no ideas o’ escapin’!”

With the announcement over, hundreds of pirates began to jump off the edge of the ship. Parachutes opened up, gently lowering the pirates through the sky. A stray breeze blew most of the pirates into the fields around the stadium, but some landed in the audience, and they were enough to start causing havoc.

Pinkie looked around at the pirates stealing loot from the frightened ponies. “Oh no!” she said. “Pirates are attacking the stadium! Looks like there’s only one thing to do. Are you ready, Spike?”

“Ready! I’ll be at home under my blanky—”

“No, Spike! There’s only one way to deal with this many pirates.”

~~~

Pinkie and Spike stood ready. They were each wrapped tightly in cloth that covered their entire bodies except for a slit around their eyes and a hole for their tails. They both had katanas strapped to their backs and several throwing stars along their belts. Their heads were held high. Their wills were unbreaking.

“Are you ready, ninja master Spike?” Pinkie asked, her headband blowing in the wind despite there being none.

“I can’t believe how many costumes you brought with you today,” Spike said, checking out his ninja gloves with spiked knuckles. “As cool as it is that you had a ninja costume and weapons in my size, I really have no idea how to use these. And another thing. Your outfit is bright pink. How are you going to sneak past anything?”

“Like the wind,” the pink ninja replied as she took off down the stairs. Spike sighed and hurried after Pinkie.

~~~

“The pink ninja stealthily moved through the frightened audience,” Pinkie said. “Her skills at manipulating shadows were unmatched. Though she passed within inches of many ponies, none were able to see her.”

The audience members watched in confusion as a bright pink pony ran past them, followed by a baby dragon.

“Pinkie? Uh... what are you doing?” Spike said with a worried note in his voice.

“The pink ninja cautioned her companion about speaking freely. Silence was their most powerful weapon. Ahead, the pink ninja saw the first of the enemy. A pair of pirates, stealing the hard-earned bits of the audience.

“Though her blood felt like it was boiling, the pink ninja remained calm. She silently recited an ancient oath as she quickly approached her targets. ‘I am the wind; I move without being seen. I am the clouds; I pass without making a sound. I am the dark; I am the bringer of doubt. I am the light; I am the bringer of truth.’ She finished the oath as she was upon her enemies.

“It passed in an instant. Though it felt like no more than a tap, the pink ninja had struck out at the pirate’s pressure points. Their hearts would explode in mere minutes, unless they began returning what they had stolen. With two pirates taken care of, the pink ninja rushed off to find her next target.”

The two pirates looked at each other, at the pink pony running away, then down at Spike, who shrugged and began chasing after the pink pony once again. Not wanting to take any chances, the pirates began to return the bits to their owners.

~~~

“The pink ninja landed. Cherry blossoms blew around her as three more of the pirates lay crippled at her hooves, wishing that they had chosen more honest work in which they were less likely to be attacked by a master ninja.”

The pirates looked at the pink pony and gulped. It was worrisome having somepony speaking so casually about their suffering under the hail of ten thousand arrows. There hadn’t actually been any arrows, but the pirates decided to flee before any showed up.

“I can’t believe this is working,” Spike said.

“The pink ninja chided her companion. Though he too was a ninja master, he still had much to learn.”

“That self-narration is still giving me the creeps.”

“The pink ninja did not understand what her companion spoke of. No matter. The pink ninja looked around the stadium. Though most of the pirates had been dealt with, there was still the problem of the ship and how to reach it. The pink ninja then had an idea. She ran off to put her plan into action.

“Through the stadium she ran, quicker and quicker. Her companion shouted after her to wait up, but the pink ninja could not wait. She knew that each second that went by was another second between when she had started and when she would finish. Her companion shouted that she wasn’t making any sense and to please stop narrating what he was saying for him.

“The pink ninja prayed it would still be there. She threw open the doors and stared into the room. Hope filled her eyes as she spied what she had been looking for. Her companion asked why there was a cannon in this room. Was the pink ninja planning on firing upon the pirate ship? He couldn’t see any cannon balls. He asked the pink ninja why she was dragging the cannon out of the room. He began to grow worried when the pink ninja didn’t answer him.

“The cannon was aligned and the fuse was lit. The pink ninja’s companion again asked what she was planning on firing. She answered by grinning at her companion. Her companion had sensed where her train of thoughts was going and had tried to flee, but the pink ninja was too quick for him. Into the cannon, her companion went. Then, the pink ninja jumped in too.

“The explosion was nearly deafening. The air tore at the duo as they sailed higher and higher, the pirate ship rapidly approaching. The pink ninja’s companion shouted to watch out and braced for impact but the—oof! Th-the pink ninja... knew how to... to take hits. She unstuck herself from the wall... of the pirate ship’s cabin and d-decided to wait a few minutes... for all the birdies to fly away.”

Spike waved his hand in front of Pinkie. She was looking pretty banged up. Her plan had worked, though. They were now on Regal’s pirate ship. Somewhere inside Regal waited. If this attack was to be stopped, he would have to be taken care of.

“The... the pink ninja began to regain her senses.”

Spike rolled his eyes. Here he went again. Pinkie shook her head.

“The pink ninja scolded herself. It had been an amateurish mistake, crashing into a wall after being launched from a cannon. She resolved to punish herself later. Ten thousand push-ups once she got home. The pink ninja stealthily made her way into the ship’s interior.

“The pink ninja’s companion continued to grow annoyed at her constant narrating. He told the pink ninja to be quiet and let him do his own talking. It was then that he began to grow fearful. How was it that the pink ninja was able to say what he was thinking, sometimes even before he finished thinking it? Her companion then realized that the pink ninja could read his thoughts. He quickly tried to think about something else, anything else, just to get the pink ninja out of his mind. The only thing he could think of though, was an image of Rarity, feeding him gemstones. Her companion blushed and groaned, knowing his most private thoughts were at the beck and call of the pink ninja, and worse still, she was saying them out loud for anypony to hear.

“The pink ninja then saw her greatest challenge before her. Two pirates were guarding a large door. These weren’t just any pirates, though. These were the pirate elites, Regal’s best-trained men. That could only mean Regal was on the other side of this door.

“Into the shadows, the pink ninja and her companion moved. Ever so stealthily and quietly they crept forward. One little peep and the pirates would be upon them. The pink ninja’s companion rolled his eyes. Suddenly, the impossible happened! The pirates turned and looked at the pink ninja.

“These pirates truly were elite to have been able to sense the pink ninja. She would have to use her ninja magic to escape. She quickly made hoof signs and summoned forth a wave of darkness. With the pirates suddenly staring in confusion, the pink ninja dashed through the door, leaving the pirates wondering just what in the hay was going on.

“Regal was waiting for them. He turned and laughed his pirate laugh and attempted to mock the pink ninja’s efforts, not knowing that he had already failed and all his pirate minions below had been vanquished. The news infuriated Regal. He began to shout several things, then to grow increasingly annoyed at the pink ninja. Every time he opened his mouth to say something, he would stop and glare at her. Where was Regal’s gloating now? His smug attitude? Had he realized the pink ninja had already won and—”

“Enough!” Regal yelled, stamping a hoof. “Stop narrating me actions! I be a big pony fully capable of providing his own narration, thank you very much.”

Pinkie sat down and placed her front hooves together. “Ten thousand lotus blossoms reflecting off of still water in the sunlight,” she said.

Regal and Spike looked at Pinkie in confusion. Regal licked his lips and spoke. “Uh... what be that?”

“The pink ninja activated the ship’s self-destruct mechanism while Regal was distracted.”

“Wha? No! Me ship's self-destruct mechanism be activated while I be distracted. I didn’t even be knowing I had one of those. I need to stop it from going off! Curse you, pink ninja! Ya haven’t been seeing the last of me. This I swear.”

“The pink ninja turned and ran, followed closely by her companion. The ship would be exploding at any minute.”

“Pinkie, you didn’t actually do anything. Nothing is happening!” Spike yelled.

“Through the corridors they ran, dodging steam vents and falling planks that were on fire.”

Spike sighed and chased Pinkie through her delusions.

“The pink ninja stopped. The ship had broken in two and there was now a large chasm in front of her. The pink ninja readied the last of her magic. She grabbed her companion and set him on her back despite his protests. Summoning the power of the wind, the pink ninja leapt.

“Time seemed to slow down as the pink ninja flew through the air. Explosions rocked the ship as the hallway she had just come from was engulfed in flame. The far side of the ship was too far away. She wasn’t going to make it! The pink ninja reached out, her hooves landing on the deck but her body fell over the side. She struggled to hold on. Her companion climbed up her back and stood on the deck. The pink ninja desperately reached out a hoof to him.”

Spike slapped his forehead as he looked at Pinkie, laying on the floor and reaching out a hoof to him. He grabbed her hoof and gave a quick tug.

“The pink ninja was saved. She thanked her companion for his quick thinking, but it wasn’t over yet. They still had to find a way off of this doomed ship.

“Up onto the deck they ran. The pink ninja looked over the edge. They would have to jump to safety. Her companion complained, wanting to know what the big deal was with falling earlier if they were just going to jump now. The pink ninja ignored her companion and instead threw him on her back and jumped over the edge.

“The night air was so cool and serene. The pink ninja felt she could fall like this forever. The noise from her companion told her otherwise. With a twist, the pink ninja’s outfit expanded into a parachute. Slowly, they fell, back towards the announcer’s booth.”

“I’m really happy that you weren’t making up that last part,” Spike said as he gripped tightly onto Pinkie’s neck.

“The duo landed safely. The pink ninja’s outfit twirled back together to cover her. They watched as the pirate ship flew away, never to be seen again. At least until the sequel.”

“Well, I’m sure glad that—”

“But wait! Little did the pink ninja realize she had walked into a trap. Gas suddenly began to fill the stadium. The pink ninja smelled it and knew it was too late. Amnesia gas! The pirates wanted everypony to forget about their failed attack. The pink ninja struggled against the memory-altering effects of the gas. She had to remember. She... had... to... what was I saying?”

“Beats me.” Spike said and looked down at himself. “Why are we in ninja costumes?”

“How strange,” Pinkie said, checking the outfit on one leg and then another. “Usually, I only wear my ninja suit when going on secret missions. I don’t remember going on a secret mission. Unless my secret mission was to steal my memory of my secret mission. But I don’t remember that either!”

“Whatever. Let’s get out of these things and get back to watching the halftime show.”

Author's Note

← I want to choose another intermission Onward to Chapter Twenty-Five →

Chapter Twenty-Five - The Contest - A behind the Scene Look behind the Scenes

Rainbow Dash was the first one back to the waiting area. She fluttered around the room, but it was obvious that Sweet hadn’t come back yet. Rainbow Dash landed and went to the fresh bowl of punch. The other competitors were beginning to enter the room, including that cheater, Trixie. Rainbow Dash calmly sipped her punch. All she had to do was wait a little longer.

~~~

Dinky was looking up at Luna with widening eyes. As much as Luna hated to say it, she just couldn’t say ‘No’ to being asked if she really was a super hero from such a sweet little unicorn.

What was Celestia going to say when rumors began to spread of the super hero sisters who ruled Equestria? Probably laugh and start shouting ‘Up and away!’ whenever she started flying. Luna laughed quietly to herself. They would probably get matching costumes and start showing up in random towns and villages, asking if there was any crime needing to be solved. Snuggle Cakes would break out of the dungeons and become a reoccurring villain. Maybe some ponies would even start up a villainous league to fight against them. Eventually, Luna and Celestia would retire and take on mentor roles after training a new group of heroes to take their places.

Luna blinked. She really needed to find some more coffee. Or sleep.

~~~

Trixie stood as far away from Rainbow Dash as she could. The pegasus was good, as much as Trixie hated to admit. Even with poison joke, this wouldn’t be easy. A lot of determination and a little bit of luck. Madam Soufflé wasn’t kidding.

The bad luck hadn’t returned yet. Trixie was nervous about that. She wouldn’t give up, though. She couldn’t give up. Not after being on stage again. The lights, the cheering audience, the applause. It wasn’t a magic show, but it was performing. Trixie hadn’t realized how much she had been missing the adoration of an audience. She laughed to herself. She really did have a big ego, but she was going to control it this time. At least until she moved up to performing in Canterlot where the nobles were known to shower performances in diamonds. Then all bets were off.

Rainbow Dash kept looking her way. What worried Trixie was that Rainbow Dash was smiling. She knew. That could be the only reason. Trixie took a calming breath. She figured that her big confrontation with Rainbow Dash would happen sooner or later. It now looked like it was going to be sooner.

~~~

Twilight followed the total stranger in front of her. That sounded weird, so Twilight changed it to her following her mentor, who was in disguise. That still sounded weird, so Twilight again changed it to her following Celestia, co-ruler of Equestria, Princess of the Sun, Bringer of the Dawn, her loving mentor who was like a second mother to her, who was, for some reason, pretending to be a unicorn named Sunshine.

Twilight then decided to just try and stop herself from screaming in frustration.

Twilight was led to the competitors’ waiting area. Her friends were already there and crowded around Rainbow Dash. Instead of going to them, Twilight followed ‘Sunshine’ to a group of three ponies: Derpy, her daughter, and ‘Morning Dew.’ Twilight stared at Luna, co-ruler of Equestria, Princess of the Moon, Bringer of the Dusk, a pony she hadn’t even seen in nearly a year, who was, for some reason, pretending to be an earth pony with coffee beans on her flank.

~~~

Luna was feeling uncomfortable under the stare of Twilight Sparkle, bearer of the Element of Magic, most faithful student of her sister, a pony she hadn’t even said hello to since a party nearly a year ago.

“Hello,” Luna said.

“Hi,” Twilight said.

Luna scraped a hoof on the floor and looked around. This was very awkward. Her ears popped as her sister cast a privacy spell.

“Thank you for playing along, Twilight,” Celestia said with a smile and nod. “It would have been very troublesome if my disguise had been revealed. I suppose you have some questions?”

Twilight looked from Luna to Celestia to Derpy to Dinky then back to Celestia. She cleared her throat. “What is going on? Why are you here? And why the disguise?”

Celestia laughed. “Directly to the point. That’s one of the many things I like about you. I am here to watch my sister compete and at the request of an old friend. Luna is here to compete and to try and find out on her own what causes the bad baking magic. Derpy was here to compete, though I expect she’s now here to support her friend. Dinky is here because she was riding on Derpy’s back, and you’re here because you followed me.”

Twilight blinked then spoke. “So... you really are just here to enjoy yourself and not have ponies flaunting over you all night?”

“For the most part, yes.”

Luna couldn’t stand it anymore. “Twilight?” she said. Once Twilight’s attention was on her, she continued. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For everything you’ve done for me, and because I haven’t said it enough.”

Realization came to Twilight. “Oh. You're welcome, but you don’t need to thank me again. We were all happy we could help you. Though, I guess if you really wanted to show appreciation... maybe stop by Ponyville sometime? I know Pinkie has been wanting to throw another party for you.”

“I’ll do that.”

Luna smiled. One down, five to go. It hadn’t been so bad. She felt silly for having put it off for so long. Rainbow Dash and Applejack were in the room too, but Luna wanted to speak with all of them together. Maybe at Pinkie Pie’s party.

“Twilight, Derpy?” Celestia said. “I hope you don’t mind, but I need to speak with my sister privately for a while.”

“Oh, uh... of course. I’ll speak with you later, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna.” Twilight started to bow then caught herself. Instead, she just waved and walked towards her friends.

Derpy suddenly had her hooves around Luna’s neck. “Bye for now, Miss Luna. I’ll be cheering for you from the audience!”

Derpy and Dinky left, leaving Luna alone with her sister.

~~~

“You were amazing! So totally awesome! You are the best worst baker ever!” Scootaloo said as she ran circles around her idol.

“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash said. “I am pretty awesome.”

“And so modest as well,” Applejack said with a chuckle. “Still though, I have to admit, that was an amazing display. When that taste tester started chuggin’ milk, why, I nearly lost it.”

Rainbow Dash laughed along with her friend. “We shouldn’t be laughing, though. That taste tester is being treated for second-degree tongue burns.”

“Oh... Well shoot. Now I feel bad for laughin’. Is she going to be OK?”

Rainbow Dash tried to keep a straight face but failed and started cracking up.

“Wha? Oh! Rainbow, were you pullin’ my leg? You had me all worried somepony was hurt.”

“Nah, she’s fine. Those taste testers are tough. They have a bet going on to see which of them has the worst reaction to the baked goods.”

Applejack noticed Twilight approaching. “Well looky who it is. Hey there, Twilight. Have a nice chat?”

Twilight walked up to her friends. “I had a kind of weird but still nice chat,” she said.

~~~

Luna looked at her sister, who was sitting on a cushion. Celestia wiggled around as she tested the strengths and softness of various parts. Finally, she came to a rest and looked up at Luna.

“These are very comfortable cushions. Who do you suppose makes them? I wonder if they make any big enough for my normal size...”

“Sister?”

“Hmm?”

“Not to be rude but... is this what you planned to talk to me in private about?”

Celestia laughed. “No, but that would make for an interesting conversation. I was wondering how your research was going. Make any headway?”

“Somewhat. I think I know enough to make an accurate enough guess...” Luna looked around. Even under a privacy spell she still felt uncomfortable talking about this. “Sister... this magic...”

“Is not going to cause the end of the world. I know you might be worried, but I have paid close attention to it. Hardly anypony can do anything major with it except for us.”

“Unless they were assisted by an outside force.”

Celestia sighed and looked down. “I take it you’ve had a run-in with one of the null-stones?”

“Yes and—wait, one of? There’s more than one?”

“Three, but the WBEs only have two of them.”

“Had two. I destroyed one.”

Celestia looked at Luna in shock then slowly started to smile and laugh. After a minute, she began to get control of her laughter. “Oh... the WBE chair-holders are going to have a fit when they hear about this. I can’t wait to tell Sweet. Though, I expect they’ll try to blame her.”

“They won’t get very far. Several ponies were watching me when I crushed it. Still, what are these null-stones and why keep them around if they’re so dangerous?”

“They were an early attempt to remove the bad baking aura from ponies that didn’t want it. Only problem was that they required a constant stream of magic to activate, and once you stopped, all the bad luck, and then some, came rushing back. I haven’t destroyed them yet because no incident has occurred to warrant it. They do have some uses, but I agree with Sweet that they shouldn’t be used in this competition.”

Luna stared at Celestia in disbelief. “No incident? Sister, today a moronic unicorn was able to completely subdue me by accident with one of those things. And that is completely embarrassing to admit now that I say it out loud. How is this not a serious threat?”

Celestia’s eyes narrowed. “Tell me about this.”

~~~

“And then, once it looks like things are going to turn out okay? You open yourself up and let the bad luck in,” Rainbow Dash said. She was enjoying all the attention. Scootaloo was hanging on her every word, having borrowed a pencil and paper from Twilight so she could take notes.

“How do you open yourself up?” Scootaloo asked.

Apple Bloom was listening with interest, though she had no idea what Rainbow Dash was trying to explain. Twilight and Applejack had gone to get something to drink and were talking by the punch bowl.

“I’m not really sure how I do it. It’s like flexing a muscle in your mind. But when I do it right, boom!” Scootaloo jumped with fright then smiled. “Crazy stuff happens.”

“That’s amazing!” Scootaloo said. “You have to teach me how to do it!”

“Sure, maybe tomorrow. That is if I’m not too tired from being up all night polishing my trophy. For now, just keep practicing the stance I showed you.”

Scootaloo stood with her chest out, head held high, and wings flared. “Like this?” she asked.

“Perfect, you’re a natural.”

~~~

“This punch sure is somethin’ else,” Applejack said after she set her cup down.

“I like how it’s sweet, but not too sweet,” Twilight said then took another sip. She looked up and spat her punch back into her cup.

“Somethin’ the matter, Twilight,” Applejack asked, suddenly worried.

“Don’t look now, Applejack. Royal Blue is over by that wall.”

“Who?” Applejack looked around and spotted Royal Blue. “Oh, the ink pony.”

“He’s not just ‘the ink pony.’ He’s The Ink Pony. His inks are famous in Canterlot. I used them during all my time at the academy. All my friendship reports are done in his ink.”

“So if you’re such a fan, go and talk to him.”

“I can’t just talk to him. What would I say? What would I—ah!”

Applejack butted Twilight forward with her head. “Come on, fanfilly. Time to go meet your hero.”

Twilight started walking rather than have Applejack push her the whole way. In a few moments, she was standing before Royal Blue and hyperventilating. “I love your ink!” Twilight yelled.

Royal Blue stared at Twilight and slowly raised an eyebrow.

Applejack chuckled. “You’ll have to excuse my friend. What she means to say is that she’s a big fan of your ink. Now you two play nice. I’m gonna go back to chattin’ with Rainbow.”

~~~

“Hey,” Apple Bloom said. “Who’s that Twilight is talking to?”

Rainbow Dash looked at Twilight and Royal Blue standing facing each other.

“That’s RB,” Rainbow Dash said. “RB stands for Royal Blue. He’s kind of my rival, but he doesn’t seem very motivated this year. I think I may have went a little too hard on him earlier.”

“I’m gonna go see what they’re sayin’,” Apple Bloom said as she trotted off.

Scootaloo looked at her friend then up at Rainbow Dash.

“Go ahead and see what they’re up to, Scoots,” Rainbow Dash said. “All this talking has gotten me thirsty. I’ll give you some more pointers later.”

Scootaloo smiled and ran off after Apple Bloom.

~~~

Royal Blue continued to stare at the hyperventilating Twilight.

“Big fan! Ink!” Twilight said as she began to rock woozily on her hooves.

“Easy now,” Royal Blue said. “You don’t want to pass out. It’s always a pleasure to meet one of my fans.”

“I’m one of your fans!”

“Er... yes.”

Royal Blue began looking around for a way to end the conversation without coming off as rude. He then noticed two fillies approaching.

“Hey, Twilight. Hey, Mr. Blue,” Apple Bloom said. “Whatcha talkin’ about?”

“Miss Twilight here is apparently a big fan of my ink, though I don’t know much else beyond that,” Royal Blue said.

Apple Bloom narrowed her eyes as she looked at Royal Blue. “That’s strange,” she said. “If you’re an ink seller, then how come you got a bunny for a cutie mark?”

Twilight stared at Apple Bloom in horror then back up at Royal Blue, who had a hoof on his forehead and was slowly shaking his head.

“Young lady,” Royal Blue said. “I assure you that my cutie mark is not, as it has been pointed out to me so many times today, a bunny. It is a jar of ink and a bundle of quills.”

Scootaloo turned her head then said, “That’s so cool. If you turn your head and squint a bit, it does look like a jar of ink and a bundle of quills.”

“As I was saying... I am an ink maker. A skill that has been in my family for generations. My siblings, my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncle, cousins. All of us have special talents that have to do with ink.”

“That’s a lot like my family,” Apple Bloom said. “’Cept with us, it’s apples. Everypony in my family has an apple-based cutie mark. ’Cept for me. I tried, but I don’t think my special talent has to do with apples at all.”

“That’s odd,” Royal Blue said as he scrunched up his face in thought. “I don’t suppose you were adopted?”

Apple Bloom stared up at Royal Blue and drew in a sharp breath. She started to whimper and back away as her eyes grew watery. She turned and ran as her tears began to flow.

“Why are you such a jerk?” Scootaloo yelled as she bucked Royal Blue in the leg and chased after her friend.

Royal Blue rubbed his leg and said to Twilight, “This is why I’ve never had foals of my own. I am terrible around children.”

Twilight hadn’t moved a muscle since Apple Bloom had said Royal Blue’s cutie mark looked like a bunny. Royal Blue sighed.

“Hey!”

Royal Blue looked up to see a scowling orange mare stomping towards him. He gulped and started to back away.

“What’s this I hear ‘bout you tryin’ to tell my sister she’s adopted?”

“Ma’am, I’m terribly sorry. It just slipped out. Sometimes I don’t think ahead and—”

“Darn tootin’ you don’t think. I don’t take kindly to those that make my kin cry!”

“I assure you. I had no intention of making your sister cry.”

“You keep talkin’, and all I keep hearing is you askin’ to be hoofed in the face.”

Royal Blue continued backing up until he reached a corner. He raised a foreleg across his face and closed his eyes.

“Please don’t hoof one of my performers in the face until after this festival is over, thank you,” a voice said.

Applejack turned around to see a unicorn in a red dress. She looked back at Royal Blue. “You better watch out. I got my eye on you, mister.”

~~~

Rainbow Dash watched the enraged Applejack coming back. Royal Blue had really put his hoof in his mouth that time. He was lucky Sweet had shown up when she did or else Applejack may have made that phrase literal.

Apple Bloom was sitting on a cushion and sniffing. Scootaloo was trying to cheer her up. Applejack walked up to her. “Hey now,” she said softly. “No need to be cryin’. You ain’t adopted. I was there the day you was born. Now dry your eyes. Let’s get you some punch.”

Apple Bloom sniffed. “Okay,” she said weakly.

Rainbow Dash was alone then. She shook her head. Applejack could take care of Apple Bloom. Twilight... still hadn’t moved, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad sign. What was important now was that Sweet was here. It was time to expose a cheater.

~~~

Trixie was staring at herself in a mirror. She lifted her hat with a hoof. The poison joke rash was still there, but her bad luck wasn’t. It wouldn’t be much longer before the halftime show ended and she had to bake again. Without the bad luck, she didn’t stand a chance. She briefly considered smashing the mirror. That was supposed to bring seven years of bad luck, but likely not the type of bad luck she needed. Perhaps this was as far as she went? Trixie shook her head. She refused to give up. She wouldn’t disappoint the audience. She would find some way to entertain them.

Rainbow Dash was approaching with Madam Soufflé. Trixie sighed. It was time. She turned away from the mirror. Rainbow Dash suddenly flew at her. Trixie closed her eyes and felt wind blow against her face. She opened her eyes and saw her hat in Rainbow Dash’s mouth.

~~~

There they were. Clear as day. Rainbow Dash had Trixie right where she wanted her.

“Would you mind giving me my hat back?” Trixie said.

Rainbow Dash spat the hat at Trixie’s hooves then pointed at her head. “You see?” she said to Sweet. “Poison joke spots. It’s turning her good baking into bad baking... or something... I don’t know how it works, but it’s cheating!”

“I know she entered the contest by way of poison joke. I allowed it,” Sweet said calmly.

“I’m glad you know, because now—wait... you allowed it?”

“Trixie has a very distinct way of baking. I let her compete with hopes that she could entertain the audience. She had not disappointed me so far.”

“But... she’s cheating...”

“And you still won the first round if I recall correctly. You’re lucky we started recording the event a few years ago. You performed so fast that nopony could clearly see what you did without the replay. In years past, you would have scored poorly for failing to entertain the audience.”

Rainbow Dash was shocked at how fast the conversation had turned around on her. The worst part was she knew she was disappointing Sweet by not having listened to her repeated advice. “Sweet... I’m sorry. You know how caught up in winning I get. Sometimes I forget what makes this important to you.”

“I know, Rainbow. I thank you for at least trying to honor my tradition. Honestly, though, it’s your competitive nature that keeps things interesting sometimes. You have tremendous, if unrefined, talent. The number of competitors in the preliminaries has doubled since your performance three years ago. I’m happy that so many ponies are looking at their bad luck as a gift instead of a curse. I haven’t liked seeing my festival become a competition, but you’ve helped bring back the entertainment that’s been missing.”

Sweet looked at Trixie. “And Rainbow can’t take all the credit. I’ve enjoyed your performance too. Though, I tend to stay away from dough monsters. It unnerves some ponies.”

Rainbow Dash’s mouth dropped open. “You can do that?” she asked. “That’s actually possible?”

Sweet laughed hard and wiped a tear from her eye. “One of these days, before I get too old, I’m going to have to write a book, revealing all my secrets. Expect the competition to get crazy after that. Although, I think Princess Celestia may name an ulcer after me if I do that.”

“So,” Trixie said. “I can keep competing?”

Sweet took on a hard look on her face. Trixie gulped.

Sweet said, “Trixie, your bad luck won’t have time to fully recharge in time for your next performance. I’m sorry, but I can’t delay the competition that long. If you bake again, it won’t be as big or flashy as before. Whatever happens would mostly be your own doing with short bursts of your poison joke helping. Knowing this, do you still wish to compete?”

“I do.”

Sweet turned the same look on Rainbow Dash. “Rainbow, you have accused Trixie of cheating. What she is doing is technically against the rules, and she will be thrown out if you wish it. Do you still feel Trixie shouldn’t be allowed to compete?”

Rainbow Dash looked at Trixie. The show pony looked nervous but still held her head high. Trixie had made her look like a fool in front of her friends. She had shown up here acting all high and mighty. She constantly annoyed her. She was trying to steal her title. She was cheating.

But still, she wanted to make the audience happy.

“No,” Rainbow Dash said.

Trixie let out a held breath. Sweet smiled and said, “Thank you, Rainbow. Good luck in the next round. And to you too, Trixie. If you’ll excuse me, I should go speak with the other competitors. It also looks like Royal Blue may be having a nervous breakdown.”

~~~

Trixie watched Madam Soufflé leave. Her heart was pounding. She had done it, though. Somehow, she was going to be able to move on to the semi-finals. Though, without her bad luck to help her. Trixie wondered if this was all somehow a plan of Rainbow Dash’s to make her look bad. She looked at Rainbow Dash, who was holding out a hoof.

“Huh?” Trixie asked.

“It’s called a hoofshake. You know what one is, right?”

“Yes, of course I do,” Trixie said as she shook Rainbow Dash’s hoof.

“I don’t like you.”

Trixie felt herself getting angry and removed her hoof from Rainbow Dash’s.

“But,” Rainbow Dash said before Trixie could speak, “that doesn’t mean I should be treating you like I have been. I’m sorry, and… good luck.”

Rainbow Dash walked away and left Trixie to ponder what had been the strangest apology she had ever received.

~~~

“I see,” Celestia said once Luna had finished her summary of the events of the day. “Something will have to be done. Though, I won’t be able to remove the null-stone tonight without causing some suspicions. I think the best thing to do would be to keep our eyes and ears open to make sure there isn’t a repeat of today’s incident. I can’t imagine what would happen if the entire audience suddenly broke out into a musical number.”

Luna glared at her sister. Celestia smirked. “The null-stone is capable of completely immobilizing me, and you focus on a miscast spell forcing me to sing? Honestly.”

“I’m just sad I missed it, is all. Perhaps you can sing a bit for me?”

“What? N-no,” Luna said as she began blushing. “It was embarrassing.”

“In seriousness, though. I will be watching the null-stone carefully to make sure it isn’t misused. I’ll speak with Sweet later. I may have to arrange for the stone to be accidentally misplaced.”

Luna started to yawn then froze. Her sister stared at her. “Sister?” Luna said, a sense of dread welling up inside her. “You know how I always wondered how long coffee and magical aid could help me stay awake without me feeling any physical repercussions? I think I just discovered the answer.”

~~~

Rarity ran a hoof through her mane as she entered the waiting area followed by Fluttershy and an unstuck Sweetie Belle.

“Your mane looks fine,” Fluttershy said.

Rarity sighed. “Don’t remind me. It’s going to take hours to get it properly made up again.”

“Hey, guys!” Sweetie Belle said as she ran forward. “It’s great to—whoa! What happened here?”

Apple Bloom had puffy looking eyes and sat next to Scootaloo. Applejack was glaring angrily into the corner where a dark blue unicorn stallion was crouching with his hooves over his head. Twilight was unmoving with her mouth open. Rainbow Dash kept glancing at Trixie, then down at the ground.

“Oh my,” Fluttershy said. “Did we miss something?”

Chapter Twenty-Six - The Contest - Winning Is Easy. It’s Losing That Takes Talent

“Welcome back all you bad baking fans! In case you have forgotten, this is Spike.”

“And Pinkie Pie.”

“Welcoming you to the semi-finals of tonight’s competition.”

“We really hope you enjoyed the halftime show of the Manehatten Marching Band along with the highlights and bloopers of the past years.”

“But enough about that. It’s time to welcome back our competitors and judges. So, Pinkie. What do we have in store for us this time?”

“Well, Spike. The theme chosen for the semi-finals is a personal favorite of mine. It’s the versus round! Two ponies will square off against each other with the winner of each match going on to the finals! It’ll be head to head. Snout to snout. Eyeball to eyeball... Although, that sounds really uncomfortable.”

“Yes it does, Pinkie. In addition to the competitors competing against one another, they will also be sharing the same cooking space, the same ingredient rack, and the same oven. The points from the quarter-finals have been reset. The competitors can now earn up to five points based on how well they bake together.”

“Or how well they don’t bake together.”

“And another five points will be awarded based on the looks of their finished bake goods. They will have thirty minutes to prepare their baked good then an additional thirty minutes to decorate. As always, the finished product must be inedible. To keep things fair, everypony will be baking the same thing: cakes!”

“Oooh, I love cakes! Except I probably won’t love these cakes, seeing as they would likely put me into an emergency room.”

“Can our competitors keep their cool or will tempers run hot? Find out soon in the semi-finals! Let’s turn things over to our judges and find out which ponies will be facing each other.”

~~~

Luna was in trouble. Not a ‘she was so tired that her body could not long physically stay awake’ trouble. That was still a few hours away. It was more of a ‘just realizing that she was competing in a competition that she no longer had a reason to be competing in’ trouble.

Derpy didn’t need the prize anymore. Luna never wanted the prize. Her research into the bad baking magic was as complete as it was going to get. She just wanted to go back to the palace, cancel her Lunar Court for the night, and sleep for about twenty-four hours. Instead, she was standing in a field being told that she would be competing against somepony named Royal Blue.

Luna’s choice was obvious: she would throw the match. She would be subtle, though. She would have to get herself disqualified. Accidentally leaving the stage sounded like a good, plausible way. She would just get a little too caught up in her baking then, oops, oh well, always next year, good night. Luna smiled. This was a good plan.

“Are the contestants ready?” a judge asked.

“...Yes,” Royal Blue said.

“I am,” Luna said.

“Go!”

Luna decided to take her time and let Royal Blue get ahead of her. That way, they wouldn’t be in each other’s way the whole time. She had an hour to mix, bake, and decorate her cake. She wasn’t sure why she had to bother with decorating. Maybe to give the taste testers false hope before cutting into it?

The problem with Luna’s plan soon became evident. Royal Blue was also taking his time, and they were now getting in each other’s way. Luna became annoyed. She was going to let this pony get into the finals. He should at least be moving with a bit more excitement. Luna wanted to tell him to hurry up and bake so she could lose, but that would be a bad idea with the sound amplification spell on the stage.

Luna mixed her batter and had it spray in the air like a water spout: a neat trick that the audience seemed to enjoy. Royal Blue’s batter was on fire. He kept on stirring it, not seeming to notice.

“Are you alright?” Luna asked when Royal Blue’s spoon ignited.

“I can feel her staring into my soul,” Royal Blue said as he dropped his spoon and let it succumb to the flames.

Luna could think of many ways to respond to that ranging from asking what he meant to taking a few steps away. She decided to go with, “Huh?”

“That orange mare. She’s staring at me. I can feel it on the back of my neck. I have been judged and found wanting.”

There were probably several hundred orange mares here tonight, but Luna thought she knew which one Royal Blue was talking about. A quick glance into the stands confirmed that Applejack was indeed staring intently at Royal Blue. Whether she had soul gazing powers or not was debatable.

Spike cleared his throat. “They, uh... they do know everypony can hear them. Right?”

“Shh!” Pinkie said. “This is getting good.”

Luna looked around nervously. Her batter had added a second spray in the middle of the first. “I’m sure it’s not that bad,” she said.

Royal Blue looked at Luna. She involuntarily took a step back. Luna had heard of ponies going through midlife crises before. Royal Blue’s seemed to have come early and brought friends. He had a haunted look in his eyes. “I have had a very bad day,” he said.

“I’m sure it’ll get better soon,” Luna said with a nervous laugh. “Just think, if you get through this round and the next, you’ll get a trophy to take home to your bunny farm.” From the look Royal Blue gave her, it was clear that Luna had just said the wrong thing.

“Bunny... farm...?” Royal Blue said at a near whisper.

“Sick rabbit veterinarian? Bunny census taker? Uh... what was it the announcers said your job was? ...Oh! Ink maker! Ink maker?” Luna nervously tilted her head to look at Royal Blue’s flank. When she did, realization hit her. “Oh! I’m so sorry. I was looking at your cutie mark wrong. That’s neat. Did you know your jar of ink and bundle of quills looks like a bunny from the proper angle?”

Royal Blue turned and stepped off the stage. Luna felt her eye begin to twitch.

“Where are you going?” Luna yelled.

“Home. I... I need to rethink my life...”

Luna’s batter erupted and tilted towards her, covering her completely. A small amount of her magic kept the outline of her horn and wings from showing. When the shower of batter stopped, Luna spat some of it out and looked at the judges.

“Should I even continue?” Luna asked.

“Er... no. That’ll be fine. Congratulations on making it to the finals.”

Chapter Twenty-Seven - The Contest - The Match You’ve Been Waiting For

Rainbow Dash stepped forward towards her stage. She couldn’t believe how pathetic Royal Blue had become, letting something little like a confusing cutie mark or an angry Applejack get the better of him. To think that Rainbow Dash once thought of him as a rival. That didn’t matter now. What did matter was Trixie.

As much as Rainbow Dash hated to admit it, the show pony was made of tough stuff. Rainbow Dash just hoped Trixie could keep up with her long enough to put on a good show. Then, when it looked like they were neck and neck, zoom! Rainbow Dash would bust out her skills and leave Trixie in the dust.

Onto the stage Rainbow Dash and Trixie climbed. The audience was cheering. Rainbow Dash smiled and closed her eyes. It felt like there was an electricity in the air that was charging her up. This is what she loved. What she craved. Rainbow Dash was ready. She was going to show the audience a performance they would never forget.

~~~

Trixie listened to the cheering. She loved this. Ever since she had gotten her cutie mark, even before, she had always loved performing. Magic was what she loved best, but if she could listen to cheering like this every day... well, maybe puppets could work too. That was a thought for another day, though. Right now she had to focus. She had a champion to beat and no realistic way to do it.

Madam Soufflé had been right. Trixie’s bad luck hadn’t recharged yet. The previous match being over after a few minutes had just given her even less time. She hoped what she had would be enough to at least get started. From there she would have to rely on illusions and deception to keep the audience entertained.

Rainbow Dash had her eyes closed. She was enjoying this as much as Trixie. There was tension in the air. This was the match that the audience was waiting for. Anything after this would just be a formality. Trixie was ready. She was going to show the audience a performance they would never forget.

~~~

Spike flipped on his microphone. “I hope everypony is ready. After the disappointment of the last match, I’m sure we’re all looking for some mayhem. Well, look no further because we got us a good old-fashioned grudge match going on. In one corner, we have the two times champion of the WBEs and winner of this year’s Best Young Flyer’s competition. The pegasus with a serious need for speed, Rainbow Dash!”

“And in the other corner...” Pinkie scratched her head. “Well, actually, they’re both standing in the middle of the stage, so they aren’t really in corners. But if they were in the corners, then in the other corner would be the dazzling stage magician and master of illusionary arts, the unicorn who’s not afraid to take on anypony, Trixie!”

Spike grabbed his microphone and leaned back in his chair. “From what I’ve been told, these two have been at each other’s throats all day.”

“Yep,” Pinkie said with a nod. “It all started when Trixie put on a magic show in Ponyville. Can you believe it?”

“It does seem an odd thing to hold a grudge about for so long.”

“No, not that. There was a magic show in Ponyville, and I missed most of it! I was there for the very beginning, but I had to leave to go to work. I figured I would watch a repeat performance the next day when I had time off, but Trixie had already left! How often do magic shows come to Ponyville? Never! That’s how often.” Pinkie turned and looked at Spike. “I missed most of the only magic show ever to come to Ponyville. And don’t get me started on missing the ursa minor attacking that night...”

Spike clicked off their microphones and asked. “How did you miss that anyways? It woke up the entire town.”

“I thought it was Gummy snoring again, so I put in some ear plugs.”

Spike rolled his eyes and turned the microphones back on.

~~~

“Miss Rainbow Dash, are you ready?” the judge asked.

Rainbow Dash mocked a yawn into her hoof and rubbed it on her chest. “Yeah, yeah,” she said. “Hey, Trixie. Tell you what. Since I’m such a good sport, I’ll give you a head start.”

“Uh... Miss Trixie, are you ready?” the judge asked.

“I am,” Trixie said. “You are too kind, Rainbow Dash, but the Great and Powerful Trixie can beat you without a head start.”

“Eh, snooze ya lose.”

The judge looked between the two competitors. “Go!”

Rainbow Dash zipped forward and touched the ingredient rack. “I win,” she announced.

Trixie rolled her eyes and started gathering her utensils. Rainbow Dash set her bowl on the countertop and began balancing a spoon on the end of her nose. Trixie stared at her. “Having fun?” Trixie asked sarcastically.

“Just waiting for you to hurry up so we can start baking together.”

“More like waiting so you can always be in my way.”

Rainbow Dash let the spoon fall into her bowl and feigned shock. “Why, Trixie. I would never do such a thing.”

Trixie moved back to the ingredients. She looked around for the sack of flour, then looked back at Rainbow Dash, who was humming to herself while pouring flour into her bowl.

Rainbow Dash looked up at Trixie. “Oh! I’m sorry,” she said. “I saw you looking at the ingredients, but you were taking so long, I decided to go on without you.”

Trixie sighed angrily and instead picked up the carton of eggs. She set them on the countertop and opened them. “I was hoping you would be a bit more mature during our performance, Rainbow Dash, but I can see that was too much to hope for,” Trixie said then selected an egg. She rapped it on the side of her bowl and was blown back. Raw egg shot from the hole in the eggshell like a fire hose. Trixie was on her back, wide-eyed and trying not to let the egg shoot further into her mouth. She turned and spat out the egg.

The egg spun around on stage, spraying down both of the baking ponies before launching itself off the stage. The egg bounced twice along the field before sailing above the audience. A pegasus stallion with a mouth mitt flew into the air and caught the egg. He landed and celebrated briefly before the egg popped and showered those around him in yolk. All the audience except for one section began to cheer.

“And we have our first catch of the night,” Spike said.

“We want to remind everypony that, as tempting as it may be, please refrain from catching any flying ingredients,” Pinkie said.

Rainbow Dash shook off the raw egg while Trixie got back on her legs. “Wow, didn’t expect that,” Rainbow Dash said.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie... often does the unexpected.”

~~~

Trixie was growing more annoyed by the second. Rainbow Dash seemed to be doing everything she could to try and get a rise from her. Rather than continue to fight for ingredients, Trixie had decided to grab everything and dump it on the countertop between them. Rainbow Dash had just stopped working and watched her with a smirk. She was purposefully keeping pace with Trixie, or rather staying one step ahead. The worst thing was Trixie’s bad luck only came in pitifully short bursts. She needed to do something to have a chance.

Trixie bit onto the carton of milk and lifted it. It didn’t move. She looked at Rainbow Dash holding the opposite end.

“Do you mind?” Trixie said through clenched teeth.

“I had it first,” Rainbow Dash said innocently.

“Let go!”

“No! You let go!”

Trixie yanked her head back as Rainbow Dash did the same. There was a sound like tearing paper and Trixie found herself laying on the stage again. She spat out a vertical half of a milk carton. She glared at Rainbow Dash, who was spitting out her own half. “What is the matter with you!” Trixie said. “You’re acting like a spoiled filly!”

“Well at least I don’t keep falling over.”

Trixie stood up and marched toward Rainbow Dash. “I have had about enough of your—”

“What are you doing?” Rainbow Dash hissed under her breath. Trixie only stared at her in confusion. “Stop getting mad, and insult me back! The audience is loving it!”

Trixie looked around. Every pony in the stadium was smiling and watching them eagerly. Trixie looked back at Rainbow Dash.

“Well?” Rainbow Dash said, still in a whisper. “Are you going to start acting like my rival or what?”

Trixie’s eyes opened wide. Rival. Rainbow Dash wanted a new rival and wanted it to be her. Trixie didn’t know whether to be honored or insulted, but... if this was a show...

“Nice going, Rainbow Doofus,” Trixie said. “Now neither of us has any milk.”

Rainbow Dash smiled then said, “What in the hay are you talking about? The milk is right there!” She pointed at the countertop. On the countertop was a rectangular prism of milk.

Trixie stared at it. “That... can’t be good milk,” she said.

Rainbow Dash sniffed it. “Ugh, smells like it spoiled a hundred years ago.”

Trixie took a quick look around the ingredient rack then said, “Well, it’s the only milk we have...”

Trixie and Rainbow Dash each grabbed half of the nearly solid milk and began mixing it into their batter while attempting not to gag.

~~~

This was how things were supposed to go. Rainbow Dash grinned as she added more ingredients to her mix. Trixie was doing a good job returning and slinging insults now that she had loosened up. She was still a boastful, little egomaniac, but all good rivals should be at least somewhat like that. Rainbow Dash turned up the speed on her mixing, sending batter splashing around.

“Watch it,” Trixie said. “You’re getting your batter in my bowl.”

Rainbow Dash let go of her spoon. “You should know by now, Trixie, that anything I add to your bowl would only improve it.”

“Exactly. I’m trying to make my cake as bad as possible, and you keep trying to make it better.”

“Well, I... just shut up and bake.”

“With pleasure,” Trixie said then bit onto her spoon. She jumped back as her dough began to bubble.

Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth. Here it came again. Another crazy burst of bad luck from Trixie’s poison joke. The audience was silent in anticipation. The batter continued to sputter, then stopped. Trixie stared at it for a while longer but nothing further happened.

“Guess it was a dud,” Rainbow Dash said. It was a good thing too. Trixie’s batter was looking nasty. With how well they were working together, they would likely get the same score for their performance. That left the points for how bad the cake looked. Rainbow Dash swallowed nervously. She had to step it up if she was going to win.

“No matter, The Great and Powerful Trixie doesn’t want to beat you by a lot. A single point would do. Sorry, Rainbow Dash. Looks like the trophy will be mine this year.”

“You wish. I’m just pacing myself, so I can sprint to the finish.”

“Too bad we aren’t running a race,” Trixie said, then turned towards Rainbow Dash.

“It was a metaphor,” Rainbow Dash said, also turning.

Rainbow Dash and Trixie glared at each other. Nothing like two hated rivals going at each other’s throats to get the audience pumped up. The sound of splintering wood caused Rainbow Dash to look down. A crack had formed across the center of the stage. Rainbow Dash and Trixie met each other’s eyes before the middle of the stage collapsed and sent them crashing together.

“Ow... nice going, Rainbow Crash,” Trixie said as she tried to untangle herself.

“Oh sure, like I really wanted this to happen. Ah! You’re stepping on my wing!”

Rainbow Dash finally pulled herself loose and watched Trixie dust off her hat then set it back on her head. Rainbow Dash started laughing quietly.

“Something funny?” Trixie asked as she got unsteadily to her hooves.

“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash said as she began to laugh harder. “Your face!”

Trixie rolled her eyes. “Resorting to foalish insults? Have you run out of your own material already?”

“Sorry, sorry. I meant to say, your forehead!”

“What? Do I have some batter on me?”

“Oh, no.” Tears were beginning to roll down Rainbow Dash’s checks. “What’s funny is what isn’t on your forehead.”

“Well now you’re just speaking... in... riddles...”

The shock of realization of Trixie’s face just made Rainbow Dash laugh harder. The audience must be thinking she had gone crazy, but it was just too funny. Trixie’s poison joke had left her right before she would need it most.

“Laugh all you want, Rainbow Dash, but I suggest you get to work on your batter.”

Rainbow Dash slowly stopped laughing. “What?” she asked.

“All I have left to do is pour my batter into some cake pans. The second part of this match is about looks, and right now, it looks like my cake is worse off than yours.”

Rainbow Dash rushed back to her batter. She hated when Trixie was right. The first half of the round would be over in a few minutes. There wasn’t enough time left to get her batter as bad as Trixie’s. She would still try, though. She wasn’t a quitter.

Rainbow Dash had a few more ingredients she could add. Maybe she could make something turn sour? Or spicy? No, that would just make it taste bad. She had no idea what would make it look bad. She turned and noticed Trixie working on a new bowl with an opened box of instant cake mix next to her.

“What are you doing?” Rainbow Dash whispered.

“Just watch.”

~~~

Trixie stood proudly as her finished cake was being tested for edibility. Rainbow Dash was looking at her like she had gone crazy. Maybe she had, but she was feeling too good to care. Her poison joke was gone, she still had her savings, and she was having fun.

Rainbow Dash’s cake was a mess. It had a sloppy layout with the layers being uneven and sliding apart. The frosting was an unappetizing greenish brown despite her only using blue food coloring. There was also a pigeon roosting on top, but it had flown in after the judging so it couldn’t be counted. One of the taste testers had nearly choked on the cake after just smelling it.

Trixie’s cake, on the other hoof, was magnificent. She knew a thing or two about baking, including how to improve upon store-bought cake mixes. Her cake had three tiers. The whole thing was covered in purple frosting with expertly designed blue and yellow stars covering it. Atop the cake was a miniature Trixie figurine made out of sugar. It already had its head bitten off.

All the taste testers held plates containing Trixie’s cake. They were sitting around and chatting with one another. A pink pony had also come running out of the stands and was taking bites from the cake itself.

“I don’t get it,” Rainbow Dash said quietly.

“It’s not like I was going to win the finals without poison joke,” Trixie said.

“Yeah, but... you could have beat me. Isn’t that why you came here?”

“And you accuse me of having a big ego?”

Rainbow Dash just stared at Trixie.

“Okay... I admit it... the only reason I came here today was so I could make you lose. I had seen your poster and got really frustrated knowing that you would be out here competing. I, well... I was jealous of you.”

“Really? The Great and Powerful Trixie was jealous of me?”

“Laugh it up, but it’s true. I was jealous that you, a simple weathermare with dreams of flying big, would be on stage with thousands of cheering ponies, while I, The Great and Powerful Trixie... was performing to a nearly empty theatre.”

Rainbow Dash was silent for a while then said, “I’m sorry about what happened in Ponyville. I shouldn’t have been so angry. It’s just that I hate losing. And when you showed me up on stage in front of my friends... I let things go to my head.”

“Thank you, Rainbow Dash. I’m sorry too, about trying to ruin your big night. Still, it looks like you won this rematch.”

“Yeah, kinda. But, we need to compete in something else. Without any poison joke.”

The sound of a very angry judge loudly clearing his throat got the attention of all the ponies. “Have the taste testers, after their extending deliberation, in which all of you decided to join in, reached a verdict?” he asked.

“Yeah,” one of the taste tasters said with a mouth full of cake. “It’s delicious. Really top notch.”

“Thank you. Miss Trixie, I’m sorry, but you know the rules. You are disqualified. Rainbow Dash? Congratulation on reaching the finals.”

“Paging, Pinkie Pie,” an annoyed voice said from the speakers. “Please return to the announcer’s booth, so we can continue.”

“Okay!” the pink pony said, then quickly gobbled up the rest of the cake. She hopped happily back to the stands as she licked frosting from her face. The remaining taste testers looked sadly at where the cake had been, then walked away.

“Looks like that’s that,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Yeah,” Trixie agreed. “But there’s one more thing I have to do.”

“What’s that?”

Trixie stepped forward and used her magic to tap into the audio and visual spell above her. It felt great being able to use magic again without any bad luck. She looked at Rainbow Dash. “This may seem selfish of me... okay. It is selfish of me, but I need to do this to repay a debt.”

Trixie hoped the unicorns maintaining the spell would continue to hold it instead of just letting it fail. It was likely a very complex spell and one they would hesitate to have to recast. The image of the stage faded and was replaced with inky blackness that spread until the entire stadium was bathed in a surreal darkness. Stars appeared and floated around the stadium. Many ponies reached up to touch them, only to have their hooves pass through.

The stars started popping. They would burst into fragments of light and crackle as they faded away. More stars took their place. No longer white, the new stars were a multitude of colors that swirled into shapes and patterns.

Shooting stairs streaked across the field. Fireworks exploded. The audience oohed and aahed as each explosion was more colorful and complex than that last.

On stage, Trixie was sweating and straining. Even with the help of eight unicorns—who thankfully weren’t resisting—this was the most magic she had ever tried to control at once.

In the center of the starry field, Trixie’s head appeared. “Ponies of Equestria! Are you having a good time?” the head asked.

The audience responded by cheering. The sound amplification spell was still working. The most difficult part for Trixie was keeping the strain out of her voice.

“Do you enjoy my illusions?” The audience cheered louder. “Do you want to see more?” Louder still. “Then come to Fillydelphia! Come to the Dimmer Theatre! Let The Great and Powerful Trixie put on a performance for you that you’ll remember for the rest of your lives!”

The illusions swirled together like water going down a drain. The lights returned to their normal brightness yet there seemed to be a spot that was shining on the field. Trixie stood in it, her cape blowing in an imaginary wind. She reared up on her hind legs and brought her front legs down hard. When her hooves hit the field, smoke and colored light swirled out and quickly obscured the stage.

Trixie panted. She was never going to try something like that again. Still, if even a tenth of the ponies in the audience wanted to see her again, then the Dimmer Theatre would be in big business.

Trixie was glad she had noticed the trap door in the middle of the field. Why, exactly, there was a trap door in the middle of a field of grass, she didn’t know. She looked around, taking in the hallway of blackened bricks with torches spaced eventually every so often. She started walking.

“Where am I?”

~~~

Rainbow Dash couldn’t believe what Trixie had just done. The smoke had faded several minutes ago yet the audience was still cheering. Pinkie was chattering aimlessly over the speakers about how cool it was to see a magic show even if it was so short. Rainbow Dash shook her head. Even after losing, Trixie had still found a way to show her up. Rainbow Dash smiled. Could she pick rivals, or what?

Chapter Twenty-Eight - The Contest - Second Chances to Fail

Luna yawned. Alicorns did not normally yawn. She found that funny.

“Welcome bad baking fans to the finals!” Spike said.

Luna did not want to be here. She wanted to be in bed. Her nice bed made of the softest materials in Equestria.

“I’m so excited!” Pinkie said. “It’s Morning Dew and Rainbow Dash. Which pony will make it to the end? Who will take home the gold… -en colored trophy?”

Rainbow Dash was going to win. Luna would make sure of it.

“It’s really any pony’s game at this point. Morning Dew’s previous performance was a bit of a letdown after Royal Blue quit in the middle of the match.”

Not Luna’s proudest moment. She hoped Royal Blue would be alright. Maybe he could start a new line of ink for bunnies.

“But Dashie did an amazing job! Even though Trixie ended up making something good and being disqualified. And boy was it good! I’m sorry I didn’t save you a slice, Spike.”

Luna was just going to add flour to the bowl, then cause it to fly up and knock her in the head. Sweet, sweet unconsciousness would follow. She would worry about her concussion after she woke up next. Whenever that would be.

“Not a problem, Pinkie. Now then, we’ve had speed baking and team baking, and I bet everypony is wondering what’s next. Well, the theme for the final round is a big fan favorite: baking good!”

...What?

“Baking good? But, Spike. Isn’t that the opposite of what this competition is about?”

“It sure is, and a normally impossible task for these bad bakers. That’s why they’ll be assisted by the one, the only, null-stone!”

A cheer went up from the audience. Luna looked around for something to bang her head on.

“Oh, I get it! With the null-stone, all the bad baking auras do nothing. They’ll be forced to bake like normal ponies, such as me!”

“Uh... that might not be the best example.”

“And then, once the baked good is in the oven, the null-stone will be turned off and whoosh! The bad baking aura will come back like a tidal wave.”

“Will our competitors ride that wave to victory, or will they wipe out? Find out in the finals!”

“Good luck,” Rainbow Dash said.

Luna blinked her eyes to try and get the swirling images of Rainbow Dash to reform into one pony. “Thanks, you too,” Luna said and gave up blinking. If Rainbow Dash wanted to be three separate ponies, that was her business.

“Are you feeling alright? You look like you haven’t slept in a month.”

Luna couldn’t keep herself from giggling madly.

“You, uh... you better start moving, it’s your turn first.”

“Huh? Oh! Right.”

Luna slowly walked forward and stepped from the waiting booth. She placed one hoof in front of the other until she reached the stage. She didn’t trust the little steps that led up the stage so she just jumped. She then crawled the rest of the way and got to her hooves.

“It... looks like Morning Dew is ready now,” Spike said.

“She seems tired,” Pinkie said. She took a deep breath and shouted “Wake up, Morning Dew!”

The audience winced against the feedback coming from the speaker system. Luna now had ringing ears in addition to blurry vision. She silently thanked Pinkie Pie. There was no way she could win now.

One of the judges slowly removed her hooves from her ears and, once she was sure the screeching was over, spoke to Luna. “We have selected a recipe for you to follow. You will find it on the countertop. You will be awarded up to five points based on how well you follow the recipe, and another five points based on your outcome once the null-stone is removed. There will be no taste testing, so feel free to go all out.”

Luna looked at the young unicorn levitating the null-stone, who was looking incredibly giddy. Probably some fan who had won a contest to be here. Luna really hoped this unicorn knew what she was doing.

“Activate the null-stone,” the judge said.

The unicorn stuck her tongue out the corner of her mouth as she concentrated. Luna tried to touch the bad baking magic, but there seemed to be a wall around it now. She decided on a new plan: follow the recipe and, once the bad baking magic was released, only use a small amount. Rainbow Dash would do something amazing and win. Luna would return to the palace and sleep. Everypony got what they wanted.

“Morning Dew, are you ready?” the judge asked.

“As I’ll ever be.”

“Go!”

Luna looked at the recipe and couldn’t understand it. It looked like it was written upside down. She laughed to herself and flipped the paper around. She was then disappointed to learn that the paper had already been right-side up. She flipped the paper back and sighed. This was going to be a long round.

~~~

Luna had no idea what she had made or what it was supposed to have been. It was dough. It was on a baking sheet. It was in the oven. She didn’t care anymore. “Done,” she said.

The judges looked confused as they spoke to one another quietly. The judge from before asked Luna, “Miss Morning Dew, are you ready for the null-stone to be removed?”

“Hit me with it,” Luna said and quickly came to regret her choice of words.

A tidal wave was an accurate enough description for the oncoming rush of magic. What was inaccurate, though, was the scale. Luna had a better chance stopping a literal tidal wave using only her body.

The magic rushed past her, into her, through her. Luna felt herself being shocked awake as the magic sought its release into the physical world. She tried to only let a small amount pass like planned, but that was an impossible task. The magic flowed through her as she fought to force it back.

Luna’s oven did a back flip off of the stage. It bounced around the field before falling over. The door opened up, and the dough shot into the air. The dough burst into thousands of little balls that began bouncing around the stadium. The audience cheered in wonder as the air was filled with dough bouncing every which way.

~~~

Spike laughed. “And the dough has gone wild! Careful, everypony, you probably don’t want to get any in your mouth. A very interesting use of the rubber ball technique.”

Pinkie hung halfway out of the announcer’s booth. She quickly turned her head back and forth as she watched the dough bounce. She then drew back and snapped out, catching one of the dough balls in her mouth.

Spike stared at her in disgust. “Pinkie, what did I just say?”

Pinkie held up a hoof and started chewing. She then took a deep breath and blew air into the dough. It quickly inflated then floated to the ceiling once she let go. “It’s not rubber, Spike. It’s gum! Really nasty tasting gum, blech.”

~~~

Luna gritted her teeth and tapped into her magic. She had had enough of this. She was going to lose, and that was final. She formed a magical wall around herself to block the bad baking magic. The wall began to leak, so Luna formed another. And another. Finally, the bad baking magic could no longer reach her. The dough stopped moving and hung in the air. After a few seconds, it all fell and splattered against whatever, or whoever, was underneath it. The cheering was mixed depending on where the ponies were sitting.

“Thank you, Morning Dew,” the judge said as she wiped dough from her mane. “You may return to the waiting booth.”

Luna panted as she made her way across the field. She was feeling very awake now, for what it was worth. Rainbow Dash was heading her way.

“Not bad,” Rainbow Dash said. “Though, I think you screwed up your recipe.”

“Yeah,” Luna said. “It wasn’t by best performance.”

“The ending was entertaining, at least, but...”

Chapter Twenty-Nine - The Contest - Let Me Show You How It’s Done

“...let me show you how it’s done,” Rainbow Dash said, then continued walking past Morning Dew.

Rainbow Dash hopped up on stage. This was it. The final performance. Morning Dew had started off the night strong but had started lacking at the end. The audience was ready for some excitement. Rainbow Dash was going to give it to them.

“Here we are. The final round! I can’t believe it!” Pinkie yelled.

“I know what you mean, Pinkie. It feels like we’ve been here for days instead of just a few hours,” Spike said. “But we’ve made it. It’s time for Rainbow Dash to show us whether or not she still has what it takes to be the champion.”

“Judging by years past, Rainbow Dash will have saved the best for last!”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

Rainbow Dash did have a trick she had been working on. Something that was going to be so amazing, it would go down in WBE history as the best trick ever. At least until she thought of a new one for next year.

“Miss Rainbow Dash, are you ready?” the judge asked.

“I am.”

“Go!”

Rainbow Dash quickly read the recipe. She was smiling after the first five words: Triple Fudge Pecan Crunch Cookies. She knew this recipe. Probably better than she should have with how many times she had tried and failed to make them. This couldn’t be a coincidence. This was fate telling her she would win.

~~~

Pinkie clicked off the microphones. “Achy shoulder, eye itch, hiccups,” she said.

Spike looked nervously around the booth. He said, “What does that mean? Is something bad happening? I didn’t hear you hiccup.”

Pinkie giggled. “Never mind,” she playfully said then clicked the microphones back on. “It looks like Rainbow Dash is starting her baking. What confidence! She’s going from step to step with hardly a glance at the recipe. This is one pony who knows her baking.”

~~~

Rainbow Dash went from step to step with ease. Mixing. Rolling. Cutting. These cookies were a snap. It was too bad they likely wouldn’t survive the baking process. After all, with what she had in store for them... Rainbow Dash laughed silently to herself. She would just have to get Pinkie to bake some for her later. Maybe at a victory party. Rainbow Dash grinned even wider. Of course Pinkie would throw her a party. She had probably been planning it for weeks. The last of the cookies were placed on the baking sheet. Rainbow Dash picked it up and placed it in the oven.

Rainbow Dash’s heart was pounding with excitement. She had practiced this trick a lot. Well, once. Ovens were expensive. All the extra bad luck suddenly being released was going to make this turn out even better than before. The audience won’t know what to think. Sweet was mostly right. Putting on a memorable performance for the audience was incredibly important. However, putting on a memorable performance and winning? That was so much better.

“Miss Rainbow Dash, are you ready for the null-stone to be removed?” the judge asked.

Rainbow Dash raised a hoof. “Just a bit,” she said. She leapt into the air and did a triple back flip before landing on top of her oven. “Okay, I’m ready.”

The unicorn with the null-stone stopped concentrating. Not wanting to get covered in dough again, she ran back towards the judges.

This had to be big to be impressive. Rainbow Dash could feel the magic approaching. She stuck her chest out, flared her wings, and held her head high. She was going to let it all pass through her.

~~~

Luna’s eyes widened. Why hadn’t she used up more of the magic? There was too much flowing now. Worse still, Rainbow Dash wasn’t just letting the magic come to her. She was trying to pull it in. “Rainbow Dash!” Luna yelled. “Don’t!”

~~~

Trixie shivered as a cold wind blew down the hallway. She must have been getting close to a way out. She wondered how things had turned out during the finals.

~~~

Derpy looked down as Dinky leaned against her. She wrapped a wing around her daughter. Something felt wrong.

~~~

“This is it!” Pinkie said. “It’s time to see—ow!”

“What’s wrong, Pinkie?” Spike asked as he noticed his friend wincing in pain.

Pinkie turned to the microphone and nearly screamed, “Pinchy knee! Watch out, Dashie!”

~~~

Rainbow Dash staggered as the magic hit her and was directed into the oven below. Her eyes widened as she fought to remain standing. She had never felt the magic act like this before, but she was determined to hold on.

What was Pinkie screaming about?

~~~

To their credit, the eight unicorns surrounding the field had tried to do something. Most of them had talents dealing with light or sound manipulation. Two of them, however, had been chosen for the team based on their skills at defensive magic. Officially, they were there to help maintain the complex magic that the illusion in the air above them required. Unofficially, though, they were there ‘just in case.’

The two defensive-minded unicorns, sensing that something was going wrong, were able to take control of the magic and spread it out into a cylinder that wrapped around the inside of the field. Their combined magic was strong enough that, had it only been the eight of them, they would have been able to protect everypony that had been in the audience but not those on the field.

The unicorns had performed well. The alicorns had just been faster.

Wordlessly speaking, the royal pony sisters worked together to create their own barrier that looped around the audience, judges, and null-stone holder. A final spherical barrier was created to protect the rainbow-maned pegasus standing on top of the magically overloaded oven, who was about to have a very bad night.

Rainbow Dash’s trick did not go down in WBE history; the resulting explosion did.

~~~

Twilight blinked as she tried to piece together what had just happened. There had been a wall of fire that had stopped a few feet from the railing and had been forced into the air. For a few seconds, the field had been nothing but smoke and fire. She had felt no heat, though. Twilight recognized the signs that a magical barrier had protected them.

The smoke drifting from the field, leaving behind blackened ground, the smoldering wreckage of the two stages, twisted pieces of metal, five very surprised looking judges, and a young unicorn that appeared to have fainted. What Twilight did not see on the field was Rainbow Dash.

Twilight looked between her friends. Nopony wanted to say what they were thinking. She looked at Celestia. Perhaps her mentor had teleported Rainbow Dash away or something. Anything.

Celestia’s horn was glowing, and she was staring intently into the sky. Twilight followed her gaze up, but couldn’t see anything through the rising cloud of smoke. Suddenly, an object plunged through the cloud. Twilight reached out with her magic but met resistance at the barrier. She hoped the princess had everything under control.

~~~

Rainbow Dash knew something was wrong. Her bed was far too light, and it was too windy. She reached a hoof out to close her window and felt nothing. She slowly opened her eyes and immediately regretted it. She was falling, and the ground was a few feet in front of her. Instincts took over, and she began to beat her wings to try and pull out of her dive. Knowing she wasn’t going to make it, she braced herself for impact.

Rainbow Dash hit the ground at an angle and sent up streams of dirt as she plowed through the field. She slowed down and came to a rest in front of the judges’ booth. The judges, now covered in a spray of dirt, stared down at her. Rainbow Dash got to her hooves and spat out a mouthful of soil. The crash hadn’t been too bad. She knew she was made out of tough stuff, but she was expecting a few broken bones at least. She didn’t even seem to have a scratch on her.

The stadium was silent. Rainbow Dash glanced around with wide eyes at the destruction around her, then at the judges. “Uh... heh heh. Sorry about that. New trick,” she said. The judges just stared at her. She cleared her throat. “So... did I win?”

~~~

Spike stared at the carnage. Rainbow Dash was alright, and that was the important thing. “We, uh... we seem to be having some technical difficulties. Please stand by,” he said into the microphone.

Chapter Thirty - The Contest - The Worst Baker in Equestria

Rainbow Dash stood in the middle of the scorched field along with Morning Dew. The cleanup team had already put out the few fires and removed most of the debris. She wished the explosion hadn’t made her briefly lose consciousness. It had sounded like it was awesome—in a completely horrifying way. The audience seemed a bit shaken, having stared down a fireball that could have been a whole lot worse. Any attempts at getting a cheer going again quickly died.

Sweet stepped onto the field, followed by six other ponies. Judging by their attire, Rainbow Dash guessed these must be the other chair-holders that Sweet was always complaining about. Sweet looked calm, though. As the president of the WBE’s, it fell onto her to make any important announcements. With the overall mood, it would probably be best to wrap things up as quickly as possible and let everypony head home. A few ponies had already left, but most of the audience had stayed. They at least wanted to hear who the Worst Baker in Equestria was this year.

A stand microphone had been set up near Rainbow Dash. The sound magic apparently didn’t work right anymore. Something about too much residual magic left over in the air and three of the unicorns that controlled the magic quitting.

Sweet walked up the microphone and tapped it. “Hello? Can everypony hear me?” she asked. The audience focused their attention on her, so she continued. “Fillies and Gentlecolts, I hope you had a wonderful time tonight. I’m sorry if things got out of control at the end. The important thing is that nopony got hurt. The points of the final round have been totaled, and a winner has been determined. Before I announce who won, I would like to call a vote among the chair-holders.”

Sweet turned and looked at the chair-holders. It was clear from their faces that she was deviating from their plans. She continued speaking. “The null-stone is dangerous and unpredictable. I think the events of tonight have proven that. What the null-stone has also done is determine the outcome of the competition for us. It wasn’t about the ponies in this competition’s individual talents anymore. Because of this, I would like to call a vote to ban the use of the null-stone from all future competitions and to mark the results of tonight’s competition as invalid.”

The noise level in the stadium increased as everypony began talking about the surprise vote.

Rainbow Dash flew to Sweet and said, “What are you doing? Go ahead and get rid of the null-stone, but announce the winner first.”

Sweet looked at Rainbow Dash and smiled. “Do you really want me to do that after you left the stadium during your performance?”

Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened. She had left the stadium? How big was that explosion? She really hoped they had still been recording when it had happened. However, if she had left the stadium, that meant...

One of the chair-holders angrily stepped forward. “Madam Soufflé,” he said. “Your attempts to turn this competition into your own personal game have gotten old.”

Sweet stood up straight and stared down her snout at the chair-holder. “I am trying to bring this festival back to what it once was before I was stupid enough to incorporate it.”

“Be that as it may, what you are doing is clearly favoritism. Morning Dew is tonight’s winner after Rainbow Dash was disqualified for leaving the stage. You can’t just change the results because you feel it’s unfair to one pony, when changing the results makes it unfair to another pony.”

“I say we change the results to make it unfair to one pony—I mean me.”

All the ponies in the field turned to look at who had spoken. Morning Dew was there, grinning nervously. She stepped up to the microphone and spoke. “I’m perfectly fine with calling this vote. The null-stone really shouldn’t be used, and the results of the finals would have been a lot different without it. Um... null-stone bad? Boooo?”

The chair-holder that had spoken rolled his eyes. “You want this vote? Fine. I vote no.”

“After that explosion?” the next chair-holder said. “I vote yes.”

“I vote no. We just need to better regulate its use.”

“I vote yes.”

“I also vote yes.”

Sweet looked at the last chair-holder that hadn’t voted yet. He sighed and said, “I abstain. You got your majority, Sweet. It doesn’t matter what I say.”

“Wait,” Rainbow Dash said. “What does that mean? Am I the champion? Do I get a trophy?”

“It’ll be treated like this year’s contest hadn’t happened,” Sweet said. “You will remain champion until next year’s competition, but you will not receive the grand prize or a trophy.”

“No... trophy?”

“I’m sorry, Rainbow. And I’m sorry to everypony in the audience if you’re unhappy with this decision. It’ll be for the best, though. It’s clear that we need to change the format for the competition, and I have some ideas to make next year better.” Sweet smiled apologetically at the chair-holders. Most smiled back. Sweet went back to addressing the audience. “I really truly wish there was more I could do to make this up to all of you.”

“Hey!” a voice yelled.

Everypony in the stadium looked towards the announcer’s booth and at the pink pony sticking out of it, only being contained within thanks to the baby dragon holding her tail.

“I know what we can do!” Pinkie said excitedly.

Chapter Thirty-One - The Contest - In the End, All Things Come to This

The low rumbling of drums gave way to the rising cry of a trumpet. A high note was held long and hard until it suddenly stopped and was replaced with the rest of the band. A thick bass beat sounded throughout the song as other instruments joined in, each adding their own unique twist. It was a song that nopony knew, yet they were still able to follow along. It was the song of friends having fun.

Around the band, ponies began to dance. Some alone, some with a partner, some in a group. They stamped their hooves and twirled and spun. Those that weren’t dancing watched, but the music was infectious. Soon more and more ponies joined in. The elderly and the young. The professionals and those with four left hooves. Couples that had spent their whole lives together and those that had never met until this moment. The ponies danced and laughed with joy.

Elsewhere, but not too far away, a second band started and then a third. Music spread through the night as the songs blended and split, sometimes lingering in one spot before vanishing and being picked up again by another band.

A cheer went up from a group of friends as they toasted a stallion that had finally got the courage to get engaged. A group of fillies and colts screamed and laughed as they chased a piñata being flown by a pegasus. Ponies dunked their heads into a tank of water, most coming back up with apples with one pony wondering why he had gotten a tennis ball. Games were played. Stories were told. Memories were shared.

Thousands of activities were taking place but, in the end, this was all just one thing: a party.

~~~

“Pinkie Pie, you have outdone yourself once again, and I sincerely hope there never comes a day that I can’t say that about one of your parties,” Twilight said. She was sitting at a table with her friends on the Ponyville side of the party. They were having a brief rest to enjoy some punch before heading back into the thick of things.

Pinkie beamed. “Thank you!” she said. “I had the basic festivities ready for my ‘Congratulations Champion’ party, so I just multiplied it a hundredish times. I severely depleted my EPK reserve, but it was totally worth it! I need to go check on the rest of the guests. I’ll be right back!” Pinkie hopped away and soon vanished into the crowd.

Twilight giggled. It would take hours to check on every guest. That meant Pinkie would be back in about ten minutes.

There was the sound of a commotion as Rainbow Dash burst from the crowd and sped towards them. “Twilight!” Rainbow Dash said. “You need to hide me!”

Twilight stared at Rainbow Dash, who appeared to have several linen bandages haphazardly wrapped around her legs and torso. “Hide you?” Twilight asked.

Before Rainbow Dash could answer, she was tackled to the ground. Twilight looked over the table at Nurse Redheart, who was holding down Rainbow Dash while applying a roll of linen bandages. Rainbow Dash struggled before wrestling free and taking to the air.

Nurse Redheart glared up at Rainbow Dash. “Rainbow Dash! You get down here this instant!” she said.

“No way! You’ve gone crazy,” Rainbow Dash said while trying to take off the bandages.

“That explosion should have shattered every bone in your body. Since it hasn’t, that can only mean it’s a delayed reaction. I need to get you wrapped up before you turn into a pile of jelly.”

Rainbow Dash removed the last of the bandages and blew a raspberry at Nurse Redheart. Nurse Redheart raised a hoof to her mouth and whistled loudly. Rainbow Dash stared at her in confusion before being tackled from behind by two pegasus stallions with bands bearing a red cross around their forelegs.

“Hold her down, boys! This won’t take long,” Nurse Redheart said. She had a gleam in her eye as she grabbed her fallen roll of bandages and set to work.

~~~

“Muffins are ready!” Derpy called after she set down a tray containing her latest batch. Ponies quickly lined up in front of her. Derpy narrowed her eyes and pointed. “You, you, and you have already had some. Let everypony else get some before you take seconds.” The ponies pointed to reluctantly got out of the line as the rest began to take their turn collecting a muffin.

Derpy walked over to a table containing a plate full of crumbs and a sleepy looking Dinky. Dinky smiled when she saw her mother approaching and climbed onto her back when she crouched down. She was asleep within seconds.

Derpy stood up carefully and began to walk back to her home. She then noticed the ponies around her bowing. Derpy blushed. She knew her muffins were good, but this seemed a bit much.

“Hello, Derpy,” a voice said from behind her.

Derpy turned around and saw Princess Celestia and Princess Luna before her. She started to bow but then stopped when she felt Dinky shift in her sleep. Derpy began to panic until Luna raised a hoof.

“Please don’t bow, Derpy,” Luna said. “I wouldn’t want to wake up Dinky.”

~~~

Luna felt good being out of her disguise, though, everypony suddenly bowing before her again was going to take some getting used to. Derpy returned from her house and walked towards Luna.

“Did I pass?” Derpy asked.

Luna blinked in confusion. “Pass what?” she said.

“The sidekick test! Do I get to be your sidekick, or do you melt my brain?” Derpy looked at her with worry.

Luna held back a laugh. “Don’t worry, Derpy. You passed.”

Derpy closed her eyes and started trotting in place. “Oh! This is so exciting! But... will I have to move to Canterlot? Dinky has friends in school, and she’d be so sad to leave them. But, if I’m to be your sidekick...”

“Hold on, Derpy. You aren’t my sidekick anymore.”

“What? B-but I thought I passed.” Derpy was suddenly breathing rapidly.

Luna quickly continued before Derpy could start crying. “You did. It’s just that I’m giving up being a super hero. No more disguises, from now on I’m just normal Luna. Though, if you still want to hang out... we could always be friends?”

“But we already are friends.” Derpy said, matter-of-factly.

“Yes. I suppose we are.” Luna smiled.

“I still wanted to be a sidekick.”

“But this is better. Don’t you know what happens to sidekicks once their super hero retires?”

Derpy’s eyes widen. “You mean...”

“Congratulations on your promotion, Super Derpy. Just promise me you won’t do anything crazy...” Luna suddenly realized Derpy was no longer in front of her. She looked around but couldn’t find the pegasus anywhere. There was a loud thud from a table nearby.

Standing on top of the table was a pegasus in a black outfit. She had a mask, utility belt, long flowing cape, and a blond mane. “Evil doers beware,” she shouted. Everypony nearby looked at her. “The Muffin Mare stalks the night!”

Derpy bit onto an object from her utility belt and brought it out. She pointed it out in front of her and squeezed. A grappling hook shot out and attached itself to a nearby roof. Derpy leapt into the air and swung off into the crowd, cape billowing out behind her.

Luna was aware of her sister walking up beside her. They looked at each other for a bit, then in the direction the Muffin Mare had gone. Luna cleared her throat. “I’m... going to pretend I didn’t just cause that to happen.”

~~~

Twilight watched as the fully bandaged Rainbow Dash was propped up on the table’s seat. Rainbow Dash was completely covered in white linen bandages except for her eyes and muzzle. An exaggerated frown was on her lips.

“Now then, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Nurse Redheart said pleasantly. “You’ll thank me once your bones start to burst. Actually, that pain will be so great that you won’t be able to say anything at all. I’ll be nearby. If you need me, just scream.”

“Don’t. Say. Anything,” Rainbow Dash growled.

“I wasn’t going to,” Twilight said.

“My lips are sealed,” Applejack said.

“Perish the thought,” Rarity said.

“I’ll, um... try to be quieter,” Fluttershy said.

Everypony except Rainbow Dash turned to look at the baby dragon desperately trying not to laugh.

“I’ll uh... go get some more punch,” Spike said as he got up and left.

“Now how in Equestria did that tunnel lead here?” a voice asked.

Twilight turned around. She recognized that voice. “Trixie!” she called. “Over here!”

Trixie stood in an open doorway to one of the houses. She noticed Twilight, then made her way over and sat down at the table.

“You guys remember Trixie, right?” Twilight said to her friend.

Trixie looked around. “I’m, ah... sorry if I left a bad impression during my last visit.”

Applejack stared at Trixie for a bit then shrugged. “Eh, water under the bridge.”

“I suppose it wouldn’t be very generous of me not to at least give you a second chance,” Rarity said, then narrowed her eyes. “Just so long as you stay away from my mane.”

“You have a lot of nerve showing up here after the stunt you pulled!” Rainbow Dash said, trying to look as menacing as possible.

“Now hold on there, Rainbow,” Applejack said. “We’re all being polite so the least you can do—”

“Not now, Applejack. Can’t you see I’m talking to my rival?”

Trixie looked at Rainbow Dash with wide eyes. “Rainbow Dash?” she questioned then started laughing. “What happened to you? You look like a mummy from those ridiculous ponytales.”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it. Anyway, grab a pen and paper and start writing down everything you’re good at. I’ll do the same, and we’ll compare lists. Then we’re going to compete to see who is better at what.”

Trixie laughed. “Well, I can tell you one thing I’ll do better than you, and that’s actually make a list. Can you even move?”

“I’ll figure something out!”

Twilight laughed a little then turned to Trixie. “I’m so glad we finally get a chance to talk. I wanted to ask you how you pulled off that huge illusion.”

“What? That little thing?” Trixie said and gave a weak laugh. “Actually, I couldn’t do it on my own. I knew that there was a spell matrix in place from the unicorns doing the visual display, and—”

“Oh no you don’t!” Rainbow Dash yelled. “Twilight, don’t you dare start talking to my rival about egghead magic stuff! I don’t want to hear it.”

Twilight stared down Rainbow Dash. “Well then, you’re free to sit somewhere else.”

“I. Can’t. Move.”

“Oh dear,” Nurse Redheart said. “Has your spine shattered? Are you paralyzed?”

“My bones are not going to explode! I can’t move because you have me wrapped up in these stupid bandages!”

The ponies sitting at the table began to giggle. Rainbow Dash did her best to glare at all of them. “Stop laughing at me!” she said.

“All done!” Pinkie announced as she got up and dropped a marker.

“What? Pinkie Pie? What did you do? What did you draw on me?”

“Now we have the same cutie mark!”

Everypony laughed. Rainbow Dash sighed and chuckled a little.

“Hey, Twilight!” Spike said, approaching. “I noticed Trixie was here, so I went and found the two you-know-who’s.”

Spike stepped aside revealing two unicorn colts. A short one wearing a starry hat and a tall one wearing a starry cape.

“You two!” Trixie yelled.

“Oh, G-Great and P-P-Powerful Trixie,” Snips said. “We’re... we’re sorry!”

“Please don’t smite us,” Snails said as he cringed.

“You are wearing my outfit,” Trixie snapped.

Snips and Snails quickly took the clothes off and presented them to Trixie. Trixie levitated her cloak and hat away from the colts and replaced the ones she was wearing. She smiled as she straightened out her outfit. She then looked at the two colts that were doing their best to hide behind a pebble. She threw her worn-out replacement outfit before the colts.

“Here,” Trixie said. “Just be grateful Trixie spared you her wrath. I hope you two have learned your lesson.”

“Oh, we have, Great and Powerful one,” Snips said as he bowed.

“Yeah,” Snails said. “Mustaches are itchy.”

Trixie raised an eyebrow. Twilight laughed nervously, then said, “Just a little joke I played on them. We did make them clean up the mess in town.”

Applejack yawned. “Oh, pardon me,” she said. “It’s been fun girls, but I better go find Apple Bloom and get myself to bed.”

“I hope you can stay for just a few more minutes,” a regal-sounding voice said.

Applejack turned and gasped. “Princess Celestia!” she said, then started to get up. “So sorry, where are my manners.”

“Please, remain seated,” Princess Celestia said. “We only want a moment of your time before we leave.”

“We?” Twilight asked then noticed Princess Luna walking around her sister.

“Hello again, Twilight. Everypony,” Luna said. She took a deep breath and held it for a moment. “Thank you all for freeing me. I just wanted to say it again while you’re all here. I’m sorry if I haven’t been around much.”

“Shucks, Princess. It’s alright. We know you must be busy getting yourself reacquainted after being gone so long,” Applejack said. The others agreed.

“Oh no! This is terrible!” Pinkie said. Everypony looked at her. “If I had known Princess Luna was going to visit Ponyville today, I would have thrown her a party.”

Twilight stared at her pink friend. “Pinkie...” she said calmly. “You just threw a party for everypony within a hundred-mile radius of us. I’m pretty sure that included both princesses.”

Pinkie thought about that. “Oh yeah. I guess it did. Surprise, Princess Luna!”

Luna laughed. “Thank you, Pinkie. It has been a wonderful party. We’ll have to do this again soon.”

Chapter Thirty-Two - The Contest - Confessions

“That certainly was a night to remember,” Celestia said as she climbed into the hot bath water.

“And a day to remember as well,” Luna said, lowering herself into the water opposite her sister.

The royal pony sisters closed their eyes and relaxed for a bit, letting their bodies unwind as they enjoyed the comforts of the royal palace’s baths.

“So,” Celestia said. Luna could tell even with her eyes closed that her sister was smiling. “Have you figured it out?”

“The bad baking magic is a fragment of your own magic that had been corrupted, and rather than disposing of it properly, you let it become part of the background magic. Judging by how much it has been absorbed, I’d say you did it around fifty years ago.”

Celestia was quiet for a while. “You make it sound so irresponsible when you put it like that.”

Luna opened her eyes and stared into her sister’s.

“Alright, alright,” Celestia admitted. “It was irresponsible. I honestly never expected any of the ponies to be able to touch it. I suspect you also know how the magic got corrupted.”

Luna sighed and sank into the bath so that only her head was above the water. “Of course,” she said. “It’s the work of my magic, or rather, my magic once I had become Nightmare Moon.” Luna stared at her smirking sister. “What?” she asked.

“Oh nothing,” Celestia said. “I’m just happy to hear you mention Nightmare Moon without breaking down and shouting about how sorry you are.”

Luna blushed. “I wasn’t that bad.”

“You didn’t have to listen to yourself.”

“Getting back on subject. I suspect many parts of your magic had been corrupted during the battle we had a thousand years ago. Knowing you, rather than risk the corruption spreading, you cut away those pieces. Please tell me they aren’t buried in the background magic too.”

“They aren’t. I sealed the corruption within relics and performed the proper rituals to bleed away their power until they could be safely destroyed.”

“Good,” Luna said as she let herself relax again.

“All except for one that was stolen by a mad cult some five hundred years ago.”

“What?”

“Oh, yes. They unleashed the magic within and used it to bring about the pony apocalypse. Or tried to at least. It turned out that the piece of magic sealed within the relic was only good for casting yodeling based spells. It was a very strange apocalypse, and I think that afterward, everypony involved just wanted to go home and forget about the whole thing.”

Luna stared at her sister’s unreadable expression for a minute before sitting up quickly and being sure to splash water her sister’s way. “There’s one part I haven’t been able to figure out,” she said. “Why baking?”

Celestia sighed and shook her head slowly. “While you were gone, I grew very lonely. In order to help pass the time, I would take up a new hobby every couple decades. Around fifty years ago I tried my hoof at baking.”

“Something tells me you weren’t any good at it.”

“Let’s just say I made the competitors tonight look like the best bakers in Equestria. Which reminds me, did you try Derpy’s muffins? I think I’m going to have to specially request another batch from her.”

“I’m sure she would be delighted too, just so long as she isn’t too busy fighting crime.” Luna tried to laugh, then ended up clearing her throat. “Please, continue.”

“For some reason, whenever I baked, it would cause chaos in the background magic around me. It took me forever to find the reason. It turns out; there was a very small amount of corrupted magic still attached to me that I had missed, and that the mental process of baking caused me to subconsciously attempt to use it. The corruption was absolutely benign, so I decided to cut it out and let it fade away on its own.”

“And then after a while you began hearing reports of ponies causing really strange things to happen when they baked. I’m sure you right away figured out what was causing it. That same subconscious attempt to draw on magic also existed in other ponies, though not many. You could have removed the magic then. You could still remove it now, but you don’t. I’m guessing that’s when you met Sweet?”

Celestia laughed. “I need to get you a detective’s cap and thinking pipe. You’re quite good at this.”

“It’s mostly because I know you so well.”

“Yes, you are right. I knew what was causing the ‘Bad Baking Phenomenon’ as it was called. Sweet was actually one of the first ponies to have discovered the magic. Her parents were employed in the royal kitchens. They were very embarrassed that the daughter of two legendary chefs—their words, not mine—was so terrible at baking. They hid her lack of talent while seeking out doctors and herbalists. Out of any other options, they finally turned to me. Sweet baked in front of me, and I knew I had let things go on long enough. I was ready to pull out the magic, even had it in my grasp, but then...”

“Sweet got her cutie mark.”

Celestia nodded. “Her parents were horrified, but Sweet was overjoyed. I quickly let go of the magic. I wouldn’t dare to remove something that made one of our ponies unique. Instead, I worked with Sweet. She loved to show off her inability to bake. She perfected it to an art and would perform in front of crowds of thousands. Other ponies also with the inability to bake sought her out. Soon, a festival sprang up dedicated to all things bad baking related.”

Luna nodded. “And the rest is history, as it were. I’m glad all things worked out in the end, and we all lived happily ever after, but there’s still the matter of the giant explosion that would have destroyed the stadium and everypony in it had we not been there.”

It was Celestia’s turn to sink into the water. “The magic can be dangerous, no doubt about it, but only if used improperly. I should never have helped Sweet make the null-stones. It’s the reason I attend the competition every year. Just in case. Some days I wonder if I made the right decision in letting the magic stay.”

Luna slid closer to her sister. “Well, of course you made the right decision. Didn’t you see how happy everypony was tonight? I suppose you just have to take the good along with the occasional life-threatening explosions and super villainous unicorns bent on the destruction of Equestria. At least, you don’t have to worry about the null-stones anymore. The second one was accidentally crushed into dust after the explosion when I picked it up with my magic. I’m more worried about the bad baking magic being able to be used outside of baking. I destroyed an oven by making soup, just because I was thinking about baking at the time. I’m sure I could do it much easier now that I know what the magic is. That would be scary if the normal bad bakers could do that.”

Celestia remained silent for a time before quietly saying, “Sweet knows how to fully use the magic just like us.”

Luna dunked her face into the water. Bubbles rapidly came to the surface as she screamed all the air in her lungs. She rose from the water and gasped for air. “Anyone else? Do I really need to worry about a competent version of Snuggle Cakes actually doing something to take over the world?”

Celestia’s expression again was unreadable. Luna closed her eyes and tried to relax. “I guess it’s my turn to share then,” she said.

“It can wait until tomorrow night. I’m sure you would like to go to bed.”

“I would, but I still feel a little too charged up from having all that magic flow through me. So... which of my adventures did you want to hear about first?”

“Let’s start at the beginning.”

“Ah, then that would be the time I decided to try being a blacksmith.”

“Really, you were a blacksmith?”

“Yes, strange as it sounds. It all started when I saw this neat little metal statue in the marketplace and asked how it was made...”

~~~

That night a tradition between the royal pony sisters was started. Luna would tell the tale of one of her adventures, and Celestia would talk about one the hobbies she had tried. Many laughs were shared between the sisters as they talked and enjoyed each other’s company. The stories went on for weeks until they all were told. They weren’t sad when they came to the end, though. After all, many new stories would be awaiting the sisters in the future.

Chapter Thirty-Three - The Aftermath - CMC, WBE, YAY!

“Out! Out!” Rarity yelled as she chased after Sweetie Belle. “I saw you three go into my kitchen. I will not have you repeating last night’s... travesties in my boutique. Go on. Outside!”

Sweetie Belle and the other two Cutie Mark Crusaders ran out the front door of the Carousel Boutique. Scootaloo jumped over her wagon and landed on her scooter. The other two fillies climbed into the wagon just as Scootaloo started to beat her wings. They sped away from the dress shop and didn’t slow down until they were out of sight of the fuming Rarity.

“Well that could have gone better,” Scootaloo said as she steered through town.

The market was unusually crowded today. Some of the ponies that had come in from out of town to watch the previous night’s competition had remained for other business. There were also still remnants of the huge after-party going on in the fields north of Ponyville.

“I told you she would get mad,” Sweetie Belle said.

“At least she didn’t sic her cat on us,” Apple Bloom said. “Winona is guardin’ our kitchen somethin’ fierce.”

“So what now?” Scootaloo asked. “How do we find out if we’re as bad at baking as Rainbow Dash if nopony will let us bake?”

“Well... what about your house?”

“Yeah,” Sweetie Belle said. “Come to think of it. I don’t think we’ve ever hung out at your house.”

Scootaloo cringed and said, “We can’t go to my house. I tried to do some baking last night after I got home.”

“And?” Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle said.

“I’ve been grounded from the kitchen. It’s not so bad. My parents originally wanted to ground me from touching food until they realized that would make it impossible to eat.”

“Golly,” Apple Bloom said as she stared up at the sky. “There must be somewhere we can bake...”

The three fillies’ faces lit up as they spied a building in the distance. “Sugarcube Corner,” they all said then slapped their hooves together, nearly causing Scootaloo to lose control. “Cutie Mark Crusader, worst bakers in Equestria, yay!”

~~~

The Cutie Mark Crusaders stealthily moved through the store room of Sugarcube Corner. Mr. and Mrs. Cake weren’t there, and there were no customers around, but one should never pass up a chance to earn a ninja cutie mark. The sound of somepony humming could be heard coming from the kitchen as they approached. The fillies pushed open one of the swinging doors and peaked out their heads around it. Inside was Pinkie Pie with bowls, trays, and sheets of dough all around her.

“Wow,” Scootaloo whispered. “She’s making a bigger mess than some of the competitors did last night.”

Sweetie Belle whispered back, “Yeah, but the difference is the stuff she makes turns out good.”

“Most of the time, at least,” Apple Bloom said.

The Crusaders crept into the kitchen. Pinkie looked up from her stirring. “Hi, girls!” she said with a friendly wave. “Sorry about the mess. I’ve been really busy today.”

“Is there some special order you got goin’ on?” Apple Bloom asked, standing up since their cover had been blown.

“Oh, no. I’m just trying to combine a cupcake with a muffin.”

Apple Bloom tilted her head in confusion as she thought about what Pinkie had just said. “Is that even possible?” she finally asked.

“I dunno. But I had a weird dream about it last night, so I thought I’d give it a try.”

Scootaloo looked around at the many failed experiments strewn about the counter tops. “Wouldn’t that just be a muffin with frosting on top?” she asked.

Pinkie giggled. “You’d think that, but it takes more than just frosting for a cupcake to be a cupcake. The batter for each baked good is very different, and finding a proper combination of ingredients has been proving very difficult.”

“That sounds like somethin’ Twilight would be good at,” Apple Bloom said. She sniffed one of the failed experiments and stuck out her tongue.

“Yep. She already came up with a theory on how to do it, but I want to try to solve it on my own first. It’s more fun this way.” A red light on the oven illuminated and a buzzer sounded. A panicked look came over Pinkie. “Oh no! Experiment twenty-three has gone critical! Everypony hit the deck!”

The Crusaders barely had time to look at Pinkie before she lunged at them and knocked them behind a counter.

From outside Sugarcube Corner, a muffled explosion could be heard. With this having already happened three times today, nopony came to check on it.

The kitchen was completely covered in a thick layer of swirled muffin and cupcake. Four lumps in the floor wobbled as the ponies dug themselves out. Pinkie shook the crumbs from her mane. “Sorry girls. Things like this have been happening all morning,” she said.

The three fillies hopped out of their holes and walked around on the spongy floor. Pinkie leaned down and bit into it. She chewed thoughtfully, swallowed, and then sighed. “Another failure. What was I thinking, using oatmeal as a bonding agent?”

“I think it tastes pretty good,” Sweetie Belle said with her mouth full. Everypony looked at her. “What? I like oatmeal.”

“Was there something I could help you girls with?” Pinkie asked as she began cleaning up her latest failure.

“We’re trying to find out if we can bake bad like Rainbow Dash,” Scootaloo said.

“But everypony in town has heard about what happened last night, and nopony will let us use their ovens,” Apple Bloom continued.

“So we came here hoping we could use yours,” Sweetie Belle finished.

The four ponies looked at Sugarcube Corner’s oven, or rather what was left of it. The Crusaders sighed. Their search would have to begin again.

Pinkie looked at the oven then down at the sad fillies. She tapped her chin with a hoof as she thought. “I think I know of an oven you can use. Yeah! Wait outside. I’ll be right there.”

~~~

“So, uh... what exactly am I lookin’ at here?” Apple Bloom said after Pinkie put an object down in front of her.

“This,” Pinkie said, indicating the pink cube-like object, “is an Easy-Cake Oven. It was my first oven I used as a little filly. It’s been in my closet ever since I learned how to use a real oven.”

“But I already know how to use a real oven.”

“I suspect that’s the reason closets all over Equestria are filled with these things.”

“An oven is an oven,” Scootaloo said. “We’re lucky we even get to use this one.”

Sweetie Belle looked at the oven. She tapped it with a hoof, and a little door opened. “How does this thing even work?” she asked as she looked inside.

“Magic!” Pinkie said. “Oh! And a hundred-watt light bulb.”

“It bakes cakes with a light bulb?” Apple Bloom said with more than a touch of skepticism.

“Weeellll... not very well,” Pinkie admitted.

Scootaloo pushed the cube and tilted it into her wagon. “Then it’s perfect! With an oven as bad as this one, we’re sure to make something horrible,” she said, then hopped onto her scooter. “Come on, let get to the clubhouse.”

“Oh, wait,” Pinkie said then placed a brown paper bag into the wagon. “I also packed you some ingredients.”

“Thanks, Pinkie,” the three fillies said together before Scootaloo took off down the road.

Pinkie waved until the fillies were out of sight then looked up and tapped her chin. “Maybe marshmallows would be sticky enough to hold the batters together,” she said to herself. “Although, the temperatures required would be extreme. I wonder if I could rent a blast furnace.”

~~~

The Crusaders placed the Easy-Cake Oven in the center of the their clubhouse. The three fillies then stared at it for a while.

Eventually, Sweetie Belle opened its door and pulled out the small metal container that batter was supposed to go into. She looked up at the others. “Does anypony actually know the recipe to make a cake?” she asked.

“That’s easy,” Scootaloo said with a casual wave of her hoof. “You just... combine things together... right? Flour and sugar and eggs and stuff.”

“I’ve seen my sis bake cakes plenty of times. It didn’t look too hard,” Apple Bloom said.

“It looks like Pinkie already measured out all the ingredients for us,” Sweetie Belle said with her head in the paper bag. She began pulling out the ingredients.

Apple Bloom took stock of what was in the bag. “Okay, so we have a bowl, a spoon, some flour, some sugar, little bit a salt, little bit a baking powder, and some buttery type stuff. I think it’s shortenin’. Let’s start combinin’ it and—”

“Hold it!” Scootaloo said. “We’re missing eggs.”

“That’s everything that was in the bag,” Sweetie Belle said as she checked again. “Maybe we aren’t supposed to use them?”

“No way! You saw all the cool things they did with eggs last night. How can you make a cake without eggs? All cakes need eggs. Isn’t that right, Apple Bloom?”

Apple Bloom thought about it. “Well... my sis does always put eggs in her cakes.”

“Then it’s settled. We’ll just go over to your chicken pen and get some eggs. What could possibly go wrong?”

~~~

“How did that possibly go wrong?” Scootaloo said after she stuck another bandage on her foreleg.

“I told you not to squeeze ‘em. Chickens lay eggs when they’re good and ready,” Apple Bloom said, then stuck a bandage along Scootaloo’s back.

“Yeah, well... at least we got three eggs before they started attacking.”

The Crusaders looked down at the ingredients before them. It was time to see if they had what it took to bake as bad as the competitors from last night. Apple Bloom picked up an egg in her mouth, rapped it on the side of the bowl, then carefully moved the shell so the raw egg could slide out. She set the shell down and stared into the bowl. “So... how do I make somethin’ bad happen?”

“I don’t know,” Scootaloo admitted. “Nurse Redheart still has Rainbow Dash all tied up in bandages, so she hasn’t been able to teach me anything. Oh! She did show me that pose to use.”

Scootaloo stood before the bowl, stuck out her chest, flared her wings, and held her head high. The other two Crusaders mimicked her pose the best they could without wings. They stood that way for a few minutes.

“Is anything happening?” Scootaloo asked.

“I don’t know. I can’t really look down like this,” Apple Bloom said.

“My neck is getting tired,” Sweetie Belle said.

The three fillies looked down together. The egg hadn’t changed color, turned into a frog, or gotten back inside its shell. They sighed. It was a very disappointing egg.

“Stand back. It’s my turn now,” Scootaloo said. She bent down to pick up the egg then stopped. Instead of using her mouth, she sat down and picked up the egg between her front hooves. She then threw the egg over her head, causing it to splatter on the wall behind her. “Oh no! My bad baking magic caused the egg to fly out of my hooves. What a mess!”

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle stared at Scootaloo with unimpressed looks on their faces.

Scootaloo sighed. “I’ll clean it up.”

Apple Bloom rolled the last egg to Sweetie Belle. “Go on,” she said. “It’s your turn now.”

Sweetie Belle picked up the egg and dropped it in the bowl. She then raised a hoof and stomped on the egg. She lifted her hoof and watched the egg slide off of it. “Eeewww,” she said.

“Good job, Sweetie Belle! You got egg shells in the bowl,” Apple Bloom said excitedly.

“Huh? She did?” Scootaloo said as she was wiping the wall with a towel. She finished cleaning, walked over to the bowl and dropped the towel for Sweetie Belle to use. “All right. Now we’re getting somewhere. What’s next?”

“Flour,” Apple Bloom said. She picked up the container and dumped the flour into the bowl. The fillies coughed as a cloud of flour rose around them. They looked at each other and grinned.

The rest of the ingredients were thrown into the bowl, and the giggling fillies fought each other for control of the spoon. After a few minutes, and an attempted recreation of Trixie’s spoon/spatula fight, the batter was mixed and mostly still in the bowl. Apple Bloom spooned some of the batter into the metal container, shut the oven and pressed the ‘ON’ button.

The Crusaders watched the oven with excitement for a few minutes, followed by a mild enthusiasm for a few more minutes, then outright boredom. The ‘ON’ button was illuminated, and the sides of the oven felt warm. Beyond that, there was no telling what, if anything, was happening.

“So, how long do we have to wait?” Apple Bloom asked.

“This isn’t one of those quick-bake ovens. It’ll probably take a while,” Sweetie Belle said.

“How do we know when it’s done?”

“Well,” Scootaloo said. “If we’re anything like Rainbow Dash, the oven will explode when it’s finished.”

The fillies looked at the oven then at each other. They took a step back towards the door.

“I-it was a really big explosion,” Sweetie Belle said.

They took another step back.

“Maybe we shouldn’t have done this in the clubhouse?” Apple Bloom said.

The fillies ran out the door and peeked back around its side.

“We should turn it off,” Scootaloo said.

“How? There’s only an ‘ON’ button.”

“Well... press it again!”

“What if that just makes it explode twice?”

The oven dinged.

The Crusaders screamed and ran from their clubhouse. They ran through the field and hid behind some trees. After a few minutes of their clubhouse not being engulfed in a fiery inferno, the Crusaders slowly crept back the way they had come.

Because it was her family’s land, Apple Bloom was outvoted to go and check if things were safe. She nervously climbed the ramp and looked inside. The Easy-Cake Oven sat in the middle of the Crusaders’ clubhouse; both were still intact. They only thing that had changed was that the oven was now open. Apple Bloom waved for her friends to follow.

The three fillies sat around the metal container full of cake they had removed from the oven.

“Do you think we should eat it?” Scootaloo asked.

“I dunno. It don’t look so bad,” Apple Bloom said then sniffed the little cake. “Don’t smell so bad neither.”

“I’ll eat it,” Sweetie Belle said with determination.

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo looked at each other, then nodded. They got up and gathered some supplies for their friend.

“Juice box,” Apple Bloom said after setting down a juice box next to Sweetie Belle.

Scootaloo set a bucket on Sweetie Belle’s other side. “Bucket,” she said.

Sweetie Belle looked at her friends and nodded her thanks. She bent down and took a bite from the cake. She chewed it for a little while then swallowed it. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo stared at her in anticipation.

Sweetie Belle formulated her thoughts and said, “It’s... not good. I think I liked Pinkie’s experiment number twenty-three better. The flavor is kind of bland, and the egg shells don’t help. It doesn’t make me want to cry or throw up, though.”

“So... does that mean we’re bad bakers?” Scootaloo asked hopefully.

“More like mediocre bakers,” Apple Bloom said sadly.

The fillies sighed. They wouldn’t be getting bad baking cutie marks today. “So what should we do now? We could try swimming again,” Sweetie Belle said.

“I hate swimming,” Scootaloo said. “We need something with more action. Something like... like...”

A cracking sound drew the three fillies’ attention downward. The light bulb inside the Easy-Cake Oven had shattered. The fillies slowly smiled at one another.

“You know,” Apple Bloom said. “This was only our first try. We haven’t even gotten Rainbow Dash’s training yet.”

“And there’s still a whole year before the next competition,” Sweetie Belle said.

“I think visiting hours at the hospital are soon!” Scootaloo said. “Let’s clean up and go see Rainbow Dash. She’ll tell us what we did wrong.”

The Crusaders slapped their hooves together and yelled, “Cutie Mark Crusaders, worst bakers in Equestria in training, yay!”

Chapter Thirteen - The Preliminaries - Let’s Just Wrap This Up, Shall We?

“We have gone over this, Rainbow Dash. We have checked and rechecked every pony against the list. The kidnapper is not in here!” Trixie said, her face inches away from Rainbow Dash’s.

The ponies in the room were watching with mild interest.

“If he’s not here anymore, it’s only because he snuck out once he heard you talking about making a checklist!” Rainbow Dash shouted back.

All the ponies’ heads turned to watch Rainbow Dash. It was hardly entertaining to watch the two of them fight, but at least it helped the time go by.

“We did a headcount at the very beginning. There have been no more kidnappings. Everypony that was here in the beginning is still here. Face it, Rainbow Dash. You were wrong!”

“Gah! You are intentionally trying to get on my nerves today. The kidnapper is still out there!”

“Well, unless he just suddenly walks through that door, I guess we’re out of luck!”

There was a click as the door opened. On the other side of the door was Princess Luna, but more importantly, next to her was a masked unicorn.

“There he—” Rainbow Dash started to say.

“Wait!” Trixie yelled. “How many ponies are you going to tackle today until you listen? We have to use the checklist.” She cleared her throat and turned to a sheet of paper laid out upon a table. “Now then. Unicorn? Check. Male? Check. Dark mane, possibly black? Dark-blue coat? Bunny for a cutie mark? Check, check, and check. Black mask and cape? Check. Okay, Rainbow Dash. Now you can say it.”

“There he is! Get him!”

Snuggle Cakes gulped as dozens of angry ponies raced towards him.

Chapter Twenty-Four - Intermission - Choose Your Own Intermission

“I heard rumors that there might even be a surprise or two waiting for us,” Spike said.

“I love surprises!” Pinkie yelled as she spun in her chair.

“We all do, Pinkie. We all do.”

Spike clicked off the microphones and laid back in his chair. Adoring fans, delicious hot dogs; what more could a dragon ask for? Maybe some gem stones wouldn’t hurt. Spike wondered if the hot dog seller carried any. He’d have to ask next time the seller came by.

The band was beginning to march onto the field. The music and other entertainment would be nice, but Spike wanted to get back to announcing. Pinkie spun faster and faster in her chair until she fell out again. She lay upside down on the floor, giggling, when a shadow moved over her face.

“Huh?” Pinkie said as she looked at the doorway.

Spike looked too. In the doorway was an earth pony with a brown coat and dark-brown mane. “Regal?” Spike asked. “What are you doing here?”

Regal looked down at Pinkie then at Spike. “Why am I here? I am here to—”

Author's Note

Choose your own intermission time! What will Regal say? Where will the intermission go? That’s for you to decide!

I want warm fuzzy feelings. Make Regal a nice guy.
Turn to Intermission - Sunshine And Lollipops →

I want sword-fighting action. Make Regal a bad guy.
Turn to Intermission - Revenge Is A Dish Best Served On The End Of A Sword →

I want something darker. Make Regal a hero.
Turn to Intermission - Beware The Evil... Something →

I want the silliness cranked up to eleven. Make Regal a pirate.
Turn to Intermission - A Pirate I Was Meant To Be →

I want to get back to the real story. Make Regal go away.
Turn to Chapter Twenty-Five - A Behind The Scenes Look Behind The Scenes →