To Soothe Thy Sleepless Souls
“You did what?” Twilight’s usually lavender face had gone an interesting shade of puce; Fluttershy was being treated to an uncomfortably close-quarters view of her muzzle.
Fluttershy appeared unfazed. “Well, you see, Twilight, I thought it would do the poor creature some good. It can’t be a very enjoyable experience for him right now.”
Twilight was not mollified. “You say that like it’s a bad thing!” she yelled.
Fluttershy narrowed her eyes. “And just what do you suggest I should have done, Twilight? Poor Spike is going to take a few days to recover from his dragonpox, but he absolutely insisted that someone else should take his place. After what happened with Discord, I’ve had a lot to think about recently. And Princess Celestia did say that everyone deserved a second chance.”
Twilight sighed. “Well then, I guess... I guess I disagree with her.” She swallowed hard. “Look, I know she thinks that way; you can hardly blame her after what happened with Princess Luna. But I also know—”
“—that you haven’t answered my question.”
Twilight drew up short and blinked at Fluttershy’s forthright intervention. She steadied herself, took two steps back and looked up at her friend. She sighed again, a little more deeply this time.
“Okay, okay, I admit it: I don’t know what you should have done. And I suppose we have to go through with it now anyway. But I most certainly do know what you shouldn’t have done. And that’s to ask Tirek to my castle-warming slumber party!”
* * *
“So,” said Rainbow Dash, hovering idly above her seat, “explain this floating window thingy to me again.”
Twilight sank further into her chair and sighed. The sighing was becoming a bit of a habit, she realised. “It’s really quite simple, Rainbow. The spell I cast will facilitate the creation of a visual portal to the relevant Tartaran node in sub-dimensional space-time, while maintaining a magical barrier in order that no tangible matter is able to permeate its boundaries. For the duration of the spell, we’ll have mutual communicative ability, but lack any physical connection. See? Told you it was simple!” She clopped her forehooves together with a gleeful expression.
Applejack didn’t even wait. “It’s kinda like a two-way movie screen, Dash. We can see Tirek an’ he can see us – but he’ll still be held safely in Tartarus. He ain’t able to move through the window. Neither can we, though I don’t know there’s any reason we’d want to anyway. But it’s completely safe. Leastways, I hope to goodness that’s the case.”
“It is!”
“Okay, okay, Twi. I ain’t in the habit o’ doubtin’ you when it comes to fancy magic.”
“That’s very— oh, and another thing,” said Twilight. “This isn’t exactly the easiest spell to cast. It’s because of the entropic interdimensional entang—” She caught herself just in time. “I can manage it once without too much difficulty, but there’s no way Tirek is going to be able to spend another evening with us any time soon. At least, not unless you want me to spend most of next month in Ponyville Hospital with a ruptured horn.”
“Of course,” added Rarity, trotting up to join the others at the table, “you don’t have to do this at all, Twilight. I really don’t know why you want to spend an evening with that tacky monstrosity. Quite apart from his predilection for draining ponies’ magic and completely ruining the local countryside, there’s his choice of colour scheme and personal accoutrements. Red and black – can you imagine anything more vulgar? And as for that ridiculous ring through his nose...”
Applejack put her head in her hooves. “For corn’s sake, Rarity, can you ever talk about somepony without commentin’ on their taste in fashion?”
“In the first place, Applejack, Tirek is not a pony. In the second place, I was talking to Twilight, not to you, and it would have been good manners to have let her reply. And in the third place? No. I cannot. Fashion is my vocation, after all. Besides," she added slyly, "when did you last meet anyone without talking about apples and farm... things?”
“I ain’t... er, you were sayin’, Twi?”
Twilight considered another sigh, but thought better of it. Possibly there’s a hard limit to the number of sighs a pony can give in a certain time, she mused. Maybe I can write a research paper on it!
She surfaced from her brief reverie to find the others looking at her expectantly, and said, “Look, Fluttershy was the one who told me that I should invite Tirek. And you’re right, I didn’t want to at first. Actually, I didn’t want to do it for quite a while. But Fluttershy can be very... persistent sometimes, and she pointed out that we did invite Discord back to join us.”
“Oh yeah. So we did. After he betrayed Fluttershy,” grumbled Rainbow from above. “And you. And all of us, and the Princesses, and basically every single pony in Equestria.”
“Now come on, Rainbow Dash,” said Twilight, a little sharply, “I thought we’d agreed to put all that behind us and move on. And, well, I guess we should be doing that with Tirek, too, at least for tonight.”
“Oh, riiight. Like you can ever ‘move on’” – Dash made air quotes with her forehooves – “with Tirek. He was even more of a pain in the flank than Discord, and Discord is way more annoying than anyone else in Equestria.”
“I’ll have you know I heard that,” came a voice from some indefinable quarter, “and I thought it a remarkably ungenerous observation.”
“Yeah? Well, boo hoo. Go whine at Rarity,” said Rainbow, gesturing. (The unicorn shook her head frantically.) Everypony waited for more, but there was merely a long silence, which was eventually punctured by Twilight.
“Look, girls,” she said heavily, “I can cut the spell off whenever I want to. Like I said, it’s a difficult one to cast, but it’s much easier to stop. I know the counter-spell, and if I cast that then pretty quickly the... movie screen will collapse and the link to Tartarus will be broken. Now, let’s get some shut-eye. I think it’s going to be a long night.”
* * *
“Not that I’m doubtin’ you at all, Twi,” said Applejack as the two of them trotted along an outer corridor of the castle, the evening sky just visible through a high side window, “but are you absolutely one hundred per cent sure that this is gonna be safe?”
“Of course! I researched it up in the books I brought back from the Castle of the Two Sisters. Do you know that place had a first edition of Applied Quantum Demateralistics? I remember reading that thing back in magic kindergarten! Oh, and when I came back from the castle, I asked Pinkie Pie whether she thought the spell failing would cause the universe to explode with a massive bang! You know, since she has experience of all sorts of weird interdimensional stuff. And guess what? She said no!” Twilight beamed hugely.
Applejack gave her a sideways look. “Jes’ that? Pinkie Pie? That was all she said?”
Twilight blushed. “Well, she did go on to say that it would be more like a massive kablooie! But it definitely wouldn’t be a bang!” she added brightly. Applejack raised one eyebrow very slowly, but said nothing.
Before long, the pair had reached the large, somewhat plain room where the slumber party was to be held. Rainbow had sulked a little when Twilight had vetoed the idea of holding the party in the throne room itself, but even she had had to acknowledge the logic of not letting Tirek see such a sensitive part of the castle. Even if he was now safely imprisoned in Tartarus once again, there was no sense in being reckless.
To make up for Dash’s disappointment, Twilight had allowed her to choose the furniture and decor. Six large, brightly coloured bean bags were dotted around the room in a rough semicircle, while at one end was a solid wooden table. Rainbow gestured proudly at the paintings and posters that lined three of the walls; Twilight suppressed a giggle as she noticed that one poster, now a little tattered around the edges and held together with sticky tape, advertised the very Best Young Flier contest that Rainbow herself had won long ago. It had "WINNER: MS. RAINBOW DASH" written in black felt pen across the top in Dash's own rather untidy mouthwriting.
Six sleeping bags, in the same colours as the bean bags, were lined up against the long far wall. Each was accompanied by a plump pillow, pristine white apart from the name of the pony it was for embroidered in exquisite stitching in one corner, colour-coded to match the appropriate sleeping bag. Rarity, characteristically, had insisted on making these for everypony rather than using the “plain old things” that Twilight had originally suggested.
Firefly-lamps hung from the ceiling at each end of the room, one burning at close to maximum intensity and one on a medium setting. Fluttershy, her wings beating as gently as she could manage, hovered beneath the brighter one, speaking very softly to the insects within; after a moment, they calmed slightly and the lamp’s illumination dimmed to match its fellow across the room.
One pony was still missing. Twilight frowned; it wasn’t like Pinkie Pie to be late for a party. She wondered what had happened – but she didn’t have to wonder for long, as a few moments later, Pinkie crawled into the room under the weight of an enormous cardboard box. Twilight noticed that it had “BBBFP” scrawled on the side.
“Er,” said Twilight, and stopped.
“No, silly,” said Pinkie cheerfully. “This isn’t an er. This is my Big Big Box For Portals. I thought maybe we could use one of them so that you wouldn’t have to use up all your precious party energy on that reaaally difficult spell!”
Twilight looked around helplessly at the others. They shrugged, almost in unison.
“But Pinkie,” she protested, “you can’t put portals in a cardboard box!”
“Oh Twilight,” said Pinkie, “you’re such a silly pony.” (Applejack snorted.) “Where else would I put them? I mean, I tried using saddlebags, but they weren’t big enough and I ended up getting portals all over the Cakes’ nice clean floor. And you really do not want to know how long those things take to sweep up. Especially if it’s a baking day: there can be dark batter everywhere! And then I tried a metal trunk, but it was too heavy to carry unless I used one of the portals to help, but that meant I couldn’t carry the portal myself. So, cardboard box it is.” She grinned hugely, accompanying the beam with a mighty squee.
“Well, I think that’s a mighty fine gesture you’re makin’ there, Pinkie,” said Applejack.
“And you have to admit, Twilight,” put in Rainbow Dash, “Pinkie Pie does know how to get a party on.”
“Rarity? Fluttershy?” Both nodded. Twilight rolled her eyes. “Fine. We’ll use the portal. Let’s get started: how do we get the portal into the correct state to contact Tartarus, Pinkie?”
“Well, duh. We take it out of the box and hang it in the air. Gee, Twilight, you’re supposed to be the smart one.”
“Hang it in... the...?” Twilight trailed off defeatedly as she noticed that Pinkie had already done just that. A roughly circular portal now hung, unmoving, a few inches in front of the bare wall of the room. Quite what it was hanging from was anypony’s guess; Twilight felt too frazzled even to attempt to find out.
“Oh, my stars,” said Rarity, “where are my manners? Would you like some help with the summoning, Twilight? As we have a portal ready and waiting now, the spell should be a great deal more straightforward, and I’m sure I could manage to assist.”
Twilight said nothing, merely giving the unicorn a grateful smile. The others watched in silence as the pair concentrated on pooling their magic energy. Eventually, the link to the imprisoned Tirek began to become apparent. Before long, the ponies could make out a hulking shape near the centre of the window.
Fluttershy squinted at the portal. “Aw, there you are. Isn’t he just the cutest little thing?”
“What?!” Twilight yelped. She looked more closely at the portal. “Ah, I see. Rarity, could you help me adjust the vertical hold on this thing a little? We seem to have got it focused on Cerberus. We need to go up that staircase a bit from here before we can stabilise the spell.”
* * *
It was some time later. The ponies were arguing about what to do first. Rainbow Dash, inevitably, wanted hoof-wrestling and was attempting to goad Applejack into a match, though the pegasus’s arguments seemed a little less heartfelt than usual. Rarity and Fluttershy had voted for makeovers. Pinkie Pie was apparently playing a solo tournament of “Who Can Yell ‘Rhubarb’ The Loudest?” Each was simultaneously waving any free hooves, horns and wings she might possess at Twilight, to emphasise how her own preference was clearly the best one.
Twilight felt that the Find-me-an-aspirin-right-now Game would have been a winner at this point.
“Princess Twilight,” boomed Tirek from the other side of the portal, “may I remind you that I am the specially invited guest at your party? So, perhaps I might be allowed to choose the diversion?”
There was a sudden silence in the room. Twilight grimaced and looked at her friends for help. Applejack looked deeply suspicious, shaking her head decisively. Rainbow, who still seemed slightly distant, wore a disgusted expression. Fluttershy, though, was nodding enthusiastically. After taking a moment to remove a couple of cucumber slices from her face, Rarity joined her. Two-all, thought Twilight. I guess Pinkie gets the casting vote. She looked round at the earth pony, who was bouncing up and down rapidly on the spot.
“Er, is that a yes or a no?” Twilight asked.
“Yes!”
“So is it a yes or a no or a yes-or-a-no?”
“Yes!”
“But which of those is it?”
“Rhubarb!” thundered Pinkie, in a voice that would have put a fully-grown dragon to shame.
Twilight rolled her eyes and sighed. This particular sigh, she felt, was entirely justified. Well then, she thought, looks like it’s me who gets the casting vote.
She took a deep breath. “All right, Tirek,” she said. “Your choice. But remember, I can close the portal pretty much straight away if I have to. So, then: what will we all be doing?”
Tirek leered. “Playing Truth or Dare, of course.”
Now Applejack did speak up. “No way, no how!” she protested. “Y’all know I can’t play that game even with you girls. I never cared much for it anyhow. And with this guy? Shoot, Twi, you can’t let him get his way on this one!”
Rarity chimed in. “Indeed. It is not as if the notion of truth seems to matter very much to Tirek in any case.”
“Get Tirekt!” yelled Rainbow. There was a moment’s silence as the others, even the imprisoned centaur, turned as one to look at her. “What?” she said, making a pathetic attempt at an innocent smile. “What?”
“You’ve been thinking up that line since we got here, haven’t you, Rainbow Dash?” asked Twilight flatly.
“Well, yeah,” said Dash defensively, “but wasn’t it an awesome one?”
Twilight closed her eyes and tried desperately to think. Visions of wildly dancing aspirins passed in front of her eyelids. “All right, Tirek,” she said at length. “But we play this one on one. Just me and you, one round each. Do we have a deal?”
Tirek smirked unpleasantly. “We do. You may challenge first.”
Twilight’s mind spun with possibilities. Sweat beaded on her brow and ran down into her eyes as she thought furiously. Tirek was pacing up and down his cage like a prowling tiger.
“I dare you... I dare you to be good!” She knew it wasn’t a very good dare; she’d only ever seen the game played once before, and that wasn’t as a participant.
Tirek burst out laughing. “Oh, but Princess Twilight, you forget. I am good. If I were not good, how would I have come so close to defeating you and becoming Lord of Equestria?”
Twilight looked stricken.
“And now it’s my turn, Princess Twili—”
“For pony’s sake, Tir-dreck, what’s with all the weird formality?” cut in Rainbow. “You even did it when the two of you were having your crazy magic destructo-ray battle. You’re at a slumber party, not a royal inauguration ceremony. Just call her Twilight. Or Twi. Or Egghe—”
“Hey!”
“Okay, maybe not that one.” A pause. “Yeah. Done now.”
Tirek put his face right up to the portal. Pinkie gave it a cheery wave. “I dare you, Princess Twilight, to tell me the truth.”
“About what?”
“About everything.”
“I can’t do that! I’ll be here forever!”
Tirek smirked again. “Indeed.”
“Well, I guess— mmpphh!” Applejack had stuffed a hoof into Twilight’s mouth; the alicorn’s eyes bulged. After a few seconds, the hoof was removed, but Twilight’s expression remained.
“I do wish you would stop doing that to ponies, Applejack,” grumbled Rarity.
“Hey, I didn’t mind when she did it to me,” said Rainbow Dash cockily.
“I'm sure you didn’t,” muttered Rarity under her breath.
“Girls!” said Fluttershy, a little sharply. “What sort of hosts are we being for Tirek? We should all calm down and behave with courtesy. Applejack, were you going to suggest something?”
Applejack nodded. “Darn right I was.” She turned to the centaur. “Now lookee here, Tirek,” she said. “We’re gonna play something nice and simple-like. No messin’ about, no weird tricks, nothin’. Makin’ shadow hoof-shapes, you okay with that, Twi?”
“It tasted of cinnamon,” breathed Twilight. “I love cinnamon!” She was right back on her haunches, wearing an expression of utter bliss and giggling slightly as she rocked back and forth.
Applejack ignored her. “We play this a whole lot in the the buckin’ season at Sweet Apple Acres. You ever been applebuckin’, Tirek?”
“And there it is,” stage-whispered Rarity.
Applejack ignored her, too. “Okay, Tirek. I’ll ask Twi to turn the portal around a bit, so that you can see the lamps properly.”
“No.”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “Now what’re you complainin’ about?”
Tirek huffed. “I don’t like fireflies.”
Twilight, finally recovering herself, blinked and looked up. “Er, what? I don’t understand.”
Tirek looked disgusted. “Am I not here through your forgiveness? Then why treat me so? Have I not been tormented enough by being imprisoned here, in this endless underworld? Do you not even think of what I suffered so many moons ago from Firefly and her companions?”
“Oh, er, right,” stuttered Twilight. “So, er, what do you suggest we could use instead? There’s not all that much light from the moon in here, there are wards on this place that would make casting normal light spells awkward – and I’m really not sure I want to start using dark magic right now.”
Tirek smirked a third time, and lowered his voice. “Crystals,” he hissed.
“Oh, Celestia, no,” groaned Rainbow Dash, putting her head in her hooves. “Didn’t we go through that one already?”
It was, as Twilight had predicted, a long night.
