The Royal Snackdown

by Creed

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Comedy
Length: 6387

The snackrifice of a lifetime has to be made in order for Equestria to keep hold of its harmonic balance. Who will save the entire nation? Well, just see C and L in the dictionary.

For decades years long amounts of time, many rulers of Equine Land Equestria have passed on the torch of the snackrifice to other royal alicorns. For Luna and Celestia, the pair of sisters want to top all the rest of the rulers by simply getting the best snack they could ever get in all of the land. Their journey is long and rough, but they shall succeed.

After all, who doesn't like having a snack or two?

Written in collaboration with CluelessDetective, the master of all weird metaphors and odd punchlines.
Edited by: ! ~ Creed ~ ! and 007CluelessDetectiveBond (you sillies thought I wouldn't get to add it!) and other unique individuals who will possibly look over this fic piece of grotesque astounding art.

Hope you all enjoy and please, don't drown in our puns.
[spoiler]Puns are hard to drown in, unless you're a talking white horse pony.[/spoiler]

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-25 16:25:40 UTC

Can You Take the Heat?

Can You Take the Heat?

Canterlot: a prestigious and rich city filled with several ponies who walk around either in classy wear or with no wear. The capital of Equestria glitters in gold and shines its bright white shell in the sky. The Royal Pony Sisters’ rule this wondrous city and the bountiful country around it with a sort of benevolent ruling akin to that of a house cat. They very rarely hiss unless it’s something of importance.

So why are they so upset?

“Celestia!” a loud feminine whine sounds. The doors in front of her parted like the Red Sea, and by that I mean they opened up quickly.

“What, Luna!” a softer tone replies, the sound of the doors clacking against the white walls of her chambers. Her sister would do this daily, opening up her doors in fierce rage when something delicate arose. It gets annoying, really, really fast.

“Tis the time for our ancestors’ hunger to be sated!” she bellowed, her tone straight like an arrow. “We cannot wait for thy suggestions!”

The excitement in her sister’s voice causes Celestia to sigh. It’s time for the Royal snacking, a ritual practice long before her and her sister. Legend has itThe words of their “defined” past relatives says that those who participated in the ritual of the snacking will gain blessings from their predecessors ancestors* for their sacrifice. Luna and her have been trying for decades— no, centuries upon centuries to have the best sacrifice for their ancestors who roamed and possibly marked their hindquarters on this land. The two of them cannot possibly screw this up.

Or can they?

“Well, we could consult with our chefs…” Celestia suggests, her tone calm and collective. “They must know something about the delicacies of our past.”

Luna, however, ain’t having none of that. No siree.

“Come on!” Luna whines, drawing out the last syllable as much as she could**. “That would take forever!”

Celestia sighs once again, her mind going through several replays of Luna’s horrible whining noises. The horror...the sheer horror.

“Then what do you suggest, Miss Snacker?” Celestia rebuts, her patience beginning to wear itself down.

Luna peers at the ground, the smooth surface looking suddenly more appealing than her sister’s terrifying glare. She has never been too good at suggesting things. She always loved following through with what her sister says, because that’s how things were back then. Now, she’s finally getting the opportunity to make her own decisions…

...and she has nothing to bring to the table***.

“Maybe,” Luna begins, softly muttering to the ground as if it had some sentience like all crazy griffons do. “We could…”

“Pardon?” Celestia asks, her hearing getting worse and worse as the days go by.

Luna brings her attention to Celestia’s now confused appearance. “We could...consult with the library?”

Celestia couldn’t look anymore confused if she tried, even more so than she did on National Look Confused Day****. Her muzzle scrunched up, her eyebrows raised to the heavens above, her eyes beginning to go cross-eyed; the definition of confusion.

“Why the library?” Celestia begins, her voice suddenly ecstatic and high. “I mean, there’s no real reason to go there, think about it, Lulu.” The white alicorn with her lucky of a charm mane leans forward in her gold, comfy, plush chair, her forehooves splayed out in a way that many ponies would misinterpret her for being a signer*****. “We are the most revered beings in all of Equestria, we get our hooves polished and heavily kissed upon by our loyal ponies. They look up to us as the beings who know all.” Celestia sighs when seeing her sister’s countenance, her confusion matching her previous facial expression.

“Ugh, Lulu, it means that they think we’re amazing and all knowing,” Celestia groans, her hoof meeting her forehead in one swift movement.

Luna perks up at this, letting out a loud drawn out “oh” as she nods at Celestia’s explanation.

“Glad you understand me for once…” Celestia mutters underneath her breath, looking away from her sister to hide her negativity. Then, out of the bloo******, Luna appears in front of Celestia, causing her to yelp and slide off her comfy perch while Luna laughs hysterically at her clumsy ol’ sister.

“That’s what thy gets for talking smack about one’s misunderstood sibling!” Luna announces as she points an offending hoof at Celestia, who is currently positioned sunnyside up.

Celestia groans, annoyed by her sister’s antics. “Lulu, I wasn’t talking smack…” she begins, attempting to pull herself up from the ground, her hooves in an unfortunate tangled, four-squared mess. As she pulls herself up, Luna replies quickly, her voice loud and proud for all—yes even those random bystanders walking across the street. On Mars. To hear.

“YES YOU WERE!”

Celestia flies backwards, the sudden force from Luna’s canterlotian voice ejecting her like a spring board out of her unfortunate position and onto her feet, landing very closely to that white Wall of Glory next to her chamber doors. The Glory Wall, an instrumental obstaclepiece of Equestria’s history, shows all the holes ever made in the castle, the memories too enjoyable for the Princesses to forget.

And Luna almost made an even bigger hole (to China*******).

Celestia sighs and dusts herself off with her magic, the brilliant dandelion colored aura dancing around her being, the dust suddenly parading off her and into the holes of yesteryear.

“Well that was anti-climatic,” Celestia mutters, turning towards her dark bloo’d colored sister, her midnight mane gently flowing in the nonexistent wind. “Well, my younger sister of mine, I’m sorry for making fun of you,” she apologizes, slowly and cautiously approaching her sister as she speaks. “You know I love you an-”

“Sister,” Luna says dryly. “We know this.”

Celestia sighs, her loving torrent suddenly being rained upon. “Okay…” Celestia, then, moves to her seat on her comfy plush cushion and turns to her sister, patting the little indigo plush beside her. “Will you please sit, so we can talk in a comfortable manner?”

It was Luna’s turn to sigh, her appearance becoming calm, gentle, and not so confused like before. “Alright, sis…”

She canters slowly over to the plush and lays herself upon it, almost as if she was one of those Prench mares that did not want to be drawn`.

“So, what is on decision on finding the most delectable treat in all of Equestria?” Luna questioned, snuggling into her plush seat of comfort, her forehooves in front of her chin and her head placed upon those very hooves.

The sight of this caused Celestia to smile. “Well, I am very well considering your suggestion about the library, but I have to ask you this,” Celestia says, leaning back on her cushion of undeniable comfort. “Why are you so adamant on not asking the chefs for advice?”

As Celestia awaits her response, she notices her sister’s attention shift to the ground once again, her eyes welling with small amounts of moisture.

“It…” Luna begins, her voice suddenly beginning to waver. “It b-brings back bad memories``.”

Celestia sighs for the umpteenth time, her struggle to stop her sudden exhalations of the Sea of O’dubble twos never-ending. “Look, I’ll never bring up a chef’s delight ever again if you help me in brainstorming for more options.”

Luna smiles for the first time today. “Alright, tis’ an honor to work alongside my sister in our quest to find the best snack in all of Equestria,” she states as a matter of fact, her eyes practically glowing at the realization.

“I am too,” Celestia announces, matching the smile of Luna, the two mares’ grins practically akin to that of a toddler seeing Santa eating their sugar cookies and milk right in front of their faces like the “more than happy” diabetic he is.

The Royal Sisters begin their scheming, the two now brainstorming for the possible places to look…

*Une heure plus tard…*```

After sitting on their poofy, plush seating, the two large alicorn mares look at each other, their grins still wider than the man who has both won the lottery and somehow the Nobel Piece prize at the same time and somehow made contact to an ancient civilization of equally wide beings. Wrap your heads around that one. With the will of the moon, the stars, and possibly all the starbursts in the only human in Equestria’s mouth, the young bloo```` alicorn looks up at her influencevery important sibling and says with pride, “We believe we have no other options to supply to our plight.”

Celestia groans. “Same with me…”

The two look at each other, the white alicorn looking scared, while the other grinning at the thought of terrorizing the very knowledgeable texts of her day and age. “Library?” Celestia asked fearfully.

Luna’s eyebrows almost raise to the roof, her grin still plastered upon her face. “The Library,” she states, her voice very grim and gravely. “Aren’t you excited...sister?”

The very thought of being in there...that horrifying place of knowledge. Celestia did not want to succumb to the depths of the otherworld, a place where Twilight, her prodigy, visits on the daily. She’s seen the look on Twilight’s face when she dives into a book, that scandaloussleep-deprived countenance, a face of every mare with the weapons of mass destruction`````. She is still, to this day, wondering when that purple pudge of magic would snap, pulling out several otherworldly items from her endless void and selectively firing all of them off at once at her enemies.

“Sister, are you alright?”

“Huh?” Celestia says, snapping out of her dazed stupor.

“You stopped working there, Celestia,” Luna says, her eyes full of concern, her grin fading to the normal small smile that teetered like two children on a teeter-totter. “Are you sure you’re able to function?”

Celestia scoots her plush seat over towards Luna, their eyes now not having to be strained from the distance they once previously shared. “Yes,” she responded simply, her mind not able to formulate a more lengthier response, kind of like a kid at a school being asked by a teacher if he’s sure he didn’t cheat.

Luna’s smile stops its wobbling status, finally forming the half-pipe that all skaters dreamed of. “I’m glad,” Luna begins, her attention still upon her sister’s charming mane. “Besides, I need you to be in stellar form when we head to the…”

Then, in seconds, the word that got Celestia in her unresponsive state, is uttered again by her own sibling.

“...library.”

With that, Celestia entered the realm of nothing, her mind zapped by the word of untold horrors``````.

Luna watches as Celestia stares off into the distant, her gaze landing upon the door of all doors: the exit. Luna giggles at Celestia’s stare, before getting up from her comfort zone and bopping Celestia on her nose which, in turn, causes Celestia to return to her beloved reality. “Race ya!” Luna announces, before galloping out the door.

Celestia watches as her sister mindlessly exits her chambers. Then, as her sister begins to turn, Celestia remembers that the cleaners have passed by already, the floors freshly waxed and wet. In seconds, Celestia hears a loud yelping noise, followed by numerous collisions of pointless objects of little to no value, the crashing making any connoisseur of these valueless objects cringe and groan in agony.

Celestia simply gets up and approaches her battered bloo``````` sister, the alicorn lying flat on the smooth stone surface. “Are you going to get up or are you going to lay around all day?” Celestia says coldly. “Because bopping somepony in the nose and then causing numerous amounts of objects that I didn’t even know existed in this castle until now crash to the floor in pieces is a bad idea, especially when this pony forgets that the royal cleaners come by at this time.”

While Celestia lectures her sister, Luna tries to get off the ground, her limbs disagreeing with her every movement.

Celestia raggedly sighs. Her sister is very clumsy. She needed walking classes to help her move around in the castle when she was younger, however; it didn’t help much. Sliding is her number one weakness; every alicorn knows that sliding should not be an alicorn’s weakness.

With the strength of a thousand suns, Celestia easily lifts her sister off the ground, her magic aura enveloping Luna in gold. She carefully tilts her upright and sets her down on the floor. While this all happened, Luna’s facial expression is similar to extending your hoof in friendship to Poseidon and him spitting on it, frozen and unable to move. As she lands on all fours, she snaps out of her shocked state and looks up at her sister. “I’m sorry, Celly,” Luna replies softly. “I just wanted to have some fun…”

Celestia brings her close, hugging her with her forehooves. “It’s okay, Lulu,” Celestia states, nuzzling her cheek with Luna’s. “Just don’t do it again…”

Luna smiles and returns the nuzzle. “Alright, I promise,” Luna says quietly. “Besides, once we get to the library, we’ll have loads of fun!”

Celestia smiles awkwardly at her sister, the two having separated from their sharing of sisterly affection. “Yes, loads of fun…” Celestia says, her voice trailing off into the sunset.

Luna smiles and bumps Celestia’s flank with her own. “Come on, we have work to do.”

Celestia giggles and walks beside her sister, warming up to the idea of the once horrible image of the Royal Library. “Lead on, my sister.”

And lead on she did.

Literally Investigating

Literally Investigating

After witnessing another cleaner pass by and become distracted by his own Princess’s hindquarters, which caused him to slip onto his back and do the flop, the Royal Sisters finally reach the dreaded library, one that Celestia still has nightmares about. Celestia, at this very moment, is sweating bullets*, the sweat coming from her not-so-lucky charm of a mane now creating waterfalls in front of her very eyes. Those magenta orbs peer over at Luna for a brief moment, observing the very reason she is in front of this doorway to another literary dimension.

Luna, her only sister, sits on her haunches, staring at the doorway in front of her with content. Unlike Celestia, books were an enjoying thing to her. The stories these books could tell made her imagination run wild**. It didn’t matter what type of text it was as long as it had a convincing storyline, creatively built characters, a world that dodged the cliche standards, and a defined principle that would draw her in. This, however, would be a daunting task. Luna knows that her sister and her were looking for something tasty, desirable, and premium. That alone is hard to find in a place where everything is common, least desirable, and bitter depending on if you’re reading a cliche romance with tremendous amounts of whoopeethings that cannot be mentioned in public unless you’re around friends, or if you’re reading a copious amount of intoxicated antics by ponies who couldn’t add up the amount of drinks they had. Luna did not want something common.

Staring at the door with intrigue, Luna also knows that the library hours are going very strict. In order for them to have access to the insurmountable amounts of books, one must wait either after the Royal breakfast has been concluded, or when the Royal dinner has just begun. These were the normal hours.

However, the Princesses knew it was a Sunday, and no one opens the Library until the Royal brunch has concluded.

In this case, the two told their servants that they would enjoy their brunch after all the rest of their ponies enjoyed the Royal brunch, which was being served at the dining hall. For Celestia, this was an unfortunate turn of events. Her stomach was begging for substance, a viable source of energy, some sort of food snack, yet she did not want to give in. Celestia knows that she must have the snacks in order to gain blessings from their ancestors.

Her stomach will have to perish the thought of delectable snacking for now, that is, until she is able to locate these deviants of art.

While the two sit patiently in front of the library doors, a certain somepony from down the hall is clippity-clopping towards the knowledgeable centre, their mind filled with unadulterated breakfast foods.

“Wiggle fraggle, destiny waggled,” the voice barked out, her feminine tones reaching the stars above. All she needed was a punchline.

As the two hear the random combinations of words coming out of the annoyed pony’s mouth, they sit like statues; unable to create chaos in their prisons.

“I wish I could have something interesting happen to me today,” the pony mutters under her breath, passing by the not-so-statue-like being who are waiting for this pony to open up the doors to knowledge.

The pony who is currently unlocking the door is the keeper of all things headache worthy: Raven. This grumbly excuse of a pony is having a horrible time managing her keys, the numerous amount of keys on her keyring tangling with many other keys.

Celestia internally groaned. She would have to train Raven on how to stick metal objects in holes later, right now, she must wait for her turn to rise to the almighty snackhood.

It all revolves around this pony getting her key inside the hole.

This orange eyed, light chocolate brown maned, and slightly desaturated coated mare is having trouble fitting one object into another. It was as annoying as watching a toddler trying to put a circle peg into a square hole.

After several seconds, the door finally opens allowing those who shall pass into the gateways of heavenly knowledge have that access.

As Raven walks in, the two royal sisters follow suit, sneaking behind Raven without her noticing.

The mare sighs and takes her seat behind her desk, her eyes set forward. She barely gets any interesting customers who will share her knowledge in passion and snackery.

“If only…” she mutters underneath her breath. “I can find somepony who needs help wit—”

If only she didn’t speak so soon.

“WE NEED THY HELP O LOVEABLE PONY OF THE LIBRARY!”

Too soon?

The poor mare of the moment falls out of her chair, her sudden ascension to the skies evident of this. She literally lifted several feet off the ground before crashing in a harmonious crash to the floor. Luckily, the two Princesses saw her plight and managed to conjure a soft pillow of justice at her impact zone, the mare landing in a heap of comfy goodness.

Raven sighed as she landed on the pillow. She definitely spoke way too soon.

As she flipped over and looked at the two intruders from behind her, she realizes who has spoken to her.

It was Luna and Celestia.

The Princesses.

In her library.

…

Cue the horrifying tones of every future youngin who doesn’t want to be caught by the coppers.

“Yah!” Raven yelps, staggering to her hooves. She looks up, practically horrified by the two ponies in front of her. “I’m sorry! When did my majesties get here?”

Celestia and Luna look at each other, wondering how long they have sat in front of those golden gate doors.

“Proximately one hour three minutes and twenty-five seconds,” Celestia rambles off, her mind concocting odd amounts of numbers.

In seconds, Raven’s eyes became the size of flying saucers, her eye sockets threatening to disengage.

“I…” she mouths off, stunned.

Luna sighs and nuzzles the poor librarian. Raven panics over the most trivial things, and Luna does not like her subjects doing this. It isn’t healthy for anypony.

“Tis’ alright, Raven, we’re sorry we scared thou like that,” Luna says as she stops her short nuzzle to turn her attention to the huge corridors and hallways of bookcases behind her. She points her foreleg out to these large monuments of established texts and continues her statement, “We just need some help in finding our snacks…”

In seconds, Raven went from understanding and sadness, to mere happiness and utter excitement. In other words, the switch was engaged.

“You share the love for snacks, Princess?!” she says in sheer shock, her expression equivalent to the only draw bridge in Equestria that is up not down.

Luna nods, while her white and shining sun sister comes beside her, rest her wing upon Luna’s back. “We both do and we need your help,” Celestia says softly, looking at Raven with a gentle smile.

Raven smiles back at the two, blushing slightly as she shifts her away around them and towards the corridors in front of the trio. “Well, the snack food index is located in the s’s,” she states, looking at the labels on the bookcases. “So it should be...ah ha!” Raven exclaims, pointing down one of the corridors in the library. “It should be down this corridor!”

With that, the two Princess nod and follow the ecstatic librarian in search of the one true snack index.

Apres After watching Raven swing herself around the aisle, rapidly searching for the index of which the Royal highnesses desired, the two Princesses sat on their haunches in front of each other, staring into each other’s eyes. The two were extremely bored and not wanting to bother their little pony, so, they resorted to an old school game they used to play as fillies: the staring game.

Unfortunately, both ponies did not realize that neither have won this game successfully, the two usually agreeing in giving up at the same time, resulting in the draw of all draws. As they stared into each other’s endless oblivions, Raven squeals as she finally finds the snack index, her hooves hugging it tightly to her chest. She smiles and giggles, seeing the Princesses stare at each other. She puts the book in-between their faces, causing both of their eyes to widen. Luna is the first to react, pulling the book out of Raven’s grasp with her magic, her bloo-like*** magical aura encasing it tightly. It gently slides out of Raven’s hooves and into the possession of Luna, her eyes glimmering at the sight of the book. On the cover lies the word “Snacks” and a picture of a box labeled “Snack” peering up at the reader who holds it****. She giggles at the happy expression the snack box has.

“Celly,” Luna says, drawing Celestia’s attention to her. “Look at this cover!” She flips the cover to her sister and sees Celestia’s reaction happen in present time. Her sister’s lips curl, forming a wide “u”. Her magenta orbs shimmered in the light, moisture collecting on the edges of her lids. Her muzzle scrunches up, clearly unable to take the symbolic understanding of the picture on the cover. Celestia attempts to sigh, but fails at doing so, instead, laughing her head off.

‘Lulu!” she gasps, laughing loudly. “We’re so using this for our quest.” She continues her laughing fit, while Luna flips the book back and over and begins reading. She views the table of contents, the terms and labeling confusing her as she reads aloud.

“Page One: The Dignified Table of Ultimate Snack Foods…” Celestia stops her fit abruptly, sits upright in a blink of an eye, and slides over to her sister, peering over her shoulder at the page she is on.

“Page Two: Deliberately Snacking: What ponies shall and shall not have.” The two look at each and sigh. Specificity in snacking, an utter chaotic mess to endure.

“Page Four: Catalysts Are In Your Foods!...”

*Une heure plus tard…* AGAIN!?

“Page Twenty-One Hundred and Seventy-Two: The Ritual of the Snackrifice!” Luna reads out, the excitement of finding what they’re looking for finally appearing. Celestia’s eyes open up, the sheer boredom had rocked her to sleep. That is, until the words of the prophets of StarSwirl the Bearded answered their outcries for food scrumptious snacks. “You found it, my sister?” Celestia replies softly, her tired strained voice showing.

Luna looks over at her sister’s condition and smiles. “Of course, sleepyhead.” The Royal Moon decides to flip to the page number indicated with her magic, the careful precision of the task at hoof necessary. She gasps as she lands on the page first try. Luna hoof pumps the air, yelling “Huzzah!” before returning to her book.

She hears out of the bloo***** a sudden “Shhh!” noise, followed by several grumbles and mumbles of different tones.

Luna shrinks back and smiles, whimpering a quiet apology before returning to her novel index of epic eating. “Look, Celly.”

Celestia looks over her sister’s shoulder to see the wondrous text below. She begins to read aloud, taking place of reader to let Luna rest her young and highly volatile voice.

“In the beginning, the ancestors of the Royal Sisters would go once every decade year millenium to find the true snack of the land. Farmers far and wide would present their snacks to the rulers, but none shall be accepted. This is the quest that only alicorns can read and obtain, their magic being able to see the text below this paragraph. I hope you, the reader, will be able to see the actual text, otherwise this whole spiel is completely pointless and you should move on with your non-alicorn life,” Celestia reads, her voice raising just slightly every sentence announced. She turns to Luna and says, “Wow, this author isn’t very nice to our ponies.”

Luna sighs and nods. “Tis’ not a reputable author it looks like.”

Celestia groans and continues reading, using her magic to light up the text. She gasps, the text glowing in a gold glow on the worn white sheet of paper. “You, the next in line, shall be reading this and wondering several things. Who am I? I, my pony, am your father******. Your father of all fathers of the alicorn line. I am Deoxys, a very power hungry white and light bloo******* colored alicorn. According to most, I created the rulers who will perform the ritual to give Equestria the power it needs to contain its harmonic status.”

Luna raises an eyebrow. “Deoxys?”

Celestia joins her in confusion. “I know, I’ve never heard of our father talk about him.”

“Me neither…” Luna replies, her voice trailing off.

The two shrug, the name simply not connecting in either of their minds. They turn their attention back to the text, the glow it is giving off is like that one lightbulb that is strangely more lightbulby than the others. Like, it’s much brighter and makes the other lightbulbs question their lives. “You two are rulers of a well-known country, one with prosperity or utter despair—depending on the weather or if Discord is having a bad hair day.”

“How old is Discord, sister?” Luna asks. “If this text is as old as our ancestors, then he must be older than us.”

Celestia rolls her eyes. “Luna, he is not older than us.”

Luna glares at her sister, trying to find the hidden chamber of lies her sister possesses. Unfortunately, she finds none, causing her to gasp loudly. Celestia flinches, the sound of her sister gasping equivalent to a rock falling into a blender, the blender in question erupting into flames while many ponies mourn for the loss of their shake maker.

“So he’s younger?” Luna asks, causing Celestia to groan. Luna tilts her head, not getting the reason for her sister’s despair. “What?”

“Lulu, I love you like a sister, but you know that had to be one of the dumbest questions I have heard in a few hundred years,” she explains, her younger sister’s eyes widening at the mentioning of her unique stupidity.

“That was not a stupid question! It was honest,” Luna complained, her muzzle scrunching up and her hooves criss-crossing. As Luna pouts, Celestia looks at her and laughs softly.

“And it was an honestly stupid question my dear sister,” Celestia shot back, giving her sister a raspberry.

Luna just stares at her sister with a glare that, if possible, could shoot laser beams from the eyes that could disintegrate even the sturdiest steel.  “Well, is he younger?”

Celestia lets out another sigh and looks her sister in the eyes. “Let me level with you,” she begins, her fierce gaze causing her sister to fall on her rump. “If something is not older than you, chances are that something is either the same age or younger, so your question answered itself pretty easily.”

Luna’s eyes widen and she nods slowly. “Oh. So you’re one of those mares then.”

If anyone that reads this is wondering what kind of face she made to this, imagine a mother figuring out that her child was failing all of their classes. With negative twenties. “WHAT!?”

“You like him don’t you?” Luna says, a smirk adorning her purple face. “So when you’re older and he’s younger that makes you a—”

“One, that does not make me what you think it makes me. Two, I’ve never liked the guy. Sure he can be nice once in a blue moon, but every other time he either hangs the guards on the flagpoles by their underwear or he dyes my mane pink, and not on “Dress Up Like Celestia and Not Get Thrown in the Dungeon Day” might I remind you!”

Luna sighs, accepting defeat as her lovely older sister huffs and looks away from her. As Celestia turns away, she notices the rest of the new library occupants that have entered the facility were looking down their corridor, staring at the princesses in surprise. “Um, Luna…”

“But I know you so like him!” She says, pointing her hooves at her sister.

“Luna…”

“I remember one night, you were just sitting there wondering about him!”

“Luna!”

“You just love him so much that yo—”

“LUNA!” Celestia bellows, her canterlot voice drowning out the rest of Luna’s sentence. Luna looks at Celestia, seeing her sister’s hoof travel all the way over to their spectators, the event they’re witnessing is as entertaining as gladiatorial combat between two clowns armed to the teeth with fizzy water and pies, all the while being circled by carnivorous hippies. Luna blushes, the gazes from her subjects bringing her to a whole new level of embarrassment, one that you cannot achieve by paragliding through the seven seas with a band of gnarly pirates, only forgetting you forgot your passport in order to let you and them into another country’s Disney World while the pirates look at you with unfathomable disappointment.

Closer the mob encroaches on the two princesses, about to be swallowed into the abyss like the last dry spot of a pan being overthrown by water. One of them had to say something to dissipate them...

“We’ll be more quiet!” Luna shouts, but then dropping to a whisper to not sound like a liar. “Really, we’re fine. Just having a sister talk. Please go back to your ancient tomes and leave us be.”

The resulting answer the princesses got was a unanimous chorus of disappointed sighs and “Aw man!”s, the crowd leaving the royalty alone, now forgetting why they were even in this boring place to begin with.

With the two finally getting their well deserved solitude, Celestia and Luna continue to look into the Snackronomicon for the steps they needed to go through to start the ritual.

“Whether or not your kingdom is alive and well is not important, what is is this sacrifice. Our ancestors have passed on this ritual from every alicorn ruler to the next, their minds set on the same thing: snacks. The most delicious treats the kingdom has ever seen, snacks have been around for those willing to eat them. Nopony who is not an alicorn can obtain such delicious delicacies from any old establishment. No, these delectable food items can only be obtained through the Spell of Snacking. This spell is cast by an alicorn by thinking about snacks related to your cutie mark or celestial body. Most alicorns have chosen their celestial bodies due to the fact that most did not come back if they chose their cutie marks’ snack,” Celestia says, her voice calm and collective.

“So, we must choose our celestial bodies then, sister?” Luna asks, her face contorting in all sorts of ways due to the spell’s description simply confusing her to no end.

Celestia nods. “I don’t think dying over snack foods is an appealing thing, Lulu.”

Luna sighs and looks down. “Celly?”

“Hmm?”

“What snack foods does the moon have?” Luna questions.

Celestia sighs, her sister does have a very curious mind just like that monkeythat invaded her throneroom yesterday when it came up to her and started feeling her mane, gently lifting its paw through her lucky charm mane. She didn’t know what it was doing to her at that moment, but it did feel quite remarkable. However, she had to call the guards, the monkey was starting to eat her mane`. She did not like it when subjects or pets fiddled with her luxurious mane of colors.

“Luna, the moon has one extremely rare delicacy,” she begins, looking her sister in the eyes with a solemn gaze. “That delicious treat is a moon pie.”

Luna raises an eyebrow. “Moon pie?”

Celestia nods. “Just picture two large crackers with some marshmallow puffy goodness in the middle.”

Luna’s eyes widen, her grin coming full circle. “Really!?”

Celestia nods again, giving her sister a gentle smile. “Yes, now let’s continue with our book, shall we?”

Luna nods quickly, the giddiness showing to all who witness it. With a small squeal of happiness, she looks at the book, her eyes focusing on it as if her look would pierce through the pages.

Celestia silently giggles to herself before gazing upon it as well and reads aloud,

“Once you two rulers make your mind up, you must research your celestial bodies. For some reason, most rulers can’t even figure out why they can control it. If you already know that and know that the moon and the sun have a relationship that cannot be broken, then you can skip that step.

After this, you are ready to start your journey, unfortunately, the last alicorn who knew the location of the snackrificial altar perished because he forgot that no alicorn can play Journey to Mars and Back without a spacesuit of any kind. He’s a silly goose like that.”

The two sisters look at each other in shock. Who could’ve thought that some of their royal ancestors didn’t have brains?

“So, the Spell of Snacking shall tell you where your snacks lie. Once you both think of either your cutie marks or celestial bodies, the two of you must think together by putting your horns together and wishing for the items to appear. This will allow you to see the location in which the snacks lie. Be careful, however, sometimes the spell may trick you…”

“Trick us into what?” Luna asks.

“I don’t know, Luna…” Celestia replies, her astonished countenance saying all that Luna needs to know.

“Well,” Luna continues, her eyes gazing upon her sister. “We must try this.”

Celestia looks back at her sister and nods, the two knowing that it is their job to complete this snackrifice, it holds Equestria’s fate and state of harmony. “Let’s go to a more formidable place to perform the act,” Celestia quickly suggests. “Ponies may think we’re doing something else…”

Luna giggles. “As you wish, Celly.”

Celestia groans. “Oh for the love of R—”

“Raven!” Luna shouts, cutting off Celestia’s phrase of disgust. “May we check this book out?”

A loud chorus of sushing followed by a more happy, cheerful tone, announces to the two, “Come up front, we do not want to disturb the rest of the ponies here.”

The two alicorns blush slightly, the embarrassment once again reeling through them. “I’m sorry,” Luna says. “Tis’ a mistake.”

Celestia sighs. “Let’s go to the counter, Lulu.”

The two large winged unicorns waltz proudly over to the counter, their previous embarrassed appearances quickly dissipating due to the sudden noise coming from outside the library. Luna looks at the door, preparing herself to suddenly banish anypony to the sun if they did not shut their mouths. Celestia, on the other hoof, places the book on the counter, allowing Raven to swoop it up and stamp it with the “I love books” stamp of approval. “You need to bring this back by the end of the week, Princess Celestia,” she says proudly as if a date to bring a book back meant the world will drop candy covered nerds from the sky to date her on any day of the week.

“Thank you, Raven,” Celestia politely says, giving a gentle smile. “I hope you have a wonderful day.”

Raven slightly blushes, the redness on her cheeks showing brightly to Celestia. “I-I hope you do too!” Raven exclaims a bit too loudly, stuttering partially as she speaks. “I-is Princess Luna going to be okay?”

Celestia turns to see a fidgeting dark bloo``` alicorn staring at the large exit they once entered through. “Luna?”

The now wide eyed Luna looks at her sister. “What?”

Celestia giggles. “Why are you fidgeting over there?”

Luna looks back at the door and growls viciously. “There is a dastardly noise out there and I have…”

Luna stares at the door.

“I have…”

She slowly approaches it.

“I have to…”

And opens it with one large huff of her breath.

“I HAVE TO END IT!”

The alicorn known as Luna then rushes out the door, her wings flared out and ready for battle. Two blood-curdling screams emit from the hallway as the alicorn shouts at the two victims of the canterlot voice.

“I’ll go get my sister out of those two poor ponies’ hair,” Celestia says calmly. “I’ll see you next time, Raven.”

All the librarian could do is nod, her eyes gazing upon the white alicorn with admiration.

Celestia slowly processes her way out of the prestigious warehouse of knowledge, her eyes now set upon her upset younger sibling. They have more pressing matters, but those will have to wait.

Right now, Celestia has a few ponies to save…

...from an extremely irritated sister of her's.