Oh look, Equestria

Oh look, Equestria

Chapter 5 - Ponyville, and revelations

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Walking through the streets of Ponyville, I got my first real look at my surroundings. I have to say, it was rather nice.. Houses of all shapes and sizes were dotted around, most of them all had a thatched roof, white walls and yellow support beams. 'A little recurring, but nice all the same' and then there were the ponies. I knew what to expect, but seeing it with my own eyes was something else entirely... I'm pretty sure I was gawking... Somewhat.

Twilight looked to me and giggled slightly, putting a hoof to her mouth "Is everything alright?" looking over to her I mouthed a slient 'so many colours'. This made Twilight cock her head in confusion "what, are humans all one colour?" I snapped my mouth shut with an audible click

"Well, not really. But, nothing like- (I waved a hoof infront of me) - This!! It's like looking into a bag of skittles for pete's sake!" looking back to the crowd, I noticed they were all waving at our group and smiling. Some were even greeting me with 'hello sir!' and 'welcome to ponyville, mister!' I just waved and greeted them back "Hey Twilight, why is everyone so friendly around here..?" she looked at me incredulously

"What do you mean 'why is everypony so friendly around here?' Everypony in Ponyville is friendly, we always welcome new ponies with open hooves, and a party courtesy of Pinkie here" she pointed to the pink one, Pinkie looked to me before materializing right beside me

"That's right Sharpy! I always throw parties for my new friends. But, you said you don't like parties" she deflated and stopped dead in her tracks. I looked back 'Fuck sake, I'm a prick.. And why do I feel so bad about hurting their feelings, anyway..?' I sighed, pinching my nose (muzzle?) with a foreleg

"Look, Pinkie... I know I said I didn't like parties.... But, I guess I could make an exception this ONE time. Don't want you to break your party streak now, do I?" I finished with a smile and a wink, Pinkie was evidently elated with this idea.. I could've sworn she was going to explode with sheer excitement.. Oh wait, she did... 'What.. the fuck.'

"This... is going... to be AMAZING! I promise Sharpshooter, I won't let you down! I'll start planning later today... Oh, there's going to be so much to do!" she started prattling off to herself, I looked to her friend and saw them all with warm smiles on their faces.

I cocked my head "...What?"

Rarity spoke up "That was a lovely thing you did, darling. Pinkie does so love her parties, and it meant a lot to her that you'd let her throw one for you" Oh, so that's what it is.... I don't see the big deal here, meh.

Shrugging, I waved a hoof down the road "It was nothing, I'm sure there's a place reserved in hell for men who makes ladies cry... Now, shall we?" with that, we carried on to the food!

Turning a corner, I spotted a large gingerbread shaped building 'Oh, I wonder where we're going?' I thought with a roll of my eyes. Approaching the shop, I noticed a sign with weird language I didn't understand. "Ahhhhh fuck... Well, that's not good..." I muttered to myself

Twilight heard me, I guess before looking to where I was. She looked back to me "What's wrong, Tom? It's only Sugarcube Corner, and can you not curse so much in public? It's irresponsible" 'Sugarcube Corner, eh? Not a bad name..'

I looked to Twilight "Well, I can't understand your written language... Honestly, I thought something like this would've happened.. But, I guess I was holding out hope that it wouldn't be so..." I finished, deflating slightly

Rainbow Dash found this particularly funny "Dude, you can't read? That's.... Bwahahahaha! You're like, an adult and can't read!" 'Ouch Dashie, ouch..' Fluttershy seemed to share the same sentiment, chiding her friend

"Rainbow! Don't be so rude.. It's not his fault he can't read our language, I'm sure Twilight could teach him, if he wanted to..." Fluttershy looked back at me, smiling. I mouthed a slient 'thank you' before nodding to Dash

"Yeah, ahh well it's not that big a deal. Weirdly enough you all speak English, that's good enough for me... Now, on to food!" I marched right into 'Sugarcube Corner' and was instantly blasted by the smell of confectionary, looking around I saw more multicoloured ponies munching on various desserts. There were two babies being cradled by a rather... Full mare who I assumed was their mother,  and Pinkie was behind the counter, serving customers. We went to sit at a ta-'wait a minute... Pinkie's serving customers?' I looked to her, dumbfounded once again by the pink menace. She looked to me, cracking a sly smile and giving me a wink before returning to her customers. 'That little... ARGH' I snarled, slamming my hooves on the table and pouting

Applejack chuckled "Don't you fret none, Sharpshooter. Ya get used ta Pinkie's antics.. Just, don't think too hard on it, ya hear? Twi had an anvil fall on her head from that" Twilight flinched, nodding. I heard her mutter something about pianos and someone named 'Ditzy' before she stood, asking everyone what they'd like

Turning to me, she asked "Tom, what would you like? Anything on the menu is on me"

I looked at the menu, and was shocked. It was cakes.... All, cakes... 'What the fuck, they call this breakfast..? Whatever' I sighed, laying the menu down "I'll have an eclair and a coffee, please. Oh, and Twilight.. -dropping my voice to a whisper- when we're out and about like this, call me Sharpshooter.. Incognito, remember?" She nodded, turning to the counter and trotting along

I watched her walk away for a few seconds, before I heard a giggle come from Rarity. Turning my head to look at her, I gave her a deadpan stare "I know that look.... Let me tell you now, I'm sure your friend is gorgeous. But, I'm not looking for any tail right now. Maybe not ever whilst I'm here..." this made Rarity laugh even more

"Ohho, of course not darling." fluttering her eyelashes at me. I sighed "Oh come now, I was merely joking with you. Though I can confirm your assumption to Twilight being very desirable"

"Is that so? I'll take your word for it..." I said, shuddering 'I'm not getting into a pony.... It'd be too wierd' shaking morbid thoughts out of my head, Rainbow spoke up

"So, 'Sharpshooter' you know who we are, and what we do... So, what's your story?" she finishes, looking expectantly to me. Looking around her friends, I noted they all had the same level of curiosity plastered over their technicolour faces

Letting a drawn out sigh, I started to regale them with my amazing life story "Well, where to begin.... I went to high school, scored next to nothing on most of my end exams. I was a bit of a pretentious idiot in high school, I didn't listen when I should have, and I even clocked a couple teachers who 'disliked' me" this got a snicker from Dash "I went to college for two years studying I.T, that was a flop. I then did a two year course in mechanical engineering, i.e machine working, tool making specifically. After I left college, I was on and off with jobs for a couple months. Nothing really stuck with me and when all else failed I fell back on what I was good at in school, punching people and being a dick... So that's when I went into training to be a security guard. When I finished that, I managed to grab a job as a doorman throwing plastered drunks out for a living. 'I also go shooting in my spare time...' I use my spare time up with friends, animal 'watching' and the occasional drink. That's pretty much it, I haven't led the most fulfilling life." I finished with a roll of my eyes

Looking up from the table, I noticed Applejack giving me a strange look, the kind of look that says 'I know the truth' 'What does she know?' I thought to myself. Rainbow then spoke up "Man, you're right when you said it wasn't the most fulfilling of lives, but what about socking your teacher? What was that all about?" she was suddenly very interested

"Funny story, actually.. I was after some punk after he wronged a friend of mine. Long story short, the teacher got between us.. I got fed up, and socked him right in the jaw. He got revenge, though.. His bloody coffee went flying, spilled all over me. The bloody mug was hot" Rainbow laughed uproariously 'It wasn't that funny'

Rarity seemed to find it less amusing "Though I agree that action must be taken against schoolyard bullies, violence is not the answer darling." 'Ha, like hell it isn't...'

"With all respect, Rarity... But, the truth of the matter is that if you hit a bully hard enough, they'll soon straighten out their act. Has never failed me in the past." Twilight arrived at the table at this point, and must've caught the end of the conversation

"That may be so, but violence is, well.... Violent. All you're achieving in the end is stooping to their level." 'Sometimes that's what it takes, to get a point across...' I thought. Twilight set all our food down and we all happily dug in, idle chit chat going around the table at random intervals

Half an hour later, we were all sitting at the table food eaten. Pinkie joined us all a few minutes back after some big fat blue pony took over the counter. I caught Applejack giving me a scrutinizing look now and again through the course of 'breakfast'. I was about to ask Rarity about those clothes she mentioned, and why she felt inclined to make clothes for a complete stranger when the orange pony spoke up

"Hey, Sharpshooter.... Can I speak to ya outside fer a minute?" she got up and started walking to the door

I nodded, getting up and joining AJ outside "I think I know what this is about. You know something, now what is it?" I asked, turning to look at her

Applejack seemed taken aback that I had read her so well 'Hah, I can read people's facial expressions like a book, I'm just glad ponies have the same expressions... Plus ears anyhoo' I was shaken from my musings by AJ's voice "I know yer lyin' about the animal watchin', I saw that knife on yer belt back at the library, now.. Care to explain?" 'What the hell has this got to do with you..?'

I decided to be straight with her "Alright, look. You're a farmer, so maybe you'll understand. I tried to save face around the others, especially that 'Fluttershy', but you're quite the bloodhound. Anyways, do you have sheep on your farm?" She nodded "Okay, do you breed them?" nod "Okay, now this is where I come in. You see, when lambing season comes about, predators are attracted to the new born lambs. I.e, foxes. Obviously, when a fox takes a lamb, that's money out of the farmer's pocket... And that's bad. I....... Take care of said predators, to protect the lambs. Understand?"

Applejack thought on this for a second "I see where yer comin' from, and I can understand. Though it's a shame ya have to go to such... Extremes, yer cutie mark actually makes sense now, too. Thanks fer bein' honest with me, Tom." she smiled, though I could see disgust behind the smile.

"Yeah, no worries. Now let's get back to your friends before they think something's afoot" I said whilst strolling back inside, Applejack in tow.

Arriving back at the table, Twilight got a little curious "Applejack, what was that about?"

"Nothin' ya need to concern yerself with, sugarcube. We were just clearing up a misunderstanding"

Twilight narrowed her eyes at us, holding it for a few seconds before relenting "Urgh, fine. As long as you've sorted it out" We nodded, and sat back at the table

After some more chatting, everyone said their goodbyes and went home. Me and Twilight were on the way back to the library in silence, Spike on her back. Spike broke the silence with a jaw-cracking yawn, Twilight looked back to Spike and giggled "Wow Spike, it's not even 5PM yet and you're already exhausted?"

"Well I wouldn't be if you were up all night fretting over that spell of yours. I couldn't sleep with all the pacing you were doing!" Spike crossed his arms and grumbled "dumb princess sending Twilight spells all the time" Twilight caught this and glared and the baby dragon

"What was that mister?" Spike replied with an enthusiastic 'nothing!' waving his arms and everything, I laughed at this

"Jees Spike, where's your spine? I thought you were a dragon!" Twilight glared at me, I grinned at her. In return she huffed, sticking her nose up in the air and walking a little faster. We soon arrived at the library, I switched back into human form and Spike went off for a nap. "Ahhhhhh, feels good to be me again.... Well, me relatively speaking." stretching my arms, I fell back onto the couch.

Twilight got my attention "So, Tom.. How did you find Ponyville? It looked like you had a good time"

I looked over to Twilight "It was nice, it's a lovely little town you have here. Reminds me of home, just more.... Ye olde..'home, need to get back there....' *sigh* "Hey, Twilight?"

She looked to me with a smile, that dropped into a frown after she noticed my somber expression "What's the matter?"

I sighed again, collecting my thoughts "When do you think I'll be able to go home? It's nice and all here, and I do like having magic... But, you know... No place like home, and all that."

"....Oh, I see.. Well, I'm not really sure I can send you back at all. I-I'm sorry, I never meant for you to be taken here, I was startled when casting the spell when it happened. I'll look around and see if I can find something on teleportation between worlds, and I could ask the princessess for help. I promise I won't let you stay here when you don't want to, I'll do everything in my power to send you back" Twilight was on the brink of tears "Please, I don't want you to think I intended to do this... I would nev-" I cut her off

So many ifs and buts.... This doesn't look too promising "Look, Twilight... I'm a victim of circumstance, nothing more. You're not to blame here." That didn't seem to help her mood at all "Besides, you said you'd ask the princesses for help, if what I've gathered about them is true, they can do it. I thank you for your help, but please just don't drive yourself to a wreck on my account. I may be many things, but I will NOT have people harming themselves in any way on my account"

Twilight was shocked, he didn't blame her? But it was all her fault! "But, it was all my--"

"No, it wasn't your fault. As I said, I'm a victim of circumstance. An unpreventable fact of the universe." I suddenly had a grim thought "HAH! I'm an accident" I laughed. Twilight, however was horrified

"How could you say that?! That's terrible!"

"Heh, calm yourself sweetheart, I was just joking. Wow, ponies are sensitive..." I said, chuckling to myself

Twilight was getting rather ticked off with her 'accident' "We are NOT sensitive!" she huffed

This made me laugh even more, clutching my sides I rolled off the sofa, hitting the floor with a thump "HAHAHA!!! Oh lord, if you could see your face right now... Hehe, alright alright you prissy princess." 'Oh crap, my afternoon workout... I can't exactly lift weights here, she probably hasn't even got any...' standing up and dusting myself off, I turned to Twilight "Do you have a chin ups bar around here at all? I want to wind down a little"

Twilight thought on this "Hmmmm, well I don't know if I have anything like that. It's normally only Minotaurs and Griffins that use them, ponies don't have much use for them. Although, there is a structural support beam down in the basement, that'll probably take your weight" raising a foreleg to point at the door, she continued "It's just down there, be careful around my equipment. If you need me, I'll be upstairs writing a report to the princess. Just shout if you need something!" She then turned, walking up the stairs

I walked to the door, opening it and descending into the basement "Right then, let's do this!". Upon arriving at the bottom floor, I couldn't see a thing... It was dark, very dark. "Urgh, there's gotta be a light switch some-AHA!" trailing a hand over the wall, I found a light switch and flicked it on. Looking around the room, I saw odd contraptions. There were really outdated, crappy PCs lining the walls, vials of weird liquids and distilleries dotted around the place, and there was even a brain scanner. 'Why would she need that..?' I shuddered, weird librarians kidnapping people and experimenting on them coming to mind

Craning my head to look at the ceiling, I spotted the beam in question. "Hmmm, that should do nicely" pulling my phone from my pocket, I opened the music player and put on some ample work out music. 'So cliche, but so badass' I thought to myself, pulling off my coat and under layers. Now topless, I got to burning off the offending eclair I had to guzzle down for 'breakfast'. 'Hmmm, maybe Twilight will let me cook something proper, surely these ponies don't just eat confectionery every day..' shaking myself from my musings, I decided to go ask the 'pretty purple princess pony' after finishing off downstairs.

Le song