Memories of Shadow

by Distaff Pope

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Original Character, Princess Celestia
Length: 4611

Career-criminal Silent Shadow has been captured again and is expecting another vacation at one of Equestria's rehabilitation clinics. Instead, she has a meeting with Celestia to learn why the kingdom is crime-free.

Career-criminal Silent Shadow has been captured again and is expecting another vacation at one of Equestria's rehabilitation clinics. Instead, she has a meeting with Celestia to learn just why the kingdom is crime-free.

Featured on Equestria Daily 09/02/14

Published 2014-07-20 02:30:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-20 02:30:04 UTC

A Forgetful Nature

Four ponies of the Royal Guard marched Silent Shadow into the heart of Canterlot Castle. She thought it was all a touch excessive, as her hooves were already fettered and a wing bolt had been slapped around her barrel keeping her from flying. It all would have been very comical, if she had even the slightest idea of what was going to happen. Instead, she felt a slow fear bubbling up in her chest. The last two times she had been caught for thieving, she had been sent to one of Equestria’s premier rehabilitation clinics so she could “learn how to live in harmony.” It all would have been very nice and neat, if not for one simple fact the authorities couldn’t seem to grasp: Shadow liked thieving.

Not just that, it was her special talent. Watching her marks for days on end as she familiarized herself with their routine, performing a reconnaissance on the house to familiarize herself with just what could be taken, and finally waiting for the right moment to free the house and the ponies therein of an excess of wealth – all of that was represented by her cutie mark, a crescent moon with a cloud passing over it. Shadow enjoyed every part of planning a heist, but if she had to choose a favorite, it would be the watching and waiting. The stealing was fine and all, it was what paid her bills, but the weeks spent watching, waiting, really getting to know her marks, those were her favorite parts.

But then, she supposed as she walked deeper into Canterlot Castle, she had always been an outsider watching in. Other ponies, well... the adults growing up had been nice enough, she supposed, but the children always seemed to repeat that damnable saying, “dark coats, dark minds.” If she had a bit for every single time some pony had said that to her, she probably wouldn’t have had to start stealing to make ends meet. It wasn’t her fault her coat was charcoal black, or that her mane was an even darker shade of black, none of it was. Well, the stealing was probably her fault, but the circumstances leading up to it, those couldn’t be blamed on her.

For instance, why in Equestria had her mother named her Silent Shadow? She was practically asking for her daughter to become a thief. And then there was Shadow’s homelife, or lack thereof. Her mother would go out to the Cloudsdale clubs every night, and most times would end up bringing an unknown stallion or mare back home with her, forcing Shadow to listen to them do… things on the other side of her cloud wall. The rest of the time, her mother, Moonlight, was either sleeping, hung over, or both.

So what was Shadow supposed to do in that situation? She didn’t have anypony she could talk to, her instructors in flight camp didn’t particularly care, and she could see those words in the eyes of everypony she tried to talk with. Dark coats. Dark minds. The older ponies never said them out loud, but Shadow wasn’t an idiot; she could see the reluctance to believe her, the fear that she was lying to them. Whenever any pony did come to check on her and mother, Moonlight would act like the mother of the year, and when Shadow did finally convince a social worker to come by, Moonlight had locked her in her room for… well, Shadow didn’t know how long Moonlight had intended to keep her there, as Shadow flew out the window after a week and never looked back. Maybe Moonlight had tried to look for her, or maybe she had just shrugged her shoulders and thanked Celestia that she was finally free. Shadow didn’t really care at that point.

After that, she had been... well, she was free, but she didn’t have anywhere to go. If she went to Equestria’s government housing, she would probably be taken back to her mother, and that– As Shadow flew away from her mother’s house, she had promised that no force in Equestria would ever make her go back there.

As for the thieving, that came later, when a starving filly was desperately trying to find a way to make ends meet in the alleys of Canterlot. She had remembered there was this big house right next to the market where she usually begged for bits to buy food. She liked watching it. Liked watching the ponies going in and out, doing their daily business. Shadow imagined what their conversations might be like, what they talked about, she even gave them names and stories to go with their faces. Imagining what happened in that house as she begged for food was her only means of entertainment for most of her foalhood. Then one day, the stallion of the house failed to latch the door while leaving, and Shadow knew she had to at least take a peek inside, just as surely as she knew that nopony would be back home for another couple of hours.

The house was more spectacular than she had imagined. There were paintings and gold and jewels everywhere. If she was going through it now, she thought, chastising herself for her youthful naiveté, she would have had a field day – but instead she just stood there, looking at everything dumbly, fantasizing about how wonderful it must be to live there. That was why she had decided to take the vase: not out of any desire to profit, but because she wanted to keep a little piece of that house with her forever. Shadow knew it was stealing, and she knew stealing was illegal, but she couldn’t help thinking that the owners wouldn’t miss one little vase. (One little vase that turned out to be worth more than her old home, as she later learned when her curiosity finally got the better of her and she decided to see just how much the thing was worth.)

That night, as she was going to bed, she saw she had finally earned her cutie mark, and her excited squealing had almost led the guards right to her makeshift home in a back alley and her freshly-stolen vase. Tomorrow, she would have to find a new house to watch, and next time, she would take more than just a vase. As she fell asleep that night, she promised herself that one day she would have a house as nice as the one she had been in today.

Of course, now she was being led to a door emblazoned with the personal seal of Princess Celestia as two of the guards pushed it open. She smiled at the pony in front of her and gestured to a nearby seat cushion. “Ah, Silent Shadow, is it? Please come in, make yourself comfortable.”

This was bad, Shadow thought. Princess Celestia was sitting right in front of her and was trying to make nice with her. As she wondered just what was happening, the guards unceremoniously shoved her in the room. The doors closed silently a second later.

“You know, I’ve been reading up on you the past few hours,” the immortal white alicorn said as she floated a teacup up to her lips. “Quite the impressive history; you’ve humiliated several nobles during your five-year career, and I have to admit, I even found myself buying into this image of the sophisticated burglar you cultivated. Leaving a single black feather behind after you rob Equestria’s richest ponies. You’ve become something of a folk sensation.”

Shadow smiled at that. She had heard some of the songs written about her (one of which believed she was a he in spite of the fact that the feathers she left behind clearly belonged to a female), and she was… well, she obviously couldn’t take credit for the crimes, but it was nice to know ponies admired her. Actually, that brought up a good question. “Why don’t they know about me? I’ve been arrested two times, the papers should know about me by now.”

Celestia nodded. “They should, but I chose to keep your identity secret until after you had been rehabilitated. I thought it would be easier for you.” The princess gestured towards the seat cushion next to her and smiled again. “Please, sit down, I’d like for us to have a talk.”

It was Shadow’s turn to nod as she shuffled towards the empty cushion, Something was wrong. She wasn’t sure what, but there was no chance Equestria’s ruler wished to simply have tea with its most famous thief. “I think you are a good pony, Shadow,” Celestia continued. “You’ve never harmed a pony, and you only steal from those who can afford some losses. That’s not to say I approve of your actions, but it’s why I hoped you might choose to rehabilitate out of your own free will, and why I even gave you two chances to do so.”

“You will excuse me for saying so, but it’s kind of hard to be rehabilitated when your special talent is stealing valuable things. What am I going to do? Ignore what my cutie mark is telling me?” Shadow gestured to the pot of tea and the empty cut sitting next to it. “Mind if I?”

“Not at all,” Celestia said, smiling serenely. “Just be sure to put it back. I’ve had that china set for over five centuries, and I would hate to lose it.” Celestia looked as Shadow held up her two shackled forelegs for the Princess’s inspection.

“Is there any chance you can undo my shackles, then? If you just want to chat, it will be more comfortable for me if I can move my legs.” As she spoke, she saw Celestia’s horn light up, and heard the familiar popping of locks.

“If it makes you more comfortable, I will be happy to oblige, though I think the wing bolt will stay on.” The princess gestured her head at the balcony where outside, the sun was just beginning its ascent. “Just to make sure you don’t try to fly away.”

Shadow found herself laughing, against her better judgment. Then again, she had a history of ignoring her better judgment. “Don’t really think I have a chance flying from you, unless the rumors about you being bigger, stronger, faster than everypony else, and able to drop the power of the sun on a pony that upsets you aren’t true.”

“They are,” Celestia said, taking a sip of her tea as her aurora mane acted as if it was blown by a non-existent breeze, “but I prefer not to have to resort to such things. I like to think that all my little ponies are basically good, but some of them make a few bad choices now and then, which I suppose brings us to you.”

“So, is this the part where you try to convince me to abandon my thieving ways and take up an honest trade?” Shadow asked, trying to figure out just what Celestia’s game was. If she was just going to try and talk her into not stealing anymore… well, it wasn’t the first time she had heard that pitch. Didn’t change the fact that the thing she was best at in the world was stealing.

Celestia’s smile evaporated. “I would have liked that, and if I believed there was any chance for you to reform voluntarily, I would be happy to assist in anyway possible – but tell me, is that even a slight possibility?”

Shadow was many things: she was a thief, a career criminal, a seductress when the need arose, and quite aloof. However, one thing she most certainly was not was a liar. Every time she had been caught, she had confessed to whatever she had been charged with and suffered her time at the rehabilitation centers, until she had the chance to slip away quietly in the night. She wasn’t about to break that habit now. “No, your highness, my cutie mark and skills make me an exceptional thief, and I quite enjoy the work.”

“That’s what I thought,” Celestia said. “It always saddens me to see ponies such as yourself. Ponies who’ve chosen to reject the path of harmony. I spent a thousand years trying to stamp out every last trace of disharmony in Equestria, but ponies continue to slip through the cracks. Fewer and fewer, to be sure, but enough to trouble me. Enough to force meetings like this one.”

The black pegasus swallowed nervously, her jade-green eyes darting to the open window, wondering if the several-story fall wouldn’t be preferable to whatever the Princess had planned. “And what is this meeting about? If you don’t plan on talking me into reforming, you must have some other agenda.”

Celestia closed her eyes, her horn glowing with an amber magic. “We are having this meeting today so you can be reharmonized.” Shadow panicked at that, not liking the sound of the word “reharmonized” and deciding that potentially falling to her death would be a better fate than staying here a second longer. She managed to take three steps towards the balcony before the glowing magic enveloped her, and pulled her into the darkness.

***

A cursory examination upon waking revealed that she was no longer in Celestia’s tea chamber. It was a dark room, the lone source of illumination a single unknown light, with Celestia standing directly under it, staring into a mirror, a myriad of images flickering across the surface. “Don’t worry, my little pony, the reharmonization process is nearing the end of its first phase. We still have a little time left until I must begin my work in earnest, and I just want you to know that what happened to you growing up, that is completely unacceptable, and had I known about your mother when you were a filly, your reharmonization would have been much less intrusive. Ensuring you were in a properly nurturing environment would have almost certainly sufficed.”

Shadow felt something twinge in her forehead as she recognized the scenes in the mirror. The… magic, or whatever it was, was pulling the memories out of her head and putting them on display. “Where are we?” Shadow asked, trying to make the pain in her head stop.

“A bridge between our minds, a little space where we can interact. It won’t be much longer until our time comes to an end and my work begins, so if you wish to ask anything, let me know.”

“What– What’s going to happen?” Shadow asked, feeling a vague nebulous dread she had never felt before in her life. Instincts she had honed over several years told her something terrible was about to happen and she had no idea how to stop it; so instead, she steeled herself, hoping to gather enough information about what the princess had planned to save herself.

“I’m going to help you, Shadow. Mend the scars left by your upbringing, and leave you a different, better pony.” Celestia smiled while continuing to stare at the mirror. The images in the mirror were growing closer to the present day. “Don’t worry, I will leave your better features behind, make them a base for a new you.”

“You make it sound like I’m going to die,” Shadow said, taking a step back and looking at the darkness behind her. Maybe she could run into it, hide from Celestia, the princess who controlled the sun. Or maybe she could suddenly ascend to alicornhood and fight the princess head on.

“Not at all, my little pony,” Celestia said as the last images on the screen disappeared. “I like to think that you’re going to be reborn. Free of all your past hardships. Try not to worry too much.” As the princess spoke, she slowly faded away until only a floating head was left. “Was there anything else you wished for? I’m afraid our time to truly talk is up.”

“Any chance you can let me go free?” the pegasus asked, slowly creeping deeper into the shadows.

“Of course,” Celestia said, as the last of her flickered out of existence. “When you wake up you will be free of all the things that made you reject harmony.” With that, there was silence, and Shadow found herself alone in the empty place, the mirror in front of her the only object she could focus on. It was a familiar mirror, she thought as she took a cautious step forwards. It was grimy and smeared and cracked, but she remembered it. It was the first mirror she had ever owned. Back when she was still homeless, she had spent much of her free time staring at it, imagining what it would be like to look wealthy. To be wealthy.

Now, she was staring into it again, but it wasn’t her who was staring back out. The mare looked like her, but there were two obvious differences any observer would immediately detect. While Shadow had a black mane, tightly cropped, her doppelganger had a long brown mane tied in a loose bun. She checked the roots to see if she (or this version of her, at least) had started dying her mane. They were a solid brown, which meant it had been a magical alteration, but as she studied her near-reflexion, a voice in the back of her mind whispered that she’d always had brown hair, and the longer she looked at herself, the harder it was to say that voice was wrong.

Another difference worth noting, in Shadow’s mind, was the eyes. Shadow had prided herself in her keen vision, you had to have good vision in her business, so seeing another version of her wearing a pair of black glasses confused her for an instance.

The biggest difference in the eyes, though, was the hardness. Shadow wasn’t quite sure how to put it, but she always thought her eyes had a sharpness to them. They weren’t cruel or mean, she’d seen a few of those in her business, but they were wary. They were eyes that held back, for fear of walking into a trap. Her doppelganger’s eyes lacked that. In fact, Shadow thought, they were soft eyes. Eyes that had never seen fear, never gone hungry, eyes that had lived a life of happiness and contentment. But they were still eyes that watched her. That looked at Shadow as if they were seeing something utterly alien for the first time.

The look on her doppelganger’s face wasn’t one of fear or confusion, just interest, and Shadow felt as if the other her was busy studying her. Funny, Shadow thought, she’s studying me and I’m sizing her up as a mark. It’s… She couldn’t find the word to finish the thought, but she knew it was an important word. It highlighted the differences and similarities between them, the same basic action performed in different ways. What was the word? Symbolic? Metaphorical? Unconsciously, Shadow took a step closer to the mirror as she thought...

...and her doppelganger suddenly reached through it, wrapping her forelegs around Shadow’s and pulling her back through the mirror with her.

Shadow fell hard on the marble floor, her doppelganger apparently having vanished into thin air. She slowly got back up on her hooves, shaking off the aches and pains that came with her fall, and froze as she recognized her surroundings. It was the mansion, the first mansion she’d ever broken into, and the vase she had stolen was sitting right in the middle of the dining table.

She looked around, taking a step towards the vase, and realized that it both was and wasn’t the house. She recognized every object in the house; a few of them items she had stolen, but most of them items of other personal significance. Shadow trotted towards a familiar cloud blanket and memories flooded through her, the nights she completely cocooned herself in it to try to drown out the sounds coming from her mother’s room – Her mother and father tucking her into bed after telling her bedtime stories – She shook her head, trying to dispel the memory.

Where did that come from? Shadow thought as she took a step back from the cloud blanket. She turned back to look at the rest of the house and felt like she was about to be sick. Something had changed in the house. She didn’t know what it was, but it was all off. A telescope looked out at the night sky and Shadow took a cautious step towards it. It wasn’t supposed to be here. Shadow reached out to touch it and–

“Happy Birthday, dear,” Shadow’s mother – Moonbeam – said. She was a white pegasus with blonde mane, and she was currently passing Moon Gazer – Silent Shadow, not Moon Gazer – a box wrapped with paper covered in cute pictures of stars and moons. “I know it’s a bit early, but we thought since you’d just gotten your cutie mark, it wouldn’t hurt if we got you your gift early.” Moon Gazer – Shadow – looked back at the mark on her flank, a crescent moon partly obscured by a passing cloud.

Shadow – No, that was wrong, she was Moon Gazer. Right? Yes. Of course she was. Why did she think she was Shadow? – Moon Gazer quickly unwrapped the paper to find the X-200 Junior Telescope underneath it. “Thanks Mom! Thanks Dad!” she said, wrapping her forelegs around her mother’s neck before running over to her father to give him the same hug.

“We’re glad you like it,” her father – Stardancer – said, patting his daughter on the head while she flapped her wings excitedly, causing his front legs to lift off the ground. “Just don’t stay up all night looking at the night sky, no matter how pretty it is.”

The memory dissolved around Shadow Moon Gazer? and she found herself back in the mansion. She panted in terror, looking around the dining hall. Everything felt wrong; it was growing smaller, several objects from earlier, objects that she knew were important to her, were gone, and she couldn’t remember what they were. Shadow, definitely Shadow, pushed her forehooves against her head, trying to dispel her growing fear. “I’m Silent Shadow, I’m 20 years old, I’m the best thief in Equestria,” she repeated to herself as she walked through the house. In a closet, she saw the school bag she had worn to her first day of school, and she felt herself getting sucked into the memory.

Shadow, good, she was still Shadow, tried to hide under her wings at the schoolhouse. Her mother hadn’t bothered to walk her to her first day of school, why would she? She’d stayed up until 5:00 in the morning drinking, she wouldn’t get up at 7:00 to see her only daughter off to her first day of school. The other children flew around her like vultures, taunting her, the words “dark coats, dark minds” ringing in her ears. All she wanted to do was go to school. Shadow suddenly felt like she was being pulled through a rabbit hole lined with spikes as the world shifted around her.

Moonbeam’s forelegs wrapped around her daughter while Moon Gazer – Shadow – sobbed. “Hush, baby, it’s okay, just tell me what happened. Nopony here will hurt you, I promise.”

“They…” she sniffled. “They said I was evil. That only bad ponies had dark coats. That I was working with Nightmare Moon, and the only reason they said it was because I have a dark coat. It’s not fair! Why couldn’t I’ve been born with a purple or green coat?”

Her mother patted her on the back. “It’s alright, Moonie, you’re perfect the way you are. You aren’t secretly evil, are you?” Moon Gazer shook her head. “Then what do you have to worry about? Be better than them and prove them wrong.” Moonbeam kissed her daughter’s cheek. “And remember that we will love you no matter what.” Moon Gazer nodded before shoving her face deeper into her mother’s mane and coat.

Moon Gazer found herself standing in an observatory, looking at a night sky filled with constellations significant to her. She pushed a strand of brown mane behind her ears, her hoof brushing against the plastic of her glasses. Above her was her mother’s vase, while her cutie mark floated next to that. She smiled, recalling how she earned her cutie mark. The night she spent sitting on her cloud balcony staring up at the night sky, looking through her book on planets and stars and identifying as many as she could. When her parents found her sleeping the next morning, they told her she had earned her cutie mark. She’d been in love with the night sky ever since.

Then there was her mother’s vase, given to her as an heirloom after her parents’ passing a few years– Shadow screamed and was pulled back into the mansion. The ceiling was gone now, and she could see the stars above her, as the vase she had stolen sat alone on the table. The vase her mother had given her. It was so hard to remember the truth, as her mind flipped between worlds. One second. she was staring at the night sky, and the next, she was starving on the streets of Canterlot. One second, she was raised by two loving parents, and then she’d have a mother who would prefer it if she didn’t exist.

Shadow flew over the vase to protect it, to stop anything from changing her memory of it. It was hers. She had stolen it. Her mother had given it to her. She had to remember the truth. “I’m Silent Shadow. I’m Silent Shadow. I’m Silent Shadow. I’m Moon Gazer. I’m Silent Shadow.” Silent Shadow closed her eyes…

… And Moon Gazer opened them. She was sitting in Celestia’s tea room, and moved a forehoof to rub her forehead. Why did she have such a bad headache – and more importantly, why had she fallen asleep in the company of the princess? “You’ll pardon me, your highness, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” She yawned. “For some reason, I have a terrible headache.” Moon Gazer glanced at the mirror. Her mane didn’t look too disheveled in its loose bun, and her glasses hadn’t fallen off while she was sleeping.

“It’s quite alright, my little pony,” Celestia smiled at her. “You only drifted off for a few seconds, and I couldn’t bring myself to wake you, knowing how late you have to stay up. Are you ready for your first night of work tonight?”

Moon Gazer nodded. “Of course, and I just wanted to say how happy I am to be interning at the Royal Observatory. I promise, I won’t disappoint you.”

“I’m sure you won’t, Moon Gazer, but it’s almost sundown. It wouldn’t do if you were late for your first day of work.”

Moon Gazer gave a gasp before running towards the balcony and flying off towards the observatory high in the clouds above Canterlot. As she flew away from the castle, a part of her wondered why Celestia had taken the time to congratulate an intern on her new appointment, before deciding it was just further proof of how kind and magnanimous her princess was.

Author's Note

So... in the middle of writing a chapter everyday for a month, I decided to do this as a side project. I think there's something wrong with me. Anyways, hope you enjoy.