Twilight Sparkle shivered as a light draft crossed over her body. Opening her eyes just a crack, she noticed that her sheets lay rumpled at the end of her bed. Grunting in displeasure, she sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, taking notice of the moon glimmering up in the sky. Judging on its location in relation to the horizon, Twilight judged that it was barely past midnight. Not a great time for the Princess of Friendship to be waking up. Still not used to the dimensions of the new bed. She moaned once more as she used her magic to engulf the sheets and pull them back over her frigid body.
She tossed, she turned, and she tossed once again. She even attempted to sleep upside down for a minute. Yet despite all that Twilight knew she wasn’t going to be able to get back to sleep. Something was gnawing at her psyche, but she wasn't really sure what. Did I have a bad dream? She couldn’t remember. All she could do was stare at the crystalline ceiling of her new castle. The light from the moon bounced off of the smooth floor and reflected in the multi-faceted architecture that lay above her, creating a rainbow of colors even in the dark and early hours of the morning. Or was it the late hours of the night? Now Twilight was starting to think like Pinkie Pie, something even she didn’t want to dabble in.
“Come on, Twilight. You’ve got a lot of things to do in the morning,” she whispered, grasping at a false hope that she may convince herself to sleep. It had been three days since Tirek had been sent back to Tartarus and her nerves were still on edge. Absorbing the Princess’ powers, watching Ponyville get destroyed, being granted a new title and having your home destroyed? That was a lot to take in over the course of a single day. Still, she had a castle all to her own, and that was something to be thankful for, right? Even though now, as she looked out into the expansive halls filled with an empty silence, she couldn’t help but feel alone.
And she hated that she felt that way.
What right have I to feel sad? The thought had been tossed around in her head every night now, as much as she hated to admit it. She wasn’t the one who had to raise the sun and the moon every night. She wasn’t the one who had the one pony she loved the most sent away into the moon for a millennium. She wasn’t the one who had to figure out how to rebuild Equestria back to the way it was, even though if she were quicker on her feet then maybe she could’ve stopped Tirek even quicker in the first place. And, when she told the Princesses about how she wanted more than what she already had, she came across as a spoiled brat who didn’t deserve to be a princess at all. Princess of Friendship. What in the hoof did that even mean? She had this all new rainbow power that was foreign even to her, and after a brief moment of use on Tirek she had no idea how to bring it out again, let alone use it to defend Ponyville. Now the country was worse off than ever before, and she had absolutely no idea how to handle any of it.
Princess of Friendship? Twilight, you’re a princess of nothing.
Yet, despite all that, she still had her friends. The five ponies that she knew would be there no matter how weird she was or how crazy her worries were. And she still had Spike, the cutest little dragon who stood right by her side through all of it, even though she had no expectations that he should. And that brought a smile to her sleepy face.
Smiles didn’t bring forth sleep, unfortunately, so Twilight sighed uncomfortably as she squirmed to the side of her bed and planted her hooves on the floor. It was hard getting to sleep in a castle where the slightest clop of her hooves created an echo throughout the entire building. Moving as quietly as she could, Twilight moved out of the boundaries of her room and into the dark luminescence of the hall. She tip-hooved past Spike’s room, door ajar enough to let light spill in yet not enough to see him in his bed. Passing through the residential wing, Twilight came across the draw of the entire castle, the rotunda containing six chairs for each of the Elements of Harmony (as well as a small, baby dragon sized chair next to her own). In the center of the circle lay her cutie mark engrained within the crystal flooring.
Just another honor I don’t deserve.
Twilight walked up to her “throne” and took a seat, grumbling on how hard the crystal was against her bottom. Celestia and Luna had cushions for their butts. What was she supposed to do now? Dictate friendship across the land of Equestria? Was that even legal? Or moral? The princesses had said that she had a reason for being there, that she had a bigger part to play in all of this. But aside from being lucky enough to save the country a couple of times, she really had no idea what that was.
“Listen to yourself, Twilight,” she spoke. “Save the lives of thousands of ponies and you still have room to complain.” She got off of the chair and began to drag her hooves through another passageway.
You’re disgusting.
So many empty rooms and so many memories left behind. As nice as the castle was, it wasn’t her home. Her bed was unfamiliar, everything was cold, and there was absolutely nothing to relate to there. She whimpered as the worst part of it all passed through her mind.
Her books.
How many times had she read through them all? Organized them? Sorted them based on whatever classification she had in her head at the time? She couldn’t bring herself to sell them at a Traders Exchange not three weeks prior, and now they were all ash blowing in the wind. She loved them all so much, not just because of the information they held but all the memories they carried with them. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that the fate of her friends lay in the pages of a book more than once before, and now even the memories were left to die with them. Meeting her friends, introducing them to new stories and journals, all things she could never retain again. Worst of all was how much quality time she spent with Spike on those books, staying up into the early hours of the morning reading to him or watching him learn on his own.
Oh, Spike she thought to herself as she paused in the crystal hall. He had to be taking this the worst. She could barely handle this and she was an adult princess, but he was just a kid. There’s no telling what he was feeling right now. Certainly much worse than she was. Maybe come morning she would have a talk with him and sort some things out. Go downtown and try to take their minds off of it. Twilight looked down the T-junction of the hall she was in to a balcony overlooking the whole of Ponyville and, lo and behold, there he was.
Spike sat on the railing, allowing his feet to dangle gleefully over the edge as he dug his claws into the crystal so he wouldn’t fall. If he noticed Twilight as she made her way out to the balcony behind him, he surely didn’t give it away.
“Spike?” Twilight called quietly.
“Do you think I could eat this place, Twi?”
Twilight tilted her head. Maybe he wasn’t so hung up about things as she thought. “W-what was that?”
Spike grinned as he turned his head back to look at her. “Well… I’m a dragon, yeah? And dragons eat crystals and gems? So if I was hungry one day – you know, really hungry – I guess I could just gnaw away at the walls for a while. See if that appeases me.” He turned his head back towards the town, mostly shrouded in darkness with the exception of a few bedroom lights still on. Pinkie Pie’s was still on, no doubt up late due to a sugar high of some sort.
Giggling, Twilight walked up to the railing and laid her head on it, puffing her cheeks out a bit in the process. “You know, Spike, I don’t think I’d appreciate you eating our new home. We kinda have to live in it.”
“Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Still, not a half bad plan if things go bad again.”
“Not half bad…” Twilight mumbled, her drowsiness apparent. “Hey, why are you out here anyway?”
Spike never averted his gaze from Ponyville. “My room was quiet. You know, like, weird quiet. I couldn’t sleep so I went looking for a kitchen. I think I found it, but it’s not like this thing sprouted with an apple orchard inside. We need to go grocery shopping pretty soon.”
Twilight nodded. “I know what you mean about the quiet. I usually like it so I can read or sleep, but I think the way that this thing is built means that sound stays trapped in here for a while. There’s a sort of… reverberating quietness that sticks around all the time.”
“I hear that.” Spike remained silent for a while, letting Twilight try to guess what was going on in that head of his. Was he upset? Or just tired from lack of sleep? Or this could’ve been Spike being Spike, which was just as likely. She was afraid to prod, however, because things like this could be just as delicate as baking a cake. Something she wasn’t very good at.
“So…” she began, “what’s been on your mind? Anything you want to talk about?”
Spike shook his head. “Not really. Just kind of… thinking about stuff.”
“What kind of stuff?”
“Like what we’ll have for breakfast tomorrow. I guess I’ll have to go out and get us some food. Maybe I’ll stop by Sweet Apple Acres and pick some stuff up from there. Ooh, and some dessert from Sugar Cube Corner! They should be up and running again by now.”
“Oh,” Twilight replied. She thought she was going to be able to get through to him, but Spike wasn’t the same dragon as he used to be. Being forced to be the adult of the situation in the last few years had really matured him, and she couldn’t read him as well as she could when they were younger. No longer did she worry if he was getting enough sleep or enough attention; now she pondered on what sort of opinions he held and how he was doing psychologically. Quite a large leap in only a few years’ time.
Spike turned his head back and eyed over Twilight before looking up into the night sky. “What about you, Twi?” he asked. “Is everything alright with you?”
An ear perked up on Twilight’s head. She wasn’t expecting a question about her. “Of course! Why do you ask?”
Rolling his eyes while emitting a light chuckle, Spike turned back to the mare and smiled. “I’ve known you literally my whole life, Twilight. If anyone could tell if you’re depressed or not, it’d be me.”
“Spike,” Twilight replied with a slight waver in her voice, “you don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine! Why would I be depressed?”
“Because you have more responsibility on you now then you’ve ever had. And besides all that, you’ve had a lot happen to you personally the last few days and haven’t talked about it to anypony. That builds up a lot, Twilight. I know it does.”
Wow. He really had matured. She thought she was able to keep all those negative thoughts to herself all this time. Knowing that Spike was in on it the whole time made her feel even guiltier.
“You can tell me, you know,” Spike continued.
But Twilight didn’t want to. “Uh, what about you? You were captured by Tirek! You didn’t know how things were going to end up! If anypony needs someone to talk to, it’s you!”
Spike waved a discouraging hand at her. “Don’t worry about me, I’ve got it all sorted out. It’s you who I’m worried about.” Twilight looked away. “Come on. Who was it that helped me when I was feeling down about Owlowiscious? Heh?”
“Me,” Twilight mumbled.
“And who was it that convinced me that I had value, even though every fiber of my lil’ dragon body told me I didn’t?"
“Hmm.”
“I wouldn’t have gotten through the Equestria Games without you, Twilight. You could at least throw me a bone, here.”
Twilight sighed. She really didn’t want to put this on him. But, if he insisted…
“I don’t know, Spike. It’s just… All my life I’ve had a goal to work towards. When we were young it was taking care of you and graduating. When we moved here, it was finishing my Friendship Report to Celestia. But ever since I became a princess I had no idea where I was going. I tried preoccupying myself with opening the Tree of Harmony chest, hoping I could take my mind off of everything, but now that it’s over…” she trailed off as Spike continued to listen.
Twilight turned around and looked up at her castle. “And all of this? What did I ever do to deserve this? I’m no alicorn Princess of Friendship! I’m still a scared little foal trying to figure out just who in the hoof I am! I can’t rule over anypony! I can’t make the decisions that will affect the lives of thousands! I don’t know anything about politics. I mean, I’ve read about them plenty, but doing it in real life is just…” She grunted in frustration as she looked back over the ledge and out into Ponyville.
“Ponies were hurt because I didn’t act fast enough to stop Tirek. That’s not a mistake a princess can make. A lot of Ponyville was destroyed, not to mention other parts of Equestria, all because I was running away. One false move and you could’ve been killed. All of us could’ve been killed, and I acted so slow! And our home! Our home was destroyed because of me and Spike I am so sorry!” Tears were running down Twilight’s face and a lump formed in her throat.
“Twilight,” Spike said firmly.
“I wanted more in my life and when I got it I let our home get blown up! All our books, all our things, all our memories! I let them burn to the ground and for all I know that could’ve been you if we weren’t lucky enough. Every time I get ambitious I end up hurting those I care about the most and I can’t do that anymore! But now I’m a princess of Celestia-knows-what and I have my own castle and I don’t deserve any of it!” She dug her head into the railing and let the tears flow freely, gasping for air in-between her wails. Spike spun around and leapt off the rail back onto the balcony.
“Twilight,” he pleaded once more.
“And the worst part of it is that I know I’m being stupid and spoiled because there are so many ponies out there that have it so much worse than me now and I shouldn’t even be feeling this way. I’m sorry for putting this all on you, Spike. You deserve better than me.”
Spike huffed and plodded over to Twilight before leaping up onto her back and wrapping his arms around her neck. For a lot longer than Twilight expected, Spike just sat there holding on to her as tight as he could. It actually made Twilight feel a lot better to be held by somebody, and within a few minutes her tears had started to subside. That was when Spike started to speak.
“Do you remember what advice you gave to me at the end of the Equestria Games, Twilight?”
Twilight absently shook her head.
“You made me realize that all the disappointment I felt in myself – the thought that I didn’t matter and was just a loser sidekick to all of you guys – it was all just in my head.” Spike eased up on his hug and sat up on Twilight’s back. “’ No matter how many times others tell you you're great, all the praise in the world means nothing if you don't feel it inside.’ That’s what I remember thinking to myself that night as we watched the fireworks. I took note of all the things I’d accomplished over the years. I made a place for myself in Ponyville, I helped save the Crystal Empire and became a total hero, and I made a whole lot of friends along the way. I was pretty proud of myself.”
“I’m pretty proud of you too, Spike,” Twilight sniffed.
“Exactly!” Spike continued. “You’re proud because you see me for what I am. And you’re depressed in yourself because you can’t see who you are!”
Twilight tilted her head. Was that true? She thought she was able to view herself objectively fairly well. Any one as learned as her should be able to do so. So was Spike really meaning what he said?
“Look, Twilight. You remember a couple of minutes ago when I said I had everything figured out on my own?”
“Uh huh…” said Twilight, still wiping up her tears.
“I said that because of you. I know that whatever happens – whatever monsters or problems or politics that we’ll face – I know that you’ll be able to handle them without batting a hoof. And I say we because that’s the truth. You act like you’re alone in this, Twilight. But you’re not. You have Rarity, and Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie, and Applejack. Heh, thanks to you, you even have Discord! Not that I’d exactly go up and ask him for advice any time soon.”
Twilight giggled for a moment.
“And you have me, Twi. You know that whatever horrible things may happen, no matter how far away you are or how big the trouble you’re in, I’m going to be right there by your side fighting tooth and nail to make sure you get out of it.”
“I know you will, Spike.” And she really did. Every single time she’d been in trouble Spike had been right there without second guessing himself for even a moment.
Spike looked up at the spiraling tower behind them. “And you say that you don’t deserve any of this? Of course you do, Twilight! Who else could’ve stopped Nightmare Moon from plunging the world into eternal darkness? Or stopped Discord from turning the world upside down? You think Cheerilee could’ve stopped Chrysalis from taking over Canterlot from the inside, or Bon Bon could’ve switched everypony’s cutie marks back in time? And don’t even get me started on Tirek.”
He put his hand on Twilight’s shoulder as he leaned in. “Twilight, the reason you have these things is because we all love you so much. And that you above anypony else deserve to have them. Not because you saved the day, or because you are good friends with Celestia. These are all things that we love about you, but not why you deserve them. You deserve them because you inspire ponies. You inspire each and every pony you meet to become the best version of themselves that they could be. Before you showed up, Rainbow Dash was just a weather patrol pony with a dream. Now, she’s in the pipeline to becoming a Wonderbolt. Rarity’s fashion is being spread all over Equestria, Applejack’s farm is doing better than ever, Fluttershy is overcoming her shyness, and Pinkie Pie is… well… she’s happy. And sure, they may have done these things on their own at some point in their lives. But there would never be the Elements of Harmony without you. There would never be harmony here without you. You ever wonder why every pony comes to you for help? It’s because deep down you always know what to do and you inspire everyone to always do what they need to do and to always take the high road, never the easy path that will just make their problems over and done with quickly. You’re the very best the world has to offer, Twilight. That’s why you’re the Princess of Friendship.”
Spike’s words had hit Twilight like a truck. Did she really mean that much to everypony? Did she give so little worth to everything that she’s done? After thinking it over, things really would be different if she weren’t around. Her friends might not have even become friends in the first place.
“Oh, Spike,” she whimpered. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You also inspire me, Twilight.” Spike began to play with Twilight’s mane as he sat behind her head. “Everything I do, every lesson I learn… it all comes back to you. You’ve brought so much out of me the last few years that I’ll never be able to repay you. You inspire me to do whatever I can to make things right. You’re the reason I keep on going, and I think that’s the reason you’re a princess. You keep us all going. And you mention the mistakes that you think you’ve made. Let me tell you, Twilight. I’m going to live a long life; a really long life. I’m going to outlive pretty much every pony I know.”
“Don’t talk like that, Spike,” Twilight said. She didn’t like thinking about dragon’s long lifespans. At least not now, when she could still enjoy his company.
“I say that because I’m going to forget, Twilight. Just like we all will forget. Any mistakes you think that you’ve made will be forgotten once people see what amazing things you’ve done with the few years you’ve had to do them in. They’ll be amazed that such a young mare has done so many things in her life and has saved so many ponies lives. And so will I. I’ll forget about Discord, and Chrysalis, and Tirek. Who knows? Maybe a couple hundred years down the line I’ll even forget about Rarity.” Spike wrapped his arms around Twilight’s neck one last time. “But I could never, ever forget about you, Twilight Sparkle.”
“Oh, Spike,” Twilight cried as she spun around and wrapped him up in a loving embrace. Tears of relief now welled in her eyes. “That was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you. Thank you.” A huge weight was lifted from her heart. Everything Spike had said had made perfect sense to her, and she couldn't feel more relieved.
“Like I said,” Spike added with his hug, “I’ve learned from the best.”
Twilight held him harder than ever before. After a few moments passed she gathered her feelings together and let Spike go before wiping the tears from her eyes.
“Thank you, Spike,” she said. “You knew exactly what to say. I really appreciate you too.”
Spike smiled and pretended to wipe dust off of his shoulders. “Yeah, well, you know… Can’t have my best friend feeling down on her first day on the job.”
Twilight laughed as she levitated Spike on her back as she walked back into the connecting hallway. “Yes, well, I’m very grateful for it. You sure you’re okay with everything going on?”
“Like I said, Twilight, as long as you’re with me I don’t have a worry in the world.”
A red hue took over Twilight’s cheeks as she made her way across the “throne room” and back into the living quarters.
“Although…” Spike said as they neared his bedroom, “I do sort of miss the old place. At least my bed, that is. This new one is really big. Too roomy for me.”
Twilight put a hoof to her chin to ponder the idea. “Hmm, I might have a temporary solution.”
A few minutes later, Twilight was using her horn to move the covers back over herself as she lay her head down to finally get some rest. Before closing her eyes Twilight looked down at the young dragon laying at the foot of her bed, a small blanket draped over him as he fluffed his pillow.
“Goodnight, Spike,” she called out to her companion.
“Goodnight, Twilight,” Spike returned. “Sweet dreams. Don’t let things bother you too much.”
“Trust me, I won’t.” Twilight laid her head back down and shut her eyes, knowing that with clear thoughts and a warm heart she would be getting plenty of rest that night. With all of her worries absolved, Twilight was grateful that she had such a good life to live going forward. Like Spike had mentioned, it was back to princess-ing tomorrow and she wanted to do a good job of it. Thankfully, thanks to her friend’s kind words, she knew she was more than capable of handling it.
Before finally nodding off, Twilight whispered out into the quietness of her room.
“I love you, Spike.”
A moment passed. “I love you too, Twilight.”
A smile crossed her lips as her mind drifted off into the night.
