A Cool Day to Die - In Which Our Heroes Become Heroes
The Eve of Tirek's Invasion
Canterlot Palace
"I shalt not wait here like some helpless damsel to be guarded!" The heavy doors to the darkened throne room were shoved open by the weary weight of a trembling body, one barely able to support itself. "I am the Night! I am the guard!" A pair of weak, quivering hooves thrust themselves onto the cold marble outside. Cold perspiration gleamed on her otherwise impeccable midnight-blue fur. Her night-sky mane was tousled and frayed but she was still every inch the proud Regent of the Night.
"Luna..." A shaky voice called out from within. The withered form of Princess Celestia at the throne reached out a weakened hoof for her one and only sister. "Please, just stay. Have faith." She pleaded, wearily, wincing from the exertion.
"I do, sister. I trust in Twilight Sparkle." The guardian of the moon growled, panting laboriously as she leaned against the door. "But hark, power or no, I am Equestria's guardian. T'is my forsworn duty to at least evacuate our people to safety." She breathed, gritting her teeth, as she put all her weight on her four hooves. "Guard!" She bellowed. "To me!"
"Y-Yes, ma'am." A quivering voice replied. A young, trembling guardsmare shuffled forwards. Her dark armour, obviously two sizes too big for her, identified her as one of Luna's own night guard. "Please, allow me to help you, ma'am." She rushed over to Luna's side, offering her small waiflike body as a crutch.
"My gratitude, good guardsmare." Luna grunted, gratefully leaning on the young thestral's lithe frame. "I hath never clapped eyes upon thee afore now. Thy name, soldier?"
"P-Private Moonlight Sonata, ma'am, of the 13th Palace Guard Reserve." The young thestral stammered as she strained under Luna's weight. "Previously Discord statue duty, ma'am, called back to active duty for today. That is why you've never seen me, really. The rest are out fighting. I'm afraid I was the only one tasked to remain." Luna noted how the guardsmare did not elaborate on why. She carefully avoided asking. Together they stumbled forth through the empty halls, the echoes of cries and screams from the city the only accompaniment to their hooffalls.
"Good. Thou art my personal guard for today." Luna strained, shuffling forwards weakly, before pausing for breath at the palace doorway. She peered out at the city, a sea of grey under the rainy sky, all tinted by the red of fire and ruin. The few remaining flight-worthy pegasi valiantly braved the skies to bring more fire-fighting rainclouds in. Luna took a deep breath as she put her best hoof forwards. "Come, Moonlight. Some good we may do for the people afore the end!"
"Yes, ma'am!"
Donut Joe's - Canterlot -
Plink....Plink....Plink.....Plink....
"Mmmmh. 5 more minutes."
Plink....thump....Plink....thump....Plink....
"Nnnghhh! 10 more minutes!"
Thump.....thump....thump....thump....
"Alright, alright, you win. I'm up." A hoof shot out to turn off the nagging alarm clock. Except there was no alarm clock, just a tea cup on a saucer, its teaspoon tinkling violently under the heavy thundering tremors. Warm Hug blinked blearily as he peered down at his bed. Except it wasn't his bed, it was the deserted counter at Donut Joe's. And his pillow had been some donut sprinkles strewn across an open copy of the EverNews™ Daily. "Oh, right, I don't have an alarm clock. Or a bed. Not anymore." He sighed, remembering he had just gotten off the first airship away from 'home' with little more than a hoofful of bits and headstrong determination.
He patted off the sprinkles out of his long sparkling white and ice-blue mane as he picked up the newspaper. "Forecast: sunny with a chance of rainbows." His storm-gray eyes scanned the first page before peering out of the empty donut diner at the pitter patter of the rain outside. "That's weather pegasi in the big city for you." He went on speaking to himself, having had a lifetime's practice at the art. When you've lived your entire life as a crystal miner you quickly learn that crystals don't make for very good conversation partners.
"Oh, today's fortune. Unicorns...pegasi...ah, crystal ponies." He quickly found the fortune for his tribe, a recent addition to the daily news. "Let's see, 'Luckiest Day Ever. You will befriend many interesting new people today. Your lucky colour is red. Beware hot sauce, toilet seats and water soakers. Today is a good day to join your fellow crystal ponies and smile, be happy and spread love and hope across Equestria. Remember, the Crystal Heart relies on you.' Oh, lucky me. Friends to make. Hot sauce, toilet seats and....modern techno-ma-jiggy to avoid." He said to himself jovially, "Except I came here to be away from that rock." His smile quickly turned into a frown as he put down the paper with a huff.
"Uh, anypony back there?" He called out to the store as he reached into his saddlebags with his muzzle to pull out a small bag of bits. "I want to pay my bill!" He said. That usually brings them out. Except this time it didn't. "Maybe he's busy cooking? I smell burnt sugar...and, uh....sulphur? And smouldering tin?" He blinked, recognizing the familiar smells from a lifetime of working the crystal mines under the tyrannical hoof of some mad crystal despot. He could practically taste the smell of what he had long come to associate with hate and anger on his very tongue.
"What is he burning in there? Sheesh, big city ponies really do eat actual junk." He grimaced, before generously leaving four bits on the counter. "That should cover it, plus a tip. Cause I'm generous like that. Whoah!" No sooner had he placed the money down did he notice his dawn-blue crystal fur gleaming more brightly than usual. "What did he put in those sprinkles? Glitter and rainbows?" He blinked, turning his hoof this way and that, casting an eerie prismatic glow across the deserted donut diner.
Thump....thump....thump....thump...
The thunderous tremors intensified, booming like falling tombstones, shaking everything in the diner violently. The tea cup rattled its way across the counter before smashing onto the ground at Warm Hug's hooves. "Whoah, that wasn't me." He looked around wildly, "The big city really is weird. Are they mining with explosives or something?" 'Except they shouldn't be mining the street outside', his mind thought urgently. "Hey, today is my lucky day, right?" He chuckled nervously, slowly turning around on his bar stool. "What's the worst that could happen?"
"Now! Run for it! Run for the shelters!" Four ponies broke out of the weather shop across the street, hooves splashing madly through the puddles as they made a frantic dash down the road.
Beams of nightmarish red light lashed out down the street, capturing all four ponies. The ponies screamed as if their very souls were being sucked through the freakish red straws. Warm Hug could only watch, jaw hanging open in shock, as their cutie marks dissolved into nothingness. Instincts built through dodging prowling mine foremen kicked in. He leapt for the nearest booth, flattening himself underneath the window like a desperate little crystal limpet.
He cautiously peered out over the edge of the window sill, ears twitching nervously. He couldn't help but give a little gasp at what he saw. There, standing in the middle of the street, was a pony towering as tall as the crystal library. Well, about as pony-ish as a creature with 6 limbs and two massive painful-looking horns can be. Oh, and it was also red. "Lucky colour, huh." He chuckled bitterly as he watched the creature's massive jaws open wide like the gates of Tartarus itself. Strange wispy smoke rose up from the ponies before gathering in his open mouth. "Yikes, big city ponies really do eat actual junk." He muttered, gulping. "Obviously nutritious junk though." He murmured, noting how massive the hulking figure was.
The four ponies fell limply to the ground like straw dolls, their blank flanks giving off a few leftover crackles of magical energy. "Hey, being a blank flank isn't all that bad. No need to overreact." Warm Hug muttered, glancing down at his own blank flank.
"Now that's what I call fast food." A droll voice chuckled. A dark and rather disfigured serpentine shadow flew about the hulking red monster holding what looked like an upside-down umbrella. "Speaking of, I know a good place at the palace that serves really good marshmallows. Shall I call ahead and make a reservation?" The dragon-like mismash of a creature said, pulling out what looked like a tin can on a string out of thin air. "Hold on, I think the line is occupied." He said, pulling a squirrel out of the tin can.
"No, I want you to go find a way into that underground shelter." The massive horned creature said. "Half the city must have made it down there by now. I need to suck out all the magic I can get if I am going to face the alicorns."
"Sheesh, who kicked the can and made you captain of the ship." The dragonesque creature kicked his can with a clawed foot, somehow turning it into a large barrel, complete with a mast and sail. "Definitely not me. Now, before I hand you your shovel, I'll tell you this. Luna and I put our heads together to build those gates into the shelters." He said, pulling his face off to reveal a party mask underneath, one with regent of the moon's semblance. He pulled down the blueprints to the city's underground shelters out of thin air and pointed at a caricature of himself standing outside one of the gates. "And I am so brilliant I surpass myself. Literally." The caricature said, knocking on the gate. "They are Discord-proof, everything-proof. Comes with a lifetime warranty too."
"Then start preparing to pay out that warranty." The pony-ish monstrosity growled. "You had better have a gate open when I finish with this next building." He said, stepping up towards what looked like one of the local theatres.
"Sure....partner." The serpentine creature muttered, climbing aboard his barrel while rolling up his blueprints. "We're still a happy ship, right?" He asked the barrel with a frown. "Don't give me that wooden stare. Come on, we have a job to do." He dipped the blueprint into the street which somehow parted and rippled like a pool of water beneath it. Then, making a very loud raspberry-like sound, the dragon creature blew into the rolled-up blueprints, propelling his barrel away down the street with a slew of bubbles.
Warm Hug remained quiet a moment longer, watching as the red giant smashed through the front entrance of the theatre as if it were crystal crackers. The iridescent gleam in his coat seemed to dim a little as the monster grew distant. The giant seemed to take the smell of sugar and sulphur away with him too.
"Holy crystal balls." Warm Hug muttered, "Sucking out magic? Is that what happened to those ponies?" He peered out at the downed ponies lying in the rainy street. "Do I have enough bits for a ticket out of here?" He peered down at his purse. "Nope. Looks like I'm stuck doing the next best thing - Spreading hope and being lucky. And one of those I'm all out of." He peered over the edge of the table and noticed a giant bottle of EverHot™ hot sauce perched in the condiment rack. His hoof kicked against an abandoned sack at the foot of the table, one that inexplicably contained strange devices labelled 'EverWet™ Water Soakers'. "Luckiest day ever, huh? Now all I need is a toilet seat." His trademark mischievous grin spread slowly across his muzzle. "Now let's go befriend someponies."
Mane Street - Canterlot -
"Mothers and foals first! Assist the infirm and elderly! Aid thy fellow pony! Everypony, make thy way to the underground shelters in an orderly fashion!" Luna barked at the top of her Royal Canterlot voice, making herself heard over the rainfall and the anxious crowd. Her vision blurred, her breath caught on every other weary heart beat as the exertion took its toll on her. But nevertheless she stood tall and proud, an achor of certainty amidst the sea of fear and panic. She stood towering at one end of the pony-thronged chaos that was once Mane Street. Only her shepherding presence alone prevented the slowly shuffling lines of evacuees from turning into a panicked mob.
"Ma'am. T-This is forward of me, b-but, please, you're unwell. You should rest, really." The guardsmare, Moonlight, said.
"Rest shall come with Tirek's wrath." Luna muttered, panting behind her sodden forelocks. "Report on the enemy position."
"The last guardspony I saw a minute ago told me Tirek was last seen exiting the Royal Concert Hall at the other end of the city." Moonlight reported. "There were civilians fighting him, reportedly miss Octavia, miss Spitfire and miss Lyra Heartstrings. I do hope they're alright."
"Brave ponies all." Luna muttered, bitterly. "I can only hope Tirek sparred their lives at least." She bit her lip sullenly. "What am I doing here, helpless as a newborn foal when my own little ponies art out fighting my fight."
"You've done a lot for us already, ma'am." Moonlight said, encouragingly. "You built Canterlot II in the old gem mines underneath the city. Without that we wouldn't have anywhere safe to evacuate the citizens to, really."
"We lost too much in the changeling invasion of the city. A lesson learned at such a high price is a lesson worth practicing." Luna said, gravely. "We owe it to Cadence. We wouldn't have discovered those old gem mines without her, the poor soul."
"Tirek! It's Tirek!" A pony at the far end of the line shrieked. The entire street of ponies exploded into mindless panic as they began to push and shove in a mass of hysteria.
"Calm thyselves, my little ponies!" Luna barked. "Keep calm and carry on! I shall protect thee all with my life if I must!" She barely finished her sentence before the very demon of her living nightmare burst out of a bakery and onto Mane Street in an explosive cloud of dust and debris. Three ponies were thrown out of the plume of smoke like helpless rag dolls, landing in a rolling heap in a newsstand opposite. A cello sang a discordant note as it flew through the air after them, smashing in a wave of newspapers.
"Oh, pineapple and cream." The familiar voice of one Lyra Heartstrings groaned from amidst the pile of ponies. A trembling mint-green hoof wiped a thick dollop of cream off its owner's mane. "It's always pineapple and cream." She sighed, giving it a taste. "Oh, better than what the audience throws. I should tell them to buy their ammo there next time." She chuckled weakly to herself.
"Oh, I won the Canterlottery." The unimpressed voice of one Octavia Philharmonica said as she pulled a sodden newspaper off her face. "Except I left the ticket in the concert hall. And it is now on fire." She looked up at her smashed cello poking through the newspaper stand's roof. The last string snapped with an ominous twang. "Yes, I feel lucky." She nodded. "I can't feel my hoof though."
"Hon, that's my hoof you're holding." The pained voice of Captain Spitfire sailed up in reply from somewhere deeper in the pile of newspapers and debris. "Yeah, that bright golden yellow one."
"Oh, sorry." Octavia was quick to put it down, patting it gently.
"It's okay, I can't feel it either." Spitfire said, dismissively.
"That doesn't sound 'okay' at all." Lyra contributed.
"Be honoured. You three have at least earned yourself a taste of my power!" The monstrous form of Tirek bellowed, his heavy hooffalls shaking the street as he stepped towards the newsstand. "Rejoice, for there is no greater tombstone than my hooves." He reared back, horns crackling with fiery magic that threatened annihilation of an absolute variety.
"No!" Luna cried, screaming inwardly for her weary body to move. But no matter how much she willed it she knew she wouldn't be fast enough. For the briefest moment she cursed her sister's decision, her decision, to give away their power.
"Hey, buckie! Heads up!" A voice promising good behaviour called out from behind the hulking monstrosity. It quickly broke said promise as its owner hopped up the monstrous centaur's back before leaping high above his head. The bluish-white blur slammed a toilet seat on Tirek's head as it sailed by, sending the centaur stumbling forwards. "Watch that first step!" There was a thunderous crack as the pent-up magic discharged straight at the ground at Tirek's hooves. An explosive blast of nightmarish red light erupted beneath them, hurling the mighty centaur back into the bakery from whence he came.
The bluish white blur landed on four hooves before the newsstand. "Didn't your mom ever tell you not to play with your food? Cause one of these days they might just bite back." A pair of sapphire blue eyes twinkled with mischief underneath the sodden snow white mane. Beneath them spread a playful grin. The little puffs of steam rising from the muzzle, however, betrayed just how nervous its owner was despite the bravado. His telltale sparkly dawn-blue coat marked him out as a crystal pony, one a little older than a colt but not quite a stallion just yet. Most eyes on the street, however, were quickly drawn to the random water soaker slung over his blank flank. "Hey, you three back there? You alright while I give this guy the first dance? I don't want him getting jealous." He called back towards the three mares in the newsstand as he unslung his water soaker.
"Yeah, go ahead, hon. I think my dancing days are over." Spitfire winced as Lyra and Octavia carefully pulled the Wonderbolt Captian's rearhooves out from under the rubble. "Y'know, I think I'm lucky I can't feel'em. I don't think that leg's supposed to turn that way."
"You'll be fine. Just breathe." Octavia said, soothingly, as she strained under Spitfire's weight. "I left my dancing shoes and my guts at home. You go ahead. Just get out safely." She called back to the colt.
"Ooh, he's got a lot to be jealous about. I mean, we're practically waltzing out here." Lyra said.
"Puns. Bad puns." Octavia muttered, wincing painfully.
"Make it to the second dance, okay?" Lyra called out. "And thanks, uh...."
"Warm Hug." The colt said.
"What? Right now?" Lyra blinked. "Kinda not the right..."
"No, uh, that's my name. I've got better pickup lines." The colt quickly added, fighting not to faceplant the street. "Yeah, I know. I'm trying not to think about how it would sound on a tombstone right now." He was running his mouth, he knew, but he couldn't help it. It was his in-built reaction to being scared flankless, especially when he let his balls do all the thinking for him. Like right there and then. Piddling himself was a close second and at the time it felt much, much too close.
He nervously chuckled to himself as he considered that was the closest he's ever gotten to bothering to ask a mare out with more than his name alone. "Hope this isn't the last." He mused out loud to himself. But there was no time for that, he had flank to kick, a water soaker to pump.
As he pumped away at the pressure handle on the water gun he couldn't help but feel rather self-aware of how awkward he looked making pumping motions in the middle of the empty street. "Uh, there's a very deep reason for this." He said to nopony in general as he turned to regard the big billowing cloud of dust and debris that was once the bakery. A beam of ghastly red energy lashed out of the smoke, coiling about him like an arcane serpent. "Not good." He gasped as the beam pulled taut as if intent on pulling something out of him. Except whatever it was never came out.
The smoke cleared to reveal Tirek, jaws wide open, waiting for its latest feast. His expectant look, however, quickly turned into a deeper and darker frown. The red beam intensified as his thick white brows furrowed in concentration.
Warm Hug gave a nervous chuckle of relief. "That's right, beardface. You're not tasting this flank. Got no cutie mark, see?" The crystal pony grinned, crystalline blank flank gleaming. He levelled the water soaker at Tirek's open mouth. "Got more hot stuff to make up for it." He pulled back the trigger on the soaker, squirting a jet of violent red juice straight at Tirek's open mouth. "Eat EverHot(TM) sauce, buckie."
"Whaa-rrburbleburblegraaaargh!" Tirek choke and sputtered before somehow managing to turn two shades redder. "AAAARGH!" He shrieked, thick hot steam billowing from his mouth and ears as fiery hot tears ran down his cheeks.
"You've got tears in your eyes. Let me fix that." Warm Hug said, adjusting his aim. It earned him an unearthly scream from Tirek as the massive centaur reared back in agony. "Now you got hot sauce in your eyes. Hot." He grinned, watching as the centaur charged into a nearby hardware store in his blind anguish. The store promptly collapsed on top of him. There was a touch of finality as the giant hammer perched atop the store's sign collapsed in with the store's roof, raising a plume of thick choking dust.
"Phew." Warm Hug collapsed onto his watergun with a sigh of relief. "Well, that's one way of getting hammered."
"You nailed it, colty!" Lyra cheered from further up the street where she was still limping along alongside Octavia carrying the injured Spitfire between them
"Another pun and I'm going to nail something else." Octavia growled.
Something didn't sit right with Warm Hug. The air around mane street still tasted strange to him. It was that now familiar smell of sulphur and copper mixed in with sugar. It gave him a strange electric tingle that he couldn't quite explain, one that sent chills down his spine all the way down to his hooves. His crystalline fur was sparkling brightly once more despite the rain. In fact it was practically glowing now, almost alarmingly so.
He gulped. Something told him this wasn't quite over yet. He got back onto his shaky hooves as he eyed the ruins of the hardware store warily. 'Just until those three get off the street' He thought to himself encouragingly. But his nerves offered no reassurance. Neither did his bladder.
Further up the street Luna was carefully ushering the last of the straggling evacuees. "That colt is doing a commendable if unorthodox job keeping Tirek at bay." She said to herself. "Moonlight? Sitrep." She asked as her personal guard trotted up to rejoin her at her side.
"Yes, ma'am. The Sun Gate to Canterlot II is shut. The Moon Gate is being shut as we speak. The remaining evacuees are being directed to the furthest gates, the Friendship and Love Gates." Moonlight reported. "Another flight of night guards are enroute from the Sun Gate. And I've brought the medic you requested." She nodded at the off-white pony cantering up the street, the nursing cap perched on her candy-pink mane quickly identifying her as one of the hospital nurses.
"Phew, made it. At your service, your highness. Nurse Change'A'Heart." The nurse panted her introduction.
"Medic? Moonlight, she's not a soldier." Luna pointed out. "And she's injured." She pointed at the makeshift splint tied around the nurse's right hindhoof.
"A fashion accessory. That's what this is, ma'am." The nurse said dismissively, though she was obviously limping and favouring her splinted leg. "And a soldier. I am one. Of Love." She winked. "Ouchies. Just point me at them. I shall kiss them away. With the power of love."
"Thou possesses commendable spirit." Luna gave her a little nod of approval. "Changeling." She added, eyeing the telltale changeling badge pinned to the nurse's cap.
"Changeling?!" Moonlight squeaked, fearfully. After the briefest moment of hesitation she leapt shakily in between Luna and the changeling nurse, intent on shielding her princess. "S-stand b-back from the p-p-princess, y-you."
"Brought me. You did." The nurse rolled her eyes. "Choices. You have none. I'm all the nurses in the area. SnowHeart. TenderHeart. SweetHeart. FireHeart." Green bursts of changeling fire erupted forth from the young nurse as she quickly swapped through all her nursing guises in quick succession. She finally settled back on her off-white pink-maned form, giving a little chuckle at the look of slack-jawed awe on Moonlight's face. "As I said before. Changeling nurse Change'A'Heart. At your service." She gave a quick little curtsy.
"Stand down, Moonlight. Good work." Luna said. "Forgive my guardsmare, she is keen if a touch overzealous. I would gladly welcome thy aid, fellow citizen." She nodded at the changeling. "Those three over there need assistance. You and Moonlight shall get them medevac'd. Now." Luna nodded at the three injured ponies making their way up the street. "I'll stay and....that colt!" She gasped, watching as Tirek emerged from the ruins of the hardware store, charging towards the crystal pony.
"Uh, defo not good!" Without really thinking Warm Hug turned tail and ran for it. Needless to say there was no outrunning a centaur five times his size. As Tirek bore down on him, ready to stomp him into the street, Warm Hug's legs slipped on a pool of water, sending him skidding through a puddle.
Crystalline sparks lit up about his glowing hooves. Prismatic light danced across the little puddle. And then, quite inexplicably, the puddle froze over in a straight line in his wake. The crystalline puddle burst into a shower of shards under Tirek's hoofstomps, quickly wrapping themselves about his hooves in four rapidly spiralling blossoms of crystal. The frosty mannacles held fast, stopping Tirek's legs dead in their tracks, allowing the rest of his body to lurch forwards with his momentum. His body sailed over Warm Hug as the crystal mannacles snapped under the strain. There was an almighty crash as Tirek smashed into the newsstand the mares had occupied just minutes before. Frayed newspaper flew up into the rain, fluttering soggily in the wind.
"Whoah!" Warm Hug blinked as he peered through the fluttering newspaper storm to watch Tirek roll on through the newsstand to crash into a grocery store behind it. "Might want to get a new face while you're in there! And get me some painkillers too!" Warm Hug called out, before peering down at his hooves in wonder. "What the hay just happened?" He asked the flaming bluish-white glow about his hooves as if expecting them to enlighten him. "I'm pretty sure I've never had one of them hooficure things."
"Frost magic?!" Luna gasped, almost staggering back in her surprise. "He's a Windigo?!"
"Whoah, him? A windigo?" The battered form of Lyra gasped as the trio finally limped up to Luna's side with Moonlight and Change'A'Heart's help. "Chilling but Cool."
"I don't know what hurts more. My body or your puns." Octavia groaned as she hobbled up towards Luna. "Shall I help you compare?"
"Hon, I'd point out it's that sort of attitude that summons windigos, but right now I ain't complaining." Spitfire said from where she lay across their backs. "As long as he kicks his flagrant red flanks I wouldn't mind if he was a parasprite."
"Your breath. Don't hold it." Change'A'Heart said, aiming her forehooves at Spitfire's twisted rearhooves. "Be still. Your wounds. I am coccooning them." She said.
"Coco- what?" Spitfire blinked. She gave a little gasp as her pain dissolved away in a cool, almost soothing sensation. She looked down and found her rearhooves being carefully wrapped up in a greenish black coccoon of fine spidery silk by the mysterious young nurse. "Whatever that is, gimme more." She cooed with relief.
"Solid Love. That's all this is. The wound. This will close it and numb the pain." The changeling explained, expertly weaving the silk flowing out of the little recesses in her forehooves. "As long as he buys us enough time." She peered over her shoulder. "Oh bug it!" She cried, watching as Tirek sailed out of the ruins of the grocery store trailing a plume of dust and cabbage leaves.
"Oh crystal balls." Warm Hug muttered as Tirek's hulking form blotted out the sky above him, his shadow rapidly engulfing him. He scrabbled onto his hooves, but they only slipped and slid on the frozen puddle of his own making, leaving him running in place. "Eeeeep." His ears drooped as he gave one last squeak of fright. The colossal mountain that was Tirek landed with a thunderous crash, crushing him into the street. Dust and debris flew up into the air before finally settling around the sizeable crater in the middle of the street.
"NO!" Luna cried, stumbling as she struggled to rush out. She hobbled before falling face first into a puddle. "Not one of my little ponies! Stop, foul knave!" She barked, spitting out mud and grime. "Stop, I say!"
"No, ma'am! Please, you musn't! Not in your condition, really!" Moonlight cried, rushing forwards to hold onto her princess protectively.
"Let go of me, Moonlight!" Luna barked, struggling against her guardsmare's hold. "No! NOO!"
"Ouch....my eye." Warm Hug's voice groaned from somewhere within the crater. A shaky hoof rose up bearing a stick. It gave a weak thump against Tirek's bark-like hooves. "T-take that...a-and that." He rasped.
"Insolent insect!" Tirek pulled back a massive cannon-like fist before slamming it down into the crater.
WHAM
"M-my o-other eye..." Warm Hug's voice croaked. "That....didn't count!" The shaky hoof dropped the stick, opting to point accusingly at Tirek.
WHAM
"O-okay! I-it counts! I-it counts!" He squeaked.
WHAM
Another fist landed in the crater.
"Aaah. W-whatever th-that was, it hurts like buck." Warm Hug wheezed. "H-hey, time out. Need to check if m-my insurance covers big red plot warts."
"You think you're funny?" Tirek growled, putting his hands together as he raised it overhead. "Tartarus will absolutely enjoy your humour."
WHAM
"Heh. I-I'm h-haunting your plot. I-I s-swear I'll n-n-never let you take a dump in p-peace ever again!" Warm Hug declared. His ears were ringing. His vision swam. Every part of him hurt. Every breath caught with pain. Every wheeze felt like fire.
Why? Why do heroic ends have to be so bucking painful?
With what little consciousness he had left he just about made out winged creatures swooping down from above. "Night Guards, pincer formation! Drive him away!" A voice somehow made it through the ringing in his ears. There was a muffled roar. The earth shook with heavy hooffalls. But slowly but surely they drew away, along with the sound.
A different set of hooffalls filled his ringing ears. They were tired, weary hooffalls, moving on sheer force of will alone. There was a skidding sound nearby. Somepony dropped to its knees at his side. What felt like a soft pair of hooves scooped him up and held him gently by his muzzle.
"Windigo! Stay strong!" A muffled voice cried down at him.
'Windigo? What?' His sluggish mind just about managed to process. 'Who is that?' Through his bleary eyes he just about made out a pair of gleaming sapphire orbs peering down at him through a veil of....were those tears? "Nurse, come help!" The voice barked. "Soldier, I want a medevac team here, now!" The hooves held onto his face tightly, as if afraid to let go. But even they weren't enough. He felt himself slowly drift away from its hold. "Stay with me!" His failing ears registered one last time, "Stay with me, please!" Everything faded away into nothingness.
Author's Note
Hi, to all new readers welcome. To all returning readers, welcome back to yet another new fanfic (cue groans of 'Not another new one, Pen!'). As usual, I hope you all enjoyed that as much as I enjoyed writing it.
And boy did I enjoy writing it. This was the second MLP fanfic idea I ever began working on, predating even my debut fanfic, 'My Little Queen'. I had shelved it for a long while as I felt it was much too OC-heavy for any fanfic let alone a debut one. A lot of the ideas within had since been recycled into my other stories. But I've since learned that MLP fanfiction is considerably more forgiving of OCs and thus I decided to revisit this idea. I have since updated it to reflect season 4 developments and polished the characters a little more.
This particular story should not get in the way of all the others. This one will be quite short, 2 or 3 more chapters at most, though if it does well it could very well spawn sequels. I'm not holding my breath though as this is just me airing plot bunnies as usual.
Building on reader comments on my other stories I decided to try out a new style of writing this time, focusing as much as I can on clarity at the expense of my usual flowery narrative. I'm not entirely sure just how well I achieved that. I'd love to hear what you all think.
Usual disclaimer: My Little Pony belongs to the awesomeriffic Faust and Hasbro.
A Chilly Knight - In Which Our Heroes Become Knights
2 Days Later, Morning
Night Guard Infirmary - Canterlot Palace
Waking up is an experience that varies from pony to pony. There is the vague sense of disorientation, commonly dread, occasional existential crises and invariably some more pressing consideration of the state of one's bladder as well as proximity to the nearest toilet. For Warm Hug, however, his experience that particular morning could be summed up in a few choice words, 'Buck buckity buck mcbuck buckery bucking buckiness.' Never has he regretted being alive more. Every bit of him, even bits he didn't know he had, were screaming in agony
He would have voiced this more eloquently if only he could find his voice wherever it was lost in the Zebrican desert that was his mouth and throat. He was quickly distracted from his search, however, when his ears muzzily picked up an irate voice. "....I still fail to see reason in locking the six of us in the guard's infirmary. We are innocent."
"Well, I did challenge the biggest, ugliest, most horny thing to ever crawl out of Tartarus to a staring competition." A more laid back voice pointed out.
"Lyra Heartstrings, you poked him in the eyes." The irate voice muttered.
"Hey, not my problem he's a sore loser." The laid back voice said. "And no wonder he was sore. You poked him with a cello where Celestia don't shine."
"He got in the way of my high note. Nopony gets in the way of my high notes." The irate voice managed to grow even more irate. "He made a good substitution. He hit some notes I had never even heard before. But I think Ms. Spitfire's thunderbolts to his pride shattered more than the glass in the theatre."
"By sweet Luna, I was aiming elsewhere. It's not my fault your cello in the right place made him rear back at the wrong time." A calm voice sighed. "And picking a fight with Tirek is not the reason we're behind bars. We are witnesses, hon."
"Yeah, I know, my wittiness is pretty criminal." The laidback voice chuckled.
"You're just lucky I'm out of cellos." The irate voice was practically growling with murder.
"Uh, okay, okay, no bad puns. I will only speak in un-puns from now on, promise. Please, don't stick a cello up my plot, please. I'm still pretty tender up there." The laidback one whimpered. "What are we witnesses to, anyway, if not my flaming hot if slightly tender plot?"
"The Windigo; We saw him use his magic." Another voice, a saucy one, pointed out. "Windigos; They have been gone for centuries. If word gets out that one was walking around Canterlot, packing weaponized hot sauce..."
"Yeah, I can see it now. Mass panic over weaponized hot sauces of mass destruction." The laidback voice said.
"Um, I think he's awake." A soft, timid little voice spoke up. The others quickly quietened down at this. Warm Hug could practically hear them listening for him.
Deciding to tactfully pretend he hadn't heard any of that, he decided on the next item on his priority list - voicing his pain in the most eloquent way possible. "By the lovebutt, I think Sombra in his grave felt that. I will show that craggy red lump of coprolite so much love and hope that he'll eat nothing but glitter and sparkles through a straw after I'm done with him, so help me Crystal Heart!" He growled through his parched dry throat before breaking into a fit of coughs.
"A-are you alright?" The soft, timid voice asked from somewhere nearby.
He blinked the dust and stars out of his bleary eyes, scrunching up just enough vision to slowly peer about as much as his stiff and painful neck allowed. The room was dim and thankfully easy on his eyes. The ceiling above was an unfamiliar one, bedecked with privacy curtains. With some difficulty he found the source of the voice, a young light pink mare sitting on her haunches on the pure white bed next to his. A hospital bed, his brain quickly added. Likely a concession to the bandages she wore around one eye and half her head. The nervously fluttering lilac bat wings behind her waif-like body and the big fluffy ears marked her out as a thestral, a child of the night. He had only ever heard of thestrals. Well, if all that stuff about blood-sucking's true then he should be as dry as a crystal biscuit by now, which to his knowledge he wasn't. Goes to show what them country crystal hicks know.
Then he noticed the little bag she was cradling in her hooves, one with something thick and red sloshing about sluggishly inside like mushy jello. It had a curly little pink straw complete with a miniature umbrella sticking out of its side. A label on the side helpfully read 'A+'. 'Ah, so the country crystal hicks aren't always full of coprolite. I'm just not her type, that's all', he thought to himself.
"Um, you sound like you need a bit of this, really." She said, holding the bag of not-mushy-jello out to him generously, if a touch airheadedly.
"Uh, I'm O negative." Warm Hug grimaced with a light chuckle.
"Really?!" The thestral's eyes lit up like a foal on Hearthswarming Eve. "That's my favourite type, really!"
"Oh, wow, yeah." Warm Hug shivered. 'Now my blood type's a pick up line too.' He thought to himself, wincing inwardly.
"Bat fillies. You know just how to sweet-talk them. Casanova. A smooth one, if not so croaky." The saucy voice, tinkling with promised mischief, said. "Here, before you croak." A glass of water was levitated before him in a little swirl of emerald magic.
"Oh, thanks, uh..." He raised both forehooves towards the cup, only to wince in pain on finding them both in plaster casts. He bit his lip in pain as he maneuvered them both into pincers about the cup of water before looking up at his benefactor. His eyes widened at the sight of the winter-white coat gleaming in the half-light, the soft light pink mane framing the playful smile looming above him. "Uh....." His voice intelligently articulated for him.
"Change'A'Heart. Lovely to meet you." The mare standing by his bed said, winking her big golden eyes at him.
"Uh, Warm Hug." Warm Hug said, still awestruck.
"Casanova. One at a time, please. Though I don't blame you. That effect; I have it on everypony." She chuckled. "Cute. But, still, I only date older stallions."
"I could have been named Sapphire Storm or Diamond Edge. But no, I'm a pick-up line." Warm Hug sighed, flopping his head back onto his pillow with a sigh.
"Worse; It could be if you were named something like 'May House' or 'Ruby Dare'." The mare giggled.
"Gee, thanks. Makes me feel better already." Warm Hug sighed. The white nursing cap perched on her candy-pink mane gave him a strange sense of familiarity. Then it struck him. "I've seen you in those vitamin ads around the Crystal Empire." He said, remembering the vitamin drive the new foreign princess had begun shortly after she took over his Empire. It didn't take very well, but by diamond-dust they spoke of that nurse in the ad and her gorgeous smile for weeks. "Isn't your name 'RedHeart'?"
"Sometimes." She shrugged with a dismissive grin. "On top of the job, hoof on the dot, I'm TenderHeart. On the trot, plot red hot, I'm RedHeart. Off the clock, after the shop's locked, I'm Change'A'Heart."
"Uh, okay?" Warm Hug murmured, confused. 'Some kind of earth pony thing?' He mused. 'Wait, earth pony?' "Hold on a sec, how'd you lift the cup?" He blinked as his numb mind caught up with him.
"Secrets; A mare's gotta have some." She gave him another wink, her open brown eye gleaming a bright blue for just the briefest moment.
"So, um, were you having a bad dream?" The thestral asked, big golden harlequin eyes filled with genuine concern.
"I don't think dreams punch you in the face. Except that one time I had some nachos, Manexican chilli and ice cream before bed and...never mind." He grimaced, "But I'm alive, I guess. Thanks for asking." He gave her a reassuring smile. "Somepony up there likes me. Or hates me. Can't tell right now."
"Don't know about 'like', but the night guards flew in just in time to drive Tirek away." The thestral said. "Another minute and we might not have been able to save you, really."
"You saved me?" Warm Hug blinked. "Thanks. You know, nopony back home would have put their shine on the line for a stranger. Things are changing now that we're no longer choking on our yokes, but still."
"Strangers; Easy to fix that." Change'A'Heart smiled, turning around to...return to her bed? Just as he was wondering why a nurse was in a patient's bed he noticed the cast around her rearhoof and the bandages around her withers.
'Ah, she's one of the inmates like us.' Warm Hug thought.
"Change'A'Heart fixed everypony here including you with her changeling coccoon magic. She....oops." The thestral brought a hoof up to her mouth. "S-sorry, I didn't mean to..."
"The secret; It wasn't a big one." Change'A'Heart shrugged, looking up at the little regulation changeling badge pinned to her nursing cap. "Besides, my changeling form; I lost it when Tirek stole my magic...and smashed my carapace."
"That really crumbles your crystals. Can you get it back?" Warm Hug asked, frowning.
"No. Not as convenient as cutie marks." Change'A'Heart shook her head, looking unbothered by the fact. "I won't miss it. Never used it much. Besides, my shapeshifting and my love magic; I still have them." She shrugged. But Warm Hug couldn't help but notice just a hint of bitterness in her voice.
"That cheap coprolite flank-wipe." Warm Hug muttered, gritting his teeth in anger. "I should've shoved some of that hot sauce up where Celestia don't shine."
"Counting bricks in Tartarus as Cerberus' chew toy; That's what he'll be doing from now on." Change'A'Heart said, sitting down on her bed. "Though hot sauce; now that's an idea."
"Thanks, for saving me." Warm Hug gave her a thankful nod.
"Don't thank me. Moonlight Sonata; she's the one who lost an eye when she and the night guards swooped in to save your flank." The changeling said, nodding at the meek thestral.
"You got injured saving me?" He asked, feeling guilt rise as he eyed the bandages around the thestral's head. "Oh by the Crystal Heart." Warm Hug muttered bitterly, "I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have had..."
"It wasn't serious, really." The thestral smiled sheepishly from behind the pillow she was hugging. "I was lucky Change'A'Heart was there to coccoon my injury. I might have lost more than an eye, really."
"Hey, champ." Somepony else in a bed across from his called out. "The colt lookin' like a mummy from the Neighle river should be the last to do go guilt-tripping." It was the golden yellow pegasus he had spotted briefly earlier, though he barely managed to recognize her under all the bandages strewn across her rearhooves and wings. "You saved us three and probably half the city, hon. Remember that."
"Yes. We wouldn't have been able to complete the evacuation if you hadn't held off Tirek, really." Moonlight said, with conviction.
"I concur." An elegant gray earth mare in the bed to the right of the pegasus' said . "None of us would have gotten out alive without you and your...what's the word? Testicular fortitude."
"Balls, hon." The pegasus supplied for her.
"Crystal balls, in his case." A mint-green pony in the bed to the left of the pegasus' giggled. She may be a unicorn if that thing bandaged tightly atop her cyan and white mane was indeed a horn. "Hi, I'm background lyrebutt number 7, but you can call me Lyra Hearstrings, cause you're cool." She giggled to herself, "Get it? Cool?"
"I've had to sit in the same room as her for two days now." The slate-gray earth mare groaned in despair. "Two days! But let it not distract us further." She sighed, calming down visibly. "You saved my life. For that I owe you at least my name, if not more. I am Octavia Philharmonica. Enchanted."
"Spitfire here." The pegasus raised a hoof. "No fancy last names, not yet anyway." She gave him a little wink.
"Don't all of you jump him at once, okay. Get in line." Lyra giggled. "So, a Crystal Pony, aaaaall the way in Canterlot." She said, eyeing Warm Hug with a critical smile. "Why aren't you spreading love and happiness back in the Empire? Got lost on your way to the crystal bathroom?" She sniggered. "Get it, crystal bathroom? Get it?" Her attempt at humour was greeted by empty silence. "Y'know what? Forget it. You guys are a tough crowd."
"Yeah, about that..." Warm Hug smiled sheepishly, "Uh, I kinda wasn't 'Love' and 'Happiness' enough for the Empire."
"You seem pretty chipper though, hon." Spitfire said.
"Yeah. This kinda didn't make the smiles brigade." Warm Hug gestured at himself with a sardonic smile. "There's a sign at the gates to the Empire. 'You need to be this smiley and happy to ride this bad boy'."
"Sheesh. And I thought I had to work tough crowds." Lyra shook her head. "So just up and gave up on your way the crystal bathroom?"
"Lyra." Octavia growled in warning.
"No, she's right. I kind of did. Give up that is, not the bathroom thing." Warm Hug said. "It was no big deal. I figured, the crazy old king already done wiped out most of our memories so I don't have that many attachments to the Empire. I'm not that good at looking all fabulous and sparkly and spreading love and happiness across the land. So I decided I could go out and do other pony things. I mean, it's not like love and hope is all crystal ponies do, right? I'm sure crystal ponies can do other things like, you know, papercraft or bonsai culturing or flying kites." He said with an indifferent smile. This was greeted with silence, blank stares and a few shared glances. A valiant few even tried staring at the walls and ceiling, anywhere but him. "Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence." He muttered, face falling.
"He has a point." Lyra bravely flew to his defense. "I'm a unicorn. I've got a friggin' lyre on my butt. But I do stand up comedy."
More silence, blank stares, and more furious staring contests with the walls and ceilings.
"Hey!" Lyra snapped, "That was my best joke yet! Don't make me bring my broken forehoof and horn into the joke!"
Warm Hug grimaced. "That's real heroic comedy, making your own butt the butt of your jokes."
"Dude." Lyra blinked. "You're good." She whispered in awe, before breaking into muffled sniggers. Warm Hug couldn't help but feel the corners of his lips perk up before he finally gave into the laughter.
The others, seemingly bewildered at first, simply shrugged before joining in. "Hahaha, you said 'butt'." Spitfire giggled immaturely. "May you all be struck by lightningbutts!"
"U-um, bad bat puns are de-bat-able, butt I think I can get behind bat butt puns." Moonlight contributed with a meek little giggle.
"I am the butt of my jokes. My cello is my weapon. Where Celestia's sun don't shine is where I stick it." Octavia said, solemnly, before sniggering at her own horrific joke.
"The butts. They are strong with this one." Change'A'Heart joined in the horrible jokes.
"Tush-aye!" Lyra declared. Silence fell. Even the crickets. "What?! C'mon, guys, that was good! Why do you all get to poop out bad butt puns? I simply can't get to the bottom of this. I'm just gonna crack at this rate."
"Shush. Too hard; Your trying that is. Almost uptight even." Change'A'Heart said with a smile. "I have some laxatives that can help."
They all burst into laughter again. Lyra simply threw her one good forehoof in the air in exasperation before joining in, half-laughing with mirth, half-sobbing in despair. "You all deserve to have your butts banished to the moon, all of y-..." She was cut short by the lock on the door to the infirmary clicking open. There was a brief knock on the door before it swung open to reveal the regal form of the moon regent herself.
"Butts-ted." Octavia whispered as Lyra turned from mint-green to yellow to beet-red faster than a traffic light.
"I was half-expecting a butt-flavoured knock-knock joke there." Spitfire whispered. This earned her a few giggles all around.
"Uh, a joke?" Princess Luna seemed to flounder a little, seemingly caught off-kilter by the reception. "Um, I...uh...don't know any, but perhaps...." She looked around, suddenly nervous. "Uh, knock knock?" She ventured, uncertainly.
"Who's there?" Lyra couldn't resist.
"Princess." The princess said.
"Um, princess who?" Moonlight asked.
"Princess Woona." Luna declared in her Royal Canterlot Voice. "Uh, was that alright?" She asked in a quieter voice.
This was greeted by a moment of silence. "That was lame." Octavia sighed, before bursting into giggles. Everyone quickly followed suite. Even the princess couldn't help but give a few choice giggles as the tension from her arrival melted almost entirely.
"With all due respect, your highness." Spitfire, already a personal friend to Luna from her tenure as Wonderbolt Captain, said kindly. "Do take a bed and join us." She nodded over at an empty hospital bed. "You seem like you haven't had the load off your hooves since our big day."
"Apologies, that was not how I had envisioned this to go." Luna finally shook her head with a sigh. "But yes, I have yet to have a moment since that day. Perhaps I shall do as thou suggests." The moon princess said, sedately trotting over to the bed and climbing atop it. "Hmm, t'is a most bouncy and spirited bed." She said, testing the bounciness with a few choice bounces. She paused awkwardly as she realized all eyes in the room were on her. She shifted awkwardly before whispering aside to Spitfire, "Like this?"
"Quite so, your highness." Spitfire nodded approvingly. "Well done. Thank you for joining us."
"Now the merry crew of hot-shot plot-kickers are all together again." Lyra declared with a winning grin. "Go us!"
"Hooray." Octavia deadpanned.
"The merry...crew?" Luna blinked. "Couldst thou be...including me in your number?"
"You fought with us. Can't say fairer than that." Warm Hug said, simply. He didn't like alicorns, especially not after one just waltzed in and took over his Empire like it was a recently vacated toilet stall. But there was something about this particular alicorn princess and what he's seen of her so far, a certain...down-to-earth quality that made her, well, more a pony than a god. And if anypony should believe in giving chances, it should be him.
"A fellow soldier of love; That is what you are, your highness." Change'A'Heart nodded with a smile.
"I-if that's a-alright with you, maybe?" Moonlight said with a nervous smile.
"Doth...doth that make us friends, perhaps?" The princess whispered, looking strangely hopeful. The giggles quickly subsided. None of the ponies were expecting that in the slightest. The glimmer in her eyes, the hope in her voice, it was all almost...earnest?
They all shared a quick glance. They quickly reached the same conclusion. With a grin they gave her a nod. Octavia was the first to speak, clearing her throat dramatically. "I think I speak for all of us when I say yesterday we were but a band of strangers brought together by a strange fate. But I think I can say with good confidence that our Fire of Friendship won the day."
"Lemme translate her constapatese for you." Lyra said, "That's 'Hay yeah', princess."
"I...." the princess peered down at her forehooves, ears drooping a little. "I don't..."
"Um, a-are you alright, your highness?" Moonlight asked, concerned.
"No, I'm not alright." Luna shook her head. "I am delighted beyond compare!" She suddenly declared in her royal canterlot voice.
"Eeeeee!" Moonlight squeaked, dropping flat on her bed, pushing her ears down with her hooves.
"Ah, apologies. I forgot our thestral sisters have sensitive ears." Luna said, sheepishly. "But t'is to our great happiness to be included in thine companionship." She gave them all a happy nod. "Which makes my next preposition much, much easier." She cleared her throat dramatically, before raising a hoof imperiously. "Thou hath all proven thyselves valorous beyond compare in the face of grave peril. For thy fellow ponies thou hath given more than what our active servicemen hath given that day."
"P-Pardon m-me, ma'am, I'm a servicemare." The thestral raised a hoof sheepishly.
"Thou art a reserve. I made doubly sure. Officially thou were not on duty. Thou sneaketh in of your own volition." The princess said. "In truth a violation of military protocol, but we shall overlook this trespass in favour of thy unwavering service to thine princess."
"U-um, s-sorry." The thestral whispered, "U-uh t-thanks, ma'am, really."
"In view of thine heroics, all of thee, thou shalt all be knighted forthwith as members of my own personal order of knights, the Order of Peacecraft." The princess declared, with a commanding wave of her forehoof. "So I decree as Princess Luna, rightful Regent of the Moon."
"Never heard of them." Lyra said.
"Because I hath only just founded it. 5 minutes ago." The princess shrugged. "This Empire's first order of knighthood too. Our glory shall be doubled henceforth."
"And our princess commander; that is what you shall be to us?" Change'A'Heart asked, curiously.
"No. I shall be a friend first, fellow knight second. 'Princess' may join the queue somewhere at the rear." Luna said with a determined smile. This was greeted with a few polite giggles of approval. "At our table we shall all be equals. That is my promise."
"Thank you for your kindness, your highness. But with all due respect, is this about keeping quiet about...well...what we saw?" Octavia suddenly asked, bluntly. "Also why we were locked up in here?" A few fidgeted uncomfortably at this. None of them wanted to voice this, not to a princess.
"Astute. Thou striketh the matter at its heart, like a true knight." The princess gave Octavia a shrewd look. "I apologize for treating thee all like prisoners, especially after thy selfless heroics. But yes, t'was all for the sake of secrecy. As knights, I expect us all to honour just this one oath of secrecy - that we shalt not speak of what we witnessed that day without leave of the Order."
"Apology accepted, your highness. Thank you for being frank with us." Octavia said generously. "Then let me be the first to say yes, with pleasure."
"Understandable." Spitfire said, diplomatically. "I can't blame you, your highness."
"Not like anypony would believe me." Lyra shrugged with her one good foreleg. "I'm game."
"Your...highness." Warm Hug looked visibly uncomfortable. "Why all the secrecy? Have I done something wrong? And why must they all swear to secrecy because of, well, me?"
"Patience, friend Warm Hug." Luna gave him a serene nod. "It shall be my pleasure to explain. But first I ask thee all to join me in making this oath." Everypony there noted how Luna had carefully said 'we' and 'us' with regards to the oath, including herself in their number. They shared a quick glance and a nod of agreement. "Good. Repeat after me." Luna said, solemnly, "I shalt not speak of what I witnessed that fateful day outside this circle of friendship, cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in mine eye." She said, crossing her hooves in her heart before ramming it in her... "OUCH!" They winced sympathetically before following suite, carefully missing their own eyes.
"My gratitude, friends." Luna blinked her painful eye. "Now, the explanation. It is now clear to the seven of us, Warm Hug, thou art a Windigo, a frost spirit."
"The same one from the Hearthswarming legends?" Octavia asked. "The ones who froze the leaders of the three tribes?"
"Indeed." Luna nodded. "The legends have made them all out to be evil spirits that feed on hate and contempt, who freeze any who bicker and quarrel. And while it is a derangement of the truth, the Windigos were happy to leave the legend the way it was, as a warning for us all."
"So, um, it's not true?" Moonlight asked, hopefully. Warm Hug hadn't missed her eyeing him fearfully. He couldn't help but bite his lip bitterly.
"As the pegasi manage the weather, the earth ponies nurture the earth, the unicorns wield magic, the thestrals light the night and keep the dark at bay and changelings harvest love." Luna nodded at each of them in turn, "So are Windigos a pony tribe of their own, tasked with keeping the peace and preventing disharmony....at all costs. Their frost magic strengthens in the absence of love, in the abundance of hate, allowing them to freeze those who would threaten peace with war. They chose to freeze the leaders of the three tribes to prevent an all-out war that would have ended our world as we know it. That they chose to be remembered as a warning rather than as heroes is just a reflection of their dedication to peace."
"But, I'm a crystal pony, your highness." Warm Hug said, "My task is to spread love and hope, not freeze hate and stuff."
"Windigos and crystal ponies art one and the same." Luna said. She smiled at their slack-jawed expressions. "Both protect the peace. Windigos do so in war time by cooling anger, freezing hate. Crystal ponies do so in peace time by spreading love and hope. Hate and Love changes them from one form to another as necessary."
"Wait. Then why didn't we all change into Windigos under Sombra?" Warm Hug asked, poignantly. "When we all needed that power the most?" He added, almost bitterly.
"Excellent question." Luna nodded, seeming impressed with his thinking. "And to answer that question I shall tell thee all of an old legend amongst Windigos, of the mighty Frostfires, most powerful of Windigos. They were said to be able to wield both the Windigo frost magic and the Fires of Friendship. With the Fires of Friendship they are able to revert lesser Windigos into Crystal Ponies. That made them the natural leaders of Windigos and Crystal Ponies alike."
"A Frostfire; There was one in the Crystal Empire during Sombra's time, stopping all the Crystal Ponies from becoming Windigos?" Change'A'Heart surmised.
"Excellent deduction. Thou scoreth half the points." Luna said.
"The Crystal Heart." Warm Hug muttered. "The Love and Hope it produces keeps us from turning into Windigos. Isn't that right, your highness?" He said, suspiciously. "That's why it's so important that the Empire is all 'happiness' and 'smiles', isn't it?"
"Yes." Luna nodded, carefully. "Thou must understand, Warm Hug, our world, our very defences including the Crystal Heart and the Tree of Harmony, all rely on our peace, a peace even the Windigos and Frostfires sacrificed their legacy for. If any Windigos were to arise, that would be cause for all of us to question our peace."
"I...I can understand that." Warm Hug muttered, sullenly gritting his teeth. "So, it really was the Crystal Heart then?" He growled, barely hiding his contempt for the rock that was the bane of his life.
Luna nodded in reply. "The Crystal Heart is an artificial Frostfire Heart, crafted by the last of the Frostfires. It was a gift to the three tribes after the Unification, as a promise that as long as they produced enough hope and love to keep the crystal heart going, they would be sparred the wrath of the Windigos." She gave a thoughtful pause, "At least, that is the official story, obscure as it is in our most secret history books."
"Because the crystal ponies were obviously miserable under Sombra. Where'd all the love and hope suppressing them come from then?" Lyra pointed out.
"And if the Crystal Heart can change regular ponies into crystal ponies, what's stopping it from changing regular ponies into windigos?" Spitfire suggested.
"Interesting thoughts. Indeed, all mysteries worth considering." Luna nodded. "Like all the holes in the plot that is Equestria's official history."
"Heheh, plot. Hole." Lyra giggled.
"And we're back." Octavia couldn't help but giggle as well.
"Butt of course." Change'A'Heart added drolly.
"Bottom of the barrel, guys." Warm Hug sighed with a helpless grin. There's no staying sullen and angry with this band of crazies.
"Get your plots out of the gutter." Spitfire chuckled.
"But, um, I thought we were only here for the plot?" Everypony roared with laughter at Moonlight's horrific attempt.
"To such a bountiful beave of booty, I say yea!" Luna declared with a commanding wave of one hoof. "For in our Order, no buttocks shall ever be left behind!"
"Aye!" They all lost it at Luna's butt-tery declaration, all quickly devolving into completely immature wrecks. The rest of the day was spent in the warmest, closest of companionships. There are a few things that can bring the unlikeliest of friends together. Facing down and surviving an evil monster from Tartarus and making horrible butt puns together were, much to their pleasant surprise, some of them.
