Applejack opened the door to Sugarcube Corner and was instantly greeted by the sumptuous aroma of baked goods. She trotted past stallions and mares enjoying pleasant conversations with each other as she approached the counter. She was here for one thing and one thing only: muffins. She sure did love her some Sugarcube Corner muffins, and today she was getting some. Finally, she approached the counter and rang the bell, licking her lips at the thought of having delicious muffins.
“One second!” Pinkie cried out from the kitchen.
Applejack sighed. “Well, could ya hurry it up? I’ve been waitin’ fer these muffins all day!’” she said, causing a grey pegasus mare with a blonde mane that was nearby to snort in derision. Applejack glared at the mare.
Seconds later, Pinkie came out from the kitchen. Applejack turned her head back to face the counter upon hearing Pinkie’s hooves. Her eyes popped open instantly at what she saw.
“Pinkie,” Applejack said, “what the hell are you doing?”
Pinkie giggled. “Baking, silly!”
Applejack buried her face in her hoof. “No, I mean what are you doing with a diaper on your head?”
Pinkie looked dazedly at Applejack, then smiled widely. “Oh, this? I’m trying out the feetish I read about in the Ponyville Patch yesterday!”
Applejack shut her eyes tightly, then opened them. “What?”
Pinkie giggled again. “You know, the diaper feetish they were talking about!”
Applejack sighed and shook her head. “Do ya mean fetish?”
Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “Is that how that’s pronounced?”
Applejack grunted. “Yes. Now do you have my muffins or not?” The grey mare snorted derisively again.
Pinkie nodded. “Yes I do!” she said as she pulled out a box and put it on the counter. “So, what do you think?”
“About what?” Applejack asked.
Pinkie smiled as she pointed to the diaper on her head. “About my fetish!”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “Pinkie, do you even understand what a fetish is?”
Pinkie nodded. “Yeah! It’s something you do that makes you feel good,” she said, “and I feel great wearing this diaper on my head!”
Applejack facehooved again. “...not exactly, Pinkie. You see, a fetish is...uh...a sex thing, like that stallion who’s obsessed with tubs of jelly.”
Pinkie’s eyes widened. “Oh, you mean Hugh!” she said as she rubbed her chin with her hoof, “makes me wonder exactly what he’s doing with those jelly donuts now, though…”
Applejack nodded. “Exactly. Now, for the diaper fetish, you’re doing it wrong.”
Pinkie giggled. “How could I be doing it wrong!? It said in the article that they put on the diaper and feel good!”
Applejack shut her eyes again and took a deep breath. She then opened her eyes and said, “First of all, you’re supposed to wear the diaper on your backside.”
Pinkie laughed. “How am I supposed to get a diaper on my backside? They’re too small!”
Applejack shook her head. “You know, they sell adult diapers.”
“Where?” Pinkie asked.
Applejack snorted. “At Diapers and Broadswords, a’course.”
Pinkie nodded. “Okay...then what?”
Applejack sighed. “Then...you do your business while wearing the diaper.”
Pinkie’s eyes popped open in shock. “Really? In public?” she said while retching. “That’s gross!”
Applejack facehooved yet again. “No, Pinkie, you do it at home. Besides, how are you supposed to get away with that when nopony in this town wears pants?”
Pinkie nodded yet again. “Hmmm...I think I understand,” she said. Pinkie then gasped. “But Rarity wears clothes all the time! Do you think she has a diaper fetish?”
Applejack groaned frustratedly. “No, Pinkie, Rarity doesn’t have a diaper fetish!”
“But she wears clothes all the time—”
“—that’s just because she likes being all frou-frou! Get yer head out of the gutter!”
Pinkie exhaled and calmed down. “...ok. But how do you know so much about this?” Pinkie gasped again. “Applejack, do you have a diaper fetish?”
The sound of a record scratch was heard as everypony stopped talking and turned their heads towards Applejack, who started sweating. She then exhaled and faced everypony. “Look, everypony, the reason I know about the diaper fetish is from the article yesterday,” she said. Applejack then sighed. “And the reason I know about the diaper store is because Granny had the trots one time, and,” she said as she scratched the back of her neck, “she ain’t as spry as she used ta be.” Everypony hummed in acknowledgement and went back to their confections, leaving Applejack to sigh in relief and turn back to the counter.
Pinkie looked at Applejack with a cheshire grin on her face. “I didn’t hear a no...do you have a diaper fetish?”
Applejack shook her head. “I’m not answering that.”
“Do you—”
“—just shut up and let me pay for my muffins.” The grey mare snorted again.
Applejack spun to face the grey mare. “And what are you snorting about, Derpy?”
Derpy let out a condescending laugh. “Muffins are so last season. It’s all about cronuts now.”
Applejack snorted. “Well, I don’t care much for you attitude, Derpy. I like muffins almost as much as I like di—dikes,” Applejack stammered out.
Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “When did you become a fillyfooler?” Pinkie then hugged Applejack while wearing a huge smile across her face. “And more importantly, why didn’t you tell me? We should totes throw a coming out party!”
Applejack shoved Pinkie off of her with a grunt. “Not dykes, Pinkie, dikes! You know, the trenches dug along the Ponyville River to prevent flooding!”
Pinkie looked at Applejack. “Why do you like dikes so much?”
“Cause...cause they prevent flooding!” Applejack shot out as she slammed several bits on the counter and grabbed the box of muffins. “And take that diaper off of your head! You look like a damn fool!”
Pinkie nodded sadly as she unwrapped the diaper from around her head and threw it in the trash. “Okay…”
Applejack nodded with a smile. “That’s better,” she said as she trotted out of Sugarcube Corner.
Pinkie blinked, then turned towards Derpy and smiled. “Another cronut?”
Derpy nodded with a smile on her face. “Most certainly, Miss Pinkie.”
