The Secret Guard

by ABadIdea

Rating: mature
Tags: Adventure, Crossover, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 15983

When forces from the secret dark parts of the world threaten Equestria its up to a reborn society of warriors to defend it. Not that anypony asked them if they even knew about the secret world before signing them on. A The Secret World Fusion

When dark forces from the secret side of the world threaten Equestria its up to a reborn society of warriors to defend it. Not that anypony asked them if they even knew about the secret world before signing them on. Or if they had any actual training or useful abilities. Or if they even liked each other.

A "The Secret World" MMORPG and MLP Fusion. Hopefully does not require prior knowledge of The Secret World as the Main Characters don't know about it either.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-15 10:15:15 UTC

A Minor Problem

“Here you go darlins!” The waitress said as she deposited their plates of food onto the table. “You need anything else just go on and holler ok?”

“Thank you!” Tree Hugger thanked with a smile and waited until the waitress had departed before joining her friends in eating. “What about her?” She asked and Dusty Tome looked up from his hayburger and examined the waitress before his horn glowed and a notepad and quill levitated out of his saddlebag from under the table.

“No way.” Key Lock said as he examined the waitress as she shouted orders to the cook in the diners’ kitchen. “She’s way to old, probably married once at least.”

“You have no way of knowing that.” Tree Hugger sneered and Dusty Tome tore off the piece of paper he had been writing on and handed it to her. She read it before showing it to Key Lock triumphantly. “Ha! We don’t need a virgin.”

“We only need one virgin.” He reminded as he chewed his salad. “You want to try kidnapping more than one pony?” Tree Hugger held her glare with him before sighing and looking around the diner.

“How about one of them?” She asked gesturing over her shoulder to a giggling pair of teenagers, a stallion and mare who kept whispering something into the others’ ear that would send them blushing and laughing.

“If they haven’t done the deed yet and we can get one away from the other.” He suggested before he settled on a pony sitting alone in the corner and smiled. “How about her? She looks like she’ll give up her blood if we tell her what we’re planning.” Dusty Tome and Tree Hugger turned around in their seats and saw the young mare sitting alone, her mane, most likely dyed, a jet black that was accompanied by black eyeliner and lipstick. Her bright blue coat sort of ruined the dark gothic image she was going for though. Tree Hugger chuckled as she turned back to her meal and Dusty Tome wrote down another note and levitated it to Key Lock. “Blood given is not the same as blood taken.” He read out loud. “Alright then who do you suggest mister blood expert?”

Dusty Tome was silent for a moment before he closed his eyes and became still. Tree Hugger and Key Lock silently ate their food and waited for their companion to decide or just do something. They watched curiously as his horn glowed again and a knife levitated out of his saddle bag and quickly dashed across his fore leg, drawing a thin cut of blood. Before Key Lock or Tree Hugger could stop him or even give hushed reprimands the blood dripped onto the table and darted across, leaving no trail as it quickly climbed the wall to get to the window. Tree Hugger quickly slapped a napkin on the drop of blood, the cheap paper absorbing the animated life essence fast enough that her and Key Lock’s quick check around the diner confirmed nopony saw.

“Dude what the fuck?!” She whispered harshly in his ear as he reopened his eyes and set the knife down which Key Lock quickly set about cleaning of any blood. The cut on Dusty Tome’s foreleg burned a dull red and closed as blood seeped out of and hardened into flesh, his bright grey coat hiding any sign that he had been wounded. “I don’t care if they won’t be around long enough to question it we can’t blow our cover!” Dusty Tome turned to the window and pointed a hoof across the street where a young earth pony stallion was chatting with an elderly couple.

“What? He’s a virgin?” Key Lock asked examining their new target, Dusty simply nodding in confirmation. “Does it matter if it’s a stallion instead of a mare?” Dusty shook his head. “Oh. Cool.” Key Lock said as he settled back into his seat. “That’s good because I kinda would have felt like an asshole if we had to use a mare.”

“Why?” Tree Hugger asked. “Don’t think it’s right to hurt the weak and innocent marefolk?” She asked with a batting of her eyes and he smiled and laughed.

“I was more worried about it being cliché.” Key Lock answered taking a drink. “We might as well be wearing robes and sacrificing him on a stone slab to dark gods. That and anypony who see’s us kidnapping a mare will assume we’re gonna rape her.”

“What?!” Tree Hugger shrieked and drew everypony in the diner’s attention. She coughed and shrunk into her seat as Dusty Tome wrote down another note. “Why in Tartarus would anypony think that when I’m a part of it?”

“You could be one of those pyscho lesbian’s.” He stated simply. “I mean with a name like Tree Hugger all we need to do is dress you like a hippie and send you to kill logging executives or something and we’ll have the perfect crazy eco-terrorist thing going on.” Dusty Tome tore off the page he had been writing on and levitated it to Tree Hugger.

“Can we wear robes?” She read before Key Lock and her gave him a disbelieving look. “Seriously? You want them in blood red or black?” She asked and quickly swatted the notepad out of the air when he began to write his response.

“Uh guys?” Key Lock said when he looked out the window. “Where’d he go?” Dusty Tome and Tree Hugger gazed across the street and found their target gone.

“Well… shit.” Tree Hugger said and put a hoof on Dusty Tome’s shoulder. “You can find him again rig- hey wait a minute!” She suddenly realized. “If you could have found a virgin at any point then why did you drag us all over this town guessing at random ponies?” Dusty Tome merely smiled and went back to eating his hayburger.

When the waitress came around to clean their table after they had finished she found some scrawled symbols on the receipt when collecting the tip. A deep instinctual part of her buried somewhere in her mind recognized them and screamed in terror, flooding every part of her body with the urge to run. Instead she simply smiled and continued her work as something oily from the symbols silenced the screaming voice.

Princess Celestia sighed as she sank into her seat, taking a smooth sip of tea as she enjoyed the day looking out at a Canterlot from her balcony. Her sun was shining high in the sky with no clouds in the sky with a cool breeze to counter any summer heat, no doubt because the weather brigade had been informed today was a personal day for their esteemed Princess. Her nation’s capital was bustling with activity as her ponies continued to celebrate their own Summer Sun Celebration, extended with her safe return and the appointment of The Elements of Harmony. She hadn’t felt this relaxed in years and with current events it wasn’t hard to see why.

Twilight had solved the puzzle she had given her, figured out a way to restore Luna from whatever curse had befallen her, fixed The Elements of Harmony, and made some friends. She couldn’t be prouder of her student although it was much quitter around the castle with her and Spike gone, no mishaps in her experiments to liven up the castle. Now all that was left was to determine if Twilight could handle anymore secrets of the world heaped onto her plate. With her new friends she could probably handle them much better, not that she’d be able to tell them of course, but they would be shocking at the least and on average very maddening. But she was The Element of Magic and that meant she out of anypony would be able to handle the secret magic’s of the wor-BOOM!

The castle quaked and Celestia nearly spilt her tea as the wall beneath her exploded out into the garden, sending stones and dust flying. “EMERGE OUR FRIEND! TASTE THE WARMTH OF THE SUN!” A familiar voice boomed below her. Celestia sighed, set her tea down, and leapt off the side of her balcony as the guards burst through her quarters to secure her. She fell several stories before landing behind her sister as she beckoned to the new hole in the side of their castle.

“Luna what are you doing?!” She demanded as she walked up to her sister. “You blew a hole in the side of our castle!”

“Well we had to get Leo out somehow.” Luna answered as if her action was totally rational. “You built a pony sized door for him! He’s much too big to use it!” To support her reasoning “Leo” emerged from the shadows, a mass of muscled flesh standing twenty feet tall in the vague shape of a pony, the ground shaking with every step “he” took. “Leo!” Luna cheered as she jumped into the air and flew up to hug its “face”, really just the blank mound of flesh that was supposed to be its head.

“The door was small because it’s a War Golem Luna! It’s not supposed to be active unless we’re under a catastrophic attack!” Celestia could hear the guards stomping towards them, organizing into teams to tackle whatever threat awaited them. “Enough. FEEL THE SHADOW OF THE MOON!” Her voice boomed with the command and the War Golem retreated back into the shadows as Luna disengaged and landed in front of her sister with a huff.

“Why would you do that?! We haven’t seen Leo in a thousand years!” She complained. “You haven’t even let him out in all these years have you!” She accused with a pointed hoof as the Royal Guard finally charged in from all directions, intent on defeating whatever they found. With a sigh Celestia’s horn glowed and all of the guards froze in place after charging a few steps before collapsing to the ground in heaps. Except for the pegasi who just floated in midair, limps dangling towards the ground. “What are you doing?” Luna asked confused, moving to one of the guards and prodding him with her hoof.

“Making sure they don’t see the golem.” Celestia answered.

“Leo.” Luna insisted upon the name. “And we understand knocking out the regular guards but the Secret ones as well? Surely they’ve seen a golem before.”

“There are no more Secret Guards Luna.” Celestia answered as she started examining the hole in the castle. She was going to have to hire a special team to rebuild it around the golem… or just a regular one who could be coerced into silence and then have their memories erased after they finished. That’d be cheaper.

“What?!” Luna cried and rushed to her sister. “Then whose protecting Equestria from the secret world?! From the monstrosities that lurk in the shadows?!”

“The societies.” Celestia answered plainly and sent her sister into a sputtering angered mess.

“Y-you c-can’t be serious! You let those groups of rabble decide how to handle our occult problems?” Luna stomped her hoof to the ground. “Our glorious Secret Guard kept the darkness from harming our ponies for countless millennium, from even before this age!” She reminded with a puffed up chest of pride.

“We had the highest fatality rates.” Celestia reminded. “The average life expectancy of our operatives was seven months. The Illuminati have better rates and they kill their agents for slacking off!”

“We held powerful artifacts that could shake the core of the world!” Luna shot back.

“We had a statue that brought dead animals back to life.” Celestia brought up. “You lost it when you threw it into a taxidermists’ office.”

“That was a Dragon plot!” Luna quickly defended. “How else could have we been walking past such a tempting target that day?”

“The Dragon wouldn’t be so obvious.” Celestia countered and began moving from guard to guard, her horn glowing as she erased and rewrote memories.

“Well despite all of that we still managed to fight the darkness that threatened our ponies.” Luna settled on, assured that despite all their failures The Secret Guard had accomplished this at least.

“No that was The Templars and occasionally The Illuminati if there was anything to be gained from it… and maybe The Dragon.” She added after a moment of thought. It was hard to get any evidence of Dragon involvement let alone any kind of plan. “We handled clean up and anything they felt too insignificant to even send one agent to deal with. Are you starting to see why I disbanded it now?”

“…A lot’s changed since I’ve been gone.” Luna said to herself and Celestia jolted at her tone. She swung her head back to look at her sister gazing at the hole she had created with a frown.

“Luna I’m sorry but The Secret Guard was costing us too many ponies and bits to maintain. It just wasn’t effective.” She argued, trying to make her sister see that her decision hadn’t been made with any intention of hurting her.

“You have the day and I the night.” She merely stated. “The Secret World rules the night and my only interaction with it was through my Secret Guard. It’s not like anypony else cared about my nights.” Celestia cringed inside as her sister brought up what had led to her descent into Nightmare Moon and quickly moved to her sisters’ side.

“Things have changed sister. Our ponies now live, work, and enjoy all hours of the day and night.” She pulled her little sister into a comforting hug. “These are peaceful times Luna. There hasn’t been a major occult incident, let alone a disaster in Equestria in over a century. Let us enjoy it.” Luna remained silent for a moment before returning her sisters hug. They remained that way for a sparse few moments before they went to work rewriting the minds of those who swore to protect them.

River Bed groaned as he awoke on his back against a hard surface with a splitting headache, the taste of blood on his tongue. He tried to move a fore hoof to cradle his aching head only to find it tethered to something. Snapping his eyes open he found himself roped to a large table in the middle of what looked like a motel room, the double bed pushed up against the window to block out the light and give enough room for the table. “What the fuck?” He asked himself as he struggled against the ropes. “What the fuck!?”

“Oh somepony’s awake!” A voice announced and a stallions’ face appeared from somewhere behind him. “How you feelin’ kid? The shovel didn’t raddle your brains too much did it?” Well that explained the headache.

“Let me go you assholes!” River Bed demanded as he continued to struggle as two more ponies emerged behind him, one a unicorn stallion who silently carried a saddle bag and stopped at the end of the table and stared at him while the other was a mare who hummed as she worked painting lines across the table and on his coat. “What are you doing?!”

“Shh!” She shushed him as if he was in the wrong for trying to get some answers or escape captivity. “This is delicate work.” She explained as she connected lines, forming circles and triangles, and something traveled through the lines and sent a shiver through River Bed’s body. She eyed him for a moment and smiled. “Felt that didn’t you?”

“What the fuck is going on? Who are you ponies? Why did you kidnap me?!” River Bed demanded to know as the ponies ignored him and continued their work and the unicorn stared at him. Suddenly as soon as the mare finished her painting and the stallion moved to the side the unicorns’ horn glowed and a knife levitated out his saddle bag, settling at River Bed's side. He tried to edge away from the blade but found himself unable to escape as it cut its way across his skin. He cried out as it suddenly plunged into his side and savagely tore across his stomach, his blood flowing out onto the table. Screaming like an animal from the pain he didn’t notice as the blood flowed along the path of the painted lines, thinning so no blood remained outside the symbols.

“Dorw ftrk curtyq.” The unicorn spoke, his tongue splitting in different directions as he had cut it so he could properly speak the words. The shadows of the room deepened as the blood began to glow and River Bed's screams intensified. “Axmw rutyo gjty.” The blood began to flow up into the air and collect into a ball and River Bed finally pushed through the pain to notice what was happening. “Plhg bnwt yug!” The unicorn finished as the blood stretched and thinned into a floating circle as wide as the ritual circle drawn on River Bed and table and razor thin. As more of his blood fell up out his body into it River Bed watched as the blood parted and a claw of cracking black stone came through towards him. It hovered over him as he gasped for air, his vision swimming as his bled out, fist opening and closing for a few seconds before it suddenly darted forward and punched through his chest, the rips breaking like twigs. All feeling left River Bed as he watched his heart pulled from his body and taken into blood circle, his life clinging to him when it should have mercifully departed. The blood circle expanded as it consumed his heart and something emerged out of the top away from River Bed's view, a dark shadow growing along the walls around him. But a quick glance to his three captors showed them smiling at what they saw.

“Good evening gentlecolts and miss.” A deep voice spoke that set upon River Bed's brain like a razor as the shadows around the room moved. “How can I be of assistance?”

Thrown Pieces

“I understand that this may be difficult for you Good Service,” Fast Shield’s partner Strong Armor soothed to the distraught mare, “but we need to know what the ponies you served a few days ago looked like. It could be vital to finding River Bed.” Fast Shield frowned at Strong Armor’s belief that the only out of towner’s were automatically responsible for River Bed’s disappearance; from what his family said River Bed spent his time diving along The Windigo River and could have been easily swept away. But then came the argument that his Cutie Mark was a river so it was unlikely that he’d of all ponies would have been caught off guard.

“I don’t remember!” Good Service tried to explain. “It was a busy day and they were so quiet, except when the mare yelled out for some reason, and just left after they paid. They didn’t bother anypony.”

“Well they could’ve bothered River Bed.” Strong Armor pressed. “They show up, just wander around town, buy a shovel, and then River Bed goes missing the same day?”

“…I- I think that the unicorn had a grey coat?” Good Service guessed after a moment and Fast Shield just closed his eyes and sighed.

“We should be searching along the river.” He argued, his wings twitching to get out of the police station and take to the skies. “We’ve already got their physical descriptions, if their still in town we’ll find and question them eventually.”

“We’ve got conflicting descriptions.” Strong Armor shot back, using his greater body mass to rise up to Fast Shield. “The mare either has a brown coat with a green mane, green coat with a yellow mane, or yellow coat with brown mane. The other stallion is no better; half the ponies we asked said he was a pegasus for Celestia’s sake! The only consistent one was the unicorn.” He reminded and something turned in Fast Shield’s stomach. Descriptions could vary especially when ponies had no reason to pay attention to somepony but the differences they had heard were staggering to say the least. What tribe a pony was descended from wasn’t something you’d get wrong even with a glance.

“I’m sorry but can I go to the bathroom?” Good Service asked suddenly and grapped Fast Shield and Strong Armors’ attention from each other. “I just need a moment to collect myself.” They shared a quick glance and Strong Armor sighed.

“Bathroom is up the hall to the left.” He gestured towards the wall. Nodding thankfully Good Service got out of her seat and left their office, the open door briefly allowing them to hear the commotion in rest of the station. “Something’s not right about this. Nothing about those out of towner’s sits right with me.”

“If they kidnapped River Bed they would have demanded a ransom by now.” Fast Shield brought up. “And the motel owner said that they came and left without any oddity and when we searched their room it was pristine.” He reminded.

“Yeah or they could have just stashed him somewhere else for whatever they have planned for him.” Strong Armor countered. Flash Shield was about to fire back questioning just what exactly anypony would want with River Bed when the ground shook ever so slightly sending a shiver up their legs to the rest of their bodies. They looked around their office making sure nothing had fallen and that the building wasn’t going to suddenly collapse on them when they heard it. Not that it would have been hard to miss.

A roar tore through the air, the walls of the police station doing little to muffle the beastly sound. It lasted long enough to make Fast Shield and Strong Armor wonder what kind of unholy beast could have such a set of lungs before it suddenly ended. A silence descended upon the world, the soft murmur from the rest of the station quiet as it felt like the entire world was listening for something to happen.

“…The fuck was that?” Strong Armor asked after a moment only for the building to suddenly shudder, this time strong enough to throw them off their hooves. The lights flickered as they struggled to their feet and bolted for the door flinging it open to try and escape.

Good Service was waiting for them, the hallway outside breaking and cracking as the building shook again.

“Sorry for keeping you waitin’ darlins’.” She apologized, seemingly not aware of what was happening to the building. She smiled and a black liquid began to leak out of the corner of her mouth as what sounded like great wings flapping came from outside the building. Distantly Fast Shield and Strong Armor were sure they could hear screaming and begging. “I’m ready to finish the interview now.” She said as her left eye burst open, the white of her eyes leaking down her face and falling to the floor as an oily terror peered out at them, full of gnashing and tearing teeth.

Celestia and Luna were having dinner and breakfast respectively when they felt it. A shiver that jolted across their bodies, weak from the distance it had traveled but familiar all the same. Something had threatened Equestria and it had cried out to its guardians. They stopped mid chew and stared at each other for a moment before Celestia resumed eating, leaving Luna frozen in her seat at the opposite of the grand dining table in the royal dining hall.

“Didn’t you feel that?” Luna asked her sister as she set her fork down and pushed her meal away. Celestia finished chewing before she spoke, using the time to wave the servants and guards out of the dining hall.

“Of course I did.” She assured as she continued to eat.

“Well what are we going to do?” Luna asked unsure what the post Secret Guard occult incident procedures were.

“I’ll write a letter to The Templars explaining where the problem is, they’ll send a suitable force to deal with it.” She explained as she sipped some wine. “The Illuminati will naturally intercept the message at some point and may send someone if they think anything of value is out there. While The Dragon will… find out somehow and do whatever it is they do.”

“That’s it?!” Luna asked shocked. “Who knows how long it’ll take before they can get there! Who knows how many ponies could die by then!”

“I’m not sending the letter by mail Luna; it’s going to be magically transported.” Celestia reassured. “And the societies all have their own agents scattered around Equestria let alone the Bees who could just get here through Agartha.”

“So that’s it? We just sit around and wait for the societies to save our ponies?” Luna demanded to know.

“Oh no we have a full day tomorrow; we’re still trying to reintegrate you into the modern Equestria after all.” Celestia answered with full seriousness. “But don’t worry; The Templars will make every effort to save anypony still alive if they believe it’s possible.”

“If they think it’s possible?!” Luna roared and slammed her hoof on the table. “That’s not acceptable! We have to send in our military and start an evacuation! Contain whatever is threatening Equestria!”

“They don’t have protective talismans, basic training in Anima manipulation, enchanted weapons, or a basic knowledge of what could be waiting for them.” Celestia countered calmly with another sip of wine. “They’d just be slaughtered and get in the way of the societies.”

“But we have to do something!” Luna begged for action.

“We,” Celestia gestured between the two of them, “can’t harm any of Gaia’s children, no matter how much they squabble amongst themselves. Did you forget why we have a military in the first place?” Luna gazed at her sister, trying to find any point she could press to save their ponies from either the monstrosities of the Secret World or the callousness of the societies. After a minute of silence Luna pushed her chair back and stormed out of the dining hall, ignoring her sisters’ calls. Stomping through the halls the guards and servants made themselves scarce as she approached and she could hear them whisper accusations behind her back. It had only been a week since her reversion from Nightmare Moon after all; they’d been tip toeing around her at the best of times.

Luna threw open the doors to her chambers’ and then slammed them shut behind her, coming to a stop in the center of her bedroom. She did her best to take calming breaths and ease her rage and opened the windows to let in the cool night air, it did little to help. She breathed in the air and closed her eyes, reaching out and listening to Equestria trying to determine what exactly was threatening it. She felt nothing, the brief cry it had let out earlier all it could muster.

Luna opened her eyes again and gazed up at her moon, the place that had served as her prison for so long where she had spent so much time plotting and avoiding the horrors that crawled above and below its surface. A shudder passed through her at the memory of her first encounter with them and reminded her that even at her age the Secret World still had surprises and mysteries left. She cast her gaze east towards the mountains that Canterlot was built upon knowing that far past it ponies were dying and she could only hope it was something that the societies knew how to handle while she sat here and handled the remarkably busy night time work of ruling Equestria.

…No. She couldn’t.

Swallowing her disgust at having to go behind her sisters’ back after being home for only a week and a half Luna cleared her quarters, pushing her bed against the wall and taking the ornate rugs off of the marble floors and tossing them aside. She searched her closet until she found the paint brushes and art supplies that Celestia had given her to help spend off time until she made some friends and took a brush. Now she stood in the center of her room and held out a fore leg as her horn glowed and a flash of magic dashed across her leg, Luna quickly dabbing the brush in her blood.

Soon Luna was painting the floor of her quarters with her blood, tracing from memory the coasts, mountains, rivers, lakes, forests, and even cities of Equestria, those that had been around long enough to alter its flow. But perhaps most importantly she drew the places that Equestria had formed around, older than any mountain or ocean. She wrote the names of these places in Ancient Equestrian, sealing them in place on the map. By the time she had finished she was hovering in the air to avoid messing up the design, and made another cut on her leg as she set upon the ceiling to draw the sky.

She started with her sisters’ sun, setting it up at noon high above their nation, and then set on making the stars that were normally hidden behind its glow during the day this time of year. With an agonized slowness she made every single star, varying size and intensity for how bright they should be. Thankfully she didn’t have to write the names of these stars to bind the map, bad things could happen if you spoke to stars.

Hours after she had started Luna was done and flying in the middle of a map bonded in her blood, feeling the faint beat of Equestria through it. Setting the brush aside Luna flew to where she had moved her bed and carefully shifted it aside so she could peel the wall away with a flicker of magic to reveal a safe. The ancient lock rumbled as she turned the dial and her blood filled the grooves of the wards carved into the metal, it creaked open for the first time in millennia as she retrieved the six objects inside.

Six was sort of a special number in Equestria, most clearly represented with the six Elements of Harmony and its six founders, and only the mighty seven could surpass it in Equestria. Levitating the talismans in front of her Luna spoke in Ancient Equestrian and felt a pulse go through them, tossing them into the air she carefully watched where they landed. Some of them stayed right where they fell while the others rolled, even if their shapes wouldn’t normally allow such a motion, and then inexplicitly stilled when they reached their destinations. Luna examined where they had fallen, three in the middle of nowhere traveling roads, one near Ponyville in the Everfree Forest, one in Cloudsdale, and finally one right here in Canterlot. With a sigh of relief Luna left her room to find out what was best for cleaning out dried blood nowadays. She still had to redo the map so she could more accurately find Equestria’s chosen in Canterlot and Cloudsdale after all.

Since Celestia had turned the old headquarters of the Secret Guard into her personal fitness center a few centuries ago Luna was left with the problem of where she was going to meet with Equestria’s chosen champions. The castle was out, the servants and guards would surely talk about any special guests she’d request to have brought to meet her, as was most of Canterlot and given her status as a newly returned princess she could hardly come and go unnoticed from the city for long. But there were parts of Canterlot that intersected with the Secret World that Celestia had never been a fan of and given her dispersion of the Secret Guard wouldn’t have eyes on. Which is how Luna came to be dodging a drunken pair of changelings as she crept into a “club” trying to ignore the odd looks her dark cloak was getting her. Ponies acted like they’d never seen a cloaked stranger skulking the streets before, the Secret World couldn’t have changed that much could it?

“Hey guises up you two!” The bouncer ordered as they started to stagger away. They slurred something that sounded like an insult but their green magic soon enveloped them and they emerged as ponies, indistinguishable from the average non sober populace. “Hang on a second Star Swirl.” The bouncer stopped her at the door while incorrectly naming her. She wore a cloak and hood, if anything she more resembled Clover the Clever, and not the soundless belled outfit Star Swirl wore to taunt the denizens of Hell. “There’s a cover charge and a line to get in.” Luna merely turned her head so he could see her face and all of the blood left his face as he recognized her. “OH! Your, your majesty!” He removed himself from the doorway to the complaints of those waiting in line. “I’m so sorry. Go right in.”

“Thank you.” Luna said as she passed by. “There will be a guard with six others coming by soon. Let them through.” He nodded and gulped at her order and she entered the club, the sounds of the quiet night outside shut with the closing of the door and replaced with the boom of modern music. The few occupants of the club not occupied by dancing or chatting up respective partners raised eyebrows, if they had any, at her cloak before going back to their drinks.

“…Holy shit.” The bar maid said, barely audible over the boom of the music when she saw Luna and waved her over. “Luna your disguise is terrible. Nopony wears cloaks anymore, stick with a hoodie or a hat with something that hides the mane, tail, and cutie mark too.” Luna raised an eyebrow as she walked over to the bar maid and threw off her hood to reveal her face. There were some gasps from around her from those who could see her over the blinding flashing lights (how did modern ponies enjoy this?) and the ghoul that sat beside her nearly choked on his drink when he realized he was sitting next to the newly returned Princess of the Night. His drink seeped out from between his sharp and jagged teeth as he coughed and tried to regain control of himself.

“And who are you to recognize me so easily?” Luna asked putting on the royal mask to speak to her subjects.

“Luna it’s me, Smart Cookie.” She revealed and Luna was taken back as she observed the mare that claimed to be one of the founders of Equestria. She certainly didn’t look like Smart Cookie, her coat was a deep blue and with a trimmed purple mane instead of the light and dark brown coat and mane combo Luna remembered. The green eyes were the same though.

“Really?” Luna asked skeptically as she eyed the mare curiously. “Care to prove it?”

“We, the representatives of the united ponies of Equestria, hereby swear our loyalty and fealty to you, Princesses of the Sun and Moon.” The mare recited, the opening line of the ancient treaty sounding odd under the boom of the music, before she smiled. “Then we had to repeat it again because you were too busy eyeing one of the guards Hurricane brought with him. How is Leo by the way?”

“He had a magnificent jaw line in my defense.” Luna said as she settled into her seat, content with the evidence brought before her. No pony had recorded anything about the granting of Equestria to her and Celestia as other than a divine and ordered affair in the stone halls of their original castle. Not one where Private Pansy had been constantly tripping over her words, Clover the Clever drunk off her flank, and her own… appreciation of the guards Commander Hurricane had provided for the event. “And Leo’s fine although Celestia insists on keeping him deactivated until we need him.” Well weirder things had happened in The Secret World then reincarnation before. Like said handsome guards having been ground up and turned into a War Golem during the creation of Everfree Forest. Crazy times.

“Right, his jaw line.” She smiled wider. “Totally not his flank.” The ghoul next to her eyed Luna with a raised eyebrow and chuckled as she averted eye contact.

“And how exactly are you alive?” Luna asked trying to get back on track. “Have you been secretly reincarnating for all these thousands of years?” It wouldn’t be easy for a continuously reincarnating pony, and a famous one at that, to slip past Celestia and Luna but they were hardly omnipotent. This also left the question of why she would possibly hide herself from them. It’s not like they were enemies after all.

“Nope.” Smart Cookie answered simply as she wiped down the bar. “Last thing I remember was going to bed one night and then boom! I’m squeezing out of my new momma’s vagina a few millennia later.” Luna and the ghoul reeled back a little in disgust at this and Smart Cookie shrugged. “Yeah I had the same reaction but I got over it. Name’s Sweet Drink now by the way.” She informed as she showed off her cutie mark that was now a bottle being poured into a glass.

“And the others? Do I have to worry about meeting Platinum while mingling with the nobility or Hurricane when doing military inspections?” Luna asked worried that she’d have to deal with the more abrasive founders. “And does Celestia know about this?” She quickly asked after a moment of thought. While her sister had never been such a fan of the Secret World as her she would surely not blindly ignore a mare who could bring forward first person accounts of events thousands of years ago. And if she did the better question would be why Celestia wouldn’t tell her.

“Hell if I know but I doubt that I’d be the only that got reincarnated. Real question is why though.” Smart Cookie answered. “And it’s not as easy to meet with a Princess as you’d think. Princess Celestia doesn’t exactly rub shoulders with the come folk that often, less so with us Secret Worlder’s. How was the moon by the way?”

“Cold and crawling with indescribable monsters.” Luna answered truthfully with a sigh. Now on top of dealing with this threat to Equestria she had to find out why a member of Equestria’s founders had been reincarnated and who knew what else that had occurred in her absence that had slipped past Celestia’s notice or been deemed “The societies responsibility”.” Oh well, one thing at a time which she was running out of before Equestria’s champions arrived. “Do you have a back room? Or a place to hold a meeting?” She asked as she looked around the club, far too public and noisy.

“What for?” Smart Cookie asked.

“Royal matters.” Luna answered with a hard edge to her voice. Smart Cookie looked at her for a moment before sighing and gesturing to a set of stairs to her left tucked into the corner.

“You can use my boss’s office, I doubt he’ll refuse you.” Luna nodded and threw her hood back on and trotted past, intent of throwing the manager out of his office. “This about the Secret Guard getting axed by Celestia?” Smart Cookie asked as she reached the stairs and Luna snapped back at her.

“You volunteering for service Smart Cookie?” Luna demanded as she merely started cleaning a glass as more ponies entered the club when a hulking horned wolf left with a pair of giggling mares.

“I think what we did against The Windigos was more than enough.” She replied as the ghoul pushed his empty drink forward and smiled at her. She smiled back and refilled his drink. “I’ve had enough adventures for one lifetime, this one is going to be nice and calm.” Luna snorted and stormed her way back up the stairs.

“You and Celestia would get along famously again.” Luna whispered to herself as she climbed the stairs and the music became muffled by the walls. Sitting around thinking enough was being done by others wouldn’t cut it with the Secret World. Darkness could only be surely driven back when rushed to be met. Even the societies understood this in their own ways.

Surely the champions Equestria had chosen for herself would feel the same.

New Gifts

“You will see the End of Days.” A deep voice whispered as they slept, hurtling through the air across Equestria. “And witness the dawning of a New Age.” Their eyes cleared and they found themselves not in the office with the crazed Princess Luna but lying against thin layer of soft dirt on top of hard stone, a vast starry sky above them. “You shall be able to choose; to be a Monarch or a Beggar.” The voice continued as they rose up and saw the vast wasteland of greyish dirt that surrounded them, it fell slowly off them as they stood heads craning to find the source of the voice. “To lose Everything or to become a God.” They felt a wave of hot breath on the backs of their necks and swung around to try and catch its source only to find nothing. “To stand With Us or Against Us.” They gazed upward towards the starry sky and found it blemished by a single object. “The Choice is yours…”

It was the Earth, tiny and clear against the black background of space. They were standing on the Moon.

Wait…

Where had the stars gone?

“Be mindful of the voices,” a new voice said to their right, which revealed itself to be a white earth pony mare, “they will whisper in your sleep.”

“Listen to the voices,” a second new voice interjected to their left, this time a black earth pony stallion, “they will whisper in your sleep.”

“You are with the chosen,” the earth pony mare shifted and changed before their eyes until she was a white feathered female griffon, “but not as equals.”

“You have been chosen,” the now black feathered male griffon interjected again, “against your will.”

“Beware She Who Speaks for the Sun,” the now white zebra mare with black stripes warned, “for she is corrupted.”

“Guide She Who Speaks for the Moon,” the now black zebra stallion with white stripes advised, “for she is a fool.”

“It’s not our place to intervene,” the once again white earth pony mare said, “but this is merely a dream.”

“We will guide you to the light,” the once again black earth pony stallion said, “but this is merely a dream.”

The opposing ponies bowed their heads as they found themselves slowly floating up off of the ground. They kicked their legs in the air trying to find the ground again only for a powerful force to surge through them forcing them to look up at the pitch blackness of space, head held back. They felt it start in their guts then work up their chests and necks only to erupt out of their screaming mouths.

They vomited stars, enough to refill the sky.

Back in the real world their landing on the coast of eastern Equestria, at 8:05 PM Eastern Equestrian Time, was far from gentle. Luna had made sure to throw them with more than enough force but hadn’t really bothered to work out the angle; she had left her abacus back at the castle after all. So when they did eventually slam into the ground in the forest outside of Sea Stable, about a mile or two from the town proper, they actually skipped right back up and flew into the air again. They managed to clear the tall pine trees when the protective magic bubble that Luna had encased them in burst apart with a loud POP!

The sound awoke The Secret Guard who after a moment of confusion gathered just what was happening and began to scream as they fell towards the ground with the exception of Gilda who just righted herself and flapped her wings until she was gently hovering in place. The others were not as lucky but they did manage to land inside of a tree, the fall from branch to branch and finally the ground while still very painful it was by no means fatal.

“Ooooo!” Gilda hissed as she watched them all strike the tree and then begin falling through the branches, clipping legs and occasionally faces when they didn’t land squarely on a branch. When they all landed in twisted heaps Gilda hovered down to gently land next to them and begin looking them over. “Any of you dweebs still alive?”

“Hhrghe!” They all groaned as one, limbs twitching in pain.

“Good enough for me, see ya!” She flapped her wings once again and took to the night skies.

“Wait!” Zecora called out as Gilda nearly fled. “Where are… you going?!” She asked as she rose to her hooves with gritted teeth at the pain.

“What, no rhyme?!” Gilda called down which sent Zecora frowning. “I ain’t hanging around here to for whatever that crazy princess was rambling about! I’m going home to drink and forget any of this even happened!”

“What about us?!” Zecora demanded, still not caring enough to rhyme.

“You ain’t dead; you can walk to Sea Whatever!” Gilda waved away as she looked to her left to where a red glow rested behind some hills. “See?! Sun’s already coming up; we must have been flying all night!”

“Not…” Blueblood muttered, his face still crushed in the dirt. “That’s not East, it’s North.”

“What’d he say?!” Gilda yelled down to Zecora.

“He… I’m getting tired of this back and forth, he said it was not East but North!” Zecora rhymed sitting down in the dirt her limbs tired and sore.

“Oh so now you rhyme!” Gilda yelled as she started to look around in all directions. “And how in the hell does he know that?! He getting a good look of the stars there in the dirt?!”

“Cutie Mark… Always know where I’m going.” Blueblood answered as he rose up off the ground and looked at the state his previously clean white coat was in. “Uh! All this dirt! I’m going to have to spend an entire evening grooming! And my mane!” He complained loudly as he looked at the twigs and leaves lodged inside.

“Someone… quiet Bluehorn…” Trixie managed to say as she cracked her eyes open. “The Broken… and Dying Trixie… would like quiet… before she ascends… to Showmare Heaven.”

“We agree.” Flam joined in where he and his brother lay their outfits dirty and hats crumbled and bent.

“But we want to go to Salespony Heaven.” Flim added waving a fore leg in the air. “We’re sure that the two are next to each other.”

“No!” Trixie argued as she struggled to her hooves and righted her cape and hat. “Showmare Heaven is a 1000 times better!”

“What are they arguing about?!” Gilda yelled down to them as Trixie and the Flim Flam Brothers argued whose professional heaven would be better.

“…You don’t want to know, but please just join us below!” Zecora pleaded as Gilda made no move to leave the night sky. “The Princess of the Night, warned us of things about with much fright!”

“The only thing I’m afraid of Princess Crazy, clearly Dash and whatever lameos she joined up with didn’t blast her hard enough.” Gilda responded name dropping the new Element of Loyalty Rainbow Dash who, like all the other inhabitants of Ponyville, Zecora had never had the pleasure of meeting. “Hey! Prince Prima Donna,” Blueblood actually looked up from picking twigs out of his mane, “think you can get your Aunt to lock up that… psycho… again?” Gilda started to trail off as her gaze left Zecora and Blueblood and began to drift upward, her face and body reeling back in terror. Turning around Zecora and Blueblood’s blood went cold as Trixie, Flim, and Flam continued arguing without any care in the world.

Standing amongst the trees surrounding them was a massive two legged creature, roughly 30 to 35 feet tall, much like a minotaur with its cloven feet and curved horns and large muscles. But where a minotaur had fingers this beast had claws that were as long as their bodies, where a minotaur had fur this beast appeared to be made of sharp black stone with searing fire emerging from the joints, and it had a face that seemed to be made entirely out of yellow fangs with no nose or eyes, just empty sockets where they should be. Impaled on the beast’s horns were the bodies of two earth pony stallions, their entrails strewn across the horns and its head like streamers.

“Ahhh, little ponies!” The beast spoke with a voice that twisted their insides, finally tearing Trixie and the Flim Flam Brothers away from their stupid debate. “And a Zebra and Griffon too!” It said pleased, its face cracking in some imitation of a smile. “Such rare delicacies, and do I smell… anima? It smells so fresh and… virginal.” It hissed as it took a massive step towards them, the giant cloven foot landing silently as leaves that brushed against the beast ignited instantly.

The Secret Guard began to retreat as one, legs shaking as the beast looked down at them or in Gilda’s case up. “And do I detect a hint of… Moon Magic? Ah!” The beast gasped in realization, its claws coming up to stroke a nonexistent beard, which just ended up with gouges in its stone face. “So She Who Speaks for the Moon has barely returned but has already taken new consorts? My She rebounds quickly!” It laughed, the sound like breaking glass, as The Secret Guard tried to process any of the information was being presented to them. The impaled corpses on the beast’s head made it a little hard to do so.

“I have not tasted the succulent flavor of Moon Magic in an Age! But instant gratification is for children.” The beast casually leaned against a tree and smiled wider, the leaves burning away and the bark blackening. “So, I’ll give you a head start. Nothing like a good hunt.” The Secret Guard continued to take a step away in terror. “1 Rakshasa, 2 Rakshasa…” The beast counted as The Secret Guard turned and bolted into the forest, no light to guide their path into the night.

By the beast’s feet a tear in the world appeared, a red gouge that grew and shuddered as 3 new beasts emerged screaming. They were much smaller than their master but still larger than the average pony, their pale flesh tight against large bones with grey spikes jutting out of their sides. “Bring them to the mill, no eating.” Their master commanded as the tear vanished and the beasts charged after their prey roaring in rage or excitement, like hounds after foxes.

“What the fuck! What the fuck! What the fuck!” Flim and Flam repeated one after the other as The Secret Guard stumbled and ran through the dark forest with the exception of Gilda who had a nice clear sky to flee in. They did not dare to look back both in fear of tripping over a shadowed tree root or rock and afraid that they’d see the beast chasing after them, taking those large silent steps it had used to sneak up on them in the first place. A trio of howls behind them however brought a new terror, the fear that something else in this accursed forest was after them.

“Where are we going?!” Trixie demanded to know as she untangled her cape and hat from a bush.

“No idea!” Blueblood answered as he nearly stumbled over a root. “As long as it’s away from here!”

“I thought you always knew where you were going?!” Zecora cried, her head snapping to the side as another trio of howls filled the air this time much closer.

“Which direction is which but not where the hell I am on Earth!” Blueblood fired back. “I can’t just magically find stuff by thinking about it and wandering off! If I did I’d use it find a road or something!”

“Hey there’s a road up ahead!” Gilda called down to them. “And I think I see a house a ways down it! There are no lights on though!” Blueblood growled in annoyance at the coincidence and The Secret Guard quickly bounded out of the tree line onto the dirt road cutting through the thick forest. “This way!” Gilda shouted down to them as she flew off, presumably towards the house. They ran for a few minutes, the howls following them, until they came upon the house on the side of the road.

It was a large two story home, the windows boarded shut but in no obvious state of disrepair. Storming up the steps of the front porch The Secret Guard began hammering on the front door, after naturally finding it locked, as Gilda circled overhead. “Just break the door down or smash a window or something!” She called down to them as she flew next to one of the second story windows and did just that, edging past the broken glass and leaving them outside.

“Or you could just unlock the door for us!” Trixie pointed out only to be met with silence. “Gloria!” Again only silence although it’s doubtful that getting her name right would have helped.

“Forget her we’re breaking down the door!” Flam spoke up, him and Flim lining up to break down the door as the others backed away.

“On three. One, Two, Three!” Flim counted down and on three the brothers charged forward only to slam into the door and stagger back the wood not even creaking. “Damn it!” Flim cursed as he glared at the door. “It must be barricaded! Let’s try for a back do-” He started to suggest only for Flam to collapse next to him in a coughing fit. “Flam!” Flim and Zecora rushed to the mustached Salespony’s side as Trixie and Blueblood nervously eyed the tree line when another howl filled the air, this one much closer. “What’s wrong with him?” Flim asked Zecora hoping that her knowledge in Herbalism could provide some information.

“I don’t know!” Zecora answered dashing his hopes. However with a great scream Flam shot up to his hooves.

“Get away from the door!” He ordered as he approached it. Before anypony or zebra could ask him what he was doing he pulled back his right foreleg and punched the door. It flew off of its hinges and skidding down the hallway inside along with the stacked furniture previously barricading it. “Inside, hurry!” Flam ordered as they stood there stunned and jaw dropped until another trio of howls sent them scrambling inside. Flam quickly and easily pushed the furniture back over the empty door frame, lifting and stacking furniture larger then he was with no effort.

“Soooo, how long have you had super strength?” Trixie asked as Flam restacked the barricade.

“Since I got back from the moon.” Flam answered flatly and the rest of The Secret Guard, minus Gilda of course, just shared a nervous glance with each other. “Just look around the house for things and you’ll know what I mean. I think you’ll have the dream.”

“Are you okay?” Flim asked concerned about the sudden change in his brother.

“No, I think… I think I have an idea what’s happening now. And it’s bad.” Flam answered with a waver in his voice. “But strangely I’ve, I’ve never felt this strong before! I feel like I could pull a train car!” He said with a wide smile.

“Well you did just punch a door down with a single swing.” Blueblood reminded as he looked up the stairs. “I’m going to go have a word with the griffon.”

“I to would like a word with our companion, before we… toss her into… a canyon.” Zecora struggled to come up with a rhyme as everypony stared at her.

“…That was terrible. Why would we throw her into a canyon?” Trixie asked as Blueblood ascended the stairs and the brothers wandered into the living room.

“You try coming up with good rhymes while being hunted by monsters and see how easy it is.” Zecora argued before she turned to follow Blueblood, leaving Trixie at the barricade as more howls filled the air.

Using his good sense of direction to deduce which room Gilda had flown into Blueblood threw to door open and stormed inside Zecora hot on his heels. “What in the deepest pits of fiery Tartarus is wrong with you?! You left out there with those monsters!” He demanded to know when he found Gilda standing next to the broken window staring silently at the bed. Hearing Zecora gasp he tore his eyes from the griffon and looked at the bed, finally noticing the awful stench in the room as well.

Lying in the filthy bed were four dead ponies, an earth pony mare, a unicorn stallion, and two earth pony fillies between them, all of various shades of brown and green. They had no obvious wounds on them but by the empty pill bottles on the nightstand they’re cause of death was clear. “We’re sorry.” Gilda said holding up a piece of paper and reading from it. “We saw the fires from Sea Stable yesterday and waited. Today when ponies came out of the forest at dawn, chased by the beasts we barred our door. We heard the screams all day as the beasts ate and defiled them and after that the monsters scratching outside our windows. We’re sorry.” Gilda repeated as she looked at the dead family. “They can’t have died to long ago; the sheets are still wet with shit and piss.”

“By the Mad Gods.” Zecora whispered as she carefully brought the sheet to cover the bodies, making sure to grab a clean section. “What is happening here?”

“Grandmother Luna said that something terrible was happening here.” Blueblood remembered. “I had hoped she was overreacting.” He confessed as he looked at the pictures on top of the dresser, a number of touching moments with family and friends. The mare it seemed was a construction worker and the stallion a local gua-

Eyes snapping open Blueblood rushed to the closet and flung the doors open and began to rummage through the clothes and belongings. “What are you doing?!” Zecora demanded to know at the disrespect to the freshly dead residents.

“The stallion was a guard he may hav-” Blueblood started to explain before he spotted what he was looking for tucked away in a corner. It was a standard issue sword given to guards in its sheathe. Reaching out with his magic Blueblood pulled it out of the closet and unsheathed it, looking over the blade.

“Well that should come in handy.” Gilda remarked still looking at the dead ponies. “You know how to use th-, are you okay?” She asked as Blueblood suddenly fell into a coughing fit and collapsed to the ground. Zecora moved to his side but backed away as he screamed and jumped to his hooves just like Flam. “What the hell is his problem?”

“The moon! I was on the moon!” Blueblood screamed grabbing the sword with his magic and holding to his body. Zecora and Gilda backed away from him as he calmed down looking at the sword and took deep breaths. “I’m sorry but Flam was right, this may be… much worse than we thought.”

“Considering I have no idea what the fuck is going on that ain’t sayin’ much.” Gilda responded. “And what about Flam?”

“He… has super strength now.” Zecora explained not having a more elegant way of putting it. “He punched the door off its hinges. So what about you?” Zecora asked Blueblood before Gilda could ask her what the hell she was talking about.

“There is a second blade.” Blueblood said indicating at the empty air a few inches off of the outward facing side of the sword. He swung the sword around and dramatically sliced a small mirror on the dresser into thirds, one half sized and the other two quarter sized. “It feels so sharp and like a part of me. Just like all those old fools who drone on and on say it should.”

“Alright then.” Gilda said. “I’m going to go down to the kitchen and see if I can’t magically bond to some alcohol.” And with that she pushed her way out of the room, Blueblood not even making a fuss when they brushed shoulders.

“…So what did you see?” Zecora asked quietly.

“You’ll know, we were all there, together, at the same time. It was confusing.” Blueblood answered as he too left the room after Gilda.

Zecora stood there for a moment before the trio of howls brought her back and she began her own search. She rummaged around the closet and came upon an old medical book in a box, the leather binding cracking and the pages falling out. When she flipped through the pages a force overcame her and in an instant she was dreaming the same dream that Flam and Blueblood had before returning nearly an instant later screaming.

Zecora felt the beat of blood through her veins and the beat of Equestria and Earth through it, a matching rhythm she had no way of knowing. Holding a foreleg up she bit into her leg to draw the blood and when it attempted to fall she stopped it, the sacred and profane essence floating in midair just as Princess Luna had done. “End of Days?” She whispered to herself hugging the old tome to her chest.

“So what exactly happened?” Flim asked his brother as they searched the living room, tossing books and other trinkets aside. Unless they looked valuable in which case they pocketed them of course.

“You’ll know, you were there. We all were.” Flam answered as he tilted an heavy bookcase to look under it with a single foreleg. “It was weird.”

“Nothing about this has been normal Flam. Should be able to swindle some bets at strong pony competitions now though!” He joked trying to bring his spirits up and hide his concern for his brother. Flam laughed in agreement as Flim opened a drawer and found a collection of art supplies, the kind mostly geared towards children, and a half painted mask made out of paper mache. Shoving the mask aside a force shout though him and he staggered back, the dream coursing through ending with a scream. “The dueling ponies!” He cried as Flam walked over to him.

“Or griffons or zebras. They kept changing remember?” Flam said as he helped his brother up. “How do you feel?”

“Numbers. Everything… everything has numbers.” Flim whispered feeling them push against his brain. “Some unchanging while other shift every instant. They meet and make… equations?” He rambled picking up the mask and throwing it on top of his head where his lost hat should have been. He picked up a pencil out of the drawer with regular magic and dropped it waiting with baited breath as he felt the numbers of gravity pull it down and the numbers of air resistance. When it struck the ground he felt the equation change to that of impact, a long stream of numbers invisible to him that he still knew was there.

Pushing and pulling the numbers he changed it so that pencil held its pose as though it were  impaled in the carpet at an awkward angle. “Is that your doing?” Flam asked idly watching the pencil defy gravity.

“It’s so hard, there’s so many numbers!” Flim said as he began to sweat until he gave up and the pencil collapsed to the ground as nature intended. “…Think I can use this with poker?” Flim asked catching his breath with a smile and Flam laughed.

“Surely there must be something in here to make The Great and Powerful Trixie even more Great and Powerful!” Trixie complained to herself as she poked around the kitchen, trying anything that could be considered a weapon. Knives? No, she nearly cut herself. Frying Pans? No, all she made was a racket. The sledgehammer by the back door? No, as she did was strain herself picking it up. At this point she may as well try the spice rack or the child’s doll lying on the table!

“What are you doing?” Gilda asked with a raised eyebrow finally emerging from the upstairs.

“Well well, Gloria.” Trixie said turning to her. “Have Bluehorn and Zanzibar finished questioning your abandonment of us already?” She asked with a sneer.

“…You know I’m not even gonna bother correcting all of that.” Gilda sighed as she started looking for some booze. “What’s with the hammer?” She asked looking at the sledgehammer by the back door.

“Trixie has no idea, perhaps the owners were going to renovate? This kitchen looks like it could use it.” She commented looking at the lime green counters and golden colored sink and faucet.

“They’re dead upstairs.” Gilda informed as she wandered over to the sledgehammer. Tentatively reaching out to it she wrapped her claws around the neck and base, heaving it up to her body. “Well if you’re go-” Gilda’s comment was cut off as the dream slammed into her. “Ah! The Voice!” She screamed as she cradled the hammer to her body taking deep breaths.

“Damn it!” Trixie cursed. “Everybody is getting superpowers but Trixie!” Ignoring the showmare Gilda heaved the hammer up feeling the impossible weight to it amazed that she could carry it at all. Looking at the ugly green counters Gilda brought the hammer up and then down again with as much force as she could muster.

The counters, cabinets, oven, and, when the hammer finished obliterating everything else within a foot of its impact point, the floor exploded into thousands of tiny pieces. Flapping her wings so as to not fall through the new hole into the basement Gilda examined her new weapon and smiled. Flying past a glaring Trixie Gilda left the kitchen to join the others as they gathered in the living room.

Sitting her ass down at the table Trixie turned to look at the child’s doll seemingly waiting for her. Reaching out with her magic she grabbed the doll and brought it to her, a new series of howls quickening her choice. She stared at the button eyes and patchwork body until she felt the dream soar her up and she fell to the floor. “Damn it.” Trixie complained as she opened her eyes to look at her supposed weapon lying on the floor near the hole. Her mind swirled with unknown energies, she smelled smoke on her fur, a chill on her bones, and the crackle of electricity across her skin. “Hmm.” Trixie hummed as she extended a foreleg in front of her and it ignited, the flames not harming her in the slightest.

“I suppose you will do.” Trixie accepted as she picked up the doll and slung it on her back.

“You will see the End of Days.” Flam started as they stood gathered in the living room with their assorted weapons and trinkets.

“And witness the dawning of a New Age.” Blueblood continued as the howls got closer.

“You shall be able to choose; to be a Monarch or a Beggar.” Zecora repeated, the beasts running now audible in the distance.

“To lose Everything or to become a God.” Flim said as he looked out the window to see a trio of shadows racing down the road towards them.

“To stand With Us or Against Us.” Gilda muttered as she heaved her hammer onto her shoulder when the beasts reached the house and started banging on the windows.

“The Choice is yours…” Trixie finished.  “…Anybody have any idea what any of it means?”

“End of the World. Seems pretty obvious.” Blueblood snorted as the beasts started punching through the boards over the windows. “But what do we do? Do we fight or run?”

“Well Princess Crazy did send us here to fight it.” Gilda remarked. “But she did kidnap and force us to do this so fuck her.”

“I meant about them.” Blueblood clarified indicating to the beasts.

Suddenly there was a flash of light and the crack of thunder from outside and one of the beasts cried out in pain before collapsing outside. The two remaining beasts abandoned the windows and turned to face the new unseen threat. The Secret Guard rushed to the windows to see what was going on only for one of the beasts to crash through the wall and slam into the opposing wall in a broken unmoving heap. Peeking through the newly created hole they watched as the last beast beaten down by white unicorn mare with an electric blue mane and red sunglasses smiling widely. She drove a foreleg through the beasts skull and out the other side, her leg drenched in black blood, and then laughed as she pulled it out.

“Damn man if this is the best that Hell can throw at us this will be a breeze!” She said to her two companions, a minotaur carrying a giant hammer, and an earth pony stallion with a orangish coat and curly brown hair wearing a cowboy hat and poncho with a… rubber chicken on his back?

“That is because Equestria has never had an invasion from the Hell Dimension before my tiny friends!” The minotaur shouted as he heaved his hammer into a pose. “There are still many more horrors that need to be vanquished before we find the source of this darkness!”

“With what we’ve seen Hell doesn’t have much variety. Just fire, sharp black stone, and noxious gas. We just have to find out how to maneuver around them and they won’t be able to adapt to us.” The stallion commented in a very serious tone. “But what about them?” He asked turning to The Secret Guard.

“Oh I forgot about them. Hey assholes!” The mare called out to them waving a hoof. “You gonna cower in there all night or are you gonna come join us? We’re going to Hell!” She sang happily as though this a plus. “Not every day you get to do that!”

The New Secret Guard

By the time Stone Guard arrived at the club his head was already pounding from his task. This hadn’t been the first time he had escorted important visitors around Canterlot of course, outside of guard duty and drills there wasn’t much else to being a Royal Guard really. Aside from the constant duty, expectation to lay down your life for the good of Equestria and in defense of their Royal Highnesses, and looking damn fine in the uniform of course. But these ponies, griffon, and zebra were worse than the time he had to walk a very drunk Duke and Duchess from The Griffon Kingdom back to their room. All the while they made it very clear to him that their marriage was “different”, that they were both “fond” of the pony form, and that “Louis likes to masturbate while watching stallions fuck me.” Lovely couple.

“Uh!” The royal stallion Prince Blueblood cried as he stepped around a puddle of water in the street and was forced to brush shoulders with one of his traveling companions. “Is it truly necessary that I walk out here with the common dregs? Could I not have been brought by carriage?” The Prince complained loudly, something he had been doing all day ever since Stone Guard had picked him up from his estate at noon.

“By the Gods would you shut up?!” The griffon, Gilda he reminded himself, spat as she shoved him away from her when he tried to avoid getting near a pair of drunken ponies. Stone Guard cast a glance back at the ponies, something subconscious in the way they looked or moved drawing his eye. But he pulled his eyes away too soon and no one saw one shove the other to the ground causing its guise to give away and reveal a changeling that was pointed and laughed at by its friend. “You’ve been bitching ever since we left the market!”

“Do not lay your talons on me griffon!” Prince Blueblood commanded as he made a scene in the middle of the street, the ponies waiting to get in the club watching and murmuring amongst themselves. The bouncer shifted in place at the doorway either anxious that he could have to step in or because he recognized this was the group that was supposed to be brought in by guard.

“Hmm, The Great and Powerful Trixie agrees with Gloria.” The mare in some kind of wizards outfit interjected, referring to herself in third person and getting the griffons name wrong. “Trixie was forced to leave her home behind where anypony could pilfer it, your mansion will still be around after we are all done meeting with… whoever Bluehorn.”

“It’s Blueblood, Prince Blueblood you demented trouper.” He corrected as he tried to straighten himself back into a proper royal stature, brushing the wrinkles out of his suit and fixing his hair which had become matted with sweat after being forced to walk most of the afternoon. “And I saw your home impounded at the Police Station, it’s just some beaten down wagon that looks like it’s going to fall apart at any moment.”

“Exactly what we noticed!” The mustached stallion Flam interrupted, gesturing to his brother wearing a matching barbershop outfit. “Dear young filly my brother and I have been working on a contraption that we believe may interest you!”

“Yes a locomotion machine that with a simple application of magic can set any cart or wagon speeding across Equestria as you sit back and relax!” The non-mustached Flim continued with the sales pitch.

“While they discuss dealings in the street, may I ask who we have been brought to meet?” A rhyming voice asked to Stone Guards side and he turned to find Zecora the zebra… mare? He wasn’t sure what female zebras were called. While their little group had been getting stares all over Canterlot since leaving the Police Station she had received most of them, zebras were rare especially those who hadn’t assimilated somewhat and abandoned what he guessed was traditional styling’s and speaking patterns. She didn’t seem to be getting any stares from this part of Canterlot through, if anything he was getting them.

“I’m not at liberty to say miss.” Stone Guard answered professionally. “But if we can get going,” he said trying to get the attention of the others as they debated the practicality of giving such a potentially dangerous machine to any random pony, “we can all get inside.”

“I’m just saying that it’d be cool as hell.” Gilda continued, either not hearing Stone Guard or not caring. “Sucks you got to have magic to control it. Get enough of them with some hick earth ponies and I bet they’ll be racin’ them all around Equestria. Could be fun to watch them crash and burn.” She proposed with a smirk.

“And what will happen to all the carriage pullers once they are obsolete? They are earth ponies with no skills or education; they will turn to crime to get by.” Prince Blueblood argued back having slipped back into his royal personage, his hair and suit having been fixed back into a presentable state. “And is the nobility expected to drive themselves with these contraptions? I will not sully my hooves with such commoner work.”

“Hey! We’re here!” Stone Guard shouted to try and get their attention again.

“Not at all your highness,” Flim assured not hearing him, “the one who applies the magic is not the one who controls the carriage.”

“Yes and this allows you to cut down on the number of ponies pulling your carriage to a single driver.” Flam continued, the brothers having completely turned from trying to pitch to Trixie to the much richer Blueblood. “And you no longer need fear of being taken away by angered or potful workers. Just cut the power and they will be unable to move the carriage by themselves!”

“Hmm, Trixie is still unsure. She feels that she’d be unable to afford the maintenance until they became more common, also it would ruin the poor traveling magician image Trixie is cultivating.” Trixie argued.

“Yeah, your “image”, right.” Gilda mocked with a smirk that was shared by Prince Blueblood.

“Hey are you guys gonna go inside anytime soon?” The bouncer said as he walked up to Stone Guard and Zecora. “The Princess has been waiting inside for like 20 minutes.”

“…Princess?” Zecora asked with a raised eyebrow to Stone Guard and he cursed internally.

“We’ll be inside in a moment.” Stone Guard assured as he stomped his hoof to the ground. “Hey! Morons!” He tried being more direct to get their attention but again failed.

“Let me help.” The bouncer offered as he stepped forward, picked up a few pebbles off of the road and tossed them into the middle of the inattentive gathering. The tiny rocks landed and bounced before they settled an equal distance from each other and then seemingly under their own power continued to roll in a circle chasing each other. Stone Guard’s eyes snapped to the bouncer and confirmed that he was an Earth Pony so there was no conceivable way he could be doing this trick with magic. “What? Never seen some chaos magic before?” The bouncer asked as if in defiance to Stone Guard’s thought as the pebbles stopped chasing each other and lined up to form an arrow pointing to Stone Guard, Zecora, and the bouncer.

“We’re, uh, we’re here.” Stone Guard stammered when they finally turned their attention to him, questioning looks at what trick he had obviously pulled being the only unicorn standing there. Turning he found the bouncer already walking back to his post by the door, Zecora eyeing him and the other ponies oddly.

“Oh why didn’t you just say so?” Trixie said as they all began to walk towards the club not even sparing Stone Guard a passing glance. He stared at the pebbles on the ground and followed after them with Zecora, giving a passing glance to the bouncer as he kept the long line of ponies in order as they just waltzed in in front of them. The music was loud and intense, the beat reverberating inside of their skulls as Stone Guard scanned the crowd for any sign of Princess Luna. His eyes flicked to behind the bar where a young mare and an older stallion were having a discussion while a BY CELESTIA WHAT WAS THAT THING!

Sitting at the bar sipping a colorful drink was some kind of naked pale fleshed bipedal monster the size of a minotaur, not a single hair on its body with face like a bat and solid black eyes that idly watched the mare and stallion converse. Magic instinctually reaching for the sword or spear that he had left behind at the barracks at the insistence of Princess Luna Stone Guard kept his eyes fixated on the monster as the mare behind the bar caught him staring at it. “Oh you guys here for Luna? She’s upstairs.” She gestured to a stairwell tucked into a corner.

“Princess Luna Sweet Drink!” The older stallion reprimanded just shouting out the Princess’s presence to the entire club. “We must show the utmost respect! Do you know how big her appearance could be for business?” He asked as he began to fiddle around the bar revealing himself as the club owner. “Are you sure that she didn’t ask for any kind of drink?”

“…What the fuck is that thing?” Flim and Flam said together having found their own strange thing to stare at. Stone Guard tore his gaze from the bar and the pale fleshed thing to a corner booth away from the pulsing lights of the dance floor, where he swore strange shapes peeked out from behind the dancing ponies. Sitting in the booth with a couple of stallions and a mare was a collection of rags trying to hold in what looked like smoke as it seeped through the seams in the shape of a pony with a hood that showed only blackness as it gazed back at them. Then seemingly from the inside of the hood two blue eyes rolled into place, its attention flicking between them all except Gilda and Zecora whose attention was focused on the bat faced monster with the fruity drink and something in the rafter respectively. While it looked at them teeth began to dance in from the darkness, settling into a twisted smile that stretched far more than any smile should. It then cocked its head to the side and winked at them, the blackness rising up and swallowing the eye momentarily, and pushed its teeth out in some terrible imitation of a kissy face, the teeth clacking together.

“Sally!” The solitary mare at the booth reprimanded as she struck the ragged blackness with a light smack on the shoulder that sent the stallions with them chuckling. “Stop being creepy and you guys fuck off and stop staring at us!” She yelled at them and they all somehow sheepishly averted their gazes, now frantically looking for something else that wasn’t strange and terrifying. Eventually they all followed Zecora and Gilda’s gaze to the ceiling and found what had held their attention. Perched up in the rafters with the lights was a massive hawk the size of a carriage with what looked like a crown of fire floating above its feathered head. Around its neck was a strung together collection of glow sticks that swayed and bobbed with the creatures head as it grooved to the beat of the music, careful to keep its flaming crown from damaging any of the equipment or the ceiling.

“Hey are you just going to stand there all night or are you gonna get a move on?!” The club owner shouted from the bar and this jolted them all back to attention. Pressing themselves together they inched towards the safety of the stairwell, getting strange looks from every club goer that noticed them. The bartender watched them pass with a small smile on her face and followed after them when they began to ascend the stairs. “Where are you going?” Her boss asked as he watched her go.

“Something tells me that Luna is going to need help getting them back safely.” She turned to look at her boss before she followed them up the stairs. “I don’t think they’ve ever been in The Secret World before.”

Luna heard Equestria’s chosen champions ascending the stairs and quickly prepared herself; throwing up the hood of her cloak, turning her back to the door, and clearing her throat. When the door to the club owner’s office creaked open she smiled to herself as they crept in not saying a word, no doubt cowed by her menacing dramatics. “Tell me my little ponies.” She started, not bothering to turn and reveal herself yet. “What do you do when you gaze into the dark? When it gazes back at you?” She asked as she continued to star at the pictures on the wall in front of her, the club owner really liked fishing. “Do you cower and wait for The Templar’s to save you and hope you are not caught in the crossfire? Do you try to exploit it to score points with The Illuminati and pray that they do not destroy you when you become inconvenient? Do you lose your mind and try to dance to some chaotic tune of the world like The Dragon and hope they don’t use you for a purpose that is beyond comprehension?”

“…The fuck are you talking about?” A female voice asked and Luna, who was in the middle of making a grand turn and reveal, froze in place.

“Yes Grandmother Luna it would be most kind if you could tell us what is going on!” A very familiar voice asked, using a term that despite only being back from the moon a little over a week she already despised and the pony who used it. Turning around and lowering her hood she found her Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Grandson “Prince” Blueblood standing with an… assortment would be a good word of ponies and was that a griffon and zebra?

“What in the hell are you doing here?!” She asked in return throwing her gaze to their accompanying guard who suddenly looked very nervous.

“Today we were minding our business, when we were brought here with many strange things to witness.” The zebra mare rhymed and Luna cocked her head at the traditional speaking pattern of their shamans. Well it was nice to see that some things hadn’t changed in the time she had been gone.

“Why do you rhyme everything you say?” A blue mare in a wizard’s outfit asked her companion. “It’s very odd.” The zebra gave her a sideways glance but didn’t get a chance to answer her.

“Where are the ponies we asked The Royal Guard to bring in?!” Luna demanded to know as she marched to the guard.

“These, these are them!” He stammered at the angry princess before him. “We went exactly where you said to at noon and these were the ponies and others,” he explained gesturing to the zebra and griffon, “that we found!”

“Yeah if you’d like to inform us on how you knew our exact locations that’d be great.” One of the other stallions said, he was wearing some strange striped outfit with an odd hat.

“And what exactly we’ve been dragged here against our will for.” The other stallion continued this one in a matching outfit with a very well groomed mustache. “Oh and what the hell those things down there are!”

“No they are not!” Luna countered ignoring them. “We know for a fact that Blueblood knows nothing about The Secret World! And I’m guessing that none of you know what I’m talking about either?” She turned to ask the assorted band of misfits.

“Yeah I had the same idea.” Smart Cookie asked as she poked her head around the corner. “Should have seen them down there, just staring bugged eyed and jaw dropped at everything.”

“And what the hell are you doing up here?” Luna asked quickly losing her patience as her dramatic recreation of The Secret Guard slipped away.

“I’m just waiting for you to wipe his memory so I can walk him home.” She answered as she gestured to the guard. “Right about now all the vampires are going to be getting out of their day coverings and start prowling.”

“Wait what?!” The guard shouted in confusion. “What’s this about memory wiping?!” He started to back away from both of them.

“Oh shut up.” Luna ordered as her horn glowed and the guard’s eyes rolled up into the back of his head as he collapsed into a heap on the floor. “Probably not the first time this has happened to you anyway. Celestia throws memory wipes around like candy. Now then,” she said as she turned around to find the “Champions of Equestria” cowering in the farthest corner away from her, “do any of you have any idea what you’ve seen this evening?”

“Trixie has seen monsters, strange magic tricks, and a crazy princess that is currently scaring the shit out of her.” The blue mare in the wizard outfit answered referring to herself in third person.

“You saw the citizens of Secret Canterlot, who do not like being referred to as monsters, probably some basic Secret Magics, and we are not crazy, just stressed that you,” she gestured to them, “are what Equestria apparently feels is the best she has.”

“What did you expect?” Smart Cookie asked as she dragged the guard out of the office. “Celestia lets The Templar’s, Illuminati, and Dragon just do whatever they want as long she stays in charge and ponies aren’t dying in droves. Hell there’s probably recruiters down there right now. Most likely Illuminati or Dragon, this really isn’t a Templar scene.” Luna swung around to glare at the reincarnated founder of Equestria. “Alright I’m going!” Smart Cookie soothed as she left the room and began to carefully carry the guard down the stairs.

“So what do you all do? Do any of you have military experience or some occult knowledge?” Luna ventured, hoping that she wasn’t as screwed as she suspected she was.

“Trixie is a traveling magician.” Trixie answered. “But Trixie’s, um, tools and equipment are with her wagon.” Great, a magician who needed props to pull off pretty colors.

“I work security at Cloudsdale arena.” The griffon answered, revealing herself as the voice that had asked “what the fuck are you talking about” from earlier. “Y’know, keeping grabby mares off of The Wonderbolts and stuff.”

“We are traveling salesponies?” The matching stallions answered together. “We go from town to town selling our fine wares or inventions.” Luna eyed the way they said “fine wares or inventions” and guessed that they were rarely that. So she had two scam artists. Great.

“I took fencing in High School.” Blueblood offered and Luna’s eyes narrowed at the abandoned practice of Royalty serving in the military. “But I’m a little… out of practice.”

“I’m a herbalist.” The zebra said not having to bother rhyming for such an easy question.

Luna cried as her face fell into her hooves. This, this was awful! The grand reemergence of Equestria’s self-reliance from the societies “support” was a bunch scam artists, a hired thug, her asshole great grandson, and a herbalist! Those ponies in, what was it she narrowed it down to? Sea Stable that was it! It was the only village she could find on a map in the general disaster area. They were all as good as dead unless The Templar’s decided to be charitable and put in the extra effort to save who was left.

“…So are you going to tell us why we’re here or are ya gonna just keep crying?” The griffon asked after a moment of silence.

“There is a village on the East Coast called Sea Stable that is currently undergoing a disaster of the strange and terrible variety. We know this because Equestria itself cried out to me and my sister for help but I’ve found out that she apparently thought that it was a good idea to disband our national occult forces and let the three biggest secret societies that rule the world handle it!” Luna explained to their confused looks. “So we go through all the trouble of channeling Equestria though a map bound in my blood to find the six warriors she felt best capable of defending her! And look at what we get!” She gestured to them and they all frowned at the insult, apparently not noticing the mention of making a map of blood.

“Well it sucks to be them but what the hell are we supposed to do? Are we gonna get memory wipes too?” The griffon asked.

“No.” Luna decided as she rose up to stand at her full height. “I’ve come this far and if Equestria thinks you’re the best she’s got.” She narrowed her eyes at them while they all backed away. “Then you’re it. Welcome to The Secret Guard.”

“But, but we aren’t soldiers! None of us have military training!” The stallion with the mustache panicked. “We could all be killed!”

“And conscription has been illegal for the past 867 years!” Blueblood continued showing off his extensive and very expensive education. “Unless Princess Celestia declares a national emergency of course.”

“I don’t care what Celestia does with the normal world!” Luna countered angrily dropping the royal “we”. “I am the Princess of the Night and of Equestria’s Secret World! I have suffered her judgments and decisions on how to handle my jurisdictions enough!” Luna thundered as she rose her fore legs into the air as magic dashed across them and opened large gabbing wounds for blood to flow out of. “So I am declaring a national emergency to be handled by you six! You may not be aware of The Secret World now, but you soon will be.” Luna whispered as the blood fell from her wounds and stopped just short of the carpet. The New Secret Guard watched in horror as the amount of blood that fell from her could have easily led to the death of an average pony. “I will open your Third Eye so you can see, I will give you my Essence to make you strong, I will give you my Magic to act with my will!” She shouted dramatically as the blood rose up above her head in a swirling mass. “Open up.” She commanded looking back at them, catching them as they tried to sneak towards the door.

“Uh, open whaHHH!” Zecora started to ask but screamed out in shock as a stream of blood shot out of mass above the princess and darted into Zecora’s mouth. Falling to the floor in a roughing fit Zecora soon seized up and went limp on the ground, her eyes clouding up. This sent the others into a panicked rush for the door which they soon collided into as it swung shut as Luna used her magic to keep it in place. One by one she forced them to turn to her and forced her blood down their throats, letting them go as they seized up and fell to the ground.

“We’re sorry that it has to be this way.” Luna apologized as she watched them lay on the floor gazing up at her with clouded eyes. She let the blood fall to the floor and seep into the carpet in a ring around her as she turned her attention to the ceiling. With a flicker of magic from her horn the ceiling exploded outward sending debris across Canterlot and exposing her night sky and moon. “We wouldn’t do this if it wasn’t serious but,” she gathered them up with her magic and flew out of the hole, “this Age is growing old. And we dare not tell Celestia that we fear an End approaching, based on nothing more than half remembered warnings and dates from a mad pony millennia ago. You’ll be able to confirm it for us.” Then pointing herself East Luna began to carefully aim The Secret Guard. “Good luck.” She said to their unconscious forms before she flung them with all her might, sending them careening across Equestria faster than any machine or being could attempt. With a blink of light they disappeared over the horizon and Luna sighed in relief as the club owner stormed up to his office and saw the ring of blood and the giant hole in his roof.

“What did you do?!” He cried out as he gazed up at her.

“Ooooo.” Luna hissed as she lowered herself back down to stand next to the club owner and place a reassuring hoof on his shoulders. “We’re very very sorry, um, talk to our sister! She’ll cover the damages.”