The lofty winds and soothing rays of summertime blessed the spires and cobblestone roads of Canterlot, and gave a nice disposition to those who felt them. Naturally, the best place to enjoy such fine weather was deep in the dim, temperature-regulated interior of ones home. In the case of the city’s royalty, it was being done in a very gaudy, swank-ass castle.
In the deepest, dimmest, most temperature-regulated corner of Canterlot Castle, the Ruler of the Night whiled away the hours of picturesque noontime doing what she did best: gaming. Gaming like a friggin’ pro, yo.
For Luna, it was her most relaxing and invigorating time of day. When she wasn’t needed for trifling matters like the night courts, random diplomatic meetings and raising the moon, she followed the same, calming down-time routine: stare at a big glowing screen, fiddle furiously at a controller and stuff her immaculate face with junk food of the puffy variety. Though she was much slimmer than her older sister, days of unhealthy snacks and sitting around had been steadily adding a more pudgy aspect to her. But like all things that had nothing to do with her precious hobby, it fell completely from her sphere of concern once she was in the zone… unless someone decided to bring it up to her face. Which was often :3
On that day, Luna was sporting her usual orange headset and mashing away at her latest online match in Ultra Street Fighter IV, her teeth gritted against the intensity of her most worthy foe: fillicheese416. Already two rounds in and the fate of the match was on the line.
“Grr, come on! Get out of that corner, you sissy noob!” the lunar princess shouted as she desperately tried to coax her opponent from a crouching position. “Fight me like a stallion or a mare or whichever you are! Your Princess demands it!” Unfortunately, a misstep on her part led to a Shoryuken to the face. “AAAAH bull plop, you cheap coward!”
Luna continued making exaggerated grunts and curses, oblivious to room’s door opening and the new source of light that filled a corner of her gaming den. With the seconds and her own health bar ticking away, she also didn’t pay mind to the dopey gray pegasus that trotted right in, nor the bubbly mare’s perky greeting.
“Heeeey, Luna! Guess what I got!”
“GAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” The shout, followed by the crunch of game controller shattering on wall, practically muted the game announcer as well as smothered whatever warmth the new arrival brought in. “Dammit! Now I have to get another controller!”
These kinds of outbursts weren’t uncommon, Derpy knew, but they could be quite inconvenient if she wasn’t warned ahead of time. Then again, the game had only been out for a week, so she could be faulted for lacking foresight. As to the alicorn seething on her resplendent beanbag chair, she made a low growl through gritted teeth for two seconds before realizing she wasn’t alone. Flicking her mood switch, she looked to the pegasus with the appropriate amount of embarrassment.
“Oh, hello Derpy,” she greeted her fellow gaming partner-in-crime and obvious-but-never-fully-realized love interest. “I hope I didn’t startle you?”
A silly shake of the head and a smile from the pegasus. “Nope. Must’ve been a really good match that time.”
“Yeah, at first. Then he-she-it decides to play keep-away and run out the clock.” The coal-black princess reclined into the depression of her equally coal-black bean bag chair with a sigh. “It’s so disappointing when they cheapen out like that.”
A sympathetic frown. “I’m sorry to hear that, Luna.” Quickly replaced by a beaming smile. “But we got something in the mail that might cheer you up!”
Ah, yes, how swell this lap of luxury: having a cheery if simplistic lady friend picking up your mail with only your joy in mind in doing so. Every gamer’s fantasy; am I right, guys? Anyway, Luna’s response:
“Oh? What is it?”
“A package!” Derpy reached behind her and pulled out a small brown package from seemingly nowhere with her mouth. “Did chu orer any gamffs?” Realizing too late her garbleness, Derpy placed the package on the ground before her. Miraculously, Luna understood every word.
“No, I haven’t. Not that I recall.” With a glow of her horn, Luna wrapped the package in her own magical wrapping and brought it up to her curious gaze. “Does it say where it’s from?”
“Just says ‘A Fan’. Everything else is postage-approved labeling.”
Indeed that was the case, Luna noted as she looked over the package. Fairly neat hoofwriting for the address, with “A Fan” written where the return address was supposed to be. Done with her initial inspection, Luna swiftly tore off a side of the package and shook out its contents. Something even smaller and oval-shaped fell out, and was quickly taken up by Luna’s magic while the box was unceremoniously dumped. The object in her grasp was mostly white, with a gray metal spoke sticking out one end and some words written out in black marker.
“It’s a flash drive,” she noted aloud, then reading the words on it with a raised brow, “‘I Wanna Be The Guy’?”
“Hey, there’s a note in here.” Derpy laid out said note on the floor and did her own reading. “‘A fitting challenge for a gamer of your skill. Not for the faint of heart, but that should mean nothing to you’. Huh, I wonder what that means?”
“Perhaps another fan donation, though I’ve never had one sent in flash drive form. And I haven’t heard of this game before, either. Seems fishy…”
“You should plug it in!” By golly, you have to love her lackadaisical demeanor for all the joy it brings, but even for something like that, Luna could only give her a look of most resolute skepticism.
“Derpy, this could very well hold some kind of virus or computer-hacking software for all we know. Really, we can’t just be reckless with with these kinds of things.”
“Oh, right. Sorry.” That downtrodden face and those mismatched eyes of shame. Luna bit her lip at the puppy-kickification she had unintentionally delivered.
“But, for the sake of curiosity and free gaming, I could load this on one of my old laptops and see what happens.”
“Yay!”
Boosted by her friend’s renewed enthusiasm, Luna took a moment to yank a dusty laptop from her used hardware pile, which was situated precariously by the energy drink fridge. The laptop had only been disused for no more than three months, and with a quick blowing of the screen and a quick magical charge to the battery, it was back online… as in turned on, not actually online. These kinds of tests have to be on a contained platform. Simple common courtesy, y’know.
With the laptop running and in place, Luna brought forth the specimen.
“Alright, here goes.” Derpy clapped her hooves as Luna maneuvered the flash drive into the closest USB port, and after a few seconds and beepings, she was able to pull up its folder. No odd behavior or warning signs thus far, so Luna proceeded to open the folder and view its contents. Simple fare: an executable file icon in the shape of an apple (or was it a cherry?), and a readme file. Luna clicked on the readme, all while Derpy looked on with grinning anticipation.
“Seems to be gameplay instructions,” Luna reported to her ward. “Control scheme, game mechanics. Simple enough. So far everything seems to be okay.”
“Awesome! Let’s see what it is already!”
“Okay then, here we go.”
A double click on the game icon, and the game booted up with a blast of shrill, rocking beeps of ye olden chiptunes to the eardrums. Approval was instantaneous.
“Ooh! Mega Mare 2 music!” Derpy hopped, face brimming with joy. Luna nodded more restrained, reading the story being presented beneath a vaguely familiar landscape. After learning the intentions of an ambitious 15 year old and his quest for greatness, the screen scrolled up from the humble township, following along a grand skyscraper, passing a red-eyed ape, and finally stopping at the top and the title screen proper at the digital ditty’s crescendo.
“It’s just like Mega Mare 2! Cool!”
“This seems to be a tribute game. Huh, how very nice,” Luna commented in honest surprise. She took note that instead of the usual Blue Bomber, there was a small colt with a smiling face, wearing a blue shirt and cape and holding a gun in one forehoof. Having lingered on the nostalgic tunes long enough, Luna pressed the Shift key with her magic and proceeded to select the save slot and difficulty, with Derpy looking on with rapt attention.
“Hmm, it’s preset to Hard, and Medium seems to be the lowest. Which should I go with, Derpy?”
“Well, I’d go with Medium, but you’re a better gamer than me so maybe Hard is better for you.” Derpy finished with her tongue sticking out. Dohhh~
“Eh, I would probably want to finish this game quick. I’ll go with Medium for this time.”
“Okay!”
And thus they were presented with the very first screen of the game: ugly brown corridors, plain industrial-themed background, and smiling sprite guy bobbing beneath the red and yellow Save box.
“Hey, he’s wearing a pink bow now,” Derpy pointed out.
“Hmph. Guess that’s the price of going with the lowest difficulty,” Luna said flatly.
“Oh. Ohhhhhh! That’s clever, heehee.”
“Right, now we play.”
It was simple enough controls: the usual 2D directions for movement, a jump, and a shot button that popped out a single bullet from the miniscule handgun in the colt’s hoof. Shooting the Save box made it go green for a few seconds before turning back to red. Progress preserved.
“Guess I better head down,” Luna said as she directed her little avatar to the far right of the uppermost floor. Dropping through the opening at the far end, a metal shutter slid shut overhead, followed by the harsh grind of a wall of spikes that shot in from the left end of the corridor. It made contact with the sprite, and immediately he exploded into a shower of pixelated blood and gore to Luna and Derpy’s shock. That was followed up by a harsh metal riff and bold white words filling the screen that read: “Game Over: Press ‘R’ to Try Again”
“Wow, that was a bit of overkill,” Luna remarked after getting over her shock.
“That really spooked me,” Derpy added. “Umm, maybe you don’t go that way?”
Luna shook her head. “No. I think I noticed something.” With a quick press of R, the game reset to the kid standing beneath the Save box. Luna proceeded back down the corridor and through the hole in the floor, but this time hugging the wall on the right. Sure enough, the spike wall came screaming in, but it stopped just a spot from the Kid’s position, leaving him unharmed.
“Ha! Knew there was a trick to this trap,” Luna boasted.
“Good one, Luna!” Derpy cheered, as the spike wall on screen started to pull back.
“Right, further downward!” Luna moved in the direction of the defeated spike wall, and soon enough she came upon another hole in the ground. She dropped in and hugged the wall, and once more a metal shutter slid over with another spike wall wailing in. This one stopped shortly before Luna as well, and she repeated the pattern of following and dropping through a gap. Except the spike wall on the third level came from the right instead of the left, splattering the Kid in the process. Both mares’ mouths were agape as the Game Over screen and music came on, and after a second Luna broke their mutual silence.
“...Oookay, maybe I don’t go down this way just yet.” She pressed R and began to assess her new predicament.
“Hey, what about that hole up there?” The princess’s gaze followed the gray hoof’s direction, and right there for all to see was, indeed, a gap in the ceiling right by the Save box.
“Huh. Alright, let’s go there.” Luna tapped the jump button, but it wasn’t quite high enough for the Kid. On the second attempt, she gave the Shift key a double tap and voila: extra height!
“Ah, double jump. Very nice.”
What greeted her above were blue cloudy skies, green grass, and a long row of red fruit trees to the right. Hanging in the air were a number of grass-topped platforms that led to a ledge on the far left.
“There we are, something a little more straightforward. Onwards and upwards, then.”
Derpy bobbed her head in approval as Luna resumed her trek rightward. The Kid reached the first tree, but upon passing the trunk, a lone fruit dropped and collided with his noggin, resulting in another blood eruption and heavy metal riff.
“Ahh! Really now,” the princess huffed.
“Those things are hardcore,” Derpy said in a more positive tone. Luna just huffed in response.
“Okay, we’ll try again.”
And try again Luna did. With the latest peril in mind, Luna carefully navigated the Kid back under the tree, but in a split second backed away, letting the malevolent fruit fall harmlessly offscreen.
“Too simple,” the mistress of the night gloated. “I have you pegged now.”
She proceeded forward, cautiously, and was rewarded by triggering another deadly fruit trap. This tactic of baiting the meddlesome fruit continued the rest of the way over to the right, although one of the fruits didn’t quite go the way it should have.
“Hey, that one went straight up.”
“Yes, Derpy, I noticed.” Yeah, so did I. Sheesh. Anyway, Luna soon reached her destination at the far end of the field, and made ready to head upward. “And up we go!”
A double jump into the air, only to be met by a screaming upward fruit punch that made a very messy aerial display of death and dismay. Luna’s eyes and mouth went wide at this latest demise, but immediately turned her energy to gritting her teeth and slamming down a hoof. Hard.
“What was that!? Apples shouldn’t fall upwards like that!”
“They’re more like giant cherries…”
“WHATEVER! I’m not going to be bested by some gravity-defying fruit! Here we go!”
A hard thump of the R button and Luna was raring to go. She charged forward (cautiously) back through the deadly orchard, and once back at the lowest platform she leapt up, only to back off in time to let the fruit zip on up. Not wasting a breath, Luna got up on the platform and began hopping leftward, stopping to trigger the remaining fruits waiting to launch up to end her. In seconds she made it past the ordeal and landed by the exit, stopping beneath the Save box that was labeled “Wuss”.
“Oh ha ha, real cute,” she said scathingly as she shot her next point of progression. The next screen over featured some friendly clouds… hanging over a wide pit of large pointy spikes. “Heh, I see you’re not playing around now, game.”
Suddenly, something occurred to Derpy. “Ooh! Luna, it just occurred to me: I got to meet up with the weather team in Ponyville. Gonna be a big storm down tonight, and Dash warned me not to miss another briefing so…”
“Huh? Oh yeah, fine. You go; I’ll just play this a bit longer.”
“Okie dokie,” Derpy beamed before turning away. “I’ll be back later. Kick that game’s butt!” And with that the happy pegasus left, and Luna had back her ideal gaming element: utter solitude.
“I shall not disappoint. Okay game, you have my attention.” Steeling herself, the alicorn hopped over to the first cloud. Meeting with solidity upon landing, Luna hopped over to the next cloud, only for it to begin dropping. She quickly leapt to the next cloud over, only that one rose up toward an overhang of spikes. A fast juke to the right brought her off the cloud and falling to the spikes below, but a double jump brought her to the cloud on the lower left side of the screen, which mercifully rose up to the spot next to the platform holding the next save point.
“Ha! First try!” She leapt up onto the platform, only for a thick plate of spikes to fall screaming down, flattening her into chunky salsa and slamming another Game Over in her face. For a moment she was silent. And then the princess, renowned for her wisdom and unwavering stoicism, lost her shit.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!”
Now, you’d normally think this would be the end of it: that Luna had reached her limit, smashed her laptop all across the room and proceeded to rage and swear obscenities at the whole of creation like any normal person under these taxing circumstances. However, Luna was not just any ordinary Moon Goddess and Ruler of Equestria. She was a hardcore gamer, true and true. And like any proper non-casual, she calmed herself after that hearty yell and resumed playing. It was only the third screen of the game; like hell she was gonna call quits over a few devious crummy traps!
But for everyone’s benefit, we’ll not be seeing the entirety of Luna’s run into obsessive madness. Instead, we’ll just see some of the highlights of her journey… to become THE GUY!
3 minutes later…
“Wait, what was the point of that thing? Where do I go?” she asked to the great sky-filled room that assured her it was the safest room in the whole game. “Do I seriously have to kill myself to get out? What’s the point of this?”
43 seconds later…
“Sticky Keys? Huh, never considered that being a problem. I’ll just disable it aaaaaand back to gaming.”
5 minutes later…
“Okay, let’s try this again.” A leap between the spikes, land on sinking platform, fail to perform double jump in time, get smashed into bloody pulp. “Stupid airplane!!”
14 minutes later…
“Alright, that boss was kinda fun. Now what’s next?” In the next screen, a red bobble. “Oh ho, an item? And hey, more fanfare music. Seems things are finally looking up.” With a smile she leapt off the platform, and seconds later the Kid burst into flames. Later still, a fruit shot up to smash her. “BUCK! I forgot to save! GRRAAAAAH!!”
3 minutes later…
“Moon! As your master, I demand you stop crushing me this instance!” Sadly, the celestial body proceeded to crush her anyway, much to her vast lament. “NOOOOO! Why do you betray me, like everyone else I’ve ever loooooooved!!”
1 minute later…
“Okay, that’s a pretty good one,” she said after having jumped into the retro sword. Never was a smart idea to begin with, eh?
3 minutes later…
“‘Multimedia Fusion 2 has encountered a problem and needs to close’? Oh, just great: I have a buggy copy. How charitable of you, ‘A Fan’.”
8 minutes later…
“Come on come on come on come on YES! HUZZAH!! Finally out of that death hall!” Luna triumphantly guided the Kid up away from the corridor of rising/lowering spikes, but suddenly a meddling hawk flew from out of nowhere and began bumping all up in her grill. “What—no stop doing that wait wai—NOOOOOOOOOOOOHOHOHOOOOH!!!!”
27 minutes later…
“Time to claim my prize.” In the giant egg missile factory, Luna hopped over to the next platform, only for the floor to give out and drop her into a bloody abyss. “Dammit! Should’ve known!”
11 minutes later…
“Agh, what? Ryu!? You’ve come back for more; I don’t believe this!”
10 minutes later…
“Dear Sister of Mine, actual voice acting! Huh, though this seems to be a straight rip from Castlemania, but still, nice surprise there.” A sound of shattering glass and exploding Kid, followed by Game Over. “What? You can die in cutscenes in this game as well?” With a raise of her hooves and head she shouted to the heavens, “Q-T-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!!!”
5 minutes later…
“I swear if this game crashes again I’ll set something on fire.”
37 minutes later…
“Why is there a Dr. Mareio pill in Trottris? That makes no sense!”
7 minutes later…
“Go go go go run run run—BUUUUCK these bucking flying apples and bucking spike wall buck buck BUCK!”
12 minutes later…
“Atomic Pile Driver? Okay, I’ll give them that one.”
6 minutes later…
“Stupid Bucking Quick Mare lasers!”
17 minutes later…
“Buck!” The sound of some unfortunate lamp getting smashed against a distant wall. “Of course I would jump headlong into the very last bowling ball, again. Why is it even there; shouldn’t it go away after he’s dead? It’s just pointless frustration, LIKE THIS GAME!”
24 minutes later…
“SPAGHETTIOOOOOOOOOS!”
13 minutes later…
“CHEEP-CHEEEEEEEEEEPS!”
2 minutes later…
“BUCKING MULTIMEDIA FUSION RAAAAAAAAH!!”
10 minutes later…
“Ha! A mere labyrinth? You’re finally slipping, game. My victory is close at hoof!”
43 minutes later…
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!”
15 minutes later…
Whilst Luna played Break-Out against a picture of Sinistar, Derpy had returned at last. The blissful pegasus trotted merrily through the stuffy room, paying no mind to the piles of burnt furniture or the smoke that hung in the air.
“Hiiii Luna! Still playing that game—”
“LEAVE US BE, WORM!”
“EEEEEE NIGHTMARE MOON!!”
The pegasus bolted out from the room yelling to high heaven in fright, and once again alone Luna leveled out her mane and resumed the task at hoof. “Gah! Quit going under me you stupid apple!”
A whole lot more time later…
All was chaos. The Room of The Guy was in ruin, fire ran over nearly every surface, and there were spikes and glass balls flying all around. After many attempts, Luna had finally made her way to the one safe pillar that stood before the last remaining weak point of her ultimate foe. Carefully she hopped up, shooting down the hovering glass balls and steadily reducing the size of The Guy’s one good eye smaller, and smaller, and smaller, until… success.
The ensuing scream of victory overpowered The Guy’s death shout, as the weight and misery of the day blew off Luna like a moldy wool blanket of discontent. After her yell, she watched the screen to see her diligent avatar grab hold of his oversized prize, only to go plunk into a bed of spikes. However, a moment later, the Kid trotted out from the spikes untouched, past his father’s dead head, and held up the Gun of the Guy to the accompaniment of Super Nintendo bliss.
At long last, the credits rolled, and Luna finally relaxed, taking some much needed breaths with a great exhausted smile on her sweat-matted face.
“Yes… I’m The Guy. I’m finally The Guy now!” Tears began to swell in the corners of her eyes as she pumped her hooves up. “There you go, ‘A Fan’: that’s what I think of your challenge! I overcame your cheap traps, absurd jumps and ridiculous bosses! You would think being banished for a thousand years would hamper my abilities, but I’ve come out strong in so very little time. With this, I have cemented myself as a true gamer, unquestionable forever, until the end of time. Nothing could possibly sour this moment.”
The credits had been rolling the entire time she talked and had reached the very end, with the Kid returning to the cheers of his friends and family back in his hometown. With the music reaching the finale, the Kid took a stand triumphantly before the crowd beneath a tree and allowed the moment to wash over him. In the final chirps of the music, a lone fruit slowly fell from the leaves above, and landed gracefully on the Kid, splattering him to bits and killing the mood with that same harsh metal riff of agonizing defeat, and that same inescapable Game Over screen.
Exhaustion filled Luna instantly, then immediately became dismay, which quickly turned to rage. Rage best expressed with bodily shaking and the extending of hooves in the most profane of gestures.
“Well buck you game! Buck you and buck your cheap shots! I beat you; I am The Guy! Mock me all you want you piece of bucking crap because it’s all over you miserable web of sorrow and frustration! I WON, AND NOTHING CAN TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME!”
Suddenly the laptop began sparking, and Luna lost her seething bravado at once. “Hey, what is this?” The sparking became more rapid, and in a great flash the screen erupted into a swirling cloud of digital mist that reached out and snared Luna. Before the princess could utter another word she was yanked headlong into the vortex and fell tumbling into the place where many a socially inept and highly-opinionated/bitter individual called home: The Digital Realm.
That’s what you think, princess...
Author's Note
I'm probably gonna regret this in the morning, but ah well :P
Author's Note
WARNING: Vast quantities of self-indulgent wankery ahead. Proceed with caution.
Press 'S' to Skip
The tumbling went on for the better part of a minute, with no shortage of ceaseless theatrical yelling. In fact, the fall would have been overall pleasant if the alicorn had stopped to appreciate the breezy silence. But then who would be in that mindset when they’re tumbling through dark oblivion? A shame, but understandable.
Yet like all things, Luna’s descent came to an end when she made contact with something soft yet firm. When she willed her eyes open, it wasn’t her comfy mattress she found herself upon, but a patch of grass. Standing up on uneasy legs, she then noticed some new accessories to her person. Along with the orange headphones, she found herself decked in a blue shirt, blue pants, and a red cape that covered all of her upper body and wings. A quick peek at the grass below her brought another item to light: a plain black handgun. With her magic she brought the weapon up and looked it over.
“What in Tartarus is all this about..?” Then she got a good look at her surroundings, and instantly the world was lit up in panoramic 2D splendor. Specifically, she found herself standing on the ride side of a retro game “town”, the quotations being there because there was only two houses in sight, as well as some spikes, oddly enough. But the music was a happy town tune, so we’ll leave it at that. Strangely, this new scenery didn’t entirely bother Luna.
“Oh no. Don’t tell me I raged out into unconsciousness and I’m having one of those vivid video game dreams again. Although I’ve never seen this screen before…”
Shrugging the thought off, Luna trotted forward with gun raised, looking to wake up by the usual means: by playing the damn game. After a few steps, her gamer senses tingled and immediately she turned back just as the cross atop the first house came screaming down.
“Heh, too obvious,” she mocked as she continued walking over to the left. She came upon a pit, and as she spread her wings to fly over, she gave a large hop instead. “Huh? I’m restricted to the jump mechanics too?” She hopped up, then executed a midair hop as though in confirmation. “Yep, same mechanics. Ughhh.”
The princess grinned and beared it up and over the pit, as well as over the short row of spikes. The next screen provided the addition of a tower, pond and some trees to the desolate town. Said trees launched one of its trunks at the alicorn, who deftly hopped over it, and also managed to duck the leaves that were tossed by the other tree in passing. A bounce off a helpful arrow block brought her up to the tower terrace, and avoiding the trap of the tree by the pond, she quickly reached the third screen: another house, and a wide empty pit separating her from the exit on the other side of the screen. As she was about to contemplate backing up, a blue block buzzed into existence. The path had revealed itself in typical retro fashion.
“Right, more Mega Mare platforming. How creative.”
She hopped to the exposed block, and after a second she jumped and got some airtime before the block below vanished and a new one appeared close to the left. This was repeated a second time, but then a new train of thought came to the princess’s mind.
“You know, maybe dying would wake me up fas—”
Her thought ran a bit too long, as the block gave way beneath her and sent her plummeting into another wailing fall. Exactly three seconds later and she hit solid ground again. Even more solid, in fact, given the loud “oomph” upon landing and the fact it was hard stones blocks that met her body. She got back up, a little more unsteadily, and moved to ease the aches.
“That… felt a little too real for a dream.” As a newfound doubt seeped into her mind, she noticed the abrupt change in her surroundings. Instead of a town, a desert spread out around her, and over to her right stood a massive red 16-bit treasure chest. “Oh, what have we here?”
The chest opened up at that query, and a shower of shiny, very large coins came bouncing out toward the surprised alicorn. Luna skittered around dodging the falling wealth in the ensuing scramble, yelping in exasperation. Finally the coin barrage stopped, only for the large chest to come bouncing at her. With a desperate dash forward, Luna avoided the chest as it landed hard and crashed through the ground with thunderous impact. With the chest’s passing, an exit was revealed before Luna on the right side of the screen.
“Well, that was fast and hectic. Wonder if there’s going to be a boss soon… or a boss at all.”
Forward into the unknown she went, which quickly became a known as she entered a narrow tunnel hanging over a deep abyss. As she trotted along, a great roar filled the air as a stream of meteors fell from above and began tearing away the tunnel behind her.
“Holy Craaaap!” she yelled as she ran as fast as her restricted movement speed would allow her, keeping at least a few steps of fiery doom. At last she reached the end, only to reappear back at the right end of the screen and over open air. “What the BUUUUUUUUUUU—”
Once more into the void she gracelessly fell, but for an extended flight time of eight seconds :o! Ample time for all light to disappear and for all of Luna’s senses to become entwined in darkness, but not the kind she specialized in. Oh no, it was the digital dark of the modern era, which can be even more frightful to some than the natural kind. Eventually she met agonizingly-solid ground again, choosing to stay down a bit longer to better gather her confused senses over the wonky world around her.
And it’s right about there that I come in. ‘Hup!’
Getting back up on her hooves, Luna’s ears were met with the sound of rushing air, and looked to the right in time to see a solid skinny mass land hard in the circle of an invisible spotlight. The new arrival stood and unfolded itself, revealing a rather tall, shaved ape wearing a blue shirt, blue shorts, red cape, glasses, and a pretty pink bow atop a head of hereditary hair loss. Well, the thing wasn’t entirely shaved: the exposed arms and shins had obscene amounts of coarse hair, as though compensating for the lack of it up top. The being’s cocky stance and crazed smile made Luna raise her gun warily.
“Greetings, Princess Luna!” the ape shouted, revealing itself to be a he. “Normally that fall would have killed you, but I let it slide that time out of courtesy.”
“Who are you?” she demanded, making sure her gun was good and level. The strange man only laughed heartily, widening that smile of his.
“Right to it then! Very well: My name is conlycameobasher, and I shall be your host for these escapades.”
Deus Ex Machina
& Scrub Extraordinaire
conlycameobasher
“I see you’ve had plenty fun with the gift I sent you, milady,” he continued mockingly after that weird cutaway.
“Gift? Wait, you mean the game?” A gasp. “You’re—”
“That’s right: I’m the ‘A Fan’ you have been cursing so hotly these past few hours,” he confessed with a titter. “I must say, you got through it far quicker than I had. Although you came off a bit more flustered toward the end, hmhmhm. You know, it helps to take regular breaks for those kinds of games.”
“I see. But that town and that chest weren’t in the game,” Luna pointed out, briefly forgetting the absurdness of the meeting.
“No indeed. But as it so happens, there lies a vast world of fan works inspired by that game. Fangames, as far as the eye can see. What you witnessed was among the first to go online, and one of many that can be chosen from the deepest corner of the internet.”
“Hold on. Me getting sucked into the computer… then it wasn’t—”
“Suffice to say, no, none of that was a dream, and neither is this. A fact that you, the Master of Dreaming, had undoubtedly surmised before now,” the weirdo teased. “By completing the original game, you gained entry into the arena that is the fangame community, to face the true challenge that comes with the title of The Guy.” Luna gave her head a shake at that.
“Wait, if that’s true, then what are you exactly? And why have you brought me here, and what was with giving me that game in the first place?”
The man chortled to himself before resuming. “The first question is inconsequential in light of what is to come. As for the rest, I give one very simple but effective answer: to have you prove your worth as a true hardcore gamer!” Dun Dun DUUUUUUN!!
“...Wait, what?”
“There was some truth when I referred to myself as ‘A Fan’. I share some passing interest in your gaming exploits, but lately I’ve been noticing a troubling trend in the sorts of games you’ve been playing. Frankly, I find that you’ve grown more… casual, and complacent a gamer.”
“What!?” Luna’s jaw practically snapped off at so horrid an accusation. For any gamer worth their salt in Mountain Dew and assorted energy drinks, such a claim ranked up there with bigotry and sexual assault of one’s mother in terms of offensive insultitude.
“Yes, I’ve had cause to doubt your cred as a proper gamer. You have played and beaten many games, no question, but I find a good number of them being of the easy variety. Your Animal Crossing, Pokemon, Street Fighter, Manecraft, Haylo, Call of Pony, Mareio Kart—God these puns are just terrible! I mean really, fans, you gotta put your foot down at some point with these!” His outcry found only silence in response. But there was definitely an outraged one from the actual existing audience member.
“Now hold on! I play all kinds of hardcore games: Strider, Metal Gear Rising, Trials, I even played Fez without using a cheat sheet. And there’s nothing easy about Street Fighter!”
The man only chuckled and wagged a finger. “Far too mainstream. Paltry even, my dear. There’s some merit in difficulty, but cheat sheets and forgiving mechanics make them all too simple. It’s a despairing trend out there in the world of gaming. Legends of challenge have been defanged to make them more accessible. Even the likes of Dark Souls and Ninja Gaiden had succumbed to this, adding on things that either make them too easy or too much like every other game around them. A very sad state of affairs.” A sigh of woe. Luna wouldn’t buy it.
“If that’s how it is, then what’s your idea of hardcore gaming?”
The man tilted his head in mirth. “The ones that still retain dignity in their difficult design. Classic RPGs, Touhou, Dodonpachi, Metal Slug, Super Meat Boy, and of course: I Wanna Be The Guy fangames.” He became silent, and made a few steps to the side as his spotlight intensified. “I had lived in delusion, once. Beating console games on the highest difficulty, achievement hunting, spending long hours into the early morning on various open-world titles. Yet that made me no different from anybody else. I was nobody special; I was no champion of my craft. I was just another digit in the easy-goer demographic. But then I discovered this wondrous game, this amazing independent fan work called I Wanna Be The Guy, and the vast community that arose from the legitimate challenge it offered. And that’s when I understood.
“For you see, the key to being a true hardcore gamer is to suffer. To spend long stretches of time, doing the same action over and over, only to make just a little progress and then to repeat the headache-inducing and wrist-breaking cycle ad infinitum. Through such anguish one can be tempered, molded into the supreme gamer. Someone with sharp eyes, clear focus, and the know-how to break through any gaming challenge with ease! It is these games that true gamers live by!”
“What you’re describing is masochism: getting enjoyment solely from self-inflicted misery. There’s no gaming merit at all if you’re only seeking pain.” But the man was on the uptake with a theatrical finger waggle.
“OH no no no no! What I described, Luna, is raw retro gaming goodness. The classics of yore, they were all about repetition, pitfalls and cheap deaths. That was the very impetus for IWBTG’s creation: as a love letter to 8-bit masochism! I did fail to include that tagline in the readme, though, so my bad. But that is the game’s purpose: to reclaim those glory days of gaming. A sort of gaming that ‘gamers’ on a whole today no longer have an inkling of anymore, or never had to begin with. For the likes of us, who were there from the beginning, who were raised in those glory days, IWBTG was a godsend. One that only the few, the unshakable, the tenacious and righteous are privy to! And one which I extend to you, your majesty!”
“You’re utterly insane.” Darn tootin’. Not surprisingly, this doesn’t faze the crazy person.
“Heh. Says the goddess who sits around on her flank eating chips and yelling at 13-year-olds for hours at a time, over and over again. Isn’t that a form of insanity in of itself?” Ooh, he’s got one there.
“But I’m a princess! I fulfill my duties as needed, and I have friends I spend time with regularly. Gaming doesn’t take up the entirety of my life.”
“Well that’s also the case with me!” A pause. “Except for the princess and duties part, but you get the picture. But that’s not satisfactory enough. You’re here because I expect you to prove yourself the expert that you are, as well as have a clandestine face-off to show you the sort of gamer that I am.”
“...You can’t be serious.”
“Oh but I am,” he said with a waggle of the head and a bouncing of the brows. “Your completion of IWBTG shows there is some hope for you, but I’m here to see whether that’s true or was merely a fluke. Admittedly I am not the best fangamer around, but I have tenacity, and pizzazz. I have 220 completed fangames under my hypothetical belt. In addition, I also had the gumption to create the first I Wanna Be The Guy board game!” (No seriously, it exists: I Wanna Be The Board Game)
“Board game?!” Luna half-shouted in disbelief.
“Yuh huh. But we’ve talked enough. Now’s the time for you to enter the world of fangames proper, and show the universe once and for all if you really got the stuff. Instead of making you play through these games in their entirety, though, I’ve kindly condensed them into, what you could call... a crash course of challenge. A medley of mayhem!”
After saying that, a familiar yellow and red Save box floated down and stopped over the deluded gamer’s head, except it had the label of “Bats” over it. “And what better place to start off with than with some friends of the night.” He raised a fist and punched the box, and all hell broke loose as a swarm of 8-bit bats shot out and flew toward Luna in a most tempestuous fashion. (Well, as tempestuous as you can get with only two frames of animation)
Luna quickly shot at them, but only more popped in from the darkness. They rushed her, but rather than bite or claw, they simply ganged up and pushed the alicorn upward and sideways in a jumble. With her jimmies being rustled all around, Luna struggled to get herself level to simply get off the swarm.
“Gah, what is this? So -guh- annoying! Whoa!” the princess grumbled as she tumbled endlessly through the bat cloud. As she feverishly worked to disentangle herself, the bat-mad master himself chuckled loudly.
“Things getting a little ‘batty’ for you, princess? Oh man, what a card I am!” He sniggered at his own conceited cleverness. “Mayhaps it’s time we brought in our dear friend Sticky Keys!”
With a raise of his hand, the familiar warning window expanded into existence and grew to immense size, and two seconds later a massive pixelated fireball shot out of its frame right at Luna. The lunar princess saw the threat and managed to double jump herself free of the bat swarm, narrowly avoiding the fireball as it fried her winged tormentors to dust. She had no time to rest long upon landing, as Sticky Keys kept launching flaming doom at her. How could a digital label be spittin’ fire for pony’s sake? It makes no sense!
As she dodged for dear life, a small platform descended into view, holding some freaky sprite girl with a Minecraft pickaxe and a mischievous smile. The platform smacked into Sticky Keys and sent it away unceremoniously, only for the sprite girl to start pronouncing out random Japanese words aloud, with each letter popping out of her and flying straight at Luna. Some small relief in not worrying about burns, but she certainly hadn’t expected fighting the freakin’ alphabet!
The lettering continued until, inexplicably, a cat-face spike shot up from underneath the sprite girl and splattered her in a shower of green blood, all accompanied by the most adorable synthesized death cry. The darkness of the realm became filled up with this green palette, and suddenly Luna found herself in a verdant pixelated meadow. She didn’t have time to enjoy the scenery (or make sense of what the hell just happened), as a flock of fat white birds came swooping by.
“Ah, flippin’ birds! What kind of random nonsense is OH WHAT THE BUCK!”
With the birds gone, a massive photo-realistic toaster appeared and wobbled overhead, dropping bits of fire. Suddenly, exclamation marks appeared underneath Luna’s hooves shortly before spikes popped out in sequence. Hopping over the new perils, her heart stopped as a spike wall went screaming over her head, followed by another and another. A fourth one came roaring in at ground level, but it bumped into one of the popping spikes and spun out of control upwards and into the toaster. The kitchen appliance exploded and shattered, unleashing an angry-looking yellow rodent that dive-kicked toward Luna while saying in a deep voice, “Pika Pika? Aaaaah Pika Piii!”
Managing to sidestep the menacing mascot, the assaulted princess halted as a towering female in a goofy space get-up with green pigtails the size of her body landed to the far right of the screen. Atop the cut-out diva was none other than the host himself, chilling like the villain that he was.
“What is a contemporary fangame without some Miku in it!” he shouted right as the otaku wet-dream fired off two streams of delicious fruit from her fingertips, spouting off rapid gibberish as they homed in on Luna. Luna cried out and moved back to avoid the fruit streams, and finding herself getting cornered she desperately shot at the latest source of her woes. The bullets connected, and after some hits the massive maestra vanished in a death sound effect, ending the attack. But it wasn’t over, for in her place dropped in the psycho nerd, only now wearing black stockings, a white fur-lined coat, and dual-wielding pistols.
“Asagi!” he cried cheerfully before going on the offensive, shooting off his pistols in the most gun-fu stances imaginable. Luna could only hop and dodge the bullets at first, but upon realizing that the boss had exposed himself she began firing back. The chaotic exchange continued for some seconds, with the crazed host hopping and firing in a showy fashion but ultimately being the only one getting hit. Eventually, he warped to the center of the screen and went flipside, spinning out his legs like some inverted hyper man copter.
“Spinning Burdo Kick!”
From his whirling legs, a flood of spikes shot up in all upward direction, which prompted Luna to fire madly at him before any of the spikes reached her. In short order she succeeded in making him shoot off up into the sky, but far in the background, the massive silhouette of a distant mech arose, stopped midair, and let off an expanding energy ring that muted all sound with its approach before erupting into a roaring flash.
In the wake of the blast, the verdant meadow had been reduced to blackened earth, the sky a mournful mix of brown and red. Dropping in to the far right landed the host, wearing a spiffy black suit and gloves. He landed with heavy grace, then proceeded to swing his arms to fire off some glimmering red projectiles, all to killer symphonic rock. Luna skillfully dodged them, as well as the numerous ensuing ones that came from the host’s vocalized arm waving. He abruptly stopped, only to turn to the side and hold out and waggle his right arm.
“Distorted Japanese muttering.”
Suddenly, a circle of spikes appeared in the center of the screen and expanded outward. As they got halfway to Luna’s level, the screen went black for a second, only to light back up to reveal the spikes had closed the distance even more. The princess yelped as she scrambled for a gap, allowing the spikes to pass by her only to explode dramatically upon touching the edges of the screen. Finding herself in the clear, Luna looked to find no sign of her opponent.
“Where’d he go now?”
In immediate answer to that question, the screen flashed again and the scenery changed to that of a pumping ruins club scene, with strobe lights, shaking screen, fiery purple stuff beneath the floor and the most intense of electronical euphoria. The host had reappeared as well, only four times enlarged and brandishing some future duds, pink wig and a whip. Before Luna could remark over this latest insanity, the grinning maniac extended an upward palm, which spewed out purple orbs that rained down over the alicorn. Once more Luna focused on survival rather than retaliation, and right as the orbs had gone away the screen flashed yet again, placing the mare inside some oversized playroom. Hanging overhead was the host, slightly smaller and wearing a frog costume while standing legs spread and with his hand over his face. A mass quantity of colored balls sputtered out of him and slowly fell and spread over the area, making Luna sidestep and juke her way from harm.
A screen flash and Luna’s plopped down into a verdant meadow, bopping along to some upbeat battle music. Across from her was the host once again, seemingly back to his original get-up save for the blue cape and lack of frilly bow, bopping to the music as well. And as luck would have it, a much taller, well-dressed Spike had also joined the bopping fray.
“Finally, some assistance!” she greeted the rather flustered dragon lad to her side.
“Luna?! The hell?!”
“Let’s take this scrub down together. Follow my lead!”
With that, the princess hopped up to hit a Bro Attack block, then selected the Green Shell, which materialized into her possession. Putting the shell down, she immediately kicked it at the host, getting him in the legs before it bounced off in Spike’s direction. Out of instinct he kicked the shell back at the host, who took the hit once more before it returned to Luna, who repeated the pattern. This kick-around went on for some seconds until the shell finally cracked into nothingness, having scored some decent damage on the wily bespectacled rogue, who only appeared mildly inconvenienced from having a hard-ass turtle shell slammed repeatedly into his shins.
“Make your move, Spike!” Luna implored her partner, who looked increasingly fretful and confused.
“I-I don’t know what’s going on here!”
“Don’t get cold hooves; this is just first boss material.”
“Actually, this maybe be a little much for him, so I’ll just see us out.”
Having said that, the host digged into his pockets and pulled out a thick bundle of cardboard, which quickly unfolded and enlarged into a massive yellow and red papercraft hammer that he took hold of and slammed down onto the battle zone, causing everything to erupt in a shower of colorful construction paper. —>
Another screen flash reset the music to its previous track while also placing Luna in the middle of a barren desert scene. From the right shot in a spin-kicking Ryu overhead, and from the left came another such Ryu closer to the ground, and then several more spinning in from left, right, up and down.
Miraculously Luna dodged them all, yet from the sands to either side of her, rows of spikes launched up only to flip around and yell out some intense energy beams. Yes, I said “yell out”. It’s a very weird thing to happen, sure, but damned if I don’t love its silliness. Anyway, after a few seconds the lasers ceased and the spikes shot after the hapless princess, who smartly took one step to the left to completely avoid them.
From the upper corners of the screen came four very large fruits of different colors, lazily bouncing around and dropping off smaller fruits in various ways, either as clusters, arc shots or homing attacks. This somewhat less hectic of a dodge session was brutally disrupted by the ear-blasting appearance of a massive hideous stock image spider that tore through the fruits with a max volume roar. As it shot across the screen, a large playing card dropped from top center and sliced the screeching arachnid in two, bringing with it a shower of smaller playing cards and some classy lounge music. After a few seconds it spun wildly, dispelling the other cards before righting itself and falling to the ground, whereupon it shrunk and morphed itself into, you guessed it, that nutjob.
Even nuttier this time around, for he got hold of a black and white laced lolita outfit. Given that his puffy hat still couldn’t cover his profound baldness, Luna would’ve been mortified if she wasn’t so incredibly fatigued.
“You’ve got pretty good swagger going there, girl,” he said with that ever-deranged grin. “But let’s move on to the climax.”
Throwing out his arms, the screen swirled and turned into a whitened field, with black gears dotting the background. He rose to the middle of the screen in that stance, just as several black and white fruits emerged and formed a spinning dichromatic flower pattern accompanied by a rising gothic duet that sung forth the words of Luna’s potential downfall. (You can probably guess what one of my favorite fangames is :P)
AAAAAAAA!
Sekai ni, shirushi, itsuwari fushite mo
AAAAAAAA!
Hakai no tsu, mishiro, zuminagara ni kakikieru
MOOOtometa no wa enCHOOOOsen de wa nai
KAAAko mirai genzai tsuru, naku, reeei-OO
After the break in the fruity barrage and the chorus, the dainty-dressed madman dropped from his lofty spot, only to switch to a lying position just as a massive red and white box with a sun seal arose from below to catch him perfectly. A flap opened on the side of the box, and from it spewed forth large flecks of deadly oats toward the bewildered night mare. Luna dodged the fibrous death-bringers, until a golden hedgehog inexplicably launched out from the flap and veered toward her like a comet. She narrowly hopped over the rodent, then quickly moved to the left to avoid the massive death beam that the box BWAAAH-ed out at her. A massive 8-bit Mario fell in to dismiss the killer box, firing off his catchphrase as well as a ring of fireballs. With him gone, the crossdressing psycho reappeared in a flying machine, zipping overhead and dropping bombs like a Minderbinder (Catch-22 reference for the win!).
“It’s Basher Time!”
The lolita man reappeared at the far right of the screen, only enlarged to the point of taking up the whole screen space and slowly sliding to the left with deranged eyes and an even more deranged grin. Luna panicked and fled to the left, but found no exit. In desperation she fired her pistol endlessly into the approaching behemoth, yelling as an endless stream of bullets poured into the oncoming giant gothic shoe. As his foot got within inches of Luna, the bullet stream finally took him down. Instantaneously he shrunk to normal size, and in slow-motion he was hurled backwards and tumbled over the ground with a poorly-voiced death cry.
The moment he laid prone on his back, the music cut off and the screened dimmed considerably. After taking a moment to catch her breath, Luna trotted over to the fallen host and looked down at him. Pixelated streaks of red stained his frilly dress, but he still kept that crazed grin as he looked up to her.
“Heh, nicely done, princess,” he said breathlessly, coughing up a gout of pixel blood. “Nerves and focus steeled enough to survive such adversity. It’s comforting knowing that I was wrong in doubting you, -Kuh- -Kluh- -Hack-!”
“Most of that was purely random,” Luna said firmly. “What kind of enjoyable gaming experience is there if you just throw out nonsense that relies on pure luck? It’s just stupid.”
“Oh, oh no, you haven’t seen stupid quite yet, -Cwuff- -Kak-! I spared you the utter worse this fandom has to offer: Brute of a Man, Lovetrap, Platinum, freakin’ Happil 2. -Quok-! There are far more absurd games, both in content and difficulty; at the very least, the ones I chose to showcase are… fun, to the moderately skilled.”
“Hmph. I just don’t see why it was any concern of yours to get me wrapped up in this. Every gamer is entitled to their own tastes, although a good number of them can be obnoxious about their gamer ‘cred’. You, for example.”
“Heh, touche. But, in all honesty, I have no deep ill-will toward you. I mainly did this for the thrill of conflict. A chance to go crazy with one of my most cherished games. At the very least, I got to be a video game boss, if only on paper, so to speak. -Quay- -Quo- -Klack- -Hurk- -Gaaach-!”
Several red pixels shot up from the man’s overly dramatic coughs, slapping Luna lightly on the face and muzzle. This amused her not in the slightest, but the man just chuckled over his nearing demise, his words coming slower and quieter.
“And like any boss, I must fall for there to be a happy ending. Call it defeatist thinking, heheh, but it is a role that I’d willingly play for the sake of an unforgettable gaming experience. I’m not really the menacing type, you see. Though I may act villainous, and enjoy doing so, I can be quite understanding. Yes. A most reasonable, merciful antagonist… OR AM I?”
After surviving the harrowing RNG Hell that was the host’s final, spiteful attack (unless you chose not to watch the video, in which case that phrase would have been pointless and I’d be incredibly dumb for writing that), the screen faded to black, leaving Luna alone as a box rose up from the lower left corner, announcing an achievement unlocked.
Gatekeeper
Defeated the Fanatical Scrub. Ready for the real challenge?
“Ha, how do you like that?” she asked bitterly at nothingness. “Once again I take your BS challenge and dominate the living Tartarus out of it. I’m not some pampered princess, some plain casual. I am Luna, Princess of Night and the greatest damn gamer in all Equestria! And there’s nothing that can overthrow the Goddess of P—What did that achievement say again!?”
The realization came a little too late, as a crack appeared in the center of the screen followed by a massive wooden groan. Luna looked to the background to find the colossal blackness part ways to reveal a towering entourage of beings and deities that radiated prominence beyond all imagining. The princess actually found herself quivering before these grand beings, who looked down at her with passive eyes, judging her, weighing her up. In her soul, she knew these frightening beings were pillars of gaming, masters of their genre. Sadly, it was a genre that she had barely survived only moments before.
“I hope you’re up for a bucket of terminal AIDS,” spoke the grouchy entity known as Paragus.
"Time for a merry trip through the cornfield," announced the shaggy-haired Stonk.
“You can do eet!” chimed in the pasty-skinned German called Zurai.
All of them, standing row upon row of each other, Sword Slingers and great Cosmic Sense. The most skilled of Wanna Be gamers, and above them the Gamemakers: gods among giants. And towering over all was the most infamous, the most skilled, the single-greatest fan gamer in all creation. His pronounced purple hair and bored expression alone could make reality itself tremble, and it was He who oversaw this latest challenger to him and his awe-inducing peers.
It was then Luna knew: in order to escape that spiral of pain and misery, to topple the undue suffering of hundreds of gamers and bring peace to both them and herself, she had to defeat the overseer of the Wanna Bes. She had to end the reign of the unconquered colossus.
She had to Kill the Kamilia.
...Or simply turn off the game, which is precisely what Luna did.
“Well, that was incredibly unpleasant,” she said tiredly to a concerned Derpy.
“I’m sorry, Luna. I thought it could’ve been a fun break for you from all the fighting games. Guess I was wrong…”
The moon goddess placed a gentle hoof atop Derpy’s unkempt mane. “It’s alright. You only meant well. You always do.” She ruffled up the mane, causing the pegasus to nuzzle and mew under such affectionate attention (Ach, my pancreas!). “Want to take turns playing Shovel Knight?”
“Do I!”
With a yip and a skip, Derpy led the way to the royal Wii-U with Luna in tow, leaving behind the day’s needless frustrations and drama. Once they left that darkened room, the laptop hummed silently for some seconds, before a lone screen appeared that read “Thank You For Playing!” Afterward, the machine shut down of its own accord, and all was still.
*In the twelve years since I Wanna Be The Guy’s release, over 5000 fangames of varying quality and length have been made.
*Kayin, the creator of I Wanna Be The Guy, has only made Act 1 of a sequel, but otherwise is focused on making a game called Brave Earth: Prologue.
*To this day, the Kamilia still Lives. IS NO MORE
FANGAMES FEATURED
I Wanna Be The Fangame
I Wannayaaaaaaa!
I Wanna FAT BIRDS
I Wanna Bread
I Wanna Be The Greeeeen!
I Wanna Be The Best Guy
I Wanna Take the Time Machine
I Wanna Be The Rukimin
I Wanna Be Assaulted
I Wanna Escape The Mysterious House
I Wanna Rose Gear
I Wanna Be The Boshy
